Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth | Adia Gooden | TEDxDePaulUniversity
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 พ.ค. 2018
- When a person demands perfection of herself or himself, anything less can feel like failure. Adia Gooden knows this from experience. In addition to her work as a staff psychologist at the University of Chicago, she’s learned in her own life how to break negative thought patterns and live more freely. She shares those lessons in her talk: “Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth.”
Gooden is a licensed clinical psychologist. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Stanford University and her doctorate in clinical community psychology from DePaul College of Science and Health in 2013. Gooden is currently a staff psychologist and coordinator for multicultural outreach and support at The University of Chicago’s Student Counseling Service. In this role, she provides individual, group and couple therapy to undergraduate and graduate students. She also conducts outreach workshops for students of color and continuing education training for clinicians on working with black clients. Gooden authors a blog focused on promoting mental health among black women. She speaks and writes about black women, black couples, black youth and mental health. Gooden is a licensed clinical psychologist. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Stanford University and her doctorate in clinical community psychology from DePaul College of Science and Health in 2013. Gooden is currently a staff psychologist and coordinator for multicultural outreach and support at The University of Chicago’s Student Counseling Service. In this role, she provides individual, group and couple therapy to undergraduate and graduate students. She also conducts outreach workshops for students of color and continuing education training for clinicians on working with black clients. Gooden authors a blog focused on promoting mental health among black women. She speaks and writes about black women, black couples, black youth and mental health. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
1. Forgiveness
2. Self acceptance
3. Be there for yourself
4. Connect with supportive people
In Jesus Christ his name and Jesus Christ his blood everyone deserves it's own self worth: Amen!
@@jewishbride5010 In your own name, you deserve your self-worth
Thanks for summing it up!
@@AdNauseamart lol you have a beautiful response
Also may I say I think I was divinely guided here 👏
"What would you stop doing if you knew you were already worthy?"
What would you stop doing Ashley? This is what I stopped doing once I fell in love with myself at a soul level: I stopped people pleasing, I stopped overgiving, I stopped getting offended easily, I stopped taking things personally, I stopped craving love, approval and validation from others, I became super picky about who I spend my time with, I stopped trying to be perfect, I stopped being afraid of failure and rejection, and I stopped feeling anxious all the time! Nothing is more freeing than developing intrinsic self-worth.
@@orianagalardi-este9211 everything you just said you stopped doing is every single thing I do but I don't know how to stop. I feel empty and undervalued and I don't know how to change.
@ Oriana Galardi-Este...your self love goals are all that I am also aiming for atm...would you mind sharing the things you did in your journey to self love?...I’m working on myself so anything I can benefit from would greatly appreciated, Thanks
People pleasing and wanting to be liked. Those are demons that kill me!!!
@@orianagalardi-este9211 Yes! Different book, similar story. The first thing that comes to mind- I would stop letting depression rob me of my essence. All of the things you named as well.
*If I'd be perfect, then I'd be happy* raise ya hands if you knew this feeling
embrace imperfection Heaven is the only location for perfection . the only thing perfect is the word perfect be balanced n focus on outcomes not details
@@kimberleychoudhury3358Thank you for this Anon!
@@macprincess2 ur welcome sweet heart please subscribe and share the link on ur fb /twitter - anon music CHARTIY the album coming soon
Nobody's perfect - that's why we are original and not boring😀
How do u measures “ perfection” ?
It makes me a little sad to see a lot of comments mentioning the speaker's looks, that's she's beautiful. And of course, yes, she really is. But it sort of takes away from the point she's making, and also reinforces this thing that we as women keep doing to ourselves and each other and then in our dark moments feel bad about: equating physical appearance with inherent goodness, like, "How could she have had low self-worth when she's so beautiful?" Well, that's just the point. If we say beautiful equals worthy or even partially equals worthy, then we've missed the point of "worthy" and are perpetuating its being tied to actual traits.
Wow, I never thought of it that way. Your message is powerful!!!!
Dude yes, so on point. The current problem with low self-worth is that our current culture ties value to some trait, like beauty or intelligence. When your sense of self worth is tied to something else like that, you're left on edge all the time, feeling like you need to hold onto that trait, and that without that trait you are nothing. True self-worth is knowing that you could lose everything society considers valuable, and still have worth. It's a source of true strength and stability. Beauty has nothing to do with it.
Nobody Asked
J Rod yet here u are commenting regardless so🤷🏿♀️
Completely right. I’m so glad you said that
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a baby.
With love.
Thank you, I think that tip is a lot closer to truth
True, thankyou
This made me smile a smile you di when you see a baby
that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever read
But not if you're one of those people who aren't even nice to babies. Phew, some of the sad views toward even babies that I've seen. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you actually like. That should do.
