The key is being able to learn this. There needs to be a return policy. No seriously. WTH are we doing allowing these sick animals to torture and even kill their victims. They are not examining human behavior at the point when they bawled their fists their face turns red and they start screaming shut the f****** because your attempting to talk about your health or anything else they are not comfortable with. This unacceptable.
@@quantumzoflyneif you listened to Dr. Ramani you will have heard that things take time. If you get the strength to not play the games anymore and simply stop adding fuel to their fire, not argue etc, they probably will be the one to get bored with you and leave. If they don’t but only get more violent it might be a good idea for you to pack up and leave. Either way it will be a difficult road, but it will be your road.
also they often will simultaneously treat different people differently and most do not have the perception or awareness to pick up on that. you will be left on an island - prepare to have most everyone invalidate or limit their relationships with you if you ever go against a narcissist.
@@patriciavandevelde5469 please consider that a failed investment. You do not want to deal with that person in any way possible. I myself was duped by a covert narc ex under false pretenses. These snakes never never change. Hold tight to what you have and run away... Never ever deal with them. They will make your life a living hell.
@@patriciavandevelde5469Oh my God.Same girl. Old man nicked my money. It's hard to get over that part but I'll never contact this rubbish. I have to leave it to karma
Very often not engaging is interpreted as and manipulated to become consent. I have been through that. Turning that around and raising my voice, yes, is indeed engaging and never leads anywhere. But I will not allow anyone to use my silence for consent.
@@ericschminke8233 ........step back - as they are THE Bullies & are searching for your Reaction which you MUST ignore, b.c. that's how they get their kicks......this will hurt them much much much much much much more than it will ever "hurt" you. Taking the remotest INTEREST in them .....is the fuel for the fire they are searching for - enabling them to come back again & again & again at you!! And so IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE......... It works & YOU will sleep better too .IMHO...
For real, the psychological part is so annoying because even though you know, you shouldn’t give a single fuck about what that level of stupidity is saying, but your brain doesn’t know the difference
Having compassion for a narcissist, at the end of the day, is like having compassion for a wild tiger. At the end of the day, they are still a tiger and they will still f*** you up if you get at all close to them.
I had compassion until I realised he knew what he was doing - charming, kind and generous to everyone else out there; cruel and evil behind closed doors - he turned it on, he turned it off - that, that is deliberate he knew what he was doing.
You know that bad feeling you get when you're watching a scary movie during the suspenseful scenes where everything is quiet and the music is making you feel uneasy even though everything looks "normal" on screen but you just KNOW you're about to see/hear something AWFUL in a few more seconds? THAT is how you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you are dealing with acold blooded narcissist. They make you feel LIKE THAT.
Oh wow how very well put. Married over thirty years and feel perpetually scared. Something bad is either happening now, just happened, or is about to happen. One of the worst sounds in the world to me is the crunch of tyres on gravel that signifies he’s home. click of the key in the lock of our front door makes my heart race and not in a good way. Living with a narcissist guarantees chronic stress. It is a living hell.
Exactly. The vague feeling that something is wrong. Everything seems superficially fine. But in the back of your head, there’s a quiet apprehension that something isn’t quite right about this person.
Yea, learned that early, my entire family could not be trusted in this way. If I told anything confidential, within 10 mins that person would be talking about it and me to other family members, and not in a way that sounded like they wanted to help me, more like they were gossiping about someone who they didn't care for.
You'll be surprised at how much you had been "discounted" when the narcissist is gone. Be good to yourself. Don't believe it if the narcissist, all of a sudden, tells you they miss you & love you. They don't/won't/can't love anyone, not even themselves. They're immature.
It doesn't matter what you do, you can give everything, be silent, don't react, give more, set boundaries...it's a life not worth living and will eventually destroy you physically emotionally and spiritually the only way to live a meaningful life is to leave for good.
2:34 Don’t go DEEP: 🚫 Don't Defend 🚫 Don't Engage 🚫 Don't Explain 🚫 Don't Personalize It's easy to remember and simple to practice. I have been practicing this technique for years. 😊
@@LeeReactzzzit's not reacting. They thrive on provoking a reaction which they turn around on you and call you over-reacting, too sensitive, stupid etc. react with generic non-reactionary responses like: that's interesting! How nice! What did he/she/they do/say?
When you can’t leave because of ‘business that’s not finished yet and timing is not in your control’ then use the time to collect data, document it all, build your case and prep to take it to court if that’s where the Narc likes to ‘play onto you’, the whole point is to stick to the facts in court, prove their guilt by presenting evidence of their behaviors-their words are only good to listen to because it’s an insight into their own thoughts and behaviors- often admission of their own guilty behaviors because they accuse you of things they are actually doing. If it’s possible to get any ruling against them in a court it’s def worth doing until you can finally be done and walk away… forever. You have to Be very inconspicuous until you have enough data to get a ‘guilty’ from a judge or jury.
I never feel safe when he is around. Going to divorce him. He is an abusive man. Charismatic, charming to others, comes home and yells at me, calls me names, interrupts, lies, gaslights. I just started listening to you recently. Thank you for helping me know that I am not crazy!
Dear One. Do not say what you are going to do. Stay silent . Just find the nearest Women’s Refuge . The Police will help and tell you where to go. Be safe. Be happy. This last bit takes time. 🤗🥰🥰💓💓
@@xioesq13Make sure you get out before he kills you. I don’t want to scare you but I do want to make you aware that it can be a reality. Every day with him you’re taking a chance. Please, please, please think of yourself. There is no…he would never cross that line. It’s possible. My dear I pray you will be safe and find a new place for yourself that’s safe, healthy and peaceful. ❤ If no one has told you recently, you are worthy of kindness, gentleness, peace, safety, laughter and genuine love. Yes, you deserve all good, positive things. ♥️
A relationship with a narcissist is exactly like a podcast!! Agree 100%!! They never stop talking they love to listen to themselves because… guess what? They’re always right … when you finally agree with them… they change their version of events!! It’s absolutely insane!! These people are demons!!
My narc husband calls me every day when he gets off work and keeps me on the phone for the entire 40 minute drive home, just yammering away about nothing or saying the same things over and over every single day. If I try to talk I have to interrupt him and he becomes irritated at me for trying to speak. He has anger issues and takes it out on me. Also I have grown to hate the mere sound of his voice, it grates on my nerves intensely. He projects his own faults onto me and refuses to take accountability. He never apologizes for hurting my feelings. Even on the "good" days when he's being nice he still has nothing of importance to talk about. Just surface level inanities and trivialities. We have been married 26 years and have nothing in common. But I had a narc family of origen and went no contact years ago, parents died since then and Golden Child brother got my part of the inheritance. I have no family, no support haven't worked at a job since 1999 just this narc A hole to depend on. And he loves to remind me that "I need him"......I've noticed that the more I lost family support systems, starting with my loving and good paternal grandparents, then later on my narc family of origin, he has gotton gradually more controlling and abusive. Plus he's gained some weight and dresses plainly not caring at all about his appearance, balding, double chin, if I say a shirt doesn't flatter him much, he will wear that shirt constantly. I despise him more with every passing week and I absolutely DREAD sex with him. I have to literally force myself to pretend to "enjoy" it just so I can have a little peace, if I don't the abuse and stonewalling ramps way up. But even when I do he's immature and disrespectful the next day. He flips between acting silly and childish as though I find it amusing (I don't but am forced to go along with it) or he is a know it all, controlling and subtly nasty to me. It just keeps getting worse and the "episodes" used to be once every 5 or 6 months, now it's every other day. He is a Jekyl/Hyde narc. Jekyl version is like Jim Carrey or the 3 stooges type of mean silliness and Hyde is like Julia Robert's abusive husband in the movie Sleeping with the Enemy. My anger is beginning to boil over at this treatment.
@@reesedaniel5835sounds like a living nightmare! I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I hope you can find a way out dear. Can you make a plan with your safety in mind? This is no way to live..
You got that almost right. They are not demons, but they have demons. There is one way they could get free from it and that's through deliverance in Jesus name. But then they would have to give their life entirely to Jesus after that or else the demon will just return and they end up worse than before.
Try: a parent, an older sibling, and two cousins (who, although not immediate family, are so very aggressive that they intrude in your life as if they were).
Mine is 95 yo helicopter (swear she invented the word) mother and I’m the only child (daughter) who tells me I have memory problems after she asks me a half hour after taking her pills, did she take them. That’s just one daily example. I finally get triggered so much I recognize heart palpitations so I just silently leave while she’s still yammering away.
@jelizabethpetrie6656 may I ask, is there dementia involved or are you describing a narcissistic trait of hers? Honest question. I do not know the situation. It could just be both and if so, might I suggest getting her somewhere that can cater to her needs? You need a break
It's not that hard when you realise that the choice is "them or me" because that's how they made it. I choose me whenever someone puts me in that situation now. I'd choose "us" but there is no "us" with a narcissist. You or them. Simple.
I have zero compassion for a narcissist. The only way, in my honest opinion, to outsmart a narcissist is to ignore, ignore, ignore and have no contact with them whatsoever. We have a narcissistic brother-in-law, and I've cut him out of my life completely, no contact in six years. Unfortunately my sister is clearly trauma-bonded to him since he can do no wrong.
An ex cousin I had is a hopeless narcissist. She went as far as to steal money from several relatives plus myself. This is what brought us to the point of no return because she began gaslighting and doubling down when busted. Since removing her from my life, it has been much more peaceful. No more texts, phone calls, etc., etc. When she spoke to me at a family reunion, I acknowledged her without saying her name by looking at her for three seconds and saying, "Hey there."
i swear my mom is. i refrain from to mch contact. not that i care now as a result she shows up with out calling, or tells me i only care about myself. yup me first for a change so fucking what!? god forbid right?
