The "No Contact Rule" Explained | Matthew Hussey
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 มิ.ย. 2024
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When a relationship with someone we had strong feelings for (or even loved) ends, we tend to get overwhelmed with emotions.
Whether we were with them for a short period of time or in a long, committed relationship, these feelings are universal.
They can come in the form of raw heartbreak, the feeling that we’ve lost control over our happiness, a paralyzing fear that they might move on, an overwhelming desperation to get them back, or simply the pain of missing someone who used to be a constant in our life.
The trouble is, when heartbreak, control, fear, desperation, or pain are at the wheel, the desire to make ourselves feel better becomes insatiable and this will in turn start to dictate how we conduct ourselves.
The solution? Setting yourself a goal.
Perhaps you’ve heard of the “No Contact Rule” but don’t know exactly what it entails, or maybe it sounds a little too counterintuitive for how you feel right now, especially if you’re holding out hope that you could still get back together . . .
Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not the case, and in this week’s video, I distill the best I’ve learned about breakups and the No Contact Rule into everything you need to know on the topic, including what you can say at different stages.
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When someone treats you like they don't care, believe them.
Well said.
I don't understand why my ex would fight me on that. "I do care, I'm just busy!!" And had a million excuses always... Why wouldn't he just admit he didn't care
Not a guaranteed method. It works sometimes. I i done it before. But she's completely changed.& she saying she wants to find someone new.
She loved me at my worse & because of the extreme dynamic of the relationship. We spent very little time together. This was a huge contribution for her changing. I was never there when she needed me the most.she loved at me worse. I made my own fair share of mistakes. Pretty much she had enough.
Yes it might work butnits a gamble that I'm too fearful some terrible take places
@@PeaceCrafter sounds about right
@@PeaceCrafter 🤔
To anyone watching this, please know that, each day, you will heal a little more and realize a little more that you are deserving of so much better. The person who will value you enough to not let you go or ever lose you, will one day come.
It gets better, it really hurts but why be with someone who doesn’t care about you and your feelings
thank you so much for this 😢💔❤
@@laurene.h You are strong and incredible Laurene! I know it’s not easy but keep pressing on. Your person is there for you. You will make it through. Sending you the hugest hug! ❤️❤️❤️
@@feministiqe I am so grateful for your heartfelt and comforting message 💖 Your words are sincerely healing and hopeful for me hold onto through all this. Sending you so much love and warmest hugs ❤️❤️💖💕
❤❤❤ thank you I needed to hear that!
I don't know what algorithm sent this video to an old married woman on an exercise bike but it breaks my heart to think of so many beautiful souls in unwarranted pain because some cockroach rejected them. I was devastated when my first boyfriend dumped me. For years I wondered why, until one day I realised it didn't matter why, because there was no longer a single thing I'd be willing to change about myself to get him back. One day you will have that peace too x
Thankyou I really needed to hear this. I been rejected my whole life by men and I'm not an ugly woman by no means no ma'am but it hurts bad it makes me feel so horrible about myself I can't breathe so your comment helped me Thankyou.
You made my day! Cockroach! 😂😂😂
If I think about him like this, life gets better!
Lots of health to you lady, you are amazing!❤
Thank you, you are absolutely right. You sound like a wise, smart woman and I wish you all the best ❤
Can’t thank you enough for ur kind words❤️I hope we all heal from the things that we can’t tell people about.
The beginning of this, too funny. 😂😂😂 thank you so much though for writing this. It helped. Hope you have good fortune and love wherever you may be. ❤❤❤❤
Message to those who are currently hurt: Its been almost 2 years after a really hard breakup. At first, I wanted him back but now I know the split was actually the best thing ever happened to me. I have never been happier. So i just came to say - wonderful things are going to happened to you. You are amazing and you're going to find someone as great as you are, you just have to believe and work on your happiness. Stop focusing on other people, your life is about you.Right now focus on yourself. Sending love 🥰
you are not damaged. you are not weak. you are doing great every single day. let no person or situation turn you into a person who is unkind to yourself. you deserve peace, happiness and love and your past will not decide it for you, you will decide it for u from this very moment.
I love this! And this is true! ❤
❤
Please stop with "amazing"
Thanks
Never go back to someone that didn't want you and was okay with the idea of letting you go forever.
Well spoken!
:(
advice like this is horrible…every circumstance, situation and relationship is different. There isn’t one rule that fits all, that’s not how life works
Yes
Wish my stupid brain agreed with that logic!
No contact isn't to "get the other person back," no contact is for YOU. If you do no contact correctly, you get the time and perspective to see that relationship for what it was and realize someone better is on their way. It's easy to think, when you're wrapped up in someone, that just because they're the best you've had so far it means they're the best you'll ever get. Most of the time, if you really committed to no contact and invested all that energy back into yourself, by the time your ex shows back up you've taken reconciliation off the table.
That was brilliant, that was direct and to the point. Thank you.
Pls I appreciate if you guys would help me answer that question
It absolutely changed my perspective, I wanted him back even tho he hurt me in many ways walked away with a new supply etc.
However, if you found someone that was actually good for you and you gave up on them. You won’t find better immediately, be prepared for some bad relationships. In other words, take a break from it all.
But what if that person truly was the best you could get… and what if you ruined the relationship 😞 I only have myself to blame.
Remember that if your ex didn’t do any healing and self reflection during the period of no contact, there is zero point in you taking them back.
True, then I would you know if he or she did if still "no contact" ?
I do not want them back.
Thank you
Exactly.
I try to remember that as often as possible, especially in weak moments
1. Creates space for healing 2. To prevent us from committing impulsive behaviour 3. To avoid pushing someone away further 4. Leaves room for mystery 5. Raises the stakes (let the other person also feel the consequences of the breakup)
How on all of this?
I have been in no contact now for almost 4 months. I didn’t reach out again because I didn’t want to be lowering my value by asking someone who didn’t want me to come back. Matthew said in one of his videos “it’s not your job to fix what he broke”
Congratulations. I know how hard that is to do. You should be so proud of yourself.
Same here. I have moved on. No grudges. No negative feelings. If he contacts again, this video will guide me.
Same! A little over 4 months and I have to see my ex on a daily basis as I have to work with him. This is a bit challenging, but he said he needed time and just looking for some fun with other women. He doesn’t want to be tied down but if he truly did care he would’ve chased me
@@tweedybird025 Hi, that must be so tough to see him everyday. Ever since he broke up with me I didn’t see him at all and I even have him muted on Instagram because I know it would be very emotional for me to see him. You are very strong !! I keep on going back and forth on the idea that maybe if I contacted him he would want me back but then I remind myself that if he truly wanted me in the first place I wouldn’t have to convince him to want me. Stay strong girl you got this. Show him what he’s missing by becoming a better version of yourself ❤️
@@Mm-wb7ct same here ! We both had strong sexual attraction towards each other but he was looking for fun while I wanted something serious so I just stopped contacting him all at once. After a month I decided to unfollow him and I guess he stalked my acc and realized my absence one month later bcuz he unfollowed me back and since then I didn’t hear anything about him. I chose to. Unless he becomes a man and grows up there is no chance in breaking the no contact rule
I followed your advice "no contact period" and after 30days I'm realizing that I don't want him anymore thank you so much Matthew.
That’s fantastic! It’s one of the reasons it’s important, it gives us time to get out of “panic mode”, stand back and actually connect with what we really want, not just act out of fear
It’s been 2 months of NC 3 months since the breakup & im randomly not wanting him back but then I’ll crack & be sad & miss him it makes no sense. 5 yr relationship, he was on & off bipolar dismissive avoidant
@@auds_e7 hey it happened to me like that 3 months I was totally fine without him but at times I breakdown and cry when I remember the memories but I didn't want him back. After exactly 7 months of the breakup I stopped breaking down and feeling sad I never reached out again even when he did.
