They want you (but not a relationship)

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ธ.ค. 2024

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  • @crystalanamericaninsicily
    @crystalanamericaninsicily 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1441

    They don't want you... They want to USE you until they find someone better. Don't let anyone use you! All or nothing!

    • @gainfulheart
      @gainfulheart 4 ปีที่แล้ว +45

      This is exactly it is. You nailed it. If someone truly likes and loves you, it's a no brainer.

    • @johnreed9050
      @johnreed9050 4 ปีที่แล้ว +47

      You described the female mindset perfectly. You're only a placeholder until she thinks she has something better.

    • @SR77736
      @SR77736 4 ปีที่แล้ว +60

      @@johnreed9050 men do this stop dont be naive and generally based on your bias please. Men are also guilty of this.

    • @terrywiwchar1327
      @terrywiwchar1327 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      That's what I say.....In some cases they're looking to USE you until something better comes along.....all or nothing I say!

    • @saracarlson-kringle
      @saracarlson-kringle 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      His last words to me [my decision]: 'I miss you. Well, I don't miss YOU - I miss what you do for me.' [he thought he was being funny] / [thank God he finally spit it out and, and 'we' didn't last for more than 10 months]

  • @AT-zl6dk
    @AT-zl6dk 5 ปีที่แล้ว +704

    When I learned to remove myself from confused spirit and unavailable men . My love life has been blissful. Know your worth and values

    • @JustineMfulama
      @JustineMfulama 4 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      Amen! Clarity and self-love leads to better manifestation.

    • @ancientpsychicintuitivehea8438
      @ancientpsychicintuitivehea8438 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      That's what I been going through I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel about love from a guy..I dont think it can happen for myself

    • @ms.sunflower6417
      @ms.sunflower6417 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Well said true

    • @johnsprince3924
      @johnsprince3924 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Men need to have some worth, and women need to stop thinking they have so much damn worth that the sun rises for them every day.

    • @AudreyLuerding
      @AudreyLuerding 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Same❤️❤️❤️ its very powerful feeling of self love

  • @kelpiegirl
    @kelpiegirl 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1875

    It's very simple. Have your self respect, and standards. When a man, or woman shows you who they are, believe them.

    • @tlz124
      @tlz124 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Yep.

    • @luckysparkle738
      @luckysparkle738 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Right on !

    • @tk-jv4zd
      @tk-jv4zd 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      yeah no thanks

    • @nefelibata4190
      @nefelibata4190 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      How do you know when they have showed you exactly?

    • @gerryvanmoorsel9345
      @gerryvanmoorsel9345 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      dancingshepherdess ...... remember, its a “women’s prerogative to change her mind”........ its an excepted fact, love you today - hate you tomorrow.

  • @TeiRen2012
    @TeiRen2012 4 ปีที่แล้ว +532

    The obsession with sex, internet dating and social media has given people the illusion of unlimited sex and choice, so people are thinking there is always someone better around the corner.

    • @reesespieces450
      @reesespieces450 3 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      Say it again. Back to basics. No social media. No dating sites.

    • @dominiquedevereux7205
      @dominiquedevereux7205 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@reesespieces450 YES. I secretly keep hoping the internet --- and that they take the "text" capability off 📱---- gets shut down cuz then it'll force these narcs 2 have remove themselves from the dating pool since they won't have a screen 💻 📱to hide behind. If someone wants to dump you --- they'll have to do it in person (or over the phone). They still could just not answer your calls anymore but at least they wouldn't have as much available supply on demand cuz of no internet, so they'll think twice. And no texting will FORCE people to have REAL voice2voice conversations instead on impersonal texts & tweets & them blocking 🚫 you right after they get the last word & so you can't respond cuz you told them that you're into their TRIFLIN' ass!!

    • @reesespieces450
      @reesespieces450 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@dominiquedevereux7205 yupp!! SHUT IT ALL DOWN! Lol. Hope you're ok! 🙏🏼🙏🏼😊

    • @bessymiluka7233
      @bessymiluka7233 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@dominiquedevereux7205 Narcs are the most pathetic creatures, i find! Right on Dominique!

    • @larissacastellanos4831
      @larissacastellanos4831 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      💯

  • @angeliquel1257
    @angeliquel1257 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1881

    They want you 'physically' there but they don't want ALL of you (feelings, wants, needs, likes, dislikes etc). No emotionally connection just your company and body...

    • @silvershadow7655
      @silvershadow7655 5 ปีที่แล้ว +123

      Men want sex and fun. Sometimes they fall in love along the way. But operating from that default understanding helps.

    • @sandyhuudang6542
      @sandyhuudang6542 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Adrianna G tell me more about this they like me but they don't want to see me like every week only like one time a month or when I call then she will call me is it because she is older then me 72 year's older then me what should I do about that can you tell me I like to know tell me

    • @sandyhuudang6542
      @sandyhuudang6542 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      so what do I do I feel like I had a good time and she did to we go out to eat we talked I don't want to make her feel like over her I feel good she calls not all the time so you can't all ways have what you want but yet you can

    • @sandyhuudang6542
      @sandyhuudang6542 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      no thanks

    • @MelaninMagdalene
      @MelaninMagdalene 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Can you blame them?

  • @bladerubber
    @bladerubber 4 ปีที่แล้ว +243

    "When they say they don't want a relationship the ' at least not with you' part is silent"

    • @raheemcamal998
      @raheemcamal998 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Exactly

    • @Optimystik
      @Optimystik 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Sometimes. But sometimes people really do prefer being alone and not having any relationships, like loners.

  • @oliverallen5324
    @oliverallen5324 4 ปีที่แล้ว +770

    “Silence is a complete answer.”

  • @rdsieben
    @rdsieben 5 ปีที่แล้ว +397

    Just walk away when they friend-zone or want a platonic relationship. Tell them you want something more and walk away and never look back.

    • @jaymgtow3031
      @jaymgtow3031 5 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Richard S men don’t do that to women. If he has options he will sleep with her and move on. Women friend zone men. That way they still get attention and affirmation and dinner bought for them. U have it completely backwards.

    • @stardoll295
      @stardoll295 5 ปีที่แล้ว +39

      @@jaymgtow3031 both do it, pal.

    • @ArtofFreeSpeech
      @ArtofFreeSpeech 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@jaymgtow3031 No, he has it right. It happens to both sexes. People are assholes sometimes and it doesn't matter what gender they are. Now, I'd agree women try to do it to men FAR more often, but it absolutely does happen to both genders (and yes, there are only 2 ;) ).

    • @FoleyNflexi
      @FoleyNflexi 5 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      @@jaymgtow3031 this is bs! I get friend zoned by men ALL the time. Men do friend zone women.

    • @absolutelynoone3753
      @absolutelynoone3753 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I said that to my BF,, and it worked. Sometimes we're fckng so tired over our relationships,, we fight alot,, to much emotions,, but we don't want to lose each other. I'm possesive,, we had history about my bf litterally started relationships with me by cheating with me,, and it hurt me a lot. And after that,, we still working with our relationships,, but I become a very possesive partner during our relationship. I worried to much,, I wanted to walk away because I was afraid to be a toxic person because of my trauma. He kept asking for chances. But everytime we fought about "anything happens in my mind",, he wanted to stop anything romantic with me,, but still he wanted me to stay as his bestfriend. I rejected that,, and I said I am willing to walk away and I won't ever be his friend anytime our relationship ended. And he chose to stay in relationships until now.

  • @marynorth235
    @marynorth235 2 ปีที่แล้ว +300

    When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, it translates into he doesn't want a relationship ...with YOU. If the right person comes along, he will want a relationship.

    • @crystalanamericaninsicily
      @crystalanamericaninsicily 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      AMEN to that. Exactly!

    • @sincerelysophiak
      @sincerelysophiak 2 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      hard pill to swallow but true

    • @crystalanamericaninsicily
      @crystalanamericaninsicily 2 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      @@sincerelysophiak Easy pill to swallow. Hard is wasting your life with someone who never loved you.

