1. Walk your dog - people talk to people walking a dog. People aren't nervous about saying something about a dog's appearance. 2. Go to the gym - I've made friends on the neighboring elliptical and in a yoga class. 3. Go on organized hikes - I was invited to the first one by a friend made while on the elliptical next to her. 4. Go someplace where you're the different one - I made friends of all ages, taking Korean language classes at a local Korean Catholic church. I ended up going to a wedding in Seoul.
@@hardeepdevgan5131 You will be surprised. It only takes one smile to change the energy. I usually am very focused with my workout but if someone smiles and says hi, I very much engage. It also comes down to your mindset going into the gym. Bring a positive energy from the moment you step inside and the universe will create the energy and opportunities around you. That's been my approach to making over 15 friends at my current gym.
@@taazzmaann Hi Kendrick, check out our "Life Changing Quotes for Introverts" video ft. Carl Rogers. Our channel is passionate about psychology education so that everyone everywhere can live a healthier life. Our goal is to create a free source of #DigitalTherapy for our subscribers.
I think the main key is you have to be willing to actually meet people. It is one thing to go and do these things, but you must be committed to actually calling the people and hanging out a second time
1. Look for long lines 2. Go towards people 3. Go early and leave late 4. Graze 5. Bring the right wing person 10 places to meet new people 1. Highly specialized events 2. Book clubs 3. City tour 4. Language class 5. Trivia night 6. Dance class 7. Specific fitness class or gym 8.Volunteer work 9. Hiking or run club 10. Block parties Bonus: offer public advice or help
Friends require time, attention and money to do things. As you get older, you lose friends because your time gets eaten by work and then your family. Also your personality gets narrowed down when you're older, you are a little more picky with who you let into your life. The struggle in new friendship and dating is not meeting people, its meeting and maintaining relationships with quality people. You do find those ass kissers who like to know everyone and pretend they're everyone's friend but they're shallow and tend to gossip. The easiest way to make friends is actually in academic courses or like gym classes.
I agree with everything you said except the last statement. I'm guessing for you that academic courses and gym classes have a lot of relevance. You make friends in activities that are relevant to you both.
@@deanlol yeah, the less time you have the less time you can invest in friends. You can have classmates, coworkers, good neighbors, and people with similar interests. But really just a few friends who will stick with you no matter what
same thinking here and I agree with that, I've also been unfriending a lot in my social media, I do have a close circle of friends where I can really consider them as part of my life but with others they are just friends by just term, I usually use the word acquaintance
Jn, see the thing with me is the opposite. I'm 18 and have few people in my life because I'm just so careful I guess. But I wanna open up more and meet new people. And I believe that with that, I'll form some good and lasting friendships.
It kinda makes sense that the friendships of our youth start to fall disappear. Most of my old friends are still partying like teenagers getting drunk/high all of the time, I'm no longer interested in that lifestyle so I had to expand my friend group to include people that share my current interests.
When I was in university, I realized 90% of my college peers and friends would move to other cities upon graduation. It's just that the town we were in didn't offer amazing job opportunities at the time. But I liked it in there and was actually hoping to make a life for myself there. So, one day I thought to myself "I should definitely start looking for like-minded people outside of university so that when my friends leave, I have someone to hang out with." And this is how I signed up for salsa classes. I had always been a huge fan of dancing; the only trouble is, I liked to dance at home. Alone. So, this was a huge step for me given that I'm an introvert. Best decision ever! To this day, I still thank myself for being this bold. I can't believe it even crossed my mind. 😆 I vividly remember that flush of excitement that struck me at the end of that first class. I'd had so much fun that I wanted to explore different styles of salsa, and then I also got into bachata which turned out to be my biggest passion. Dancing taught me a host of lessons that I will never forget. It helped me be more persistent and socially active; not to mention I managed to build physical and mental skills. By the end of the year, I had already made the acquaintance of more than 70 people outside of university. (And my goal had been to know a person or two, that's all, and then who knows...) I'm not saying I made friends with everyone but that wasn't my objective anyway. Over time, I swapped out dance clubs, so my social network expanded significantly. In the meantime, I also changed jobs, which brought more opportunities to meet new people. However, a couple of years ago, I moved to a different city where I didn’t know a single soul. Based on my previous experience, I was super confident I was going to meet new people. All I had to do was join a dance club. (My backup plan was to enroll in a language course but that didn’t pan out.) The problem is, none of the clubs I went to appealed to me. See, when I was starting out, I was a beginner with no expectations or requirements. I was happy with whatever was offered to me because there was nothing to compare. However, 9 years later, I was no longer a beginner. I knew exactly what I wanted to get from those classes. I was looking for certain traits in the instructors and I just couldn't find that thing anywhere. Instead of having fun, I was annoyed and displeased with their lack of professionalism and questionable teaching skills. My money was better spent somewhere else. It was overly disappointing and heart-breaking because not only did I not make new friends but I also didn’t get to dance with other people anymore. I couldn’t practice the lead and follow roles, which is the fundamental thing about social dance. All I could do (on my own) was footwork and spinning techniques. The funny thing is, I once went to have my hair done and the hairdresser turned out to be a hobby dancer. We ended up attending a couple of salsa parties together. But other than that, I still haven’t found a club that meets my criteria. And then the pandemic hit. Everything was all over the place, I forgot how to socialize, and I’m still trying to figure out how to lower my expectations so that I can join a course or something. It’s more than challenging to meet new people when you hit 30. You have a job and other responsibilities to take care of. Most of your friends are married now; no one has time to hang out. And you also are picky AF. I hope to be able to fight my inner demons some day.
I find the first half of your story very motivating! It seems to be a great idea to find a hobby that we can share with other people. For the second half, it occurred to me that maybe you could try a different hobby or find some other long-term community? You cannot be the only one having this needs. There must be a group somewhere
I tried what you suggested at work today… going to where the people are.So I sat In the break room instead of eating at my desk. It worked! I got nervous and talked a lot. Tomorrow I will do a better job of asking people about themselves..Thank You
I met my boyfriend in an old cafe that is supposedly haunted. Knowing this, I turned around and let the guy behind me in line know. There was an instant connection. I told him he has kindness in his eyes and he told me that he was very drawn to me for some reason. We were together for the next four years until he passed from leukemia. I highly recommend the long lines advice.
Thank you Vanessa! These resonate with me: -book club -language class -dance class -specialized fitness class like cross fit, Pilates, swimming -walking/hiking, running group -block party -offering advice
Meet new people was a DANGEROUS advice to me, because two of them in 2 months, turned out to be criminals. You might meet great people, but you might also meet crap people, let alone serial killers. So my question is how to FILTER people?
You can’t unless you read minds. So either take risks and live an exciting but possibly dangerous life or play it safe, stick to what you know and live a safe but boring life
Excellent points! I’m a very outgoing and social person who thought I knew it all! You showed me new spots I had never thought of!!! Thank you! I love the Ghost Tour idea! BTW, my personal BEST advice from a 56 year old man who’s lead a blessed life - Instead of looking for people who have similar interests, which is like searching for a needle in a haystack sometimes, SIMPLY GO where they are. Use your imagination of your BEST LIFE and PARTNER; What are you doing? Where are you at? NOW, go there!!! Because your future partner is already there!
I'm going to give this a shot. I'm 52 and actually haven't had friends since I was in my early 20's. Never really cared actually. I'm about to retire and move to another country and for my wife's sake, I want to get better at this and actually make friend with people. She's actually good at it.
It's tough meeting women friends that have their crap together. I end up being a "psychologist" for them and because they are so focused on their issues they literally don't care about me. I don't have a ton of issues so I tend to stay quiet and just listen. I am a pushover and get taken advantage of repeatedly.
