Narcissism in Siblings | The Signs
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ม.ค. 2020
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In this interview, personality disorders and narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula teaches you how to navigate this delicate relationship if you suspect your sibling is a narcissist.
Traits of narcissism in a sibling is not as rare as you think. Dr. Ramani compares our siblings to “our only shared historians.” They’re with us from the beginning. So when narcissism is involved, this unique family relationship can get tricky.
#Narcissism #Relationships #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealth #medcircle #psychology #narcissists #narcissisticfamily
Did this video help you discover whether you have a sibling with narcissistic traits? Let us know in the comments below - we want to hear your story.
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I know I have a narcissistic older brother that's 5 yrs. older and ... I have a narcissistic older sister that's 8 yrs. older. Both parents have passed. The 2 older siblings committed investment fraud with parents trust and have alienated my only child to fear me by exploiting her after I discovered their fraud documents. Clearly, now both siblings have gas lighted the entire family to never acknowledge my existence. My daughter's father died win she was 1 yrs. old. She was diagnosed with Asperger's/ Autism Spectrum, as a single parent having to work part-time, my older siblings made matters worse by traumatizing our Mother 5 months after my father's death when she was in the early phase of Dementia. They attempted to trick her into living in a assisted living w/out her knowledge. When she called me scared to death , I had to go rescue her and since then my siblings have drained me of every resource I have. Now I have stage 4 breast cancer and my brother said well you made your own bed. Still haven't seen my daughter in 8 years. So there you go, I was diagnosed with PTSD, I had a small stroke and am planning on surviving Metastatic Breast Cancer. I will continue praying for my daughter's safety.
Sue Howell wow I’m so sorry you’re going through all that wow
It's validation. I realize I won't be in the will, but at least I don't have to clean up that hoard of a house of hers!
My only (older) sister (2 years) is probably a narc. Even as children sharing a room (and a bed), we were never close. Our temperaments were polar opposite. She was a dreamer and a drama queen and I was the ultimate "good girl" in the family- the people pleaser who tried to make no problems and be invisible. As she grew to adulthood, she became very critical of my appearance, my lifestyle and my accomplishments- chronically ridiculing my scholastic commitment, my academic achievements, my boyfriends and my lifestyle. Her criticism destroyed my self-esteem and my confidence. My accomplishments were always cast as something I did to make her look bad, so I felt guilty any time I achieved something noteworthy. She was cruel and demeaning and seemed to enjoy hurting me - as though it was entertainment for her . We are now functionally estranged. She and her husband have managed to convince my mother that they should manage her finances. Hmmmm- I see where this is going, but I don't care as she and my mother are both narcs and they love to gang up on me every time I am around them. My mother is a master triangulator so this is likely no surprise either. I have gone no contact with both and this has been my saviour.
@@millyv8787 Thanks Milly.
You're not loosing a family your gaining your sanity
'You are not loosing your family, husband,.. you are getting your sanity!!!'
Love this! ❤️
Awesome! When you speak of this, have friends, neighbours who think, try to make you part of their family, no no I'm good, not what I'm looking for. It's OK, we want to be left behind, in their boat's wake, wanting calm waters to return once they've left.
Well said! 100% agree.
*losing
Yup. I finally have confidence again after cutting off my maternal half sister and my mother's family. Some of them favor her over me. I just need to focus on leaving town. I don't want to be near those people anymore.
You become broken hearted because you realize that the sibling you loved......never existed. I grieve the loss of the sister I thought I had.
I totally understand your pain. The exact same experience has happened to me. As long as I give and give and give, then she likes me. Once our mother gave me a few personal belongings-- my sister flew into a rage! She accused mother as having "Alzheimers", accusing mother of "failing to remember those things were already given" to my sister. WHAT??!!
To twist an elderly parent into doubting their own mind-- that's sick! All in the name of inheritance money and the acquisition of "things". I can never go back to that relationship. I have been so good to my sister all of my life, yet she wipes her shoes off upon me. No more! The gaslighting is so awful! My poor mother is just beginning to see it, and she lives with my sister. She fears for her safety at some level.
I cannot ever again try and entertain a relationship with such a mentally deranged sibling. She will turn my other siblings on me, but that is too bad. Out of self preservation and peace-- I've experienced this gaslighting behavior for the last time! I cannot go back ever again. The craziness is just too much. I thought my sister loved me, but she truly only loves the money I give her. I'm so disgusted, so sad, so angry about everything she hurled at me right before I left. I cannot take that kind of craziness! She can just have everything, all the stuff-- just leave me alone!
@@louisianalady7105 oh, I can feel for you. My sister pretends I’ve never given her a dime! Thousands of dollars later.......total amnesiac.......THATS what gets me. Currently she is actually treating me humanly....why? Answer is she wants to move to my city! UGH........
It’s this comment for me.
@@makeitstop9344 -- nooooo!!! My sister did that move, and it was total craziness. I just couldn't he around her at all! I eventually had to just back away. She then moved to another city. I tried again. But I realize the sister I want is never going be, not until Heaven. I would set very firm boundaries regarding this move BEFORE the move. If the sibling gets angry, then so be it. Just don't let them twist you-- they really only want money or something tangible. God doesn't require you to take care of this, because He will. So don't guilt yourself into the whole thing. Set firm boundaries, don't "beat around the bush", be very direct. The narcissist sibling will try and manipulate you, but don't you fall for it. If you're firm enough-- then this person won't likely move. If they still move, remain FIRM. You're not expected to put up with unacceptable behavior-- not from anyone! Especially not a from a manipulator.
@@louisianalady7105 I thank you for your encouragement. She wants to move here so she can squirrel money from our mother and me. She has no one left to cling to. They all left......ran like their hair was on fire! We are the “ last ones standing” mother is totally awake to her, thank god. We’ll hold fast. Scary as hell though......
My parents have completely enabled my brother to become a narcissist. It’s hard feeling safe when it feels as if there is someone wishing you evil, living in your own home. It’s even worse when every time you try to distance yourself, your family gaslights and guilts you into interacting.
Trust your own judgement, because anyone else in those shoes would do the same thing
I completely relate to this. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you have safe spaces, third spaces outside of the home.
Yup, controlling, consistent criticism, gaslighting, yelling, arguing, victimization, blame shifting, it’s too much. Gotta free your mind. Best of luck 🤞🏻
as soon as you get your chance separate yourself from him. these types will take you down with them.
Trust me, the only way to deal with narcissist family members is to limit your interaction with them. I have two narcissist siblings and are well versed on this behavior, from years of experience.
It's sad really. I wish it were not so, but life's too short to be dealing with self-centered non caring people who don't think they are doing anything wrong, and I'm fed up with that mindset. 🙄
I gave up my family of origin out of self-respect.
Sorry to bother you with this. I as well have two siblings which I suspect are narcissistic but worse than that, I am very sure my mom is as well. Is so weird because, they are so deep in the hole they have pushed away every person that entered their live. The worst thing about them is, they never acknowledge the excessive criticism towards others. I feel like people are means to an end and after that they dispose them and talk badly about them. The funny thing is, they dislike each other. They talk behind their own backs and are never upfront about anything. We are four siblings, the older ones are in their 40’s and my brother and I in our 20’s. The worst thing about that is that we didn’t have 1 narcissistic parent with conditional love, it feels like we had 3 parents doing that. I really went out of topic, I wanted to know if any of this resonates with you and your relationship with your siblings?
And constantly lie from the smallest thing to the biggest! Every day! They don't care!
Amen
I was 3 and my sister was 8 years old when my mother left us with my alcoholic father who finally died of alcoholism at age 48 leaving behind a devastating guilt that I felt because "I failed him." When my mother walked out the door that day my sister and I were playing in the yard. She had a rope around my neck and a paper bag over my head, leading me around. She started crying as was usual for her, so she was the one who received the final attention from our mother. Afterwards, my sister automatically decided she was in charge of me. Problem was she was jealous. I did not cooperate with that, but at the same time she was all I had. She turned everyone against me that we were boarded with and also other playmates, so I learned to rebel with tantrums and tried to run away at the age of 5. They found me a couple of miles away and dragged me back. I learned to play alone and grew up to be a loner in life. I managed to put myself through college and got a master's in painting and drawing. I was the only one in the family who graduated from high school. When my sister needed advice she always came to me so I felt responsible for her in many ways and knew nothing about narcissism. When I was 40 years old I began reading Jung and did self analysis with Karen Horney, reading all their writings, to figure out why I had no control over my temper. I had suppressed memories of all the horrors of my childhood, including my sister's hatred for me as well as the tantrums, for which I felt a great shame. I have spent the last 40 years with my nose in books doing "self analysis." Now at age 80 I have finally realized that my temper was the same old tantrums I had as a child. Fortunately I never knew about NPD until after my sister died 5 years ago. I now realize she was a covert narcissist of the first order. The damage she did to me was a total destruction of my self confidence. As adults she knew what no one else ever figured out so it was never discussed. I spent my life believing she loved me..that is until I asked outright if she loved me. She started bawling and hung up the phone. I would give anything, even now, for the love of a sister. Instead, I am left with trying to forgive something that is unforgivable.