    • @clementina4922
      @clementina4922 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@crystalanamericaninsicily exact

    • @DoHisProphetsNoHarm
      @DoHisProphetsNoHarm 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Or they could be healing and don’t want to hurt anyone anymore..

  • @Nekole1
    @Nekole1 5 ปีที่แล้ว +360

    When I meet a man and he doesnt want a relationship. I end it there. Hate wasting my time.

    • @annc7739
      @annc7739 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Noelle, same.

    • @DrMic2112
      @DrMic2112 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Why? How have your past "relationships" gone?

    • @Grizzly907LA
      @Grizzly907LA 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I will hide the kids and the food is I ever have the bad luck to meet you.

    • @alejandropacheco7832
      @alejandropacheco7832 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      don't waste your time, get a cat... start with one...

    • @thomasjust2663
      @thomasjust2663 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      So you don't any male friends?

  • @Bman-mq4je
    @Bman-mq4je 5 ปีที่แล้ว +126

    Mostly when a guy ( coming from a guy) says they don't want a relationship means they mainly are looking for a sex partner. Doesn't mean all they want from you is sex but definitely means that they already don't ever plan on getting close enough to say I love you or anything like that. Some probably most are actually just looking for sex sadly and are well versed in playing your emotions to get you to want it too. I myself have said this and coming from me this meant I'm okay with hanging out, you seem like someone I can get along with and possibly be good friends, and I usually don't say this to a woman I don't already consider sexually attractive. Hope this helps in some way. My advice to weed out the sexual players is try to go on at least three dates on your terms, (if they put you off or don't have time usually but not always means they don't really care emotionally) no sex or sexuality, and try to get deep into emotional closeness and conversations about each other. If they aren't putting any effort into it or slowly seem to get bored with conversations and seem as if they aren't getting what they want they probably just wanted sex and are wondering to themselves if they should continue trying or move on to the next victim. Some guys might dislike what I'm saying but it's true and if u just want sex should say it up front in some way.

    • @Bman-mq4je
      @Bman-mq4je 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Well I should have read comments before posting that much. I believe most of us agree on the topic

    • @victorialadybug1
      @victorialadybug1 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Thank you for your honesty.

    • @shinebabyshine.
      @shinebabyshine. ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Appreciate this. It’s real talk 💓

    • @davidsisson2026
      @davidsisson2026 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      i agree, just happened to me. the moment she had me hooked she was off with another. cant say i wish them bad. but at least i know she wasnt going to be a keeper.

    • @xsuzannex
      @xsuzannex ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I think that is really cool you putting this. I appreciate a guys take on things like this, so helpful thank you

  • @elizabethhennessey6437
    @elizabethhennessey6437 5 ปีที่แล้ว +439

    If he doesn't want a relationship - he doesn't want a relationship - move on!

    • @WesleyWorkout
      @WesleyWorkout 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      G. S. Not really

    • @yvaz3373
      @yvaz3373 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      G. S. This is a very black and white view of life...In reality people get involved with each other for a vast amount of reasons, not all of them very clear or obvious, even to themselves.. That’s why you need to know what you want, be clear about yourself and let those who are looking for the same thing to find you

    • @PoizonGirl.
      @PoizonGirl. 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@yvaz3373 sadly men have become like that. It's proved by society and their behavior and the sad reality of many women who have met many men like that.
      And therefore its a fact even though it's not the whole truth because in the end, I have heard they too will suffer the consequences of this behavior in one way or another. Allegedly you reap what you sow eventually.
      And I hope it will be a lesson to everybody because just hurts to lie

    • @1Skeptik1
      @1Skeptik1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Relationship = his credit card?

    • @johnsprince3924
      @johnsprince3924 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@yvaz3373 "Find you". How does that work, and does it work with money too?.

  • @JenX422
    @JenX422 4 ปีที่แล้ว +202

    Having standards does mean you will need to be comfortable with being alone. Very few men want committed relationships these days. They want the benefits without the expectations.

    • @laurendowns4894
      @laurendowns4894 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Which leads to a big fun court date when the babies come.

    • @davidsisson2026
      @davidsisson2026 ปีที่แล้ว

      ill be the exception, having been married twice and single for going on 20. i believe we get pickier considering another legal raping. i do have standards my values are high but not unrealistic.

  • @emilytreu2312
    @emilytreu2312 2 ปีที่แล้ว +38

    One thing I am learning: strong connection and chemistry, great sex, does not equal relationship material. It’s tough because it feels so real in the moment but the reality is it may just not be the correct relationship for you.

    • @joycenash8271
      @joycenash8271 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      And you are correct because it "FEELS" like something is connecting. And it is.....for you. But I heard a man say, "sex is sex" to a man without getting emotionally attached. It's hard that they walk away when it's finished, and do a disappearing act. But come back around when to refuel and your mind say "they came back to me", no they came back to be in between your knees.

  • @deeandrews7051
    @deeandrews7051 5 ปีที่แล้ว +921

    Don't sleep with them until you get a commitment. Sounds old fashioned, but it works. The art of the deal - you always have to be willing to walk.

    • @vitalinadombrovska5714
      @vitalinadombrovska5714 5 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      Man, it seems like everyone knows it.. but it's so hard to implement. If I like and want a man I can't wait for his commitment.. especially when I am 29. We are adults and we have our needs .. and to hold oneself back for 3-6 months or I don't know how long the commitment takes.. how is it possible?

    • @candy2325
      @candy2325 5 ปีที่แล้ว +79

      Dee Andrews I agree with this! I will not have sex until I know the man I’m talking to is serious with me and we are committed. Sleeping with them so early on makes things blurry and your judgement is fucked because you think because you slept together that you are exclusive when the guy could be emotionally “elsewhere” and not on the same page as you

    • @_Abra_Kadabra_
      @_Abra_Kadabra_ 5 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      What if it turns out the sex is boring?

    • @amasion2882
      @amasion2882 5 ปีที่แล้ว +38

      @Vitalina Dombrovska : Redirect your sexual energies to other more beneficial activities such as: exercise, meditation, reading or research (for leisure purposes), creative/artistic hobbies, housework and/or cooking, or other enjoyable leisure activities. It’s hard to resist sexual attraction, particularly early in a relationship with good chemistry, but it CAN be done and it IS worth it. It frees you to know and appreciate each other as people and to determine if you want a future together.

    • @laylap7963
      @laylap7963 5 ปีที่แล้ว +59

      Dee Andrews Unfortunately a man can lie for as long as necessary to get what HE wants!

  • @vampireslayer1989
    @vampireslayer1989 6 ปีที่แล้ว +182

    Being direct and honest is always best.

    • @sherrib4168
      @sherrib4168 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @Pickel Sandwich pickle sandwich, if a man isn't direct and honest with me.....im going directly and honestly to his mother, because she will hear it directly and honestly from me.
      The direct and honest approach has always worked for me.
      So YOU are WRONG.

    • @sherrib4168
      @sherrib4168 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Pickel Sandwich pickle sandwich I've been married 3 times.
      My first husband made promises to me that when I confronted him later about what he said to me, he told me he never said anything like that. I divorced him. The other marriages were just stupid- my stupidity.
      The relationship I thought I had recently, I have been ghosted ghosted by him. He just disappeared.
      So what I'm saying is, I think you might be right.

    • @sherrib4168
      @sherrib4168 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Pickel Sandwich I read your comment, let me appologize for my stupidity.
      I have a lot to say.....but I won't.
      I commend you for being married for that long.

    • @sherrib4168
      @sherrib4168 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Pickel Sandwich may I continue with something else??
      The boyfriend I had recently ghosted me.
      Now, as stupid as this is going to read, I like my boss.
      I don't think he knows.

