4 Faces of Love Bombing: How Each Narcissist Does It Differently
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Our biggest mistake wasn't loving them, it was staying too long with someone who didn't really love us back the same way.
Yes.
Sometimes it would feel so, so real though, and all the bad stuff melted away.
Hallelujah!
While the biggest mistake might not have been in loving them, it was in not demanding the same love and reciprocity. If I'm not doing XYZ (abuse) to you, then you will not be doing XYZ to me, period.
Unfortunately, we're left rebuilding ourselves, because there will be no healing left in the same hands that broke you. Why would they come close to trying to fix you or the problem when they can't or won't even fix themselves. Besides, there's only one person that can do the work and that's the individual themselves. Therapist can guide and give tools providing they are specialists in the area needed, but change only happens within the person. And their NATURE in words and actions speaks the truth. They are nothing more than whats phrased Indian Givers, but of false goods. What you had was never real just manufactured. This will be one of the biggest and hardest and most painful pills of truth you will ever have to swallow in your life.
stop choosing bad men then blaming it on all men
It's the most cruelest thing. To tell someone who's kind, loving and caring, you love them.
And then spend everyday slowly destroying them.
Kindness and cruelty is one type of brainwashing, as is sleep deprivation.
This hits so hard.. :(
Very well said. The emotional trauma hits home in you words.
It's sad. Some narcissists are not aware of what they do. My mother was one of those. She had a heart, but it was very, very damaged. Sadly, these things do run in families-- not necessarily genetically, but the generational trauma is still passed on.
So, so true 👏🏻
I heard in the original version of Pretty Woman, that in the end rich guy leaves her and she goes back on the streets. Audiences didn't like that so they gave it a romantic ending where they get back together in the end (And he brings her flowers as she stands on a balcony) Ironically, if they'd kept the original ending, it would have been a dark, cautionary tale that might have saved a lot of people heartache after love-bombing. Imagine if people got involved with some smooth talking, gift giving Narc and thought "ACK! This person's trying to Pretty Woman me!" and ran to the hills instead of thinking "How romantic! This will end just like Pretty Woman!"🤣
I love the way you think! Very creative, symapthically bold, and i bet a conversation with you would make my day! 👍
Movies a lot of times will have 2 endings, and they go with the one that screened better.
Julia Roberts said the end showed her and Kit going to Disneyland with the money she made. Kit's excited and talking about the trip, and she's just staring out of the window.
I also read the original or first version. It’s more realistic and saves lots of hearts to be broken but wouldn’t earn ticket sales. Everyone wants to have hope that their future will be happy, so guess.
😂
It's true that this was the original ending according to a behind the scenes video I saw
1:00 grandiose narcissists
16:14 communal narcissists
26:00 self righteous narcissists
38:20 neglectful narcissists
Thank you so much❤
A note on communal narcissists: I work in the non profit/ social responsibility field. Many donors and people in the limelight saying “please help these poor orphans” etc. are often very abusive towards humanitarian workers behind the scenes and demand public praise threateningly. The real kind hearted, empathetic people are humble and often help from a quiet place where they make big sacrifices.
Megan Markle allegedly is the former. George Michael definitely the latter, his prolific, very private, kindness is just coming out.
Sad to say that right now during this day and time Narcissism has become a epidemic
A family friend resembles the description.. she is always doing charity, helping people in need. But everytime she does, it’s a non stop bragging to her friends, updating them like every 2 days. I remember once she threw a big party with something like 40 people and publicly said she didn’t want any gifts but money instead because she decided to help a family’s in need. Also the money collecting was done publicly in front of everyone. I don’t know, for me there is no need to create such a fuss when it’s up to charity…
@@doremi8637 whenever it’s done to create a fuss or for publicity, there’s something wrong. Especially if the beneficiaries of the charity’s identities are being exposed. If someone really cares, the victims/beneficiary’s dignity must always be top priority.
@@Flowerpower-h7q I say this: "If you're doing the right thing for the wrong reason, you're doing the wrong thing." This is also what the passage about charity in Matthew 6.1-4 is saying.
I experienced the grandiose love bomb, flowers, gifts, expensive nights away, spa weekends. I wasn’t totally comfortable with it, it felt off, but my friends & family urged me on telling me I deserved the great treatment. (My husband died 7 years ago). After 6 months with Mr. Narc his behaviour changed. Turned out I was his side piece & I was devastated to find out. Vulnerable people can be very easily swept up in the grandiose love bombing. I was one of them. The ‘bombing’ in itself is a massive red flag 🚩 Thank you for this great video 🙏🏻
My ex-husband “love bombed” every so often, then I figured out it was when he had cheated on me. The last time he sent me 5 dozen red roses, and he was on a business trip 🤔. While he was on his “business trip,” I moved out! When he got home, all he saw was 5 dozen red roses sitting in the living room floor!! 😁
I was a side piece too. He had an 80 year old MILLIONAIRE on the side😂. She can have him. Poor old lady.
@@janetgd this sounds so much like my ex! I then became his excuse for his drinking, I didn't love him enough, I wasn't enough, all his ex's where crazy do on and so on. I spent 6 yrs with that loser and ever time I tried to leaveThe Hoover is real and he was always able to talk me back.. but I finally was able to walk away. Two years free and it's is awesome! I truly enjoy being alone .
Friends & family observing the love bombing said “have fun, enjoy yourself, go for it” - years later after the narc has shown their true cheating colours, suddenly everyone claims to have warned not to allow things to go so fast!
I guess they can’t accept they were love bombed into believing the narc was a decent person too & that they were mislead!
My daughter had just broken up with her first boyfriend when the violent malignant narcissist made his appearance. Within a month of meeting, he convinced her that she was the center of his universe and persuaded her to drop out of college and move in with him, two states away from us and everyone she knew. She was just old enough for us to have no legal recourse. Two years and one baby in, our heartbreak continues unabated. She has tried to leave several times, but always goes back. She admits it’s a addiction. We can do nothing but sit here and wait, and pray the physical abuse doesn’t end in tragedy.
