"Tips" for a Good Catholic Marriage /W Damon Owens
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ต.ค. 2019
- Damon Owens talks Theology of the body and how we can feel more fulfilled only by living out a better understanding of what we were made for.
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My husband and I had a marriage characterized by a lot of arguing, drama and unhappiness for over 30 years…until we did one thing. We invited Our Lady into our home. We began saying Rosaries, returned to the mass and the sacraments, truly learning the Faith and growing closer to God. The better Catholics we became, the closer we drew to God. The closer to God we each became, the closer we got to each other. Within a month, we rarely argued. The most important step was worshipping and praying together. It changed our attitudes about life and each other, transforming us into a loving couple instead of an arguing one.
@Dasan Same here. Our marriage was in the dumps until we truly gave our lives, marriage and will to God. We also started praying the Rosary together everyday and I can now say 2 years later that our marriage is better than ever. I only wish I had known this from day 1. Jesus and Mother Mary have saved our family.
God bless and welcome back!
Wow. Amazing testimony!!
Deo Gratias! It is Christ that makes the difference truly. May God give you many years together, serving, loving and growing in His will!
Regardless what the world says about sexual identity, our sexuality still has a deep function which speaks of the mystery of God.
Thank you sooo much!!! I have been struggling with my future wife and this is just precious, communicating and asking for forgiveness is like a marital way of confessing to each other.
Brilliant insights, these 15 minutes were worth more than hours of learning for me!
Thank you for this video!!!!
This is a great video. I do love this channel, the content is really great.
Thank you for this!
I'm a celibate, why am I watching this? Oh yes, I just like watching these guys explain stuff.
God speed brother.
@@OrthoLou some choose it to give their whole life to Christ
@@OrthoLou
wow what a shallow question... really?
Lots of us who are celibate will watch this. Because some of think that God might bring us to marriage someday.
Until marriage all Catholics are called to be celibate. A chaste life is a good life both in the single years or the marriage years.
And yes, married people *CAN* be chaste. Chastity has meaning both before and after marriage.
God *wants* to make all Christians holy.
You took a vow of celibacy?? Amen good are you a priest?
This is gold!
People often talk about marriage, but never talk about dating or how to meet other good Catholics.
Watch:
Bishop Barron on marriage and relationships on TH-cam.
Glory be to the Oh, Lord. Glory to thee!
I wish you’d do a show on couples who have had physical problems in their marriage. Like vaginal atrophy where intercourse is virtually impossible. There are many causes: medication, low testosterone in women, surgery like hysterectomies cause this, and more. It is very common. According to the catechism, there is absolutely nothing for couples dealing with this or related problems. And after talking to several priests who wouldn’t even respond to it, the last one I spoke to said, well you and your husband are called to live a chaste life because sex must be completed through intercourse. So then marriages struggle sex is over within the marriage because otherwise you’re in a state of mortal sin. The other issue is that when you are post menopausal whether it be young due to surgery or natural circumstances then why is the completion of intercourse necessary? Procreation is not going to occur! I’m sorry for being so blunt but of all of the sex within marriage talks not one I hear addresses the what if, and how a couple is supposed to have a complete marriage if sex and intimacy is possible but not intercourse. The couple is supposed to not climax in the relationship which seems so odd. So I was told “you and your husband are called to a chaste life!” What? Is this true because no one will answer me and it has been years literally. Coming back from infidelity, years of counseling but nothing in the church to address it without literally knocking on doors for answers. Why isn’t the church speaking on this?
I am a devout Catholic but I think the Church doesn't speak in this due to a celibate male priesthood. The lack of understanding of marriage is profound. I think you should take advice from other devout Catholic couples in this topic tbh.
Just based on your comment here, I would say that you are searching honestly and God sees that. Before even attempting to give advice, I say to you that through Jesus you will get an answer that will fulfill your heart so assume that and never stop searching. I didn't see in your comment if you and your husband are struggling with the issues you are bringing up. If you are, I am praying for you right now. In general, be as liberal as you can within the magisterium of the Church, don't add piety or rules where they don't already exist. There is so much beauty in the sexual teaching of the Church. I agree with another commenter that you need to get advice from married lay ministers or other married devout Catholics. I am married and committed to my faith so feel free to message me.
