I'm an old lady and I can attest that your points are true and will work. The horrible pain goes away. Figure out why you chose the person that's your ex, decide if it was healthy decision. Put your life back together. You'll survive. Really. Thank you Matt, I wish you'd been around 30+years ago! (I've been married 30+years. I met the love of my life after horrible break up. I'm Soo glad I was dumped! Chin up everyone, the Best will come if you do the work!)
Exactly. We had plenty of love. The only thing we had more of was opposing core needs and opposing childhood coping mechanisms😂 As I've come to say, after this: "Sometimes, love just isn't enough". I genuinely thought so, going into it. So I'll take that lesson with me for sure!
I think one of the hardest things after a break up is to make sense of going from being so damn close to the other person to literal strangers. It's hard to accept and hurts big time. Once the acceptance is settling in it gets better, but getting there is tough. Moreover, grief is not linear, it comes and goes - feeling all the feelings when they come up speeds up the healing process in the long run, even when they come in months later, feel them and let them pass. Too many people push those hard feelings of grief away or distract themselves in unhealthy ways - grief needs to be expressed and worked through within our bodies, don't let it get stuck, cause it'll hunt you in the long run. To everyone grieving their past relationship here: I see you. And you're not alone. Sending you all big hugs!🌻
amen! it's like the fabric of your universe has been deeply altered. It does literally feel like deaths i've been through (people around me passing). Reality is altered and it takes time, even physically, to process.
Rewrite the narrative. 💯 I went to all the places I went to with my ex, I exposed myself to all my triggers and now I feel nothing for him. I kept 1 item of his and it means nothing to me now. He wasn't toxic but he was broken. Knowing I was healing, knowing what I was getting was not what I deserved, that was the biggest healing point for me.
I never thought about going to our old places, alone. They totally makes sense! Rip that bandaid off! Years later…I’m still triggered all the time. Maybe I shld take myself to dinner, to one of our old - usual hangouts. Thank you for the comment!
@Da Baum Go alone or go with friends or family! It may be unsettling at first, but remind yourself that he no longer has control over you or the things you enjoy any longer. I had a toxic ex too and whenever I would go back to those places we went to, I would get bad tremors.....but by doing grounding techniques, making new memories, and associating the place with new people (or even by bringing a book and now contemplating new ideas from what ive read at the same place) helped reframe my body and mindset. Best of luck to you 💛💚🧡
@@amyitis Great advice! I needed to hear this. After 2020 it seems that the stress level in this world got 10 times worse. These narcissists are all around us now, even running the world’s governments. So I’m going to take your advice & work on my triggers in places I once enjoyed. Thank you!
Thanks for your story. I want to try this too. I still have all the pictures of me and her in my rooms. I cant even touch them because i fear to break out in tears. We played a lot of video games (i am no longer to play without being sad) and watched a lot of animes (also getting sad). Its so difficult when you put so much love but nothing came back :(
@@charli4815 I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s not easy. I went to a good Psycologist when I was going through my divorce. The pain was nearly unmanageable…ugh! But my Psycologist gave me a book to read on “loss”. The main point of the book was death of loved ones. I didn’t quite understand why he wanted me to read it, until I finally did. For us, who got hurt by loving another, a death indeed occurred. Death of a friend, death of a marriage, death of a family, death of future goals & dreams… When my ex walked out on us in 2016…I couldn’t see my future anymore. When he walked out the door, he took 50 years of future dreams with him. We who Truly love, didn’t deserve this. It was not our fault, but a death occurred & it hurt. So the point of the book was that we are to go through the raw emotions & those 5 emotional stages that people go through when a loved one dies. We literally lost the person we once loved…so they died to us. And it’s even WORSE understanding that they aren’t actually dead…it’s just worse than death. But somewhere through the nightmare I also died. I honestly don’t know how to fix a broken heart. We can come up with good ideas, & some help for awhile… but those underlying triggers will always be with me. I’m not the same person I once was. Much love! ❤️
me too. he wasn't bad, just extremely broken and couldn't allow himself to be emotionally invested. It was making my mental health awful, so i decided to stop communication with him. He needs therapy and i am not a therapist and neither are you. Don't ever feel bad, it's not your responsibility, it's his.
My advice to anyone dealing with the emotional fallout of a breakup. Feel it all, don't even try to suppress it. If you need to cry, do it, get it out. If you need to question what went wrong, do it, write those questions down, keep a diary of them. If you need to feel anger, channel it. It's absolutely ok to feel all those emotions, if you felt nothing, then that would be the time to worry. Emotions are healthy, it means your mind is active, all those parts that make you feel are firing just the way they should. Take all that emotional energy coursing through you and focus it into yourself. When you fall in love you give someone a huge piece of you, when they leave they take it with them. That's why you feel hollow and incomplete. Channel all that energy into rebuilding that missing piece, but make it so much more than it was before. The most powerful thing we have is potential. Use it.
@@KTR__it wil pass. Stay strong. I broke up with my ex nearly 2 weeks ago. I didn't know what to do, I felt like the world passed away and I couldn't sleep. Now it has been nearly 2 weeks and while I have ups and downs, it is already a little better. Keep your chin up, do nice things, it will pass. Stay strong!
1. Talk about ur breakup.. its ok to talk.. u will end up framing the story into a positive thing.. if u r not talking abt ur story it means u did not accept. 2. Find peace. Focus on peace which u ve lost. It doesnt mean love is peace. Relationship that gives u peace is important. 3. Triggers ruminate things. Social media; mutual friends; etc., ur world is bigger than that. Expand ur world. 4. Contract ur life that u don’t remember ur ex anymore. Reclaim those places that u spent with ur ex, go there again and create new memories with friends. Reclaim those and never talk abt ur ex again. 5. The world is so much bigger than ur ex. On a global scale nothing is not equal to ur ex. 'Paris' is functioning and doesn’t even know ur ex. There are things more important than ur ex. Ex is unimportant. 6. Do things that u wud ve never done when u wer in that relationship. When u explore those adventures, it will balance ur life. It will end up u realising, 'if they did not break ur heart u wud ve never enjoyed these adventures'. 7. You wont feel bad for the whole of your life. Next year in ur life will be beautiful. Remember and believe. Ur relationship with that event will change. Remember, everything will change. Peace ☮️ ✌️
Breakups are painful sometimes but for me the best cure is understanding your value and loving yourself enough to understand that, the relationship didn’t work and you deserve better ❤
When someone doesn’t communicate how their feeling and what they need and just ghost you and push you away it’s mentally exhausting and painful because you’re constantly trying to understand why? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently?
Great video. My ex and the mother of my kids broke up with me 8 weeks ago. I still feel heartbroken and am having a hard time letting go. I currently feel a lack of happiness.
Nice Video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can't stop thinking about him, l've tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I'm frustrated, I don't see my life as anyone else. I've done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can't, I don't know why I'm saying this here, I really miss him and just can't stop thinking about him.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about two years ago, but I could not let him go, so I had to do all I could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring him back, now we are back together, and I must say I am enjoying every moment...
Get yourself back together sis, i was also dumped by my girl a couple of weeks ago, going through lots of pain and suffering, just hold yourself up, be brave we can do this!!❤
Very true Matthew... true love in a relationship feels peaceful, even when you're both apart. If you feel stressed out because of a relationship, it's not right for you.
Isn’t it this belief in perfection that means we continually change partners and few people will stick it out. Divorce rates are high in the search with the “right relationship”.
@@kling8460 sometimes it's people making their romantic relationship their whole personality without putting their own standards, integrity, respect and love for themselves as a priority. That results in co-dependency and eventually resentment. If both partners have that respect for themselves individually and have similar values then they will both be at peace together. It's not about perfection.
I'm 43 and now the only single person in my group of people in my life. I feel like I'm so alone... not just because of that but I truly want to find love for me.
He made me so anxious. I’m still recovering from the impacts of that. I am glad for the safety of myself now but I think I’ll find it hard to date again.
