What do narcissists do to truth tellers? (Narcissistic Family Roles)
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Hardest thing was realizing everyone wasn't like me I had no idea that most people are more comfortable living the LIE
And then it makes you realize just how strong you truly are.....even though you were made to feel like you were the weakest one.✊
Yup it’s soooo much easier to be a Simpleton. Accountability...?!?! Nope!
IKR?
Same
@@elizabethd.2398 right in the feels😭
“No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth.” - Plato
Uh, me at my sick family of origin. I'm the most hated and rejected of all, just for being honest and live the most ethical life I can live.
Exactly!
@@Edith.G.G. Sounds like you need a hug. LOL! A Brazilian friend of mine told me once :”Friends are the family you choose.” It may be an expression or maybe something he came up with himself.
Same here.
@@beemonique8466 likewise here too. Done with that bs.
It's so hard to keep friends when you can not lie, and see "too much".
Honesty means you can trust them(honest person)telling the truth because there are times the truth *needs* to be told and if you were too "coward" or "untalented" or both to lie or "white lie" you will be trusted.
I remember a school bully turned in my favor after him having a problem with someone,the person lying and me telling the truth about the situation since I was a witness to the dilemma: he( ex bully) said ....bla bla "& you know (my name) doesn't lie" *He, like others* knew I wasn't a type to lie plus,*if you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to lie about*
Yup...that's why I dont have friends😢
Even real friends can be seen doubting and getting tired of this obsessive way of chasing an objective truth for everything, and I don't judge them. It is not like we enjoy it either. Sometimes it can be devastating when someone you love turns out to be just another liar.
Yep! Suks, don't it.😌
@@Anunes7777@ladyedraven all three of us i guess
They isolate the truth teller…talk badly about you to everyone behind your back, triangulate others in the family against you, they leave you out of family events, including holiday events or they relegate you to the corner and ignore you..,rolling their eyes at you and behind your back, out and out yelling at you, humiliating you, try to influence your boss, people in the church and in the neighborhood against you, etc.
I remember the family gatherings I found out about only after the events. I don't miss that pettiness.
100%
YES ‼️
Totally true. We’re not victims; we’re survivors.
Gaslighting! Very true. LOL
People love my honesty, UNTIL I'm honest with them.
😂😂 😂😂
Risque Rabbit The Home spa That sums it up! But when they hear something they don t like they don t even listen anymore to the nice things I have to say.😔
yeah they like the true telling gun pointed at other people but they don't like it pointed at them
Clark Kent “ain’t no fun when the rabbit’s got the gun” lol
SAME
To the narcissist, a truth teller is their greatest enemy.
That is why they love using gaslighting.
my fatehr ahte my love more than my truth xD id say greatest enemy to narcism is compasion cause he dosent know what it is
To EVERYONE a truth teller is the greatest enemy. There are very few exceptions.
Yes. that is true. many people make enemy with truth tellers.
@@Acetyl53 No, I am ok with it.
My dad always used to say "bad people always do well". He was right. Truth tellers have a tough time all through life.
I definitely will succeed as a truth teller. When I go into the world, I'm very compassionate. I won so many awards at school, but at home they didn't even care.. so tough. Didn't realise family could be a place of testing
@@LuckyLifeXG236 You can do this my darling. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Stay kind at heart always and don't accept nonsense from anyone. Most of all stay true to yourself. I believe in you ❣️
@@LuckyLifeXG236 I will tell you this, do not live life as a truth teller, live life as the good doer, for you are already better than them for being strong and compassionate. Live life with the truth that YOU are the GOOD sheep out of the bad, because however you were tested, you passed.
Are you OK? Kind hearted?? Serially m.... is he a pet?? A dog? Obedient to be good...u need help.. he's not black sheep or good sheep. He's great person not obedience to power for free@kingexplosivemurder2477
@@KingHeroKinnieI think it is important to note that if this idea crosses into the territory of people-pleasing or high-roading, it is also detrimental. I've recently been in positions in the workplace where good-doing and saying "yes" gets me taken advantage of, and places with an extra dose of condemnation if I do something to take care of myself because the act of doing so was inconvenient. You get higher standards placed on you for that and pay thenconsequences of others' poor behavior.
I’d argue that existing as the truth teller in a narcissistic system is a type of parentification - it’s undue, adult-level responsibility placed on a child to navigate an adult’s emotions, and that’s abusive. Thank you as always, Dr. Ramani
🔥 💯
Yessssssss
wow, never thought of it that way, but YES. It was an awful position to be in as a child.
Bonus points if you're also the eldest daughter lol
Yes! And they will infantilize you when not making you be their parent, therapist, or best friend.
"There's a 'lonlieness' to the Truth Teller" and there's my childhood summed up in one word.
💙❤️
You said so much in so little words!
Indeed... Missed out on a lot.
Your not alone
Love to you
Satan hurts the honest as he plays his games.
I’m a truth teller, a lonely existence but a rich one in spiritually.
Agreed. Hugs.
I agree. You can't be lonely if you enjoy your own company.
Hello fellow truth teller... We are often alone but not lonely.
Me too. Eventually, I had to abandon all but one of my immediate family as a result.
Also, being a truth-teller becomes a political "problem" in this evil era if your conscience demands your diligence wrt exposing some of our civilization's most egregious lies. Suffice, their are many, many serious lies in the "law", as people understand it. Naturally, you get targeted by narcissists for your truth-telling...
Exactly
I'm COMPLETELY ESTRANGED from my family. I couldn't PRETEND the way they wanted me to!
Enjoy your freedom. You deserve joy and truth in your life, sorry about the cards you were dealt. 👍❤️🙏💞
Living a Lie isn't living.
Man, I felt this comment so much! Same here….always felt like I had to pretend with my family. Moved 3 hours away after my father died, and been living my truth ever since! So much happier!!!!!
I’m a truth teller and one of the things I appreciate about it is having a strong moral code, which for me means: having compassion and empathy for others, not tolerating bullies, standing up for people and animals who don’t have a voice. And being a truth teller gives me strong boundaries. So I have zero friends who are narcissists.
So well said, l feel we are kindred spirits , take care and be safe Geoffrey
"If you want to upset someone tell them a lie. If you want to infuriate them, tell the truth."
Oh, that's a good one!😊👌
Agreed !
😆💯
Especially with a narcissist!!!
Are you related to Win Boriack?
I’ve been a truth teller for over 73 years. It can be very lonely and isolating but I’d rather see how I see and keep my integrity.
I agree. ❤
Seeing truth is a superpower that makes us whole, not fractured like the others.
I agree…but it’s painful too
I have never heard my experience put into words before. This hit me like a ton of bricks and validates so many of my feelings as a child and as an adult. The loneliness and grief are real but I also wouldn't want it any other way.
sameeeeee!!!!
Truth tellers are creative. My family couldn't make anything special in the kitchen or in a scrapbook
Eye opening isn't it .
@@1111sage Very!
I feel the same way!
If you're a truth teller, I love you deeply. Always know that! You're not alone.
Thanks:)))
I have married into a narcissistic family , they enable bad behaviour in each other and play the victim card, easier to play victim to the circumstances they have actively created, gets them attention and sympathy. Masters of creating a false narrative.
@@user-fu1nw7kh2h welcome the the club, friend. Good luck!
Thank you Willie! Your message made me feel so much better. Sending love back to you!! Thank you for being a truth teller. And thank you to every truth teller out there. Stay strong! 💪🏻 Don't ever let the darkness dampen your light. 💛✨
Thankyou, you too 🙂, it's so good to have people who understand this complicated and often lonely position in life x
Proud to carry the scars of being the family truth teller, scapegoat and black sheep of my family.
