Something that’s helped me stop performing my identity when meeting new people: instead of going into it thinking “I hope they like me” try “I hope I like them.” 👌
That is just My factory default setting. But then again I am a self important narcissist with dillusional level self confidence I am told. Right before I reply with "why thank you." 💁🏾♂️ 😏🙃😉😅
coming to this two years late as i’m prepping to move to a new city AGAIN, but here is how i made friends this past move: 1. gym classes 2. taekwondo classes 3. rock climbing 4. run club for the less active people 4. rec center activites (mostly pottery) 5. book club 6. movie club 7. literally commented in this girls hair, we got into a long conversation, and i ended up inviting her to my dinner plans later that day. two years later and we’re still besties 😇
just moved to a new city two months ago. i work off my laptop so i found out real quick it was up to me. i go up and talk to random people and just ask them what theyre up to and i would just see how the conversation went. some people are really receptive to talking and i was suprised how many friends i made in short amount of time!
I never understood why people feel weird going out to eat by themselves. It's just so normal to me. No one's ever made fun of me for it and even if they did, I literally would just be too confused to care.
I used to be able to go anywhere alone: restaurants, movies, shopping, etc. After the “pandemonium”, I valued my friendships and companionship much more and it created somewhat of a codependency so now I’m working to get my independence back 😢
I would never look at someone else eating alone and judge them - what can one moment of a persons life tell you? I think these fears & ruminations are only in our minds. As you say - if someone did think like that - you wouldn't want them to speak to you anyway!
Right. You just have to show, through normal participation in mutually enjoyable activities, that you are a good person. That is the only thing that works in the long run.
you have to make friends your whole life - different phases of your life will require different friendships. Once you acknowledge this fact you will free yourself.
this is such an under-talked about topic!!! as someone who is 26, I've realized how small my circle of friends is compared to all those I see on social media. It definitely makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong so thank you Katherine for highlighting what I've been feeling! I'm moving up to LA soon and have some friends in the area so I'll definitely be taking some of these tips along with you, awesome video 😊
I have 0 friends. I get lonely sure but if I dont think about it too long and dont have a bunch of friend group posts shoved down my throat back to back I'm generally okay with it. Hopefully I'll make friends though because I miss hanging out with anyone that's not just family.
I've done this 3-4x in my life. They keys - the first 6-9 months is about going to any event you can, and meeting as many folks as you can. Then, start throwing your own events...small ones. Game night, sports outings, meeting at a bar, etc. By month 12-15, you'll be the center of attention. Then, in year 2, you focus on filtering out the riff raff, and finding 2-3 good people in the group of 50 you met.
I cannot believe how relevant this is to anyone who is an adult. I’m 29, and I’m used to (usually) being the youngest person at my site, so I usually only have older friends who are married with kids, or divorced, or just generally in a totally different life spot than me. I do have friends in my city that I’ve grown up with, and I’m close to my family, but *still* as you grow older, everybody goes on their own life path and sometimes you just feel like it would be nice to make new friends. Thank you for this🙏🏼 and for presenting it in such a non-judgy way. It truly is not just for people in their young 20s. Making new friends is just something you got through for the rest of your adult life, and it’s comforting to know that it’s a struggle for everyone, not just *you*. You’re awesome Kath!💗
I have FOMO because I lost multiple friend groups by not going to things they invited me to, spending time with others instead or just canceling or leaving early all the time. Now that I think of it, it was probably for a reason - I just didn't feel like spending time with them and they weren't right people for me.
Everyone keeps saying how important community is, and I believe it and so badly want it, but it SO DAMN HARD to actually foster community IRL 😭 I feel like a failure because I’m really struggling out here (esp as an autistic person) so thank you for reminding us yet again that we ~live in a society~ that is not set up for us to win 😓
easy solution - start your own organization. It's a way to have a continuous stream of new applicants, for your friendship. You can set up in cafe's, gyms, events, and do some 'autism for outdoors people' or some bs like that
To me, its amazing how similar friendships (creating and maintaining them) are to romantic relationships. There's no sex but otherwise...both need you to put in work and effort, a desire to make the relationship grow and last, and a mutual appreciation of each other. Glad you're talking about this - we hear so much about the romantic relationships, but so little about our friendships and how to nurture them.
Also: this made me think of a Krista Tippet quote, "I can’t name the day when I suddenly realized that the lack of love in my life was not a reality but a poverty of imagination and the carelessly narrow use of an essential word.”
Set reminders, follow-up, always be closing - glad to see you applying your over-achiever conditioning to something actually useful/fulfilling in life vs. the corporate grind 😉
I moved to a small town after being displaced due to a fire. It's been six years and I still have no friends. There's no meetup groups and my religion and interests don't exist here. I've been so depressed. I've finally found full time work with a temp agency. I'm just going to leave next year and get a job through the same temp agency. I'm still sad but I'm glad that I've found a way out. I've never felt loneliness like this.
Am I the only one who has never cared if I ate out alone?! LMAO. Whenever I've traveled alone, I would go to events, concerts, restaurants by myself and I never thought anything of it. Even in my own city, I never really let anything stop me from going somewhere. I know this video is about moving somewhere where you don't know anyone so I get it's on another level, mad respect to everyone who's done this!
This is THE BEST practical video I've seen on making friends, like, I'm planning to move to London in a year or two completely by myself and as a socially awkward introvert I needed reassurance that it CAN be done so thank you 💞 I've added this to my playlist to come back to
These are such good tips. I’m such an introvert I struggle so much with making connections with people. I just spent a few days in London alone and vlogged it all to challenge myself even more. Love this so much ❤️
I moved to London for my grad school program in September and am still struggling to create good friendships - I luckily have travelled a lot on my own so doing things alone doesn't bother me, but it's so lonely to not have anyone to reliably call up for things.
