carolien koeleman me too, I’m still in love with my ex but I know we’re not compatible. And I’m asexual so I know it’s not down to lust. Worst feeling in the world x
Summary of the video 1. You don’t get each other 2. You’re too different from each other 3. You try to change each other, not grow and learn together 4. There is constant or highly frequent arguing 5. You attain peace by avoiding all of the problems 6. Your socializing is isolated from everyone else 7. You’re not attracted to them
@@Kellyirish75 accepting your flaws and that it's OK to have them will help you a lot with your insecurities. Seriously, most reasonable people understand that nobody is perfect and aiming for perfection is actually a bad thing, because it's too much pressure and we connect with each other more over our failures and struggles than our successes by the simple fact that we all struggle and mess up but not all of us succeed. Plus if people see you as too perfect, they don't like you and see you as arrogant. I know you probably weren't looking for advice but there it is anyway. 🙂 Also, I am single but I'm not in the US. 😂
I think the most important lesson I learned as a young adult is that true love goes both ways. You can have someone obsessed with you, who thinks you’re perfect for them, and thinks you’re their soulmate; but if you don’t feel the same way back… there’s no way it’s going to work. Dating someone out of pity is not only insulting, but incredibly harmful to them. If you know it’s not going to work out, just be up front and tell it to then straight. The pain they feel now will fade a lot quicker than the betrayal they’ll suffer if you feign romantic feelings for them.
Thank you for writing this, this describes my situation perfectly. Even though both me and my GF are twelve, she repeatedly tells me she loves me a bunch. I’ll take your advice. Once again, thank you so much for writing this
This is my current marriage. I got married not knowing at the time that bounderies were an option and now I don't know how to break the news knowing how much she loves and needs me.
Yes, my ex did just this with me. We been together for 9 years, and suddenly she broke up with me saying we r too different and I thought she was perfect. 40 days have passed since the broke up and I cry every day. I got depression because she also humiliated me. It’s the worse pain I have ever felt, I even came to think about ending my life some weeks ago. She used to say she wanted to marry me and have kids, and that I was her soulmate. To lie like this, for so many time, and then broke up and put all the blame on the other person It's one of the cruelest things someone can do to another. I can assure you the pain is almost unbearable.
Being alone is often WAY better than being in a toxic relationship. Sometimes it’s just not worth it. Every situation is different, but we have to be realitic if it is only causing suffering and pain. We have to love ourselves enough to protect ourselves if it is causing more harm than good. Some situations are possible to improve, and some just aren’t. We can change our perspective, but in the end, our mental health has to matter. ♥️
@Pintel Luffelheim Idk about that. I have pretty low self esteem, but moderate self preservation. If I sense danger, I'm out. Plus, I've heard way too many horror stories about relationships and I'm already suffering from my depression. I don't want to make it worse.
Me and my ex shared the same views and values about everything. Sadly other than that, all 7 in this video checked out. After the breakup, I learned that the "perfect" relationship does not only require compatibility or similarities - it requires maturity, the conscience to constantly give the best to each other without expecting a thing in return.
Is it worth it though? I mean, is your NEED to have a partner that big that you're willing to compromise your integrity? I know I don't. I like to be and do whatever I want at the moment. And hey! The plus is that I feel the same way about my partner! She can do whatever she wants whenever she wants to AS LONG AS SHE RESPECTS THE FACT THAT SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP. In fact I value my ALONE TIME much more than I do the time I spend with her. Don't get me wrong. i love her and I like to soend SOME time with her. But I much prefer to be alone. Me myself and I.
Happily married 26 years. It's ALL about shared values! And I'm talking about big important things. My wife and I share the same opinions about kids, work, money, religion, politics, and sex. If you disagree on any of these six subjects you will have problems. We do NOT necessarily share the same interests when it comes to what to watch on TV at night or what color to paint the house or what time to go to bed. These are little things and are not important for a lasting relationship. Sometimes I've talked to people who get hung up on one of these little things, thinking that they are compatible with a new partner because, for example, they both listen to the same type of music. That kind of thing won't keep you together for long. Soon, one of the six BIG things that I listed first will get in the way of your relationship. Shared values are what is important but don't mistake similar interests in little things as being the same as shared values.
I was extremely incompatible and uncomfortable with my ex and it took me a while to accept it. Trying to express my feelings to him was like talking to a wall, I never ever felt so miserable and misunderstood with someone in my entire life. Then I met my now boyfriend and he's the sweetest person alive, I feel he listens to me and I don't even have to make a huge effort to explain how I feel to him, is like he knows, is like we are like in each other's minds, I feel so blessed that I have him in my life.
so jelly (in a positive way). I wish i could find sb like this too, that we are similar enough to understand each other and just pick on each other moods, that sth might be up and just be naturally interested and ask, I felt exactly the same as you in my previous relationships as well. Just totally alone with my feelings. Now I'm alone and so much better off even if i miss human interaction so much
That’s amazing so happy for you .. I was with someone who I felt so uncomfortable around I felt judged all the time like I couldn’t be free and be myself I’m so glad I’m not with him anymore I pray I meet someone different 🙏🏾
Don't give up. I almost gave up, but I found the one. Just be aware that at the same time it will be the most beautiful and easiest relationship ever, but also the hardest. Especially if one or both of you still have some key areas of yourself you need to work on
"The one" doesn't exist. There are only people who you learn to love and hate. Some people are more compatible than others, some don't work out at all, and that's okay. If there is a person you love, then great! The "perfect one" may just be a creation of the human mind, one day you will meet someone who you want to marry :)
7 Signs of Incompatibility: 1. You don’t ~get~ each other. 2. You’re too different from each other. 3. You try to change each other, rather than growing & learning together. 4. There is constant or highly frequent arguing & conflict. 5. You attain peace by avoiding all of the problems. 6. Your socializing is isolated from everyone else. 7. You’re not attracted to them.
I don't get why socializing has anything to do with love. Lmao. Your wife or husband are supposed to be the most important to you other than God says God so piss off.
@@yoLilDuckl8nit's because you're making the effort to get to know your partner outside of yourself or your relationship. Also, you're interacting with people that clearly matter to your partner and that's important too.
@richardfierro2699 Well, God says after him your family especially spouse are most important. Why do you people get married if you are going to ignore your spouse. Hate to say it. Friends aren't that important compared to family even God lays that down. A lot of people lose sight of what is truly important. Friends come and go and family is forever. Unless your family is abusive then I can understand.
It's sad. We absolutely love each other with no doubts. But we are too different in everything. It's almost 2 years now and I think it's about time to let her go. We can't force this without a commonality about anything.
I am in sync with someone that alredy is in a relationship ... We just feel so good when we are talking about anything. We can talk about all the crazy things, and we still can understand eachother even when we disagree... I feel so sad now...
@The Seraphim Do you know exactly why you want to break up with your gf? If you still want to be with her think of why exactly in the first place both of yous got attracted to eachother.
my ex-boyfriend and i were madly in love and so attracted to each other. but as soon as we started talking about the future (i’m talking work, kids, money, where to live and most importantly values!) our disagreements were really in the way of us being a healthy and compatible couple. one of the most important things out there: please introduce your partner to your loved ones. you can’t possibly know how much it hurt me when he didn’t. when he made me feel like i was not good enough.
I dont know. some people have family trauma and might be reserved about introducing their families. it varies case to caae ofc, but in my case there's so much disregulation and trauma it's hard to imagine introducing my boyfriend into such a dynamic when he has a pretty healthy family unit. it's a fear and insecurity response of sorts i guess, and even a bit of feeling like an impostor almost.
"The one" is a concept invented to sell movie tickets to romantic comedies. In reality, there are any number of people who you could have a successful relationship with.
@@acharich Exactly. It's never just one person, otherwise there would be no guarantee that you'd find this one person and the human race would be pretty much done for. There are usually a few options and it's luck as to which one you happen to meet.
@@AutomaticDuck300 Agreed. U can even add "the one" is an abstract idealistic thought. Its pretty much matching with someone 99-100% and thats honestly ridiculous. A good 80% will work. Even 70% if the partners are mature enough.
So fucking happy to have this one pop up for me. Been getting raped with what is life, childhood trauma, depression, and so many hey we know your feelings and life story somehow. I don’t search for this shit. Are they using manipulation to fuck a lot of us up? Where the hell is the trick shots and holy shit videos
Yep. The worst are the ones that are all yucking it up with you one day...then the next thing you know, those same yucks turn into arguing. Been there.
I read a long time ago that, while everyone says "a sense of humor" is an important trait in a partner, when men say they want a woman with a sense of humor, they want a woman who will laugh at their jokes; while when women say they want a man with a sense of humor, they want a man who will make them laugh. Generally speaking, of course!
i was with a person who had good qualities and treated me well but after 8 months with very minimal shared humor between us. There were more serious conversations but the light cute moments that I cherish just never naturally happened. I knew it wouldn't work.
It's common for relationships to encounter obstacles, but there is always a solution. My own marriage faced considerable issues, but with appropriate guidance, my husband and I worked through them and deepened our connection. Solutions are achievable if you're ready to work together. Stay hopeful-there's always a way forward.
I'm facing significant relationship problems and can't stand the idea of losing him. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I'm ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. His name is Father Akunna.
I just searched for Father Akunna online indeed he is a very generous man and the most powerful spell caster that I have ever seen he brought my husband back to me with so much love ❤
I clicked on this video to reassure that I did the right choice when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend :) All the red flags were there but I thought I am losing my mind. Thanks for reminding me how a real relationship should look like
I'm in a stressful relationship. I'm on high anxiety. I wish l didn't love him so much. Sometimes l wish l never met him. Even if we broke up, l have nowhere else to live. 😔
@@veronicagauci6006 unfortunately if the other person isn't trying or fighting with you it isn't going to work. Sadly we blocked each other today and I have to find a way to move forward.. it's so hard
"the one" is a fairytale myth. The reality is there are billions of compatible people in the world and no one person is the only person. It's just a matter of having a high level of attraction for that person and being able to understand relationships well enough to maintain their attraction level for you. Knowing when to move on is the hardest thing that people go through but will ultimately take you further in life
I have been having different kind of issues with my spouse of late, who i was suspecting of cheating on me when ever i am on night duty as a Medical Doctor. while I taught I had her all to myself but unluckily for me, he doesn't belong to just me...i was introduced to this particular hacker called HACKER_JESTER, I talked with him and he helped me out. Within couple of hours, I was seeing his messages and also deleted conversations without touching his phone. I'm glad I got in touch with him. Get in touch with him through INSTAGRAM HACKER_JESTER on whatsApp +1 2406504168
Just ended a 4-year relationship with my best friend- and the love of my life, we were drifting apart for a while, and both were unhappy- but we loved each other so neither had the courage until now... this video helped me set the whole situation into perspective- and even tho we were perfect for each other back then doesnt mean we still are. I am completely heart broken, but we did the right thing
The Seven Signs : 1 : You Don’t Get Each Other 2 : You’re Too Different From Each Other 3 : You Try To Change Each Other 4 : There is Constant Or Highly Frequent Arguing 5 : You Attain Peace By Avoiding All The Problems 6 : You Socializing Is Isolated From Everyone Else 7 : You’re Not Attracted To Them (Make sure to watch the entire video to completely understand the signs. Be sure to also give some love to the animation as well, and to you who is reading this, have a nice and wonderful day/night wherever you are.)