When you go to places you’ve been with your ex, it does not only remind you of them but its far worse than that; It hurts you, you almost feel like you are living that moment again with the person that is longer there, especially if you loved your ex so much and you were not the one who broke up! It cuts you deep and you feel so lonely in that moment. That’s why it is so hard to revisit those places, i rather never go there again.
I tried to go and do certain things we used to do together it hurts asf in the first and the second times but believe me when u made new memories u won't care that much
How do you feel now? It’s been a year since you commented that. I use to feel the same way years ago. I could not bare to go anywhere I went with my ex. I would literally tear up . I couldn’t even eat certain foods because that we ate together. But slowly it doesn’t fade away . They just become memories and so does he. Life goes on. Enjoy those places again like you use to. Not fair to you not to. Whether with new love , alone or with family, friends. Time heals all wounds.
@Z-gg3fc i can't wait for it to be just a memory and feel no pain. Every where I look in my house, I see him. I won't be able to watch the Notebook movie again. That was our movie. Sucks!
@@Jen-K-2024 I’m sorry. But the pain will leave, it might not feel like that at the moment. I feel like people come into our lives for a reason and things happen for a reason and sometimes we never know why. I worked with a girl that went by the name Jen k. Funny right. lol. So everyone at worked called her Jen k because there was another one that was also named Jen. Everyone got confused with them two. Your name reminded me of her. I haven’t talk to her in years, we were so close.
I visited those places. First, give yourself some time to heal. Later, when you visit those places again, you'll feel much more confident. Now I even laugh to think that I once cried for that person.
“Just because you were in love; doesn’t meant you were happy. And just because someone wasn’t BAD; Doesn’t mean you didn’t FEEL bad while you were with them.” 💣 BOOM💥
I watched so many of your videos a year ago to help get me through a breakup. I was so heart broken that is seemed impossible to take all the advice in the videos . But now a year later, I understand and can apply all the advice since the pain is no longer distorting my sense of reason. Everything you say is spot on. Thank you so much. For those of you going through this, yes it gets better. I still miss what it was, but it truly does get better.
I really needed this. I've just broken up with my ex after 4 years of. It's only been a few days since the breakup, but I'm feeling a little bit better. I still cry, but it's not as painful as the number of times I've cried in pain for how he had been treating me. I've been doing some of these tips you've given. I went out my friends and talked about everything. I'm also planning to do things I've always wanted that he wasn't interested in. I'd also love to share how I deal with my fun or "happy" memories with him which make me kinda miss him. I always tell myself, I could've had those moments with someone else who would've treated me genuinely. It just so happens that it was with him. Then, I feel more at peace, 'cause I can finally create genuinely happy memories with myself and the people who truly cared for me.
#2 is huge. After 4.5 years of an off and on relationship that was very toxic at times, I always seemed to forget that the reason we were so off and and on was how often I felt my life would have so much more peace if we weren’t together. And then we’d break up and all I could always focus on is the loss, rather than the peace. As soon as I heard this I also “removed the triggers” by finalizing unfriending on any links, including fitness apps and even the Bible app we were still linked on. These videos and this man provide the assurance and peace we need during our heartbreaks. God Bless you ❤️❤️
I remember when I was dating my ex he kept complaining I slept too early (Yet I would explain to him I am used to sleeping early in the evening and wake up early since I feel very active in the morning). So I would force myself not to sleep just to avoid the conflicts. Now I sleep so peaceful like a baby and at my time of choice.
Thank you very much for this video. I'm very fresh out of a breakup (3 days ago) and am in a lot of emotional and physical pain, as it came out of the blue, a complete 180°. It happened after I came back from a week-long work trip (again, only a week!!) but things were great before! Our relationship was new (were official for 3 weeks but dating for almost 5 months), and I was so excited to have life experiences with him. His reasoning for ending things was that he didn't think he was where he "should" be in the emotional connection. I was falling in love with him and could see a future with him... It helps to remember there's a whole world outside of them. 🥺🌎 Thanks again Matthew!🙏
"on a global scale, your ex is not that important" thank you Matthew for this great reminder. I moved to Costa Rica and met/started dating a tico and after discovering he was cheating on me after we moved in together, I just crumbled, I thought my "world" had been destroyed. But I am trying to climb out of this heartbreak now and I feel like the only way I can survive this is if I move back to the U.S. Everything here reminds me of him and he lives on the same street as me. He & his entire family LOL so it has been ROUGH to say the least. And I feel so stupid and so weak. Your videos and my friends are what has been getting me through each day. Thank you for giving such sound advice and I do look forward to a year from now.
This is literally happening to me now!! My cheating Tico boyfriend broke up with me a week after he moved into my neighborhood! So insane, at first read I thought your comment was narrating my life! I hope that you are doing really well making progress towards forgetting your cucaracho!
Matthew, thank you millions. Been crying for months and trying to get over a breakup, feel like i could never get over this and could never love anyone else with my entire heart againn. Thank you for this video you made, you points are truely valuable.
Me too. 6 months and still my every waking thought. The hurt of sudden breakup is indescribable. But actually it was circumstantial and hurting both of us so in a way, it's not a personal thing. But still hurts and I know he will always be the love of my life, whether or not I meet someone else. 😢
So this is what happens when you wake up early, huh? You get to be one of the first to see a Matthew Hussey video. Might need to wake up at 7am more often
It's been two years since she broke up with me and yet it still stings at times because she is now engaged to the person she left me for but this video couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you for this!
@harriemacintosh8338 i am sorry to heae that. It must really hurt and a friend who works with her let it slip out. Until then I had no idea what was going on with her.
Damn, binge listening to videos like this on TH-cam and applying the teachings have been absolutely healing. Heartbreak seems to be the most confusing and intense pains I have yet to experience. I'm happy stuff like this is around to help me heal, reduce scarring and much more.
I’m going through the same thing. So glad that heartbreak is common enough where there are countless videos to encourage and help us. Best to both of us
This hits so deep considering what I'm going through, life is so difficult alone , it had gotten to a point where she became such a big part in my life ,it's so hard to do things without her , it feels like my soul is crushed , waking up everyday hurts more than the last 😢but thank you Mathew , you've been a great help in this journey
Your self-respect is the most important thing. I found that out after being with someone who was damaged from previous relationships . I couldn't stay as I was losing myself. That is the most important thing, It does not matter if I was in pain,I had to remember the reasons why.😊
I just ended a very unhealthy relationship and I know staying away will be extremely difficult for me, however I feel free and want to stay that way. I'm 61 and going to concentrate on living my life to the fullest and not allow anyone to steal my THUNDER!
Oooo also “change your association” has worked for me w my kids. I think the hardest part of losing your partner that you built your life with is the “wreckage” that’s been left behind. Re-building my family w a new perspective has been huge. We are building new traditions around holidays and planning trips as a “little” family. Slowly it’s feeling better… thank you. ❤
100% what I need.. hanging on someone who doesn't have the same life goals with me for over a year is interrupting my current healthy relationship. Thanks Matthew
10:55 there's a George Strait song: She let herself go... to NYC, Beach because it was too far, nights out with friends, etc... She let herself go. Everyone watching this video should listen to that song and make a list of where you would let yourself go... Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself and each other 😷.
This man is always pure genius. Every time he speaks it feels so genuine, making it easy to trust what he says and believe if we follow the advice we're going to be alright. ❤
Its been 2 years since my breakup , my grief has reduced but memories still bothers me. Sometimes i can't focus on anything, feel helpless and keep ruminating. And i feel like i have to tolerate this discomfort for my lifetime.
