Oh dear, this is so rational and logical, yet the complete opposite of how I worked previously. It was like as if the scarcity or removal of option drove me on an almost animalistic survival manner.
OK but some of us here grew up in families where we were constantly blamed for any and everything. They used the human sense of regret as a weapon against us. We've internalized that feeling.
You don't have to indulge in those thoughts. When it's happening, it seems so comforting in a weird way to wallow, but it's not helpful. When those thoughts arise, say to yourself "what happened, happened - and it's opened the door to something awesome that I don't know about yet". Thinking about what could have been is such a downer and supposes that that was the one chance you had - it's not!
You must be a magician. My relationship ended last week. Minutes ago I was literally lying down crying on my bed. I opened TH-cam and your video popped up on my feed.
Oh yes you can. Imagine being abusive towards “ the best woman I’ve ever been with”. That quote is what my ex would say to me but he continued to be abusive in various ways.
@@GUITARTIME2024I don’t understand how people can agree with this comment 😂 imagine being with “ the right person “, and thinking you can never do any wrong and you’re together forever no matter how eachother behaves over a lifetime
I cannot stress how much watching this video meant to me. I won’t get into my story but just to say that I’ve been beating myself up and feeling quite down this morning and this video was EXACTLY what I needed to see. I am very grateful. Thank you!
So beautiful, I feel you have grown in understanding how every relationship is so unique. It’s so dark everywhere but you are that light that shines brighter. Thank you
OMG Matthew, definitely you're when we need. Four weeks ago I was Dana. Exactly the same... And you have help me to understand many things and I am much better... thanks a lot.
To anyone who is hurting due to something they consider being a mistake that scared off "The One". I've been there a while ago, and I genuinely thought this pain would NEVER end. It stuck around for a long time too, BUT I watch this video today only remembering I've been there. I PROMISE you heart ache does not last forever. This won't make the pain you feel right now go away but it is a promise to remind yourself to be optimistic about the time ahead of you. And in fact this pain MAKES you stronger. I never got back to actively blaming myself again for being human.
Yes, again yes! When I am ruminating about something I've done or the way I'm feeling - I like to say to myself "I'm just a human, having normal human emotions, it's ok"
Amazing advice and younger people are so blessed to have your compassionate wisdom. My only regret is that you weren’t around in my 20’s and I’d have approached my love life so differently and ended up in a better place in my 50’s again picking myself up….however I will not give up and this today has helped me to keep going on healing myself for myself first. I then hope I attract the right soul for me ❤ thankyou
Hey matth! I wish this was 3-4 days early, however I did something mixed, I took the accountability but I made myself in guilt.. Not personally but in front of them and now they have told me they can't have any emotional connection and can be friends, even after it I'm proud of myself that I took the responsibility and though they don't want this back but I'm still in peace! it is because of your videos I saw earlier as they are more like a therapy to me! ❤
I LOVE these reconnection message examples. They'd make me actually open up for reconnection, esp the longer one. Soo clear and responsible without games, I wish we all always communicated like that. Also, yes, getting to know someone again, after we both grew into someone more emotionally mature must be an amazing experience.
First time commenting am from Zambia and my take is if someone left u get creative and love what u do the right person will come when u find your purpose and fulfillment 😊
I’ve been through what Dana went through with my widower ex, but he doesn’t want to reconcile despite all the changes he has seen in me. It’s like he’s never forgiven me for what I perceived I’ve done that made him leave. I’ve had time to work on myself and have realized that maybe he wasn’t my person, my person would have wanted to work things out
DO NOT CONNECT with A DISCONNECTED PEOPLE. Feeling lost is a low vibration, once you feel it, break from it asap or you will get another low vibration event. Put yourself first : respect & your happiness, do not chase do not make a wish, get better and the world will come to you.
This video was amazing! Made me feel so much better about myself. I was very drunk one night and said some very mean things to my partner and she broke up with me. I have been struggling with so much guilt, and you described exactly everything I have been feeling. So from the bottom of my heart- Thank You❤
I haven't lost the one I've lost men who gave the illusion of care and affection and distracted me from my problems - which has always been my subconscious drive to meet all the men I've ever dated. Dated one I shouldn't have in the middle of my exams, dated one I shouldn't have when I moved to start a new job, one I shouldn't have when I was having a bad time at uni... and felt distracted and less alone
Let's reframe this, instead of "should or shouldn't" have - maybe you did the best you could at the time. And, by doing so, you've learned a lesson for moving forward.
I am going through a tough time right now and the one thought I’ve had, that made me feel sane again and helped me feel better is. No matter how bad you want things to go back to how they were, if the other person doesn’t want it, is it even the same anymore? Is what you’re hoping and wishing for the same if the feelings of the other person have changed? What you used to have with this person, this thing that was so “special” has now changed because feelings have changed. I hope this helps someone because this sole thought is what’s been helping me cope, hopefully this helps someone else.
I thought I'd messed up by contacting someone several times and asking them to go for a drink. In the end they agreed and we got on so well, and I owned the fact that I'd been too pushy and we are currently getting to know each other and I've learnt to let it evolve in it's own time. Who knows were it's going, but I'm at peace with my actions. Lovely video Matt, forgiveness is so important
I know that this video is for me and I think that the message needs to be listen to multiple times at different stages of grief to be properly understood. My situation is different in the sense of having lost my partner after 10 years, due to my trauma, that I have not addressed and discussed with him due to lack of awareness, shame and guilt. And as time went by, he progressively fell out of love from me and we lost the connection that we had, at least from his part. And the hardest part for me is that I only woke up because of the breakup and I realised that the person that he wanted to build a life with was there, but not present for a good portion of the relationship. And the trust has forever vanished and he doesn’t feel the need to reconnect even if I found myself and know that I was a person worth fighting for. It is at these times that the difficulty comes, because I know that I was always there, but buried behind walls and unaware of it. I know I need to show myself grace, but can’t lose the feeling that I have lost an important friend and my place that I called home and that we are going through this only live separately whilst I still love him. Laura
Some men are able to present as very interesting and easy to be with, but they are emotionally damaged and unable to commit fully to relationships, even with their children, at work and extended families. Moving on is hard, especially when they didn't really do something wrong, but if it isn't fulfilling for both people, it isn't a relationship worth pursuing any longer.
