The Letting Go Paradox: Make Them Want You
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ต.ค. 2024
- For information on 1-on-1 coaching: www.andrewvanh...
In this video we talk about attachment, attraction, and letting go. So often in life we can find ourselves chasing and pursuing things we believe will make our lives better. In doing this, we often disempower ourselves and end up pushing those very things we desire further away from us. In this video we discuss how this process works, and what we can do to find more freedom and wholeness in ourselves, and allow that in turn to radiate out into the world so we attract instead of repel.
Attachment is the root of all suffering.
*unhealthy attachment
Tinnitus....
Attachment comes from insecurity
@huaynaX - words deserving of a plaque 🙌
how to let it go then .??? i been trying so hard to let it to go
When in doubt, be silent and give them space.
Does this work? And does this help for a future for both of us rekindling and starting over?
@@frankiegates4149 No other formula is as effective. But silence is no joke and patience. I mean 2,3, 4 months. Sometimes 6 months or a year. But be patient and don't go on social media pretending to be Mr. Popular, it's phony. Just don't post anything that makes you look needy or angry.
That is why God is silent
@@wathah323 deep
Give YOURSELF space. We don't need to give them anything. We must put ourselves first and remember we are whole.
Based on my experience, you need to focus on yourself until someone will attract to you because of your worth or value as a person. Do not chase you attract
Absolutely
I realized that tryng to chase by 4 years I was never able to get something till I started focusing in myself, then in less than 6 months, I just got to the point that I didnt even know what to pick up, I mean girls, friendships, paths, evertyhing has to start by us not by outside
You can’t get them back because that relationship is already gone, but you can have a new one with the same person because you are now different people…. Wow I love this. Thank you for this
“You re trying to fill a whole that doesn’t exist ”. Summed it perfectly.
The hole does exist and it can be filled with money
@@AnnieTyzakOr cream cheese
@@FragmentOfInfinity i'll take money and cream cheese
A hole*
That day I filled one up with sausage
The universe really led me here at 4am to watch this completely undistracted ❤
Same
same
Bruh it's 04:01 for me rn
It’s 4:03 for me😂
4:17 am here
this is genuinely one of the best videos on this topic i've ever listened to.
Me too! So good
Likewise
OK I am watching
Yep, very precise wording describing how my failure to stop people-pleasing manifests. Self-love and filling your life on your own fixes this.
I agree
No one is our savior, except ourselves. We need to feel complete on our own, we have to fullfill ourself. I have a text on my wall in my living room "Be the energy you want others to absorb".
Jesus Christ is my savior. I'm not God, and I didn't die on a cross for the remission of all sin. I'm no savior, even to myself.
@@obscurereferences7198 don't you know who you really are??
@@obscurereferences7198Jesus is the messenger of Allah and the Messiah, not your saviour, nor did he die on the cross. He will bear witness against you. So be warned of a tremendous day and leave the Christian delusion created by paul the liar
@@noelmalik5018The only people that are delusional are you clowns and your "god".
Yes ma’am I agree so much!
It happened with my mother... She was anxious and attached to a life where her son was present and making her feel safe and loved.. I told her one day, while she was in tears, "You have lived your life and created and nurtured a beautiful family, allow me to live my life and create my family".
At first she was scared, that her life would be worse without her son... It's been a year and now she's even more excited when i visit and tells me all about the life she now lives (she went back to reading more, wants to start writing). She has recovered her hobbies and passions and that's what you all need to understand, and so do I.
Once we let go of what fills our heart, the hole can be filled with new opportunities, new people, new activities, new philosophies of life that can inspire us to become something much different and much greater. We start living the life we want to live, not the life that others want for us.
There is nothing more inspiring than knowing that a heartbreak or a loss can be a blessing for allowing us the opportunity to grow and become what our soul wishes we become.
If I say this, she will slap me then and there lol
Beautiful!
