Kristin Neff: Overcoming Objections to Self-Compassion
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 เม.ย. 2024
- The world's leading researcher of self-compassion and founder of the Mindful Self-Compassion program considers--and rebuts--some of the main objections to treating yourself with kindness.
Everyone needs to listen to this once in their life. She is awesome.
i feel the same
God, the Lord Jesus Christ loves you! Restore your relationship with God by repenting of your sins and putting your faith in Jesus Christ, "... that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures..." (1 Corinthians 15:3-4)
I love this approach. But I remember being a child and my mother offering to get me help in math (a tutor), to give me lessons in things that interested me (art, horseback riding, etc.), and so on. But I declined them all. Why? The only thing I can figure is that by that time, I already felt shame and was self-critical because my parents used that shaming language freely, toward each other and toward us kids. So by the time I had a choice, I was so afraid to fail even with a tutor or teacher - my self-confidence was so eroded - that those offers just felt like more opportunities to fail and be ashamed. I think that these techniques have to be applied consistently by parents to work. Now, many years later, I try to apply them to myself and to have compassion for others. But it’s taken a lot of work over many years to get here. For parents, the need to have self-compassion so they can be compassionate toward their kids is critical.
Yeah I know the feel
Edit: Ah well, I'm now I'm, er, 36 and realised I need to learn self compassion, but it's never too late I guess
@@wayfa13 How's it going for you?
God, the Lord Jesus Christ loves you! Restore your relationship with God by repenting of your sins and putting your faith in Jesus Christ, "... that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures..." (1 Corinthians 15:3-4)
I found this so therapeutic, thank-you so much!
I wish all parts of this video were joined together.
her voice is so soothing! love it. thank u
I find relief in this WORD; COMPASSION
I love her so much. She makes perfect sense.
This is fantastic, thank you to my therapist for sharing this with me
Same, and same name Melissa!
God, the Lord Jesus Christ loves you! Restore your relationship with God by repenting of your sins and putting your faith in Jesus Christ, "... that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures..." (1 Corinthians 15:3-4)
Thank you so much Kristin Neff!!
thank you so much Kristin Neff 🪄
Was emotional touched from your video; then went to checking emails, there was a EDX course update, pleased to read you are a resource in the Science of Happiness course.
Thanks for your work.
Thank you for posting
This is sooo helpful.
She looks like Susannah from Legends of the Fall
Thank you.
Great stuff xxx
That top looks amazing.
Yes, indeed it does!
I get so much out of all your video's . Thank you.
I agree with the self pity thing that it's not just poor me but everyone has hardships.
But I read a lot that we shouldn't feel sorry for ourselves and I disagree. If something bad happens isn't it compassion to say "I'm sorry this happened"?. Doesn't it validate that it's hard and the hurt is real and valid?. We shouldn't stay stuck forever but isn't it the necesarry first step for healing to feel sorry for ourselves and after the necessary grieving try to move on and heal? Also if someone has self pity shouldn't we be compassionate and try help them instead of judging them as "self pitying*.?
So the only difference is that in self pity you believe only you suffer which is a lack of perspective. Self compassion means having perspective and seeing that everyone has hardships. Is there another difference?
If your family doesn't love you, how do you expect to feel love for yourself?
It's understandable that you don't feel love for yourself because you didn't learn it but u can learn it later
At 5:57, "spare the rod, spoil the child," is actually a saying that is based on a Proverb, found in the Bible. It doesn't mean harsh criticism. Here, I'll post it in one of the modern translations so that it's more clear. As you can see, it's talking about loving discipline.
"Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them" (Proverbs 13:24).
Ashley James Is this a translation or an interpretation? Does it impose a meaning that’s not in the text, in order to make the text more palatable to modern people? Also, to some people, “loving discipline” means loving the child enough to hit them (in the mistaken belief that it’s good for a child to understand the importance of the correction). Your explanation doesn’t really clear anything up. Besides, what people thought millennia ago doesn’t mean we need to live by that now.
