What is "love-bombing"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)
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For me love bombing was so intense that i was thanking God for sending me this good person. I was WRONG ! It was the complete opposite.
@Ava Memero,
Same here. That’s because they mirror your hopes and desires. Problem is they only do it to trap you and treat you like dirt afterwards.
@@yaydoggies totally agree💯
Same for me 😕
@@lunaandcoco4771 wow! What was his reason for leaving/discarding you?
I feel u!! Its very deceiving. People can be really psycho and act very sincere its not our fault for thinking everyone has the same heart as we do. We r too good for this world
OMG!!!!! That’s why I’m so into him. I forgot that at the beginning of our relationship he asked me so many personal questions about my life, wants, and needs and he pretended to be that person I wanted!!! That’s why it’s hard to let go! Lord help us all to see the truth.
I got done like that and God pushed him right out my life. I’m so glad he can’t not return back in my life after 3 months
@@genesisnewman2845 God doesn't punish. Doesn't work that way. Read the bible.
Same happened to me but I didn't realize it until 15yrs later.. It gets seared in ones mind after long periods of time.
But I like the gifts and trips! Lol
God is in the process of helping me to finally rid myself of all the toxic in my life too. It’s a hard but beautiful journey.
My 2 narc ex’s both said they loved how genuine and real I am... now I know it’s because they could never be that.
Right! Those seem to be red flags for me too!
My narc ex told me something similar. He told he loved how spontaneous I was. He told that I was the only girl that could make him feel totally comfortable without drinking alcohol. And so on. Later, he just discarded me.
PERIODT
Whewww!!!!this this this!!!i think for the guys I’ve dealt with it’s that...they see I can achieve more than they ever could..cut to now they haven’t done much in life while im moving forward
Mine always tell me how strong person iam.
Love bombing in the beginning of the relationship was so obvious, that I am ashamed of falling for that.
Me too, more than one time. You're not alone. It was not your fault.
Don’t feel ashamed! It’s not your fault! I fell for it, too...even though I got a bad vibe from it
I'm on the same boat. Bad enough my daughter dad is one but I cut him off completely. Oh, he definitely tries to come back. But bad enough I just met another charming narcissist, he love bombed me and now ghosting me. I cant believe I fell for it again.
It happened to me and I feel the same...
Just learn..all you can do
Perfectly put Dr. Ramani - “like falling for the same joke”. I feel honored to see you every day. We are all so grateful for you and this free education from a wonderful, compassionate doctor.
Thank you for your kind words! Glad you've found my work helpful!
DoctorRamani Oh it’s definitely my honor. I’ve lived a lifetime of your eloquent teachings. Thank you doesn’t seem like enough but thank you, thank you.
@@DoctorRamani 8
So thankful also. You couldn't have said it better.
Dr.Ramani.We are all so moved by your clear understanding that rings so true and your eloquent expression .Thank you deeply. for giving us this brilliant education,so enlightening and life changing.
I knew about love bombing and I still got sucked in. LOL. I thought I had met my soulmate! Luckily, I realised 2 months in. He became quite controlling and he also started saying things which gave away a lot of insecurity/ gigantic ego. I am part shocked that I fell for a narcissist AGAIN but I am also proud of myself for recognising quicker this time round. Love bombing makes things very confusing, even if you are highly intelligent because when are love bombed your brain produces chemicals that make you feel very high and it's easy to get addicted to this feeling so we go back for more, and this is how a narcissist traps you in the beginning.
I just did too after healing for years I too fell for what seemed like the nan of my dreams. He love bombed me 15 texts a day gifts dinners. Talk of trips. Said it was love at first site. Only a few weeks. Then said his ex called. She was cheating on him with young
Men. He said it was a fetish. She was doing it a lot. He broke up a year moved out. They weren’t married. He sent me three lines. Amanda called last night. We’re going to give it another try. I love her. Sorry
That was it. After all that live bombing. I’ve been crying non stop
@@sharonreesechud7881 So sorry this happened to you. Cry it out! You will feel better and at least you know the warning signs now. You deserve real love. Big hugs
I totally agree!
I just got out of a narcissistic relationship 3 days ago, i was love bombed hard, devalued, gas lite and then the discard happened but it felt like a mutual break up though idk if that's a good thing or a bad thing.🤔
We only dated for 2 months but everything happened so fast and before I knew it he was trying to make plans for us to live together (in the house he shared with his late wife)and for us to get engaged and married which thankfully never happened.
Things dissipated just as quickly as they started an we have gone our separate ways. I think! 🥺
I realized 2 months in also! And after my 2nd marriage to a narcissist. But I did NOT know what love bombing was because my 1st husband didn't do that. But I felt like I caught on so quickly because of my experience w the 1st one. But they can seem so genuine and believable. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. But at least I found out early on. And I'm divorcing the slime ball.
Has anyone here ever experienced friendship bombing? Where a narcissist sucks you in, puts all this effort into being friends and starts calling you their 'bestie' or talk about having a 'bromance' etc? This is what happened to me and over time the guy started criticising my personality, had arguments where there was no empathy and he always had to win. He had so many 'friends' in quantity who all seemed quite shallow and superficial and he also had a real sense of entitlement and grandiosity - referring to himself as a 'lazy genius' and how the education system 'failed' him when he never even applied himself.
Very happy to have removed him from my life.
😂 my guy I’ve had the exact same experience 5 times!
I attract narcissist ppl so much
All my friends from youth were huge narcs
My fav is - you telling him exactly how and why y’all can’t be friends anymore
His ass calling YOU abusive and saying you talk shit
Then days later saying he’s different and sorry but doesn’t actually address what you’ve stated or instead creates a false apology that doesn’t even mention what you want it to
You’re like ok whatever we’re cool bro
Nigga goes and does the SAME SHIT the next day
Was playin Call of Duty Warzone with my boys and the narc made a really weird mistake and got himself killed
It’s teams of 3, me and our mutual friend say to him:
Why did you do that?