When I was young I lived with my mom in Texas while my dad lived in Ohio. He worked for an airline and I would fly out around once a month until the age of 7/8ish he came to Texas and asked me to live with him. Everytime we'd hang out, he'd always talk bad about my mom and how great he was and how I needed to come live with him. Every time I saw my dad when it was his weekend I'd just get terrible anxiety that I didn't used to get and I didn't understand why as a kid what this discomfort was because as a naive kid all I wanted from my dad was love and acceptance. Finally around age 12, after a long time of fighting for custody, my dad got me alone after picking me up from my mom's work in his truck. He asked 'Did you tell your mom you're coming to live with me?' and I said again "No." He slapped me hard on my left knee from the driver's seat. I didnt run out of the truck like I should have. I was so scared. I told my mom the very next time I saw her I was adamant about going to live with my dad.
After that it was gifts. Vacations. Mexico. Paris. London. My dad like I said worked for an airline so flight costs were practically non-existent. The perfect school. The perfect house. But as soon as I did something that my dad didn't like, he became rageful. If I forgot something because of the mental fog he put me through, again rage. It was insane. A house full of eggshells. The energy literally evaporated whenever he came home or we were alone together. Eventually I started to blame myself for everything because he would blame me first. Now I realize that emotionally damaged people always project their problems (scapegoating) onto their children or their partner or anyone who can give them supply. These people are masters of their craft, they present the perfect image, and their words are weapons. You cannot beat someone like this with words because they have mastered their speech.
The only true freedom is action. Cut them out. Change your number. Get off social media because they are always looking for you. And run. Never look back. Because you know you made the right decision.
Narcissists are angry people and enjoy the moments of their anger bursts.
Im sorry you have to undergo this kind of treatment.
SELF-RIGHTEOUS NARCISSIST:
20 year marriage (+ 17 more of aftermath post divorce)
I am once more dumbstruck. I completely fit the pattern of a person attracted to an SRN, and boy, did your Love Bombing description fit what happened for me.
Before we became "a thing," we were friends. Well... sorta. I was in love with him well before he was with me. (That carries a boatload of additional issues, but for another topic.) We did all the typical things friends do together, and one of our favorites was shopping. He was very happy "window shopping" while I was keen to buy. I actually hate window shopping. It only makes me want things I very disappointingly can not have.
As our "a thing" began developing, while shopping, if it came up that there was something I wanted but couldn't afford, he would offer a way.
At first, he would suggest that we buy it together. The first time it happened, it was an antique chair that he said we could buy together. I laughed, saying, "Who can sit in half of a chair?"
At the time, we'd not yet finished college, and I was living in a dorm. He said that we could take it to his apartment for the time being. I said, "Then what?"
He said, "Any time we might want to, one of us can offer to buy or sell their half." That was music to my ears. --so while my eyes were just filled with the chair, my ears were more than willing to join in.
That happened with a few objects over a relatively short period of time. Then, one day, we were in a clothing store. I found this great pair of slacks. He loved them, too. I said, "--yeah, but way outside my price range."
He coaxed me with, "They would look great on you. Go try them on."
When I replied, "That's only going to make it harder for me to hang them back up," he said, "Oh, come on! --for me?"
I relented. It's like test-driving a car. Of course, the salespeople want you to do it. Once you see yourself in it, it becomes almost impossible to part with it. --and that was the case here.
After the big modeling, I sighed and said, "Let me go say goodbye," and I headed back toward the dressing room.
He caught me by the hand and said, "What if I loan you the money??"
I thought about it and said, "No, it would take me too long to pay you back. --and I'm so bad managing money and sometimes I forget about things... you'd be wondering when this would ever be repaid. No, it's a bad idea."
He said, "I would never let that happen. You don't have to worry about that. I stay on top of my money."
Truer words have never been spoken.
Fast forward to our divorce...
To say that leaving him forced me into financial hardship is quite an understatement, but I'd managed to get him to sign a financial agreement that my attorney said could speed up the process. It was drawn up to be HEAVILY in his favor. Even so, it was like pulling teeth.
When he finally gave me the check, I was so relieved that I deposited it immediately, and went to my attorney to pay what I owed so far.
The next day, I decided to reward myself with a cup of tea and a book at a local bookstore.
The tea counter's check-out was on one side, and the book check-out register was on the other. After paying for the tea, I crossed to the book counter. When the clerk slid my debit card, he said that it was declined. Looking around at customers behind me, I laughed and said, "That can't be. There's more money in that account than there has ever been." --but he was right.
I rushed home to try to figure things out, and the check to my attorney had bounced (that meant the money I'd paid him plus a service fee from the bank AND a fee for the tea I had) I called my father who had been trying hard to help me with my financial situation, and crying, said, "I just drank a $39 cup of tea!!"
He told me to try to calm down and call the bank to find out what was going on. I did and was told that my husband had put a stop on the check the afternoon he'd given it to me.
I called him and told him what had just happened, and he laughed quite hard. He said that he decided not to agree to a divorce because he loved me too much to ever willingly let me leave.
I said, "If you do not make ALL of this right, and I am forced to borrow money from my father AGAIN, I swear to you that I will never speak to you again."
He said, "Well, if this is our last conversation, I just want to tell you that I love you." I never spoke to him again.
At final court proceedings two years later, he told the judge that he was actually quite proud of my ability to keep my word for so long. (That refers to one of the other boatloads of issues I referred to earlier.)
Man, that took a long time to write; quite possibly the longest comment in history. --and I feel VERY SURE that no one will ever read it. --but I can count it as a Dr. Ramani journal entry. --and boy, did it feel good to write it.
If you managed to read this whole thing, I'm guessing you might benefit from her healing program. I sure am. ❤️
You arr so good in putting in your words. Thank you. My narcissistic ex is luckily not on any social media and I feel I Can write freely in here. Am I just glad that We never married. It came close, but I Think he didnt Think my finances were robust enough. And maybe he liked me as the idea that I would stay and take Care of him. He is 15 y older than me.
@sunieschmidt1588 thank you. You should be happy, and feel blessed to find this place of healing. It may feel so bad to have gone through what you did, but we're on the other side, and we are so lucky not to go any farther down that road.💛💞
My date wanted to plan a trip to cancun on our first date.he told me he loved me on our first date.he couldnt wait to introduce me to all of his family.he wanted to get matching tatoos two weeks into our relationship.i almost fell for it all until i googled some of his behavior.all these articles came up about love bombing.i was mortified.a few months into our relationship he started telling me what to wear and how to do my hair and makeup.the mask was slipping.his controlling side was coming out and red flags were popping up all over the place.he still had his ex girlfriends posts up on his facebook.i believe to try to make me jealous.it was narcissism to the core.