    • @sherrib4168
      @sherrib4168 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Pickel Sandwich no my boss is as single as I am.
      When he "plays" I like it.
      But then he brings up his "girl" who's getting out , and that puts a damper On it.

  • @MichaelJohnson-
    @MichaelJohnson- 5 ปีที่แล้ว +185

    Handled with one word: Next

    • @dustyandmax2239
      @dustyandmax2239 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Yes, thank you...next.

    • @hayleycrawford2784
      @hayleycrawford2784 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Thank you! That is a major time saver.

    • @pazyamor1313
      @pazyamor1313 หลายเดือนก่อน

      😂😂💯💯 period!!!!

  • @monp.4903
    @monp.4903 5 ปีที่แล้ว +52

    This happened to me, he said he loved me, etc, he wanted me but not the monogamy, relationship, commitment. I had to walk away with my heart in pieces. Haven't seen him in almost a year, it still hurts, but he will never want a relationship with anybody, he has emotional baggage/fears. Your videos have been helping me lately, as I've been missing him lately. Live and learn.

    • @emanaturalsaus
      @emanaturalsaus 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Same..but he never said he didn't...he was always throwing mixed signals...saying the right things I wanted to hear BUT doing the wrong things and ghosting me every 3-6 months. Until I walked away 'with my heart in pieces'. After the last ghosting from him I went no contact. 1.1/2 years he wasted my time and obviously he lied. His words never matched his actions. His love never turned into a public & committed relationship. 💔 No reason why ..he just ghosted..gone. 😏

    • @monp.4903
      @monp.4903 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Sorry to hear, it is tough. What suffered the most was my self esteem. I started running and it's helped me a lot.

    • @emanaturalsaus
      @emanaturalsaus 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@monp.4903 Absolutely! my self esteem and my self identity. As easily as he entered my life as easily as he exited. As if " we" never happened. My heart literally hurted from the physical and emotional pain i felt sick when he ghosted and discarded me for no reason no explanation no closure. I trust less now and try to keep everyone as friends only minus the emotional & physical intimacy. 2 years of heartache and 6 months of depression due to ghosted for no apparent reason... I stay happy now thru my friends family hobbies and job.😊

    • @tumbleina49
      @tumbleina49 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Why is this so common? Ugh

    • @thetempleoflove6966
      @thetempleoflove6966 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@tumbleina49 Because human nature is not monogamous. A human can open his/her heart to people, or close his/her heart to people in general. It doesn't work when someone want him (or her) to only open his heart for her, but not for others. It is physically impossible. Those who really love, with open heart, know that they would feel imprisoned when they are forced to not to love other women/men. Who is the source of this imprisonement? The one that wants to close his heart for the world and lock it for themselves.

  • @nfbrice
    @nfbrice 5 ปีที่แล้ว +100

    "Are you open to the possibility of a relationship?"
    That was such a simple and effective approach! Thank you so much for sharing that tip! It really alleviated concerns that I had about how to guage a woman's interest when I know that I want a relationship. Thank you again!

    • @polestarc
      @polestarc 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Same here! I also need that simple line to clear things up.

    • @How.Dare.You.
      @How.Dare.You. 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      He will tell me: yes but I want to take it slow... months go by and nothing changes

  • @jeaniek4980
    @jeaniek4980 6 ปีที่แล้ว +489

    The best way to handle this is to LEAVE. Do not waste your time and do not wait for him. If he wants to pursue a relationship he will come back but if not there are other fish in the sea.

    • @luiscastro5456
      @luiscastro5456 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      there are more "female fish" in the sea than there are "men fish", so go figure....

    • @ismeltitdeltit9354
      @ismeltitdeltit9354 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I thought we were bikes?

    • @manuelmanzanero5057
      @manuelmanzanero5057 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@ismeltitdeltit9354 No, we were fish. A man needs a woman like a fish needs a shark.

    • @EmilyGloeggler7984
      @EmilyGloeggler7984 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      That’s an old myth the plenty of fish in the sea. Some people like to spread eagle for anyone who is genuinely in love with them, br some have more self respect to say one person, even if it ends badly, is enough.

    • @stardoll295
      @stardoll295 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That's the best advice.

  • @jockmaraisasmr5700
    @jockmaraisasmr5700 5 ปีที่แล้ว +62

    I needed this. Getting off the rollercoaster at the beginning is much easier than getting off it when it’s on one of its twists and turns.

  • @Malachor8091
    @Malachor8091 5 ปีที่แล้ว +317

    Well he was honest with you. He doesn't want a relationship. You now have to evaluate whether just to have fun with him or drop him from your life.

    • @ismeltitdeltit9354
      @ismeltitdeltit9354 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      The sad truth is, he probabley did want a relationship but is to risky with the prospect of daddy goverment getting invovled.

    • @YourWingmam
      @YourWingmam 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Malachor8091 exactly, never go for potential. He was upfront and honest. She should filter better if she’s only looking for a relationship.

    • @evka24
      @evka24 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      True..at least he did not lie

    • @DrMic2112
      @DrMic2112 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Exactly

    • @deplorabledixie2834
      @deplorabledixie2834 3 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      How does a person even know if they want a relationship before they develop feelings for someone specific? I'm not sure everyone should be taking the "no relationship" declaration so seriously. Things can change as you get to know someone. I fell in love with my partner by complete accident, when I had been 100% positive I didn't want a serious relationship.

  • @ArtofBrandonTruster
    @ArtofBrandonTruster 4 ปีที่แล้ว +38

    People who lead you on and midirect you concerning love or lust, should be held accountable. Put them behind bars. Throw away the key so they can't mess up any more lives.

  • @claytonbatten7317
    @claytonbatten7317 5 ปีที่แล้ว +71

    I love this kind of topics. Run away! Don’t walk run. They don’t want a relationship they want physical only

  • @hobbyhive
    @hobbyhive 6 ปีที่แล้ว +261

    "Genuine interest. Genuine focus. Or nothing." If you want a relationship, this is the boundary and standard of behavior that women (and men) need to establish with any potential partners. If they run, they weren't genuinely interested or have enough focus to maintain anything meaningful for an extensive amount of time. And who wants to be with someone who doesn't 100% want to be with you!?!

    • @maxhouse2409
      @maxhouse2409 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      More and more men are setting boundaries and most women don't like losing their carte blanche.

    • @steveolie985
      @steveolie985 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@crimestoppers1877 yes you can..

    • @Nutz4Lutz3624
      @Nutz4Lutz3624 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Arthur Cribben lol oh hell no

    • @raheemcamal998
      @raheemcamal998 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@maxhouse2409 👏👏

    • @EmilyGloeggler7984
      @EmilyGloeggler7984 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Who are you to judge? I rejected someone who I wanted to be with 100% and who likewise wanted me because I had better options and I didn't have to settle.

  • @elizabethd2942
    @elizabethd2942 6 ปีที่แล้ว +75

    I don't know what I'd do without you. The last part of this video is something I needed to hear - the reminder that I should i always be true to myself and never allow myself to be in a relationship or around someone that makes me feel diminished. Thank you for helping to keep my mind on a straighter path.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Thank you for telling me this. yay!!

  • @julies1825
    @julies1825 6 ปีที่แล้ว +88

    I love that “a clearing process” I wasted a lot of time on a guy that didn’t want a relationship. 💔

    • @GUITARTIME2024
      @GUITARTIME2024 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Julie, that's your issue. "Wasted time". So you decided not to date other guys while dating him (mistake). And the guy was not a person, but just a waste of time.

    • @lawofsuccess101
      @lawofsuccess101 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Feeling sad right now. He made me fall then just wants me as a friend

  • @EcHo8484
    @EcHo8484 5 ปีที่แล้ว +54

    You want a relationship and he doesn't. Conflict of interest, move along. What's so complicated?

  • @Lafemmefutile
    @Lafemmefutile 5 ปีที่แล้ว +62

    The day I understood this - believe what they say, take it at face value, a lot of my anxiety went away. No more over analyzing words or hoping for some change. These men are adults, whether they are genuinely not interested in me, or use that line to get me to over invest to win them over, it’s a very unbalanced position, not comfortable. I move on.

