Becoming WHOLE again AFTER BETRAYAL

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
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  • @DoctorRamani
    @DoctorRamani  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +144

    STEPS TO GET “Healing and Thriving after Narcissistic Abuse: The Many Voices” FOR FREE:
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    • @tlove6932
      @tlove6932 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      😁Ordered your book YESTERDAY!🎉😁🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼😁😁😁🎉🎉🎉

    • @stacyfox6055
      @stacyfox6055 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Dr. Ramani, I love your work! I attended this workshop and watched your interview with Dr. Freyd. The statements about we empaths, codependents…whatever we are labeled… simply loving lifted my shame. I realized the love that I gave during my nearly 5-year relationship with a narcissist was taken for granted and there is nothing for me to be ashamed of. I will, however, continue to educate myself in identifying “unsafe people” so as to avoid another abusive relationship like this moving forward. Thank you for educating us!

    • @cherdangelo2993
      @cherdangelo2993 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Which is the book of hers that I should start with? I'm still in the abuse due to financial devastation

    • @stacyfox6055
      @stacyfox6055 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@cherdangelo2993 Should I Stay or Should I Go? Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist. I preordered her new book as well.

    • @janpenix8879
      @janpenix8879 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      No, it's not ramblong doc!

  • @Cherry-kt8zo
    @Cherry-kt8zo 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +179

    It's knowing you were were never truly loved.That in itself is betrayal.

    • @AmandaHugenkiss96
      @AmandaHugenkiss96 28 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      The truth is that they do actually feel love for you, but they don't have the object constancy to sustain in it. It may be real in the moment, but when you not there, it's like you never existed.

    • @patriciaberliner8050
      @patriciaberliner8050 26 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

      @AmandaHugenkiss96 I don't think they have the slightest understanding of love or the ability to feel it. They're all excited because you're a new source of supply and they love bomb, as Dr. Ramani sayes. Then they suddenly get distracted, treat.you cruelly, and run on to someone else.
      It is devastating to realize there was no love in the 1st place. It makes you feel used, inhuman, not capable of being loved, entirely lost and alone.

    • @katiedid8192
      @katiedid8192 21 วันที่ผ่านมา

      The sad thing is the narcissist probably was raised without love so he/she has not experienced love and therefore does not know how to love. Their entire lives are loveless and they hurt the very ones who would love to shower love upon them for the first. They don’t know what to do or how to act. So many people hurt who were created for love. Sad!

    • @AmandaHugenkiss96
      @AmandaHugenkiss96 21 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@katiedid8192 Some narcissist maybe, but there's also tons of them that grew up in loving households. Most of that stuff about their childhoods is just a way for them to rationalize their selfishness and abuse.

    • @GreeneChakra
      @GreeneChakra 15 วันที่ผ่านมา

      WooooW!

  • @karenellisbrown8169
    @karenellisbrown8169 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +208

    My husband of 33 years, pretending to be a family man, ran a church, was living a whole double life of the worse kind that I knew nothing about. It's the element of being blindsighted that is trauma betrayel.

    • @clarecollins2547
      @clarecollins2547 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      😢

    • @mariajames-thiaw5797
      @mariajames-thiaw5797 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

      i realized one day i was getting weighed down by carrying shame that belonged to someone else.

    • @nnylasoR
      @nnylasoR 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@mariajames-thiaw5797THIS.
      I have been tangled up and suffocating in the unfortunate trauma web my husband grew up in and brought into our marriage (unbeknownst to me).
      I, too, brought a tangled web in, but -not to sound biased, just honest- mine was not nearly as cruel and toxic. Yes, we have both been up to terrible coping strategies, but I have been working on mine for years, and he knew of mine when we got married. Theeeeres a big detail there.

    • @delializarraga9638
      @delializarraga9638 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      @Karenellisbrown8169
      ⁠ It has to be the ultimate betrayal; to think that you have a honorable husband in the Lord, but he turns out to be the complete opposite. A supposed “man of the cloth”, and he turns out to be, basically, a devil or evil spirit. The betrayal is a double whammy to the spouse of a pastor.
      Someone once reminded me during an especially difficult time that God loved me, that I was light and that I was love. and never to forget that. I share that with you tonight. Keep moving forward, sister and try not to look back, only continue to walk into a brighter future!
      🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

    • @LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren
      @LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Walk in the eternal light of the Lord

  • @sushmayen
    @sushmayen 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +502

    Their betrayal is devastating and feels like being swept away by a tide. We're not the same anymore.

    • @Greenawareness188
      @Greenawareness188 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +24

      The betrayer couldn't touch your beautiful soul .❤

    • @AloneLife818
      @AloneLife818 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      I agree

    • @CTCAL
      @CTCAL 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      That's true and it's sad. That's why I'm subscribed to Dr Ramani's channel. Her advice helps a lot. God bless her. Amen.

