The BIGGEST Mistake Most Guys Make in Marriage w/ Sam Guzman
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ต.ค. 2021
- This clip was taken from a recent livestream with Sam Guzman: • Fatherhood, Devotion t...
In this clip, Matt and Sam talk about the hardest thing guys have to get used to as newlyweds.
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I really appreciated this conversation. A lot of married couples are married because that’s what society says people should do at a certain period in life. As an adult child from a VERY broken family, I can attest to the fact that a marriage built on that sandy foundation only leads to misery.
My ideal marriage is one where we can disagree or argue but we quickly reconcile. I would love to still have giddy flirtatious feelings around my husband. I would like it if my sisters approved of him. I want him to be my best friend.
Been married to my wife two and a half years still feel like newlyweds (getting married six months before a global pandemic certainly brought us closer). Love your interviews Matt Fradd, please prayer for us and for all the marriages in the world that God can be central to them
A woman’s inner world is opaque to the husband. That statement opened my eyes.
Each partner's inner world is opaque to the other until we do what's required to make it more clear to them. That applies to men as well as women, and it's where true intimacy and union exists between us and the Lord.
In Christ,
Andrew
As we say in Scotland re placing unrealistic expectations in another person, "You're hanging your coat on a shoogly peg there!" Basically, were setting *them* up to fail.
I almost got married, but I cancelled out the engagement because I realised I was trying to use that poor woman as a crutch for my fears and emptiness; I hope she's happily married now, and having a good life, I am just glad she didn't end up with a "man" like me.
You should've worked out your baggage before engaging, but still go after her bro, but first is the Lord and fix yourself and maybe she is still around bro
As I was listening to this, the thought popped into my mind that if it were two women having this exact same conversation, it could have been received by some as controversial. It is quite possible that it is different in Catholic circles, but growing up completely secular, it was not-done to "humanize men" in this way. It was only by listening to Jordan Peterson that I found out that men have an inner world that is generally dissimilar to women's---and that my way of thinking was not necessarily as "obvious" as I was brought up to believe (i.e. that men weren't "stupid" or "immature" for misunderstanding things). It has since pained me to see this "misandry" being reinforced in my culture all the time. There's definitely a conversation that needs to be had between women on this topic.
Pray for my Fiance and I guys!
Ditto!
My campus pastor once said, "I love my wife, but she's a terrible God"
As someone who is getting married next year, with both of us feeling the devil trying to cast doubts in our minds, this video was powerful. God bless you both. The world needs to hear this!
I would be interested to learn what mechanism you used to determine that it is the devil casting doubts and not Jesus trying to steer you to the right path?
If you're willing to open up about it, I'd be interested to learn of your current struggles and offer any wisdom or insight that the Lord may have blessed me with to help you and your fiance. Preparation for marriage is VERY important, because it is meant to clarify and solidify God's will for your relationship - stay together and move into a Holy marriage or separate and take what you have learned into your life and the world as a single person (for the time being?).
In Christ,
Andrew
@@downenout8705 sorry, I missed this. I know it sounds strange, but I feel like the devil used the key people in our lives (e.g. our immediate family members) and used them to sow doubt in us, when all along they seemed ok with everything. I think we found out through a lot of prayer and reflection. Apologies for a very cliched response.
@@Ezekiel336-16 thanks Andrew. We are happily married now and with a beautiful newborn. We pray with each other very often and try to out Christ first. I think we always try to be humble, grateful and attempt to reconcile every issue before going to bed.
@@gangqinmaster Thanks for the reply. From my perspective however, I don't consider "feelings" to be a reliable mechanism for determining the truth of a proposition. I am sure that you would agree that Muslim's "feel" that they are being guided by Allah and Hindus guided by, say, Vishnu.
I was recently thinking back on when I was at my worst dealing with panic attacks and I turned to philosophy for a time to look for ways to reason my way better. This worked great until I came across the bomb of solipsism and my already overtaxed brain ran with it. I have learned alot since then ( how to overcome emotional reasoning better being one). But something valuable that came from this, that this video reminded me of is that this entire philisophy of solipsism and its difficulties in overcoming it are ultimately a result of the Fall and the darkening of our minds. And this will not exist in Heaven.
