Thank you for bringing me along on this journey around friendship. I really value your presence in my life and admire your deep desire to keep learning and growing.
Making friends as an adult is especially tough as you don't have the benefit of institutions like school, university, or even, in my case, workplace (as I work remotely) bringing you together. Intentional effort is truly key. There's a vulnerability that comes with putting yourself out there like that, but I think a certain amount of courage is necessary to build relationships as you get older.
I agree with you. But I also think it has to do with personality and not age since you can always do activities that involve other people. It also has to do with attitude, as you said if you are the one looking friends then you are the one that has to put yourself out there. I also think the older you get the more picky you become when selecting friends.
I'm probably at least 20 years older than you Brianna and still having this issue. In my case when I was about your age I suffered a physical illness that made friendships a challenge. By the time my health recovered people had grown up, got married, got kids, moved away, got divorced. Years later social media is both a blessing (I'm met some incredible people) and a curse (it requires a lot of discipline). The last 2 years have complicated things even more. The necessity of courage with the wisdom of boundaries doesn't go as you get older. Whilst I'm here I looked at your channel and listened to a few of your videos. Your rendition of To Build a Home is utterly beautiful.
I started struggling to make friends once I stopped drinking and partying. As all of my bottle "friends" have either disappeared or I pushed them away cuz I had no interest to waste my life in a bottle or party anymore. It's been almost 10 years ago. Of course I meet some people on the way but they all kind of come and go. I do have a childhood friend though which we don't have much in common with (actually now we do cuz he started to get interested in videography lol) and on top of that we now live in two different countries, but we still have a strong bound cuz we grew up together literally from the diapers (we have a photo of our mothers holding us together a few weeks after our births - we were born 8 days apart haha). A few good friends that I met in different cities or countries too who I talk to regularly. I think it's better to be alone than to hang out with the wrong company. Passion or similar goals are definitely the fundamentals of making friends when you're an adult. So the main thing here is to have a passion or a life goal and eventually you'll meet someone similar. It's easy to make friends when all your goals are to go to university, find a great job and drink on the weekends cuz the majority of people do that. But when you're different from the rest, it takes time to find the right people.
That's the sad realization when you grow up. people really don't have any hobbies or things they are passionate about. Just party and go to coffee shops / places to eat lol
And why you dont invite those “bottle friends” to do other Stuff, stuff that you like, and tried things that they like… look i was thinking like you but them i realize is not about the external things that connect, is like every realetionship open yourself and let the other be in you and you be in the other… in my perspective is be vulnerble and love the other as it is, and that the other love you just as you are, cause nobody is perfect or interstent 24/7… srr for my bad grammar gringo lol
@@MishaElRusito bro If their behavior presents a real danger for you, then it is already understandable there, because if it weren't, self-love would be lacking. But if that person loves and respects you, with communication a relationship can continue despite bad habits. As long as their behavior does not affect you directly. For me, no matter how cliché it is, everything is summed up in real love. also have to see what you mark as a drug addict ... good luck brother that everything improves.
Making friends is one thing but to stay friends with them is a whole different thing. I have always struggled with the latter. Maybe because I am never able to connect with someone on a deeper level. At this age in my life, 25, I regularly think about why I am unable to connect with people and why after few years I get distanced from them. Since childhood to adulthood, in a group of friends, I was always that friend who was a friend of everyone but not "the" friend. The one friend whose absence wouldn't matter much. This is a very sad and lonely feeling. And now, I continuously think that why I couldn't connect with anyone and this makes me wonder if I will ever be able to connect with another human being ever.
I hope things get easy for youu @oceanrose. After reflecting on my experiences, I have just come to realize one thing. The most important thing is self-love. Maybe we don't love ourselves enough. Once we embrace our inner insecurities and accept whatever life has to offer with open heart with a determination to love ourselves with all our short-comings, life starts to get easy. We don't have to depend on anyone else for our happiness. Only we can do that for us. And then, maybe someone will tag along to share our happiness with us. No expectations. Just flow with the wind. Whatever comes, comes. Whatever goes, must be for the better.
it has been exactly the same for me, i look at others around me who all have atleast one friend who theyve known for years and are very close with. its very hard not having that and any friends whatsover bcs my life rn is very lonely as there is no school or anything that i can go to meet people.
Same, I feel like at some point as I was growing up I just forgot how to make friends, or the bar to making friends just became higher for some reason as the people in my age group got older and I simply never figured out how to reach it
The beginning of this video really hit home, almost painfully so. The feeling of seeking out deep connections but struggling to find them defined my teens and a significant portion of my 20's (so far). I tried a lot of things, including starting to go by Mike instead of Michael because I thought it made me seem friendlier. I don't know what the secret to deep friendships is, but I think I am getting closer to just intuitively and organically making them Thank you for the video.
Imo it comes down to being more authentic, being more "you". Cause then you attract people that like you for being you. And also genuinely being curious, open, vulnerable, interested in other people.
I have a lot of deep friendships and this is my secret simplified. 1. Go to random events alone. 2. Have lots of hobbies so you have something to talk about. 3. Write everyday to improve articulation. Poems, fiction or philosophical. 4. Meet people through sports (some sports are more social than others). 5. Exercise to keep up a good mood. 6. Learn to listen. 7. Talk loud enough so people can hear you. 8. Use body language when talking. 9. Smile. 10. Don't drink too much alcohol so you're always exhausted. 11. Don't work so much that you're always exhausted. 12. Make sure that the people at you're school/work are your kind of people. 13. Go for long walks so that you can think deeply about how you can make friends. 14. Have passion and meaning in your soul, other people will feel that energy. 15. Don't be afraid of being silly.
Something my therapist recently reminded me of was that trust requires the knowledge of your own safety within a relationship. For those of us struggling with trauma or low self-esteem, this takes longer than the typical person. Many don't understand that this is what is behind many "shy" or "distant" people...it can be a very isolating experience. I think that the growth in our relationship with ourselves is what enables us to make better bridges to others. Love your videos Nathaniel! Thank you for being so authentic. It definitely makes me feel a little less lonely knowing that there is another young person grappling with these questions about life.
I love the point your therapist made about how in order to trust, we need to feel safe first. I've also come to realise it's important to do some self-reflection and understand what feeling safe in relationships means for myself in particular.
What request I have as a socially-non-traumatised person, I'd love to make new friends but I just hope that maybe those who are traumatised and feel less safe would learn how to share the fact. Then it would be easier to understand the shyness or stand-offish behaviour. I know that's a paradox because you'd give someone bad a weapon against you. But I hope for a future where mental health is discussed just like broken bones. I want to make new friends and I want to include those who have been hurt because I have been hurt by other things and maybe we can comfort each other or give each other new perspectives.
@@phoebeel I have Complex PTSD, and as someone who has been repeatedly traumatized myself, I can tell you that it isn't that simple. There's a good reason why people like me aren't as willing or enthusiastic to place our trust in others and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We see everyone as a potential threat because we've been burned too many times. After a certain point, distrusting people becomes second-nature. Now this is going to sound very selfish (and it is to a certain extent), but people who want to befriend us have to prove their trustworthiness because it takes us a very long time to leave the safety of that bunker we've built for ourselves and to step out into the light and go "ok...maybe this time will be different." For myself, it takes years before I feel safe around a certain person -- it's a very slow process. And most people aren't willing to wait that long (fair enough), but those who do, I know that they're my real friends. Those are the people who've got my back. I have my issues that I'm trying to work on (everyone's a work in progress), but I'll never be a trusting individual with my arms wide open to the world. You just can't do that when you've seen what I've seen and experienced what I have experienced. People like you are the lucky ones. I wish I knew what it was like to look at the world the way that you do. I hope, for your sake, that you never lose it.
The problem isn’t making friends but keeping them when your interests are constantly changing as you evolve as a person. Friendship is all about exposure, which wavers when people go on their own paths.
I don't think you should disregard the other just to make a point. Both aspects are hard; It may not be the problem for you but everyone has their own life experiences.
This video got me thinking. Somehow I have been struggling with creating conections with others all these 23 years; somehow I have tried in many ways to create friendships, but I always end up being that friend that nobody cares if he/she is missing. I understand that it is important to be good with yourself and learning to be alone with your self, but being lonely sometimes can be overwhelming.
Very weirded out right now. Because just yesterday I was crying on the phone to my friend in London about how hard it's been for me to make friends. I know I have to make effort and all that, but like you said, I am fully convinced that my island is just further away from the other islands than normal. Related so much to the "TV shows aren't gonna be a good enough bridge for me" part.
