Psychology Professor Explains Why Self-Compassion is Key | Kristin Neff on Women of Impact
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 พ.ค. 2020
- Hey guys, Lisa here! If you didn’t already know, I am super frikin excited to share that I’m writing a book! To be the FIRST to get sneak peeks about my book and other exclusive content go to: lisabilyeu.com/ and be sure to sign up for my newsletter.
Self-esteem has been a buzzword for what seems like forever, but as a goal or concept it has some big drawbacks. Self-esteem tends to be comparative and fragile, and provides a shaky foundation for healthy growth. So what should we replace self-esteem with? Dr. Kristin Neff, who has researched the subject for years, advocates for a better framework: self-compassion.
And on this episode of Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu, Kristin Neff explains what self-compassion is, discusses the difference between self-compassion and self-pity, and asks us to treat ourselves with the same mindful, motivating kindness that we so easily bestow on other people.
SHOW NOTES:
What’s the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion? [2:20]
Self-compassion does lead to self-worth, but that isn’t the end goal [6:05]
Self-compassion is not self-pity, self-indulgence, selfishness or complacency [8:48]
Why suppressing your pain actually makes it more intense [13:15]
Be mindful. Remember that pain is part of life. Then, be kind. [15:36]
Lisa and Kristin discuss the balance between compassion for others and the self [19:17]
Why are we often harder on ourselves than we are on other people? [21:03]
Kristin explains why it works to use compassionate touch on yourself [23:35]
We need other people, but it’s not good to wholly rely on other people [27:13]
Kristin discusses why it can be effective to talk about yourself in the 2nd person [29:21]
Self-criticism comes from the desire to be safe. It’s misdirective care. [32:27]
To come up with healthy methods of motivation, think about how you’d motivate a child [35:44]
Sometimes kindness has to be a little bit fierce, like a Mama Bear [38:39]
Kristin describes how compassion actually feels scary to someone used to abuse [40:06]
You already know how to be compassionate. All you have to do is use it on yourself. [42:39]
FOLLOW LISA:
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Podcast: spoti.fi/2IEajGW
FOLLOW KRISTIN:
WEBSITE: self-compassion.org
FACEBOOK: / selfcompassion
TWITTER: / self_compassion
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"If your compassion doesn't include yourself, it is incomplete." -Jack kornfield.
Brainy Byte 💯👏
Self compassion helped me get through betrayal trauma. This is a beautiful message to share.
YES.
*"When we're kind to ourselves... when we meet our emotional needs... (psychological, psychological needs, etc)" you have more RESOURCES to give...* 💃💯💥
Lady Tina 💯💯
This is a HUGE issue for female holistic practitioners - we are givers and rarely look inward at our own personal needs. Thanks for another stellar interview packed with truly life changing information.
Kirstin Neff is a legend. Her work was critical in my transformation ❤️ So cool to be a literal Doctor of Self-Compassion 👏🏼
I love the vibrant energy Lisa and I'm grateful to be able to find so many great women you have interviewed! MORE POWER Thank you Wonder Women 🌟
Staying mindfully and respectfully itself is self compassion, what we feel internally we exhibit externally. Thanks for this discussion.
It’s our job to love ourselves. That’s how you teach the world the way to treat you. Enough of treating others better than you treat yourself. You deserve the love and compassion first❤️. Love Lisa❤️
Christa Bello YES YES YES!!! 💪❤️
It is very good to extend compassion to one's self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering
This is the best video ever posted on TH-cam. Kristin is an outstanding communicator, articulating this topic so well. I enjoy Lisa's engagement in the whole topic and her responses are authentic. Why this doesn't have over a million views by now is beyond me.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today. So often we forget that we are only human and that we were never meant to be perfect, but rather to have compassion for our human experience. I never thought of the huge difference between self-compassion and self-esteem from the perspective that Kristin Neff explains in this interview.
I found your Spotify channel at time when I truly needed something positive in my life. My husband had spend years grinding me down into a shell of who I had used to be. I listened to episode after episode and found strength and wisdom in each episode. He verbally abused me calling horrid names one day over a year ago I attempted suicide and still went back because I truly believed I could not and did have anyone to turn to. He moved us away from all of my friends and family. I stayed until one day he came home after three days of being mad at me for some unknown reason.... but the thing was... I longer cared anymore. He could say all of those horrible things BUT I KNEW I was better, I KNEW I wasn't that person and my kids and moved into a new house. Yesterday, for the first time in four years I invited a friend and her family over for dinner. It felt good. I did not have worry about him breaking down every thing I did the food choice how much I laughed how much I did not laugh where I looked. I did not have that anxiety, fear, of what would happen if I interacted with other people.