  • @truth322
    @truth322 5 ปีที่แล้ว +235

    "many people out there are wounded"...so true👌😞

  • @vsayachit
    @vsayachit 6 ปีที่แล้ว +173

    I get your point. It's safe to disembark from a stationary vehicle than when it's in moving.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  6 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Great analogy!

    • @jimstevens1726
      @jimstevens1726 6 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      VERY good one. I'll remember that.

    • @genna2586
      @genna2586 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Excellent analogy! Keeping that. Thanks!

  • @annarichardson8284
    @annarichardson8284 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Yes. I'd rather be hurt up front than lied to and manipulated into heartbreak.

  • @Plethorality
    @Plethorality 6 ปีที่แล้ว +78

    "it's about attracting someone to your dream'... Susan, you are brilliant. thank you.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      thank you Lisa

    • @CraigFactsareFacts
      @CraigFactsareFacts 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      In many cases, that means dropping your selection criteria. A lot of women (and men too!) think they are 7s, 8s or 9s, when in fact, they are 2s, 3s or 4s. The marketplace will determine your number, whether you are a woman or a man. So if attracting Brad Pitt or a chubby Brad Pitt isn't working, that means you're aiming too high and need to focus on Bob the 60 year old in the mailroom who lives with his mother. Jus' sayin'.

  • @toyat1059
    @toyat1059 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    I heard from my ex, he asked to start again, be exclusive but no relationship status, how do you go from having been a girlfriend to "no status?" I said I wanted 100%. I texted him a simple good morning text and have not heard from him since. I think he gave me the closure that our breakup did not have. I'm not the one with issues, I realized that we just wanted different things, and I'm ok with that.

    • @conflictpersona8
      @conflictpersona8 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Stories like this get me everytime you were a WHOLE GF and he expected you to go backwards why again... like are these men crazy... did you think through that proposition like CMON 🤦🏿‍♀️and just the sheer audacity. Im sorry you went through that 💕

  • @realmboy9086
    @realmboy9086 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    It's funny how I watch some of your videos from the other side of the fence. Me being the person who didn't communicate straight enough, was insecure about our relationship, me who lost the attraction along the way but didn't tell her that right in front of her and so on. It was I who was avoiding her, not entirely but I was responsible. So please people, don't be like this. I've been taught so much about this during our years together. End it if your partner is not capable or not brave enough to do so, I believe in you.

  • @alyssajones4368
    @alyssajones4368 4 ปีที่แล้ว +138

    This is why I love being single.

    • @yahknow01
      @yahknow01 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      I ain't buying what you're selling.

    • @DrMic2112
      @DrMic2112 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      Right but watching a video about relationships.

    • @thebluetrain6797
      @thebluetrain6797 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Right! Keep on fooling yourself.

    • @Callieashleyy
      @Callieashleyy 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      And why are you here get lost

    • @thebluetrain6797
      @thebluetrain6797 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Calm down baby. Don’t get your panties in a bunch!😂

  • @devendersehrawat2947
    @devendersehrawat2947 6 ปีที่แล้ว +116

    Your timings! Your name should be Susan Summer with the warmth of wisdom you provide! Not that anything is wrong with 'Winter'.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  6 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Aww. That's really sweet

    • @N0V3MBER
      @N0V3MBER 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @NINJAGUAR Go take a nap baby you're getting grumpy.

    • @orubek355
      @orubek355 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Wonderful comment 😍

  • @kamila0203
    @kamila0203 5 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    I've been there 4,5 years. Ghostings from his side, brakings up from mine... Difficult. But someone told me if a guy after 6 months of intence interest still doesn't know your place in his life than he decided otherwise.

    • @ms.camillewarrenempress31
      @ms.camillewarrenempress31 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Yes that's what my mom said also.

    • @emanaturalsaus
      @emanaturalsaus 5 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      6 months is too long...it really should be 3 months..even that's too long with time wasters. Friend zone them in 3 weeks if they seem "lost or bewildered" I should've done so in my case. Looking back it was all his way, one sided,giving him too many options & too many chances, too much benefit of the doubt. His heart was a stone wall. No emotions, no ties. Waited 1.5 years for him to decide. 😍 Let him go, for ur own sake. Those guys will find their own way in life.

  • @Jenn794u
    @Jenn794u ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Sometimes even when you ask them what they are looking for and you are clear about what you want they lie. Actions speak louder than words! Pay attention to how they treat you, that speaks volumes about what they actually think about you.

  • @christinemurphy4367
    @christinemurphy4367 4 ปีที่แล้ว +36

    Loving all this truth and YOU. Even if these people do want some kind of relationship, they are often not going to let you define it under reasonable terms. They don't want any commitment or have to put in any effort or for you to have the appropriate expectations of them. However, they will define what "relationship" they want or need from you which will certainly benefit them. Move on and be glad you got away when you did.

    • @skyfall1481
      @skyfall1481 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yes. That’s what they told me. They didn’t want the expectations. They didn’t value their own life anyway so it all makes sense.

  • @senoraespinosa6176
    @senoraespinosa6176 5 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    I found out he was a narcissist.... we were so called exclusively seeing each other but that was not the case..... I always felt like he was secretive and he was still in tinder looking for " convo" only. I seen signs of narcissism. I asked him about his exs he never really had good relationships selfish, emotionally unavailable, he said 1 of them called him a narcissist... crazy.

  • @davemoody4517
    @davemoody4517 5 ปีที่แล้ว +127

    When a person is emotionally unavailable, your best course of action is to see them for what they are and except it.
    THEY ARE UNAVAILABLE !
    Set your mind on something positive in your life and forget them, you most likely never existed for them.
    If you can see them in this way, it’s a gift, and your time can be spent/invested, not wasted.

    • @isay207
      @isay207 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      💯

  • @cyrenebader598
    @cyrenebader598 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I totally agree, been there done that and it's not a good place. Better a little hurt at the beginning with a rejection rather than later after I've invested time and energy. A guy saying he's attracted to you but doesn't want a relationship in spite of a fair amount of affection and connection is a person that does not want to be held accountable. That's my opinion at least. Wanting the good parts of what a relationship brings to the table but not the responsibility, emotional availability, and hard work to nurture a connection to grow.

  • @TheSunshinefee
    @TheSunshinefee 6 ปีที่แล้ว +289

    Oh - the story of my life. They like you, want to hang out with you but they don't want a relationship with you. Bye! Not going to waste my time on someone who can't give me what I need.

    • @JJ-vp3bd
      @JJ-vp3bd 6 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      what do you need in a relationship?

    • @derekkase7884
      @derekkase7884 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      I'm dealing with a girl that I want a relationship with, she is not interested just sex and it hurts I love her and want to share my time with her not just sexually.

    • @GUITARTIME2024
      @GUITARTIME2024 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Maybe you should improve yourself. I'm a dude. Stop blaming us for your shortcomings.

    • @anonmouse2809
      @anonmouse2809 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Please - what do you bring to the relationship besides your body? Brains? A well paying job? A partnership in the dream or just someone who hangs out waiting to be entertained?

    • @Glasshopper
      @Glasshopper 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      More than likely your life story is missing the part where all those good guys who tried to get with you and you were busy with the bad boys and now your getting older and the bad boys don't want you anymore so you are now telling the suddenly "good" men how they can now be allowed to serve you and they want that opportunity about as much you wanted them in you best years.

  • @teachmetofish8710
    @teachmetofish8710 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Honest and mature responses. This is why I love your channel and ditched those "just date and be alpha" coaches. Bump that. Own what you want with passion, maturity and integrity.

  • @virtuoussoulhealer3644
    @virtuoussoulhealer3644 5 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    He told you he doesn't want a relationship with you. He has already addressed this topic.

