Good advice: see if a man is curious about who you are (if he is serious and intentional about being with you) or if he just wants to talk about himself to impress you to make you fall for him and go to bed with him.
This is exactly what happened to me haha. It was only one date but he said he likes me, repeated few times even, but was touchy feely, it made me uncomfortable and he just called that cute and called me innocent like it's compliment, didn't ask back any of the questions I had for him, didn't ask me much anything, interrupted me once, talked himself up, didn't walk me to the bus stop (it was not far...). Was surprised that I didn't want second date. I have it on my profile that I am not interested in ONS and such - I guess he just didn't care..
its true I did not go ahead with a very cool person as he only asked me about my son and my ex and no questions about me which I took to be not a great sign. I may have misjudged but oh well
Exactly...some guys/men will want you to believe they are into you but they WONT ask too much questions about your personal life and WILL manage the conversation ALL ABOUT THEM. some people are so good at it that make it seems very casual and "of course" interesting.
Fantastic video A month ago, my five-year marriage came to an end. I'm devastated that my real love chose to distance themselves from me. I've tried everything to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I try my hardest not to think about him, but I can't help but miss him and think about him often. I truly couldn't explain why I'm saying this. 🥺😞
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
@@gatorssbm Avoidants are the time-wasters. Clarity is so important in relationships. Don’t try to bend over backwards for avoidants to convince them to be in relationships they’re not sure they even want. You are just encouraging them. Reserve your efforts for people who are intentional and are mindful of your time.
Top notch video 👌🏻 Great point about intention vs. attention. Sometimes, the attention you get from someone is because they want to get you to adore them- but that doesn’t mean they’ll give you that same energy in return (cue Matt’s ‘curiosity’ advice).
"eyerolling inconvenience" is definitely the way my ex would describe me. I helped him through a really rough patch in life (homelessness, no job, no money, no network), and he didnt appreciate a single thing i did for him, he even resented me for it! never again
Don't ever built a man up. Not even if you're married. These men are losers and won't appreciate it at all... It's something different to give and take and completely different if you give an expect that they would do the same for you. I'm happy married and my husband give and take all the time. It should be somehow equal in the long run.
Im so glad you uploaded this video. I can see how your videos have changed over the years and the depth you go into now is outstanding. All scenarios are looked into and you aren't left feeling like some scenarios weren't considered. Thank you so much for this video, once again❤❤
It depends! I was with a man who continuously asked questions and so did I ! We really had a marathon of questions back and forth about almost every subject one could imagine and that not only tired us, but also dragged us into more thinking and even asking deeper questions! I would say it depends on one's personality and it's genderless! People really need to look into zodiac compatibility before they start dating! In this situation, I was with a man with the highest compatibility of star sign of mine!
Excellent video. I’ve been sharing time and activities with a new friend for about 6 weeks and I was away for 2 weeks. I returned last Friday and the connection has become stronger with a number of your observations present. I appreciate the insights here and they have helped me see the positives in my developing situation 😊
Dealt with a dismissive avoidant not too long ago who was like that. They don't do labels, too. I was with a malignant narcissist before which was a nightmare and traumatizing, but I would have never thought I'd say something like, "I'd rather deal with another narcissist than a dismissive avoidant, because a narcissist at least asks you questions, wants to get to know you and hang out with you or have a relationship. From a DA, you get nothing." Of course, I'm not being serious... I wish neither experience upon nobody.
@@SaraX2024 l can relate. the father of my kids was a narcissist psychopath and the avoidant l met after having recovered, 6 years later was a breath of fresh air...till he felt trapped because we were just too good of a team and he wanted to go solo. mah!
Well the narcissist only asks questions to get ammo they can manipulate you with later. I'm dealing with a DA now and yeah, its unnerving. Now I find myself going back to my alcoholic ex, but at least he's fun, not scared to commit and curious about me! 🤷🏻♀️ 🤦🏻♀️
@@lc-fu6xythat is one of the worst addictions out there, especially since it’s affordable, I’d have him take small steps but that battle is his to fix and he has to see the effects and have the will to choose change however small
I’d LOVE a video explaining why guys will ghost you after one or two dates but continue to follow/like/stalk/DM on socials and never ask about seeing you again
It’s because they imagine you seeing it and hoping that they reach out. It took me a long time to learn that there are people that want to be in your head that don’t want you. It’s an imagined ego boost for them. “ i bet they’re thinking about me right now.” It’s all complete self- centeredness. And by staying in your thoughts, that makes it seem like, in a way, they must care. And that makes it easier to hit you up later, if they’re bored or have no other immediate options available.