One thing I've learned about friendship is that not every friendship needs to be a strong deep bound like "I would die for you" but it is sometimes about sharing some moments together and enjoying it, or helping each other with struggles. And then, suddenly, there's a stronger thing there than you realised before. But sometimes it doesn't happen this way and still...you have people with you, that changed your life and you care about each other in a light refreshing way. That's amazing too.
I've struggled my whole life to make friends, and I've always been extremely introverted, growing up homeschooled and living in the middle of a forest far away from the nearest town. The trees were my friends, as well as my many imaginary friends I ran barefoot through the woods with. 🤣 I've always felt that I am my own best friend, and still to this day I feel the same. I have full blown conversations with myself, to the point where if someone saw me, they'd think I'm insane. I have gotten a little better at meeting people and making friends, but they rarely last. If I move somewhere else, then the friendship also moves on. I don't really have close friends who I confide in. Sometimes I wish I did, but I also have accepted that is is just who I am. Don't know if it'll ever change, but I'm also okay with it. ☺️❤️
I relate so much even though I didn't grow up in a forest (but next to a big one). But I do have those full blown conversations with myself! And I'm completely okay with it! Even if I do crave this deep connection, I'm coming to accept to just enjoy good relationships with friends I have at the moment with no expectations (this is key) even if they are not deep. I've also learned to find a good friend in my own family and in God, and since then I never had the need to confide in anyone else.
Do you have it hard to hold conversations that are interesting to both of you? I’m wondering if part of the issues is not meeting people that are aligned with your interests. I’m speaking for myself too. Thanks for sharing ❤️
@@lovelyindeed4526 I don't have any issue holding conversations, mostly because I have such a wide variety of passions and interests. I'm also genuinely interested in learning about other people and what they love. It's mostly just keeping relationships going that I struggle with. I also don't have that deep need for connection that I feel other people have. I never feel a sense of loneliness, even though I can go days without talking to a single person. It's taken me my whole life to realize this about myself, so I've accepted it. 🥰
@@lovelyindeed4526 I 100% agree with Ellary Rose in that it's not that hard to hold a conversation as I'm also interested in a billion things and it's always interesting to discuss with someone that comes with a different set of interests and passions. However, I wouldn't necessarily agree that having common passions and interests is what makes a friendship (even though it can help). I would say shared values is more important to bond with someone, with kindness, humility, integrity and curiosity being important to me.
@@Ellary_Rosewood I resonate so much with what you’re saying. I love talking to new people and it’s great but at the same time I can go a long time being alone and not really feeling lonely. I just enjoy my own company and when it comes to talking to other people through text or whatever idk I feel I don’t get very interested or maybe I can’t keep it going. Just in my own world I guess lol
I never struggled to make friends but keeping them was my challenge. As we grew older, we changed as individuals and our friendships fell apart. As an adult, it's extremely hard to make friends. People are busy tending to their responsibilities and lives, that they have no time for friendships to be maintained or started . Shared interests and values has created the strongest friendships that I've had. I'm happy that you took a leap of courage to create fulfilling and hopefully long last friendships.
100% I can relate to this. As an introvert, there's this misconception that we're anti-social. But, definitely not. Like any other human beings - we crave for a connection, a genuine one. It's hard for us to do so because sometimes we have trust issues with people. Our trust is so fragile, that once it's broken into pieces, it's nearly impossible to return it back.
it feels really validating to hear a 1 million sub youtuber share the same struggles as I do, to be honest I've been pushing myself to create content, share my art online in hope to attract friends with similar energy/interest. And to some extent i don't think that's healthy because I'm equating my worth as a frd to how "cool" I am - when in fact friendship is more about constantly showing up, having a true connection...etc
Letting go of superficial and narcissistic "friends" who I allowed to bring me down for too damn long. Let go to your attachments, people included. Those who do not appreciate you do not deserve your energy or presence. Thanks ND for all that you do and your perspective on life. Many of us are experiencing the same.
Some people think to have bad friend is better then been alone. Once you start to become your own friend, you can heal deep wounds emotionally. You start to appreciate yourself more.
I resonate with this deeply. I’ve always considered my self a social nomad, floating between many social circles, but never having a core one. I’ve always had the same fear of heights as well. With similar experiences of taking on small cliff jumps but still being immensely terrified. Paired with times where I sat and watched letting the fear take the helm.
This video makes me feel normal so thank you lol. I have also struggled making friends. I think ppl who naturally want deeper connections instead of superficial ones (which aren't bad either, just a preference) have a harder time bc you really need to find the right ppl to connect to. If i don't feel emotionally connected to someone, I can't justify putting effort into it.
Thank you for your valnurability! Very relatable topic for me. As an Introvert, and someone who stopped drinking and partying after I turned 30, it became nearly impossible to make connections. I don't like shallow conversations, gossip, or complaint-driven chats, and finding anything other than that is a challenge. P.S. Very touching brotherhood and support. Teared up. Also, Congrats on overcoming your fear!
Friendships and connection are so curious. The first seconds after meeting someone you can just know if the two of you will work or not, there's something else to this all! Beautiful shooting and content Nathaniel!
Me too, Nathaniel. Being an introvert is both a gift and a curse but I can never turn down the prospect of a great adventure regardless of my anxious tendendancies.
for me it's more of a curse. I've managed to become a socially active and outgoing person and still remain an introvert and, honestly, cannot think of a time when I've benefited from being an introvert
Really? Do you mean that? I've always heard some forum of that, and always wondered if it is true. Loosing my youth and it being too late has always been my greatest fear, I feel that fear has often made me care more than I should about relationships. Side note: I turned 29 a few days ago, on December 24th.
@@tvfan14 It is not like you get women all over you but women see you less creepy, more mature, and actually sit by you, talk to you and respect you. That does not mean they are attracted but that they out thrmselves available.
The secret with friendships is like with any other relationship, is to not force it. Let it develop naturally in whatever shape or form. Don't control the nature of it. Give it space and time and just be yourself. The other person will or will not recognize the value of the friendship and vice versa. You can't control that and if you try to do that, it will fail.
Speaking of friendship, I was amazed how everyone was very supportive and understanding of you when it came to jump off. Nobody made fun or put any kind of pressure on you. The fact that, very supportive, they offered another spot to help you deal with the fear, then waiting for your own timing and finally celebrating you when you did jump off the higher spot was very touching for me to watch!! It absolutely resonated with my own fear of making fiends and helped me understand that I can go out there and jump intentionally, like you did, to make friends!! Thank you for sharing such an amazing video!!
I've been struggling with absolutely no friends or anything online or IRL and being a hermit in my room, it's not impossible but it's not good for my mental health
I agree, 'making friends in adulthood is hard', (harder the more mature in age) that's because others have established relationships/friendships, therefore harder for 'outsiders' to penetrate or become part of that circle.
When 2 people find their common, a connection is made - sometimes weak, sometimes strong. What do we ALL have in common? Knowing what it feels like to not belong. Share vulnerability and stories of being excluded and connections will happen. Great video. Thanks.
It's crazy how your videos always align with internal battles I'm facing. Friendship and making friends is something I'm diving deeper in to right now because I feel the same way you did when I was younger, and still do. I've struggles to make friends my whole life, but something is changing. I'm changing.
Wow, you are turning into a very interesting filmmaker. What a topic. My husband hasn’t had a male friend in 25 years. I wish he would watch this. This episode brought smiles at different times.
Johnny talking about his friend who believes something totally different from him yet they can have such discourse is so needed in todays world! love to see it’s💗
I remember visiting my school friends when I returned to India for a visit. They were more interested in how I could assist them to gain permanent immigration. When I declined to help....everyone went silent and did not speak any longer. Friends are there when you are in the same boat with them....if you progress to a better life, they don't want to know you. Be careful. It is not all as it seems.
Introspection seems like the key to unlocking how to change not only your outlook on friendship, but also what actionable steps you can take to make a positive change. Thanks for sharing your story, I know thousands of people can identify with it.
I wish I could make friends. I’ve struggled with making friends my whole life. I wish I could make more intentional friendships filled with laughter, sadness and growth. Sadly being an only child and growing up in a Caribbean household I wasn’t taught how to make friends or intentional relationships. Thankfully I do have a wife and kids but sometimes a different shoulder to lean on or support would be awesome.
i can resonate with this so much! the friends i have are due to them making an effort to talk to me. when it comes to me actually going out to make friends, i find it nerve-racking. its nice to know other people also struggle
your storytelling gets better and better! I'm so excited for you to have a whole course on it. I'm sure that's been really fulfilling to create. I've been following you for years!