He erupts “MAN FUCK YOU WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? OH THATS RIGHT YOU WERE DEAD SO STFU! FUCK YOU TRYNA TALK SHIT TO ME”
“Hey man I wasn’t tryna he rude I was just asking why you didn’t let the circle kill him? You got yourself killed lol it was just a comment I didn’t mean to set you off relax man”
“MAN FUCK YOU - rage quits the chat”
Instant delete and block bro lmfao never again
I have DEFINITELY had this experience with male "friends"... And it's even more confusing than if you were dating because friendships are supposed to be the safest social settings
@@truth6565 that's crazy man but what you said about the apology is so relatable. They will never admit that their behaviour is unacceptable and the friendship just fractures until there's nothing left.
That rage over CoD though, that's hilarious. Good on you for blocking him.
@@coloursfilm there's something about male friendships in general. It's like they're not capable of connecting in a meaningful way. They are there for fun but not there when it really matters.
John Smith
Yeah it’s tuff cuz I’m a huge empath and see myself as a healer of sorts
I’ve known this one guy in particular over 10 years but he just couldn’t learn to respect me
And the older everyone’s become, the less excusable and more disturbing his behavior comes off
It’s like we’re all 25-32
We’re all way to grown to be acting like fucking children
Men out grow that yelling and rage shit
I mean sure we all have an angry moment - but when your bro’s says man calm down it’s no beef relax
N you can’t calm down? What’s going there
I honestly pity narcs because they’re so alone
It's the worst thing ever, and once your eyes are open to it, and their mask falls off giving way to the realization that it was all a game, you're left feeling worthless and undesirable 😢
I totally empathise with you, it hurts, but with time you will feel SO much better without them you will no longer care it was all an illusion!! There is life after the narcissist... the secret is to let the pain and hurt go by forgiving them (which also forgives yourself for being fooled by them)... really hard I know... but then you will begin to heal💖
@@sb7278 He doesn't deserve forgiveness. Not now. Not ever. I will carry this pain in my heart forever because it will remind me to never trust anyone ever again. That's it. That's all.
@@Kendall42971 that sounds like a very bitter view of the world. Research codependency and learn how to love yourself and thought word in action. And heal from any shame that was put on You by relationships are parents. People that might have invalidated your feelings, goals, are who you are. and once you have healing then you'll be able to effectively create firm boundaries with people and then narcissist will run away. because people with codependency attract narcissists and people with borderline personality like a magnet. So they should actually give you hope that you're not going to be in magazine anymore you're going to find the normal people out there. And you're going to have a regular loving relationship. but if you want to be single for a while that's fine it's good to have time to heal but don't give up! That gives him way too much power over your life!
@@MentalDeviant Humans are cold, callous, and calculating. I was single and celibate for 13 years before he happened. Thinking I'd healed completely in those 13 years, I decided I was ready to try again, but I was wrong. I should have remained in solitude. Life was so much better. I will be 49 years old in a few week, getting ever closer to 50. This is life.
Trust no one.
Kendall 42971 Come on now, girl. I get it that you are pissed now. Don't let another thirteen years go by. Just think, you could have been practicing in all that time! You are more knowledgeable now. Maybe try to approach dating as a research experiment. The world is your oyster and you may just find a good person for you. Trust me, you're already a few steps ahead of those who still need to exit their existing situation. The most important part is behind you: being free of him! Rock on and good luck.
It's freaky how they all instinctively have the same personalty patterns...
It's like they're all reading from the same script.
They read from the same manual, even though nobody gives them that manual. They're programmed in the same way, with the same software born from the same catalyst, that of having no sense of self worth. It's the counterintuitive active need to protect their perceptions of their personal reality that the psychological patterns and strategies emerge from. Maybe it's the success of these strategies, experienced and observed, is what lies behind their predictability.
It's convenient though, isn't it?!
Maybe they all incarnated here from the same creepy dimension. Coming here to play out the same weird lesson, for the same strange reason. And because of that I think most of us who encounter them; encounter them because we lack self love... but many of us, who choose self over the narc, will master self love, by the time we are done with them.
I totally agree.
He was the one wanting to move the relationship fast, then would say it’s going too fast, then wanting to pick back up. Was so confusing.
ditto. i was going to relocate thank G that didnt happen. later- the distance saved my life
Bryan’s BPD Journey yeah that’s what exactly happened to me!
And exhausting.
They do that. Mine tried to get me to agree to having a baby etc after 3-6 months. He loved bombed so hard then just up and moved 3000 miles away because “he needed to find someone who loved him”. I called him squirrelly and a tree brancher. The discard was brutal but now I thank my lucky stars. It’s been a year I couldn’t be happier
Anne of Green Gables You definitely dodged a bullet there.
Love Bombing: Twin flames, joined on a soul level. The relationship feels special and surreal.
Devaluation: nitpicking, criticism, fighting, ignoring, never supports you.
Discards. Repeats. Love bombing the second, third, fourth and fifth time etc become more like bread crumbs while the devaluation becomes more sadistic and discards becomes more traumatic.
oh my god , I thought I was wrong thinking about it like that thank you very much sir🌻
YEP! EXACTLY my experience!
Love bombing - Oh I was his twin soul until he got me! Now I’m a supply only to make him feel good about himself
True
Yes!! Perfect breakdown.
I remember feeling like a ragdoll. He would pick my up and play with me and make me feel so loved and happy, and then he would drop me in the corner and forget I existed.
Love bomb phase quickly fades into Tragic dismissive contempt for you, bait and switch. Hook and release
Yep!
@@ellanola6284
Under love bomb aftermath, what goes up must come down
What to expect after they place the crown is they take it down
Whenever I watch Doctor Ramani's videos I realize how lucky I was once I escaped narcissistic relationship. I wasn't the one who decided to end narcissistic relationship, but the narcissist. And now I can see that I would be in this turmoil for many years if he did not break up.