    • @pamwhitehouse5961
      @pamwhitehouse5961 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      ​same here.❤

    • @IsabellaPiesch
      @IsabellaPiesch 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@Greenawareness188 🎯Exactly!

  • @theredqueen6911
    @theredqueen6911 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +191

    I never thought in a million years I was sleeping with the enemy

    • @LIVEINSCOTTSDALEARIZONA
      @LIVEINSCOTTSDALEARIZONA 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Ouch 😢

    • @tracyfort1890
      @tracyfort1890 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      The pain is TOO much to bear!!!!!

    • @LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren
      @LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Oh so True 🤣

    • @LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren
      @LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I'm working on my coherent narrative.

    • @LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren
      @LisaAnn-py8iq4MyChildren 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I need to provide my coherent narrative to my daughter and sons and listen to them, helping them develop their own. I believe that they deserve the option of not engaging in the same behavior or being the victim of the same behavior.😢😅😮❤

  • @patriciaberliner8050
    @patriciaberliner8050 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +54

    I left my family behind many years ago. Healthiest move I ever made.

  • @sharmar582
    @sharmar582 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

    Sad,that there are people who can lie without blinking.

  • @erinward2983
    @erinward2983 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +151

    Betrayal by a parent is so destabilizing. We have to find a way to take the life that was always meant to be ours. We don't belong to anyone. This is our life and I finally know I don't have to feel guilty for living it. Thank you. ❤

    • @NormaBoyd
      @NormaBoyd 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    • @Deity697
      @Deity697 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      🎯💯👀✅🅿️🔥👍🤔

    • @pietam6
      @pietam6 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      🍃🌳💜

  • @joannedobkin3363
    @joannedobkin3363 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    Emotional affairs hurt as much as a physical affair.

    • @supercrismiss
      @supercrismiss 3 วันที่ผ่านมา

      This is what some people don't understand. The pain is real.

  • @costelloandlizzievolk2233
    @costelloandlizzievolk2233 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +153

    I agree it’s the behaviour that’s betrayal. I can’t stand it when ‘life coaches’ and social media ‘gurus’ talk about oh it’s how you respond to an event that is the trauma. It’s like uh no, it’s not my ‘response’ , it’s their harmful behaviour. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

    • @susankrsnich7389
      @susankrsnich7389 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      In a religious school we were taught there would not be a fight if we didn’t respond. This didn’t seem right but the turn the other cheek thing was put in front of you. I finally saw this as a lazy adult’s way to avoid the person who started the problem in the first place. It’s easier for them to handle a teachable cooperative person than the initiator who ignores the rules. I learned to hold back my response not because I thought I was morally superior than the rule breaker but because I didn’t want to be like them. You might take some blows that you shouldn’t behave had to take but you have your identity and integrity.

    • @dylannaenzo9737
      @dylannaenzo9737 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Nobody can MAKE YOU unhappy, angry, afraid, incompetent, without your permission. You are in control of your response/reaction, etc. I felt the way you do, but in time, realized your response is the only thing you can control. Don't be like them. Know who you are; be happy, confident, content, and you won't be triggered by the narc's behavior. They are sad/broken human beings and I think most are physically or psycologically harmed and they cannot change their behavior. Pity them. Don't rage at them like they rage at others. When you act like your enemy, you become what they are. The only way to eliminate your enemy, is to make them your friends..... and you know what your enemy is going to do; so keep a keen eye on your friends. Choose who you want to be.

    • @Hayes2703
      @Hayes2703 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Now that you mention it isn’t ’turn the other cheek’ the best advice when dealing with a Narcissist I.e. cut off supply ? Let God be judge and jury in his own good time. Hold your breath to ‘cool your porridge ’ and pray. 😂 🙏

  • @annesojo9123
    @annesojo9123 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +35

    The first betrayal...presenting themselves as normal.

    • @desertfox1273
      @desertfox1273 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes, that is a brilliant observation, so TRUE!!!!

  • @PennyConlan
    @PennyConlan 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +97

    Being born into a family with a narcissistic father and covert narcissistic mother, it has been a long road. The most painfful of all the betrayals was my only child. It took me over 30 years to accept he did not love me and had been acting. Then after 4-6 months, during which time neither he nor my grandchildren called me, I had a small heart attack from grief. I've given up a lot, grieved my losses, figured it out and have healed most of it! I'm proud to be a survivor!

    • @lab4389
      @lab4389 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Going through it with my son. He estranged with my little granddaughter, and I don’t even know how to locate him. And no, I don’t have any personality disorders. Just a mom grieving deeply.

