If we're not a priority to someone, then we should respect ourselves enough to leave them alone and prioritize ourselves. Being alone can be even more fulfilling than being in a sad excuse of a relationship.
Why did it take my entire life and so many failed relationships to realize this. even more importantly- multiple times of losing myself and self worth. Always prioritize yourself people, you’re worth it- they aren’t worth it as much as you think.
Slowly trying to find my mo jo, it's a challenge when self worth has been squashed over time. I will choose to yank myself out of this degrading position, and I hope it smacks him like a ton of bricks.
That is what my ex does with this female, she isn't all that but she has never gotten all the attention my BF gives her BUT she takes advantage of him and NO ONE SEES THAT....Since she knows she has him (and I see the real love he has for her) she has been playing him, and he can't see that...:(
i think they should see they are being loved stop victimizing us who can love its them and they will fall from being loved they have aproblem they have to solve and the rest indeed let them go let them go and bye .... its them not you ....
whoever cares more, loses, and its established on this premise that you care more than they do. They might not even notice if you make them less of a priority lol.
Survive it did you tell him about how you’re feeling? Perhaps he is naively/ignorantly unaware. Sometimes our partners need to be told “hey I’m starting to separate myself from you emotionally because I feel hurt. I don’t want to separate myself ; it’s just happening each time I feel like you ignore me.” Basically I hope you had a convo about it rather than just acting passive aggressive
What's the point of being in a relationship if you're having to compensate for their absence? Sure, you shouldn't rely on them for happiness but they should be able to recognize your needs and meet those needs, or at least make a compromise. I guess bottom line, both partners need to be at the same level in terms of prioritizing each other.
exactly,i can live fine single and why did they need to approach my life and then make me sad?it's ridiculous.i mean i care about them when they need,i'm handsome,great and brave with high self-esteem.But they just... i feel exhaust,i really don't know what to say anymore.😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😞😞😞😞😞😢😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😇
I agree completely! There’s no point in being a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you a priority when you prioritize them. I guess that is the secret is finding a partner who has similar priorities as you. Because unlike her I wasn’t needy and using my partner for happiness he was putting me on the back burner to spend time with his family who then put him in a really bad mood because they’re toxic and yet he continued to prioritize them over me.
Yeah, it hurts to realize someone you really care about and thought cared about you really never did. Exactly....waiting by the phone for him to call is a waste of time. He's out and about enjoying his life not giving me a second thought.
@Sapphire Sky women are killing relationships like they are killing marriages (80% of divorces are filed by women). What is it like being a child always blaming men for everything, like men are your parents or something? You really have 0 self knowledge and 0 idea what equality actually means. You are spoiled and frail. You dont give a fk about men. Men learn their lesson and then reciprocate.
Realizing that I was clearly not a priority in my person's life, but not wanting to end the relationship, I decided to give him the space he apparently needed. I went back to enjoying and getting on with the other aspects of my life without totally disconnecting from him. Turns out, he didn't like that very much.
Thank you. I needed to read that. Ima give that a try. I kept asking for advice but all I got was leave him. I don't want to end our relationship. We have a kid, I can do without him I believe but I don't want to end it. Thank you, ima try what you did. And see where it goes after that.
When you said, “We don’t need to talk about it,” I knew you were brilliant. I wasn’t his priority, so I took the promotion I put off. I worked more, which gives me a lot of joy. If I’m not available, then I’m not available. 🤷🏻♀️
This is how I was feeling. Always worried about not getting a good morning or good night text, what if I have to do it first all the time. How come she can go on Facebook and post something but not text me the whole day. Too much anxiety and insecurity. This video definitely helps my situation. Kirk
i feel the same about my boyfriend !! like he says he is busy and doesn't reply for my texts for the whole day when he has time to check other messages and reply to other people that are clearly more important and i am just there watching him online thinking where the hell did i go wrong ?!
I was exactly the same way. If I didn't get a good morning / good night message after I had 'the time' and 'the feeling' to do so, it hurt, it messed with my mind, even if my love was unaware of it or not doing it deliberately. As Susan says ' we don't need to talk about it' and the other takeaway from this video is ' you count'. Damn right. Now go live it. If you mean something to them, they will realise it.
So true, is so refreshing and comforting being busy, takes my mind off thinking about a guy who's just too busy to acknowledge your presence in his life.
Great advice! Doing this will either make your partner give you more of their time OR make you realize that you deserve to be with someone who can give you more of their time and exit the relationship. In my case the latter happened. After months of talking it over with my partner, and being patient and ‘doing me’, the situation did not improve. I was constantly bending to fit into his world. Even though he made a couple of improvements it simply was not enough for what I wanted at this time in my life. First I thought I was being clingy or needy, but thank goodness for good friends who told me that it’s ok to want to be with someone who has time to give. I was becoming anxious and insecure as a result of not having my needs met. This just made matters worse. Be true to yourself! There’s someone out there for everyone ❤️
@@iolantham While I agree with the latter of your statement, I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone. Whether you inevitably find them or not is another story. I chose to live life with an abundant mindset and not a limited one. Perhaps give it a try! You might be surprised 😊 Stay Blessed
@@zztop8592 Maybe, Maybe Not 🤷🏾♀️ Thanks for commenting. This post was 4 years ago, and of course, forgotten about. I had a nice chuckle reading my original comment. So much has changed since then. A nice reminder of ‘Lesson Learned, Life goes on’. Happily married now to a man who blows my ex out of the universe 🤭 Who makes the time 💕
I’m dumping him! I’m dumping him! I’m dumping him! No need for rebuilding this relationship! Excuse after excuse. I see him only on weekends but he can’t create time.
If he works full time but sees you on the weekends, and you having a problem with that... that reflects more badly on you than on him. Many of us have responsibilities, miss. Next to having a fulltime job, people have other responsibilities. I see my girlfriend in the weekends as well and we are together for 5 years already. Bought a house together which is soon going to be built. Patience and commitment are necessary to achieve good things in life. You sound needy.
I feel like I am not a priority, and it took me a while to figure this out.. he has a busier schedule than me, i understand he can’t give me time and attention all the time. But when he is free, he makes excuses that he is tired, “oh sorry I was busy hanging out with my family or “I could only call you when I’m about to sleep”, “sorry I didn’t text you back”. Then it starts with the no good morning/ goodnight texts. Then it turns to him not even Apologizing and turns it around on me saying I’m selfish for wanting attention. When I have been nothing but patient.. it’s excuses after excuses especially when we plan things and ‘then something comes up’ then why can’t they break up with you? Why can’t these types of people just end it..???
beats the heck out of me. but if i had to guess? they can forever look like the good guy. they can tell their next partner that their ex was clingy and they tried to make it work. i’m currently experiencing this and now i’m realizing it was my mistake cause all the red flags were evident when we met
Some people are so lonely, desperate and lost their priority is to let toxic people run their lives and rule their emotions. It is a choice, you choose who you associate with and invest in.
