I think you forgot a really important point, it's to be friend with yourself first (like Tyler Durden lol jk); if you go out and address people while being uneasy with yourself they'll look at you as if you were desperate for company ... unfortunately they will not riposte positively in a way of helping you but they'll see you as a lonely nerd who has never experienced friendship before (90% of the time because there are still decent folks out there).
Very true, accept yourself for who you are and be confident in yourself. Many don't realise how valuable this is, not just for friends, but literally everything in life
Exactly. And if you love yourself, it'll be harder for people to take advantage of you because you'll be more willing to walk away from a toxic friendship, even if that is the only "friendship" you have at the moment.
The thing is - I'm usually the only one looking for new friends. Everyone else seems to already have their established group and couldn't be less interested in spending time with someone they're not friends with. I'm always getting the feeling of chasing people who don't need me...
jujuju Nobody really needs anyone. If those individuals act all snobby when you try to hang, screw em. You just got to keep looking for new people, and it WILL be awkward. Embrace the awkward and learn each time, and you most definitely will make wonderful friends
jujuju Cliques can difficult to breach, especially in teens. However in general I think it is important to not cling to ppl and demand/expect loyalty until they have become actually close. I grew up with few friends, a while really none I met outside school, then few. I’ve realised I’ve been sad or pissed by ppl not giving me the same priority&loyalty I gave them when younger, despite them getting that out of lack of others not actually out of alikeness and mutual growth into that tight kind of friendship. Just because they’re currently few doesn’t mean they are my ”bff”. It makes me more relaxed around them and I can appreciate them for who they are and the time we do spend together so much more. I think it makes it easier in short to make friends if you’re not ”clingy” as the ppl making most friends seem to be those who allready have friends and don’t need them but can enjoy casually getting to know someone new. Maybe they’ll stay an acquaintance and nothing more , maybe they’ll be a true friend someday.
1.Get out and do active things 2.Don`t be afraid to try new activities 3.Don`t ignore proximity friends 4.Live by the 3-second rule 5.Be OK with the reality that some conversations will fizzle out 6. Ask questions and take an active interest in the other person You`re welcome:))
Great summary! These are nice tips! The 3 second rule may be a little stretch and difficult to accomplish but it will certainly push you to take action!
“If you go looking for a friend, you're going to find they're very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere” -- excellent quote. Will remember this forever.
Depends on what you mean by the word "normal". If you mean by that "able to use himself in a useful way to lead a balanced life", that is unfortunately not ORDINARY possible, for precise reasons (so people will always need productivity and motivational videos, luckily for Thomas :D ). According to P.D. Ouspiensky and G.I.Gurdjeff, human being has three different "brains", three main centers: intellectual, emotional, and moving. Since they continously steal each other work (for example, the intellectual center incorrectly takes the place of the moving center to perform a dance step, and that movement will appear slow and not very natural) and because of three main problems that are difficult to notice in ordinary life: the change of I, the lack of knowledge of one's own machine, (body+emotions+mind) and the Sleep (the lowest level of the four types of consciousness, in which a man can spend even 90% of his life), an ordinary man is very far from functioning in a balanced and harmonic way between its parts. Only if a man starts to study how the machine works, he could make some actual progress in his life: as Socrates said, "Know yourself". You may try to read "In search of the Miraculos" or "The Psychology of Man's possible Evolution" by P.D. Ouspiensky for more informations. Those books gave substance to my desire to improve myself.
I was feeling a little silly even searching for this subject on YT. But... It is actually very helpful. It IS hard to meet new people when you move to another city, or at least, not so easy for everyone.
If you're the type of person who will just give short answers to questions and never ask questions yourself, start. You're the one who makes the conversation awkward and make it feel like an interview.
Amaryllis ., if theyre asking you questions that means they want to hear about you. Talk it up, you don’t have to start some big story just talk and eventually they’ll expand on what you’re saying with their own input and the conversation will keep going!
@@pineapplezz5076 honestly, learn to LISTEN not think! And for god sakes SMILE! 😂 dont be stone dead in the face with zero emotion when talking to strangers, if your giving out good energy you'll start to see people do the same back. You only get as much as you put in.
This is so timely. Getting friends as a commuter college student/adult is hard. If I had a steadier income and stayed on campus or had less travel time, I would have no doubt that I would know more ppl by now
Wow! I had a college commuter experience for the 1st two years and the 3rd i moved closer to campus and i can say that my circle/ network of friends didn’t expand the way i thought it would. And continued to limit my social life since it was what i was used to. So it really all depended on consciousness of free will in my case
For the last 2 years of college ive lost friends because of everyone realising that maybe some people are meant to be cut off their life. Ive cut off people as well and im glad i did. I was the president of a social club and that didnt mean the people who joined would end up as 'friends' but it turns out i cant just shortcut my way getting them. I needed this vid.
