Cinematic Excrement: Episode 96 - Pan
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 พ.ย. 2024
- Every legend has a beginning. Some are better than others.
BLOG: cinematicexcrem...
TWITTER: / smeghead4269
VIMEO: vimeo.com/cinem... (If you can't find an older episode of Cinematic Excrement on TH-cam, it's probably here.) - ตลก
As a Native American, THANK YOU
That's right honey. Not Native American, but as a person of color....incredibly offensive. Respect.
To quote Jack Black in The Muppets:
“You’re ruining one of the greatest songs of all time!”
Pan needs to have Happy thoughts in order to fly, so when he was falling to his death in the beginning he must of been so happy to die and be done with this shitty movie that it made him fly for the first time
Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
That checks out
It was panned for a good reason
Guess the movie didn’t pan out well
lol
Connor notyerbidness
Good one!
GODDAMNIT BARB!
Though it seems a few people are Hooked onto it.
I'll see myself out now
Definitely *PANNED* for a good reason. No pun intended!
Believe it or not, “Pan” is not the only movie to take place years after the original story was published. The musical “Annie” is set in 1933 even though the “Little Orphan Annie” comic strip it was based upon started its eighty-six year long run in 1924, a full nine years before the musical is set.
And then there’s “IT: Chapter One”, which is set in 1989, a full THREE YEARS (or rather, 2.75 years*) after the original book’s publication date.
*The original book came out on 25 September 1986 while the film is set between June and August of 1989.
Hugh Jackman in HIGH DRAG. He'd absolutely win a design challenge on Drag Race in that getup.
Eleganza EXTRAVAGANZA!!
Here we are, Sean-entertain us!
This film’s stupid-and outrageous!
How was your Halloween?
Tommy Deonauth's Archives Busy editing and at work, mostly.
When the film's dumb, it's more dangerous!
Here we are, Sean - entertain us!
This film's stupid and outrageous!
Here we are, Sean - entertain us!
You know you fucked up when the version of peter pan from "once upon a time" is more accurate to the peter pan from the original story.
The backstoy of Peter becomes a "Virgin Black Beard and Chad fairy prince" story with Smeghead's naming and I love it.
15:17 why is Tigerlily wearing my grandmother's doormat on her head?
Insult to your grandmother's doormat
Hot take: the only good version of Peter Pan is the Peter and the Starcatchers book series, which provides an origin for Never Land and its characters, and develops them further (also with full-on Cosmic Horror). Not coincidentally, it’s also the best depiction of the natives, who in this are the Mollusk tribe led by Fighting Prawn.
15:24 Tiger Lily’s headpiece looks like something Lady Gaga would wear.
looks like a leftover from Padme's wardrobe
On a bad day and a budget. From garbage she found in an ally.
I swear, I can hear Sir James Barrie pounding on his coffin.
So, the Neverland natives turns into a puff of pastel smoke when they are killed...
Are they supposed to be natives or members of the Crystal Gems?
Or Monsters from the Percy Jackson Books Universe, or Rainbow Vampires lol
Or they were implanted with Valentine's chips
Love Steven Universe jokes LOL :)
MediaMan18
They remind me of the Moon men from the silent classic "A Trip to the Moon". Those things exploded in a puff of smoke when they get killed as well.
I thought it looked like Holi (a spring festival in India where they throw colored powder)
The pirate-to-nun soliloquy was fantastic. XD
There was a movie on the Blacklist one year that was called "Wonka" about the origins of Willy Wonka and how the factory came to be before Slugworth brought it down. It also took place in WWII. So, I guess I know why that project hasn't materialized. It only takes a few adjustments and replacements to get to the summary of "Pan".
And now it's in production. Oh well, I'm still optimistic.
And I'm from the future to let you know it's done great.
This is the worst Peter Pan adaptation ever.
No, Peter Pan Live was the worst adaptation
@@dillonohlemiller9027 Never seen that one.
@@dillonohlemiller9027 Was that the one with Christopher Walken as Captain Hook?
No Peter Pan and Wendy (2023) is the worst
@@reviewmanWRONG! It’s the upcoming horror movie version of Peter Pan.