For real tho!! Met someone online some time ago, we're chatting constantly and are meeting up this week and Idk... I can feel myself developing a crush and then this video shows up, wtf 😂😂😂
My crush told me we were incompatible although we both really liked each other. I’m glad he realised early and told me instead of going through a toxic relationship. It really sucks though. We understood each other well, but there was just nothing to talk about.
Same, but less extreme. I was friends with someone because we didnt really have anyone else to hang out with and we understood eachother, but we just didnt get along that great.
It’s like this with me and my girlfriend, and it just constantly teeters on the edge for me. Just like she said, the new and shiny effect of a new relationship got us through the beginning. We talked 4 hours a night, didn’t matter what it was about. Now it’s about half an hour a day, and conversations are quick to end. We have as close to nothing in common as you can get without having literally nothing in common, and I think it’s killing the relationship slowly. I think not talking as much sometimes is normal, but there’s a difference between not talking as much for space, and because you have nothing to say.
The fights have gotten so bad. We’ve swept things under the rug for too many years. Been together for 7 years but felt lost for the last 5. I love him. We both love each other. I don’t understand how I can feel so alone with you right by my side. I’m in a committed relationship but I feel more lonely and isolated than I ever have before. Even living alone on the other side of the country didn’t feel like this. How can I be this lonely with you right by my side?
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and I felt really broken by it, even though it was my decision its still so so painful to me. But seeing this video made me feel more at peace that I've made the right decision and although moving forward is going to hurt like hell I can make peace with the fact that I followed my heart and hopefully I will find someone who I am more compatible with one day ♥
@@singerofawsomeness21 we tried to work it out but we decided to go our separate ways. I'm single now and making peace with that and using the time to heal xxx
Also, anxiety in relationships is consuming me. I made a little mistake now (deleted all our messages on the phone) and if we stay together, I'm scared it may be a problem idk. So I'm anxious about this and I don't know what to do... 😔
I find it interesting how feelings can overpower one's ability to think rationally despite how many signs dismissed purposefully and to be hoping for something unrealistic. My best relationship was also the one with the most incompatiblity. Not because we were able to forgive each other for misunderstandings, but when we decided we were not right for each other, we respected each other and learned what compromises cant be made without feeling like obligation or losing one's self. We were hurting each other without having the intentions, we cried together because our vision for relationship and love was different and we wanted to change the person, and if thats you, build the courage and strength to walk away from it so their pain and yours is no longer consuming them and they can be free and you can love them and yourself that you prevented them from losing themselves. If you feel regret, just remember you handed a blueprint for their happiness and now they know what they need and they couldnt done it without your help.
This video was such an eye opener. I just broke off a relationship of two years and it’s unfortunate I answered yes to half of these. It’s mind blowing love can take over happiness without you realising until it then gets too much, and you realise how different you actually are to that person.
I feel like that's not love then. Maybe just fear of leaving. Because I feel that way to. I don't think when you love someone you lose yourself, I think u become more "whole" within/with yourself 🤗
I left my wife after 20 years together. I think being so different to each other eventually found us out. At first, that was the exciting part - surprising each other and learning about our very different backgrounds. We got married about 18 months after we got together and began a family soon after. We had 4 children in fairly quick succession and for 15 years or so, had our hands very full. Once the kids became less dependant on us, we suddenly had a lot more time available for each other but found we had silently drifted during those busy early years. All the while there were nappies, school runs, activity clubs, and all the responsibilities that keep you rushing around, we were fine. Occasionally, you might get a sense that you're not really connecting much as a couple in those years but you lie to yourself a little and convince yourself that it's just because you're so busy with work, bills, the mortgage and the kids...........you tell yourself once the kids are a little older, you can get back to focusing on each other. In our case by then it was too late..........we had become strangers with nothing in common apart from being parents to the same children. It can take a while in retrospect to see all this - it wasn't clear to me at first and initially we would blame each other and look for faults in each other to identify what was causing the problems. Ultimately, I believe if either or both of us had recognised that we were becoming distant from each other and acted sooner by bringing it out in the open, we might possibly have survived by making some lifestyle changes. I think we were both in denial and shied away from what was happening to us, pushed it to the back of our minds until recovery was simply impossible. From my experience, the key is to spot these early signs of disconnect and explore them with each other at the earliest point. Don't ignore them or pretend it's not happening. Whatever your family circumstances might be, the relationship with your partner needs to be nourished and cared for. Even in those hectic times where it might seem right to pour all of your time and effort into other responsibilities and demands of daily family life. I'm one of the few people I know who separated without there being any affairs, drinking, gambling, abuse, etc. Staying together however, when the love has died is just cruel on the kids and indeed each other. It creates a terrible sadness in the home. It's better to part and allow everyone the chance to live life in a healthier home environment. For me it was a tough call but a good call - hard at first but eventually the best option from a situation where feelings of guilt and failure can make it difficult to see straight.. Sorry for such a long scribble but sometimes our experiences may help others.........I'd love to think mine might.
Thank you for your message from the heart. It's best to learn from the experience of others. I'm sorry you and your ex wife grew so distant little by little. I fear the same is happening with my fiancee. I'll seek counsel and help today thanks to your warning message. I hope you find joy and happiness again in life.
I ALWAYS wondered and never understood, how couples would break up after decades together. Your story eloquently explained it all and has really given me something to think about. Thank you for the knowledge! Glad you made the right choice for yourselves and wish you all the best.
Thank you. This feels like it is describing my relationship with my husband. There’s a silence between us and there’s nothing to talk about if we don’t talk about our children.
The “opposites attract” idea needs to have caution yellow tape wrapped around it very tightly. I married someone who was a polar opposite and at first it was fine it as life became more complex those differences became repeated areas of disagreement and leading toward divorce. We also married very young and didn’t think it through very well.
It's living hell. In the beginning we tolerated our differences, assuming that we both would grow a little closer to some middle ground. But we never did, not one inch. What were small differences became the relentless ironclad refusal to build common ground, even in the smallest detail. E.g. I couldn't stand instant coffee and he couldn't stand percolate coffee. That shouldn't matter! ☺ But in the end, after 30 years, it became a symbol of never being able to share a pleasure together; never growing closer together, in not one thing, in our choice of food, friends, an outing, how often to defrost the fridge😅 It's amazing how not being compatible on any issue undermined the love we had. We really dug each other
When you are young and in love, you tend to ignore the negatives. You hope things will sort themselves out, and the passion is like a drug. However, it’s when time passes and passion fades, that you can see things more objectively. By that time it’s normally too late.
@@marionwest3661 It is mad. When looking at these people's comments about being together for 7 years, that is not much, that is the age of a young child. When you figure out who the mother of your kids will be, so much consideration must be put into it, like are you going to envision spending the rest of your life with this person. My former girlfriend wanted to. She was happy. We are vastly different on our religious and political beliefs though and it killed me breaking up with her. I did not want to wait perpetually until it became an ugly difference.
@@ryanbradley1549 They say everyone is a bit of a nightmare to live with. I don’t think I am, but perhaps I am biased. It comes down to compromise in the end, and how much you are prepared to do this. Relationships are so difficult to navigate.
We believe that the best relationships occur when two whole people come together. The idea that we are half people walking around until we find the other "puzzle piece" is not a healthy relationship.
My last relationship had these signs but I refused to acknowledge them. Being in that relationship gave me so much anxiety. After breaking up, I felt so much better; not immediately but eventually I realized that I'm better off without them.
I had a feeling, honestly. My ex-girlfriend and me were so, so different that we geniunely couldn't connect. I'm really outgoing, love conversations, and always try to make people laugh. She, however, hates social interactions (often times even ones with me), hates physical affection (which I crave), loves alone time, and prefers distance in relationships. I did really care for her and I believe, at a time, I geniunely loved her, but I don't think it would've ever worked in hindsight. It's probably for the best she broke up with me.
That's so important that you accepted that, honestly shows how emotionally mature you are. I am going through the same with my girlfriend who is also my best friend, but it's like i am a stranger to her, do you have any advices ?
Introverted thinking type? Or Avoidant Attachment, maybe even Covert Narcissism? (Her, I mean) Affectionate, friendly, gregarious? Or Anxious Attachment, maybe Codependency (people pleasing)? (You) Why did you start seeing her if she has no interest in a relationship or even a close friendship? Did this relationship start out feeling one way, then change to what you're taking about?
I am your ex girlfriend, I hate phisical contact (not sex), but being cling, walking holding hands, grandeur love gestures, laugh all the time, comemorate aniversary every month...
@@barrydworak she is very introverted, and shy, but once you know her, she is really funny and open. But yes she is distant, and just very independant wich is a thing that i amire about her. And yeah i'm the anxious one, very attached, and give as much love as possible, wich can be overwhelming. Always trying to please you're right. Well we were best friend and i just fell in love, and so did she at least that's what she told me. She was very affectionate at first, like always there for me, but then idk we came back to school and it was different then during the Holidays. Omg sorry for the long text-
Me and my boyfriend are literally going through the same thing you and your ex are going through. I’m outgoing and I love hanging out with friends and having fun he’s the total opposite just like you’re ex.. ugh I know it’s best to let go of a relationship that isn’t going to well but I just can’t let go
It’s always so difficult to understand whether you have to work on and improve your relationship or just leave it there and run. Where does this doubt belong to? What are these questions to answer yourself if it’s just a matter of self growth or you are entering a toxic addiction Thank you for this video ❤ I believe one of the keys is to feel a partnership, if you do not feel like a team and neither you or your loved one is gonna choose each other to solve the challenge, the point of the relationship is gone
Personally, I don't like the breathiness of the voice. Sounds disingenuous and inauthentic which draws me from the info being presented, but oh well, great info regardless!
A relationship should be a 2 way street , their shouldn't be constant arguing , lying constanly , stealing , bullying , emotional blackmail , gaslighting , tracking others devices , too much conflict , turning others against one another , broken promises , etc .
I saw all these 7 before my engagement with my would-be wife, and pissed many people off by cancelling the wedding. They literally hate me now, but I know I’ve made the right decision for the right reasons. I couldn’t have ruined the girl’s life by being able to see what’s going on, and dragging her into a loveless, attractionless relationship with no shared values or interests. I hope things will be okay for both of us
This is so very true. I had to end a relationship that only drained me and leaving me feeling helpless because I was just thinking of saving them and avoided how I truly felt for them. It's probably one of the worst self sabotaging act ever. Thankfully I accepted the truth and called it off.
yknow, even if u have even one or more of these, as long as it's recognized and you and your partner are willing (emphasis on this one) to work through it get better at it with time and you guys both know you'll choose each other and want to go through all of it together, there's nothing to be scared of.
Change happens for a reason. If you care about the relationship, you will find ways to make it work. It takes lots of patience and effort. People these days give up so easily. Communication and understanding are the key. No one is perfect which obviously makes no relationship perfect.
Thanks for this. Im nearly 2 months into my first relationship and really struggling to identify how i feel about them. Every time im with them i feel good, but i cant shake this nagging feeling that it cant work for some reason. It doesnt help that they are completely obsessed with me, and while i do like them a lot, they like me more.
