"I Can’t Get Over My Ex...Please Help Me Move On!”
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ก.ค. 2024
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Stop pedestalizing the person, look at the situation objectively for what it is, follow strict no-contact, and invest heavily in your overall growth. This, too, shall pass.
AMEN
So robotic, whatever happened to having mother natures way and just feeling and healing.
No wonder most of yall are single
@@ItSpooling_yeah , I agree. If you want him, and actually genuinely love him, try working it out. But if it's going nowhere, the best thing is to walk away.
@@shatakshipandey8014 while I do agree, some effort goes a long way.
I do like some of the advice this guys puts out, but I’ve dated a few women who follow him and they just act so robotic, it’s so weird interacting with a woman who’s following rules and acting against her nature.
Either way best of luck to y’all
Yes just maintain no contact at any cost and eventually you will get over and your self growth will boost your confidence.
I hate the whole "if you weren't hurt by this person you wouldn't have gone through this excellent growth" - growth can happen in loving supportive relationships. Yes, look at the positive if you've been through crap, but don't attribute the good things to the crap things. We shouldn't have to go through the hurt.
Not as much we learn from getting hurt
@@yommatarin1474 This is false in response to interpersonal relationships and we have data in many spaces showing this. We developed better interpersonally via healthy relationships.
The crap thing about my ex was that he broke up with me and broke my heart. I mostly had no problems in our relationship.
We shouldn't have to go through hurt to learn but if you never were hurt or in a situation where you got hurt would you truly learn?
I think not.
True learning comes from experience not theory.
It's like the difference between getting an education in school and then actually having the job or fantasizing about something like owning a home and then actually owning one.
There is real value to actually experiences.
Hmmm.. that's a very cynical and narrow perspective but I can respect that. I don't think we're attributing good things to crappy things here; You're generalising and that's not the point. But I think they're simply saying good things CAN come from crappy experiences. That's all.
Clementine story was precious Audrey is sweet and so on point
years later i’m so sad 🤦🏻♀️😕i’m trying to change the story and let go but something somehow draws me back and i’m so annoyed with myself to the point of hating myself for checking on them
I’m sorry to say that it doesn’t ever feel right to do so, but you’ll have to discipline yourself to stop looking them up. I used to record a star for everyday I didn’t look them up and soon those stars added up and before I knew it it was second nature to forget them and get on with my day. ☮️
@@al5068Thank you for the great idea. Mine is only 10 weeks ago, he’d already moved on when we met in person, he’s now got engaged to the other woman. The worse part is the lies I believed
We all do it girl lol don't blame yourself.
I do live the star idea tho!!
We're all out here trying to adjust and move forward and it takes time
Because that’s Mother Nature. Go for it and give it another try.
We are human, and won’t be here for long. Or you can follow the advice from all the robots in the comments
You're not alone.
17:30... if we can just connect the dots and see that person not as a"negative trigger" but as the one you can (secretly) thank for "triggering" your growth, it's actually liberating. You are empowered into the higher self-worth you deserve. 💗
It's funny, I watched this to aid in fully letting go of my situationship. But what I needed to hear most was that quote from the boxing coach and that whole story...in addition to the "break up" (can you even call it a break up in a situationship? no matter-), literally every major area of my life has fallen apart dramatically and I feel like I'm trying to climb out of the deepest pit of hell every day. Hearing that quote & story literally made me cry and gave me some hope, so thank you
Right? A tsunami hut along with the break up.
Loved Audrey's point about the physical & even neurological aspects of love and breakups - that our body has 'recorded' the relationship and it's part of our brain's stimuli-emotion experience. Those first days of knee-jerk 'Oh, I can't wait to tell them..' and then UGH..that sick feeling or even sensation of physical pain.
Thinking back to early days after a breakup, it felt like my brain's wiring & associations with him was like a knotted up wad of Christmas lights in my head. ALL the wires and bulbs are so tightly intertwined and it feels like untangling is impossible. But slowly, slowly....and relief does come. Matthew would say 'growth'.. ;)
Never a comment on unexpected widowhood. Both have zero experience with anyone over 40.
@@ParisianThinker Very same concepts over 40.. Trust me :)
Yes exactly!!
I'm having a hard time finding the positive in the pain.
I'm not sure anything amazing can come out of this for me.
Those words are comforting, but I don't feel realistic for me at this phase so early in the break up.
I think this is for when you are further down the road, that's all. Of course when you have just got out of what turned out to be a horribly painful episode of your life, no way you are going to say "Wow! I've learned so much from that. Isn't that great!"