As a 30 year old, living in a town with under 2k people it becomes really hard to do any of this. It makes me want to move to a bigger city. It's so hard to find other millennials in a small town like this because everyone moved away. This town sucks lol. I wish I had a single friend to even hang out with. It's soul crushing how lonely you can get. You try to distract yourself but it comes crushing after a while. I'm just so used to being alone I can't even imagine it lol.
this is such a GOOD topic. i started college online because of covid and in a couple of months all federal universities here in brasil are going back to normal in person, so i'll have move to a different city to "start" a college course that i actually already did half of. it's such a different dynamics because in my country we have such a strong culture that in your first week of college the senior students throw parties and prepare activities for freshmen to help them make friends and meet people and just get integrated in campus. and now we're not gonna have this because, well, we're not freshmen anymore. and it just feels weird because we're gonna have to make friends in a different and more difficult dynamics now. and i just feel like a missed out on something that is almost like a rite of passage for everyone who gets into a federal university in brasil and that i won't be able to have such a strong community in college, even though i know that are other ways to make friends. i just feel like "trote" week (as we call it) helps us create our little individual communities. ps: in brasil, federal universities are the most prestigious ones and hard to get in because they are free, so it's like a big deal, the first week is for us to kinda celebrate that we got in. and in private universities you basically just pay to get in and they dont have such strong culture or identity.
you have become my favorite youtuber so fast. found you last month through your videos on tech sales because I'm graduating in may and took a position in that field, and then realized just how many of our values (and problems) align. thank you for your vulnerability, genuinely, and for being someone a few years ahead that I can learn from and laugh with.
One thing I learned is to find something you really wanna do and ask someone to go. That way it'll be good no matter what since you wanted to do it and it also takes the pressure off of the relationship all by itself. Like getting coffee is great but going to the bookstore could be better. Getting coffee is basically let's just talk while shopping is more active and can be fruitful whether you click or not. Or doing something more fun like an event or festival since those can be hard to go to alone.
the easiest way I found to make friends is going to any event concerts and parades are the easiest options and just talk to people. you have to be willing to take a chance and it can start simply by saying “ oh ur hair is cute where did you get it done or your outfit is cute where did you get that from” and always try to get ppl socials.
This is such a good topic that I really needed! I'm 24, and just moved somewhere new 3 months ago and still don't really have any friends - just a few acquaintances. I seem to always end up with temporary friendships that only last during that specific life phase that we go through together. I literally have zero people I would consider my friend which makes it hard to do the friend of friend thing to make connections.
damn, I needed this. I''m a 22 yr old who is definitely struggling with making friends in uni. Now, I'm in my last year, so I noticed that I have been alot harsher on myself
I’m an older student and trust me it’s mostly just covid and online school. I’m sorry that part of your education was taken from you. Major bummer. But please don’t beat yourself up about it!
I think it helps to remember that so many people are struggling rn. All my friends graduated a year before me and over COVID we've just stopped talking. Having to go back to in-person college (in my final year) was horrible, I literally didn't know anyone in my course and nearly dropped out from the anxiety and loneliness. It's so easy to let the bad and mean thoughts pile up until your just blinded by them.
I’m so thankful you are the first video I clicked on in my search and you understand exactly what I’ve been going through because I live near Seattle, it’s really confusing as a 20-year-old trying to learn how to make friends but this really gave me a lot of encouragement! Thank you for your post
Moving to Seattle during the lockdowns was terrible. I was miserable and hated my job. I really felt like I was imbalanced the whole time I lived there. Wish I could have watched this before moving away.
Love this! I lived in Seattle for 8 years & just moved to Tacoma for a new job. Although not far away, that feeling of loneliness is so big here. It's validating to know this is a shared experience. 💗 I've been really loving your videos & love seeing you enjoy Seattle (my absolute favorite city to be in).
I don't have any inhibitions when it comes to going out by myself, the only thing that keeps me is safety. Especially hiking or coming back home at night.
I worry I'm too comfortable being alone. I go on trips by myself (NYC for my birthday, Chicago for Christmas shopping) and I don't even think about it being abnormal. I'll even go to a busy restaurant and ask for a table in the middle of it all -- usually they're happy to oblige and the energy of the room makes me feel at home, like, I'm white noise. All that to say: I'm becoming so accustomed to being alone that I'm starting to forget how friendships work!
thank you so much for these tips. Just moved to a new city and the past couple of days have been incredibly hard :( I dont have a strong support system so I feel even weaker. I will try to take notes and make some move.
This is an amazing video - I just moved to Bristol two months ago and I've had all of these thoughts... thinking I've left all my friends behind, or thinking I'll not ever meet anyone. It's not true! Making friends as an adult is hard, but not impossible - there's so many people out there.
I'm moving to Seattle next month and know approximately one person, and while I had to do all of these things when I moved to NY a decade ago, I'm woefully out of practice. Thanks for this video, it definitely got me in the right mindset for starting over and building some new friendships!
I saw the thumbnail and laughed because I relate so much! Had this epiphany yesterday when realized that dating is similar to a sales cycle! You got to QUALIFY your leads, see if your VALUES align and then sign (start dating)!
this was such a good and needed video! would also appreciate tips on creating friend groups or bringing in new people to an already existing one. I love meeting people one to one and appreciate really close friendships even if that is just 1-2 person but i always see these huge friend groups and feel like I am missing something p.s. love your sweater!!