I wanted to share this with you guys:
In German we have the Word “self-worth” and a separate word for the thing, the feeling Adia mentioned- like a ">sense< of self-worth”.
Because our own self worth never changes, just our own sense or feeling towards it. :)
Have a good journey, folks
We’re all in this together 🌻
love
💗
I don't know why that made me cry .
It's a shame to know this so late .
Thanks
welche wörter meinst du?
Powerful ❤
So I have always been questioning why I had such low self-esteem despite all my achievements. Now i know that I have high self-esteem but low self-worth.
Same
..despite all of your achievements.. well, atleast you have some or many of them
Saaaaaaame :(
S A M E
I’m trying to figure all this stuff out.
Self-worth is truly a continuous process. I've been working on mine. When the question is asked, "Why are you still single in your 30's?" Society is trying to put me in a box. My self-worth journey is helping me to come out of that box.
Amen.
I'm so glad you're working on yours. It's the most important work you can do. Once you've developed that intrinsic self worth, you'll experience true freedom. Come watch my videos to learn how I fell in love with myself at a SOUL level and how my entire life transformed!
Amen. Self worth is a continuous process like u said.. like taking vitamins & exercising all our lives. & adding the self-worth self love vitamin everyday before starting th day🙏🏻✨🙏🏻✨
@@gloriamariadc7757 very true. As you take the "self-worth vitamins", do you ever get that void feeling?
@@orianagalardi-este9211 where?
*EDITED* 2 years and 5 months sober! I am overwhelmed with the love from so many of you from all over and I thank you for taking the time out of your day to wish me well. It hasn’t been easy but I will never give up on myself again.!!! and still fighting! The best decision I ever made after 20+ years of drug addiction- lost my family and life to drugs. Fighting addiction for many years I hit a bad rock bottom and thankfully got into treatment learning I had to finally come to accept myself flaws and all. Made a step to better MYSELF 147 days sober and in love with learning I am worthy and beautiful…I am learning each day self love is far more important than any love from a relationship. Thank you for this truly inspiring speech 💜🙏🏼 (UPDATE) I love all the msgs and support So grateful and so glad I am finally living the life I’ve dreamed of! Thank you to everyone who has been sending msgs
You got this 💙
So proud of you! 💙 you’re on the right path.
6 months still going strong!
@@meganbrown2129 keep going 💙
@@tiffanyxi thank you! I’m not giving up
This was me; and still me, but I am working on it. Self-love is so important.
Me too and am 43
It is, Michelle you are worthy. You are lovable, self- love is sooooo important. Please keep learning to love yourself. I am. You're more than worth loving yourself 💕🤗❤
@@nickandchrismom Thank you, You are as well. Angela! Let's continue to self love ourselves..
@@michelleforte8669 indeed. May your journey in, through, and to loving yourself always be sweet! May God bless you!
@@nickandchrismom Thank you.
SUMMARY of her 4 ways of cultivating unconditional self-worth:
1. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Acknowledge the situation that led to your mistake and say „I forgive me“ in an honest and kind way.
2. Practice self-acceptance. Let go of your thoughts how you think you should be. Embrace the things you like about yourself as well as the things you think others may not like. You are worthy just the way you are.
3. Be there for yourself when life gets rough. Acknowledge your emotional pain and say nice things to yourself.
4. Connect with supportive people.
thanks!
Thank you
Thanks you 💐🙏🏾
Thank you
Thank you 🙏🏽
This video had me sobbing for a full 15 minutes. She's incredibly emotionally literate and a wonderful speaker. I also loveee that she's from Chicago!
Bravo
Probably because this is the most important lesson and work anyone can do. Once you've developed that intrinsic self-worth, you finally have the FREEDOM you've been hungering for!
Same girl, same.
Very good speaker indeed. You can only listen to someone who speaks the language of your heart and her words were the best at reaching my heart out of multiple videos I’ve been watching on this topic for almost months now. Maybe speeches are better sources of information than a TH-camr speaking to a camera, grateful I got to see this video!
Me too! I’ve never had such a strong emotional reaction to a Ted talk before
I'm trying to live a life that expresses me rather than seeking to justify me. It's such a brutal habit to break. Thank you for all your hard work!