I want to send him a fruit basket as a gift for breaking up with me.
Saammeee! I was so sad when he became so cold out of the sudden and things ended. But it was a blessing in disguise and I am so grateful for it now. I saw by chance a short clip on instagram about love bombing and it was like I just heard my story so I came here to listen to more information. And now I couldn't be happier he made this decision for me because I would have never ended it.
That.
Fruit Basket. Put that in the glossary. It's worthy of repetition.
😭😭😭 I hate that I got entangled with this type of person. I get sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I want out before I lose my mind.
I second that.
Me too it’s like a curse. I can’t stop thinking about him but desperately need to leave him alone.
Im in same situation😕
Same
🥲
When I first met him, I was fresh out of a relationship, so I told him I wanted to take things slowly with him. He didn't like that, so on our second date, he gave me an ultimatum because he said he was tired of girls "leading him on", and he even tried to make me jealous by stating he would go back to his ex if I didn't make up my mind. I got red flags from the very beginning, and chose to ignore every one of them because he seemed like the perfect catch.
I'm sure that's because our all core feelings are scared of loosing someone we care about. However there's this lotto advert thats being advertised on our phones about a guy trying to break up with a woman who is upset, she then gets a text winning ex amount of money and then he's all interested again and you see his interest levels coming back up again but she turns him down quickly. That is how it should be and its the guys loss because he should have treated you better. I've read tons of articles on narcissists and being successful in relationships and that is to value yourself and that really, really, they struck gold when they met you not the other way around. I know its not what you perhaps want to hear but unless we hold ourselves in high regard no one else will. If we are willing to bend over to their wants wishes then we don't get to be in control of our relationship xx
alcudiababe1 yep. I had a narc Ex who tried to rape me but wanted to trap me with a kid. He already had 3 kids by 3 different women and I found out later he had sex with our classmate. We never had sex thank God!
@@norapeace6526 oh my god. I am so sorry. I am glad you've moved on and you seam in a better place xx
alcudiababe1 yeah I am. I had to get the police involved Bc he wouldn’t stop harassing me from different phone numbers. And I Unfortunately Dated a covert narcissist after him which to me was worse Bc I didn’t know until 2 years later 😪
@@norapeace6526 yeah I understand. Because we think we know what one is, until one of those nasty buggers comes along. I'm so sorry that you encountered one of them. They are more dangerous than the others, at least the overt types we generally know we should probably stay away from xxx
My description of the beginning of our relationship was a "runaway train". Brought flowers, and jewelry to my place of employment, poetry. I see the red flags that showed up now, but I had no clue at the time. I made excuses for his bad behavior just like I did with my parents.
The tragic thing is is that so many of us who fall for the love bombing come from toxic family dynamics where we are being neglected and treated like crap. When the narc comes along we simply don't see the red flags because in our distorted minds toxic love is better than no love at all...
Yes! You are describing her and her family.
When I finally started taking the steps to get out, he said, let's go to Disney world. He could definitely sense i was pulling away
Why? So he can ruin your trip? Because he will....
Oh my goodness. I got Disney*land*. In two different relationships.
He sent 3 dozen roses to my job someone said he must really love you, we had been fighting, I didn’t feel loved, getting the flowers just made me feel icky
Idealize, devalue, discard.
Love Bombing is a critical part of the "set up" for the Sadistic Narcissistic Ritual Discard to come. Your destruction is their validation and pleasure. It is so hard to believe that these types of predators exist.
Your comment on the Narcissist's failure to engage in a meaningful empathic conversation is so "right on the money". Thank you Dr Ramani !!!!!!!
There expert BullSh**ters & actors.....They know how to initially overwhelm you with sweet talk, charm,affection & manipulate you into completely falling head over heels for them , making you feel incredible,special in the beginning.....
I've accepted crumbs with most of my relationships. This really helps me know what I should not accept any more. And we do know I think, something just doesn't ever feel right. Thank you for this video.
The devaluation is what hit me the hardest. I always wondered what I had done wrong… it’s reassuring to know now that it wasn’t me 😊
I got told I was worthless as he packed up his stuff 2 weeks ago and left. Now he messages me saying how beautiful I am, how much he misses me, how he wants to come home and misses our life together....
It wasn’t you
I was taken off the pedestal as soon as we moved in together.
I went all in moved from Florida to Michigan 3 days later we got in a big fight over reusable shopping bags and the relationship just went downhill from there, 3 days after I moved 1400 miles! These videos are really helping me hope they’re helping you too!
If you “ditch the bitch” (male or female) it creates a void and the universe fills it up with new love, friendship and happiness.
I knew something was off when my friend overheard our conversation and asked “is he your therapist or boyfriend?”
Child.....
What was moreless the conversation like?
It hurts my heart so much that so many people have to suffer just for being a good person and having a loving heart and genuinely caring about the person they love. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried to God asking him why he created me with such a kind heart. So many abusive partners have stepped all over it and it’s my fault because I’ve allowed it for so long. I’ve been with my narcissistic husband for 7 years, and I’m just NOW figuring out what he is and the treatment he’s doing. He’s out so much control over me that I don’t even know how to pick the pieces back up and claim my life back. But I’m happy I’ve been introduced to these videos for guidance on how to distinguish the abuse and have an idea of how to respond to it. I have to get my life back!
Thanks to your videos, I was able to recognize someone who was love bombing me within a week. I felt so uncomfortable and alarmed about him sending me texts everyday and saying things like 'just texting you because I was thinking about you'. And we hadn't even met at that point. He also immediately started to triangulate by telling me I was so different from other women he had met through this dating app. This was the first time he had an fun and interesting initial conversation, he told me. I was so special.