1:58 get out and do active things 3:32 Don't be afraid to try new things 5:04 Don't ignore proximity friends 6:24 Live by the 3 second rule 7:00 Be ok with the reality that some convos will fizzle out 7:50 Ask questions and take an active interest in the other person
Ok but . This is a tip that personally helped me out ALOT. So if you want to walk up to somebody, text them, or anything else, think about how you would react if somebody walked up to you and started a conversation most likely, you would be listening and thinking about what you are going to say next, most people aren’t gonna start judging you right if the bat, and if they do? What’s the worst that will happen, a random person doesn’t like you that probally will have no affect on your career or future life what so ever.
Me socializing just makes things awkward and people just didn't want this awkward moment then left me away.... I already strugle with social anxiety and that just the worst
@@Georgiana216 thats what i mean, i know its wong but i can't help it, i have quiet severe anxiety disorder and currently i'm looking for help. Remmember that 'power from within' are hard to obtain if you're suffered from mental illness.
@@simariocrossing definetly, i tried my best with my anxiety to socialize no matter how mind try to trick me that "oof everyone is awkward around me" I do really want to said to myself one day when i'm out socializing that "today, not a single fuck shall be given"
After watching about 4 minutes of this video, I went on Facebook and applied for a free drama course in my city. Have always wanted to try it, but haven't dared to. Thank you, Tom, for being so motivating and awesome!😁 Update: it was fun!!
@@MangsyBoBangsy I live in a small town in Sweden! Found it by looking at my town's Facebook page. Recommend checking on Facebook, your library's website etc! Hope you find something :)
I need new friends now, its pathetic I'm 26 and still clinging to friends from high school who honestly never cared about me. I haven't gotten an initiated phone call from them in 5 or 7 years, I have always been the one initiating the conversation. I began to realize too that the only reason they were my friends, was because I lacked proper social skills, I have autism and we hung out of convenience and a common interest for video games, not anything deeper than that. I feel like I wasted a good portion of my life, I wish I never met a few of those guys.
I hope you make new friends soon. I suggest joining a club or something where you can meet people with the same interests as you. Also see a counselor they can really help with social skills
I have Autism too. I know how hard it is to socialize, especially, when lacking the social skills. Join certain clubs you like and try to find someone there.
Navigating awkward conversations is one of the "soft skills" we explore when helping job seekers write resumes or prepare for job interviews. We like to throw out a couple zingers, and then talk about how to recover from an awkward situation. Very marketable if you want to work in sales, customer service or maybe reception.
Thanks for making this dude, just got out of a super toxic relationship I was in for 4 years. Moved to a new city. Just turned 25 and I’m waiting for grad school to start. Feels like I’m starting from the beginning, it’s a fresh start. So I don’t want to just wait for school to start to make friends. I want to build new friends and have much healthier relationships this time. Really needed to hear this
Also my family is super happy I’m out of that toxic relationship too, so I’m optimistic about the future. Makes me feel better reading this comment section knowing I’m not the only one who experienced stuff like this. And if other people can start from scratch and build healthy relationships again then I know I can too
It is not just about having. It is also about connecting. Stuff like asking open-ended questions, demonstrating genuine interest, listening with the intent to understand, emotional attunement, and having the disposition that create the right energy for people to connect with.
YES BOIIIII, I agree with the last point. Reading helps so much when it comes to making friends because you have so much more to talk about and it makes you a more interesting person to talk with.
I have problems with just talking to strangers in general, so I've kinda challenged myself to compliment almost everyone I pass by when I go out. Problem is, I barely go out...
You're actually taking the right steps. In a video I've done on social anxiety I talk about how exposure is genuinely helpful. Make a game of it, start off simple, like ask a stranger the time, then maybe ask where they got something they're wearing as you like it (you'll be complimenting them too), then move onto other challenges, like making a little small talk (eg nice weather today) when paying for items in a shop. They help get exposure and build confidence
I moved to Essex 7 years ago, I still haven't had a conversation since I got here and nobody even knows my name. I was less lonely when I was in prison, even in solitary confinement I had food and water brought to me; that's a lot more human contact than I have out here
@@TheShamuraja when they do the CRB check they arrange for people to beat me up. Every single person talks anout highschool 78 hours a day, when i explained in a job interview that i wasn't able to go highschool due to being in prison the employer asked me if i am Jon Venables. The only job I've been able to find here was selling coke
How is it that Thomas always uploads the right video at the right time? I just started university and I’m a commuter. I’ve been having a bit of difficulty making a lot of friends like high school.
It’s so hard to have friends after graduating from high school and college bc we all went our separate ways and the friends that I did have back then are not in my life anymore.
Your video came up at just the right time in my life, only a minute ago I was thinking about expanding my social circle. I love my friends but at times I feel like im not improving when I'm with them. It's time to get out of my comfort zone.
After his introduction explaining how he lost all his friends, I struggle to not see sadness and wariness in his eyes. I hope he realises that the door is always open for people to enter and exit from his life and regardless of the effort he's made on his half, he'll end up with the people he's destined to be with. And they'll be the people who loves him for who he is, whether he enjoys looking at financial spreadsheets in his room, or does insanely dangerous outdoor activities all day. You do you. Wait - it was a joke? People like that actually exists.