Stay strong everyone 🙌🏼🙏🏼
Same story with me too many scars all over my body
Staying strong 💪 Is the hardest thing ever 😪
I'm not keeping it together it's a living hell
Hi dear. U r not alone. ✋️
Be strong!
Being the truth teller can be costly sometimes but the way I see it the truth costs so much because of its irreplaceable value.
Truth tellers get called liars when a narcissist realizes they know the truth.
Absolutely right
The truth-teller is often labeled a liar by the sick family who would rather put up a facade of perfection/righteousness. If the truth-teller doesn't get away then they risk having the narcissist mentally and emotionally break them.
I've been labeled the sick one-- weak of mind, twisting good people into bad bc of my distorted perceptions--all conveyed to me subtly--but being cast the unhealthy one, I see, is pure projection.
My mother's favorite come-back was, "Oh, Susan, you're always making things up."
@@lizaphelpsIt's called "the identified patient."
@@susanmercurio1060 that is a new term for me. Thank you. I will look it up.
Plato said ''The one society hates the most is the one that tells the truth''
😭😭💔💔
Or they are branded as crazy or relegated to a nuthouse or worse- lobotomized.
So true.
Yup! So true. People don't like us.
They do everything they can to destroy your life.
I love it when 4 wrong people play the "you're out numbered" card. 4 wrong people override 1 truth teller and they collectively think you're crazy, which becomes their truth.
They know they can't convince you, so they try to convince everyone around you. Then you must be wrong, wrong and pig-headed.
I’m literally living through this right now! It’s been awful and confusing and often times I’m wondering if I’M the sick one.
He makes me belive im crazy
They usually say, " well what if other people say the same thing. I've heard this many times. But consider the source.
@@missfitz2998 I thought the same. What is wrong with me. An old lady saw how sad I was, and she said to me, " don't concern yourself with them, they are just jealous of you."
Truth Teller. Wow. I was calling out my parent's BS from as long as I can remember. I became the black sheep in my family, then the scapegoat. I tried following the rules and became totally depressed and felt like I was losing my mind. I am so glad I've been through therapy and learned that I wasn't crazy. I was the most sane of all. LOL. I moved away from my family and live just far enough away that I can get my own space to heal and grow and follow my own dreams and ambitions without my family trying to dictate how I live and breathe. It is so nice to have found your channel Dr. Ramini. I've been a fan for many years. I have learned so much from you and have grown so much in that time because of your amazing wisdom and support. Thank you for all you do.
Same as that .
Gosh, you sound like you are narrating my life story.
There are people out here who get how you feel.
Truthteller and scapegoat. Still alive 🙏🏻🌺
We will not only survive but we will thrive.
Same here
I didn't know there was a name for this. My parents always just called me "difficult". Thank you for creating this space for truth-tellers.
Same. I had a single narcissistic parent and my siblings would call me “stubborn” and “too emotional”. I always felt like it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t even begin to pretend the abuse wasn’t happening I HAD to say something.
Richelle,
Hello my dear, happy to meet up with you...I also was told that I was difficult! You know why they said that...because they knew we were aware of what they were doing. Typical, they put the blame on us! Dr. Ramini is sooo good.
Ditto.
I was told by my parents that I had a mental disorder and that I have be put in a clinic 😃
@@abbasomarov760 I just got dragged to a flying monkey therapist. 😃 I don't think she was too thrilled when the truth-telling just didn't stop...
I’m a truth teller, a scapegoat, an empath and the invisible child. I finally have words for the loneliness and sadness I’ve felt since I was 6, I’m not crazy and I’m not wrong. I’m not weird for disassociating as a young child into a world of my own creations
Thanks for sharing . I appreciate your comments about your journey .
Aweee.....sweetie. When I listened to Brene Browns TED TALK about the "Power of Vulnerability" she literally saved my life, cause she put language to my feelings. But still why do liars get away with everything? I just give up and go.
You are not alone
Such a wonderful feeling. Same for me
You are you and that's a wonderful thing. That those around you were unable to appreciate you is so sad. The craziness is the narcissists, not yours. They project it onto you, making you feel all the insecurity and discomfort they are unable to own as their own. I so hope your awakening continues and that your belief in you grows.
I was born a left handed, introverted, kind, animal loving kid. My sister, mom, dad were right handed extroverts. They smoked and drank like fish. My sister (at 64) remains an alcoholic narcissist. I used to crawl under the kitchen table to get away from the noise and smoke. If I left the room the verbal abuse started. I thought I was the weirdo. I was in my thirties before I saw a healthy family relationship. The peace that emanated from this couple was amazing. There was no peace in my family. Ever. I left home at 20. Happily have stayed away. It’s easier to grey rock. I had no idea that you guys…..all of you writing comments here…..were out there. People like me. I like kids because they are honest. I prefer that honesty. I love animals, they love me. So do kids. lol. It was validating to know you guys feel much like me. Thanks for your honest😊 comments.
All I can say is WOW! I ran away at age 15 three times. Family is not everything! Another lie they like to tell you all the while destroying you. I made it out but not unharmed. I'm 66 now and normal friendships are difficult. I don't trust anyone anymore. Thank you for the work you do!💜
I'm 63 with 4 older siblings
and I can definitely relate.
I' ve maintained contact with
My mom,but often go years at a time not seeing the others and that has been for over 30
years now. I also have
problems with trust and
friendships.
Being a truth teller is hard. Depression, loneliness, and insane frustrations of all the dysfunction and no support.
I have to stay mostly isolated from people.
That's definitely what happened to my husband and his brother
@@AxllsFly yeah, don’t give up... as one day you will meet a friend who is truth teller and you will make a good team work to make the world in a better place. It happens to me. So being a truth teller is being a bait to find another truth teller in you life. Because truth teller friends not much in this world.
@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 I'm struggling with my husband and his brother as well. It is so frustrating because the brother has his mom in the palm of his hand and has been trying to drag my husband down for years despite us keeping distance for over 3 years.
@@crystalnavarro8012 thats horrible. Staying away will fo you good. Mil will never change. Sounds like your in laws are much the same stay away as much as possible
My mom always said I was happiest being alone, coloring, playing with my dolls, singing along with my records. And when I got older I read everything I could get my hands on.
I wasn't happy being alone, I was surviving.
I can relate !!
Yes! She used to yell at me "you always have your head stuck in a book" I just wanted to exist in another world
Me too I was never away from my books LOL
@@JNA-rs3qp Yup. I was in every before and after-school activity I could be in. And was always riding my 10-speed all over the county......or reading a book! Interestingly, when I told a counselor that my 12 y/o refused to go to school (and claimed I abused her), he stopped me and said, "In all my 20+ years of counseling families and children, I have never heard of an abused child that refused to leave the house". Wow.
Yes! My happiest memories are of reading all the time to try to imagine what a happy childhood would be like
40 years old - first time hearing about the consept of truth tellers - now I sit here crying - feels like you just explaned my life to me - thank you so much for bringing this topic up.
Me too 😢
Same! I recently had a traumatic experience that got me thinking about why I got there. Ended up labeling myself as a "truth seeker", searched the term and found this. Feels good to know I'm not the only one.
@@dobleuxyz
@@ginam8505
Agreed!!! I love these videos!!!
I get it. I'm the truth teller. My bs meter runs, I can't leave it alone, and I lead a very lonely life. I once had a "friend " shame me for having integrity. "Everybody is not an open book like you, Suzy!" I speak from the heart, often so careful not to say the "wrong" thing. Being real is exhausting when I'm dealing with the narcissists in my life. I honestly contemplate being a hermit.
