Making new friends during mid twenties is hard, because we assume that most people have already made their own life long friends. It's good to know that that assumption is wrong and that a lot of people have room for new people in their lives.
Try to make friends during thirties and forties. It's much more difficult because people have kids and don't have time for new friends (or even old friends)
Since I turned 18 I lost all my friends and became extremely isolated. It's been 4 years now and I haven't had a single friend. Working night shift. No friends to introduce me to more friends. No love. And it all hit me a few days ago that I've been so alone for so long I didn't realize how bad it was hurting me.
ikr.. I went to a college out of my town for a year now.. and now I'm so lonely even when I invite people to hang out,, they always have excuses.. it seems like nobody have time.. I don't have a reason to live.. I wake up early everyday go to college get back from college study and go to sleep same shit everyday :( I'm so desperate
1. 100% all in - not afraid to be vulnerable 2. Be an initiator - make the events 3. Contribute - add value 4. Do not be precious about who you hang out with
Best time to make friends and socialise is in your 20s. It gets harder after that. Pretty hard 40+. In your teens, friendships can be frivolous sometimes.
Nah its easy if you set your mind to it, its an on going thing not something that is ever completed, i find its easier to make friends as you get older, people are less superficial and know whats really important
1. Make yourself your best friend - Improve yourself constantly. 2. Listen to others more than you talk. Don't give your advice, even tempted. 3. Understand the fact people are not interested in others, but themselves. 4. Be humorous with others and yourself. Always laugh.
Agreed, people need to initiate more. Thing is, what if you are the one always initiating? It's kinda hurtful when you realize that you are the only one trying to get in contact all the time.
I agree with you. Then when you get no responses to your invites or initiating something, it not only gets frustrating, tiresome, it also gets more of a personal puzzle.
It sucks. As adults we are even more afraid of being judged. Mass media brainwashes people into thinking you have to be a certain way by a certain age else suffer constant scrutiny. Its why people are even less inclined to make friends as they get older I think.
I know this is two years old and no one would be reading this probably, but do you know what happened to me? I got to know a 42 year old lady, who I used to see in the gym, in a coffee shop one day, before leaving to the airport. Since she was interesting in the gym because she used to do these gymnastic moves on the treadmill and didn't care that she was the only one doing these moves and that people were staring... I found her 'devil may care attitude' amazing. It turned out she used to work in the circus but as she got older she did less. This lady is 42... 13 years older than me,,,but she was charming...and yesterday I got a whatsapp voice message from her (btw Matt... an amazing way of communicating apart from phone calls) telling me how much she enjoyed finally getting to know me and how she looks forward to me coming back. She literally used the phase 'I want us to be friends'..... she may be older but I'm thinking here... isn't that sincere and in a way cute to send a most straightforward and honest sentence?....Isn't that the easiest way to make friends? Just say: I want us to be friends. Because honestly.... now I do want to be her friend.
One of my best friends is a woman 20 years older... for the last 30 years we’ve been friends... she has great insight and worldly experience... priceless!
That's so sweet. I've always found the question "Wanna be friends?" very weird, largely because of the context surrounding it - random and not founded upon any sort of prior mutual respect and communication in any way. But in your case, it looks perfectly genuine and sweet. Sometimes I wish I could be more direct and just tell someone I like them as a person and I want to remain friends after knowing them for a bit :)
Adults need to have recess daily. Playtime as when we were kids. Casual games of kickball, playing on the swings. Playing chase and laughing. Shooting baskets, whether spelling pig or horse. Hopscotch. 4-square. Tug of war. Just activity and imagination.
***** Remember walking across the street to your neighbor when you were five, knocking on the door or ringing the doorbell. Then, when a mom or dad or older sibling came to the front door, saying, "Can jJay-jay come out to play?" Those were the days,
***** It is nice when folks at a workplace get together after quitting time to go ice skating or play a game of volleyball. Miss those kind of places to work.
GOTTshua. LoL, thats what I did last week. I went to an old friends relatives house that I used to always stop by at. When I knocked on the door someone I didn't recognize answered the door and told me he moved in like about a few months ago. He was friendly and talkative with me, but lol, he wasn't my old friend's relative that I was expecting to answer the door. He was a new person that moved in to their house after they sold it. I was sort of shocked to know that they aren't there any more. Sometimes the years go by fast.
(1) Be excited and all in, not indifferent. (2) Initiate and create social opportunities. (3) Contribute internal value (example: positive energy). (4) Don't be overly picky about who you hang out with; each person doesn't have to meet all your needs.
If you lived near my house, that is exactly what we'd be doing every weekend. Eating pizza, talking and watching Netflix that is, not going to clubs or raves.
How to make friends as an adult who is on the unattractive side, over 40, and socially awkward: 1. Pick up a hobby or sport. 2. Train. 3. Become the best you can be and more at the that sport or hobby. 4. Use your knowledge to teach and help others achieve their goals. 5. Gain the social skills through coaching. 6. Practice more socializing. 7. Now, you may have a shot of making friends. This is my theory, and I''m in the process of testing it out.
And 4 years later, you uploaded "48 years old and having no friends" I guess it's didn't work out lol, but don't worry, we keep striving forward until we find our tribe :)
If you try to stay in a way that makes you invulnerable to others then you will suffer because you will have less relationships and they will develop very slowly. If you are in a hostile or survival environment then yes being less vulnerable is useful but most people don't live in those types of conditions and it is thus impractical. Yes, it is also true that there are some evil people out there but they are a minority and you should not frame them to be the majority.
on the contrary, you should feel ashamed if you open about something to someone. This is part of your life, why would you feel uncomfortable talking about it with your friends. If you don't accent the things you talking them, are they really your friend? Many people think too much about a certain topic and give it too much value, whereas in fact its not big of a deal. Open up and if someone doesn't accept you and he/she can f*ck off :)
ever since I became an adult, I've been nothing but an initiator. the person to actually start a conversation, the person to invite others to go somewhere. I would be able to have a conversation and go places and do things with people half the time but once I stopped no one else wanted to be the initiator. It's emotionally exhausting to try and start conversations with people and try to invite people to go do something. no one else wants to bother inviting me to places or starting conversations with me. so I'm not going to worry myself if I don't have any friends.
It is so RARE to find a friend who gets you. And also friends who likes the same activities as you do. It's true you find different things in different people.
My biggest thing while making friends is I'm so tired of taking initiative!! It's annoying , I feel like if someone cares & respect you they'll take intitative to , it should be 50/50 even when your in a romantic relationship with someone. Communication , vulnerability , taking initiative & consistency . Are the red flags while making friends . I guess it is what it is
Exactly. I think people don't realize that friendships is a lot of work as much as romantic relationships. So once it gets hard, people easily cut off and replace, only to get to know someone in a superficial level.
Making friends and meeting women has been extremely hard as an adult. I moved to a new town and I’m always initiating with new people. It’s been like this for several years and I either get ghosted shortly later or it ends in simple small talk every time. It’s so lonely it physically hurts. I’m hoping for one day. You inspired some confidence and hope, but history has left me skeptical.
I've had friends throughout my life, but it was in college that for the first time, I felt I really had friends. Real friends. A group of five homies who shared common interests and had each others backs. We'd meet tons of strangers just for the night and move on to more and more new people, met more people this way then in the rest of my life combined. Now years later, nobody is studying anymore. One of my best mates from that group died and another one moved to Switzerland. The other two then moved on to their native towns and so I went back to mine as well. Nowadays, I go out sometimes with friends I had from here and some childhood mates as well, but it's empty and I feel empty, because this time I know what true friendship feels like and it's not this. So what I'm trying to say is that when you have real friends, you know it, and I don't know that I do anymore. I feel like the best years have gone by and I'm no old man yet. It's much worse when you know the real deal. I'm so fucking disappointed with my life now
This is sort of how I feel now. Currently on summer break from college and it just feels empty.... And I'm thinking this is what it's going to be like after college...