One year after isn't enough for me. I'm going on 3 years since breaking free from the narcissist. I can stay single for the rest of my life after what I have been through.
I know what you mean. They take a piece of you, if you deal with them for years before you realize that they are Narcs. You never really recover. Especially when you have kids with a Narc. . You find a way to move on, but its more survive, than its living!
Hubby just accused me of either adultery or wanting to be unfaithful. He has no idea I decided a couple of years ago that I am NEVER making an opportunity for someone to try this nonsense on me again. In a way it’s funny he just does not know me at all. He sees everything through his filter and I’m lying no matter what.
@@EL-gu8fv Yeah relationships are expected but nowadays singles are accepted too. So you should never stay in a toxic relationship because it is abusive there. I can´t understand too why people can´t see that their life is in danger (I can only write: Please love yourself!).
You don't outsmart them. Because there is no point in the first place. Exercise your own self compassion to get the energy to move forward rather that concentrate on a negative relationship.
Exactly. Energy flows where attention goes so if you watch narc videos for too long, you’ll marinate in the doom and gloom that is your life. If you are able, and I really emphasize that if you truly are able to get out, focus on moving forward and try to surround yourself with positive people, places and content. Good luck fellow survivors!
That's the point of what Dr Ramani is saying... ultimately her message is about YOU and getting into who you really are as an individual person once removed from a narcissistic abuser. It IS about moving forward and disconnecting from that dynamic, getting yourself back. Your power back. Restoring your own thoughts, heart and goals. It's the focus on you and not burning your energy into that dark abyss of negativity. Hence..... Outsmarting them. The energy is what you put into yourself, by shifting the control back to yourself, thus, defueling them. That's how you win. That is what the message is. Taking YOU back IS outsmarting them.
Wrong! You have to outsmart them if you want them out of YOUR house! I sent mine to Colorado, then had him served with a no-contact order. I got rid of him, a court order prevents him from coming back and the clock started ticking so I could be legally separated to get a divorce. No more violence and no one had to die.
I felt like nothing I did worked out in my favour ever. If I didn't reward the bad behaviour, the abuse got worse until I caved. I didn't cave ever again after the first time he raised his fist to me. I got support and held my ground and let the police and DV support worker help me and hold him accountable. It's hard to get out. But once you are, never look back!
@@elsh332 I never rewarded bad behaviour and I never will no matter what. But you are right it can become very dangerous with such people (I experienced it so I know). Stay safe everyone but don´t let you treat like a doormate or slave. You are much more worth than this. LEAVE if possible.
I'm married to a narcissist and filing for a divorce next week. We've been together almost ten years and married for one year and I've tried for years to believe he will.change and not feel insecure and reassure him but there is no talking g to him. I'm fighting a losing battle every time and I'm mentally physically and emotionally over his abuse. It's a trauma bond for sure I have but now I see videos like this and have friends that support me I know 100% I'm making the best choice to walk away from this.
Yes school doesn't prepare students for some of the harsh realities of life such as some of the psych conditions. What should also be fully explained to students is how to budget their finances. Americans should also learn Geography.
Study the laws. See if you have a case. Prepare the case for court before you see a lawyer. Where I am there is a statute of limitations. However, when someone is the executor or executrix of an estate they are considered an officer of the court. That can be an heir. If that heir abuses the privilege it may be fraud against the court. The statute of limitations may be disregarded by the judge in such cases.
After 31 years married to a narcissist I left 11 years ago. I have 2 adult children one a narcissist. My normal one, my best friend, died a few weeks ago. I am disconnected from the other. I have been disabled with ME/CFS for 27 years which has left me homebound and isolated. Only God can help me get through this. I feel it is too late for me now. My message to anyone in the proximity of a narcissist…run..don’t wait…don’t hope it will change.
Your message is absolutely correct. May you surround yourself in gentleness. Nature, passionate hobbies and may happiness become more and more prevalent in your life.
Being severely ill with ME/CFS also makes us so vulnerable to the tactics of a narcissist. Be careful regarding your adult narcissistic child. Possibly go no contact. He will show no mercy. Sometimes being isolated is not the worst thing.
@@Kali-oc1qt Personally I feel it is more of a comorbidity. I do think narcissists sense the vulnerability and target the ill person. Of course the abuse worsens the illness. Just my opinion.
Every time u wanna explain - Do Not! Every time u doubt ur self - Do Not! Every time u want to be understand is their trauma - Do Not! Everything u wonder if anything could be different - Do Not! Every time u hope things would be different with the engagement - Do Not!
I lost a job because I refused to engage. The narcissist ran around spreading lies acting the victim saying I was being mean when I wasn’t even around her.
If you don't engage, they will punish you, threaten you, and make you face consequences. So what do you do in the case when your life is in danger and you are in constant fear of leaving? 😮
i know how you feel. i suffered for years at job under a manipulative narcissist. it took me years and a little luck to move out of her. even getting rid of them is tough
I still haven’t after 4 1/2 years with him and we have a daughter together. We broke up 12 years ago. Still can’t date because I still have to deal with his gaslighting!
I’ve been in narcissistic long term relationships with 2 different men in my life and I sure would appreciate having a support system like a friend or a family. I hear a lot from videos on TH-cam is that it is a necessary thing to have. I have lived a hermit life not by choice for decades now. I take walks but there is nothing around me to much to see. I say hi to passersby when I see someone but that’s about it. I have no vehicle or don’t live near any bus stops but I sure do miss sitting down and having a cup of coffee with someone with a kind and loving perspective on life and others. Well I just wanted to tell a little bit about my life and say hello to others out here on earth like myself anyways. 👋🏼 😊
@@Angela-ul9si omgosh Hi ! I can sooo relate. I’ve even called on Siri and asked some random question just to hear a friendly voice. I hope somehow life gets better for you. None of us deserve any of this.
She tried to say she didn’t know what she did and then started again with my neighbour. I got the police involved - she steppped over multiple boundaries when I told her to just go away or I would call the police- she thought I was bluffing
That is because there are demons in them causing them to act the way they do. If they would be delivered from them in Jesus name and filled with the Holy Spirit instead they would end up an entirely different person.
You don’t have to outsmart them !when you see through the mask and really see them for what they are . There already living in there own delusional type of hell , once you see how sick they are you will never see them the same way again. It’s not a game you can or need to win because you have already won , your not like them
Try living next to them in a mobile park.... absolutely nowhere to go. She actually sent people to my house while I was trying to sell it...I'm afraid I'm going to have to give it away in order to break free.
Like the Paul Simon song, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," "Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. Just drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free!"
When narcissists go to therapy, they give versions of stories that fool even the therapist. They end up being the good guy who has" just been making bad choices in partners." It's best not to have any expectations at all when they say they're going to therapy.
My sister tried to get me to do a joint therapy to fix the families "broken" relationship. My husband and brothers said hell nah, don't do it!! I didn't. Come to find out the "therapist" was her friend and life coach, smh😮
i told the narcissist to leave my home..after 3 years living together..living with constant highs and lows, constant gaslighting and just pure torment. I then proceeded to change all my locks, change all passwords to alarm, garage etc. I blocked their emails, phone, phones of friend and family and went ZERO CONTACT..it was the only way to rid myself of chaos.
@ definitely not easy but worth the reward of peace in your life and peace in your home again. The pain you go through is the worst pain I have ever felt in life but the gains and the discernment you get from that experience are so, so valuable. Best decision I ever MADE
It is very painful to disengage from a narcissistic son when you love him & your grandchildren. An end of life without your only child & grandchildren is depressing & painful.
After years of mental abuse from a family member I've learned so much information from these videos. I don't engage very much with my family. No more arguing ir fighting. I've learned to walk away or grey rock them. Slowly I'm getting better but it took me 60 years. I love my peaceful life.
Narcissistic behaviour originates from trauma, insecurity follows, then finally it morphs into bizarre control behaviours. By that time the partner disengages and the relationship is over. Micromanaging a partner is all about control , narcissists love control and hate accountability for their actions .
The problem was that we seemed to have the same values: honesty, loyalty, hard-working.. he praised these qualities in me and it took me two decades before I realized that while he praises those values, he doesn’t mean to stick to them himself.
I have a narcissistic brother with whom I have been in psychological servitude for most of my life. I cringe as I write this. I have offered thousands of hours of listening, kindness, empathy and support. He has bouts of horrible anger when he is profoundly cruel. He is intelligent, articulate and perceptive so when he is being cruel he manages to plunge a dagger into your heart. I can feel horrible about myself for weeks afterwards. Recently I walked away for eighteen months but answered a recent phone call. Bad move!The intensity of his rage and cruelty was beyond my comprehension. What has held me in was I witnessed our mother’s violence and cruelty that was particularly directed at him. What Dr Ramani has taught me today is that I can have compassion and walk away at the same time. Thank you with all of my heart and thank you for your wisdom and insights.
I'm a lawyer myself and I just went thru this. I had to kick him out of the house after 18 years of marriage. It's beyond Grumpy Husband Syndrome. Breaking things, slamming doors, talks down to me like I'm an 8 year old and he was my parent. He got really nasty. He also wanted to get engaged in 6 months and i couldn't process how quickly it went. Yes I was love bombed but the true colors are a moody, violent, spoiled brat, snob.
Me too! Over 55 years! Manipulative since 3 Rd grade. She took college psych classes & she really honed a skill at covert narcissism. I moved back to town 4+ years ago & lived with her. Now I'm ready to dump the friendship. So sad but I have to do it to keep myself mentally healthy.