Okay, this is not the first time you did it, but I think this is the most amazing time. I'm literally starting freshman year tomorrow, and I am more than terrified (a huge introvert here), and I get a notification about this... You're good, sir.
I do have to say this video just came up exactly at the right time, been feeling down due to my breakup and even lost my “friends”, thanks for the advices you really helped me remember what things I should be striving for! Keep up the amazing videos!
It's hard for most adults to make new friends and for me, being Autistic, and therefore not having the social roadmap that most people have in their heads, makes it even harder.The only friends I've tended to have throughout my life were people who either lived close to me or who I was involved in some activity with.
One of the best places to meet interesting people would be toastmasters! There are meetups in almost every city and you get to talk and let people hear what you are interested in!
Man I have no friends. 28, married, have a six year old. Can’t believe I’m at a point where I’d type something like this in TH-cam lol. I just genuinely don’t understand how people make friends in their late twenties. I feel like I’ve tried everything.
What do you like to do with friends? Go to the places where potential friends are hanging out. Even if just online for now. I found my friends through men's groups and martial arts. It's cliche but it's true! I think that's how a lot of people make friends in their twenties.
Kind of general tips that work for everyone/work for no one. The main problem that causes struggling with having friends are wrong beliefs someone has, these change from person to person. Changing their beliefs, will change their behaviour and way of interacting and will remove the struggle.
He asked about what I love ? I love children and all walks of life with them ,my greatest life's passion is helping others and it's the very thing that got me in a very hard mess.......
My school gives grades on personality if you follow the norm A if you like communism and socialism for the sense of helping each other F. Heck i have even heard kids make jokes about school shootings infront of the teacher get higher personality grades than me Rip freedom of speech.
I feel like most people you meet already have their circle established. I don't have a problem meeting new people, but I don't really have a group of friends that all know each other, only 'direct' friends. So it's hard to find stuff to do as a group on the weekend or celebrate my birthday with a party, etc. Since I kind of stepped away from the majority of the people at university or school back in the day. And at work, everyone already has their circle...
I was just passing by and I saw you video for the first time and the only thing I could think off was "Omg! You're so GORGEOUS!" 1,000 thanks you for the view ;)
A thing I like to do is go out in a Polar bear onesie. People automatically come towards you asking why you're wearing it and you can say: "To break the ice" and then the ice is broken.
This is great advice. A supportive circle of friends really help you succeed in life and success brings money, but if you don’t have friends or money, then you can’t afford to go out to many social events, so you may not find the peer support you seek. It’s kind of a vicious circle. Oh and I have lots of spreadsheets for all kinds of analysis from personal finance to sales tracking to exercise stats. One I recommend to all is a spreadsheet to keep track of your net worth so as to motivate action to increase your net worth each month.
Yep finding your tribe is very important in life. But that's easier said than done. I've tried over the years but I've just made temporary acquaintances. Most of my friendships tend to fizzle out, with me after a while doing all or most of the chasing 😞
Tip number 5 is something related to what I was going to comment about, and it's that... It's not only that embracing the ankwardness is such a difficult thing, but also that it doesn't feel *natural* for me to do certain things about socialazing. I would say it may be because the extroverted people that I have known, most of them have been so such a typical person that I wouldn't like, that I have kind of a judgment on my own self now when I think about approaching someone.
I walk through my hometown and I literally greet everyone and laugh or smile straight in their faces. But Im so uncomfortable in talking to strangers. Dont know what to talk about.
Hi, This is Patrick from Mind Life Flow here...thanks for your video and content...so useful for many people as making friends is difficult (especially as an adult). Your 6 useful tips are very useful and practical. Thanks
Omg, this is the video I really need right now. Tomorrow, I'm going to start a year in an art school and I don't know how to make new friends. Thanks Thomas for your advice, I really appreciate it 😊
Hello, thank you Thomas for another great video on how to make friends. One of my major interests in life is to learn how to develop good friends, and have good quality relationships with them. One thing that I got out of your video was that if you want people to be your friend, then you must be a friend to people from the start. Take care and stay healthy under these life circumstances!
Thomas, I love your channel and never miss a video :) Its 6:00 am in Mexico but doesnt matter, as soon as saw the notification wake up to watch the video! Big hugs!
Dale Carnegie's take was “To be interesting, be interested,” meaning show interest in what others have to say. No book learnin' necessary for that. Phew! 😅 - Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold 30 million+ copies.
The problem is that I have really good friends at school, but I'm too shy to text them because I find myself annoying sometimes. Like, I want to hang out with them, chat with them all day long, but I feel that they are with me just because I'm pity person being. I don't have low self-esteem, but this thoughts just chasing me all the time when I see their reactions while I'm talking.
A cool, intelligent person with many hobbies and insightful thoughts giving out advice on how to make friends....mmmm yeeesh. He’s already 90% there in terms of his existence and mindset. Also...those transition skills into the sponsor stuff.