I am the same way girlfriend❤
It really pisses me off when people try to shame me for integrity. I look them in the eye and hold firm. I’m proud of myself for doing the right things. You know what I mean.😊
Narcissistic parents tell you to never lie, always tell the truth and then they beat you for telling the truth (when it concerns THEM).
well THAT hit home!!!!!! yeah, I was taught to never lie; it was the BIG sin. And then screamed at for disagreeing with BS.
Omg EXACTLY Reese!
Reminding you not to tell the family secret when you go out ugh
I went to a funeral where everyone was talking about how “He taught me always to tell the truth no matter what.’ And I was like, interesting seeing how he lied like a f’ing rug all the time. I didn’t think it was necessary to point that out right then.
Wow! This is spot on. That was totally my experience.
Like sunlight burns a vampire, the truth burns a narcissist.
All I hear when I read this, is Trump calling female journalists "nasty", because they poke holes in his lies.
That's good.
Truth is such a powerful concept and it's misused as often as "God" and "Love".
Please join FB group called "Truth Tellers" . It is new . and it is for truth tellers in this context. Cover photo is blue green , lavender .
Please join FB group called "Truth Tellers" . It is new . and it is for truth tellers in this context. Cover photo is blue green , lavender .
What's difficult as a truth teller for me is the self doubt and the self gas lighting. Every year I feel like I allow myself trust my instincts more and not be afraid of the fallout and loneliness that can come with that. The best part are the people who do stick around are amazing people.
I am such an honest, extremely straightforward, and blunt highly powerful empath that sees EVERYTHING ppl do. Like I am that way to a fault. People always say they want honesty and no lies but they cant handle the truth when given to them. Everyone is always calling me mean too. I’m not trying to be mean. I just state facts. I do that completely 100% free of judgement. But you can be sure I’m going to call everyone on their bullshit REAL QUICK.
better to be a truthteller comfortable in your own company than surrounded by fake bullies, narcs & psychos, guess who handles lockdown the easiest?
I think of myself as a truth-teller, but the lockdown has been wretched for me. I think it’s because I actually did not wind up with enough time alone.
@@alzabeesww when we think of all the abusive narcs in our past: abusive partners, neglectful unloving parents; disloyal gaslighting friends; treacherous colleagues & sadistic bosses; spying gossiping neighbours.... then the thought of being alone aint so daunting cos we know we aint missing anything, this is why some spiritual journeys involve isolation / solitude, its also why they say of the deceased, they've had a blessed release; they went to a better place, because people generally treat each other like sheet
@@blisssing8449 check out Teal Swans video about narcissism and covid. Your intuition is spot on and she says exactly the same thing
This brought me to tears, this was so on point, I’m across the country from my family. This is so freeing
@@theswanpodcast8521 exactly
"What happens in this house STAYS in this house"
I'm sure truth tellers have heard some form of this growing up
Yes I did
Yep. All the time
Yes yes yes !!
@Deborah Ringham our life stories and mother's are unfortunately so incredibly similar. I feel so bad for you. So unfortunate. They do put a wedge by lying and triangulation, their targeted person/their scapegoat and it is miracle anyone survives it. I can't hear the things she calls me and says about me anymore. I can't live with the heart piercing abuse. ..But love does win over hatred. It's just such long and treacherous road. Maybe we'll have redemption in the form of true liberation, independence from them, love for the earth, animals, and self. Getting away from a family of origin and letting go is a most challenging thing to do, it is so hard, mothers should love us, so it's very very confusing growing up, and realizing the truth of their limited love and unlimited relentless abuse, we need to grieve over it and move forward in our own light and love. Blessings to you 💕. Thank you for sharing. It helps, yourself and others. Truly.
@Deborah Ringham I was wondering if your v aware of Spiritual warfare and the Jezebel spirit..also known as a Narsissist...A Narsissist is demonically inhabited/ influenced..& probably 1 of the best examples of Satan's personality. Narcs run parallel to the same pride, hate/abuse, manipulation, and overall destruction...all covert & sugar coated lies! And this is only a testam not to what we truly are, dealing with them. " Having the light" of God...wanting Truth/ freedom.. empathic sympathy..love. we are the contrast.. paralleling Christ/ God's personality in a similar way. This world is a battle between good & evil, light & dark, God & Satan...this is Spiritual warfare...and 1 of us, who knows what they are, dealt with& survived their onslaught, doesn't come out the other side unwounded, but also empowered.. We overcome a hellish road..I pray anyone who's dealing with, or has dealt with this( that is reading)..I pray your eyes are opened, that you guard your light, get out, heal and burn even brighter because of it! I know it's hard, it hurts, but we are strong through the light of God! Thats why we're attacked this way..the demonic saw & recognized it B4 we even knew...Jesus is the light, go to Him, be saved and more empowered. He heals and replenishes our souls..His word guides us into wisdom, and the path of light, to make it into the kingdom, our souls are originally from. He is the Vine, we are the branches...Endure till the end & Never stop shining...that's what we're here for. Lights in the darkness, God's vessels in an evil world. Yah bless the body, Shalom 🙏🏾
Truth teller gets the message that they do not deserve love and respect. Love and respect is all you need from parents. They never will get it.
The truth teller learning to slowly silence themselves... spot on. Silence may be the best way for a truth-teller to survive the narcissistic family dynamic. However, once they learn that this dynamic does not have to affect the rest of their life, they are well-equipped to engage in healthy, authentic relationships. These are relationships where they can finally express their feelings without fear of invalidation, ultimately reconnecting with their sense of integrity and self-worth.
Silence might be a safer option with certain people, especially if they are potentially dangerous or have power over you and the capacity to seek revenge or cause real harm.
@chriscunningham8807 This really.
I am a truth teller - and this means, I can hardly keep a job and are always on the radar of narcissists - and they are everywhere !!!
I know exactly what you mean...turned in an intoxicated nurse while working in a rehab...and I was fired.
I've had this experience, too.
They have kept this dysfunction around all of us because they knew who we are and what we are capable in God's world.
Yup. I have lost several good jobs from this.
I am a truth teller as well and seem to attract narcissistic abuse on the job. I don't even have to say anything!
This 15 minutes validated my entire existence. I'm kind of in shock right now to be honest, but it is a really good feeling. Thank you!
Same!! When she talked about a resilient truth teller I actually started crying
Same here. I have watched it several times. I have been no contact with my family for years now. It wasn’t hard to do. I just walked away and no one seemed to notice.
Same here.