@@annking1576 me too. It was really hard, but I blocked her on my email and phone, and got a lot of reiki and healing sessions to remove her energy from my system- she was an energy vampire
I did the whole one year no dating/sex/etc and I can tell you it was the most healing and libirating thing ever... I've never felt more happy and me than I did after it and still do now a few years further... Best advice ever!! ❤
I’ve been doing it for so long, I’m honestly wondering if I’ll ever want a relationship again. It’s so nice to be able to watch what you want, eat what you want and not argue but I was never in the right kind of relationship so I don’t know what it’s like to be in a healthy, loving, kind, supportive relationship. That’s a lot sadder now that I typed it out.
Before I found out that my husband was a narcissist I went to a psychiatrist because I was convinced I was crazy. But he thank God said there is nothing wrong with you. Many years down the road in this toxic environment I got so sick with adrenal fatigue. And he had not a dot of sympathy, I could literally have died and he would just carry on. I always say RUN RUN RUN. I am now so disconnected to him that we hardly speak... my children do the same, he is so malignant that it takes 5 minutes and we're off emotionally. She is an amazing doctor and shots from the hip, the time to tolerate these people must come to an end.
very interesting, it's everything I have it. i thought I had heart problems , went to a check up and it's fine. every time he comes back from work my heart is racing and my air misses. my eye sight get's black. only after all of this happen and i almost fainted several times . I started to research.
Living in it is so difficult. Especially when you're stuck in the home with them. This is my reality ATM Limiting conversations as you try to navigate everyday life is super messy and hard work. I struggle to hold on to pieces of myself before I can get out is so hard. 😢
The faster you realize personality disordered people are projecting in everything they say the faster you can stop making what they say about you or anyone else they are also targeting. You know they use projection but aren’t realizing its all the time to everyone they tell you to “love” or “hate”.
Marrying a narcissist is a trap! It’s an emotional, psychologically damaging form of spiritual Hell on earth! These people are evil as Hell and report to their father Lucifer daily!
Yes working on an inpatient mental ward is helping me now. Babbling narcissists and not engaging. They just keep talking while you stop putting fuel on the fire by NOT saying something back. The conversation is basically Nonsense so looking elsewhere and not speaking makes most sense. I have to say I am surprised how mentally sick some people are. It's tragic
@ArtemisSilverBow This is true. Back pedaling is safer than ignoring otherwise they might get more aggressive or even physical if ignored. And they would then work like hell to get your attention and may even put your life in danger.😮
@ArtemisSilverBow True. My narc husband does this. If I don't talk much, just "yes" or "no" or "hmm hmm" etc. he'll finally say "So your not talking to me today?" Damned it ya do, damned it ya don't. He won't stop until he ropes me in to some useless, circular debate. Even if I AGREE with him, he will then flip it and start arguing with my AGREEMENT. It's truly exhausting and causes me constant sorrow and depression.
I started this jingle. I sing in my head when the Narc tries to provoke, manipulate/ control, and gaslight me. It goes like this. Walk away, walk away, turn on your heels, and walk away. It works magically. I'm 4 months Narc free and literally feel like I've been released from prison. My peace and joy have returned. My stomach issues, anxiety, and hair lost gone.
You can’t ignore a narcissist, it doesn’t work cuz they’ll find a way to come after you. You need to stand up and be truthful. Your goodness is more powerful than their evil narcissism
At some point, I figured out that telling the narc, "I'll try." or "if I can" or "if I have time" when secretly I have already decided it is a definite NO, freed me from having to come up with a lie later.
You can't do this if you are in a relationship with one. If they are not getting supply they will demand it. Once you stop engaging with them they will discard you. Which isn't a bad thing.
You're right. 15 yrs into marriage I gave up. I was pleasant, continued with marital expectations (such that they were cause the hubby withheld sex as a power play). I stopped giving him hurt, tears, begging to spend couple time w/ him, initiating conversation. Answer pleasantly when spoken to. Stupid me thought I'd coast until the children were grown. Next thing I knew he was having an affair & I was DONE & thrilled to be. He seemed to think it would inspire a girl fight over him. 😂😂😂
@@pinkpill5355 My dear, if you are in a relationship with one, you need to start planning now. My biggest mistake from being in a relationship with one of these people for 25 years is, you think you know them. You think you know what they will do in ever situation. However, you only know the regulated version of them. The version that gets their necessary supply levels. The other version is very, very unstable. Once you see that version or as they say, once you see behind the mask, you will never forget it. They are capable of anything and I do mean anything. You are living with a person that isn't complete. Realize that you are not just in a very bad situation, you are in a very bad situation that is also, very very dangerous. I know this for sure. We think they are very strong, well put together people with great life skills that just are extremely difficult to get along with at times. No. That is the regulated version. That is the mask. They are very, very fragile little children that is very very dangerous when unregulated. Understand this. Your life may depend on this.
@@pinkpill5355Exactly. I discarded him without telling him, he won't leave me alone. Like dang I thought if he got nothing from me, that'd be it. No, the man is obsessed and sick. Edit: Manchild to be exact. My bad.
Grey rock works even if you are occasionally forced to spend time with them due to family dynamics. One word answers, I don’t know, focus on someone else, leave their presence without explanation, challenging quickly and firmly to any mudslinging. You can show them everything about how you feel with the bare minimum use of words. Being calm and confident and in control and refusing to rise to any bait, it just befuddles them to death.
@@Therejectionartist I do this grey rocking all the time with my narc husband. When he can't rope me in to his circular arguments and debates over trivial BS or get me to react to his projections and gaslighting, he will become hyper jovial/silly, humming, talking to himself with nonsensical little rhymes or other very childish annoying. smirking/gloating and extrememly irritating behavior......until I finally show my irritation and snap in some small way such as taking a deep breath and then he attacks and accuses me of being the "bad" one.
My ex was at the gas station down the street from where I work and he doesn’t even live in this city. He lives three hours away. I didn’t even acknowledge him.
So many nuggets of wisdom here. “You’re not going to find yourself on someone else’s time’ resonates deeply. Developing a new relationship with myself after 30+ years of abuse.
She’s right but the more you believe that you can’t leave the narcissist the more you really should seriously consider leaving them. But be safe. They can be very dangerous. If you can’t physically leave as in getting a divorce you still can put distance between you and him or her. Find wholesome things to do with friends colleagues family members hobbies creative projects such as painting writing poetry restoring a classic car get into drag racing (the legal kind ) sailing your yacht around the world climbing Mount Everest….And add to this the use of gray rock. Just be extremely boring to them and spend very little time around them. Have honest good fun and be happy living your best life in spite of them.
There are very few true leaders in an industry. Dr Ramani is a pioneer in this area of psychology. She has the compassion and the knowledge to educate, help heal and refocus people. I appreciate your incredible contribution to all of us because so many people cannot even afford proper mental health support, and you are amazing and so kind to help everyone by offering your knowledge and guidance. Thank you. Great video, so well done Doug.
This resonates with me so much. My mum still does this to me (and I'm 60!). The day before my graduation, for example (yes, a bit late to the party) I visited my parents and wanted to go to a shopping centre to get some extra tights (I think they're called pantyhose in America). I said I'd be no longer than an hour and asked if they, my parents, wanted anything. For some reason (I'm still confused as to why), my mum angrily walked out of the room saying how "utterly selfish" I am (so that I could still hear of course), and criticised me in other, even more hurtful ways. This time, I actually went back to face her (shaking a bit, as the look in her eye could kill - no joke), saying that I heard that and asking "How am I selfish?" and "That's a hurtful thing to say." Well, my 81-year-old mum went absolutely mad, as she always does for every little thing she doesn't like about me. I then walked away and told my dad this time (for once!), not that he'd ever dare to disagree with her! My mum charged into the room shouting and stamping her foot, saying "That's a complete lie! I swear to God! I never said that. She's imagining it! There's always been something wrong with her!". This has been the norm for my mother's behaviour towards me, since I was little. She's a "weak old lady" and makes herself appear smaller and weaker, with lots of moans when she knows someone can hear, but she sure has the strength to charge at you (well, me) when she flies into a rage! My toddler tantrums at age two even meant there was "something wrong with me". I actually grew up thinking maybe there actually _is_ something wrong with me and that I was "temperamental" and "opinionated", as that's what she always told me. In fact, she'd rant and rave a lot of horrible abusive and hurtful criticism to me and also about my parenting and even about my children, and it would make her even more infuriated if I didn't respond. Sometimes I just apologised, but I had no idea what for, just so she'd stop. Eventually, when I did get angry or finally shout "Just stop!", she'd calmly step back with a smirk and judgemental look on her face, look me up and down, and say "Ooohhh ... Look at her. She's mad. There's definitely something wrong with you." I'd then walk out (my usual thing to do - just escape). And she'd stand behind me with a smile - not a kind one, calmly saying, "That's it, run away like you always do". This is just a tiny glimpse of my mother's behaviour towards me. Now I believe it's some kind of gaslighting. The last occurrence happened last March, and I've not been in contact since. I went into a horrible depression after that and had to see a psychiatrist, who told me that going back into that kind of situation is the same as self-harm, which isn't healthy. I keep wondering why she hates me so much, as I have no idea. She loves my younger brother and is the total opposite to him. He's not spoken to me for over 10 years, as he thinks, from whatever my mum tells him, that I'm a horrible person. He hardly even knows me. Sorry this is so long. Rant over.