Oh, trust me. It gets BAD! Grieving the loss of someone who is still alive is one of the hardest things one can go through.
Ingrid Muñoz I feel the main reason we end up getting hurt by a Cheating partner in a relationship is being skeptical about running a private check-up on who we’re dealing with. Sometimes we may be dating a Narcissist without even knowing.There’s a popular saying that: “don’t trust too much cause that too much might hurt you so much” My worst experience was discovering my 8 years wife cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned her cellphone. All i did was share my wife’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to her Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat , Emails and Text messages both deleted and incoming ones with a remote link on my phone. I’m here in LA and able to read my wife’s text even while she was away in Australia cheating on me. In case you need help, contact them ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) Text/Call them +1 4242362391. You can also reach them on WhatsApp +15713758467. Thank me later.
Ditto. I'm going thru it now and keep thinking it will actually be a relief when my mother dies and I don't attend her funeral bcuz of my horrific narc "family"...super painful and sad but it has made me stronger now that I'm finally starting to rise from the narc ashes!!!
Ingrid Muñoz I am in This process now with my parents because of my brother . It’s like a knife is inside and everyday it goes deeper slowly
@@AC-fb4wn You need to get help now! It will only get worse unless and until you get away and do the inner work! Please feel free to email me and I will support you: taralilarose88@gmail dot com.
Narc Mom, Narc Dad, Narc partner, Narc brother,Narc daughter now estranged from all of them to save myself. It’s a painful life
The worst is watching them bring up children when they shouldn't be allowed to breed.
Agreed!
'My parents shouldn't breed' eather. That was my main thought in my childhood.
Don't you believe in your own ability to grow? Oh please don't give up on yourself. All people have so much potential.
@@irenahabe2855 When I first learned about adoption, I asked if I'd been adopted and was assured by a trip through the photo album that I wasn't. What a disappointment.
I wouldn't be surprised if my maternal half sister has a kid or two with the man she's with. She's extremely toxic. I tried warning her boyfriend after we stopped speaking to each other in 2015. But, he just couldn't see it. She's capable of anything even murder in my opinion. It's been a few years since I talked to him. She was of course telling him on the other line how much of a liar I am. It's best he finds out for himself how she operates. Hopefully, if she were to cheat on him or if she berates and degrades him like she did me and so many others, he'll come to his senses and leave her.
“Parents enabling the narcissist sibling.” This.
I stood up to my narcissistic older sister after our father died. She neglected him yet swooped in and received 15k more out of his estate than I did by manipulating his grieving widow. We’ve had a few blowouts that were enormous. I needed this to happen, and honestly, the look on her face when it came over her that she lost me was priceless. When I see her now, about once a year, the jabs and condescending remarks have stopped. I think she finally knows I’ll call out her BS in front of everyone. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t until I was 55 that I could do this and I cried for several years, but my life is better for having done it. Be strong and don’t be a punching bag anymore. You can do this.
I need help same case almost my both younger brother sister I faced he'll. ..my mother is old sick too...my drained health got bad because of this faced domestic violence
Thank you for your post. I am going through this right now. But I am at the beginning, one month in 😢
Oh wow. I'm 60 soon and my brother is 68. My story has so many similarities with yours. I'm just now had enough and can't be a punchbag anymore. I really relate to your story. I too have cried so much. I'm crying now because I love him but he loves me yet he hates me. He can't resist hurting me.
I reached my breaking point during the pandemic when I was 25 and I'm so grateful for it. Being willing to lose my family made me brave and start to fully stand up for myself and not accept anything less. I wish she was fully cut out of my life but its been a weight off my shoulder and so nice to have my single mother finally understand just how harmful its been. Openly being able to talk about when my sister acts like a narcissistic abusive psycho has changed my life.
Same is happening to me. My brother moved my aging mother out of her home state last year with neither of them telling me until 4 months before she left. I was left totally out of discussion. My brother moved away 12 years ago and has dropped in and out for about 8 of those years now. But as soon as she saw her getting old here he came to be the savior. Since it's all my mom has ever wanted she went. And he is doing everything he can to control and manipulate and blame me. I cut him off today.
The best decision I ever made was walking away.
Thank you so much. I have had to walk away from my family for my survival as well. People who don't go through this song understand
Don't understand
Yes that's true 👍
Exactly! There is just no winning against these people and they are not capable of seeing their own wrongdoings. "No contact" is the only way to go.
I always thought it was me... that something was wrong with me... finally decided to get help (without them knowing) and now.. just wow... everything is clear. Patterns when you see them, you cant unsee them.
Just be free... leave them and it will change your life. It is scary because you think you will fail cause you are not enough, but trust me, NOT TRUE. Everyone is good enough and you CAN be happier. You CAN have a good life ❤
My parents would say,."I wish you girls could just get along." It was never about an inability to get along. Our parents cosigned my narc sister's bullshit for decades. It was abuse. I resigned as scapegoat.
Yes the interesting thing is they refuse to recognise their part in it. I realised that the anger my parents and siblings had towards me, is because I was calling out their carefully constructed lies and abuse. They really hate me. It's almost comical how much hatred they have. but mainly it's tragic of course.
My father 100%. My sister would put me down horribly right in front of him and I would ask him FOR YEARS to set things straight and he would tell me "you two are grown ups, figure it out yourselves" as if there is ANYTHING I can do to settle things with someone who simply hates me for existing (I took her "baby of the family" throne) and also being prettier (she was jealous because she was fat).
When I cut her out, my dad told me he wanted me to "fix things with [my] sister". I told him "suuuuure, I am running RIGHT NOW towards her home. I am running like The Flash. I am not here anymore because I am already at her house; what you see are my photons still travelling to your eyes". He didn't like that! 😂😂😂
Same here. In my 40s I finally cut all ties including nieces and nephews who sadly were just being caught in the cross fire and starting to take sides, parents who are under my sister's control and both have narc tendencies , years of being the scapegoat and gaslit everytime I pushed back, and finally have so much peace, joy and calm
I still hear that..."you two need to learn how to get along". Man that bothers me, I have bent over backwards for my sister...unreal.
@@gloriabult2967 omg I'm hearing you.and the other families on this sight.othen out of the blue my sister chats away.becareful how much information you feed them.they will use it as Amo later.
I'm living this right now. My entire family is gaslighting and scapegoating me because I said enough. It really is awful.
I totally get that. I had to go no contact. My sister has completely destroyed any social capital with my father all for $$$ and herself. She tried to take money from my mother who has Alzheimer’s, but we caught it before she could do real damage. She hasn’t seen my mother in 7 months. She is waiting for my kind and good stepfather to pass so she can swoop in. But it is sad we had to retain a lawyer.😢
Same here, but the family just don't see it.
Same, so much abuse
Just know Desert Rose , It is NOT YOU. It was never you.🌄
Im so sorry to hear that. I have lost my entire family due to having healed myself and stopped allowing them to scapegoat me. It has been intolerable for them that I no longer apologise, do the repair, take all responsibility for what happened etc. It has been terribly painful but the pain of being reconfigured in the abuse is far far worse.
My sister was ice-cold from day one. Older family members have said so (without me asking or hinting, it's spontaneous). Yet they're all terrified of her. Nobody dares upset The Queen. Ever.
The Queen!!! You nailed it!!!
Yes, Queen without the kingdom so we became the people she ruled.
This.
that's funny that you call her the queen. I call mine the Princess
My sister ended up with the title Lady...I haven't spoken to her in years. There was no childhood trauma, she was just born a manipulating cow.
she literally just explained my life in a span of not even 6 minutes... its dark. it hurts. keep your light, set boundaries. sending love to anyone that needs it
Oh man, the same 😢...I'm in tears right now...I agree with u it hurts A LOT....😢😢😢😢😢
Yes, right!!!
Thank you 💕😊
Thank you
ditto....😣
I remember reading a comment somewhere how a family is a "group of strangers forced to live together," feels so true for some of us...
CHASE BURROWS...IT IS THE KARMA WE HAVE TO PAY...PPL WHO ARE "FAMILY" ARE PPL YOU HAVE TO PAY KARMA TO FROM OTHER LIFETIMES
I love this comment, wow 💯
Oh please....what a great excuse for psychos to abuse decent people...
Can’t tell you how true this is in my family dynamics!! Sad but true!
@@lissaslighthouse8475 damn I must have done some messed up shiz to have so many psychopaths in my family.
I know how horrible this sounds but my sister was such a sadistic narcissist to me growing up, I prayed she never had kids. She didnt.
Mines didn’t either. But our big sister died a she swoops in, blinded me by taking me court to get our niece, my first babygirl. She keeps her away from me like a viscous pitbill and forces our niece to call her mom
Mom was a Narcissist and my sister was a mini version of her. I was their scapegoat and this continued into adulthood. I left but I’ve only gotten to release this trauma thanks to Dr. Ramani!
Same same 😢😢
Same but didn’t know what I was dealing with back then..thank you Dr. Ramini for helping so many
Same here
The truth finally sets us free!
@@rheettaI feel exactly the same
Family is over rated... Live a virtuous life.
Jane Smith, that is true.
Totally agree. Family is just like life itself, a precious gift or a living hell. Ppl who grew up in stable relatively pleasant families find it extremely hard to imagine what ppl like us go through.