I've been struggling with lonliness for most of my life, but specifically the past 6 years has been the most painful. When I became ill and had to drop out of school, all my supposed friends never really visited me and throughout the years we became more distant and I never really did get back into school properly which hindered my ability to make or sustain friendships. A lot of them also consciously ignore me or make excuses to not hang out which deeply hurts as I used to feel that we were very close before I got ill. I've been trying to move on for so long but I still sometimes have days where I remember all our memories and good times we had and I just become deeply sad and just wanna cry. To this day, I sometimes question if there was just something I did wrong or whatever but I feel like in the end it doesn't really matter. I tried my best to make it work so many times and I've just gotten burned. I need to move on. But fuck, is it hard.
If a person is just your friend on "good days", they aren't your friends at all! It isn't your problem, it's their's... there are people qho simply haven't the capability of being a friend because they are too selfish or insensitive. Reach out to people who worth it!
@Parker Moore If you still miss your friends try to reach to them: the worse thing you'll get is that they don't want to be your friends again, and then you'll always keep the good memories, or they want to be friends with you again and you recover your friends! Either way, you can always make new friends!
My problem isnt trusting people i usually open up fast cause id rather be awkward saying something dumb than to not give it a chance. But i feel like everybody treats me like a weirdo
This was one of the most beautifully done examples of what a healthy friendship looks like that I’ve ever seen. I think many times, especially with young people, we find parts of ourselves being lost in desperation. of acceptance of the “friends” around us. This is such an amazing example of how a truly good friend will try to push you out of your boundaries but support you if you’re ready yet or not. There is no mockery or judgement, but rather a truly safe space for growth. I love the vulnerability dude, keep making good shit.
I love this, I can definitely tell you are also an INFJ and the need for really deep, meaningful connection is so important to us. ⭐ I hope you continue to stay true to yourself
So just yesterday I read my diary again from when I was 12 till 16 and I saw a lot of struggle in finding friends and also having the feeling that everyone was against me. My main rules became, trust no one and love is a lie. It was until I went to a festival for the more neuro atypical and the "weirdos" that all of a sudden I was surrounded by my kind of people, and the world shifted for me. I would meet people at this festival through the years and it just clicked. From then I learned that if it clicks it just clicks. In this way I met a friend that when they walked in the room I said, you are cool, let's be friends. For people looking for hobbies or things to feel more connected (when you are not the kind to go drinking) I found three things in which I really feel connected or just really enjoy, which is partner acrobatics, playing boardgames and dancing balfolk (folkdance in which you can dance together or with a group and be yourself). I would describe myself as, I enjoy being with other people doing my thing (if that makes sense) As a person I can shine bright with the right people, but for some that is too bright and they try to dim the light. Don't let your light be dimmed by others, you have the right to shine ❤️
Aww, you guys in the water all celebrating together was so touching. Not only is it emotionally isolating not having many close friends, but it’s so hard to celebrate yourself, it’s hard to have that kind of loving perspective toward yourself. When you have friends around you that are excited to see you succeed - that’s such a gift.
I feel also when it's not a long historic friendship, it's easier to make friend when you find value for you in the relationship or "admire" some things about the other.
Literally was just thinking about how i struggle with this and then this popped up mine too is maintaining those relationships especially when you get so busy in life
thank you for this. as I was watching this, I got increasingly emotional but also excited about embracing life and people. I've always been an extremely inward-looking person, introverted, but I've been thinking for years that I want to make my life more about people and friendships, because they're what makes life worth remembering. and this video came at the time I needed it the most, here to tip the scale, to break the proverbial camel's back. I really appreciate the way you "package" your ideas: had they been told in a flat and simple way, they wouldn't have hit half as hard. the beauty you create is important as a vessel for your ideas. it makes them stronger and more effective. thank you again.
Thanks, I've been waiting for this video to go up since you mentioned it a while ago. Feeling very understood as you said going your own path can make you isolated. Totally same here! And that TV series/drinking beer wasn't enough to connect to others.. same. There needs to be more! I've been on a spiritual quest for quite some time and superficial conversations just don't cut it. I've been sharing my thoughts and art on TH-cam for a while and still hope to find my 'tribe' too. Thanks for being an inspiration! 🤍
Congrats on being one of the most authentic TH-camrs I’ve seen. Every video shows your true self and that is why your successful. I’ve struggled with friendship because I despise “small talk”. I feel like most conversation is so shallow and meaningless and so I hate participating in it, even though that’s how friendships are made. That deeper connection you’ve mentioned is something I long for. I wish I had people like you and Johnny locally, as I think I would true,y value perspectives like yours. Keep being awesome!
I really needed this validation. I’ve always felt like I have such a hard time finding likeminded folks who I can be vulnerable with and have a deep connection with. I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
Yes, I definitely, realized this especially, in my early 30's, that staying connected and making connections with existing or new relationships takes effort!
I feel so cold sometimes even with my boyfriend, I gave up on trying to make friends along time ago because I got into a pattern of people I work just always end up disliking me, now I feel it just how the universe is, and I just can’t make friends or maybe I’m so unsociable and uninteresting it doesn’t matter. Everyone I live with also doesn’t really have friends so is it just normal, but it’s also so sad.
Yeah,so the irony is the people who most need a supportive friend network are the people most likely to be shunned and ignored. Just yesterday evening I watched a TV show about people with "mental health issues" really as far as I could see people who didn't fit in,they were all doing suicide because NO ONE cared,and that's just how it is. You can't force,coerce,pay or legislate for people to care.
after everything that happened in the last two years, we all need more human interactions, big and small. so, just dropping by to tell u that u r amazing and whatever ur going thru u got this. now go forth and pass on the good vibes to everyone around you. 🥳
This video is incredible and I resonate to my core. I’ve spent the past 2 years question what does connection and friendship mean, and how are they essential for emotional and mental health, and general success in existing (whatever successfully existing means).
I think you're a really fun individual from what we see from you in your videos. Fun and relatable. So glad your life is getting better in the social aspect!
Every single point made in this video are verbatim thoughts I've had over the past ~2 years as I try to find friends for life. Also struggled to make friends my whole life and am now on a journey to be intentional about the connections I make. Gotta love the introspection!
I struggled to make many friends at least when I was younger, because growing up, I was into anime, languages, horror, and J-Pop. It was not until high school and college that changed a bit because I found more people I could relate to. What is my own problem was thinking everyone has to think from my perspective, always agree, and do things the way I wanted but again, these perceptions changed with age.
I don't comment on videos often, but this struck a chord with me. Your vulnerability, introspection, and perceptiveness is awesome to watch. It encourages me to remain open-minded to new experiences and new people. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us all.
The moment I moved to a new school when I was 8, I suddenly could no longer make friends. I was so different from my new peers that I wasn’t accepted and that continued through the rest of my school years and now I have such bad social anxiety that I’m just afraid of people now. “Friends” have only been people who actually didn’t like me; I was a joke to them. So I’ve just spent the last 19 years very isolated, alone, and feeling hated by anyone I encounter. I ended up being conditioned to believe that I’m not worth being liked or cared about. And any time I’ve reached out to people to try to build friendships I end up being shut down and treated like I’m being crazy for wanting to talk to someone… maybe one day I’ll have a friend
I was scared with you watching the video. And not only I was amazed and moved by the vulnerability and realness of your friendships but also incredibly happy for you. And, also, hearing you scream fully after jumping was one of the biggest lessons I learnt in this video I believe, as I tend to hide my emotions and not celebrate my accomplishments enough. Thank you and Giant congratulations!!!
This is so timely. My thoughts on relationships transformed for me in the past year. Intentionality is not a bad thing when it allows to foster a deeper relationship.
your screams after the jump made me cry of happiness and emotion for you.. ❤ I relate to everything you said. I did bungee jumping 2 times for your same reason and I will jump a 3rd time cause I want to feel the real freedom of doing that and not being just terrified during all the process. I'll do that. Thank you you've touched my heart♡
I heard so many wrong uses for the term "Quantum Leap" but linkening it to a fearless jump-with sandals-into the mediteranian sea, that just has to change its original meaning now. which right now is "the smallest possible, observable change of one state into another."
I normally never comment bUT: This video was exquisit! I graduated from high school in the beginning of this year and moved on with volunteer work abroad for one year. This is a huge life change, I left my family and friends at home to move on. As much as I love growing in new sourroundings and meeting new people, it can also be terribly tiring and challenging. Not everyone who thought would make a good friend turns out as one. You are my biggest inspiration Nathan!