Now it's been 9 months since the break up I blocked him from everywhere and I have no desire to check and see how he's doing.
The key is to give yourself time and to not mess up when you're on thoss sad moments.
It gets better trust me.
@@taetae4508 thanks! 😔🥺 & when did he reach out to u? What did he say?
@@auds_e7 he reached out many times for example during valentine's day he reached out and asked if I got up to much during valentine's day...
He reached out again after that asking how is my studies and how am I doing and stuff...
Basically I didn't give any importance to what he said that's why I decided to never reply.
STAND BEHIND YOUR DECISIONS. You are not flakey, uncertain, indecisive, desperate, and weak hearted. You are kind, vulnerable, and strong. If someone interprets that as weak, that is their mistake.
❤❤❤
👍👌👍
Thank you so much for this ❤
Day one absolutely sucks. But it actually gets worse… and worse….and worse… until about day 15. I think around day 15 you are at your absolute worst. But then it’s amazing because once you reach that highest point of heartache it’s all downhill from there. But you need to take NO CONTACT seriously. Once you break the no contact then it starts all over from day one again. Just like a drug. So by day 21 you actually feel better about yourself and you see the person for who they actually are instead of being Completely blind and “in love”
i am at 2 weeks, every day crying, easily moved by sad songs etc, i just hope i get over my disappointment :(
@@fantasiazplatkami u're not alone. Im at 3rd day no contact. I will not reach him first.
@@sonya749 I removed the guy from Facebook not to see him or feel the urge. Yet my head won't cooperate, I'm missing him , maybe also because im so lonely. I will not write , I have nothing to fight for there, guy is from another country, doesnt see perspective for us, I will not force him...
I'm on Day today, I wanted to talk to him so bad but I'm staying strong. It's hard when he watches all my stories. I try to carry on and not focus on it but it's so hard. I'm hopeful for that day I'll wake up and not care anymore
@@Elizabeth-cu2uo I went no contact with what I thought was my first love. I swore I was going to die, and after 4 months of pain I began feeling okay, then I met someone else and that's when I completely forgot about her lol, it didn't workout with the new person, it was very short but I never missed my first love again. Then I felt like I wasted 4 months of my life suffering for someone that didn't want me in the first place. I swear you'll be okay. I went through the exact same thing with the stories and my solution was to unfollow her. It really helps not to give them the opportunity to ignore you, unfollow him or hide your stories from him.
“ My silence means I am tired of fighting and now there’s nothing left to fight for. My silence means I am tired of explaining my feelings to you, but now I don’t have the energy to explain them anymore. My silence means I have adapted to the changes in my life and I don’t want to complain. My silence means I am on a self healing process and I’m trying to forget everything I ever wanted from
you. My silence means I am just trying to move on gracefully with all my dignity. By Aarti Khuran))
Love this
I needed this! Thank you 🤎
How do I get him to still fight..
Fr Man U said it that’s the truth right there
PERFECTLY SAID! I'm so tired of explaining myself 😅😅😅
If someone does not want you in their life, walk away and never ever bother them again. It's the right action for both people , anything else is unreasonable.
Easier said than done
My friend’s situation is different. She had s long distance relationship with 2 children in school with good friends and the guy really likes her but he believes she will never move closer to him and he’s very stressed about the whole thing. He changed over the past week with her with short text messages and she said she could tell he was acting like he was putting a wall up to back away and then when she called him and said “What’s going on? What are we?” And he said that he was just very confused and had no idea if she would ever move close to him, so he doesn’t want to have an answer for what the are, because he has no idea.” He does still reach out to her but with nothing but silly questions about recipes about something she had cooked for him when she was visiting her. I know he cares about her and I remember when they first met online they got along like best friends. I was surprised to hear how much they had in common. They were good for each other but he’s scared. So, I told her to ignore him and see what happens. Maybe nothing will happen other than she just gets over him. She could have any man she wants and I know he knows that. So, the reason for ending it wasn’t that someone did anything wrong, hopefully she moves on, because she’s probably not going to move her kids out of state anyway and her kids play with my kids. It’s a confusing situation for both him and her. She gets where he’s coming from though. He knows she’s very mature about how he feels.
You say this, but sometimes the person breaking up wants the other person in their life, just not in their current state. They need to heal and need that space to properly heal since they never had that space before
@@DaxVerus This is what my ex told me. Now we're both healing. Hope someday we get back together.
@Ericka Webb I'm no therapist but after 4 more months of growth I've learned try not to see it as a goal to get back together. It'll stunt the healing. You'll only heal to the point of return, or get rejected and that will cancel the healing. Heal as if you won't get back together and if you do it'll mean that much more.
Just personal advice :)
I listened to this and sent a letter written the way Matthew suggested. I heard back from him in 5 days. He apologized to me for over reacting and we met and talked about happening with each of us. We both want this relationship and are willing to work on it. Thank you so much Mathew. So many others tell you absolutely no contact whatsoever, but I listened to Matthew. My significant other told me that he was wanting to contact me but was afraid I did not want to hear from him. When he received my letter he knew we both felt the same. I also feel like I gained my power back because I let him come to me, and he now knows that I could walk away and move on with my life if the situation called for it.
Would you help me write a letter?
I am so happy I found this video today. I was literally on the verge of texting my ex after only 8 days of no contact. Your guidance and advice gave me the strength not to do so. Thank you!
Did he ever reach out?
@@edith.avenue Im curious too
@lisabertossagrisrsabrmrp-b786
any update?
update?
@@lizblanchette5390 I remained strong and didn't reach out, but I did end up running into him and his son at a restaurant back in February. His son is 8 and has Downs Syndrome and loves me very much. When he saw me, ran to me, hugging and kissing me, and wouldn't let me go. We ended up sitting a table together and talking for a while. After that night we started seeing each other, again, and have been since then. We continue to have our ups and downs, but our communication is much better now and I'm hopeful it will work, this time. Our relationship is complicated, and my love for his son makes me more patient with our relationship than I probably would be, otherwise. Time will tell. Thanks for asking for an update. Hope you're finding love in your life.
I've been in no contact now for more or less a month. However, the cause of the breakup was all my fault to begin with since I was dishonest about something serious since the beginning (We've been dating for 7 months). The trust was completely broken. She found out the truth and kicked me out of her apartment. I absolutely loved her (still do) and I have never been in this much pain and guilt in me entire life, it's almost humbling. She reached out to me on the 8th of May (ironically when this video came out) and wanted to have closure and end things peacefully. Of course, I tried to convince her that we should give it another shot before we regret it, she refused. She couldn't risk it, and there seemed to be way too much damage that it seems unfixable.
Ever since then, I have been respected the breakup and ceasing to contact her. I have never been more determined in my life to grow and evolve as a person. I am done with lying and being a coward when confronting the truth regarding something serious, no matter how ugly it is. I am owning up to my wrongdoings and facing the consequences head on, and as a result of that, in just a month I feel so much more confident in myself as a person. I ULTIMATELY want her back. I never loved anyone as much as her. I hope that one day, whenever that may be, she will see how much I have grown and matured. But I gotta focus on myself first and foremost.
If you took the time to read this, I really appreciate you! 💕
I hope this works out for you ❤
If you really love her, then do the work and then reach out. Don't reach out now with possibly empty promises. Pick yourself up, go to therapy if needed, re-program your brain (there are books about forming habits, etc.), and make sure that you are in a good place. Then reach out, you don't have to ask her to go back, you can reset and instead ask if she would do you the honor to take her out on a date, and try to court her and show her that you have changed. If she is meant for you, it will work out. If not, you will at least be a better person and will have truly learned your lesson.
I can relate to what you are saying, this definitely gives me hope during this change in my life. I do hope it works out for you. Thank you for sharing your story .
This is beautiful. More strength to you.
I wish my ex boyfriend would do just like you did, but it turns out he’s already looking for some more hoes..