Well it’s been 2 months & 2 weeks . It feels like when someone died ( 30 yrs with a toxic/narcissistic man) but I feel exactly like you describe around my family, especially when am alone bc I’m no longer walking on eggshells. Thank you for this video
I was with a toxic and narcissistic woman for 19 yes then she latched on to someone else and moved out. Won’t take all her stuff. Still trying to keep her cows in. So trying to move on and mend ❤️😊
@@chasradcliffe1045 She left her cows? That’s interesting! I’m so sorry for your loss. How long ago did she leave? Can you sell the cows? Mine left in 2016, but they never Truly go away. We have 2 beautiful daughters together. So I pray a lot about our situation, but gray rocking is Baum! I don’t say 2 words to my ex anymore, my daughters are with me full time (that was one heck of a fight too!). The dust will settle my friend, but I feel forever changed. A part of my soul will always be sad. We never had a shot at love with them, because their souls are so buried. Something else is driving them. Much love! 🙏🏻❤️
@@dabaum6278 sorry that was suppose to say claws lol and I have my teenage daughter with me. I could never have left her on her own with her mother Cows lol❤️❤️
Help heal 1. Its okey tell the break up over and over with people 2. Connect with newodund sense of peace instead focusing on what you lose 3. Remove the triggers Without affectinh your quality of live (not physical can be blocked them) 4. Or change the meaning of the triggers (reclaim what you cant remove) 5. 6. Remembering next year, everything changes
Thank you for this ... after 25 years of marriage, it was a bit overwhelming to untangle how much our lives were intertwined. It's been a process to overcome not "needing" him. It feels essentially like "starting over" but it's not, it's just something new.
@@arleenlarkin7658 It’s hard 😢 I really hope you’re better than you were 5 months ago. I found out my bf of 2.5 years was lying to me about talking to his ex yesterday and it’s broken my heart. I’ve gone no contact but I feel like there’s no light at the end of it. Just feel so broken 💔
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
im so sorry to hear about that, i feel you. mine broke up with me a month and a half and im at exact same spot as you. feel free to reach out, we can help each other going through it
Thank you for sharing this-it takes so much strength to express how you’re feeling. Five years is a long time, and it’s no wonder your thoughts keep circling back. It’s like your mind is searching for closure or a way to make sense of it all. Here’s something to consider: right now, your focus is on him-what you’ve lost, what you miss, and what you thought your future would look like. But what if you turned that focus inward? This is the perfect moment to start rebuilding your self-concept-how you see yourself outside of the relationship. Ask yourself: Who am I when I’m not “his partner”? What makes me incredible just as I am? Start small-whether it’s revisiting hobbies you love, setting a new goal, or even just reminding yourself daily that you are worthy of love, including your own. The truth is, the love of your life isn’t gone-it’s still within you. You are your constant. The person who decides your worth, your happiness, and your next chapter is you. Redirecting that love back to yourself might feel strange at first, but I promise, it’s the path to healing. You’ve got this. 💛
Coming out a 7 year relationship and I am definitely getting the insight from the breakup like he's talks about in another video. I just wish I put more effort in and saw it during the time. It makes it even harder when she was your best friend too and you put all your eggs into one basket and drifted away from other friends. I think the two hardest things for me is remembering all the memories you had with the person, and the idea that you won't be making her happy anymore, it will be another guy eventually 💔
Hey Matthew, I've watched a lot of your videos in the last few months and your words have not only helped me in moving on from an ended relationship but have helped me to move towards real change in many other areas of my life so I am extremely grateful for that, thank you.
I broke up with my GF because her behavior was just awful. And even though it was the right thing to do, i feel absolutely crushed. Im depressed, anxious and i miss her and her daughter.
Hello there. You might be going through a tough time today. I am too. I’m with you. And a lot of us are here in this journey with you too. So, I hope you don’t feel too alone. Breakups and rejections are tough processes to deal with, but we can get through this. Just know, as difficult or crazy it might seem to be, but you are loved. You are so very much loved, more than you know. And there is a strength in you that at times people might underestimate. But f*ck them, you are strong. I hope you see that too. I hope I see it in me too 😅. But hey, we’ll get through this one day at a time
When you finally feel indifferent towards the person, not love, not hate, just indifference. It’s a sign you’ve arrived at a place of peace with the breakup in my experience.
The last one is very true. 2 years ago I was mourning the loss of who I thought was the love of my life, today I can say I’ve fell in love again and much stronger than before. It didn’t work out but now i know that feelings change. Life is full of surprises!
I wish there was more conversations on divorce and how to do these things while still talking to them daily and dealing with the day to day co parenting. I know it's hard to talk about if you haven't gone through it but it would be nice to hear
This so much. So much break up advice is horse shit if you have kids together and a court system that’s fucking hell bent on forcing you to co-parent with someone who was abusive.
After 5 months of anguish over the end of an engagement, tip #2 was an absolute epiphany 🤯. It changed everything in my healing and acceptance of the end of a relationship that wasn't as good for me as I liked to remember it being. You are a blessing, Matthew Hussey ❤. God bless you 🙏🏼
As always Matthew your advice is spot in. Big thank you. After an 8 year relationship which ended in a very unsatisfactory way last June I have been absolutely devastated. But your advice on triggers is very interesting. I made the mistake of going to a holiday destination that I had been to with my ex. Nearly finished me off! Thank you x
Oh Wow Matthew! Thank you! That's huge I want to emphasize that! Just because you were in love, it doesn't mean that you were happy! That hit home on my case. Also just because some one isn't bad it doesn't mean, we didnt feel bad! Wow
Literally just spent 4 hours deleting every single photo, conversation, text, email, video, cloud backup... I couldn't stop looking at them. The ruminating was killing me. Now, It is as if she never existed in my life, according to my digital history. I thought that by doing this would mean that I was weak or spiteful. But the truth is, she wasn't a terrible person, we loved eachother a lot, but I miserable as we grew apart. And it was anything but a clean break. Which made it even harder. We lingered and tried to make it work. Finally, it came to a head. The decision had to be made to wipe the slate clean. It's still painful when she comes to mind, but she'll come to mind much less, and this stage of suffering will lessen as the triggers have been removed. I will find my person some day. In the meantime, it's about healing and development.
This video just healed my heart in a huge way. Much thanks. 12 years with an Avoidant man just ended suddenly. I am definitely not okay, but I will be in time. This video is perfectly put together. Gives so much insight. Plus, like a hug through your words. Great job!
I got goosebumps when you mentioned Johannesburg! I'm actually in Johannesburg, South Africa. And that point resonated with me so much. I would always say to people that when I was with him, it felt like nothing mattered in the Universe besides being with him. And now I realise that - actually, Johannesburg is moving along smoothly without any awareness of his existence!
Thankyou Matt, you are doing a divine job, I say this even as a guy, all of what you say makes so much sense. Moving on would've been so slow if it was not for whatever you said in your vids...i keep on repeating what you said whenever i ruminate about the incident, "If they do not choose you, they cannot be the right person". Keep up with your work Matt, things would've been so different if it was not for you.
God Bless Matthew just what I needed to hear, I just let go of a relationship that was nit going anywhere, he was stringing me along for the past 15 months telling me to wait, finally I just walked away, feeling like crap missing him like crazy even though he will probably never commit to me!! Your video just popped up and it knocked some sense into me, the bit you talk about where one would have to move countries, I can’t afford to move to another country but I can reclaim the places I used to visit with him and start a new chapter in my life ❤
I have been feeling stuck with my last breakup. It´s been a year and a half, but I heard this and It´s true, I am a completely different person and It has been liberating and a space of so much growth. Thanks for reminding me of this💕
Thank you so much Matthew for all your content. I recently discovered your channel and content and I have no words to describe how much you have helped me. Thanks to you I discovered a new passion, self-development and how to improve all of my relationships. As you said, this would not have happened If I wasn’t broken hearted. Thanks again and a big hug from Uruguay 🙏🏼
Thanks Matthew. I'm 3 weeks no contact after having a slip up (technically I'm 2 months no contact yay) and today I want to message him and there's no point. I'm crying and sad, and doing breathwork and will do some shamanic plant medicine now to help accelerate the healing again. I swear, without the hapeh and energetic cord removal and inner child healing, this heart would have felt a lot more pain... Thanks for the video, it's reassuring grounding alongside all the spiritual work 💕✨
I wil definitely try these tips even make notes... The crap thing is, yes you are kind of at peace even though you miss the person being around. But it's sometimes a little hectic when you were left with the kids, trying to mend your heart back together, and do your responsibilities and work an be the sole provider financially. Sometimes it just feels like you in this box an it feels overwhelming that you have all this on your shoulders and you trying to heal. But I will definitely try these steps and search for more videos of you because from most of the others I've checked out, they're pretty healing and sound advice
Takes me years to forget & to be ready again to fall in love ❤️ ! With age,it’s becoming even more deeper ,painful & I am becoming more & more exhausted just trying to move on ! Moving on is like being born again ! it takes all my inner strength,at the cost of my job ,education,money .. nothing actually matters at that point ! All the matters is this constant hurt feeling & desire to hear his voice, see his face again ..! And I could never understand how the other person never missed me soo deeply & had the heart to leave me without a word ?! that’s why we should always look for empathy & kindness in our partner above any other quality. I have actually left a job ,a city,& once even a university on being deeply heartbroken! !! Everything Mathew id saying is sooo true 😢
I loved this video. I'm struggling to wake up every morning as I wake up in bed alone and cold. I frequently dream of my ex. I used to write "what I've lost" and show it to my support group. After watching your video, I want to make a list of things that "I've gained" now that we're not together.