Such a good way to put iy
Omg phenomenal
I found this statement very relatable. I wish you success in trying to break the habit &/or making peace with it : ))
@@BrownSkinnedDiva95 uh
If I could just find someone to love me then I would finally feel worthy .......I wonder how many of us have been there before ....I've wasted too much time chasing self worth in things that have nothing to do with true self worth.
definitely ✋🏼
Yup i know what you mean. Then you figure out that it comes only from within
It doesn't quite work that way. Just because a person is loved, doesn't mean their self-esteem or self-worth rises. I've had many relationships and I have had very low self-esteem/worth my entire life (since age 6 to present age 41), regardless of relationships. Our self-worth/esteem should not be dependent on another person. I am slowly learning to believe that self-esteem/worth comes from within, but I haven't yet figured out how to build it within myself.
IT'S A INSIDE JOB ..
SELF ACCEPTANCE.
YOU EITHER
GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING .
TIME WASTED IS LIFE WASTED . IF NOTHING CHANGES , NOTHING CHANGES .
That’s why I’m hear. I was lucky enough to come across a comment that gave me a realization of why I’m heartbroken. I’m relying on others for self worth and this video is such a wake up call
Accept “your unusual ways of thinking about things” I felt that
Beautiful ❤️
"As soon as I reached the bar I had set for my worth, it was raised" goodness, this struck me
I've never believed in the concept of perfection. I had a strong sense of self-worth as a child, but lost it growing up to be a teenager and then to be a man. As a child I wasn't confident per se, I just didn't doubt my own worth. I could look at my faults and with a cheerful smile say; "Yup, I'm short and weak.". I was emotionally open and available to those around me, for all the good and the bad it brought me. Now I sit here closed up and stunted behind my computer screen. I can still say "Yup, I'm short and weak.". But it isn't with a smile. I still am not confident, but now I hardly believe in my own self-worth. Rationally I know it is there, emotionally I don't.
Why even write this comment? It doesn't solve the problem, but I do believe it is somewhat vindicating to put yourself and your issues out there for the world to see. And looking at myself I do suppose I still possess that feeling of self-worth deep down, it is simply hidden under a bush of twisted thorns. In a way it is equal parts frustrating and relieving. Knowing it is there, but unable to reach out due to a fear of the pain.
Eh, everybody has flaws - I'm 6'2" and fairly muscular, and always felt I was fairly strong, but I've been self-conscious to varying degrees my whole life, never quite fit in etc. - you have worth, you have something to give, you just have to forge a mental machete and hack through those thorn bushes.
What do you think was the moment that changed it for you or the time that changed it for you if you did have it and then you lost it?
1. What would you find the courage to do if you knew you were worthy?
2. What would you dare to dream if your self worth wasn’t at stake?
3. What would you stop doing if you knew you were already worthy?”
i believe in its all self talk. no pill can fix it. i healed my self through self talk in order to shape my perspective on life.
Not even dr phil
Sometimes you are born in a situation where others receive favour without effort, while you have to work for it. That makes you link your worth to your accomplishments
But at least you now realize that's not how true self-worth is developed or nourished. That person you mention is living on quick sand; as soon as the adoration ends......they begin to crumble. Esteem and Value yourself!
She is beautiful, intelligent, polished, and her topic resonates with so many women.
And Men... Let's stop genderising problems that are real for everyone... Including men
Dee Woods I mean.....isn’t it? A gendered problem I mean. I completely agree with you. But there’s a reason the gender gap is so dramatic when it comes to things like eating disorders, women are also twice as likely to be depressed as men. And also commit more suicide attempts, and are more likely to have low self esteem. When it comes to how you look, more of your self-worth as a woman is placed on it. That isn’t all her topic was, but it was a huge part of it. That doesn’t mean we should have language that frames it’s solely a female problem, because then unfortunately that creates a toxic stigma around male victims. Buuuut, overall the issues associated with her topic *disproportionately* affects women more. There needs to be a balance in our rhetoric that reflects that gender gap. I don’t want male victims to feel disenfranchised but there’s also reasons there’s such a drastic gap in both genders concerning the rates they’re victimized by these kinds of issues.
Dee Woods just to be clear I’m not saying male victims are not equally as valid as female victims. They need just as much research and advocation and help as the women do. But let’s ask ourselves WHY there’s such a large gender disparity in the kind of problems discussed. Maybe because definitions of worth are more superficial, consequential, pervasive, for women than they are for men? I don’t it’s good to equalize the rhetoric we use to talk about these issues without also recognizing that the way both genders experience them are not equal. Again, I think a balance is needed between not locking out male victims from the conversation but also still acknowledging it’s still and has been a largely female issue.