I'm in this situation now 😞. After making friends who connect with you it feels so empty to just talk with people who don't get you. I feel like there must be more people like that out there but where
***** be confident try to mix with people even if it sounds boring at the beginning, you are young dont stay alone, enjoy your life! wait to have 30 and then you will find out about loneliness xxx from france
Someone finally said it. I haven't been able to put it into words but you did perfectly. I just moved cross country and have no friends and the few girls I meet have that too cool attitude over really dumb shit. Like they make me feel pathetic for inviting them to do stuff or wanting to hang out with them. Which feels terrible, but no one should ever feel stupid for trying to be someone's friend: there is something about young adults these day that somehow the playing hard to get dynamic crosses into friendship which is so dumb. But people do seem to feel superior when they are being asked to do things.
"But people do seem to feel superior when they are being asked to do things." You americans really screwed up when you introduced the animal behavior terminology "dominant" and "submissive" in your culture. Now you all get weird and see every social interaction as some power play.
Thank you for the video, these suggestions are very helpful. I watched this 5 months ago after feeling lonely in this new city that I moved into, after watching the video I created my own meetup group and now we have average 15-20 people coming to every meetup and many members keep coming back.
Also one thing about making new friends is usually people are just too self centered to reciprocate . You find ways to add value to their lives and they make no effort in return and it just becomes about you serving them all the time and the moment you cease to add value to their lives they simply stop hitting you up .
Yeeaahh It happened and it happens to me ! I can understand life changes such as having kids, too much work and all that, but then... what about this friendship? why are we no longer hanging out? I was friend of fairly many people from church, once I stopped going to church.. gone..everybody's gone! and honestly, then I felt.."Ok... they are nice people but we are way too waaay too different, we have different energies" I lost other friends from other place and even if it's sad and nostalgia hits me hard... I realize they've were there for that time, now we are all different and maayyyybe they are not the right people to have as friends anymore. what are you bringing to the table? that is key to be more aware of what we do, because sometimes we are the "toxic" friend. My current strategy is to change habits, I stopped listening to music when I go to work or anywhere else, I try to interact with people in the gym.. at least say "Hi" to a few people, at least it's a form of showing that we are not weird people, people can get to meet us, people also need to see that we are open to meet them... and it's all about paying attention to our language and small habits, because they are so small but so important that we really ignore them.. and then it's like "oh shit.... !!"
How to make friends as an adult: hide behind a bush and ambush your potential "friend." Latch on to one of his/her legs as tightly as you can. Do not let go until he/she agrees to sign a friendship contract. Works every time ;)
Great video! Summary: 1. Change your mindset from indifference to excitement 2. Be the one to initiate events (leading to other people initiating for you) 3. Find what you can contribute to a social group 4. Hang out with both acquaintances and friends, not just friends
karla sandoval I'm 21 too, am at university and I literally have no friends. it so hard as you grow up seems like everybody is busy and not interested in spending time with you if there don't get something in return...
Yup, not having friends does suck. No one to hang out with, no one to talk to about personal issues, a sounding board. It's hard to solve your own problems, talking to yourself. I can completely understand how people socially regress.
Thanks for this video, Matthew! This topic is SO RELATABLE since I graduated college and started working. It's so hard to make new friends once you're out of school! This is what I love about you and your videos -- you don't just give dating tips, you give LIFE tips.
Sometimes it's even difficult while still in college. So, the thought of entering the real world social scene scares the shit out of me. What if you don't make friends with your work peers? What happens then??
Abigail Eberhard Don't put pressure on yourself, because I'm in your shoes... I was just talking to my mom, and she told me that she doesn't have any friends from college. She was friendly with people while in college, but none of them lasted. It's a transitional phase of life, and it makes no sense to put pressure on making friends, because we're all in this awkward period. Just hang out with people who make you happy, and if they stick around, then cool!
sarahbear892 I think it's different for everyone, I heard that school friendships usually don't last but the college ones do. But I still have a couple of friends from school and a couple from college. I haven't managed to make friends at work though, even though I've been working different jobs for several years now. These days the most difficult thing for me is to keep the few friends i have because everyone starts having families and then there's work and other responsibilities so it's hard to stay in touch.
Nastikss I guess you're right, it must be different for everyone. As long as you have a couple good people in your life, though, that's all that matters. I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that it's okay not to be a crazy social butterfly, because that's just not who I am.
It's true, there is definitely this idea that it's really difficult to make friends as an adult... I agree with your tips... Joining groups or rec clubs are helpful to meet others in a casual way :)
Matthew, Thank you for this.. thank you for the lives you've spoken to... I'm 29, and lost my husband in June this year.. my love, my life, my very best friend. The only person I needed in life. We spent every day together, inseperable. His friends were my friends because I like to do stuff like fourwheel, snowmobile, help in the garage and quite frankly women tend to be intimidated by me... I'm tall, skinny, ppl often tell me I'm pretty. People are attracted to my personality but not the type of ppl I mesh with. I'm too shy to go out and meet people now that I'm trying to find my own way after my husband's passing, his friends gf's haven't taken well to me keeping in touch with his friends without my husband's presence. Your post is an inspiration to people like me, who feel secluded and broken. Thank you for your guidance. You probably have no idea how you touch people like me.
This video really humanizes an issue that individually we think we r alone in. I found it deeply helpful and didn't wait till the end of the video to start acting on what he was saying. I had a nice night out with a mother I met at my sons school. We had a nice talk over coffee thank you Mathew hussy!!! ❤️❤️
I know this is old, but thanks for this - I've just been told by an old friend I haven't seen in ages that I'm lonely. I didn't even notice! I kind of isolate myself by accident, yet unfortunately when I do push myself and introduce myself to new people, they're not exactly keen on making friends.
omg i seriously have a concern! I'm quite good at making friends, but only female friends! i feel like it's easy to start a conversation with a girl, because whatever i say its clear that I'm not sexually attracted to her. when it comes to guys i'm always super scared that they think i fancy them (when i really don't) so my anxiety stops me from approaching potential guy friends. literally the only guys I immediately get comfortable with are my friend's boyfriends. same rule; they are dating my friends so whatever i say they won't misunderstand, that puts me at ease..gosh what to do..
I have the same problem! I actually get along with guys better than girls (i feel like I don't have much to talk about with girls).. But I'm too afraid to approach any guy. The last time I did gather myself together to ask one out for a coffee... well, I'm still waiting.. It'll probably never happen :D
Mell Pink Me too 😳I guess one good suggestion is to imagine you're talking to a girl, or assuming he is boyfriend of one of your friends. Hope it works for both of us.
Mell Pink ... create a situation where you are helping a guy you want to be friends with to hook up with another girl... this gets you talking to him, and indicates that you don't want to hook up with him yourself. Just an idea.
The hardest thing is when your mind is against everything you want. I have anxiety, depression, introverted shyness and a lack of social skills. It's beyond hard for me to change. I just want one friend at least.
problem is when u make yourself vulnerable, u get taken advantage of. u should never be expected to "contribute" certain things to a real friendship, this is exactly why its so hard to make a true friend! u talk about pride & bein picky, well i think that describes the majority of ppl who only interact ppl for personal gain, as opposed to sincere human interaction. its great if the dice rolled in your favor, but not everybody will get the same outcome when they take your advice.
Great tips. I'm only 18 but I'm not in university at the moment (took a year off to work) but when I start school in September I'll definitely put these tips to use when making friends there. I've always been reluctant to be vulnerable because I never wanted to leave myself open to get hurt, but I'm now starting to realize that you won't ever have a deep connection with someone if you don't allow them to get close to you.
how do you even purpose to ppl to do something? i know it sounds stupid and obvious - "do you want to go to coffee"? etc. these sentences come across very awkward, and the worst thing is when ppl sense your awkwardness (or maybe don't really like you anyway) and say they are busy or shit. this just crushes the long confidence you ha had in the first place.
i realised i dont have real friend apart from my sister and my boyfriend sometimes you just need a girlfriend outside. my highschool friend has been distancing her self from me ever since she started dating again. and people from church have big ego's like they boast about the cars they drive or their they just not welcoming they look down on you if you dont meet their standard. anyway so am looking to make friends easy going people not stubborn am not a party person dont like clubs as well, i just like going out to get coffee or a drink or ice-cream go to the park you know and just hang out.
I'm very loving, friendly, down-to-earth and not judgemental Christian girl :) I'd love to be your friend if you were living nearby. May God bless you with very good and close friends :)
you have to have something interesting about you. if all you do is watch tv, eat, sleep, run errands, then that's boring and awkward when first hanging out. being a needy person is a problem that is getting worse these days in this "me me me generation' these days.