I just turned 50 and I gave up on dating. It seems people just want a relationship nowadays like they want doordash. If it’s not to their liking, they will just order from another menu. People want the honeymoon stages but they don’t want anything else. Now, it seems my dating pool is full of avoidants. People are so damaged and so triggered that they pull away as soon as intimacy begins. I’ve been in one long-term relationship in my life that lasted 5 years. I’ve become disheartened and tired. To go through any other “almost relationship” just feels exhausting at this point. I’ve given up. Finding a dog. 🤣
❤ I can relate. Having a dog is a lovely connection opportunity. I actually had a man who ended the relationship and I kept the dog. Through that experience I actually met another man who has given me the love I’ve always wanted. And now I’m competing with the dog for his affection. Life has a funny way of giving us what we need when we need it. I wish you the best in your journey❤!
What I took away from one of Matthew’s other videos is that often, women don’t ask the questions because they’re afraid of the answers. That was me. My ex had been deeply damaged by a coercively controlling mother and the woman he married ‘cos she told him she was pregnant, but wasn’t - and he was tied to her due to deep debts. I should have asked point-blank: will he ever divorce her; what were the debts for; how long will it take for him to clear them; where is our relationship headed etc, but I didn’t because I was too terrified he’d dump me because he felt I was pressurising him. Oh, how much trauma (and wasted years) I could have saved myself if only I’d have faced my fears because he ended up abandoning me anyway when £30k debts caught up with him. And yes, every point in this video is true, sadly. But I know better now.
I just love all of your phrases and terms you use to describe and give voice to the experiences we have with our love lives. “Pain tax”. Very aptly put coming from a Brit! I lived in the UK for some time and I loved it but I do recall there was a tax for every single thing!
The part where you said "you would've turned left anyway eventually" really resonated with me. This is more or less, the key to having no regrets. These mistakes are meant to happen so we can learn from it. If the mistake never happened, you would have never learned or become wiser.
Dana deserves so much credit and is probably way better off if that guy isn't willing to tolerate a slip up or mistake from someone they are with. They would be absolutely delusional to think that they are not going to have any misunderstandings with their person they choose to life with, so to me she dodged a bullet. Personally, I have never. had a woman admit their part in an argument let alone apologize for doing anything "wrong" or even miscommunicating. I was always taught by my parents (and later from experience) that the man must take responsibility for every disagreement/fight/transgression and apologize regardless of whether they are "right" or "wrong." In my eye's, Dana is a unicorn and demonstrates truly exceptional character 🙌
Don't agree. She messed up royally. She deliberately hurt the other person, even to the point of blocking them, for no good reason except her own fears. This isn't someone who is ready yet for a relationship.
@@lak1294 I agree with you. She did mess up royally and may not be ready for a relationship. And should probably spend more time working on her trauma before inviting someone else into her life. But I also know I've messed up royally and also have had exes hurt me big time and not owned it or apologized - hence being exes still, lol. It's not easy out there and I have to admire and give credit to those still trying. I gave up years ago so best of luck to all still fighting the good fight and trying to find their person 🫶🙌🏆
Seriously, what I find is the best opening message is a simple ‘Hello, how are you’ ? Who doesn’t want to get a message from another human showing an interest in them, not too complicated or coming on too strong. Lets you know if they’re open to reconnecting without giving away too much
The points about not groveling, self-compassion, not putting the relationship or the ex up on a pedestal are all very good. That said, I really appreciate that Dana is willing to take a hard look at her behavior and how it must have come across to the guy she was seeing. I think that speaks to a level of accountability, empathy, and maturity that seems sadly rare in the dating market. I hope that whether or not she reconnects with her ex, that she is able to move forward and enjoy happy, secure, fulfilling relationships in the future.
That pretty much describes how I feel. I been shaming myself for my mistakes instead of considering of giving compassion to myself. As for the glorifying part, that was also tempting to do that as well
Thank you Matthew!!! What a wonderful, calming, informative and practical video!! I can't say enough good things about this content! Spot on! I've save it and will definitely be listening to it often! Thank again so much for your work and especially for this content!! You and your work has had a huge impact already on my life!! ❤ I appreciate you sooo much!!😊
Hey, I made a very similar mistake with my ex I was having a bad day and I made the mistake to throw all my frustration on my ex. It was awful, I shouldn't have done that and I still feel bad even if it has been six months... I love this video because this is what I need, so thank you
I’d leave the ‘hope life is amazing’ part of the text out if I were you. Thats not how we talk out here. A simple ‘Hope you are well’ is a decent enough start. If a girl started a message like that under the circumstances I’d think , “oh please”. I’d also avoid talking about “showing up in a relationship”. Just talk about reflecting “on the way you’ve behaved” in the relationship. The way you “showed up” doesn’t begin to cover it. The way “you behaved” does. If you’re sending a message that is taking ‘ownership’ of behaviour , talking around the subject doesn’t create the right impression. I was brutally discarded by my wife who exhibited many narcissistic traits. Now she is ‘hoovering’ me and not making a very good job of it. If you want someone back, trust me they want clarity. Your choice of words is important.
Way back when, a girl I was really into, that I was dating, broke up with me. I was down in the dumps for months. One day, I decided to write her a letter and mail it to her. I thought it was old school and sweet. It took a weekend to write and before I sent it off, I really read it and made sure it was the right thing to do. Well, after reading it, I suddenly realized that I wrote the letter for me. I realized I needed to get it off of my chest and get the emotions and words out in the world and feel everything coming out and feeling and hearing the response. Which was nothing. I realized my folly and my almost mistake. But, I also realized my understanding of what I was going through. I haven't thought of her since that realization, and I became more aware of myself and allowed myself to go through what I needed to. Oh, she did contact me years later on social media. She found out that I am very successful, and I live a very fulfilling life, and I immediately blocked her.
It sounds good, but blocking after so many years have passed might seem as if you still hold anger and resentment towards what happened. Unless this was someone awful and abusive, I think a no reply often does a better job at proving the point that you have moved on, but you just don't care.
My fear is simply the fact that a similar person with similar hobbies and mindset will not come around ever again and that there is a mutual attraction. It is hard not think that you've got your shot and that's it. The fact that finding these type of people are who are more introverted will not appear on dating sites or outside. For me it has been 1,5 months and I thought I am over it, but just a few days ago I've realized I wasn't and it broke me again.