There's so much pressure to be ok in every aspect of your life but no one takes the time to really understand it. it's all go go go and everything feels so impersonal sometimes. It can really bring you down and make you feel like you don't matter on a personal level. Everyone has THEIR correct solutions and they have the right way to live and you should live like them and people in my life never seem to know how to give advice in a genuine way, I feel like this video did that (gave advice in a genuine "this worked for me" kind of way
I'm in the rave/festival scene and I could literally move anywhere and just go to a concert and make friends that way. It's the best, easiest community to make friends in, if you're into EDM, flow arts, all that jazz.
I’ve never listened heavily to EDM but have always enjoyed electronic music in general. How do you get into the scene if you don’t know anyone to introduce you?
I've been wanting to go to a EDM concert forever! but I have no one to go with, I feel like it would be awkward to go by yourself because everyone goes with a group off friends right
Having just moved to Seattle, I've been struggling to figure out how to make friends. Stumbled upon this video and it has truly helped me adopt a much more positive framework. Thank you all.
Hey I actually moved from New York to Portland Oregon and I now live in Vancouver Washington I did not know anybody here I came for a job figuring that it would work out on its own and I would make friends instantly when I realize that I just need to take my time and this video really helps me and made me realize that I just have to get my shit together before I can really feel confident and start to attract more people into my life ☺️
Thank you for this video. I moved only 40 minutes away from my hometown this past September and I really didn’t think I would have trouble adjusting like I have had. This is very helpful. ❤️
I moved to a new city right before the pandemic hit. I still really havent found any friends, even though I go places and have 10 house mates. (I don't count them as friends) But slowly I recognize people and there is quite a small bubble of cool, young people here. Slowly getting there. It was very discouraging when one of my house mates (who has a two year old and is in a relationship and apparently you cant go out if you have these) was asking me why I am usually home on weekend nights and dont just go to a bar (something I'd never do!). Yeah, I spend the rest of the night and that Sunday crying. It's really hard and sometimes I just like to stay in the comforts of my room and bed and just read and relax from my work week)
Thank you so much for this video! I just moved to Seattle and am definitely feeling a little nervous about making a new social network in a brand new city so all these tips and advice will be so helpful for me!
i've been following both you and The Cut for quite some time, so I was so excited/surprised when I heard you on the podcast a few weeks ago!! the best cross-over
All you have to do is pick 1 place that you want to go to a lot. Church, Kung fu school, the person behind the counter at the gas station, work, part time job. Work friends are great bc you are going through the same hell together.
I take myself out all the time! Like if I wanna have lunch somewhere or a drink and I'm being spontaneous, I'll just go by myself. I don't care. I live in Madrid Spain at the moment and I literally have no friends here (I'm usually very outgoing). I have a few people I know but because of the pandemic, I never go out with them anymore...I can't even remember when I hung out with them last time! Now I'm starting to miss socializing but the pandemic still freaks me out tbh. I joined Internations which is kinda like Meet-up for expats. I met a lot of people through that app before and today I decided I'm gonna download it again and make a bit of an effort. The thing is that the pandemic is very much still a thing so I don't know about meeting a group of strangers...🤔 Anyone else feels the same?
I want to move probably by next year and with very little life plans and hope, as an introverted anxious person, this is helpful so thank you for actually putting helpful info and conversations out there
Thanks for this vid! 'Took some shameless / "ironically" searching in the search bar to find this but definitely helps and gave me a load off along with some hope. Watching youtube a bunch feels stupid but it's really cool that you put something helpful in a place where a lot of people are but is a pretty isolating activity for each user. I hope the journey's going well on your end!
This was super helpful, thank you! The part about loving yourself and being ok with being alone is super crucial. You are right about capitalism too. I spent some time in a poor community in Colombia and the people were so tight knit and very friendly. Friends came extremely easily while I was there and I'm sure a large portion of that is because I was rare and exotic to them but I think it's also because people that are poor tend to find ways to thrive and they do that by depending on each other.
This was so timely for me it’s not even funny. I’m a super outgoing person but I just moved to a new city a week ago and I’ve never felt so insecure. Thanks for this I’m going to refer back when I’m feeling bad :)
The pandemic made it So hard to make new friends because when u first meet ppl in a new place etc u don't really want to hang out 1 on 1 really with ppl. Cause that's weird and too intense right off the bat. U need to be able to make things more casual and meet a group out for dinner drinks or round to ur place. Singapore has Just shifted to allow groups of 5 to gather and I am So ready.
I've had to pick up and move to vastly different cities a couple of times. I join whatever activity I'm into at the moment-- jewelry-making, book club, knitting circle-- and consistently go. I find people are innately curious, someone will ask you something. if not, you have the activity to bond over. boom, friends. in no time, someone invites me to an offshoot activity. GO. now you have a network. has worked for me EVERY time. hope this helps someone. 😊
Made friends as an adult 1. When you're going on your own think as you're on a business trip and you have to go alone, don't hesitate it 2. Date yourself and take yourself out. Don't blame yourself for not having friends never ever
i just want to say this: i know we all want to "fight" loneliness. but loneliness is part of the human condition, just like conflict or love. it's uncomfortable yes, and i'm not even saying "you'll grow so much from this!" or "what is the lesson in this??" fuck that. being human is painful. loneliness sucks. sometimes you just have to go through the shit life is throwing at you. we are social animals. we NEED one another. when babies are fed but never interacted with or picked up, they die. AND WE'RE BIG BABIES. so i'm with you, it hurts. and it will get better. change is the only constant. but never ever think that you're alone being lonely. i think that's what hurts the most in any type of scarcity. we think we're alone, but we never are. i feel alone all the time ! we can be alone together. ok, bye.