Naira Bee I just want to say that I agree with your point. Self esteem issues often resonate more within women than men, but you have to look at your statistics from a different angle. First of all, men are about 3,5 times more likely to commit suicide than women and I feel like without generalizing, a lot of suicide attempts are done as a mean to get attention (not always in a bad way) and women are more prone to that. I’m no expert or anything so don’t quote me on that. Also, men are not as open as women when it comes to their inner issues of self esteem, depression, anxiety and such. They are groomed to hide away their feelings and constantly feel like they will be judged if they show vulnerability. Women are more comfortable talking about this, because vulnerability is accepted and even excepted from them. I also feel like there are more men that are affected by mental issues then what the statistics show. Again, not trying to invalidate your point, but I feel like this issue is not as much gender bound as it might seem.
Dave Dave I agree. The statistics can have multiple factors behind them and the Gap might not be as large as the statistics suggest. And I said women ATTEMPT suicide 3X more than men do, men are unfortunately just really effective at taking their own life. So they die from suicide more, but women are by far more suicidal. I think calling it potential attention seeking is inaccurate and shaky territory, when you look at how women are also multiple times more than men to have thoughts of suicidal ideation. Even if it was for attention, if someone exhibits a cry for help that insanely desperate, it’s not something to be taken lightly regardless.
And I say the gap is as big as the statistics show because it’s reflected in literally every aspect of our culture and expectations for women. How you look is a much bigger deal for women, it just is. We know this. Look at the statistics of who is getting the cosmetic producers, surgical enhancements, and just about any statistic that has to do with the topics I discussed, women suffer from it more. So at that point, it’s just a case of if it quacks and talk like a duck, it’s probably a duck. Not all the statistics are self reporting, like the statistics of eating disorders for example. That’s a diagnosable condition that we can count. And women still suffer from it more. I’m sure some of that gap would be slightly made up by men who aren’t empowered to speak about their emotions, but again, a good portion of the stats (eating disorders, surgical alterations etc) aren’t even self reporting and reflect the exact same trend of women baring the brunt of that kind of struggle more than men do.
“Mental illness” is often a “normal” reaction to our circumstances and what we believe society expects.
It’s not just a “reaction” and should not be treated as so. Mental disorders are real and completely serious and a correct diagnosis should not be undermined but treated correctly. I would discourage putting “-“ around the words mental illness as it suggests it’s some sort of myth which is insulting to both the ones who have it and the professionals who dedicate their lives to study it/help.
That's a generalization.
@@ninaaden8338 Enlighten me on where the generalisation is
1. Forgive your self
Acknowledge and accept your mistakes
2. Love yourself
We try to fit the mold, embrace your quirks.
3. Be there for yourself during tough times. I see you, I'm here.
Comfort and kind words
4. Connect to others
Challenges will come
Dance floor - 💃💃💃
"Be there for yourselves when life gets rough" - Words of Wisdom :) I really need to hear this now. Thank you Adia!
You are welcome! So glad that resonated with you!
Her voice is AMAZING! She should voice meditation recordings!!!
This kicked me in my gut...had me crying. I better understand myself and feel better prepared to live my best life. Bless you, Adia.
Sending you a big hug Clarissa!
i cried too girl!!
She gutted me and I'm forever grateful
Bawling like a baby rn
I'm so glad this resonated with you and that it has prepared you to live your best life!
Wise talk & wise woman. I love this term *unconditional self worth*! If you don't have self worth, having self-esteem is going to be quite an impossible feat.
Thank you!
Fit Outside the Box with Karla trying to embrace myself and change my thinking
Nica abs
Thanks, I needed that
I deserve to be alive, loved and cared for...❤my new power phrase
We live in a perfectionist society. That can definitely drive anyone crazy. I can relate to this. Now...I dont aim for perfectionism, i dont expect that from myself, i always leave room for failure. Yet...i try to be the best version of myself.
That's really the best way - don't compare yourself to others, just enjoy life and do your best to improve where you need to/can.
Thats wonderful
Most societies struggle with this, it is a very human condition. Part of it is on us and part of it is on parenting not being the best it can be.
All I want to say is... thank you...
Right now I'm in a litteral bad place with almost no support..
I truly needed these words and I'm so thankfull you put them out in the world! Thank you so much!!
You are very welcome!
Hope you feel better, Stefanie! I encourage you to love yourself, because I need to do that, too. Be gentle and kind to your self, dear. When I was younger I went to anonymous self help groups, it was extremely helpful for me.
I hope you're in a better place today Stefanie!