@@luisabatistasamoraI'm totally agree with you because we can't depend our happiness to someone or things, cause the most important we need to create our own happiness,work on our self to be a better version of your slef
I was always strong and hiperindependent girl, secretly suffering from an absent father. During the video, I visiulised and told him "I love you and I'm grateful for you being my father and I know you always love me and give me power, but I have had suffered enough for your absence in my everyday life, I have a whole life that I want to live for myself and I can't have it unless stop waiting for you to make me your little princess again, so I am letting go of my this attachment and expectation for my life, and I will start live my life, even you'd not here for me all the time. I love you."
Great message! Keep at it and be proud of living the life you chose. Resentment drags us behind and you've changed it to love. Very beautifully done!
Amazing!!
so beautiful!!
tears.
Relatable af. ❤
chasing chased them away ive learned this the hard way
Ya plus it’s embarrassing
At least you learned, that’s the best thing about mistakes
@AnnieTyzak had a girl at work yesterday I kinda like n I know she like me she got a whole boyfriend she said I'll walk with you a little before I leave I said OK so what you got planned after work she said dinner and then we going for ice cream her n her bf I said we'll you better get going you don't want your people waiting on you she said yeah n turned around n left but she all up on me at work I feeling her but that bf shit ya bye
@@Mike-y1q3v I’m proud of you 😊💯
Letting go is the ultimate freedom ✨️
Your life become hollow.
What if they come back. Please help me
This video hit hard for me. My current issue with chasing someone for the last year and I'm working toward breaking out of it. Thank you.
You're welcome! There's nothing wrong with chasing someone, per se. It's more that we're often actually running away from ourselves and abandoning our own inner power in order to do so.
Often when we feel the need to chase, or to prove our worth to the person we're interested in, it can come from a situation where early in life we felt we needed to prove ourselves to our parents, maybe we needed to achieve or people please in order for them to be happy, or had to make sure everything was perfect. In my case, this was paired with a deep rooted fear of abandonment.
The crazy thing is that this fear of being abandoned by somebody else causes us to consistently abandon ourselves. We change the way we behave, what we say and do, in order to please other people. We start to make them happy at our own expense, hoping to fulfill that pattern and make sure they won't leave us - all the while subtly sending ourselves the message that WE don't have our own backs.
Just keep doing your best and learning and growing from the experience and giving yourself some grace when you temporarily slide back into old patterns. We're all doing the best we can!
I feel you man! Dated this girl for a little under 6 months, felt like she was the best thing to have happened to me, everything was rock solid but then at the end of the 5th month I started feeling her pull away. Couldn’t make sense of it and that completely threw me off my rocker. 1 week before we would’ve completed 6 months together she ended things with me because of something that happened in bed. I made a mistake but she just decided to leave me straight away. Tried reasoning with her and ended up chasing her in the process for the next 6 months. Went to her home drunk, called her friends, cried, did everything. It’s been over 8 months since our break up now and I still haven’t moved on but I have not contacted her in over 2 months. I’m trying to finally let it go and move forward with life and trying to love myself.
God has a plan for me, just like everyone else! :)
I am grateful for having had you in my life. Thank you very much. I appreciate you, I love you, but I have to go now. I have a life that is outside of you. I have a life that I have to go live for myself, and I have to let you go. Thank you for what you’ve given me, I appreciate the learning opportunity, I appreciate the time we’ve had together but I have to be my own person, I have to move forward in my life that has nothing to do with you anymore. And that is ok.
This hit hard… I’m 44 and my wife passed from cancer 6 months ago, we were soulmates and I’ve been struggling so badly and this video really helped me see the mistakes I made with her from childhood trauma. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again but yet i find myself trying to fill a void that I feel inside. My relationship with God is the only thing that has saved me and it’s still a daily battle between my fleshly desires and my spirit. Great information very accurate and true.
Damn man, please take the appropriate actions when it comes to coping. I don’t know you, you don’t know me but I’m here for you
@@b_jwright24 thank you
Agree with the previous comment, we don't know each other but prayers to you and may your wife be in God's paradise. We're here for you hermano.