I am in the exact same situation 😊I meet people all the time and after awhile they only want the friendship to be focused on them. I still refuse to give up. Eventually I think I will find a real, genuine friend best of luck to you my friend 😊
I am in the same situation , I find that even if they dont appear to have any problems you cant hang out or be closer with a lot of women, there is always a distance and maybe some have issues. I have male friends at the moment. I dont want them and the connection may not be great but I can go to events with them to meet new people and they are willing to hang out. I can see that male friend every weekend but the female you cant see them every weekend even if they are available to hang out.
I was a late bloomer and actually had the most deep friendships when I was from about 26-36. Since that time, friendships have slowly been getting distant as friends get married, have kids, move away, etc. Now at 47, I almost feel like I'm starting over. Revisiting old friendships that fell by the wayside, making a few new friendships here and there, but overall just feeling more distant from people. These tips are great, I used to actually do some of them. It's time to reincorporate them. Thank you!
Vanessa, just found you doing an interview with Lewis Howes and Tom Bilyeu, I’m hooked , you make it all seem very straight forward. I’m 57 and find my self with no friends, changing career due to health issues and trying to find the real me. Quite daunting but with your help will be a lot easier now. Thank you
Thank you so much for this information. This is gold to me. I have asperger's syndrome and I get anxiety when approaching people, but I wouldn't mind giving an honest compliment to someone that might be in front, behind or next to me. I'm so looking forward to trying all of this.
Talking to random strangers is probably not the hard part. It's the next step in getting to the point of exchanging numbers and gauging that they actually want to hang out with you and vice versa. What do you say to somebody you'll talk to but have no intention to hang with nicely if you have to see them again in the social setting?
A good way might be to ask if they have an IG account and if they will be sharing pics from the event or something like that. Then you have the DMs to communicate. Or give them your name card if you have one, because usually then they give you theirs back. Scribbling down numbers is a little too intimate for a first encounter.
About your last question, I have a highly charismatic friend who people always want to be around and try to make sure they are with her at social settings. She keeps busy serving or helping to set up or clean up. She loves to help, so those who want to help too hang out with her, but when it’s over it’s over. When they ask her to go out outside of that, she thanks them for thinking of her and says no without saying no. If they are persistent, she just says she can’t and thanks them sweetly again.
Yep... especially in the US culture people are usually nice and smiling at a first time encounter and chit chat... but when it's about to move to the next step everyone gets scared and they politely refuse... I basically grew up in a gym since I was 7-8 y/o, practicing organized sports, to this day as an adult, my favorite being the "wet areas" - swimming pool,, sauna, steam room, and hot tub whirlpool jacuzzi - and indeed I've met a lot of new people, yet never a significant other... oddly how that works, no one is willing to move to the next step beyond the simple chit chat and pleasantries... Sadly that's the world we live in today...a simple and sincere "I like you!" won't do it anymore...
@@gabeghiby6935 Undoubtedly, your statement is valid and I could not agree more. The best advice I can give is not to feel anxious and overwhelmed, and always be yourself. This makes it so much easier to connect. If they become unintended in you, their loss. 🙂
@@cheekymonkeygirl3378 I also fully agree with your statement... yes, indeed, what's the point in being with someone, if you can't be yourself in the presence of that someone... and why stay with someone, if you have to play some kind of a role, not being yourself, just to please the other person... it won't last... since I fully agree with that as well, I am always myself, or if I feel I can't do it, I just walk away,... last but not least, indeed, know your value, and if they don't open to connecting, to move to the next phase, it's their loss... but sadly, that's also the main reason for failed relationships and marriages, either because people are so afraid to try the next step, or because of shallow and meaningless encounters... it seems to me, people don't know how to communicate at a deeper level... I mean it's OK to exchange pleasantries in a small chit-chat, but it's not OK anymore (if single and available) to exchange numbers and try to see if there is some real chemistry there... how odd is that?? media and their buggy man spoiled the simple natural communication between people...we all wonder in our heads "what if he's a creep??" or "what if she's a psycho??"... better run...
Another study I heard of (can’t remember the study) showed that marriage is a big contributor to why people lose friends. Which I would say people start getting married around age 25. Could marriage be a driving factor of why people lose friends?
As someone married for 14 years with 3 kids (I’m 43), I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with this. I love my family and regret none of it, but social life is zero. You have no time to focus on anything other than your kids and work, especially if family members refuse to help you look after the kids. Slap a pandemic in the midst of this and boom! No friends.
When you focus on family or personal goals you lose the time and the desire to hang out with people. And sometimes when you turned them down often enough because you have different priorities, they stop coming around. Then by the time you realized it, the time has passed, and you feel awkward reaching out to them out of the blue. I've been on both ends.
I am someone who was very introverted and shy when I was younger. I forced myself to be sociable. I'm usually the guy who throws his arm around someone. I love people and being around them. Great video Vanessa.
These are all good ideas! Somewhere strange I have met people for the music lovers: not just going to concerts, but going to the VIP of your favorite band/musician. You will meet so many people you have a lot in common with just for having the same favorite artist.
I love this video, even though some of the things would be a bit harder to do in my country. I am a strage mix between introversion and extraversion, but when it comes to meeting new people, I am a 100% introvert. A friend recently sent me a joke saying "How introverts make friends: 10% they don`t. 90% An extrovert found them, liked them and adopted them." I could totally relate to the joke! 😄🙈 Btw. I have been going to courses, language classes and stuff my whole life, but I think I should definitely go more to hikings, excursions, stuff like that. P.S. Covid-time doesn`t really help much with going to places... 🤨
Your situation was same with me 😄 In my country it's just hard to do that tips, infact people now usually use online regulation for anything, even at the cinema, so how to get into the long line.. it's hard to find a long line 😂 And as an introvert..your friends joke was really hit on me too hahaha I'm not choosing friends, but they take me and adopt me because all of my friend is extrovert 😄
Thanks for this video. I have lost close friends over the years due to shyness and ultimately isolating. Wish me luck in finding and cultivating my community.
This was super helpful! I feel like I ‘lost’ some friendships in the past 2 years partly due to the pandemic and now I want to put myself out there more again. As an introvert one thing that has helped me in the past is the staying late at events tip. I always find it much easier to meet people that way because it’s less overwhelming, people seem to be more open to chat, and if you’re an introvert you also have a better excuse to leave if it gets too much haha 😅
9:38 I learned to speak Spanish through Rosetta Stone and with the help of my customers at work. The customers at work were so so so super sweet when it came to helping me learn the language. Its like i was invited to a whole new world and culture, so cool. Literally the coolest thing that Ive ever done is learn to speak Spanish.
I love this! Thank you for creating this content! My mahjong group chose Ikea to play one day because there are round tables there with lots of space. A woman approached our table to say that she played, too. I was the extrovert in my group so I took her phone number--and I continued to follow up with her. We've been friends for over five years now!
Hello Vanessa, have not heard from you a quite a while. A relative question on my mind, yes, how to meet new people in a fairly new city of Sydney. Think I am an ambivert and enjoy being alone as a creative, so have to make a conscious effort to get out of my own way, or comfort zone in order to meet like-minded people. Thank you, for the kind advice and grounded wisdom. Love your advice about the queues/lines. So true, remember, waiting in a queue at a nightclub for the toilet, clearly a shared human need and goal, means people's guard comes down and they are potentially more open for converse in chit chat. By the way, Vanessa, love the radiating positivity you generate through the internet. Contributing towards a conscious web 3.0. Love and light, peace and prosperity from Sydney, Australia.