Jane Smith - Well stated.
@@ElectricQualia Yet, they insist upon becoming therapists. Therefore, people end up with therapists who are inadequate and undertrained.
Exactly, same with children.
Also add double standards as a narc tool. They can do something but you can't. They make a harmless mistake but you're incompetent or an irredeemable monster.
Yep. They can do it to you but you can't do it to them. If you do it to them then you're a monster and should be punished forever. If they do it to you then it's okay and is no big deal.
This IS my husband.
My God, this is my sister :(
This is my brother....
yes, the amount of times my sister calls me stupid, idiot, dumbass over nothing is ridiclious.
I'm done being nice, I got to respect myself first. I can love them from a far.
Omg yeeesssss queen!!❤❤❤
I have said I’ve had enough from my twin sister I have much more self love and respect to deal with her horseshit!!
Oh wow!! Looking back at my childhood relationship with my sibling…I sadly realized that the emotional abuse and toxicity was always present in some form.
It’s not until you see functional, healthy sibling relationships that you realize your’s is dysfunctional. If they don’t want to do their own internal work….stop accepting just “anything”…you deserve better. Let them go.
It is devastating because you realize they aren’t the person you once knew. It feels like betrayal.
For me, it was release. Once I understood what the problem was, I was able to let go. I am so much happier now I understand who and what my sibling twins (yes, two of them!) are and where they are coming from. All the nastiness they gave me was because I fought back, my other two brothers are still under the spell - I hope they manage understanding too.
That's cos it *is* betrayal - your siblings are supposed to love you!
I feel so miserable when I see especially sisters that have a wonderful & loving relationship
@@LibbySlaughter101 MEEE TOOOOO😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
@@xixi6462 I'm so sorry sweetie -
Pity we hadn't been sisters! But God said when we get to heaven He'll wipe away every tear - hang in😘
YES! So true
This is great stuff. But the dog laying in front really knows the meaning of life
lol doesnt know the meaning of eternity for sure lol now thats long time
yes!! this goes along with me as well)), when I was getting sad or too thoughtful, the dog grabbed my attention at the precise moment and I certainly felt better and even mellowed every time)
It's a beautiful dog.
I thought that dog died!
@@user-bw9rq hi user how are you
My sister, 2.5 years younger than me was never my playmate. She was hostile from the moment that she could walk and talk. There are no shared memories. This was not competition for a parent's attention. This was about control over me. She had no regard for me as a person. She was abusive from the very beginning, and she got away with it.
Same. She’s 2.5 years younger than me as well. It was so awful. She never wanted to see me happy. She dehumanized me and wanted to see me in pain. She was selfish and entitled from the very beginning. For about 6 years or more, when we were teenagers, she seemed to literally be possessed by a demon. There was no other explanation in my mind, at the time, for how someone could be so unrelentingly cruel for so many years.
I have tried to forgive her for my sake but I am still heart broken and I wish things weren’t this way. We will never have a close relationship because any time I try to let her into my life, she hurts me again. She only wants the worst for me.
I have 2 narcissistic siblings. They destroy me. My parents defend them. I am the scapegoat. I always have been. They have devastated my life
I knew my sister was a Narcissist when I was ten years old. I just did not have the word and vocabulary. It has been horrible.
I knew when my sister didnt laugh at cartoons...that was weird.
Me too, I'm still processing everything. Its difficult knowing that I let her sabotage, why didn't I set up boundaries and protect myself? So much anger. It's been years that I've had CPSTD without knowing. I need a support group as a counselor costs too much.
@Abisola Abiodun no, I've gone no contact since she renewed her vows and didn't invite me. I should have done so years before that. I'm the scapegoat in a family of narcissists. I almost killed myself in 2018, instead I went on a retreat to Costa Rica with plans to do it after my trip. I remember thinking, I'll do it in July if I continue to feel like this... news hit that my hero took his own life on my final day in Costa Rica which shook my soul... and I started telling another person at the yoga retreat when she asked why I was upset. I told her my whole story and that's how I found out about CPTSD . She was getting her doctorate in PTSD. So, now I'm committed to not harming myself but I can't seem to get out of this holding pattern. I do need support. Luckily these videos exist. Thanks for asking
Heather Graham I have CPTSD too. There's some special therapies for it and great books and articles out there. Glad you found the info you needed. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I still don't know I won't die by my own hand someday. I felt so strongly as a child that I should not have even been born and that's never gone away. I know I was a planned pregnancy but I feel like one big giant mistake.
Only figured out I had CPSTD a few months ago. There are different techniques to help if you can not financially afford therapy or distrust so intensely you fear you'd end up with a Narc therapist. I had been in denial about the ongoing harm and damage growing up in a Narcissistic family system had done to my body and spirit.
My oldest sister is a narcissist. She has the whole family kissing her butt. I’ve said enough and the entire family is on her side. It’s a disgusting mess.
SAME,! accept she and my brother actually destroyed the family with their Narc agendas.
David Here my younger one is. It has been so painful
Ashley Smith sorry to hear that
You are not alone, David. Same exact thing happened in my family. It is sickening!
Lauren Bell how do you handle it?
One thing that really struck me in this video is the idea that this abuse was constant since childhood. I never understood the toxic elements that made up my relationship with my sister until many years apart and lots of distance - and even then, it didn't hit me until my ex witnessed her emotional abusing me and completely obliterating my self esteem and labeled it for what it was. Only then did I slowly start to realize that I wasn't at fault. It's been years since I cut off contact, and only in the past couple months did I begin to explore the notion that this actually began in childhood.
So glad things are beginning to finally add up, Leyla. Narcissistic abuse is a 'major' problem across 'all' levels and sectors of our society. Thinking of You. Y💕🙏💕💕xx
Ditto. My whole family of origin is a pack of wolves.
Same here man
The familiar trauma bond
They brainwash you into thinking abuse is normal and then gaslight the sh-t out of you when you try to standup for yourself, I hate them, i can’t be me cuz I’ve been mocked and made fun of for years..they literally broke a highly empathic and sensitive person and now I have to heal and figure out who I am
100% my brother...he feels entitled to as much money and power as possible
I was the scapegoat in my family. All my siblings and my mom are narcissist, I'm estranged with all of them. Trianglation is/was a common pratice in my family.
Daniel C so sorry that happened to you buddy. No one deserves to be treated like that and I know exactly how you feel! I’m starting my life all over again and I suggest if u can that u do the same!
Ditto Daniel. Same here and what makes it doubly harsh for me is that I never married or had children so I now have ZERO family except for a dog.
Daniel C be great ful,you are the healthy one!
Me too!! I do stay in contact with my Mom bcuz she's elderly.
Yes,me too..
Hard truths spoken here.
Easiest thing to do is just distance oneself without announcing one's exit.
Amen ...had to do that decades ago.
Yes ,you nailed it. Wish you peace and love
@Slimy Greens move out if you haven't. If you live there, you should pay rent. If you live on your own you owe them nothing. Define what you want your relationship with your parent to look like. I visit mine for about an hour once a month. I make home-cooked meals I freeze to take to my elderly parent and that is all I do while other siblings do other tasks. I may want to do other tasks but staying out of it is best. Even Momma doesn't want me doing more as she prefers others do it.
Yes. Yes!
My Sister told me that when we were little, she tried to get me killed by telling me to go in the busy street. I was very young and don't remember. The scarey thing is, my Sister is only 18 months older than me. A Sociopathic Covert Narc that young. My Mom, the full blown Narc let us run the neighborhood that young without supervision. She only cared what the Golden Child Brother was doing. She was hoping the girls would disappear.
My sister wrote me a long letter, where she blamed me for everything, going back 20 years and even wrote `I dont consider you my sister` and ´I dont love you` and I showed it to my father, who just began the old `your poor sister`-speech to me and he litteraly couldnt see those two lines she wrote me, because she has spend her whole life entitled and having our parents do anything for her, while I was the evil bigsister. I never thought of it like this, but a lot of it makes sense. Sadly.
my brother blamed me because i cam home ill from college when he was in his last year of high school. Imagine an adult who is very successful blaming his disabled sister for all his issues because she got sick and had to come home. If any people really knew how sick one can be to pretend a disabled sister does not exist. my parents were heartbroken by him- now that they are gone it continues and i dont have my parents nor a family as i am legally disabled. he still scapegoats me- its shocking but karma is a bitch
Omg and we are almost 40 🙏 the fact that she is doing better than me in life ..and we are still talking about childhood … WHEWW It took me 34 years to stop kissing azzz and drinking her pee for tea .. I went ghost I’m happy and I’m healing😭🥰🙏… it’s the ones in church everyday for me🙃 I LAUGH TO KEEP FROM CRYING😩 IK HER KARMA WILL NOT BE NICE🙏
I got letters like that too, I put them all in a file labled "Twisted Sister."
Sounds like waterlily might b my sister's secret account...i once wrote a letter to my sister in my journal - only for me to read. As a way to get my anger and frustration and stress off my chest. Wrote one also addressed to the narcissistic ppl that raised us. She was so angry when she decided to be nosey and read through it. She called the ppl that raised us and told them word for word about what I had written. She tore out the pages of what I had written addressed to her. 😅 hey. She shouldn't have been nosey.😂
Today I realized my sister is a Narcissist and I am completely blown away!I’ve always wondered what was going on and never could figure it out! Thank you for all the great information it does affect the whole family!