I absolutely love your videos. You have such refreshing takes on so many topics us young people tend to be confronted with, and offer such honesty it's both heartwarming and a breath of fresh air! 💛
*30:30** matching ppl w thr energy is key. dont over offer, especially hot ppl or ppl who generally devour attn & energy. that is a key tip. be active, always be closing = yes. but dont throw energy into ppl blackholes.* in fact, we should probs get rid of hot ppl as a society. they are very damaging & dont contribute much. it's an evolutionary trick. -JC
Moved to a new city 2 weeks ago and my mom is already nervous that I don’t have any friends here lol. I’m auditioning for a musical in a few weeks which is where I usually make friends so HOPEFULLY I get cast lol
Omg all the hobbies you listed “art, kayaking, mushroom foraging”, we would totally be friends! I just moved away from Seattle last year. I wish we could have met! :/ I now in live Phoenix after living in Seattle my whole life, and it definitely gets lonely at times. I’ve made some awesome friends through work though(:
I'm surprised that you didn't mention making friends at work! I still struggle with it at my new job, but i've seen beautiful relationships blossom from the workplace. I just wish I knew how to create those bonds at the workplace for myself. Regardless video was incredibly helpful - thank you for putting this out.
Before i re program time with myself 2 as an exciting date (wanna come up) ..then id rather talk to a carmechanic and ask some questions he should know, but doesn't. It takes some time viewing clips on youtube in preparation (What izzz a dsg gearbox in fact.. for example)
I have felt like this after finishing university last year where I studied In the city I grew up in and stilll live today that many people came and left my life
You might just be the best TH-cam channel that I am subscribed. Can you please share a list of your favourite tv shows, books, movies and artworks so that I can delve into that bcs I feel like i will love all the things that you love
Please make a video on how to be a great conversationalist (I know you probably have). I have avenues to meet friends, but I am heavily introverted. My social game needs work 😭
I just moved South of Gig a harbor. On month 2. I'm trying. So far it's tough, but i think that there are two things i need to do: Go to the same places Ask for peoples goddamn contact info if we are getting along
That's so interesting about how our capitalist system actually creates loneliness, this is what I've been realising too lately. Ie the obsession with marriage and children means single, divorced and widowed people are often isolated. The nuclear family is prioritised and others excluded. Each family has its own drill, cars, tools etc. Single people are shamed for not being married or having kids as they're spending less money. Loss of third spaces. Cafes charging a lot for food and drink meaning you cant afford to sit in cafes for hours working or meeting people. People paying lots for therapy because if you tell your friends yoir problems you're 'trauma dumping.' Even things like cuddling have now depressingly become monetised. It's bleak out there and we collectively need to say no to this way of living and find ways to build community instead.
The movie "How to be single" really gives me good alone vibes - it's really more about learning to be on your own so I feel this was relevant. To note this movie does big have a lack of diversity which I don't enjoy.
Something that’s helped me stop performing my identity when meeting new people: instead of going into it thinking “I hope they like me” try “I hope I like them.” 👌
That is just My factory default setting. But then again I am a self important narcissist with dillusional level self confidence I am told. Right before I reply with "why thank you." 💁🏾♂️ 😏🙃😉😅
my fear of myself being narcissistic is triggered but friendship and community happens on the other side of fear
Oh shit! That’s what I did with interviews and it worked!
@@SherrickDuncan with poor grammar as well 🙃
@@0Ciju0 there you go. 🫵🏾🧔🏾♂️👌🏾
coming to this two years late as i’m prepping to move to a new city AGAIN, but here is how i made friends this past move:
1. gym classes
2. taekwondo classes
3. rock climbing
4. run club
for the less active people
4. rec center activites (mostly pottery)
5. book club
6. movie club
7. literally commented in this girls hair, we got into a long conversation, and i ended up inviting her to my dinner plans later that day. two years later and we’re still besties 😇
Helpful and cute
question: the distance is too far, and what if they are old men and women, in their 50s and I am late 20S plus I prefer someone to start conversation.
@@miseonyu6489 Move somewhere with more young people
just moved to a new city two months ago. i work off my laptop so i found out real quick it was up to me. i go up and talk to random people and just ask them what theyre up to and i would just see how the conversation went. some people are really receptive to talking and i was suprised how many friends i made in short amount of time!
I never understood why people feel weird going out to eat by themselves. It's just so normal to me. No one's ever made fun of me for it and even if they did, I literally would just be too confused to care.
Fr!
I used to be able to go anywhere alone: restaurants, movies, shopping, etc.
After the “pandemonium”, I valued my friendships and companionship much more and it created somewhat of a codependency so now I’m working to get my independence back 😢
Me too. I’ve eaten casually a ton of the time. All the food is good. But ngl it does hurt seeing friends laughing with each other.
I will never buy food ever again until I can find someone to sit with.
I would never look at someone else eating alone and judge them - what can one moment of a persons life tell you? I think these fears & ruminations are only in our minds.
As you say - if someone did think like that - you wouldn't want them to speak to you anyway!