Just thanks, all of these videos people like you make. Helped me soooo much you couldn't even fathom. Everything got healthier, my family, my friendships and relationships. I got back to my real worth after beeing gaslit asf... i fr saw a chat of my ex chatting with someone to be with him an go into a hotel and stuff like that. And even tho my stomach told me run, i didn't and partly believed it. So crazy tbh. looking back I think it was god sending me someone to learn about life, in order to be safe. I now know my worth and I am converting soon to islam. Fun fact, i found a girl i really like and she is muslim too. My narc ex could never be muslim because people, THE NARC ALWAYS KNOWS, what they,re doing, thats why they lied about stuff. I always was empathic and got called a dog, the time i took care if her with her teeth(nobody helped her and i did want to save her. dont... they dont wanna be saved. So stay safe people, be courios and watch these videos, its just so essential gor life in order to have healthy relationships in every way. Much love❤❤❤
Spot on, so insightful. Would love you to tweak a version of this to the older generation IE people in their 60s plus. Also going from the friend zone to a more committed relationship especially to people who have been widowed or divorced👌🏻
Unfortunately, this video only puzzles me even more. I went on two dates with a guy where he gave me a ton of green flags: asked deep questions about me, answered my questions with vulnerability, and was great about scheduling really cool activities for us. And then out of the blue on the third date he said, "Sorry, I'm just not attracted to you." I don't mind rejection, but this one threw me because he was giving a dozen signs that he was into me. Did I miss something? This experience made me question everything I thought I was supposed to look for.
I can very much empathize how it feels strange, at the same time I agree with what the other said about how he likes you as a person but not as a partner. He probably felt very connected to you and thought you were a great person. Asking deep questions and being vulnerable doesn’t necessarily mean he is attracted to you, it could be that he found you interesting and/or is a great conversationalist. I’m a guy and I ask everyone I know deep questions.
@@Superhero-Motivation Thanks for the thoughtful reply! It's not often I get actual answers when I throw out a question into the abyss of the internet, but this gave me some helpful perspective. Appreciated.
The 6 signs are the necessary conditions for someone to be serious, not the sufficient conditions. If he is interested in you with these 6 signs, great news! If he is not interested, doesn’t matter how many signs he ticked off. He is not wasting your time by rejecting you. Best luck.
Had all 6 for 8 weeks and than the mask fell. He dump text and run away. 11 weeks now radio silence and healing from the experience. Right before the holidays too. The men are not well.
These were great tips, I would want to make sure I'm being intentional about a person I'm interested in. I'd also hope that they're serious about me too
👀 Dunno why a 4 day old video to a channel I’m not subbed to popped up in my notifs but I’m not complaining. Very interesting stuff and pretty sound advice so far👌 7:03 thank you. Honestly idk why so many guys don’t understand that tone matters o.0. I’ve noticed many don’t learn how to add inflection or how to read it in others. You tend to get men who swing on the super neurotic side and read into everything with a negative lens to prepare for rejection (normally due to insecurity) OR they are the most monotoned, dry person ever 😂 and they walk around being numb and very “meh” about everything. People who do anything with intention are very rare unfortunately. That tends to be the wall I hit with dating. They are very intentional with me and almost act like a kid hopped up on sweets but they aren’t intentional with any other part of their life. No interests, no deep thoughts, nothing to bring to the table for conversation even if the desire is there to have an interesting conversation. Often times I end up feeling bored. Someone being interested in me only carries the interaction so far. I want to be able to know about them too, and if there’s no depth there then, often times, there isn’t anything to know. So any further interaction feels like a waste of both of our time. I genuinely think more people need to commit to growing and fleshing out who they are. So many people (especially men in my experience) don’t even know how to communicate their feelings and thoughts clearly let alone knowing how to nurture a relationship with anyone else. Be the person you’d want to date before even going out there to find someone- is a bit of advice I don’t see a lot of these coaching videos covering and needs to be the first step. All of this is to say- Someone being intentional with and interested in me isn’t enough of a reason for me to reciprocate their feelings. This is something many men (again, in my experience) don’t seem to grasp. Are you an interesting person? If yes then yay, I’m thrilled if you are interested in me but if you’re not, you’re just a person who recognises the value in me 🤷🏻♀️ which inevitably leads to them feeling like dead weight in your life.
Your videos help me so much right now, out of a long toxic relationship and think if these videos existed 3 years ago i would had not date this person ahah
Just try to stop the thoughts trying to imbalance Mind from reality to dream world I think this is a simple technique by which we can practice to trained our mind.
Exactly. Complimentary or aligned values are so important for a relationship to function. This is why I’m not keen on these kinds of “6 steps to…” type videos. They normally perpetuate the problem of people taking a very one dimensional approach purely motivated by external validation. The constant neglect of personal goals, growth, core beliefs etc with this kind of content is wild.
He isn’t serious but he contacted with me for 6months daily for up to 2hrs. But only want to keep pure friends and don’t want to cut off 😂 I’m hurt.i never made friends with a boy.
My ex of 5 years said he lied because l would have never said yes to date him if he told me the truth, and he was fat and lonely and desperate and during covid...he NEEDED me,...my two kids in olved were just collateral, and although admitting to lying he blamed me for manipulating him into the relationship becaise l gave him no choice, l said without compromises l was only interwsted in a long term mature relationship to be a family. all he could manage was 5 yeara, then he felt a guilty conscience and obviously said he didnt tell me before because l made him feel guilty. I am done done done dooone!
I remember when my ex complained enough to his parents that rent is terrible, they decided to buy apartment and let us live there for free. When it came to them searching for one and not talking to me at all - I was completely fine with it, it's not my apartment after all. But then when it came to buying stuff for the apartment, like cooking utensils, plates, mugs, carpets, sofa, bed etc. - my ex did not check up with me on NOTHING at all, naturally I was hurt and told him that and he just called me ungrateful... So glad I left lol.