Great advice. However, sure there are lots of new opportunities out there, Im just fucking tired of finding them and starting over. Its exhausting. There being 10,000,000 "the ones" out there doesnt mean I'll run into more than 1 every 5 years
All i have to say is, if that guy was "the one" then he would have wanted to understand where "dana" was coming from, rather than as dana said, he was the "healthy one" and didn't want to hear her out or consider why she did what she did, or reacted how she reacted. Also, if she felt and reacted that way, she must of felt something wasn't right in that relationship as she didn't feel safe enough with him to be honest, or feel she could communicate her insecurities. As mathew said, there could be many senarios that could have come up in their future, where things could have ended. If it's the right one, they would still be around.
@@GUITARTIME2024 And so, you are not willing to help the woman, that you apparently were very liking, to overcome her mental instability caused by past experiences and trauma that she did not will to participate, but it was her destiny that she couldn't choose or escape, and you're not willing to ease that burden and baggage off the chest of the woman you were initially very keen to make your future life partner? Have you ever thought that maybe you triggered her with some of your behavior and gestures? Have you never made a mistake? Are you yourself perfect? Is your mental stability and health making you arrogant towards the unfortunate ones?
@@Lipanj92 you have to keep in mind that it was her who pushed him away. And let's be honest, if you have issues that could potentially ruin a relationship, then you shouldn't be in a relationship until you got it fixed or at least control it. Yes, Dana did "work" on her attachment issues and other behaviors, but the way she conducted herself means that her issues still have a huge influence on her behavior. I do think it's important for their other half to be understanding and being there for them through thick and thin, but you also have to take into account the partner's own emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Many people lose themselves in the process of "helping" their partner ease their burden or baggage. And when things truly do not work out in the end, they've sacrificed too much to the point that they themselves are broken and left with fragments of who they once were. There are many ways the guy could have approached the situation, but his approach to this was not wrong nor unreasonable. And even if he did approach it differently and they end up together anyway, that wouldn't fix the root cause of her issue because, just like what was said in the video, the mistake would've been done someday as long as her problem has not yet been fixed.
I think once my wife became a mother to our 2 daughters, I felt like she never saw me in a sexual way and she never wanted to get back that intimacy we had before kids came along. She never tried it on with me or had much affection, so I didnt try with her. We have now separated and it hurts like hell, She was my soulmate but a breakdown in communication has cost us 13 years :( it could have been so easily fixed but now she's having an affair with a married man with 3 kids
Do you realize you just gave me words I needed? Badly First month I did everything wrong She knows I’m Not a needy desperate guy But I acted like one However I’m back to myself before we both started falling apart Now I hope she does see it But if not. I just don’t care anymore
In my case from a week ago, she was the one who acted like Dana. She told me she does not want to go into serious relationship few times. However both of us felt amazing and so comfortable together since we met 2 months ago. The moment I told her that I am moving to her country because of her she changed. And I understand that behaviour..was way to early for me to make that move. She felt uncomfortable. When we met I told her that she showed me different signals and behaviour for the last month but I can understand her and will move. Told her she can do as you wish and that is alright. Then she thank me and I thought that is the end. The next day she suddenly messaged me again and I did not reply straight away, busy or not I feel I made a mistake and cannot forgive myself that I did not reply, when I could have done it! She said Alight and Blocked me 3 hours later...I feel that I need to say her that I am sorry about it, and I did not meant to ignore her..indeed was at work at this time. But now a week later no hear back from her..I am perplexed on what to do. I do love her a lot.
Very hard to exist. I love this person so much but I know I am the Prince Charming many girls and women would like and I need to have hope. It hurts especially when I was the one trying to secure this relationship and she said that she can't commit because her parents are divorced. It's not my fault, it's not my fault.
True love is loving them even after they broke your heart to 1000 pieces. Patience is key for success or healthy relationship. And then 👇 After 1000 pieces if you still love them n welcoming to break into 10000 pieces who else can protect /care you if yourselg didnt care/love self . If Patience is key , till when to have it ,before its too late Keeping Distance is the scariest things for not knowing whether he will forget or vl he miss n come back ... Im not in control of my emotions and thats only about him . Results are always uncertain. In either cases im walking on fire , and by time it will destroy me .... Life is terrifying when it turns against you without good reason ☹️
what do you do when it was no one’s fault. what if it was a life curveball? (grief to the extreme in one of your personal lives) and that took the love of your life away.
I ended things thinking his lack of effort planning the date was an indication he wasn’t keen. But I think it’s a cultural difference. I made a mistake. 4 days later, I realised I was too harsh. I reached out, and I was vulnerable. I decided to no longer function from my ego. Cuz we’ll all be dead one day. And at least if I did, I know for sure that I did all I could to salvage the connection. 2 days later he responded. Me thinking he wouldn’t respond. It was nice he did, and he forgave me for it. And he insisted to plan our next date. Idk where this would go, but I’m excited to finding out more ❤
Exactly THE SAME happened with me and the guy I met for marriage 6 months ago. Except that he was keen on planning the next date, but I feared that he was also even more keen on meeting other girls at the same time. Guess what happened after our second talk in which I expressed my concerns as a reason of me rejecting him previously, despite liking him and being physically attracted to him? HE GHOSTED ME. After asking when our next meeting will be, he only responded that HE HAS GIVEN UP ON ME. After 18 days of silence. No explanation, no apology, nothing. Needles to say, I was heartbroken. I cried for the next 15 days and nights, didn't eat, didn't sleep, I thought I was going to die. Then I decided to send a compassionate paragraph, apologizing for making him feel the way he felt and for pushing him away with my criticism and assumptions, I even asked for forgiveness. HE HASN'T REPLIED NOT EVEN A WORD SINCE THEN. It's been a little over 5 months now and my heart is still bleading. I watched this video 1st time 3 months ago, and I'm watching it again for the 2nd time now. This topic still cuts deep through my wounds. Brings tears to my eyes. He must be very cruel and unforgiving man as he remains that cold and distant, or he actually never gave sh*t about me and I was merely a passing option to him UNTIL he finds someone more attractive. I've been trying to convince myself that the one who truly cared for me wouldn't let me go through all this emotional pain and self-doubt, and God hasn't decreed for me a man who breaks my heart and leaves me miserable. I wonder how is this even possible happening with a person whom I haven't even touched?! We only looked at each other and talked for hours. Imagine how even more attached and deadly hurt I'd be if I have married him, shared my soul and body with him, and then he decided to disappear, because that's who he actually is, despite presenting himself as a serious religious young man. I am in a desperate need of therapy and healing because of him. ---------------- Curious to know what happened next with you two, if you don't mind sharing?