SAME here. Its utterly heavy, sad and draining having to deal with them 💔
Funny how the strangest things can make u realize something that should have been obvious. I always heard of abuse but never related until I started reading about other people's abusive families and connected behaviors and characteristics to be exact descriptions of my sister... I realized on a plane and eyes opened over the last 3 years just how bad it was. Luckily I have a supportive mother who has been there for me and together we're trying to stop enabling my narcissist sibling and calling things out instead of just taking it. Fighting back feels so good.
Beware, the narcissistic sibling can also turn your kids against you as well.
My narcissist uncle tried to turn my brother & myself agains our mum who she fell ill from narcissist in the family.
He use to call us to tell us how ill & crazy she is etc. and she needs a therapy!
Of course we never believed him, always stood by her side, thanks God for that!!!
We were only a kids when he use to scare us with that story! Awful times in the past. The entire family were trying to make her crazy & we were only kids, we didn’t know what is going on until we grown up. Now we know we are from Cult Narcissist family. These people are nuts!!!
There right now
Mine is trying really hard to do just that. Slowly ...it is backfiring.
Oh yes
Yes, this! My sibling and her child are not allowed to come near my family or myself. Such a sad situation, but it’s life.
The worst part about my relationship with my brother is that I don't even feel bad about not wanting to be around him.
I am the oldest of 3 brothers. I am somewhat close to the middle one but not the youngest. The youngest is a complete stranger. I am very close to my male cousin on my mother's side than my youngest brother. Oh well.
After so many years of getting kicked you really don't feel bad about it. I think this is perfectly normal.
Oh my! Please do not feel guilty about that! I didn't even have an argument with my narcissistic brother. I simply stopped hearing from him. It was so freeing and now I am so relieved. Now I know that the brother I loved never existed.
@@combatlws4461 thanks so much for sharing your story, my brother did things like that to me too. He used to team up with cousins and make them think I was the poster boy of being picked on. They used to make fun of me and my body image(if you know what I’m saying) when I was in fourth grade. It’s unfortunate because now I stay away as much as I can because it’s too toxic and emotionally invalidating.
@@combatlws4461 mine PURPOSELY says annoying things because he knows my lol won’t do anything about it. Whenever I confronted him about his antics he just played victim or justified a his actions like the arrogant person he is and my mom does nothing about it. Yet she claims she treats her kids equal?
Growing up I always knew that there was something wrong with my sister whom is 3 and a half years younger than me. She had such nasty ways and was often angry. I now know her to be a high end narcissist. My father used to tease her, as he found it funny to get a reaction from her. This cemented her disorder even more so. She and I have been estranged for 15 years now😥
My younger sister’s narcissism came to a head when my father died last summer. I have cut off contact with her and am now going no contact with most of my other siblings and mother because they have decided it is easier to enable her and scapegoat me. I am mourning the relationship we had that is now lost, but I am amazed at the peace I am finding by not being part of the constant drama.
I have a very narcissistic sister 6 years older than me. Gas lighting, jealous, cruel, bossy, demanding, and bitter anger.
Anna Marie Same exact situation! My narcissistic sister is also 6 years older. She always saw me as the competition. Keeping score (and making sure she won as the GC) is something she did all the time.
Same as my sisters and mother, my wifes sister & mother are narcs too also alcoholics. No contact, or absolute minimal contact & grey rock is key. Creating a new life ahead with new empathic people will clear the fog.
Anna Marie how do you cope?
chery041 - it’s not easy. I keep a distance from her and have learned not to expect any sisterly support. We live at opposite ends of the USA. If I make too many visits with her, she will become dominant and expect me to follow along with her ways and becomes controlling, even on my personal social media. So I have to pull back and cut her out for a while. It saddens me as there is nothing I can do about it. It is sad for her as she is missing out on a sisterly relationship. I cannot change her and have to accept the way she is. I have other siblings that I get along with and have a great relationship with.
I feel your pain. Mine is 11 years older than me and we are just not in each other lives anymore. Funny thing about this is that she is a psychologist!
My sister never misses a chance to hurt someone's feelings and ruin a family gathering. She makes everything about herself.
OMG, this was my sister-n-law. She'd have some explosive fit and then dinner was ruined. When I came into the family, she started doubling down with her parents to make sure, "The New Baby", my husband and I just had, wasn't going to receive any of her inheritance. Then, when her parents told her, that "yes", they wanted to set-up a 'college fund', she wanted to know "if that was coming out of her inheritance".
I have a sister in law like this except she directs it all at me and my mom, the women in our family only
@@janedoe3648 Your sister sounds, like she is keeping the men in her net, just in case she might need them down the road. Narc's try & divide the family. When you stop siding with them, or agreeing with them, you quickly become their enemy. They will triangulate an attack with the other family members that fall under their spell. It can be very painful. Like going thru a meat grinder. It's sad, b/c we are suppose to believe family. And wouldn't think they would ever lie to us.
I know about that all too well.
Narcs have a compulsion to ruin holidays, gatherings or going out to eat, etc.....everytime. They have to control everyone else's experience.Its so frustrating
Moved the other side of the country to save my sanity and have some peace and joy. Best decision ever. Do yourself a favor, get away from the narcissist., you are never going to have that family you dream of. Make your own
This like perfectly describes my brother. I always been put down by my brother since childhood and even adulthood. He disrespects me around my family, friends, calls out my flaws like nothing and genuinely tries to make me feel like crap, which I already do. And my parents sees and hears it but only react once I react angrily, like cursing him out. They do nothing to stop his abuse and seem to not care about my emotional well being. Even when we "makeup" it just goes back to the same thing like always. I wanted to have a normal sibling relationship where we are cool and such but it has never been like it. I'm still not able to financially support myself so im forced to live with him, but as soon as I'm able, I am cutting off contact with him. My mental well being is the most important thing to me
You just described myself. Our brothers are Insicure, and our parents know this.
So they stupidly ket them bash us, in hopes that their son's self esteem will increase. 🙄
You made the best decision. I'm moving out too.
I'm sorry for the pain of this scenario. I'm praying God protect you and give you strength and comfort and continued courage. You deserve to live happily ever after without this drama.
God Bless
This honestly is my situation. But I seriously don't step down. I know that the situation escalates but as a sister and a girl, my older brother undermines me because I am female. He treats my twin brother with fake "respect" mom wants me to say nothing but I can only take so much from all the intimidation and condescension. He abused both me and my twin since childhood as a grown adult in her 20s I've had enough.
Praying for you, I've lived through this and am seeing the other side. Keep hustling! You're not alone, and your mental well being matters too! My experience has taught me fact that your family just ignores is sickening it can make you feel very isolated and unseen and worse yet if he is a covert narcissist. Leaving is a hard path to walk but man is it rewarding. I’m 5 years out from it for perspective.
f him and good for u for valuing your sanity.
When you have a narc in your life, you’ll lose everything. I’m over 60’s now, lost it all a few times. Now, cut them all off, it’s so quiet and peaceful now. And I have some stability now
Broken Bitch
Beautiful... 🙂 I’m just learning how to do this. It hurts but I’m sure it will be worth it!
I'm 66. I finally had to pull back from my daughter after 40+ years of of pain, humiliation, fear and one disaster after another. She actually told me that "it made her day" to upset me. It was and is painful that I will never have my daughter in my life but I just couldn't take any more. I'd like to be able to spend the remainder of my life in peace. My greatest fear is that I could end up in her control when I am older...
Being poor is the best place I've been. I don't hear a bleep from them anymore. When I had money, I was at the top of their "go-to" list. Now, it's just peace and quiet. Goodbye heartache, hello sweet life!
It always is
@@katerineella274 You do not have to end up in her control - ever. You have a right to create a healthcare directive and a living will and to state who you want to take care of your medical decisions and needs. You can also create other legal documents and designate who you want to take care of your finances and other things. If you do not have an SO that you trust, it is critical that you do that now. Also, if you don't have a living trust or beneficiaries on your property and assets and accounts, you need to take care of that so your wishes will be followed. You also need to make sure that all your medical providers are told not to give her any information. There are all kinds of people and places you can get help from , including social workers at hospitals, community centers, centers on aging, estate lawyers, and eldercare lawyers - to name just a few.
5 yrs no contact. I lost access to all extended family .. you wanna talk about grief. I’m protecting my mental health.. I need to be a good mom & wife
You are a soldier
Youre lucky im 20 and stuck home with my narcissistic little brother trying to find somewere to live
Agreed. My son and husband don't deserve what they have to endure everytime I let my sister or father start speaking into my life and MY family is much happier and healthier since I've distanced myself away from them.