It's a good idea to put enthusiasm in things and attend places even if you are not that bothered about it. I have loss of friends as an adult but none are lifelong ones but I doubt anyone has a lifelong friend
Trust. That's the problem. Gotta trust other people. Let go. People aren't asking you to jump in with both feet. If they are controlling from the get go, forget about them and move on to the next person,
Most people these days are self involved. Last year I realised I was often encouraging some friends with their goals but they did not asked me about mine. Then I remember what a professor said in my philosophy of love class: Ask people for what you want or what you need. And that is what I did to friends and family. I said "Can you please also encourage me like I always do to you?" To my surprised I was sent emails with defensiveness saying "well if you think I am selfish then let's stop being friends" I was shocked but not surprised for we live in the age of narcissism. So I dropped these "friends" and I am putting my energy into my goals and some nephews and cousins who are encouraging and reciprocal and I no longer feel I am giving without been cared for. Oh one of my friends wrote me back saying "I now know what you need" Then she asked about my project once. Then I invited her for dinner and after that I never heard from her. I always suspected she was all about herself. It makes me feel depressed but I am ready to join dance classes and other types of activities to make new friends. And I feel a lot better. I also closed my Facebook account oh what a relief! That is the parade os selfishness.
As a sickly child I failed to cultivate the art of friend gathering among those who remained alive. Thank you for this message. Maybe I am not as much of a creepy freak as I feel more often than not. BETTER DAYS AHEAD :-D !!!
I'm 23 years & an introvert, and The older I get the less friends I let around me.I had plenty of vicious people that didnt treat me as their friend as I have done.
I am also friendless because the town I grew up in the friends I had where toxic and talk behind my back saying I'm gay when I'm not. It just made me so insecure of people and it is for good reason. There are so many toxic people in the world. If anyone disagrees then why does the world have many wars. I just can't have conform with kind of behaviour so I avoid people.
Another tip: tell a good joke when approaching new people, it works for me everytime! If you wondering how, I have a video in my channel showing you how it's done! Feel free to check it out!
Hey Ming.....just asking random people on TH-cam in order to get thier opinion (desperate for help right now)... I really think a huge part of making friends is having sufficient social/people skills. I just wanted a few ideas about jobs/careers that would "bring me out of my shell". My current ideas are Night Club Promoter; Group exercise instructor; Events promotion; recruitment consultant. Any other ideas would be a MAJOR help. Cheers! x
Loved your live seminar today! You are awesome. Your energy is amazing and your ability to get through to people stems from how down to earth and relatable you are.
I never had a life time friend because i have been moving endlessly since i was a child. I want to be able to finally establish a permanent relationship with someone in general because im tired of always being the new guy in town that doesn't know anyone. I am a very sincere/genuine person who is extremely LOYAL & i would love to meet people that also have those qualities because everyone I've met so far claim to be genuine/sincere & Loyal until certain circumstances prove they are not. Anyway for anyone who reads this comment i realized its not simply about meeting people or inviting people to go out...we have to meet genuine sincere loyal people like ourselves that actually want meaningful relationships & to have close bonds...bonding with good people that intrigue me makes me happy
i understand. and people I meet who say they r lonely can be so misleading because they claim they want friends but most have totally forgotten how to be one!
I love Matthew's advice. He's so versatile and gives us content in so many other interesting and necessary topics. So happy I found your page. Thank you so much, Matt!
This is a good video , good tips . I find it hard to make friends I'm nearly 28 and it gets me down sometimes . All anyone wants Is someone to hang out with and do stuff together . Where is everyone from ??
I have the opposite problem. People won't leave me alone. I cherish every moment I don't have to be with people. I am happiest in my own little world. It's blissful. Peaceful. Absolutely delightful. Having said that, I do like people just not as much as I do without them.
Great advice! Just moved away for school as a transfer. I had 0 friends coming in and was totally just focused on school that I didn't make any friends in the first quarter. Noticing that I needed a bit more of a social life I said hello to a few people. Those few people introduced me to a few of their friends..etc. Anyways one day my roommate and I made a crap ton of tacos. IDK how 2lbs of meat got me 30-40 tacos but it did! Unfortunately, that night my roommate had to leave out of town and as I walked out with her, I saw those girls I said hello to, asked if they were hungry and had a taco party and that is the start of a great friendship :)
how do you know me so well? this fits me to a T. I have been so depressed cause I feel like I don't have friends. I have a lot of casual friends, but not the ones like you see in sex and the city like you were talking about, so I just assumed something must be wrong with me. nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way and the advice you gave is right on. gonna start applying this right now. thanks.
It is so hard to stay in contact with people you know because nobody is really interested to be the active part. Making new friends is impossible for me, everything and everybody is so focused on themselves and not open for contacts to new people.
Five years have passed, and here I and many other people are still looking for friends, so it is not impossible, and perhaps you know this now, after time has passed since your comment.
ChrisFarleyisGod Anyone would be lucky to be your friend you seem so positive and happy, thats portrayed through a measly youtube comment so I imagine in real life you're even more of a joy!
Had a great time at your seminar yesterday at nyc. Your humor and energy kept me engaged throughout. I'm definitely carrying your advice with me going forward! Thank you!
I'm great to ruin friendships. At school/ work you see the same people everyday. After that you've to take the initiative to schedule a meeting and keep the conversation rolling. If you think your life sucks and you don't like to answer the question "How are you? What have you done?", you start to avoid meetings with friends from the past.
***** That is always how i feel when people invite me out. my life is boring all i do is work and those two questions are just the worst lol they unintentionally make me feel like shit
LizyiiA I guess We are all a big lyers. Few people admit they are not Ok when someone asked them "Hey! I don't see you for awhile. How are you?". But We must go out of our shell. You are responsible for your happiness. :) I suggest you to watch the movie "The secret life of Walter Mitty".
Well we don't wanna be downers. People want to know about the positive aspects of life, not the negatives. So we lie or hide the truth. Superficial shit. We don't like to admit that the world isn't all rainbows and sunshine. If we all understood one another, we would admit that our lives are boring or that we are falling short and we would bond over it and motivate each other. That how you know you have a real friend, when you're not afraid t go beyond the superficial shit. Admit shortcomings. And motivate one another. As well as enjoying the awesome parts of life with them.
It's about having the courage to open up. Both the positive and the negative. The problem is most people are assholes. They will put you down, look down on you, and all that shit.
Yes Matthew is right about meeting new friends through old ones. I'm going to two parties next week and I guarantee to meet new people there. Don't be afraid to say your name and talk to strangers, have a quick chat....and move on. Never overstay your welcome by staying for too long. If they like you they will come back to you later....
Thanks Matt. I currently don't have any friends to hang out with or talk to and it's a very lonely adult life. But, I really wanna go out, just a little afraid to start by myself.
Finally Matt!!!! This is the fundamental before any of your retreats! - In this day and age we need support networks we need people who are going to be there for us, to help us grow and believe in us. There is not point in watching get the guy if this stage has not been accomplished. I know because I am on month 4 of gtg and need FRIENDS before anything else.
I dunno how you're supposed to make your life long friends in school or uni, coz people grow up, they change and their personalities change too. I see people in my school year still in the same friendship group and it makes me cringe coz they live in the same area and still hang out together 20 years later. Have these people even got social skills if theyre with the same group of people ...
Here is the best advice and I suggest you all take note of this and people that are in relationships it’s a really good idea to listen to this too. I like the guys video just adding my own thoughts. Stop allowing your friends to slip away from your grasp and vice versa and for people who are in relationships stop allowing your partner to prevent you from seeing your friends and stand up for yourself. Guys who are usually in relationships with women generally don’t have a social life because there spouses control them like puppets. As for gay couples I can’t really say much about them mainly because gay couples seem to actually allow there spouses to get out.
This is so true. I recently met a man who I was excited to befriend with. But he had this attitude of let' s date or not waste time. The attitude made me feel he didn't really appreciate the process of developing friendship and unfortunately ruined everything.