I'm learning to listen to my gut feeling. I was almost going along with it but I checked myself real quick and ended it. He lashed out when I did.
Guess I dodged a bullet.
Hello doc. Update: I'm pushing 70, near rural Texas. TH-cam my closest companion during virus. (Not complaining) today, with your help, I dodged a phoned in love bomb, maneuvered around her manipulations, spoke fewer words than she, and vigorously fluffed her - her efforts with covid19. You said it's okay doing that. She hung up feeling better, and I eliminated all the drama. It won't work forever, but gives me time.
Thank you so much.
i like when you said "wants to maintain the facade of the relationship" so true
Yes! At about minute mark 11:40 she says that in all of this lovebombing, they have not attempted to engage with you in a meaningful empathic and intimate way.
Lauryn Rose exactlyy
Usually the facade is made by two people
I highly suggest keeping a journal so when they start love bombing and hoovering you can look back at the things they've done and not fall into the same trap. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
OMG, I have pages and pages of crazymaking stuff! The reality, and the frequency, bring it all the life. Journaling is a lifesavor.
My narc ex. said he loved me after 2 days. 2 DAYS! I knew immediately something was not quite right.
Dr Ramani, you’re my rockstar 🌟
This is exactly how my relationship went with my narc. Him discarding me has truly been a blessing. Thank you Doctor Ramani for your videos, you opened my eyes to this.
First he made me feel like I was the apple of his eye. I loved him so much I thought he was perfect in my eyes. I didn't care what that he would show me love then find faults with me. I would then try to change to suit him. He would always be critical until I exhaust myself trying to please him so he can tell me what a good girl I am. He would put me down " your degree is not important", "you're not spiritual enough" and even in front of others "there are many ladylike women, you're not one of them". Then he would tell me how he point out that he like how other women dresses and how ladylike they are. He would then say I'm too sensitive or say he was joking. I walked away because putting me down is no joke. I always elevated him but he did the opposite. I hoped for 3 years he would change. He got worse.
The love-bombing makes you think that you have met your SOULMATE!! OMG!!! So hurtful and deceitful! It's no different than a Mouse Trap.
“Once it is perceived by the narcissist that you are all-in, that’s the day the game changes.” Yup that’s exactly what happened to me. I didn’t experience much, if any, love-bombing, it just seemed like a normal relationship to me. Then about five months in I told him I loved him and shortly after that the abuse started. Sad. But that is how narcissists work.
Dr Ramani you hit the nail on the head. My mother and sisters were the best example of narcissistic personality disorder. These people are never happy, ruin everyones life they come in touch with. This is why I am a hermit Can't trust family, you can't trust anyone.
Find an empath you can hang out with. They are great people.
"love-bombing" can also take the form of intense emotional declarations and grandiose propositions. my ex was very poor, but within the first weeks of our relationship, he started making his intentions for marriage with me very clear. I had never had someone ask me to marry them, and I found myself saying 'yes' (there was no ring), surprising myself totally! there was something so compelling and attractive when he called me his future 'wife', and I became drawn in by the picture he painted for me of the family that we would create together. because I had spontaneously said 'yes', I thought "this must be my true self speaking", and I then would pathologize myself when I had doubts/ misgivings, telling myself that there was something wrong with me not allowing myself to 'be in love' and 'just trust' (which was also the message he gave me).
Maybe you were to be his bank account. After just a few months together, mine came right out and said that I should leave my house to him, 'not the money, just the house.' My thought was, 'and you'll borrow against it, not make payments, and loose it all.' He was 52, in dept, and without much to show for his life. With much help from me he cleared up his debts. Now on his own again, he's heading back into it again. Bad decisions at every turn.
@@susanparker9877 oh yes, mine expected that I would 'donate' my beloved smart car (which I keep in impeccable shape) to his dope-addicted teenage son! the entitlement these characters have is so shocking, and when we compare notes, it's so obviously a huge red flag! and isn't it funny how our sensible selves KNOW the truth (that they are NOT dependable), and yet I denied this knowing, judging myself for 'being judgemental' of him. I thought he must feel so badly about himself... and maybe he did, but when I read your story, I think maybe they are also shameless!
This phase can be so subtle it's difficult to detect, especially with platonic friends, parents or even romantic partners where the thrill is gone. Their attempt to keep a hold on you is so minimal it equates with the value they feel about you. You're not worth their effort and that realization is your cue to exit permanently. They don't deserve you and are too blind, deaf, and dumb to appreciate your priceless value.
Dr.Ramani I sure wish I found your channel last year when I was going through the most toxic relationship I've ever had in my 40+ years on this planet. My "aha" moment happened on Dec 27th, 2019 when I tried to give my narcissist a Christmas gift and he had a complete meltdown and topped it off by speeding off while I was walking towards his car it was at that moment I knew I had had enough and I was determined not to spend 2020 in a toxic relationship. I'm still in the healing phase taking things day by day it's not easy though
im just glad that ive been training myself against the dark arts that i was able to make an exit before it consumed me... the narc tried to gaslight me really hard for discarding them before they could.... and then I found out about love bombing because i was doubting my decision and looking for answers
For me things were more whirlwind than that, it was every other day being love bombed, being told all he wanted was to be with me because I was the best thing in his life, then he would seem distant, claiming problems that had nothing to do with me, apparently... So I believed it... Then he turned on me, lied and denied everything, promised having an honest talk and it never happened. I went silent.
Yo I’m seeing this now .
Unbelievable... I’ve been living this nightmare for 6.5 years..... Then you just decided one day that he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Then two weeks later I get all these text messages how worried he has about me, how gorgeous I am, he sends me a kiss emoji. The sky is so mentally messed up, but so am I I guess
My love bombing lasted almost a year, consisted of daily compliments of everything, words of love, roses, poems, but also his tenderness and caring...even few months after mariage, I was great wife and so on...until the day of his final exam at university..then he openly showed his disgust and hatred towards me.. mindblowing change...