I’m so devastated, I still want him back even when he did me so dirty. God, what is happening to me..
For those heartbroken and wanting their ex back desperately, I can attest that the no contact method DOES work, BUT think about whether it really would be the best thing for you. Break ups happen for a reason, they are not just a random occurrence out of the blue. If your partner went all the way to make the decision that they don't want you anymore, then that means that something just wasn't working. I got my ex boyfriend back using the method, but our differences in values and worldviews (which were the underlying cause of the break up) resurfaced after a few weeks. The new relationship only lasted three months. So think twice before you waste any more time on this person, there are plenty of others ❤️
Sorry that you went thru the pain again but I'm glad that you are getting stronger
Similar thing happened to me, the second time we lasted 7 more months and the same issues rised, Matthew is right as he always tries to keep talking to me so he doesn’t feel like he definitely lost me, he meets other people as I wait crying and missing him while he is comfy doing his thing.
This gave me strength to stay away as l have been doing lately
This. Very true.
@@sudesso stay strong and listen to Mathew
There are not plenty of others in my opinion.
Once again, I created an ILLUSION of a relationship. Can't let go if there's nothing to let go of. It's all internal. Love thyself.
My boyfriend split up with me 3 weeks ago and everyday since has been a constant struggle. I feel sick, anxious, in physical pain.. the lot! Praying for everyone going through heartbreak.. praying for your healing and strength to get through this. Everyone thats currently going through heartbreak write a comment under mine and lets see where we are in 6 months. Stay strong people, we’ve got this!
Im here, cant wait to see where we are in 6months! Im on day 9 and yeah its not good is it
Just broke up, have been having panic attacks at work. Hope it gets better
I get better and better in just almost 2 months. I mean i still think about him sometimes but the pain is definitely getting less and less everyday. Maybe i'll totaly get over him when i reach 6 months. So yeah, just keep being alive!
The person I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with just left me 2 days ago. I can’t escape of what could have been cuz I pictured every day of my life with him. I really don’t know how to accept the fact that he is so damn fine with the idea of letting me go forever. I am in so much pain. I know I will overcome this one day but just that it’s hurting a lot at the moment. I genuinely hope his life is filled with love and blessings.
It’s been a year!! I hope you’re on a journey of self-love and peace. I’m just beginning mine now
“It’s easy to be kind when it’s with someone you want something from. But character is being kind when someone can’t do something for you. Character is being kind when no one’s watching. Character is being kind when it’s difficult.” 👏👏👏
Yes 💞
Amen to that! Especially on the part when you said "when no one's watching".
1 Corinthians 13 : 4-8
@@kimgordon3695 young person guide in Athens said: Paul was preaching in Agora, no-one converted, Corinth was infested with whores and whorehouses (what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas) Paul's letters did not help, yet you have mention it here :)
You seem cute
I'm 10 months no contact and it has really helped me move on and heal from heartbreak. It's peaceful.
Seems like no contact failed to help you get them back.
@@AndyTominit helped to heal and that’s the important thing. Very few couples get back together after a breakup. Most people move on. No contact makes you move on quicker.
See and that's the difference between men and women. You are 10 months in and doing just fine and millions of men are years or decades in and still not able to move on.
@jlo0110 this! It was about my growth, the relationship didn't reconcile and that's fine. I was able to move on 😁
@@qwertpoo1I'm sorry to hear that, but don't try to make me feel guilty for moving on.
so in pain right now and you have no idea how much this helps
I’ve just separated after 25 years of marriage. Separation rarely happens overnight. As painful as it was, having contact has been even more painful. The healing only began after implementing a no contact rule. Agree100%.
My choosing to do no contact after he broke up with me was my saving grace. I was soooo blind to how unhealthy/unsupportive/devaluing the long-term relationship was for me (and he's a THERAPIST). The breakup was devastating, but I felt relief he was out of my life within the first weeks. By the time I saw him 3 months later at an event, I instinctively recoiled while he tried to be affectionate with me. I was so shocked by his behavior. Clearly he missed me, but by then I knew I was worth SO MUCH MORE than what he offered. I deserve a man who will fix his stuff to be with me. I have ZERO REGRETS. The strength I developed with no contact empowered me and improved my life.
So beautiful. Well done April 🙏♥️
I love this.
Most therapists have issues of their own
Happy to hear,Continue being strong April.. ❣️
👏👏👏
The no-contact rule is for us to move on. Sometimes they do come back, but it's nothing we should expect or count on. No contact is to distance ourselves from the breakup, not a manipulative tactic to get them back.
My psychologist said when you’re highly emotional and hurting act opposite don’t watch things that upset you/trigger you play music that is opposite to what you’re feeling and if you’re body is saying go to bed/hide in bed… get up get out of bed and move. This breaks the brains perception of “fear response” you face it you reframe what is happening “I’m useless this is all my fault” to “I may not be perfect but I try my best and that’s enough”
Needed to hear this. Thank you.
I had broken up with my boyfriend several times. We came back every time, because I reached out to him when I missed him and he was holding on to me. Very toxic behavior. 5 years later we're breaking up again. This time, I will follow the rule and actually let the time heal both of us. Thank you so much for opening my eyes.
no contact is so difficult, there are times where I feel I have moved on but before you know, I feel I am back at square one. It has been 5 months now.
UPDATE: He reached out and said he wanted to get back together. I don't know if I want to because I don't need my ex's validation anymore and I am able to live without him. :)
UPDATE again: It's over for good.
Same here. It's been almost 4 months. Sometimes I feel great and others like I'm back at the beginning. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do. He broke what we had and threw me away.
Yes it can take for very long. Mine more than six months. But with me it are only less en less moments like this
I can feel this , it's been like 2 and half months . Almost losing hopes but somewhere in my heart there is still hope idk why ? I mean it's a weird feeling
No contact is also hard for me too because the women I want to be in a relationship with, she ain't ready to be in a relationship and she stopped talking to mr
That’s normal. Sometimes even after a very long time, but if you keep moving forward the moments you feel bad will be less and less until eventually they are gone for good.
Quoting from
someone unknown: “LET ME BE CLEAR, my love for you is unconditional, BUT your presence in my life is not. The moment that you prove that your value of me does not measure up to my sense of self worth, I WILL HAVE NO PROBLEM UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING THE MEMORY OF YOU AND MOVING ON.”
I don’t know why this made me cry. I needed to hear this words thank you
I am currently 1 and a half month in my breakup. He was someone I really loved and am still in the process of learning how to un-love as he broke up with me.
For the first proper month I made the mistake of going in and out of No Contact and here is what I learned:
So, a little of a back story... we broke up last month on the 11th but for the first month went in and out of no contact. Today marks 14 days that we haven't spoken which is the longest and it's because I finally decided I was done.
The first month we would go a week without talking, would speak for 4 days or so and then go another week and the process would repeat. Each time we would speak I would technically get a little more 'closure' but nothing really because at first he would be cold and very vague but after each break of NC he would open up a little more and I still really wouldn't get anything.
He would tell me he himself was still processing a lot and didn't fully know and ironically told me he still had lingering feelings of 'being in love' and a renewed bit of a 'crush' every time we spoke. I was a bit shocked to hear this because I had convinced myself of course he fell out of love because he left. I also thought maybe he was being cruel and playing a trick on me to keep me around a little by telling me... but if there's one thing he never did was ever give me hope in us getting back together. He made it very clear he wanted to get rid of his feelings for me and I even asked if he regretted his decision ever and he told me no.
Each NC break he would indulge in conversating with me, we would laugh and talk on the phone for hours and text throughout those days. It felt like old times but then things would come back and I would feel confusion and hurt and want to ask him more which lead us into arguing a little and going NC again.
He and I didn't break up on horrible terms, it was just difficult the last few months because on his part there were a lot of pretty words and not enough action. In the end, he just couldn't keep the promises he made so he left.