1. do what things make u happy, which make u happy. go back to the things you love take time. dont be afraid making boundaries! 2. edify ur life, refuel ourselves
Deactivating their need to make us a priority. Taking back our own life.We dont need to diminish our lives to make someone elses life bigger. Another grand epiphany!! Thank you!
Exactly! We can't expect someone to prioritize us just because we have made them the center of our lives. So now we have to back up, get a grip and start taking care of ourselves! I definitely learned something valuable today, Miss Susan. Thank-you!
Just accept you've been used and lied to cruelly by a coward that cannot confront his actions and reverts his actions on to you in his defense that is so low
My best advice is to get so lost in improving yourself and going after your dreams that you just no longer have time for people unless they really matter to you and you make the time for them. I would drop anything I’m doing for most of my friends and women I’d like to date. Rarely can I say they’d do the same for me and I realized I should distance myself from people like this.
This is so helpful!! Feel like I’ve given up loads to see my boyfriend and I’m always there if he wants me or needs me but he’s always out busy and I’m having to work around his busy life!! I’m going to do things I love and get myself busy and he has to step up and realise I’m not going to be “on call”
Susan, you are one smart cookie. This has always been my philosophy. Never lose yourself when your in a relationship. That significant other should be nice addition to your life, not your entire life. Great message, hope it helps others.
Good points, Susan! My mom was brilliant at marriage. She worked, though my dad made a decent income. She maintained friend- ships with other women. She would take a break from my dad for a week or two each summer to visit her parents in the country. She started a sideline sewing kit business. She had home hobbies such as upholstering furniture. She hosted bridge parties at the house and cooked delicious foods for the guests. She and dad attended church weekly and would often go out to eat with friends afterward. She never acted jealous or insecure around Dad. She would pop the kitchen towel at dad to tease him. Brilliant!
Probably the greatest single video on the complexities of relationships. Really gives me peace of mind - which is what we really need. Love is a drug. Peace of mind isn't. You can't make them make you a priority, but you can make yourself your priority.
After 15 years of slowly allowing this because he’s never yelled at me, isn’t cruel or a cheater. He just puts EVERYTHING else in HIS life as a priority but can never commit to doing that for me. Now I’m numb. Looking up videos, just crushed.
absolutely right, love is a part of life , its not your life, we are known for what we do or for our purposes in life and not for who our partner is , when you give so much importance to someone you are obsessed over them coz there is nothing important in your life rather than your partner . In simple words - get a life
My partner must please me in every way, shape, and form! And he must walk on eggshells LOL j/k. I agree we all should do things that make us happy and fulfilled, and if our partner wants to join that's great too.
Valorthefirst I don't know how to get a life my husband died we were married for 25 yrs my whole life was wrapped around him. Just saying. Getting a life is not always easy.
Barbara, clearly you didn't fully read what I posted. Also, you are using the fact that you were with your husband for so long as an excuse not to do the work that you need to do in order to work through your role change and grow as a person. Instead of making a statement, why not ask for advice?
Thank you so much for posting this! For the past couple of months I've felt this way with my girlfriend of 10 months, and after these past couple months of banging my head against the wall, trying to communicate solutions, I've finally realized that it is not anybody else's fault that I feel this way except for mine. I did this, I made this happen, and now I can fix it. And I'm honestly so lucky to have a girlfriend that hasn't just abandoned me through all the tears and struggles of this dilemma. I couldn't have found this at a better time (yesterday was a day of frustration and tears and anxiety) Ms. Winters, thank you oh so very much
3 years later and this is still and always a powerful message. Thank you Susan. I’ve been looking at TH-cam coaches for years to help myself also as relationship coach and my personal life, and you’re the first one I connected with. Why? Because you keep it real and genuine. :)
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've already put it all together. But I just had to hear someone else confirm what I was feeling. I feel relieved to move on.
Had to listen to this video twice! I found you after a search for How to Date an Entrepreneur. You read me like a book! I stopped everything that brought me joy (exercise, hobbies, exploring the city) in order to make room for the relationship. (really...him) In the end, I wound up making him the center of my attention and my primary supplier of happiness. I look forward to getting back to leading my own self care, getting A LIFE again and am excited to see what comes from that.
You are a badass for advice. After a month of awesomeness, my girlfriend pulled back very abruptly. After a week we talked about it. She said it’s a short phase... it’s been 3 weeks of her being like this... she says she’s stressed and super busy, yet she could make time before. My best friend told me what you have in this video plus one caveat, don’t message or call her, make her initiate conversation to see how she really feels. Once she messages me game on but hold your feelings back and only meet her level of her emotion. I know it sounds like playing games... but I’m really trying to gauge how she really feels and to see if she isn’t just to cowardly to breakup with me. Thanks for the video Susan. 👍
When you express is your feelings to that person, they think you are being negative, they wouldn't even acknowledge that you are hurt they just invalidate your feelings. Every night you go to bed thinking if you still matter in their life. This can be a best friend/partner/spouse. As rightly said in the video you weave your life around them, they just take you for granted.
This video is 100% spot on. The solution is ALWAYS to back off and reclaim your life. This makes you more attractive to other women and she knows that. Therefore, she will make more of an effort with you.
In my relationships I actually added more things to do so I could forget how absent they were. When I noticed myself doing that in my latest relationships, I thought damn, it's time to leave again.
Told him right at the beginning we weren't compatible, we wanted different thing, he only wanted a "friend with benefits" while I wanted a relationship. Told him to leave.
I totally agree with everything +plus+ I often hear coaches say "Go back to the things that make you happy" ... I think it's important to take note of the fact that this person was draining you. So don't rebuild yourself for the wrong person.
I'm so glad I found this clip. Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much, Susan. I really love this line---you don't have to lose yourself in order to love somebody else.
Time and energy consuming when staying home with our partner.Once in awhile feel good being alone once again. Love to go back to own life. Do what ever we like. No regrets. Thank you for sharing. May God bless you.
LoveMe,com I learned long ago that it's not my job to stroke my own ego that's for my mate to do but in order for that to be done without resentment I have to make it my job to build up my mate.
Recently I broke up with a group of friends. We used to talk everything everyday every night and be there all the time. But things changed as they are having a different group of friend and in relationships and we did live far away from each other. We didn't talk as much as last time anymore. What I get is shorter or no reply when I hope they'll be there for me like last time. Yes we still talk but most of the topics are about their life/stories and I feel sad most of the time. I know that we drifted away and I am no longer their priority. The pain of having expectations and hoping we can talk like previous time is killing me day by day. In the end I quit the group in order to protect our friendship and try to free myself from the pain. Now I am trying hard to refuel myself and to build up my life once again without having the expectations of being their priority anymore. I hope I can do it although I am still struggling now. Thanks for the video, it was helpful.
I'm glad to know you got help from this video. Change is natural. I know it's painful now. I suggest looking for new activities and hobbies. You will meet new friends. Also, you'll have more to say to the old friends. I wish you well G ZC.