A relationship is about balance and middle ground. It's not easy but worth the work. I'm lucky in my life to have someone who loved me through all my insecurities and we've grown together over 2 decades.❤
They are seeing you , TBH they aren't ready for you , and after 3rd attempt , we should move on. I lost 4 hours with someone to realise they don't care at all. I was lying to myself. We shouldn't do like that, Move on.
Also, anxiety in relationships is consuming me. I made a little mistake now (deleted all our messages on the phone) and if we stay together, I'm scared it may be a problem idk. So I'm anxious about this and I don't know what to do... 😔
I got friendzoned by a man i truely was interested in. We kinda open up and he said what he doesn't like about me. It was the fact that i hadn't colorful hair. Maybe he is afraid to say that i wasn't attracted to me like i am attrackted to him. i don't know why i wanted to write it down here. But i know your pain. The important thing is to not lose yourself like I did. Keep going. There are some people who will be your whole life with you.
I think dating people will truly help you find out what or who you are looking for. Don't forget that things can get better. Never give up on who you are guys. ❤️
Having experienced a longterm relationship with a person I wasn't compatible with and breaking up with them, this video just hit my heart and soul. The feeling of liberation after the break up was the best thing in my life, before I met my current partner who is all the things I dreamed of and more
I've had exactly the same experience, it's crazy. My long term relationship was also my first one, but it took me years to find out that this person was not good for me. Now I'm with someone that loves and respects me deeply, and it makes all the difference.
Ive also been with my current ex husband for a while before I could see that this isn't working. I am still young, only 28, so my dream man will surely come.
Breaking up with somebody because you realise it only can be platonic sucks. 3 years of gradually seeing the incompatibility hurts…because you have built the life you always wanted…but with the wrong person 😢
This is why I love my door so much! It opens when I want it to, closes when I want it to, let’s me hold it when I want to to, let’s me go anywhere I want whenever I want, and the best part is that it protects me and my valuables from intruders when I lock it up!
Watching this after a breakup. Some things can't be fixed and don't work out despite putting in the effort. You'll just keep hurting by continuing to try.
Thanks for sharing! I agree, even though a relationship isn't compatible, it still does not justify his cheating behavior. How are you doing right now?
Psych2Go I found a new boyfriend while my ex is dating other girls trying to flex on me by sending me pics of him with the two new gfs he got with while I been with the same guy for 6+ months after my breakup last year. It was hard at first, believing I wasn’t good enough but in the end...the new guy has helped put me back together because I know I am good enough. My ex is funny though, if he’s trying to flex and even mentioned wanting to get back with me after he cheats. When I said no, he said he wanted friendship. I told him no still, since I don’t want trash in my life anymore but he still wants to argue about the cheating thing if I got screenshots of him admitting to said cheating. What a joke. I only wish he was honest with me in the end, but he still tried to change his story yet again, to make himself seem like the good guy when he tried to say I techinally cheated on him for being sexually assaulted is just...no. Straight up no. I hate that guy. I did not ask to be sexually assaulted and him saying I cheated by being sexually assaulted is...wrong on so many levels.
@@MandyLina123 now that u have a boyfriend talk to your ex and say that your new bf is the best thing thats ever happened to u, i guarantee he will get so mad lol
behind you I did. He says he’s happy for me because he’s a master at manipulating me and even claims to be getting married, but considering how fast he goes through women...I think its either a fake thing he mentioned or it won’t last. Can’t say I care tbh. His business is his business.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail.com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
You were penniless and alone when you died in your apartment, ya know? Took em 3 days just to notice. All I'm saying is, you probably would of been more comfortable in the end... if she hadn't taken all your money in the divorce.
My boyfriend & I used to argue quite often at the very start of our relationship. I had alot going on at the time, I went through a breakup & felt very damaged. As we got new jobs & started to break the long distance gap, things just started to heal, & we finally committed our love to each other, 7 years later. Even if you hit a red flag such as arguing, don't lose hope. Talk things out with each other, support, & love one another, & good, true compatibility will eventually show. I also am aware not everyone will have good compatibility with their love, & if that happens, trust your gut, properly move on, & keep hopeful as you find "The One".
@@santiagogalf We met as friends, 2 years before we started dating. We have been together since 2014, as it didn't take long to consider ourselves a couple.
Cute and everything but the first "sign" is just dumb. Never in my entire life I've been happier than I am today with my fiance, but something we learned after many fights and arguments is that he cannot read my mind and viceversa. I understand when you get to know your partner, some things go without saying. But to be honest, TALKING is always the solution. Don't expect other people to know your needs or wishes. It just doesn't work that way.
That's not what they meant. You can tell certain things about people without asking just because you're in sync and have certain core values. Also, spending time with each other help you understand how they will react to certain things and what those reactions look like. If your fiance is pissed you gon know even though you might not know if your boss is pissed. You just pick up on some things. Besides if your relationship so perfect why are you here? lol
@@jay-leandrouchiha3369 ... you said the same thing I said in different words???? And also... I am subscribed to their channel. Dude, go find someone else to bother.
Why are you being defensive? He was simply expressing his opinion. I also think they meant it differently. Sometimes you may fight with your partner and they still don't understand where youre coming from despite explaining yourself multiple times. So even though you resolve your fights by compromising you both dont feel understood by the end of it and in the long term it will feel isolating. Well at least that's from what I've experienced
The first love can especially blind you. Things that person may do or say that are huge red flags you often ignore because you latched on to the first person that showed interest. There were many flags from the get go for me where I should have ended things but I was just too scared to lose that companionship and stability. We were together for 3 years, bought a house together a few months after our anniversary... 3 months of living there I ended things. Moral of the story is... make sure you still have a never ending love for that person and not just an attachment. Oh and don’t get a fucking house with someone unless you are 100% sure. That’s shit hurted.
@@ytuporquenotecallas I disagree, I feel as though you have a negative connotation about relationships. Everyone’s got their own wants and needs, you do you. But it’s not your place to say that it doesn’t exist ❤️
A 4 year relationship with the first 6, wow how did we last 4 years, I even moved and bought a new house in a different area! Wish I watched this 4 years ago!
He broke up with me about a week ago because I “loved him too much”. He was constantly irritated with me and had random angry outbursts. Should have seen it coming...
My gf just broke up with me for the same reasons. She would just get irritated by me for reasons neither of us can explain. Even tho I loved her it's for the best, it's unfair to be with someone that makes you bring out the worst in them. Alot of it is down to the fact they don't have that 100% attraction for you and it causes them to have resentment and be bitter, hence the lashing out.
The problem is when you fall in love with someone and you realise they’re bad for you it doesn’t mean you just fall out of love with them then and there even if cutting your losses is the better choice it’s still severely painful when you’re in love with someone
ForzaTerra89 yeah. It took me over 20 years to finally stop caring for my toxic ex. We have children together and they’re all grown up. I hate having to be around him at family gatherings because he still tries to make me look stupid in front of everyone. I have no feelings left for him now. I wish he would find someone else and move on. Like actually move hundreds of kilometres away lol 😂
i broke up with my bf (we've been tgther for 3 years) because all of these things were happening, ive been single for a while now and eventho he is a good person i still feel like a dodged a bullet there, i also dont feel like im suffocating 90% of time anymore so thats nice
Sounds like your boyfriend was a "nice guy" and didn't do a good job filling his role as the man. That is the most common problem with boys these days growing up in modern society teaches them to be needy and insecure gay male girlfriends. Like me someone had to teach me to put my big boy pants on and be a gentleman
It’s so frustrating to meet great men and not have a physical attraction. I am 59(look and feel, 39), and have had the worst time meeting a man who prides himself in his appearance, takes care of himself, is decently educated and I find sexy. It’s a tough time in a persons life nearing 60 when you are unable to meet a person who you are attracted to. And believe me, just because we are middle aged woman and men, does not mean our desires have gone away. Thanks for your video
Remember Jennifer in our reality we attract what we ARE not what we WANT. If there’s “frustration” then that’s a YOU issue that needs workin’ out. It’s never about them.
Here's the thing, you can choose to be happy and make your relationship work even if it's not easy. As long as both people want to make the relationship work, it will. I don't think it's healthy to start looking for the things going wrong in a relationship. My wife and I are as opposite as your can be but we make it work. We definitely have had struggles but our differences strengthen each other rather than draw us apart.
That depends on if both people are bringing value to the relationship vs one draining and benefitting while dragging down. It’s one thing to be different but you shouldn’t manipulate the other bc they are different. So there’s a fine line with what you are mentioning and what I’ve mentioned.
Honestly same, we had most of these problems and we broke up just over a week ago. I'm really not that sad because I saw previously that it was going to fail anyways. Also I started to teach myself to be happy on my own and without needing someone else, it's been great to finally realize that I can do it.
@@lunaris_em yeah, i saw the breakup coming too 😔 it wasnt very emotional, but it also taught me what types of people not to rely on. im glad ur happier, it was for the best 🤗
Person should always be their true self. None should try to change of another. My mom told me to be with a someone who kind, gentle, deep understanding and loving of loving me as i am.
I’m kind of happy now actually because the dedication in my relationship have really built up what we have today. We didn’t have that shiny start because we have both very shy personalitys. But we decided to hold on and take it slow and today after a year we are open about anything and everything. Talking for hours.
I would like to share this to everyone and hopefully this will also serve as an inspiration most especially for struggling couples. During the first few years, I and my partner almost broke up due to frequent arguments, misunderstanding, different lifestyle, etc. Bottomline, we were too different. We thought that we were incompatible. But we held on together because we didn’t want incompatibility to dictate our relationship. It is the “decision to stay in love everyday” that kept us together despite of our differences. At present, we became better at handling our relationship. Soon, we are getting married
Exactly. The difference is growing as person in a relationship than being in a toxic rs that depletes you from your self esteem and so on. In this case, it sounds you grew and became more understanding, empathetic, and loving of each other and that shined to other areas of your lives. This is why I was not completely in agreement with this video or people that threw away rs bc of "compatibility". I am not talking with this leads to toxicity that is not fixed and overcome but when u work on being better, it gets better but it takes work. Now I'm with someone more compatible and it does feel easier and I've learned other stuff though:)
*~Summary~* 1. You don’t get each other. 1:28 2. You’re too different from each other. 2:03 3. You try to change each other, not grow and learn together. 2:47 4. There is constant or highly frequent arguing. 3:44 5. You attain peace by avoiding all the problems. 4:25 6. Your socializing is isolated from everyone else. 5:05 7. You’re not attracted to them. 5:49
I used to believe that all relationship struggles could be surmounted if only both parties were willing to put in the effort. Now my views have changed: yes, the willingness to nurture the relationship is very important, but the two people have to be compatible first. Another change in me is that I no longer try to change/fix the other person WHATSOEVER. If I feel the need to change the other person, then that person is not right for me. It also can result in unsolicited advice, and I hate that. I hate receiving it, and I don't want to be the one giving it. I also don't try to change myself anymore just so that I can please this person. I tend to detect these signs of incompatibility early on now (i guess me being an infj has something to do with it) and I don't force things to work anymore. (This came with another major change in me: I'm fine being alone) I just say to the other person that we seem to have very differing views on things, it doesn't mean that you are wrong or I am wrong, we are just not compatible and that's fine. We agree to disagree and we can leave it at that. An interesting thing that I have seen though is that some people get angered by this. They tell me that I need to change this and that, I need to empathize more (it often comes out when I don't agree to their views) if I wanted to have any chance at relationship down the road. But I think this kind of reaction is important in another way: it reveals one's true views on relationships. It also confirms in me that my decision was right: we are not right for each other. Everyone can have their own views on how a relationship should be (just like how my views have changed themselves too) but this itself can also lead to incompatibility.