Is your social media Private as well? They will be spying on you through that. Even if it's Private there might be flying monkeys still with access to it that you need to delete because they will be feeding info back to them. Best wishes.
having compassion for the narcissist? That is a huge misstatement Doug Why should we? Dr Ramani is so right with her advice. Plan your exit strategy with a narc carefully, they are unpredictable and sometimes dangerous. Ideally don't enter into a relationship with a narc in the first place. They are bad news, and will NEVER change.
Exactly - don’t engage. They still try to control you/the situation/the universe. After 35 years I just learned to let his words just float over my head, tell him thank you for your opinion and then do what I wanted to do anyway. Don’t let the words touch you.
I don’t communicate with him at all (for two and a hald year now)- except when in laws come over. if something needs repair at home, I write him a note. Not one more penny from me ever! And guess what: whatever I write him a not with things that have to be done - he does them. And writing loooong notes with many words. Expecting me to reply with a Thank you. I don’t!! No more thank you, no more communication, total indifference. And he still doesn’t discard me
That’s so true.. “you don’t know yourself “/“you don’t even know what you want on your pizza”. I grew up with multiple narc family members that would try to tell me everything and I would not get to be myself.
Thank you Dr Ramani. This is so good. Once your out, you need detox time. Then you need to exam the crime seen of your life to not repeat it. Slowing down to resurrect who you really are from the ashes!
Long ago I didn't know what gaslighting was. During an argument he would say,"That's not what happened. What happened was this" or "it didn't happen like that" etc. I didn't know what was happening. I ended up in tears and he would finally leave me alone. He was happy then.
Narcissist are aggravating as hell and talk in circles 😴 blah blah blah is all I heard dealing with that spirit all thanks to the most high for me being able to recognize those demonic attachments in less than a year a lot of people stay for years 😢 thank goodness I left before any unfamiliar damage was done
My niece is a classic narcissist. I walked on eggshells for years. She love bombed me but secretly was judging me and getting ready for her surprise attack. Waited for the holidays to cut me and my husband off. Blamed it on our politics, ( I think religion too) even though we never talk to her about that. Said she was not coming to the holidays because of election and cause we were gonna be there. Accused me of awful things with zero to back it up. Broke my heart, cut us off. Used us as the excuse for her missing all holidays with family. And pretty much all that’s wrong with the world. And now her poison is spreading subtly through my once loving close knit family. I’m learning a lot. I’m ok with space from her, this is not the first attack by her, but it’s killing me that my brother, (her dad)is influenced by her. She’s his world. . ( she has a few other flying monkeys in the family. ) She runs him and his whole family. It’s a form of evil. I’m convinced the evil one is involved. Spiritual warfare. Praying for direction and strength and wisdom as I also learn from people like you. Thank you. ❤
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. It really sucks. I’m learning that my niece is a narcissist also. I’ve lost both my parents (both have died) in the past two years and now all of my siblings and their children because of my narcissistic brother and my niece (the daughter of one of my sisters) I’ve lost all of my family of origin due to narcissism. It’s wild.
It was so hard for me to walk, she was a lifelong crush I finally caught up to in my 50's. I had no idea about all this NPD until I was caught up in the cycle and finding Dr. Ramani. I blocked her. Life is about serenity and not trying to appease her or her unruly children anymore!
A toddler's tantrum is a part of growing up. An adult's tantrum is a red flag. 🚩
My child even as a toddler never threw tantrums. Toddlers throw tantrums to gain control. They grow up to be the same way.
The key is being able to learn this. There needs to be a return policy. No seriously. WTH are we doing allowing these sick animals to torture and even kill their victims. They are not examining human behavior at the point when they bawled their fists their face turns red and they start screaming shut the f****** because your attempting to talk about your health or anything else they are not comfortable with. This unacceptable.
@@movingforwardfco1587 Exactly. If they treat those they claim to "love" this way, what do you think they do with others? It's very criminal.
Oh can happen when you are piss of facing a narcissit familly
So true!!!
“If you want to stop a fire, take away the oxygen.” Perfect.
Wisdom.
you can keep taking away oxygen just to stop the fire until you take away your breath too
@@quantumzoflyneif you listened to Dr. Ramani you will have heard that things take time. If you get the strength to not play the games anymore and simply stop adding fuel to their fire, not argue etc, they probably will be the one to get bored with you and leave. If they don’t but only get more violent it might be a good idea for you to pack up and leave. Either way it will be a difficult road, but it will be your road.
@@quantumzoflyneI hope you listened to what Dr. Ramani actually says because there is much wisdom in what she shares.
Problem with narc, if you stop the oxygen, the fire explode....so sad
A toxic person will never change. They just change victims.
...while believing they are the victim.
also they often will simultaneously treat different people differently and most do not have the perception or awareness to pick up on that. you will be left on an island - prepare to have most everyone invalidate or limit their relationships with you if you ever go against a narcissist.
💯💯💯🏃🏾🏃🏾🏃🏾
@@devon-graves-studio-Dagree 👍💯
@@devon-graves-studio-D ......"CLAIMING" they're Victims! lololol
How to outsmart them is to not play with them. Period.
Ok,but what if he stole a lot of money?
@@patriciavandevelde5469 please consider that a failed investment. You do not want to deal with that person in any way possible. I myself was duped by a covert narc ex under false pretenses. These snakes never never change. Hold tight to what you have and run away... Never ever deal with them. They will make your life a living hell.
@@patriciavandevelde5469Oh my God.Same girl. Old man nicked my money. It's hard to get over that part but I'll never contact this rubbish. I have to leave it to karma
Fact
Very often not engaging is interpreted as and manipulated to become consent. I have been through that. Turning that around and raising my voice, yes, is indeed engaging and never leads anywhere. But I will not allow anyone to use my silence for consent.
Don't defend, don't engage, don't respond is the best response.
So, let them hit you for ignoring them, they get offended lol
@@samanthamarquez4358
I pray you can get get away from this mental and physical abuse safely and live with peace. ❤️
Trauma bonds
@@ericschminke8233 ........step back - as they are THE Bullies & are searching for your Reaction which you MUST ignore, b.c. that's how they get their kicks......this will hurt them much much much much much much more than it will ever "hurt" you.
Taking the remotest INTEREST in them .....is the fuel for the fire they are searching for - enabling them to come back again & again & again at you!!
And so IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE......... It works & YOU will sleep better too .IMHO...
R u@@Cybergirl388
They are arrogant to the point of stupidity.
EXACTLY!
Exactly leaves you feeling like nothing.
For real, the psychological part is so annoying because even though you know, you shouldn’t give a single fuck about what that level of stupidity is saying, but your brain doesn’t know the difference
YES!! And they even fake being poor me, hard done by, or little old me couldn’t possibly do anything , to get everyone else doing things for them
@@skulltaylor1616yes! Always the victim. I'm just blown away. I had never experienced anything like this before.
Having compassion for a narcissist, at the end of the day, is like having compassion for a wild tiger. At the end of the day, they are still a tiger and they will still f*** you up if you get at all close to them.
"chef's kiss" However, I prefer the term vampire to tiger. Tigers are a part of nature, vampires and narcissists are soul-sucking black holes.
Bad analogy. Better analogy is to have empathy for a cancer.
I recommend a course in animal training to everyone.
I had a pet timber wolf. She was a wonderful, gentle companion.
great analogy 👍🏼💯
Best way to outsmart them is to walk out and never look back.
Being abused is not a way of showing empathy.
This 💯
I had compassion until I realised he knew what he was doing - charming, kind and generous to everyone else out there; cruel and evil behind closed doors - he turned it on, he turned it off - that, that is deliberate he knew what he was doing.
This 💯
@@jillrhodry1139true. They know what they are doing because it works for them. Don't get sucked in.
@@jillrhodry1139 my mother
You know that bad feeling you get when you're watching a scary movie during the suspenseful scenes where everything is quiet and the music is making you feel uneasy even though everything looks "normal" on screen but you just KNOW you're about to see/hear something AWFUL in a few more seconds?
THAT is how you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you are dealing with acold blooded narcissist. They make you feel LIKE THAT.
Yep! This is a great description! Going on holiday with them is definitely like that. Or just being alone with them ...
Oh my this is the best definition I’ve seen and have been there.
But why do people stay then? I know my daughter feels like this but won't leave.
Oh wow how very well put. Married over thirty years and feel perpetually scared. Something bad is either happening now, just happened, or is about to happen. One of the worst sounds in the world to me is the crunch of tyres on gravel that signifies he’s home. click of the key in the lock of our front door makes my heart race and not in a good way. Living with a narcissist guarantees chronic stress. It is a living hell.
Exactly. The vague feeling that something is wrong. Everything seems superficially fine. But in the back of your head, there’s a quiet apprehension that something isn’t quite right about this person.
Narcissists will always tell your secrets: AND THEN AMPLIFY THEM!
Total trash!?!?!!!
I always thought so 😂 They say don’t tell anyone and keep it a secret and they trust you but they spill everything wide open with Indian spices 🫨
Or else they'll just make stuff up.
Yes! Don’t share!
Yea, learned that early, my entire family could not be trusted in this way. If I told anything confidential, within 10 mins that person would be talking about it and me to other family members, and not in a way that sounded like they wanted to help me, more like they were gossiping about someone who they didn't care for.
Don't engage with them, you engaging with them is their reward .IGNORE them, save ypurself.
.......PRECISELY.......it's the fuel they are searching for. IGNORE.
Exactly
"Being abused is not a form of empathy" thank you.
You'll be surprised at how much you had been "discounted" when the narcissist is gone. Be good to yourself. Don't believe it if the narcissist, all of a sudden, tells you they miss you & love you. They don't/won't/can't love anyone, not even themselves. They're immature.