It doesn't matter if someone tells you straight out that they don't love you anymore or feel anything when they see you and thus that is why they leave, or even in my case telling me he still did love me and have feelings. Both hurt in their own ways because it doesn't change the fact that they left. They actually left and did not want to be romantically involved anymore.
I know closure is what we really feel we need but them leaving is ALL the closure you need. I know it hurts, I went fishing for answers and I got some, but in the end I was still left hurt and confused because the outcome never changed. He still left.
I think no contact is important for YOU to heal and move on and pick up your pieces, they do not deserve any more of your time. I know it hurts, I know it's difficult and I know you want answers but the answers don't really truly matter if the outcome stays the same. No contact is for you to heal and move on, not be hopeful that they'll come crawling back.
I am still trying to pick up my pieces, I made the mistake of going around in circles trying to get answers and I promise you, it just delayed my healing process and left me feeling like the breakup just happened each time over and over again.
The best thing you can ever truly do for yourself is to not let them have anymore of your time and any more pieces of yourself, you are deserving of so much more. I promise you that!
Sorry to hear you had to go through such, could relate a bit as I'm starting the journey too and don't know how to do the no contact should I block them everywhere or simply ignore them on social media not reply to any or interact? Much appreciated for your insights and O believe we'll grow stronger and wiser from it all🤗
@@cherqaouij Hey, So I don't know whether or not you were the person who was broken up with or did the breaking up with but I'll speak on if you were the person who was unfortunately broken up with. If it was something that caught you off guard or obviously you didn't fully expect I can imagine how much pain you're going through and obviously your heart still loves and cares for this person.
if they spoke to you on why it happened and why they decided they no longer wanted to pursue that relationship with you but you feel like you still want to be in it and try to fix it, I would send them one last proper message expressing how you're feeling. I would make it very simple and to the point where you express you would like to understand why it's happened, that you still do love/like them and wish to work on and continue to pursue the relationship BUT you also respect their decision and and respect yourself enough to know if you are no longer wanted and that you will be in the process of moving on. (even if it's not what you want and I completely understand that but unfortunately it's what they're wanting)
Once you get your point across to allow them to know you still find value and wish to be with them but that you are also respecting their decision and yourself enough to move on I would bid them a farewell and no longer contact them.
If it wasn't a bad relationship I wouldn't go as far as to block because if there's a possibility for them to reach out and communicate and it's what you want you should leave that open but if it was bad and you do want them out of your life forever a block is good.
The best thing you can do for yourself is NOT to contact them even though it can be difficult and you'll miss them and go through so many different stages of grief. If they reach out to you, they need to be reaching out to fix the issue with the thought of getting back together if it's what you both want. Do not let them waste your time with meaningless messages to keep you hooked and not in the process of healing.
Allow yourself to feel every emotion your heart wants to feel, allow yourself to cry, to be sad, even to feel a little bit of anger and bitterness because feelings demand to be felt and you are only human. What I don't suggest though is allowing yourself to STAY in that feeling and dwell/lay in bed sad all day and waste away your day. Allow yourself to cry and feel when in the process of doing things if needed.
There were times I was doing my morning stuff and as I was doing it I just cried because I was sad and I was missing him, but I still got my stuff down and after a good cry I felt better.
You don't want a few months to past and here you were wasting your time away, hurting your relationships with friends, family, or the possibility of meeting new people and or letting your body fail along with your heart. Make sure you're eating, resting and taking care of yourself too okay? even if some days it feels difficult.
Logically you will come to understand so much after this breakup, about yourself as a person, how you can improve your own life and your other relationships and you might even realize where it wasn't working out in your relationship with that person. But you heart might do the opposite, you heart will miss them, be sad and think about all the good stuff and that's okay. You are being forced to learn how to not love or like them anymore and you did not ask for that. Be kind to yourself okay?
I am only 2 and a half months in my breakup and although I still have sad days and days where it feels like I didn't make any progress I know it's because in those moments I am just feeling everything all at once again. IT GETS BETTER. there is no time frame for healing but if you allow yourself to be honest about how you feel and feel it, you will slowly heal. You are worth so much more than someone who does not choose you. All of that love or like you had for that person, put in yourself now even if it isn't easy okay?
You got this, I am rooting for you and I hope something I said helps you.
Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
Thanks a lot for sharing this.....the fact is....the will keep giving you hoping I am here i am coming I reached.... but they will never start
did you also block all his social media?
This video helped me a lot. I usually stand firm on my principles and I understood the no contact rule properly…but my ex broke my heart so bad that I became extremely needy after the break up even though I broke up with him…so even after I initiated the no contact rule he kept contacting me and I kept giving in because I just loved him so much and we wanted to get married and things fell apart when his mother said no. Or so I think that’s what happened , a part of me believes he lied and he had no intentions of marrying me…anyways now I know that have to STAND FIRM!! And to focus on moving on..I used to be in the middle of moving on and building new hobbies, setting up a new routine and he’d just drop texts “checking up on me” and just like that I was on square one again. Be careful with your hearts ladies. I finally broke that cycle and In glad I didn’t marry that coward.
Similar thing happened to me on new year and he keeps texting me . I be moving on and as soon as he texts I am back to my heartbroken state . I am just going through a rough breakup right now .
@@Empressive123 hey I hope you’re doing okay.. just block the guy honestly. If he keeps crossing your boundaries then it just shows he doesn’t care about you, he’s texting you for a selfish reason. Probably misses you, needs someone to cling on till he finds somebody else or feels guilty about something. It’s not about you, he’s doing it for himself. To put into context while my ex kept contacting me to check up on me, he was actively meeting girls and their families!! whom his mom handpicked for him to marry. Yet he was calling me, while he was preparing to move on with someone new, permanently!! Guard your heart.
@@Empressive123 same situation 🙂
I can relate...I block the guy.. I can still see when I get a blocked call.. I give in then back at square 1.. feel the heart break all over again...
@@godspowereffiong1414 how!?
'no contact' however crushingly painful it may be, will help keep your dignity and respect in tact. If they chose to end it let them end it and move on.
"Raise the stakes" hits it on the head. They want to break up, then give them what they ask for. Let them see what life is really like without you.
It's been 4 months since my girlfriend broke up with me, and we haven't spoken since. I have to admit when I started it, just like Matt said, I was mostly thinking that this was going to win her back. She was going to see how wrong she was, how she mistreated me and took everything I poured into that relationship for granted. But after the first couple months, I started to really see just how much better I deserved. I deserve someone who wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with them. I deserve someone who doesn't take the things I do for them for granted, constantly reacting with a "Okay, and what else?" attitude.
Most of all, I've learned to respect myself a lot more, and vowed never to let myself be treated like that again. I'm ashamed that her daughter saw the difference in how great I treated her mom, versus how she brushed me off, cancelled our plans half the time, and was always mad at me for the most trivial of reasons, just refusing to give me the time of day. This, and Matt's video about being "happy enough", so that you have the confidence to walk away from someone who treats you poorly, have helped solidify my confidence and independence, knowing that this breakup, as painful as it was, was ultimately for the best. Honestly, my only main regret is that I wasn't the one who broke things off when she started treating me so badly. I'm ashamed that I let her daughter see me put up with that, making her think that that kind of behavior was okay.
Why do you care about her daughter, that’s her problem.
It doesn't matter if she broken up with you BECAUSE just the FACT that you haven't reached out to them shows that you actually have broken up with her
@@radar4536 her child is her concern, true. However, as an adult you should be conscious of your behavior and influence to children. He stated he didn't want the child to think her mother's behavior was acceptable. He is right in his thinking. Maybe next time he will re-consider a relationship with a child involved, as you are being watched. That daughter will grow up to be and adult, hopefully she is smarter than her mother otherwise, she will be trash for her partners.