It's not easy to know what to say, or approach strangers. If you are sat near someone. You don't have to be a great conversationist,just be yourself and talk, ''I love your hair, isn't the weather terrible?, have you seen the news,? love that coat, do you know where such and such a place is ?,ect.Just non formal chat. either this, or go home lonely. They may want to talk, they may not. in my experiance, almost everyone wants to, you just have to make them talk, without shining a lamp in their face and interigating them, humor can go a long way. hope everyone finds what they are looking for.There are a lot of people outhere who would be grateful for a chat, a lot of lonely people too.
sigh. I wish I had one girl friend in college. People don't seem to care. I make study groups and no one shows up. I give people my number but they dont call. I'm friendly and I don't smell bad or anything like that. I smile and act polite and joke about the teachers comments with my peers but at the end of the day no one wants to hang out. If they do want to hang out its only once then they never want to talk again after the class ends.
+AngelicPeopleHurt2 Yes my complaint is similar. Well people say to me they will come to my home to visit on such a day, or do this with me on such a day, but when that day comes, every f***ing time, guaranteed, they don't show up. If someone says lets do this on such and such a day, every time they don't show. Does that happen to you? For me it's beyond a joke and terrible for self-esteem probably lol
Still having issues... and my so calls "friends" keep flaking on me... or get bored with me and block my number. Dang it. What else should I do? Does Mathew have a "how to get adult friends guide" I can buy? I obviously suck at this or maybe I am not being friendly enough, maybe i'm giving off the wrong vibe?. I just don't wanna pay for everything, you know? Maybe I should just pay for everyones tickets to this Halloween event I wanna go to... maybe people will show up. I'm sewing a back pack for myself! If anyone wants to give me tips!... No? Okay... _-_ Fudge Cakes and Crackers. :/
A Jay don't feel bad, it's happened to me and I'm sure many other people. I believe people have gone way comfortable with their pets and computer games. It's probably not you.
Living in London makes this so much harder...either people are obsessed with social status, Post codes ...or are either creepy or socially awkward . 🤔 I never expect people in London to initiate a conversation...but I have some amazing stories💖💖👌.
Thank you for this. I have been living in London UK for over 13 years, but I do not have any friends , especially that I have recently come out of long and toxic relationship. Fingers crossed things will change for the better . Thank you for your video
what if I don't wanna go to the club or party ? and I don't even have any money to go out. I only have money for groceries shopping. how the hell can I make friends at the groceries store. they'll think I'm a freak
My thoughts exactly! I want to chill and talk, I don't drink, smoke or party, it's just not enjoyable for me... We will have to find the friends who will watch TV with us 😂📺
Living now in uk for about 5 years and still don’t have any friends… depress and sad… and I was trying to invite some people to go out, but… they are just ignore me… 😞
This was so helpful!! Shed some light on my life just like the last video I just watched from you! 😜 I've always found it hard to see what value I bring.. I wish I was the funny one and the great conversationalist.. but I can totally bring the positivity! My husband always said he's liked me from the start because he said I'm "surrounded with good vibes-it just feels good to be around me" I can do that while I'm learning to be better at conversation and more open! Thanks for helping me see the value I bring!!
I agree with everything you said in the video. Be open about where you make new friends. I've made some through online dating even though that was never my goal. I figured just because the dating part didn't work out, doesn't mean they have to be cut from my life (if they're cool). It just takes a little effort but if the friendship is genuine, it doesn't even feel like we're trying. Thanks to social media, it's easy to keep in contact, make plans to hang out and to invite each other to events. I often hear people have trouble making friends/socializing because they're an introvert. I'm an introvert, but I rather not let that label stop me from making friends even if it means I have to step out of my comfort zone or be vulnerable. Because at the end of the day, I am not too cool for friends. Friends add so much perspective into my life.
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 88 | คู่เอก "ป้อมเพชร vs อัสลามจอน"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1ZqTVVbMgbo/mqdefault.jpg)
When you're always the one initiating, and nobody is interested, you get depressed really fast.
Story of my life
same happens to me
True
so true!
Yeah, it sucks because I'm ALWAYS the one to initiate. I'm a college student with literally no friends right now. It's no fun :(
Making new friends during mid twenties is hard, because we assume that most people have already made their own life long friends. It's good to know that that assumption is wrong and that a lot of people have room for new people in their lives.
Qualivity amen.
Try to make friends during thirties and forties. It's much more difficult because people have kids and don't have time for new friends (or even old friends)
No it's called this why we dont fuck with you
I know. I'm pretty late. But Have u got enough friends?
@@user-mwreixqw too many, I would say
Since I turned 18 I lost all my friends and became extremely isolated. It's been 4 years now and I haven't had a single friend. Working night shift. No friends to introduce me to more friends. No love. And it all hit me a few days ago that I've been so alone for so long I didn't realize how bad it was hurting me.
It’s the same with me. I have no friends I can talk to, go out with.
Yea humans are fucking shit expect you man hope life gets better
I’m in the same situation also I’m so bad at connecting I’m so shy
I hope you are doing better. I'm on the same boat.
Same, it really sucks. I wanna make friends but at the same time its like can i trust people, like idk. People can be a-holes, fake, flaky, etc
Bro I'm in college and this is still hard. No one talks or smiles here..
ikr.. I went to a college out of my town for a year now.. and now I'm so lonely even when I invite people to hang out,, they always have excuses.. it seems like nobody have time.. I don't have a reason to live.. I wake up early everyday go to college get back from college study and go to sleep same shit everyday :( I'm so desperate
I study all day and I don't even get good marks..
+MJ MJ
This is sadly true :( let's be friends!
saraeuniceful ty
+MJ MJ np :) what state is your college at?
1. 100% all in - not afraid to be vulnerable
2. Be an initiator - make the events
3. Contribute - add value
4. Do not be precious about who you hang out with
You have to be if your source is to powerful after that yeah now you can be strong ok always take the bold move first
You know what? when I was young, I felt difficult to make friends. And when I grew up, I felt the same thing.
I've never heard that before
Best time to make friends and socialise is in your 20s. It gets harder after that. Pretty hard 40+. In your teens, friendships can be frivolous sometimes.
Nah its easy if you set your mind to it, its an on going thing not something that is ever completed, i find its easier to make friends as you get older, people are less superficial and know whats really important
Ba dum chh
Very inspiring. Thanks buddy. Haha, no really though. Thanks for being real.
1. Make yourself your best friend - Improve yourself constantly.
2. Listen to others more than you talk. Don't give your advice, even tempted.
3. Understand the fact people are not interested in others, but themselves.
4. Be humorous with others and yourself. Always laugh.
Agreed, people need to initiate more. Thing is, what if you are the one always initiating? It's kinda hurtful when you realize that you are the only one trying to get in contact all the time.
I agree with you. Then when you get no responses to your invites or initiating something, it not only gets frustrating, tiresome, it also gets more of a personal puzzle.
It sucks. As adults we are even more afraid of being judged. Mass media brainwashes people into thinking you have to be a certain way by a certain age else suffer constant scrutiny. Its why people are even less inclined to make friends as they get older I think.
My friends who I know for 10 uears now have forgotten all about me since they have a boyfriend
Santa it gets worse when they get married.
invest in yourself instead coz your worth it.
Yes, it makes us look needy
How about we all gather up from the comments and makes friends hahahhaa....I'm so lonely
:)
FaustyForYou lets do it :)
hey where r u from i need a friend
Hey! :) I feel like you could be the guy who brings in the positive energy!! Nice to meet you all :D
FaustyForYou 😂😂😂 hey the idea is interesting 🤔 always like to meet new people
I know this is two years old and no one would be reading this probably, but do you know what happened to me? I got to know a 42 year old lady, who I used to see in the gym, in a coffee shop one day, before leaving to the airport. Since she was interesting in the gym because she used to do these gymnastic moves on the treadmill and didn't care that she was the only one doing these moves and that people were staring... I found her 'devil may care attitude' amazing. It turned out she used to work in the circus but as she got older she did less. This lady is 42... 13 years older than me,,,but she was charming...and yesterday I got a whatsapp voice message from her (btw Matt... an amazing way of communicating apart from phone calls) telling me how much she enjoyed finally getting to know me and how she looks forward to me coming back. She literally used the phase 'I want us to be friends'..... she may be older but I'm thinking here... isn't that sincere and in a way cute to send a most straightforward and honest sentence?....Isn't that the easiest way to make friends? Just say: I want us to be friends. Because honestly.... now I do want to be her friend.