Same💔
I knew things that a 6 year old shouldn’t know. I knew I never wanted to be married because once you got married you never had fun again and were locked into a lifetime of housework and drudgery. My mom wasn’t happy. My dad wasn’t happy. When they would discretely fight I felt responsible for every family unhappiness or argument I heard. Absurd I know, now. But my mother systematically alienated my father whom she artfully orchestrated to be the bad guy - the odd man out - and I of course became an angry unhappy adolescent who blamed my dad for everything. He started to drink and I’m sure it was self medicating. My mom was cold and I’m sure cold to my dad too. I remember my aunt spontaneously hugging me and laughing about something funny and I felt so strange - but I loved being hugged and felt happy. As an adult I saw my mom use my only brother as a wedge between her and my dad. My sister and I left home for college and a career - my brother went to a Big 5 college but never left even after he purchased a home. He never lived there - he lived with my parents. Mom wouldn’t let my father kick him out... the drinking became a multi decade fight - never resolved - never addressed unless it was ugliness over something else. Dads health failed and she and my brother started pushing my sister and I out - just like they did to my dad. We were never allowed to be alone with him - either one would hover. We felt like strangers and guests - not family. We were not welcome. He died alone. She wouldn’t even sit with him. My brother flourished over the memorial service attended by his friends and work colleagues - I don’t think anyone even realized he had sisters. But now - 4 years later - my sister and I are estranged from both - we tired of their desire for us to “compete” for their attention and good will. The family trust is in shambles - my father wanted all the siblings to act as trustees - but we found out through another attorney we were removed - the last straw of alienation - but they are welcome to their happy little family. We feel used and foolish - we denied mom nothing - my sister took her to Europe all she had to do was ask and we would deliver. We tried to take the high road and look the other way - she was our mother. But the trustee dismissal was the last hurt and breach of trust. It is a relief it’s finally all over. When my dad was dying I wanted to ask his forgiveness and apologize for being so awful - but said nothing because I wasn’t sure if it was for his benefit or just mine. Would I burden him with my confession of selfish guilt or maybe it was all just to late. There were opportunities throughout my life - but I could never take that step that risk. 😞 in retrospect we see that my mom and brothers alienation scheme started when he was quite young and just grew into what it is today. But we are done.
I was the empathic scapegoat. I grew up to become an investigative journalist. A very productive one who brought needed change (:
This is the first time I've heard anything that so perfectly describes what comes with this role. It isn't a choice, it's just who you are and what you see. But the price is alienation at times within the family. And it's isolating. It's also absolutely true that people feel that you see them. Narcassistic rage will often be directed your way even when you are staying silent. I never understood why that was. This was clarity for me. Thank you.
I am a 70 year old truth teller living in solitude with 2 dogs. This information is validating, empowering and healing. Thank you Dr. Ramani and truth tellers everywhere.
I’m 45 and see this is where my life is heading.
Same and I'm 56.... wish there was a community us and our pets could all live on a separate island.... its very comforting to see someone who is 70 and 45 also feeling the same way. ... thank you 🐹🐶
Me to I'm 55 same thing 2 dogs and living alone. I'm a Empath and IMJF too. So I know the feeling
I’m 46, I live on an island and have 3 dogs 🐶
I have always had dogs. They are spiritual truth tellers too. My Blake passed away a few years ago and the void is too large. Will be getting another as soon as possible. Wonderful company and unconditional love.
I remember clearly being told by my mother, "If you tell anyone I will kill your sisters and tell everyone you did it." I said " No, you are our mother and are supposed to love and protect us." Only worked once. She cried and hugged me. The next week when the same thing happened she punched out two of my teeth and locked me in the basement for three days. I called out for help. Sadly the Letter Carrier was a close family friend and did nothing but tell my mother I was calling for help. I was beaten so badly I was unconscious for a few days. I was 7. Haven't stopped calling out people for toxic behaviors or malicious intentions. I know most people are horrified by my life and would rather dismiss me as a liar rather than face the darkness in the world. Be the light. Expose the evil deeds that only survive while we ignore them.
I'm sorry 😞
Parent your inner child.... give him so much love, tell him you are protecting him now. Make him feel safe and love. Ask him what he wish for... you are an old soul... love light and blessings to you.❤❤❤
I hate to say I understand. We are Survivors. This is what courage looks like. I will never surrender. Big hugs & love brother.
I believe you. I am sorry that happened to you. No one should have to endure that.
I heart goes out to you and I hope you NEVER STOP CALLING THEM OUT! I find that FASTER E.F.T.(normal E.F.T is very different and doesn't help much) can be used to completely change the way you feel about yourself by using Neurolinguist (Re)programming to change for you feel about those memories when you think about them. It is WAYY better than traditional therapy in my experience, and you don't even need to pay anyone for it! Its very easy, look up how to do it on youtube if you'd like. Therapy plus (faster)EFT has turned me into a different person, I hope you give it a try :)
I’m a truth teller in a family full of liars. Family scapegoat, no contact, and better off for it. I appreciate your videos. They’ve helped me get through some of my toughest times. Thank you.
I'm THE truth telling scapegoat of my family. Every word of this is me. And because of it, I paid dearly. I was beaten bloody, abused mentally, physically, sexually. I have so many issues, been in therapy over 40 years. I speak to no one in my family of origin. Only way I'm safe.
I am the truth teller, invisible child and scapegoat. I found safety in solitude.
I actually love being by myself now. I can't handle too many people around. I love my own company.
Same here. I like being alone a lot of the time and hate family get togethers where my narc dad takes center stage.
Safety in Solitude. Amen.
That sums it up. Trusting in God, and being your own best friend.
Yes. I found love and companionship and safety with my dogs (border collies) who are compassionate creatures who "get" me at a glance and comfort me when I need to cry. The first time I said "I love you" was to my dog. And I meant it.
I always hope ppl like us could find one another...not to traumabond but just for company.
“It is painful to watch how the truth-telling child slowly learns to silence themselves.”
I think it's self preservation. They are just trying to survive long enough to get away.
@@samoyed2582 If they can get away.
Not all of us did.
@@samoyed2582 The TERRORIST will do ANYTHING to prevent you escaping. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SELF DEFENSE. Draw your own conclusion what THAT means.
OR BECOME VERY DISCERNING AND OBSERVANT.
Omg this brought me to tears! I am a 68 year old female truth teller and family scapegoat, 2nd child with 3 male siblings, but have never had this label. I have been told i scan people. It is just how i perceive. Even to this day i regularly seem to upset people with my openness and perception and do always try to be sensitive to how i say something but yes ...permanent sense of grief...O yes. I live thousands of miles away from my family in England and once again on my last visit the truth came out. It feels sometimes that i just have to give up every relationship, or attachment to the relationships so that i can function without having a permant broken heart! It always feels to me that people live behind a curtain and just refuse to see what is right there in front of them! I do have lifelong friends for 55 years, perhaps to know me is to love me! 😅😊
I am a truth teller.After all those gaslighting that my toxic parents made them, I used to be a truth teller in the school,university and then at work. I live in Iran. Here, telling truth causes pain and terrible costs but I am proud of this shape of my charector
My gf is from Iran and says the same thing. :/
The truth teller is also an adult child that says “NO MORE” to the narcissistic parent(s).
I did that!
I did that yesterday :)
That sounds like me, iv had it enough is enough
I dont think they even know they are doing it. When I was 17 I was in cadets, on the rifle team, part of colour guard, on the drill team, I was working full time, plus school as correspondence. At the time I was paying ~half the rent of the house to my mother, and i wasnt home for the most part I usually ate at work. So, I'd get home at like midnight or so from work and then yelled at for not washing dishes. Every-time the rhetoric would be the same. You dont care, you arent trying, you dont contribute, you dont respect me, I work all day and I expect to come home to a clean house. So, here I am, washing dishes at 1 am .. washing cereal bowls thinking not a single one of these dishes was mine, I had just worked 8 hours, i worked on school for another 8 hours prior to that and then had polished my boots and other stuff (for cadets) for at least another 1-2 hours - And I thought - what the f* am i doing. I moved out before my 18th birthday a few months later, and the whole family was like "oh you'll move back in a few weeks" .. insert w.e other non-supportive BS - see ya, never looked back.
What kills me is how many liars there really are and how vicerally they hate us for knowing the truth.
My favorite phrase that is true in my life:
"A speaker of truth has no friends."
We are your friends Shaka, be kind to yourself
I guess, the truth tellers need to unite. :)
I have maybe one, I am not popular. Truth telling won't make you popular but it will scare people.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kiss of an enemy is deceitful.
A speaker of truth has only *true* friends.
