Cinematic Excrement: Episode 86 - Lady In The Water
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 พ.ย. 2016
- She should have stayed in the water.
BLOG: cinematicexcrement.wordpress.com
TWITTER: / smeghead4269
VIMEO: vimeo.com/cinematicexcrement (If you can't find an older episode of Cinematic Excrement on TH-cam, it's probably here.) - ตลก
Smeghead, you forgot about Gene Siskel's words for Godzilla 1998. "If you're going to go to the trouble of putting us in a monster movie, why don't you at least take advantage of having the monster either eat or squash us?"
Haha, right! Shyamalan shows everyone how to properly murder the critics that think his movies aren't so good.
Every time someone in the movie says "Narf" I keep hoping to see Pinkie and the Brain suddenly show up.
Maybe they're the reason why Shyamalan has become a laughingstock of the film industry.
That would be an amazing twist
NARF NARF!
@@vwgames49 go watch the Nostalgia Critic review. Just don't be drinking anything while watching - you will choke.
@@vwgames49 that I can get behind
I was SO in the mood for a new Cinematic Excrement review, and a good Shyamalan bashing always warms my heart.
You know, Lewis Carroll came up with Alice in Wonderland in kinda the same way as Lady in the Water; he was trying to calm a couple little kids down during a boat ride because it was hot, they were bored, and threatening to tip the boat over. He came up with a lot of those stories on the spot and it was so good, one of the kids demanded he write it into a book.
So a story can be written based on random, made up tales to entertain kids. But this movie ain’t one of them.
Yep pretty much anything can be turned into a masterpiece. It just takes a true genius, which doesn’t describe shaymalan at all regardless of what he thinks.
I actually got an idea for an overhaul to make the plot work.
First off..the lady is not a dumb made-up spirit of inspiration. She's a muse, and her name is Calliope, the muse of epic poetry from actual Greek myth. There's no need to make up a pantheon from whole cloth when you have a perfectly serviceable mythical entity in the public domain. And using a creature from Greek myth gives us a template of other Greek myths to draw inspiration from.
Second, the author is the villain. He's not a flawless hero destined to write the perfect novel...he just thinks he is. He started out as a decent writer with some clever ideas, but his successes went to his head and he started believing his own hype. When he found he couldn't write a perfect novel by himself, he lured Calliope into a trap and took her prisoner (how I don't know, I'm just speedballing here) and is trying to force her to give him the inspiration he needs.
The other tenants are fans of the author's writing who he's molded into a sort of cult. The reason they all have silly methods of divination is that the author just made it up off the top of his head, and they went along with it unquestioningly. None of the methods actually work, but like all phoney divination, they're vague enough that the gullible wanna-believers fill in the gaps on their own. And being fanatical followers, they're the ones who kill the critic for his blaspheming against their beloved author.
So what about the creatures? For starters, there's a horse that at first appears to just be a wild horse that killed one of the author's fans, but it later revealed to be Pegasus. (One myth has Pegasus touching his hooves to the ground and creating sacred springs that the muses burst forth from, so there's your connection.) The muse of history, Clio, shows up as well to explain to the main character what the stakes are: Pegasus was sent by the gods to find the missing muse, and now that he's found her, he's killed one person as a warning, and if Calliope isn't released in three days, they're going to free her by force, and the Greek gods aren't known for their restraint. Thus begins a race against time for the main character to save his family by saving a muse from the clutches of a fanatical cult before the whole building, and probably a good portion of the city it's in, becomes a smoldering crater.
Bit rough around the edges, perhaps, but at least the day isn't saved through the gospel of Cap'n Crunch.
Not a bad idea
You shouldn't have to put this much effort into making sense of a movie that aims for a mainstream audience.
Nice work.
Not bad at all.
This movie is tied with The Happening as Shyamalan's most unintentionally hilarious film
Suffering Christ....
I stopped watching after the Village, but I remember being at the multiplex and seeing 8 year old kids walking out of the Last Airbender going "That was fucking stupid!"