Susan you've helped me understand my emotions. I have also learned how to deal with rejection better. Giving too much too soon is always my problem but I am learning more about myself everyday. I value myself more now and I have learned to let things be mutual... If not then NEXT!!!
Hmm... not a priority huh? that is a self centered cold hearted narcisist... don't become a "WhatNot" a collectible that is a temporary interest... in otherwords something that sits on a shelf waiting to be remembered... oh i haven't paid attention to this for awhile let me dust this off admire it for the moment and put it back on the shelf to sit scenario... treat them like you would holding a "HOT POTATO" ---- Drop'em move on
I feel like I was meant to see this video. Last night I had a dream where my sister was telling me that in order for my partner to continue to want me I have to have that allure. I’ve realized that I’ve lost myself in my relationship awhile ago so hearing this also helps keep me on track to getting myself back.
Yes, its true, we should always take responsibility to continue with our passions in our own lives, but isn't it just a big disrespect to you if you become a very low priority to someone? Should it even be tolerated if they constantly choose everything else but you?
YOU're right. If we aren't feeling wanted then we should make another choice of partner. Mostly feeling "not a priority" is in direct relationship to giving up our own life to focus on the goals of our partner. Often times, this is temporary. I've seen many a person lose their way by making their partner their goal in life. Taking responsibility to continue with our own passions is the remedy for that error.
@@SusanWinter Exactly. IMO this is all on the person that gave themselves up. The "offending" partner doesn't have to treat them poorly or even change their priority to trigger the feelings. But, it's understandable why they would pull away, if they did, when the person they were interested in is no longer there.
I commented on Susan’s videos one year ago. 1 year later - he has not changed and I feel unhappy and insecure. If anything the time has increased the level of unhappiness I feel being in a one sided relationship where I invest 90% and he only 10% (when he feels like it). Of course I chose the most self absorbed person I have ever known in my entire life, so I cannot expect him to change. Also, he never was interested in me or my inner world. Nothing about me is of interest to him. Never asked me what I like to eat. What I like to do. What my future dreams are. It feels like I am not of interest to him at all. Just a convenience and a resource to feed his entitlement and ego. So one year later. Nothing has changed. I have been so stuck in this that I was considering to seek out therapy to deal with my obsession with trying to fix and work on the relationship. Because I know what is going on, but I still keep doing the same thing (chase the crumbs and hope for a different result), and I realize that the problem is my self respect. It says a lot about me that I chase crumbs from a man who makes me the bottom of his priority list for 2 years and still hope for change... You can get trapped in this kind of relationship, and if you do then seeking out professional help is perfectly reasonable.
Why does relationship become a game nowadays and can't be true to people we're willing to love. And need to learn their tricks and rules. 😩but thanks Susan! It's a wonderful video!
I never comment on videos, but I wanted to compliment you on how succinctly and accurately you made your point here. I can tell you have this topic DOWN! it was so clear to me! it's like you were reprogramming my brain. thanks for making this post.
I am in a great relationship but yes I have been putting him above all my needs. I used to do so many things during our talking phase and then we started seeing each other all the time. It’s time I go back to what I was doing before.
Wow! This is the first time I have watched several of your videos 🤗 I think your outlook and your responses to relationship issues are amazing!! Your real and Very Classy! It is so important for us women to remember our self worth.. Somany forums and relationship advisors you hear, leave you like are you serious might as well be a mans or women's doormat. For both men and women you deliver self worth , respect and building self esteem. All fundamentals which are nessary for healthy relationships❤️ Thank you so much your videos have helped me...
This was hands down the best video I've seen. I've known this for a while now, but to hear another person voice this out and to have my thoughts affirmed is just exactly what I need.
The argument my ex and I would have consistently was about her friends being an equal priority to me. There wasn't a hierarchy where I came first. In her eyes, both me and her friends were all important to her with no real distinction. Are friends important? Yes. But the person you're with should come first and not have to compete for your time. What made it frustrating to me is that I'd make plans ahead of time, and her friends were very last min. So their "invites" would constantly get in the way, and she never wanted to tell them no.
My partner always says lm doing this with so & so this weekend. Did you want to do anything? Um yes, but it's too late now, you've already made arrangements and won't say no to your mates. It's a long weekend coming up, he made arrangements with his mates a week ago, didn't ask me first if l wanted to do anything. I need to just start doing things on my own and not feel guilty about it, my life and adventures are just slipping by sitting at home waiting to have adventures with my 'significant other'.
“They are not the source of our happiness.” Thank you so much. Your videos are so empowering for the mind. Thank you for your wise and intellectual advise and quotes. They are uplifting & boost self esteem. Love 💗 it!!! 🙏 thank you!
I BARELY saw my now ex! He constantly prioritised everything and everyone before me. I started writing down every time we saw each other and quickly realised it was 7 times a month. 1 meet-up would be 2 hours in one evening. I asked for more time. So we would try and pre arrange certain days to see each other. I started to be less available and focused on myself more, seeing as he was so focused on himself. But if I wasn't available, he would make me feel guilty. Or throw it back in my face and say 'Well you wanted more time, now you're unavailable'. We arranged to see each other one evening and he chose to cancel to see a female friend instead. Openly choosing to prioritise HER instead of me. A 2 hour drive. It's not the fact that he was seeing a friend that hurt me. It was the fact he CHOSE to go out of his way and prioritise HER! I ended the relationship. I'm tired of asking men for the bare minimum.
Ms. Winter, I can’t thank You or fate enough for stumbling onto This video. Thanks to you, I remembered my power, my position, and what makes me ME. A relationship doesn’t nor did it ever define or Complete me, it was just an additive.
Great advice. I learned this lesson thru mu late teens and early 20s, and have applied it ever since. 30 years later, I've found I still see the "game" women try to force on me. They all seem so shocked when I walk away very quickly when I see I'm not a priority. Seems they're used to most men being willing pawns in their game of life.
I find communication to be a solid first step in solving most problems. Not just voicing your displeasure but trying to understand how the other person is feeling or if anything has changed. Assuming you are not a priority just because you don't "feel" like one is a mistake. People are different and view the world differently. If you have lost touch with how your partner sees the world, assume you do not matter as much to them, and as a result distance yourself then just end the relationship. No one can read minds. Last note; before you bring up how you feel understand what it is you want. Otherwise, man or woman, you're just bitching.
I struggle with this especially when you know that one person who seeked you for so long while you out them aside and now that you want them in your life, you feel the guilt and desolation.
I am so glad that I found this video. My boyfriend and I are both older teenagers, and this was my first true relationship ever (5months). I've known for a while that I really do love him, but at the same time feel like more of a convenience to him. It was really apparent when after not seeing him for a month (because of more work hours during the holidays, which I was understanding about), he decided he'd rather spend time with friends of his than trying to make time to spend with me. Or the fact that I'm the one setting aside time every week to hang out, or I'm the one with the driver's license who took him everywhere, or I'm the one who has to initiate affection or clean his room or whatever. I'm so sick of being with him and seeing my friends with relationships that seem so much more active than mine.