Thank you Dr. Ramani... I was dealing with a narc a couple years back and this brings back some sad memories. Seeing everything in black, nothing making sense anymore, sleepless night after sleepless night... constantly anxious to the point of sickness. I remember it very well. The first thing I told my therapist was that I felt the world had lost its colours, and even today i wouldn't be able to find better wording; that's exactly how I felt.
The realization of it all and no contact afterwards were probably the most painful things I had ever experienced up until that point, more so than the relationship itself. Thanks god I have a loving family who shielded me from hoovering attempts as well, because I have no doubt that in that moment of weakness I would've fallen for it again.
In the end I'm grateful to myself for finding the courage to ask for help, leave and rise again from the ashes. This was two years ago and I still think about it from time to time. Looking back now, it ended up making me so, so much stronger and aware, so in a way I'm thankful for what I've been through, but maaaan did it suck! :)
So people, listen to experts like Dr. Ramani, gather up the courage and LEAVE. Get T F away ASAP. I can assure you, even if it feels like the end of the world, it's really the beginning of healing, and I know it's the part that hurts the most but seriously, you do not deserve this crap and you know it :)
God bless you all.
Thank you Doctor Ramani for a very informative talk about Love Bombing.
Dr. Ramani, you have an amazing ability in conveying your messages on all your videos! Thank you for your endless work!!
Talk about moving fast; on our first and only meeting he told me his mind was already made up. I was the one for him
He said he'd committed my pictures to memory, he knew everything he needed to know about me that I was an educated, hard working decent person and we had no time to lose because we were older adults and life was too short. To me this was not a red flag but a red banner!!!
Oh my goodness. Im in the process of leaving my narcissist and I am watching these videos to fell um...not crazy. And it is insane that this is a thing. That his behavior is so patternized with others. Thank you so much for these videos. Thank you.
Your videos have honestly helped me so much! I honestly can’t thank you enough. You’ve saved me countless times from going back to him and have helped me to realise that my experience and how I feel about the situation is completely valid. THANK YOU ❤️
It’s so hard to tell whether I’m just being suspicious because I’m not used to being treated well, or if my gut is right that this is too good to be true in a very real way. It’s moving so fast, he’s wildly romantic, it got so personal so quickly.. there was no slow build. It’s “you’re the girl of my dreams” right from the jump.
Take your time...if he shows he is the one ....he will wait for you ...go slow and follow your guts instict
This is exactly what I’m experiencing
Can I ask how have you got on since as it's been a year or so? Thanks In advance
I wish I could've found this video earlier. Everything you have said hit me like a truck, and I'm so glad I broke up with him as soon as I realized the "perfect" relationship was actually damaging. I constantly felt burden by his demand for affection and his "sweet" gestures. It was hard to initiate a breakup because nothing on the outside appeared wrong, but I just knew it wasn't right. I knew I had to do it even when everyone would say I was stupid. I knew I needed to getaway. The thing with me and that guy was that he didn't understand anything about this, he just did whatever he did because he "loved" me too much. and would smother me with love because he thought I would need it. I tried to explain things to him and he just told me I was overthinking, nothing was wrong, I just imagined it, and that I should fix whatever there was to be fixed because it was me who had problems. That was my breaking point; he just loved the idea of being loved and being in a relationship with me. Now, even the thought of him repulsed me and I feel incredibly stupid for being with him in the first place.
Your comment stopped me in my tracks, I had a very similar experience with someone and it was exhausting to explain to him why things felt wrong. It felt like he didn’t want to take no for an answer or that my feelings didn’t even really make a difference in the matter
@@cristina4751 Thanks for sharing! It's really true about it being exhausting. It became one sided, and it was suffocating, wasn't it? The wall of miscommunication kept getting higher, but the guy was too blind to see until being gentle was no longer a solution. It needed a BREAK.
@@cristina4751 this is my situation exactly!!!!! Wow...
It should be acknowledged that other Cluster Bs do this also. I was in an abusive relationship with someone who was BPD, not NPD, and she made me feel really special initially - I was vulnerable, suffering from ASD and social anxiety, and she made me feel protected, took me out for a really nice breakfast on the morning of my 21st, always went full out when buying me gifts...and then, long story short, it ended horribly.
And I acknowledge that Borderlines can also be victims in abusive relationships, I’m not intending to smear every person with a disorder.
Melissa McDonald I can relate to this. My ex gf also has BPD and behaved this way. She tricked me! She would show up to my house with flowers, gifts, love notes and took me out to dinner. When she moved in a year later she was rude, insulted me, name called and eventually behaved in a sadistic manner. One time she looked down at me and laughed when I was crying while holding my sick cat. I didn’t know what was wrong with him at the time.. I will never forget that. I am sorry you encountered someone just as abusive.
Melissa McDonald, Very interesting. It took me a very long time to understand Cluster B spectrum and that I had been involved with a BPD. My Borderline also displayed Covert Narcissistic traits and Sadistic traits. In the end, I sent her packing. You are lucky to have learned your lesson at 21. I was 60 and completely naive about these disorders and my role as a codependent. It took Therapy (after the fact) to understand what happened.
Nubia Jeffries , Sadism is definitely a trait of the BPD.
Very true. My father lived somewhere in Cluster B town, I've never pinpointed where but I suspect ASPD, or NPD. With flavoring from the rest, especially both psycho- and sociopathy traits. And a lot of stuff around money. He would really pour it on thick when it served him. Very transactional, until it wasn't. For years contact with him was really challenging, it was just such a liability. But in his final years, he had such a hard time cloaking it. And suddenly in his nursing home with no more access to substance abuse and *just* as the dementia started setting in - it was clear as day, he could no longer hide self serving motives and the dearth of empathy. He was transparent and it was so pitiable (piteous?), but also I felt released from the obligation to take any of it personally. I found dealing with him at his worst to be freeing, emotionally. No more cognitive dissonance.