I miss book clubs !!! I went to a good one before covid hit. Great place to meet new people !! Edited to add: ...I went to a latin music festival( highly specialized event) and before the festival , they had a dance class. I would agree that would be an awesome place to meet people. The instructor had people switching partners all through the lesson..it looked like so much fun... I have thought about starting a hiking club through meetup !! It would benefit a person in at least three ways: getting outside, getting exercise and meeting people.
In addition to fitness and books, there are lots of other clubs that really facilitate meeting people, like astronomy, quilting, chess/checkers, etc. etc. I would also add to the hike/run club, specifically, biking clubs. It's true that you can't talk while biking, but inevitably you will need to take breaks to drink water and maybe enjoy the view, and there's your opportunity! Basically, just think of a significant interest or hobby of yours, and even if it's not traditionally thought of as being a group activity, look it up, and there is probably a club for it. And, if you absolutely _cannot_ find a club for your favourite hobby, you might just want to consider _starting_ one yourself! Of course, if you attend church, there may be group activities through your church that you don't know about, too, like picnics or hikes. If you are not well-connected at your church, it's a good idea to ask one of the officers (e.g. deacon) what activities there are that will help you connect, especially if it's a large church. As a bonus, you might find that some people at your church can help you meet new people outside of the church (such as inviting you to dinner where they also have their own neighbours over, etc.). My main problem now is that I live in the country. Basically, if I don't want to spend a lot on gas, the only way to meet new people is to deliberately try meeting the neighbours, of which there are not many. They are too far away to just wave and say "good morning!" while taking out the trash, so it's not very introvert-friendly. On the upside, there is a township picnic every year, and one of these years, we'll be able to go. But we have managed to meet a few of our neighbours, and while we need to be more proactive in fostering these relationships, it is surprisingly easy to connect with people when you make the effort. For instance, one couple is into gardening. So are we! That is the subject matter of most of our conversations. Another neighbour we met simply because we needed to borrow a utility knife. Not only did she lend us hers, but we got an open invitation to come over and use her little cellar whenever a potentially tornadic storm comes through because we live in a mobile home. We have made use of this multiple times and if you want an opportunity to chat with someone, try being stuck with them in a cellar for an hour. It works. Best advice I could ever give, though, is simply to find some way to do something kind for another, especially in a context where it isn't expected of you. Our neighbour who lent us her knife, we thanked for this favour by giving her some produce from our garden. She thanked us in turn by giving us some flowers from her garden to grow. 😀 Because even if you connect with a new person, it won't become a friendship if you don't find a way to deepen your bond! I absolutely love the volunteer one, by the way.
It's nothing wrong with a vampire fiction book club... I've ran a community of vampire lore and roleplay in SL - Second Life - since 2006 to this day...we have hundreds of active members enjoying the RP and learning the lore about this theme... That being said, sadly in real life just meeting new people and striking out a simple pleasant conversation, especially in the US, is easy enough and your tips will definitely help... what's sad is that no one is willing to move to the next step beyond the simple chit chat and pleasantries and maybe exchange numbers... it's fine to chat then and there...but not outside that setting, whatever the setting is... But I enjoyed your video nonetheless...
Word of advice find happiness within yourself meditation and activities help nowadays people are crazy focus on yourself because people hide and your life can become a nightmare
Lines, multiple buffet stops, niche in own city tour and suggestions from host were my favorites. Maybe a language class will make sense in the future for me too. I like the comments about dance classes. I could definitely talk more with people there
Seems like my life peaked at 25 and then just kind of collapsed. Yeah I would agree like it's hard to meet people like I don't know why especially with social media which I think is really f*** things up cuz now like in the United States a lot of people are scared of meeting people in person and this was long before covid like people are just f****** cowards now. I was always somebody who would just go walk up and talk to people but now people are scared because like of mass shootings and s*** who are just like who's just random person coming out and talking to me. I really wish we could just get rid of smartphones and have our flip phones back and go back to like the early 2000s where people had raves and mosh pits and people were forced to actually talk to each other
me too, 41 now, haven't met new people in years, I am a loner, though very social but I really miss friends. I outgrow many people.. I try to reach out to new people, but it does not last. I really am ready to meet new, healthy and wealthy people, sharing ideas and spending time together. Jus don't know how this works. I am also single, so no friends of my partner which does not help neither.
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 ...you'll discover wealth in people if you try to reach out to their hearts... if you're expecting to find wealth in their wallets or bank accounts, then you're looking in the wrong place I dare to say... not that financial stability and self-sustainability is not important, because it is...but, aiming for wealth is not the way to go...whoever is financially stable, and even wealthy, can feel that and they steer away...
@@gabeghiby6935 euh?? Strange answer. It has always been the other way around :) and me playong the mother teresa, the life saver, the fixer, the babysitter. I am done with that. It 's time to turn the tables ;)
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 I'm sure you've been hurt many times, like many others, and I'm sorry you had to experience such unpleasant moments... if it makes it better, just know you're not the only one, and other females and other males too have been hurt in the same or similar way... it's sad, but it happens... now, it's nothing wrong to help anyone, and especially your significant other, if you can help... in the end, we are all broken in some way, and we all need some extra help at one point in time...considering no one is perfect, including us, and as such, we shouldn't expect perfection... yes, it's wrong for others to take advantage of you and to abuse your kindness, and because of those types of fools, other men are often misjudged... those fools are a disgrace, and portray a bad name to real men... I'd conclude by saying that usually a real man that is the king of his domain, is looking for his queen that will help him make even more money, not a gold digger that will spend his money... I'm no expert, but if I may suggest, don't focus too much on financials, but more on character and what's in his heart...and as you already know, don't judge a book by its cover...
Amazing info! Thank you 🙏🏼 My tip: Offer to tutor or teach classes 1 on 1 or in a small group (in academics, sports or hobbies), such as on Craigslist. OR: take up a 1 on 1 lesson or a group lesson.
It really doesn't matter if you meet new people. Just meeting new people doesn't make them your friend. A deep connection with someone you want to spend time with on a regular basis is friendship. I know people in high school that I connected with but have no relationship with now. I also have friends from high school that I have a deep connection with and crave being with. You are basically fishing. Did you catch a fish, put it in a bowl and forget about it or did you catch a fish put it in your bowl and feed it? If both of you are a fish in a bowl being fed then that is a connection. If both of you are neglected fish then that is just someone you met.
Captivate is one of my core go to books since I understand too that not finding, building, and maintaining relationships did not serve me, not at all. Thank you so much for that book. This video was amazing too, thank you! I’m looking forward to reading your new one! Congrats! 🎉
I love your energy and advice Vanessa! I followed your Mindvalley class and I'm so happy for all you post here on youtube so I can continue to learn. I would like to add one : I don't have a dog to walk but apparently that is also a super effective way of meeting people. ;-)
Yes indeed... when I had my dog while walking her on the street or in the park I've met a lot of new people... not really making real friends, not really finding that special someone that could become a significant other... but definitely a lot of new people...
Pets are a great way to meet people. I’m a true introvert, but even I will approach someone with a pet! If you’re a religious person (I am), church can be a good place - especially in Sunday school or in a small group.
So completely inconvenience ourselves (standing in long lines) and make yourself uncomfortable...sounds perfect for introverts who suffer from social anxiety.
The reason why you start losing friends at around 25 or so is people graduate college get careers but more importantly all of your friends get married and you are the 3rd wheel without a spare..
Thank you for this! Perfect timing as we come out of mask mandates and go into Spring. Many of us have been isolated and have lost friends who have move away. Time to meet new friends!