This is so spot on! Thank you. I think what I'm struggling with is that in my case he was what represented the expansion in my life. So I feel the loss more greatly... I guess it really depends what was happening before you met that person because if they were a big upgrade and they brought a lot to your life, damn it's hard to move on from :(
Yes! My partner brought a lot of different great things and lots of adventures. But I got to remember that a lot of that came with a financial cost, mistreatment, anxiety and stress, and ultimately that he did not love me as much I loved him.
It’s been very painful trying to get over my ex. My first serious girlfriend and we dated for 3 years. The first 2 were amazing and it was the happiest I had ever been in my life. Then out of nowhere she had a bipolar manic episode that lasted months. This resulted in her being put in multiple hospitals and rehabilitation centers. She eventually had to move to another state to go to rehab. All I could really do was sit back and try to be supportive. The relationship turned one sided where only her needs mattered. I was still in love, but I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel like I was able to talk to her about my needs because the last thing I wanted to do was trigger her mania. This created so much frustration in my head. After enough time that frustration was directed at her and we both decided it would be best to end the relationship. I’m still upset and trying to move on, I just miss the happiness I felt while being with her and I feel wronged because I feel like I did everything right. I was the only person who was able to somewhat calm her down while she was in her manic state. I was there for everything and I felt like I was owed a detailed explanation of her thought process. I expected rationality from an irrational person
Thank you so much for this. I am following and trying these suggestions. I do feel better most of the time. I have even started my own youtube channel and planing to move to Spain. I still love him but I put myself first. Love to listen to you. It puts me in the path of where I need to go and do. Fist, feel good in the heart and about one self, regain strength, climbing hiking exetra and know that the sky is the limit.
11 years together, known each other for 13 and married for 5 years. He moved on after a month almost to the day. I am trying to tell myself that saying celibate and focusing on processing doesn't mean I can't be interesting to anyone else. My self esteem is a rollercoaster like my emotions.
@Tina McKay I’m going through similar experience. I made mistakes in my marriage, have taken ownership and corrective measures to help ensure not repeating in the next relationship I know I will find. I’ve had fleeting moments where I thought I needed to go out and jump in the sack with somebody just to feel validated to move on. I don’t know whether my ex wife has done that for sure or not, but reality is, it’s none of my business and gravitating to those thoughts only keeps me stuck in an unhealthy cycle. It hurts like hell, but we must push through it. Truth is, that we gave ourselves permission to love or exes. It was that love we gave that made us feel so good. It wasn’t the love that was given to us. Each day when we awaken, we must look in the mirror, look ourselves in the eyes and speak “You are enough. You are worthy of loving and being loved.” After all, as Matthew says in another of his videos, it was your strengths that put you in that relationship. You still have them. One day at a time. Be kind to yourself. It’s okay to grieve. In ‘We All Want What We Ain’t Got’, Jake Owen sings “You know a love like that ain’t easily forgot”. Be patient and forgive yourself, even forgive your ex which is so extremely difficult to do, but you have to to find peace. You are not alone and God will never forsake us. Be well !
He may have “moved on” with someone else after a month, but he’s just delaying the pain. Women grieve, men replace. I know my ex is suffering, but no contact really helps. First few days are awful, but I refuse to be beaten down by it. You have to be happy by yourself and this is incredibly hard and I’m learning how to do it. It’s also perfectly ok to take it slow with someone new in a few months time. Little by little. Day by day 🌸
Not in 45 minutes ago my boyfriend just broke up with me . What I am experiencing right now is much bigger than me but this video has made me again😢thank you so much😢
I'm an old lady and I can attest that your points are true and will work. The horrible pain goes away. Figure out why you chose the person that's your ex, decide if it was healthy decision. Put your life back together. You'll survive. Really. Thank you Matt, I wish you'd been around 30+years ago! (I've been married 30+years. I met the love of my life after horrible break up. I'm Soo glad I was dumped! Chin up everyone, the Best will come if you do the work!)
Thank u ma'm. Really needed this one
Thank you so much ! I love seeing this
Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
@@airakhan7979 just saw this. I hope you're better. Time really does heal. Best wishes.
@anna miller As long as we don't fall into the trap of self pity, but strive forward with new eyes, we learn from the pain! Best wishes
"Just because we were in love it doesn't mean we were happy, it doesn't mean we were at peace" so true! we could be in love and miserable af
Exactly. We had plenty of love. The only thing we had more of was opposing core needs and opposing childhood coping mechanisms😂 As I've come to say, after this: "Sometimes, love just isn't enough". I genuinely thought so, going into it. So I'll take that lesson with me for sure!
I think one of the hardest things after a break up is to make sense of going from being so damn close to the other person to literal strangers. It's hard to accept and hurts big time.
Once the acceptance is settling in it gets better, but getting there is tough.
Moreover, grief is not linear, it comes and goes - feeling all the feelings when they come up speeds up the healing process in the long run, even when they come in months later, feel them and let them pass.
Too many people push those hard feelings of grief away or distract themselves in unhealthy ways - grief needs to be expressed and worked through within our bodies, don't let it get stuck, cause it'll hunt you in the long run.
To everyone grieving their past relationship here: I see you. And you're not alone. Sending you all big hugs!🌻
Thank you
Thank you
@@princessjulia5646 Sending you hugs
@@Ghhh-on3nl Wishing you healing
amen! it's like the fabric of your universe has been deeply altered. It does literally feel like deaths i've been through (people around me passing). Reality is altered and it takes time, even physically, to process.
Rewrite the narrative. 💯 I went to all the places I went to with my ex, I exposed myself to all my triggers and now I feel nothing for him. I kept 1 item of his and it means nothing to me now. He wasn't toxic but he was broken. Knowing I was healing, knowing what I was getting was not what I deserved, that was the biggest healing point for me.
I never thought about going to our old places, alone. They totally makes sense! Rip that bandaid off! Years later…I’m still triggered all the time. Maybe I shld take myself to dinner, to one of our old - usual hangouts. Thank you for the comment!
@Da Baum Go alone or go with friends or family! It may be unsettling at first, but remind yourself that he no longer has control over you or the things you enjoy any longer. I had a toxic ex too and whenever I would go back to those places we went to, I would get bad tremors.....but by doing grounding techniques, making new memories, and associating the place with new people (or even by bringing a book and now contemplating new ideas from what ive read at the same place) helped reframe my body and mindset. Best of luck to you 💛💚🧡
@@amyitis
Great advice! I needed to hear this. After 2020 it seems that the stress level in this world got 10 times worse. These narcissists are all around us now, even running the world’s governments. So I’m going to take your advice & work on my triggers in places I once enjoyed. Thank you!