23:11 Still a better love story than Twilight.
They already did the Pan origin story better in the 2011 miniseries Neverland.
Peter Rowe as Peter, Rhys Ifans as James "Jimmy" Hook, Bob Hoskins (RIP) as Smee, Anna Friel as Cap. Elizabeth Bonny, and Keria Knightley as the voice of Tinkerbell...definitely worth a watch, in my opinion.
*Charlie Rowe
I think the bit with "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is where they wanted to be "A Knight's Tale"
Hugh Jackman's character should've been Hook, not Blackbeard.
Hewy Toonmore Agreed.
And this version Hook is not Hook, but Indiana Jones, just missing the bullwhip and theme music.
Wrong. He was Han Solo if you took away all of his charisma. They even have Hook come in on a flying ship to save the day at the last minute, just like Han in A New Hope! Do the filmmakers have any shame?
The 1953 Disney version, the 2003 film, and Hook are better Peter Pan movies than this. And this movie takes place during World War II, kind of like in Return to Neverland. They got the time period wrong!
I don't mind keeping him as Blackbeard, and don't get Me wrong, I liked Garrett Hedlund in Tron Legacy, but Hook should've been played by either Tom Hiddleston or James McAvoy.
Pixum, Transformium and Unobtanium? Aren't these writers paid millions?
"Unobtanium" wasn't a term invented by James Cameron, you know.
But Pixum and Transformium are still a thing
@@gamestation2690 that's even worse because they were paid to not even create a bad name but just copy a terrible name
Pixum sounds like an element created by Pixar!
@@conradlorgar5508 Just saying blame them for the right reasons
Is it just me or would this film have been better if it wasn’t so big? Like if it was an absurd 80s fantasy like Legend then I’d enjoy it more. That and Seamus McGarvey did the cinematography. He rarely does a bad job.
How does it being big make it bad?
15:04 No you didn't really ruin my childhood considering a lot of Disney's older films such as Peter Pan, Dumbo, Lady and the Tramp and the Aristocates have some racial sterotypes but it doesn't really bother me considering they were merely products of their time. Besides I've seen way worse racist shit online anyway.
Well said
Someone who has common sense, such a rare sight
@@isdrakon9802 I never buy those we're racist cuz the characters executed in a way you can gravitate towards them, whether you love to hate someone like the Siamese twins or admire their kindness like alley cats,crows,indians.
@@isdrakon9802 We're not actually that rare, we're just staying out of the way.
@@hernehaugen6878 unfortunately, I can't say I don't do the same
Hook was a better Peter Pan origin story. Heck, Once Upon A Time had a better storyline with Peter Pan being the villain trying to get Henry Mills to give him his heart because Henry had "the heart of the truest believer". And Peter Pan is also Rumpelstiltskin's father.
And Dustin Hoffman made a better Hook than Indiana Jones did here I mean Indiana Jones I mean Indiana Jones I mean............younger Hook.
Why didn't they just get an actual Native American tribe to play the Native Neverland Tribe in PAN? I think you can easily do it so it is not racist, but have the original "peoples" portray the fictional tribe in the right way. They could add that they were an actual Native American Tribe that settled Neverland a couple of thousand years before.
Secondly, Edward Teach (A.K.A. Blackbeard) was an actual person, there are iconically famous images of his appearance that they could have used, why the fuck did he look like Cruella DeViles conquistador ancestor?
Thirdly if you are going to do a Bioshock Infinite and add "modern" songs in a time where they don't belong for fun, why didn't they go all out and make PAN a full on comedy?
They made the film way too serious in tone for a Peter "Bloody" Pan movie. Where is the Whimsy?
I don't think there is a way to portray Native Americans or any other ethnic minority in such a manner that no one would call it racist. PC crow has been going crazy lately. That doesn't mean that the depiction we've got is any better. My point is - I guess in the current political climate accusations of racism are going to be made no matter what, so I kinda get why the creators of this movie decided to go the silly route.