There are plenty of the other sort, but really, who needs them?
Who would’ve thought people like this still exist. Saving the world one video at a time…Modest, Raw & real. Not to mention she has normalized introverts…bonus !! A huge heartfelt “Thank you” to Dr Ramani.
I’m the truth teller.. as a kid I’d call out anybody in my family but sadly I learned that brought me the wrong attention.. I am now an adult and a nurse, looking to run my own business in coaching others how to remove toxicity and grow to new levels. Everything you’ve said is 1000% true, thank you!!
Before watching: they invalidate them, gaslight them, then launch a campaign to undermine their reputation amongst the other family members.
After watching: Ayup.
YES! Truth tellers are scapegoated.
@Adam Alexander absolutely. And our schools are going to be powder kegs when they open. Exactly what the Marxists want. They'll use our children to goad us into the civil war that they want so badly.
@Adam Alexander I am in full agreement.
@Adam Alexander This comment is a prime example of exactly what I'm talking about
@@andreabrunkow9314 They want to pit good people, even friends, against each other, for example, by wearing thin the patience of the good people with lies, gaslighting, false accusations, etc. So that they can cause dissension and a wasteland to feel superior to. Pure narcissism.
I have never felt so seen by someone who didn't even know me.😭
I have never felt so unseen by someone who was supporting know me the best. My Mother
Yes!! Gave me goosebumps
Yes!!! me too!! it's kinda surreal. I'm like "have we met? How'd you know!?!?" It's so validating though, bc no one has ever understood me and this is literally me, i feel seen
Absolutely agree! I felt like she was talking to me and affirming my feeling through my whole life.
god I wish I could have her be my therapist she rlly understands everything, like it literally feels like she's narrating my life. not too many therapists in my area specialize on narcissistic abuse :((
I'm a truth-teller and I definitely needed your channel because it finally gave me the words to concisely describe what I used to be verbose about. Future-faking, bait and switch, gaslighting, and many other terms are things I used to take paragraphs to describe.
I love how "superiors" will say things like "thats life, you need to accept it" but when it comes down to it being life and them needing accepting something they dont. They get out of it by trampling other people. Theyre just trying to stomp out peoples dreams because there is really only a finite amount of dreams thay can be supported on this plane. Its just that their dreams are more important than yours enough that "cheating" or being a cheating soul is ok.
It’s difficult to be kids when the kids are more mature than the parents and other adults around them.
I love that movie " Matilda". is that the name of it.... Danny DeVito and .....his real wife play the parents
I'll have to look it up. I did, and it IS "Matilda"
@@leahg3926 I'll have to watch that movie on your recommendation! I LOVE Danny DeVito! Thank you and all manner of good fortune to you and yours, lori
Well said. I told mine 'you both need to grow up.'
i argued for my adulthood at age 5. ("i'm an adult in a child's body,") and i won. it... didn't feel good, setting my own rules, etc. i felt neglected, lonely and on my own. but i knew full well i was the sole adult in that house. and that worked, in a way.
@@eliza7511 Me too sister, it's so hard when the kids are more mature than the parents, they draw targets on our backs for whatever reason...God saw fit to protect us, love us, and sooth us when they were too unbalanced and emotionally unfit to do it. Thanks God, or that's what I believe...
I used to wonder what I had done that was so bad for them to hate me so much...Wasn't anything that was innately bad in me, I merely served as a reflection of their own bullshit that they were projecting on us kids...made them feel shame, well earned too. They didn't hate me they loathed themselves.
love and all manner of good fortune to you....I'm also grateful for the guides in my life, the one's who told me, this aint right...these folks are broken fools. I know it's not funny, but I try and alchemize the energy with humor, coping skill from childhood that still works well for me.
“Always tell the truth, even if your voice shakes!”
Merry Christmas everyone here. 💕 im sending you love and good wishes. I hope to build a world for myself . . . Filled by truth tellers like myself. Please join me on facebook 》》 facebook.com/groups/419317772450579/?ref=share
❤️👍🏻
Hell yes ❤️❤️
ALWAYS!!! . . . so much easier to live with yourself.
how brave
I got beat weather i lied or told the truth, so i told the truth. I became the scape goat bastard. I blocked out my childhood, until my 30s when memories came back. In my 40s im a mess, i hate myself, live alone and have no friends. Ppl arent worth the pain.
You've got to remember-and I mean by reminding yourself-
VERBALLY at first if necessary since for some reason that has a major impact on how effectively you hear it. If you notice you're feeling that way do it and replace with a memory of something you're proud of.
A million songs have told us-they can't take that away
Don't beat up on yourself because that's something that people who have been put in that position indulge themselves in. Give yourself credit for being smart enough to cut that toxic tie . I live alone as well but there are a couple of things I do a week that are very important to me
I found pointing my righteous rage in the direction of things
I firmly believe are important
politically,will always keep me conscious of how important it is to be a truth-teller and that there are indeed people who will thank you for it
Have faith that you know what's best for yourself and then you will definitely arrive.
Going back is the biggest mistake you can
make I can tell you because I made the mistake once too.
They will never change and that has to be the single most important thing to understand.
@@matt3024 Thank you Matt, it's comforting to here from ppl who relate. I already got suckered in by demons and lost 160k and what sanity I had left. My siblings and myself have written them off for good. They sunk their teeth into my son and destroyed our relationship.....that was and is devastating. My best friend just passed away (cat) and I just feel defeated at the momont. Thanks for the encouragement Matt, it helps.
Don't give up my friend. Jesus was also a truth teller!! ❤
I’m sorry you had such a crappy childhood. I hope you find peace. Please do not hate yourself. As a child you were innocent. ❤
Specialized trauma therapy and EMDR helps. ❤
Damn damn damn damn… I have lost jobs friends and family members. I have always called out everything and been so shutdown and pushed out my whole life. One thing everyone knows about me is that I am honest to my core. This got me. Truly. Thank you for your content.
The loneliness you mentioned is so real. My gosh. “A permanent sense of grief”… “feeling like you don’t really have a family”… goodness. I was this child and have definitely silenced myself. Now I’m an anxiety ridden adult working on finding my authenticity.
OMG your words describe me. If only we see our own strength. Something I am working on.
Keep going, real people will love and appreciate you.
Yeah... I knew how it feels..
healing is possible for I feel it in me. prayers for you.
Me too! We can do it together~
I was that child. And made to pay a big price for it. My parents turned everyone against me to invalidate me. I was labelled a liar with a great imagination. You are absolutely right about trying to get out in the mind, Dr Ramani. I drowned myself in books and dance and became a writer/editor and a dancer. I learnt to enjoy my own company because I literally grew up alone with no one to turn to. When I ended up marrying a Narc, the isolation imposed on me by him did not affect me as much because I had already conditioned myself to be self reliant.
Yep. I joined the military, just as Doc stated.
Nelumbo Nucifera good for you queen! I truly empathize and I hope you continue to be resilient. 🙏🏽
Looking back, I joinef every after school program, sport , activity to not be home. Id find activities to join on weekends and started working at 14.. And now I see why anything to escape being escaped goated.
I became my own best friend and my family consists of me, I was always mocked for my skills and abilities, I love learning, trying new things, I cook really well, smart, highly educated, well traveled, kind , funny, that inner light, how they all hate these things about me.... never supported in anything I did, always had to fight for my rights to anything... but I'm no victim anymore, Iv healed, I'm a survivor and a thriver, a force, they try but can't dim the light in me, oh how they have tried but god is taking care of me, I'm healing well, NO CONTACT with them for 2.5 yrs n counting, each day is another win, baby steps got me to 2.5 yrs strong....