I have to say from someone who has been through a similar experience as the the person did (the guy), if I would get a text worded the same way as Matthew first text, I would probably look at it, ok and not respond. Reason is it would feel a bit selfish, inconsiderate and quite boring. Now the second text, total opposite, in fact, it made me say, ah interesting. It has substance, accountability, thoughtfulness and it ends with (I would love to reconnect, if you would be open to it). Again, looking it from the receiving end, that is what someone would like to hear. With that being said, I cannot stress enough how important point number 5 is, as the best apology is a changed behavior!
I have to be honest that I would not respond to either text. The first text feels like an attempt to just sweep things under the rug. Assuming this is someone who hurt me badly enough to end the relationship, we both KNOW that, but they're trying to act like everything is fine. I have no motivation to play along with that. The second text is (indirectly) acknowledging what happens, but it feels very self-focused. Their takeaway seems to be that their hurtful behavior is bad... because it reflects poorly on THEM. The implications make THEM uncomfortable. It threatens THEIR positive self image. And they have made changes so THEY can now be a better person. I've had experiences similar to Dana's ex with partners, with "friends", even with family members, and if they reach out afterwards, the message is generally like these texts: EITHER they just try to ignore what happened OR they make it all about their own growth. As though the pain they knowingly cause others is ultimately okay because it served as a stepping stone in their own journey of awesomeness and self actualization. 😑 And the thing is, when I care about someone, I don't hate them, even if they've hurt me. I don't want them to grovel. And I don't begrudge them their personal growth or their choice to forgive themselves. As Matthew says, self-compassion really is important! But what I have needed most in those moments is just the reassurance that they care and that they see me as someone who is a worthwhile person in my own right, not just a handy target for their anger at themselves, their ex, the world, whatever. "I've taken time to reflect on the way I showed up in our relationship. You were really special, and our time together really meant a lot to me. I know that my actions did not always reflect that, and I want to offer you a sincere apology for the way I acted and the pain I caused you. For what it's worth, I've made changes to become the kind of person who will be better going forward. I hope you are happy and doing well these days." And honestly, I wouldn't even broach the offer to reconnect unless they respond positively. In my opinion, an apology that is offered in hopes of getting something just isn't worth as much as an apology offered with the hopes of setting things right.
@@katherinegraham3803 You hit it on the nail! Plus I am not really the texting type, a lot can be misunderstood and get lost in texting. I much rather face to face raw conversations, unfiltered and see the reality head-on. Thank you for sharing!
How do you find someone willing to date in your 40's? No one I meet wants anything beyond a playmate because "relationships are hard" and " they are not in the right place for that"? I never get past a second date if I'm lucky.
I'm 67, broke up recently and shortly thereafter, someone new stepped up. He wants to be my bf. Forty is young. Join activity groups, get involved, work out, church, dress up, and work on self improvement. Find a couple girlfriends to do things with and life will change.
I'm a dude. I assume you're Mimi. Number 1 thing is honestly assess your weight and health. That's the main reason you might not be getting commitment.
I do not know about other womens so I can only speak about myself and what I know is that I am not a option in a man' s life . When you decide to be with your life partner is because you really want that and not because there is not other better option for you . ( At least that is the way I feel about it ).
Never ask for back …their opinion their choices, no forcing, no pleasing, no hesitation to date other & come back . Never happens again. No blame 😅no upset
My first and only relationship is ending after the happiest 5 years of my life. I still think the issues are fixable but she is just not on the same page right now. We still love each other very very much and I want her back more than anything. She wants to keep contact for now but I’m not sure if staying friends or going no contact will give me the best chance at rekindling things. Any ideas?
Most coaches assume women are insecure and act desperate, that they bombard guys. But that is mostly not the case. How about we address situations where good women meet deceitful men. Dating apps are the toxic way dating has become. With my ex husband i was me and even when acting insecure, he loved me regardless and wanted me in his life forever. We realise we have to move on from toxic or wring guys, but reality is a lot of people are very good at deceiving and appearing good to begin with, wasting months of my life, only to reveal their true colours once time passess. I need to become very good at identifying and becoming the right person.
If I were to have one guess, I would guess that the reason she was triggered was because in the 4 months prior, she was making exception after exception (compromising needs, wants, values)--ignoring or brushing aside red flags--in order to make it work with the guy. As soon as it was going to be a real relationship, she couldn't hold it all in anymore.
22.19 minuete i actually made 19 page of essai for the guy that left me , that explain everything that happend , apologies letter n so on plus reference of science studies of reason why i react that way
How do I go about staying or moving on when she goes out with me and she treats me like we are closer than friends but doesn’t want to commit to a relationship because she’s too busy, yet she wants to remain friends and see where it goes from there? It’s been 2 months.🤷♂️ What should I do??
If you've expressed an interest in being with her, and she has told you she's too busy but wants to be friends and "see where it goes" I think you should just move on. That's just a recipe for mixed signals and confusion.
@@katherinegraham3803 Thanks for the advice. I just don’t want to have waited for a short time and missed the opportunity for us to grow closer and the potential for it to be more than friends. I need to pull back from her, I know that, but if she comes back and makes the extra effort to grow things with me further should I let her in because I still really want her for who she is.
What abt the guy Matt? I am sure he is not kind to her.....is he really acting maturely here? She is saved coz of her trigger, then to be with someone who can't even handle her at her worst??? Will there be peace even if she gets him back? She will be always in fear of losing him then.....
Nah. He isn’t wrong for leaving. He wouldn’t be wrong for staying but she’s saying they weren’t even exclusive yet, he doesn’t owe her anything and my guess is there was something leading up to this that she either wasn’t aware of or isn’t mentioning and she was reacting to her feelings that were coming up from those moments.
Someone not wanting you should be the biggest turn-off, irrespective of how good they are.
Oh dear, this is so rational and logical, yet the complete opposite of how I worked previously. It was like as if the scarcity or removal of option drove me on an almost animalistic survival manner.
Maybe they don't want you because you aren't worth it. Sometimes the problem is you.
@@Nachoxt17, doesn't matter who is/isn't worth it. If it ain't working out, don't chase, hope, or pedestalize. Just move forward.
OK but some of us here grew up in families where we were constantly blamed for any and everything. They used the human sense of regret as a weapon against us. We've internalized that feeling.
@@kimia1664, time to change beliefs and adapt to the new realities then.
I think the toughest part is the “what could have been” thoughts. Those make it hard to close the door on thinking about them.
You don't have to indulge in those thoughts. When it's happening, it seems so comforting in a weird way to wallow, but it's not helpful. When those thoughts arise, say to yourself "what happened, happened - and it's opened the door to something awesome that I don't know about yet". Thinking about what could have been is such a downer and supposes that that was the one chance you had - it's not!