But hang on....if I am to find ways to make my self "happy" then whats the use of having a partner/husband/wife? My understanding was that being in a relationship meant to be doing things together which brings us closer. Doing things separately is fine only for certain things and certain times but one should not totaly ignor a spouse....and move on in pursuit of ones own "happiness". This will surely make each one immune to each others needs and stay separated until the day they wake up and realise that they have noting in common and are just two people leaving under the same roof ...but with no emotional connection or committement. Here they will make a decission to get a divorce. A not so good out come for a "till death do us apart" part. I didnt see any advice here to "try this to make things work" but moving on does not "fix" a troubled relationship, it kills it. Please Susan shed some light on this?
This was for those that couldn't find a balance it takes two people to make a relationship work if one is being ignored and waiting at home for someone to show up in their life they need to quit waiting around and get a life then the spouse will do one of two things start paying you more attention or stay gone either way you will have your answer on where the relationship stands.
I damn appreciate wat u said.....thanks a lot mam .....really..... I was so lost...every thing was very good in the beginning, I was on top of her priority list but then suddenly just after a month things started to change ,now I'm not even on her priority list....I was very much frustrated from the last week but now after watching this video of urs I feel like having my confidence back...and I'm gonna follow exactly wat u said.. from now on.......thanks a lot mam......
This happened to me and had to leave my relationship as I felt like I was losing my sense of self and purpose I need to go through this journey alone. I share great memories with this person but feelings were not reciprocated back at times and it made me feel insecure and not worthy enough for their attention especially when I get replies days later to messages. Looking back the way in which I ended things was cowardice as I was in a scarcity mindset and feared reliving that face to face scenario in my head in terms of breaking up in person. That's one thing if I could turn back the clock I would do. I was to codependent and my gut was telling me I couldn't continue like this.
I also feel the same. That I'm no longer his priority. I thought it was because of me..so i poured more love, i poured more time for him..but he doesn't just appreciate my efforts. He took me for granted...yeah it didn't happen suddenly but slowly. I made complaints but he doesn't care. Whenever i needed him emotionally, he was rarely there. He says he's busy and he has got a life of his own so i just wanna say don't have I ? But this feels so good that I'm not alone. I put this person on the top of my priority list and all i got was hurts and snobs. Well, it's all good. Niw it's high time to love myself betterly again and to prioritise my goals, not people. Thank you Susan for this video.
OMG! Susan you are the voice of reason! You hit the nail on the head about this subject and everything you mentioned is happening to me right now! It’s time I focus on who I was and what I did before I allowed this person to occupy so much real estate in my brain and in my heart. I would love to hear more from you on this topic. Thank you for your insight and wisdom!
The discard is a blessing from Heaven . I need my walking to run back which means the TRS. You seem like a tranquil person. No news is good news. No fi ever to lay a finger on me.
I def put myself first I have so much going on in my life I just don’t let others take up my energy. I set aside time for them. And if they don’t reciprocate well then I know next time not make them a priority learned all of this the hard way.!
Thank you so much Susan! I have the worst self esteem but after listening to your advice I feel a little better in what I should do about my situation.
Thank you for this! You are so right. It took me a long time to learn this... and it's not only applicable to partners. I have a slightly narcissistic friend who I ended up bending myself around as well. No more.
Thank you Susan, this is absolutely what I needed to hear today. I've been dealing with this issue and you gave me a reboot - I'm focusing on me and doing what's good for my own soul and mind. Appreciate the kickstart into the new year!
Mary!! Thrilled to read this. Thank you so much for your ongoing support and kindness. Here's to a complete reboot and seeing you step (fully and unashamedly) into the totality of your power.
Work with Me: susanwinter.net/consultation/
If we're not a priority to someone, then we should respect ourselves enough to leave them alone and prioritize ourselves. Being alone can be even more fulfilling than being in a sad excuse of a relationship.
very easy to say
@@MrShoaibkamal it's only easy to say💔
Why did it take my entire life and so many failed relationships to realize this. even more importantly- multiple times of losing myself and self worth. Always prioritize yourself people, you’re worth it- they aren’t worth it as much as you think.
Slowly trying to find my mo jo, it's a challenge when self worth has been squashed over time.
I will choose to yank myself out of this degrading position, and I hope it smacks him like a ton of bricks.
For Sure babe
Putting them on a pedestal is a recipe for a disaster.
That is what my ex does with this female, she isn't all that but she has never gotten all the attention my BF gives her BUT she takes advantage of him and NO ONE SEES THAT....Since she knows she has him (and I see the real love he has for her) she has been playing him, and he can't see that...:(
@@alibertylover some people like lol no not cool
@@Victoria-ix4vr u refered to him as ur guy is he see her when he u?
This is the best comment that I've seen. You're 100% right. 🤔🤔
i think they should see they are being loved stop victimizing us who can love its them and they will fall from being loved they have aproblem they have to solve and the rest indeed let them go let them go and bye .... its them not you ....
Solution: make them less of a priority
whoever cares more, loses, and its established on this premise that you care more than they do. They might not even notice if you make them less of a priority lol.
IDGAF about nobody more than I care about myself..she is pretty much saying to make yourself more of a priority.
LOL 😆
It be hard tho
Yeaaah. Make them less a priority and make room for what you love to do
Im not a priority just a convenience. I stopped making myself avaliable and backed away. If he wants me he will come if he doesnt so be it.
Survive it amen
Amen to that!
Survive it did you tell him about how you’re feeling? Perhaps he is naively/ignorantly unaware. Sometimes our partners need to be told “hey I’m starting to separate myself from you emotionally because I feel hurt. I don’t want to separate myself ; it’s just happening each time I feel like you ignore me.” Basically I hope you had a convo about it rather than just acting passive aggressive
I’m in the exact position rn
Survive it same
"There's no reason we have to lose ourselves in order to love somebody else."
- Susan Winter
Thank you!
What's the point of being in a relationship if you're having to compensate for their absence? Sure, you shouldn't rely on them for happiness but they should be able to recognize your needs and meet those needs, or at least make a compromise. I guess bottom line, both partners need to be at the same level in terms of prioritizing each other.
You've truly stated the bottom line. Perfect! Thank you for sharing this commentary.
Exactly!! I found myself making myself happy and doing my own thing for years. I was very lonely. Why be married?
exactly,i can live fine single and why did they need to approach my life and then make me sad?it's ridiculous.i mean i care about them when they need,i'm handsome,great and brave with high self-esteem.But they just... i feel exhaust,i really don't know what to say anymore.😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😞😞😞😞😞😢😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😇
I agree completely! There’s no point in being a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you a priority when you prioritize them. I guess that is the secret is finding a partner who has similar priorities as you. Because unlike her I wasn’t needy and using my partner for happiness he was putting me on the back burner to spend time with his family who then put him in a really bad mood because they’re toxic and yet he continued to prioritize them over me.
Better yet, communicate your needs, don't assume a man will guess them (right).