Thanks for your story. I want to try this too. I still have all the pictures of me and her in my rooms. I cant even touch them because i fear to break out in tears. We played a lot of video games (i am no longer to play without being sad) and watched a lot of animes (also getting sad). Its so difficult when you put so much love but nothing came back :(
@@charli4815
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s not easy. I went to a good Psycologist when I was going through my divorce. The pain was nearly unmanageable…ugh! But my Psycologist gave me a book to read on “loss”. The main point of the book was death of loved ones. I didn’t quite understand why he wanted me to read it, until I finally did. For us, who got hurt by loving another, a death indeed occurred. Death of a friend, death of a marriage, death of a family, death of future goals & dreams… When my ex walked out on us in 2016…I couldn’t see my future anymore. When he walked out the door, he took 50 years of future dreams with him. We who Truly love, didn’t deserve this. It was not our fault, but a death occurred & it hurt. So the point of the book was that we are to go through the raw emotions & those 5 emotional stages that people go through when a loved one dies. We literally lost the person we once loved…so they died to us. And it’s even WORSE understanding that they aren’t actually dead…it’s just worse than death. But somewhere through the nightmare I also died. I honestly don’t know how to fix a broken heart. We can come up with good ideas, & some help for awhile… but those underlying triggers will always be with me. I’m not the same person I once was.
Much love! ❤️
"And just because someone isn't bad doesn't mean that we didn't feel bad"
I needed to hear this. Thank you Matthew.
me too. he wasn't bad, just extremely broken and couldn't allow himself to be emotionally invested. It was making my mental health awful, so i decided to stop communication with him. He needs therapy and i am not a therapist and neither are you. Don't ever feel bad, it's not your responsibility, it's his.
Yeah he wasn’t bad but he left me in the most hideous way today.. my heart burns like am going to die 🥺
This part!!!!❤
He was always nervous, always I had to accommodate him to feel at peace.
Yes this is the one!!!!
My advice to anyone dealing with the emotional fallout of a breakup.
Feel it all, don't even try to suppress it. If you need to cry, do it, get it out.
If you need to question what went wrong, do it, write those questions down, keep a diary of them.
If you need to feel anger, channel it.
It's absolutely ok to feel all those emotions, if you felt nothing, then that would be the time to worry.
Emotions are healthy, it means your mind is active, all those parts that make you feel are firing just the way they should.
Take all that emotional energy coursing through you and focus it into yourself.
When you fall in love you give someone a huge piece of you, when they leave they take it with them. That's why you feel hollow and incomplete.
Channel all that energy into rebuilding that missing piece, but make it so much more than it was before.
The most powerful thing we have is potential. Use it.
Thank you 😭
What if we go numb. What if you cant cry?
Will it ever stop hurting? Will I ever find love again? I feel so exhausted from grief.
This hit like a tonne of bricks
@@KTR__it wil pass. Stay strong. I broke up with my ex nearly 2 weeks ago. I didn't know what to do, I felt like the world passed away and I couldn't sleep. Now it has been nearly 2 weeks and while I have ups and downs, it is already a little better. Keep your chin up, do nice things, it will pass. Stay strong!
1. Talk about ur breakup.. its ok to talk.. u will end up framing the story into a positive thing.. if u r not talking abt ur story it means u did not accept.
2. Find peace. Focus on peace which u ve lost. It doesnt mean love is peace. Relationship that gives u peace is important.
3. Triggers ruminate things. Social media; mutual friends; etc., ur world is bigger than that. Expand ur world.
4. Contract ur life that u don’t remember ur ex anymore. Reclaim those places that u spent with ur ex, go there again and create new memories with friends. Reclaim those and never talk abt ur ex again.
5. The world is so much bigger than ur ex. On a global scale nothing is not equal to ur ex. 'Paris' is functioning and doesn’t even know ur ex. There are things more important than ur ex. Ex is unimportant.
6. Do things that u wud ve never done when u wer in that relationship. When u explore those adventures, it will balance ur life. It will end up u realising, 'if they did not break ur heart u wud ve never enjoyed these adventures'.
7. You wont feel bad for the whole of your life. Next year in ur life will be beautiful. Remember and believe. Ur relationship with that event will change. Remember, everything will change.
Peace ☮️ ✌️
Very well said. Thank you so much for this. I totally agree ❤❤❤
Thanks
Breakups are painful sometimes but for me the best cure is understanding your value and loving yourself enough to understand that, the relationship didn’t work and you deserve better ❤
such good medicine for that, totally agree
Very true.
I take the peace being alone any day over the anxiety, lack of communication & unclarity from her.
I need to get here
Amen
When someone doesn’t communicate how their feeling and what they need and just ghost you and push you away it’s mentally exhausting and painful because you’re constantly trying to understand why? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently?
5:03 WOW just because we were in love doesn’t mean we were happy.
This is what I needed to hear today.
Great video.
My ex and the mother of my kids broke up with me 8 weeks ago. I still feel heartbroken and am having a hard time letting go. I currently feel a lack of happiness.
Nice Video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can't stop thinking about him, l've tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I'm frustrated, I don't see my life as anyone else. I've done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can't, I don't know why I'm saying this here, I really miss him and just can't stop thinking about him.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about two years ago, but I could not let him go, so I had to do all I could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring him back, now we are back together, and I must say I am enjoying every moment...
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach one.?
His name is fatherabulu, and him is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...
Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked him up online. impressive.
Get yourself back together sis, i was also dumped by my girl a couple of weeks ago, going through lots of pain and suffering, just hold yourself up, be brave we can do this!!❤
Very true Matthew... true love in a relationship feels peaceful, even when you're both apart. If you feel stressed out because of a relationship, it's not right for you.
Truth
I was frequently very stressed.
Isn’t it this belief in perfection that means we continually change partners and few people will stick it out. Divorce rates are high in the search with the “right relationship”.
@@kling8460 sometimes it's people making their romantic relationship their whole personality without putting their own standards, integrity, respect and love for themselves as a priority. That results in co-dependency and eventually resentment. If both partners have that respect for themselves individually and have similar values then they will both be at peace together.
It's not about perfection.
I'm 43 and now the only single person in my group of people in my life. I feel like I'm so alone... not just because of that but I truly want to find love for me.
I’m 42 and same
He made me so anxious. I’m still recovering from the impacts of that. I am glad for the safety of myself now but I think I’ll find it hard to date again.
When you go to places you’ve been with your ex, it does not only remind you of them but its far worse than that; It hurts you, you almost feel like you are living that moment again with the person that is longer there, especially if you loved your ex so much and you were not the one who broke up! It cuts you deep and you feel so lonely in that moment. That’s why it is so hard to revisit those places, i rather never go there again.
I tried to go and do certain things we used to do together it hurts asf in the first and the second times but believe me when u made new memories u won't care that much
How do you feel now? It’s been a year since you commented that. I use to feel the same way years ago. I could not bare to go anywhere I went with my ex. I would literally tear up . I couldn’t even eat certain foods because that we ate together. But slowly it doesn’t fade away . They just become memories and so does he. Life goes on. Enjoy those places again like you use to. Not fair to you not to. Whether with new love , alone or with family, friends. Time heals all wounds.
@Z-gg3fc i can't wait for it to be just a memory and feel no pain. Every where I look in my house, I see him. I won't be able to watch the Notebook movie again. That was our movie. Sucks!
@@Jen-K-2024 I’m sorry. But the pain will leave, it might not feel like that at the moment. I feel like people come into our lives for a reason and things happen for a reason and sometimes we never know why. I worked with a girl that went by the name Jen k. Funny right. lol. So everyone at worked called her Jen k because there was another one that was also named Jen. Everyone got confused with them two. Your name reminded me of her. I haven’t talk to her in years, we were so close.
I visited those places. First, give yourself some time to heal. Later, when you visit those places again, you'll feel much more confident. Now I even laugh to think that I once cried for that person.
I hurt so bad right now. I can’t stand this feeling.
“Just because you were in love; doesn’t meant you were happy.
And just because someone wasn’t BAD; Doesn’t mean you didn’t FEEL bad while you were with them.”