I don’t know Matthew…I dated a guy for 4 months and he was caring, loving and consistent…he literally woke up one morning and said didn’t see a future together. These signs you’re talking about are not always valid :(
I really can’t figure out why would someone say things like “you’re really beautiful/i like you a lot/ can’t wait to cook that ROMANTIC dinner together and blablabla…” and then cut things off…he didn’t ghost me, he said it all in front of me but it still sucks. I kid you not I promise. I’m not telling stories. He called me his gf once and def acted like we were a couple
@@MartaDc-n6rDid you feel his enthusiasm for you? Meaning, was he “with” you or just going through the motions. That’s a guy who is NOT a communicator bc he could have been sharing his lack of certainty w you instead of dropping a bomb after 4 mos. And referring to you as his gf once isn’t enough.
Same. And let me tell you, you dodged a bullet. I had the same experience 6 years ago. He introduced me to his friends and even parents. He met my friends and some family parts. Two days before my birthday he dumped me by text. Before that I thought he was serious with me. But now I see all the signs which I missed back then. He wasn't fully in. Just gestures not real emotions. It was like really good acting. How I know? Because I'm now happy married and see the difference. BTW he married the other girl and has a child with her. I thought back then, what have I done wrong. Why, I still wasn't good enough although I thought I give everything. Because he wasn't the men for me. It wasn't about me and all about him. These guys are users and manipuaters. He even once told me he like manipulating people and I thought well with me it's different. It's not. Even the other girl got him. I'm so lucky I haven't. I have now a wonderful and honest man by my side. He's with me through laugh and cry. I'm 100% sure these kind of guys are out of the door by the first small issue. So thank God if you believe him and move on. Heal and life your life to the fullest. When you met a new guy let thing develop on your terms. A good guy will wait.
@@unariver5810 he said he likes me but he feels anxiety about the idea of a future together…he got cheated by his ex gf and his father neglected him in his adolescence so I think he has deep trust issues. I walked away and never tried to win him over for it was already painful to hear that. But it hurts I didn’t see it coming at all. And as for the fact that he acted as my bf he said “I was sincerely trying to give it a shot because I care but I can’t explain this anxiety” and added he wasn’t seeing anyone else. I don’t have proof but I didn’t feel that instinct thing about a third party involved so I believe him, also because he was spending every weekend with me plus one day during the week..and he works from home
Yes because of my childhood trauma I’ve learnt that I would get excited when a first date starts to make plans for the future asking me to be their girlfriend I get caught up in the feelings of feeling wanted now I’ve done a lot of work on myself I look for signs of actions with those words and if they don’t match then I’ll ask to talk if they don’t care etc then I know to just walk away now with my boundaries intact which is a positive for me because I would not notices in the past then years go by and your still in the wrong relationship and still moaning about the things that are going wrong in that relationship but was there at the beginning but I chose in the pasted to ignore due to needing to feel wanted now I know I’m worth more and I know what I want I just need to work on the first date feelings now and not get caught up in that excitement feeling when they are showing me all the attention there and then
I’ve been very into listening to “Ted talks” about relationships given I’ve just gotten out of.. something🤷♀️ the only thing that lies on my mind is the fact my mom had always been correct about this stuff. I figured since she had so many fuck ups with her relationships she never truly learned, but no, she did. I should’ve listened to her and saved myself the heart break. I suppose that is what life is about, letting people figure thing out for themselves, nonetheless. Thank you for getting my head out of my ass. Your takes are always so good and TRUE. Most of all, so true🫠 too true. I hate that they’re so true lol
Yeah, I learned it the hard way. I mistook attention for intention and ended up quite heartbroken when they didn't want to take it further in the end... But it's a valuable lesson!
Did you end up sleeping with them before ending it? Sorry if it's too personal of a question. I recently managed to avoid a guy who knew I was not interested in ONS etc and he did give me a lot of attention, but something felt off, I thought things through - and there was no intention to get to know me! So glad I talked to my friends and family members and cancelled second date. Dude was so touchy feely too, clearly wanted to get me to bed. Now watching this video and seeing it even more clearly haha.
@mpGreen03 I did, but I wanted to, even if it didn't work out. We grew very close emotionally over the period of 2 and a half months and he really wanted to stay in close touch but I said I couldn't and he would not pursue it further due to distance ( we live in different countries). So for now it's no contact but maybe in the future we'll be able to preserve the connection in some shape or form because we really got each other on a deep level
I think immediately, but the thing is, you don’t only consider it in relation to yourself. That part becomes more important with time, as you potentially form some kind of a bond, and then never stops being the most important thing. In the beginning, you notice it on a smaller scale, in the beginning you observe how they are with others, how they speak of their past relationships, or even friendships and family. I think by listening, and as he said, being curious about what's behind the content too, you can gather a lot of information about what’s important to someone.
The person feels guilty about not loving the other person. The other person should stop giving the love to the person that no longer loves them and should open themselves to meeting and getting to know other people that will potentially love them back.
Well I’ll be relieved that the person is open and honest with where they’re at. If anything I’ll thank them. Because I’ll know exactly where I stand. Then it’s for you to decide what you’d want to do. Moving on with a new chapter with the new them or without them.