Adia Gooden Thank You So Much. Your speech so beautiful. Powerful. Life changing. This is exactly what I needed at this point of my life. You do not know how much this helped me. Thank you. Bless you. ❤️
I hope it's better for you now
The single most life changing moment for me was figuring out that no matter how many people I treat well or as many friendships as a gained meant nothing if I didn’t love myself. Everything is connected to that, I like how she put it as self esteem and self love are two different things, I had a constantly shifting self esteem and criticized myself constantly. Of course people in highschool werent the greatest and will amplify this by pointing out all your shortcomings. Self love should be at the very core of yourself not pleasing others.
Such an eloquent and captivating speaker, you can see the compassion and wisdom in her eyes. Her patients are really lucky, but hey, now so are we, thank you for sharing this wonderful and insightful talk.
A beautiful piece on worthiness. I choose to forgive myself for past mistakes. I am wonderfully made, accept myself wholeheartedly. I'll keep being there for me even when life gets tough and i will connecting with supportive friends and family on this journey of cultivating genuine self worth. Thank you Adia Gooden, i appreciate your words so much.
So inspiring. Thank you.
Wow. Profound. My heart feels peaceful remembering I don’t have to do anything other than BE. Thank you for your realness and unconditional self love.
This is the greatest truth of all. And is the key to your freedom!
I had a best friend who passed away already. She was that person who taught me the difference between self worth and self confidence or self esteem. Thank you so much for this inspiring talk, Adia. This is so timely and truly helpful for a course I am making for teens. Love and light and blessings.
Sorry for your loss, may you find peace in your grieving.
Listening to her speak made me look at myself differently. I recently went on a girls trip and as I looked at everyone in there bathing suits and the confidence that they had made me feel not as worthy. I instantly started thinking critical of myself and thinking about all of the things I needed or wanted to change about myself. I felt insecure at times on the trip and I did not understand why I had felt that way but now I understand that I did not feel worthy of myself. Watching this today really helped realize that I had low self-worth and I need to practice the 4 steps to cultivate my self-worth. This video was awesome.
I didn't expect to start crying while listening to this. Guess it struck a chord.
Me too
Thank you for this video. I myself have been going through major transformation. I have learned that my self worth comes from the fact I am a divine being. I am my soul, not my body. And my soul comes from God. And that is all the worth anyone could need.
Transformation begins with revelation, and revelation comes from God. Blessings to you on your journey. 👣
❤️🔥💯
I wanna give her a hug.
She's gorgeous, extremely inspirational, and holds her self in away that you can feel her inward self worth. Thank you for your talk. All women should hear this :)
That's what I immediately saw. I'd love to get to that point!!
@@charmainephasoana6850 You WILL. You r well on your way.
Agreed.
Yes, agreed.
It is strange to see a such beautiful and smart woman talking about herself as a person that used to feel unworthy! That explains a lot of things about our sick thoughts and considerations of ourselves.
Thanks again for this great speech.
True..
Also says alot about the colorism instilled in the values of this country, "Would my brown skin and kinky hair be accepted"
@@orangemoon9634 I'm a white male and beauty is beauty, it comes in different forms. Not to take away from her point about self worth being innate, but she is gorgeous, and I think most men who aren't diehard racists would agree.
My husband and I were watching this together and neither of us, in our late thirties, had ever even CONSIDERED being their for yourself. I guess I was always looking for other people to be there for me.
Thank you for a moving and very powerful talk. I appreciate it for my own self worth journey!! Many thanks.
Such an epiphany isn't it? Life changing. once you become your own best friend, you stop grasping for love, approval and validation from others, which not only frees YOU, but it also allows you to better love everyone else because you don't NEED anything else from them anymore. It's such a beautiful thing.
risainternet the truth is it’s difficult to only solely be there for yourself, you need other people being therefore yourself only works in the sense that you start agreeing with all those that have supported you
Really enjoyed this and makes me feel better knowing Im not the only one going through this. Throughout my life, I've always felt like something was "wrong" with me. That everyone else was "normal" and I was always trying and failing to be normal. At 26, I still feel this. But I'm understanding everyone is going through something. We are all different and there is no "normal ". I'm introverted and shy and feel the most unworthy when Im around loud and fun loving people. I feel like im not good enough to be around people like that. I want to have unconditional self worth so I dont have to experience the pain of feeling like Im not good enough anymore. This is the most painful feeling.
Im with you ❤
I feel you on that - it might make you feel better to know that there are probably plenty of other people (myself included) like you. You just do you.
@@MsElmicky ❤
@Yellowblanka I posted that a few years ago and I've been doing a lot of work and healing and it's helped me a lot, though I definitely still struggle at times too. Thank you for your kind words and lots of love to you my friend ❤
I don't want this to take years.. I have to change now! I have suffered enough :(
it seems to be on a continuum. What of this can you do right now; then check how it feels to you. I understand the suffering.