    • @cynthiapeterson2740
      @cynthiapeterson2740 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      I, too just had a heart attack related to grief from my son dying 2 1/2 months ago. My daughter who is in & out of my life. , walked out as soon as my son was pronounced dead , wouldn’t help spread his ashes… nothing .l didn’t see her again despite my begging after the death until l was brought into the ER this week due to the heart attack & because she was my emergency contact the hospital called her. She works in the same hospital. She is a PA there. She came by for a few minutes…. left… told her l had no one to feed my cat… said sorry… said l am leaving in the morning to go on trip for 5 days. I had to get an Uber to drive me home from the hospital upon discharge.She is the last family member l have left. She has to be narcissistic, right???💔 l feel like she betrayed me & my deceased son because while he was on life support she told him if he was ready to give up, it would be ok because she would take care of me! Am l out of my mind with grief or is she betraying us in a huge way. No offer to stock fridge with groceries… pick up Rx’s…. zero 💔😢

    • @cynthiapeterson2740
      @cynthiapeterson2740 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      You are a SURVIVOR!!!!

    • @OneAdam12Adam
      @OneAdam12Adam 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Ugh! And here I thought people in MY life sucked balls! Jeez! I guess it really can get worse.

    • @jacquelineglitter4328
      @jacquelineglitter4328 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Yes! Live your life without abuse.

  • @CTCAL
    @CTCAL 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +106

    Forgiveness DOES NOT mean reconciliation.

    • @jann4sundown
      @jann4sundown 6 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Because you can never be safe with them.

  • @micheledietrick265
    @micheledietrick265 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    So many people are so broken. Life is not fair. You learn to survive and thrive the best you can.

  • @MarioLopez-yj6sn
    @MarioLopez-yj6sn 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +131

    I hate that this pain is so unbearable I want to unalive myself to stop the pain. She kept asking to be in my life. All while breaking my spirits and boundaries and lying and gaslighting. She kept making me feel like I was the sole reason why we couldn’t make things work, when in reality she’s was the reason we couldn’t work. Everytime her lies, double life, would catch up to her she would gaslight me into thinking it was my fault. All I was ever guilty of was loving her. She made me feel like the worst person ever.

    • @Marlov24
      @Marlov24 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Relating! ❤

    • @garyrandall3059
      @garyrandall3059 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      Please see a therapist to help you!! I'm seeing one now for the past 3.5 years

    • @Empatheticallyrising
      @Empatheticallyrising 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Relating❤ I’m struggling too!

    • @lindasherryrichardson3902
      @lindasherryrichardson3902 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      You will not always feel this low.

    • @caroleminke6116
      @caroleminke6116 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Pure projection ❤️‍🩹

  • @AmberCoen
    @AmberCoen 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +21

    Betrayal:his cheating, lying, getting the friends and family to all lie to me for him, as well.

  • @babiryewinnifred2079
    @babiryewinnifred2079 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    Taking care of myself; depending on God!❤

    • @patriciabackalnyc2157
      @patriciabackalnyc2157 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      God is the answer! Im sure He warned us of these people… there were red flags but we walked don the wrong path! 😔🙌🏻🙏🏻

  • @lorraineharvey3200
    @lorraineharvey3200 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    This video really hit hard. I was the problem child who was scapegoated, thrown to the wolves by my own parents. I was brainwash to think their betrayals were all my fault, their failed marriage and anything else that they didnt want to take responsibility for. I grew up trained to fix and serve, never to have a self, its how I survived hell, how dare I have a voice. They let me live ...

  • @goodlooking6704
    @goodlooking6704 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +62

    Wishing great health and longevity to Mom and the entire family. ✌️🥳

    • @Lencaleena
      @Lencaleena 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You too Mr. Bot

    • @goodlooking6704
      @goodlooking6704 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Lencaleena Sending warm hugs 🤗 from Los Angeles. - Priscilla

  • @jolieoupas
    @jolieoupas 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Pathological Liars was the first thing I looked up on the internet.

  • @TamaraKasra
    @TamaraKasra 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    You’re amazing. You helped me through not only dealing with my mother years ago who is a covert narcissist, but helping me help my father a few years ago with his divorce from her following my eldest brother’s suicide. My eldest brother literally and figuratively pulled the trigger that FINALLY allowed me, my father, and another brother to reclaim our lives. You gave me the clarity and validation of what I have known, watched, and experienced since I was a little girl. I’m now 57. You are a big reason why I am still here and able to heal. You are the reason I finally love myself and no longer question my reality. My own children have benefitted from this clarity. God bless you, Dr. Ramani.

  • @AnnePerkins-po5jo
    @AnnePerkins-po5jo 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    So easy to feel responsible when the immediate response from society is to make you feel responsible. There is that deeply held part of the human psyche that turns to victim blaming. It's even in our adages: "What did I/she/he do to deserve that? Must have done something wrong" and "it must be karma from a former life," and so on.

  • @GodsChildTM
    @GodsChildTM 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    I have looked at this entire relationship now as a learning experience. Not only did I learn what kind of evilness is in this world, but also that I was deceived into sleeping with the enemy. No contact is not only for our sanity, but also for your safety. Protect yourself against hoovers. That is when they are pissed that they couldn't take us down the first time. You can watch all the true crime shows and see bits of them in the ones that come back years later and murder people. They can't let go because they have no sense of time.