  • @LinYouToo
    @LinYouToo 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    “ Thank you for your honesty and transparency. I’m looking for someone who is open to the possibility of a relationship at some point. I prefer to keep my options open to someone who’s a better fit. I wish you good luck; take good care.” 👋

  • @alainbellemare2168
    @alainbellemare2168 5 ปีที่แล้ว +352

    he does not want a relationship because he does not want a divorce or a breakup that will hurt him for the rest of his life

    • @EmilyGloeggler7984
      @EmilyGloeggler7984 5 ปีที่แล้ว +56

      Or he is waiting for someone better.

    • @tk-jv4zd
      @tk-jv4zd 5 ปีที่แล้ว +37

      @@EmilyGloeggler7984 ill go with alain

    • @walterhicks5520
      @walterhicks5520 5 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      @@EmilyGloeggler7984 If someone is 'getting involved in a serious relationship/love/marriage/etc', there is no more thought to be given to 'someone better', because that stage is supposed to be OVER. There should be no 'competition' for ones interest from outside the couple that either within the couple pay attention to. You have given/shared/entrusted your life to another person. Is there 'someone better'? Of course. There will always be. So? You made your pick (it's called 'settling' and requires 'maturity' which is a word that upsets the immature in both male and females, much like the word 'patience', just someone saying those words makes immature people cringe), and in life,..if you expect to be viewed as stable or genuine/authentic/real, you have to stick to and stand behind the choices you have made. Short of abuse/etc,...you don't up and change your mind because you get 'bored' while in a committed a relationship. You 'can' if you choose, but the natural response by society (the mature males/females one might want to be taken serious by) will be one of distrust as a result. That is called being 'mature' (which I am sure we all know). Can someone change their mind,...sure. But you can't just 'change your character', and if you knew their character or your own, (which means actually knowing who they are as a person) you wouldn't need to be able to read their mind (knowing if they were going to change their mind),....nor would they need to read yours.

    • @Thundarr995
      @Thundarr995 5 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Exactly...I already dodged 3 bullets. After that,they're all bullets.

    • @JamesGreenier
      @JamesGreenier 5 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      And take 1/2 of his shite. Haha

  • @hithere4484
    @hithere4484 5 ปีที่แล้ว +118

    I'm finding that 100% of the men im meeting on dating sites ultimately do not want a relationship.

    • @trebalero9091
      @trebalero9091 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Hi Therel Not all men. Some of us actually want to settle down.

    • @Challa170
      @Challa170 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Hi Therel I feel like you have to take them for their word. If they mention it then take it and run!! All there is to it it sucks but yea

    • @robertobonafe8615
      @robertobonafe8615 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Why buy a cow when the milk is free?

    • @thomasgallegos2832
      @thomasgallegos2832 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I want one. Men have to worry about all this alpha beta crap 🤣 Just be you. Take it or leave it.

    • @russiandrivers9986
      @russiandrivers9986 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@robertobonafe8615 You mean it's free to milk the cows. Mooooo

  • @katec9893
    @katec9893 4 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    Thanks Susan, this video is so relevant to me today. I matched with an attractive man and we seemed to have shared values and interests. I had on my profile that I wanted a committed relationship and had ticked the 'open to children' box. We had a great phone date and arranged to meet up. Then as the conversation continued he started saying that he didn't like to plan anything, and said the opposite of things he'd told me the previous week about what he wanted in life. Said he thought having children would be hell and wanted to go travelling around the world, alone! I got confused and asked him to clarify because if he wanted that, why be on a dating app and waste the time of a woman who wanted the opposite? He was kind of critical about my more open, honest and direct approach to dating and critical of my preference for planning. I've said goodbye but feel annoyed at him confusing me and wasting my time and then acting like his approach to dating was somehow better than mine. This video reminds me why I adopted this approach - it weeds out men who don't want what I want so I can move onto more suitable matches.

  • @fabianaedwards6225
    @fabianaedwards6225 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    We were dating 9 month and everything was great, amazing communication, affectionate , kind , he talker about the future . Then he went away for 10 days came back and said he can’t be in a relationship. He’s not sure he could ever commit... hello he was committed. Then said he needs time he may be making a big mistake.

  • @luismondragon0605
    @luismondragon0605 4 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    I’ve been with my wife Gloria for 8 years now. We met when I was 19 and we were neighbors. She plays in a bluegrass band and is the bassist, I grew up playing the bass. We love each other more and more everyday. I can say for sure I want every part of my life to be with Gloria.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      That is beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Luis!

  • @Flixy282
    @Flixy282 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    An oldie but a goodie! THANKYOU for videos that gently remind us how it is!

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      THANK YOU!!

  • @rosannad1210
    @rosannad1210 6 ปีที่แล้ว +85

    I found out the guy I was dating after 6 months did not want a relationship. I told him that I liked him and that I wanted a relationship. I broke it off with him I told him if he wanted to be serious I'm here but I can't do casual. His response is that he will always be there and did not want to loose a good person but wont bother me either. I always second guess if I did the right thing especially because he left it open. In the end we want different things and I'm focusing on myself.

    • @qaradd4265
      @qaradd4265 6 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      i think you did the right thing you say you want different things

    • @mmarnaldkhan7370
      @mmarnaldkhan7370 6 ปีที่แล้ว

      hello

    • @SR77736
      @SR77736 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Andromeda_M31 exactly. That's shy it's good to date not necessarily sleep with more than 1 guy at a time.

    • @emanaturalsaus
      @emanaturalsaus 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Same happened to me...But he would string me along for another 6 months... Gave me more mixed signals...saying we ARE in a relationship...and that... he DOES want relationship but behaving like he DIDN'T want 1 at same time!! Was Soo Confusing.
      Then someone random online told me THE bombshell I didn't know & I didn't realise....( cos he kept stringing with me along obviously playing his game sooo well )
      "He is NOT in love with you" ...it woke me up out of this nightmare. Really he LIED to me...I broke it off finally . DONE & DUSTED.

    • @GUITARTIME2024
      @GUITARTIME2024 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      You gave up the goods for six months, then expected x a love match. lol

  • @SparklyGirl9911
    @SparklyGirl9911 6 ปีที่แล้ว +206

    “Silence is telling”. Ouch! 😥 Yes this is so true, although it hurts, it screams emotional immaturity and when they say nothing we should LISTEN instead of holding onto shreds of hope. It’s true, a Relationship requires a lot of effort, commitment, responsibility etc. and if the other person isn’t ready to be loved it isn’t something you should push them down the rabbit hole to endure. ❤️
    I do feel diminished and yes shunned. Still a work in progress.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  6 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I love your share, Victoria. Thank you

    • @pizdit
      @pizdit 6 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      No, no and no. Men also need emotional reassurance sometimes becomes as a Male empath I long for a woman who can push aside her pride for a man who wants emotional support as well from the woman he loves. This is so very mistaken for emotional immaturity and men are pushed away from loving relationships. I had my shit together and had worked a long time previously to heal emotional wounds and past traumas. EVERYONE HAS A LOW POINT NOW AND THEN. When your partner cant even support you on your lowest days then they definitely dont deserve a man who did the same for her on her lowest and offered to help anyway he could when she was feeling down. I was pushed away for making her feel inferior and told I was too sensitive and to find a younger more immature woman. I walked right out the door and took my heart back with me. Bought her groceries still for the month before I left. Never again, choosing myself and to further bathe in self love.

    • @pizdit
      @pizdit 6 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Very very wrong way of going about someones silence. If you cant understand someones silence then you fail. Period.

    • @pizdit
      @pizdit 6 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@crimestoppers1877 I've seen this complex before. Narcissist is always right. Not worth discussing anything further with you. You're a dead end.

    • @pizdit
      @pizdit 6 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Very true I guess, I'll stay alone then instead of having to beg and try to fulfill irrational conditions so a woman can feel secure in society. Sad when I dont ever ask or have conditions to love someone. So yes I Men are throw a ways.