💣 BOOM💥
I watched so many of your videos a year ago to help get me through a breakup. I was so heart broken that is seemed impossible to take all the advice in the videos . But now a year later, I understand and can apply all the advice since the pain is no longer distorting my sense of reason. Everything you say is spot on. Thank you so much. For those of you going through this, yes it gets better. I still miss what it was, but it truly does get better.
I love this message, thank you.
I really needed this. I've just broken up with my ex after 4 years of. It's only been a few days since the breakup, but I'm feeling a little bit better. I still cry, but it's not as painful as the number of times I've cried in pain for how he had been treating me. I've been doing some of these tips you've given. I went out my friends and talked about everything. I'm also planning to do things I've always wanted that he wasn't interested in.
I'd also love to share how I deal with my fun or "happy" memories with him which make me kinda miss him. I always tell myself, I could've had those moments with someone else who would've treated me genuinely. It just so happens that it was with him. Then, I feel more at peace, 'cause I can finally create genuinely happy memories with myself and the people who truly cared for me.
U broke up with him so endure and move on
#2 is huge. After 4.5 years of an off and on relationship that was very toxic at times, I always seemed to forget that the reason we were so off and and on was how often I felt my life would have so much more peace if we weren’t together. And then we’d break up and all I could always focus on is the loss, rather than the peace. As soon as I heard this I also “removed the triggers” by finalizing unfriending on any links, including fitness apps and even the Bible app we were still linked on. These videos and this man provide the assurance and peace we need during our heartbreaks. God Bless you ❤️❤️
This is so similar to my story....off and on....and when we were together all I wanted was peace....getting there slowly tho
I remember when I was dating my ex he kept complaining I slept too early (Yet I would explain to him I am used to sleeping early in the evening and wake up early since I feel very active in the morning). So I would force myself not to sleep just to avoid the conflicts. Now I sleep so peaceful like a baby and at my time of choice.
😂😂😂 i know how it feels...
My ex used to tell me, you’re not. Hungry, you’re just bored.. now I can eat whenever I want 😂
I’m sleeping better too ! More peaceful
Thank you very much for this video. I'm very fresh out of a breakup (3 days ago) and am in a lot of emotional and physical pain, as it came out of the blue, a complete 180°. It happened after I came back from a week-long work trip (again, only a week!!) but things were great before! Our relationship was new (were official for 3 weeks but dating for almost 5 months), and I was so excited to have life experiences with him. His reasoning for ending things was that he didn't think he was where he "should" be in the emotional connection. I was falling in love with him and could see a future with him...
It helps to remember there's a whole world outside of them. 🥺🌎 Thanks again Matthew!🙏
Same story for me, however after 1,5 year of dating and moving in together..
"on a global scale, your ex is not that important" thank you Matthew for this great reminder. I moved to Costa Rica and met/started dating a tico and after discovering he was cheating on me after we moved in together, I just crumbled, I thought my "world" had been destroyed. But I am trying to climb out of this heartbreak now and I feel like the only way I can survive this is if I move back to the U.S. Everything here reminds me of him and he lives on the same street as me. He & his entire family LOL so it has been ROUGH to say the least. And I feel so stupid and so weak. Your videos and my friends are what has been getting me through each day. Thank you for giving such sound advice and I do look forward to a year from now.
sending you so much love and strength!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️ you got this
This is literally happening to me now!! My cheating Tico boyfriend broke up with me a week after he moved into my neighborhood! So insane, at first read I thought your comment was narrating my life!
I hope that you are doing really well making progress towards forgetting your cucaracho!
Matthew, thank you millions. Been crying for months and trying to get over a breakup, feel like i could never get over this and could never love anyone else with my entire heart againn. Thank you for this video you made, you points are truely valuable.
Me too. 6 months and still my every waking thought. The hurt of sudden breakup is indescribable. But actually it was circumstantial and hurting both of us so in a way, it's not a personal thing. But still hurts and I know he will always be the love of my life, whether or not I meet someone else. 😢
So this is what happens when you wake up early, huh? You get to be one of the first to see a Matthew Hussey video. Might need to wake up at 7am more often
Or you live in Australia and are a night owl so always watch MH right as he uploads 😆
It's been two years since she broke up with me and yet it still stings at times because she is now engaged to the person she left me for but this video couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you for this!
Hope you find love bro you will
I hear you💔. It's been nine months since I found out he had met someone else. How do you know she's engaged - you still have contact?
@harriemacintosh8338 i am sorry to heae that. It must really hurt and a friend who works with her let it slip out. Until then I had no idea what was going on with her.
@@Causetonight thanks. Maybe one day!
How can a women leave a loving man..she is unlucky..I can feel ur pain ...I'm trying to move on from him😢
Damn, binge listening to videos like this on TH-cam and applying the teachings have been absolutely healing. Heartbreak seems to be the most confusing and intense pains I have yet to experience. I'm happy stuff like this is around to help me heal, reduce scarring and much more.
I’m going through the same thing. So glad that heartbreak is common enough where there are countless videos to encourage and help us. Best to both of us
Omgsh - 'just bc someone wasn't bad doesn't mean we didn’t feel bad with them'... mind blown. Thanks for saying that
This hits so deep considering what I'm going through, life is so difficult alone , it had gotten to a point where she became such a big part in my life ,it's so hard to do things without her , it feels like my soul is crushed , waking up everyday hurts more than the last 😢but thank you Mathew , you've been a great help in this journey
ure gonna be fine. been there done that. its hard at first but if u adjust it, u'll b fine
Your self-respect is the most important thing. I found that out after being with someone who was damaged from previous relationships . I couldn't stay as I was losing myself. That is the most important thing, It does not matter if I was in pain,I had to remember the reasons why.😊
I just ended a very unhealthy relationship and I know staying away will be extremely difficult for me, however I feel free and want to stay that way. I'm 61 and going to concentrate on living my life to the fullest and not allow anyone to steal my THUNDER!
Keep that thunder my friend!
The worst part is giving your all in the relationship but the other one just gave like 50%😢💔
"Just because we were in love, does not mean we were happy"
Seven years and ended it today. Turned to TH-cam for advice. So glad I did. Thank you.
Accept, grieve, look at the situation objectively for what it is, and remind yourself that this, too, shall pass. Hope you heal soon.
I feel 100x more peace now that I'm no longer dating this narcissist. It was super toxic and difficult to get out of it.😔
Oooo also “change your association” has worked for me w my kids. I think the hardest part of losing your partner that you built your life with is the “wreckage” that’s been left behind. Re-building my family w a new perspective has been huge. We are building new traditions around holidays and planning trips as a “little” family. Slowly it’s feeling better… thank you. ❤
100% what I need.. hanging on someone who doesn't have the same life goals with me for over a year is interrupting my current healthy relationship.
Thanks Matthew
Thank you for the reminder -- I do feel way more at peace now. No more anxiety has been a huge relief. I can't wait to forget them more each day.
10:55 there's a George Strait song: She let herself go... to NYC, Beach because it was too far, nights out with friends, etc... She let herself go. Everyone watching this video should listen to that song and make a list of where you would let yourself go... Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself and each other 😷.
This man is always pure genius. Every time he speaks it feels so genuine, making it easy to trust what he says and believe if we follow the advice we're going to be alright. ❤
Its been 2 years since my breakup , my grief has reduced but memories still bothers me. Sometimes i can't focus on anything, feel helpless and keep ruminating.
And i feel like i have to tolerate this discomfort for my lifetime.
Well it’s been 2 months & 2 weeks . It feels like when someone died ( 30 yrs with a toxic/narcissistic man) but I feel exactly like you describe around my family, especially when am alone bc I’m no longer walking on eggshells. Thank you for this video
🙏🏻❤️
Praying 🙏 for your recovery and healing. Been there.
I was with a toxic and narcissistic woman for 19 yes then she latched on to someone else and moved out. Won’t take all her stuff. Still trying to keep her cows in. So trying to move on and mend ❤️😊
@@chasradcliffe1045
She left her cows? That’s interesting! I’m so sorry for your loss. How long ago did she leave? Can you sell the cows?