    • @Liza-lt2xr
      @Liza-lt2xr 27 วันที่ผ่านมา

      That's so healthy

    • @Liza-lt2xr
      @Liza-lt2xr 27 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Betrayal sadness was dismayed that one you loved didn't care😮

  • @TheKrispyfort
    @TheKrispyfort 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    When people put the responsibility/blame of us being betrayed onto our shoulders and not onto the shoulders of those who committed those actions of betrayal

  • @karinatulloss2189
    @karinatulloss2189 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    So many betrayals and the level of cruelty is astounding.
    He portrays himself on social media as such a supportive and spiritual person with focus on fitness.
    We would hike together occasionally and I was never fast enough, or good enough when all I wanted was to enjoy the journey.
    He convinced me to go on a 17 mile hike. It was my first time doing that amount of miles and at a fast pace. The last 5 miles were hard. I ran out of water and my legs were exhausted. I asked him for water and he denied that to me saying I should have planned better. The switchback at the end was difficult and my legs were failing. He left me there. I had embarrassed him. I was devastated that I would have to maneuver through this by myself. As my leg muscles were trembling and the lack of water added to my insecurities to be able to make it down the mountain and another 4 miles to go.
    I made it down but had to call for help once I was at the bottom.
    I was delivered home by EMT and he ignored me for a month after. Continuing to punish me for embarrassing him.
    This was supposed to be the person whom I could trust and count on. Clearly it was never reciprocated. Clearly not the persona he portrays on social media.

    • @Hatbox948
      @Hatbox948 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Geeze, that was absolutely rotten of him. I hope you ended that friendship, if you could call it that.

    • @MsBrooklyn62
      @MsBrooklyn62 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      OMG! Do you realize you could have died?

    • @Michael-k4g
      @Michael-k4g 15 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      Ok what’s his/her name!! Now adays as you know one liner on a SM page - CANCELLED

  • @theleorawelch
    @theleorawelch 26 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    We are never responsible for our own betrayal.

  • @jpiz17
    @jpiz17 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    I’ve watched this video 3 times but I finally heard you Dr Ramani “stop making it about them how did it impact you?” I stopped the video to think about it. Thank you…

  • @healthstartshere
    @healthstartshere 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I’m on my long road of healing and one of the most helpful things (aside from finding Dr. Ramani), was making a friend who also suffers from narc abuse. Having a close friend who gets it and can validate your experience is incredibly healing! Going it alone it extremely hard because its so easy to second guess yourself. Narcissism is at epidemic levels and has poisoned our political system, work environments, schools, and so much more! Its so important to find someone who gets it!

    • @Nothingbutlovehere369
      @Nothingbutlovehere369 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      You two are lucky to have each other! It is a lonely path I am walking toward healing.
      ❤❤

    • @beachlife4346
      @beachlife4346 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes it is. Just beware of covert narcs who pretend to be that.

  • @Thedisgardedoptimist
    @Thedisgardedoptimist 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    A narc is betraying you before you first say hello...

    • @robinredmond9642
      @robinredmond9642 2 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      🤯 profound & TRUE!!!!

    • @Michael-k4g
      @Michael-k4g 15 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      @@robinredmond9642 AMEN THAT IS TRUE!!!

  • @dodosmamma1692
    @dodosmamma1692 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    My ex husband betrayed me time and time again. I was blamed for his lying and betraying every time. I remember screaming at him for gaslighting me and to stop the BS. He turned that on me by accusing me of being suspicious to the point of paranoia and that I drove him to seek solace with other women.
    Total head phuck. 🤯

  • @Jaded57
    @Jaded57 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    I look back after spending 27 total years of what I thought was “everything” only to find out I wasn’t… he was a narcissist, wanted a divorce after our last one left for college…. I have been alone for 15 plus years and will never believe in love again … it’s a daily torment, I have never felt worthy of love since 💔

    • @SaystheTruth3
      @SaystheTruth3 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Try to love yourself, it's the only way to live in peace.

    • @Jaded57
      @Jaded57 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@SaystheTruth3 I use to..I thought I had so much to give, to offer.. people would want to be around me… but now (and please I’m not asking for pity) I know I’m miserable to be around… my whole life was a lie, trauma starting at age 10, and then thinking I found someone I would live this journey with…. I’ve never felt worthy since… the years after retirement were supposed to be watching grandbabies and showing them how to garden.. I know it sounds so stupid, but to know another person can shatter your whole self being is like walking on a glass ground everyday…. I will never understand 💔

    • @SaystheTruth3
      @SaystheTruth3 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Jaded57 I'm so sorry ❤️ life isn't fair..