Yeah, it hurts to realize someone you really care about and thought cared about you really never did. Exactly....waiting by the phone for him to call is a waste of time. He's out and about enjoying his life not giving me a second thought.
Been there with ex wife now I on other side of fence never allow her climb over my side again
women are 100x as bad as men about playing games. fact
@Sapphire Sky women are killing relationships like they are killing marriages (80% of divorces are filed by women). What is it like being a child always blaming men for everything, like men are your parents or something? You really have 0 self knowledge and 0 idea what equality actually means. You are spoiled and frail. You dont give a fk about men. Men learn their lesson and then reciprocate.
@Sapphire Sky meet me at the waterfall at 10pm, wear clothes you can easily get out of.
@CatLady71 Ummm...Uhhhhh...do you really have 71 cats?
This is why I don't even want to get into relationships in the first place. I don't need anybody. When I try to bond I come off needy. Can't win.
Realizing that I was clearly not a priority in my person's life, but not wanting to end the relationship, I decided to give him the space he apparently needed. I went back to enjoying and getting on with the other aspects of my life without totally disconnecting from him. Turns out, he didn't like that very much.
Regina Craig Good for you tough bananas for him.
So what did he do
So what happened - did you take him back - interested to see as it is now happening to me
Regina Craig sounds like control .
Thank you. I needed to read that. Ima give that a try. I kept asking for advice but all I got was leave him. I don't want to end our relationship. We have a kid, I can do without him I believe but I don't want to end it. Thank you, ima try what you did. And see where it goes after that.
Some people are takers and they will always take no doubt.
When you said, “We don’t need to talk about it,” I knew you were brilliant. I wasn’t his priority, so I took the promotion I put off. I worked more, which gives me a lot of joy. If I’m not available, then I’m not available. 🤷🏻♀️
This is how I was feeling. Always worried about not getting a good morning or good night text, what if I have to do it first all the time. How come she can go on Facebook and post something but not text me the whole day. Too much anxiety and insecurity. This video definitely helps my situation. Kirk
Hi Kirk. I'm so pleased that you found this video to be of help. Thanks for letting me know.
Time to let go
i feel the same about my boyfriend !! like he says he is busy and doesn't reply for my texts for the whole day when he has time to check other messages and reply to other people that are clearly more important and i am just there watching him online thinking where the hell did i go wrong ?!
I was exactly the same way. If I didn't get a good morning / good night message after I had 'the time' and 'the feeling' to do so, it hurt, it messed with my mind, even if my love was unaware of it or not doing it deliberately. As Susan says ' we don't need to talk about it' and the other takeaway from this video is ' you count'. Damn right. Now go live it. If you mean something to them, they will realise it.
Kirk V
You are a good man. You are being used to inflate a selfish ego
Find a kind girl that will be showing you care and attention
So true, is so refreshing and comforting being busy, takes my mind off thinking about a guy who's just too busy to acknowledge your presence in his life.
Very well put, Claudette. Thanks for your comment.
Great advice! Doing this will either make your partner give you more of their time OR make you realize that you deserve to be with someone who can give you more of their time and exit the relationship. In my case the latter happened. After months of talking it over with my partner, and being patient and ‘doing me’, the situation did not improve. I was constantly bending to fit into his world. Even though he made a couple of improvements it simply was not enough for what I wanted at this time in my life. First I thought I was being clingy or needy, but thank goodness for good friends who told me that it’s ok to want to be with someone who has time to give. I was becoming anxious and insecure as a result of not having my needs met. This just made matters worse. Be true to yourself! There’s someone out there for everyone ❤️
There isn't someone out there for everyone, but it's better to be alone than to be with a person who doesn't give you what he/she should.
@@iolantham While I agree with the latter of your statement, I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone. Whether you inevitably find them or not is another story. I chose to live life with an abundant mindset and not a limited one. Perhaps give it a try! You might be surprised 😊 Stay Blessed
If he doesn't have time, he probably has too many relationships!
@@zztop8592 Maybe, Maybe Not 🤷🏾♀️ Thanks for commenting. This post was 4 years ago, and of course, forgotten about. I had a nice chuckle reading my original comment. So much has changed since then. A nice reminder of ‘Lesson Learned, Life goes on’. Happily married now to a man who blows my ex out of the universe 🤭 Who makes the time 💕
Thank you. Your comment helped
I’m dumping him! I’m dumping him! I’m dumping him! No need for rebuilding this relationship! Excuse after excuse. I see him only on weekends but he can’t create time.
Zvirisei askana makazo musiya?
Dump him....
Did you dump him?
Why is he available only on weekends? Is he always working? Is he rich and providing because of it?
If he works full time but sees you on the weekends, and you having a problem with that... that reflects more badly on you than on him. Many of us have responsibilities, miss. Next to having a fulltime job, people have other responsibilities. I see my girlfriend in the weekends as well and we are together for 5 years already. Bought a house together which is soon going to be built. Patience and commitment are necessary to achieve good things in life. You sound needy.
I feel like I am not a priority, and it took me a while to figure this out.. he has a busier schedule than me, i understand he can’t give me time and attention all the time. But when he is free, he makes excuses that he is tired, “oh sorry I was busy hanging out with my family or “I could only call you when I’m about to sleep”, “sorry I didn’t text you back”. Then it starts with the no good morning/ goodnight texts. Then it turns to him not even Apologizing and turns it around on me saying I’m selfish for wanting attention. When I have been nothing but patient.. it’s excuses after excuses especially when we plan things and ‘then something comes up’ then why can’t they break up with you? Why can’t these types of people just end it..???
beats the heck out of me. but if i had to guess? they can forever look like the good guy. they can tell their next partner that their ex was clingy and they tried to make it work. i’m currently experiencing this and now i’m realizing it was my mistake cause all the red flags were evident when we met
Some people are so lonely, desperate and lost their priority is to let toxic people run their lives and rule their emotions. It is a choice, you choose who you associate with and invest in.
Subscribed.... good words ... good vibes ^_
True but sometimes you don't know what you're getting until you get it!
1. do what things make u happy, which make u happy. go back to the things you love take time.
dont be afraid making boundaries!
2. edify ur life, refuel ourselves
Deactivating their need to make us a priority. Taking back our own life.We dont need to diminish our lives to make someone elses life bigger. Another grand epiphany!! Thank you!
Exactly! We can't expect someone to prioritize us just because we have made them the center of our lives. So now we have to back up, get a grip and start taking care of ourselves! I definitely learned something valuable today, Miss Susan. Thank-you!
Just accept you've been used and lied to cruelly by a coward that cannot confront his actions and reverts his actions on to you in his defense that is so low
women 100x more cowardly and 100x more likely to play games than men.
Narcissist example one and two
@@ms.williams6907 lonely cat lady with no soul detected.
My best advice is to get so lost in improving yourself and going after your dreams that you just no longer have time for people unless they really matter to you and you make the time for them.
I would drop anything I’m doing for most of my friends and women I’d like to date. Rarely can I say they’d do the same for me and I realized I should distance myself from people like this.