  • @Tsalagi
    @Tsalagi 4 ปีที่แล้ว +47

    I had a guy that I've known since kindergarten approach me while he's leaving a 27 year marriage, he acted interested in me but when it came down to it he didn't want a relationship yet he needed a place to stay, he expected me to be his live in booty call in an open relationship 😂 he is a hard worker and takes care of his kids but I told him there's no way I can have a live in booty call, in my house where my 3 children live......hell no

    • @kevinmalone3210
      @kevinmalone3210 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Good for you, your children's sake.

    • @Tsalagi
      @Tsalagi 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@kevinmalone3210 thank you💙

    • @Melly16yr10
      @Melly16yr10 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Good one telling him no

  • @rondae7121
    @rondae7121 5 ปีที่แล้ว +45

    Don't act all excited when he does call. If he asks to come over....and chill at the house....you know the only thing he wants. Tell him you have plans already, sorry. No explanation needed. Leave it at that. Maybe next week we can Go Out somewhere. Instant respect, in most cases. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time! Your future will thank you, believe me! !!

    • @sharonthomas9003
      @sharonthomas9003 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Omg that's the truth!! Amen

    • @PsychokoreUndergroundRap
      @PsychokoreUndergroundRap 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      🤦🏻‍♂️ worst advice.. guys will just lose respect and go for another woman.. you are faking that you have other things to do.. you just screen guys not well enough and fall for dudes who only want your body. Which probably means you go for shallow dudes.. which could also imply that you are shallow and maybe only good for 1 thing.
      smh🤦🏻‍♂️

    • @Steelhorsecowboy
      @Steelhorsecowboy 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Oh yeah, play games and be disingenuous. See where that gets you.

    • @tk-jv4zd
      @tk-jv4zd 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      first let him pay en spend alot off money. then tell him to f off right?. thats women today. so no thanks

    • @heide-raquelfuss5580
      @heide-raquelfuss5580 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@PsychokoreUndergroundRap
      When they lose respect, because you do not want to go to their private place, for obvious reasons...
      There are not even worth to go further with.
      Men try.
      Women need to push back.
      Normal men respect that and value that.
      If not.
      Run...
      A lot of men try or test women to try to lay her flat as quick as possible.
      A woman needs to push back and show him, that the things between her legs are hers. And that this 'hers' is protected.
      And also, she has to protect her whole existence.
      Going slow is the key here.
      Build mutual trust and bonding and see if you even like eachother.
      After 3 months, it should be clear, if you are a good healthy, positive match.
      Men, who do not understand why...are fools. Avoid fools. Because they will be fools in a relationship too and bring you only misery.
      Let them choose somebody else, who does not know yet what to do.
      But never go to his house or yours... ( to chill? ).
      Go out.
      Plenty public places to go...
      Kind regards.

  • @vincentruffo5948
    @vincentruffo5948 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Thank you!! Interior principles should never be compromised! 👍🏻👍🏻

  • @nathanmerrill2366
    @nathanmerrill2366 5 ปีที่แล้ว +93

    Clearly the man does not see her as relationship material.
    That's his choice, not hers.

    • @marte1376
      @marte1376 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      yeah and he's too selfish to be by his side. He wants her only for his gratification. And it's her responsabiity if she allows it

  • @c.9850
    @c.9850 5 ปีที่แล้ว +50

    My old boyfriend shows up from time to time and wants an affair on his terms. I feel lonesome quite often but i dont want something sleazy. I told him to get lost.

    • @N0V3MBER
      @N0V3MBER 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      💪 Good! Make space for what you truly deserve

    • @CraigFactsareFacts
      @CraigFactsareFacts 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      You have to examine your other options. Waiting for the perfect dude may be just a waste of time. We all have needs and as long as you know the parameters, hopping his joystick may be that best option. If you haven't had any action since y'all broke up, it likely means you're a beggar, not a chooser. Hate to be crude, but I'm really being realistic.

    • @Art-talk
      @Art-talk 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @Cindy Lou And we all know that sex should be priced.

    • @1Skeptik1
      @1Skeptik1 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Art-talk ASleezy? Are you looking for a friend or his credit card?

    • @Iamsam-jl5fn
      @Iamsam-jl5fn 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      It’s a Hoover.

  • @TheRebecca528
    @TheRebecca528 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    This is the story of my life.. thank you so much for your honesty and your insight.

    • @osamanofal9454
      @osamanofal9454 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Hi hun u r amazing and beautiful would u like visit me u r welcome Egypt Luxor city am tour guide single and looking for honest love 00201003691748 whats apo

    • @oscarwilliamson1264
      @oscarwilliamson1264 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Rebbecca, you're so beautiful ❤and I will be glad to know you

    • @lioydwilliams1850
      @lioydwilliams1850 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Rebecca Russell,You deserve a better man!

    • @bogdanruslan1079
      @bogdanruslan1079 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Hi, is nice to meet you

  • @marygrace3343
    @marygrace3343 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I’ve let go of a guy that just wants to be friends of benefits after dating and hanging out for 3 months. I’ve been dating for years and I’m strong enough to walk away from someone who won’t value me or make me feel special.

  • @littlehenham
    @littlehenham 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I was dating someone for 5 weeks.....then.....she suddenly dumped me, said she did not want a relationship and said id been too pushy.....
    1 week before.....she was all over me and said i was a great guy and was happy we were dating.....and it was meant to be .
    How.... do i handle this

  • @busbusvlog
    @busbusvlog 4 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    I was kind of dating with this guy for 3-4 months now. I asked him to clarify our relationship situation and he didn’t, he said he thinks it’s better for me (I don’t know how) to stay this way. Obviously, I wanted a relationship. Today I finally told him that what I want is a supportive partner who will be there for me, I know that he doesn’t want a relationship so it’s better for us not to meet again. It has been around 10 hours and he still didn’t reply. I know I’m not supposed to wait for a reply, but I kind of want to see something like “okay, have a nice life” so I can move on. I feel really bad, I started to question myself. I know what I did was right thing to do but I just feel so bad right now I don’t know what to do

    • @reinacoto29
      @reinacoto29 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Hope you are doing better now. I can relate to you. I know that feeling.

    • @urfavweapon719
      @urfavweapon719 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Okay, have a nice life

    • @smihalikable
      @smihalikable 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I’m so sorry you went through that. Many of us have been where you were - waiting for validation and/or closure. I hope you gave yourself both of those things even if he didn’t. Make your peace with it, accept this new reality, and face the future with hope and renewed confidence that you did the right thing. You 100% did!

    • @cherylhulting1301
      @cherylhulting1301 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @Copypastable Wow, she isn't "strong arming" him. She's dating someone and wants to know if they are on the same page about the future of the relationship. Sounds like they aren't but he could at least show her the decency of a reply. She will move on.
      Try hating on women a little less. She's not the one being unreasonable here. And a lot of us make our own money and don't need yours. Misogyny leaves a particular odor, bro.

    • @bink865
      @bink865 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Perhaps he wants sex in return for as little effort as possible on his part.

  • @helenalori74
    @helenalori74 6 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    That's what I thought... If they ghost you, they are just not interested in you. The guy I liked did this to me last week :( I really liked him, but what can you do...

    • @derekkase7884
      @derekkase7884 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      We want what we can't have sad to say but once a girl loses interest in me or finds someone else that's when I lose it and want her bad lol by then I'm blocked and cut of from all communication. Thats why I'm always in love with a woman I'll never see again. when another woman is interested in me I'm not because I'm secretly in love until she does the same and loses interest in me then I'm in love with her😊

    • @lisaamram5890
      @lisaamram5890 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@derekkase7884 pathetic.

    • @donnaking3344
      @donnaking3344 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Helena asdg ghosting means they don’t like you enough. Period. Ghosting never happens if a guy is into you.