I met friends by going to trivia at a bar. After like week 6 we were buds! The key is habitually going to the same place
Right. You just have to show, through normal participation in mutually enjoyable activities, that you are a good person. That is the only thing that works in the long run.
you have to make friends your whole life - different phases of your life will require different friendships. Once you acknowledge this fact you will free yourself.
totally
This is so true. Sticking with the same circle of people actually holds you back because you stay stuck
@@Katherout love you 💋💋💋🤎
No, not really
@@la6136yeah.
this is such an under-talked about topic!!! as someone who is 26, I've realized how small my circle of friends is compared to all those I see on social media. It definitely makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong so thank you Katherine for highlighting what I've been feeling! I'm moving up to LA soon and have some friends in the area so I'll definitely be taking some of these tips along with you, awesome video 😊
Do remember, though, that everybody is embellishing at least a little bit on social media, including their social circle and how popular they are.
I have 0 friends. I get lonely sure but if I dont think about it too long and dont have a bunch of friend group posts shoved down my throat back to back I'm generally okay with it. Hopefully I'll make friends though because I miss hanging out with anyone that's not just family.
Let be friends okay
I've done this 3-4x in my life.
They keys - the first 6-9 months is about going to any event you can, and meeting as many folks as you can.
Then, start throwing your own events...small ones. Game night, sports outings, meeting at a bar, etc.
By month 12-15, you'll be the center of attention.
Then, in year 2, you focus on filtering out the riff raff, and finding 2-3 good people in the group of 50 you met.
@Silence_between_waves ghost 15-30, for sure
that sounds exhausting
No thanks
@@janee8973 yep. Did that. Now have no friends. Wasted effort that I could’ve put into myself.
I cannot believe how relevant this is to anyone who is an adult. I’m 29, and I’m used to (usually) being the youngest person at my site, so I usually only have older friends who are married with kids, or divorced, or just generally in a totally different life spot than me. I do have friends in my city that I’ve grown up with, and I’m close to my family, but *still* as you grow older, everybody goes on their own life path and sometimes you just feel like it would be nice to make new friends. Thank you for this🙏🏼 and for presenting it in such a non-judgy way. It truly is not just for people in their young 20s. Making new friends is just something you got through for the rest of your adult life, and it’s comforting to know that it’s a struggle for everyone, not just *you*. You’re awesome Kath!💗
I have FOMO because I lost multiple friend groups by not going to things they invited me to, spending time with others instead or just canceling or leaving early all the time. Now that I think of it, it was probably for a reason - I just didn't feel like spending time with them and they weren't right people for me.
Everyone keeps saying how important community is, and I believe it and so badly want it, but it SO DAMN HARD to actually foster community IRL 😭 I feel like a failure because I’m really struggling out here (esp as an autistic person) so thank you for reminding us yet again that we ~live in a society~ that is not set up for us to win 😓
it's easy to blame yourself but there are SO many factors at play!!
easy solution - start your own organization.
It's a way to have a continuous stream of new applicants, for your friendship. You can set up in cafe's, gyms, events, and do some 'autism for outdoors people' or some bs like that
@@Katherout Women with dog or cat are all sigs of a red flag
@@AnthonyManzio what
To me, its amazing how similar friendships (creating and maintaining them) are to romantic relationships. There's no sex but otherwise...both need you to put in work and effort, a desire to make the relationship grow and last, and a mutual appreciation of each other. Glad you're talking about this - we hear so much about the romantic relationships, but so little about our friendships and how to nurture them.
That’s my problem I don’t know how make friends or romantic relationships. I going to therapy now because I now I have defects.
Also: this made me think of a Krista Tippet quote, "I can’t name the day when I suddenly realized that the lack of love in my life was not a reality but a poverty of imagination and the carelessly narrow use of an essential word.”
Set reminders, follow-up, always be closing - glad to see you applying your over-achiever conditioning to something actually useful/fulfilling in life vs. the corporate grind 😉
LMAOOOOOO
I moved to a small town after being displaced due to a fire. It's been six years and I still have no friends. There's no meetup groups and my religion and interests don't exist here. I've been so depressed. I've finally found full time work with a temp agency. I'm just going to leave next year and get a job through the same temp agency. I'm still sad but I'm glad that I've found a way out. I've never felt loneliness like this.
I’m so sorry. I hope life has gotten better
Am I the only one who has never cared if I ate out alone?! LMAO. Whenever I've traveled alone, I would go to events, concerts, restaurants by myself and I never thought anything of it. Even in my own city, I never really let anything stop me from going somewhere. I know this video is about moving somewhere where you don't know anyone so I get it's on another level, mad respect to everyone who's done this!
This is THE BEST practical video I've seen on making friends, like, I'm planning to move to London in a year or two completely by myself and as a socially awkward introvert I needed reassurance that it CAN be done so thank you 💞 I've added this to my playlist to come back to
These are such good tips. I’m such an introvert I struggle so much with making connections with people. I just spent a few days in London alone and vlogged it all to challenge myself even more. Love this so much ❤️
I moved to London for my grad school program in September and am still struggling to create good friendships - I luckily have travelled a lot on my own so doing things alone doesn't bother me, but it's so lonely to not have anyone to reliably call up for things.
As a 30 year old, living in a town with under 2k people it becomes really hard to do any of this. It makes me want to move to a bigger city. It's so hard to find other millennials in a small town like this because everyone moved away. This town sucks lol. I wish I had a single friend to even hang out with. It's soul crushing how lonely you can get. You try to distract yourself but it comes crushing after a while. I'm just so used to being alone I can't even imagine it lol.
this is such a GOOD topic.
i started college online because of covid and in a couple of months all federal universities here in brasil are going back to normal in person, so i'll have move to a different city to "start" a college course that i actually already did half of.
it's such a different dynamics because in my country we have such a strong culture that in your first week of college the senior students throw parties and prepare activities for freshmen to help them make friends and meet people and just get integrated in campus.
and now we're not gonna have this because, well, we're not freshmen anymore.
and it just feels weird because we're gonna have to make friends in a different and more difficult dynamics now. and i just feel like a missed out on something that is almost like a rite of passage for everyone who gets into a federal university in brasil and that i won't be able to have such a strong community in college, even though i know that are other ways to make friends. i just feel like "trote" week (as we call it) helps us create our little individual communities.
ps: in brasil, federal universities are the most prestigious ones and hard to get in because they are free, so it's like a big deal, the first week is for us to kinda celebrate that we got in. and in private universities you basically just pay to get in and they dont have such strong culture or identity.
you have become my favorite youtuber so fast. found you last month through your videos on tech sales because I'm graduating in may and took a position in that field, and then realized just how many of our values (and problems) align. thank you for your vulnerability, genuinely, and for being someone a few years ahead that I can learn from and laugh with.