@@khadyndiaye5999 remember this is temporary. Go to college, live on campus. Heal, learn and grow. God bless you. This experience will prepare you for other things
Your username checks out
Omg… everything she just said about being the scapegoat is so true. I had to distance myself from my narcissistic older sister. She would make up lies, blow things way out of proportion, and manipulate. After suffering for years I decided I would no longer give her the opportunity to use me as a proverbial punching bag. Yes, it meant no longer going to thanksgiving or Christmas or birthday or any other gathering. That in itself was horrific because she had love bombed everyone else. Dad would barely converse with me or my family. My children never really knew him. (He was also a narcissist) So I suffered mentally, emotionally, and in all my other relationships. I’m waking up to realize my husband fits all the narcissist characteristics. I’ve been getting pummeled from all sides for decades and thought it was a normal struggle for all family dynamics. I thought I was going insane when all along it’s been my spirit crying out. Now to decide prayerfully and intelligently what to do about it…
you are not alone. My stomach was kicked by my dad in the stomach just because i used my mom;s shampoo to wash my school shoes (she doesn't mind at all) when I was 9, he used the car cigarette lighter and put it on my thigh, never really cared for any aspects of our life. I remember when I succeeded in my primary school years and collected my own money to buy the GameBoy, I told him to stop by the shopping mall because I wanted to buy it, he never stopped. There are more occasions that I myself have forgotten. But for sure he was a very short tempered and physical to my brothers and I. Now, the youngest sister is an exact copy of him. She tried to label me with nonsense labellings that she made up herself and when confronted, she became vengeful. Back in 2021, there was a pervert worker in the place that I was working in and it became a nationwide issue. She asked in the family cht group whether I knew the guy or not. I said its not my matter and issue and I cannot comment on that because let the police do the investigation. She quickly labelled me as pervert symphatiser and wanted to be the first to write on Twitter "My brother knows this guy......". Stupid right? I confronted her and taught her a lesson in the family Whatsapp group telling her how immature and nonsense she was. Fast forward to early 2022, I went back to see my mother and brother at our hometown where I completely ignored the sister and father because they were so manipulative and toxic. She was so unsatisfied that I ignored her and later screamed in the house saying that I was not invited to her graduation ceremony and how I have destroyed her life. I went back to the house to see my mom and brother, not her and had no intention of going to her graduation. Both of them got schooled by my mom at that point of time. My father was laughing cynically. 2 days ago, I went back again to visit my mom and brother for Eid Al-Fitr for the Muslims. Same thing, I never had any communication with both sister and father. And guess what she did? At 6 am she stormed into the guest room where I was sleeping to look for her work attire. She made a remark "what the f*ck, who did my laundry like this". FYI, she stays with the family, never helped to cook, never helped to clean the house, never bothered to to her own laundry. All both of them do is scroll social media loudly, eat and sleep. Back to the story, after she found her work attire, she proceeded to open the other metal door in the room and banged it loudly when I was sleeping. I ignored at first but later she came back in and closed the door in the same manner. I became infuriated and screamed at her. It got physical and she bit my arm, scratched my back and bit my finger till it bled. I sent her flying out of the room 2 times but she kept coming back. I then sat down and that is where she started to record my and threatened to put me on social media. She said "you must like it so much being the center of attention. You are so good at gaslighting and pretending" I was like, what? I have always been the scapegoat of this family and came back twice a month now to see my mother. Where is the attention? She's staying at home and that is not enough attention? Now, at this moment im back at my own house 3 states away. My mom cried today because I decided to leave and stay away for my mental health. But she understands, I love my mom and brother. My father's and sister's plan all this while has been blown in making me as the bad character and they are not satisfied, still. Crazy it is. But I will still go and see my mom and brother later when both narcissists are not around. My brother has been protecting and caring for my mother, and Im glad he is there.
I was and currently, at times, a narcisstic, older sister. I work daily to be better and do better for my little sister. For everyone on here who has suffered or is currently suffering at the hands of narcissistic sibling(s), I am sorry and hope beyond hope you find the healing and love you need ❤
What made you realize you may be this way? How does one reflect and realize to get better.
What made you realize you may be this way? How does one reflect and realize to get better.
I'm so interested in hearing what led you to this discovery..I wish you well in repairing your relationship with your sibling..
Acting narcissistic is not the same as NPD, a hardwired personality disorder.
Self-centeredness is often learned behavior in response to untenable circumstances, which can abate with situational change, as opposed to NPD, where there is actual aberrant brain structure.
The very fact that you are capable of reflection, insight, compassion, and chsnge means that you are not NPD.
@@br4588 In my opinion, we don’t make that distinction enough. It’s difficult to know because they both manifest so similarly, and feel as damaging to the victim. Yet, there is a possibility for a healing with one. I have nothing but admiration for those who can become conscious of how their behavior affects others, and thereby begin to develop empathy. It has to be an amazing gateway to walk through in self growth.
What is most frustrating is that the narcissist is always the winner
They might win the game in the moment, but they can’t ever win the long game with that much insecurity. You will eventually heal and get better... the narcissist won’t.
They can in time. My husband and I have been together 25 years and it took about a decade before he truly understood how crazy my family is. For me it took about a decade for me to understand there were no undercurrents of rage and hostility; no one in his family had tried to kill anyone else, they never had screaming idiotic fights, etc
yeah in my case he also manipulates my parents
I have seen Karma deal out some good revenge every now and again. Toxic people don't always have a life of smooth sailing. Bad things can happen to them at times.
@@trulaearthgarden Exact same scenario here!
Thank you for exposing this evil family dynamic.
Check out Anton Chekov.
When the dog was stretching was anyone able to see if it's a female or a male?
My sister was actually loving and emphatic. She started to change, when our mother made her a golden child and punished her when she was nice to me, but rewarded her, when she was mean to her. I witnessed my sister first to get formal towards me and within a short time to start feeling superior and resentful. During puberty, she was already a full-blown narcissist. :-(
4:03 This part made me cry. She hit the target there.
It's not always overt. They can call you an incompetent moron without speaking a word. They just give a little sigh or a sad smile.
Marta Bergen - or just completely ignore the fact that you are in the same room.
So true, Marta Bergen. Only about 5% of our communication is verbal. And oh boy, do these narcissists know how to use the remaining 95% to show their contempt, their disgust, their aggression and their jalousy.
Or they will say, " You know, Grandpa always wondered about your sulky attitude" or "Uncle Mike noticed you had problems. We all use to talk about it. Mom and Dad, too". Delightful Gaslighting.
Or a sarcastic smirk
You are not losing your family, you are gaining your sanity. Straight and simple.
Stolen comment
Mine is a narcissist
I have a son who is narcissist and the other is an Empath. You are spot on. They were so close growing up and now we finally had to disown him. He is destorying us. He's 34 and my other son is 32. It's so tragic. Breaks our hearts, but we were all too stressed and he is constanty gasighting us. He is getting married in one week and we have cancelled going to his wedding.
I'm so proud of you for standing by your empath son to protect him from his narcissist brother. You've literally saved his life! Parents who deny their child is a narcissist destroy their other child who was continously abused by the narcissist.
I would say check one more time. The masterstroke of my sibling was to make my parents think I'm a narcissist/selfish.
Good for you!
You have a fault also as their mother, you raised them wrong
@@dodji582 narcissism is a lifelong guilt tripping process. No one deserves to deal with a narc son or relative. He chose to be a narcissist
Now that I'm an adult, I've experienced my mother and father siding with my narcissistic twin and turning against me. It is heartbreaking and frustrating beyond belief.
I cut off all contact. I was done which being treated like crap all my life.
Yes we need to realise these people will never change, never improve themselves and never be sorry for the misery and stress they cause. We need to make ourselves a bigger priority and realise that we can be happy and healthy after we end our relationship with them. Having toxic people in your life is never going to be a good thing.
1. Signs show up early in childhood
2. Sense of enlightenment
3. Trying to outdo or outplay siblings
4. Imbalance when it comes to caring for parents in old age
5. Parents enable them as adults
6. Teaming up with other siblings to gaslight
7. They defend, deflect, and rationalize their behavior
8. You are forced to break away from the entire family
EXACTLY. 👍👏👏👏
You said, "Sense of enlightenment". Do you actually mean "entitlement"?
Bingo!!!
TRUE
Damn. You nailed that.
Ive never felt more understood in my life.
This hit so close to home for me ….
I recently had to go to the hospital because my sister physical assaulted me right now I have a head injury and bruises all over my body . I stood up to my sister I told her you’re not going to keep hitting me and verbally assaulting me when I walked away I was beat with a object over that I almost died from . I was told by my dad it was my fault I say this to anyone who reads this stay strong and it’s not your fault you are a good person
I’m glad I stood up for myself even if it would have cost me my life . Family and sibling abuse it’s not ok . Don’t ever tolerate it
Both my sisters are covert narcissists , they collectively tried to destroy my wife and baby, due to jealousy. They think i should be parenting them, and not my own kids. So i had to cut them off. My mother, father and brother are all co-dependant enablers.
Fortunately i am far stronger than all of them, overcame my PTSD they gave me and stood up to them all. Now they fear losing me. That ship has sailed.
I cant believe when narcissists cant welcome in a new member of the family, especially a baby. I saw the true colors of some friends and family when I started having kids. It worsened my post partum depression. Sometimes I wonder did I really have post partum or was I just really hurt by some of the people in my life. They acted almost insulted that our time was now preoccupied with a baby.
Great job, stay strong! Congratulations on reclaiming your life
Excellent! 👏👏👏 I’m happy for you.