I hope you find peace mate. Don't beat yourself up with survivors guilt, i'm sure that the fact you had such a long and successful relationship meant that you are a good caring person.
Sorry this has happened, wish you the best.
@@Napoleonicwarfare thanks brother
God is about to bless me with the ultimate devine union this month. New love that is truely for me, and will help me grow, heal, and be more abundant then ever before. So be it.
❤❤❤❤❤ hit hard. we keep chasing for a feeling not a person. we always on our own.
Absolutely spot on. Letting go is one of the most important things you can do in your life. Conscious inaction can allow your higher self to come through to guide your true path. 🧡🙏🧡
A useful exercise for other relationships and situations too, such as family, friends and jobs, even dreams and material items. Thank you
And it's less and attracting others, more about becoming true to yourself and in your own energy. Then, we might attract situations and people more aligned to our true self 🎯
Absolutely!
If I can admit it here...the attracting others is a bit of a lure I use to get people to watch. Because so many people come with that inner sense of lack and they want the easy fix. So I try to hook people with what they want, and then do my best to deliver the deeper aspect of what they need haha
But it's absolutely about becoming true to yourself and in your own energy, the attracting other people and situations that resonate with the new energy is a side effect of the deeper transformation
this is actually perfect for me rn, not because i'm broken but because i am now interested into entering a new relationship
This video just started playing out of nowhere but I’m glad I’m here. It’s what I needed.
Great video! I’m thankful that you presented your point with empathy. Facing your insecurities is intimidating and inner wounds can be painful but you don’t need to be ashamed. Have empathy for yourself and don’t quit even when it’s difficult! ❤
Absolutely! It's a tricky subject to address for exactly that reason.
The very nature of our tendency to see things from a place of insecurity, scarcity, and fear means that we're so quick to jump straight to self-condemnation when we develop self-awareness.
When I realize that the common problem behind many of the problems in my relationships is my own inner insecurity, in a sense, that gives me ammunition to feel even MORE insecure and alone and flawed. That's where the negative feedback loop can begin.
So you're absolutely right that we must give ourselves some grace and empathy and look at these things with love instead of shame.
Interestingly, that whole process also feeds into the authentic embodiment of being your best self anyway! Because when we find peace with who we are, and are able to accept our so-called flaws, that's when we no longer feel that need for endless validation and reassurance!
So, acceptance and empathy are a huge part of the equation.
Thank you for this video. As a codependent needy person I needed this video and it is true. ❤
Out of all the videos and podcasts I've watched and listened to, yours is the one that helped me the most to move on and let go of the past. Thank you, thank you, thank you-really, thank you!
This video truly needs more views. He's helping me solve all these feelings that were under the surface & why I really feel that way. Thank you for helping all of us develop a better sense of self!
Brilliant video. I used to be plagued with severe anxiety for years and once I started practicing detachment and letting go, I took back control of my life. The anxiety could no longer run it for me. I’m grateful to creators like you who spread the word about the life changing effects of letting go!
I needed to watch the video 4 times in a row to get the whole concept of me letting go of what exactly.
I agree completely with this. But my inner child finds it so hard lol
True
i just filed for divorce after 35 years! thank you! i needed this!
Im in a really great 5 month relationship, and we are gonna get engaged in the next 3-4 months.
I am still working through an anxious attachment due to some tough childhood memories, so this video really hit home with me.
I’m trying to learn to be the best man I can be for my future wife.
Sheesh it’s hard, but worth it!
Even though she’ll never see this, I love you Abby 💛
You made me understand this on an entirely different level. I’m always chasing and knew it was wrong but now I fully understand that it’s not beneficial. And I always get the ick when ppl chase me and now it makes sense as to why.