I don't have problems meeting new people I'm very friendly and believe there is no such thing as strangers just friends you haven't met yet. However, when I invite the new people that I meet to come over have dinner with my family with their family and play games. They just don't show up at the time they said they would come. They don't call, they don't text to tell me if something came up. I call them, sometimes they respond sometimes they do not. It's very frustrating because they seemed very excited about coming over. I have even had some of them text me throughout the week that they are excited about coming over and to confirm the time. Then they are a no-show. I didn't have this problem when I was single but now that I'm married and have kids people flake out all the time. This is especially worse for my kids and birthday parties too. People don't RSVP or they do RSVP they still don't show up. I don't know if it's because where we live now is very rural because people complain we are too far away. However, they don't think it's too far for us to come to them.
Maybe before inviting them to your home better to test water and try to meet somewhere on neutral territory? Coming to the house of the stranger is a pretty intimidating thing just because there is not so much trust between both parties and all people are afraid of judgment consciously or not
The first time you get together should be in a public place and time limited. Meet at a local ice cream shop or coffee shop. Have a play date at the park or go bowling. Coming over to someone's home can feel a little too personal too quickly,
I love this. Thanks for the tips, Vanessa! I'm planning to move out of my parent's house after graduation but I'm getting scared of meeting new people (or making any friends at all). I'm hoping all will be well 🤞
Lol I use the grazing! Between the stress of my awkwardness in social settings and using food to comfort my anxiety it is a master recipe to pack on a few pounds but I can always find a way to talk to people about food
I’m trying to make new friends but it seems to rarely go past surface level. I find myself with evidence that our relationship hasn’t deepened and is still surface level. For example, I ask for a carpool ride for my kid and no one responses (except the super nice one who would speak to any and everyone even out of pity). I’m always the one that sells barely anything at fundraisers because I don’t have that influence on ppl like I witness other moms do. I want all that to change. I’ve had influence on ppl in my past but that was when I was young and beautiful (I used to model). Now, Km “old”, overweight and never developed a charming or influential personality to work with. I am changing that. I am making it one of my life goals to positively change peoples lives just by knowing them, be charming, influential and memorable and a person of light & love in this world 💐
Awesome video! I'm sort of an extrovert so it's more often that I don't know ways to meet new people rather than the approaching and starting a conversation part. This was helpful! One I might add is at the mall or at a bar, but maybe those are too obvious. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing day whoever's reading this, and that we can all make loads of new friends.
That's not always the case. A lot of female "friendships" are fake and shallow if made after a certain point so it can be mentally and emotionally draining for women who are actively putting themselves out there for something genuine.
A lot of great ideas for meeting people. Thank you. I know you said we lose friends at the beginning (based on a study), but didn't say why. I wish to keep life-long friends. Also, there are now online chats/meetings. Not sure if we can rely on those for a true connection
Pandemis started and I couldn't greet people as I usually do before. Watching this video helps me a lot to gain my confidence to be comfortable around people again.
i can meet them even going out solo now because i don't have any friends or social circle but when getting in with the new people they are nice though... i can't seem to make an impact enough or really make them as a friend... they just don't feel the connection they said
I had this problem. I went to a cooking party, then I was so deep into cooking good food for others, then I don't have enough time to talk or make new friends🤣
Work just swallows up all time!!! ... Also if you want to have a side hustle I just don't see how I can have more time🤔⌚..also with social media nowadays and to learn how everything's works.. Omg... HOW?! I meet most people at network events, I think it's best to have more business friends, when your time is limited, then you have best of both worlds I guess??! 😏🔥🙏🙌💛
Those findings from the Oxford study are strange. I was a total wallflower until about age 25, very withdrawn. I made only one friend before then. Since 25, I have made several friends and continue to do so 25 years on.
0:15 we lose friends starting at age 25. This is true, this happened to me and to others. Because as an adult we shouldn't be goofing off or being lazy just living life the way we want to but WE SHOULD BE DOING OUR LIFES PURPOSE STARTING AT THE AGE OF 20.
I feel like this is good advice, and good for small talk, I do some of your tactics already! But afterwards. I feel like people don't want to stay friends or don't care to maintain a friendship. lol. Story of my life..
Shannon, try the specialized focus strategy Vanessa was talking about. Take it slow. Each “no” gets you closer to your “yes”. Take notes on what is working. Good luck!🍀
In what ways do you meet new people? I made a list of 50 ways to meet new people here: www.scienceofpeople.com/meet-people/. Let's add to it!
Just being english
Great link! I want to read more of the article for later, but sadly, it hasn't worked for me since 6AM est.
Big hugs
Smart phone are normally owned by stupid people
I have really got inspiration from you th-cam.com/video/9U-NrECVmg4/w-d-xo.html
1. Walk your dog - people talk to people walking a dog. People aren't nervous about saying something about a dog's appearance.
2. Go to the gym - I've made friends on the neighboring elliptical and in a yoga class.
3. Go on organized hikes - I was invited to the first one by a friend made while on the elliptical next to her.
4. Go someplace where you're the different one - I made friends of all ages, taking Korean language classes at a local Korean Catholic church. I ended up going to a wedding in Seoul.
How do u talk to people in gym? I mean usually they keep on their headphones and give a strange look if interrupted in between their sets.
@@hardeepdevgan5131 You will be surprised. It only takes one smile to change the energy. I usually am very focused with my workout but if someone smiles and says hi, I very much engage. It also comes down to your mindset going into the gym. Bring a positive energy from the moment you step inside and the universe will create the energy and opportunities around you. That's been my approach to making over 15 friends at my current gym.
@@hardeepdevgan5131 ask for help
@@hardeepdevgan5131 it's better to join a workout group, like zumba 🙏
As an introvert who moved to a new city during a pandemic and forgot how to socialize 😵💫 this was helpful. Thank you!
Hey Cee, check out our "Life Changing Quotes for Introverts" video ft. Carl Rogers #DigitalTherapy
You have way bigger problems if you forgot how to socialize IMO
Same!
@@taazzmaann Hi Kendrick, check out our "Life Changing Quotes for Introverts" video ft. Carl Rogers. Our channel is passionate about psychology education so that everyone everywhere can live a healthier life. Our goal is to create a free source of #DigitalTherapy for our subscribers.
SaME!
I think the main key is you have to be willing to actually meet people. It is one thing to go and do these things, but you must be committed to actually calling the people and hanging out a second time
Maintaining new relationships really is the hardest part.
1. Look for long lines
2. Go towards people
3. Go early and leave late
4. Graze
5. Bring the right wing person
10 places to meet new people
1. Highly specialized events
2. Book clubs
3. City tour
4. Language class
5. Trivia night
6. Dance class
7. Specific fitness class or gym
8.Volunteer work
9. Hiking or run club
10. Block parties
Bonus: offer public advice or help
Fr
If I didn’t see the video, I would’ve read number five differently. What, bring a fascist along with you? Lol
I’ve done literally every one of those and still can’t meet ppl.
11. Sign up for penpals online, through a language exchange site, or sign up for a language meetup, like a tertulia for students studying Spanish.
@@RatedRLoquender wow why
Friends require time, attention and money to do things. As you get older, you lose friends because your time gets eaten by work and then your family. Also your personality gets narrowed down when you're older, you are a little more picky with who you let into your life. The struggle in new friendship and dating is not meeting people, its meeting and maintaining relationships with quality people. You do find those ass kissers who like to know everyone and pretend they're everyone's friend but they're shallow and tend to gossip. The easiest way to make friends is actually in academic courses or like gym classes.
I agree with everything you said except the last statement. I'm guessing for you that academic courses and gym classes have a lot of relevance. You make friends in activities that are relevant to you both.