If you’re gonna do the “modern songs in an anachronistic context” thing you gotta at least lean into it and make it a major gimmick, you can’t just do it a couple times.
Ok, so Sean once had a laugh about Fantastic 4 fans who were unhappy with casting choice of a black guy in the role of a character which was always white before that. Fair enough. Valid criticism, but it must go both ways... So why is it a problem casting white girl in a role of a character from FICTIONAL native tribe?
I checked out with the NONcreative-anachronistic music choices. It’s so Baz Loathingman. I had to double check that it wasn’t Baz L that foisted this horrid flick on an unsuspecting public.
I really hated the portrayal of Blackbeard, and that’s BEFORE I saw Taika Waititi’s brilliant (but also inaccurate) interpretation of Blackbeard for “Our Flag Means Death”, which is awesome.
I don’t get that Hollywood has to rewrite every classic. Classics are classic for a reason. But every director and writer has to “reimagine” every thing with horrible takes.
Princess ImmaFakeIndian’s headpiece is also awful and distracting.
What a garbage fest! I couldn’t finish the movie!
Huge Jackman would make a great Pirates of the Caribbean villain against Jack Sparrow.
Over-actors make the movie.
Under-actors break the movie.
A brand new subscriber here! I have been binge watching your great reviews! Peter Pan (2003) did portray the Neverland natives correctly. :)
Thanks for the warning, I was expecting a smartass.
But seriously, this was a good episode. And I'm just as confused as you are about not casting Native Americans, it just doesn't make sense.
Honestly, I don't even hate the pirates singing the song. It's probably the part I enjoyed the most.
they just had a Peter pan movie in 2004,who thought that this was needed already?
"I'm going to tell you a story about a boy who would never grow up. But enough about Donald Trump."
Me: *Likes video*
* *Waves* * Hi Sean! Well done as always! ❤
Don't worry, I saw this in the cinema too, and the Neverbirds looked just as bad here as they did there.
So he did a vlog about this movie, and he reviewed it. Can we get more reviews like this?! This is awesome and HILARIOUS!!
The never bird looks like it came right out of the Croods.
OMFG WHAT DID THIS MOVIE DO TO HUGH JACKMAN????!!!!!!
This whole movie was a fever dream of Logan's.
Oh man I remember watching the Cinematic Excrements for Twilight and Eragon back in '09...awesome to see that this channel is still around and still making the same great content that gave me laughs when I was younger!
Amanda Seyfried and Rooney Mara were both nominated for a Worst Supporting Actress Razzie, but they lost against Kaley Cuoco for The Wedding Ringer & Alvin and the Chipmunks 4
2:53
"A [kid] who will never grow up."
You can apply that to ALL politicians.
Maybe fairies can’t communicate with more than one fairy at a time, like they can’t talk in groups or something. And Peter is like a Queen bee who can direct them all at once without even saying anything. That would be an impressive power, being the Fairy God
Also-Jason Fuchs? Any relation to Fred Fuchs?
TheHeroOfTomorrow Jason Fucks? Oh, no... Jason Fucks...
it's quite hilarious considering he wrote a move wherein a skinny Israeli woman taking on a British guy in armor.
TheHeroOfTomorrow 😂th-cam.com/video/_lSwwqDpoVc/w-d-xo.html
Eugh.
Pan as a horror movie/villain is such a better and more interesting concept than anything we've ever gotten.
I think the people that _explode_ when they die qualify as horror.
Having lived in wisconsin, i can assure you that a brit would have done a better southern accent 🤣
7:50 to 7:54 Eh, to be fair, Alola's got a gem called "Fairium Z." Pan's sounds *slightly* less dumb in my opinion.
My grandma lived through the Blitz (the bombing of British cities by Nazi planes during WW2, although admittedly she lived in Birmingham, not London. There is no way in HELL a giant fucking flying pirate ship would have gone unnoticed for even one night.
They should have adapted Pater and the Star Catchers into a movie instead of making this mess.
Robert Treacy
I read the summary of the book and it sounds very interesting
Nega-Venom My family got it on tape and listened to it driving to our vacation. It's great, maybe a little slow to start, but quickly turns into an exciting blend of silly and adventurous.