Amen to that!!!!!!👌👌👌. (In case ur interested I just finished doing BreakMethod.. totally abt re-wiring once & for all the rooted disempowering beliefs from childhood.)🙏🏻🙏🏻
Same. I am 41 years on this journey and somehow "self love" STILL does not click with me. I don't understand how to change my beliefs about myself and so far, I can't find anyone who can explain it to me. They just offer empty platitudes like "you have to believe in yourself" and "you have to love yourself".......it simply doesn't make sense to me.
She has a beautiful interior that projects through a gorgeous exterior. But her mind and spirituality are the traits that should be praised, in fact let’s praise all that she is☀️✨
i've have been struggling with low self-worth for many years, so this talk inspired me greatly! thank you
I'm legit crying right now and I'm still watching this video. i resonate with this topic on the highest level!!!
Come watch my videos Marissa! Same topic. ❤
I wish we could broadcast this daily everywhere. This is so necessary to hear on the daily. Thank you for putting this into our world ❣️
Thank you for this! It gives me hope💜 I was not aware how low my self worth was until I started therapy. For many years I was on autopilot not knowing who I was and molding into a person others wanted me to be. (People pleasing) But I am now working on accepting myself, flaws and all and not having to be "perfect". It's been a process but I am hopeful and praying that I will one day get to that point and I wish the same for everyone else struggling with this.
I thought I was the Only one struggling with this feeling of unworthiness, but this video has encouraged me greatly... Thank you
Not at all. I had low self-worth for most of my life. It took therapy, meditation, and more to really heal. I have a healthier self-worth now. But it's becoming aware that's important so it just grows organically. 🌸💗💕
“Our worth is based on the fact that we’re humans” I love it
This lady is so good at speeches and talking! Her jestures are loose but brod at the end, which makes the audience connect with the smooth, but then listen with the brod. She pauses during her speech, so people can listen. Her voice is very strong and loud during her speech! Also I love how she made a speech on this because I really needed it. Thanksss!
Once I started the journey of loving myself, life has change. I’m more happy & a lot of great things are happening 😍
I came across this video recovering from a relapse of anxiety, of a trigger of be isolated this helped me a lot thank for sharing your story and knowledge ❤️🥺💐
When she mentioned how the dance made her finally free, I remembered the moment I dared to sing a Christmas carol out loud during preparations for a contest in high school. I don't have a great voice or anything and I HATE being in the centre of attention, but somehow I always wanted to do it. Our group tried to get the carol right and they asked me to sing it. That was like 4 years ago, and from that moment I felt like if I could do that, then I can do anything. Unfortunately now I feel worse, but I think that doing stuff that makes us feel scared is somehow a way to break free. We are able to do anything that we want, it's just our mind that sets this non-existent barriers. Love to you all and have a great new year!
I was in Chorus from 6th to 12th grade (many moons ago now, though not THAT many) and did my only solo senior year....I got nervous under the hot lights and packed auditorium and awkwardly stumbled through the brief solo, really humiliating. I remember in the Chorus room it seemed like the other members of the chorus/the director were giving me side-eyes/avoiding looking at me. That was the crowning achievement of my final year. Vocally I could have done it fine, was told I had a good voice and the theatre director tried a few times to get me to join, but I've always been somewhat reserved and my nerves were shot. Still think about it all these years later, and I think experiences like that have made me more reserved/averse to going outside of my limited comfort zone.
Glad I found this. Every person I have ever met has turned against me. I've never been loved. People's natural instinct is to hate me. I've felt very alone for all 32 years of my life and I need to find a way to see if I'm worth anything.
I don’t know you but I love you because you’re my fellow human .Self hate is not something god made it in us ,it was gained.Somebody made you feel unloved and unworthy that’s why you’re feel this.Remember,nobody would love you more than you .You we’re always there through good times and bad .You still her means you actually loved by you!
"What would you stop doing if you knew you were already worthy" brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this beautiful thing called unconditional self-worth.
There’s something helpful about knowing you don’t fit early on and then tryna be the weirdest you can be.
Kudos to you! You're one of the strong ones, then. Most go the way of trying their best to fit in by mindlessly conforming to the mass standards.
Karmamel K When my parents named me Mayeaux I had no choice, but to stand out lol. When I walked down the halls with my big hair when everybody had straight hair I was motivated to do so because I admired people who had hair like mine Erykah Brady, Diana Ross, Chaka Khan.
@@mayusoma That's the wisdom of parents who give their children unique names: they create an entirely new name for their child to reflect the fact that their child is like no other. I love that! Bless your parents, and bless you for making standing out a wonderful thing (although I know there are certainly times when it can be challenging; I'm Asian and grew up with a "foreign" name in white-majority schools, too)!