Well maybe improve your personality, learn more, and get more hobbies. Its not like he was born with those. Any youtuber with a video like this would give the exact same advice
I think you forgot a really important point, it's to be friend with yourself first (like Tyler Durden lol jk); if you go out and address people while being uneasy with yourself they'll look at you as if you were desperate for company ... unfortunately they will not riposte positively in a way of helping you but they'll see you as a lonely nerd who has never experienced friendship before (90% of the time because there are still decent folks out there).
Well said
Very true, accept yourself for who you are and be confident in yourself. Many don't realise how valuable this is, not just for friends, but literally everything in life
Exactly. And if you love yourself, it'll be harder for people to take advantage of you because you'll be more willing to walk away from a toxic friendship, even if that is the only "friendship" you have at the moment.
talk like u er talking with tym
an knowledge others.😰😰😰😷😷😷
Great point 👌
The thing is - I'm usually the only one looking for new friends. Everyone else seems to already have their established group and couldn't be less interested in spending time with someone they're not friends with. I'm always getting the feeling of chasing people who don't need me...
jujuju Nobody really needs anyone. If those individuals act all snobby when you try to hang, screw em. You just got to keep looking for new people, and it WILL be awkward. Embrace the awkward and learn each time, and you most definitely will make wonderful friends
Literally me ^^
jujuju Cliques can difficult to breach, especially in teens.
However in general I think it is important to not cling to ppl and demand/expect loyalty until they have become actually close. I grew up with few friends, a while really none I met outside school, then few. I’ve realised I’ve been sad or pissed by ppl not giving me the same priority&loyalty I gave them when younger, despite them getting that out of lack of others not actually out of alikeness and mutual growth into that tight kind of friendship.
Just because they’re currently few doesn’t mean they are my ”bff”.
It makes me more relaxed around them and I can appreciate them for who they are and the time we do spend together so much more.
I think it makes it easier in short to make friends if you’re not ”clingy” as the ppl making most friends seem to be those who allready have friends and don’t need them but can enjoy casually getting to know someone new. Maybe they’ll stay an acquaintance and nothing more , maybe they’ll be a true friend someday.
How i feel all the time
same haha
1.Get out and do active things
2.Don`t be afraid to try new activities
3.Don`t ignore proximity friends
4.Live by the 3-second rule
5.Be OK with the reality that some conversations will fizzle out
6. Ask questions and take an active interest in the other person
You`re welcome:))
champion
Impossible for me😔
Corona said nope
Great summary! These are nice tips! The 3 second rule may be a little stretch and difficult to accomplish but it will certainly push you to take action!
What if you live in a dangerous city, do you still go out and do stuff
Going alone to public meet ups is my current struggle. Who knew being in a city surrounded by so many people can also be so lonely at the same time.
this is literally my life
Honestly same I can talk to people at work because it was my job as a first responder but can't out of uniform
@@StephenAlexanderVideos Wear your uniform out of work, Easy lol
@@useruser_notinuse I wear the jacket out sometimes it definitely helps haha
@@StephenAlexanderVideos Great, Now you can take it to the next level and imagine that you are an undercover first responder. Take the jacket off
“If you go looking for a friend, you're going to find they're very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere” -- excellent quote. Will remember this forever.
can you make a video on "how to be a normal functioning human being"
Depends on what you mean by the word "normal". If you mean by that "able to use himself in a useful way to lead a balanced life", that is unfortunately not ORDINARY possible, for precise reasons (so people will always need productivity and motivational videos, luckily for Thomas :D ).
According to P.D. Ouspiensky and G.I.Gurdjeff, human being has three different "brains", three main centers: intellectual, emotional, and moving. Since they continously steal each other work (for example, the intellectual center incorrectly takes the place of the moving center to perform a dance step, and that movement will appear slow and not very natural) and because of three main problems that are difficult to notice in ordinary life: the change of I, the lack of knowledge of one's own machine, (body+emotions+mind) and the Sleep (the lowest level of the four types of consciousness, in which a man can spend even 90% of his life), an ordinary man is very far from functioning in a balanced and harmonic way between its parts.
Only if a man starts to study how the machine works, he could make some actual progress in his life: as Socrates said, "Know yourself". You may try to read "In search of the Miraculos" or "The Psychology of Man's possible Evolution" by P.D. Ouspiensky for more informations. Those books gave substance to my desire to improve myself.
i would very much like that please
Haha i can relate so much
That's impossible in this day and age
Caron Torliak me relate 😂
Me: "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
Person: "Uhhhh idk how much do you think?"
Me: "Enough to break the ice. Hi I'm John!"
Lol
This guy, my brother
So cringe
@@ChadKirk Live a little.
Sounds like a thing girls deal with in bars!
I was feeling a little silly even searching for this subject on YT. But... It is actually very helpful. It IS hard to meet new people when you move to another city, or at least, not so easy for everyone.
A big eye opener for me was that your friends don't necessarily have to have (a lot of) the same interests as you do. Thanks a lot, Thomas!
If you're the type of person who will just give short answers to questions and never ask questions yourself, start. You're the one who makes the conversation awkward and make it feel like an interview.