Hi Sharon, God Bless you for asking these questions!! I agree, there is so much more that is unaddressed - Going on and on about Theology of Body becomes empty rambling without addressing human issues in marriage. I wish I had answers for you but I think it might worth asking here : askchristopherwest.com/ask West is a master in TOB, him and his wife do a podcast to address questions. Another place is here: www.soulsandhearts.com/iic Dr. Peter Malonosky explains that, ultimately all sexual problems come down human formation of the man and woman in marriage. It is not a spiritual problem first but a natural one. Which is why talking so much about Theology of the body doesn't really solve any issues in the bedroom. Integration within oneself is required to resolve some brokenness inside and heal, will ultimately result in healing of the couple as a unit. I am not explaining so well... An instance would be, Vaginal Astrophy .. may actually a deeper wound in the self which will require God's grace to heal first... ..Again, I do believe writing to Dr.Peter will definitely lead you to an answer than a podcast with two guys talking Theology of sex. Praying for you. God bless.
I am putting you into my rosary today Sharon. May God provide you the answer you need. If He doesn't send a person to answer you, may He lead you in another way that is clear to you that He's answering your question. Bless you for wanting to do God's will.
I will admit, I see humans as so flawed and fallible that I don't always trust what any ONE priest may say. Priests seem to make a normal amount of mistakes.
God bless you sister. 🙏
May I suggest seeing a Dr and getting hormone replacement therapy, this includes testosterone
I would’ve love for him to talk about what is allowed and what isn’t during sex in a catholic marriage. Is oral sex allowed for stimulation or not .
I'm getting married soon and asked some priests. It's ok if it's only stimulation without orgasm from the man. About sodomy, a priest said "use your common sense, it's violent and painful for the body of the woman..."
Yes. I want more clear answers on this too. Alot of things have got normalized when it comes to sexual matters, oral sex and even sex through the other end has become normalized. And I've looked for answers within the Catholic church and I've seen yes and no's. And I've googled the catechism on this but haven't found anything. Might be Google's fault, idk but these questions, as uncomfortable (to me at least) as they are, need answers.
My husband and I went down a horrible rabbit hole that was harmful to our peace and unity. We just came across Dave Gordon (on youtube) who gave the best answer to this and other questions. We had come across extremely rigorous arguments and not finding sufficient arguments as to why they were extreme (and harmful) and wrong until his very well researched answer. The video is entitled Christian Sexual Ethics: What Is Allowed in the Marital Bedroom?. I also recommend the book Holy Sex (they disagree somewhat on the subject of foreplay with sex toys, but otherwise Holy Sex by Dr Greg Popcek is a simplified explanation (focusing on the mental and spiritual health of the marriage in regards to what is permissible and the healthiest ways to approach issues with a spouse) whereas David Gordon's is the more thorough discussion on the philosophy and theology.
@@hobbyhive I just looked at the video and I'm about halfway through, I'm so glad you shared the video. Thank you!
@@chrisbrownlov1everything is okay as long as it’s agreed upon both both spouses. As far as I know
Ahh yes the answers to the real questions we are asking.
awesome stuff
Matt, hi there. I have already read many critics to the Thelogy of the Body based on thomism. And they actually made a lot of sense here, so I wanted to know how you see these things.
Thomism says that we do not depend of other creature to be happy, because God is the ultimate happiness and he has provided everything for us to be holy. Furthermore, it doesn't say a word about the need to experience the "other" in order to be happy, at least not in these terms. How do you conceal that with the Theology of the Body?
Isn't the sanctification of marriage a way to happiness? We find happiness in the other, when our relationship is a representation of the relationship of the Church with God.
João Raposo I see we could talk in Portuguese, but anyhow: I'm not denying marriage as a sanctification path.
However, ToB in general has these assumptions which clash with Thomism. Don't know about you, but I'm brazilian, and here some priests have already made the case against ToB.