If you change the direction of those thought to "What *Could* be" it opens up the channels for future possibilities and not present regrets ❤
@@JennaMaBobAgreed!❤
You must be a magician. My relationship ended last week. Minutes ago I was literally lying down crying on my bed. I opened TH-cam and your video popped up on my feed.
Same for me.
Same
The algorythm is, all is full of God.
Same thing. Sending you all a hug 🫂
Instagram for me. I am in exactly the same position as Dana. He won't let me fix it. Cannot believe what I did. Heartbroken. 😭💔
14 days after the breakup, a similar story to "Dana." This video immediately put me in a better mood, thank you, Matthew.
I strongly believe you can’t mess up things with a right person.
Yes you can, if you are not working on your self and are harmful for them
that is an extremely destructive mindset
Thats absurd. Someone has given you terrible info.
Oh yes you can. Imagine being abusive towards “ the best woman I’ve ever been with”. That quote is what my ex would say to me but he continued to be abusive in various ways.
@@GUITARTIME2024I don’t understand how people can agree with this comment 😂 imagine being with “ the right person “, and thinking you can never do any wrong and you’re together forever no matter how eachother behaves over a lifetime
I cannot stress how much watching this video meant to me. I won’t get into my story but just to say that I’ve been beating myself up and feeling quite down this morning and this video was EXACTLY what I needed to see. I am very grateful. Thank you!
You are a true friend of women, Matt. And you surely experienced too many situation-/relationships and their slow ends. Very wise insights.
So beautiful, I feel you have grown in understanding how every relationship is so unique. It’s so dark everywhere but you are that light that shines brighter. Thank you
Good video, bro. I agree with you in many ways. I also have a video on this topic.
OMG Matthew, definitely you're when we need. Four weeks ago I was Dana. Exactly the same... And you have help me to understand many things and I am much better... thanks a lot.
To anyone who is hurting due to something they consider being a mistake that scared off "The One". I've been there a while ago, and I genuinely thought this pain would NEVER end. It stuck around for a long time too, BUT I watch this video today only remembering I've been there. I PROMISE you heart ache does not last forever. This won't make the pain you feel right now go away but it is a promise to remind yourself to be optimistic about the time ahead of you. And in fact this pain MAKES you stronger. I never got back to actively blaming myself again for being human.
Yes, again yes! When I am ruminating about something I've done or the way I'm feeling - I like to say to myself "I'm just a human, having normal human emotions, it's ok"
I feel so seen and understood after watching this, it brought more clarity to everything I've been feeling and experiencing since the breakup.
Amazing advice and younger people are so blessed to have your compassionate wisdom. My only regret is that you weren’t around in my 20’s and I’d have approached my love life so differently and ended up in a better place in my 50’s again picking myself up….however I will not give up and this today has helped me to keep going on healing myself for myself first. I then hope I attract the right soul for me ❤ thankyou
Hey matth! I wish this was 3-4 days early, however I did something mixed, I took the accountability but I made myself in guilt.. Not personally but in front of them and now they have told me they can't have any emotional connection and can be friends, even after it I'm proud of myself that I took the responsibility and though they don't want this back but I'm still in peace! it is because of your videos I saw earlier as they are more like a therapy to me! ❤
I LOVE these reconnection message examples. They'd make me actually open up for reconnection, esp the longer one. Soo clear and responsible without games, I wish we all always communicated like that. Also, yes, getting to know someone again, after we both grew into someone more emotionally mature must be an amazing experience.
First time commenting am from Zambia and my take is if someone left u get creative and love what u do the right person will come when u find your purpose and fulfillment 😊
Hi!! 👋🏼 That's Beautiful 😌💯
Thank you for saving my life with your words 😔
You are soooooo loving and lovable Matthew. I am so grateful to have your coaching available on TH-cam ❤
A life event is out of my possibilities
Absolutely needed & loved hearing this, as I’m currently going through something very similar. Thanks so much Matthew 😊
Hardest part is seeing the potential for forever happiness but walking away because that’s not the reality 💔
I’ve been through what Dana went through with my widower ex, but he doesn’t want to reconcile despite all the changes he has seen in me. It’s like he’s never forgiven me for what I perceived I’ve done that made him leave. I’ve had time to work on myself and have realized that maybe he wasn’t my person, my person would have wanted to work things out
DO NOT CONNECT with A DISCONNECTED PEOPLE.
Feeling lost is a low vibration, once you feel it, break from it asap or you will get another low vibration event.
Put yourself first : respect & your happiness, do not chase do not make a wish, get better and the world will come to you.
This video was amazing! Made me feel so much better about myself. I was very drunk one night and said some very mean things to my partner and she broke up with me. I have been struggling with so much guilt, and you described exactly everything I have been feeling. So from the bottom of my heart- Thank You❤
Only video that actually got me to forgive myself. Thanks Matt
I haven't lost the one I've lost men who gave the illusion of care and affection and distracted me from my problems - which has always been my subconscious drive to meet all the men I've ever dated. Dated one I shouldn't have in the middle of my exams, dated one I shouldn't have when I moved to start a new job, one I shouldn't have when I was having a bad time at uni... and felt distracted and less alone
Let's reframe this, instead of "should or shouldn't" have - maybe you did the best you could at the time. And, by doing so, you've learned a lesson for moving forward.
I am going through a tough time right now and the one thought I’ve had, that made me feel sane again and helped me feel better is. No matter how bad you want things to go back to how they were, if the other person doesn’t want it, is it even the same anymore? Is what you’re hoping and wishing for the same if the feelings of the other person have changed? What you used to have with this person, this thing that was so “special” has now changed because feelings have changed. I hope this helps someone because this sole thought is what’s been helping me cope, hopefully this helps someone else.