My self-righteous and neglectful ex husband looked down on every other social group, immigrants, unemployed, welfare recipients, 'fat people', French people, natives,.... Once these prejudices were revealed, I wasted a lot of time discussing history and trying to put context behind present-day situations. I could not get him to budge. It was horrible! I found that I could not love such a person anymore.
If you didn't work as hard as he did, you were not worthy. I am a hard worker, but could never attain what he expected of me. Despite slaving all day, he'd find the thing I couldn't get to and point that out. A lovely meal was eaten in silence. I'd ask for validation and be told that he shouldn't have to tell me a meal was good, --it should be good. Only God could help me if I was sick and couldn't work. My ex was nowhere to be found; I was on my own. Oh, and my work should still be done.
When I tried to talk to him about our marriage, he did the 'mummy' (as in Egyptian) thing to me, shutting me out completely, then acted as if I didn't exist for days. Living in the bush, away from any other human being, made this behavior overwhelming and heartbreaking. He hijacked our couples councelling too. When I left him, his focus was on getting me back, not changing a thing.
Initially I was fooled by how responsible and hardworking he was. So hardworking that we never had one single vacation in our years together, although there was future faking that we would...I never got anywhere near the top of his 'to-do list'. And if we had a meal out, I felt as if I had to pay my half... It was horrible. IT WAS HORRIBLE!
This isn't exclusive to romantic relationships. This can happen with friendships, other relationships, too.
It’s common in parent/child relationships, unfortunately.
What I took away from this is that love bombing isn't just in a romantic sense. It hit on something I learned a long time ago. That is when I have a customer that praises a lot, like over the top, they will also be the ones that really come down hard on something simple. They seem to like extremes. These are people who give to get.
I met my husband 16 years ago we never left each other's side after we met he took me on a trip two weeks after we met. I guess that was love bombing but he did not abuse me we had three real arguments or fights the whole marriage. We got married a year-and-a-half after we met and we were together until he died two years ago. I miss him very much he was very good to me. But the situation I'm in now I'm physically mentally and emotionally sick due to the narcissistic toxic abuse. I'm trying to learn how to get myself out of it. I would give anything to have my husband back, he was my soul mate my best friend.
When they start telling you HOW RICH THEIR MOM IS, RUN.
When they complain about having no money. RUN!
@KoolT 😂😂 this had me 🙄
I have learned from difficult experience to not go faster than I am comfortable with in getting involved with a relationship. If someone pushes, or offers, a friendship/relationship the first time they meet with you, then the best thing to do is to say, "Why don't we get to know each other a bit first." The one time I allowed the other person to set the tone turned quite toxic and turned out to be a very hurtful experience. Be careful out there.
Someone said something that makes a lot of sense: "If the relationship is the love of a century, don't rush because you have a century to enjoy each other's company."
I was married to a neglectful narc for 9 years. Her love bombing was actually VERY calculated and she was overly affectionate and sexual, right up until the wedding ring was on her finger, and then, physical touch and sexual touch and any form of intimacy disappeared leaving me confused and trying to figure out what I'd done wrong.
My former wife was pretty much the same. In fact she picked an unnecessary fight with me two days before the wedding claiming that I had disrespected her mother because I didn't automatically take a box from her at the wedding planner's office, then on the wedding day she showed up three hours late and we spent the bulk of our honeymoon weekend with her mother - who does that?! When we moved in together she picked fights over the slightest things and only had sex with an agenda of getting pregnant. After she accomplished that goal, that was the end of any sexual relationship we had.
I’m so sorry. ☹️
@@davidhinkson8856 OMG - mother in law present at honeymoon ? How awful for you. 😔
This is similar to mine… except mine was a husband. He also used this form of love bombing when he was guilty of something!
@@moonglow1158 no sex at all for last 5 years of the marriage, no physical touch at all last 2 years. Thankfully, divorce finalized just a few months ago and I'm doing much better.
I literally lived pretty woman, I wasn’t interested in the wealth but I mistakenly thought he cared to be declaring love more than for any other previous woman, taking me to luxury hotel suites, expensive gifts, holidays etc. The discard has hurt me more than anything I’ve ever known as he future faked me massively and I loved him, when he ended it it was like I didn’t know the person I was speaking to 😢 I wish I’d never met him as he’ll be absolutely fine and I’m really damaged now
You’re temporarily damaged. He couldn’t break you! He is a broken man and will never experience LOVE because he is full of everything negative; hate, deceit, manipulation, etc.
You’re now educated on these types of people and it makes you so much stronger and you can still love but now with boundaries!
I wish you well in your healing!
Thank you for your words. I cut contact with a gazzilionaire before he was able to shower me with stuff. Everyone thinks I should have played the game as it would have been financially beneficial. Mental health is more important to me. Once in awhile I have a tinge of regret usually on bill payments day lol ❤ Keep your dignity and integrity in tact, it is good for your self esteem. ❤
@@amoonbeams oh Holly! I can only imagine the regret on bills day, but glad you protected your mental health
I like the others who have been telling you you will heal! Narcissist cannot heal which is sad, they cannot give love and they cannot accept love........ They have this emptiness inside that they don't understand.....
Don't accept anything less than what you're worth!!😘
I feel your pain. You will heal. He will be effed up and unhappy, probably forever.
Just ended things with a neglectful narcissist. I have so many things to say about it, but the biggest lamentation is… it is my own personal hell. There is absolutely no intimacy, no validation that you even exist - it could not POSSIBLY be more invalidating and it will make you feel utterly, completely worthless. While I am thankful that it illuminated some childhood trauma that I need to work on and am now processing, I think I would rather die a horrible death than go through a relationship like that again.
I’ve been having the same experience. I’ve never felt so low and disposable. Then he turns it around and blames his mistreatment of me…on me, I’m just too crazy and sensitive. No…these are the basic human needs that any person in a relationship has. Never EVER again will I let myself be stepped on, all while giving unlimited unconditional love to a person who never even saw me and who I am.
Amen! Good for you that you got out!
I had this happen to me once as well & it was unlike anything I’d experienced. It was maddening & self esteem destroying to say the least 😅
I think it's important to remember that friends and co-workers can love bomb too.
And family, if it suits their purpose at the moment.
I was raised by a self righteous mother and used my Dad and my sister the golden child as a tool through subtle manipulation and retrieving love for them to do everything she wanted including abuse me the scapegoat.
Is so subtle that it took me 50 years for seeing it for what it was and decades of therapy.
I can identify with part of this..except my father and brother were equally abusive so they all ganged up and continue to gang up on me.