For awhile I have reflected on this and it is clear the conflicts and seperations between us are cut from this same cloth. We are more isolated in our fallen state than we are meant to be and our capacity of connection and relationship are damaged. This is because our imago Dei is warped by offense abd tendency to offense against God. Concupiscence in essence because God is To Be and God is Love. Communion in other words, God is covenant. So we sitting between Heaven and Hell and by our choices approach one or the other. Grace then is restoring this image of God in us and glory is full restoration and permenant adoption into the Father`s house, into the inner life of Divine Love for all eternity.
As a result, a world that is increasingly and more actively rejecting God, is of course gaining more tendancy towards violence, isolation, loneliness and hopelessness, and ultimately nihlism. Because we are made for God and without Him attempting to fill ourselves more and more with increasingly extreme perversions in the name of pleasure, only further warps and corrodes the very means of finding the true source of meaning unity with God in communion.
Thus recieving Our Blessed Lord in the Most Holy Eucharist after Reconciliation is the primary way to escape the spiral of destruction of human nature and society. This is one reason why the Sacraments are vital in these times and all times before the Second Coming.
This is also why Holy Matrimony and the Christian family as images of Christ and His Church and of the Most Holy Trinity are so vital and under such acidic attack, it is the crown of hunanity`s natural imaging of God. Mutual self-giving ovetflowing into another person and the bond of love shared that can not be broken as it is sealed by God and the two become one flesh. Thus are offenses against this sacred image grave offense.
And death then is a fitting cost for sin as it is the cleaving of body from soul, humanity itself is broken. Thus by defeating death and sin, Christ heal us and should we accept and follow Him on the Way of the Cross, He by His place as the God-man alone is our only hope to escape eternal destruction of communion within us, between us, and between He and us. All else shall be cast into outer darkness where death reigns and all hope is extinguished as love itself is taken away from the creature, so thus all that is left is nihlism and solipsism as if love at all attains, it is self-love though even these may in fact die.
So then, do not sin and repent quickly if you do, for we know not the day nor the hour of our Just Judge comes and it us either His Divine Mercy or His Divine Judgement. Only Christ can save, only each soul can accept. So repent and believe in the Gospel. Choose Christ, choose Love, choose obedience, choose His Church, choose Life, choose Communion. Love your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your strength, and for love of God, love your neighbor as yourself.
God have mercy upon us, through our Just Judge, and Merciful Savior, the Divine Physician and Only Begotten Son of the Father, Our Blessed Lord, Jesus Christ, the Image of the Eternal Father. Amen.
My experience then was like fertilizer from a cow. If taken directly it is poisonous and foul, but spread on the field it can grow life-sustaining plants from the Seeds of the Spirit. So it is with suffering the evils of this world patiently in imitation of Our Blessed Lord.
That insight came from cleaning my late grandparents` fish tank after the pump broke and the tank became foul despite my efforts and killed most of the fish. So I removed the fish and am emptying the tank, and I realized the lawn is going to love that and many plants would including many crops. God can bring light out of even the darkest places in the most unexpected ways.
Also this road we call life is a call to walk in ever more perfect communion with Him, attending to the Word of God by the promptings of the Holy Spirit within our souls.
@@daddada2984 Souls are like stars here on Earth and Hell is like their death. The great ones collapse in on themselves and become consumed by themselves into solipsism, the little ones just give up and cool into nihilism. Maybe not these exactly, but something in their shape but unmovable in its nature and far worse, both lose purpose and become utterly tormented and hideous. In Heaven we grow forever in the Light of Divine Love. We become what can only be described as Children of God, forever in the embrace of the inner life of the Most Holy Trinity. But we can not be consumed by ourselves or anything else that way so we must empty ourselves as Christ emptied Himself out for us on the Cross. There is no way to Easter but through Good Friday and Holy Saturday.
Apply this model to the culture and society and you can find why the faith of so many is dying and people are turning against one another without mercy. As we turn away seeing our need for God and trusting in ourselves and our means no matter of what kind, rather than trust like little children that Our Heavenly Father will meet all of our needs no matter how great or small they may be and that He knows what our needs are infinitely better than we do. Consider what philosophies are prominent.