    • @shin-ishikiri-no
      @shin-ishikiri-no 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@donnaking3344 Sometimes it happens if a woman puts up too many barriers to entry. Like... I can't put all my energy into you. lol

  • @ParisLoveBlue
    @ParisLoveBlue 6 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Susan, You are thee absolute best. I swear your channel has been a blessing to me. Your advice has allowed me to heal and move on. I’m looking forward to working with you in the near future. Xoxoxo

  • @jacquew.2861
    @jacquew.2861 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Thank you Susan. I am 10 years delivered from a 3 year marriage that I was allowing to diminish me. I learned the "clearing process" real quick:-)

  • @ppumpkin3282
    @ppumpkin3282 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Enjoy the ride. He doesn't want a relationship. He's being up front and honest. Go with it it.

  • @whatdoyoulivefor735
    @whatdoyoulivefor735 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Susan- you would look great with bangs. It would take 10 years off. You’re a beautiful woman and you deserve the best hair for your face type. I hope you see this and follow my advice. You would look AMAZING, even more amazing than you already do! Edit: Also, LAYERS! Holy moly you would look so good with layers.

  • @naturalblackcocoa
    @naturalblackcocoa 6 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Thanks you just gave me the breakthrough I need. I now know how to present the idea of a relationship. Every time ask let people know that’s what I’m looking for they act as though I’m asking for there hand in marriage all I want to know is if they are interested in getting to know me to see if a relationship is possible

  • @cn1976
    @cn1976 5 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    Well then they don’t get me. I don’t casually date people I’m really into. If he wants casual then he isn’t ready for me.

    • @annc7739
      @annc7739 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yeah, I’ve learned I wanted something more than just a booty call if I really like a person.

    • @shin-ishikiri-no
      @shin-ishikiri-no 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Guys with the goods women want don't have to wait... We choose.

  • @LisaGemini
    @LisaGemini 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    This is called vetting and it's what I do as early as possible. I'm learning that so many people in our hook-up culture just want the least amount of effort possible. It's dismaying but as you say, it's better to know EARLY on than to waste months dating someone who doesn't want a long-term relationship.

  • @toniascott5987
    @toniascott5987 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Great advice! I got off the roller coaster 5 months in. Never again!!!!

  • @10MinutestoRouletteFortune
    @10MinutestoRouletteFortune 5 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    Some people don't know what they want. Just go with the flow and enjoy it in the moment and forget putting a label on anything. It will be what it will be. If it's real, then it will stay around. I have known a lady for 13 years and she said she didn't want a relationship. I acted indifferent and we developed a wonderful friendship and she calls me her best friend. People tend to marry their best friend. She will be moving in soon after all of this time. Her words and body language tells a different story from what she wants. Some people are in love with the chase or fear failing in a relationship, especially with someone they really like. Again, what will be will be and forget putting a label on it. Rule number one............DON'T ever act or appear needy. You asking if she wants a relationship on the first date or 5th date puts out that vibe. Just roll with it.

    • @Dan-Martin
      @Dan-Martin 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Possibly the best advice I’ve ever read. Ladies should definitely read this. Stop taking things so seriously and just go with the flow, before I married my wife we used to be friends. We were friends for years and never had sex with eachother, we genuinely enjoyed the bond and company of one another. Eventually we ended up falling in love. All the people I know who just jumped into a relationship never had it last long. Too many people are just desperate, especially women lol.

    • @10MinutestoRouletteFortune
      @10MinutestoRouletteFortune 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@Dan-Martin you have it figured out my friend. Continue to live in the moment and know what will be, will just be.

    • @43cassy
      @43cassy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Damn…you waited 13 years for her to decide she wanted you? Guess that’s what happens when you go with the flow..🤔

    • @Dan-Martin
      @Dan-Martin 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@43cassy You make it sound like he just sat around and waited lol.. no that’s what women do. He most likely was dating other people, not sitting around twirling his hair hoping someone makes an effort 😂(like a woman would do).

    • @raptormoments
      @raptormoments 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Most of this comment section is people living out their trauma and failed relationships with blanket statements about gender x, then I come across this, incredible and exactly what I needed to hear.

  • @chase0073
    @chase0073 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    You are absolutely awesome! Distinct, straight-forward, and crystal clear. I’’m sure this is very helpful to all your subscribers! Sure was helpful for me!

  • @MissAllaCinderella
    @MissAllaCinderella 5 ปีที่แล้ว +73

    Why do us women get so wrapped up in whether or not someone wants a relationship? Sounds like a recipe for heartbreak!

    • @emmaj666
      @emmaj666 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Why not?

    • @no_prisoners6474
      @no_prisoners6474 5 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      Because these guys chase us and then flip the script later

    • @NickyM_0
      @NickyM_0 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Molebogeng Seshoka Facts. Then we spend time wondering what happened?/Is happening? If you see luke warm/cool, ghosting, mixed messages, irratic silences, etc and it doesn't feel good, keep it moving. NEXT!....

    • @poonamchopra4223
      @poonamchopra4223 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@no_prisoners6474 exactly.

    • @asill.6668
      @asill.6668 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@no_prisoners6474 So true!

  • @SuperQdaddy
    @SuperQdaddy 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    Every girl I dated always has another man somewhere..its todays world...and even if you get married..people still cheat..so good luck if you find a real keeper

  • @BeautyLilya
    @BeautyLilya 4 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    I love how simple men are .. they say things as they are .. I really appreciate that.. the problem is woman who can’t let it go and move on..

  • @cherylcuttineau7916
    @cherylcuttineau7916 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Love this! It's why you are the BEST relationship coach/expert ! Carry on!

  • @jartotable
    @jartotable 6 ปีที่แล้ว +152

    Story of my last year... They propose to me, as if I'm an desperate older women. "fancy some fun?" I just say "no thank you, I'm after a deeper relationship than just sex." they try to talk me round but I hold steadfast. I want someone who wants all of me. x

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  6 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      OMG. Sorry about that. I love the fact that you know exactly what you want and only want love on your terms.

    • @edover50
      @edover50 6 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      There are men who want the whole mental, spiritual, emotional and physical connection. Just keep putting your positive energy out there and you will find him.

    • @mmarnaldkhan7370
      @mmarnaldkhan7370 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      hello

    • @bakhtzaman9216
      @bakhtzaman9216 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      I am unmarried boy and I am looking a relationship as like older women as like you

    • @jartotable
      @jartotable 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@edover50 yep, that's the plan... 😊

  • @laurentlorenzo4843
    @laurentlorenzo4843 5 ปีที่แล้ว +32

    Until recent modern times, did men and women really marry out of “romantic love”? Or is that an idea we’ve gotten from daily tales? I’m under the strong impression that rather, men and women married out of duty and tradition. We are now in an era of individualism and people are motivated primarily by fulfilling their own personal wants and needs rather than being guided by a clear common purpose that is greater than themselves, based on a profound shared philosophy. That said, change is inevitable and I hope and trust that we’ll learn to make the best of it.

    • @1Skeptik1
      @1Skeptik1 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Arranged marriages stay intact far more often than do our freestyle unions. It makes a case you are correct!

  • @chriscostlow4210
    @chriscostlow4210 5 ปีที่แล้ว +50

    When a guy wants to be in a relationship he should keep quiet. The girl will initiate the relationship. If you tell him you want one and he doesn't respond. Walk away and never look back. Period.

    • @kamila0203
      @kamila0203 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Wow! That's a statement. 4,5 years he always came back and surprised me with advanced manipulations. Well the great sex is never a reason for a relationship.

  • @daveware4117
    @daveware4117 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Susan, i love your videos. My favorite thing about your advise vs others is that you help people understand that "we" arnt faulty because a relationship dosnt work out. As youve pointed out many times just because the other partner isnt as intense as i am, that dosnt mean that something is wrong with me.
    Your videos help me alot, and based on the other comments, im not even close to alone.
    Thank you.