I can think of two options rn: 1. They are saying: Please level your expectations! Maybe because they genuinely don't want you to feel more disappointed than necessary. They may be trying to share what they've learned about themselves so you can form realistic expectations. 2. They mention this as a thing that was taken from them by some kind of offender in the past. Which would be kind of a victim mindset. And it could potentially lead to you getting involved in a dynamic of triangulation. Your first role in the drama triangle may be the savior in this case. Like in: You can teach them to love again. Sounds like the road to more drama. Disclaimer: These are just my projections of course. Couldn't be anything else as we just know this one sentence. I hope you can make use of some association in this thread. Good luck!
i love this thanks but we have a language barrier so our first date was not really full talking, we are just chatting using translator whe we see each other we did not talk much😢
This video provoked a conversation between me and my date and it didn’t go well.. 😢😅 This guy met all these 6 requirements, he really likes me and I like him too. However he did go out with a female friend alone, which made me uncomfortable, so I had a talk with him today. Then boom. We found that we think SIGNIFICANTLY different on topics like this. Our values are different, our standards are different, our opinions on important topics like marriage and trust are different. (For example he thinks marriage is just a social constraint and thus meaningless, while I see it as a commitment and want to get married.) We were both upset by the end of the conversation I guess. Idk what to do now, I’m not even sure if I’ll see him again…
A girl pulled away so I blocked her when she started acting cold but then I unblocked her and I dont know what to do now😂 too late? What do I say if she comes back and ask about it?
that wasn't a boundary. that was a tactic. You wanted her to not be cold. it didn't work, and now you want to try a different tactic. Maybe you should ask yourself why am I seeking the attention of a cold person when there are 4 billion other girls in the world. You're time is better spent finding new girls who like your offer, than trying to create AROUSAL in a girl who had clearly shown you through her behaviour that she lacks it for you.
Sorry it was super boring with wordplaying and like that... instead of being straightforward and to the points some redundant backstory nonsense... do not waste your time on such videos
Understanding where you truly stand is empowering. Don’t settle for mixed signals when clarity is key to building a real connection.
Facts !! 💯
Well said 👍
Absolutely, clarity is everything. Understanding your worth and expecting honesty sets the foundation for a strong and meaningful relationship.
I always believe in actions than words words ok for a couple of dates but if they don’t match their actions then set your boundaries
@@alivepartner some are liars, they lie so well because they believe their own lies first
Good advice: see if a man is curious about who you are (if he is serious and intentional about being with you) or if he just wants to talk about himself to impress you to make you fall for him and go to bed with him.
@@XYZ-qu4yq some will pretend to be curious about who you are to sleep with you though. Sometimes you can’t really tell.
This is exactly what happened to me haha. It was only one date but he said he likes me, repeated few times even, but was touchy feely, it made me uncomfortable and he just called that cute and called me innocent like it's compliment, didn't ask back any of the questions I had for him, didn't ask me much anything, interrupted me once, talked himself up, didn't walk me to the bus stop (it was not far...). Was surprised that I didn't want second date. I have it on my profile that I am not interested in ONS and such - I guess he just didn't care..
its true I did not go ahead with a very cool person as he only asked me about my son and my ex and no questions about me which I took to be not a great sign. I may have misjudged but oh well
@@JayJay-wg5ex I think you did a right thing, that's very odd to ask only about your son and ex o.O....
Exactly...some guys/men will want you to believe they are into you but they WONT ask too much questions about your personal life and WILL manage the conversation ALL ABOUT THEM. some people are so good at it that make it seems very casual and "of course" interesting.
Fantastic video A month ago, my five-year marriage came to an end. I'm devastated that my real love chose to distance themselves from me. I've tried everything to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I try my hardest not to think about him, but I can't help but miss him and think about him often. I truly couldn't explain why I'm saying this. 🥺😞
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
As I'm watching this, I realize that nobody I ever met was serious about me, wow what a relevation!
Me too! It’s a very sobering realization to finally understand.🙏
Same man, same. Even if it were a relationship, which shows that you can make the wrong decision mutually and still have these experiences.
It's so saaad :(
Same here. But would it have been better to stay virgin and not even try to ever built a relationship? I am now 41 and I don't think so.
This video will single-handedly end so many situationships :D
Id argue you still need to know a lot more of how avoidants function for that
does help though
👏🏼 😭🎉😂
@@gatorssbm Avoidants are the time-wasters. Clarity is so important in relationships. Don’t try to bend over backwards for avoidants to convince them to be in relationships they’re not sure they even want. You are just encouraging them.
Reserve your efforts for people who are intentional and are mindful of your time.
@@Ribbitpleasesounds plausible
Thanks to one of Matthew's videos, I ended a situationship more than two years ago. Now I'm with a man who's actually serious and cares.
Top notch video 👌🏻 Great point about intention vs. attention. Sometimes, the attention you get from someone is because they want to get you to adore them- but that doesn’t mean they’ll give you that same energy in return (cue Matt’s ‘curiosity’ advice).
So, in essence, they treat you with consideration. Got it.
I think that’s trivializing it.