I feel ya, bro. Get "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. Eye-opening book.
On some level, her daughter did realize that what was happening was wrong. There was one time she even asked her mom if I was cheating on her, because in her little kid mind, that was the best explanation for "why is Mom being so cold and distant all the time when he's always so good to her?" Even before I moved in, her daughter got really excited the first time she saw me doing the dishes unprompted, telling her mom that "Dad never helped out with the dishes." What worries me is how now she's only going to hear her mother's side of things, which will no doubt paint me out to be the bad guy. Her dad's a scumbag who abused her mom. Half the time when it's his weekend to have her, he doesn't. His birthday landed on a weekend he was supposed to have her and he chose not to, so he could go drinking with his buddies (God forbid you celebrate your birthday with your daughter). On my birthday, all I wanted was to spend time with those two. I remember coming home from work that day and seeing them both at the kitchen table with a cake and presents... it was one of the happiest days of my life. I still have the birthday card her daughter made for me. It meant the world to me. Her aunt and uncle are potheads who have their own mess of drama I don't have the finger strength to type about here. She really could have used a positive male role model in her life, and now I'm never going to see her again.
I know her daughter isn't my responsibility. But I wanted her to be. I wanted to be her stepfather so badly. But the last thing she needs is a stepfather who is in a toxic relationship with her mother, and that's what we had. I wish we could have talked it out, but her mother just gave up. She treated me poorly. She couldn't communicate with me. And in the end, she couldn't even break up with me in person - she video chatted me. Like every other time she was mad at me, she brought up a bunch of stupid little things that had been bothering her for weeks (or months) that she had never mentioned before, each of which could have easily been talked through. I don't need someone like that in my life. In the words of Matt, "It's okay to be disappointed that someone didn't turn out to be the person that you needed, but what you mustn't do, is grieve as though they were the one."
I truly thank you for this video. This is the most painful moment in my life. Every word you spoke allowed me the courage to move on.
I’m going through the same 😪
Same here, it´s ectremely difficult to move on when you don´t want to. We can do it, stay strong.
@@racheyg1980 ❤
@@juancruzregina8151 ❤
Same... How is it now after 1 month, I'm curious... Cuz I'm sad as hell and very hurt 😥😥💔💔
Currently on day 4 of no-contact. The first few days are absolute hell, but I'm already feeling almost back to normal on day 4. Those going through a break up, I feel your pain and you've got this!!
If you are almost back to normal on day 4, did you even love them in the first place...?
Woohoooo! I'm excited about this NC rule!! I've never gone 3 days without reaching out but here I am on day 6 babyyyyy. Shining, growing, it's his loss, he didn't want to be a partner. I am not prepared for anything either, just building myself up and succeeding at my life.
Love this comment- you’re inspiring me to start too :)
update? i hope things are going well for you!
Thank you Matthew. I did just that. The 'goodbye' letter. I told him I accepted his decision and that I was taking this time to focus on me. Continue the dance lessons we started together and was now confident enough to go out dancing by myself. We will see if he comes around. We had great chemistry and a lot of fun, but he pulled the whole 'I have too much on my plate' thing. I went out last night and had 3 guys who kept me dancing all night. It was great! Time will tell...
Keep dancing in life 💃. This breakup does not define you. There’s a more beautiful story coming for you.
Lucky lady! Keep dancing :D
update??
@@terryhutchings7701 thanks for the update❤,
please keep us updated if he does text you
@@terryhutchings7701 thanks for the update❤,
please keep us updated if he does text you
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
Have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about two years ago, but i could not let her go, so i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back, now we are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Cha mani White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
How are you doing now sir? I hope you are much better.
This is actively changing my perspective. This is healing me. Every single message that I'm getting from my ex, I am coming straight here. And I'm gaining strength to do this. I am in insufferable pain right now. And every word out of his mouth is leveraging me right back in. My heart has stopped hurting long enough to get my sh*t together in my own head. I can't thank you enough.
I was in no contact with my boyfriend, and he was in no contact with me for almost six month's it's the hardest thing I've ever done. He spoke to me today for Mother's Day. He love's me and asked me for forgiveness and his really is sorry.I was working on myself during this time , but to be honest it was the hardest thing I've been through. Will take it from here. I want to thank you for your help you were always there for me God bless you !!!
Wait. So you reconciled?
Did you get back with him ?
@@manishagarg7177 No we need to communicate there's a lot to talk about and will take it from there.
Well done Jeanette. If you decide to try again, be sure it’s from a place of genuine growth on his side. Take your time, watch carefully. X
@@thematthewhussey Thank you Mattew will do great day 💙
The points made in this video and similar videos/articles really hold true. Although I didn't do a literal no contact for 21 days after the breakup, I upheld my standard, did the "I respect your decision" message, started moving on. It helped me realise that I would be ok even though I was heartbroken and absolutely devastated, it helped me grow and work on myself, it helped me heal and in the end, he came back to me. A year and a half later, our relationship is stronger than it ever was before the breakup. I don't want to give anyone false hope, but yes, these things really work. I wish everyone all the best, I know being broken up with can cause the worst possible pain, but as cliché as it sounds, it does get better either way ❤️
Hi, how long did it take for him tô contact you? I need some false hope… just kidding. Thanks
So your saying you did contact him ?
@@spaceman11c just a few days actually
@@jese2222able not by myself, but I responded to him after he contacted me and then we started a text conversation
When did you send the text?
I rewatch this video every time I feel the urge to text her. It’s so helpful to stay on track
Update: she just wrote me a letter saying she’s open to the idea of getting back together… I’m not sure what the next steps are
@@prestonk5879😮😮
What’s the update?
Update 2: Today we made the decision to stop talking to one another. We were seeing each other frequently this summer after breaking up and it was fun but honestly it wasn’t the same as what it used to be. Sadly I have to accept that it’s most likely over for good at this point. I moved home from school and she still has another year left. Oddly I feel okay about the situation. Being alone is going to give me the chance to figure out who I am as a person. I’m working towards getting my first career job and I go to the gym 6 days a week. I will keep coming back to this comment section to let you know what happens!
@@prestonk5879thanks for this comment, brother. I’m going through it right now and this gave me so much more hope. God bless you.
There's such a strong message in the comments that "NEVER GO BACK TO SOMEONE WHO LEFT YOU" like guys it's more nuanced than that. Relationships are complex and so are people. @Matthew what do you think?
I recently went no contact with a guy little over a week ago. I met him in December, both volunteer for the worship team at church. He has been “bread crumbing” me for months, sending mixed signals. Missed me one week, acted disinterested the next, sent only 1 word texts etc then he would be all into me again. Never ending cycle.
My anxiety has been through the roof. I lost weight over the stress of the situation. Every night I would lay in bed with my heart pounding out of my chest, just ruminating about what I did wrong, or what I could’ve done differently to make him believe I was good enough. I fell for him hard, he painted himself as this good guy, that goes to church and is working on himself (not sure why it took me this long, but just because you meet someone at church, doesn’t always mean they have the best intentions). I took that painting and just ran with it, feeling elated that I possibly found “the one”.
But I didn’t know him at all. I just envisioned this future life, based on the potential I saw in him. I was pretty vulnerable expressing this to him, And I don’t regret it. I was really emotional for days after, thankfully I’m starting to feel better now. It hurts, but I would take peace over confusion any day. Hugs to everyone going through a hard time - Jusr know you’re not alone 🤍👸
Exactly what I’m going through
May i ask ur advice, did u block him from every contact channels or just ignoring his text ?
@@fangfangfang555 blocked him on everything. That’s the best solution I’ve found.