Thanks for this actually. You have helped me sit down and think in a positive direction about incompatibility, that sometimes things just are and you cant change them no matter how much you kick scream and fight. And I tend to over do it a lot. The thinking I mean.
Needed this. Not because I didn’t know it already but after thoughts of an ex keeps creeping back into my mind (despite it being a while), this was perfect reminder to not be weak and fall back into my emotions but to stay strong and keep it real with myself, that in the end of the day we weren’t that compatible overall despite the fond memories. My heart still aches from time to time but keeping a perspective helps me avoid certain pitfalls. Just need to stay strong. And rewatch this video from time to time as a refresher ☺️
I've been in so many failed relationships and it's always them not being able to open up to me, where I can open up and express how I feel. I'm doing me at this point. I'd rather be solo than be miserable in a bad relationship. If my man is out there, he will find me. Lol I stopped looking.🧐
I wish 17yo me had seen this video. I’m 24 now and feel like I’ve wasted my young years for staying and trying to make a relationship work, unfortunately deprived from any passion. I realise now that it was affection at best, not love, and there’s a difference. Sternberg’s theory is so meaningful, and makes everything clear to me now. Please, do resist emotional blackmail and just follow your instincts ❤️, listen to your family, your friends, don’t let anyone live your life in your place.
You are still young compared to other people in the comment section who were literally married for 15+ years only to find out that their lover had become complete stranger to them, because the passion died out, or were cheated on due to lack of passion again
This gets more confusing when your partner used to be your identical equal in personality & morals when you were younger, but changes over time to become exactly the opposite of who they used to be, while you stayed true to who you always were.
This is happening to me and my partner right now. There's a side of me that wants to break u with him because we are incompatible but at the same time I don't want to leave him
Thank you for this beautiful summary! I currently struggle with a lovesick teenager. It is hard to find such nice videos that don’t make you feel wrong 😊
it's nice to learn about relationships BEFORE entering a relationship. I think that's really lacking around, people having basic education about relationships.
Thank you for making this video! My ex-partner and I were together for a short amount of time, and when we broke up, I felt terrible. But after this video, I understand now, so thank you
Being in a relationship with someone who is too similar to yourself can be a problem as well. By never challenging each other, it can stifle your personal and professional growth. I'm trying to advise my grown kids to choose more wisely in that regard.
The last one can change. Sometimes physical compatibility / "chemistry" is something you can create by communicating what you like and practice what you need to work on...
This came up on my reccomended page today, when yesterday I ended my long term relationship with my partner. We were absolutely head over heals in love every day since we met, but the incompatibilitys and things we needed in a relationship clashed so much that I didn't want either of us to get hurt even worse down the road.
Same here, 7 years of so much love but some thing was missing in the end...some times we make connections with people that can last a life time but would kill the connection if the relationship went on
I'm in the same situation. I love him so much and he loves me too. But he wants to live in a city I hate for the rest of his life and I am having a hard time swallowing that pill. I'm not sure which direction I should go . 😔
@@mak_xx9456 i bit the bullet and broke up with him. i feel weirdly much happier knowing i have control over my life and destiny now, even though that is what scared me so much when i started having thoughts of not being with him anymore, that i wouldnt have a future. but that doesnt happen, life should become yours and you can find a lot of people who will value that life that you life and what you want. i dont know all the nuances or other things in your relationship, but if your not happy about things, it's tense, and there isnt really a cure you might gotta let go.
Hope everyone have a good weekend despite all the unrest going on in the world. What topics would you like us to cover next? Comment below.
Can you do a video about asian parenting?
Anthophobia... How to deal with it.
How to deal with people making fun of you for having a best friend of the opposite sex
Asian parenting
Can you do something about rejection? Please and thank you
It’s crazy how you can love someone so much that is so incompatible to you
There's a difference between being in love and being in lust.
TVBnine Thats not what shes saying..
Obsession/attachment is also another thing
There’s a lot of differences between things. But that’s not what I’m saying lol (just stating my own experience)
carolien koeleman me too, I’m still in love with my ex but I know we’re not compatible. And I’m asexual so I know it’s not down to lust. Worst feeling in the world x
Be right back, I’m about to go break up with someone
Sssoo, how did it go?
update
👏 👏 👏
LMAOOOOO! Seriously though.
🤣🤣😩🤣🤣🤣
Summary of the video
1. You don’t get each other
2. You’re too different from each other
3. You try to change each other, not grow and learn together
4. There is constant or highly frequent arguing
5. You attain peace by avoiding all of the problems
6. Your socializing is isolated from everyone else
7. You’re not attracted to them
🔥📝🔥
...my parents fit all of these.. 😔
@@Kellyirish75 accepting your flaws and that it's OK to have them will help you a lot with your insecurities. Seriously, most reasonable people understand that nobody is perfect and aiming for perfection is actually a bad thing, because it's too much pressure and we connect with each other more over our failures and struggles than our successes by the simple fact that we all struggle and mess up but not all of us succeed. Plus if people see you as too perfect, they don't like you and see you as arrogant.
I know you probably weren't looking for advice but there it is anyway. 🙂
Also, I am single but I'm not in the US. 😂
Oof, had 6 from the list and I'm sure there were more. Kinda glad we're not together anymore
THANKS
I think the most important lesson I learned as a young adult is that true love goes both ways. You can have someone obsessed with you, who thinks you’re perfect for them, and thinks you’re their soulmate; but if you don’t feel the same way back… there’s no way it’s going to work. Dating someone out of pity is not only insulting, but incredibly harmful to them. If you know it’s not going to work out, just be up front and tell it to then straight. The pain they feel now will fade a lot quicker than the betrayal they’ll suffer if you feign romantic feelings for them.
Thank you for writing this, this describes my situation perfectly. Even though both me and my GF are twelve, she repeatedly tells me she loves me a bunch. I’ll take your advice. Once again, thank you so much for writing this
This is my current marriage. I got married not knowing at the time that bounderies were an option and now I don't know how to break the news knowing how much she loves and needs me.
You just described my relationship in a nutshell
Yeah, I had the same experience. Definitely one of my biggest regrets. I really didn´t wish to hurt her, but ended up doing so.
Yes, my ex did just this with me. We been together for 9 years, and suddenly she broke up with me saying we r too different and I thought she was perfect. 40 days have passed since the broke up and I cry every day. I got depression because she also humiliated me. It’s the worse pain I have ever felt, I even came to think about ending my life some weeks ago. She used to say she wanted to marry me and have kids, and that I was her soulmate. To lie like this, for so many time, and then broke up and put all the blame on the other person It's one of the cruelest things someone can do to another. I can assure you the pain is almost unbearable.
Here's the thing.... You actually knew that prior to getting into the relationship. The problem is you convince yourself otherwise.
So true
Thats exactly what I did!!
You nailed it!!! We do this to ourselves
Ouch
Yep!!!
Being alone is often WAY better than being in a toxic relationship. Sometimes it’s just not worth it. Every situation is different, but we have to be realitic if it is only causing suffering and pain. We have to love ourselves enough to protect ourselves if it is causing more harm than good. Some situations are possible to improve, and some just aren’t. We can change our perspective, but in the end, our mental health has to matter. ♥️
@Pintel Luffelheim Idk about that. I have pretty low self esteem, but moderate self preservation. If I sense danger, I'm out. Plus, I've heard way too many horror stories about relationships and I'm already suffering from my depression. I don't want to make it worse.
@@someone-uz4mi Facts
Agreed.
@@someone-uz4mi amen to that!! ❤️
Most of the time toxic relationships teach us a lesson or even a few. Staying alone is more traumatizing for most of the people.
me: is in an extremely healthy and happy relationship
also me: watches this, you know, just in case
Same, girl! 🙌🏼😂
Lol
Legit same😂😂
Lmao same I got through the first sign n was like Na this butthead is my best friend 😂😂
Same😂
Me and my ex shared the same views and values about everything. Sadly other than that, all 7 in this video checked out. After the breakup, I learned that the "perfect" relationship does not only require compatibility or similarities - it requires maturity, the conscience to constantly give the best to each other without expecting a thing in return.
Fact!
The only things I wanted in return was communication
Is it worth it though? I mean, is your NEED to have a partner that big that you're willing to compromise your integrity? I know I don't. I like to be and do whatever I want at the moment. And hey! The plus is that I feel the same way about my partner! She can do whatever she wants whenever she wants to AS LONG AS SHE RESPECTS THE FACT THAT SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP. In fact I value my ALONE TIME much more than I do the time I spend with her. Don't get me wrong. i love her and I like to soend SOME time with her. But I much prefer to be alone. Me myself and I.
Like my spouse says, if I don't get anything out of it, why should I --- --- ---?
Do you regret or was this breakup a better idea than staying together?
Happily married 26 years. It's ALL about shared values! And I'm talking about big important things. My wife and I share the same opinions about kids, work, money, religion, politics, and sex. If you disagree on any of these six subjects you will have problems.
We do NOT necessarily share the same interests when it comes to what to watch on TV at night or what color to paint the house or what time to go to bed. These are little things and are not important for a lasting relationship. Sometimes I've talked to people who get hung up on one of these little things, thinking that they are compatible with a new partner because, for example, they both listen to the same type of music. That kind of thing won't keep you together for long. Soon, one of the six BIG things that I listed first will get in the way of your relationship.
Shared values are what is important but don't mistake similar interests in little things as being the same as shared values.
This is absolutely the TRUTH!
married 33 years, totally agree with you, you do not have to be twins to get along and have a happy marriage. 💕
I believe you. Thanks.
totally right! May the love that unites you be like the first day.
You are so lucky and I am here stuck with narcissistic man in a relationship and I don't know how to get out of it because he simply doesn't let me go
I was extremely incompatible and uncomfortable with my ex and it took me a while to accept it. Trying to express my feelings to him was like talking to a wall, I never ever felt so miserable and misunderstood with someone in my entire life. Then I met my now boyfriend and he's the sweetest person alive, I feel he listens to me and I don't even have to make a huge effort to explain how I feel to him, is like he knows, is like we are like in each other's minds, I feel so blessed that I have him in my life.
So happy that you found him. God bless you both.
I had the same thing happened to me, grateful now that I have a likeminded person to be with
so jelly (in a positive way). I wish i could find sb like this too, that we are similar enough to understand each other and just pick on each other moods, that sth might be up and just be naturally interested and ask, I felt exactly the same as you in my previous relationships as well. Just totally alone with my feelings. Now I'm alone and so much better off even if i miss human interaction so much
I feel the same exact way. Bless you both💖
That’s amazing so happy for you .. I was with someone who I felt so uncomfortable around I felt judged all the time like I couldn’t be free and be myself I’m so glad I’m not with him anymore I pray I meet someone different 🙏🏾
I am gradually convinced that “the one” doesn’t exist.