This was lovely and empowering! I think people underestimate the impact of growing up lonely on your ability to connect. Some friends of mine that did not deal with loneliness did not understand the depth of my (feelings) fears and worries, because they had a totally different experience interacting with the world. Finding compassionate and emotionally mature people to connect with is a huge factor to adult friendships in my opinion. Some "attachment issues" can only be healed in relationship with others. However, working on self soothing and self compassion techniques, challenging my discomfort in connecting with others have worked very well for me. I think loneliness grants you a super power to experience connection (to the world) to a heightened degree. And maybe conquering fears ,such as heights, will empower you to move more freely in the world. To anyone who needs to read this: You are not faulty. You are a human being. Just being the way you are in this moment and the next, is enough
yeah but thing that loneliness provides a moral sense of understanding the world in a deeper lenses instead of not knowing how to deal with being by yourself. And the thing is I always felt like introverts are going to have a harder time with making friends 💀
Love how everyone was so supportive and not pressuring you to jump, but were rather encouraging you to overcome your fears. You have a great group of friends! Also totally resonate with feeling lonely a lot of times in life. But it's a matter of putting yourself in experiences where you can get to know others, like taking classes, or joining a sports group. I've made some friends via language classes myself.
I love this content, we share so many struggles but also we feel so alone within our own experiences of similar things. It's interesting how struggling with somebody else makes it seem less impossible to go through... It's almost empowering.
I've had the hardest time to get out of bed this week. And as obvious as it is, that bed is not a cliff, the fear and the frozen state I´ve been almost feels the same. After watching this video, I got a small amount of excitement and I didn't even notice, when I was out of the bed, fully in clothes, brushing teeth and writing to a friend that maybe we should go out and have a walk. Thank You.
Thank you for this. I pretty much lost all of my friends these past few years because I realized if I don't reach out, they never will. It's been hard, especially since I've been trying to meet new people and those connections are also one-sided (they never invite me anywhere or answer back my texts). Luckily I'm entering university in a few weeks so I hope people there will be more open. But it felt nice knowing I'm not the only person struggling :-)
@@demidrawings9201 they have not actually. But I met a friend online purely by luck and we chat everyday now. Not sure what I’d do without them. I’m switching universities & programs so maybe I’ll make new friends there who like what I like. How’s your experience so far?
@@Capybaragee I made an awesome group of friends at the beginning of the year who expressed being scared to lose each other and me, and were actually really good to me and reciprocating. For whatever reason, I am discluded or left out by most of the group, and I am only good friends with one of them now(technically 2-3, but the other seldomly reach out), and the rest are friends with each other. It’s really painful, but I’m trying to hold onto some hope
@@demidrawings9201 dang that’s so weird, I can’t figure out why that happens. I’m glad you have a few people though, I hope they give you the support you need. How did you become friends btw ? I’ve joined a few clubs and people seem to just want to talk on the spot then never contact me again
I totally cheered for you, Nathaniel when you jumped! WHOOHOOOOO. I resonate a lot with you and your story with difficulty making friends. We're deep souls, introverts, that crave deep and meaningful connection. This isn't so easy to find, and I'm so happy you found it with these awesome guys!! Love your love for deep understanding!!
What a beautiful video. As someone who has gone down quite a unique path in life, I've definitely felt the side effect of loneliness and not being able to connect with very many people. The theory of passion and struggles building a bridge is something that will for sure stick with me, as I start my journey travelling the world.
All I can say is Thanks again. I'm 43 and still working on good friendships, sometimes thinking I've got nothing to offer, but I'm making myself more vulnerable and make amazing connections.
"I don't wanna be inspiring right now bro." Says he while doing one of the most inspiring videos I've seen. Man, I can really relate to your search of connection of depth, of others. I think it's something that so many people struggle with but so few of them are willing to talk about it. It astounds me how vulnerable you show yourself to be in each of these videos. Amazing job Nathaniel.
For whatever reason i havent been watching your latest content but man. Im glad i watched this video. Such an interesting and eyeopening analysis of friendship.. Somethings i inherently knew but wouldve never been able to explain or verbalize. Rlly good video man
To the *incredible person* that's seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
My problem a lot of times is trying to figure out if they consider me a close friend too or am I just the only one, I always think they probably don’t want to hang out with me,or they don’t like me but are pretending to.
The repercussions of early grade retention shattered what was a normal social learning curve for me. Imprinting on a host of negatives left little room for peer connections. Rejection feeds upon itself and blinds one to possibilities; as it entices others to keep distant. When one carries fear as a adjunct to outreach, efforts at connection are often stillborn. I have found that the antidote for loneliness is letting go of fear. It is the rare and wonderful soul who can see past ones fear and allow friendship to flourish. I was blessed with such a friend once. He helped me to value myself as he did. The less fear I carried, the more friends I made. I missed the formative years when casual friendships are many; and many become lifelong. Yet I now treasure even the most casual of connections, for they reinforce within me a sense of belonging. Self worth supports connection. I am grateful to have discovered my value to self, and to others. They are noticing.
I find that I get lonely in groups and merely observing them can also stir up negative emotions. But watching Nathaniel and his friends was not like that. Seeing these positive and out going individuals together doing something I dont really think about brought a smile to my face and actually made me feel better :) thank you for sharing this Nathaniel, as I too am finding the concept of making friends not the easiest task
Such a good video! I can totally feel you when it comes to making friends. It's basically impossible for me to make friends at a party or event where I don't know many people. But somehow, I've just been very lucky in life. I made lots of good friends in school and I'm surprised and grateful that a bunch of those friends are still, 11 years later, among my closest friends. Most of the new friends either came through my existing friends, or through the few things where I put myself out there (joining the university juggling group, going to Japan for an exchange). I still want to make new friends, but not because of a lack of close friendships. I'm so grateful for all those friends. :)
Can we all give it to Nathaniel for how vulnerable he is in each and everyone of his videos! Love to see it bro!
It's inspiring!
Agreed
You are talking like a crazy man. You Can Talk!! You have thousands of followers (friends).
Feel so related to his topics. Love that he’s sharing this.
Hell yeah! I agree 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
“The only way that friendship works in adulthood is intentional effort”
Not to devalue the quote but the only way ANYTHING works in adulthood is intentional effort.
@@hypnoticlizard9693 I think that it's the opposite: friendships happen spontaneously and progressively...
@@vervideosgiros1156 Thats only if you are spending time with the other person because of work or school.
@@hypnoticlizard9693 ...or in some hobby like some kind of art, like dance, drama, music, or sports, etc.
Thank you for bringing me along on this journey around friendship. I really value your presence in my life and admire your deep desire to keep learning and growing.
loving both of your contents :) thanks for both of you for helping me during the whole pandemic to keep my sanity lol. love from Jordan شكرا
Loved the illustrations about bridging the gap to make friends!
okay mr world economic forum
@@OVXX666 lol
Making friends as an adult is especially tough as you don't have the benefit of institutions like school, university, or even, in my case, workplace (as I work remotely) bringing you together. Intentional effort is truly key. There's a vulnerability that comes with putting yourself out there like that, but I think a certain amount of courage is necessary to build relationships as you get older.
I agree with you. But I also think it has to do with personality and not age since you can always do activities that involve other people. It also has to do with attitude, as you said if you are the one looking friends then you are the one that has to put yourself out there.
I also think the older you get the more picky you become when selecting friends.
Well let me tell you about Germany, the line between profession life even in school and university and private life is very strict.
I had that problem until I started looking for group activities with strangers. Joined a hiking group and just went from there.
I'm probably at least 20 years older than you Brianna and still having this issue. In my case when I was about your age I suffered a physical illness that made friendships a challenge. By the time my health recovered people had grown up, got married, got kids, moved away, got divorced. Years later social media is both a blessing (I'm met some incredible people) and a curse (it requires a lot of discipline). The last 2 years have complicated things even more. The necessity of courage with the wisdom of boundaries doesn't go as you get older.
Whilst I'm here I looked at your channel and listened to a few of your videos. Your rendition of To Build a Home is utterly beautiful.
@@kylekennedy420 i guess in Sarasota I need to get a wheelchair group
I started struggling to make friends once I stopped drinking and partying. As all of my bottle "friends" have either disappeared or I pushed them away cuz I had no interest to waste my life in a bottle or party anymore. It's been almost 10 years ago. Of course I meet some people on the way but they all kind of come and go. I do have a childhood friend though which we don't have much in common with (actually now we do cuz he started to get interested in videography lol) and on top of that we now live in two different countries, but we still have a strong bound cuz we grew up together literally from the diapers (we have a photo of our mothers holding us together a few weeks after our births - we were born 8 days apart haha). A few good friends that I met in different cities or countries too who I talk to regularly.