It doesn't matter what you do, you can give everything, be silent, don't react, give more, set boundaries...it's a life not worth living and will eventually destroy you physically emotionally and spiritually the only way to live a meaningful life is to leave for good.
😢😢😢
I hope you were able to get out.
described my life with my family.
and get them out of your mind, don´t ruminate on thoughts.
Absolutely true and even more so challenging if you coparent with a devil like that.
2:34 Don’t go DEEP:
🚫 Don't Defend
🚫 Don't Engage
🚫 Don't Explain
🚫 Don't Personalize
It's easy to remember and simple to practice. I have been practicing this technique for years. 😊
it just listening ?
@@LeeReactzzzit's not reacting. They thrive on provoking a reaction which they turn around on you and call you over-reacting, too sensitive, stupid etc. react with generic non-reactionary responses like: that's interesting! How nice! What did he/she/they do/say?
@@LeeReactzzz For more details, look for this video: "Narcissism and the deep technique"
Leave.
When you can’t leave because of ‘business that’s not finished yet and timing is not in your control’ then use the time to collect data, document it all, build your case and prep to take it to court if that’s where the Narc likes to ‘play onto you’, the whole point is to stick to the facts in court, prove their guilt by presenting evidence of their behaviors-their words are only good to listen to because it’s an insight into their own thoughts and behaviors- often admission of their own guilty behaviors because they accuse you of things they are actually doing. If it’s possible to get any ruling against them in a court it’s def worth doing until you can finally be done and walk away… forever. You have to
Be very inconspicuous until you have enough data to get a ‘guilty’ from a judge or jury.
“I am no longer going to be an audience to this“. Fabulous.
I never feel safe when he is around. Going to divorce him. He is an abusive man. Charismatic, charming to others, comes home and yells at me, calls me names, interrupts, lies, gaslights. I just started listening to you recently. Thank you for helping me know that I am not crazy!
Dear One. Do not say what you are going to do. Stay silent . Just find the nearest Women’s Refuge . The Police will help and tell you where to go. Be safe. Be happy. This last bit takes time. 🤗🥰🥰💓💓
Same, but dont know how to move on in my situation
My eyes were opened. I have been putting up with a violent abusive temper for over 5 years. It has only gotten worse
@@xioesq13Make sure you get out before he kills you. I don’t want to scare you but I do want to make you aware that it can be a reality. Every day with him you’re taking a chance. Please, please, please think of yourself. There is no…he would never cross that line. It’s possible. My dear I pray you will be safe and find a new place for yourself that’s safe, healthy and peaceful. ❤ If no one has told you recently, you are worthy of kindness, gentleness, peace, safety, laughter and genuine love. Yes, you deserve all good, positive things. ♥️
Look him in the eye, and tell him he has to sleep sometime? :)
A relationship with a narcissist is exactly like a podcast!! Agree 100%!! They never stop talking they love to listen to themselves because… guess what? They’re always right … when you finally agree with them… they change their version of events!! It’s absolutely insane!!
These people are demons!!
My narc husband calls me every day when he gets off work and keeps me on the phone for the entire 40 minute drive home, just yammering away about nothing or saying the same things over and over every single day. If I try to talk I have to interrupt him and he becomes irritated at me for trying to speak. He has anger issues and takes it out on me. Also I have grown to hate the mere sound of his voice, it grates on my nerves intensely.
He projects his own faults onto me and refuses to take accountability. He never apologizes for hurting my feelings. Even on the "good" days when he's being nice he still has nothing of importance to talk about. Just surface level inanities and trivialities. We have been married 26 years and have nothing in common. But I had a narc family of origen and went no contact years ago, parents died since then and Golden Child brother got my part of the inheritance. I have no family, no support haven't worked at a job since 1999 just this narc A hole to depend on.
And he loves to remind me that "I need him"......I've noticed that the more I lost family support systems, starting with my loving and good paternal grandparents, then later on my narc family of origin, he has gotton gradually more controlling and abusive. Plus he's gained some weight and dresses plainly not caring at all about his appearance, balding, double chin, if I say a shirt doesn't flatter him much, he will wear that shirt constantly.
I despise him more with every passing week and I absolutely DREAD sex with him. I have to literally force myself to pretend to "enjoy" it just so I can have a little peace, if I don't the abuse and stonewalling ramps way up. But even when I do he's immature and disrespectful the next day. He flips between acting silly and childish as though I find it amusing (I don't but am forced to go along with it) or he is a know it all, controlling and subtly nasty to me. It just keeps getting worse and the "episodes" used to be once every 5 or 6 months, now it's every other day. He is a Jekyl/Hyde narc. Jekyl version is like Jim Carrey or the 3 stooges type of mean silliness and Hyde is like Julia Robert's abusive husband in the movie Sleeping with the Enemy. My anger is beginning to boil over at this treatment.
@@reesedaniel5835sounds like a living nightmare! I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I hope you can find a way out dear. Can you make a plan with your safety in mind? This is no way to live..
DEMONS
You got that almost right. They are not demons, but they have demons. There is one way they could get free from it and that's through deliverance in Jesus name. But then they would have to give their life entirely to Jesus after that or else the demon will just return and they end up worse than before.
Agree 💯 @@JNChannel95
It’s very, very difficult when this is a parent.
❤ yes. 6 years no contact and I'm finally getting my life back. My peace and joy.
Try: a parent, an older sibling, and two cousins (who, although not immediate family, are so very aggressive that they intrude in your life as if they were).
Mine is 95 yo helicopter (swear she invented the word) mother and I’m the only child (daughter) who tells me I have memory problems after she asks me a half hour after taking her pills, did she take them. That’s just one daily example. I finally get triggered so much I recognize heart palpitations so I just silently leave while she’s still yammering away.
@jelizabethpetrie6656 may I ask, is there dementia involved or are you describing a narcissistic trait of hers? Honest question. I do not know the situation. It could just be both and if so, might I suggest getting her somewhere that can cater to her needs? You need a break
It's not that hard when you realise that the choice is "them or me" because that's how they made it.
I choose me whenever someone puts me in that situation now.
I'd choose "us" but there is no "us" with a narcissist.
You or them.
Simple.
Just walk away
As FAST as you can!!!!
If I could have only one dream come true, that would be it.
I can’t
@@andyanderson6522 of course you can. It's your life. Own it.
@@NIKKISNOODLE find the courage.
I have zero compassion for a narcissist. The only way, in my honest opinion, to outsmart a narcissist is to ignore, ignore, ignore and have no contact with them whatsoever. We have a narcissistic brother-in-law, and I've cut him out of my life completely, no contact in six years. Unfortunately my sister is clearly trauma-bonded to him since he can do no wrong.
An ex cousin I had is a hopeless narcissist. She went as far as to steal money from several relatives plus myself. This is what brought us to the point of no return because she began gaslighting and doubling down when busted. Since removing her from my life, it has been much more peaceful. No more texts, phone calls, etc., etc. When she spoke to me at a family reunion, I acknowledged her without saying her name by looking at her for three seconds and saying, "Hey there."
@@texan903😂
@texas903 Bless her heart 😆
i swear my mom is. i refrain from to mch contact. not that i care now as a result she shows up with out calling, or tells me i only care about myself. yup me first for a change so fucking what!? god forbid right?
@@texan903 yup i refuse to be around my sister and refraim from talking to my mom. mom gotten worse.
IF YOU LEAVE A NARCISSIST ...NEVER EVER GO BACK!!
Omg! So true. Always got pulled in by family crisis but it is always different day, same scenario.
right 🎉
One year after isn't enough for me. I'm going on 3 years since breaking free from the narcissist. I can stay single for the rest of my life after what I have been through.
I know what you mean. They take a piece of you, if you deal with them for years before you realize that they are Narcs.
You never really recover.
Especially when you have kids with a Narc. .
You find a way to move on, but its more survive, than its living!
I know what you mean
I totally understand!!
💯
Hubby just accused me of either adultery or wanting to be unfaithful. He has no idea I decided a couple of years ago that I am NEVER making an opportunity for someone to try this nonsense on me again. In a way it’s funny he just does not know me at all. He sees everything through his filter and I’m lying no matter what.
They Sabotage your life
And they literally don’t care if they destroy their own while they’re doing it
Not as bad as they sabotage their own.
Living alone is great.
No one HAS to be part of a couple.
🎯
Yes! I love being alone. No headache at ALL. 🙂
You're never alone with a Cat, Dog, or Bird. 😻🐕🦜. 💕
Agreed. Society keeps people trapped in toxicity because coupled relationships are expected, and few can think outside of the box.
@@EL-gu8fv Yeah relationships are expected but nowadays singles are accepted too. So you should never stay in a toxic relationship because it is abusive there. I can´t understand too why people can´t see that their life is in danger (I can only write: Please love yourself!).
You don't outsmart them. Because there is no point in the first place. Exercise your own self compassion to get the energy to move forward rather that concentrate on a negative relationship.
Exactly. Energy flows where attention goes so if you watch narc videos for too long, you’ll marinate in the doom and gloom that is your life. If you are able, and I really emphasize that if you truly are able to get out, focus on moving forward and try to surround yourself with positive people, places and content. Good luck fellow survivors!
That's the point of what Dr Ramani is saying... ultimately her message is about YOU and getting into who you really are as an individual person once removed from a narcissistic abuser. It IS about moving forward and disconnecting from that dynamic, getting yourself back. Your power back. Restoring your own thoughts, heart and goals. It's the focus on you and not burning your energy into that dark abyss of negativity. Hence..... Outsmarting them. The energy is what you put into yourself, by shifting the control back to yourself, thus, defueling them. That's how you win. That is what the message is. Taking YOU back IS outsmarting them.