The physical abuse wasn't subtle and nor were their substances abuses or blaming me or yelling at me due to other family members' struggles.
The cognitive dissonances were and still are unreal, that's part of their denial. If a friend or someone I was with did something to me that was abusive they wouldn't also be angry about it yet get mad at me, for the same things they did to me.
They lie and hide things as well..b/c that is what abusers do...so they can make you question or try to hide things from you so they don't have to own their horridly traumatizing behavior.
I am so thankful for true trauma-informed therapy, even if it doesn't eliminate all of it in moments when it hits hard.
I totally understand what you’re saying and how it’s affected your life,. I have been through the same thing!! Stay strong 🙏
At 7:50-This is a life lesson which I had to learn the hard way. The thing with these grandiose narcissists is is that it's not that we don't see the red flags, it's that we don't want to see them because the narc makes us feel so good in the moment. The are the classic fair weather friend. For me personally it was only after my Mother died that the mask of my older sister fell off. These folks know how to wine and dine u, they know how to be bubbly and funny and furthermore they know how to give us that superficial sense of warmth inside. But when it comes to depth of character and showing real kindness and compassion they are an empty well. For me it is so upsetting really because being a gay man aswell the older sister figure is so important and when u realise she was none of the great things u thought she was-well that's just shit really...
The weekly bouquets of roses sent to my work were meant to one-up my colleague's receipt of a bunch of flowers. The Narc wasn't original in his ideas, but showing up another couple was his ego boost
I wish I had found you 3 years ago. I finally ended the relationship, and it hurt deeply. I watched a couple of your videos, and your words hit like a bus at full speed. I blamed myself for stuff that just isn't me. Her suicide tactic was her go-to when she wanted to cheat. Rinse, repeat...pure evil. Now I know why she's on the terrorist watch list. Thank you for putting your talents on TH-cam!!! You just set me free.
$100,000 check, flowers delivered personally every single Tuesday, gifts, vacations, Christmas trees delivered… All mixed with fights fights fights and cheating.
I had a female do all these love bombing tactics to me. She was a younger woman and I was completely taken in. She turned out to be a psychopath. She had me falsely imprisoned for a short time and cleaned out my finances, then blew town.
😲
I’m so sorry.
My narc pushed me an pushed me to update my passport because he was planning on whisking me off on an Italian vacation and needed to plan dates, etc. I ran out and made sure my passport was updated and legal. Twelve years later, he never took me anywhere, except for a trip to Cape Cod that I paid for. Divorced for three years now and saving for my Italian vacation.
A lot of abusers have their ‘thing’ they think fixes it. For some it’s saying sorry, others it’s gifts, in my experience it was affection.
Same
I'll take a grandiose over a covert narcissist any day of the week : the grandiose at least bought me a house and a car[ he was only motivated by social status] but the covert pretended to be disabled to get out of paying bills [ and used all his unemployed free time to cheat ]
You just defined my husband of over 20 years. Thank you! Self righteous narcissist light.
He pursued me, said he was in love with me after a month, gave me a expensive promise ring a couple months later, constantly talked about marrying me, visited my parents house every week while I was away, wrote me love notes and put them around the house, texted me every morning with a sweet message. Then, after an exact year together , one week he shut down, became a different person and said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He was never horrible to me the whole year until the end. I saw a new side to him and blocked him immediately from everything in my life.
There is also the dynamic, with the neglectful narcissist (that I have unfortunately noticed from personal experience of it in both romantic and platonic relationships) that because they have routinely set the bar SO LOW, and have whittled down your expectations of them SO much, when they do suddenly show interest, or manage to create a (seemingly) spontaneous moment with you it is often for ulterior motives and when reflected upon later is so common place of an event that it never warranted you thinking there was some possibility that they were changing for the better- you get high on this sense of optimism that you haven't had for so long it replenishes the cycle until they discard you again.
So very true. Living this for the last 7 years and never realized I had been groomed and trained to accept literally nothing from him, while I’ve been doing all the work for our family and kids. All I look forward to is the peace and warmth with my kids that I know is coming once he’s gone. It’s gonna be a long game but I know it will be so worth it. I’m using this time to work on myself and build strength and plans for the day i reclaim my life.
@@tanyaanderson144 sounds just like my story. I doubted my own thoughts for so long that I couldn't convince myself that he would do the things that he would do. Brush away my hand if i tried to reach out to him. Discount things I said. Physical limitations to keep me under his control and always seeking more. I realize it is a sick game but everything that you have said is true. Now to retrain myself to feel again and to seek a normal emotional balance. This has been going on for 40 yrs. I left and he followed. Now we are separated. And I am moving on.
Understand. 44 yrs now. Filing for a divorce
Yes it’s been a constant annoyance to me that narc methods were always romanticized in film! Might this be due to how many narcs are running the industry ?
We met when I was 19 and he was 24. He spent all of his savings to buy me the new laptop 1 month into tne relationship. He introduced me to his family on the 3rd date. Ended up married, 3 kids, 13years together. Destroyed my self worth, told me I am incapable and ugly … no affection, no attention 😢
Its so hard to find a good person for myself. I am 33 and I almost died from my last narc. I have barely dated since then. The dates I have been on have such an emphasis on narcissistic traits I believe our society is confusing being confident with bad examples of what it is to be attractive and I blame toxic traits being shown to us by social media. I just feel like there are way more narcs than ever before. :....(
It does seem to be a trend, I agree.
Enjoy your life without negative people in it.
(For me it's music, movies, books and writing.)
There are amazing people out there, u are just incompetent when it comes to reading people
The dating world is a mess.
There were always narcissists. Psychopaths can be very successful. But please remember that historically, only 40% of men ever reproduced. And 80% of women, only bc we had no right to say no. So if up to women, there would probably have been only like 20% of men reproducing. We do not need to like most of the people we ever meet.