Thomism does not equal Catholicism, as Thomism isn't dogma... its simply one of many legitimate and orthodox schools of Catholic theology. Likewise, Theology of the Body also seems to be (largely) a particular school of theology and not dogma: therefore, you can indeed pose that they contradict each other, without holding that they pose a contradiction on essentials of faith. You can also pose that they do not contradict each other, but this is unnecessary for a unity of Faith.
If you have issues with a particular school of theology, it is fair to state your reasoning behind why you think it is wrong. It is not fair to say that it is wrong simply because it contradicts your particular school of theology, Thomism or other.
I am a Byzantine Catholic. I (and Byzantines in general) follow a very different school of theology than St. Thomas Aquinas, and we are encouraged to, even by popes! We must always be careful to not equate matters of opinion with matters of Faith, i.e. Dogma.
St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Gregory Palamas, pray for us.
We must experience the “other” in order to fully understand ourselves. It is in that marital “gift of self” that we most fully find ourselves and the spousal meaning of our bodies. I don’t think this necessarily means that we “need to experience the other in order to be happy” as you said. “Happy” is the key term here. Perfect happiness is union with God and we will only experience that in heaven. Our spouse leads us to heaven and our relationship with them is a mirroring of the Trinitarian God, but our relationship with them is not our only end. In other words, God is our end and perfect happiness and our spouses mirror his love and can fulfill us in an earthly way, and lead us to God who fulfills us totally and completely. He does provide everything that we need... but he has provided us with a desire AND a means for communion with others and it’s not wrong to seek that out as long as we understand the hierarchy of these relationships. God is always primary and ultimate.
Hope that helps. (Creds: Have taken Metaphysics and currently taking Theology of the Body)
@@nickwood8298 gregory palamas?!
Reverence is but a spiritually mature form of mutual fascination of the sexes.
Anyone mention the ‘marital debt’ yet?
Sexual gifts from God deserve Sexual responsibility. Love of God equates to a love of Husband or Wife. It takes 3 to be married. Women + Men + Our Lord. Devil hates humans because angels cannot procreate. What a gift Our Lord has given us.
💕
Hi where can i find the seven ways to make it real by cosmo catolic?
Celibate 7-years and I haven't even put my head through the wall.
The add I got for this video was for a polyamory website. Relationships continue to get distorted.
lord have mercy.
I could give answers to your questions Matt.. practicality of sex in marriage
please add subtitled in Spanish
This talk is okay however it is somewhat over my head!
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If I could get married in the Church without being forced to lie and say I’d be open to having children, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Why do you think that statement would feel like a lie?
if you don’t want children there is no point in being married
@@skippysmom So, for Catholics, the only purpose of marriage and sex is to procreate? I am guessing, then, that if one or both of the married couple are sterile/infertile, there should be no sex? And I ask out of sincere curiosity.
@@labelle9921 It's one of a dual purpose: the procreative and unitive functions of marriage. You must have both. For infertile couples, that means still being open to the possibility of having a child because if you truly believe in God, then you must believe He has the power to work miracles through you, even if you know it's highly unlikely you will ever have a child (such as with sterile couples). You shouldn't enter a marriage with disdain for the idea of having a child, but you may enter a marriage knowing you're probably not going to have one due to your physical nature, but still being okay with the idea of winding up pregnant within your marriage anyway and promising to care for any children that do come. In that case, it's less about the physical reality and more about having an open mindset.
I didn't know this as a cradle Catholic, got married and avoided having a child, had two miscarriages and I was so relieved each time.
But the pill failed and I got pregnant. I hated being a parent. But I was very dutiful and cared for my child putting a LOT of effort, blood sweat and tears into it. It was very difficult for me for some reason.
Okay so how did my child turn out? VERY caring, conscientious, with strong moral courage and a great sense of humor. However, I think I have parental PTSD from practically having a heart attack each time something went wrong.
My experience as a parent put me in social situations more than I wanted and now that the raising is over, I am fine retreating in my cave like existence that is reparative for me.
So I feel for you cause I fully understand the whole not being open to having a child.
I pray God forgives me for not being open to children and using contraception.
I hope to find out from God what he had in mind for me to learn by having a child.