Wrong! You have to outsmart them if you want them out of YOUR house! I sent mine to Colorado, then had him served with a no-contact order. I got rid of him, a court order prevents him from coming back and the clock started ticking so I could be legally separated to get a divorce. No more violence and no one had to die.
Oh, we outsmarted the squatters who tried to live next door. There TOTALLY was a point to that.
F them
Don't reward bad behaviour.
I felt like nothing I did worked out in my favour ever.
If I didn't reward the bad behaviour, the abuse got worse until I caved.
I didn't cave ever again after the first time he raised his fist to me. I got support and held my ground and let the police and DV support worker help me and hold him accountable.
It's hard to get out.
But once you are, never look back!
@@elsh332 I never rewarded bad behaviour and I never will no matter what. But you are right it can become very dangerous with such people (I experienced it so I know). Stay safe everyone but don´t let you treat like a doormate or slave. You are much more worth than this. LEAVE if possible.
THIS!
@@elsh332you need to meet cruel behavior with cruel behavior as they are crossing your boundaries.
Yes!🙌🏻🙌🏻
This needs to be taught in junior high school.
Narcissists are everywhere from teachers to law enforcement, Dr.s to used car salesman.
Unfortunately, a lot of very narcissistic people are attracted to psychology.
Even priests and neighbours.
@@LeahIsHereNow interesting, that would explain how Jasmin Finch a therapist I took my son to blamed everything on me. Thank you for sharing that.
I'm married to a narcissist and filing for a divorce next week. We've been together almost ten years and married for one year and I've tried for years to believe he will.change and not feel insecure and reassure him but there is no talking g to him. I'm fighting a losing battle every time and I'm mentally physically and emotionally over his abuse. It's a trauma bond for sure I have but now I see videos like this and have friends that support me I know 100% I'm making the best choice to walk away from this.
Yes school doesn't prepare students for some of the harsh realities of life such as some of the psych conditions. What should also be fully explained to students is how to budget their finances. Americans should also learn Geography.
The narcissists game is rigged from the start. You can't win at their game, but you can choose to not lose.
Sorry I can't choose not to lose. They took the whole heritage.
does not make sense
You choose not to lose by not playing their game. Get out go no contact.
Like in WarGames, “THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY”
Study the laws. See if you have a case. Prepare the case for court before you see a lawyer.
Where I am there is a statute of limitations. However, when someone is the executor or executrix of an estate they are considered an officer of the court. That can be an heir. If that heir abuses the privilege it may be fraud against the court. The statute of limitations may be disregarded by the judge in such cases.
They also try to hurt you.
In every way they can.
After 31 years married to a narcissist I left 11 years ago. I have 2 adult children one a narcissist. My normal one, my best friend, died a few weeks ago. I am disconnected from the other. I have been disabled with ME/CFS for 27 years which has left me homebound and isolated. Only God can help me get through this. I feel it is too late for me now.
My message to anyone in the proximity of a narcissist…run..don’t wait…don’t hope it will change.
I am so very sorry for your loss. God bless you❤
Your message is absolutely correct.
May you surround yourself in gentleness. Nature, passionate hobbies and may happiness become more and more prevalent in your life.
Being severely ill with ME/CFS also makes us so vulnerable to the tactics of a narcissist. Be careful regarding your adult narcissistic child. Possibly go no contact. He will show no mercy. Sometimes being isolated is not the worst thing.
I'm so sorry for your loss ❤🙏you can heal from ME/CFS it's caused from narcissistic abuse.
@@Kali-oc1qt Personally I feel it is more of a comorbidity. I do think narcissists sense the vulnerability and target the ill person. Of course the abuse worsens the illness. Just my opinion.
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb 💡? None.
They gas light 🔥
That's a WICKed reply!
Hahahaha
Ba Dum Bump…😂
Nice try Narcy
😂
Every time u wanna explain - Do Not! Every time u doubt ur self - Do Not! Every time u want to be understand is their trauma - Do Not! Everything u wonder if anything could be different - Do Not! Every time u hope things would be different with the engagement - Do Not!
A person can feel proud of themselves for surviving and being free. I do. Thank God.
I'm getting so much better at not arguing.
Same. I think.
Until you realise you're bottling things up and explode. I see how people do some of the things they do, out of shear frustration
@@CapnGuitars Eventually, one understands that nothing is the most he can do.
That takes practice, it’s easy to slip back into old habits, I know I have from time to time.
I lost a job because I refused to engage. The narcissist ran around spreading lies acting the victim saying I was being mean when I wasn’t even around her.
I've had this too but don't look back x you're free
If you don't engage, they will punish you, threaten you, and make you face consequences. So what do you do in the case when your life is in danger and you are in constant fear of leaving? 😮
Been there too...
Me too
i know how you feel. i suffered for years at job under a manipulative narcissist.
it took me years and a little luck to move out of her. even getting rid of them is tough
She is the best speaker on Narcissism ❤
You don't outsmart a narcissist , you get away from them , quickly
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 6 months. I was so destroyed that I did not try another relationship for 4 and a half years.
I know how you feel...I am sorry for your trauma, they are so evil almost inhuman.
I was for 3 months. Got out in time before the abuse set in. Trust your gut.
I still haven’t after 4 1/2 years with him and we have a daughter together. We broke up 12 years ago. Still can’t date because I still have to deal with his gaslighting!
I've been with one for 4 months , I thought I was going crazy.
It's why I'll never remarry!
I’ve been in narcissistic long term relationships with 2 different men in my life and I sure would appreciate having a support system like a friend or a family. I hear a lot from videos on TH-cam is that it is a necessary thing to have. I have lived a hermit life not by choice for decades now. I take walks but there is nothing around me to much to see. I say hi to passersby when I see someone but that’s about it. I have no vehicle or don’t live near any bus stops but I sure do miss sitting down and having a cup of coffee with someone with a kind and loving perspective on life and others. Well I just wanted to tell a little bit about my life and say hello to others out here on earth like myself anyways. 👋🏼 😊
Im like that as well. Hi there. ☕
Hi
Same here. 👋 If I were in your neigborhood I'd come over with some coffe😊 😊
Read, inspect TH-cam, develop mindfulness exercices. Don't give up about yourself. You're worthy of interest and value.
@@Angela-ul9si omgosh Hi ! I can sooo relate. I’ve even called on Siri and asked some random question just to hear a friendly voice. I hope somehow life gets better for you. None of us deserve any of this.
They are complete aware and consious anout what they are doing.
Yes
☝Exactly!
She tried to say she didn’t know what she did and then started again with my neighbour. I got the police involved - she steppped over multiple boundaries when I told her to just go away or I would call the police- she thought I was bluffing
Yes they do .... Dumb like a Fox
That is because there are demons in them causing them to act the way they do. If they would be delivered from them in Jesus name and filled with the Holy Spirit instead they would end up an entirely different person.
You don’t have to outsmart them !when you see through the mask and really see them for what they are .
There already living in there own delusional type of hell ,
once you see how sick they are you will never see them the same way again.
It’s not a game you can or need to win because you have already won , your not like them
AMEN.N.AMEN..U R RIGHT ON.
Well said!
🎯
Blessed
good 1
I can avoid the family and random narcissistic people who pop up in my personal life but narcs in a professional setting are actual cancer.
Literally, I'm currently dealing with this and idk how to escape, I'm literally so drained
Try living next to them in a mobile park.... absolutely nowhere to go. She actually sent people to my house while I was trying to sell it...I'm afraid I'm going to have to give it away in order to break free.
Especially when they are your boss. Not easy to spend your meal ticket.
@ShayButterBaby totally relate.
It is so so hard when you live with them….
Like the Paul Simon song, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," "Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. Just drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free!"
🎉❤🎉❤the gambler lol devil went down to Georgia
Music 🎶🎵 to my ears! I grew up listening to these songs 😁. More importantly I grew up and out of narcissist relationships! 🎉 🕯️ 🌞
Don’t have to discuss much - just get on the bus Gus &
SET YOURSELF FREE!
😂👌🏼
So funny after being upset for a while. It's good to laugh still.
When narcissists go to therapy, they give versions of stories that fool even the therapist. They end up being the good guy who has" just been making bad choices in partners." It's best not to have any expectations at all when they say they're going to therapy.
My sister tried to get me to do a joint therapy to fix the families "broken" relationship. My husband and brothers said hell nah, don't do it!! I didn't. Come to find out the "therapist" was her friend and life coach, smh😮
I think learning about stoicism can be helpful. Just old wisdom on how to respect yourself
What you can control and what you can't
Very sad children being stuck with narcissistic parents
As a 50 something man, I can confirm this
Child of 2 narcissists beating’s were severe and everything was my fault including there drinking habits
I can confirm this.
@@Cybergirl388 "Daddy drinks because you cry"
It's very sad living with narcissistic adult children
i told the narcissist to leave my home..after 3 years living together..living with constant highs and lows, constant gaslighting and just pure torment. I then proceeded to change all my locks, change all passwords to alarm, garage etc. I blocked their emails, phone, phones of friend and family and went ZERO CONTACT..it was the only way to rid myself of chaos.
I told my sister in law please don’t call here anymore!
It really is the only way!
Hard to do if there's kids
I had to do the same. It was very hard. Very very hard. No choice. I was so done with it.
@ definitely not easy but worth the reward of peace in your life and peace in your home again. The pain you go through is the worst pain I have ever felt in life but the gains and the discernment you get from that experience are so, so valuable. Best decision I ever MADE
Don;t make excuses for poor behavior.
IF you ever outsmart a narcissist, NEVER let anyone know it was you.