My parents used that verse to justify beating me when I stepped out of line, or just did normal 'naughty' child things, or made too much noise. I hate what was done to me, in the name of Religion. I also really like Exodus 21 the most /s
It is important for children to be brought up in a disciplined way and at times they need to be punished. However it needs to be disciplined discipline - discipline that is based on love - at times tough love and compassion and respect - not discipline that is based on assault and humiliation. Physically assaulting children is not disciplined discipline - it is abuse. Ultimately it teaches many young people that in some circumstances assault is necessary and can lead you to getting the upper hand over someone. As adults many of them for understandable reasons find it less painful to say it taught them about right and wrong than admit their own parents assaulted and abused them. And the abuse can go on and on through the generations. If we are going to have this idea that assault is OK to discipline people where will it end? Do parents who spank their children also spank office juniors at wok who are regularly late or waste time doing social media? The bible is wrong about this issue. The passage about the rod is an unloving sinful passage. Both children and adults have to be punished sometimes and to claim otherwise is indulgent. But assault at best is trying to deal with one sin by performing another
If it contains the word "rod" then there's no room for alternative meanings or interpretations. You'll have to use another saying to make a point about loving discipline (there are plenty)
"Negative global self-evaluations, I am bad..." is the result of childhood trauma, which any child psychologist knows. Young children always blame themselves for any trauma/abandonment. This is basic child psychology and becomes entrenched in adults. Only reparenting through psychotherapy/12-step peer group support can displace self-loathing installed in childhood trauma. This is not an intellectual exercise but a subliminal, unconscious reconstruction that an individual must experience, not read a book or listen to/watch even the most attractive videos. Stress R Us
Unintentional ASMR
Jaante ho jab main previous psychiatrist ke paas gayi thi aur Maine tumhari usko depression story batayi thi. Tho uss doctor ne tumhe therapist ke paas Jane ko keh Rahe te. Vo doctor tumahare thoughts ko importance de Rahe te about your depresdion to go. Matlab tumahare thoughts Matlab your feelings I think. Vo doctor shayad keh Rahe te tumahare thoughts change hona chahiye. Kya tum God se pray Kar sakte ho ki main apni thoughts yaa feelings ko kaise change kar sakte hu regarding my past(guilt).
Sometimes we need, as humans to be harsh on ourselves Doing ongoing Self Assessment is what we should be doing. It is painful as we see where we were wrong or we could have done better. If we are too light on ourselves which seems to be more the way people are today .. That is mindlessness Rather, we must ponder ourselves (possibly harshly) and look at how we need to be better people so much narcissism and egoism today and so one must be ever-vigilant to not be overcome and become like that, and therefore self-assessment and yes, sometimes self-condemnation, must come into our consciousness so we become more conscientious...and that in order that we understand how grave it is not to try hard to change..
Sounds to me like you could use a bit of self-compassion :) The "common humanity"-part of compassion shows how we all struggle with things, like the ones you describe. To be ever-vigilant, self-assessing and always more conscientious seems to me hard to combine with mindfulness and prescence, and would make it harder, at least for me, to acknowledge and try to alleviate both my own and other people's suffering.
This is the kind of view i imagine would be expressed by many military people. Self-compassion would be the enemy and bringer of weakness for them.
I wonder why they think that way. Do they have something to contribute to the discourse (such as the idea of harsh love) or do they "just" need more self-compassion?
Yeah, a lot of military people do emotional harm to their children. They are warriors and they never put down the warrior spirit. Given human frailty, more often than not what we need is the true Healer's spirit. War should be infrequent in a state of war, unless it's spiritual war. There needs to be balance. I'm going to bring in religion (although all readers may not be believers). I've been reworking how I think of Christianity. There is a reason why Yashua wants us to walk with Him continuously. I used to spend a lot of time counting all my faults and being really harsh on myself. It just made me full of guilt and sick physically, emotionally, financially, relationally, and spiritually. Now, I just talk to Yahweh continually and ask Him to show me one flaw per day that I need to work on. I acknowledge it, but don't beat myself up about it. I trust that He and I will will get rid of it in due time. Yesterday, I got angry and felt it physically in my heart and my muscles. I simply told Him that I was angry and thanked Him for the relationship that We have that allows me to admit my anger without guilt, fear, and shame. I know He and I will work on my temperament. He died to take away my sins, but He did not ask me to deny them or seek to eradicate them on my own in an unattainable manner. "Therefore now, there is no condemnation to them who believe". That is the balance between self-compassion and honest attention to my flaws that I now practice.
Lisa Fiel Seems like you didn’t take in the fact that research proves that harshness makes it harder for people to change, not easier. Also, narcissism results from having parents who are too self-involved to offer unconditional love and support to their child, so the child develops a lack of self-regard that is extremely difficult to treat. Because such children learn to cover their pain by abusing others, including their own children - thus perpetuating the abuse for generations. Overindulgence produces wounded children because the parents didn’t care enough to offer love, but took the easy way out by substituting other things for real attachment and love. The result is the same. But overindulgence is not compassion. It’s just as cold as harsh discipline. Setting boundaries and enforcing them without shaming the child is what’s necessary. You can set and maintain rules without withdrawing loving support or imposing pain.
How's that been working out for you? I'm not being sarcastic, I really want to know. It's not working out too good for me so maybe I'm doing it wrong vOv
com·pas·sion
Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
so self-compassion is self-pity
That boom you heard was her point breaking the sound barrier as it passed you by.
You're drunk, evil tree 🤣🤣🤣 namaste 🙏
" concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others" can also be characterized as care. .....so self-care?!
Juliet Fischer LOL I feel like laughing at evil tree man. I guess the naughty self part of me is lurking. I am torn I want to make fun of evil tree but I sense of compassion towards her/him is taking over me.
It is not! You missed the whole point. Not self pity.
She is good looking
Wow, she really fills out that blouse. Oh, ah, and I agree with what she says.