Nailed it! Read about letting go for years - you say it best
I am so glad that I am stumbled upon this video, I am experiencing this kind of attachment atm and this situation gives me anxiety each days. This video somehow lift that heavy burden on my chest and I would like thank you for such an enlightening explanations :)
Thank you I needed this I went to America thinking someone loved me little did I know she had another guy more fool me.This guy is like glue he has no life of his own he's with the girl 24/7.
I just got out from 6 y relationship. I Lost myself during this time, at the moment i realized we broke up I just fell on the ground and i couldnt breathe. Dont let the wrong people destroy your self esteem and your goals, especially during med school 😅
Honestly, the only video I ever needed on relationship advice.
The voice and the pronunciation easily make top 10 of the best voices that I've ever heard in my life. 😂❤
Excellent video! Thank you for sharing these ideas with the world in such a kind, loving and respectful way.
Thank you so much! Glad it resonated with you!
I've learned what you discussed the hard way. It resonated with me and how I handled that dark part of my past. Looking back, if I knew these when I needed it, I would have handled it much quicker and cleaner.
Great video.
This 18min video has literally helped me understand a breakup that I had been trying to get over in the past . It has helped me understand that whole relationship… Thank you so much
best video for self improvement i ve ever watch,thank you man 🙌
3 days ago i felt so bad when my boyfriennd left me and i begged him to stay multiple times just because i love him so much it still hurts but this video makes me feel like i can still exist as just me and be happy with my life
Thank you for this video. Really lifted a gigant weight from my body. A 5 years realationship ended, and I'm chasing her like an idiot.
I found this video when I needed it most, thank you Andrew!
Best video I’ve ever seen regarding this topic. It’s something I’ve struggled with up to this point in my life, but this video very well could have just changed it for me
I don't know how in the world you kept me so attentive like that. 🎉
I love your expressions when you’re speaking, your eyes are speaking too, not only your lips.
this is the most amazing video on this topic
Literally one of the best message in dating especially helped me since I feel like I am chasing her a little more
I’m so glad I watched this when I really needed this. Been having a rough day mentally reflecting about a friendship of mine and this spoke to me in a deeper level. Thank you. The way you convey these thoughts are extremely helpful
Hi sandy 👋
Thanks Andrew, this really helps me understanding my current situation !
The way you explained make it so clear and understandable and your words freshens my mind. Thank you
Brilliant production. The point at 13:10 is priceless and delivered with such an A-ha moment!
Thank you for making this video! The exercise helps. I feel much better after doing the exercise. It’s amazing!
This happened to me just yesterday. She ended the relationship because she keeps on losing her interest and feelings towards me. She admitted that I treated her so good like a princess and gives her what she wants, she even told me that she asked for a "green flag guy that treats her right" and when she found me she's sure that God answered her prayers and I'm that guy but she ended it because we're not for each other and she doesn't love me and only love how I treat her
I'm sorry to hear that she didn't see your true value. Someone else will come along..
You’re lucky. She could have just kept milking you until she found someone she wants. That would have sucked as you would have wasted years on her.
At least now, you can finally move on.
@@mega408facts. I thanked my ex (4 hrs ago) when she broke up with me. We sat. Talked . Cried. Had a hug and a kiss and that was it . I thanked her for being respectful and not waiting any longer than the week she was feeling off.
Me too man. Same thing.
😢 Very sad bro. I felt you.
Great video bro...I could literally see you explain me here...i will try the exercise and i hope everyone who's watching this video does too and get over insecurities
This video is great man got out of a relationship two months ago it was hard bc she dumped me for these reasons and now we talked for a brief moment just to say we hope we can be friends in the future
Bros been dropping bangers
you say these things better than my therapist
This is perfect timing. Girl and I mutually split since she just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship at the time. We mentioned eventually getting back together once she heals and she’s ready. I see her at work so this’ll be quite interesting for the both of us
brilliant absolutely on the nose, I've been going through this transformation the last two years and feel happier and healthier for it.
Why you watch these videos then?
I love the absolute clarity you bring to this topic! Refreshing!