Only way to make it stick.
Are you saying don't let the narcissist know you know they are a narcissist?
@@jss2889even friends. Move quietly.
@@jss2889 Yes they will smear campaign you and people will believe that you are the crazy one
Absolutely. Their gynormous ego will never tolerate being publicly outdone. They're consummate losers who always need to 'win'.
Right on. Let them wonder WHICH ONE of their enemies caught up with them.
There should be an extraction team like navy seals or something but for people who want to get out of these relationships.
😂😆brilliant idea
Hell yes!
Some kind of help and support especially for a mom with baby and no income of her own
Won’t work. They have to decide for themselves to leave.
Distance yourself from the narc and the supporters, even if the supporters are your family. Let them GOOOO
Two words: No. Contact.
No Contact... the best choice I've every made... and one of the most painful.
Yep! They hate it
They lose all control 😢
It is very painful to disengage from a narcissistic son when you love him & your grandchildren. An end of life without your only child & grandchildren is depressing & painful.
Have you heard of the book “how to have impossible conversations”?
I’m currently reading it and it seems like it will be helpful.
Sometimes, there is no hope
❤@@SillyGrandma99
Not seen mine for 2 years after their Dad,(my son), died. I just exist, I don't really live. Hugs x
After years of mental abuse from a family member I've learned so much information from these videos. I don't engage very much with my family. No more arguing ir fighting. I've learned to walk away or grey rock them. Slowly I'm getting better but it took me 60 years. I love my peaceful life.
Pray to God for real delivery from this
A waste of time
Amen he will restore you!
Prayer is good but you're the one that has to walk away.
dont engage . tell them this conversation is over firmly . walk away . They know . They are seeking conflict .
Narcissistic behaviour originates from trauma, insecurity follows, then finally it morphs into bizarre control behaviours.
By that time the partner disengages and the relationship is over. Micromanaging a partner is all about control , narcissists love control and hate accountability for their actions .
Perfectly said
The problem was that we seemed to have the same values: honesty, loyalty, hard-working.. he praised these qualities in me and it took me two decades before I realized that while he praises those values, he doesn’t mean to stick to them himself.
I have a narcissistic brother with whom I have been in psychological servitude for most of my life. I cringe as I write this. I have offered thousands of hours of listening, kindness, empathy and support. He has bouts of horrible anger when he is profoundly cruel.
He is intelligent, articulate and perceptive so when he is being cruel he manages to plunge a dagger into your heart. I can feel horrible about myself for weeks afterwards.
Recently I walked away for eighteen months but answered a recent phone call. Bad move!The intensity of his rage and cruelty was beyond my comprehension.
What has held me in was I witnessed our mother’s violence and cruelty that was particularly directed at him. What Dr Ramani has taught me today is that I can have compassion and walk away at the same time. Thank you with all of my heart and thank you for your wisdom and insights.
Lawyer told me: Ignore them.
what kind of lawyer? they sound amazing. nothing worse than narcissistic "family"
I'm a lawyer myself and I just went thru this. I had to kick him out of the house after 18 years of marriage. It's beyond Grumpy Husband Syndrome. Breaking things, slamming doors, talks down to me like I'm an 8 year old and he was my parent. He got really nasty.
He also wanted to get engaged in 6 months and i couldn't process how quickly it went. Yes I was love bombed but the true colors are a moody, violent, spoiled brat, snob.
I walked away from my closest friend who was gaslighting me and even with proof she doubled down.
Me too! Over 55 years! Manipulative since 3 Rd grade.
She took college psych classes & she really honed a skill at covert narcissism. I moved back to town 4+ years ago & lived with her. Now I'm ready to dump the friendship. So sad but I have to do it to keep myself mentally healthy.
@@annking1576 me too. It was really hard, but I blocked her on my email and phone, and got a lot of reiki and healing sessions to remove her energy from my system- she was an energy vampire
I did the whole one year no dating/sex/etc and I can tell you it was the most healing and libirating thing ever... I've never felt more happy and me than I did after it and still do now a few years further... Best advice ever!! ❤
I'm starting my year of no dating/no sex for a year journey! Looking forward to peace and serenity and forming my support tribe!❤
Living alone is great. I did it for a long time.
I'm also sort of security - obsessed. Kitchen gadgets, sewing gadgets, security gadgets!
I’ve been doing it for so long, I’m honestly wondering if I’ll ever want a relationship again. It’s so nice to be able to watch what you want, eat what you want and not argue but I was never in the right kind of relationship so I don’t know what it’s like to be in a healthy, loving, kind, supportive relationship.
That’s a lot sadder now that I typed it out.
And it's sad that so many of us
have never seen or been in a good relationship...so how could we know a good one, when we do see it?
Before I found out that my husband was a narcissist I went to a psychiatrist because I was convinced I was crazy. But he thank God said there is nothing wrong with you. Many years down the road in this toxic environment I got so sick with adrenal fatigue. And he had not a dot of sympathy, I could literally have died and he would just carry on. I always say RUN RUN RUN. I am now so disconnected to him that we hardly speak... my children do the same, he is so malignant that it takes 5 minutes and we're off emotionally. She is an amazing doctor and shots from the hip, the time to tolerate these people must come to an end.
very interesting, it's everything I have it. i thought I had heart problems , went to a check up and it's fine. every time he comes back from work my heart is racing and my air misses. my eye sight get's black. only after all of this happen and i almost fainted several times . I started to research.
Living in it is so difficult. Especially when you're stuck in the home with them. This is my reality ATM
Limiting conversations as you try to navigate everyday life is super messy and hard work. I struggle to hold on to pieces of myself before I can get out is so hard. 😢
The faster you realize personality disordered people are projecting in everything they say the faster you can stop making what they say about you or anyone else they are also targeting. You know they use projection but aren’t realizing its all the time to everyone they tell you to “love” or “hate”.
Marriage is a tool a narcissist can use to forcefully destroy individuation and break down the victim.
If you choose to stay. Leave
Marrying a narcissist is a trap! It’s an emotional, psychologically damaging form of spiritual Hell on earth! These people are evil as Hell and report to their father Lucifer daily!
I really wish I was educated in this 40 years ago.
Lots of wasted years hoping they would get it. Most precious commodity lost are the years and time.
Me too
Me too
Me too
Best thing I did was walk away from a narc. 9 months of abuse. I left the narc in Nov 2023 and now on the path of healing.
Yes working on an inpatient mental ward is helping me now. Babbling narcissists and not engaging. They just keep talking while you stop putting fuel on the fire by NOT saying something back. The conversation is basically Nonsense so looking elsewhere and not speaking makes most sense. I have to say I am surprised how mentally sick some people are. It's tragic
@ArtemisSilverBow This is true. Back pedaling is safer than ignoring otherwise they might get more aggressive or even physical if ignored. And they would then work like hell to get your attention and may even put your life in danger.😮
@ArtemisSilverBow True. My narc husband does this. If I don't talk much, just "yes" or "no" or "hmm hmm" etc. he'll finally say "So your not talking to me today?" Damned it ya do, damned it ya don't. He won't stop until he ropes me in to some useless, circular debate. Even if I AGREE with him, he will then flip it and start arguing with my AGREEMENT. It's truly exhausting and causes me constant sorrow and depression.
" breathing space lets us individuate"..... brilliant
Thanks for reminding me: having compassion means cooling off feelings and surrendering any illusion of control.
Illusions of control is a huge problem especially dealing with NArCs with your career.
I started this jingle. I sing in my head when the Narc tries to provoke, manipulate/ control, and gaslight me. It goes like this.
Walk away, walk away, turn on your heels, and walk away. It works magically. I'm 4 months Narc free and literally feel like I've been released from prison. My peace and joy have returned. My stomach issues, anxiety, and hair lost gone.
Chris Reese, I believe, I may have spelled her name wrong, says to sing in your head, "happy birthday to you". I tried it the other day, and it works!
Wow I thought I was the only one dealing with stomach issues, anxiety and hair loss and more from this relationship 😟😭😢🥺😩
You can’t ignore a narcissist, it doesn’t work cuz they’ll find a way to come after you. You need to stand up and be truthful. Your goodness is more powerful than their evil narcissism
At some point, I figured out that telling the narc, "I'll try." or "if I can" or "if I have time" when secretly I have already decided it is a definite NO, freed me from having to come up with a lie later.
You can't do this if you are in a relationship with one. If they are not getting supply they will demand it. Once you stop engaging with them they will discard you. Which isn't a bad thing.
I am at a point where I wish he would just discard me...
I can't wait until the narcissist discards me😂 meaning to just go away 😂
You're right. 15 yrs into marriage I gave up. I was pleasant, continued with marital expectations (such that they were cause the hubby withheld sex as a power play). I stopped giving him hurt, tears, begging to spend couple time w/ him, initiating conversation. Answer pleasantly when spoken to. Stupid me thought I'd coast until the children were grown. Next thing I knew he was having an affair & I was DONE & thrilled to be. He seemed to think it would inspire a girl fight over him. 😂😂😂
@@pinkpill5355 My dear, if you are in a relationship with one, you need to start planning now. My biggest mistake from being in a relationship with one of these people for 25 years is, you think you know them. You think you know what they will do in ever situation. However, you only know the regulated version of them. The version that gets their necessary supply levels. The other version is very, very unstable. Once you see that version or as they say, once you see behind the mask, you will never forget it. They are capable of anything and I do mean anything. You are living with a person that isn't complete. Realize that you are not just in a very bad situation, you are in a very bad situation that is also, very very dangerous. I know this for sure. We think they are very strong, well put together people with great life skills that just are extremely difficult to get along with at times. No. That is the regulated version. That is the mask. They are very, very fragile little children that is very very dangerous when unregulated. Understand this. Your life may depend on this.