Marvel Disneyfan
Now I really wanna check it out
Honestly though, based on the story, I could see why this script was desired. The premise is pretty cool, especially Pan and Hook meeting as slaves together, and I think in the right hands it would make a cool film or book.
This movie cost $150 million and I don't know where some of that went too. Power Rangers cost $100 million and that was made years later.
Actually, the 2003 version of Peter Pan DID throw the Native American's a bone. When they were casting that particular version of Peter Pan,, they SPECIFICALLY looked for a Native American child to play Princess Tiger Lily and they found one....who actually speaks Iroquois in the movie when she is scolding Captain Hook as he is looking for Wendy's brothers in the jungle.
Hugh Jackman: Wakey Wakey!
Me: Ah, so you're familiar with the Billy Cotton Band Show then.
I'm glad you pointed this out: Pan failed because it's audience expected to see something similar to the original story of Peter Pan. It was never SUPPOSED to be similar to it, it took what people knew and turned it into an amazing fantasy movie and a different imagining of him entirely, but because people didn't want it to do that, most people didn't like it. That doesn't mean it's BAD, hell, this is my favorite movie of all time. But the expectations for this movie were so screwed up that people failed to see how good it really is. Pan is the perfect example of when a right film meets a wrong audience.
With the hint he gave last time and the opening monologue, I thought for SURE he was going to review Maleficent
I like it when there's them moving pictures so much better than all that talkety talk with just his kisser.
3:21 Wait, when did Pan become Oliver Twist?
20:22 I don't think Jackman knew the cameras were still rolling.😆😆😆
So, we have a poor down on his luck boy who gets taken to a secret magical world due where he discovers that he has special magical powers and that he has to fufill some prophecy. Sounds like they mixed up two movie scripts.
As to why the RAF never spotted them, it's not like the British had any reason to be looking closely at the skies at night during World War II, so it is obviously conceivable that they missed a giant flying pirate ship. Also, of course the boys never questioned the others being adopted by Canadians at night for as we all know Canadians are religiously nocturnal and refuse to do anything during the day.
Please tell me your joking.
Does the ending of the movie remind anyone else of The Rock Fight of Last Airbender where they had the power but it took one kid to remind them to fight?
Honestly I am still trying to figure out how that little trope got started.
"Bad people are doing bad things to us, and we can't do anything about it."
Chosen one character. "Fight!"
"Ok." Proceeds to kick bad people ass.
Me. "Ok. ANd you couldn't have done that before because......?"
Happy Halloween everyone!
Hugh Jackman is a bright spot in any movie, no matter how bad. The man is a brilliant actor.
You are doing God's work here sir.
i hope you can do The Last Knight in early 2018 Sean.
Or 50 shades
Well he did do 50 shades for the 99th episode so maybe he will do TLK for 100th
Is there any good way to portray the Neverland natives?
I'm open to ideas.
8:42 Baz Luhrmann did the same in Moulin Rogue and Elvis.
9:15 "Pixim a helluva drug!" 🤣🤣 All the dislikes are from people who don't get that one.
you need to review The Covenant and I, Frankenstein!
You can say it was... PANned
Waiting for hook to lose his hand was like hot tub time machine when they was waiting for dude to lose his arm
Tigerlily: cyber goth meets grandma style!!!!
5:00 Reminds me of conventions back in the '80s. There would be trays of celery and broccoli with some kind of dip that was dried up out for the patrons, and if you went in the back there'd be 5 to 11 fat people, both male and female, all sitting around the pans of lasagna, tamales and meats that were supposed to be presented for the patrons. You could hear the horking sounds as they glorped down the real food. Very reminiscent of Kevin Spacey's description of the fat man in the movie Se7en. "An obese man. A disgusting man who could barely stand up.
A man, who if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him.
A man, who if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal."
Why is Blackbeard aging in Neverland anyway? Isn't Neverland a place where you don't age, at least that's what I remembered from the book, musical, play, and films? The whole appeal of Neverland was that no one ages, that's why Wendy and her brothers went with Peter in the first place. My gosh, the SyFy version of Neverland was a better prequel than this. Yeah, that's right, a FREAKING SyFy miniseries was able to pull off a better story about Peter Pan's origins than a Hollywood $150 million film.