Karmamel K it took me awhile to start correcting people because i know my name is difficult to pronounce, but if people can pronounce Machiavelli’s name then they can learn mine.
@@mayusoma :) Your name looks French, and if I were a teacher reading role call on the first day of school, I'd just spell it rather than risk butchering it. LOL
I wish l had seen heard this earlier.... But l believe it's never to late to build my self-woth.
Thank you so much for this life changing message 🥰
Gratefulness is the secret to happiness. Once we all realize how incredibly lucky we are to even be alive on this planet and stop comparing ourselves to others, true happiness will find us. The one thing that helped me so much to become more grateful was Forwago.
I agree 👍 💯
I really felt this, although I encourage everyone to find a literal dancefloor instead of a metaphoric one! As someone who has witnessed first hand the healing of free movement and dance, I can't recommend dancing in general and especially Ecstatic Dance highly enough. See if there's an Ecstatic Dance being hosted near you and free your self on the dance floor. and if there isn't a Dance near you, never underestimate the power of dancing alone in your room. blessings to all of you, remember you ARE worthy!!!
This is exactly what I needed to start a healthy life journey
Self worth will definitely push away certain men & I have learned to accept that in my journey.🙏❤️😇
Same here and I’m 100 percent ok with that. Very cautious and worthy of taking up space cuz you are too , so why am I not ?
Embrace yourself, quarks and all. I love it! Great talk. I’m gonna play these types of talks for my kids.
Finally tried cooking for myself today to feel like I could do it! My PTSD doesn’t have to be so debilitating! Woohoo for self worth!! Thank you so much for motivating me as I cooked!! 🥰🌺🐕 Aloha from Hawaii!!
Congratulations friend! May you keep making lots of amazing meals
Four ways to begin to feel more worthy:
1. Forgive yourself. acknowledge and accept what has already happened. Acceptance releases us from blaming her ourselves or others and allows us to move forward). To forgive yourself, reflect on the circumstances that led to it, acknowledge the pain you’ve experienced, then identify what you’ve learnt from the situation, then say to yourself, “I forgive you” in an honest and kind way
2. Practice self acceptance. Many of us struggle with low self-worth because we think something is wrong with us and refuse to accept ourselves the way that we are. Let go of the thoughts you have about how u should feel, look and be different - instead, Focus on the things that you like about yourself and overtime, begin to embrace your quirks, your crooked smile, your unusual ways of thinking about things etc. This will help you to acknowledge that you are worthy just the way you are
3. Be there for yourself when life gets rough. Engaging in harsh self criticism only makes us feel worse. What we need most when we go thru a difficult time is for someone to say “I see u, I see how bad you’re hurting, I’m here”. We can do this for ourselves. The next time you feel emotional pain, acknowledge the pain you’re feeling and offer yourself some comfort. Give yourself a hug or place a hand on your chest and say something kind, comforting and soothing to yourself
4. Connect to supportive people. This helps us to get in touch with our humanity and our self worth
Thank you for your kindness. "I am worthy"
I am on a self love journey. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
She took me back to my own childhood when it came to me at dances. Till this day I refuse to dance and that's because I get heavy anxiety.
I feel you but we're awesome lets dance next time ;)
My bf is like that. He refuses to dance.
By the time I could go to dances it was the seventies and I didn't like the music of that era and I was too afraid to ask any girl to dance. In 2001, I discovered cybergoth music, which I love and which you dance to in the dark and I discovered that I could dance to music I liked and that you just find yourself dancing with girls automatically. (Cybergoth is very loud, no touching or speaking and so no stressful situations)
This was 3 years ago, but I hope that you take that step to dance if you haven’t already. It’s so freeing and cathartic. ❤️
1. Acceptance of past mistakes - self forgiveness.
2. Practice self acceptance - just as we are right now.
3. Be there for yourself when life gets rough - Comfort yourself, as you'd want others to do.
WOW! WOW! WOW! Wonderful message to us all. Thank you for having the courage to share your story to help free others.
I'm so glad you're talking about this topic. Many more people don't feel worthy than we'll ever know. I too never felt worthy or good enough. Not anymore...I love myself! She's right on point.
You gutted me cause you spoke to my entire life. We've had a similar journey in youth and young adulthood, but I haven't yet gotten myself out of the rut like you have. Still chasing the feelings of grief from the failure of my last relationship and career direction which has been paralyzing me emotionally for over a year. I can't seem to shake the feelings of shame and regret. Forever grateful for you. Thank you
You’re worthy just the way you are! You are beautiful 😍
Ultimately all stories n research have proved unconditionally self worth is loving n believe in yourself. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
thankyou very much. I replay this video every time I got into a depressive stage, it saved me.