Covert/self-righteous narc was the one I married. He spent effort on doing nice things for several years up front (cheap jewelry that was just good enough, going to dinner but always with a coupon). But as soon as we got married, he became verbally and emotionally abusive and an incredible penny pincher. Ridiculed me for not doing things "the right way". Verbally abusive when I spent a few cents more on something I couldn't gotten "on sale". His goal was to retire early, so he wanted us to have zero debt and live on coupons. Gave me a cash allowance for groceries for years, then finally allowed me to get a credit card. But I was never allowed to have access to our bank accounts, bills, or any other money. His rules were strict and confining. Expectations ungodly high. It got to the point where my self worth and esteem were nearly zero because he had me under his thumb. I had no say. I ran the house and raised our children all on my own, with him living there. He was also very invalidating and verbally abusive to the kids when they didn't conform. I had to shield them from physical abuse a few times. I longed for the days when he was "nice" and begged him to change and realize that I had emotional needs. He told me to make him a list of things he could do. I tried to explain that these were not just tasks to be completed, that there needed to be a heart connection. He didn't understand. It's all black and white to him, and he will reject anything that involves emotional or psychological understanding. "It's not real because I can't see or touch it." kind of attitude. Heartbreaking and awful, especially with our kids. Now I'm on the middle of a messy, nasty, awful divorce with him, praying I can get out with myself intact.
“Escapist Fun” hits the nail right on the head! After years of isolation taking care of a child who needed 24 hour care, I was desperate for even one real friend. Then here came the narcissist who took advantage of every aspect of me until I was dead inside. That was 5 years ago and I am still severely struggling to get me back.
Hang in there! You can (and will) find your "me" again ❣
Thank you❤ I hope so.
Meditate. It really helped me.
Pray or meditate. I was married to a sociopath, divorced him & then ended dating a psychopath. Make sure you go no contact with the person who’s harming you
When I met my narcissist he didn't have much money. Later on as his financial situation improved, I certainly experienced my fair share of grandiose love-bombing in the form of expensive trips gifts jewelry Etc. But nothing beat the first and most critical gesture. We met when we were both traveling for work, and we happened to be staying at the same bed and breakfast. We were there for days together and on the last day we had a beautifully quiet moment together sitting in front of a fire in the lobby, listening to the soothing Celtic music and the Deep drone of his voice while he talked business before our last dinner date together. Our next meeting was closer to where I lived... and upon his arrival to the rental, he pulled out something in a cardboard cylinder. During our month apart, he had commissioned an artist to do a charcoal drawing of him and I sitting in front of that fireplace. There was no picture to go on, so he had taken the time to describe the whole scene in detail to the artist. I was absolutely stunned and Incredibly touched. No one I had ever known with actually take the effort to do something so thoughtful. It breaks my heart to know that it was strategy... that it that it was indeed the fairytale that it seemed. And a very effective strategy it was... I immediately felt that this was somebody special whom I could trust. He had other things custom made later on such as jewelry with the eternity symbol.. his favorite way of letting me know that our love would last forever. But nothing could beat that first gesture.
@DOCTOR_RAMANI you only joined two hours ago… Quite clearly you’re not Dr. Ramani
The grandiose loving stage for me was always wanting to text me, call me to the point that it didn't matter that I was at work. Spending money on me at frist then the silent treatment, and when I would try to slow things down I was the one who was wrong, I was the one who wasn't in this %100. It is so hard to put into words what was done to make me overlook the red flags but I did finally wake up and did leave and am now two years free
Good for you👍
Yes! The calling and texting! Morning midmorning noon before bed on the way home on the way to.... i cant breather if i dont hear your voice! Bull! It was his way of keeping tabs on me only i didnt know it. Wised up finally and left! 🤦🏻♀️
The best lie detector is patience.
My neighbor, seen me taking out my trash and made it his business to speak to me. Now I believe in getting to know "who" your neighbors are.... but this was WAY different. He wanted to show me something on his phone like a trip and asked my opinion, then 2 words later stated that "I seem like a familiar st soul" and then boldly stated I'm meant to be his wife... all in less then an hr of speaking to me 🙄. I quickly ended the conversation and went in my house. Seemed to wait outside to speak to me, started taking my trash to the curb, offering to wash my car, brought me red roses, food, dates and it was weird to say the least... then he said he LOVES ME. I asked him how? I explained to him that you don't know me to love me and 2 months later after making my boundaries clear, he doesn't speak to me anymore lol. 😅 Access denied.
I am attempting to break up with the grandiose love bomber / self righteous narcissist. The trips, sex, expense diners, rigidity of finances, judgment on others etc. I appreciate the help!
One thing about neglectful narcissists is they often appear very mysterious. Which can seem very interesting and exciting at first, especially during the love bomb phase. But now looking back on the abuse, I realize that it's a deliberate tactic they use to purposefully withhold from their partner. That way they maintain the ultimate control and most of the power in the relationship by not being emotionally invested in the relationship. Therefore you put more and more effort into the relationship to make up for the neglectful narcissists lack of contribution. (I'm not sure if that made any sense, apologies in advance.)
100% FACTS!
It makes 💯 % sense✔️
Exactly!!
Definitely my experience with my neglectful narcissist husband. Was very quiet and mysterious early on which drew me in and then he acted very considerate and listened to me for hours, always asking how he could help me, doing little chores and things in the garden etc. That quickly changed once we were together officially. The whole relationship was very confusing. Never knew where I stood, and constantly jumping thru hoops to get him to spend any time with me or get any affection (which never happened). Not one compliment or any feedback about me or why he wants to be with me in over 7 years. I struggle with how I let this happen and why I put up with it. I just kept thinking maybe he would warm up over time or if I could work on things it would get better. Hah. Wish I left when I first saw his personality shift. 😒
*FACT*🎉
I've experienced many situations. The one that hits the top was when they know you hit rock bottom. They present themselves as a saviour to all YOUR problems. So they watch your weaknesses such as Father/Mother issues and feed off that weaknesses. They offer a vacation to go experience LIFE. Once your away from your familiar surroundings they start their confusion. For example let's say you decide to leave and trust that person can hold a job and have family and friends to help your living situation. Once your so far away and are jumping from FANCY HOTELS, TO ANOTHER you start to ask yourself logical questions like how do they have the financial means to support this lifestyle. You ask they say credit. Ok but when the jobs finally are offered they seem to only last for one or two paychecks which never fully cover the hotels, and or transportation to the job it self. They slowly work on your thinking of how are WE AS A COUPLE supposed to survive. Once they understand that, the drama starts publicly to try an make you look like a crazy person. They will take something of yours such as purse (which holds your identity) to put fear in you that YOU NEED THEM. Your alone in an unfamiliar place, with no family support and the police do not listen to domestic arguments unless someone is bleeding. So now your stranded. They will leave for about an hour then come back with a present to ask for forgiveness. Knowing you will surrender because your in the middle of nowhere. Now your up for grabs. Its a very sickening cycle. Then when time goes by like months they will find you because you have to work. It doesn't matter what you say as a HOLY person they are very persistent and try anything to diminish your faith and beliefs.