The calibrating advice on not over investing on someone's attention 🙏🏻🌱
"eyerolling inconvenience" is definitely the way my ex would describe me. I helped him through a really rough patch in life (homelessness, no job, no money, no network), and he didnt appreciate a single thing i did for him, he even resented me for it! never again
Funny how you will do all that and they’re still the ones who get annoyed 🤨
Don't ever built a man up. Not even if you're married. These men are losers and won't appreciate it at all... It's something different to give and take and completely different if you give an expect that they would do the same for you. I'm happy married and my husband give and take all the time. It should be somehow equal in the long run.
Sorry to hear that..
Same experience with mine. He even has the audacity to cheat when he finally got a job after 5 months of being financially dependent on me.
The thing you need to do now is ask why you felt you needed to do that for him maybe you needed to feel helpful or a savour ❤
Im so glad you uploaded this video. I can see how your videos have changed over the years and the depth you go into now is outstanding. All scenarios are looked into and you aren't left feeling like some scenarios weren't considered. Thank you so much for this video, once again❤❤
Omg, the number of men who show no curiosity while on a date is insane. I would LOVE if I could just get asked even ONE QUESTION.
Interesting, I've experienced the opposite! Usually as a guy I'm the one asking the most questions and the woman hardly asks any.
It depends! I was with a man who continuously asked questions and so did I ! We really had a marathon of questions back and forth about almost every subject one could imagine and that not only tired us, but also dragged us into more thinking and even asking deeper questions! I would say it depends on one's personality and it's genderless! People really need to look into zodiac compatibility before they start dating! In this situation, I was with a man with the highest compatibility of star sign of mine!
@@nedaaquarius1I would say you’re correct
I totally agree with you!! It's so bored and sad being you the only one asking questions to get to know him more...
That’s all I do in a date.. sometimes I yap too much.. what kind of men are you dating
Beautiful background with soft light.
Ended a situationship yesterday, saw this today. I am glad I did that. ❤:)
Excellent video. I’ve been sharing time and activities with a new friend for about 6 weeks and I was away for 2 weeks. I returned last Friday and the connection has become stronger with a number of your observations present. I appreciate the insights here and they have helped me see the positives in my developing situation 😊
Dealt with a dismissive avoidant not too long ago who was like that. They don't do labels, too. I was with a malignant narcissist before which was a nightmare and traumatizing, but I would have never thought I'd say something like, "I'd rather deal with another narcissist than a dismissive avoidant, because a narcissist at least asks you questions, wants to get to know you and hang out with you or have a relationship. From a DA, you get nothing." Of course, I'm not being serious... I wish neither experience upon nobody.
@@SaraX2024 l can relate. the father of my kids was a narcissist psychopath and the avoidant l met after having recovered, 6 years later was a breath of fresh air...till he felt trapped because we were just too good of a team and he wanted to go solo. mah!
@@mariaragone4624 Six years after my malignant narcissist / psychopath for me, too.
Well the narcissist only asks questions to get ammo they can manipulate you with later. I'm dealing with a DA now and yeah, its unnerving. Now I find myself going back to my alcoholic ex, but at least he's fun, not scared to commit and curious about me! 🤷🏻♀️ 🤦🏻♀️
@@lc-fu6xythat is one of the worst addictions out there, especially since it’s affordable, I’d have him take small steps but that battle is his to fix and he has to see the effects and have the will to choose change however small
Attention vs Intention
Ah, that makes sense!
Thank you Matthew, you have just opened my eyes and answered my questions. Decision now made!
I’d LOVE a video explaining why guys will ghost you after one or two dates but continue to follow/like/stalk/DM on socials and never ask about seeing you again
It’s because they imagine you seeing it and hoping that they reach out. It took me a long time to learn that there are people that want to be in your head that don’t want you. It’s an imagined ego boost for them. “ i bet they’re thinking about me right now.” It’s all complete self- centeredness. And by staying in your thoughts, that makes it seem like, in a way, they must care. And that makes it easier to hit you up later, if they’re bored or have no other immediate options available.
Just thanks, all of these videos people like you make. Helped me soooo much you couldn't even fathom. Everything got healthier, my family, my friendships and relationships. I got back to my real worth after beeing gaslit asf... i fr saw a chat of my ex chatting with someone to be with him an go into a hotel and stuff like that. And even tho my stomach told me run, i didn't and partly believed it. So crazy tbh. looking back I think it was god sending me someone to learn about life, in order to be safe. I now know my worth and I am converting soon to islam. Fun fact, i found a girl i really like and she is muslim too. My narc ex could never be muslim because people, THE NARC ALWAYS KNOWS, what they,re doing, thats why they lied about stuff. I always was empathic and got called a dog, the time i took care if her with her teeth(nobody helped her and i did want to save her. dont... they dont wanna be saved. So stay safe people, be courios and watch these videos, its just so essential gor life in order to have healthy relationships in every way. Much love❤❤❤
Spot on, so insightful. Would love you to tweak a version of this to the older generation IE people in their 60s plus. Also going from the friend zone to a more committed relationship especially to people who have been widowed or divorced👌🏻
It's all about action
*VERY GOOD GENUINE ADVICE YOU DO WANT SOMEONE WHO’S INVESTED IN CONTINUING THE RELATIONSHIP WITH SERIOUSNESS!!!!!*
One of your best ever videos ❤
Thank you Matt, you really helped me with my boundaries and helped me to get out of a toxic entanglement ❤
Thank you for mentioning all those points in such a clear way, very useful
Thanks for this! I want more of the YES and how to move forward ❤❤❤
Unfortunately, this video only puzzles me even more. I went on two dates with a guy where he gave me a ton of green flags: asked deep questions about me, answered my questions with vulnerability, and was great about scheduling really cool activities for us. And then out of the blue on the third date he said, "Sorry, I'm just not attracted to you."