@@edgarjones6878 I left the country. Got followed so left that one too.
That's me. 56 and 20yrs estranged. Set myself up half way across the world to get away from the parentals. All-in, in the scope of lives being led, I have a fantastic life! God Bless you all!!
Truth teller/ scapegoat here. The last time I told my narcissist sister to grow up and she just laughed I blocked her and haven't spoken to her in 6 years and hopefully forever.
To this day she's made several attempts to create scenarios where I would be forced to see her face to face by manipulating my other siblings. It's creepy but thank god I see through it before it even happens 😅
I'm a truth teller... also known as an Empath. I can see straight through people like glass, and it makes friendship, and relationships difficult.
I always found myself with limited friendships and relationships because of this, to the point I and others questioned why. I now know why. It wasn’t a bad reason, it was a great one. The loneliness I feel it’s manageable compared to the confusion you get when you’re entangled in the cycle with no escape blaming yourself wondering what you could of changed and done “better”... nothing is worth that confusion. I’ll take clarity with a little loneliness somedays, any day.
I am the same. All my life I could not understand. As I got older it got stronger and stronger like the early 80s movie SCANNERS. There are people out there that just don't get it (in relationships) and will never get it in general. There are times when it really sucks. You don't ask to be alone, but it forces you to be alone. It makes you anti social. I have learned to live with it. Being a truth teller also cuts off your support, making you feel like your the crazy one. The down side of being a Truth Teller is that some despise you because of what u are capable of doing and deep down wish you were put or taken away.😔
@@fullcircleessentials Dude.. totally. Everything you said I have experienced
I feel you and i can relate
Doubt if you'll pick out a psychopath
Truthteller, scapegoat, and invisible child. Life's tough, man
I feel you so hard.
Yeah, glad to finally be able understand myself and others better though. It's quite freeing knowing being 'a loner' is a good thing.
Found my people lol
Then COVID to finish us off
Same roles exactly
When you’re a “Truth Teller!” You naturally hold yourself accountable to the things you say and do!!!
This is our super-power. Nobody can call BS on us because we don't play that game. We know what we want and we go for it.
Realizing now that this entire time I’ve been the truth teller but was being gaslighted that I was crazy, selfish, lazy, ungrateful, etc. Now I truly know.
every statement here is another a hah moment. thank you for your words.
and yes your string of labels.... been there ..... what a gift your words are to me.
Same
Same.
I was always called "sensitive"
Yep! That's me. I can spot unhealthy energy without trying. I used to despise being a seer because of all the punishing abuse and jealousy that came from my parents. I've learned through much effort, to appreciate who I am. Your videos are deeply affirming, Dr. Romani. Please know how much we need to hear the witness of all that has been blatantly denied by our families. Thank you from my grateful 58 year young heart.🙏🏽❤️🩹💜💜
Totally get it! We isolate for self preservation because it is better to be alone in your own element than to be alone surrounded by a packs of wolves !
I just screenshotted your post. Too accurate, couldn’t have worded it any better
100% yes I isolate for self preservation and I’m totally ok with it.
Facts! The myriad of false narratives and agendas attributing to the mass psychosis is astounding when you look closely enough.
Yup!
I like to think of my relatives as a pack of cats. Cats behave differently than wolves. ;) hahaha!!
Truth teller. The loneliness is real. It’s like, I’m supposed to just keep my mouth shut or go along with the lies, but I can’t. And then I feel rejected because when I speak the truth, it upsets them.
Yes!
Even as a child I was a truth teller. The adults in my family didn’t like it. But it was what protected us from the child molesters that we were forced to engage with. At 7 yrs old, I was sexually abused by a big scary man who I once called uncle. I had the strength to speak up and I learned that nobody supported my decision. Charges were dropped and the monster was set free. I’m 39 now. It wasn’t until my fathers passing in 2020 to that I truly understood how it work. The truths being twisted. The expressions and reactions from my mother and her side. I think I put up with it all these years because I loved my father. He was my only reason for engaging with the craziness.
Yes
@@helLroknyc I'm sure it's why I was never molested, they would have had to kill me to shut me up.
@@helLroknyc your love was misplaced.
You are spot on. Isolation, bad mouthing, demeaning, mocking, ignoring,...anything and everything was done to "keep me in my place". I didn't even have to say anything. Simply choosing to not participate in the toxic behaviors was enough of a threat to them to place me in their cross hairs. Still working through the crazy making of my childhood and I'm almost 60 years old. Thanks for what you do to help people see and deal with this sooner than I did!
Yeah, I relate to this a lot, and thank you, it's validating to hear. I don't think I was that stoic about it as a child though, the injustice used to make me mad as hell. Still dealing with toxic family at 56, is very hard.
Walking away only hurts for a second. Then you run into one of them and when that "altercation" is over you will tell yourself that you made the right choice. It's a huge leap, but the freedom you are rewarded with is endless.
I have never felt so seen. This is exactly how my life played out. And the loneliness of often being the only one to stand up to bullies - at home and in the workplace - has had a huge impact on my mental health through the entirety of my 20s, but it also became a beacon that drew so many people of integrity and kindness into my life, fostering a sisterhood of vulnerability and compassion that evaded me until now. I have often said being a truth teller is a blessing and a curse, but to anyone reading this, the curse will eventually lift when you realize darkness will always be repelled by your light and you don’t have to dim yours to be accepted.
Well said Lily. Perfect!
Beautifully said Lilly ♥️💕
Amen and Bravo!
Absolutely... I'm in the same place especially at the workplace.. RIGHT NOW!!. someone's going to make me bad to a new supervisor as we speak... As soon as he gets there tomorrow morning.. and I don't have the time to defend myself as I'm going to see a doctor 💊...
Very well said ☺️
“Feeling like you don’t really have a family..” 😗👍💞
whomever is doing God’s will is your family.
And every Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and trying to find a card...impossible.
Physically there is a family, but there may be so much neglect from parents to nurture their kids that it would be easy to say "no family" support, encouragement, love, quality time, etc.
I understand
Wow YES...
Been years.
Didn't fit in when,I was younger..
Erected a False Self to survive...kept my true self tucked away..only to reveal to those I felt good around.
I literally did everything this Doctor said...I got into music...went damn near everywhere I could just to get away...I actualized every dream I had in my childhood...I made everything I played with my dolls doing, a reality. I made my own talk show and everything...I did get out...I'm just feel guilty about getting out and feel pulled back in...my mother knows how to pull me back in...then act like I was never wanted in the first place... This is the worst situation because I know it's not me...
Am in the process of shifting from Truthteller to the Silent One. Few appreciate it and tired of giving what I desire alone. 😮💨
I’m a truth teller and it’s incredibly isolating. I watch these videos to validate my feelings. I check myself a lot to make sure that I’m not overthinking things or “doing too much” as I’ve been told by people that don’t like the truth. I really appreciate your work!
Me too ❤️💔
That’s exactly why I’m here watching these videos too! I’ll listen to these videos all day long, information I already know, because it makes me feel sane. It’s unlucky we got them as parents, but it’s so relieving to know I am not alone. We will get through this :) we are better than them♥️
Exactly
Growth is always painful and full of aches....but I didn't disclose to do it alone 😞
My elder son has been a truth teller and my husband has been trying to prove him useless.This is taking quite a bit of toll on him.He is trying hard to clear a national exam for higher studies but my husband shows his doubt on him
I'm actually fighting back tears because I didn't know this had a word.