Any tip on how not to be that type of person? I get so nervous that instead of really focusing on the conversation my brain just froze
Amaryllis ., if theyre asking you questions that means they want to hear about you. Talk it up, you don’t have to start some big story just talk and eventually they’ll expand on what you’re saying with their own input and the conversation will keep going!
Hiiiiiiiiiiiii
@@pineapplezz5076 honestly, learn to LISTEN not think! And for god sakes SMILE! 😂 dont be stone dead in the face with zero emotion when talking to strangers, if your giving out good energy you'll start to see people do the same back. You only get as much as you put in.
Well I personally hate rambling mindlessly like Americans do 😆😆😆
This is so timely. Getting friends as a commuter college student/adult is hard. If I had a steadier income and stayed on campus or had less travel time, I would have no doubt that I would know more ppl by now
Same
did any of this workout for u? I know it’s been 3 years but would love to hear what worked i’m in a similar situation
Wow! I had a college commuter experience for the 1st two years and the 3rd i moved closer to campus and i can say that my circle/ network of friends didn’t expand the way i thought it would. And continued to limit my social life since it was what i was used to. So it really all depended on consciousness of free will in my case
For the last 2 years of college ive lost friends because of everyone realising that maybe some people are meant to be cut off their life. Ive cut off people as well and im glad i did. I was the president of a social club and that didnt mean the people who joined would end up as 'friends' but it turns out i cant just shortcut my way getting them. I needed this vid.
I will be your friend if you want
Hey I'm a random internet creep, I'll need your "friend"
1:58 get out and do active things
3:32 Don't be afraid to try new things
5:04 Don't ignore proximity friends
6:24 Live by the 3 second rule
7:00 Be ok with the reality that some convos will fizzle out
7:50 Ask questions and take an active interest in the other person
Thenkss❤️
Ok but . This is a tip that personally helped me out ALOT. So if you want to walk up to somebody, text them, or anything else, think about how you would react if somebody walked up to you and started a conversation most likely, you would be listening and thinking about what you are going to say next, most people aren’t gonna start judging you right if the bat, and if they do? What’s the worst that will happen, a random person doesn’t like you that probally will have no affect on your career or future life what so ever.
they need to making a dating app just, friend making app instead. Find similar interests, ideas and blah blah blah
I think some dating apps actually do that. I think grindr does it
Bumble has bumble bff for finding friends
Yubo was made for that
@@sebastiannieves5472 being live on camera takes masses of confidence tho dude .
@@parkusmarker1299 yes omg and they're so mean
Me socializing just makes things awkward and people just didn't want this awkward moment then left me away.... I already strugle with social anxiety and that just the worst
Ree Sa Embrace the awkward my mans! Your mistakes were meant to be learned from, I think with more practice you can overcome that feeling.
Ree Sa be more passionate about having conversations and be more confidence in yourself
If it's of interest I've done a video about social anxiety. Understand what makes it awkward and you can take steps to try and improve this
@@Georgiana216 thats what i mean, i know its wong but i can't help it, i have quiet severe anxiety disorder and currently i'm looking for help. Remmember that 'power from within' are hard to obtain if you're suffered from mental illness.
@@simariocrossing definetly, i tried my best with my anxiety to socialize no matter how mind try to trick me that "oof everyone is awkward around me" I do really want to said to myself one day when i'm out socializing that "today, not a single fuck shall be given"
living in a rural area making friends is difficult. I have more friends in other countries than in the 50km around my location
Move if you don’t enjoy living there! :)
@Blaz yes, online is where I made lots of friends from other countries.
Gol D. Roger Same! Good to see someone with the same thing
Gol D. Roger Just go out to the sea you‘ll find enough nakamas there
He bro wassup
After watching about 4 minutes of this video, I went on Facebook and applied for a free drama course in my city. Have always wanted to try it, but haven't dared to.
Thank you, Tom, for being so motivating and awesome!😁
Update: it was fun!!
How did it go?
What city are you in? Where do you look for free drama classes? I've always been interested too
@@MangsyBoBangsy I live in a small town in Sweden! Found it by looking at my town's Facebook page. Recommend checking on Facebook, your library's website etc! Hope you find something :)
Elin Hedin how did the drama classes go?
Elin Hedin did you find any new friends?
me watching this in quarantine🤦🏻♀️
Me also watching this in quarantine
Any I would like be a friend with you
Do you like
Aha lol same
Anyone wanna be friends
@Jaylen Samson hey there stranger !
@Jaylen Samson are you there in discord cuz if your there hit me up
A fat penguin.
What?