I think it's better to be alone than to hang out with the wrong company. Passion or similar goals are definitely the fundamentals of making friends when you're an adult. So the main thing here is to have a passion or a life goal and eventually you'll meet someone similar.
It's easy to make friends when all your goals are to go to university, find a great job and drink on the weekends cuz the majority of people do that. But when you're different from the rest, it takes time to find the right people.
That's the sad realization when you grow up. people really don't have any hobbies or things they are passionate about. Just party and go to coffee shops / places to eat lol
And why you dont invite those “bottle friends” to do other Stuff, stuff that you like, and tried things that they like… look i was thinking like you but them i realize is not about the external things that connect, is like every realetionship open yourself and let the other be in you and you be in the other… in my perspective is be vulnerble and love the other as it is, and that the other love you just as you are, cause nobody is perfect or interstent 24/7… srr for my bad grammar gringo lol
@@angelitoramire cuz they are drug addicts now and also drug dealers. And have no life goals other than get another dose.
@@MishaElRusito bro If their behavior presents a real danger for you, then it is already understandable there, because if it weren't, self-love would be lacking. But if that person loves and respects you, with communication a relationship can continue despite bad habits. As long as their behavior does not affect you directly. For me, no matter how cliché it is, everything is summed up in real love. also have to see what you mark as a drug addict ... good luck brother that everything improves.
Yo El Rusito I’m a big fan great to see you here hermano
Making friends is one thing but to stay friends with them is a whole different thing. I have always struggled with the latter. Maybe because I am never able to connect with someone on a deeper level. At this age in my life, 25, I regularly think about why I am unable to connect with people and why after few years I get distanced from them. Since childhood to adulthood, in a group of friends, I was always that friend who was a friend of everyone but not "the" friend. The one friend whose absence wouldn't matter much. This is a very sad and lonely feeling. And now, I continuously think that why I couldn't connect with anyone and this makes me wonder if I will ever be able to connect with another human being ever.
I feel the same way and it makes me want to cry a lot of the time.
I hope things get easy for youu @oceanrose. After reflecting on my experiences, I have just come to realize one thing. The most important thing is self-love. Maybe we don't love ourselves enough. Once we embrace our inner insecurities and accept whatever life has to offer with open heart with a determination to love ourselves with all our short-comings, life starts to get easy. We don't have to depend on anyone else for our happiness. Only we can do that for us. And then, maybe someone will tag along to share our happiness with us. No expectations. Just flow with the wind. Whatever comes, comes. Whatever goes, must be for the better.
it has been exactly the same for me, i look at others around me who all have atleast one friend who theyve known for years and are very close with. its very hard not having that and any friends whatsover bcs my life rn is very lonely as there is no school or anything that i can go to meet people.
Same, I feel like at some point as I was growing up I just forgot how to make friends, or the bar to making friends just became higher for some reason as the people in my age group got older and I simply never figured out how to reach it
@@saamiajahangir6369amazing. I want this
The beginning of this video really hit home, almost painfully so. The feeling of seeking out deep connections but struggling to find them defined my teens and a significant portion of my 20's (so far). I tried a lot of things, including starting to go by Mike instead of Michael because I thought it made me seem friendlier. I don't know what the secret to deep friendships is, but I think I am getting closer to just intuitively and organically making them
Thank you for the video.
Imo it comes down to being more authentic, being more "you". Cause then you attract people that like you for being you. And also genuinely being curious, open, vulnerable, interested in other people.
What a cute and curious thing to do! Did you notice any difference?
Best of luck to you Mike!
I have a lot of deep friendships and this is my secret simplified.
1. Go to random events alone.
2. Have lots of hobbies so you have something to talk about.
3. Write everyday to improve articulation. Poems, fiction or philosophical.
4. Meet people through sports (some sports are more social than others).
5. Exercise to keep up a good mood.
6. Learn to listen.
7. Talk loud enough so people can hear you.
8. Use body language when talking.
9. Smile.
10. Don't drink too much alcohol so you're always exhausted.
11. Don't work so much that you're always exhausted.
12. Make sure that the people at you're school/work are your kind of people.
13. Go for long walks so that you can think deeply about how you can make friends.
14. Have passion and meaning in your soul, other people will feel that energy.
15. Don't be afraid of being silly.
I would love to be your friend ☺️
You seem really friendly 🤍
Something my therapist recently reminded me of was that trust requires the knowledge of your own safety within a relationship. For those of us struggling with trauma or low self-esteem, this takes longer than the typical person. Many don't understand that this is what is behind many "shy" or "distant" people...it can be a very isolating experience. I think that the growth in our relationship with ourselves is what enables us to make better bridges to others.
Love your videos Nathaniel! Thank you for being so authentic. It definitely makes me feel a little less lonely knowing that there is another young person grappling with these questions about life.
I love the point your therapist made about how in order to trust, we need to feel safe first. I've also come to realise it's important to do some self-reflection and understand what feeling safe in relationships means for myself in particular.
What request I have as a socially-non-traumatised person, I'd love to make new friends but I just hope that maybe those who are traumatised and feel less safe would learn how to share the fact. Then it would be easier to understand the shyness or stand-offish behaviour. I know that's a paradox because you'd give someone bad a weapon against you. But I hope for a future where mental health is discussed just like broken bones.
I want to make new friends and I want to include those who have been hurt because I have been hurt by other things and maybe we can comfort each other or give each other new perspectives.
@@phoebeel I have Complex PTSD, and as someone who has been repeatedly traumatized myself, I can tell you that it isn't that simple. There's a good reason why people like me aren't as willing or enthusiastic to place our trust in others and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We see everyone as a potential threat because we've been burned too many times. After a certain point, distrusting people becomes second-nature. Now this is going to sound very selfish (and it is to a certain extent), but people who want to befriend us have to prove their trustworthiness because it takes us a very long time to leave the safety of that bunker we've built for ourselves and to step out into the light and go "ok...maybe this time will be different." For myself, it takes years before I feel safe around a certain person -- it's a very slow process. And most people aren't willing to wait that long (fair enough), but those who do, I know that they're my real friends. Those are the people who've got my back. I have my issues that I'm trying to work on (everyone's a work in progress), but I'll never be a trusting individual with my arms wide open to the world. You just can't do that when you've seen what I've seen and experienced what I have experienced. People like you are the lucky ones. I wish I knew what it was like to look at the world the way that you do. I hope, for your sake, that you never lose it.
@@phoebeel This video explains it very well:
th-cam.com/video/qOibW5LXt3w/w-d-xo.html
@@mycoffeequest6634 blessings
When the guys went to hug you after the jump in the water, I got watery eyes. Loved this video, not only that moment, all of it.
that was such a wholesome moment, really touching
Me too, wish I could have real friends like that. This world is just filled with toxicity, hate and close minded people
Me too.. Still emotional.
A friend that encourages you to do crazy things to improve your life, that’s not a friendship that’s brotherhood.
i look forward for this kind of friends
I’m sure you’ll find one one day!
I had friend you use to that but now I feel like she’s bored with me.
So blessed to be your friend Nathaniel!! To many more adventures to come :)
Yes theory and Nathaniel drew in one video??! Love it !
Dang I wish I had a friend like Thomas
You Thomas are a golden friend.I wish I had a friend like you….okay having said that ,my bestie is also golden.
The problem isn’t making friends but keeping them when your interests are constantly changing as you evolve as a person. Friendship is all about exposure, which wavers when people go on their own paths.
Wise words!
I don't think you should disregard the other just to make a point. Both aspects are hard; It may not be the problem for you but everyone has their own life experiences.
This video got me thinking. Somehow I have been struggling with creating conections with others all these 23 years; somehow I have tried in many ways to create friendships, but I always end up being that friend that nobody cares if he/she is missing. I understand that it is important to be good with yourself and learning to be alone with your self, but being lonely sometimes can be overwhelming.
Very weirded out right now. Because just yesterday I was crying on the phone to my friend in London about how hard it's been for me to make friends. I know I have to make effort and all that, but like you said, I am fully convinced that my island is just further away from the other islands than normal. Related so much to the "TV shows aren't gonna be a good enough bridge for me" part.
One thing I've learned about friendship is that not every friendship needs to be a strong deep bound like "I would die for you" but it is sometimes about sharing some moments together and enjoying it, or helping each other with struggles. And then, suddenly, there's a stronger thing there than you realised before. But sometimes it doesn't happen this way and still...you have people with you, that changed your life and you care about each other in a light refreshing way. That's amazing too.