When 8 year old kids can tell a mountain of shit when they see it....
Did they really say the f word!?
Sheridan Mann Yup, quite loudly, in fact.
Which is probably one reason why I remember it so vividly.
Did you tell their parents?
Sheridan Mann Lol... Dad was right behind them. Looking thoroughly unimpressed. Although I couldn't tell if it was because of the movie or his kids' language.
Well I personally would have said something but that's just me
M Night.... a story teller, a visionary, a messiah... in his mind
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA🤣
it’s like shamalan watched his first neil breen movie and said, “hold my beer.”
yeah literally his character in this movie is just neil breen's from fateful findings.
I'm sure Newsweek is soooooo proud of that cover now.
Mostly good review but have you actually read The Man Who Heard Voices? It's not as biased as you'd think. It doesn't really paint Disney as evil, corrupt corporate executives and M. Night as a poor filmmaker just trying to make his dream come true. If anything, at times, it portrays M. Night as a crazy and unstable man unwilling to listen to advice and, when it comes to Disney, people trying to work with a man who refuses to listen to advice.
The triumphant return of M. Night Shambles-On.
He shambled onto the well-received Split and then followed that up with the bitterly divisive Glass.
M. Night Shyamalan is responsible for Avatar: The Last Airbender and for that he will never be forgiven.
12:55. Yeah about that Sean. Siskel and Ebert were bitterly disappointed they weren't killed off in that movie.
@@JohnSmith-eo5sp You think Siskel and Ebert were elitist? You haven't seen anything.
Also Ebert passed away in 2013, hardly "decades ago".
I am laughing so hard right now. My player stopped right at 13:59, just after you continuously stopped to ask if we were sitting and if we were ready to hear how the kid revealed the prophecy.
That Carol quote is perfect. Especially since, spoiler, she's putting up a front and is more so having a "cut this weird crap" moment instead.
Fortunately, M. Night does regret casting himself in that role.
I can recommend Waterworld as a potential movie to review. The poltholes are immense, and you could make so much fun of the fuel pirates
sorry, plotholes
Caught me just in time. Was about to go to sleep when I saw the notification.
Man, I thought Steven King writing himself into his Dark Tower series, and as the very mouthpiece of Gan(God) himself was the epitome of hubris, but Shamalan here has him beat. Big time.
Even more glad I've never seen this movie, even though I think the main actress is pretty damn cute. I don't think I would be able to get past the fact that she's a 'narf' named 'story'. Nope, no chance. I'd be laughing every time I saw her.
12:45 I feel you've done the audience a disservice here by only showing us a fraction of that scene, because it is painfully cringeworthy, and even more of that "Pointing out the cliche and doing it anyway" thing.
For the uninitiated, the critic there actually stares the creature down, saying something to the effect of "I know how this will go. I will run. You will rush towards me, as I lock the door, a fraction of a second too late." Sure enough, he proceeds to attempt to do just that, but gets killed midway.
So yeah. Combining "Explain the Cliche" with the whole "Snooty critic must complain about everything regardless of situation, taste, or point."
Seriously, I would say M. Night is a hack, but the challenge in doing so is gone.
If Story is supposed to inspire people, why not just call her a muse? There was already a perfectly serviceable mythical creature that could have filled this role, Shyamalan! You didn't have to make one up!
TB Tabby Then the movie would've been a shittier Xanadu.
But still a less shitty Lady in the Water.
This film is so batshit insane that if Shyamalamadingdong's name wasn't attached to it, you'd swear it was written on the walls of an insane asylum.
3:35 Apparently "those in the water" were the inspiration for the Dreamcast. Or at least its logo.
Plus the cereal box prophecy does mention the eleventh commandment: "Thou shalt be part of this complete breakfast..."
I rented this movie once, and fast-forwarded through most of it. I missed nothing. Except the prophetic cereal box reading. "Speak to me, oh Cookie Crisp..."