@Melissa So does that mean that people with BPD can make you feel just as horrible as a narcissist can? And do they also be very ,,jealous“ and controlling at first? Are they trying to have a just as grandiose relationship as a NPD want to have? Or lets just say do they have the same patterns?😅 I did not quite get the difference yet…
I lost my child, my marriage and her but kept my soul, my life and my sanity . Her description is completely accurate !!
This has left me in tears. I am so ashamed of myself for letting this continue. I need out and he is making it very difficult
I feel you so much. Just when you think you've had your limit, they sink their hooks in deeper and usually with "love bombing". I'm so ashamed of myself for falling for it every time. Just when I get fed up and have the courage to actually walk out, the love bombing starts back up and I stay.
Right there with ya! It's sickening
After spending 2 months tearing myself apart about ending a relationship with someone I now realise that luckily I reacted to the red flags. Absolutely lovebombed and it just didn't feel right or 'real ' and the put downs had started. He replaced me with new supply within 2 weeks and ghosted me and was all over Facebook with his new relationship even tho I was supposedly the ' one he'd been waiting for' and the love of his life!!!. I thank my lucky stars that I ended it when I did. I genuinely feel sorry for this new girl now
I went through a couple of similar experiences. As a result, now I am not in a hurry to even like anyone(romantically, friendships, work, general human relationships). It doesn't mean that I dislike everyone, it just means I prefer to be in the position where "time will tell", and it always does. I also got comfortable with the idea of not being liked myself, and not really caring about it. Every time someone starts with the high compliments without getting to know me well first, my radar lights up and I don't play along. And I am happy to say that this change of attitude did me a lot of good.
The breadcrumbs is a red flag for me
The moment I realized that the "love" and "connection" I shared with my parental dynamic was literally an illusion and wasn't even real, was the moment I woke up and began to understand the amount of damage a narcissistic parental dynamic can create within a child's life, body, and mind. My healing journey has been unreal. I used all of the pain and negativity thrown at me and used it as fuel to be better and stronger. I thank you so much for creating a community to share these insights with, and sharing your knowledge. If the internet didn't exist, I'd probably have gone insane.
Love bombing aside, a true narc has no real sense of self, no integrity. They live a lie, and believe in their own delusion of grandeur. Everything about them is fake, and they are not to be trusted. The only thing I have "admired" ( can't think of a more reasonable word ) about narcs is their seemingly incredible ability to be real and true masters of illusion. Some of them might as well be able to trick literally anyone! If only they would be mature enough to let go of their ego and use it for good. As I've been healing, I've become almost fascinated with what drives people to do the things that they do, and how someone could become a pathological narc ( like mine ) and accept it fully within themselves, with seemingly no sense of self anymore.
I recently started dating a man and having watched these videos, and previously dated a narcissist...I noticed the flags after 3 dates! I have learned my lessons from the past and dodged this bullet!!
Omg. My boyfriend did all of these things exactly to the letter and the love boom ended abruptly at the 12 week mark exactly. Omg. My mind is blown. How could I be so vulnerable. And the gaslighting from friends is so true. All my girlfriends all said I was being paranoid and should be happy I found the perfect guy.
I'm so glad I stumbled upon this channel today. This is life-changing and putting things into perspective for me. Thank you, Doctor Ramani!
Dr. Ramani. Thank you so much for your wisdom and life teaching. This was a timely message for me and a great reminder of what being healthy is all about. Many blessings are sent to you on this day. Sands
The love bombing phase in my relationship with the Narc Husband was so powerful that it took 15 year to realize that ultimately there was no relationship. It was a constant cycle of love bombing and invalidation and verbal and emotional abuse. Nothing, nothing .... I did was ever good enough for him. Lucky for me that I realized that this is a personality disorder and I should stop trying. All thanks to you Dr Ramani. It it wasn't for you, I would still have been stuck in this abusive cycle.
My ex was my friend and I feel the love bombing happened more as friends than as gfs. Like she got me as a friend and by the time she started showing her colors I was hooked because I trusted her and cared about her. So the love bombing was after the hoovering , not at the beginning of the relationship per se. But she was an expert lovebomber. She knew what she was doing . It is like she had a manual, how to love and destroy me.
This reminds me of my story. My ex is the best friend of one of my closest friends. He tried to date me 6years ago, but back then I realized some red flags... and it did not work. I rejected him quickly. That did not sit well with him. I felt like he was narcisstic. So he stayed away from our group meetings. Years later he slowly became an integral part of the group. I felt like I might have been wrong about him. We grew really close as friends and he joined every group meeting (this group of friends is like family to me) regularly. We had this "magical connection". So he started slowly sucking his way in. And we became a couple. At the time I was battling depression due to the death of my narcisstic father and my mother being diagnosed with cancer. I felt weak and worthless and he supported me. And then he put me on a petastle. It felt... Wrong and too much but also really good because I stayed away from men for a long time and it felt good to be cherished and loved . He would tell me how great I am like 100000 times. And while part of me thought that was a bit much, I enjoyed it. Then the devaluing began and I broke up immediately. And that resulted in a whole year of mind games..... A hoover... And all of that. I realized that I had been right all along. Over 5 years ago. I just figured he matured and that my initial distant unemotional evaluation was part of my own fear of commitment. I am glad I possessed the knowledge to realize what was happening even if I was into it very deep. And yet it is a constant struggle. Even though I possess all of that knowledge.