Thuraya Al-Nabhani thats beautiful :)
are you best friends now? :p
One of my best friends is a woman 20 years older... for the last 30 years we’ve been friends... she has great insight and worldly experience... priceless!
What a heartwarming story, thank you for sharing it.
That's so sweet. I've always found the question "Wanna be friends?" very weird, largely because of the context surrounding it - random and not founded upon any sort of prior mutual respect and communication in any way. But in your case, it looks perfectly genuine and sweet. Sometimes I wish I could be more direct and just tell someone I like them as a person and I want to remain friends after knowing them for a bit :)
Adults need to have recess daily. Playtime as when we were kids. Casual games of kickball, playing on the swings. Playing chase and laughing. Shooting baskets, whether spelling pig or horse. Hopscotch. 4-square. Tug of war. Just activity and imagination.
Awesome idea!
***** Remember walking across the street to your neighbor when you were five, knocking on the door or ringing the doorbell. Then, when a mom or dad or older sibling came to the front door, saying, "Can jJay-jay come out to play?"
Those were the days,
***** It is nice when folks at a workplace get together after quitting time to go ice skating or play a game of volleyball. Miss those kind of places to work.
that would be so much fun 😅
GOTTshua. LoL, thats what I did last week. I went to an old friends relatives house that I used to always stop by at. When I knocked on the door someone I didn't recognize answered the door and told me he moved in like about a few months ago. He was friendly and talkative with me, but lol, he wasn't my old friend's relative that I was expecting to answer the door. He was a new person that moved in to their house after they sold it. I was sort of shocked to know that they aren't there any more. Sometimes the years go by fast.
Hard to make friends when you have interests that nobody shares
thank youuuuuuuuuu!
What interests are you into?
you mean like serial killing?
lmfaoo
yeah like polotics ! I love polotics but not too many people like it
Never thought my life would come to watching this
(1) Be excited and all in, not indifferent.
(2) Initiate and create social opportunities.
(3) Contribute internal value (example: positive energy).
(4) Don't be overly picky about who you hang out with; each person doesn't have to meet all your needs.
I just what a friend who will eat pizza, watch Netflix, and talk to me.... I don't want to club or rave....
what to watch though..!?
Me to and weed
If you lived near my house, that is exactly what we'd be doing every weekend. Eating pizza, talking and watching Netflix that is, not going to clubs or raves.
Myra Soeharjono Friends!
***** You probably do not live close to me, but I will just say it anyway. I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
How to make friends as an adult who is on the unattractive side, over 40, and socially awkward: 1. Pick up a hobby or sport. 2. Train. 3. Become the best you can be and more at the that sport or hobby. 4. Use your knowledge to teach and help others achieve their goals. 5. Gain the social skills through coaching. 6. Practice more socializing. 7. Now, you may have a shot of making friends. This is my theory, and I''m in the process of testing it out.
but what about those who cant leave the house? I'd love to have someone online considering my state
What happened to you man?
And 4 years later, you uploaded "48 years old and having no friends"
I guess it's didn't work out lol, but don't worry, we keep striving forward until we find our tribe :)
Become the best in sth only for gaining friends sounds like being less yourself.
@@iliveinsideyourhouse3943 💀💀
number one rule: Don't get too comfortable. Don't open up freely to anybody. That makes you VERY vulnerable.
K dud v should b friends
Y Gui 💯💯💯
ditto
If you try to stay in a way that makes you invulnerable to others then you will suffer because you will have less relationships and they will develop very slowly. If you are in a hostile or survival environment then yes being less vulnerable is useful but most people don't live in those types of conditions and it is thus impractical. Yes, it is also true that there are some evil people out there but they are a minority and you should not frame them to be the majority.
on the contrary, you should feel ashamed if you open about something to someone. This is part of your life, why would you feel uncomfortable talking about it with your friends. If you don't accent the things you talking them, are they really your friend?
Many people think too much about a certain topic and give it too much value, whereas in fact its not big of a deal. Open up and if someone doesn't accept you and he/she can f*ck off :)
ever since I became an adult, I've been nothing but an initiator. the person to actually start a conversation, the person to invite others to go somewhere. I would be able to have a conversation and go places and do things with people half the time but once I stopped no one else wanted to be the initiator. It's emotionally exhausting to try and start conversations with people and try to invite people to go do something. no one else wants to bother inviting me to places or starting conversations with me. so I'm not going to worry myself if I don't have any friends.
It is so RARE to find a friend who gets you. And also friends who likes the same activities as you do. It's true you find different things in different people.
My biggest thing while making friends is I'm so tired of taking initiative!! It's annoying , I feel like if someone cares & respect you they'll take intitative to , it should be 50/50 even when your in a romantic relationship with someone.
Communication , vulnerability , taking initiative & consistency . Are the red flags while making friends .
I guess it is what it is
Let's be friends. Where do you live?
I'm pretty sure you don't take a initiative. More like social media . Get out it's not the same lol
Exactly. I think people don't realize that friendships is a lot of work as much as romantic relationships. So once it gets hard, people easily cut off and replace, only to get to know someone in a superficial level.
I'm a guy but I really enjoy watching your videos. Such an intellectual guy it's hard not to take notice and take on board the lessons you teach
so tru he is a social genius.
I'm 21 and i dont have any friends
same.... its fucking lonely lol
Same
In the same boat.
I, too, am 21 and friendless.
+varun009 lets be friends
I never would have thought that making friends would be so difficult at 25 in the year 2020... This sure is a task, lol.
I totally feel that! I’m always the one initiating 🤦🏻♀️
Im 21 and also feeling your struggle. Quarantine only set me back so much more because im finding it so hard to get back into socializing.
@God Child1995 Amen and Truth
@God Child1995 Right
Making friends and meeting women has been extremely hard as an adult. I moved to a new town and I’m always initiating with new people. It’s been like this for several years and I either get ghosted shortly later or it ends in simple small talk every time. It’s so lonely it physically hurts. I’m hoping for one day. You inspired some confidence and hope, but history has left me skeptical.
Didn't make many friends this summer. Gotta make it a goal for next year. Oh yes, Alex does watch matthew hussey lol
I respect guys who watch Matthew. They're open to learning from more than one perspective so kudos to you! :)
How did it go?
I've had friends throughout my life, but it was in college that for the first time, I felt I really had friends. Real friends. A group of five homies who shared common interests and had each others backs. We'd meet tons of strangers just for the night and move on to more and more new people, met more people this way then in the rest of my life combined. Now years later, nobody is studying anymore. One of my best mates from that group died and another one moved to Switzerland. The other two then moved on to their native towns and so I went back to mine as well. Nowadays, I go out sometimes with friends I had from here and some childhood mates as well, but it's empty and I feel empty, because this time I know what true friendship feels like and it's not this. So what I'm trying to say is that when you have real friends, you know it, and I don't know that I do anymore. I feel like the best years have gone by and I'm no old man yet. It's much worse when you know the real deal. I'm so fucking disappointed with my life now
Maybe try to figure out what worked for you back in college and then try to find a setting similar to that where you can find similar people.
This is sort of how I feel now. Currently on summer break from college and it just feels empty.... And I'm thinking this is what it's going to be like after college...
Tiago A. We can be friends?
I'm in this situation now 😞. After making friends who connect with you it feels so empty to just talk with people who don't get you. I feel like there must be more people like that out there but where
Your life's worth isn't made up of how many friends you have. Invest in yourself. Focus on yourself and building your self worth
Ugh I'm such a loser looking up how to make friends on TH-cam lol
dont worry i m with you lool
lol, do not be ashamed. i am 24 with 0 friends at ALLLLL.
this society has fucked up us
Lisa Thorsen thank you.
***** be confident try to mix with people even if it sounds boring at the beginning, you are young dont stay alone, enjoy your life! wait to have 30 and then you will find out about loneliness xxx from france
ive not seen ene video yet that does not say ' when you get invited out' This is overlooking the fact that many people simply DONT get invited out!