There's a saying that I wish I had heard sooner..."never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."
I love that you talk about narcissism without talking about narcissism
😄
This is so helpful!! Feel like I’ve given up loads to see my boyfriend and I’m always there if he wants me or needs me but he’s always out busy and I’m having to work around his busy life!! I’m going to do things I love and get myself busy and he has to step up and realise I’m not going to be “on call”
Susan, you are one smart cookie. This has always been my philosophy. Never lose yourself when your in a relationship. That significant other should be nice addition to your life, not your entire life. Great message, hope it helps others.
I would not like to be just another nice addition to the life of someone. really sorry about that!
Good points, Susan! My mom was brilliant at marriage. She worked, though my dad made a decent income. She maintained friend- ships with other women. She would take a break from my dad for a week or two each summer to visit her parents in the country. She started a sideline sewing kit business. She had home hobbies such as upholstering furniture. She hosted bridge parties at the house and cooked delicious foods for the guests. She and dad attended church weekly and would often go out to eat with friends afterward. She never acted jealous or insecure around Dad. She would pop the kitchen towel at dad to tease him. Brilliant!
Yay
Probably the greatest single video on the complexities of relationships. Really gives me peace of mind - which is what we really need. Love is a drug. Peace of mind isn't. You can't make them make you a priority, but you can make yourself your priority.
This is how I feel with all my relationships.
I'm sorry about that Sarah. I think it's a question of partner selection. That can be changed. I wish you well.
lots of women are attracted to people who dont like them, whereas they hate men who "try too hard". You are the problem.
Took me 23 years to realize I was not a priority...first time he disrespects you...run
Luv Life or ghost on u
Luv Life when someone stop speaking or spending time with u they disappeared for while then come back around do it again u get tired of it
dumb Oprah shit, "one mistake, nuke him". Get a grip.
:’(
@@Holypikemanz she stalking about
Blatant disrespect. Because it only
gets worse. Not “one mistake” 🙄
Get a grip. Get it together. Just sayn
After 15 years of slowly allowing this because he’s never yelled at me, isn’t cruel or a cheater. He just puts EVERYTHING else in HIS life as a priority but can never commit to doing that for me. Now I’m numb. Looking up videos, just crushed.
absolutely right, love is a part of life , its not your life, we are known for what we do or for our purposes in life and not for who our partner is , when you give so much importance to someone you are obsessed over them coz there is nothing important in your life rather than your partner . In simple words - get a life
Perfect!! Great analysis. Thanks Valor.
My partner must please me in every way, shape, and form! And he must walk on eggshells LOL j/k.
I agree we all should do things that make us happy and fulfilled, and if our partner wants to join that's great too.
Valorthefirst I don't know how to get a life my husband died we were married for 25 yrs my whole life was wrapped around him. Just saying. Getting a life is not always easy.
andraacram Wow you sound the gf from Hell.
Barbara, clearly you didn't fully read what I posted.
Also, you are using the fact that you were with your husband for so long as an excuse not to do the work that you need to do in order to work through your role change and grow as a person. Instead of making a statement, why not ask for advice?
I did this, and now the roles have changed, she demands more attention.
No long intros, you get right to the point. You are awesome Susan.
Thank you so much for posting this!
For the past couple of months I've felt this way with my girlfriend of 10 months, and after these past couple months of banging my head against the wall, trying to communicate solutions, I've finally realized that it is not anybody else's fault that I feel this way except for mine. I did this, I made this happen, and now I can fix it. And I'm honestly so lucky to have a girlfriend that hasn't just abandoned me through all the tears and struggles of this dilemma. I couldn't have found this at a better time (yesterday was a day of frustration and tears and anxiety)
Ms. Winters, thank you oh so very much
Ruwald, you are very much welcome! What a great turn-around to your story. I'm really happy for you. Thanks for writing me. Susan
ruwald defortier
Biggest mistake i did alwsy give importance more tham someone deserves
3 years later and this is still and always a powerful message. Thank you Susan. I’ve been looking at TH-cam coaches for years to help myself also as relationship coach and my personal life, and you’re the first one I connected with. Why? Because you keep it real and genuine. :)
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've already put it all together. But I just had to hear someone else confirm what I was feeling. I feel relieved to move on.
Had to listen to this video twice! I found you after a search for How to Date an Entrepreneur. You read me like a book! I stopped everything that brought me joy (exercise, hobbies, exploring the city) in order to make room for the relationship. (really...him) In the end, I wound up making him the center of my attention and my primary supplier of happiness. I look forward to getting back to leading my own self care, getting A LIFE again and am excited to see what comes from that.
You are a badass for advice. After a month of awesomeness, my girlfriend pulled back very abruptly. After a week we talked about it. She said it’s a short phase... it’s been 3 weeks of her being like this... she says she’s stressed and super busy, yet she could make time before. My best friend told me what you have in this video plus one caveat, don’t message or call her, make her initiate conversation to see how she really feels. Once she messages me game on but hold your feelings back and only meet her level of her emotion. I know it sounds like playing games... but I’m really trying to gauge how she really feels and to see if she isn’t just to cowardly to breakup with me.
Thanks for the video Susan. 👍
When you express is your feelings to that person, they think you are being negative, they wouldn't even acknowledge that you are hurt they just invalidate your feelings. Every night you go to bed thinking if you still matter in their life. This can be a best friend/partner/spouse. As rightly said in the video you weave your life around them, they just take you for granted.
This video is 100% spot on. The solution is ALWAYS to back off and reclaim your life. This makes you more attractive to other women and she knows that. Therefore, she will make more of an effort with you.
she will make more effort and you will even back off more
In my relationships I actually added more things to do so I could forget how absent they were. When I noticed myself doing that in my latest relationships, I thought damn, it's time to leave again.
She is JUST TOTALY RIGHT.Back off and if they don follow then they don care!
Told him right at the beginning we weren't compatible, we wanted different thing, he only wanted a "friend with benefits" while I wanted a relationship. Told him to leave.
Gotta admit ...this woman is the bomb..definitely knows her stuff . These are all things we should know naturally but often forget.
I totally agree with everything +plus+ I often hear coaches say "Go back to the things that make you happy" ... I think it's important to take note of the fact that this person was draining you. So don't rebuild yourself for the wrong person.
I'm so glad I found this clip. Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much, Susan. I really love this line---you don't have to lose yourself in order to love somebody else.
Time and energy consuming when staying home with our partner.Once in awhile feel good being alone once again.
Love to go back to own life.
Do what ever we like.
No regrets.
Thank you for sharing.
May God bless you.
just stop doing things you used to, dont talk to him, dont complain. For him to realize that you are important in her / his life.
LoveMe,com I learned long ago that it's not my job to stroke my own ego that's for my mate to do but in order for that to be done without resentment I have to make it my job to build up my mate.
Mike G I think what she is saying is dont nag and criticize. One get make more progress with honey than they can with vinegar. Peace
I'm to ocd to do that
LoveMe,com why would a man waste his time on you...