I thought I'd messed up by contacting someone several times and asking them to go for a drink. In the end they agreed and we got on so well, and I owned the fact that I'd been too pushy and we are currently getting to know each other and I've learnt to let it evolve in it's own time. Who knows were it's going, but I'm at peace with my actions. Lovely video Matt, forgiveness is so important
I know that this video is for me and I think that the message needs to be listen to multiple times at different stages of grief to be properly understood. My situation is different in the sense of having lost my partner after 10 years, due to my trauma, that I have not addressed and discussed with him due to lack of awareness, shame and guilt. And as time went by, he progressively fell out of love from me and we lost the connection that we had, at least from his part. And the hardest part for me is that I only woke up because of the breakup and I realised that the person that he wanted to build a life with was there, but not present for a good portion of the relationship. And the trust has forever vanished and he doesn’t feel the need to reconnect even if I found myself and know that I was a person worth fighting for. It is at these times that the difficulty comes, because I know that I was always there, but buried behind walls and unaware of it. I know I need to show myself grace, but can’t lose the feeling that I have lost an important friend and my place that I called home and that we are going through this only live separately whilst I still love him. Laura
Some men are able to present as very interesting and easy to be with, but they are emotionally damaged and unable to commit fully to relationships, even with their children, at work and extended families. Moving on is hard, especially when they didn't really do something wrong, but if it isn't fulfilling for both people, it isn't a relationship worth pursuing any longer.
Brilliantly said.
I just turned 50 and I gave up on dating. It seems people just want a relationship nowadays like they want doordash. If it’s not to their liking, they will just order from another menu. People want the honeymoon stages but they don’t want anything else. Now, it seems my dating pool is full of avoidants. People are so damaged and so triggered that they pull away as soon as intimacy begins. I’ve been in one long-term relationship in my life that lasted 5 years. I’ve become disheartened and tired. To go through any other “almost relationship” just feels exhausting at this point. I’ve given up. Finding a dog. 🤣
Yep
Maybe then you’ll be “finally fulfilled”?
❤ I can relate. Having a dog is a lovely connection opportunity. I actually had a man who ended the relationship and I kept the dog. Through that experience I actually met another man who has given me the love I’ve always wanted. And now I’m competing with the dog for his affection.
Life has a funny way of giving us what we need when we need it.
I wish you the best in your journey❤!
What I took away from one of Matthew’s other videos is that often, women don’t ask the questions because they’re afraid of the answers. That was me. My ex had been deeply damaged by a coercively controlling mother and the woman he married ‘cos she told him she was pregnant, but wasn’t - and he was tied to her due to deep debts. I should have asked point-blank: will he ever divorce her; what were the debts for; how long will it take for him to clear them; where is our relationship headed etc, but I didn’t because I was too terrified he’d dump me because he felt I was pressurising him. Oh, how much trauma (and wasted years) I could have saved myself if only I’d have faced my fears because he ended up abandoning me anyway when £30k debts caught up with him. And yes, every point in this video is true, sadly. But I know better now.
I love this guy. He always makes sense
I just love all of your phrases and terms you use to describe and give voice to the experiences we have with our love lives. “Pain tax”. Very aptly put coming from a Brit! I lived in the UK for some time and I loved it but I do recall there was a tax for every single thing!
The part where you said "you would've turned left anyway eventually" really resonated with me. This is more or less, the key to having no regrets. These mistakes are meant to happen so we can learn from it. If the mistake never happened, you would have never learned or become wiser.
Dana deserves so much credit and is probably way better off if that guy isn't willing to tolerate a slip up or mistake from someone they are with. They would be absolutely delusional to think that they are not going to have any misunderstandings with their person they choose to life with, so to me she dodged a bullet. Personally, I have never. had a woman admit their part in an argument let alone apologize for doing anything "wrong" or even miscommunicating. I was always taught by my parents (and later from experience) that the man must take responsibility for every disagreement/fight/transgression and apologize regardless of whether they are "right" or "wrong." In my eye's, Dana is a unicorn and demonstrates truly exceptional character 🙌
This is such a beautiful comment. Thank you!
Don't agree. She messed up royally. She deliberately hurt the other person, even to the point of blocking them, for no good reason except her own fears. This isn't someone who is ready yet for a relationship.
@@lak1294 I agree with you. She did mess up royally and may not be ready for a relationship. And should probably spend more time working on her trauma before inviting someone else into her life. But I also know I've messed up royally and also have had exes hurt me big time and not owned it or apologized - hence being exes still, lol. It's not easy out there and I have to admire and give credit to those still trying. I gave up years ago so best of luck to all still fighting the good fight and trying to find their person 🫶🙌🏆
Seriously, what I find is the best opening message is a simple ‘Hello, how are you’ ? Who doesn’t want to get a message from another human showing an interest in them, not too complicated or coming on too strong. Lets you know if they’re open to reconnecting without giving away too much
The points about not groveling, self-compassion, not putting the relationship or the ex up on a pedestal are all very good.
That said, I really appreciate that Dana is willing to take a hard look at her behavior and how it must have come across to the guy she was seeing. I think that speaks to a level of accountability, empathy, and maturity that seems sadly rare in the dating market.
I hope that whether or not she reconnects with her ex, that she is able to move forward and enjoy happy, secure, fulfilling relationships in the future.
But you've evolved and become whatever positive it is without that person, so don't bother reaching out again.
That pretty much describes how I feel. I been shaming myself for my mistakes instead of considering of giving compassion to myself. As for the glorifying part, that was also tempting to do that as well
Wow, this video was tailer made for me. I’m gonna watch it twice daily
Four months ago I was Dana.
I'm still grieving and healing.
Thank you Matthew!!! What a wonderful, calming, informative and practical video!! I can't say enough good things about this content! Spot on! I've save it and will definitely be listening to it often! Thank again so much for your work and especially for this content!! You and your work has had a huge impact already on my life!! ❤ I appreciate you sooo much!!😊
Hey, I made a very similar mistake with my ex
I was having a bad day and I made the mistake to throw all my frustration on my ex.
It was awful, I shouldn't have done that and I still feel bad even if it has been six months...
I love this video because this is what I need, so thank you
What you ACTUALLY need is to APOLOGIZE to that person and own your mistake in front of them.
Thank you Mathew. Really needed this so much!! I’ve been a wreck lately thinking about all of this. 😩
I can't stop listening to your video ❤❤❤. Thank you
Thank you so much Matthew ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I needed to hear all of these !!! I’m feeling better already after watching this video 😄
Found this a very moving and important message for me and from a males perspective. Thankyou.
This was one of the best videos you've done... Thank you Matthew 🫶🏻
I’d leave the ‘hope life is amazing’ part of the text out if I were you. Thats not how we talk out here. A simple ‘Hope you are well’ is a decent enough start. If a girl started a message like that under the circumstances I’d think , “oh please”. I’d also avoid talking about “showing up in a relationship”. Just talk about reflecting “on the way you’ve behaved” in the relationship. The way you “showed up” doesn’t begin to cover it. The way “you behaved” does. If you’re sending a message that is taking ‘ownership’ of behaviour , talking around the subject doesn’t create the right impression. I was brutally discarded by my wife who exhibited many narcissistic traits. Now she is ‘hoovering’ me and not making a very good job of it. If you want someone back, trust me they want clarity. Your choice of words is important.