GamerGrade good for you!!!
@@Jess-kn8vl very sad indeed, my wifes family were the same. Her sister and mother gave her hell. Its narc jealousy. The depression would have been far less noticeable & cleared much quicker if you had supportive loving friends & family around you during this happy time of your life. But you dont need them to be happy for you, you can give that to yourself and know you deserve it. Focus on the love in your own unit and nothing else can touch you.
When you've done so much work getting healthy, the worst thing that you can do is expose yourself to the toxicity of your parents and siblings. You need to stay away. Completely. Forever.
Yes exactly once I move out I will never contact them again. They ruined most of my life and I won’t let them ruin any more
Such a sad sentence, and a sad comment. But true. Fuck em all off, that's what I say
THANK YOU
Do not break family bond.
Learning that we had 2 narcissist siblings, completely freed me. Thank you. 65 and it still affects me but I'm healing. Thank you.
❤
My older siblings both bullied me. My sister never played with me. She had no interest in me, at all. It damaged myself worth for my entire life. My sister stole my share of the inheritance. I always worked, my older sister never, ever bothered to so my mother left her everything because she " needed" it more than me. I couldn't deal with it. Yes, I got cut off from the whole family. He really has no idea!! Dual narcissists can & will ruin their targets' health, both physically & emotionally. My sister's husband sexually harassed me and groped me for several years. My mother got mad at me for telling my sister. I was accused of trying to ruin my sister's marriage and then accused again by my sister of tryingg to steal him!!
Wow awful. Ironic how we try to protect them only for the narcs to ricochet it back to us. Take solace that they are truly sick, miserable people and you did the right thing but classic that narcs love to throw anyone under the bus only for them to shine. Sick & phony people.
I have same story! Except for last sentence. When i told my mom she just denied it. And my sister loved money but never had anything but a low paying job.
😢omg Same! Story I thought someone broke into my life and stole my story. I can’t believe it! Down to stealing my share of the inheritance! And is so selfish and jealous of me! But refuses to admit it or see it!
She broke up my marriage to keep her husband happy. My partner of 17 years left me. And abandoned me at the very sisters house after she broke up our marriage.
And made up lies about me with her ex husband kissing me! When I told her I got cut out of the family and my share of my grandmothers will!
TO understand how one can leave their entire family...the answer is self survival. You choose your mental & physical health over your family...you choose YOU! It is such a slow and painful process...no one wants to disconnect but usually it has permeated your whole family life. The isolation began LONG BEFORE you physically left~
Exactly. With the narc's smear campaigns, every other family member believes the narc. That the scapegoat is "too sensitive" or "crazy" and thus, all participate in the scapegoat's gaslighting. Meanwhile, the scapegoat can not understand what the hell ia happening because they can't wrap their heads around having such an evil person for a sibling. They honestly can not fathom rheir sibling not loving them because why not? They have been nothing but kind to the narc sibling. When the scapegoat wakes up, the well has long ago been poisoned.
Agree. Here here
True 👍
so sooo very true
A Thousand percent true, the isolation began LONG BEFORE we physically left. And heartbreakingly sad.
Finally my feelings feel validated by this lady jeez I thought I was going fucking crazy. She literally took the words right out of my mouth
same :(
I'm totally with you. It's a relief to feel "heard" even if this doctor doesn't know me! lol
Right! I’m so grateful I’m not alone!
Same!!!
girl, same here. this was so hard to admit
Unfortunitly I'm that no contact one. Finally after 58 yrs I finally have peace.
I am 60 and had to go no contact with all of the family. Both siblings narc, the brother was the obvious one all along. After the narc father passed, turns out I suddenly discovered the sister is a covert narc and has played me for decades. My mother is now controlled by the siblings. No chance for me as an empath. I hear you when you say peace finally. I am starting to feel like that too after about a year of no contact now. But it's a lot of grief. Mainly about the family I never truly had and the illusions and abuse I lived with all these years. Thanks for your post. It is a slightly more recent one than the others which are about 4 years old! Never goes out of fashion, narcissism ?!
1 min in the video and I am already crying. Thank you so much for validating our feelings. That we were not just over reacting or over feeling things. I feel so bad for my inner child. She has been through a lot. 😩
I can't even remember how I got here or how things got so bad to where I didn't even realize how much of a human punching bag I was. Sibling loyalty is not worth losing one's sanity.
@@3Oh3metrostation I feel you
It’s nice to hear something else other than "but they’re your family " all the time
THANKYOU!!
Seriously!!! All I hear is aren’t you gonna regret not talking to them or fixing things when life is so short…no…God knows my heart and it’s not my job to try and fix them
Those are comments from people who have no clue what it's like. They are very fortunate.
The anger I feel when someone says "but thats still your mom"
A lot of fake family members.
Describes my sister PERFECTLY! We’re a year apart EXACT. I never understood why she was so mean to me as a child. My mother knew! But I now realize my mother also has narcissistic traits as well. They always said I was too emotional. But truthfully, they both lack empathy.
I never understood why my sister never liked me. All I wanted was my sister to love me but she never did. She always treated me as if I was beneath her.
It does however suck I love my nieces so much. And I fear the affect she will have on them. My heart weeps. But I trust Thee Most High will protect them 💗
Our stories are almost identical except my sister has my mom and dad fooled and they all believe her over me. They also both are very Narcissistic themselves. I’m finally free of her, love my niece and I pray for her all the time from a distance.
I have a brother like this. I am finished with him!
I decided to walk away from everyone. My brother has some confusion. He recently apologized, but didn't really believe in what he claimed to be sorry for. His wife is worse than my NM. I feel very worried for 3 nieces. I know all of the roles will be repeated and they will have a lot of emotional turmoil. I hope for the best 💜
Yeah I got the "you're just oversensitive" shtick. And get over it etc. My situation was constantly invalidated. One sister is starting to see things a bit more clearly, she has detoxed after decades of alcohol abuse. She's almost starting to see my position sometimes. But then she reverts, very histrionic.
Thankyou! My sister is 4yrs older and has never been kind to me. Then parent (mom) began gossiping with her about me. Such a crappy thing when my sister told me about all the untruths which were so far out from my life. I limit my time around her. Mom has died. I am at peace now.
I feel this so much. My mother enables my brother. It is so painful.
I hate my eldest brother, he thinks he's in charge of everything. I care for our elderly parents, he does nothing, yet expects his views to be the most important. He's just hovering around for his inheritance. I blocked him from my life, he's toxic.
If you have a narcissistic sibling, chances are one of your parents is a narcissist as well. The best thing that you can do is get as far away as you can. Nothing changes otherwise. Trust me, been there
Thank you for saying this.. I was looking for an answer as to how to get out of it
It can be difficult though😔 cuz all the history... I'm in the process of letting my family go, cuz my mom and brother are like this... took me 39 years to figure this out..
What do you do if you can’t get away….for various reasons.
@@Lucky-wt6fg try to avoid them as best you can if you live nearby.Keep your visits with you parents short and still show kindness. Try not get drawn into gossip, I tend to just say , I don't know anything about that and try or change the subject. I agree with the OP, it is likely one or more parents are also a narcissist to enable siblings, it is not something you can change in them. If you still live at home, try focus on a plan to leave, even if this may take some time. look for ways to protect yourself, watching videos like this for eg, whilst doing so. It has taken me 20 years to understand what happened to me, i live nearby to my narcissist family.
my parents were not narcissists at all and one of my siblings is a narc
Years of gaslighting, invalidation, manipulation and micromanaging has gotten to me! BUT I am slowly but surely finding my voice. Toxic siblings undermine our sense of self from early on and that trauma sets the stage for more and more abusers to come into our lives, simply because we do not know how to speak up or trust our instincts. In my case only after my parents pass away, I will be able to walk away from this relationship and I will. Thanks for hearing me out ❤️
Narcissistic siblings: I am right even when I am wrong! And when you have a rational reason for their fault, they will just keep attacking you.
Hang in there mate!
Wow thank you
Kavitha, I think your explanation of how toxic siblings slowly over time erode your sense of self and then sets the stage in your personality for more abusers because we don’t recognize the abuse or know how to stand up for ourselves is the best definition and explanation I’ve ever heard for sibling narcissistic abuse. Thank you for wording it this way. I think it will help many people struggling with sibling narcissistic abuse.
No one would ever think a sibling would do this to their own sibling. Often it starts as young children. The victim doesn’t tell or when they do tell they are told to “just get along with your siblings” and are often scolded for “tattling”.
Looking back for me my siblings started slowly when I was only 5. Maybe it was innocent at first but their egos were fed each time I was told to stop tattling etc. Our situation became very serious as after our mother passed away. I would call my siblings and tell them what was happening in the home and they did not believe me. Then they would call our father and tell him everything I had told them!!! The punishment was far worse. Only until social services got involved did they start to believe me. After a distance of like 35 years then he reappears and I’m suddenly expected to forget everything. I forgave him for myself. There’s distance between us kids I believe because of either jealousy or they can’t accept the truth of what really happened. I have court papers……. It didn’t happen to them so much easier to move on. But why the continued narcissist behavior. All I know is since I’ve stopped contact it’s so peaceful. I don’t doubt myself any longer. I know my truth. I don’t have to look over my shoulder. So I thank you for your wording in lightening this emotional beating of victims. There is evil out there. Distancing yourselves in some cases is the only way. I thank God every day for the law, my social worker, my husband and my children.