@@deanlol yeah, the less time you have the less time you can invest in friends. You can have classmates, coworkers, good neighbors, and people with similar interests. But really just a few friends who will stick with you no matter what
same thinking here and I agree with that, I've also been unfriending a lot in my social media, I do have a close circle of friends where I can really consider them as part of my life but with others they are just friends by just term, I usually use the word acquaintance
Jn, see the thing with me is the opposite. I'm 18 and have few people in my life because I'm just so careful I guess. But I wanna open up more and meet new people. And I believe that with that, I'll form some good and lasting friendships.
So reassuring to hear it's normal to lose friends at 25. I lost all my friends last year as I turned 25 and I really needed to hear that.
I'm (almost) 25!! Too :)
It kinda makes sense that the friendships of our youth start to fall disappear. Most of my old friends are still partying like teenagers getting drunk/high all of the time, I'm no longer interested in that lifestyle so I had to expand my friend group to include people that share my current interests.
When I was in university, I realized 90% of my college peers and friends would move to other cities upon graduation. It's just that the town we were in didn't offer amazing job opportunities at the time. But I liked it in there and was actually hoping to make a life for myself there. So, one day I thought to myself "I should definitely start looking for like-minded people outside of university so that when my friends leave, I have someone to hang out with." And this is how I signed up for salsa classes. I had always been a huge fan of dancing; the only trouble is, I liked to dance at home. Alone. So, this was a huge step for me given that I'm an introvert. Best decision ever! To this day, I still thank myself for being this bold. I can't believe it even crossed my mind. 😆 I vividly remember that flush of excitement that struck me at the end of that first class. I'd had so much fun that I wanted to explore different styles of salsa, and then I also got into bachata which turned out to be my biggest passion. Dancing taught me a host of lessons that I will never forget. It helped me be more persistent and socially active; not to mention I managed to build physical and mental skills.
By the end of the year, I had already made the acquaintance of more than 70 people outside of university. (And my goal had been to know a person or two, that's all, and then who knows...) I'm not saying I made friends with everyone but that wasn't my objective anyway. Over time, I swapped out dance clubs, so my social network expanded significantly. In the meantime, I also changed jobs, which brought more opportunities to meet new people.
However, a couple of years ago, I moved to a different city where I didn’t know a single soul. Based on my previous experience, I was super confident I was going to meet new people. All I had to do was join a dance club. (My backup plan was to enroll in a language course but that didn’t pan out.) The problem is, none of the clubs I went to appealed to me. See, when I was starting out, I was a beginner with no expectations or requirements. I was happy with whatever was offered to me because there was nothing to compare. However, 9 years later, I was no longer a beginner. I knew exactly what I wanted to get from those classes. I was looking for certain traits in the instructors and I just couldn't find that thing anywhere. Instead of having fun, I was annoyed and displeased with their lack of professionalism and questionable teaching skills. My money was better spent somewhere else. It was overly disappointing and heart-breaking because not only did I not make new friends but I also didn’t get to dance with other people anymore. I couldn’t practice the lead and follow roles, which is the fundamental thing about social dance. All I could do (on my own) was footwork and spinning techniques.
The funny thing is, I once went to have my hair done and the hairdresser turned out to be a hobby dancer. We ended up attending a couple of salsa parties together. But other than that, I still haven’t found a club that meets my criteria. And then the pandemic hit. Everything was all over the place, I forgot how to socialize, and I’m still trying to figure out how to lower my expectations so that I can join a course or something. It’s more than challenging to meet new people when you hit 30. You have a job and other responsibilities to take care of. Most of your friends are married now; no one has time to hang out. And you also are picky AF. I hope to be able to fight my inner demons some day.
I find the first half of your story very motivating! It seems to be a great idea to find a hobby that we can share with other people. For the second half, it occurred to me that maybe you could try a different hobby or find some other long-term community? You cannot be the only one having this needs. There must be a group somewhere
I tried what you suggested at work today… going to where the people are.So I sat In the break room instead of eating at my desk. It worked! I got nervous and talked a lot. Tomorrow I will do a better job of asking people about themselves..Thank You
I'm so glad to hear this! Thank you for sharing. :) Keep up the great work!
I met my boyfriend in an old cafe that is supposedly haunted. Knowing this, I turned around and let the guy behind me in line know. There was an instant connection. I told him he has kindness in his eyes and he told me that he was very drawn to me for some reason. We were together for the next four years until he passed from leukemia. I highly recommend the long lines advice.
Omg 🥺
Sory for your loss.
Thank you Vanessa!
These resonate with me:
-book club
-language class
-dance class
-specialized fitness class like cross fit, Pilates, swimming
-walking/hiking, running group
-block party
-offering advice
Amazing!! I'm excited for you to give these a try =)
This is all excellent advice. This has been on my mind lately. I will put these into practice!
Meet new people was a DANGEROUS advice to me, because two of them in 2 months, turned out to be criminals.
You might meet great people, but you might also meet crap people, let alone serial killers.
So my question is how to FILTER people?
You can’t unless you read minds. So either take risks and live an exciting but possibly dangerous life or play it safe, stick to what you know and live a safe but boring life
@@Ready4Whatever You can by experience you mean. But yes, I love this life and I am willing to take risks daily.
@@aleksdeveloper698 you can usually tell who's a scumbag just by the way they carry themselves. At least in my experience
@@Ready4Whatever live a safe and boring life since I was a teenager this stops this year
@@louie8425 good luck my g
Excellent points! I’m a very outgoing and social person who thought I knew it all! You showed me new spots I had never thought of!!! Thank you! I love the Ghost Tour idea! BTW, my personal BEST advice from a 56 year old man who’s lead a blessed life - Instead of looking for people who have similar interests, which is like searching for a needle in a haystack sometimes, SIMPLY GO where they are. Use your imagination of your BEST LIFE and PARTNER; What are you doing? Where are you at? NOW, go there!!! Because your future partner is already there!
This! 🙌 Thanks for your advice :)
"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly." -Carl Rogers
I'm going to give this a shot. I'm 52 and actually haven't had friends since I was in my early 20's. Never really cared actually. I'm about to retire and move to another country and for my wife's sake, I want to get better at this and actually make friend with people. She's actually good at it.
It's tough meeting women friends that have their crap together. I end up being a "psychologist" for them and because they are so focused on their issues they literally don't care about me. I don't have a ton of issues so I tend to stay quiet and just listen. I am a pushover and get taken advantage of repeatedly.
I am in the exact same situation 😊I meet people all the time and after awhile they only want the friendship to be focused on them. I still refuse to give up. Eventually I think I will find a real, genuine friend best of luck to you my friend 😊
@@MsTwiththeTea1980 love the positive perseverance 💪! Best of luck to you as well. 🙏
@@TheLk35mm thank you so much 😊
I am in the same situation , I find that even if they dont appear to have any problems you cant hang out or be closer with a lot of women, there is always a distance and maybe some have issues. I have male friends at the moment. I dont want them and the connection may not be great but I can go to events with them to meet new people and they are willing to hang out. I can see that male friend every weekend but the female you cant see them every weekend even if they are available to hang out.
I was a late bloomer and actually had the most deep friendships when I was from about 26-36. Since that time, friendships have slowly been getting distant as friends get married, have kids, move away, etc. Now at 47, I almost feel like I'm starting over. Revisiting old friendships that fell by the wayside, making a few new friendships here and there, but overall just feeling more distant from people. These tips are great, I used to actually do some of them. It's time to reincorporate them. Thank you!