  • @theyellowshoe
    @theyellowshoe 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +28

    When I think of betrayal I remember when my husband cheated on me via Facebook & dating sites on his phone. He said he was just having fun, then said that all these females were his cousins.

    • @AnaThaLight
      @AnaThaLight 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      He probably kissed his cousins too.

  • @through.a.barrel.she.breathes
    @through.a.barrel.she.breathes 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Being screamed at and worse is definitely a betrayal. Thanks for saying it most intelligent and kind woman xxx

  • @jenniferkesler4766
    @jenniferkesler4766 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    The word that comes to my mind is pain.

  • @SheIsMe38
    @SheIsMe38 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I wrote a book titled " Surviving Betrayal Trauma" that is all about this! Once you heal the wounds of betrayal and take your power back it is like the key that opens all of the doors that we perceived were closed in our lives!.

  • @joydavis1670
    @joydavis1670 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Awww. Happy birthday mom. Your daughter is absolutely amazing and has helped us through so many things 💯💯💯🎉🎉🎉

  • @MSiM2-sis2
    @MSiM2-sis2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Workplace betrayal is painful when it can affect your livelihood and a form of manipulation.

  • @leilagomulka5690
    @leilagomulka5690 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +24

    Yes. Healthy people know their why. On a continuum…..

    • @bereal6590
      @bereal6590 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      When you think about it it's so clear. We know our why, they just make stuff up to suit their needs

  • @LisaHudson-gb8cg
    @LisaHudson-gb8cg 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I was married to a narcissist and my mother was one too! I thought I was going mad! I broke free from the marriage 17 years ago now I’ve left the relationship with my mother too (just recently) I’m going through what you’d just talked about ‘guilt & loss’ Watching you and listening to you is really helping. Thank you 😊

  • @MerylMcMillan
    @MerylMcMillan 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    Please, please, please do more about parents of adult children who are narcissistic and abusive.

    • @amberinthemist7912
      @amberinthemist7912 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      How did they get that way?

    • @ggwoman
      @ggwoman 26 วันที่ผ่านมา

      ​@@amberinthemist7912it's called parental alienation. The narcissist parent shifts blame onto the victim parent and thus basically brainwashes the children to blame the victim parent. Dr Ramani addresses this in this video. Listen again.

  • @williamsmith4375
    @williamsmith4375 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    After 42 years of marriage, she called the police and told them that I was dangerously mentally unstable and that I was armed. I finally found a boundary! I moved out and tried to get her to take accountability so that I could feel safe again. She filed for divorce instead. On week 6 of the divorce process, she emailed that the whole thing was a big mistake - she loves me - she misses me - the whole Hoover. I wrote back that I love her, but we won't be speaking any more except for divorce business and then we won't speak ever again. I'm so sad and optimistic. I'm 61 years old, living in a fine apartment, and free like a kid who just graduated high school and moved out of the parental home.

  • @davekiernan1
    @davekiernan1 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    You are absolutely great dr ramani. And very human too.

  • @infinifi2910
    @infinifi2910 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Excellent podcast. Your comment on forgiving (or non forgiveness) resonated with me because, as you say, the narcissist betrays people like the drop of a hat and to not forgive is a naturally self protecting response. The trust is broken, justice flies out the window and the grieving cycle kicks in. Unfortunately there’s no other way to resolve things; only within oneself!

  • @kognitivescientist
    @kognitivescientist 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I love this podcast! How much sanity it brings to life to listen to Dr Ramani

  • @HeatherLantz-bi8ly
    @HeatherLantz-bi8ly 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Happy late birthday mama 🎉 thank you for giving us your daughter, she is truly a big part of my life and is helping me through one of the toughest times in my life.. God bless and thank you Dr Ramani

  • @kathrynhayes1799
    @kathrynhayes1799 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Good insight - leaving represents its own form of loss of safety- I stopped your video to think about this- why would there be a loss of safety in leaving? - for me, because of feeling powerless on my own. A friend asked me once if I thought I would leave him. Yes, I replied, when I’m stronger.

  • @snblee
    @snblee 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    48:22 i’m so grateful you’re here to remind us. Because I spent 30 years, forgiving and moving on being blamed, and then finally at the end of last year, I couldn’t take it anymore as my body was physically shutting down my heart and everything. And I feel guilty sometimes, but as always, you’re here to remind us

  • @leonama6876
    @leonama6876 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank you, Dr. Ramani for discussing heavy topics.

  • @keeleehudson
    @keeleehudson 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    They do take the things you wanted from them and give it to the new supply. It’s like the last nail in the coffin. The ultimate betrayal.. it’s like eternal betrayal.