@@amandayorke481 Spot on. Right now, Susan, you are in survival mode, so for the next few weeks or months (however long it takes, dont set a timeline expectation for yourself), you just need to focus on allowing yourself to grieve, while also being kind to yourself, taking care of yourself. The growth comes later, but you have to choose it. Im sorry for your pain, I also once said to my friends that I dont know how Im going to get through this, but I can now promise you, it does get easier, and I am grateful for the growth I have chosen to pursue (Not thankful for the pain! But we dont have control of that).
I have a question - Is there anyone who did say "no" to their ex who came back, but actually REGRETs for it later in their life, and still wondering the "what if", and is missing them, and secretly want to contact them again, but ego is in the way, and don't know what to do now? Just curious, anyone? Or do I have a special case?? :(
I had no regrets, but subconsciously I was waiting for him to mature (read: change). He never did, I married someone else, he married someone else, had children, and in 2022 I just broke off all contact. I realised that I was unconsciously waiting and that I was actually holding on to my fantasy of the relationship I wanted with him. Not the real relationship we had or the real him as I had known him. No, I did not want that relationship or him as he was, but I did want MY fantasy relationship and the mature version of him that I was holding on to. And I also realised that he was doing the same. Life is not a fantasy. It is what happens between the time you wake up and the time you go to bed.
Yes...but once i remember how confused I was, and hw they made me wait,wonder ...how I was not happy I applaud myself.for that no and this keeps the regret away. A bit of regret thag will fade away after sometime is far better than sacrificing your life and sanity for nothing. You do not miss him, you miss what you thougt him to be
I did but after the regrets of saying “no”, I sat with myself and made a list of all my reasons for saying “no”. ( like the disrespect, broken promises, me putting my life on hold etc…) This was an eye opener. Then I made a list of all the things I achieved. They are not necessarily big achievements but taking care of myself, reading on personal development, learning new things like putting boundaries and respecting them, having me time , all of these made me realise that I should have no regrets. And now, I don’t 😊
That usually wouldn’t work anyway. Unless the both of you completely changed as people. And there was a reason u said no, maybe because deep down inside you knew this person wasn’t good for u. Sorry 😞
Yes it happens dont let ego ruin something beautiful some relationships can be worked through
OMGSH thank you! Audrey, it soothed my soul and made me exhale all blame when you explained the untangling of neuro pathways and how that's a process and a beautiful sign of our ability to bond. And Matthew, thanks for saying healing is not one and done or a binary...helps me release guilt and annoyance with myself when I have moments of missing him and our past life. What an awesome idea to change the name. I paused the video and changed it to a (maybe ridiculously long-winded) 'You deserve someone who wants you strongly, clearly, warmly, daily, forever. This person is no longer a romantic option.' 😂 My brain knows that, but you're right, my brain also still gets warm fuzzies at the shape of the letters of his name. I WILL integrate, I WILL move on. I've done it before and I can again 💪 But thanks for reminding me to be gentle. I might have slowed my own detachment process bc I saw my ex as friend in our friend group for over a year, regularly. A few months ago he asked to take space and have no contact for at least 6 months. I was grief stricken at first (bc it meant losing some interactions with the group and losing an activity with them I did regularly), but I'm adjusting and finding new ways to see our mutual friends, and realizing he's prob right and this will be good for me too. But darn it my brain goes haywire when someone disappears - it feels like a second rejection and I've re-set the clock a little on healing. I'm struggling bc I love his family too (lived with them) and it's hard to, say, not be invited to their Fourth of July party today. We didn't end angrily, he just didn't love me enough to move towards engagement, and it's a loss I'm working through. But this will be better and I will get there ❤ And as much as it hurts, grieving a life I lived with him, his family, and his friends, it means I'm capable of bonding and can do it again. (And just so no one feels too badly for me lol, I do have my own friend group and am seeing them today. 🎆) Love to all you brave strong people out there in this world trying to find your forever partners, and who need to start over (I'm almost 36) ❤ We will be okay and we will tell a story of our resilience decades hence
I dove deeper into self-development & blossomed as a result of this pain. I have a new standard now to never settle again for less dignity & respect than I deserve. You're right! What's going to come from this is amazing, profound & beautiful. Thank you so much!