It's a fairytail in my opinion. Alot of people are serial monogamists. Just be prepared that's how life is going to be, its at least more realistic.
Don't give up. I almost gave up, but I found the one. Just be aware that at the same time it will be the most beautiful and easiest relationship ever, but also the hardest. Especially if one or both of you still have some key areas of yourself you need to work on
I was single for about 5 years before I met the man I want to marry. I was starting to accept becoming a dog lady.
"The one" doesn't exist. There are only people who you learn to love and hate. Some people are more compatible than others, some don't work out at all, and that's okay. If there is a person you love, then great! The "perfect one" may just be a creation of the human mind, one day you will meet someone who you want to marry :)
Nah, "the one" is out there, but most people will never find them.
7 Signs of Incompatibility:
1. You don’t ~get~ each other.
2. You’re too different from each other.
3. You try to change each other, rather than growing & learning together.
4. There is constant or highly frequent arguing & conflict.
5. You attain peace by avoiding all of the problems.
6. Your socializing is isolated from everyone else.
7. You’re not attracted to them.
Why do everyone else matter lmao
Can we describe attraction? What if they’re good looking but there’s not an attraction is that even possible🤦♀️🤦♀️ I’m so messed up
I don't get why socializing has anything to do with love. Lmao. Your wife or husband are supposed to be the most important to you other than God says God so piss off.
@@yoLilDuckl8nit's because you're making the effort to get to know your partner outside of yourself or your relationship. Also, you're interacting with people that clearly matter to your partner and that's important too.
@richardfierro2699 Well, God says after him your family especially spouse are most important. Why do you people get married if you are going to ignore your spouse. Hate to say it. Friends aren't that important compared to family even God lays that down. A lot of people lose sight of what is truly important. Friends come and go and family is forever. Unless your family is abusive then I can understand.
At this point, my "the one" is legit our fridge.
deadass
*Yes lol*
The perfect relationship. It's always there for you, never breaks down, and expects you to fill it on a regular basis.
💀🤣💀
Damn straight
I spent so long trying to convince myself to be with someone I knew I wasn’t compatible with
Me too:( at least we have your Reason back!
@@artimidz3451 me too. I wish I hadn’t wasted my time.
@@francesmartel7948 Frances, we live & learn. It's wonderful to have survived some of life's tough lessons. So many of us do not. PEACE from NY:)
Yeah... 16 years in for me. About to be 45. We both deserve better.
Me too!! I knew he wasn’t the one after month 3 but I thought time would change things.
Sucks when you’re so inlove with them but you probably shouldn’t be together 💔
My last womam i still love so much and deeply it hurts. We cannot be together tho because we have different ideas on day to day behavior
It's sad. We absolutely love each other with no doubts. But we are too different in everything. It's almost 2 years now and I think it's about time to let her go. We can't force this without a commonality about anything.
I am in sync with someone that alredy is in a relationship ... We just feel so good when we are talking about anything. We can talk about all the crazy things, and we still can understand eachother even when we disagree... I feel so sad now...
@The Seraphim Do you know exactly why you want to break up with your gf? If you still want to be with her think of why exactly in the first place both of yous got attracted to eachother.
@@HenriqueR.P same
my ex-boyfriend and i were madly in love and so attracted to each other. but as soon as we started talking about the future (i’m talking work, kids, money, where to live and most importantly values!) our disagreements were really in the way of us being a healthy and compatible couple. one of the most important things out there: please introduce your partner to your loved ones. you can’t possibly know how much it hurt me when he didn’t. when he made me feel like i was not good enough.
In a similar boat here currently. Together 3 years and engaged but never really allowed to meet her family. Definitely feeling ostracized.
@@jacobmeyerson2420 Bro 3 years and havent met the fam???
@@marissa21211 run 🏃♂️ he sounds like an energy vampire
@@marissa21211 hope you be able to move on and find a right one. Remember, you deserve to be happy and there are still a lot of fish in the sea 😉
I dont know. some people have family trauma and might be reserved about introducing their families. it varies case to caae ofc, but in my case there's so much disregulation and trauma it's hard to imagine introducing my boyfriend into such a dynamic when he has a pretty healthy family unit. it's a fear and insecurity response of sorts i guess, and even a bit of feeling like an impostor almost.
"The one" is a concept invented to sell movie tickets to romantic comedies. In reality, there are any number of people who you could have a successful relationship with.
🤣 was just saying the latter to a friend a couple days ago..
@@acharich Exactly. It's never just one person, otherwise there would be no guarantee that you'd find this one person and the human race would be pretty much done for. There are usually a few options and it's luck as to which one you happen to meet.
Or none, in some cases...
@@AutomaticDuck300 Agreed. U can even add "the one" is an abstract idealistic thought. Its pretty much matching with someone 99-100% and thats honestly ridiculous. A good 80% will work. Even 70% if the partners are mature enough.
Thank you!! I thought I was a bad person to think this way. But I'm not alone and apparently not wrong
Ahh yes , my internet therapist is back
Currently the 69th like... Noice
Currently 85th like...noice
@ava richardson you first
Nice, ima just stick with my problems and watch these videos ;3
So fucking happy to have this one pop up for me. Been getting raped with what is life, childhood trauma, depression, and so many hey we know your feelings and life story somehow. I don’t search for this shit. Are they using manipulation to fuck a lot of us up? Where the hell is the trick shots and holy shit videos
Incompatible humor is a huge no-go for me. I can't imagine a life where I can't share the things that make me laugh with my partner.
SAME HERE unfortunately currently in that situation now. Working on buying a house by myself and moving out.
True
Yep. The worst are the ones that are all yucking it up with you one day...then the next thing you know, those same yucks turn into arguing. Been there.
I read a long time ago that, while everyone says "a sense of humor" is an important trait in a partner, when men say they want a woman with a sense of humor, they want a woman who will laugh at their jokes; while when women say they want a man with a sense of humor, they want a man who will make them laugh. Generally speaking, of course!
i was with a person who had good qualities and treated me well but after 8 months with very minimal shared humor between us. There were more serious conversations but the light cute moments that I cherish just never naturally happened. I knew it wouldn't work.
It's common for relationships to encounter obstacles, but there is always a solution. My own marriage faced considerable issues, but with appropriate guidance, my husband and I worked through them and deepened our connection. Solutions are achievable if you're ready to work together. Stay hopeful-there's always a way forward.
I'm facing significant relationship problems and can't stand the idea of losing him. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I'm ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. His name is Father Akunna.
I'II quickly search for him online. Thank you.
I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; his absence is keenly felt.
I promise you will not regret it.
I just searched for Father Akunna online indeed he is a very generous man and the most powerful spell caster that I have ever seen he brought my husband back to me with so much love ❤
The first sign is that you clicked on this video with your relationship in mind lol
Lololol ain't that the truth
I clicked on this video to reassure that I did the right choice when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend :) All the red flags were there but I thought I am losing my mind. Thanks for reminding me how a real relationship should look like
Underrated comment
I'm in a stressful relationship. I'm on high anxiety. I wish l didn't love him so much. Sometimes l wish l never met him. Even if we broke up, l have nowhere else to live. 😔
Ha ha!!
...joke is on you; I don’t have anyone
Because I ignored all the red flags now I'm currently in an entanglement...
Lol bruh
Have you been able to have an honest converstaion about this with your partner?
Mee too
@@veronicagauci6006 unfortunately if the other person isn't trying or fighting with you it isn't going to work. Sadly we blocked each other today and I have to find a way to move forward.. it's so hard
@@veronicagauci6006 this was so beautiful ❤️
"the one" is a fairytale myth. The reality is there are billions of compatible people in the world and no one person is the only person. It's just a matter of having a high level of attraction for that person and being able to understand relationships well enough to maintain their attraction level for you. Knowing when to move on is the hardest thing that people go through but will ultimately take you further in life
I agree with this, I think you can definitely have a "one" (highest compatibility) but most people have multiple/a variety of "one"!
Totally agree!
I used to think this, too, until I met The One. Then I was certain that I had been wrong all my life.
He's dead to me now 😊
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You're smart :)
Just ended a 4-year relationship with my best friend- and the love of my life, we were drifting apart for a while, and both were unhappy- but we loved each other so neither had the courage until now... this video helped me set the whole situation into perspective- and even tho we were perfect for each other back then doesnt mean we still are. I am completely heart broken, but we did the right thing
How do you feel now?
How are you now?
i feel the exact same way here and your comment is encouraging me to talk to my friend about this too thx for sharing
I'm so sorry but it's good you both realize you did the right thing
I hope you’re able to heal over time. 🙏🏾😞
The Seven Signs :
1 : You Don’t Get Each Other
2 : You’re Too Different From Each Other
3 : You Try To Change Each Other
4 : There is Constant Or Highly Frequent Arguing
5 : You Attain Peace By Avoiding All The Problems
6 : You Socializing Is Isolated From Everyone Else
7 : You’re Not Attracted To Them
(Make sure to watch the entire video to completely understand the signs. Be sure to also give some love to the animation as well, and to you who is reading this, have a nice and wonderful day/night wherever you are.)
🔥📝🔥
Thank you .. you too!🌺
In the video, the first one?
It just.. sounded ableist af
Me: *has a crush*
TH-cam algorithm:
At least your FBI agent is looking out for you
that damn algorithm sure is a know-it-all...
For real tho!! Met someone online some time ago, we're chatting constantly and are meeting up this week and Idk... I can feel myself developing a crush and then this video shows up, wtf 😂😂😂
Miriam S. Goos luck! I hope you two hit it off and have great chemistry!
@@Thor-Orion thank you!!
My crush told me we were incompatible although we both really liked each other. I’m glad he realised early and told me instead of going through a toxic relationship. It really sucks though. We understood each other well, but there was just nothing to talk about.
Same, but less extreme. I was friends with someone because we didnt really have anyone else to hang out with and we understood eachother, but we just didnt get along that great.
Callie Morales damn. It really sucks ahhhhhh. It’s oke though 😊 we all meet someone in the end
It’s like this with me and my girlfriend, and it just constantly teeters on the edge for me. Just like she said, the new and shiny effect of a new relationship got us through the beginning. We talked 4 hours a night, didn’t matter what it was about. Now it’s about half an hour a day, and conversations are quick to end. We have as close to nothing in common as you can get without having literally nothing in common, and I think it’s killing the relationship slowly. I think not talking as much sometimes is normal, but there’s a difference between not talking as much for space, and because you have nothing to say.
Keep on going! You'll find the one!
I wish I had that sense before I got into a relationship with my ex. He used to talk about his ex constantly, otherwise he didn’t have much to say.
The fights have gotten so bad. We’ve swept things under the rug for too many years. Been together for 7 years but felt lost for the last 5. I love him. We both love each other. I don’t understand how I can feel so alone with you right by my side. I’m in a committed relationship but I feel more lonely and isolated than I ever have before. Even living alone on the other side of the country didn’t feel like this. How can I be this lonely with you right by my side?
I feel the same way about my relationship
same......
Be vocal about it or/& break up. Do not procrastinate on crucial, hard conversations...
How has things gone since?
8. One or both partners let their baggage (like from their past, or insecurities) drain any positivity in the relationship.