  • @kimberleylangford5536
    @kimberleylangford5536 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I've been betrayed by friends and lovers. Funny thing is that - it catches up on these folks. The ex who cheated on me ended up being dumped by the "other woman" after he took her on a trip (he never took me on any trips). The friend who betrayed me and told me that I didn't have any other friends and would be all alone without her - betrayed, manipulated and abused several other people and I'm wondering if she still has any friends, because she keeps repeating this pattern over and over again. In the meantime, I have been able to get counselling, create stronger boundaries and transformed into a stronger, more aware person who has a healthy self-esteem.

  • @dansasap
    @dansasap 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    I still don't know how to make sense of my own betrayal story, I can't really explain how it went down. But I felt it.
    And thanks to you Dr Ramani, I know that's a starting point I can trust. Thank you.
    I think there should be an ''It's not you'' necklace. It would be all the rage these days!

    • @marieborchardt2910
      @marieborchardt2910 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Our feelings are true, even if we can't pinpoint the exact betrayal events.

  • @jessicaabbott10
    @jessicaabbott10 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    As someone who grew up in a narcissistic family, I can tell you that the worst act of betrayal I ever went through was a betrayal to myself. I am SO guilty of the self-blame cycle!!! I vowed to never let myself get hoovered ever again, but it happened, along with my old lifestyle and habits. I felt so stupid and shameful. I completely lost respect for myself. I’ve been in therapy which has been helping but it’s taking such a long time to heal from it. I need to take better care of myself.

  • @tlove6932
    @tlove6932 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    🔥Phenomenal. Thank you for sharing this along with the replay! Such incredible and vital information! 🎯🎯🎯Recovery & Healing from Narcissistic Abuse is SO hard, excruciating & slow. I can't wait to order your book tomorrow & your addition of those 9 bonus interviews is amazing & appreciated! SO badly needed in such a time as this! Thank you beautiful Sister! 🌹💖☺️👏🏼💯💯🙌🏼🌹

  • @redxfingernails
    @redxfingernails 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Happy birthday to Mom! And thank you Dr. Ramani!! So much for all you do!! Truly an angel on Earth 🤗💖✨

  • @luvphoenix956
    @luvphoenix956 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    ❤❤❤ i ordered both audio and hard copy back in December i cant wait for your book been a member of your healing program since day one thankyou Dr Ramani continued blessings on your work ❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

  • @kimberlys.7097
    @kimberlys.7097 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank you. Dr Ramani’s mom for raising such a beautiful and strong daughter. .

  • @charles5272
    @charles5272 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank God for your Great gift ❤❤❤❤

  • @herbvoigt9002
    @herbvoigt9002 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Very o[pen and factual analysis about the word of betrayal. I felll into this trap years ago and paying for this now. To, late for me but I will not run like it is expected from me.. I have nothing to lose at this point anymore, to old to start new.. I feel sorry for my partner, because in due time she will have to account for her action. She live for herself and her motto is simply " what is mine is mine and what is your is mine no matter what" . Her cousin ended up in that position in her last days and she found out the hard way that she had no friends anymore and past away as a very lonely person. No idea if she recognized that in the end.

  • @dianecarroll6384
    @dianecarroll6384 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Happy Birthday Dr. Ramani's mom! You certainly raised your daughter bery well! She'so smart ...not to mention sweet!

  • @WaterBug46
    @WaterBug46 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Happy birthday to your mum ❤
    And thank you for pouring yourself into us.

  • @MichelleISR
    @MichelleISR 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Pre-ordered the book! So looking forward to reading it. I have struggled 47 years of my life, from a very young age at the hands of narcissistic family members and later on by intimate partner.
    Even my therapist couldn’t help. Thank you for bringing clarity to my situation. I feel liberated and empowered. Thank you 🙏🏽

  • @estelisroy9623
    @estelisroy9623 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    Happy birthday to your mom 🎉

  • @staceycampeau1729
    @staceycampeau1729 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I was scapegoated by my mother. I moved across the country and went no contact. Best decision I've made

  • @TheRkymtnhigh
    @TheRkymtnhigh หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Betrayal trauma is real. With parents, brother and court and significant others...no safety or security...no trust

  • @SebastianSibaja
    @SebastianSibaja 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This has been the most clarifying and calming video I have seen in this process that started 5 months ago, I’ve been through the most traumatic and sad betrayal of my entire life, but it has been the best growing process I’ve ever had also, I’ve been learning so much about me, that I don’t regret any single tear and pain I have felt for my last relationship. Thank you Dr for this content, you’ll be blessed forever for sharing all this knowledge!