I've struggled my whole life to make friends, and I've always been extremely introverted, growing up homeschooled and living in the middle of a forest far away from the nearest town. The trees were my friends, as well as my many imaginary friends I ran barefoot through the woods with. 🤣 I've always felt that I am my own best friend, and still to this day I feel the same. I have full blown conversations with myself, to the point where if someone saw me, they'd think I'm insane. I have gotten a little better at meeting people and making friends, but they rarely last. If I move somewhere else, then the friendship also moves on. I don't really have close friends who I confide in. Sometimes I wish I did, but I also have accepted that is is just who I am. Don't know if it'll ever change, but I'm also okay with it. ☺️❤️
I relate so much even though I didn't grow up in a forest (but next to a big one). But I do have those full blown conversations with myself! And I'm completely okay with it!
Even if I do crave this deep connection, I'm coming to accept to just enjoy good relationships with friends I have at the moment with no expectations (this is key) even if they are not deep. I've also learned to find a good friend in my own family and in God, and since then I never had the need to confide in anyone else.
Do you have it hard to hold conversations that are interesting to both of you? I’m wondering if part of the issues is not meeting people that are aligned with your interests. I’m speaking for myself too. Thanks for sharing ❤️
@@lovelyindeed4526 I don't have any issue holding conversations, mostly because I have such a wide variety of passions and interests. I'm also genuinely interested in learning about other people and what they love. It's mostly just keeping relationships going that I struggle with. I also don't have that deep need for connection that I feel other people have. I never feel a sense of loneliness, even though I can go days without talking to a single person. It's taken me my whole life to realize this about myself, so I've accepted it. 🥰
@@lovelyindeed4526 I 100% agree with Ellary Rose in that it's not that hard to hold a conversation as I'm also interested in a billion things and it's always interesting to discuss with someone that comes with a different set of interests and passions. However, I wouldn't necessarily agree that having common passions and interests is what makes a friendship (even though it can help). I would say shared values is more important to bond with someone, with kindness, humility, integrity and curiosity being important to me.
@@Ellary_Rosewood I resonate so much with what you’re saying. I love talking to new people and it’s great but at the same time I can go a long time being alone and not really feeling lonely. I just enjoy my own company and when it comes to talking to other people through text or whatever idk I feel I don’t get very interested or maybe I can’t keep it going. Just in my own world I guess lol
How beautiful it is to see man encouraging each other instead of making silly jokes about their vulnerable state. LOVED IT!
Intentional effort and intentional reciprocation. Some people are afraid to reach out while others are afraid to reach back.
I never struggled to make friends but keeping them was my challenge. As we grew older, we changed as individuals and our friendships fell apart. As an adult, it's extremely hard to make friends. People are busy tending to their responsibilities and lives, that they have no time for friendships to be maintained or started . Shared interests and values has created the strongest friendships that I've had. I'm happy that you took a leap of courage to create fulfilling and hopefully long last friendships.
Making friends happen when there's:
1. A Shared Passion
OR
2. A Shared Struggle
And in adulthood, it only works with intentional effort.
What’s intentional effort ?
100% I can relate to this. As an introvert, there's this misconception that we're anti-social. But, definitely not. Like any other human beings - we crave for a connection, a genuine one. It's hard for us to do so because sometimes we have trust issues with people. Our trust is so fragile, that once it's broken into pieces, it's nearly impossible to return it back.
it feels really validating to hear a 1 million sub youtuber share the same struggles as I do, to be honest I've been pushing myself to create content, share my art online in hope to attract friends with similar energy/interest. And to some extent i don't think that's healthy because I'm equating my worth as a frd to how "cool" I am - when in fact friendship is more about constantly showing up, having a true connection...etc
Dude this one was too good! Inspired to go push my own boundries.
"He who says he CAN and he we says he CAN'T are both usually right."
"Whether you think you can or you can't you are right bro"
Letting go of superficial and narcissistic "friends" who I allowed to bring me down for too damn long. Let go to your attachments, people included. Those who do not appreciate you do not deserve your energy or presence. Thanks ND for all that you do and your perspective on life. Many of us are experiencing the same.
Some people think to have bad friend is better then been alone. Once you start to become your own friend, you can heal deep wounds emotionally. You start to appreciate yourself more.
@@iseeyou2810 absolutely
I resonate with this deeply. I’ve always considered my self a social nomad, floating between many social circles, but never having a core one.
I’ve always had the same fear of heights as well. With similar experiences of taking on small cliff jumps but still being immensely terrified. Paired with times where I sat and watched letting the fear take the helm.
This video makes me feel normal so thank you lol. I have also struggled making friends. I think ppl who naturally want deeper connections instead of superficial ones (which aren't bad either, just a preference) have a harder time bc you really need to find the right ppl to connect to. If i don't feel emotionally connected to someone, I can't justify putting effort into it.
Thank you for your valnurability! Very relatable topic for me. As an Introvert, and someone who stopped drinking and partying after I turned 30, it became nearly impossible to make connections. I don't like shallow conversations, gossip, or complaint-driven chats, and finding anything other than that is a challenge.
P.S. Very touching brotherhood and support. Teared up. Also, Congrats on overcoming your fear!
Friendships and connection are so curious. The first seconds after meeting someone you can just know if the two of you will work or not, there's something else to this all! Beautiful shooting and content Nathaniel!
Stoked to watch this!!! So damn relatable my man!
Me too, Nathaniel. Being an introvert is both a gift and a curse but I can never turn down the prospect of a great adventure regardless of my anxious tendendancies.
for me it's more of a curse. I've managed to become a socially active and outgoing person and still remain an introvert and, honestly, cannot think of a time when I've benefited from being an introvert
The less I care about relationships as I get older, the more they become available. Insane.
Really? Do you mean that? I've always heard some forum of that, and always wondered if it is true.
Loosing my youth and it being too late has always been my greatest fear, I feel that fear has often made me care more than I should about relationships.
Side note: I turned 29 a few days ago, on December 24th.
@@tvfan14 It is not like you get women all over you but women see you less creepy, more mature, and actually sit by you, talk to you and respect you. That does not mean they are attracted but that they out thrmselves available.
@@tvfan14 I'm almost 30 now too. I suspect having money and a stable job helps a lot. After buying my BMW people assume I'm kinda full of money too.
The secret with friendships is like with any other relationship, is to not force it. Let it develop naturally in whatever shape or form. Don't control the nature of it. Give it space and time and just be yourself. The other person will or will not recognize the value of the friendship and vice versa. You can't control that and if you try to do that, it will fail.
Speaking of friendship, I was amazed how everyone was very supportive and understanding of you when it came to jump off. Nobody made fun or put any kind of pressure on you. The fact that, very supportive, they offered another spot to help you deal with the fear, then waiting for your own timing and finally celebrating you when you did jump off the higher spot was very touching for me to watch!! It absolutely resonated with my own fear of making fiends and helped me understand that I can go out there and jump intentionally, like you did, to make friends!! Thank you for sharing such an amazing video!!
The pandemic and the lockdowns would be impossible without friends (and internet friends)
Yup, but your server introduced me to a lot of wonderful people :]
So, thank you ^^
That’s so true.!! The pandemic complicates this issue 🥺
I've been struggling with absolutely no friends or anything online or IRL and being a hermit in my room, it's not impossible but it's not good for my mental health
It's not impossible, it's a painful reality for some of us.
I am feeling fine lol
I agree, 'making friends in adulthood is hard', (harder the more mature in age) that's because others have established relationships/friendships, therefore harder for 'outsiders' to penetrate or become part of that circle.
Agreed.. 😞
Yes, and this is so frustrating. Perhaps the solution is to try to make friends with people who are new to the town and don't know anyone.
When 2 people find their common, a connection is made - sometimes weak, sometimes strong. What do we ALL have in common? Knowing what it feels like to not belong. Share vulnerability and stories of being excluded and connections will happen. Great video. Thanks.
It's crazy how your videos always align with internal battles I'm facing. Friendship and making friends is something I'm diving deeper in to right now because I feel the same way you did when I was younger, and still do. I've struggles to make friends my whole life, but something is changing. I'm changing.
Wow, you are turning into a very interesting filmmaker. What a topic. My husband hasn’t had a male friend in 25 years. I wish he would watch this. This episode brought smiles at different times.
i'm 35 but no friend. this really give me another hope tht someday i'll be able to have that social skills.
Johnny talking about his friend who believes something totally different from him yet they can have such discourse is so needed in todays world! love to see it’s💗
Cried with joy watching this! How beautiful to see you have this experience of confronting your fear alongside friends!