To anyone who is going through this or is healing know and trust in the HOLY Spirit. It truly saved me.
I don’t know what to say I mean everything you are telling me and your viewers it’s like a checklist for what I’m going through .thank u!!
I hadn't realized that the man from whom I'm separated is a neglectful narcissist since he also has traits of the covert narcissist. When you described how they can be robotic and mechanical in lovemaking, that was when I knew he's a neglectful narcissist. It used to hurt so much when I would ask him a question and he would ignore me as if I hadn't spoken. He was very cold and distant, but has a frightening temper. By the time I left him I truly felt that my life was in danger. He had screamed in my face with horrible swearing only a week before I left, on Thanksgiving day. I just couldn't live with the harsh treatment any longer. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I regretted leaving. I'm getting stronger each day watching your videos, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for you honest, but compassionate, help to those of us trying to understand what we're either living with or have escaped.
Gonna love bomb u today Dr. Ramani.....thank u....💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🧑🔬
Dr. Ramani, thank you for your time, and clear definitions through anecdotal expression.
It was this type of clarity that I needed years ago.
Over the years, I have been in the position of sharing your videos.
You are very accessable, and that has made a difference to quite a few. 🖖🤟 Much love
This is by far one of the best presentations I’ve ever seen on this subject and it covers so many of the different type of knocks that I have found myself interacting with or dealing with you can’t miss a beat thank you, Doc!!! ❤
Thank you for answering back !
You have helped me get through this process.
❤
You are sooooo freaking Amazing Dr. Ramani!! Thank you for breaking it down for us like this. ❤
I didn’t get a valentine card - I got a single flat sheet that was turned into a valentine card nailed to the outside of the house (to tell everyone who drove by how much he loved me he told me) and he had roses for me when I got out of the car. I had never been treated to valentines prior to our relationship and he knew this. I was like holy crap someone really does love me.
Wow. I've been trying to figure out my brother for decades. I had never heard of self-righteous narcissism but its 100% spot on. Thank you 🙏
You changed my outlook on love Ramani, thank you ❤
The last bit about the neglectful narcissist really hit home - broke me wide open 😭 Thank you so much for your work, Dr. Ramani ❤️🙏🏼
Great video! Thanks so much! My step mother is a highly controlling self rightuous and neglectful narcissist. Recognized a lot of patterns of her in this video.
The most elaborate love bombing I can think of, plucked from a plethora of crazy grandiose love bombing, was my ex suddenly leaping from our bed (treading on one of my poor dogs on the floor) - staring intently at my body, with his hand on his chin, shaking his head as if in utter disbelief at the perfect form before him😁. Then saying he HAD to do that, to take me all in. I laughed my head off every time he did it. What a buffoon.
Thank you so much. I’ve been watching you for almost 6 months now and been going out with a girl for 2 1/2 years. I am 69 years old and I have never experienced anything like this. You are amazing. You have pointed out so many things to me, which are so true, and also frightening. God bless you and for your wisdom
Wow ... that was so mind bending!😮 Sooooooooooo many kinds of narcissists and boy do they like me 🥺 it all just feels like a never ending quagmire to me.
This video helped me to see. The communal narcissist… I needed to see the red flags. It helps me let go of so much guilt and trauma bond. Thank you.
What a deeply insightful, enlightening and accurate video. I fell into the escapist fun camp but even more the neglectful love-bombing trying endlessly to do anything and everything to win his love and even attention. He threw crumbs my way every so often and really made a great effort when I finished it but then enticed me back in and as soon as he won me over, nothing … crickets. Also the sunk cost fallacy kept me going as I’d invested so much time, energy, money and myself, it was too difficult to let go when I absolutely should have. Brutal beautiful lessons learned. Never again
I definitely got love bombed and while mine was not a vulnerable type, it's hard to characterize him specifically as any of these types. He was somewhat grandiose but not super grandiose, derived a lot of validation from being well regarded in our social circle (writer's group), and also had dash of being self-righteous; so I guess I would call him a general non-vulnerable narcissist. Over the course of the friendship tho he said and did things that very much are narcissistic including accidentally revealing he felt like a hollow man who had to keep up appearances at all costs. I think his major validation was positioning himself like a hero trying to rescue someone else. This all happened during the COVID lockdown and I was 100% isolated and not in a bubble so I turned to my online writing group for social support and invited a cool-seeming guy to get to be friends, and I chose unwisely. A lot of the thing narcissists normally have to do, he did not. I approached him because I already knew a bunch of his hobbies and interests aligned with mine. He didn't have to isolate me or make me open to becoming dependant on him, the pandemic did that. I was very much like a frog slowly boiled in water that gets hotter a little bit at a time as my "carning new friend" inserted himself more and more into my life and I was afraid to set boundaries because I really did need some more friends in my life. It just took one bad day and he turned completely into a cold raging monster and the acquaintance of more than 7 months broke down during a horrible 2 month period punctuated by silent treatment, gaslighting, and some unhinged raging texts.
Mean spirited cheapness, miserliness, punitive, never spend a cent on anything resembling joy, going dutch most of the time but reminded constantly of the time he picked up the check and you owe, Doctor Ramani, you hit it again, its frightening that this sort of individual is replicated so many times that you can speak clinically about it occurring in relationships even though you do not know me or the narcissist x I was with, personally!
I was looking at old pics of trips with my ex narc family feeling nostalgic but now I realized I was invalidated but it was ok the trips were awesome. Now I know what love bombing is…thank you for this episode.
So much of our culture, in being about validation, is based on "pretend." On "image." On: "how does this look?" Whereas: reality is the best game in town. ❤️ No lie.
The grandiose love bomb is definitely what my Dad did to my mom in the early stages of their relationship. My mom was just coming out of a terrible relationship with a lifelong conman who apparently was extremely harmful to a great many women. She was in a period of suicidal thoughts and even attempted. My dad picked her up, lovebombed her, trapped in a religious marriage, and immediately stopped being nice and expected her to act like a submissive object for him. I could go on but it is obvious to me at this point that my google searches and TH-cam comments have a much greater reach than any video I post on social media. And I don’t want to drag my Dad but I want to participate and not be defined by it or something idk. I also would like to understand my situation. Yadda yadda. My mom was very harmful to me in certain ways in my formative years, and this knowledge has sincerely helped for me to empathize with the sheer chaos and neglect that she was suffering on a day to day basis at the hands of my father who triangulated with his children and was more effective at convincing them of his victimhood status at the hands of my Mom. I love my Dad and my Mom so much. I’m glad that I got to understand them better in order to humanize them and actually handle a relationship with them.