A fat penguin to break the ice.
how much does a polar weigh?
ummm....
enough to break the ice amiright
MightyCat This fat penguin, as you call it, is a so-called „shy guy“ from the game Mario Kart
If i said that i’d be publicly ridiculed
dude totally off topic here but you're getting prettier by the day like whaaat
yeahh, I wish I was his friend
Ikr? He lookin like a snackkkkkkk
did he not always look like that?
adriana I will be your friend if you want
yeah i was thinking the same thing! so handsome. think he has a bi-side?
ive met plenty of people in guestmatch, i like that you can meet people with the same interests as you, it helps a lot to find a real connection
I need new friends now, its pathetic I'm 26 and still clinging to friends from high school who honestly never cared about me. I haven't gotten an initiated phone call from them in 5 or 7 years, I have always been the one initiating the conversation. I began to realize too that the only reason they were my friends, was because I lacked proper social skills, I have autism and we hung out of convenience and a common interest for video games, not anything deeper than that. I feel like I wasted a good portion of my life, I wish I never met a few of those guys.
I hope you make new friends soon. I suggest joining a club or something where you can meet people with the same interests as you. Also see a counselor they can really help with social skills
I have Autism too. I know how hard it is to socialize, especially, when lacking the social skills. Join certain clubs you like and try to find someone there.
Navigating awkward conversations is one of the "soft skills" we explore when helping job seekers write resumes or prepare for job interviews. We like to throw out a couple zingers, and then talk about how to recover from an awkward situation. Very marketable if you want to work in sales, customer service or maybe reception.
This man seems more calm than most people when they lose their friends
Thanks for making this dude, just got out of a super toxic relationship I was in for 4 years.
Moved to a new city. Just turned 25 and I’m waiting for grad school to start. Feels like I’m starting from the beginning, it’s a fresh start.
So I don’t want to just wait for school to start to make friends. I want to build new friends and have much healthier relationships this time. Really needed to hear this
Also my family is super happy I’m out of that toxic relationship too, so I’m optimistic about the future. Makes me feel better reading this comment section knowing I’m not the only one who experienced stuff like this.
And if other people can start from scratch and build healthy relationships again then I know I can too
Start a conversation - Hey, do you want to have an awkward conversation about the weather? No? Me neither, what would you rather talk about?
It is not just about having. It is also about connecting. Stuff like asking open-ended questions, demonstrating genuine interest, listening with the intent to understand, emotional attunement, and having the disposition that create the right energy for people to connect with.
How to make friends :-
Step one: get out of your house.
Step 2: take your head out of cell phone.
Step 3 (which is most difficult) : talk.
Ok boomer
Reiley Martell as an 18 year old it’s true lol
talk to who? a random guy thats weird
Doesn't work
Talk to who
YES BOIIIII, I agree with the last point.
Reading helps so much when it comes to making friends because you have so much more to talk about and it makes you a more interesting person to talk with.
Those eyes though...
Those make it easy.
Eyes don't make you talk to other people. There is no excuses.
They looked so sad in this video..
I agree 😭people want to talk to him regardless
Even looking at those eyes is enough for me. No talk necessary....to begin with. Spiritual sentimental likes nice good girls....
I have problems with just talking to strangers in general, so I've kinda challenged myself to compliment almost everyone I pass by when I go out.
Problem is, I barely go out...
I'm gonna try that!
You're actually taking the right steps. In a video I've done on social anxiety I talk about how exposure is genuinely helpful. Make a game of it, start off simple, like ask a stranger the time, then maybe ask where they got something they're wearing as you like it (you'll be complimenting them too), then move onto other challenges, like making a little small talk (eg nice weather today) when paying for items in a shop. They help get exposure and build confidence
BE MY FRIEND
@@PracticalInspiration like this idea.
You don't know how much I needed this video.
Thomas, Thank you so much for choosing these kind of topics like happiness and friendship. 😊
Sounew like Fairy tail plot
That beginning though! xD
"I have a lot of friends in my head, me very social"
whatta smooth transition in to the advert haha.
I moved to Essex 7 years ago, I still haven't had a conversation since I got here and nobody even knows my name. I was less lonely when I was in prison, even in solitary confinement I had food and water brought to me; that's a lot more human contact than I have out here
When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Maybe have to look and do similar stuff to them. Ask around or through working like in a pub.
@@TheShamuraja when they do the CRB check they arrange for people to beat me up. Every single person talks anout highschool 78 hours a day, when i explained in a job interview that i wasn't able to go highschool due to being in prison the employer asked me if i am Jon Venables. The only job I've been able to find here was selling coke
How is it that Thomas always uploads the right video at the right time? I just started university and I’m a commuter. I’ve been having a bit of difficulty making a lot of friends like high school.
I have anxiety so this will help thanks Thomas .
Why i got so many likes ?😂
@@ilkezilkez8069 maybe because you are not the only one :)
IlkeZ IlkeZ me too. Hi I’m jacky!
Totally understand the anxiety part Thomas. Relax & remember your not alone. Be a Friend first
" A couple of weeks ago I lost all of my friends " hit me hard, I genuinely felt that 🥺🥺
I am a lona
Realizing I'm not alone I spend all my free time at home by myself then go to work all week and repeat. :(
Polar Apple I’m this plus I’m not working. It’s torture.
Its so weird i know allot of people that their job is the only thing they do only hobby just wasting your life away being a slave to society
Me too
Victosity same😌
Thank you so much. Im from the Philippines and you're such an inspiration for me.
Kamusta kababayan!