You know, Richard Adams based his novel Watership Down on stories he told to his own daughters. I don't think a concept based on bedtime stories is necessarily bad but if it is, there is no excuse.
The thing is pretty much anything can be turned into a masterpiece. It just takes a true genius to do it. M. Night is just not a true genius like he thinks he is.
As someone who watch Fantastic Beasts with his mother last night, I can safely say this movie is no Harry Potter.
homesponge I saw Fantastic Beasts with my mom, and it was truly fantastic!!!
Aaron Foust I was referring to Lady in the Water.
homesponge oh... well so was i
At least you went through the cereal boxes scene with more subtlety that Doug Walker did...
M. Night is by far the biggest narcissist director in Hollywood. Yes, he's directed some great films (The Sixth Sense is one of my favorites!), but even if he was Stanley Kubrick he doesn't have any right to think of himself as highly as he does. There's an interview where he literally dead-ass says that Avatar:The Last Airbender is the most culturally diverse film ever made (in response to criticism on the racial casting), and the interviewer is trying their hardest not to laugh! This film (especially casting himself as some sort of messiah) is an excellent example of what a fucking narcissist he is!
He's always the messiah of sorts in his own movies. He has no self awareness
If he were Kubrick he shouldn't think of himself highly. Kubrick was a nutcase.
I'm ashamed to say that the meaning of the giant Eagle is cause Night is from Philadelphia, and I should know as I tried to be an extra in the finale, ah well.
Somehow failing at being an extra in his movie is more respectable than actually being Shyamalan.
I think you dodged a bullet.
I didn't know it was gonna this bad, still would have been neat. lol
The thing about the critic's behavior in the movie was a toungue-in-cheek about the stereotypes of critics. Mr. Shyamalan said so himself that these were jokes were simply that--Jokes.
And the Soons are Korean, not Chinese.
Yes, because it's so tongue-in-cheek to have the critic get everything wrong and then be the ONLY human the Scrunts kill.
So action film actor Soon Tek-Oh is Korean?
Freaking cereal boxes, CEREAL BOXES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Now, come! Let us go to the spice rack where I will predict the Second Coming of Jesus!"
Nostalgia Critic
Wow... I only knew a track or two from the soundtrack and god damn, he gave this film a score it did not deserve!
This is simply some of the best entertainment on youtube, great video as per
Take a drink every time the word "Narf" is mentioned in the review.
Nathaniel Levesque curse the drinking age for I am 16
Are you British?
The Pinky and the Brain
The Pinky and the Brain 🎵
We need a heart button over here for this man! ♥
Dude I really want to hear your opinion on From Justin to Kelly. I can never find an entertaining review of it.
This is something that I've never understood. When someone says hosted by someone who may or may not be wearing pants, does that mean he's doing it in his underwear or naked? I've always believed it to be the former.
The first time I watched the movie I genuinely thought it would be someone else that is the great writer and the nymph got it wrong witch would have been the "what a twist moment" and would have mirrored real life
Cliche riddled writing overly analysed by self absorbed douche bags, studios expecting and demanding greatness while imposing themes and deadlines, assembly line art(movie) making while expect one person to shoulder and direct the whole thing
While in the center there is just one guy who likes to tell stories and tries to keep true to his vision
It would have made M. Night a lot more endearing, and the theme consistent (everyone is defined by what they enjoy doing)
The cereal box prediction though LMBO!
Are you sure that woman's character is Chinese? I haven't seen the movie, so I don't know if it mentions it, but when she's talking to her mother, it sounds like she's speaking Korean. Unless her character is from Yanbian . . .
This raises another question, considering that "narf" is not a Korean-style word.
This is going to be good.
The creatures in this movie look and sound like rejected Pokémon.