I recommend you to a man who can bring back your ex within 3three days without delay ❤️❤️❤️
Its completely okay for anyone to be not healed as long as they r aware and communicate things.
Hey, don't hit me with unconfortable truth like that :o
(Just joking, work in progress :p ~ but still a bit messy though..)
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and I felt really broken by it, even though it was my decision its still so so painful to me. But seeing this video made me feel more at peace that I've made the right decision and although moving forward is going to hurt like hell I can make peace with the fact that I followed my heart and hopefully I will find someone who I am more compatible with one day ♥
update?
@@singerofawsomeness21 we tried to work it out but we decided to go our separate ways. I'm single now and making peace with that and using the time to heal xxx
How many signs out of 7 in this video did you have in your relationships? I'm trying to work things out with 5.5/7. Yet I'm starting to lose hope now.
May I ask your mbti? The 16 personalities
Also, anxiety in relationships is consuming me. I made a little mistake now (deleted all our messages on the phone) and if we stay together, I'm scared it may be a problem idk. So I'm anxious about this and I don't know what to do... 😔
When you’re seeing some bad signs so you come here at 2am shit hits hard
Actually 1:00am lol for me
6am but haven't slept in 2 days lol
12:30am for me
Yep. Doesn’t help we just got married and i had cold feet :(
@@diabloakland I’m really sorry about that I’m here for support
I find it interesting how feelings
can overpower one's ability to think rationally despite how many signs dismissed purposefully and to be hoping for something unrealistic. My best relationship was also the one with the most incompatiblity. Not because we were able to forgive each other for misunderstandings, but when we decided we were not right for each other, we respected each other and learned what compromises cant be made without feeling like obligation or losing one's self. We were hurting each other without having the intentions, we cried together because our vision for relationship and love was different and we wanted to change the person, and if thats you, build the courage and strength to walk away from it so their pain and yours is no longer consuming them and they can be free and you can love them and yourself that you prevented them from losing themselves. If you feel regret, just remember you handed a blueprint for their happiness and now they know what they need and they couldnt done it without your help.
Shout out to my future husband I know you're out there somewhere.
Lmao
Future husband here.
I'm honestly not out there try searching your house.
There * lol
it’s actually “you’re” not “your” :)
@@mikhailvillacorta1784 I fixed it sorry english isn't my first language 😩
I feel like I'm getting signs at this point lol
Same ..
Yep
same
Ditto
Mood
This video was such an eye opener. I just broke off a relationship of two years and it’s unfortunate I answered yes to half of these. It’s mind blowing love can take over happiness without you realising until it then gets too much, and you realise how different you actually are to that person.
I feel like that's not love then. Maybe just fear of leaving. Because I feel that way to. I don't think when you love someone you lose yourself, I think u become more "whole" within/with yourself 🤗
I left my wife after 20 years together. I think being so different to each other eventually found us out.
At first, that was the exciting part - surprising each other and learning about our very different backgrounds. We got married about 18 months after we got together and began a family soon after. We had 4 children in fairly quick succession and for 15 years or so, had our hands very full.
Once the kids became less dependant on us, we suddenly had a lot more time available for each other but found we had silently drifted during those busy early years. All the while there were nappies, school runs, activity clubs, and all the responsibilities that keep you rushing around, we were fine. Occasionally, you might get a sense that you're not really connecting much as a couple in those years but you lie to yourself a little and convince yourself that it's just because you're so busy with work, bills, the mortgage and the kids...........you tell yourself once the kids are a little older, you can get back to focusing on each other. In our case by then it was too late..........we had become strangers with nothing in common apart from being parents to the same children.
It can take a while in retrospect to see all this - it wasn't clear to me at first and initially we would blame each other and look for faults in each other to identify what was causing the problems. Ultimately, I believe if either or both of us had recognised that we were becoming distant from each other and acted sooner by bringing it out in the open, we might possibly have survived by making some lifestyle changes. I think we were both in denial and shied away from what was happening to us, pushed it to the back of our minds until recovery was simply impossible.
From my experience, the key is to spot these early signs of disconnect and explore them with each other at the earliest point. Don't ignore them or pretend it's not happening. Whatever your family circumstances might be, the relationship with your partner needs to be nourished and cared for. Even in those hectic times where it might seem right to pour all of your time and effort into other responsibilities and demands of daily family life. I'm one of the few people I know who separated without there being any affairs, drinking, gambling, abuse, etc. Staying together however, when the love has died is just cruel on the kids and indeed each other. It creates a terrible sadness in the home. It's better to part and allow everyone the chance to live life in a healthier home environment.
For me it was a tough call but a good call - hard at first but eventually the best option from a situation where feelings of guilt and failure can make it difficult to see straight..
Sorry for such a long scribble but sometimes our experiences may help others.........I'd love to think mine might.
Thank you for your message from the heart. It's best to learn from the experience of others. I'm sorry you and your ex wife grew so distant little by little. I fear the same is happening with my fiancee. I'll seek counsel and help today thanks to your warning message. I hope you find joy and happiness again in life.
Thank you for sharing that, your message is helping. I'll definitly consider the things you said, thanks for your warning.
I ALWAYS wondered and never understood, how couples would break up after decades together. Your story eloquently explained it all and has really given me something to think about. Thank you for the knowledge! Glad you made the right choice for yourselves and wish you all the best.
Thank you. This feels like it is describing my relationship with my husband. There’s a silence between us and there’s nothing to talk about if we don’t talk about our children.
Beautifully written friend thanks for sharing
The “opposites attract” idea needs to have caution yellow tape wrapped around it very tightly. I married someone who was a polar opposite and at first it was fine it as life became more complex those differences became repeated areas of disagreement and leading toward divorce. We also married very young and didn’t think it through very well.
It's living hell. In the beginning we tolerated our differences, assuming that we both would grow a little closer to some middle ground. But we never did, not one inch. What were small differences became the relentless ironclad refusal to build common ground, even in the smallest detail. E.g. I couldn't stand instant coffee and he couldn't stand percolate coffee. That shouldn't matter! ☺ But in the end, after 30 years, it became a symbol of never being able to share a pleasure together; never growing closer together, in not one thing, in our choice of food, friends, an outing, how often to defrost the fridge😅 It's amazing how not being compatible on any issue undermined the love we had. We really dug each other
What things have you got to think about when you get married?
When you are young and in love, you tend to ignore the negatives. You hope things will sort themselves out, and the passion is like a drug. However, it’s when time passes and passion fades, that you can see things more objectively. By that time it’s normally too late.
@@marionwest3661 It is mad. When looking at these people's comments about being together for 7 years, that is not much, that is the age of a young child. When you figure out who the mother of your kids will be, so much consideration must be put into it, like are you going to envision spending the rest of your life with this person.
My former girlfriend wanted to. She was happy. We are vastly different on our religious and political beliefs though and it killed me breaking up with her. I did not want to wait perpetually until it became an ugly difference.
@@ryanbradley1549 They say everyone is a bit of a nightmare to live with. I don’t think I am, but perhaps I am biased. It comes down to compromise in the end, and how much you are prepared to do this. Relationships are so difficult to navigate.
“Your socializing is isolated from everyone else” *introverts disliked that*
What is this "socializing" you speak of?
LMAAOOO
Haha
Friends? Do you eat that or what? 😂
We believe that the best relationships occur when two whole people come together. The idea that we are half people walking around until we find the other "puzzle piece" is not a healthy relationship.
Not halves but whole who are compatible and so connect to form a third thing: the relationship.
we are whole and complete people without anyone else, or atleast we need to be. I think that is a very interesting topic to have a conversation about.
Thank you, this saved my relationship.
Sometimes we forget how special our partners & relationships are when we realize that they’re not.
My last relationship had these signs but I refused to acknowledge them. Being in that relationship gave me so much anxiety. After breaking up, I felt so much better; not immediately but eventually I realized that I'm better off without them.
This video comes as a confirmation of my decision to put an end to a long term relationship. Hard decision but the right decision.
I know right!
me too....today i am gonna do it. It will hurt but i will.What happened to ur partner did he accept the decision?
I had a feeling, honestly. My ex-girlfriend and me were so, so different that we geniunely couldn't connect. I'm really outgoing, love conversations, and always try to make people laugh. She, however, hates social interactions (often times even ones with me), hates physical affection (which I crave), loves alone time, and prefers distance in relationships. I did really care for her and I believe, at a time, I geniunely loved her, but I don't think it would've ever worked in hindsight. It's probably for the best she broke up with me.
That's so important that you accepted that, honestly shows how emotionally mature you are. I am going through the same with my girlfriend who is also my best friend, but it's like i am a stranger to her, do you have any advices ?
Introverted thinking type?
Or Avoidant Attachment, maybe even Covert Narcissism?
(Her, I mean)
Affectionate, friendly, gregarious?
Or Anxious Attachment, maybe Codependency (people pleasing)?
(You)
Why did you start seeing her if she has no interest in a relationship or even a close friendship?
Did this relationship start out feeling one way, then change to what you're taking about?
I am your ex girlfriend, I hate phisical contact (not sex), but being cling, walking holding hands, grandeur love gestures, laugh all the time, comemorate aniversary every month...
@@barrydworak she is very introverted, and shy, but once you know her, she is really funny and open. But yes she is distant, and just very independant wich is a thing that i amire about her. And yeah i'm the anxious one, very attached, and give as much love as possible, wich can be overwhelming. Always trying to please you're right. Well we were best friend and i just fell in love, and so did she at least that's what she told me. She was very affectionate at first, like always there for me, but then idk we came back to school and it was different then during the Holidays.
Omg sorry for the long text-
Me and my boyfriend are literally going through the same thing you and your ex are going through. I’m outgoing and I love hanging out with friends and having fun he’s the total opposite just like you’re ex.. ugh I know it’s best to let go of a relationship that isn’t going to well but I just can’t let go
It’s always so difficult to understand whether you have to work on and improve your relationship or just leave it there and run. Where does this doubt belong to? What are these questions to answer yourself if it’s just a matter of self growth or you are entering a toxic addiction
Thank you for this video ❤
I believe one of the keys is to feel a partnership, if you do not feel like a team and neither you or your loved one is gonna choose each other to solve the challenge, the point of the relationship is gone
that moment when you realized that everything that has been stated relates to your current relationship...
Yeah...
i am :(
The feels lol
Myeke nono🙏🏾
yes :(
The voice is so soothing but informative simultaneously
They do that on purpose because it makes the information digestible.
Personally, I don't like the breathiness of the voice. Sounds disingenuous and inauthentic which draws me from the info being presented, but oh well, great info regardless!
@@isaacbob9523 I also couldn't get past the voice... It sounds to me very disingenuous. I'd wager it's not how the speaker typically sounds
@@isaacbob9523 Yeah I hate it too. It sounds like something off gossip girl. I have to lower my volume down really low and just read the subtitles.
Shut your sss
A relationship should be a 2 way street , their shouldn't be constant arguing , lying constanly , stealing , bullying , emotional blackmail , gaslighting , tracking others devices , too much conflict , turning others against one another , broken promises , etc .
Well said
In few words: we just need to be *at least* decent human beings, and not douches.