I don't mind rejection, but this one threw me because he was giving a dozen signs that he was into me. Did I miss something? This experience made me question everything I thought I was supposed to look for.
He likes you as a person but not a partner. Pretty clear cut from what you’ve written.
He obviously found one of your red flags.
I can very much empathize how it feels strange, at the same time I agree with what the other said about how he likes you as a person but not as a partner. He probably felt very connected to you and thought you were a great person. Asking deep questions and being vulnerable doesn’t necessarily mean he is attracted to you, it could be that he found you interesting and/or is a great conversationalist. I’m a guy and I ask everyone I know deep questions.
@@Superhero-Motivation Thanks for the thoughtful reply! It's not often I get actual answers when I throw out a question into the abyss of the internet, but this gave me some helpful perspective. Appreciated.
The 6 signs are the necessary conditions for someone to be serious, not the sufficient conditions. If he is interested in you with these 6 signs, great news! If he is not interested, doesn’t matter how many signs he ticked off. He is not wasting your time by rejecting you. Best luck.
Had all 6 for 8 weeks and than the mask fell. He dump text and run away. 11 weeks now radio silence and healing from the experience. Right before the holidays too. The men are not well.
They are not!!!!
They need therapy !
He may have an avoidant attachment style.
Thank you for your advice and guidance ❤❤❤
These were great tips, I would want to make sure I'm being intentional about a person I'm interested in. I'd also hope that they're serious about me too
The way I like the video before I’ve even watched it because I already know it’s going to be a good one coming from Matthew. ❤
Great video Matthew 👏👏
"Remember: attention is a DRUG"
@mirelanita9418 What's your question? I was bringing out Matthew's important point.
This video just made me realize how unserious or inconsiderate my ex was and how the one I'm talking to is taking me seriously
👀
Dunno why a 4 day old video to a channel I’m not subbed to popped up in my notifs but I’m not complaining. Very interesting stuff and pretty sound advice so far👌
7:03 thank you. Honestly idk why so many guys don’t understand that tone matters o.0. I’ve noticed many don’t learn how to add inflection or how to read it in others. You tend to get men who swing on the super neurotic side and read into everything with a negative lens to prepare for rejection (normally due to insecurity) OR they are the most monotoned, dry person ever 😂 and they walk around being numb and very “meh” about everything.
People who do anything with intention are very rare unfortunately. That tends to be the wall I hit with dating. They are very intentional with me and almost act like a kid hopped up on sweets but they aren’t intentional with any other part of their life. No interests, no deep thoughts, nothing to bring to the table for conversation even if the desire is there to have an interesting conversation. Often times I end up feeling bored. Someone being interested in me only carries the interaction so far. I want to be able to know about them too, and if there’s no depth there then, often times, there isn’t anything to know. So any further interaction feels like a waste of both of our time.
I genuinely think more people need to commit to growing and fleshing out who they are. So many people (especially men in my experience) don’t even know how to communicate their feelings and thoughts clearly let alone knowing how to nurture a relationship with anyone else.
Be the person you’d want to date before even going out there to find someone- is a bit of advice I don’t see a lot of these coaching videos covering and needs to be the first step.
All of this is to say- Someone being intentional with and interested in me isn’t enough of a reason for me to reciprocate their feelings. This is something many men (again, in my experience) don’t seem to grasp. Are you an interesting person? If yes then yay, I’m thrilled if you are interested in me but if you’re not, you’re just a person who recognises the value in me 🤷🏻♀️ which inevitably leads to them feeling like dead weight in your life.
How timely this message is..
Yesss
Been in a relationship with a guy for 10 years and idek why this was recommended to me but im here now just to make sure he's serious.
Your videos help me so much right now, out of a long toxic relationship and think if these videos existed 3 years ago i would had not date this person ahah
This video has been very helpful, thank you! ☝🏽
Just what I needed to hear
Same hereeee
Perfect timing for this video Matthew. Thank you for everything you do!!
Great advice. Explains alot
Matthew, you are my safe space
Just try to stop the thoughts trying to imbalance Mind from reality to dream world I think this is a simple technique by which we can practice to trained our mind.
Please give examples of questions that sound natural and are meant to explore the other person’s VALUES
Exactly. Complimentary or aligned values are so important for a relationship to function. This is why I’m not keen on these kinds of “6 steps to…” type videos. They normally perpetuate the problem of people taking a very one dimensional approach purely motivated by external validation. The constant neglect of personal goals, growth, core beliefs etc with this kind of content is wild.
Efforts and actions
He isn’t serious but he contacted with me for 6months daily for up to 2hrs. But only want to keep pure friends and don’t want to cut off 😂 I’m hurt.i never made friends with a boy.
My ex of 5 years said he lied because l would have never said yes to date him if he told me the truth, and he was fat and lonely and desperate and during covid...he NEEDED me,...my two kids in olved were just collateral, and although admitting to lying he blamed me for manipulating him into the relationship becaise l gave him no choice, l said without compromises l was only interwsted in a long term mature relationship to be a family. all he could manage was 5 yeara, then he felt a guilty conscience and obviously said he didnt tell me before because l made him feel guilty. I am done done done dooone!