I remember seeing this in theaters, driven by curiosity and the name “M. Night Shyamalan”. I didn’t necessarily “get it” either. But I’ve seen far worse as a film lover. M. Night created something that went against what people “expected from him”. I’ll give him credit for that. Critics and opinions be damned, he wanted to tell a story and executed it. Whether it be loved or hated, the dude has conviction and we should all admire that.
Shes korean not chinese.
Bryce Dallas Howard's filmography for a large part is pretty wretched, if we're all being honest with ourselves. Terminator Salvation, Twilight: Eclipse, Lady in the Water, The Village, Spider-Man 3, The Jim Carrey "Grinch Who Stole Christmas"...
Jurassic World
Sheridan Mann At least there's something salvageable from it.
Not really There's also something salvageable from Twilight
Sheridan Mann Twilight Eclipse is atrocious. I just watched it (twice) for my movie review podcast and I couldn't believe how awful it was.
Jurassic World had a pretty awesome climax. Almost makes the movie worth watching just to see it.
Eclipse had almost nothing worth salvaging. Apart from one or two unintentionally funny moments.
It seems like Shyamalan's career is having a resurgence now. His most recent movies, The Visit and Split, have received mostly positive reviews, and so is Wayward Pines, which he is executive producer of.
Positive reviews aren't equal to people acclaim, making a TV Show and a few movies that critics praise wont give his lost fame, only making a movie that turn be wildly successful in the public, when he archive that, then you can say that he career is having a resurgence.
This is actually a guilty pleasure for me I see all the problems but I still kinda like it. I know, I know, I don't know why but I did.
it's weird he put the critic character here. I mean, until then the only movie with bad reviews was the village and it wasn't really completely hated. He still hadn't become the joke that he is now.
What happened was simple: We finally realized M Night Shyamalan had only one trick, and we got tired of him. Besides, Rod Serling beat him to his style by over 50 years, and Rod was a hundred times better than Shyamalan (Shambles-On) could ever hope to be.
The man who heard Voices that led him To a Dead End Village without a Last Exit on the Left
You sir are truly savage. I love every second of it
3:21 It is called pictographic animation. This same trick was used to create the backstory/prologue for that movie Watership Down from 1978, but they did it so much much better of-course.
That's one of my favorite movies!
Yes, with voices by John Hurt, Zero Mostel, and song: Bright Eyes, sung by Art Garfunkle.
6:54 WTF is with that chick's hairstyle? O.O
A christmas movie? Dear god, I hope your next review is elf bowling the movie.
"Go *NARF* yourself, Shyamalan!!!!"
I kinda like the idea here, with the personified Story, and a magical being appearing in a very pedestrian urban setting, but like... why all the other stuff
"NARF THIS!"
Maybe Bryce Dallas Howard was exhausted from the knowledge she'd have to singlehandedly have to make "The Village" along with James Newton Howard.
Oh you missed out on the force awakens joke.
MOAR! I love your content :
do the remake of silent night deadly night or black Christmas
"Not buying it, not getting it, not working." Wow, an executive producer that had at least an ounce of common sense - not that it kept the film from eventually getting made, but still a rarity... like a M. Night Shamaylan film being just as good as THE SIXTH SENSE and UNBREAKABLE, apparently.
Well it apparently stopped it from getting made at Disney at least because I guess if you're going to fund a movie for M. Night you need to kiss his ass first.
NARF!!!
this was the only reason I watched you these video are the best !!!
Funny thing about the Godzilla and Siskel and Ebert, I can’t remember who but one of them actually aid in their review that they thought it was a wasted opportunity that the monster DIDN’T eat or stomp on them. So even the critics had more of a sense of humor and self-awareness than M. Night
First Freddy the frog, sharkboy and lavagirl and now THIS based on a bedtime story for a movie too?! Yep. It's worse 😖
This is truly amazing.
Woah fuck, the Chinese nuke was an OLD ass reference.
By the way, she's not Chinese she's korean
Oh good. Then I didn't hallucinate that.
4:42 - "Chekhov's douchebag" is fucking hilarious!