I think that for myself, I have to watch out for the harmful aspects of communal narcissism. Meaning that I do NOT want to fall into that category. Idk. Thanks again. I sincerely appreciate the lessons.
Listening now...thanks Dr. Ramani❤
We had been together less than 2 months and he took me to Rome for a long weekend for my 20th birthday. he paid for part of my driver's license, we went out and he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, paid for everything for me. I was just 20 years old and didn't know what I was experiencing, now after all the years I just found out that it was love bombing, I could never put my finger on it but now it's finally clear.
“You are the love of my life!” “Love, at first sight!” "I wish I met you at the very beginning!” “Let’s be exclusive, I’m falling in love with you!” It took about six months before the first, tantrum,” occurred, she called it a panic attack. I call it, a complete breakdown into psychosis. Screaming, crying, anger, directed at me in a public park surrounded by people. I had said nothing, I did nothing, to instigate this episode. I ran to my car and left as quickly as I could. I thought I would get arrested or people would assume I beat her or something equivalent. She was so dysregulated and invalidating. Four therapists later, and eight years, I gave up! Mission Impossible. The Love Bombing worked, I was hooked, but what a waste of time. The tantrum thing, was bat crazy. They never get better.
Thank you for your channel as it has been such a help trying to understand why my now ex-husband did what he did. I realized he is a habitual cheating narcissist with absolutely no empathy. Sadly our kids don’t get why he doesn’t miss them.
One of the best videos on this topic ever.
Thank you for sharing this information. Life's a journey of transformation. I appreciate your help
I had a Narc in and out of my life starting back in High School. Because we were poor high school kids, the love bombing was grandiose on a budget LOL! But this guy constantly put handwritten notes in my locker and once bought me a bag full of stuffed animals (from a thrift store) that we opened while picnicking at a park. I had a dad who was always away for business on my birthdays and begrudged giving me presents even on Christmas- so for me this was heady stuff! Love Bomb Narc would give me his school picture in a heart shaped frame and written on the back was "I will always love you! Be mine forever!" I went off to college and he said "Keep this picture with you and tell everyone I'm your man!" Which, of course I did. It kept me from meeting any other guys because I had a "boyfriend" back home. I kept his heart framed photo on my desk and all those stuffed animals on my bed and felt loved and "taken". I wrote him every day, sometimes two letters a day- But he seldom wrote back. When I came home for Christmas break... he was ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE!!! Nice!
Years later he came back into my life (Divorced)- all sorry and wanting another chance. He mailed me a box of stuffed animals at one point even though I was a grown woman now. Still got to me. I guess I have simple tastes. But it all went to poop again just like last time. Neglected, forgotten, living on false hopes and promises until I nearly had a breakdown before I finally broke up with him.
I had a yard sale with a friend and put most of those stuffed animals on the table. A little girl wanted one of them, but her mom didn't have anymore money. I told her to take it, in fact take as many as she wanted and added "They have bad memories for me" Mom seemed to kind of "get it" I think stuffed animals often go with the territory in the love bombing phase.
Dr. Ramani’s ability to therapeutically speak helps me feel safe and at ease in my home after my breakup.
I finally broke up with this person, and I realize it’s the best thing it’s only been a couple of days, but I feel good about myself.
Again, it’s like I’ve known you forever your communication, even though I cannot talk to you, face-to-face, has been enlightening experience .
You have taught me so much and I’m still going through hardship with this relationship that I was in . But I know this is the best way, and I’m a strong person and I will get through it. Yes, there were some lovely moments but I was pulled in again thank you and I will still keep listening to you and learn more about narcissistic people and narcissism.
Yes, my parents did not pay tension to my brother and I are growing up as children .
When you meet somebody who tells you how perfect you are and everything else and your family is told you that you’re worthless and you can’t do anything and you’ll never be anything that narcissist will tell you, you’re everything to me you’re the most talented person in the world you do this to that, you are the most amazing thing I’ve ever met Yes it’s scary again I’m so glad that I met you on this channel.
Thank you for compiling these aspects. I wonder how many narcissists are out there. I’m currently in therapy so I can heal a lifetime of trauma survival to heal and recover where I lost and doubted my own agency for too many decades. I married two different narcissists - a self righteous one who became a domestic abusive partner and the second one a neglectful narcissist. He was lonely and saw me as a single mom that needed to be rescued. Both marriages were hard because we had children and my children are now doing therapy as adults as well. ❤
You nailed it moving to fast is what they do confused person can’t keep up they watch and try to manage everyone around them
I grew up with neglectful narcs as parents, then wasted years in a relationship with one. Lesson learned.
Thank you for what you do Dr. Ramani.
Professor Sam Vaknin who also has a TH-cam channel is another profoundly insightful resource to understand the deep psychology behind what love bombing is and why it works on victims. The more someone can truly understand the dynamics of narcissistic relationships the better for the victims of.
Dr. Ramani, as someone who has been baffled repeatedly by narcissists in my life I am grateful for your channel. I am a perceptive and analytical person, and I am generally good at picking up where people are coming from. However, this phenomenon has caught me unawares several times because I often fail to factor the possibility that someone has an empathy deficit, or in some cases no conscience at all. Thank you for demystifying this for me. It has been extremely helpful. What I would like to say about this video, however, is that from me it is missing something, and I think this may be because it comes from a female perspective, which obviously you can't help because you are a female, but my sense in this video is that you have in mind women who have been victimized by male narcissist. I have been victimized by what I have learned is called, in some circles, the "amorous narcissist." This is the narcissist who specifically uses sex and romance to lure her victims and create a trauma bond. It is an uncomfortable subject, but I believe most men derive their sense of self-worth and self-esteem largely by their ability to attract and please women. When a man fails to do this in his youth he often feels like a failure. Along with the weakness for women and sex that men share universally by nature, the lack of validation on that level can make a man an easy target for this kind of narcissist, who love bombs with flattery, seduction, and the promise (which is often a future fake) of sexual experience and satisfaction. The amorous narcissist makes her victims feel like the sexiest man alive, which addicts him to that validation and causes him to invest his self-esteem in her. She will use this to control him, and to get supply from him, by initially pulling it back, maybe putting him on a shelf for a while, maybe repeatedly. He ever lives to retrieve the validation she offered him at first. This can deceive the man into believing he is in love, and this obsession will make him do almost anything she wants. This also makes the value/devalue/discard process so much more painful, because it leaves the man feeling completely inadequate, undesirable and worthless. For a man who already struggles with self-esteem issues this is particularly traumatic, as he went into the situation believing he would feel better how about himself, and he comes out of it feeling much worse, trying to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and wondering what the hell went wrong? Am I really ugly? Do I suck in bed? Am I really this much of a loser? Am I completely unlovable?