So glad you're going to reincorporate these tips into your life ❤
Vanessa, just found you doing an interview with Lewis Howes and Tom Bilyeu, I’m hooked , you make it all seem very straight forward. I’m 57 and find my self with no friends, changing career due to health issues and trying to find the real me. Quite daunting but with your help will be a lot easier now. Thank you
Thank you so much for this information. This is gold to me. I have asperger's syndrome and I get anxiety when approaching people, but I wouldn't mind giving an honest compliment to someone that might be in front, behind or next to me.
I'm so looking forward to trying all of this.
Talking to random strangers is probably not the hard part. It's the next step in getting to the point of exchanging numbers and gauging that they actually want to hang out with you and vice versa. What do you say to somebody you'll talk to but have no intention to hang with nicely if you have to see them again in the social setting?
A good way might be to ask if they have an IG account and if they will be sharing pics from the event or something like that. Then you have the DMs to communicate. Or give them your name card if you have one, because usually then they give you theirs back. Scribbling down numbers is a little too intimate for a first encounter.
About your last question, I have a highly charismatic friend who people always want to be around and try to make sure they are with her at social settings. She keeps busy serving or helping to set up or clean up. She loves to help, so those who want to help too hang out with her, but when it’s over it’s over. When they ask her to go out outside of that, she thanks them for thinking of her and says no without saying no. If they are persistent, she just says she can’t and thanks them sweetly again.
Yep... especially in the US culture people are usually nice and smiling at a first time encounter and chit chat... but when it's about to move to the next step everyone gets scared and they politely refuse...
I basically grew up in a gym since I was 7-8 y/o, practicing organized sports, to this day as an adult, my favorite being the "wet areas" - swimming pool,, sauna, steam room, and hot tub whirlpool jacuzzi - and indeed I've met a lot of new people, yet never a significant other... oddly how that works, no one is willing to move to the next step beyond the simple chit chat and pleasantries...
Sadly that's the world we live in today...a simple and sincere "I like you!" won't do it anymore...
@@gabeghiby6935 Undoubtedly, your statement is valid and I could not agree more. The best advice I can give is not to feel anxious and overwhelmed, and always be yourself. This makes it so much easier to connect. If they become unintended in you, their loss. 🙂
@@cheekymonkeygirl3378 I also fully agree with your statement...
yes, indeed, what's the point in being with someone, if you can't be yourself in the presence of that someone... and why stay with someone, if you have to play some kind of a role, not being yourself, just to please the other person... it won't last...
since I fully agree with that as well, I am always myself, or if I feel I can't do it, I just walk away,...
last but not least, indeed, know your value, and if they don't open to connecting, to move to the next phase, it's their loss...
but sadly, that's also the main reason for failed relationships and marriages, either because people are so afraid to try the next step, or because of shallow and meaningless encounters...
it seems to me, people don't know how to communicate at a deeper level... I mean it's OK to exchange pleasantries in a small chit-chat, but it's not OK anymore (if single and available) to exchange numbers and try to see if there is some real chemistry there...
how odd is that?? media and their buggy man spoiled the simple natural communication between people...we all wonder in our heads "what if he's a creep??" or "what if she's a psycho??"... better run...
Another study I heard of (can’t remember the study) showed that marriage is a big contributor to why people lose friends. Which I would say people start getting married around age 25. Could marriage be a driving factor of why people lose friends?
I would agree. When people get married and start having families, their attention turns inward to the household.
As someone married for 14 years with 3 kids (I’m 43), I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with this. I love my family and regret none of it, but social life is zero. You have no time to focus on anything other than your kids and work, especially if family members refuse to help you look after the kids. Slap a pandemic in the midst of this and boom! No friends.
When you focus on family or personal goals you lose the time and the desire to hang out with people. And sometimes when you turned them down often enough because you have different priorities, they stop coming around. Then by the time you realized it, the time has passed, and you feel awkward reaching out to them out of the blue. I've been on both ends.
Only simps lose friends after getting married..
I am someone who was very introverted and shy when I was younger. I forced myself to be sociable. I'm usually the guy who throws his arm around someone. I love people and being around them. Great video Vanessa.
These are all good ideas! Somewhere strange I have met people for the music lovers: not just going to concerts, but going to the VIP of your favorite band/musician. You will meet so many people you have a lot in common with just for having the same favorite artist.
Thank you so much God bless you
FANTASTIC ADVICE - thank you! will give to students in my etiquette classes - even great idea for me since I am new to Virginia.
Oh wow, hopefully this will helps your students. I’ve always wanted to join an etiquette class 😊
The language class was a real gem 💎… definitely adding that to my routine.
I love this video, even though some of the things would be a bit harder to do in my country. I am a strage mix between introversion and extraversion, but when it comes to meeting new people, I am a 100% introvert. A friend recently sent me a joke saying "How introverts make friends: 10% they don`t. 90% An extrovert found them, liked them and adopted them." I could totally relate to the joke! 😄🙈
Btw. I have been going to courses, language classes and stuff my whole life, but I think I should definitely go more to hikings, excursions, stuff like that.
P.S. Covid-time doesn`t really help much with going to places... 🤨
Your situation was same with me 😄
In my country it's just hard to do that tips, infact people now usually use online regulation for anything, even at the cinema, so how to get into the long line.. it's hard to find a long line 😂
And as an introvert..your friends joke was really hit on me too hahaha
I'm not choosing friends, but they take me and adopt me because all of my friend is extrovert 😄
Thanks for this video. I have lost close friends over the years due to shyness and ultimately isolating. Wish me luck in finding and cultivating my community.
You've got this!
I like her when she is speaking with so passion
This was super helpful! I feel like I ‘lost’ some friendships in the past 2 years partly due to the pandemic and now I want to put myself out there more again.
As an introvert one thing that has helped me in the past is the staying late at events tip. I always find it much easier to meet people that way because it’s less overwhelming, people seem to be more open to chat, and if you’re an introvert you also have a better excuse to leave if it gets too much haha 😅
Hi Katherine I'm from India 🇮🇳
U wanna be my friend ? I just randomly msg cz I hv no frnds and feels lonely
Omg me2
Am so sorry dear friend please can we be friends
I appreciate you taking the time to make this video. I have marked this as a favorite video.
9:38 I learned to speak Spanish through Rosetta Stone and with the help of my customers at work. The customers at work were so so so super sweet when it came to helping me learn the language. Its like i was invited to a whole new world and culture, so cool. Literally the coolest thing that Ive ever done is learn to speak Spanish.
Thank you, Vanessa for an excellent video. You always give the best advice.
I’m new but this is definitely great advice. I love how she breaks everything down 😊
I love this! Thank you for creating this content! My mahjong group chose Ikea to play one day because there are round tables there with lots of space. A woman approached our table to say that she played, too. I was the extrovert in my group so I took her phone number--and I continued to follow up with her. We've been friends for over five years now!
Hello Vanessa, have not heard from you a quite a while. A relative question on my mind, yes, how to meet new people in a fairly new city of Sydney.
Think I am an ambivert and enjoy being alone as a creative, so have to make a conscious effort to get out of my own way, or comfort zone in order to meet like-minded people. Thank you, for the kind advice and grounded wisdom. Love your advice about the queues/lines. So true, remember, waiting in a queue at a nightclub for the toilet, clearly a shared human need and goal, means people's guard comes down and they are potentially more open for converse in chit chat.
By the way, Vanessa, love the radiating positivity you generate through the internet. Contributing towards a conscious web 3.0.
Love and light, peace and prosperity from Sydney, Australia.