I'm always saddened when there is a person that cannot reach the mountain with you. But I know I can help someone to where they are at. Though I wish I could reflect back the mountain to them for the camera, I will settle for what is best for whom is the eye of the beholder to whom will see the beholder. Allegorical to marriage, and courtship of God in the other. I'm going to pray for someone that can "court" this beauty. Probably can only be a wife to appreciate this in a specific way, but I'm sure that there are other couples that have deeply fulfilling and God filled Catholic sex lives.
Pro tip: sometimes you need to bring someone to the bottom of the mountain for them to see how beautiful it is for them to want to climb it with you. No one is perfect.
Love this! Framing could be a bit better. Damen Owens isn't aligned with a third, and so it's off. 😅. Don't mean to be picky, but it would help when it's a long interview
He should have just allowed the man to continue with his deep theology that was absolutely priceless and I enjoyed it more before the practical aspect.
I kinda lost the plot after the break
Me too! I was getting so into it and then Matt stopped him and I was like... What?! I want to hear more! There's already tons of practical advice everywhere, but Damon was saying things I had never heard.
@@Mary-mj7le it’s along the lines of what’s in theology of the body and three to get married . I’ve been reading a lot bc I’m preparing to catechize. But let me tell you, it’s all so beautiful!! Check it out .
Agreed. He was giving us powerful stuff there
Same. It was heart knowledge, it's the foundation for head knowledge.
That language you are asking about is EXACTLY what Worldwide Marriage Encounter centers on!
Good stuff! Praise Jesus for good, holy sex!
Ayy I have the same coffee maker
The Father is not alone, exactly! He must have a wife.
Having sex is not compulsory if you don't want children around. It is not a commandement to have children. Better chastity than children.
Read genesis 1:28...it is a commandment to have children.
“Be fruitful and multiply…” was the first commandment God gave Adam (which in Hebrew can translate also to mankind)
@Name Unavailable 1Corinthians 7 is about the duties of faithful married spouses to one another in the marital act. The Church has consistently taught that spouses must be 1. Open to new life from the marital act and 2. Spouses must not fail to be charitable in their gift physically to each other. Choosing to permanently not exercise your marriage has been taught to be a grave sin unless there is a just reason why you can’t. Participating in the marital act is not just something you gain license for when you get married but it becomes your responsibility to exercise and participate in that sacrament in a physical dimension (the corporeal world is an inherent part of every sacrament). Every time you participate faithfully in the marital act, graces are incurred for you and your spouse which are wholly good. This is particularly why God positively willed our biology itself to participate in a Sacrament.
Very sad to see deep theology paired with shallow and ignorant practical understanding. Very typical.
No kidding
I don't equate sex with love. I avoid sex mostly because it is physically uncomfortable. I don't like my body being touched and don't understand how my husband being so interested in my body equates to love.
It is bothersome too because it interferes with my work, down time and SLEEP. I get in bed to sleep and don't want anyone keeping me awake. So I stopped sharing a bed with my husband a long time ago.
We have sex only because he desires sex and there is a matter of hell. I wish we could go back to masturbation before we found out it is a mortal sin!!!! I miss those days!!! We were so much happier then.
I could do without intercourse for the rest of my life.
hi, thanks for sharing, it might help to ask your husband to describe what sex feels like to him, i read once from a guy that it feels standing outside winter for a long time and suddenly a big warm blanket envelopes him, that made me understand a bit the comfort i can give, God bless!
Masterbation is a sin, so it can train you to be focused inward and away fm connection, intimacy, and relationship (which God loves).
Like a deformed tree, and unpruned, it's branches grow any which way, including inward, and it won't bear much fruit.
If you have a history of masterbation, that might be one reason you don't like to be touched. If masterbation really is a sin and disordered, then it's fruits will be either a lust to take, or a repression to engage. It seems like most men find themselves disordered in the first way, and women in the second.
If masterbation is a sin, it is literally you sexually abusing yourself, and sexual abuse of any form can make us not want to engage and be touched, even in healthy situations, bc they bring up hurts.
But there is healing w God ❤there is healing through confession and forgiveness, and He is the great counselor who speaks to our hearts and reveals beautiful things. I hope you find healing through Christ in this area and experience abundant life❤