  • @beatapogorzelska1241
    @beatapogorzelska1241 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    That guy is quite honest. There are are a lot of pretenders who steal your time and emotions and leave you devastated after a year, two or more.

  • @cn1976
    @cn1976 5 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    It is sometimes hard to read though. I met someone at the end of Jan and for a few weeks we were in sync. He told me NUMEROUS TIMES that I was what he was looking for, that he thought this thing we had was headed somewhere serious (so that’s where i thought it was going), that he was falling for me, how amazing he felt I was and finally he said he loved everything about me. Then all of the sudden he said he didn’t know what he wanted and he was scared about how fast we moved (even though he was the driver here) and then I never heard from him again! So this guy made me comfortable and I let my guard down and fell for him. I’m normally very guarded and like to take it slow but I trusted him. I believe he got scared and he is a commitment phobia but he shouldn’t say all of those things to get women to feel like it’s going somewhere. I don’t think that was his intentions initially but like I said, sometimes it’s hard to see the red flags.

    • @cn1976
      @cn1976 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Right! This was really my first real dating experience. I have read and researched a bit since that and learned a lot. I now tell a guy right off the bat where my head is at with things and how I approach things. I am not one to fall too quickly (especially now) but I am not a casual fling type of girl either. I would like to meet someone that I have a connection with and from there get to know them and let it evolve naturally. I tell them I am in no rush to jump into a relationship because I believe you need to build a foundation first but that is my ultimate goal if we both feel the same. I don't want to date several different people if I found one that I like a lot. Again though, this guy I was talking about made it seem like that is what he wanted. I never once told him I was falling for him (even though I was) but I did tell him that I was all in and only dating him to see where it goes. That was early on and he was ok with it. He has no one to blame but himself for the scared feelings though because he was the one that must have been consumed by his emotions because I never revealed them to him. Maybe he was afraid I would reject him and hurt him. Who knows. It was sudden and I was devastated!

  • @brettkoch6618
    @brettkoch6618 6 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    My opinion is that this guy thinks he is higher status! I would leave him alone and find someone who sees her value!

  • @JS-go8vt
    @JS-go8vt 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I sooo needed this last year. Now I know with the utmost clarity to use clear language sooner. He didn’t have the same goals as me, (not even close.) I was so diminish while hang in there. I’m learning a lot from your videos. Thank you so much, Susan! ❤️✨🙏🏼

  • @jessica_video_projects
    @jessica_video_projects 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Don't let people use you. Say it at the beginning up front. If he or she said I'm looking for fun or just seeing how things going... ditch them and move on...
    There is someone out there for you.

  • @Intellectual_Wand3r3r
    @Intellectual_Wand3r3r 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    There are numerous hurt people in the comments and I sincerely hope they get healing. That being said, excellent advice. Men say exactly what they mean. Unfortunately, we as women tend to hear what we want to hear instead of what is actually being said.

  • @joshuarowe7695
    @joshuarowe7695 5 ปีที่แล้ว +132

    Why would a man want you for anything other then sex, when they know they'll never get it, and lose everything trying to. Sex isn't even worth the risk of having your life destroyed over it, but if you want the risk, younger women are giving it away for free.

    • @thehoodservative
      @thehoodservative 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @thebritishindian1
      @thebritishindian1 5 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      Yep, go for women in their early 20s and ignore the left over 30+ women who didn’t give a damn about the men that wanted to be with them when they were in their 20s

    • @zoedark7101
      @zoedark7101 5 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      And men aren't giving it away for free?

    • @joshuarowe7695
      @joshuarowe7695 5 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      @@zoedark7101 sure they are, so why bother with relationships? Everybody gets their rocks off, and no need to concern yourself with the person afterwards. Move on. If that's not what you're into, then don't do it. Not sure why this is so complicated.

    • @zoedark7101
      @zoedark7101 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@joshuarowe7695 people can do what they want but we should all be clear what we want. Treat each other how we want to be treated.

  • @curtistinemiller1560
    @curtistinemiller1560 5 ปีที่แล้ว +39

    They want "Friends " with Benfits.....okay 👋 👋.....

    • @ronryan7398
      @ronryan7398 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      No, he said he didn't want a relationship and let her go. Sounds pretty honest and decent to me. She's the one who doesn't seem to want to let it go. I guarantee if he called her and said he just wanted sex she'd jump at the chance just to hold onto a sliver of hope. Why do women always have to find a bad guy in every situation?

    • @philwill0123
      @philwill0123 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@ronryan7398 well he would be the bad guy if he phoned for fwb. If you know someone wants more from a relationship than you can give, its better to end the pretence of friends and fwb. Isnt that why we hat women "friendzoning"? Exactly same dynamic

  • @dnw75
    @dnw75 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    If a man doesn't meet your needs or want the same things as you, cut him off. Us women have to stop trying to hang in there hoping he will change his mind.

  • @gilakmen2041
    @gilakmen2041 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    going no contact. no chase, n mirror his emotion + invest n urself
    ..

  • @homeworldmusic
    @homeworldmusic 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The only problem is wanting something from somebody else. Your "relationship" is where you are, not where you want to be. If where you are leads to where you want to be, have the courage to go there. If it doesn't, accept it for what it is.

  • @RozeGxld
    @RozeGxld 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    This is such a complex concept to explain and to put into words. You are talented.

  • @Ranger4402
    @Ranger4402 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Relationship - one of the most understood and misunderstood words ever coined.

  • @dolphinrose21
    @dolphinrose21 6 ปีที่แล้ว +76

    Relationships of convenience, and I'm looking for a soulmate not fillers

    • @derekkase7884
      @derekkase7884 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Did in the past guys want a serious relationship with you and you turn them down? In my 20's I was different I only wanted relationships and just got shut down by the women of the same age. Now in my thirties I don't want a relationship and the women my age do, I'm interested in women who are in there early 20's because I know that age most young women want sex and have fun.

    • @dolphinrose21
      @dolphinrose21 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@derekkase7884 it's ok whatever relationship one wants but it's good to clear it with the other person and not mislead them , I have seriously got burnt the worst in my life recently with a same age guy , we both crossed 35, he made me believe our relationship had marriage potential and then he walked away like I was some piece of thrash

    • @derekkase7884
      @derekkase7884 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@dolphinrose21 this is what is sad about all this really, because I know a young woman that I have communicated to that I want a relationship not just sex and share my interest with her and she just finds ways of avoiding an answer

    • @misssterling3094
      @misssterling3094 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@derekkase7884 She just may not be interested. You will find what you want, just stay encouraged.

    • @buffhotchkiss7400
      @buffhotchkiss7400 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Total users.

  • @jimwilliams4088
    @jimwilliams4088 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Awesome advice! I want a relationship with Ro, but she doesn't. However, I think she is coming around to some sort of relationship. This makes me very happy!

    • @lioydwilliams1850
      @lioydwilliams1850 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Jim Williams,we got the same surename lol

    • @jimwilliams4088
      @jimwilliams4088 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@lioydwilliams1850 Yes we do, so does that make us cousins?

    • @lioydwilliams1850
      @lioydwilliams1850 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@jimwilliams4088 I don't know! lol

  • @elizabethrocha350
    @elizabethrocha350 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I met a guy a year ago on dating site and he always know what I wanted long term relationship then Months in the process flipped it on me but he always comes back to me. I have to stand my ground about what I want.

    • @oscarwilliamson1264
      @oscarwilliamson1264 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Elizabeth Rocha ,you are so beautiful 💓❤🌹and I will be glad to know you

    • @oscarwilliamson1264
      @oscarwilliamson1264 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Elizabeth Rocha ,you are so beautiful 💓❤🌹and I will be glad to know you

  • @d.radford273
    @d.radford273 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    What if you said hey if you don't want a relationship then I'm gone I don't want friendship or even to be a f buddy. We act like bf an gf some days but others not and I want a commitment and they don't . I said let me know if you change your mind and am going no contact.