@@suedesignable
Jesus.. Your story sounds like mine minus the husband and children; I'm all alone.
I bet your "father" was emotionally incestious too like mine was with me; after my mom died (I was 14), he mistook me for his second wife and would treat me like a jealous bf. When it was time for me to start dating (in my country back then around 18), he became a full-on monster. EVERY DAY FOR FOUR YEARS he would scream at me and cause distress in order for me to fail my uni exams. He would also HIT ME on a weekly basis, crazy by the idea of me "cheating on him". My two narc siblings ganged up when they saw that. An aspd sibling in particular has hated me since the day I was born and later also was JEALOUS of my appearance to the n-the degree. Her put downs can break the most secure person. I have only one sibling that isn't a narc out of the three and she is an enabler who had been using me as a shield all these years. It's a miracle my "family" didn't manage to make me un-alive myself, let alone how they didn't stop me from taking my degree. Took me NINE YEARS to get my 5-year degree, but I made it and I am out.
I am 35 and I have never been in a relationship, the shame of my "family" has just started to wear off to finally allow me to build such intimate connections with people. Thankfully I don't care about having kids as managing fo years a 5yo with the attitude of a horny teenaged boy in the body of a 60yo was enough for me.
Wow. I've been through this exactly. I had to cut ties with my entire family. And be labeled as the crazy, sensitive, etc one
That is my story, I needed to go no contact with my entire family because of two narcissistic older sistes. It is very paintful but after almost 15 years of narcissistic abuse I decided to live my life with my kids and husband away from my narcissic family.
I haven’t spoken to my brother in years it has brought me so much peace.
I need to be next but ugh! I still live with him I gotta move
Same!!
Less Is More same I live with my older brother I’m 24 he is 37 he controls everything I do!!! And he tells I can’t move out ugh it’s the worse we’re you able to leave ??
I was so blessed to move 600 miles away from my family when I got married back in 1989. What a huge relief to be removed from the immediate presence of the one who tore me down regularly. It was sad because he was also mentally ill, so I probably should have been more understanding with him. It's hard to do that when you are holding your breath through every phone call wondering when the insults and meanness would start.
I'm at the walk away phase right now. The guilt I feel is immense. It's difficult to realize you will still be blamed even when you are not present. The breaking of this cycle is one of the most difficult things to accomplish. It's a pattern that is life altering.
It's not easier, but over the long haul if they are true narcissists you most definitely will be stronger, healthier, happier without their toxic refrain in your life. You just will.
Give yourself the time to heal. Be patient with yourself. I walked away 5 years ago. It was heartbreaking. But now I am free and strong. I now realize that I am an only child and that's okay. It wasn't at first. It's kind of grown on me.
@@sidroj7 you know what? You're right. Today I realized that if me and my kids are always excluded by my sister and bullied....I'm out. My parent enable it while saying they dont want to be in the middle. They already are. They have been since choosing a favorite child. I'm talking back to voice telling me no one loves me to I love me.
I can do it. Thank you
I hope this information helps you, because this is the first time I have shared my experience! It took me 50 miserable years to break away from my brother. We were best friends until I was 23 years old and he was 20. Something snapped in him, and everything changed. He was able to hurt me more than any other person in my entire lifetime!!! There has been no contact for 1 year, and I have lived in total peace. Our parents passed away 40 years ago, there are no other siblings, and any extended family has all passed, also. I am not sorry that I have chosen to not have him in my life. YES, the decision is life altering. You deserve many prayers for strength and peace.
@@sallytemplin8646 bless you Sally Templin. I could feel your prayers. I appreciate your comment. Hugs back to you.
I have a narcissistic sibling too. The only reason I could distance myself from them was when I got married and moved away. But even now with long geographical distances between us she manages to scapegoat me and my mom enables it. My mom has enabled this narcissism for years. I can't believe how blind my mom is when ot comes to my sister. I have been heartbroken for years. I feel like I am never a part of their family. But I have made peace with my heartbreak. I smile now and laugh even if it is only for show
The parents almost always turn a blind eye to it
Your narc is winning by getting to still harm you. You can't change them, but you can change how you deal with it. It is sad, unfair, painful and frustrating, but you cannot change them. It is not only your family. Look out for yourself, find surrogate supports in others and Grey rock the sibling narc. You deserve real happiness and laughter, respect and love but you can find these things within yourself first, then you will draw these qualities to you from others...but never from the narc. They dont change and will always be shallow, cruel, empty, toxic, manipulative people. Block the hurt, block them physically (or as much as possible) and seek positive ppl elsewhere. ❤
OMG, it’s 2:45 in the morning. This hits the nail on the head! I am 66, my next two sisters are dead, the youngest sister, mental issues, full blown narcissist. I guess I needed to hear this. She breaks my heart, makes me so sad. Thank you! I just needed this! I have so much trouble letting go. Parents and sisters are gone. I am trying to hold on to what’s left. Sometimes I feel like I am the crazy one🤯 You put it in perspective 💕💕💕
After my parents passed away, I decided to go no contact with my narc sister. I got my first tattoo on my inside wrist that said "enough". That was six years ago. I am fine with it and have no regrets. I was the scapegoat, she was the golden child. My sister gaslighted me so badly. She got in-between my only child and me. She had my grandchildren call her and her husband "grandma and grandpa". I packed my bags and left town. I started my life all over. My daughter and her children eventually came to live with my husband and me, 1,000 miles away. Just leave these dangerous people, they are not worth it. Make your own life beautiful and peaceful.
thank you for that!
Omg that is horrible! I fear the same thing with my sister
@@bugsea54 me too, no contact with my narc sister for 9 years, she is evil...
Wow this is just like me. Thank you for sharing 💖
Very well said!
They will deliberately work to corrupt the relationships you have with other family members. Walk away.
The narcissictic sibling reminds me of my older sister. You can never measure up , she talks to you like you are stupid & in a condescending manner and she is extremely controlling & lies to you and has stolen from you but refuses to admit they have wronged you & if you resist they scream & holler like an insane person. Upon confrontation they gaslight you & get with other siblings and all go against you because the narcissist has lied & manipulated the situation to her way
& agenda. She has said Goodbye to me when she has been extremely hateful to me & doesn't think she's doing anything wrong.
Louise Duhon You are not alone in this experience. Your description of your relationship is near identical to mine. The rare time my sister has visited she raided my household like she thought it was her right to take whatever she fancied-clothes, dishes, books, jewelry and small appliances. She talks to me like a child with this "Big Sister" crap. She is ten years older than me. She is my only sibling. I have cousins but I do not feel close to them. My one cousin knows what my sister is like but ironically displays the same behavior from time to time.When my Mother died, it was the same bullshit. Resorted to physical violence to get material goods that she wanted. I went no contact. When I am forced by situations to communicate I gray rock.
Wow, I feel like I wrote this! Sounds familiar
Being controlled like that by hateful people is torturous and dangerous. There really needs to be a option for people in this position. They have no limits.
omg i feel like inam the scape goat its like growing up my mom used to talk shit abiut my dad to me taught me to hate him now she taught my lil sis to hate me or smthin idk she(my mom) has a family history of mental illness so ig it makes sense 😭😭😭😭
Sounds like my sister who comes after me
Wow, this is going on in my life with my sibling. I can’t handle the toxicity, it’s overwhelmingly draining. Always walking on eggs shells around my sibling, careful not to say the wrong thing, if they are having a bad day everyone is, and whatever you do don’t make them upset. Having a mother who does EVERYTHING for them, and doesn’t like when you ask or point out the problems. I wish I had a proper solution to deal with this, so it could get better. I do want things to get better but I don’t see a solution at the moment.
The only solution is to look out for yourself. Narcs never change. They create a false support system in your parent, by manipulation and lies. You can't fix this. Just protect yourself and seek your own surrogate suppor5 system. You deserve happiness, respect, caring and love. Accept no less and give it in return..mutually, but only to those that deserve it. It's sad, but it happens in many families. Stay strong and move on, that's my motto..or stay away as best as you can and put up an emotional barrier when dealing with narc or other members that are too blind or unwilling to see the truth.
I have had this for decades. Am 60 now. Always waited for them to feel better, to get on better in life, to get over a crisis. Lost so much energy over it that I got cancer, lung clots, chronic diseases. Not worth it, trust me. THEY NEVER Get THERE. whatever you do. I am no contact for the past year at 60 and that means I wasted decades on this BS. Brother was the obvious entitled narc. Sister turned to be a covert version, playing me all these years. Only just saw her true colours recently. Mother now controlled by them and I don't see her anymore. Father, also a narc passed away. And I don't feel a thing. Good luck and get out when you can.
My children became adults and begged me to leave the relationship with my sister. They saw me suffer with worry all the time. Once things escalated (after turning 60!) I stepped away and am at total peace and my children are thankful.
I lost my whole family over my narc brother. Everyone enabled them and gas-lit me. Without my wife and her family, I would have no one.