I miss book clubs !!! I went to a good one before covid hit. Great place to meet new people !! Edited to add: ...I went to a latin music festival( highly specialized event) and before the festival , they had a dance class. I would agree that would be an awesome place to meet people. The instructor had people switching partners all through the lesson..it looked like so much fun... I have thought about starting a hiking club through meetup !! It would benefit a person in at least three ways: getting outside, getting exercise and meeting people.
Love these Vanessa!! So many I had not thought of:) Thank you for all you give to the world, your energy is contagious❤
Lets be friends 😊
ahhhh... the meeting people at the gym is hard!! Everyone has headphones on & their music is hard core blasting...
Long Lines Is An Excellent Way & It Really Works Well. Never Thought About Other's (( Will Try )) Excellent From Start To Finish.
In addition to fitness and books, there are lots of other clubs that really facilitate meeting people, like astronomy, quilting, chess/checkers, etc. etc. I would also add to the hike/run club, specifically, biking clubs. It's true that you can't talk while biking, but inevitably you will need to take breaks to drink water and maybe enjoy the view, and there's your opportunity! Basically, just think of a significant interest or hobby of yours, and even if it's not traditionally thought of as being a group activity, look it up, and there is probably a club for it. And, if you absolutely _cannot_ find a club for your favourite hobby, you might just want to consider _starting_ one yourself!
Of course, if you attend church, there may be group activities through your church that you don't know about, too, like picnics or hikes. If you are not well-connected at your church, it's a good idea to ask one of the officers (e.g. deacon) what activities there are that will help you connect, especially if it's a large church. As a bonus, you might find that some people at your church can help you meet new people outside of the church (such as inviting you to dinner where they also have their own neighbours over, etc.).
My main problem now is that I live in the country. Basically, if I don't want to spend a lot on gas, the only way to meet new people is to deliberately try meeting the neighbours, of which there are not many. They are too far away to just wave and say "good morning!" while taking out the trash, so it's not very introvert-friendly. On the upside, there is a township picnic every year, and one of these years, we'll be able to go. But we have managed to meet a few of our neighbours, and while we need to be more proactive in fostering these relationships, it is surprisingly easy to connect with people when you make the effort. For instance, one couple is into gardening. So are we! That is the subject matter of most of our conversations. Another neighbour we met simply because we needed to borrow a utility knife. Not only did she lend us hers, but we got an open invitation to come over and use her little cellar whenever a potentially tornadic storm comes through because we live in a mobile home. We have made use of this multiple times and if you want an opportunity to chat with someone, try being stuck with them in a cellar for an hour. It works.
Best advice I could ever give, though, is simply to find some way to do something kind for another, especially in a context where it isn't expected of you. Our neighbour who lent us her knife, we thanked for this favour by giving her some produce from our garden. She thanked us in turn by giving us some flowers from her garden to grow. 😀 Because even if you connect with a new person, it won't become a friendship if you don't find a way to deepen your bond!
I absolutely love the volunteer one, by the way.
Thank you for sharing those!
It's nothing wrong with a vampire fiction book club... I've ran a community of vampire lore and roleplay in SL - Second Life - since 2006 to this day...we have hundreds of active members enjoying the RP and learning the lore about this theme...
That being said, sadly in real life just meeting new people and striking out a simple pleasant conversation, especially in the US, is easy enough and your tips will definitely help... what's sad is that no one is willing to move to the next step beyond the simple chit chat and pleasantries and maybe exchange numbers... it's fine to chat then and there...but not outside that setting, whatever the setting is...
But I enjoyed your video nonetheless...
Word of advice find happiness within yourself meditation and activities help nowadays people are crazy focus on yourself because people hide and your life can become a nightmare
I met new people from church. And now I see them every week. :)
That is so great 😀
Lines, multiple buffet stops, niche in own city tour and suggestions from host were my favorites. Maybe a language class will make sense in the future for me too.
I like the comments about dance classes. I could definitely talk more with people there
The best of luck to you on making new friends 😊
Best, speicific concrete and easy sounding adivce that I have heard in a long time. Pick what sounds fun..... and go for it! Thanks Vanessa!
Seems like my life peaked at 25 and then just kind of collapsed. Yeah I would agree like it's hard to meet people like I don't know why especially with social media which I think is really f*** things up cuz now like in the United States a lot of people are scared of meeting people in person and this was long before covid like people are just f****** cowards now. I was always somebody who would just go walk up and talk to people but now people are scared because like of mass shootings and s*** who are just like who's just random person coming out and talking to me. I really wish we could just get rid of smartphones and have our flip phones back and go back to like the early 2000s where people had raves and mosh pits and people were forced to actually talk to each other
I'm with you bro'...not even flip phones bro'...no distractions, just talking to each other face to face over a coffee...or pizza and beer...
me too, 41 now, haven't met new people in years, I am a loner, though very social but I really miss friends. I outgrow many people.. I try to reach out to new people, but it does not last. I really am ready to meet new, healthy and wealthy people, sharing ideas and spending time together. Jus don't know how this works. I am also single, so no friends of my partner which does not help neither.
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 ...you'll discover wealth in people if you try to reach out to their hearts... if you're expecting to find wealth in their wallets or bank accounts, then you're looking in the wrong place I dare to say...
not that financial stability and self-sustainability is not important, because it is...but, aiming for wealth is not the way to go...whoever is financially stable, and even wealthy, can feel that and they steer away...
@@gabeghiby6935 euh?? Strange answer. It has always been the other way around :) and me playong the mother teresa, the life saver, the fixer, the babysitter.
I am done with that. It 's time to turn the tables ;)
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 I'm sure you've been hurt many times, like many others, and I'm sorry you had to experience such unpleasant moments... if it makes it better, just know you're not the only one, and other females and other males too have been hurt in the same or similar way... it's sad, but it happens...
now, it's nothing wrong to help anyone, and especially your significant other, if you can help... in the end, we are all broken in some way, and we all need some extra help at one point in time...considering no one is perfect, including us, and as such, we shouldn't expect perfection...
yes, it's wrong for others to take advantage of you and to abuse your kindness, and because of those types of fools, other men are often misjudged... those fools are a disgrace, and portray a bad name to real men...
I'd conclude by saying that usually a real man that is the king of his domain, is looking for his queen that will help him make even more money, not a gold digger that will spend his money...
I'm no expert, but if I may suggest, don't focus too much on financials, but more on character and what's in his heart...and as you already know, don't judge a book by its cover...
Amazing info! Thank you 🙏🏼
My tip: Offer to tutor or teach classes 1 on 1 or in a small group (in academics, sports or hobbies), such as on Craigslist. OR: take up a 1 on 1 lesson or a group lesson.
It really doesn't matter if you meet new people. Just meeting new people doesn't make them your friend. A deep connection with someone you want to spend time with on a regular basis is friendship. I know people in high school that I connected with but have no relationship with now. I also have friends from high school that I have a deep connection with and crave being with. You are basically fishing. Did you catch a fish, put it in a bowl and forget about it or did you catch a fish put it in your bowl and feed it? If both of you are a fish in a bowl being fed then that is a connection. If both of you are neglected fish then that is just someone you met.
Captivate is one of my core go to books since I understand too that not finding, building, and maintaining relationships did not serve me, not at all. Thank you so much for that book. This video was amazing too, thank you! I’m looking forward to reading your new one! Congrats! 🎉
I love your energy and advice Vanessa! I followed your Mindvalley class and I'm so happy for all you post here on youtube so I can continue to learn. I would like to add one : I don't have a dog to walk but apparently that is also a super effective way of meeting people. ;-)
Yes, definitely! When I had a dog, I knew all the neighbours!