Mine left in 2016, but they never Truly go away. We have 2 beautiful daughters together. So I pray a lot about our situation, but gray rocking is Baum! I don’t say 2 words to my ex anymore, my daughters are with me full time (that was one heck of a fight too!). The dust will settle my friend, but I feel forever changed. A part of my soul will always be sad. We never had a shot at love with them, because their souls are so buried. Something else is driving them.
Much love! 🙏🏻❤️
@@dabaum6278 sorry that was suppose to say claws lol and I have my teenage daughter with me. I could never have left her on her own with her mother
Cows lol❤️❤️
Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow so you have to make the best of every day .
Help heal
1. Its okey tell the break up over and over with people
2. Connect with newodund sense of peace instead focusing on what you lose
3. Remove the triggers Without affectinh your quality of live (not physical can be blocked them)
4. Or change the meaning of the triggers (reclaim what you cant remove)
5.
6. Remembering next year, everything changes
Thank you for this ... after 25 years of marriage, it was a bit overwhelming to untangle how much our lives were intertwined. It's been a process to overcome not "needing" him. It feels essentially like "starting over" but it's not, it's just something new.
I feel you on this... i can't imagine what it must feel like after 25 years of living together.. good for you.
How are you doing now?
@zed3063 Still going through highs and lows till everything is completely done. And even then I'm sure there will still be emotional highs and lows
@@arleenlarkin7658 It’s hard 😢 I really hope you’re better than you were 5 months ago. I found out my bf of 2.5 years was lying to me about talking to his ex yesterday and it’s broken my heart. I’ve gone no contact but I feel like there’s no light at the end of it. Just feel so broken 💔
Protect this man at any cost ❤️
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
im so sorry to hear about that, i feel you. mine broke up with me a month and a half and im at exact same spot as you. feel free to reach out, we can help each other going through it
Thank you for sharing this-it takes so much strength to express how you’re feeling. Five years is a long time, and it’s no wonder your thoughts keep circling back. It’s like your mind is searching for closure or a way to make sense of it all.
Here’s something to consider: right now, your focus is on him-what you’ve lost, what you miss, and what you thought your future would look like. But what if you turned that focus inward? This is the perfect moment to start rebuilding your self-concept-how you see yourself outside of the relationship.
Ask yourself: Who am I when I’m not “his partner”? What makes me incredible just as I am? Start small-whether it’s revisiting hobbies you love, setting a new goal, or even just reminding yourself daily that you are worthy of love, including your own.
The truth is, the love of your life isn’t gone-it’s still within you. You are your constant. The person who decides your worth, your happiness, and your next chapter is you. Redirecting that love back to yourself might feel strange at first, but I promise, it’s the path to healing. You’ve got this. 💛
Coming out a 7 year relationship and I am definitely getting the insight from the breakup like he's talks about in another video. I just wish I put more effort in and saw it during the time. It makes it even harder when she was your best friend too and you put all your eggs into one basket and drifted away from other friends.
I think the two hardest things for me is remembering all the memories you had with the person, and the idea that you won't be making her happy anymore, it will be another guy eventually 💔
This is me right now and it hurts so bad. How are you holding up now my friend?
Same
Hey Matthew, I've watched a lot of your videos in the last few months and your words have not only helped me in moving on from an ended relationship but have helped me to move towards real change in many other areas of my life so I am extremely grateful for that, thank you.
M trying to move on but I cant😢
How u moved on plss help
Thank you. You have given areas to focus on that I need. Working to finalize healing. 2023 is going to be a great year. 😊
This guy is the greatest. I don’t know how I would be handling my recent breakup without him. Thank you Matthew! ❤
I broke up with my GF because her behavior was just awful. And even though it was the right thing to do, i feel absolutely crushed. Im depressed, anxious and i miss her and her daughter.
I’m feeling your pain and I’m wishing you peace and happiness for the future.
You are my favorite person to listen to - toxic relationship 35 yrs total
I'm happy and I have peace for once in a very long time
Finally and also, dating in your 40s and eventually blending families would be awesome content. There are so many of us doing this ❤
I like it when you mentioned about having so much peace after the breakup than being in love and was anxious all the time.
Hello there. You might be going through a tough time today. I am too. I’m with you. And a lot of us are here in this journey with you too. So, I hope you don’t feel too alone. Breakups and rejections are tough processes to deal with, but we can get through this. Just know, as difficult or crazy it might seem to be, but you are loved. You are so very much loved, more than you know. And there is a strength in you that at times people might underestimate. But f*ck them, you are strong. I hope you see that too. I hope I see it in me too 😅. But hey, we’ll get through this one day at a time
When you finally feel indifferent towards the person, not love, not hate, just indifference. It’s a sign you’ve arrived at a place of peace with the breakup in my experience.
The last one is very true. 2 years ago I was mourning the loss of who I thought was the love of my life, today I can say I’ve fell in love again and much stronger than before. It didn’t work out but now i know that feelings change. Life is full of surprises!
How can WORDS from a person I don’t even know be so helpful and healing ❤
I wish there was more conversations on divorce and how to do these things while still talking to them daily and dealing with the day to day co parenting. I know it's hard to talk about if you haven't gone through it but it would be nice to hear
This so much. So much break up advice is horse shit if you have kids together and a court system that’s fucking hell bent on forcing you to co-parent with someone who was abusive.
while i am watching this.. i am crying really hard. i feel so much excruciating pain. i keep denying and denying and now it exploded all at once.
After 5 months of anguish over the end of an engagement, tip #2 was an absolute epiphany 🤯. It changed everything in my healing and acceptance of the end of a relationship that wasn't as good for me as I liked to remember it being. You are a blessing, Matthew Hussey ❤. God bless you 🙏🏼
As always Matthew your advice is spot in. Big thank you. After an 8 year relationship which ended in a very unsatisfactory way last June I have been absolutely devastated. But your advice on triggers is very interesting. I made the mistake of going to a holiday destination that I had been to with my ex. Nearly finished me off! Thank you x
I got rid of EVERYTHING that reminded me of narc ex husband. It helped me heal a lil faster. No more triggers.
I'm the one leaving him and IM emotionally destroyed. I am barely functioning. My dogs are the only reason I'm up and moving. Bless their hearts.
Remind yourself why you chose to leave…use cathartic journaling to help you stop reminiscing. It helps to get it out of you and on to the page.
Oh Wow Matthew! Thank you! That's huge I want to emphasize that!
Just because you were in love, it doesn't mean that you were happy!
That hit home on my case.
Also just because some one isn't bad it doesn't mean, we didnt feel bad! Wow
Literally just spent 4 hours deleting every single photo, conversation, text, email, video, cloud backup...
I couldn't stop looking at them.
The ruminating was killing me.
Now, It is as if she never existed in my life, according to my digital history. I thought that by doing this would mean that I was weak or spiteful. But the truth is, she wasn't a terrible person, we loved eachother a lot, but I miserable as we grew apart. And it was anything but a clean break. Which made it even harder. We lingered and tried to make it work. Finally, it came to a head. The decision had to be made to wipe the slate clean.
It's still painful when she comes to mind, but she'll come to mind much less, and this stage of suffering will lessen as the triggers have been removed.
I will find my person some day. In the meantime, it's about healing and development.
i do the same all the time every time i have a break up, deleting everything!
This video just healed my heart in a huge way. Much thanks. 12 years with an Avoidant man just ended suddenly. I am definitely not okay, but I will be in time. This video is perfectly put together. Gives so much insight. Plus, like a hug through your words. Great job!
I got goosebumps when you mentioned Johannesburg! I'm actually in Johannesburg, South Africa. And that point resonated with me so much. I would always say to people that when I was with him, it felt like nothing mattered in the Universe besides being with him. And now I realise that - actually, Johannesburg is moving along smoothly without any awareness of his existence!
This hit home! Because I was never at peace and need to stay strong.
Thankyou Matt, you are doing a divine job, I say this even as a guy, all of what you say makes so much sense. Moving on would've been so slow if it was not for whatever you said in your vids...i keep on repeating what you said whenever i ruminate about the incident, "If they do not choose you, they cannot be the right person". Keep up with your work Matt, things would've been so different if it was not for you.