One thing I learned is to find something you really wanna do and ask someone to go. That way it'll be good no matter what since you wanted to do it and it also takes the pressure off of the relationship all by itself. Like getting coffee is great but going to the bookstore could be better. Getting coffee is basically let's just talk while shopping is more active and can be fruitful whether you click or not. Or doing something more fun like an event or festival since those can be hard to go to alone.
the easiest way I found to make friends is going to any event concerts and parades are the easiest options and just talk to people. you have to be willing to take a chance and it can start simply by saying “ oh ur hair is cute where did you get it done or your outfit is cute where did you get that from” and always try to get ppl socials.
This is such a good topic that I really needed! I'm 24, and just moved somewhere new 3 months ago and still don't really have any friends - just a few acquaintances. I seem to always end up with temporary friendships that only last during that specific life phase that we go through together. I literally have zero people I would consider my friend which makes it hard to do the friend of friend thing to make connections.
Same age just moved on my own for the first time for a job. And I’m on my 1st week and I’ve been looking at vids on YT wondering the best ways
damn, I needed this. I''m a 22 yr old who is definitely struggling with making friends in uni. Now, I'm in my last year, so I noticed that I have been alot harsher on myself
it's the negative self-talk that RLY gets you down
I’m an older student and trust me it’s mostly just covid and online school. I’m sorry that part of your education was taken from you. Major bummer. But please don’t beat yourself up about it!
I think it helps to remember that so many people are struggling rn. All my friends graduated a year before me and over COVID we've just stopped talking. Having to go back to in-person college (in my final year) was horrible, I literally didn't know anyone in my course and nearly dropped out from the anxiety and loneliness.
It's so easy to let the bad and mean thoughts pile up until your just blinded by them.
I’m so thankful you are the first video I clicked on in my search and you understand exactly what I’ve been going through because I live near Seattle, it’s really confusing as a 20-year-old trying to learn how to make friends but this really gave me a lot of encouragement! Thank you for your post
Moving to Seattle during the lockdowns was terrible. I was miserable and hated my job. I really felt like I was imbalanced the whole time I lived there. Wish I could have watched this before moving away.
Love this! I lived in Seattle for 8 years & just moved to Tacoma for a new job. Although not far away, that feeling of loneliness is so big here. It's validating to know this is a shared experience. 💗 I've been really loving your videos & love seeing you enjoy Seattle (my absolute favorite city to be in).
I don't have any inhibitions when it comes to going out by myself, the only thing that keeps me is safety. Especially hiking or coming back home at night.
love the format of this video and the little clips from friends in there! really great advice too
I love how youve added many people, its a great way to show that noones alone in feeling alone, its a thing felt by many people around the world.
I worry I'm too comfortable being alone. I go on trips by myself (NYC for my birthday, Chicago for Christmas shopping) and I don't even think about it being abnormal. I'll even go to a busy restaurant and ask for a table in the middle of it all -- usually they're happy to oblige and the energy of the room makes me feel at home, like, I'm white noise. All that to say: I'm becoming so accustomed to being alone that I'm starting to forget how friendships work!
thank you so much for these tips. Just moved to a new city and the past couple of days have been incredibly hard :( I dont have a strong support system so I feel even weaker. I will try to take notes and make some move.
This is an amazing video - I just moved to Bristol two months ago and I've had all of these thoughts... thinking I've left all my friends behind, or thinking I'll not ever meet anyone. It's not true!
Making friends as an adult is hard, but not impossible - there's so many people out there.
I'm moving to Seattle next month and know approximately one person, and while I had to do all of these things when I moved to NY a decade ago, I'm woefully out of practice. Thanks for this video, it definitely got me in the right mindset for starting over and building some new friendships!
This was such a good video! As a military spouse who moves every 3 years I need to use some of these tips.
I saw the thumbnail and laughed because I relate so much! Had this epiphany yesterday when realized that dating is similar to a sales cycle! You got to QUALIFY your leads, see if your VALUES align and then sign (start dating)!
this was such a good and needed video! would also appreciate tips on creating friend groups or bringing in new people to an already existing one. I love meeting people one to one and appreciate really close friendships even if that is just 1-2 person but i always see these huge friend groups and feel like I am missing something p.s. love your sweater!!
i am the same way. i'm in high school though and i don't really have many friends. i have one but i don't feel that close to them yet.
There's so much pressure to be ok in every aspect of your life but no one takes the time to really understand it. it's all go go go and everything feels so impersonal sometimes. It can really bring you down and make you feel like you don't matter on a personal level. Everyone has THEIR correct solutions and they have the right way to live and you should live like them and people in my life never seem to know how to give advice in a genuine way, I feel like this video did that (gave advice in a genuine "this worked for me" kind of way
I feel you
I'm in the rave/festival scene and I could literally move anywhere and just go to a concert and make friends that way. It's the best, easiest community to make friends in, if you're into EDM, flow arts, all that jazz.