When they reached out I felt kinda irritated and turned off, even though I missed them. I thought something was wrong with me because I thought it was exactly what I hoped for but when it happened I only felt irritated .... so thank you ... guess I’ve got my sense of standards back 😁😁😁
A few months ago, my girlfriend left me. I watched this video and followed Matthew's advice with great effort. I probably took less than the 20 days needed to overcome the phase of greatest pain. IT WORKS! Do what he says and things will get better, very soon. I PROMISE! I had promised myself that if it worked, I would leave a positive comment. So here I am, even though it's 5 months late.
This video saved me !!! I was so depressed.......When someone walks away from us, let them walk ! It was not him I should have been trying to take care of, it should be me. His selfish letters and texts were to make him feel not so guilty not to help me. He even wrote to my friends to say he was breaking up to protect me. What Bullshit! Give it a couple of months. It will not be as it is now and you will be able to breath without heaviness and move on.
God Bless you Mathew.
Two months into dating he suddenly stopped texting and went no contact for 48 hrs I sent a text saying “why he was leaving me on read” I waited other 48 hrs and blocked him. I didn’t even send a goodbye text I am worth a lot more than being disrespected. Now has gone a month since I did that and realised I don’t want him anymore and he was not right for me anyway. Sometimes people leave you, let them be they are not meant for you. Keep working on yourself and get passionate about your life this guy won’t be even in your headspace anymore.
I've made some new friends along with my old friends and they've told me their story about being left at the altar, being divorced, and all sorts of heart ache and they've still managed to find their partners so I'll be just fine. 😇 I'm focusing on my priorities and making sure I continue making my dreams a reality.
Anyone who leaves someone at the altar is a really really selfish person. The least they can do is show up to the wedding venue and tell their to be spouse face-to-face, apologize, and then leave.
Very good stuff🙌🏾
Sadly, I was a breadcrumbed recently and I fell for it only to be discarded again just about when I was to declare my intentions for wanting to win her back.
What Matthew is saying is true. Just take the 'no contact' rule seriously. It's not what you think you need, but you'll appreciate not getting your meager hope crushed again.
Work on letting go so that they won't hold space in your heart.
I watch those every morning to get out of the post wake-up depression and its helps, thank you
I need to watch this daily; maybe even hourly! I broke contact 5 weeks ago. It hurts so badly but I know it’s for my own sanity.
Wow. I am 3 months into no contact. It’s like the hardest thing ever, it feels like someone in my life died. I broke it off with him because he couldn’t fully commit. This was an on again off again non committal relationship. Super complicated but definitely love involved. I had to break it off with him because he couldn’t commit, I see that he was bread crumbing me and being really selfish anytime he tried to get back with me. I lowered my standard TOO MANY TIMES!! I was just sick of it.. this video and all your comments help me feel not alone in this painful season. I’ve never dealt with a break up this bad before. Constant crying spells. But you are totally right, using the no contract rule has extremely raised my own standards and helped me realize how much love I need to give myself to heal. It’s not up to him to make me heal. Thank you for this!
Asha, I was in a similar situation with my ex he would not commit. But didn’t want to let me go. I was just supposed to deal with his lies and cheating. I had to walk away it was the hardest thing i ever had to do. It’s a struggle I thought I would marry this man until I realized I deserve better. So I choose myself instead:) I have to get my dignity and self respect back. He has broken me down so much I feel unlovable. The point is your not alone and I hope your feeling better.
Update?
So I’m now 9 months no contact. Until the other day. He wished me a happy birthday and that was it. It was still incredibly hard, in fact as time went in it got harder for me. I was definitely hanging on too long. The hardest thing for me was the constant passing memories I had with him. Fire was I supposed to block those out it get rid of them? I couldn’t!! I haven’t looked at his social media in months…. Until the other day.. he has clearly moved on, and I was FUMING PISSED when I saw it. Then a day later, I realized, ok, the reason I’m holding on is because he was very confusing about how much he really wanted me. I got my answer the other day seeing his social media, and it was actually easier to move on because it is very clear to me now where I stood with him in the first place. I was a holding spot for him until the next best thing came along. It freaking hurt, but I’ve accepted that this is life. I learned that I cannot give my pearls out too quickly!! I hope you all find peace in these hurtful times! It sucks, but I encourage all of you to get TRUTH! Things are so confusing when truth is missing. Now i could give to flying you know what’s if he’s not in my life. I know I mean nothing, and it’s ok, at least i I know!
Oh, it's *so* similar to what I have experienced and how I feel. I still feel so much for him, since it all happened these days. It does feel like a funeral of a relationship that never even fully was.
This whole video is describing exactly what I'm currently going through. It really helped take clearer decisions being the one getting dumped.
My new favourite channel. Growing up I never experienced healthy love and my only serious relationship has been a projection of that. You’re teaching me something I will keep with me forever and keep revisiting
I did the no contact right after my ex and I decided to break up, I chose to do the "no contact" rule for 3 months. At first, I'm not gonna lie, I was thinking to get him back, but as soon as I get in tune with myself more and learn to put myself first, I realized that the no contact rule is for me to learn gaining respect for myself. I started to love myself more, I love my life more, I love my job more and I finally able to say I love my happiness that I choose every single day. The "No contact" rule becomes my weapon to overcome any kind of heart breaking situation whether it's relationship or friendship. Therefore, don't lie to yourself when you wanna do no contact rule and consistently doing that because maybe at first you want your ex back and it turns out you wanting something more which is A Great Relationship with yourself.
May i ask ur advice, did u block him from every contact channels or just ignoring his text ?
@@fangfangfang555 I didnt block him just stop communication all at once for three months. did Yoga and get myself busy with things I have never done and I always wanna do! meditation and journaling helped me get through it faster than i expected
So well said!!!!
Did he end up reaching out to you?
@@zoetropeyzy He did and he initiating going back together but I was already dating someone else and completely moved on from him. So I must say no contact rule worked for the ex to contact you back but to me it worked because I moved on
I agree with this concept, even if it’s very hard to do. When my ex broke up with me, I asked him if we can at least stay in contact by just texting as friends and he agreed. But I realized the next day that I was trying to keep someone in my life who doesn’t want me in theirs. So I told him we don’t have to do that at all. A week later, when he returned my things from his place, he said I can reach out to him if I ever needed him, but I told him I won’t for my mental health because I’m ready to move on. It’s been a month and I’m so grateful that I did because I was able to focus on my boards/exams so I can move forward in my life. It also allowed for me to realize how the relationship wasn’t as perfect as I thought it was.
How is it going now?
Oh girl! I’m in a happy relationship now. It definitely has made me smarter in terms of spotting guys similar to him early on and taught me to take my time to get to know someone.
So happy for you ❤
I’m so happy for you. I’m going through a terrible breakup right now and it seems like I won’t heal.
@@xo_nicole_rue3466 I’m so sorry to hear! Time does wonders. This is your moment to heal no matter how long it takes. I promise you will get better and meet someone even more amazing!
Thank you Matt for your videos.
You have no idea how important they are for people who are suffering, and who don't know how to heal and value themselves.
It’s been 6 months and I’m FINALLY fully embracing No Contact. I waited 6 years for him to change his mind about our future and even moved to the other side of the country to get him to change his mind about commitment. And now he’s started trying to have a sexual relationship even though we’ve agreed to try to be friends (which hasn’t gone well for me tbh) which I initially agreed to because I haven’t been intimate with anyone, including him, since a year ago. But I finally realised today that he’s just being selfish again. Only reached out to ask about our/my dog or if he’s horny - which makes me feel worthless. I know it isn’t intentional and apparently he still has feelings for me too but NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I’ve already got an appointment with my therapist today and Ive blocked him 🙏🏾
Being strong for myself is miserable but thank you so much. And to everyone here, I am so so sorry for the pain and suffering you’re in - even
Yes thankyou 🙏 I've been wondering wether it's possible to have a platonic relationship with my ex narc partner, not too sure about it and your experience is what I'd most likely go through . Hope you are staying strong 🙏
@@JD-jz8vl you are so good for really trying 🙏🏾 one day that loyalty and love will be fully reciprocated - I hope you do your best to give it to yourself until then ❤️
NO!!!! ITS CLEAR LOOKING IN FROM THE OUTSIDE HES USING YOU KNOWING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM .DONT WAST YOUR TIME .