This is the best video description ever on love bombing. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
After I ended it with my ex, he has been hoovering and love bombing just until he feels he has me hooked and then, he pulls back sharply. For example, he'll text excessively saying he's doing X for me and tell me he still loves me. Then, when I finally admit that I still love him, he goes silent, says cruel things, or just gets cold. I really think it gives him a sense of control to get me on the line like that... it's like he's checking to see if he still has power over me. He doesn't care. He doesn't love. He is a massive liar. He is a sadistic abusive alcoholic...I want nothing to do with him but he does things that make it appear he cares and like he's remorseful and he says things that make me feel like I must be the most insensitive ungrateful bitch that ever lived...he spins these narratives where is this good hearted victim.... it's so confusing. I've resolved to let this last time be the LAST time I ever let my guard down with him. I have challenged myself to keep all responses to under 10 words and only when it's about the kids...I'm competing against my instinct to be responsive and empathetic in an attempt to break this terrible habit I have. I filed for divorce...it's time to hold myself accountable and move forward without this nonsense.
Hey, I just wanted to say that I've personally experienced a lot of what you just mentioned. It feels terrrible!!! Anytime I have to interact at my ex I feel so bad about myself. Its like the confusing mind games never stop! Going through divorce with someone like that is hard, I really feel for you! But I want to encourage you that you can get through this!! :)
I know the feeling of guilt. My ex would tell me I had no grace for not being able to forgive him for the past (sometimes for something that just happened). He would call me abusive for calling him out on his emotional abuse
I had to leave him when he was away, because he always managed to make me feel guilty, like I was bad for not wanting to make it work.
I was taught growing up to feel obligated to anyone who is nice to me. So, as soon as he apologized, I was obligated to forgive him.
After working on the relationship long distance and finally ending it (he took a life insurance policy out in me without me knowing it), but him still wanting to rehash why it didn't work out, I finally realized I don't have to rationalize anything to him. I sent him an email and just simply said " you feel one way, and I feel another. I can't change you and I don't have to explain why I don't want to try any more."
You seem to understand why you keep getting sucked back in and are taking brave steps to get out. That is huge, wishing you the best!
@EyeAmMe When you manage to cry yourself to the light, your life will be yours again, light and beautiful and joyous. Go get it, girl! You deserve it!
Wonderful! Keep going!
Thanks to bring so much awareness in this topic. It's pretty difficult to overcome this situation, since, actually, there aren't many therapists aware of this. Thank you again for having shed light on me
What makes me wonder with some videos like this is: how could you help prevent someone from looking too harshly for the "signs" and convincing themselves that their partner might be love bombing, even though they're not?
Personality disorders are so interesting because they are (in many ways) a two way street of action and reaction.
Thank you for your videos, they are very educational!
This video was spot on..... Thank you Dr. Ramani
Thank you so much Dr Ramini. You are giving me so much insight, and saving me. Thank you for all you do and all the lives you save 🙏🌹
I have experienced everything you're saying throughout my entire 20yr marriage. Every time the relationship takes a nosedive, my husband comes up with an expensive vacation, dinners, new cars 🚗 , and expensive jewelry gifts all kinds of things. What I've noticed everytime I started a job he sends large bouquets 💐 to my job. He wants to pick me up from work every single day or shows up to my job unannounced waiting for me in the lobby. I noticed the big dinner partying with family and friends has waned completely. Then he started arguing with me more frequently and intimidating me. Now he doesn't do any of the things he used to. No more gifts. I see he's very controlling, entitled, arrogant and malicious. I am trying so hard to get out this marriage. When I told him i want out of this marriage, he did not respond nor acknowledge my feelings at all. I am so over this marriage. I gotta get out.
My husband did not respond either now I said ok let's divorce. I cannot even explain my situation. I just know this has been too much and too overwhelming.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! I feel so much lighter after hearing this information and empowered in a way. It wasn’t my fault, it’s a pattern in his life, I didn’t do anything wrong, I did much more than I should have and I need to let it go completely, because it was a lie, a sick person playing a sick and dangerous game. Again - Thank you Dr. Ramani for your time and effort teaching us victims how to carry on and understand what’s the reality behind all those early “beautiful” and then not so beautiful memories we try so hard to process and let go of. 🙏🏻
You’ve put me on to so much game, very helpful to my healing and understanding from my last relationship.
You’re the best Queen!
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! Your videos are giving me the strength to go gray rock or no contact with the narcissists in my life.
This gives me so much clarity on my situation I appreciate it a lot 🙏🙏
I can never tell if it’s love bombing or a guy is just super into me. I’ve dated guys that like me “just okay” or what seems normal I guess. Then I’ve dated guys that tell me they want to show me off to their friends and want to marry me within a week of knowing me because they have just found such an amazing girl. How do I know if someone likes me in a normal way
Wanting to marry you in a week isn’t normal
same problem. Idk what is what anymore
Take your time
I experienced this with dating. Men either seem to be all in or not at all. It was really hard.
I'm so glad this information is available and opening up direct awareness
Dr. Ramani is one of the reasons my passion for clinical psychology continues growing. Thank you for this channel!
So glad I saw your page, you've been super helpful 🙏
So unbelievably on point. Thank you!
Dear dr. Ramani, watching your videos are giving me the clarity I have needed since forever. the need to understand why these things are happening have got me stuck and not be able to let go, whether it is with family members, friendships or relationships. You are right, about it being the sickness of our time. With all the quick validation and attention seeking, social media, and making superficial people famous, we do need to hold on to our empathy, tighter than ever, and I am sure we could be of help to honest people who are struggling to be themselves in these confusing times. So thank you for all your effort and empathy. I wish you all the best.
So much clarity,there is so much to look out for in dating right now.
16:41 surprised to hear lovebombing is part of the defensive use of grandiosity. Will think about this mechanism. Thank you so much dr Ramani 💜
Then these things get thrown back in your face should you not match their generosity. My ex would make jabs about me not being able to work because of my mental health, I’d contribute as much as I could.