If you would desire it in a sentence consider Proverbs Chapter 3: verses 5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
on your own intelligence do not rely;
In all your ways be mindful of him,
and he will make straight your paths.
There is more, but basically marriage is a image of Christ's love for His Church, and His love for the Church is an image of the Most Holy Trinity. Also, never count out any place that God can not work with your life and all in it, He knew it from all eternity so give everything to Him and above all,
Trust Him.
@@daddada2984 More or less, it is falling back to Decartes statement `I think therefore I am` and essentially trusting only one`s own existence. It is like narcissism as a worldview.
The Most Holy Trinity is God, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. God is Ego Eimi, To Be, the sheer act of to be itself. And God is Love.
Here, I had written this for someone else who was a Platonist but I think it was meant for you as it did not stick when I posted to them. I have part that ties in some of Our Lord`s miracles to thid but I am not confident of it. So if you want that ask, otherwise try this:
And if God is To Be itself, not mere existing mind you, but the infinite pure act of to be, what higher God can there be? All things suppose existence to have effect, this God is not merely knowing. He must be pure act as well thus all creation comes from Him. But before Creation the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit were from all eternity in the utter perfection of Divine Love. God the Father as Begetter and Lover, gazes at God the Son, Who is His Image and Logos, and the Son as Begotten and Beloved gazes back at the Father. They spirate in perfect communio and this Love is the Holy Spirit. Note though that this is an imperfect explanation and the Most Holy Trinity are all God and are always together God but are Three Divine Persons in one Godhead. God is both in a way continuum and discrete and yet transcends these.
@@daddada2984 One way to look at it is that God the Son is like what our self-image is to us but as God is To Be, He is another person, the Image of the Father. I have heard God the Father described as the unprincipled principle though I must disclaim I do not know enough to know how fitting a description it is.
As for how that is for you, I don`t know. Try doing what He has asked and trust Him and walk with Him to find out. I am but His instrument, I do not have all the answersand He has not entrusted that one to me. Ask Him in prayer perhaps or preferrably in Eucharistic Adoration if you are able and willing.
@@daddada2984 The Body contains the Blood as well. I am saying Eucharistic Adoration, simply adoring Christ not consuming. If you are not Catholic do not recieve. But I know there is a good discussion on TH-cam regarding Christ`s discourse in Saint John`s Gospel about this.
For your question though on Matt Fradd`s Channel look up Fr.Pine`s presentation on Divine Simplicity and the Holy Trinity.
Oof. I’ve been Guilty of this. Def been a process of growth. Bc so much of secular society has no understanding of a relationship with God, they deify the romantic relationship which rubs off on Christians. Two of the four substitutes for God that Aquinas discusses are Honor and Pleasure, both of which can be relevant to the relationship with ones spouse.
This is super deep. Keep up the beautiful content!
Very very inspiring and encouraging. Good job
Hearing what one sais and trying to understand what they mean are diffrent things.
That's one of the best things I'm learning out of this conversation
I'm SO delighted to see Sam Guzman in Pints With Aquinas. He's amazing! God bless
Thank you for sharing!
Warning: *very wordy*
So, to summarize, the point you are making is the importance of communication? That is a very helpful point, I hope a lot of people, married men especially, benefit from hearing it. If you think about it, it really goes to show how marriage and family is a microcosm of the human condition.
Perspective-taking especially is a learned skill that is difficult to master, as we can process the world through only our own minds and not someone else's. It just tends to fly under the radar in most cases because the psychological differences aren't societally apparent (such that those who deviate further from the "societal norm" like autists get branded as having trouble with perspective-taking when it's really something everyone has trouble with; people just don't notice unless it's blatantly obvious), leading to unnecessary frustration and miscommunication.
Welp I guess I'm gonna have to keep waiting 😔
I'm not sure anyone really does this. Speaking as a married man, marriage is a lot more difficult than I anticipated, but I never had those assumptions you mention. Could anyone really be so naive?
good one
And what do you do when your husband doesn't want to understand this, can't understand this, and id too crazy to understand this? Lord help married couples!!! Priests don't always come from Catholic families...AT ALL. The modern Catholic family is wanting.