His loss. Let him feel your absence its what he asked for
When woman allow these selfish men to get their cake and eat it too, it is effecting all woman, because now we are supposed to compromise our morals, because these selfish men can find woman to give them exactly what they want.
It's great to see that what I've done my entire life is actually correct. It's simple - someone doesn't want you anymore, wish them well and buh bye. No matter how much you love them, how much it's going to hurt and you'll mourn.....move on. Time will open your eyes and heal the pain.
I blocked the person and now it’s been 2 years. And I am feeling good.. realized, I deserve someone one better for sure..
I broke up with him and than I instantly felt so bad and was begging and pleading him to come back. I don’t know why I did but for 2 months and now I’m embarrassed of my actions…now I’m in no contacts for a week so far…please help my heart is breaking 💔 I did it to my self but I have been with him for 10 years. Thank you
I just love how you're focusing on teamwork, and obtaining a teammate. It's such a good reminder of why you want a person to do life with. I'm a recent widow in my 40's. We had over 25 years together. The team concept is the ONLY way to think about medium to long term relationships. We're lucky to live in a time where we can see your messages Matthew
I am in No contact Rule since 10 months. Because 10 months before i watched some of your videos of 21 days of no contact, and that 21 days gave me strength to not contact him till now!
“Its Not my job to fix what he broke.”
Thankyou so much Mathew for being there!
I saw a quote that makes a lot of sense. " Time heals almost everything. Give Time, Time." It's the hardest thing to do because we want everything right now.
i feel like you're my brother from another mother talking to me. I really need what you have said. Thanks brother Matt!
Matthew, I have never heard such wiser words. My ex and I have been very back and forth since our separation. We are starting no contact today and it is probably the most difficult thing I have ever done. You have been giving me some strength to actually just put my phone down and deal with it. Thank you for everything and I hope to get through this
19:12 is absolutely spot on when the ex breadcrumbs you post break-up. It helps them, not you, knowing you are comfortably (available) in the background. Is taking advantage of a vulnerable person. Even occasional or irregular contact keeps the door slightly open.
I made every mistake in this vid and paid the price, stayed in occasional contact for years. His romantic life moved on, mine didn't . It extended my suffering and made it nearly impossible to push on and meet someone else. It was like the ex had telepathy, he would contact me every time I met someone new.
If you can't do cold turkey (I couldn't) then make a plan to wean yourself off him/her, make small changes, look to other people, friends, to fill the voids. It is also a testament to your self belief that you will meet someone special. And you will. Excellent advice here.
Have you moved on? And what happened in the end when you finally cut the Ex off cold turkey ?
any update?
Thanks. I moved on some time ago. I didn't go cold turkey, it was gradual. I sensed at the time I was a convenient fall-back girl. Being semi-attached made me not available to other new guys and by staying in casual contact, the ex was quietly keeping tabs on my dating status.
For me, I needed his familiar contact until I became strong again (I didn't have a lot of family support, we were togther a long time, he was my family).
So it was easier to wean myself off him. As life became full again I got back in the game, so in a way I used him. Do what works for you , as long as you are aware of the interference and don't have hopes of reuniting or to make him jealous, etc.
Man I needed this, I have had no contact almost 2 weeks with an ex and he just messaged me today… “ you don’t need to respond, but….” Selfish…. Glad I listened ❤️ thank you Matthew!
Hahaha I'm sorry to laugh. Just when you're waiting on them to contact you, they write back, you get butterflies to see their name pop up, only to open and its sheer bullshit. Ain't it funny? Ahaha
@@aliyafichtner8843 Made me laugh....
I Did the brake up up first! A couple of years ago, But now she did it to me and it Hurts so much!, I feel like it’s a payback….. regardless of the terms….. this is the most horrible feeling a human can stand! God
@@darwincollado8993 you're not alone :/ it's horrible
@dana what did they say? Hahaha
Perfect. Thank you. Twelve months post breakup and I needed this. I can't be his safety anymore. He can't kill me any longer. Thank you
Thank you so much for your words and wisdom. I am in the gut wrenching process of a break up where my partner has decided to move on. I haven't been able to control my cries of pain and I have this desperate need to hear from them. Thank you again for your kind words. It really taught me not to be desperate and respect their wishes.
It’s going to 2 months and am happy I left that person because I’m worthy and deserve the best.. this relationship has really taught me a lot, self love and embrace bring alone, and as a woman to always be independent have my own (job, money and space). Most important don’t ignore the red flags and that is where we go wrong 😩😩..
Yes! If we’d stop making excuses at the beginning and trying to be understanding and easy-going, forgiving, etc… You’re right we would avoid a lot of pain and wasted time and energy. I am in the process of breaking up with someone who I too ignored those red flags early on and it became a pattern of behavior and here I am a year and a half into the relationship and in so much pain, but in actuality I allowed this by ignoring those red flags - like you said. So happy for you!!!
in the exact same situation right now. And I'm stuck between taking him back as he is begging for a last chance to improve or to just let him go. It's so hard because I'm still in love but still hurt. I cannot think clearly if i want to work this out or not.... and that's why i cannot give him a clear yes or no answer either. Help me navigate this y'all 😭
I had been In no contact since we broke up..... And followed your no contact rule..during this period I cried like a hell and prayed and moved on..kept busy myself with my studies and the gym ..... After 3 months he back and apologized to me that he hurt me.... Mathew your videos strengthened me when I feel hopeless.....
What happened?
Did it work?
@@vincenzorossi4828yeah it absolutely worked he said "he ready to marry me and he made a mistake." i follow everything that matts told I did not follow him ,beg or text it's completely no contact...and I move on with my work education it's a time for me to realize what's best for me
@@vincenzorossi4828 yeah it works during this period you realize that if he is good for you or not. It is painful but believe me it is worth it. he said after when he back he wanna bring his family to my home and marry me...I commented a year back and pointed out every mistake and whether he is compatible. Maybe someone amazing man approached you same happened to me you see everything every aspect while no contact . You kept busy yourself during this period do your things. You just need relax and follow matt.
Yeah, it works during no contact you realize whether he is good for you or not..he apologized me said when he back wanna marry me and bring his family to my home... It is painful but believe me it is worth it..while NCrule I realize what is best for me. I pointed out every mistake and found he was not compatible. realized I didn't want him And I moved on with life. Just follow matts
I just can’t put into words- how I’m
Feeling and how soothing that chat was- my entire family friends haven’t been able to get through to me- listening to that- was a penny dropping moment. Thank you Matthew.
know that some days you will feel that you are getting better or even feel that you already moved on, and then one day you will be hit by that feeling that you're back to zero, and that's okay that's part of the healing process.
14 months no contact
Best experience ever. Freedom from discipline 💪
Same for me. 15 months. ☠️
Today is literally 21 days of no contact. To be honest I am really leaning towards just leaving things as they are. We never fought it was actually a good relationship and it hurt a lot when he broke up with me out of nowhere. He said he didn't know what he wanted and that it wasn't fair that I was giving 💯 and he wasn't giving any, that I deserved better and he was right. So I'm still deciding whether or not to reach out. But I'm leaning more towards not reaching out. We never even followed each other on social media or anything. 6 months and I always felt that was kinda weird not that is important but is something I felt was weird. So the fact that he hasn't reached out makes me feel he doesn't care that he lost me. So why try to be with someone that still doesn't appreciate me or regrets losing me.
I'm sorry to hear that. But the bright side is he did you a favor for being honest. The hard truth might be that he was more into someone else but, you can take the time to find someone that will keep you as a priority and always give you the same amount of effort. Life goes on and you will find someone even better and will make you feel an even grander type of love.