Being loved is very important. You gotta love yourself first though.
This beauty just uplifted my spirits!! Thank you 😇❤
Thank you!
Such a profound topic. Thank you to Ms. Gooden for bringing this topic to the Tedx Talk stage. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Bravo
You are welcome! Thank you!
Omg this hit home. Her story of chasing perfectionism, constantly raising the bar in yourself, all of it. One of the best tedx talks I've ever seen
This is one of the greatest talks ever.
I love this talk. Adia is not only worthy, she is super-beautyful and absolutely inspirational. Thank you for this video
Thank you!!
I'm grateful that found this 🙇
Her shared experience tears me.
Inner self dialouge is true self love. The only love you need is your love. Guided meditations attitude of gratitude stopping ur mind from going backwards in thinking when u past no longer serves you.
I'm 40 I'm finally learning how to love myself and do it during regection i walk outside and tell myself that I am amazing that those things aren't true. Others acceptance isn't important. Bekind to urself with ur inner dialogue u can do it stay present learn how to stay in the moment and be strong with ur thoughts stop urself when u are thinking bad stop urself and change ur inner dialogue it is helping me so much cbt therapy is helping too. Do everything you can to love u. Its time to make and learn healthy coping skills. Not every day is easy but nvr give up
You have no idea how important this talk is to me. I thank you deeply.
It’s hard because people judge me without even getting to know me. They expect me to act and be “normal”. But what is normal? My life has been anything but normal. I push others away because I’m “too much” is there something wrong with me? Or is it them. I struggle with self worth on another level. It doesn’t matter if I get help. I am broken brokenness is not something that goes away. It hurts to even want to be here.
Learn to accept yourself and how your life is. Being grateful is hard to do, but learning it is accomplishment. Never compare yourself to others.
oh my god i needed this so much. i love this. and her. the journey to unconditional self-worth truly is the most beautiful journey we'll ever experience.
Love this !! I AM WORTHY
Damn straight
Amen 🙏🏽
yes you are!
Amazing, just what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you! ❤️
I love what Adia says about self-acceptance at 10:40 "We refuse to accept ourselves the way we are because we think there's something wrong with us". This is so insightful. Who has the authority to say someone else should be a way other than they are? She mentions advertisers trying to sell us stuff, often times people telling you you should change are selling you the toolkit to do so, creating a problem so that you feel like you need to buy a solution. How much of this have we bought into? Were we really that bad when we were kids and had the innocence of not being aware of the world's expectations for how we should be? Thanks, Adia!
I can’t believe... it was just what I was thinking about since morning and was questioning myself if I am doing the right things to feel worthy and authentic , because I felt unworthy since childhood and had to go through a lot of mental traumas . thank Good ness I am already on the path of healing I am adhering to the 4 steps described by this beautiful lady already & this is the exact talk I had with myself in the morning about mental health that the root to all other problems is mentality also I used to think how come people be so unapologetically themselves in dance whereas I feel shy to open and cant even look at my self in mirror this was God talking to me that I am safe and worthy and I am doing every thing right, I also have started dancing by myself to free my body it’s just a week that I feel free I loved the talk . It’s Gods message for me “ keep calm and carry on “ 🥳
It was truly a message that was spoken from the heart but more than that from a young woman that had experienced it firsthand and shared with such vulnerability. The aha moment for me was distinguishing the difference between self esteem and self worth.
Girl you did that speech!👏👏I'm ready to dance!😁😁
Thank you!!
"Focus on the things you like about yourself."
That's it!
This hit home. I appreciate you more than you know. I thank you. 🙏🏽👏🏾🙏🏽👑👑
Wow, she is so beautiful. It's crazy this society the way it is set up to create these sorts of issues. We are all precious and enough.
Favorite ted talk ever! She hit right to the heart. What a beautiful message and messenger. Thank you so much ❤️
This was so needed today ❤️❤️ So very needed. My self worth has barely existed my entire life. I’m exhausted with trying to carry this anymore. I’m sick of being so unkind and unwelcoming to myself.
This contribution by Ms. Gooden is 5 years old - and as up-to-date as can be. Thank you for sharing, Ms. Gooden.
Wonderful talk. Totally relatable and something I need to work more on myself. I often feel like I'm putting so much effort into a lot of things but still don't feel worthy, like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. Thanks for your positive words and advice. It's heartening to know we can change this. X
This video came right on time. Thank you!!!!