Sometimes it best if I'm not
So many good points. There is an epidemic of friendlessness in our society, but most people don't want to admit this.
Someone finally said it. I haven't been able to put it into words but you did perfectly. I just moved cross country and have no friends and the few girls I meet have that too cool attitude over really dumb shit. Like they make me feel pathetic for inviting them to do stuff or wanting to hang out with them. Which feels terrible, but no one should ever feel stupid for trying to be someone's friend: there is something about young adults these day that somehow the playing hard to get dynamic crosses into friendship which is so dumb. But people do seem to feel superior when they are being asked to do things.
Morgan Paige o
Morgan Paige I also moved across country and have no friends .
It’s hard to meet like minded people when your in a New community.
"But people do seem to feel superior when they are being asked to do things." You americans really screwed up when you introduced the animal behavior terminology "dominant" and "submissive" in your culture. Now you all get weird and see every social interaction as some power play.
@SheepWaveMeByeBye where are you from that it isnt like that?
Thank you for the video, these suggestions are very helpful. I watched this 5 months ago after feeling lonely in this new city that I moved into, after watching the video I created my own meetup group and now we have average 15-20 people coming to every meetup and many members keep coming back.
What's the theme of your meet up?
@@jackjack4412 It's about UX design! Related to my job haha
Where have you created this group? Is it some special website that allows to make it happen, or just Facebook group, etc? Thanks
1:33 be excited. Be all in.
2:25 initiate
3:05 contribute. Add value. Increase your worth. Money status positive energy make em feel good.
Also one thing about making new friends is usually people are just too self centered to reciprocate . You find ways to add value to their lives and they make no effort in return and it just becomes about you serving them all the time and the moment you cease to add value to their lives they simply stop hitting you up .
Yeeaahh It happened and it happens to me ! I can understand life changes such as having kids, too much work and all that, but then... what about this friendship? why are we no longer hanging out? I was friend of fairly many people from church, once I stopped going to church.. gone..everybody's gone! and honestly, then I felt.."Ok... they are nice people but we are way too waaay too different, we have different energies" I lost other friends from other place and even if it's sad and nostalgia hits me hard... I realize they've were there for that time, now we are all different and maayyyybe they are not the right people to have as friends anymore.
what are you bringing to the table? that is key to be more aware of what we do, because sometimes we are the "toxic" friend.
My current strategy is to change habits, I stopped listening to music when I go to work or anywhere else, I try to interact with people in the gym.. at least say "Hi" to a few people, at least it's a form of showing that we are not weird people, people can get to meet us, people also need to see that we are open to meet them... and it's all about paying attention to our language and small habits, because they are so small but so important that we really ignore them.. and then it's like "oh shit.... !!"
How to make friends as an adult: hide behind a bush and ambush your potential "friend." Latch on to one of his/her legs as tightly as you can. Do not let go until he/she agrees to sign a friendship contract. Works every time ;)
I'm ready to try this
Great video!
Summary:
1. Change your mindset from indifference to excitement
2. Be the one to initiate events (leading to other people initiating for you)
3. Find what you can contribute to a social group
4. Hang out with both acquaintances and friends, not just friends
the golden rule advice ... if it isn't life threatening but you still feel nervous etc, remind yourself that you have 1 life. just do it and learn.
ren my motto if it doesn’t kill me put me in jail or defile my faith I’ll try it once twice if I like it . Life is short .
+Karen Grace l love this motto add wine into this and its a winner lol
Daz G I spent almost 2 yrs bedridden with a rare illness , when God let me live I embraces this attitude
about to turn 21 in two weeks and i have literally no friends...
karla sandoval would you like me to be your friend?
karla sandoval I'm 21 too, am at university and I literally have no friends. it so hard as you grow up seems like everybody is busy and not interested in spending time with you if there don't get something in return...
karla sandoval same but let's change that. Hi 😁
Me neither... lets be friends?
Join a club
Yup, not having friends does suck. No one to hang out with, no one to talk to about personal issues, a sounding board. It's hard to solve your own problems, talking to yourself. I can completely understand how people socially regress.
I just feel from my personal experience that a group of girlfriends donot stay sincere for long. Jealousy, a guy or something tears them apart!
So true
Thanks for this video, Matthew! This topic is SO RELATABLE since I graduated college and started working. It's so hard to make new friends once you're out of school!
This is what I love about you and your videos -- you don't just give dating tips, you give LIFE tips.
Sometimes it's even difficult while still in college. So, the thought of entering the real world social scene scares the shit out of me. What if you don't make friends with your work peers? What happens then??
sarahbear892 I agree Im in my last year of college and feel like my time for making lifelong friends is soon coming to an end...
Abigail Eberhard
Don't put pressure on yourself, because I'm in your shoes... I was just talking to my mom, and she told me that she doesn't have any friends from college. She was friendly with people while in college, but none of them lasted. It's a transitional phase of life, and it makes no sense to put pressure on making friends, because we're all in this awkward period. Just hang out with people who make you happy, and if they stick around, then cool!
sarahbear892
I think it's different for everyone, I heard that school friendships usually don't last but the college ones do. But I still have a couple of friends from school and a couple from college. I haven't managed to make friends at work though, even though I've been working different jobs for several years now. These days the most difficult thing for me is to keep the few friends i have because everyone starts having families and then there's work and other responsibilities so it's hard to stay in touch.
Nastikss
I guess you're right, it must be different for everyone. As long as you have a couple good people in your life, though, that's all that matters. I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that it's okay not to be a crazy social butterfly, because that's just not who I am.
It's true, there is definitely this idea that it's really difficult to make friends as an adult... I agree with your tips... Joining groups or rec clubs are helpful to meet others in a casual way :)
with a face like that, i dont see you making much friends women.
holypaladinpewpew Well aren't you a piece of rat shit...
What's your point you fucked yourself I told this person one you have an alliance you know where you stand period
Matthew,
Thank you for this.. thank you for the lives you've spoken to... I'm 29, and lost my husband in June this year.. my love, my life, my very best friend. The only person I needed in life. We spent every day together, inseperable. His friends were my friends because I like to do stuff like fourwheel, snowmobile, help in the garage and quite frankly women tend to be intimidated by me... I'm tall, skinny, ppl often tell me I'm pretty. People are attracted to my personality but not the type of ppl I mesh with. I'm too shy to go out and meet people now that I'm trying to find my own way after my husband's passing, his friends gf's haven't taken well to me keeping in touch with his friends without my husband's presence. Your post is an inspiration to people like me, who feel secluded and broken. Thank you for your guidance. You probably have no idea how you touch people like me.
This video really humanizes an issue that individually we think we r alone in. I found it deeply helpful and didn't wait till the end of the video to start acting on what he was saying. I had a nice night out with a mother I met at my sons school. We had a nice talk over coffee thank you Mathew hussy!!! ❤️❤️
I just need to realize my full potential and energy around and share experience and in social space
I know this is old, but thanks for this - I've just been told by an old friend I haven't seen in ages that I'm lonely. I didn't even notice! I kind of isolate myself by accident, yet unfortunately when I do push myself and introduce myself to new people, they're not exactly keen on making friends.
omg i seriously have a concern! I'm quite good at making friends, but only female friends! i feel like it's easy to start a conversation with a girl, because whatever i say its clear that I'm not sexually attracted to her. when it comes to guys i'm always super scared that they think i fancy them (when i really don't) so my anxiety stops me from approaching potential guy friends. literally the only guys I immediately get comfortable with are my friend's boyfriends. same rule; they are dating my friends so whatever i say they won't misunderstand, that puts me at ease..gosh what to do..
well i suggest you take these pills called XANAX makes you not give a fuck which is a good thing ;P
I have the same problem! I actually get along with guys better than girls (i feel like I don't have much to talk about with girls).. But I'm too afraid to approach any guy. The last time I did gather myself together to ask one out for a coffee... well, I'm still waiting.. It'll probably never happen :D
Mell Pink Me too 😳I guess one good suggestion is to imagine you're talking to a girl, or assuming he is boyfriend of one of your friends. Hope it works for both of us.
Mell Pink ... create a situation where you are helping a guy you want to be friends with to hook up with another girl... this gets you talking to him, and indicates that you don't want to hook up with him yourself. Just an idea.