@@erickgonzalez3199 Ask yourself that same stupid question.
Recently I broke up with a group of friends. We used to talk everything everyday every night and be there all the time. But things changed as they are having a different group of friend and in relationships and we did live far away from each other.
We didn't talk as much as last time anymore. What I get is shorter or no reply when I hope they'll be there for me like last time. Yes we still talk but most of the topics are about their life/stories and I feel sad most of the time. I know that we drifted away and I am no longer their priority.
The pain of having expectations and hoping we can talk like previous time is killing me day by day. In the end I quit the group in order to protect our friendship and try to free myself from the pain.
Now I am trying hard to refuel myself and to build up my life once again without having the expectations of being their priority anymore.
I hope I can do it although I am still struggling now.
Thanks for the video, it was helpful.
I'm glad to know you got help from this video. Change is natural. I know it's painful now. I suggest looking for new activities and hobbies. You will meet new friends. Also, you'll have more to say to the old friends. I wish you well G ZC.
I always put myself first because nobody else will
I've done this...many regrets. Never again. Thanks Susan!
Susan you've helped me understand my emotions. I have also learned how to deal with rejection better. Giving too much too soon is always my problem but I am learning more about myself everyday. I value myself more now and I have learned to let things be mutual... If not then NEXT!!!
Hmm... not a priority huh? that is a self centered cold hearted narcisist... don't become a "WhatNot" a collectible that is a temporary interest... in otherwords something that sits on a shelf waiting to be remembered... oh i haven't paid attention to this for awhile let me dust this off admire it for the moment and put it back on the shelf to sit scenario... treat them like you would holding a "HOT POTATO" ---- Drop'em move on
I'm with you on this! Thanks, Calidee.
CALIDEE HOLMES Great description.
Great !Make way to the hot potato roll miles away. Sorry.
Right on
I feel like I was meant to see this video. Last night I had a dream where my sister was telling me that in order for my partner to continue to want me I have to have that allure. I’ve realized that I’ve lost myself in my relationship awhile ago so hearing this also helps keep me on track to getting myself back.
I agree with Sarah Watts, you really have classy videos, I believe no one should compromise his/her self esteem for a partner.
Thanks for this message, Claudette!
Yes, its true, we should always take responsibility to continue with our passions in our own lives, but isn't it just a big disrespect to you if you become a very low priority to someone? Should it even be tolerated if they constantly choose everything else but you?
YOU're right. If we aren't feeling wanted then we should make another choice of partner. Mostly feeling "not a priority" is in direct relationship to giving up our own life to focus on the goals of our partner. Often times, this is temporary. I've seen many a person lose their way by making their partner their goal in life. Taking responsibility to continue with our own passions is the remedy for that error.
@@SusanWinter Exactly. IMO this is all on the person that gave themselves up. The "offending" partner doesn't have to treat them poorly or even change their priority to trigger the feelings. But, it's understandable why they would pull away, if they did, when the person they were interested in is no longer there.
I commented on Susan’s videos one year ago.
1 year later - he has not changed and I feel unhappy and insecure. If anything the time has increased the level of unhappiness I feel being in a one sided relationship where I invest 90% and he only 10% (when he feels like it).
Of course I chose the most self absorbed person I have ever known in my entire life, so I cannot expect him to change.
Also, he never was interested in me or my inner world. Nothing about me is of interest to him. Never asked me what I like to eat. What I like to do. What my future dreams are. It feels like I am not of interest to him at all. Just a convenience and a resource to feed his entitlement and ego.
So one year later. Nothing has changed.
I have been so stuck in this that I was considering to seek out therapy to deal with my obsession with trying to fix and work on the relationship. Because I know what is going on, but I still keep doing the same thing (chase the crumbs and hope for a different result), and I realize that the problem is my self respect.
It says a lot about me that I chase crumbs from a man who makes me the bottom of his priority list for 2 years and still hope for change...
You can get trapped in this kind of relationship, and if you do then seeking out professional help is perfectly reasonable.
Why does relationship become a game nowadays and can't be true to people we're willing to love. And need to learn their tricks and rules. 😩but thanks Susan! It's a wonderful video!
I think the answer is just be yoursef and know your worth. Don’t play a games and be patient
I never comment on videos, but I wanted to compliment you on how succinctly and accurately you made your point here. I can tell you have this topic DOWN! it was so clear to me! it's like you were reprogramming my brain. thanks for making this post.
Wow, thank you!
Another great message. This is so correct. Absolutely correct. Gaining your rituals and will keep you stronger.
Glad you liked this one, Alert and oriented. Thank you!!
I was an priority when it was a convience to someone on their time and not mine
Susan ! Short and simple ! That deserves 10,000,0000 subscribers
I am in a great relationship but yes I have been putting him above all my needs. I used to do so many things during our talking phase and then we started seeing each other all the time. It’s time I go back to what I was doing before.
There’s only one correct answer to this question: MOVE TF ON!!
Wow! This is the first time I have watched several of your videos 🤗 I think your outlook and your responses to relationship issues are amazing!! Your real and Very Classy! It is so important for us women to remember our self worth.. Somany forums and relationship advisors you hear, leave you like are you serious might as well be a mans or women's doormat. For both men and women you deliver self worth , respect and building self esteem. All fundamentals which are nessary for healthy relationships❤️
Thank you so much your videos have helped me...
Thank you for this lovely note, Sarah.
This was hands down the best video I've seen. I've known this for a while now, but to hear another person voice this out and to have my thoughts affirmed is just exactly what I need.
The argument my ex and I would have consistently was about her friends being an equal priority to me. There wasn't a hierarchy where I came first.
In her eyes, both me and her friends were all important to her with no real distinction. Are friends important? Yes. But the person you're with should come first and not have to compete for your time.
What made it frustrating to me is that I'd make plans ahead of time, and her friends were very last min. So their "invites" would constantly get in the way, and she never wanted to tell them no.
My partner always says lm doing this with so & so this weekend. Did you want to do anything?
Um yes, but it's too late now, you've already made arrangements and won't say no to your mates.
It's a long weekend coming up, he made arrangements with his mates a week ago, didn't ask me first if l wanted to do anything.
I need to just start doing things on my own and not feel guilty about it, my life and adventures are just slipping by sitting at home waiting to have adventures with my 'significant other'.
So dam true!!! Get your life & power back!
Thanks Therese.
“They are not the source of our happiness.” Thank you so much. Your videos are so empowering for the mind. Thank you for your wise and intellectual advise and quotes. They are uplifting & boost self esteem. Love 💗 it!!! 🙏 thank you!
I BARELY saw my now ex!
He constantly prioritised everything and everyone before me. I started writing down every time we saw each other and quickly realised it was 7 times a month. 1 meet-up would be 2 hours in one evening. I asked for more time. So we would try and pre arrange certain days to see each other.