Being a ghost like in the thumbnail certainly is a good ice breaker
...that's a Shy Guy.
Omg. I'm dead. Did you just call a Shy Guy a ghost?
No need to break the ice if u can just walk thru
I don't have a problem making friends, I just don't WANT to be friends with most people I meet.
Thats sad. :(
That way you feel in control.
Hi. I'm nawal from Morroco
6:35
Face it - We're all probably going to say no every time if we're nervous, shy, uncomfortable, or y'know... not an extrovert in social situations.
💯
Did he just tell me to stay cute? OMG my heart just flutterd☺️
Making friends is easy keeping them is hard! 😣
As a long time subscriber I just want to say how impressed I am with your content and improving quality of production. Bravo Thomas!
It's 05:15 I haven't slept yet and I looked up this video.
first time hearing about the three second rule and i'm completely mind blown at how spontaneous and effective it could be. thanks for sharing Thom!
The 3 seconds trick really works, never thought of it, thanks.
Thank you so much this is exactly what I needed to hear
It’s so hard to have friends after graduating from high school and college bc we all went our separate ways and the friends that I did have back then are not in my life anymore.
Your video came up at just the right time in my life, only a minute ago I was thinking about expanding my social circle. I love my friends but at times I feel like im not improving when I'm with them. It's time to get out of my comfort zone.
lets to talk! I want new friends
After his introduction explaining how he lost all his friends, I struggle to not see sadness and wariness in his eyes.
I hope he realises that the door is always open for people to enter and exit from his life and regardless of the effort he's made on his half, he'll end up with the people he's destined to be with. And they'll be the people who loves him for who he is, whether he enjoys looking at financial spreadsheets in his room, or does insanely dangerous outdoor activities all day. You do you.
Wait - it was a joke?
People like that actually exists.
Okay, this is not the first time you did it, but I think this is the most amazing time. I'm literally starting freshman year tomorrow, and I am more than terrified (a huge introvert here), and I get a notification about this... You're good, sir.
omg this guy sounds exactly like charisma on command dude
I do have to say this video just came up exactly at the right time, been feeling down due to my breakup and even lost my “friends”, thanks for the advices you really helped me remember what things I should be striving for! Keep up the amazing videos!
The main problem is that everyone are having their own circle of friends and they don't care about making room for another one.
Yeah lol, also have the same problem 💀💀
Yeah... same. In college specially.
How did I just find your channel ?!?! Subscribed ✨
It's hard for most adults to make new friends and for me, being Autistic, and therefore not having the social roadmap that most people have in their heads, makes it even harder.The only friends I've tended to have throughout my life were people who either lived close to me or who I was involved in some activity with.
Me too. Idk. I think it's easier to just not now.
I can relate to that. As we speak. I am trying to find more friends right now.
yooo hahahahaha dm me ^^ im into making friends
One of the best places to meet interesting people would be toastmasters! There are meetups in almost every city and you get to talk and let people hear what you are interested in!
Man I have no friends. 28, married, have a six year old. Can’t believe I’m at a point where I’d type something like this in TH-cam lol. I just genuinely don’t understand how people make friends in their late twenties. I feel like I’ve tried everything.
What do you like to do with friends? Go to the places where potential friends are hanging out. Even if just online for now.
I found my friends through men's groups and martial arts. It's cliche but it's true! I think that's how a lot of people make friends in their twenties.
@RIDER 123 sure!
@RIDER 123 unfortunately I deleted all my social media a few months back
Kind of general tips that work for everyone/work for no one.
The main problem that causes struggling with having friends are wrong beliefs someone has, these change from person to person.
Changing their beliefs, will change their behaviour and way of interacting and will remove the struggle.
3:48 did anybody else think that was a dead person lying with a bunch of groceries 😂😂
He asked about what I love ?
I love children and all walks of life with them ,my greatest life's passion is helping others and it's the very thing that got me in a very hard mess.......
The internet is helping me a lot. But most friends came via friends I already have.
Hopefully this will boost my Lunch grade.
XD made my day
What there's a grade for lunch time?
Nirv dude my high school gives grades for lunch and I failed Lunch freshmen year so I had to get held back
stop playing man that makes no sense for a stupid lunch period
My school gives grades on personality if you follow the norm A if you like communism and socialism for the sense of helping each other F. Heck i have even heard kids make jokes about school shootings infront of the teacher get higher personality grades than me Rip freedom of speech.
It's so hard for me to talk to people I don't know, but I'm a 40 year old who's just so lonely and I really want to change that now. 🥺
I know it's hard but I'm sure you have alot to offer to others. Believe in yourself:)
I feel like most people you meet already have their circle established. I don't have a problem meeting new people, but I don't really have a group of friends that all know each other, only 'direct' friends. So it's hard to find stuff to do as a group on the weekend or celebrate my birthday with a party, etc. Since I kind of stepped away from the majority of the people at university or school back in the day. And at work, everyone already has their circle...
“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce.”