You remain faithful to the Lord no matter what, by doing everything the Lord has laid out for us all in Scripture when such situations arise or exist. The Lord is your strength and joy, who gives peace beyond understanding. Stand your ground with Him and even if you're husband never comes around, your crown as a daughter of the King will be secure and shine brightly. Don't give up sister, and don't give in either. But do it the Lord's way not yours, if there's a difference!
In Christ,
Andrew
Have you ever considered inviting Alain de Botton from School of Life to your show?
I'm half way in, so maybe you get to this (I'm expressing it now so I don't loose the fullness of the thought or the thought altogether), but I have yet to hear either one of you talk about how the cloth cuts both ways (for both the man and the women) when it comes to seeking understanding and being understood. I say that because as a single man who's pushing 50, I've found that this much needed reality is often expected by the woman but not participated in the same way by them at all. In other words, the more that honest and intimate conversation gets to the heart of what's going on then women tend to back away and retreat instead of moving forward. They're not truly comfortable with opening up which often means they're not comfortable with who they are or aren't with the Lord.
In Christ,
Andrew
I had a Catholic church Australia marriage until my husband was ill!
I give my time and energy 👍 to My grandchildren ❤️☘️ but I get verbal abuse 😭
Then don't put up with it and tolerate it from them! Being passive or permissive towards sinful behavior only emboldens and enables it more. Ask the Lord for the grace and strength to deal with it as He would, and He will help you do so; especially once you learn what He has to say in the Bible about dealing with such issues of discipline. You can do all things through the Lord! Be the grandma bear they need!
In Christ,
Andrew
I was lucky in marriage. I asked my wife to marry me 2 hours after I met her. She said no of course. We were married two years later. Been joined at the hip for 22 years.
No regard for anything 😭
Men try to turn their wife into their Mommy. It's gross.
It's not gross to want to be taken care of and cared for, and women want the same!
In Christ,
Andrew
And if English is a second language, like my ex, its even harder 😆
Just dont get amrried... I seen soooooo many religious marriages with both partners deeply unhappy... just say no
This is hilarious, I worked with a guy named Sam Guzman, wasn't this guy.
Imagine being so self centered that you don’t consider any else has their own inner world, now imagine how much worse of a person you are for not even realizing your partner does… also, why are you two so sexist in this video? Are you saying only men can have these problems? I mean I understand why a catholic may be uncomfortable talking about same sex marriage, but at least make it seem like you care about how a wife reacts in her thoughts too.
This video is all about how the man feels, spoken by men.
Of course they care what the woman think. But that is not what this pertinent conversations is about.
You have to bring up every sex every time you have a conversation.
The whole same sex part didn't make sense. 1 why it was brought up 2. It isn't a real marriage.
That’s just nitpicking, Joshua. It isn’t even a debate just a casual conversation between two men. Two men that don’t really have the same internal experience outside of dealing with their wives.
@@HopeKing You and your god/bible dont get to define what marrage is for everyone, and i can point to several real same sex marrages that have lasted. And I dont always talk about sex, but even I do, why not? What's wrong with it?
@@Rojofro In your eyes there's nothing wrong with it, but in the Lord's eyes it's a mortal sin that will keep those who practice and pursue it from His salvific and unitive love for eternity. The choice is yours, as it is for everyone, but I would encourage you to change since His ways are far better than ours are!
In Christ,
Andrew
What I find most unfortunate is Matt, again, focusing on the wrong end of the equation. A husband can not “lead” a wife that refuses to “follow.” Matt needs to learn more about women before offering instruction to men.
I don't think he needs to learn more about women per se, but I do agree that he needs to stop placing the entirety of responsibility on men for this. A man can be an excellent communicator and biblical counselor for his woman, but if she is unwilling to participate in that then there is little he can do to change it (just like a woman with a man) because it takes a change of mind and heart with the Lord to accomplish that. That's between each person and the Lord! The other can lead them there, but each person must make his or her choice on whether or not to cross that threshold and live there.
In Christ,
Andrew
The problem with women's needs is that ....they themselves have no idea what those are.....