Great analysis , I think we are all in some instances struggle with being wounded and search for wholeness and healing . A perfect explanation of how we sabotage our relationships and foster within ourselves a belief that we are not good enough nor will we ever be . I. enjoyed this video very much and look forward to others by this insightful coach!
That feels like truth to me, if we were good enough we would have someone.
Authenticity as much it might seem frequently (and often times it truly is) as something deeply personal and individualistic. When you are with someone you feel a connection with. Being authentic becomes something larger than oneself, it becomes also the will and the desire to build, to compromise and to achieve together and as a result of this conversion of thought, feeling and intention.
Love this Video, thank you:) You are whole on your own. Your believe that you need someone else is wrong. So freeing
Dating over the past few months taught me that I should be alone and try to make myself happy. I was lonely and miserable coping with friends, sports, and video games before the 5 year relationship and I am doing the same shit after it ended. New activities are just that, another thing to fill the day with but coming home to an empty bed and a phone devoid of any interaction beyond friends or family is fucking depressing. Maybe instead of being generous and insecure I will come out self absorbed and secure after I am "Healed."
I feel the same way too, I hope you will finally heal.
This is the video I never knew I needed
Yesterday , i was rejected by the only girl I liked. But after watching this video I understood that it ok to let go🙂
you're gonna be okay trust me ;)
Easily the best video ive watched on this topic from the dozens ive gone through. Absolutely nailed it and so badly needed to hear and validate all this. Got a new subscriber 🙏🏼
How are you only at 12k??
This is a life altering video... thank you
Thank you so much! The best 18 minutes I spent today ✨
I so much needed this beautiful message. Thank you! ❤❤❤❤❤
I really like this video. True….I want her back, but in a new relationship. I’ve realized I was a “nice guy”, have done a 180 and can attest to love yourself and your life will change. I have had so much more luck with just meeting people and friendships now; heck my relationships in general are better.
The difficulty? We are married, have a two year old and she is under the impression that there is the perfect match for her somewhere. This video summarizes the solution and the problem all at once. I’ll think on it
now I know why I am attractive
I really needed this. Especially the thing at the end.
He is 100% spot on
So happy I found this video today!
Paradox of attachment, aka playing power games that inevitably. People are not honest with their feelings. This video is such proof of that.
Love when people share my autobiography.
this makes sense and works but it also makes relationships based on toxic concepts. Making them interested in you on the basis of making others' egos hurt by being ignored is not very healthy either.
I 100% agree. If you suddenly change your behavior to start ignoring people to seem more "attractive" then you're missing the point, in my opinion. The deeper learning opportunity is to explore that inner feeling of lack and insecurity, and find the freedom and possibility that is on the other side. Trying to cheat the system by acting detached is really just another manifestation of being incredibly insecure - to the point where you feel the need to manipulate people to make yourself feel better. It's just tricky to get all of that nuance across in a single video.
I really enjoyed the video, but I think that 'letting go' while aiming to obtain what you want wouldn't fix the problem. To me, the key is to find out who you really are and start liking yourself without the intention of attracting anyone.
Just love yourself ❤
Totally agreed!
This video is aimed at people who are fresh out of a breakup and hurting, so I figured the best approach would be to relatively gently introduce the concepts of attachment, letting go vs clinging, and so on. Just as a way to reach people who would otherwise be unfamiliar with the topic, and looking for a quick fix to a painful situation.
But I absolutely agree that the deeper opportunity in letting go is certainly not an easy problem fix, but in understanding and shifting the way we relate to the world in the first place.
It could also be chasing reciprocation, which isn't healthy either. If they aren't reciprocating, you also need to limit access or let go
You are so easy to listen to and understand! Thank you ❤
You are absolutely right!!!! Let them Go!!!!!
I'm always busy, but I still text people back right away. I don't like messages sitting in my inbox and a text takes 5 seconds.
So the truth is it doesn't mean you have nothing else going on.
I think it's just annoying for some people because they don't like having long conversations over text. They only want to respond every now and then so they have a little time to breathe.