@@pinkpill5355Exactly. I discarded him without telling him, he won't leave me alone. Like dang I thought if he got nothing from me, that'd be it. No, the man is obsessed and sick.
Edit: Manchild to be exact. My bad.
If You can , always ignore them , no matter what they say ! When You see them somewhere just leave and never look at them
Grey rock works even if you are occasionally forced to spend time with them due to family dynamics. One word answers, I don’t know, focus on someone else, leave their presence without explanation, challenging quickly and firmly to any mudslinging. You can show them everything about how you feel with the bare minimum use of words. Being calm and confident and in control and refusing to rise to any bait, it just befuddles them to death.
@@Therejectionartist I do this grey rocking all the time with my narc husband. When he can't rope me in to his circular arguments and debates over trivial BS or get me to react to his projections and gaslighting, he will become hyper jovial/silly, humming, talking to himself with nonsensical little rhymes or other very childish annoying. smirking/gloating and extrememly irritating behavior......until I finally show my irritation and snap in some small way such as taking a deep breath and then he attacks and accuses me of being the "bad" one.
@reesedaniel5835. Get ear pods - listen to music instead of HIM! 👍
My ex was at the gas station down the street from where I work and he doesn’t even live in this city. He lives three hours away.
I didn’t even acknowledge him.
Took me a year to plan the great escape 🎉❤
I hope the plan works. 🏃♀💨💨
🛑✝️🙏🏾😇😊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😅😊✝️
Brilliant!!! dr Ramani saved my life
@@yukio_saito free two year s absolutely we the director and producer of our own show ♌️🙌🙏💝
@@tammyfitzgerald5336good for you! It takes a lot of courage but freedom & peace are so wonderful after living with these weirdos.
I just broke a long term trauma bond with a therapist like this..Free At Last!!
Ugh, the God complex! Glad you're free😊
So many nuggets of wisdom here. “You’re not going to find yourself on someone else’s time’ resonates deeply. Developing a new relationship with myself after 30+ years of abuse.
I’m proud of you
She’s right but the more you believe that you can’t leave the narcissist the more you really should seriously consider leaving them. But be safe. They can be very dangerous. If you can’t physically leave as in getting a divorce you still can put distance between you and him or her. Find wholesome things to do with friends colleagues family members hobbies creative projects such as painting writing poetry restoring a classic car get into drag racing (the legal kind ) sailing your yacht around the world climbing Mount Everest….And add to this the use of gray rock. Just be extremely boring to them and spend very little time around them. Have honest good fun and be happy living your best life in spite of them.
Excellent Suggestions !!
Translation - Go Live The Life That Is In our Hearts !!
There are very few true leaders in an industry. Dr Ramani is a pioneer in this area of psychology. She has the compassion and the knowledge to educate, help heal and refocus people. I appreciate your incredible contribution to all of us because so many people cannot even afford proper mental health support, and you are amazing and so kind to help everyone by offering your knowledge and guidance. Thank you.
Great video, so well done Doug.
This resonates with me so much. My mum still does this to me (and I'm 60!). The day before my graduation, for example (yes, a bit late to the party) I visited my parents and wanted to go to a shopping centre to get some extra tights (I think they're called pantyhose in America). I said I'd be no longer than an hour and asked if they, my parents, wanted anything. For some reason (I'm still confused as to why), my mum angrily walked out of the room saying how "utterly selfish" I am (so that I could still hear of course), and criticised me in other, even more hurtful ways. This time, I actually went back to face her (shaking a bit, as the look in her eye could kill - no joke), saying that I heard that and asking "How am I selfish?" and "That's a hurtful thing to say." Well, my 81-year-old mum went absolutely mad, as she always does for every little thing she doesn't like about me. I then walked away and told my dad this time (for once!), not that he'd ever dare to disagree with her! My mum charged into the room shouting and stamping her foot, saying "That's a complete lie! I swear to God! I never said that. She's imagining it! There's always been something wrong with her!". This has been the norm for my mother's behaviour towards me, since I was little. She's a "weak old lady" and makes herself appear smaller and weaker, with lots of moans when she knows someone can hear, but she sure has the strength to charge at you (well, me) when she flies into a rage! My toddler tantrums at age two even meant there was "something wrong with me". I actually grew up thinking maybe there actually _is_ something wrong with me and that I was "temperamental" and "opinionated", as that's what she always told me. In fact, she'd rant and rave a lot of horrible abusive and hurtful criticism to me and also about my parenting and even about my children, and it would make her even more infuriated if I didn't respond. Sometimes I just apologised, but I had no idea what for, just so she'd stop. Eventually, when I did get angry or finally shout "Just stop!", she'd calmly step back with a smirk and judgemental look on her face, look me up and down, and say "Ooohhh ... Look at her. She's mad. There's definitely something wrong with you." I'd then walk out (my usual thing to do - just escape). And she'd stand behind me with a smile - not a kind one, calmly saying, "That's it, run away like you always do". This is just a tiny glimpse of my mother's behaviour towards me. Now I believe it's some kind of gaslighting. The last occurrence happened last March, and I've not been in contact since. I went into a horrible depression after that and had to see a psychiatrist, who told me that going back into that kind of situation is the same as self-harm, which isn't healthy. I keep wondering why she hates me so much, as I have no idea. She loves my younger brother and is the total opposite to him. He's not spoken to me for over 10 years, as he thinks, from whatever my mum tells him, that I'm a horrible person. He hardly even knows me. Sorry this is so long. Rant over.
I know luv. Hugs x
I recently blocked my narcists off my email and text messaging! I am so happy about that thank you Lord!
Is your social media Private as well? They will be spying on you through that. Even if it's Private there might be flying monkeys still with access to it that you need to delete because they will be feeding info back to them. Best wishes.
Couples therapy was the most traumatic thing of all
having compassion for the narcissist? That is a huge misstatement Doug Why should we?
Dr Ramani is so right with her advice. Plan your exit strategy with a narc carefully, they are unpredictable and sometimes dangerous. Ideally don't enter into a relationship with a narc in the first place. They are bad news, and will NEVER change.
Rat droppings trail ■ their pattern of operation in darkness; they keep the same route until you close off their entry. M
Exactly - don’t engage. They still try to control you/the situation/the universe. After 35 years I just learned to let his words just float over my head, tell him thank you for your opinion and then do what I wanted to do anyway. Don’t let the words touch you.
I don’t communicate with him at all (for two and a hald year now)- except when in laws come over. if something needs repair at home, I write him a note. Not one more penny from me ever! And guess what: whatever I write him a not with things that have to be done - he does them. And writing loooong notes with many words. Expecting me to reply with a Thank you. I don’t!! No more thank you, no more communication, total indifference. And he still doesn’t discard me
I wish there was a daily coaching that people that can’t leave could access to stay strengthened.
There is and the app is called Circles
Me too
That’s so true.. “you don’t know yourself “/“you don’t even know what you want on your pizza”. I grew up with multiple narc family members that would try to tell me everything and I would not get to be myself.
It's always a one-way street with a narcissist on everything !!!
I outsmarted mine and called him out. You are smart doc but I never back down from a fight!
So did I, cuz she had to come in. And I don't ever back down from a fight either. Stay strong sister!!!!!!!
Thank you for helping me feel supported in this hell that I am living with a narcissist. I’m at my limit after 20 years
Try to get out.. you don’t deserve to live like that!
32 years here. Just het healed, detach psychologically and emotionally and financially. Then you will reach the level of total indifference
Thank you Dr Ramani. This is so good. Once your out, you need detox time. Then you need to exam the crime seen of your life to not repeat it. Slowing down to resurrect who you really are from the ashes!
Long ago I didn't know what gaslighting was. During an argument he would say,"That's not what happened. What happened was this" or "it didn't happen like that" etc. I didn't know what was happening. I ended up in tears and he would finally leave me alone. He was happy then.
Narcissist are aggravating as hell and talk in circles 😴 blah blah blah is all I heard dealing with that spirit all thanks to the most high for me being able to recognize those demonic attachments in less than a year a lot of people stay for years 😢 thank goodness I left before any unfamiliar damage was done
My niece is a classic narcissist. I walked on eggshells for years. She love bombed me but secretly was judging me and getting ready for her surprise attack. Waited for the holidays to cut me and my husband off. Blamed it on our politics, ( I think religion too) even though we never talk to her about that. Said she was not coming to the holidays because of election and cause we were gonna be there. Accused me of awful things with zero to back it up. Broke my heart, cut us off. Used us as the excuse for her missing all holidays with family. And pretty much all that’s wrong with the world. And now her poison is spreading subtly through my once loving close knit family. I’m learning a lot. I’m ok with space from her, this is not the first attack by her, but it’s killing me that my brother, (her dad)is influenced by her. She’s his world. . ( she has a few other flying monkeys in the family. ) She runs him and his whole family. It’s a form of evil. I’m convinced the evil one is involved. Spiritual warfare. Praying for direction and strength and wisdom as I also learn from people like you. Thank you. ❤
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. It really sucks.
I’m learning that my niece is a narcissist also. I’ve lost both my parents (both have died) in the past two years and now all of my siblings and their children because of my narcissistic brother and my niece (the daughter of one of my sisters) I’ve lost all of my family of origin due to narcissism. It’s wild.
It was so hard for me to walk, she was a lifelong crush I finally caught up to in my 50's. I had no idea about all this NPD until I was caught up in the cycle and finding Dr. Ramani. I blocked her. Life is about serenity and not trying to appease her or her unruly children anymore!