  • @SMcGrath01
    @SMcGrath01 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I love all the valuable information you have. I’m sick and tired of being manipulated and blamed for accusations that deflect away from their dirty little secrets!.
    You been helping me heal for 3yrs and I can’t thank you enough

  • @Bingo2501
    @Bingo2501 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Dunno why, but these glasses make her look kinda younger and cuter. 🤓

    • @jennifergodwin29
      @jennifergodwin29 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Because she’s absolutely BEAUTIFUL ❤

    • @triawillow1972
      @triawillow1972 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Intelligence and beauty inside and out makes her an 11😍

    • @jai7184
      @jai7184 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      A catch 😊

  • @Alicia-sk2oc
    @Alicia-sk2oc 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I adore you Dr Ramani! You have helped me so very much. I was married to two narcissist never even realized the first one was a narcissist till I met the second one. They were exactly what you describe. This video has got to be the most valuable piece of information I have ever heard. I have already shared it with someone who really needs it and plan to post it on my Facebook page. It is so very sad what these narcissist do to us empaths. But because of you, I am learning every day on how to stay clear and how to spot a narcissist. I would love to meet you someday you have been a true lifesaver for me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I share your information with people all the time. You are priceless to me. I even have my counselor listening to you. God bless you. I love you and wish you the best in life. God bless you. May you keep doing exactly what you’re doing. ❤️🌹🙏🏽

  • @AlejandroUrsweetfriend
    @AlejandroUrsweetfriend 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Happy birthday mom.. sent u warm hugs and good health

  • @sistergoldenhair2231
    @sistergoldenhair2231 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Happy happy B day to your Mom🎉❤😊

  • @debrarogerssilvey3909
    @debrarogerssilvey3909 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I do not understand how a person can hurt another person so deeply and just carry on. I do not understand how someone can absolutely destroy another person and not care my empathy oozes out of me. It just oozes and almost to the point where I can sense another person's feelings from across the room and then I sense another person and another person. It's almost draining to have the type of empathy I do. I pick worms up off the sidewalk when it's hot. And I wouldn't change myself for one minute because if I have this much empathy, a person with empathy can save the world. Honey, we all can one at a time! So it's impossible. My brain will not allow me to picture a person being so evil. I mean I see it in politics everyday but just to see somebody literally destroy another person just because it's absolutely astounding to me. I have a sister I know exactly what you guys are talking about. Horrific!

    • @lisedauphinais5024
      @lisedauphinais5024 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I feel the same. It's just impossible for me to figure out and understand how someone can hurt another human being that much. How can they sleep at night? How can they look at themselves in the mirror? How can they live with themselves one more day? Deep inside, they know what kind of evil human beings they have chosen to be.
      I guess they bear more trauma than we could possibly imagine. Only hurt people can hurt people. But it's still impossible to understand.

  • @Amber-y9i3j
    @Amber-y9i3j 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    ❤ Happy Birthday 🎉 to your Mom

  • @LeticiaManary
    @LeticiaManary 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I’ve been betrayed to the max. My husband of 3 years- relationship is 8 years long total, used my mental health against me to open a CPS case against me and has alienated me from our three young kids for almost a year. He’s now started to future fake and it seems like he’s fishing for me to get excited with his faking. I just learned that the CPS case has been closed for two months and now I’m trying to cordially coparents

  • @emj3677
    @emj3677 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    'Deceit' is the word that comes up for me.

  • @wchen2340
    @wchen2340 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    i did not expect such a spot on, long and intense video. i have trouble to process it all at once. i will come back here at least a few times, probably even many more - but now i have to give myself a break now. wow.

  • @ninjakitteh9095
    @ninjakitteh9095 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Sending good birthday vibes to yer mum!

  • @katiedid8192
    @katiedid8192 21 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I was in a covert narcissistic marriage for almost 3 decades . Fortunately a therapist told me that my husband had such issues that he would never be able to have an intimate relationship due to his upbringing. I grieved the marriage, stayed in for the sake of our kids. I worked as a RN for the remainder of my married life which helped me to keep my self worth. I can honestly say that I forgive my ex-husband, I will not forget the hurt/ trauma nor will I tolerate that behavior again. Looking back, because of the abuse, I am aware of others feelings and I am a kinder person. I am also very independent . I will say that I have had no desire to be in another intimate relationship. Life has so much to give. It is time to stop and smell the roses and to see the beauty of life.

  • @conniegunn
    @conniegunn 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Happy Birthday to your dear mom!❤

  • @monikita777
    @monikita777 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Happy birthday for your Mom 🎉❤

  • @patrickdaigle5239
    @patrickdaigle5239 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    Happy Birthday to your Maman 🎉
    Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us🙏🫂🙏

  • @estellethibodeau8172
    @estellethibodeau8172 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you very much for this wonderful, healing series. Your book "It's Not You" is a welcomed gift as well. Please give your little sweetheart in braided hair with deep brown eyes a great big hug for me. Please remind her again and again that you are her all grown up and you are both very amazing. Always awake. Always aware. And so very generous with life's lessons. Again, thank you.

  • @shannonleahy2431
    @shannonleahy2431 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    A lot of "subtle" always adds up.

  • @EricaDarden
    @EricaDarden 22 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I'm so tired of being tired of my situation. I need to act; I'm losing myself a little bit everyday! 😞😞😞 Betrayal is literally why I'm moving forward with getting out of this nightmare.