Lost my whole family as well due to narc brother.No contact with everybody including extended family.Its been tough still very bitter
That breaks my heart.
Can’t lose what you never had, sorry to say you never had a real family, just people you had no choice but to be biologically linked to. The day I realised that, it was a mixture of sadness and relief, now it’s mostly just relief. Your real family are people you choose to be with and can count on.
You will come to realise that all that toxic energy that is no longer in your life, is actually an opportunity to build good trusting relationships with others even if they are not biologically related to them.
This happened to me and I have no one. Its still better than being around my family. 💖
If narcissism didn't exist, there'd be world peace.
THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUEST STATEMENT
They're really the troublemakers of the world! My younger sister is causing so many rifts in the family while living overseas and trying to remotely control the family from afar !
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and if there were no germs, there'd be no disease. your point?
@@TJ-kk5zf what are you pro narccissm or something? Why are you even watching these videos clearly you don't belong here lol
I left my family, and am missing my dad who is a good man. 👨 My mom and siblings are all narcissists. I was the family scapegoat and they had started scapegoating my kids 🧒 too, so I had to protect my kids from the evil 😈 leeches. Thank God for Utube, has helped me A lot.
Some people are do lucky that they are able to remove themselves from toxic siblings and family gatherings. I'm 34 and my sister is 43. She's coming over today and there's no way of me getting out of it because of my gas lighting mother. For some reason life doesn't let me get away. I feel like I was dealt a different hand in life compared to my peers.
I lost six siblings and a parent to narcissism. The abuse and pain was just too much to bear.
I’m sorry, but I’m not because you gained yourself! 💖
That is my life. I had to cut off all contact.
I can relate mate.
What do you do if your 12....
@@Vastraxi0 *You are not cursed.* You are intuitive. Develop your intuition.
It's the gift you were given for your protection.
You are very courageous. Consider this: You're 12! You see the manipulative behavior at 12 years old!
What to do?
1) Stay aware. There's probably other narcissists nearby you might not see yet.
2.) Keep yourself safe. Because of your age, you can't just leave.
3.) Create a boundary line - in your mind.
4.) Learn their tactics.
5 ) Visualize the boundary when they deploy their tactics.
6.) Let your intuition guide you.
7.) Try not to respond. Deploy your emotional boundary.
8.) Keep learning about psychological manipulations.
9.) Keep seeking support from others having a similar experience. And BEWARE: Narcissists play the victim. They're sneaky and tricky. It's a tactic.
10.) Never give up. Ever. You are smart, aware and very strong.
You are not alone.
Peace to you, young friend.
I hope that you are doing much better for yourself now, these kinds of family dynamics are absolute hell to endure.
I'm sorry for all the people in the comments, I'm with you, you can do it, you're stronger than you think and you deserve to be around people who love you.
Fight for it!
My kids were 14 and 20 when I disengaged with my two brothers (both narcissists). They noticed the abuse before me and were not heartbroken. Kids are smart and observant. Sadly it is our reality but healthy way we need to live.
Your kids noticed because you’re so deeply brainwashed into that toxic environment, you think it’s normal..your kids see your plight from the outside and they wanted to help their mom ❤❤❤
It hurts having such sibling who always wants to make sure you suffer but act like it was all good. There is no common sense there
My sister! Wasn’t happy until I was crying
@@ziggylaurie2268 my older sister too. Treats my mom and dad like shit over card games, then turns around and says we don’t understand her
MINE TOO! He overheard me having a conversation with my mom and I was upset cus I was trying to mop the floor but then he came home earlier than I thought. When I walked in kitchen upset he said “Hi!” On purpose because he knew I was upset about not being able to mop. He was obviously messing with me but I ignored him but STILL what a shady sibling. I should’ve been born in a different family
I HATE freaking younger arrogant entitled siblings and parents do nothing about it
My siblings. My older relatives. It's all of them. My entire family is trash.
When my narcissistic sister passed away I felt relief. Lord forgive me but I thought well she can't hurt me any more. She was 58 I was 54. She made my childhood awful, and I avoided her as much as possible in adultuood,. She was awful to me to the very end.
I feel like if my sister died before me I would feel relief too
Ditto.
Don't feel bad. I wouldn't go to the narcissist funeral because I done ! Why would i. The family is seperated so no reason no guilt either
Damn that's awful
I wonder now and again if my brother is still alive. Other than that life is so much better. Life was cruel and hateful when he was in it. Don't worry the Lord will forgive you, but our older, narc siblings may not be so lucky.
Social capital, my new favourite expression. Sums up that feeling I know you all recognise. Without my narcissist sister, I’ve discovered I am pretty damn cool. 😎❤️
Love and hugs to you all ❤
I'm in the process of distancing myself from my whole family. Fortunately I'm an empath & their constant toxicity is sickening. This definitely fuels my writing.
Tears stream down my face while watching this video. I feel so understood.
My son's hv distanced themselves just today.im so sad and broken. The younger is very alone.my worries
Me too. My mom always makes me WAIT for my siblings but it’s never give here’s so it’s not equal. Yet she claims she’s not being unfair and said “I know you feel that way now but on the future you’ll understand “ ughh! Worst mom ever sometimes
Me too. Heartbreaking! Get help so you don't attract more narcissists! We're empathetic and easily manipulated... narcs love us in their sick way. Leave the situation ASAP, and don't look back!!!
Prayers and Hugs for you
I feel the same way.
The impact of sibling relationships are underestimated. Thank you Dr Ramani
Ikr
I try to keep conversations and feelings unemotional. Not relationship I wanted, seems superficial but safe. I realized I have so many friendships There deep and valuable that make up for it. And I try to put my focus on those
My sister cut me out of her life and her son’s life because I didn’t engage in a family trip, and didn’t congratulate her for her pregnancy right away. Thank you so much for making this video so people like me can navigate this in a much more peaceful and educated way.
This was the best description and explanation of a narcissist-sibiling relationship. Helps a lot to feel that all you're past troubles were real and that they are valid issues. Loved the dog on the floor btw 😂
Well... I’m ready to lose my family to heal my years of broken mental health.
so proud of you 🥺 whoever you are, keep going.
Sameeee
Keep strong Ana abc do what is best. Many family members don't know any better. Wishing you the very best.
Me too
Oh nvm ☺️
It does show up in childhood. Parents and grandparents, etc enable it.
The Codependents are just as toxic. They narcissist grooms them and they LOVE it. They feed into the gossip, drama, and dysfunction.
@@humilityiswisdom23 I've seen it way too often. It's sad stuff
If true of co dependents them perhaps I am not a codependent but used up supply only
I have an older brother who is a malignant narcissist. I didn't recognize it until I was 60. In the interim, he became Mom's spoiled golden child. Ultimately, he bullied Mom into making him her estate trustee, and she treated me like the 6 year old. And I was lied about to other siblings. In the end, the narcissist turned on Mom and hastened her death, for 3 months, not allowing her out of bed, not even to go to the bathroom, such that she developed congestive heart failure. And I was the scapegoat for siblings who didn't lift a finger to help Mom. The narcissist phonied up a Power of Attorney declaring Mom incompetent, though her doctor of over 25 years refused to go along, and the narcissist used that phonied up Power of Attorney to prevent me from seeing Mom. She created a monster who ended up turning on her, and there was nothing I could do to help her.
That's very similar to how my mother's last years were. She definitely created 2 monsters, both older bro & sister were never disciplined. They both alternated between hating her & using her and she brought it on herself.
Very sad……I hope you are ok……
@@Lucky-wt6fg I am ever so grateful for the comment sections on several channels devoted to understanding & moving past relationships with narcissists. Almost every day, I learn something new, and that's giving me strength to muster an escape.
My oldest sister (11years older) did this to my mom too. I felt so helpless to help my mom. She refused to let her come to live with me and put her in a nursing home where she told everyone she had dementia even though the neurologist I took her to said she didn’t. She was articulate but strangely my sister had always ruled my mom. My sister had managed to manipulate the situation and everyone involved…it was disgusting. I stood up to her and tried to protect my mom but after that she wanted nothing to do with me. She was like a mom to me growing up. I still miss having a sister but I guess it’s best if she’s not in my life. I relate to the narcissist treating you like a child. They just have to control everything:(
@@aubreylowe1361 Wow. That is SO like my situation, except the narc made off with at least $50,000 owed to me out of Mom's estate. Due to a disinherit clause, I cannot sue him civily for it, but I doubt that a probate court would allow that disinherit clause to circumvent criminal prosecution for his embezzlement of trust funds and false imprisonment of Mom in a nursing home by using a fraudulent Power of Attorney. He had the audacity of providing me an altered POA with the same illegible supposed health care provider's supposed signature twice on both signature lines, instead of two separate doctor signatures like Mom's Trust Instrument required! Mom's last words to me were, "we've gotta get that bumb," and I assured her, "we will." But she gave him so much power that it will be a hellish battle. The biggest challenge will be to convince the prosecuting attorney to take the case so I can get the narc put in jail, and get an Order of Restitution for what he stole from me. These days, with government budgets and manpower stretched so thin, and crime and inflation on the rise, it's no small thing to convince the prosecuting attorney to make such a case a priority.