I remember visiting my school friends when I returned to India for a visit. They were more interested in how I could assist them to gain permanent immigration. When I declined to help....everyone went silent and did not speak any longer. Friends are there when you are in the same boat with them....if you progress to a better life, they don't want to know you. Be careful. It is not all as it seems.
very true
Introspection seems like the key to unlocking how to change not only your outlook on friendship, but also what actionable steps you can take to make a positive change. Thanks for sharing your story, I know thousands of people can identify with it.
I wish I could make friends. I’ve struggled with making friends my whole life. I wish I could make more intentional friendships filled with laughter, sadness and growth. Sadly being an only child and growing up in a Caribbean household I wasn’t taught how to make friends or intentional relationships. Thankfully I do have a wife and kids but sometimes a different shoulder to lean on or support would be awesome.
What's wrong with a Caribbean household?
i can resonate with this so much! the friends i have are due to them making an effort to talk to me. when it comes to me actually going out to make friends, i find it nerve-racking.
its nice to know other people also struggle
your storytelling gets better and better! I'm so excited for you to have a whole course on it. I'm sure that's been really fulfilling to create. I've been following you for years!
100%. Thank you!!
Thomas is such a vibe man. the emotional maturity he has is just, chefs kiss.
I've been struggling with lonliness for most of my life, but specifically the past 6 years has been the most painful. When I became ill and had to drop out of school, all my supposed friends never really visited me and throughout the years we became more distant and I never really did get back into school properly which hindered my ability to make or sustain friendships. A lot of them also consciously ignore me or make excuses to not hang out which deeply hurts as I used to feel that we were very close before I got ill. I've been trying to move on for so long but I still sometimes have days where I remember all our memories and good times we had and I just become deeply sad and just wanna cry. To this day, I sometimes question if there was just something I did wrong or whatever but I feel like in the end it doesn't really matter. I tried my best to make it work so many times and I've just gotten burned. I need to move on. But fuck, is it hard.
If a person is just your friend on "good days", they aren't your friends at all! It isn't your problem, it's their's... there are people qho simply haven't the capability of being a friend because they are too selfish or insensitive. Reach out to people who worth it!
@Parker Moore If you still miss your friends try to reach to them: the worse thing you'll get is that they don't want to be your friends again, and then you'll always keep the good memories, or they want to be friends with you again and you recover your friends! Either way, you can always make new friends!
My problem isnt trusting people i usually open up fast cause id rather be awkward saying something dumb than to not give it a chance. But i feel like everybody treats me like a weirdo
We have a lot of the same struggles and ideologies. Thank you for creating videos that make me feel at home. I'm happy to see you growing.
This was one of the most beautifully done examples of what a healthy friendship looks like that I’ve ever seen. I think many times, especially with young people, we find parts of ourselves being lost in desperation. of acceptance of the “friends” around us. This is such an amazing example of how a truly good friend will try to push you out of your boundaries but support you if you’re ready yet or not. There is no mockery or judgement, but rather a truly safe space for growth. I love the vulnerability dude, keep making good shit.
I love this, I can definitely tell you are also an INFJ and the need for really deep, meaningful connection is so important to us. ⭐ I hope you continue to stay true to yourself
Eyyyyy. ENFP here and the need for connection is the bane of my fucking existence.
I feel energized from: The topics, your vulnerability, the travel, reflection, artist views, the quotes. YOU’RE GREAT, thank you for being great.
Right? His videos are so inspiring and real! It reminds us that we are searching for that connection with ourselves and others!
So just yesterday I read my diary again from when I was 12 till 16 and I saw a lot of struggle in finding friends and also having the feeling that everyone was against me. My main rules became, trust no one and love is a lie. It was until I went to a festival for the more neuro atypical and the "weirdos" that all of a sudden I was surrounded by my kind of people, and the world shifted for me. I would meet people at this festival through the years and it just clicked. From then I learned that if it clicks it just clicks. In this way I met a friend that when they walked in the room I said, you are cool, let's be friends.
For people looking for hobbies or things to feel more connected (when you are not the kind to go drinking) I found three things in which I really feel connected or just really enjoy, which is partner acrobatics, playing boardgames and dancing balfolk (folkdance in which you can dance together or with a group and be yourself).
I would describe myself as, I enjoy being with other people doing my thing (if that makes sense)
As a person I can shine bright with the right people, but for some that is too bright and they try to dim the light. Don't let your light be dimmed by others, you have the right to shine ❤️
Aww, you guys in the water all celebrating together was so touching. Not only is it emotionally isolating not having many close friends, but it’s so hard to celebrate yourself, it’s hard to have that kind of loving perspective toward yourself. When you have friends around you that are excited to see you succeed - that’s such a gift.
I feel also when it's not a long historic friendship, it's easier to make friend when you find value for you in the relationship or "admire" some things about the other.
Literally was just thinking about how i struggle with this and then this popped up mine too is maintaining those relationships especially when you get so busy in life
thank you for this. as I was watching this, I got increasingly emotional but also excited about embracing life and people. I've always been an extremely inward-looking person, introverted, but I've been thinking for years that I want to make my life more about people and friendships, because they're what makes life worth remembering. and this video came at the time I needed it the most, here to tip the scale, to break the proverbial camel's back. I really appreciate the way you "package" your ideas: had they been told in a flat and simple way, they wouldn't have hit half as hard. the beauty you create is important as a vessel for your ideas. it makes them stronger and more effective. thank you again.
Thanks, I've been waiting for this video to go up since you mentioned it a while ago. Feeling very understood as you said going your own path can make you isolated. Totally same here! And that TV series/drinking beer wasn't enough to connect to others.. same. There needs to be more! I've been on a spiritual quest for quite some time and superficial conversations just don't cut it. I've been sharing my thoughts and art on TH-cam for a while and still hope to find my 'tribe' too. Thanks for being an inspiration! 🤍
Congrats on being one of the most authentic TH-camrs I’ve seen. Every video shows your true self and that is why your successful. I’ve struggled with friendship because I despise “small talk”. I feel like most conversation is so shallow and meaningless and so I hate participating in it, even though that’s how friendships are made. That deeper connection you’ve mentioned is something I long for. I wish I had people like you and Johnny locally, as I think I would true,y value perspectives like yours. Keep being awesome!
I really needed this validation. I’ve always felt like I have such a hard time finding likeminded folks who I can be vulnerable with and have a deep connection with. I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
Yes, I definitely, realized this especially, in my early 30's, that staying connected and making connections with existing or new relationships takes effort!
I feel so cold sometimes even with my boyfriend, I gave up on trying to make friends along time ago because I got into a pattern of people I work just always end up disliking me, now I feel it just how the universe is, and I just can’t make friends or maybe I’m so unsociable and uninteresting it doesn’t matter. Everyone I live with also doesn’t really have friends so is it just normal, but it’s also so sad.
When you say that your exchanges did not reach the depth you wanted, I feel that. I'm actually looking for new friendships!
there needs to be more focus on friendships because a supportive network is so important to everyone's mental wellness.
Yeah,so the irony is the people who most need a supportive friend network are the people most likely to be shunned and ignored. Just yesterday evening I watched a TV show about people with "mental health issues" really as far as I could see people who didn't fit in,they were all doing suicide because NO ONE cared,and that's just how it is. You can't force,coerce,pay or legislate for people to care.
@@janebaker966 it sucks
after everything that happened in the last two years, we all need more human interactions, big and small. so, just dropping by to tell u that u r amazing and whatever ur going thru u got this. now go forth and pass on the good vibes to everyone around you. 🥳
This video is incredible and I resonate to my core. I’ve spent the past 2 years question what does connection and friendship mean, and how are they essential for emotional and mental health, and general success in existing (whatever successfully existing means).
I think you're a really fun individual from what we see from you in your videos. Fun and relatable. So glad your life is getting better in the social aspect!
Every single point made in this video are verbatim thoughts I've had over the past ~2 years as I try to find friends for life. Also struggled to make friends my whole life and am now on a journey to be intentional about the connections I make. Gotta love the introspection!
I struggled to make many friends at least when I was younger, because growing up, I was into anime, languages, horror, and J-Pop. It was not until high school and college that changed a bit because I found more people I could relate to. What is my own problem was thinking everyone has to think from my perspective, always agree, and do things the way I wanted but again, these perceptions changed with age.
I don't comment on videos often, but this struck a chord with me. Your vulnerability, introspection, and perceptiveness is awesome to watch. It encourages me to remain open-minded to new experiences and new people. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us all.