Its especially difficult when you relocate, making new friends is difficult
True
The hardest thing is when your mind is against everything you want. I have anxiety, depression, introverted shyness and a lack of social skills.
It's beyond hard for me to change. I just want one friend at least.
problem is when u make yourself vulnerable, u get taken advantage of. u should never be expected to "contribute" certain things to a real friendship, this is exactly why its so hard to make a true friend! u talk about pride & bein picky, well i think that describes the majority of ppl who only interact ppl for personal gain, as opposed to sincere human interaction. its great if the dice rolled in your favor, but not everybody will get the same outcome when they take your advice.
Great tips. I'm only 18 but I'm not in university at the moment (took a year off to work) but when I start school in September I'll definitely put these tips to use when making friends there. I've always been reluctant to be vulnerable because I never wanted to leave myself open to get hurt, but I'm now starting to realize that you won't ever have a deep connection with someone if you don't allow them to get close to you.
how do you even purpose to ppl to do something? i know it sounds stupid and obvious - "do you want to go to coffee"? etc. these sentences come across very awkward, and the worst thing is when ppl sense your awkwardness (or maybe don't really like you anyway) and say they are busy or shit. this just crushes the long confidence you ha had in the first place.
You have to pick the right opportunity
i realised i dont have real friend apart from my sister and my boyfriend sometimes you just need a girlfriend outside. my highschool friend has been distancing her self from me ever since she started dating again. and people from church have big ego's like they boast about the cars they drive or their they just not welcoming they look down on you if you dont meet their standard. anyway so am looking to make friends easy going people not stubborn am not a party person dont like clubs as well, i just like going out to get coffee or a drink or ice-cream go to the park you know and just hang out.
You sound like a great friend, I wish there were more girls like you in Europe
Santa
thanks Santa
I'm very loving, friendly, down-to-earth and not judgemental Christian girl :) I'd love to be your friend if you were living nearby. May God bless you with very good and close friends :)
you have to have something interesting about you. if all you do is watch tv, eat, sleep, run errands, then that's boring and awkward when first hanging out. being a needy person is a problem that is getting worse these days in this "me me me generation' these days.
It's a good idea to put enthusiasm in things and attend places even if you are not that bothered about it. I have loss of friends as an adult but none are lifelong ones but I doubt anyone has a lifelong friend
But what if you prefer to be alone? I do, but then I might have trust issues. High school really messed me up.
Trust. That's the problem. Gotta trust other people. Let go. People aren't asking you to jump in with both feet. If they are controlling from the get go, forget about them and move on to the next person,
Dee Ewing This is why my friends are few. I move on....
Most people these days are self involved. Last year I realised I was often encouraging some friends with their goals but they did not asked me about mine. Then I remember what a professor said in my philosophy of love class: Ask people for what you want or what you need. And that is what I did to friends and family. I said "Can you please also encourage me like I always do to you?" To my surprised I was sent emails with defensiveness saying "well if you think I am selfish then let's stop being friends" I was shocked but not surprised for we live in the age of narcissism. So I dropped these "friends" and I am putting my energy into my goals and some nephews and cousins who are encouraging and reciprocal and I no longer feel I am giving without been cared for. Oh one of my friends wrote me back saying "I now know what you need" Then she asked about my project once. Then I invited her for dinner and after that I never heard from her. I always suspected she was all about herself. It makes me feel depressed but I am ready to join dance classes and other types of activities to make new friends. And I feel a lot better. I also closed my Facebook account oh what a relief! That is the parade os selfishness.
As a sickly child I failed to cultivate the art of friend gathering among those who remained alive. Thank you for this message. Maybe I am not as much of a creepy freak as I feel more often than not. BETTER DAYS AHEAD :-D !!!
Your right! I've been stuck in a situation where I don't get out, after moving into a new state so haven't managed to meet anyone! I will now
I'm 23 years & an introvert, and The older I get the less friends I let around me.I had plenty of vicious people that didnt treat me as their friend as I have done.
Similar story to mine but you must have someone who was good to you.. remeber quality over quantity (maybe spelled wrong XD)
yeh you are right ^^
I am also friendless because the town I grew up in the friends I had where toxic and talk behind my back saying I'm gay when I'm not. It just made me so insecure of people and it is for good reason. There are so many toxic people in the world. If anyone disagrees then why does the world have many wars. I just can't have conform with kind of behaviour so I avoid people.
It's true,getting older hard to find friends.
But the truth is still many people in searching.
Thank you for reminding me to just be my wonderful self and it's good to be excited and show our emotions!
Another tip: tell a good joke when approaching new people, it works for me everytime! If you wondering how, I have a video in my channel showing you how it's done! Feel free to check it out!
Hey Ming.....just asking random people on TH-cam in order to get thier
opinion (desperate for help right now)... I really think a huge
part of making friends is having sufficient social/people skills. I
just wanted a few ideas about jobs/careers that would "bring me out of
my shell". My current ideas are Night Club Promoter; Group exercise
instructor; Events promotion; recruitment consultant.
Any other ideas would be a MAJOR help. Cheers! x
lol im irish so im judging you on this good joke lol
Loved your live seminar today! You are awesome. Your energy is amazing and your ability to get through to people stems from how down to earth and relatable you are.
I never had a life time friend because i have been moving endlessly since i was a child.
I want to be able to finally establish a permanent relationship with someone in general because im tired of always being the new guy in town that doesn't know anyone.
I am a very sincere/genuine person who is extremely LOYAL & i would love to meet people that also have those qualities because everyone I've met so far claim to be genuine/sincere & Loyal until certain circumstances prove they are not.
Anyway for anyone who reads this comment i realized its not simply about meeting people or inviting people to go out...we have to meet genuine sincere loyal people like ourselves that actually want meaningful relationships & to have close bonds...bonding with good people that intrigue me makes me happy
i understand. and people I meet who say they r lonely can be so misleading because they claim they want friends but most have totally forgotten how to be one!
I would love to spend a day just asking you questions regarding every social problem I have. I just feel like you would have every answer.
I love Matthew's advice. He's so versatile and gives us content in so many other interesting and necessary topics. So happy I found your page. Thank you so much, Matt!
1) genuine excitement
2) be an initiator
3) contribute
4) don't expect to fit in too many aspects
i think that this is easier said then done.
Very good advice! My favorite part was about not being invited to stuff so be the inviter instead!
I'm 28 and have 3 friends. This has really opened my eyes. I really need to get out there!
I'm 35 and only two
hahaha then i guess i'm ok #nonewfriends
3 sounds like tons, lol
Three friends are plenty
I'm 17 and have none
I needed this. Thank you
This is a good video , good tips .
I find it hard to make friends I'm nearly 28 and it gets me down sometimes . All anyone wants Is someone to hang out with and do stuff together .
Where is everyone from ??
London
ad ryan From Los Angeles dude. lets hangout
I have the opposite problem. People won't leave me alone. I cherish every moment I don't have to be with people. I am happiest in my own little world. It's blissful. Peaceful. Absolutely delightful. Having said that, I do like people just not as much as I do without them.
Me to my husband, “you’re interrupting my research on how to make friends”. He said, “yea well I’ve already watched that video ”. 😭
Great advice! Just moved away for school as a transfer. I had 0 friends coming in and was totally just focused on school that I didn't make any friends in the first quarter. Noticing that I needed a bit more of a social life I said hello to a few people. Those few people introduced me to a few of their friends..etc. Anyways one day my roommate and I made a crap ton of tacos. IDK how 2lbs of meat got me 30-40 tacos but it did! Unfortunately, that night my roommate had to leave out of town and as I walked out with her, I saw those girls I said hello to, asked if they were hungry and had a taco party and that is the start of a great friendship :)
how do you know me so well? this fits me to a T. I have been so depressed cause I feel like I don't have friends. I have a lot of casual friends, but not the ones like you see in sex and the city like you were talking about, so I just assumed something must be wrong with me. nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way and the advice you gave is right on. gonna start applying this right now. thanks.
It is so hard to stay in contact with people you know because nobody is really interested to be the active part. Making new friends is impossible for me, everything and everybody is so focused on themselves and not open for contacts to new people.