This is the best getting over a breakup video ever. Thank you so much! I am so grateful for this.
God Bless Matthew just what I needed to hear, I just let go of a relationship that was nit going anywhere, he was stringing me along for the past 15 months telling me to wait, finally I just walked away, feeling like crap missing him like crazy even though he will probably never commit to me!! Your video just popped up and it knocked some sense into me, the bit you talk about where one would have to move countries, I can’t afford to move to another country but I can reclaim the places I used to visit with him and start a new chapter in my life ❤
I like the evolution of this channel, I mean these advice are more empathetic, before it was very practical.
I have been feeling stuck with my last breakup. It´s been a year and a half, but I heard this and It´s true, I am a completely different person and It has been liberating and a space of so much growth. Thanks for reminding me of this💕
Thank you, it’s been almost two years and I can’t believe how much I was actually overlooking and just trying to rush the process 😭
Thank you so much Matthew for all your content. I recently discovered your channel and content and I have no words to describe how much you have helped me.
Thanks to you I discovered a new passion, self-development and how to improve all of my relationships. As you said, this would not have happened If I wasn’t broken hearted.
Thanks again and a big hug from Uruguay 🙏🏼
It’s been months and I’m still extremely damaged but thank you so much for all of your insight Matt
Thanks Matthew. I'm 3 weeks no contact after having a slip up (technically I'm 2 months no contact yay) and today I want to message him and there's no point. I'm crying and sad, and doing breathwork and will do some shamanic plant medicine now to help accelerate the healing again. I swear, without the hapeh and energetic cord removal and inner child healing, this heart would have felt a lot more pain... Thanks for the video, it's reassuring grounding alongside all the spiritual work 💕✨
I wil definitely try these tips even make notes... The crap thing is, yes you are kind of at peace even though you miss the person being around. But it's sometimes a little hectic when you were left with the kids, trying to mend your heart back together, and do your responsibilities and work an be the sole provider financially. Sometimes it just feels like you in this box an it feels overwhelming that you have all this on your shoulders and you trying to heal. But I will definitely try these steps and search for more videos of you because from most of the others I've checked out, they're pretty healing and sound advice
Cool
Takes me years to forget & to be ready again to fall in love ❤️ !
With age,it’s becoming even more deeper ,painful & I am becoming more & more exhausted just trying to move on !
Moving on is like being born again !
it takes all my inner strength,at the cost of my job ,education,money .. nothing actually matters at that point ! All the matters is this constant hurt feeling & desire to hear his voice, see his face again ..! And I could never understand how the other person never missed me soo deeply & had the heart to leave me without a word ?!
that’s why we should always look for empathy & kindness in our partner above any other quality.
I have actually left a job ,a city,& once even a university on being deeply heartbroken! !!
Everything Mathew id saying is sooo true 😢
Don’t get me wrong … This video is important but that T-shirt though .. that T-shirt is is everything.
I’ve been following Matthew’s talks for years now and he never disappoints. Thank you and your beautiful community for the ongoing support 🙏
These are all gold and solid and spot on. Thank you Matthew. 🙏🏼❤
I loved this video. I'm struggling to wake up every morning as I wake up in bed alone and cold. I frequently dream of my ex.
I used to write "what I've lost" and show it to my support group. After watching your video, I want to make a list of things that "I've gained" now that we're not together.
I'm in same boat ,,,hate dreaming of her 😢
same! having a hard time sleeping or staying asleep thinking of them and then dreaming of them. alone and cold too!
Absolutely EXCELLENT!!!! THANK YOU I needed to hear this. I’m gonna listen to it again tomorrow ❤
Yup, Munich. The problem is one knows most of those points by mind, but really hard to push them deeply into your heart
This is so spot on! Thank you. I think what I'm struggling with is that in my case he was what represented the expansion in my life. So I feel the loss more greatly... I guess it really depends what was happening before you met that person because if they were a big upgrade and they brought a lot to your life, damn it's hard to move on from :(
Yes! My partner brought a lot of different great things and lots of adventures. But I got to remember that a lot of that came with a financial cost, mistreatment, anxiety and stress, and ultimately that he did not love me as much I loved him.
What bothers me is how some people have no respect for their partner emotions and many of them are selfish😢😢
grateful for your content, you've been helping me through a painful time, and I feel more connected to myself than ever.
I’m still broken after nearly 10 months.. I can’t let go. I’m so lost.
How are you now?
i just hope we'll find each other again one day
My love life is a priority this year in the sense that I'm committed to being single this year!
It’s been very painful trying to get over my ex. My first serious girlfriend and we dated for 3 years. The first 2 were amazing and it was the happiest I had ever been in my life. Then out of nowhere she had a bipolar manic episode that lasted months. This resulted in her being put in multiple hospitals and rehabilitation centers. She eventually had to move to another state to go to rehab. All I could really do was sit back and try to be supportive. The relationship turned one sided where only her needs mattered. I was still in love, but I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel like I was able to talk to her about my needs because the last thing I wanted to do was trigger her mania. This created so much frustration in my head. After enough time that frustration was directed at her and we both decided it would be best to end the relationship. I’m still upset and trying to move on, I just miss the happiness I felt while being with her and I feel wronged because I feel like I did everything right. I was the only person who was able to somewhat calm her down while she was in her manic state. I was there for everything and I felt like I was owed a detailed explanation of her thought process. I expected rationality from an irrational person
Thank you so much for this. I am following and trying these suggestions. I do feel better most of the time. I have even started my own youtube channel and planing to move to Spain. I still love him but I put myself first.
Love to listen to you. It puts me in the path of where I need to go and do.
Fist, feel good in the heart and about one self, regain strength, climbing hiking exetra and know that the sky is the limit.
11 years together, known each other for 13 and married for 5 years. He moved on after a month almost to the day. I am trying to tell myself that saying celibate and focusing on processing doesn't mean I can't be interesting to anyone else. My self esteem is a rollercoaster like my emotions.
@Tina McKay
I’m going through similar experience. I made mistakes in my marriage, have taken ownership and corrective measures to help ensure not repeating in the next relationship I know I will find. I’ve had fleeting moments where I thought I needed to go out and jump in the sack with somebody just to feel validated to move on.
I don’t know whether my ex wife has done that for sure or not, but reality is, it’s none of my business and gravitating to those thoughts only keeps me stuck in an unhealthy cycle. It hurts like hell, but we must push through it. Truth is, that we gave ourselves permission to love or exes. It was that love we gave that made us feel so good. It wasn’t the love that was given to us. Each day when we awaken, we must look in the mirror, look ourselves in the eyes and speak “You are enough. You are worthy of loving and being loved.”
After all, as Matthew says in another of his videos, it was your strengths that put you in that relationship. You still have them. One day at a time. Be kind to yourself. It’s okay to grieve.
In ‘We All Want What We Ain’t Got’, Jake Owen sings “You know a love like that ain’t easily forgot”. Be patient and forgive yourself, even forgive your ex which is so extremely difficult to do, but you have to to find peace.
You are not alone and God will never forsake us.
Be well !
He may have “moved on” with someone else after a month, but he’s just delaying the pain. Women grieve, men replace. I know my ex is suffering, but no contact really helps. First few days are awful, but I refuse to be beaten down by it. You have to be happy by yourself and this is incredibly hard and I’m learning how to do it. It’s also perfectly ok to take it slow with someone new in a few months time. Little by little. Day by day 🌸
@@Misagonna88 thank you, I am staying alone I have no right or interest to pursue anyone. I need rest, healing and space to become myself again.
You are very compassionate Matthew, you seem to genuinely care
I need this right now, is just a week we break up, thanks Matthew!
Not in 45 minutes ago my boyfriend just broke up with me . What I am experiencing right now is much bigger than me but this video has made me again😢thank you so much😢
I love number 5🎉. There is a very fine and healing joke: get rid of one bad habit and acquire two new bad habits instead! Thank you, Matthew!