Inspiring, keep doing you beautiful!
I'm also here to drag myself out of a black hole. Funny how I'm so sure it is possible for you, but not for me.
That's wonderful!! So happy for you, darling!!
I literally watched The Horse Boy documentary last night and it has changed the way I view autism and the power of energy healing. This documentary is transformational!! I recommend everyone to watch it!!
I love your show and am so happy that i am the first person to comment to day.
Are you from Srilanka?
Kandy Foma NICE! 👏👏🙏❤️
Thank you Lisa and Kristen. 🙌 Awesome content and still watching ❤️
How poorly we treat ourselves. It's nice yo be reminded that we are worthy💚💚💚
Fatemeh A ❤️❤️
Your show is so cool, Lisa. Thank you for choosing us all the time - people who need inner strength in order to win. God bless you and your team.
Thank you lisa for still going on with your show ❤️🙏🏼
Real Talk ❤️🙏
Amazing ! Recommend her books and her meditations :)
So thankful for this video! Thanks Lisa -- you've inspired me to start my own positivity and health focused channel.💕 Wishing you a blessed and be-YOU-tiful day from this new TH-camr 🙏🏼✨☀️😁
Mandy J Ross 😘😘
Wow!! 🌟👌🌟 so needed to hear this. Thank you both for your awesomeness xx
Lisa, you are amazing 💕
Loved this interview and loved your questions! You're a great interviewer.
Thank you very much for this amazing episode🍬, it was like a sign for me.. Love you appreciate your work and your husband as well🌷..
Wish you both all the best ♥..
Thank you. ❤
Great interview. My 18 yr old daughter tends to be hard on herself and often speaks negative to herself. I ask her - you wouldn't say that to your best friend right?
I love love love her book 😍it changed my life and is my holy bibel now. I come back so many times to the self compassion book❤❤❤
Scorpion Girl 91 awesome!! ❤️
Thank you ❤❤
Ooh, saving this to watch later. Kristin Neff's book 'Self-Compassion' literally changed my life about 6 years ago when I first read it. Forever grateful for her transformative work and got to attend a live workshop of her's in London last year to really dial in the teachings. Thank you, Lisa; love, fellow Londonder ;-)
Warda AbduRahman YES to Kristin and yes time London!! ❤️
This was such an amazing interview!
nicole ❤️❤️
Thank you!
I love Kristin's work
Best speech ive heard so far
Dena Sedaqat wow! Amazing 🙏❤️
Thank you
Super interesting video as always! It would be very helpful if you could film videos on how to deal with loneliness and isolation
Would love love love to see on episode with Shan Boodram!! I feel like sexual empowerment is also very important too, especially for womxn in the world✨✨✨
Loved IT
All my life I had suffer from abuse by the hands of others from parents to boyfriends. Backdraft....that's an eye opener.
🦋Comparison is the devil
All these months l felt awful for myself, depression, imminent divorce. Still Jobless. But a voice inside said, "Be kind to yourself". I was already practicing self-compassion. I don't Subscribe to outside validation. Get off of social media. Don't compare yourself to others. Remember what you see on there is carefully curated to engineer a persona, success, beauty, privilege and so on. Perfection. Consider every Instagram filter ever used and the collective hours of everybody who ever used them.
Unsubscribe from the conventional idea of "success". Define what real happiness and success means for YOU. What does it look like, feel like? This is different for everybody. You might not like where you are in life. There's also a better tomorrow when you Strive for a better tomorrow. Even for me it's so slow going and aggravating, not necessarily easy. The Pandemic makes it worse reduced government, medical, and legal services. Scratch that, everything, even private enterprises. Red tape, bureaucracy, etc. I get frustrated. I have to change everything. But with patience, persistence and diligence l know I'm gonna get through it all. Every area of my life. I committed everything to my marriage. Now l choose to commit to me 💯 percent
I have am thankful l have a growth mindset. I accept the disappointments, mistakes, failures I've made in the past as life lessons.
You live, you learn... Like the Alanis Morissette song.
th-cam.com/video/d2J-bFWuxcs/w-d-xo.html
This is so wrong on every level :(