Oh yes! There is definitely a word . Lol hope you are doing ok. Stay strong ❤️❤️❤️❤️☀️☀️🧸
You are not alone. I cried too.
holding back the tears until I decided to type. I didn't know there was such a term. In Biblical terms, it's a gift of discernment.. a gift of discerning of spirits... mocking, haughtiness, lying, joyfulness, patience, kindness, lust, etc.. a lot of the times.. I just pray, sometimes I will confront, sometimes I will share more truth/Truth... glad there are many more of us truth tellers out there.. joyful tears now... :-)
@@rossipreissler4449 I’m so thankful for discernment ☀️
You are not alone Laura🙏
It’s liberating for me to discover this. I hope it is for you as well🙏
Out of the 11 children in my family, I was the one who was isolated the most, not invited for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, even told I was not invited to the family reunion. My mother and her bff who is a priest, sat and criticized another priest and two of my aunts who worked for him. I reminded her that she was, in fact, the one who introduced them to the priest. Well, if looks could kill I'd be dead. She ignored me, did not return calls, emails, letters...silent treatment once again! So, I was DONE. I went no contact. Shortly after, one of my sisters went to great lengths to shame me for this decision through long nasty emails. It has been 14 years and no looking back! I have never known peace like this existed.
I can speak to so many points you made in this video!! Thank you for helping many of us feel less alone!!!
My daughter is the truth telling person. She was 11 years old when she decided that she could not please her dad. She also called him by who he was. She told me that the only reason that she visited the family home was because she wanted to see me, her mom.
She is now an adult. Happily married and a social worker-counselor who love to help people. She has strong boundaries. Sometimes she seems hard but she does not put up with nonsense.
I am divorced now and have peace in my life. I also have a 5 year protection order because that man was trying to hurt me in many ways. Thank you for all the education. You have been one of the people who truly helped me to put a name to the crazy life I lived for 31 years. Thank you Dr Ramani. Blessings
I was a truth teller who got silenced by gaslighting as a kid, so I couldn't tell up from down and learned to distrust my instincts. It wasn't until my 40s that I could really reconnect with the level of harm that was done to me, and I am now in the process of unapologetically calling out my mother for her narcissistic behavior and setting boundaries that will either lead to a respectful relationship or no contact.
ETA: I really resonate with it being a lonely role and feeling like I have no family.
I am in the exact same place as you Julie. It is an extremely lonely place to be.
Same here..I chose to have no further contact with my mom (last week) so it's pretty raw right now. Sending you love and strength
The cognitive dissonance that the gaslighting creates can be one of the most devastating and difficult things to overcome. I applaud your resilience and fortitude.
💯❤️🙏🏻
Being alone with the truth feels way better than being surrounded by liars. That goes for everybody, not just narcissists.
It's ONLY 2 Different Kinds Right n Wrong Ways...Evil Narc vs Non Narc. The 3rd Is Just A EXTRA LIE... PERIOD 💯
Yes!
Aaaand this is my fav quote now
DR RAMINI THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE VALIDATION.... THE MORE I LISTEN TO YOU THE MORE THIS BIG OLE PUZZLE OF REALITIES MAKE SENCE ... THX YOU SO MUCH DR. RAMANI.🤣🤣
Spot on Dr. Romani. Thank you.
I’m truth teller, I realize now trough your words! I never understand why people it’s so fake, why they pretend that like someone if os not truth! And I never understand exactly why some people get so uncomfortable close to me! Now I know!
Thank you, dr. Ramani, my friend!
I never had those close, healthy emotional relationships with my origin family like "everybody else" seemed to have, and I always felt ashamed of it. Because nobody outside seemed to understand what I was talking about. So I stopped. It was - and still is - always something missing. That makes you lonely even if you now have a great family of your own, and great griends. Roots are missing. - And yes, I do feel very comfortable alone with myself as long as I love myself. And that is hard work. Thank you so much for this video!
Tears fell from my eyes when Dr. Ramani mentioned about a child who always fantasize getting out and going to farthest places just to escape, I still remember that moment when I was a kid. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you are a great help to my healing..
Me too: I remember being about 8 in the car in the mall parking lot and seeing a bird flying above the car, and thinking I wish I were a bird so I could just fly away and be free.
oof same, Doctor Who and imagining what it would be like to escape to a whole different universe was my main coping mechanism when I was a teenager. Literally going light years away from home was exactly what I wanted
I remember picking up those "for rent" magazines they offered for free outside the grocery store as a pre-teen. I was trying to figure out how much it would cost to leave and was really upset when I found out I had to be 18.
@@lindsey9728 Awwww 😔
I also have a similar scenario, it's like I am thinking how much will I need when I go, but I end up realizing I didn't have a job yet and have no money to do it. Sending hugs to you 🤍
@@maryannlumbes8 ❤️ thank you, hugs to you too!
My mom is a narcissist. I was the golden child, then I realized I was being manipulated and became the truth teller and now I’m the scapegoat.
Daisy Brown that is a painful, confusing, disorienting journey. It is also my story. I am just becoming me at 61. You survived and can continue to not only survive but grow and flourish. I send you healing thoughts and energy!
Same thing happened to me. I’m 20 years no contact. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
You’re better off now
Me too
@@margyrowland sorry, I understand. My father hasn't spoken to me in 20 yrs. Mom speaks to me after many years cuz she needs me now. You not alone and I feel your pain and I'm sending a hug...
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I'm so grateful for your insight!! I was/am the scapegoat/truthteller in my family. I first ran away from home at age 12 and continued running away until I becamea ward of the court and was placed in a group home my 8th grade year. My mother is the quintessential narcissist, hides behind her religion. She inflicted so much emotional/verbal abuse onto me.I was labeled the bad child and boy did I live up to it. When I finally got out and went to college I became an honor student and earned a B.A. in Theater Arts. I'm an actor. I'm 64 yrs old and just putting the pieces together and learning why I've struggled and agonized within my twisted family system. Thanks again for explaining the unfortunate role of the family scapegoat and how it affects us in adulthood. 🕊
Im hear to find my confidence in my gifts.
Dealing with a family shift right now and i have always been the scapegoat/truth teller.
Starting to accept the narrsicist is not gonna change and that the enablers in my family are just that.
I tend to gaslight myself because i think "why would anyone not see whats happening, if they cant see it maybe im imagining it" -_-
Gotta be true to myself now.
Sick of being caught up in this toxic family system where my efforts go ignored and even criticised.
Yes, truth-telling is lonely. We sacrifice our family or are willingly banished from family to maintain a healthy relationship with the self.
Venora Dobrowolski Yes and looking at my sister and how well I am recieved by most people who I admire and society in general frankly I think it is worth it
Sad it has to come to that
My mom and four sisters turned against me and ousted me from the family for confronting my mom about allowing our stepfather to abuse us from the age of 6-17. I was blamed for causing my mom’s lung cancer for stressing her out for bringing this up.
@@conniesomers817 I am So sorry Connie. I know the loss has been hard. Do not let their mental inbalance to eat at you. You did nothing wrong. Try not to carry the guilt they are putting upon you to conceal their own. Complacency about abuse is just a different kind of abuse in situations like that in your family. You are really brave and strong to speak the truth. Know your goodness for speaking out. Your mother's illness has been brought upon her for the ugliness she hid inside of her. That ate her health away. If she had finally let out that ugly truth she denied, she may have avoided her illness. Keeping those truths in the darkness causes the mutation of dis-ease within us. You are smart to let it out to the light. Remember, our own thoughts create our reality. Free yourself from the darkness of thoughts by others and know you are a beautiful and wonderful person. Our God energy inside gives us the power to heal if we can learn to use it. Know that truth in your soul deeply. Yes, it will be tough. But it is the way to freedom from such pain. God bless you Connie and help you to keep releasing your pain. You need to free yourself so you can thrive as you were intended to do, Sweetheart. Allow yourself that. You will see and feel the difference quickly, once you start on the path of that freedom. Dont carry the burdens of other's souls. Allow yourself to enjoy life's beautiful bounty and joys. Much love to you. Have a Very Merry Christmas. You deserve happiness.