  • @nyamuochpaul4279
    @nyamuochpaul4279 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    My support let go, moved along with their journey and left me behind… I didn’t listen to advise and didn’t see things the way they are- the choices were left up to me.
    Here we are today. This content empowers me.
    Thank you.

  • @ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox
    @ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    And you are absolutely right about there is no justice. The games involved were things like "well you were missing.' What?? Everyone knew where I was at. Reading Articles and online stuff my mother saying she was preceded by a daughter who couldn't be found. What? No name of her daughter. Then you go through being slammed into by an ongoing driver out of no where. You drive out of a rest stop with no breaks after being surrounded. Dealership says the break line was cut. Slashing of tires and stalking. It becomes very scary. When safety comes into play then something is seriously wrong but trying to separate what is connected to what is crazy.

  • @amyg.333
    @amyg.333 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    🥳 Sending some birthday 🎂💕

  • @niab7212
    @niab7212 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This video was so enlightening and validating. Thank you Dr Ramani.

  • @NormaBoyd
    @NormaBoyd 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    A lot of light bulb moments. Thank you. I always come away with deeper understanding.

  • @littleiodine9480
    @littleiodine9480 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This has helped me so very much! Your expertise and sharing that knowledge is GOLDEN. ❤

  • @adimeter
    @adimeter 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    You never yammer. I always hang onto every pregnant word that you are gracefully sharing. Thank you, now please continue - for a long time.

  • @disappearingremedy7400
    @disappearingremedy7400 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This is very useful, powerful, and helpful
    . Thank you for your work.

  • @nyamuochpaul4279
    @nyamuochpaul4279 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I’m so grateful to have found your page. I can only cry tears of joy and feeling of genuine sanity. Betrayal- all around kids self parents me and everyone else effected
    Accusations passive aggressive competitive.
    Trying to help the narcissist achieve happiness instead of mastering myself.
    A lot is unfolding in front of my eyes!! It is a lot. I did a lot of self sabotage-
    The sacrificing gift!
    God help us all.
    Distraction

  • @JustNath2024
    @JustNath2024 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Trust was the 1rst word that came to my mind as response to betrayal.
    There's a Dutch book about narcissism and empathy, which in English would be called "Betrayed by Love", to me that title would say it all....
    Thnx again dr.Ramani.
    💫🕊🐛💝🙏🏼💝🦋🕊💫

  • @Nothingbutlovehere369
    @Nothingbutlovehere369 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Dr. Ramani, would you please please please create a video about adult children narcissists?
    I see so much information about narcissistic parents, but very little about adult narcissistic children.
    My daughter was repeatedly betrayed by her father, my ex-husband, through his narcissism and repeated abandonment. I fought so hard for her, her entire life, pouring into her so much love, understanding, support (including therapy), and care, and yet, it was never enough. I raised my two children to honor themselves and work hard to honor their gifts and dreams, and they are! But for my daughter, it’s never enough. She treats me horribly (unless it benefits her to do otherwise). She is the only narcissist I have not completely removed from my life. But I have recently embraced radical acceptance this past year, and the grief over the loss of the relationship I hoped I would have with her is difficult to process. So much grief over this loss.
    She lies and manipulates, she gaslights, she has “conditional empathy” when it makes her look or feel good in a situation, she is arrogant and rude toward me in the presence of others, she habitually triangulates, and I don’t trust her.
    Last year, I had a breast cancer scare. (My mother died from breast cancer when I was 15, so it was a difficult time.) At which point, she became even worse! A real kick ‘em when they’re down kind of behavior.
    So, I have to protect myself from my own daughter, whom I carried and cradled in my arms, whom I love so very deeply…
    Will you please, Dr. Ramani, please help us? I know I am not alone. We need help with this. Thank you for all you do! And the happiest of birthdays to your mom! ❤️❤️❤️

  • @cristinarosales6183
    @cristinarosales6183 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I wish I didn’t have to go through everything I went through with the narcissist I married, after what he did I felt horrible like the abuse is so serious, I don’t wish this on anyone, the worst thing is that it happens little by little you don’t see it coming ! I’m glad I opened my eyes to this new world and no so naive anymore , I am learning to live myself too so hang in there , it’s takes a lot to heal but we will get through this

  • @carolzappa1804
    @carolzappa1804 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wow, this woman/Dr. Ramani is so amazingly spot on I can't believe it.
    I love her.😢❤😊

  • @nankleffman2174
    @nankleffman2174 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Happy Birthday to your mom. 🎉

  • @Kelley369
    @Kelley369 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I’m so grateful for this video.

  • @seedsoftruth57
    @seedsoftruth57 19 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Pain was the first thing that I thought of

  • @debmontana4233
    @debmontana4233 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I love you, Dr. Ramani you’re a rockstar in my world. You’ve helped me so very much and I’m so thankful for you in my life.