So many videos about narcissism seem to be coming from the point of view of a woman being manipulated by a narcissistic man. I think it is important to recognize that it happens the other way around, and it is extremely painful. I don't believe most men ever develop a vocabulary to articulate this kind of thing, because writ large society has not given men permission to have feelings, much less feelings that can be hurt. I'm here to tell you that they can be, and often are. Just something for you to think about. Perhaps you can look into and add to your repertoire the phenomenon of the female amorous narcissist, and the devastating effect and she has on men. Thank you.
Thanks so much for highlighting this topic.
True!
This is what a woman did with my brother. She wormed her way into his business to make herself indispensable. He was near suicide when she found a richer guy.
@@sheribrogden9247 I'm so sorry you and your brother went through that! Yeah, that's something I forgot to mention is that this particular narcissist always has multiple sources of "supply," IE other guys, and is always looking for a "better deal" in her eyes. They are also often sex addicts. I forgot to mention that as well. It is such an extremely painful experience, and it is made more painful before you figure out the dynamic is narcissism is in the equation. Until that happens it's completely baffling why you're being treated the way you are, and you keep foolishly trying to fix it only to go deeper down the rabbit hole. I will pray your brother find healing.
@TheConfessionsLI Thank God she left some time ago. He is married to a very sweet and loving woman now. Male and female are very dangerous.
Thank you so much, this is thus far your most enlightening video for me! I wish I was exposed to this type of educational tool in my earlier years. It's still helpful though❤ You're such a treasure Dr Ramani, THANK YOU🙏🏾
Great video! I spotted a self-righteous narcissist on the fourth date, and without having seen your video or knowing the term, I immediately recognized him as a huge red flag and ran my life away from him. He matched every word you said. It was amusing in the end he even claimed that my healthy bond with my parents meant I wasn't interested in dating 😂
An extravagant engagement ring 2 weeks into talking. Bouquets of flowers, unique beautiful gifts even though I kept telling him to stop sending them. Attempts to take me on vacations to Rome and other places I wanted to go, house hunting for us, etc. mixed with constant goal post moving, and daily “I’m leaving if you can’t x, y, z.” Then he would Hoover and it would begin again.
I Been through all this experience changes my life completely 💯 🙏 its hard to truly believe in people no matter what i try .I'm still learning
My first week knowing my ex, he found out my truck was having issues and he paid his mechanic to fix it. He said, "Even if we don't end up together, I can not in good will know you are driving around with your kids in an unsafe vehicle when I had the means to do something about it." I fell for him almost right then. Biggest mistake I made with him was telling him all my boundaries and allowing him to slowly cross them one by one, little steps at a time until I no longer had boundaries in our relationship. They couldn't be crossed if I didn't set them so then I wouldn't have a reason to be upset by it. He also told me about a year into the relationship, when I started losing sexual interest in him completely that sex in a relationship wasn't about wanting it itself, it is about wanting to make the person you love happy. If you love a person, why would you not want to do things that make them happy even if you're not in the right mood. We do dishes all the time to make our family happy and we never WANT to do them, we just do because it's taking care of our family. Same thing with sex in a relationship. I can't remember the last time I had sex because I wanted to, without being tipsy I mean. Ugh the toxicity.
So true. “ charity begins in the home” as the cliche goes, with great truth.
What I noticed most is the ego being stroked, they like to make you feel good about yourself, and finding them attractive helps a lot as well, you can become dependent on them.
Thanks Dr. R. Great Video on this subject!!
I am in recovery since 82 and there are program people who very controlling. Its very important to everyone that healthy boundaries are crucial. Mutual respect that comes across equally. It's not easy to do and sometimes feels impossible but I must have my own self love. Love you Dr Ramani.
My husband bought me a GRAND PIANO! I never played nor wanted one. It was after a year of me being accused of cheating (which wasn’t true). You had to climb over this monstrosity just to get into the living room. When I told him it had to go, he was highly insulted, accused me of being ungrateful, returned the piano and proceeded to spend all that money on himself. Then he made me return his Xmas presents. To this day, he reminds me of my cold heart. He is diagnosed covert passive aggressive narc. I missed all the red flags. I left him 1 yr ago. The hardest thing I ever had to do.
LOVE BOMBED AT WORK - In the beginning my manager gave me a salary raise and would call me (I work from home) all of the time to sing my praises ... but would never put the compliments in writing. I disagreed with her opinion on something work related and now I'm the problem employee .... and she loves to document every flaw and mistake. LOL
You're speaking up for my poor, broken heaart
This is so good/helpful 👍
Thank you Dr Ramani!❤
There's no such thing as something for nothing, I learned as I lived.
I could listen to you for hours ❤
My MIL is a covert narcissist.
The creepy, fake smiles and sweet high pitched voice she has been putting on this last month since being scolded by her son's for her behaviour is so weirdly sinister.
She was un-invited from a grandchild's birthday party and she has gone into total overdrive trying to make us all forget why lol.
She's like a robot, dancing around and spouting phrases and compliments and declarations of looooove .Dropping off cookies and sending beautiful long fb messages about why she loves us.
We all see through it though >_>
Oh my! The self righteous narcissist! You’ve hit the nail on the head! You’ve described him to a tee!
divorce final this week after 30+ yrs. First 2 weeks asked me if I wanted his BMW. I said I had my own car, but a "not taking no for an answer" kinda grandiose start. Marriage so fast like a whirlwind. Very helpful to listen to these videos that put words on the experience of confusing fog..thankful that in the midst of it always having really good friends that believed me even though they couldn't understand it. The communal and self righteous ones are super hard to explain even to ourselves..as I read the stories, I am amazed I am as "in tact" as I am despite years of depression, hopelessness and endless crying....so horrible.
You just said every god damn behavior on this earth, my colleagues, my teachers, my neighbors, my parents, my friends, my ex, and me 😮 now i am feeling bitter.