Wow that’s a great way of describing it.
I get sad watching other families who could rely, comfort and love each other. I was gossipped about, mocked, and gaslit when I spoke the truth. I never had a family that cared, nor I could turn to, always relied on myself.
You might be interested in Toxic Parents and Mothers Who Can't Love by Susan Forward and It's Not Your Fault by Beverly Engel.
Merry Christmas everyone here. 💕 im sending you love and good wishes. I hope to build a world for myself . . . Filled by truth tellers like myself. Please join me on facebook 》》 facebook.com/groups/419317772450579/?ref=share
We feel so isolated because there are mostly narcissists in this world but there are millions of us and the number us growing. We are each other's family❤️
@@donalobradaigh70 yes 👍🏻
Same Here
You've described my life as a child and as an adult! I moved 900 miles away, but didn't realize I was marrying a Narcissist (didn't know what that was at the time), just knew I needed to get away from a "negative, dark family"! I was the truth teller, scapegoat and became the black sheep by moving away. Then after 33 years of marriage, I left for the same reasons that I got away from my family dynamics. Thank you for the acknowledgment. I have a grandson that is a "Truth Teller"! I've seen him in action and he has affected change in his family by calling out "alcohol consumption and driving"! My daughter and her husband have taken heed. He speaks out when his younger (by14 mos) and bigger brother is bullying him. I have an issue with the parents not paying attention or ignoring when this behavior is going on and 'he" gets hurt by his brother. I've spoken up about it but find they just ignore me and tell my grandson it is his fault for taunting (which isn't always the case, plus it's physical bullying). A recipe for trouble in my opinion. I'm just Mom/Grandma- no power. Any suggestions for my interactions or for my grandson? He and I are very close.
For your grandson, read Psalm 121 and 91 daily and put in his name.
Read it and spreak the words. It will be the start of healing and protection.
Tell him how much you love him. He knows that. But to speak it out and hearing it, that will do its work. Blessings for you and you grandson
I think that it's difficult as you don't want to make things worse for your grandson. If you speak to him and connect emotionally, let him know that his perception of the situation is correct and that parents don't always get it right because of their own faulty beliefs... That could make a huge difference, to know that someone is giving him unconditional love, believes him and cares for him. Maybe he could visit and have a break and you can offer guidance and support.
Your story and my story are so similar. I posted above. As the truth teller in my family and then in my 19 year marriage, what I would have/do value the most is being validated for my "awareness." Which is the LAST thing a narcissist will do. Calling out their behavior is ALWAYS futile. And even dangerous. As for your grandson, I repeat: validate him, his observations/analysis, and his feelings. Be that ONE person in his life that tells him his "superpower," his ability to read people/situations and honestly gauge/report them, is valuable.
This definitely affected me in my childhood/teenage years. I had a situation in my family where we were preyed upon by an older man that claimed to want to help my mom by being a “stepfather”, who ultimately ended up being arrested for a lot of terrible things he did. When we first met him, I could instantly tell he wanted something from us, but I didn’t know what. During high school, me and him would constantly butt heads and constantly be in opposition with each other. I didn’t find out until I was an adult, that he was telling my other siblings not to talk to me and to not associate with me so I can be by myself. I definitely resonate with being this type of child in my household. It was like I could just see things for what they were.
When you said, " the family often treats them with a mixture of contempt and fear", I realized I may be a truth teller as I often call people out and pay the price by becoming the family scapegoat that needs to be "fixed".
I learned to speak truth in the form of questions that make people think- or I try to.
@@leahg3926 That's what I have done also, try to speak the truth in form of questions to get people to think. Sadly I haven't had much success 😞
@@sasfreeman9109 either way, there's a price to pay.
I was the truth teller and the scapegoat - I moved out of my family home at 19 years old and left the country at 22 years old. I still kept contact with my narcissistic parents up until about a year ago, when I realised they would never change and having a relationship with them only did more harm than good. They used to put me down, gaslight me, tell me I wasn't good enough, offered zero parental support or guidance and were emotionally and once or twice physically abusive. My life is so much better without them in it and the lessons I learnt as a child are serving me well as a woman in her 30s.
BRAVO 🎉
be proud of yourself,well done hope you are happy and doing great
Same story and left home same age, the good thing is that my dad was supporting me financially and emotionally to leave, he would pick up fights just so we are happy me and my brother and for that i am forever thankful
As someone that didnt leave, I love hearing that a young person got out early and was better off because of it. It reminds me that I wasnt crazy and that my instincts were right. If only I had listened to them...
Wow I couldn’t relate to this more!!
Although I left for a year, went back & they completely just used and abused me for the next 4 years… I completely cut ties last month & will never go back EVER again…
I’m sitting here in Greece, far away from my home in Canada, nodding along to everything you are saying. Until I watched this, I didn’t have a name for what I’ve been in my family and in my life. I still remember as a small child watching my mother when she would go off on us and there would be a stillness in me. She would look at me and get so angry. I never told her the truth, but she saw it in my eyes. I never begged her to love me like my sister would do. I didn’t want her attention. I just wanted to be left alone in peace. My entire life has been a quest for peace and I have a better understanding now why that has been.
I have been a truth teller since I was a tiny child. People have hated me on sight for much of my life, while others have been obsessed with me. It’s always an all or nothing thing for some weird reason. I’m honest, but I’ve learned not to blurt out the truth because most of the time people don’t want to hear it. And even when they say they do … they really don’t. I’ve always had this almost preternatural ability to see the truth in every situation. I am super empathic so I can feel what others feel, which almost means I can read their minds. It’s unsettling for me as much as for them. I don’t really want to know so much about others. So I tend to keep to myself most of the time. I’m turning 55 in a few months and I’ve learned that being alone is much more comfortable. I have friends and a partner, but they are few as I don’t let a lot of people close to me, although I am friendly and appear open. I’m just not vulnerable to anyone until I know I can trust them.
You’re so right about the vivid internal life. I am a writer and an artist. :) My website is brendagrate.com. I have been making up stories in my head (always before I sleep) for as long as I can remember. Books were my escape, so I guess it’s no wonder I became a writer. Writing also helped me to heal as I wrote out my pain. I am also a herbalist and a nature worshipper. I feel that nature, although she can often be brutal, is the only thing I can trust. She is honest in all things.
I guess that’s all. I want to thank you for making this video. It has helped me more than I can say. It has taken many years for me to heal and love myself after an extremely abusive childhood. But this video helped me to understand one thing I never could. Why would so many people react violently against me without me ever doing anything but being kind? It’s usually when I first meet them and usually women. I never understood why and now I think I do when I look back on those people. Maybe they felt I was calling them out, but I didn’t mean to. I only ever wanted to be kind and friendly. They would get so angry at me and accuse me of things I never did. It still happens so I keep distant from people as much as I can. Thank you for helping me to understand it’s not me, but their fear of the truth. I love your channel. 😊
Truth teller here. My three siblings were perfectly fine with it for the most part, I'm the baby. Vulnerable Narcissistic hypochondriac mother said I've always been a troublemaker. She can't handle hearing the truth, which I admit I don't mind usually speaking, because someone has to😢. The four of us are extremely damaged.