I remember when my ex complained enough to his parents that rent is terrible, they decided to buy apartment and let us live there for free. When it came to them searching for one and not talking to me at all - I was completely fine with it, it's not my apartment after all. But then when it came to buying stuff for the apartment, like cooking utensils, plates, mugs, carpets, sofa, bed etc. - my ex did not check up with me on NOTHING at all, naturally I was hurt and told him that and he just called me ungrateful... So glad I left lol.
I don’t know Matthew…I dated a guy for 4 months and he was caring, loving and consistent…he literally woke up one morning and said didn’t see a future together. These signs you’re talking about are not always valid :(
I really can’t figure out why would someone say things like “you’re really beautiful/i like you a lot/ can’t wait to cook that ROMANTIC dinner together and blablabla…” and then cut things off…he didn’t ghost me, he said it all in front of me but it still sucks. I kid you not I promise. I’m not telling stories. He called me his gf once and def acted like we were a couple
@@MartaDc-n6rDid you feel his enthusiasm for you? Meaning, was he “with” you or just going through the motions. That’s a guy who is NOT a communicator bc he could have been sharing his lack of certainty w you instead of dropping a bomb after 4 mos. And referring to you as his gf once isn’t enough.
@@MartaDc-n6r I feel he fetched someone else and is thinking they are better fit...
Same. And let me tell you, you dodged a bullet. I had the same experience 6 years ago. He introduced me to his friends and even parents. He met my friends and some family parts. Two days before my birthday he dumped me by text. Before that I thought he was serious with me. But now I see all the signs which I missed back then. He wasn't fully in. Just gestures not real emotions. It was like really good acting. How I know? Because I'm now happy married and see the difference. BTW he married the other girl and has a child with her. I thought back then, what have I done wrong. Why, I still wasn't good enough although I thought I give everything. Because he wasn't the men for me. It wasn't about me and all about him. These guys are users and manipuaters. He even once told me he like manipulating people and I thought well with me it's different. It's not. Even the other girl got him. I'm so lucky I haven't. I have now a wonderful and honest man by my side. He's with me through laugh and cry. I'm 100% sure these kind of guys are out of the door by the first small issue. So thank God if you believe him and move on. Heal and life your life to the fullest. When you met a new guy let thing develop on your terms. A good guy will wait.
@@unariver5810 he said he likes me but he feels anxiety about the idea of a future together…he got cheated by his ex gf and his father neglected him in his adolescence so I think he has deep trust issues. I walked away and never tried to win him over for it was already painful to hear that. But it hurts I didn’t see it coming at all. And as for the fact that he acted as my bf he said “I was sincerely trying to give it a shot because I care but I can’t explain this anxiety” and added he wasn’t seeing anyone else. I don’t have proof but I didn’t feel that instinct thing about a third party involved so I believe him, also because he was spending every weekend with me plus one day during the week..and he works from home
I've had so many people do these EXACT things, only to ghost or breadcrumb me later.
Good one!
Thankyou so much indeed ! Inspirational wow !!!
Perfect video at the right time 🥹🙏🏻 Thanks for the amazing content Matt
Yes because of my childhood trauma I’ve learnt that I would get excited when a first date starts to make plans for the future asking me to be their girlfriend I get caught up in the feelings of feeling wanted now I’ve done a lot of work on myself I look for signs of actions with those words and if they don’t match then I’ll ask to talk if they don’t care etc then I know to just walk away now with my boundaries intact which is a positive for me because I would not notices in the past then years go by and your still in the wrong relationship and still moaning about the things that are going wrong in that relationship but was there at the beginning but I chose in the pasted to ignore due to needing to feel wanted now I know I’m worth more and I know what I want I just need to work on the first date feelings now and not get caught up in that excitement feeling when they are showing me all the attention there and then
@ ??
@ ???
@ ???
I’ve been very into listening to “Ted talks” about relationships given I’ve just gotten out of.. something🤷♀️ the only thing that lies on my mind is the fact my mom had always been correct about this stuff. I figured since she had so many fuck ups with her relationships she never truly learned, but no, she did. I should’ve listened to her and saved myself the heart break. I suppose that is what life is about, letting people figure thing out for themselves, nonetheless. Thank you for getting my head out of my ass. Your takes are always so good and TRUE. Most of all, so true🫠 too true. I hate that they’re so true lol
God prefers free content... he doesn't get paid for his work... even in people returning the love he has for them, he can only wonder ❤
Yeah, I learned it the hard way. I mistook attention for intention and ended up quite heartbroken when they didn't want to take it further in the end...
But it's a valuable lesson!
Did you end up sleeping with them before ending it? Sorry if it's too personal of a question. I recently managed to avoid a guy who knew I was not interested in ONS etc and he did give me a lot of attention, but something felt off, I thought things through - and there was no intention to get to know me! So glad I talked to my friends and family members and cancelled second date. Dude was so touchy feely too, clearly wanted to get me to bed. Now watching this video and seeing it even more clearly haha.