*Scarce comes out from behind a tree*
I was just passing by and I saw you video for the first time and the only thing I could think off was "Omg! You're so GORGEOUS!" 1,000 thanks you for the view ;)
Marlyn Santana hi
A thing I like to do is go out in a Polar bear onesie. People automatically come towards you asking why you're wearing it and you can say: "To break the ice" and then the ice is broken.
Best of luck to everyone in their friend making journey!
This is great advice. A supportive circle of friends really help you succeed in life and success brings money, but if you don’t have friends or money, then you can’t afford to go out to many social events, so you may not find the peer support you seek. It’s kind of a vicious circle.
Oh and I have lots of spreadsheets for all kinds of analysis from personal finance to sales tracking to exercise stats. One I recommend to all is a spreadsheet to keep track of your net worth so as to motivate action to increase your net worth each month.
Yep finding your tribe is very important in life. But that's easier said than done.
I've tried over the years but I've just made temporary acquaintances.
Most of my friendships tend to fizzle out, with me after a while doing all or most of the chasing 😞
Ey i need help
Tip number 5 is something related to what I was going to comment about, and it's that... It's not only that embracing the ankwardness is such a difficult thing, but also that it doesn't feel *natural* for me to do certain things about socialazing. I would say it may be because the extroverted people that I have known, most of them have been so such a typical person that I wouldn't like, that I have kind of a judgment on my own self now when I think about approaching someone.
Also, such a smooth transition to the publicity at the end of the video
I’m so happy I found this video
I walk through my hometown and I literally greet everyone and laugh or smile straight in their faces. But Im so uncomfortable in talking to strangers. Dont know what to talk about.
the hardest part is that im still at school, so if the conversation fizzle out you stilll gonna meet that person for next few years
Thanks dude! This was really helpful! I'm just scared of opening up and getting hurt. I've met friends who were not fully supportive.
I believe they are not friends right away. So they cannot be supportive right away. Just see that thing as being in the long run.
Thomas really has a video for all of my needs. Thank you! Most insightful tips ever.
Can I relate, I just lost all my friend after university too!
Welcome to my world
Welcome to my world
Hi, This is Patrick from Mind Life Flow here...thanks for your video and content...so useful for many people as making friends is difficult (especially as an adult). Your 6 useful tips are very useful and practical. Thanks
He has been with his girlfriend for 6 years❤️ Goaaaals Mashallah😍😍😍😍
Not gonna lie..The transition to the add was smooth as hell
Hi,
How are you?
This was fab as usual.
This is perfect for me because I'm going to uni soon!
Love from England 😊💓👌
What uni if you don't mind me asking? I'll be on my second year in Edinburgh.
Serina T I miss England, used to live in England when I was younger.
Omg, this is the video I really need right now. Tomorrow, I'm going to start a year in an art school and I don't know how to make new friends. Thanks Thomas for your advice, I really appreciate it 😊
I'm happy to know I'm not the only intovert :*)
Is it just me or is Thomas a next level of hilarious in this video?
Hello, thank you Thomas for another great video on how to make friends. One of my major interests in life is to learn how to develop good friends, and have good quality relationships with them. One thing that I got out of your video was that if you want people to be your friend, then you must be a friend to people from the start. Take care and stay healthy under these life circumstances!
go be friends
Thomas, I love your channel and never miss a video :)
Its 6:00 am in Mexico but doesnt matter, as soon as saw the notification wake up to watch the video!
Big hugs!
These are great tips! The 3 second rule may be a little stretch and difficult to accomplish but it will certainly push you to take action!
Dale Carnegie's take was “To be interesting, be interested,” meaning show interest in what others have to say. No book learnin' necessary for that. Phew! 😅 - Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold 30 million+ copies.
The problem is that I have really good friends at school, but I'm too shy to text them because I find myself annoying sometimes. Like, I want to hang out with them, chat with them all day long, but I feel that they are with me just because I'm pity person being.
I don't have low self-esteem, but this thoughts just chasing me all the time when I see their reactions while I'm talking.
Boy, your videos always come at the right timeee
Best intro yet - cracked me up😂
What about the outro? "Stay cute." Oof
7:38 for me I always get disrespected by new people so horribly I end up going into a months long depression after and it's a never ending cycle
7:14
I quite liked this bit.
A cool, intelligent person with many hobbies and insightful thoughts giving out advice on how to make friends....mmmm yeeesh. He’s already 90% there in terms of his existence and mindset.
Also...those transition skills into the sponsor stuff.
Well maybe improve your personality, learn more, and get more hobbies. Its not like he was born with those. Any youtuber with a video like this would give the exact same advice
Omg I was just feeling so lonely and with no friends and then TH-cam showed me this video
Me too, I'm so lonely HAHAHAHHA
Sameee, have u got any tips on how to speak to girls, like im makin new friends and theyre girls
@@sherrypeach5747 me tooo, do u have any tips on how to .ake new friends wiv girls and how to speak wiv them
@@marcus9081 just be kind and yourself. Girls are people, you don't need technics to talk to them ;)
@@marcus9081 My darling i'm a girl and I don't have friends HAHAHAH