Yes indeed... when I had my dog while walking her on the street or in the park I've met a lot of new people... not really making real friends, not really finding that special someone that could become a significant other... but definitely a lot of new people...
This is a goldmine that I’ve been looking for all my life
Pets are a great way to meet people. I’m a true introvert, but even I will approach someone with a pet! If you’re a religious person (I am), church can be a good place - especially in Sunday school or in a small group.
I love meeting people in church. I have met a few people at church. We just never hung out outside of church
These are all good ideas! Thanks for this great video!
You have no idea how much it helps me 😭😭😭
I'm soo glad this was helpful ❤
So completely inconvenience ourselves (standing in long lines) and make yourself uncomfortable...sounds perfect for introverts who suffer from social anxiety.
Your videos are great and useful, the only anoying thing is the mic. Thanks for sharing such valuable information :)
Vanessa, this is great advice!
So glad it resonated!
drifted apart with almost all my friends, some even fallen out with, and I’m only 20. That’s pretty much why I’m here
You, miss, have changed the course of my life 😄
Always love to hear you Vanessa 💓
u are truly a great mentor 😍
Wow! This is excellent tips! Thank you Vanessa!
Wow!! This video is so underrated. And living in a Latin American country, with a different culture, I can say that all of this works
The reason why you start losing friends at around 25 or so is people graduate college get careers but more importantly all of your friends get married and you are the 3rd wheel without a spare..
I have no problem starting conversations but have trouble with anything after that (converting to an actual friendship) - any advice?
Same
Thank you for this! Perfect timing as we come out of mask mandates and go into Spring. Many of us have been isolated and have lost friends who have move away. Time to meet new friends!
The best of luck to you my friend 😊
This is pretty much on point.
I don't have problems meeting new people I'm very friendly and believe there is no such thing as strangers just friends you haven't met yet. However, when I invite the new people that I meet to come over have dinner with my family with their family and play games. They just don't show up at the time they said they would come. They don't call, they don't text to tell me if something came up. I call them, sometimes they respond sometimes they do not. It's very frustrating because they seemed very excited about coming over. I have even had some of them text me throughout the week that they are excited about coming over and to confirm the time. Then they are a no-show. I didn't have this problem when I was single but now that I'm married and have kids people flake out all the time. This is especially worse for my kids and birthday parties too. People don't RSVP or they do RSVP they still don't show up. I don't know if it's because where we live now is very rural because people complain we are too far away. However, they don't think it's too far for us to come to them.
Maybe before inviting them to your home better to test water and try to meet somewhere on neutral territory? Coming to the house of the stranger is a pretty intimidating thing just because there is not so much trust between both parties and all people are afraid of judgment consciously or not
I am a big foodie lol, I would love to hang with the family 😊
Maybe start with a smaller meet up idea in a public place rather than your home right away?.
The first time you get together should be in a public place and time limited. Meet at a local ice cream shop or coffee shop. Have a play date at the park or go bowling. Coming over to someone's home can feel a little too personal too quickly,
Very good advice, Thanks
You're so welcome!
I love this. Thanks for the tips, Vanessa! I'm planning to move out of my parent's house after graduation but I'm getting scared of meeting new people (or making any friends at all). I'm hoping all will be well 🤞
This video is a crack up! Thanks Vanessa!
Lol I use the grazing! Between the stress of my awkwardness in social settings and using food to comfort my anxiety it is a master recipe to pack on a few pounds but I can always find a way to talk to people about food
Best clip on this topic I’ve seen so far. 🙏 thanks
Very good achievable advice!
It's cool listening to you.
I'm so glad! Thanks for taking the time to watch. :)
I met my first bestie in a shoe store. the second at a night club. The third at a funeral. If you're an extrovert, skies the limit! LOL
I’m trying to make new friends but it seems to rarely go past surface level. I find myself with evidence that our relationship hasn’t deepened and is still surface level. For example, I ask for a carpool ride for my kid and no one responses (except the super nice one who would speak to any and everyone even out of pity). I’m always the one that sells barely anything at fundraisers because I don’t have that influence on ppl like I witness other moms do.
I want all that to change. I’ve had influence on ppl in my past but that was when I was young and beautiful (I used to model). Now, Km “old”, overweight and never developed a charming or influential personality to work with.
I am changing that. I am making it one of my life goals to positively change peoples lives just by knowing them, be charming, influential and memorable and a person of light & love in this world 💐
Awesome video! I'm sort of an extrovert so it's more often that I don't know ways to meet new people rather than the approaching and starting a conversation part. This was helpful! One I might add is at the mall or at a bar, but maybe those are too obvious. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing day whoever's reading this, and that we can all make loads of new friends.
It's much easier for women to make new friends, they have their female solidarity and men want them around for obvious reasons.
That's not always the case. A lot of female "friendships" are fake and shallow if made after a certain point so it can be mentally and emotionally draining for women who are actively putting themselves out there for something genuine.
A lot of great ideas for meeting people. Thank you. I know you said we lose friends at the beginning (based on a study), but didn't say why. I wish to keep life-long friends. Also, there are now online chats/meetings. Not sure if we can rely on those for a true connection
Pandemis started and I couldn't greet people as I usually do before. Watching this video helps me a lot to gain my confidence to be comfortable around people again.
I meet new people every week going to events alone but I'm still watching this video 😂😂
What events do you go to?
i can meet them even going out solo now because i don't have any friends or social circle but when getting in with the new people they are nice though... i can't seem to make an impact enough or really make them as a friend... they just don't feel the connection they said
I am 32 and have no friends. I haven't had any friends in years. I am going to try to use some of your advice.
Same here Mike R
I had this problem. I went to a cooking party, then I was so deep into cooking good food for others, then I don't have enough time to talk or make new friends🤣
I would recommend Toastmasters. Good learning environment with positive people.
Work just swallows up all time!!! ... Also if you want to have a side hustle I just don't see how I can have more time🤔⌚..also with social media nowadays and to learn how everything's works.. Omg... HOW?! I meet most people at network events, I think it's best to have more business friends, when your time is limited, then you have best of both worlds I guess??! 😏🔥🙏🙌💛
New friends connection opportunity’s Woowoo 🌎🧑🏼🍳🙌🏼👑👸🏼👋
You are awesome Vanessa! This is a great video! Thank you for posting. :)
Those findings from the Oxford study are strange. I was a total wallflower until about age 25, very withdrawn. I made only one friend before then. Since 25, I have made several friends and continue to do so 25 years on.
Such a great recommendation. I will definitely try specialized city tour in my own city, I am sure I will discover new spots and make new friends.
Thank youuuu vanessa im trying to put myself out there after a long time
These are INCREDIBLE tips!
0:15 we lose friends starting at age 25. This is true, this happened to me and to others. Because as an adult we shouldn't be goofing off or being lazy just living life the way we want to but WE SHOULD BE DOING OUR LIFES PURPOSE STARTING AT THE AGE OF 20.
I feel like this is good advice, and good for small talk, I do some of your tactics already! But afterwards. I feel like people don't want to stay friends or don't care to maintain a friendship. lol. Story of my life..
Shannon, try the specialized focus strategy Vanessa was talking about. Take it slow. Each “no” gets you closer to your “yes”. Take notes on what is working. Good luck!🍀
Each no getting you closer to a yes is from David Meltzer who is incredible.
I like coffee shops!! As a way to meet people
Absolutely!
Problem is.. I never get invited to parties. So how can I go early and stay late? Or can I even graze.
Meetup is a really great source to meet other people with similar interests, needs, and goals. Meetup is great!
you are a legend, happy to find you
Thank you so much! Grateful you came across my work. :)
Good after gold