@@lostweat there wasn't anyone else. I know that for a fact. He just doesn't know what he wants in life in general. He had no goals, dreams... Etc ... That's even more sad.
Had a very similar experience! Says he "wants to be alone". Hard for me to actually believe... But, I do really believe that it is in fact his loss. Knowing what I do of his story, I was the best thing that happened to him 🤷
Now, I'm having fun being single and free! Day 4..........
My man whom I believed to be the best one, told me same thing... he has no goals doesn’t know what he wants still and believes that he doesn’t deserve me and broke the less than one year old marriage...
Similar situation. It is for our best.
okay at first I was skeptical, but halfway thru, I'm here in tears relating to everything and now I think Matthew Hussey deserves an honorary Psychology doctorate from Columbia.
You've nailed it exactly how it is. This is everything me and my ex-fiance have been going through. Ugh breaking up sucks. He's broken up with me twice in 5 months. Sucks because I've been here and he's just been moving on while I've been here hurting and in pain waiting for him. My heart is so broken. I really need to heal myself and move on. I need my happiness back again. Thank you for putting out these videos.
No contact one year this June 12. I am better but there's not a day that goes by that I didn't think of him. Still, I'm choosing my own well-being, even if I'm still healing.
Ironically, when you leave that person alone and go away, that is when they want you back the most. When they realize they have lost you, they will try to get you back.
I've done this twice. Extremely painful, but necessary. The peace of mind is invaluable.
I broke the no contact rule a few times over the past 2 months 😢 I have written a dozen goodbye messages so far I have blocked and unblocked him. I just want to be in peace again.
Dont waste your time sending him a goodbye message!! Especially if he broke up with you! If he left u, he already said goodbye. JUST MOVE ON & HEAL.
Listening to you in so many ways on how to move on, loving ourselves, it's really an eye opener for us, for me. I recently walked away from a relationship. I felt like I wasn't valued, my feelings were disregarded, I felt I put more effort than he ever did. I'm a late bloomer in having a real relationship, first to say I love you, first to actually put myself out there after 21 yrs of being single. Until he came along, he said everything I wanted to hear and boy did I fall for all his words but no actions. It's been 2 weeks now of no contact and it tears me apart how he's not understanding he's hurt me. I just cared too damn much, made myself too available and realized feelings weren't mutual. I need to get through this.
you will get through this ❤️
I broke up 3 weeks ago now officially with my first girlfriend. It was also my first relationship, I was 30 at the time. First kiss, first to say I love you and everything you went through as well. Heartbroken for a good 1,5 months. She was studying abroad for 4 months to finish her studies. Everything fell apart unfortunately due to me wanting to stay in touch couple times a week. She could not make the effort unfortunately :( :( I also cared so much for this person and couldn't understand that someone could be so unavailable for the person she said she loved more then anyone else. Guess it also wasn't mutual as you describe. Hope your doing better Karen. I am doing ok now after 3 weeks no contact atm.
Hi, I’m exactly in the same situation. How are you doing today? Is beginning of my second week during no contact and I feel really really depressed. I need someone who is a proof that it will get better.
Im in the same situation as u , im so broken 💔
Start running
I’ve been in no contact for 2 months. I’m feeling the pain today. This video was great timing. Thank you, Matthew! You give me so much strength and encouragement on my self love journey🥰😁
I’ve been in NC for 2 months too! It sucks that I’m still sad. We were together 5 yrs. on & off towards the end. I doubt he cares & he’s not coming back
2 month too. We were together only 3 month, so it should be easy, but it's not. Very few guys do it to me, the feeling if "this is it"... he did. I am still having a mild depression....I know he will not come back, as the reason for breakup is different goals...
Never give up.. You are so strong. There are people they not hve courage to start no contact .. But you did it . Stay happy❤ God bless you
@@enonz761 I hope you’re okay now
@@Elle304 actually, I am, thank you 😊🙏
I have the deepest, most sincere, genuine love and appreciation for you @Matthew Hussey. I've needed your guidance and advice so much these past years, more than you could ever know. You have provided a beacon of light, allowing me to navigate the stormy waters and avoid treacherous miscalculations. In gratitude
I watch this video to keep myself in check and it has been helping me remember I need to focus on me and my health and happiness.
this is just the thing i needed to hear. we weren't in a committed relationship, but separating was just as painful as if we actually were. accept their decision, keep your peace and move on, even though it might hurt in the beginning, thank you for the great video matthew!
same here , we werent on a relationship but separating just killed me inside cuz i thought he was my one and only
@@wolfunky same here lol. We didn’t even meet in person and it still shattered my heart😂
Ugh yes
This is so validating
@@leenaabufol675 how are things now?
I’ve been separated from him for over two weeks now and as much as it still hurts I feel so much stronger within myself & am genuinely shocked at how I’ve managed to maintain strictly zero contact throughout this period - since the split I’ve discovered he’d been unfaithful for majority of the relationship so having no contact has allowed me to heal knowing I deserve so much better … fact of the matter is , I know I’ll be okay eventually ❤️
I left an abusive relationship and it hurts because I loved that person so much ❤
Get a dog.
Weird how every girl's ex suddenly turns from an "amazing guy" into "the worst guy on the planet", right after the break up.
I hate that so much!!! It’s like you love the person sooooo much but it’s hard to accept the fact that you were never meant to be together. That’s what hurts me a lot knowing that I love but I just can’t have because it will be a hard life with that person. 😢
Mine wasn’t abusive but same, I left because I wasn’t treated reciprocally so its not the same as he describes. If they came back treating me right I would consider it, I didn’t want to leave, I loved her
That must be very painful! But know you deserved better and your safety was important. Mental & physical!
If you think a breakup is bad, having someone you love and spending much of life with die on you is the worst. And no matter how much you want, there is no contact for the rest of your life.
I dated briefly after my wife passed away. I was madly in love with this girl never thought I could be in love with someone again. Two years we dated got my heart ripped out of my chest again for the 2nd time. One thing I wish I would've learned sooner was to walk away with my head high and what ever dignity I had lef!
Matthew, I think you're awesome and incredibly relatable. First saw you on Ready To Love and was blown away by your honesty and guidance. Recently discovered your channel and I'm blown away. I wish nothing but the best for you in life.
Love from South Africa,
I needed this breakdown so much... a lot of people just say "they need to miss you".... but this REALLY explained it all and is helping me stay strong. 💜
Me too
How are you doing now?!
@@fernandavalerio5244 so much better, ty! The distance helped me realize it was my ego that was hurt and that he actually is a really unstable, crappy person in general. I stopped wanting him to want me and I'm glad he's gone. It was a blessing. Hope you are doing well, too!
" if I feel safe I'm not moved to action" I definitely felt that ! I will not be there waiting !
I really appreciate your time in the MoveOnStrong platform. I needed to hear this at this point in my life.
man, It's like you knew what was going on in my life. Feels like a personalised custom piece of excellent advice. (It's the empowering element in your advice I always love). Thanks!
Yes and younare not the only one
You’re so welcome Sayali. So happy this video resonated. X
I really wish I had found your channel two years ago, it could have saved me from a lot of heartbreak. Thanks for posting these videos.
It has been 7 days of total heartpain and feeling sick. Today I woke up and felt more at peace, I am working on myself now. I know where I have messed up because she told me, and am working to better myself. I hope I have the chance to show her that in the future, for now, its all about myself and being able to be that man that she craves. Learning everyday. You got this!
Wish i took this to heart directly after my break up. 3 months and we were still talking, and i wasn't healing. Finally after those 3 months I finally decided that enough was enough and I went NC. I'm 7 months on from when i established NC and my life has improved in more ways than I can count. I still have some ways to go, but this video has helped me strengthen my resolve in never lowering my standards in the future!