Bryan’s BPD Journey I am sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing better now. It made me a lot stronger
I remember on the days I was really struggling with my anxiety, or even with my allergies-- we had cats, which I loved to death, but I was super allergic to them-- naturally, I wanted to vent to my partner, but he'd always end up saying I was stressing him out. Yet he expected me to listen to him when he wanted to vent about his depression, or to baby him when he caught a little cold. Needless to say, our relationship was so one-sided.
Wishing you the best, Bryan!
Doesn't matter. Know women respects a man she must maintain. She will gradually lose respect for you its just female nature.
@@DeepVerma728 This is a little old, but whilst you're spending this time and energy looking into narcissistic abuse, I'd highly suggest learning about misogyny and toxic masculinity. Taking a look at biological essentialism wouldn't hurt either, frankly.
Dr Ramani, watching all your videos basically got me through and over what I went thru with my ex and his constant hoovering, it’s like a weight has lifted at last after several dark years of confusion, I cannot thank you enough
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I was feeling very insecure and full of doubts now that my narcissistic ex boyfriend is love bombing very heavily his new supply. I was feeling unworthy and betrayed and like a fool and pretty much I wasn't understanding that this wasn't about me, and is not about the new supply. Is all about him and his insecurities and his game. You were so spot on about everything you said, I could relate to everything. My relationship with him started with us meeting for coffee and then spending the next 3 days together. But all day long. So it was like a first date marathon. The love bombing included trips abroad and the messages that you mention. Good morning and good night texts and countless sweet words that I was hungry for because of my neglectful childhood. And you are right, they were a form of controlling that I wanted to see as romantic. You are also very right at pointing out how the moment they have you, and when the relationship needs to go deeper they shift and they pull away and become unavailable and neglectful and mean and vindictive. The same applies when you need their support. They will never be there for you. They'll demand all the support in the world and don't care about the sacrifices you make for them, they just won't give you anything. They won't listen to you, validate you in any shape or form or sacrifice anything that matters to them. They'll just leave you when you need them. In my case I even changed my work and was making plans of moving to his city, burning my plans and dreams for him. And then he betrayed me in every way possible. It is all a façade. Thank you Dr. Ramani for this video 🙏
My ex narc would always tell me he is going "mute" which in other words the big old silent treatment....
yes he sent crappy flowers i threw them out
Lauryn Rose 🤣.
😂😭😂
Thankyou ma’am for explaining about Narcissistic behaviour so well, and most importantly on educating us so deeply with regard to Lovebombing, so that we can safeguard ourselves from any present or future hurt.
I feel so blessed that I was never the kind who was easily taken by compliments, flattery and grandiose gestures. For some amazing reason I have been like this since childhood. This saved me a great deal of grief in dealing with people who hoover you that way. My experience with several narcissists comes from extended family and work. It was still painful. I was sucked in by different means - empathy. I am grateful for this channel and everything I keep learning. Thank you and blessings to all!
The love bombing that I experienced was the best time of my life so far. I felt so in love and so happy. I noticed red flags but even my mom would tell me I was being too harsh. I would fight w/ him for almost no reason but I guess it’s bc deep down I knew something was really wrong. During the love bombing, I even broke up w/ him one night and told him I didn’t know why I was breaking up with him but I thought he was a psychopath or something! It almost makes me cry thinking back on how deep down in my heart I was trying so hard to break free bc something was wrong but I just couldn’t. I stayed with him 8 months and it was 8 months of pure hell mixed w/ the best times of my life. Narcissism is very sad and it’s sooooo life changing for the victims. I began looking up his “symptoms” right when the devaluing started and found out about NPD and have since realized many people in my life have one of the cluster B personalities. I guess I attract them because I am a very empathetic person and I try to see the best in people always. I am bad about making excuses for people. And my whole life it’s all I knew, my father is a malignant narcissist and my mother I believe has borderline personality disorder. I was raised by my grandparents (thank GOD!) but, my mom and dad were still around and influential in my life regardless. It’s sad that this information isn’t known by more people. As soon as I became educated I was able to stay away from the relationship shortly after. I have messed up a few times during no contact but I don’t foresee myself ever being with him again bc I just know too much now. I also have cut out almost every friend I had because they were all cluster B pretty much. I hope to start making healthy relationships now that I know about all of this now...
TRUST is like a crystal glass that once it's broken its hard to put the pieces back together and when you try to fix them, you might get puncture and get hurt. The crystal glass would never be the same no matter what, that is why it's important to apply wisdom when dealing with our partners and i believe smartness is essential in any relationship. I got help from (Cybertech-tracker) as he helped cloned my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone Text messages, Imessages, Facebook, Instagram, Whats-app, Skype, Kik, Twitter, Snap-chat, Email and social media chats without touching his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist but I'm glad to uncover his deceits, secrets and Infidelity. All I did was share his phone number with (cybertech-tracker) and i was able to read his recent and deleted messages from my phone without laying my hands on his phone and he has no idea his phone has been cloned. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in the UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this great hacker via Gmail (cybertechtracker) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and Whats-app : +1 (202) 697-7171. Thank me, later...#Stay-safe & Stay-home
Similarly. Currently
I married my narcissist after less than 3 months. I am now being discarded and it's so surreal to recognize myself in all of these videos. Weird to be aware that red flags I experienced are abusive and know it even during it, and still continue to stay. I wish I would have recognized love bombing in the beginning. My first marriage, his third.
Thank you so much Dr for making me feel heard! I’ve felt crazy for so long
Thank you Dr. Ramani. So much of what you talk about resonates w what I go through.
From my personal experience, I don't think this just happens in romantic relationships but with work colleagues and family members etc and I think the narcissist is actually believing that the other person is special and superior to them temporarily, so that they can feel they're associating with special people, hence the love bombing and then I think they discard when their delusion about you fades and they realise that you're not that special. I think it can happen in this way too.
Only an evil person objects to you spending time with friends or family.
Thank you so much for your insight and information, so very helpful!!
So incredibly informative and necessary. THANK YOU for sharing your knowledge.