I’ve never listened heavily to EDM but have always enjoyed electronic music in general. How do you get into the scene if you don’t know anyone to introduce you?
@@Irawry0u just go there and talk to people, evrybody is very friendly, if it ticks ask for their number and if they would like to hang out
I've been wanting to go to a EDM concert forever! but I have no one to go with, I feel like it would be awkward to go by yourself because everyone goes with a group off friends right
@@_NayomieMcLeod nope. My friend legit went to EDC Las Vegas by herself. Just go and be open to making friends and you’ll make them.
@@_NayomieMcLeod went alone and got plenty of people to know and chill with
Having just moved to Seattle, I've been struggling to figure out how to make friends. Stumbled upon this video and it has truly helped me adopt a much more positive framework. Thank you all.
Hey I actually moved from New York to Portland Oregon and I now live in Vancouver Washington I did not know anybody here I came for a job figuring that it would work out on its own and I would make friends instantly when I realize that I just need to take my time and this video really helps me and made me realize that I just have to get my shit together before I can really feel confident and start to attract more people into my life ☺️
Hope everything is well
Thank you for this video. I moved only 40 minutes away from my hometown this past September and I really didn’t think I would have trouble adjusting like I have had. This is very helpful. ❤️
10:53 is so freakin true 😅
the rhyme i came up with in my head is “they probably think im swimming in company, no room left on the team”
in LOVE with the advice in this video, thank you so much for bringing up and continuing this conversation!
Making friends can sometimes feel like a full time job but also I've never said to myself that it wasn't worth it.
As an introvert, I really really appreciated this video ❤️
This was great. Sometimes the world feels so cold and lonely, it's important to remember that most people have Love to share
Man, this is too real. It hit me recently I dont have a friend who I can just watch TV with in the evening or text non stop. Appreciate this video ❤
I moved to a new city right before the pandemic hit. I still really havent found any friends, even though I go places and have 10 house mates. (I don't count them as friends)
But slowly I recognize people and there is quite a small bubble of cool, young people here.
Slowly getting there.
It was very discouraging when one of my house mates (who has a two year old and is in a relationship and apparently you cant go out if you have these) was asking me why I am usually home on weekend nights and dont just go to a bar (something I'd never do!). Yeah, I spend the rest of the night and that Sunday crying.
It's really hard and sometimes I just like to stay in the comforts of my room and bed and just read and relax from my work week)
Thank you so much for this video! I just moved to Seattle and am definitely feeling a little nervous about making a new social network in a brand new city so all these tips and advice will be so helpful for me!
i've been following both you and The Cut for quite some time, so I was so excited/surprised when I heard you on the podcast a few weeks ago!! the best cross-over
ahhhh!
Those affirmations were everything I didn’t know I needed
All you have to do is pick 1 place that you want to go to a lot. Church, Kung fu school, the person behind the counter at the gas station, work, part time job. Work friends are great bc you are going through the same hell together.
I take myself out all the time! Like if I wanna have lunch somewhere or a drink and I'm being spontaneous, I'll just go by myself. I don't care. I live in Madrid Spain at the moment and I literally have no friends here (I'm usually very outgoing). I have a few people I know but because of the pandemic, I never go out with them anymore...I can't even remember when I hung out with them last time! Now I'm starting to miss socializing but the pandemic still freaks me out tbh. I joined Internations which is kinda like Meet-up for expats. I met a lot of people through that app before and today I decided I'm gonna download it again and make a bit of an effort. The thing is that the pandemic is very much still a thing so I don't know about meeting a group of strangers...🤔 Anyone else feels the same?
I want to move probably by next year and with very little life plans and hope, as an introverted anxious person, this is helpful so thank you for actually putting helpful info and conversations out there
Thanks for this vid! 'Took some shameless / "ironically" searching in the search bar to find this but definitely helps and gave me a load off along with some hope. Watching youtube a bunch feels stupid but it's really cool that you put something helpful in a place where a lot of people are but is a pretty isolating activity for each user. I hope the journey's going well on your end!
Unrelated but you look so cute, I love your jumper!! ☺️
thank u!!!
I'm fairy introverted. So I'm very comfortable being alone. But It's important to have friends/ social aspects
Cant wait for this to blow up,,, entirely necessary
the work you put into the chapters.. wow! i feel so taken care of as a subscriber
adding them is a pleasurable process for me lol
This was super helpful, thank you!
The part about loving yourself and being ok with being alone is super crucial. You are right about capitalism too. I spent some time in a poor community in Colombia and the people were so tight knit and very friendly. Friends came extremely easily while I was there and I'm sure a large portion of that is because I was rare and exotic to them but I think it's also because people that are poor tend to find ways to thrive and they do that by depending on each other.
This was so good! I hadn’t dared to hope to find something that close to my current experience. 😍 thank you all for the great advice!
This was so timely for me it’s not even funny. I’m a super outgoing person but I just moved to a new city a week ago and I’ve never felt so insecure. Thanks for this I’m going to refer back when I’m feeling bad :)
that first week REALLY triggers any underlying insecurity i feel you
The pandemic made it So hard to make new friends because when u first meet ppl in a new place etc u don't really want to hang out 1 on 1 really with ppl. Cause that's weird and too intense right off the bat. U need to be able to make things more casual and meet a group out for dinner drinks or round to ur place. Singapore has Just shifted to allow groups of 5 to gather and I am So ready.
The Artist's Way is one of my favorite books! I live near Seattle, we should start a book club.