Thank you! Please create more content like this 🙏I have an ex (1st love) of 27 yrs and I still have love for him. We are distant friends. At one point he wanted to meet up with me; yet I couldn't bring myself to see him because he wants much more from me. He broke my heart💔 back in 1997 and he says he has been heartbroken ever since. He says he keeps looking for me in other women and he can't find another me 😢 I live 6 hrs away and have ran into him twice for about 5 minutes. He is now a severe drug addict and that breaks my heart 💔 The first time I saw him I was so shocked that I could barely speak. I was so angry at myself that I didnt give him a hug, so when I saw him 18 months later that is the 1st thing I did. I wish I could be his friend, a real friend 😢 but I know he wants more and I don't want to hurt him. I've had a life partner for18 years and I'm not about to hurt him; he's the one I'm in love with. My life partner is aware of this situation, I don't hide anything from him. He was there when I hugged my ex. My ex looks like a walking skeleton😢 Thank you for this topic.
How did he break your heart in 1997? What happened?
Why on earth would you be angry with yourself for leaving someone who was not faithful either to you or even to themselves? You are with someone who has chosen you and stuck by you. Celebrate it! I still pray for my last partner of 15 years ago, but he is CHOOSING to destroy himself in a horribly self-indulgent way with drugs and alcohol and I have no regrets about leaving. I didn't do any of that to him.
I find your tips work with friends too, they can also leave you after years of being a friend.
Love all of Audrey’s points in this episode. Really needed to hear they. I think we all need to remember to not be so harsh on ourselves when trying to get over our exes. Thank you so much for making an episode on this topic.
Say to yourself: "It sucks that I ever met somebody like that but thankfully the experience is over." Remove exposure to the person. Focus on other interests and let time fade your feelings and thoughts of them. Remind yourself of who you were before you ever even met them and choose a better path this time around. A quality life experience over a crap one.
Great advice ❤
❤
A month since I cut it off with my ex from 4 years ago. So proud of myself for finally doing so, and so disappointed at myself for letting it go on for so long and let it rob me of my peace of mind.
Absolutely sabotaged by a clementine. Brutal....
SUCH strong words from Martin! Very good video, thank you very much! ❤
Thank you both i love watching listen and take note of your lovely amazing conversations that changes so many lives out there. 🌹🤗❤️❤️❤️❤️
Or, he shows up in your dream, and that disturbs your day, and bothers you as to why he was there when you're not doing too bad.
Ugh, exactly what I woke up to this morning. Ex wife was in my dream. Crazy vivid, in color.
Hit home when you said that maybe it's been 3 years since your breakup... it has been, and was just triggered again yesterday and been wondering about it. Will start a list of all the + things that have come out of the 💔 including my soon to be fiancé.
That was exactly what I needed to hear right now !
אני מיואש. הלב שלי שבור. אני לא מדבר ומבין אנגלית כל כך אבל מהקצת שמצליח בכל זאת להבין מתנחם... זה עוזר ומחזק לדעת שהרבה אנשים מרגישים את אותו כאב שאתה נמצא בו
Great subject and great timing for me, as I am navigating through the ending of a relationship.
Thanks Audrey and Matthew🦋
just rewatched the Wim Hof adventure you had with the lads ~ someone that “sounds intelligent” ~
This has come up in my feed now.
🇦🇺☀️🏄♂️💦🙏🏼🧘♂️🎶🥶🌟
Super! Thank you so much to both of you 🙏🏽
We’re so lucky for Matthew sharing this content. And Martin Snow is the coach we all want in our lives 🥹
I like listening to Matt and some of the things he says make a lot of sense. Still, they make sense mostly for 20-somethings getting over a breakup. How can you block your ex when you need to co-parent? When they have a new family and your kids need to fit in somehow? All the logistics? You cannot block this person for at least 18 years, if you want your kids to have their other parent. You have to be civil with the person who has hurt you the most, for 18 years. There is no forgetting. No moving on. It's in your face every day. Blocking someone on the internet is easy. Blocking them from your life when you need to communicate effectively with them every single day is not.
THIS!!
You guys are Brilliant Thank you 😊
Love the clementine story!
Love this. I use IGNORE for the contact change.
think of "i did/do like him, but ...", makes it more acceptable feeling & easier to pass the thought off
What I did in my situationship....it wasn't even a relationship, is think about what is it about this person that I loved soo much.
I wrote down characteristics like being confifent to go for what they want or funny.
Then I started asking myself if anu of those characteristics I was not giving to myself.
I apparanytly was not letting myself live a life that was phenominal for my inner child .
Also, it is okay to let yourself feel out all the ways you loved them and then all the pain of thr relationship you never got. Suppressing emotion stops you from truelly healing.
Pick something you always wanted to do that you can make steps to and do it to start your new life.
going to buy a clementine just to verify if its segment is actually going to “like” a post by dropping it on my phones screen🏃🏼♀️💕
See, my situation was a little different. We had been dating for 3 months, and I told her I needed to work on myself. (I genuinely did, and still am.) I then realized, that she never really cared about me after all. Which really really sucks because I truly “loved” her. Whenever I told her I was leaving, I starting bawling because I didn’t want to. But, I was in such a bad mental place and it was honestly do or die. That’s how bad it got. So, now it just feels like I lost apart of me and she didn’t even care.