@mpGreen03 I did, but I wanted to, even if it didn't work out. We grew very close emotionally over the period of 2 and a half months and he really wanted to stay in close touch but I said I couldn't and he would not pursue it further due to distance ( we live in different countries). So for now it's no contact but maybe in the future we'll be able to preserve the connection in some shape or form because we really got each other on a deep level
@@anastazjamalczyk7683 Thank you for sharing your story:)
@@mpGreen03 thanks for sharing yours, too! :)
I think as high-value women we should take these signs are bare minimum. I watched this video thinking he means if he’s serious as in marriage😂
When should we consider this, after 2 months dating, after 4 months? when is the right time to consider this?
I think immediately, but the thing is, you don’t only consider it in relation to yourself. That part becomes more important with time, as you potentially form some kind of a bond, and then never stops being the most important thing. In the beginning, you notice it on a smaller scale, in the beginning you observe how they are with others, how they speak of their past relationships, or even friendships and family. I think by listening, and as he said, being curious about what's behind the content too, you can gather a lot of information about what’s important to someone.
This is really useful, I hope u talk and discuss sexual issues too, I do think you'll succeed in this matter!
Great.👌
For me I think man just want to hung out with me or just having a good times>
Facts
Question for you Matthew or anyone reading what do you think of a person saying I'm sorry I don't love like I used to?
The person feels guilty about not loving the other person. The other person should stop giving the love to the person that no longer loves them and should open themselves to meeting and getting to know other people that will potentially love them back.
Well I’ll be relieved that the person is open and honest with where they’re at. If anything I’ll thank them. Because I’ll know exactly where I stand. Then it’s for you to decide what you’d want to do. Moving on with a new chapter with the new them or without them.
It is what it is 💔
I can think of two options rn:
1. They are saying: Please level your expectations! Maybe because they genuinely don't want you to feel more disappointed than necessary. They may be trying to share what they've learned about themselves so you can form realistic expectations.
2. They mention this as a thing that was taken from them by some kind of offender in the past. Which would be kind of a victim mindset. And it could potentially lead to you getting involved in a dynamic of triangulation. Your first role in the drama triangle may be the savior in this case. Like in: You can teach them to love again. Sounds like the road to more drama.
Disclaimer: These are just my projections of course. Couldn't be anything else as we just know this one sentence.
I hope you can make use of some association in this thread. Good luck!
i love this thanks but we have a language barrier so our first date was not really full talking, we are just chatting using translator whe we see each other we did not talk much😢
This video provoked a conversation between me and my date and it didn’t go well.. 😢😅
This guy met all these 6 requirements, he really likes me and I like him too. However he did go out with a female friend alone, which made me uncomfortable, so I had a talk with him today.
Then boom. We found that we think SIGNIFICANTLY different on topics like this. Our values are different, our standards are different, our opinions on important topics like marriage and trust are different. (For example he thinks marriage is just a social constraint and thus meaningless, while I see it as a commitment and want to get married.) We were both upset by the end of the conversation I guess. Idk what to do now, I’m not even sure if I’ll see him again…
Aw, I want to give you a hug. It sounds like you got good information though. You deserve someone who matches your most important values. ❤
he ticks the wrong boxes, do i leave him?
Attention is a drug. Yes, I think my boy is hooked on the attention. Lovin' the supply and validation. Seeking my attention then run and hide.
He did all this then asked to be friends with benefits
I should left him long time ago 😣
Im just suffering from breakup i can’t stop crying and stop thinking.. please help me .. i wanna do NC but im scared.. it’s hard
@ what’s that mean?😭
ማቲዬ፡ሁል፡ጊዜ፡ብትኖር፡በጣም፡ደስተኛ፡ነኝ፡ምክንያቱም፡ከብዙ፡ነገር፡የምትመልስኝ፡አንተ፡ነህ፡ማቲዬ፡
2እኔ፡በጣም፡ማገዝ፡የምፈልገው፡ማክስን፡ነው፡ምክንያቱም፡አሁን፡ላይ፡ለአለም፡የሚያስፈልገው፡የኔ፡ጀግና፡ስለሆነ፡ነው፡፡የምወደውን፡የማፈቅረውን፡ታውቃለህ፡ውዴ።
A girl pulled away so I blocked her when she started acting cold but then I unblocked her and I dont know what to do now😂 too late? What do I say if she comes back and ask about it?
that wasn't a boundary. that was a tactic. You wanted her to not be cold. it didn't work, and now you want to try a different tactic.
Maybe you should ask yourself why am I seeking the attention of a cold person when there are 4 billion other girls in the world.
You're time is better spent finding new girls who like your offer, than trying to create AROUSAL in a girl who had clearly shown you through her behaviour that she lacks it for you.
@ so now what do I do? Nth has changed. Do i just wait? Is it over?
If I have all these I might as well get married to him 😅
The bar is low indeed… the level of men out there
@ is this a code for something?
every guy asks the question what is your experience of dating. it is incedibly boring and unoriginal to respond to personally.
❤
❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Heteronormatively speaking, a man is not a plan.
Sorry it was super boring with wordplaying and like that... instead of being straightforward and to the points some redundant backstory nonsense... do not waste your time on such videos
awesome
good
While watching this, I realized they were never asked about me first because I always ask first. 🥲
❤
good
awesome
awesome