Perfect timing! Thank you! Helped me do much
Way back when, a girl I was really into, that I was dating, broke up with me. I was down in the dumps for months. One day, I decided to write her a letter and mail it to her. I thought it was old school and sweet. It took a weekend to write and before I sent it off, I really read it and made sure it was the right thing to do. Well, after reading it, I suddenly realized that I wrote the letter for me. I realized I needed to get it off of my chest and get the emotions and words out in the world and feel everything coming out and feeling and hearing the response. Which was nothing. I realized my folly and my almost mistake. But, I also realized my understanding of what I was going through. I haven't thought of her since that realization, and I became more aware of myself and allowed myself to go through what I needed to.
Oh, she did contact me years later on social media. She found out that I am very successful, and I live a very fulfilling life, and I immediately blocked her.
It sounds good, but blocking after so many years have passed might seem as if you still hold anger and resentment towards what happened.
Unless this was someone awful and abusive, I think a no reply often does a better job at proving the point that you have moved on, but you just don't care.
It sounds like you're still bitter about it. At least, you should thank her for actually pushing you to self reflect and impotence on yourself.
*improve
You are just a joke. U blocked her? For what? That she had the right to not want you? You are really miserable, sorry to say that. Too much ego
By far the best video i've watched on this subject - and i've watched a lot
My fear is simply the fact that a similar person with similar hobbies and mindset will not come around ever again and that there is a mutual attraction. It is hard not think that you've got your shot and that's it. The fact that finding these type of people are who are more introverted will not appear on dating sites or outside. For me it has been 1,5 months and I thought I am over it, but just a few days ago I've realized I wasn't and it broke me again.
Well said. Thank you for what you do.
Thankyou so much for this... I really needed this today... ❤
I have to comment again. I am breathing again Mattew... And Thanks to u. ❤
This is fantastic. Thanks Matt.
Great advice. However, sure there are lots of new opportunities out there, Im just fucking tired of finding them and starting over. Its exhausting. There being 10,000,000 "the ones" out there doesnt mean I'll run into more than 1 every 5 years
This situation is exact for me but im the guy who regrets and act up. Still miss her so much everyday…
Thank you Matthew❤ needed to hear this right now. Much appreciated 🙏🏻
This video contains valueable lessons to almost kinds of relationships.
The congratulating part of Matthew Hussey is I watch his program for persuing the vanity of perfect English of him. That is lovely British English.
All i have to say is, if that guy was "the one" then he would have wanted to understand where "dana" was coming from, rather than as dana said, he was the "healthy one" and didn't want to hear her out or consider why she did what she did, or reacted how she reacted. Also, if she felt and reacted that way, she must of felt something wasn't right in that relationship as she didn't feel safe enough with him to be honest, or feel she could communicate her insecurities. As mathew said, there could be many senarios that could have come up in their future, where things could have ended. If it's the right one, they would still be around.
Fine, but as a dude, I'm gonna guess that he saw mental instability or too much baggage. Men assess women all the time.
@@GUITARTIME2024 And so, you are not willing to help the woman, that you apparently were very liking, to overcome her mental instability caused by past experiences and trauma that she did not will to participate, but it was her destiny that she couldn't choose or escape, and you're not willing to ease that burden and baggage off the chest of the woman you were initially very keen to make your future life partner? Have you ever thought that maybe you triggered her with some of your behavior and gestures? Have you never made a mistake? Are you yourself perfect? Is your mental stability and health making you arrogant towards the unfortunate ones?
@@Lipanj92 you have to keep in mind that it was her who pushed him away. And let's be honest, if you have issues that could potentially ruin a relationship, then you shouldn't be in a relationship until you got it fixed or at least control it. Yes, Dana did "work" on her attachment issues and other behaviors, but the way she conducted herself means that her issues still have a huge influence on her behavior.
I do think it's important for their other half to be understanding and being there for them through thick and thin, but you also have to take into account the partner's own emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Many people lose themselves in the process of "helping" their partner ease their burden or baggage. And when things truly do not work out in the end, they've sacrificed too much to the point that they themselves are broken and left with fragments of who they once were.
There are many ways the guy could have approached the situation, but his approach to this was not wrong nor unreasonable. And even if he did approach it differently and they end up together anyway, that wouldn't fix the root cause of her issue because, just like what was said in the video, the mistake would've been done someday as long as her problem has not yet been fixed.
I think once my wife became a mother to our 2 daughters, I felt like she never saw me in a sexual way and she never wanted to get back that intimacy we had before kids came along. She never tried it on with me or had much affection, so I didnt try with her. We have now separated and it hurts like hell, She was my soulmate but a breakdown in communication has cost us 13 years :( it could have been so easily fixed but now she's having an affair with a married man with 3 kids
Dana's story is my story 😢
Do you realize you just gave me words I needed?
Badly
First month I did everything wrong
She knows
I’m
Not a needy desperate guy
But I acted like one
However I’m back to myself before we both started falling apart
Now I hope she does see it
But if not. I just don’t care anymore
T H A N K Y O U 🥹🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I needed this video!
Such a good topic and video - thank you for posting it
Matthew you are so wise ❤
21:43 timestamp for my future self ❤
Wow EXACTLY what I needed to hear today
Real and honest ones text themselves.
In my case from a week ago, she was the one who acted like Dana. She told me she does not want to go into serious relationship few times. However both of us felt amazing and so comfortable together since we met 2 months ago. The moment I told her that I am moving to her country because of her she changed. And I understand that behaviour..was way to early for me to make that move. She felt uncomfortable. When we met I told her that she showed me different signals and behaviour for the last month but I can understand her and will move. Told her she can do as you wish and that is alright. Then she thank me and I thought that is the end. The next day she suddenly messaged me again and I did not reply straight away, busy or not I feel I made a mistake and cannot forgive myself that I did not reply, when I could have done it! She said Alight and Blocked me 3 hours later...I feel that I need to say her that I am sorry about it, and I did not meant to ignore her..indeed was at work at this time. But now a week later no hear back from her..I am perplexed on what to do. I do love her a lot.
Great video!
Maybe Dana’s intuition was telling her that this wasn’t the one so she acted on that feeling. It may not have been a mistake after all.