Needed one❤
Don't worry you got this ❤
What was her name
@@TreneT88 can't mention here 🤓
I changed his name to “Cad” and then “Scoundrel”. He fancied himself a Mr Darcy, I consider him a Mr Wickham, so this was apt.
I really need some help talking about addiction in relationships. I recently found someone I was pretty compatible with and he had a loss in the family and relapsed. He’s in rehab now but it’s been more time in recovery than in the relationship. How do I know when to move on or what to do as far as boundaries with drug use in a relationship minor or major? I know that most relationships go through this at one point or another and most people please and thank you for your help. You guys are amazing to watch. You’ve changed my life. You help me find the love of my life and now I don’t know what to do if I should let go
I changed it’s name to Gaslighter
Mine is Breadcrumbs
“(His initials) the Monkeybrancher”
Absolutely excellent video. I needed this so much. Thank you! ❤
Why would you even keep their phone number? It's done. Delete the number and move on. If you still have their number then you're still hoping to get back together. It doesn't help you move on.
Almost 3 years out from the breakup and I still get sad sometimes but I guess it’s part of the process
This is going to be good
Absolutely nothing good is coming from my pain.
So so true....
Everything!
I feel like it would have been easier to move on in my situation if there had been cheating. But it was just a prolonged and sad situation, with both us needing to heal or deal with the past. Me dealing with being such a late bloomer and needing to prove something to myself around confidence with women (too much time dwelling on grass is greener thoughts and missed dating opportunities instead of being fully present). And her dealing with an abusive past, which led to extreme behaviour (shut down or hysterical reactions etc).
We took too long to let each other go. Was dealing with things ok for several years, but running into her randomly a few times triggered some sort of PTSD in me. I was also irrationally jealous she was with someone else. She eventually broke up with the guy, and one day messaged wanting no strings attached sex. Part of me wanted to, but knew it would be harmful to both of us, so said no. We live in the same city, so every blue moon we cross paths and I get triggered again (am now 52). I don't know whether to move cities or just grow up about it all, and she's in my thoughts almost daily. When you've been so close to someone, I don't know how you can just block it out, even after years have passed.
I have experienced massive transformation after my last breakup and I know that this would not have happend without the pain and suffering I had experienced in the relationship. So the next question is how gratefuI should feel towards my (avoidant) ex? I am grateful of the experience but it seems inadequate to me feeling grateful towards him having treated me badly. Where is the line between the person and the experience? This is truly a question that I am asking myself.
As asocial person I have a lot of problems to find a partner. I might even be on spectrum, not sure. So when I finally found the person I could talk to for hours and hours and have great conversations and connection which is super rare for me, I couldn't let go. He wasn't ready for relationship, never will be, but I just kept on pursuing. Finally, after almomst 15 years of my lost youth and possibilities in life, he literally ghosted me and I still suffer. I do try with other people but it's hard when I see that he can be close to others but not to me. I am living the best life I can alone, I take care of stray cats, I have hobbies, job, I date sometimes, but there are times when something reminds me of him and it's still not easy.
Taking care of stray cats is awesome, you sound like a great person, not unlikely you will find someone else like that. good luck!
@@perlovgren919 i love my kitties! I am just sad I don't have enough money to help them more than I can. I don't meet men feeding kitties butI don't care. If it happens happens. If not it's not that bad being single.
But, Matthew, some of us are unable to develop and grow and build success into our lives. Some of us continue to struggle, despite therapy, and wish we could return to the loving state we shared with this person, who still reaches out from time to time, sprinkling hope with shallow promises, but no real intention or follow-up. It has happened three times after the original break-up; the third time, though, I could clearly see he is using me, and thought, how is this ok? To borrow a phrase from you, Matthew, the behavior “is not interesting to me”, and dims my desire to pine for reconciliation when he clearly doesn’t wish it, because what he says doesn’t match his actions. I’m trying (again) to go back to school to better my life, but struggling to find my path, and there remains the faintest glimmer in one of his statements: that if we are both single in ten years, we could be together. But, what about all the time in between? What about all the loving we’ll miss? And, do I really want to be someone’s absolute last choice? No.
So interesting how close this is to my story. Ex wife can’t seem to let go of me even 2 yrs later. And I’m not as strong as I should be.
We get micro-dosed by them “sprinkling hope” you called it.
“Who knows where we’ll be in a few years” she even said and “never say never”
Ugh…..