The moment I moved to a new school when I was 8, I suddenly could no longer make friends. I was so different from my new peers that I wasn’t accepted and that continued through the rest of my school years and now I have such bad social anxiety that I’m just afraid of people now. “Friends” have only been people who actually didn’t like me; I was a joke to them. So I’ve just spent the last 19 years very isolated, alone, and feeling hated by anyone I encounter. I ended up being conditioned to believe that I’m not worth being liked or cared about. And any time I’ve reached out to people to try to build friendships I end up being shut down and treated like I’m being crazy for wanting to talk to someone… maybe one day I’ll have a friend
I was scared with you watching the video. And not only I was amazed and moved by the vulnerability and realness of your friendships but also incredibly happy for you. And, also, hearing you scream fully after jumping was one of the biggest lessons I learnt in this video I believe, as I tend to hide my emotions and not celebrate my accomplishments enough. Thank you and Giant congratulations!!!
This is so timely. My thoughts on relationships transformed for me in the past year. Intentionality is not a bad thing when it allows to foster a deeper relationship.
your screams after the jump made me cry of happiness and emotion for you.. ❤
I relate to everything you said. I did bungee jumping 2 times for your same reason and I will jump a 3rd time cause I want to feel the real freedom of doing that and not being just terrified during all the process. I'll do that.
Thank you you've touched my heart♡
I heard so many wrong uses for the term "Quantum Leap" but linkening it to a fearless jump-with sandals-into the mediteranian sea, that just has to change its original meaning now.
which right now is "the smallest possible, observable change of one state into another."
I normally never comment bUT:
This video was exquisit! I graduated from high school in the beginning of this year and moved on with volunteer work abroad for one year. This is a huge life change, I left my family and friends at home to move on. As much as I love growing in new sourroundings and meeting new people, it can also be terribly tiring and challenging. Not everyone who thought would make a good friend turns out as one.
You are my biggest inspiration Nathan!
This was lovely and empowering! I think people underestimate the impact of growing up lonely on your ability to connect. Some friends of mine that did not deal with loneliness did not understand the depth of my (feelings) fears and worries, because they had a totally different experience interacting with the world. Finding compassionate and emotionally mature people to connect with is a huge factor to adult friendships in my opinion. Some "attachment issues" can only be healed in relationship with others. However, working on self soothing and self compassion techniques, challenging my discomfort in connecting with others have worked very well for me.
I think loneliness grants you a super power to experience connection (to the world) to a heightened degree. And maybe conquering fears ,such as heights, will empower you to move more freely in the world.
To anyone who needs to read this: You are not faulty. You are a human being. Just being the way you are in this moment and the next, is enough
yeah but thing that loneliness provides a moral sense of understanding the world in a deeper lenses instead of not knowing how to deal with being by yourself. And the thing is I always felt like introverts are going to have a harder time with making friends 💀
Love how everyone was so supportive and not pressuring you to jump, but were rather encouraging you to overcome your fears. You have a great group of friends! Also totally resonate with feeling lonely a lot of times in life. But it's a matter of putting yourself in experiences where you can get to know others, like taking classes, or joining a sports group. I've made some friends via language classes myself.
I love this content, we share so many struggles but also we feel so alone within our own experiences of similar things. It's interesting how struggling with somebody else makes it seem less impossible to go through... It's almost empowering.
I've had the hardest time to get out of bed this week. And as obvious as it is, that bed is not a cliff, the fear and the frozen state I´ve been almost feels the same. After watching this video, I got a small amount of excitement and I didn't even notice, when I was out of the bed, fully in clothes, brushing teeth and writing to a friend that maybe we should go out and have a walk. Thank You.
Thank you for this. I pretty much lost all of my friends these past few years because I realized if I don't reach out, they never will. It's been hard, especially since I've been trying to meet new people and those connections are also one-sided (they never invite me anywhere or answer back my texts). Luckily I'm entering university in a few weeks so I hope people there will be more open. But it felt nice knowing I'm not the only person struggling :-)
Have things gotten better in university ? I’m in university rn and I’m struggling with this a lot
@@demidrawings9201 they have not actually. But I met a friend online purely by luck and we chat everyday now. Not sure what I’d do without them. I’m switching universities & programs so maybe I’ll make new friends there who like what I like. How’s your experience so far?
@@Capybaragee I made an awesome group of friends at the beginning of the year who expressed being scared to lose each other and me, and were actually really good to me and reciprocating. For whatever reason, I am discluded or left out by most of the group, and I am only good friends with one of them now(technically 2-3, but the other seldomly reach out), and the rest are friends with each other. It’s really painful, but I’m trying to hold onto some hope
I’m glad you have your friend you met online though, and I hope you are able to make new connections soon!
@@demidrawings9201 dang that’s so weird, I can’t figure out why that happens. I’m glad you have a few people though, I hope they give you the support you need. How did you become friends btw ? I’ve joined a few clubs and people seem to just want to talk on the spot then never contact me again
I totally cheered for you, Nathaniel when you jumped! WHOOHOOOOO. I resonate a lot with you and your story with difficulty making friends. We're deep souls, introverts, that crave deep and meaningful connection. This isn't so easy to find, and I'm so happy you found it with these awesome guys!! Love your love for deep understanding!!
What a beautiful video. As someone who has gone down quite a unique path in life, I've definitely felt the side effect of loneliness and not being able to connect with very many people. The theory of passion and struggles building a bridge is something that will for sure stick with me, as I start my journey travelling the world.
This is now one of my favorite videos of yours! Having friends who believe in you and push you to be better is a wonderful, priceless thing.
Thanks for sharing your story. 🙏🏾 So many of US can relate but very little speak on it. 💚💫
All I can say is Thanks again. I'm 43 and still working on good friendships, sometimes thinking I've got nothing to offer, but I'm making myself more vulnerable and make amazing connections.
That leap of faith felt like a Pixar film picking pace up, the track and that sensation like the main character finally having its breakthrough 👍😅
"I don't wanna be inspiring right now bro." Says he while doing one of the most inspiring videos I've seen. Man, I can really relate to your search of connection of depth, of others. I think it's something that so many people struggle with but so few of them are willing to talk about it. It astounds me how vulnerable you show yourself to be in each of these videos. Amazing job Nathaniel.
Parents: “if your friend jumped off a cliff (bridge), would you do it too?”
Nathaniel: 🧍🏻
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This comment should be pinned.
I was looking for this comment! hahaha
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
For whatever reason i havent been watching your latest content but man. Im glad i watched this video. Such an interesting and eyeopening analysis of friendship.. Somethings i inherently knew but wouldve never been able to explain or verbalize. Rlly good video man
So much appreciation for your authenticity and positivity man, your success is well deserved.
To the *incredible person* that's seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
What we don’t like about others often says more about ourself. Powerful.
*_Finding friends was/is easy for me, finding the right ones is the challenge_*
My problem a lot of times is trying to figure out if they consider me a close friend too or am I just the only one, I always think they probably don’t want to hang out with me,or they don’t like me but are pretending to.
The repercussions of early grade retention shattered what was a normal social learning curve for me. Imprinting on a host of negatives left little room for peer connections. Rejection feeds upon itself and blinds one to possibilities; as it entices others to keep distant. When one carries fear as a adjunct to outreach, efforts at connection are often stillborn. I have found that the antidote for loneliness is letting go of fear. It is the rare and wonderful soul who can see past ones fear and allow friendship to flourish. I was blessed with such a friend once. He helped me to value myself as he did. The less fear I carried, the more friends I made. I missed the formative years when casual friendships are many; and many become lifelong. Yet I now treasure even the most casual of connections, for they reinforce within me a sense of belonging. Self worth supports connection. I am grateful to have discovered my value to self, and to others. They are noticing.
I just love how he's videos never fail to put a smile on my face! ❤️
I know right!!
Normally they make me get all emotional.
I find that I get lonely in groups and merely observing them can also stir up negative emotions. But watching Nathaniel and his friends was not like that. Seeing these positive and out going individuals together doing something I dont really think about brought a smile to my face and actually made me feel better :) thank you for sharing this Nathaniel, as I too am finding the concept of making friends not the easiest task
Such a good video! I can totally feel you when it comes to making friends. It's basically impossible for me to make friends at a party or event where I don't know many people. But somehow, I've just been very lucky in life. I made lots of good friends in school and I'm surprised and grateful that a bunch of those friends are still, 11 years later, among my closest friends. Most of the new friends either came through my existing friends, or through the few things where I put myself out there (joining the university juggling group, going to Japan for an exchange). I still want to make new friends, but not because of a lack of close friendships. I'm so grateful for all those friends. :)
"Friendship can be found when you are connected to your passions" 🙌