I saw all these 7 before my engagement with my would-be wife, and pissed many people off by cancelling the wedding. They literally hate me now, but I know I’ve made the right decision for the right reasons. I couldn’t have ruined the girl’s life by being able to see what’s going on, and dragging her into a loveless, attractionless relationship with no shared values or interests. I hope things will be okay for both of us
This is so very true. I had to end a relationship that only drained me and leaving me feeling helpless because I was just thinking of saving them and avoided how I truly felt for them. It's probably one of the worst self sabotaging act ever. Thankfully I accepted the truth and called it off.
That is my case
It me 😔
I’m actually scared this’ll apply to us
same
Me too
yknow, even if u have even one or more of these, as long as it's recognized and you and your partner are willing (emphasis on this one) to work through it get better at it with time and you guys both know you'll choose each other and want to go through all of it together, there's nothing to be scared of.
*I’ve realized the one for me is..myself.*
Can’t agree more
Valid.
Marry the _anima,_ dance with your inner muse like no one's watching.
Change happens for a reason.
If you care about the relationship, you will find ways to make it work.
It takes lots of patience and effort. People these days give up so easily. Communication and understanding are the key. No one is perfect which obviously makes no relationship perfect.
Thanks for this. Im nearly 2 months into my first relationship and really struggling to identify how i feel about them. Every time im with them i feel good, but i cant shake this nagging feeling that it cant work for some reason. It doesnt help that they are completely obsessed with me, and while i do like them a lot, they like me more.
A relationship is about balance and middle ground. It's not easy but worth the work. I'm lucky in my life to have someone who loved me through all my insecurities and we've grown together over 2 decades.❤
“Compatibility is an achievement of love; it shouldn't be its precondition.”
- Alain de Botton, School of Life
I am a firm believer in that
I think there is truth in what you quote. But some balance may be needed between the two extreme. I'll think about it.
I disagree
School of life is a scam
I’m pretty sure that phrase is backward. Love is an achievement of compatibility I think.
It really sucks when you think you are compatible with someone but instead its a one sided relationship because they can't see it
They are seeing you , TBH they aren't ready for you , and after 3rd attempt , we should move on. I lost 4 hours with someone to realise they don't care at all. I was lying to myself. We shouldn't do like that, Move on.
Also, anxiety in relationships is consuming me. I made a little mistake now (deleted all our messages on the phone) and if we stay together, I'm scared it may be a problem idk. So I'm anxious about this and I don't know what to do... 😔
I got friendzoned by a man i truely was interested in. We kinda open up and he said what he doesn't like about me. It was the fact that i hadn't colorful hair. Maybe he is afraid to say that i wasn't attracted to me like i am attrackted to him. i don't know why i wanted to write it down here. But i know your pain. The important thing is to not lose yourself like I did. Keep going. There are some people who will be your whole life with you.
I think dating people will truly help you find out what or who you are looking for. Don't forget that things can get better. Never give up on who you are guys. ❤️
When you know you are incompatible but you still believe that person is the one. lol.
This is not a meme
Incompatible or just have differences.
Ouch I feel this. Lol
😂😂😰😭😭😭😭😭😢
Rip
I really like this channel, but i wish it talked more about friendships
mhm
Yesss
Yeah
I think there are already a lot about friendships.
But a lot of things that work for relationships can also apply to friendships too! Relationships can include friendships!
Having experienced a longterm relationship with a person I wasn't compatible with and breaking up with them, this video just hit my heart and soul. The feeling of liberation after the break up was the best thing in my life, before I met my current partner who is all the things I dreamed of and more
I've had exactly the same experience, it's crazy. My long term relationship was also my first one, but it took me years to find out that this person was not good for me. Now I'm with someone that loves and respects me deeply, and it makes all the difference.
Ive also been with my current ex husband for a while before I could see that this isn't working. I am still young, only 28, so my dream man will surely come.
Breaking up with somebody because you realise it only can be platonic sucks. 3 years of gradually seeing the incompatibility hurts…because you have built the life you always wanted…but with the wrong person 😢
This is why I love my door so much! It opens when I want it to, closes when I want it to, let’s me hold it when I want to to, let’s me go anywhere I want whenever I want, and the best part is that it protects me and my valuables from intruders when I lock it up!
Watching this after a breakup. Some things can't be fixed and don't work out despite putting in the effort. You'll just keep hurting by continuing to try.
This is where I’m at. Knowing I need to do something and not having the strength. Please tell me it got better for you. Did you regret your choice?
Agreed
My ex cheated on me after 5 years. I see now he was right. The relationship was incompatible. He could’ve just ended it before being a douche tho.
Yes
Thanks for sharing! I agree, even though a relationship isn't compatible, it still does not justify his cheating behavior. How are you doing right now?
Psych2Go I found a new boyfriend while my ex is dating other girls trying to flex on me by sending me pics of him with the two new gfs he got with while I been with the same guy for 6+ months after my breakup last year. It was hard at first, believing I wasn’t good enough but in the end...the new guy has helped put me back together because I know I am good enough. My ex is funny though, if he’s trying to flex and even mentioned wanting to get back with me after he cheats. When I said no, he said he wanted friendship. I told him no still, since I don’t want trash in my life anymore but he still wants to argue about the cheating thing if I got screenshots of him admitting to said cheating. What a joke. I only wish he was honest with me in the end, but he still tried to change his story yet again, to make himself seem like the good guy when he tried to say I techinally cheated on him for being sexually assaulted is just...no. Straight up no. I hate that guy. I did not ask to be sexually assaulted and him saying I cheated by being sexually assaulted is...wrong on so many levels.
@@MandyLina123 now that u have a boyfriend talk to your ex and say that your new bf is the best thing thats ever happened to u, i guarantee he will get so mad lol
behind you I did. He says he’s happy for me because he’s a master at manipulating me and even claims to be getting married, but considering how fast he goes through women...I think its either a fake thing he mentioned or it won’t last. Can’t say I care tbh. His business is his business.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail.com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Ok you had me till the very end 😂😂😂
Not being in a relationship is SO much better.
You were penniless and alone when you died in your apartment, ya know? Took em 3 days just to notice. All I'm saying is, you probably would of been more comfortable in the end... if she hadn't taken all your money in the divorce.
It's more comfortable but less fulfilling.
@@artimidz3451 ehhhh I'd rather be rich and do what I want then be in a relationship that will inevitably blow up in my face
@@brandonf1260 whatever, man.
@@artimidz3451 well I guess that is easy for me to say. I don't want kids or a big family so I can turn my back on that
My boyfriend & I used to argue quite often at the very start of our relationship. I had alot going on at the time, I went through a breakup & felt very damaged. As we got new jobs & started to break the long distance gap, things just started to heal, & we finally committed our love to each other, 7 years later.
Even if you hit a red flag such as arguing, don't lose hope. Talk things out with each other, support, & love one another, & good, true compatibility will eventually show.
I also am aware not everyone will have good compatibility with their love, & if that happens, trust your gut, properly move on, & keep hopeful as you find "The One".
that "7 years later" meant you guys have been 7 years together or that you decided to finally be a couple 7 years after you met for the first time?
@@santiagogalf We met as friends, 2 years before we started dating. We have been together since 2014, as it didn't take long to consider ourselves a couple.
Cute and everything but the first "sign" is just dumb. Never in my entire life I've been happier than I am today with my fiance, but something we learned after many fights and arguments is that he cannot read my mind and viceversa.
I understand when you get to know your partner, some things go without saying. But to be honest, TALKING is always the solution. Don't expect other people to know your needs or wishes. It just doesn't work that way.
Daniela Heredia Mars yes i heard the first and was like wait what ?
I know right??? 😂😂
That's not what they meant. You can tell certain things about people without asking just because you're in sync and have certain core values. Also, spending time with each other help you understand how they will react to certain things and what those reactions look like. If your fiance is pissed you gon know even though you might not know if your boss is pissed. You just pick up on some things. Besides if your relationship so perfect why are you here? lol
@@jay-leandrouchiha3369 ... you said the same thing I said in different words???? And also... I am subscribed to their channel. Dude, go find someone else to bother.
Why are you being defensive? He was simply expressing his opinion. I also think they meant it differently. Sometimes you may fight with your partner and they still don't understand where youre coming from despite explaining yourself multiple times. So even though you resolve your fights by compromising you both dont feel understood by the end of it and in the long term it will feel isolating. Well at least that's from what I've experienced
Thank you for this video! :) A quick note: #1 comes with time. Don’t expect them to always be able to read your mind!
The first love can especially blind you. Things that person may do or say that are huge red flags you often ignore because you latched on to the first person that showed interest. There were many flags from the get go for me where I should have ended things but I was just too scared to lose that companionship and stability. We were together for 3 years, bought a house together a few months after our anniversary... 3 months of living there I ended things. Moral of the story is... make sure you still have a never ending love for that person and not just an attachment. Oh and don’t get a fucking house with someone unless you are 100% sure. That’s shit hurted.
lol me to every person because I have BPD x_x
I miss understood the assignment… I’ve been married to that person (15 years) and have a house i never wanted
@@lycheemyusic 😢😅 I don't want to be in a relationship because I am not secure myself so I can't focus on a partner.
Nobody has never ending love. We go in and out of relationships as we change in life.
@@ytuporquenotecallas I disagree, I feel as though you have a negative connotation about relationships. Everyone’s got their own wants and needs, you do you. But it’s not your place to say that it doesn’t exist ❤️
2:30
“Dogs are the best”
“What about cats?”
“Nope, dogs are best!”
..“Orange”
🤣 fr tho
Gotta love orange🧡
That wasn't a dodgeball?
Lmao😂
@@elliem.9408 Yesss Orange! My fav color! 😁🧡
I wonder the same 😂
A 4 year relationship with the first 6, wow how did we last 4 years, I even moved and bought a new house in a different area! Wish I watched this 4 years ago!
He broke up with me about a week ago because I “loved him too much”. He was constantly irritated with me and had random angry outbursts. Should have seen it coming...
This was exactly how my first relationship was. It broke my heart when he said I loved him more than he loved me
@@sarahlevine2397 i feel ur pain, sis. Someone better will pop up!
My gf just broke up with me for the same reasons. She would just get irritated by me for reasons neither of us can explain. Even tho I loved her it's for the best, it's unfair to be with someone that makes you bring out the worst in them. Alot of it is down to the fact they don't have that 100% attraction for you and it causes them to have resentment and be bitter, hence the lashing out.
Actually, are you sure you wasn't too obsessive? Sometimes, our love is actually too much and we start to suffocate the partner...
@@volf4o not when the guy is irritated and has anger issues from the start lol
The problem is when you fall in love with someone and you realise they’re bad for you it doesn’t mean you just fall out of love with them then and there even if cutting your losses is the better choice it’s still severely painful when you’re in love with someone
ForzaTerra89 yeah. It took me over 20 years to finally stop caring for my toxic ex. We have children together and they’re all grown up. I hate having to be around him at family gatherings because he still tries to make me look stupid in front of everyone. I have no feelings left for him now. I wish he would find someone else and move on. Like actually move hundreds of kilometres away lol 😂
Gutted. That’s the feeling.
i broke up with my bf (we've been tgther for 3 years) because all of these things were happening, ive been single for a while now and eventho he is a good person i still feel like a dodged a bullet there, i also dont feel like im suffocating 90% of time anymore so thats nice
Sounds like your boyfriend was a "nice guy" and didn't do a good job filling his role as the man. That is the most common problem with boys these days growing up in modern society teaches them to be needy and insecure gay male girlfriends. Like me someone had to teach me to put my big boy pants on and be a gentleman
It’s so frustrating to meet great men and not have a physical attraction. I am
59(look and feel, 39), and have had the worst time meeting a man who prides himself in his appearance, takes care of himself, is decently educated and I find sexy. It’s a tough time in a persons life nearing 60 when you are unable to meet a person who you are attracted to. And believe me, just because we are middle aged woman and men, does not mean our desires have gone away.