Can you believe that Shyamalan spent 50 million dollars to build that apartment complex as a set for his film? Why didn't he just rent out a vacant building?
You are now scheduled to have an insert character in a future Shymalan film die a violent, horrifying death.
Outdoor pool in Philly is really unlikely so he would have had to have had the pool built at least!
Apparently, Shamalamadingdong thinks he's going to rewrite the Bible. Great humility dude
Regardless, it's good to be in the position to make movies.
Lol you should really put more Walking Dead jokes/references in these episodes
Hey Sean, I know this is completely irrelevant, but have you had the chance to see the new Transformers: The Last Knight trailer? It's surprisingly really dark, even might tease who the main villain of the film is. I'm saying nothing, but if you haven't, check it out.
Actually is “narf” supposed to be a corrupted version of the word nymph
Making himself the writer that will change the world is self-indulgent tripe of the worst kind. And you just know this is probably how he sees himself.
Love your channel and your videos are very funny. OMG how spot on you are on this one! M. Night" Shyamalan has got to be the most over rated movie maker ever! I’ve given this film maker the benefit of the doubt too many times. No more!
Of all the bad Shyamalan movies I've seen, this has to be the most nonsensical!
In a few years or decades, this is gonna be a cult film.
As for next month, I'm going to guess "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny."
Dear Lord, does Shambles-On have any talent left?
I don't know I don't think he got bad until the hapening. I like Lady In The Water and The Village is one of my all time favorites
Sean can you review the Happping
WAIT! The Great Novel will inspire a President and end up getting himself killed? Does great have to mean Great Good or can it be Great Evil?
It's not a novel. It's supposed to be a kind of political philosophy like Marx or Hegel.
Yay! Smeg finally tackles Lady in the Water \O/
How have you not done The Happening?
Watership Down, this movie is not.
And that book (snd movie too) was written and based off a series of stories the author told his children on car rides.
So there. Lady in the Water can suck it! We all know who the better storyteller is here.
Watership Down was high class animation, even the opening pictographic animation was better than 'Lady in the Water'
didn't he say he got abducted by aliens and soon after began to make horrible movies
What is the story about America launching the nuclear missile? Where can I find it?
Hahahaha love The End of the World reference!
2:08 "The Nerve."
Don't you mean, "The Narf"?
Is the child at 13:39 a young Jayden Smith? Sure looks like him (and it would explain After Earth).
No
On rewatch I really enjoyed it
You know, it's nice M. Night Shyamalan has a signature style and makes what he wants to make, but all the same, while I haven't actually seen any of the movies in question, you have to wonder what Shyamalan was thinking making this right after his previous two films were heavily criticized for too much fridge logic regarding their big twists. If you thought invading aliens being weak to water and a community getting away with isolating itself entirely from the modern world in America were bad, this has to be like a whole new level.
But I mean nowadays people praise the prequel trilogy at the expense of the sequel trilogy because the former was George Lucas's vision. That logic would excuse this movie too. Honestly there are fewer films this decade whose very existence confounds me than from the previous three - the only one I can think of offhand is The Emoji Movie. Things are better in some ways.
Who wants to see The Happening get skewered? I guess we have the Nostalgia Critic and Bad Movie Beatdown in the meantime, but still.
How often does he post Cinematic Excrement? Does he have a schedule or just whenever he can get them up?
Usually once a month (at the very end of the month).
POLE7645 Thank you. :)
Early 2000s, Smeggy. :)
You actually avoided a Hot Fuzz reference?! Hmm... Though regarding Shyamalan being a great writer, I look at is as happenstance that someone did something great with his work after someone else had already got butthurt at him and killed him for it. It's like what if in banning Dr. Seuss' Butter Batter Book in certain places he got whacked for it but then Reagan or Gorbachev was a fan of it and led to them tearing down that wall... Oh well. :-\
He….he wrong Stuart Little. He WROTE. STUART. LITTLE. What the fuck!?