Five years have passed, and here I and many other people are still looking for friends, so it is not impossible, and perhaps you know this now, after time has passed since your comment.
but where do i go?? where do i start? a bar? I'm not a club person, i work with animals....i live in LA too, can WE be friends??
ummmmmmm i live in qatar................nice to meet you.
What about beach?
i live in TN but if u ever come here we can be friends
ChrisFarleyisGod I Live in Los Angeles. Always down to meet new friends
ChrisFarleyisGod Anyone would be lucky to be your friend you seem so positive and happy, thats portrayed through a measly youtube comment so I imagine in real life you're even more of a joy!
Had a great time at your seminar yesterday at nyc. Your humor and energy kept me engaged throughout. I'm definitely carrying your advice with me going forward! Thank you!
I'm great to ruin friendships. At school/ work you see the same people everyday. After that you've to take the initiative to schedule a meeting and keep the conversation rolling. If you think your life sucks and you don't like to answer the question "How are you? What have you done?", you start to avoid meetings with friends from the past.
So true.
***** That is always how i feel when people invite me out. my life is boring all i do is work and those two questions are just the worst lol they unintentionally make me feel like shit
LizyiiA I guess We are all a big lyers. Few people admit they are not Ok when someone asked them "Hey! I don't see you for awhile. How are you?". But We must go out of our shell. You are responsible for your happiness. :) I suggest you to watch the movie "The secret life of Walter Mitty".
Well we don't wanna be downers. People want to know about the positive aspects of life, not the negatives. So we lie or hide the truth. Superficial shit. We don't like to admit that the world isn't all rainbows and sunshine. If we all understood one another, we would admit that our lives are boring or that we are falling short and we would bond over it and motivate each other. That how you know you have a real friend, when you're not afraid t go beyond the superficial shit. Admit shortcomings. And motivate one another. As well as enjoying the awesome parts of life with them.
It's about having the courage to open up. Both the positive and the negative. The problem is most people are assholes. They will put you down, look down on you, and all that shit.
Yes Matthew is right about meeting new friends through old ones. I'm going to two parties next week and I guarantee to meet new people there. Don't be afraid to say your name and talk to strangers, have a quick chat....and move on. Never overstay your welcome by staying for too long. If they like you they will come back to you later....
Thanks Matt. I currently don't have any friends to hang out with or talk to and it's a very lonely adult life. But, I really wanna go out, just a little afraid to start by myself.
A lot of people feel this same way..lonely and wanting friends. Try and go out a bit more to places you enjoy and see if you meet people
Thanks! :)
Finally Matt!!!! This is the fundamental before any of your retreats! - In this day and age we need support networks we need people who are going to be there for us, to help us grow and believe in us. There is not point in watching get the guy if this stage has not been accomplished. I know because I am on month 4 of gtg and need FRIENDS before anything else.
I dunno how you're supposed to make your life long friends in school or uni, coz people grow up, they change and their personalities change too. I see people in my school year still in the same friendship group and it makes me cringe coz they live in the same area and still hang out together 20 years later. Have these people even got social skills if theyre with the same group of people ...
Here is the best advice and I suggest you all take note of this and people that are in relationships it’s a really good idea to listen to this too. I like the guys video just adding my own thoughts. Stop allowing your friends to slip away from your grasp and vice versa and for people who are in relationships stop allowing your partner to prevent you from seeing your friends and stand up for yourself. Guys who are usually in relationships with women generally don’t have a social life because there spouses control them like puppets. As for gay couples I can’t really say much about them mainly because gay couples seem to actually allow there spouses to get out.
2019, August and I'm here wondering how I'd make friends... I'm only 25 in a new city 😥
This is so true. I recently met a man who I was excited to befriend with. But he had this attitude of let' s date or not waste time. The attitude made me feel he didn't really appreciate the process of developing friendship and unfortunately ruined everything.
You should careful with those type of persons.
when your a kid making friends? don't make me laugh, I never had any friends in my entire life
you want to be friends?
want to be friends?
camel toe oke go ahead
It's not easy to know what to say, or approach strangers. If you are sat near someone. You don't have to be a great conversationist,just be yourself and talk, ''I love your hair, isn't the weather terrible?, have you seen the news,? love that coat, do you know where such and such a place is ?,ect.Just non formal chat. either this, or go home lonely. They may want to talk, they may not. in my experiance, almost everyone wants to, you just have to make them talk, without shining a lamp in their face and interigating them, humor can go a long way. hope everyone finds what they are looking for.There are a lot of people outhere who would be grateful for a chat, a lot of lonely people too.
sigh. I wish I had one girl friend in college. People don't seem to care. I make study groups and no one shows up. I give people my number but they dont call. I'm friendly and I don't smell bad or anything like that. I smile and act polite and joke about the teachers comments with my peers but at the end of the day no one wants to hang out. If they do want to hang out its only once then they never want to talk again after the class ends.
+AngelicPeopleHurt2 Yes my complaint is similar. Well people say to me they will come to my home to visit on such a day, or do this with me on such a day, but when that day comes, every f***ing time, guaranteed, they don't show up. If someone says lets do this on such and such a day, every time they don't show. Does that happen to you? For me it's beyond a joke and terrible for self-esteem probably lol
Still having issues... and my so calls "friends" keep flaking on me... or get bored with me and block my number. Dang it. What else should I do? Does Mathew have a "how to get adult friends guide" I can buy? I obviously suck at this or maybe I am not being friendly enough, maybe i'm giving off the wrong vibe?. I just don't wanna pay for everything, you know?
Maybe I should just pay for everyones tickets to this Halloween event I wanna go to... maybe people will show up.
I'm sewing a back pack for myself! If anyone wants to give me tips!...
No?
Okay... _-_
Fudge Cakes and Crackers. :/
A Jay don't feel bad, it's happened to me and I'm sure many other people. I believe people have gone way comfortable with their pets and computer games. It's probably not you.
This is exactly what happens to me. Everyone is nice and I can start a conversation easily but it never goes further than that. Any updates?
I have been having this problem for a while now. Will definitely apply right away! Thank you! Great talk
Matthew, who the hell is "them" to invite to "my" events when I have NO FRIENDS!!!
That's weird
Living in London makes this so much harder...either people are obsessed with social status, Post codes ...or are either creepy or socially awkward .
🤔
I never expect people in London to initiate a conversation...but I have some amazing stories💖💖👌.
"Sitting at home getting depressed," LMAO
rocklet92 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
The feels
I'm not depressed I have to watch who I interact to help others simple
Interact with others.
World didn't shrink.
Thank you for this. I have been living in London UK for over 13 years, but I do not have any friends , especially that I have recently come out of long and toxic relationship. Fingers crossed things will change for the better . Thank you for your video
what if I don't wanna go to the club or party ? and I don't even have any money to go out. I only have money for groceries shopping. how the hell can I make friends at the groceries store. they'll think I'm a freak
My thoughts exactly! I want to chill and talk, I don't drink, smoke or party, it's just not enjoyable for me... We will have to find the friends who will watch TV with us 😂📺
Living now in uk for about 5 years and still don’t have any friends… depress and sad… and I was trying to invite some people to go out, but… they are just ignore me… 😞
Yeah early 20's with one friends I'm screwed socially.
This was so helpful!! Shed some light on my life just like the last video I just watched from you! 😜 I've always found it hard to see what value I bring.. I wish I was the funny one and the great conversationalist.. but I can totally bring the positivity! My husband always said he's liked me from the start because he said I'm "surrounded with good vibes-it just feels good to be around me" I can do that while I'm learning to be better at conversation and more open! Thanks for helping me see the value I bring!!
Got it, no crack heads! LOL! 😂
I agree with everything you said in the video. Be open about where you make new friends. I've made some through online dating even though that was never my goal. I figured just because the dating part didn't work out, doesn't mean they have to be cut from my life (if they're cool). It just takes a little effort but if the friendship is genuine, it doesn't even feel like we're trying. Thanks to social media, it's easy to keep in contact, make plans to hang out and to invite each other to events.
I often hear people have trouble making friends/socializing because they're an introvert. I'm an introvert, but I rather not let that label stop me from making friends even if it means I have to step out of my comfort zone or be vulnerable. Because at the end of the day, I am not too cool for friends. Friends add so much perspective into my life.