Figuring out what to say can also be anxiety inducing for some people.
But my girlfriend and I both loved texting each other. We'd send each other at least 200-300 messages a day for almost 7 years (and we lived together lol)
Our entire relationship up until she passed away is basically documented
Fair enough! I'm sorry to hear she passed away.
I suppose what I'm trying to get at in the video is less about texting itself and more about the energy dynamic involved. It's not so much that not responding to texts is a sign of security (it could be, but it could also be avoidance or people just not liking texting) it's more that people obsessing over "why isn't this person responding" are most often operating out of anxiety and insecurity. Of course, I have to paint in broad strokes for the sake of the video, but I agree there's more nuance to it
I just finished the video and WOW...TNX. that's all.
The real Self is not attached to anyone
Stunning insight, thank you Andrew for your wisdom ❤
Have multiple hobbies and interests.
Pickup a instrument you've always wanted to try
Try and Learn a new language
Learn more about spirituality and do rituals to align you more with your infinite divine self
Eroding my power is not an option beyond this point… I will evolve into the light and rise above this 🪄✨
Attachment is normal and essential for survival since we are born. Not the attachment is the root cause for suffering, but not knowing, not learning as we grow as adults, that it's actually a choice our parents, friends and family are making to take care of us, to love us, and we are NOT entitled to any of it, just because it's how it should be, just because we were born needing it. We deserve it ONLY by being GRATEFUL for all we are given ❤ not by doing good deeds or being extraordinary and so on. We are good enough from the moment we are born as long as we are grateful, doing our best to be a good person. Being grateful it's all it takes. If someone, a stranger is not loving us back we need to remove ourselves, if it's a loved one, we can look to see if we were actually being grateful for everything they did until that point and by ignoring the bad things they might have done, they will have to power and willingness to change their attitude towards us because we show them gratitude, and hopefully they will be good, kind and loving people with themselves and to us as well ❤
Knowing we are good enough as authentic selfs is very important as well, but knowing we actually need to be saved, to be loved, we need each other to survive its not being insecure Not one bit, it prevents us from playing games as suggested here actually, in a complicated way 😊. That's why prisons were invented for. To outcast people it means to make them suffer in order to teach them a lesson of not being grateful or punish them for doing bad things. We can not survive long in isolation, except when we know there is at least one person who wants to be with us, thinking of us, loving us, as in a critical situation, a war or something like that. We need that hope at least, to know that there's is someone who loves us unconditionally, no matter how badly we behaved. At least one person, a parent, a partner or a friend. If there will be no one left we wouldn't want to live all alone, maybe in connection with something, the nature, the universe, maybe a dog or a cat but not completely alone. It's imposibil to survive alone. Period.
Knowing we are good enough as authentic selfs is very important as well, but knowing we actually need to be saved, to be loved, we need each other to survive its not being insecure Not one bit, it prevents us from playing games as suggested here actually, in a complicated way 😊. That's why prisons were invented for. To outcast people it means to make them suffer in order to teach them a lesson of not being grateful or punish them for doing bad things. We can not survive long in isolation, except when we know there is at least one person who wants to be with us, thinking of us, loving us, as in a critical situation, a war or something like that. We need that hope at least, to know that there's is someone who loves us unconditionally, no matter how badly we behaved. At least one person, a parent, a partner or a friend. If there will be no one left we wouldn't want to live all alone, maybe in connection with something, the nature, the universe, maybe a dog or a cat but not completely alone. It's imposibil to survive alone. Period.
Oh man, this so good. thank you!
Thank you so much dear...I am feeling relaxed and ignited...God bless..
Nice one brother
You cleared my doubt
Loved this! Helped me alot..
confidence comes from having options
only if i have watched this couple of days earlier
Omg I needed this so bad
Amazing!!! So clear!! Simple easy to understand thank you!!!
Oh, you're suggesting something like "Gestaltist prayer" (I hope I got it right) in the end
Really helpful!