Thanks for your video
Remember Jennifer in our reality we attract what we ARE not what we WANT. If there’s “frustration” then that’s a YOU issue that needs workin’ out. It’s never about them.
@@JesusStarchilddamn roasted
Lead with compatibility first and not sparks first that will fade.
When they're arguing about whether the car should be blue or red, my dude make it purple, problem solved
compromising is fun
This comment is the first time I've laughed in weeks ✌️💖👑 thanks
@@simpliimiyuki7712 you're very welcome, always nice to make someone laugh
Omg I thought the exact same thing haha!
So true!!😂🎨
Here's the thing, you can choose to be happy and make your relationship work even if it's not easy. As long as both people want to make the relationship work, it will. I don't think it's healthy to start looking for the things going wrong in a relationship. My wife and I are as opposite as your can be but we make it work. We definitely have had struggles but our differences strengthen each other rather than draw us apart.
That depends on if both people are bringing value to the relationship vs one draining and benefitting while dragging down. It’s one thing to be different but you shouldn’t manipulate the other bc they are different. So there’s a fine line with what you are mentioning and what I’ve mentioned.
That is motivation indeed, the key is that you both want to be in the relationship despite differences, that is called commitment
But don’t just settle for them if you truly aren’t happy. Commitment is very important. But your happiness is more important.
Tracy9667, best comment on the internet
this helps so much omg i just got out of a relationship and i can see why it ended
Yep...me too...wish this video came out a bit earlier
same, i try to convince myself that it's better like that
Honestly same, we had most of these problems and we broke up just over a week ago. I'm really not that sad because I saw previously that it was going to fail anyways. Also I started to teach myself to be happy on my own and without needing someone else, it's been great to finally realize that I can do it.
@@lunaris_em yeah, i saw the breakup coming too 😔 it wasnt very emotional, but it also taught me what types of people not to rely on. im glad ur happier, it was for the best 🤗
Person should always be their true self. None should try to change of another. My mom told me to be with a someone who kind, gentle, deep understanding and loving of loving me as i am.
A person genuinely inlove will do their best in every possible way not to hurt the person they truly admire and cared for. .
What about that person? You think that person would be treated in the same way as he/she treating to the Partner?
maybe they don't believe in themself, maybe they don't know how to love in that way
Where were you in 2010 when I was convincing myself we were compatible "because he was so nice?" Currently enjoying my pandemic divorce.
Damn, hope you're doing alright now?
@@ofureughu7560 thanks for asking. I'm doing ok, one day at a time...
@@Nickabod79 love u stranger. Hang in there.
What changed after marriage which let you make your mind otherwise?
@@RandomShorts007AP Same situation as OP. For me it was cheating and physical abuse. Infj male and istp female
I’m kind of happy now actually because the dedication in my relationship have really built up what we have today. We didn’t have that shiny start because we have both very shy personalitys. But we decided to hold on and take it slow and today after a year we are open about anything and everything. Talking for hours.
Not gonna lie, I really needed this. I feel weirdly at peace now. The bit about intimacy and comparability (but no passion) was great to learn.
I would like to share this to everyone and hopefully this will also serve as an inspiration most especially for struggling couples.
During the first few years, I and my partner almost broke up due to frequent arguments, misunderstanding, different lifestyle, etc. Bottomline, we were too different. We thought that we were incompatible.
But we held on together because we didn’t want incompatibility to dictate our relationship. It is the “decision to stay in love everyday” that kept us together despite of our differences.
At present, we became better at handling our relationship. Soon, we are getting married
Exactly. The difference is growing as person in a relationship than being in a toxic rs that depletes you from your self esteem and so on. In this case, it sounds you grew and became more understanding, empathetic, and loving of each other and that shined to other areas of your lives. This is why I was not completely in agreement with this video or people that threw away rs bc of "compatibility". I am not talking with this leads to toxicity that is not fixed and overcome but when u work on being better, it gets better but it takes work. Now I'm with someone more compatible and it does feel easier and I've learned other stuff though:)
Congratulations in your marriage and best of wishes for you, guys!!!
D a r l e n e Thank you! Yes, mindset is a big factor 💪🏻💪🏻. I wish the best also for your relationship
Both should want it and that's the difference when it comes to incompatibility.
*~Summary~*
1. You don’t get each other. 1:28
2. You’re too different from each other. 2:03
3. You try to change each other, not grow and learn together. 2:47
4. There is constant or highly frequent arguing. 3:44
5. You attain peace by avoiding all the problems. 4:25
6. Your socializing is isolated from everyone else. 5:05
7. You’re not attracted to them. 5:49
I've been looking for the summary, thank you. 😁
This is everything 🙌🏽
I used to believe that all relationship struggles could be surmounted if only both parties were willing to put in the effort. Now my views have changed: yes, the willingness to nurture the relationship is very important, but the two people have to be compatible first.
Another change in me is that I no longer try to change/fix the other person WHATSOEVER. If I feel the need to change the other person, then that person is not right for me. It also can result in unsolicited advice, and I hate that. I hate receiving it, and I don't want to be the one giving it. I also don't try to change myself anymore just so that I can please this person.
I tend to detect these signs of incompatibility early on now (i guess me being an infj has something to do with it) and I don't force things to work anymore. (This came with another major change in me: I'm fine being alone) I just say to the other person that we seem to have very differing views on things, it doesn't mean that you are wrong or I am wrong, we are just not compatible and that's fine. We agree to disagree and we can leave it at that.
An interesting thing that I have seen though is that some people get angered by this. They tell me that I need to change this and that, I need to empathize more (it often comes out when I don't agree to their views) if I wanted to have any chance at relationship down the road.
But I think this kind of reaction is important in another way: it reveals one's true views on relationships. It also confirms in me that my decision was right: we are not right for each other. Everyone can have their own views on how a relationship should be (just like how my views have changed themselves too) but this itself can also lead to incompatibility.
Thanks for this actually. You have helped me sit down and think in a positive direction about incompatibility, that sometimes things just are and you cant change them no matter how much you kick scream and fight. And I tend to over do it a lot. The thinking I mean.
Needed this. Not because I didn’t know it already but after thoughts of an ex keeps creeping back into my mind (despite it being a while), this was perfect reminder to not be weak and fall back into my emotions but to stay strong and keep it real with myself, that in the end of the day we weren’t that compatible overall despite the fond memories. My heart still aches from time to time but keeping a perspective helps me avoid certain pitfalls. Just need to stay strong. And rewatch this video from time to time as a refresher ☺️
I've been in so many failed relationships and it's always them not being able to open up to me, where I can open up and express how I feel. I'm doing me at this point. I'd rather be solo than be miserable in a bad relationship. If my man is out there, he will find me. Lol I stopped looking.🧐
Maybe you always fall in love/attract the same type of guy?🤷♀️ You should change your man type and try going out your comfort zone
@@pouinichan I have done that. I've dated the hot guy. I've dated the eccentric. I dated the sweet guy. I've dated the tough guy. I don't know. Lol
omg that's me
That's your problem. You're dating straight men! Lol. Try bisexual men 😉
I hear u girl 🤔
I wish 17yo me had seen this video. I’m 24 now and feel like I’ve wasted my young years for staying and trying to make a relationship work, unfortunately deprived from any passion. I realise now that it was affection at best, not love, and there’s a difference. Sternberg’s theory is so meaningful, and makes everything clear to me now.
Please, do resist emotional blackmail and just follow your instincts ❤️, listen to your family, your friends, don’t let anyone live your life in your place.
You're still young ❤️
You are still young compared to other people in the comment section who were literally married for 15+ years only to find out that their lover had become complete stranger to them, because the passion died out, or were cheated on due to lack of passion again
You have the rest of your life in front of you..we all learn from our mistakes. Move on..be happy.
Stop it! You needed that experience. Videos like this are a luxury. Be glad you've gone through it. Great life lesson.
This gets more confusing when your partner used to be your identical equal in personality & morals when you were younger, but changes over time to become exactly the opposite of who they used to be, while you stayed true to who you always were.
This is happening to me and my partner right now. There's a side of me that wants to break u with him because we are incompatible but at the same time I don't want to leave him
People don’t change, they just reveal
I appreciate my cat more and more each day. I think I’m going to settle with him being “the one”.
Cats are the only narcissists for me!
Same
Look for another cat lover. Don't give up on people yet!
Cats are great once they get use to your body weight and the size difference.
@@FabiGeneri me too. My cat cheers me up, with the cute stuff he does.
*_tbh at this point I’m dating the turtle I found on the side of the road when I was on my way to the beach._*
Did you flip it back on it’s feet so it was no longer baking in the hot sun?
thanks. my cat and I are very compatible
The timing of these videos I swear.
Thank you for this beautiful summary!
I currently struggle with a lovesick teenager.
It is hard to find such nice videos that don’t make you feel wrong 😊
I’m not even in a relationship, I just want to support the channel 🤗❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
same
Same Never even been in a relationship
You're a beautiful person. Thanks for being a neat person!
it's nice to learn about relationships BEFORE entering a relationship. I think that's really lacking around, people having basic education about relationships.
Lafemme Sanspseudo I am I want to be in a relationship but No won will give me a chance for me to show my affection for them.
Thank you for making this video! My ex-partner and I were together for a short amount of time, and when we broke up, I felt terrible. But after this video, I understand now, so thank you
:3
Being in a relationship with someone who is too similar to yourself can be a problem as well. By never challenging each other, it can stifle your personal and professional growth. I'm trying to advise my grown kids to choose more wisely in that regard.
The last one can change. Sometimes physical compatibility / "chemistry" is something you can create by communicating what you like and practice what you need to work on...
This came up on my reccomended page today, when yesterday I ended my long term relationship with my partner. We were absolutely head over heals in love every day since we met, but the incompatibilitys and things we needed in a relationship clashed so much that I didn't want either of us to get hurt even worse down the road.
Same here, 7 years of so much love but some thing was missing in the end...some times we make connections with people that can last a life time but would kill the connection if the relationship went on
This literally happened to me the other day
I'm in the same situation. I love him so much and he loves me too. But he wants to live in a city I hate for the rest of his life and I am having a hard time swallowing that pill. I'm not sure which direction I should go . 😔
@@mak_xx9456 i bit the bullet and broke up with him. i feel weirdly much happier knowing i have control over my life and destiny now, even though that is what scared me so much when i started having thoughts of not being with him anymore, that i wouldnt have a future. but that doesnt happen, life should become yours and you can find a lot of people who will value that life that you life and what you want. i dont know all the nuances or other things in your relationship, but if your not happy about things, it's tense, and there isnt really a cure you might gotta let go.