171QA Well, in the original book, only Peter never aged. He killed the Lost Boys who got too old.
They did the exact opposite as Ridiculous Six, They only casted non-Native Americans as opposed to Sandler who casted Native Americans.
YAYYYY im so glad you uploaded
I was expecting you were gonna do Garbage Pail Kids or Son of the Mask?!?!?!
A found footage film is next? Closest guesses: Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension, Chernobyl Diaries, As Above So Below, Diary of the Dead, The Gallows, Into the Storm. Wild Card: Unfriended. This isn't so much found footage as it is Skype footage.
D Vass
Turns out, it was every found footage movie.
looks like an expansion to ERod/BlockBuster Buster's review
If I wanted a 'Peter Pan' origin story, I'd read Regis Loisel's graphic novel 'Peter Pan', which portrays Peter in a Dickensian London with an abusive alcoholic mother and only finds joy entertaining boys at the local orphanage.
I learned you can just hold your breath in space to stay safe from Double Dragon Neon. So it must be true.
Fun quick fact about 'The King's Speech' since you brought it up:
The UN-CUT, fully R-Rated version was a financial success, but LionsGate (being, well, LionsGate) trimmed out some of the swear words just to make it suitable for PG-13...and guess how well THAT turned out!
Shame on you ratings boards!
This movie becomes even more hilarious when you realize that the way Peter is described in the book it’s pretty clear he’s a violent narcissist, so having him be a chosen one is absurdity of the highest order.
This movie got PANNED!
I got to admit I love the Smells Like Teen Spirit scene, but I perfectly understand why people hate it.
freemantle85 I liked it too. So long as you don't apply a single thought in trying to explain why, it's just a really fun scene to me.
They sang Nirvana in Moulin Rouge and no-one bitched about that. So why should this be a problem to anyone?
So do I. Maybe if the Film was more tonally Consistent with that Scene, it would've worked a lot better.
The Nuns aren’t evil enough. They aren’t burying babies at the back of the orphanage.
Were the writers high on Pixum when they hammered out the script!? I'm beginning to think that this is what a Hollywood studio executive's bad acid trip would be like before actual production on a bad multimillion dollar production based on a beloved children's book even BEGAN!!!
I knew a guy whose last name was Fuchs. He pronounced it with the u making the same sound as the u in "mute" (so like "fyooks").
Wow I literally never even heard of this movie!
8:11 Biggest historical inaccuracy ever. Unless Neverland exists in a dimension outside of space and time, this makes no sense at all.
This movie should never have gotten *Pan*ned by critics because it's so good.
Best version will ever be the Jeremy Sumpter version. It’s bloody entertaining, the casting choices are perfect, Smee is a delight, the love for teddy bears made me cry, Tiger Lily ISN’T a white lady, Wendy is both lovey dovey but smart and clearheaded, Jason Isaacs is the BEST, the dance of the faeries is magical...I do believe in faeries, I do! I do! Oh and Tink is great. Just go forget this and go with this one. It was one of those family movies no one thought was going to be any good but turned out to be the best book translation and it’s just super fun!
It's so Criminally Underrated, & Universal made a huge Mistake releasing it around the same time as Return Of The King, no wonder it flopped at the Box Office.
Those are not pastel colours. Too vibrant and saturated, they're basicaly the exact opposite.
8:14 For some reason, I was expecting a Temple of Doom reference there.
I know that this is a bad movie, but IMO it was mostly harmless. If I was a young boy and I watched this movie, I would probably love it.
this >>>>>>>>> cinemasins
Keep it going smeghead!
Ok, it's either.
The Marked Ones
The Ghost Dimension
Diary of The Dead
Ooooorrrr............idk what else
I’m guessing the next review will be of “Unfriended.”
They literally went Greendale Human beings on the tribal characters
The Neverbird looks like it should be analogous to a battleship in all aspects.