I started to be less available and focused on myself more, seeing as he was so focused on himself. But if I wasn't available, he would make me feel guilty. Or throw it back in my face and say 'Well you wanted more time, now you're unavailable'.
We arranged to see each other one evening and he chose to cancel to see a female friend instead. Openly choosing to prioritise HER instead of me. A 2 hour drive. It's not the fact that he was seeing a friend that hurt me. It was the fact he CHOSE to go out of his way and prioritise HER!
I ended the relationship. I'm tired of asking men for the bare minimum.
Ms. Winter, I can’t thank
You or fate enough for stumbling onto
This video. Thanks to you, I remembered my power, my position, and what makes me ME. A relationship doesn’t nor did it ever define or
Complete me, it was just an additive.
Great advice. I learned this lesson thru mu late teens and early 20s, and have applied it ever since. 30 years later, I've found I still see the "game" women try to force on me. They all seem so shocked when I walk away very quickly when I see I'm not a priority. Seems they're used to most men being willing pawns in their game of life.
I find communication to be a solid first step in solving most problems. Not just voicing your displeasure but trying to understand how the other person is feeling or if anything has changed. Assuming you are not a priority just because you don't "feel" like one is a mistake. People are different and view the world differently. If you have lost touch with how your partner sees the world, assume you do not matter as much to them, and as a result distance yourself then just end the relationship. No one can read minds. Last note; before you bring up how you feel understand what it is you want. Otherwise, man or woman, you're just bitching.
I struggle with this especially when you know that one person who seeked you for so long while you out them aside and now that you want them in your life, you feel the guilt and desolation.
I am so glad that I found this video. My boyfriend and I are both older teenagers, and this was my first true relationship ever (5months). I've known for a while that I really do love him, but at the same time feel like more of a convenience to him. It was really apparent when after not seeing him for a month (because of more work hours during the holidays, which I was understanding about), he decided he'd rather spend time with friends of his than trying to make time to spend with me. Or the fact that I'm the one setting aside time every week to hang out, or I'm the one with the driver's license who took him everywhere, or I'm the one who has to initiate affection or clean his room or whatever. I'm so sick of being with him and seeing my friends with relationships that seem so much more active than mine.
But hang on....if I am to find ways to make my self "happy" then whats the use of having a partner/husband/wife? My understanding was that being in a relationship meant to be doing things together which brings us closer. Doing things separately is fine only for certain things and certain times but one should not totaly ignor a spouse....and move on in pursuit of ones own "happiness". This will surely make each one immune to each others needs and stay separated until the day they wake up and realise that they have noting in common and are just two people leaving under the same roof ...but with no emotional connection or committement. Here they will make a decission to get a divorce. A not so good out come for a "till death do us apart" part. I didnt see any advice here to "try this to make things work" but moving on does not "fix" a troubled relationship, it kills it. Please Susan shed some light on this?
This was for those that couldn't find a balance it takes two people to make a relationship work if one is being ignored and waiting at home for someone to show up in their life they need to quit waiting around and get a life then the spouse will do one of two things start paying you more attention or stay gone either way you will have your answer on where the relationship stands.
Good one actually I also think in this way,we should totally. Cut off with them and makes some space for new people he has true feelings for us
This is hands-down, the best advice ever on this matter and really resonated. Thank you so much.
Thank you, I worked on my Knitting and Crocheting..and making jewelry and walking.....
I damn appreciate wat u said.....thanks a lot mam .....really..... I was so lost...every thing was very good in the beginning, I was on top of her priority list but then suddenly just after a month things started to change ,now I'm not even on her priority list....I was very much frustrated from the last week but now after watching this video of urs I feel like having my confidence back...and I'm gonna follow exactly wat u said.. from now on.......thanks a lot mam......
Are you guys doing well now , or you broke up with her??
This happened to me and had to leave my relationship as I felt like I was losing my sense of self and purpose I need to go through this journey alone. I share great memories with this person but feelings were not reciprocated back at times and it made me feel insecure and not worthy enough for their attention especially when I get replies days later to messages. Looking back the way in which I ended things was cowardice as I was in a scarcity mindset and feared reliving that face to face scenario in my head in terms of breaking up in person. That's one thing if I could turn back the clock I would do. I was to codependent and my gut was telling me I couldn't continue like this.
Thanks!
THANK YOU!!
I also feel the same. That I'm no longer his priority. I thought it was because of me..so i poured more love, i poured more time for him..but he doesn't just appreciate my efforts.
He took me for granted...yeah it didn't happen suddenly but slowly. I made complaints but he doesn't care. Whenever i needed him emotionally, he was rarely there. He says he's busy and he has got a life of his own so i just wanna say don't have I ?
But this feels so good that I'm not alone. I put this person on the top of my priority list and all i got was hurts and snobs. Well, it's all good.
Niw it's high time to love myself betterly again and to prioritise my goals, not people.
Thank you Susan for this video.
He’s the only thing that makes me happy anymore. I can’t take a step back it hurts too much
Your right again...im hysterically crying because everyone of your videos have been 100...its like your talking about me
i come back to this video every now and then to remind me of what is important ❤ Thanks Susan
OMG! Susan you are the voice of reason! You hit the nail on the head about this subject and everything you mentioned is happening to me right now! It’s time I focus on who I was and what I did before I allowed this person to occupy so much real estate in my brain and in my heart. I would love to hear more from you on this topic. Thank you for your insight and wisdom!
It's all so clear to me now.Yes,it's all about priority.thanks
The discard is a blessing from Heaven . I need my walking to run back which means the TRS. You seem like a tranquil person. No news is good news. No fi ever to lay a finger on me.
Susan. I wish I watched this video 5 yrs ago. Thank you!!!!!!
How can u be so correct... absolutely absolutely true...
Awh I so needed to hear this ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I've been relying so much on validation from this guy but fudge that!! Thank you for this Susan 💕💕
I def put myself first I have so much going on in my life I just don’t let others take up my energy. I set aside time for them. And if they don’t reciprocate well then I know next time not make them a priority learned all of this the hard way.!
It’s called falling in Love and nothing not tennis or the gym will ever replace it.
Thank you so much Susan! I have the worst self esteem but after listening to your advice I feel a little better in what I should do about my situation.
Thank you for this! You are so right. It took me a long time to learn this... and it's not only applicable to partners. I have a slightly narcissistic friend who I ended up bending myself around as well. No more.
Chooselove 4all good for you. Thanks For your note.
Men always have parents, work, money, friends and relatives on their major priorities but wives are like back up.
🙌🏾
Isn't that the truth. I took a back seat to this guy's other priorities. Never complained, but finally I did....and he dumped me.
you are a true human being. thank you for you way of seeing.
Thank you Susan, this is absolutely what I needed to hear today. I've been dealing with this issue and you gave me a reboot - I'm focusing on me and doing what's good for my own soul and mind. Appreciate the kickstart into the new year!
Mary!! Thrilled to read this. Thank you so much for your ongoing support and kindness. Here's to a complete reboot and seeing you step (fully and unashamedly) into the totality of your power.