This is great advice. Thank you! Picking up the book you mentioned this week!
I've had to pick up and move to vastly different cities a couple of times. I join whatever activity I'm into at the moment-- jewelry-making, book club, knitting circle-- and consistently go. I find people are innately curious, someone will ask you something. if not, you have the activity to bond over. boom, friends. in no time, someone invites me to an offshoot activity. GO. now you have a network. has worked for me EVERY time. hope this helps someone. 😊
this video was so helpful. thank you. Ive been in a new city for a year now and Im sitting here wondering why am I still so alone
Made friends as an adult
1. When you're going on your own think as you're on a business trip and you have to go alone, don't hesitate it
2. Date yourself and take yourself out. Don't blame yourself for not having friends never ever
This came in so clutch, you have no idea! thank you so much!
i just want to say this: i know we all want to "fight" loneliness. but loneliness is part of the human condition, just like conflict or love. it's uncomfortable yes, and i'm not even saying "you'll grow so much from this!" or "what is the lesson in this??" fuck that. being human is painful. loneliness sucks. sometimes you just have to go through the shit life is throwing at you. we are social animals. we NEED one another. when babies are fed but never interacted with or picked up, they die. AND WE'RE BIG BABIES. so i'm with you, it hurts. and it will get better. change is the only constant. but never ever think that you're alone being lonely. i think that's what hurts the most in any type of scarcity. we think we're alone, but we never are. i feel alone all the time ! we can be alone together.
ok, bye.
I absolutely love your videos. You have such refreshing takes on so many topics us young people tend to be confronted with, and offer such honesty it's both heartwarming and a breath of fresh air! 💛
just wanted to say this sweater looks so good on you!!!
thank u sm!!!!!
Dang this is great content! Very helpful
i'm so glad!
*30:30** matching ppl w thr energy is key. dont over offer, especially hot ppl or ppl who generally devour attn & energy. that is a key tip. be active, always be closing = yes. but dont throw energy into ppl blackholes.* in fact, we should probs get rid of hot ppl as a society. they are very damaging & dont contribute much. it's an evolutionary trick. -JC
I'm social but guarded! I'm introverted and extroverted.
I needed a video like this so bad. I struggled my whole life making friends
Moved to a new city 2 weeks ago and my mom is already nervous that I don’t have any friends here lol. I’m auditioning for a musical in a few weeks which is where I usually make friends so HOPEFULLY I get cast lol
Omg all the hobbies you listed “art, kayaking, mushroom foraging”, we would totally be friends! I just moved away from Seattle last year. I wish we could have met! :/ I now in live Phoenix after living in Seattle my whole life, and it definitely gets lonely at times. I’ve made some awesome friends through work though(:
I love this video! Also … PLEASE tell me where your sweater is from! It’s my favorite thing I’ve ever seen
aw. I'm totally lonely too. working on getting better with my sociableness ...such an important topic
I'm surprised that you didn't mention making friends at work! I still struggle with it at my new job, but i've seen beautiful relationships blossom from the workplace. I just wish I knew how to create those bonds at the workplace for myself. Regardless video was incredibly helpful - thank you for putting this out.
i actually did but took it out cause it felt too obvious!
Thank you for your vidéo! I've just moved to London, UK 🇬🇧 you are so right about the mindset
love your sweater, and you are just so pretty -- i feel like you would really rock darker hair colours for the winter, could be fun to try :)
Before i re program time with myself 2 as an exciting date (wanna come up) ..then id rather talk to a carmechanic and ask some questions he should know, but doesn't. It takes some time viewing clips on youtube in preparation (What izzz a dsg gearbox in fact.. for example)
This video was really helpful
Thank you for the tips and insights 👍
I have felt like this after finishing university last year where I studied In the city I grew up in and stilll live today that many people came and left my life
Love your take on this, I feel like we think very similarly and your advice was really helpful :)
The video we definitely all need in our lives!!
You might just be the best TH-cam channel that I am subscribed. Can you please share a list of your favourite tv shows, books, movies and artworks so that I can delve into that bcs I feel like i will love all the things that you love
This may be the best advice on how to make friends I've heard, thanks so much for making this video!
YAY i'm so glad to hear that
I cant tell you how helpful this is. Actual practical things to do and SAY. I fucking hate when ppl say ‘join a club’ - yea ok AND THEN WHAT!!! Lol
Please make a video on how to be a great conversationalist (I know you probably have). I have avenues to meet friends, but I am heavily introverted. My social game needs work 😭
I just moved South of Gig a harbor. On month 2. I'm trying. So far it's tough, but i think that there are two things i need to do:
Go to the same places
Ask for peoples goddamn contact info if we are getting along
I have met so many people but they always cancel on plans
I'll try these out. I'm in a new city as well. I'm older si I think it's even more difficult 😭😭😭
That's so interesting about how our capitalist system actually creates loneliness, this is what I've been realising too lately. Ie the obsession with marriage and children means single, divorced and widowed people are often isolated. The nuclear family is prioritised and others excluded. Each family has its own drill, cars, tools etc. Single people are shamed for not being married or having kids as they're spending less money. Loss of third spaces. Cafes charging a lot for food and drink meaning you cant afford to sit in cafes for hours working or meeting people. People paying lots for therapy because if you tell your friends yoir problems you're 'trauma dumping.' Even things like cuddling have now depressingly become monetised. It's bleak out there and we collectively need to say no to this way of living and find ways to build community instead.
The movie "How to be single" really gives me good alone vibes - it's really more about learning to be on your own so I feel this was relevant. To note this movie does big have a lack of diversity which I don't enjoy.