I know I need to move on, move forward.
I’m meeting some quality women in public. Most recently a nurse who seems lovely. How will you know you’re ready unless you test the water? Jay Shetty reference there. And to Matthew’s point in other video. We don’t have to be completely healed, just healed enough. I’m not waiting around for someone who doesn’t seem to want me any longer.
@@akrico1Thank you for sharing your experience. I would like to train my brain for peace and purpose. I wish you peace and joy on your journey. Take care.
Firstly I have to say that I absolutely appreciate your content immensely. I was just wondering if the advice that you give applicable to both male and females. The reason I ask is that I’ve seen lots of your work with women online so I was just wondering.
Watching to your videos is really been helping me deal with a very painful break up that I’ve just had.
Thank you so much for your channel and its content.
I am in a relationship and I still get triggered by my ex when I see a group photo with him inside or IG keeps recommending me to follow him. I did follow him before IG, but he removed me! Anyways it's not like I still want to be with him because I have moved on with someone else. But it was just someone who meant something to me at the time because what we had was good I thought.
Mine would be narcissistic, but I have to still work for him so I’ll have to leave his name as is
I have to work with mine. Not looking forward to that.
Broke up with my ex of 20years last March..he got a child with another woman he met less than a year ago!! I am hurt but it gets better. I sent him packing. A few days ago he knocked on my door and I looked at him with no emotions through the glass....I didn't feel any emotions...my daughter started crying but it is what it is...I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT HE WANTED!!!! I wish I could read his mind...the super NARC!!
So what do you want now u broke up
is your subsequent behaviour to your advantage or disadvantage upon the "trigger" is what matters.
Not how you feel about it.
🩵🩵🩵 There needs to be a 4th one.
Our relationship with our higher power (God, in my case).
1. You've made progress even tho you're trigerred in the moment, cause we used to be wired to that person and there is no binary nature to this, it's all your gradient; 2. Turn your trigger to something positive. Without that pain, you won't be you today! 3. Don't follow your thought, the negative thought.
What if you can't see any growth/good past, present or future.to come from the situation? What is 'growth' anyway? What if nothing comes into your life to take that place, nothing 'amazing' happens?
Exactly ......it is hardly like for me as well that i will ever get better than i experienced! All i can hope is i can forget how wonderful it was
How long u guys think it is normal to get over an 6 month ex?
I tried signing up to the newsletter on that website twice but never received them, not even in my spam folder🤔
Hey there! Please email our support team at support@matthewhussey.com and they’ll help you out 😊 -Bianca, MH team
DONT FOLLOW THE THOUGHT
Hi
💜💜💜
why do you still have your ex phone number ?
I just LOVE Audrey! 💖
Why does therapy and dating advice channels think someone being with them for YEARS is a flex?😂
Tell me they met you once they never needed you again ,and I'll be impressed
I am reading the comments below I don’t get how people can get over someone been together for 10 years my bf and I have been together after he asked me to marry him on and off and then ghosts me and then idk why he ups and down like that wtf I don’t understand after everything we been through
I changed to MPI!! Can you guess?? 😎
Best story ever (clementine), Audrey!
just found out today that my ex (we dated for 3.5 years and broke up in april 2024) just got married to the person she left me for, 2 months after the breakup….. a WEEK after their application for a marriage license was submitted (i know bc one of my friends found the literal court document lol) she sent me a message saying that she misses me a lot and feels like an idiot for letting me go. like!!!! wtf!!!!! i’m in shock right now and honestly can’t believe any of this is happening.
Undoubtedly one of the greatest actors of our time!
So, so, so true precious Audrey and Matthew.
Just see no point in not blocking a ex. We shouldnt allow the triggers at all. They are a ex for a reason. Only exception to not blocking is if you share children.
I have mine blocked right now.
Why I am not getting my 3 relationship email after signing up 😢
I am so sorry to hear that! Please reach out to our amazing Support Team, Support@matthewhussey.com and they will be able to assist you with that 🙏 Can't wait for you to receive your newsletters every week!
@@SarahStiles-MHTeam Great! Do tell them that hurts more than getting over an ex 🤣
@@bakemono716it is a good sign that you start to recover ;-) thx MH Team
This is why I block the ex I block his phone number, all of the social media that he can find me in he gets blocked.
Triggered talking about triggers 😢
Why rename the person in your phonebook? Why don’t you just delete it and block it in Matthew I love your work.❤
@@jackietaylor3188 I had actually just done that as I wasn't actually ready to delete his name, but changing it made such a positive difference for me
10 minutes into the video and I haven't heard one word of any help at all on the topic