This was a very great video. Thanks Matthew
Yeah!!! I'm right in the middle of something like this😊
Very hard to exist. I love this person so much but I know I am the Prince Charming many girls and women would like and I need to have hope. It hurts especially when I was the one trying to secure this relationship and she said that she can't commit because her parents are divorced. It's not my fault, it's not my fault.
True love is loving them even after they broke your heart to 1000 pieces.
Patience is key for success or healthy relationship.
And then 👇
After 1000 pieces if you still love them n welcoming to break into 10000 pieces who else can protect /care you if yourselg didnt care/love self .
If Patience is key , till when to have it ,before its too late
Keeping Distance is the scariest things for not knowing whether he will forget or vl he miss n come back ...
Im not in control of my emotions and thats only about him . Results are always uncertain. In either cases im walking on fire , and by time it will destroy me ....
Life is terrifying when it turns against you without good reason ☹️
what do you do when it was no one’s fault. what if it was a life curveball? (grief to the extreme in one of your personal lives) and that took the love of your life away.
You have these way with words, that is beautiful and the end I laugh bc you are right….
I ended things thinking his lack of effort planning the date was an indication he wasn’t keen. But I think it’s a cultural difference. I made a mistake. 4 days later, I realised I was too harsh. I reached out, and I was vulnerable.
I decided to no longer function from my ego. Cuz we’ll all be dead one day. And at least if I did, I know for sure that I did all I could to salvage the connection.
2 days later he responded. Me thinking he wouldn’t respond. It was nice he did, and he forgave me for it. And he insisted to plan our next date. Idk where this would go, but I’m excited to finding out more ❤
Exactly THE SAME happened with me and the guy I met for marriage 6 months ago.
Except that he was keen on planning the next date, but I feared that he was also even more keen on meeting other girls at the same time.
Guess what happened after our second talk in which I expressed my concerns as a reason of me rejecting him previously, despite liking him and being physically attracted to him?
HE GHOSTED ME.
After asking when our next meeting will be, he only responded that HE HAS GIVEN UP ON ME. After 18 days of silence. No explanation, no apology, nothing.
Needles to say, I was heartbroken.
I cried for the next 15 days and nights, didn't eat, didn't sleep, I thought I was going to die.
Then I decided to send a compassionate paragraph, apologizing for making him feel the way he felt and for pushing him away with my criticism and assumptions, I even asked for forgiveness.
HE HASN'T REPLIED NOT EVEN A WORD SINCE THEN.
It's been a little over 5 months now and my heart is still bleading.
I watched this video 1st time 3 months ago, and I'm watching it again for the 2nd time now.
This topic still cuts deep through my wounds.
Brings tears to my eyes.
He must be very cruel and unforgiving man as he remains that cold and distant, or he actually never gave sh*t about me and I was merely a passing option to him UNTIL he finds someone more attractive.
I've been trying to convince myself that the one who truly cared for me wouldn't let me go through all this emotional pain and self-doubt, and God hasn't decreed for me a man who breaks my heart and leaves me miserable.
I wonder how is this even possible happening with a person whom I haven't even touched?! We only looked at each other and talked for hours.
Imagine how even more attached and deadly hurt I'd be if I have married him, shared my soul and body with him, and then he decided to disappear, because that's who he actually is, despite presenting himself as a serious religious young man.
I am in a desperate need of therapy and healing because of him.
----------------
Curious to know what happened next with you two, if you don't mind sharing?
I have to say from someone who has been through a similar experience as the the person did (the guy), if I would get a text worded the same way as Matthew first text, I would probably look at it, ok and not respond. Reason is it would feel a bit selfish, inconsiderate and quite boring. Now the second text, total opposite, in fact, it made me say, ah interesting. It has substance, accountability, thoughtfulness and it ends with (I would love to reconnect, if you would be open to it). Again, looking it from the receiving end, that is what someone would like to hear. With that being said, I cannot stress enough how important point number 5 is, as the best apology is a changed behavior!
I have to be honest that I would not respond to either text.
The first text feels like an attempt to just sweep things under the rug. Assuming this is someone who hurt me badly enough to end the relationship, we both KNOW that, but they're trying to act like everything is fine. I have no motivation to play along with that.
The second text is (indirectly) acknowledging what happens, but it feels very self-focused. Their takeaway seems to be that their hurtful behavior is bad... because it reflects poorly on THEM. The implications make THEM uncomfortable. It threatens THEIR positive self image. And they have made changes so THEY can now be a better person.
I've had experiences similar to Dana's ex with partners, with "friends", even with family members, and if they reach out afterwards, the message is generally like these texts: EITHER they just try to ignore what happened OR they make it all about their own growth. As though the pain they knowingly cause others is ultimately okay because it served as a stepping stone in their own journey of awesomeness and self actualization. 😑
And the thing is, when I care about someone, I don't hate them, even if they've hurt me. I don't want them to grovel. And I don't begrudge them their personal growth or their choice to forgive themselves. As Matthew says, self-compassion really is important! But what I have needed most in those moments is just the reassurance that they care and that they see me as someone who is a worthwhile person in my own right, not just a handy target for their anger at themselves, their ex, the world, whatever.
"I've taken time to reflect on the way I showed up in our relationship. You were really special, and our time together really meant a lot to me. I know that my actions did not always reflect that, and I want to offer you a sincere apology for the way I acted and the pain I caused you. For what it's worth, I've made changes to become the kind of person who will be better going forward. I hope you are happy and doing well these days."
And honestly, I wouldn't even broach the offer to reconnect unless they respond positively. In my opinion, an apology that is offered in hopes of getting something just isn't worth as much as an apology offered with the hopes of setting things right.
@@katherinegraham3803 You hit it on the nail! Plus I am not really the texting type, a lot can be misunderstood and get lost in texting. I much rather face to face raw conversations, unfiltered and see the reality head-on. Thank you for sharing!
How do you find someone willing to date in your 40's? No one I meet wants anything beyond a playmate because "relationships are hard" and " they are not in the right place for that"? I never get past a second date if I'm lucky.
I'm 67, broke up recently and shortly thereafter, someone new stepped up. He wants to be my bf. Forty is young. Join activity groups, get involved, work out, church, dress up, and work on self improvement. Find a couple girlfriends to do things with and life will change.
Hey, I started my last relationship when I was 50. He wanted me to be his permanent life partner. OK we split after 5½ years but nothing's impossible.
I'm a dude. I assume you're Mimi. Number 1 thing is honestly assess your weight and health. That's the main reason you might not be getting commitment.
@@GUITARTIME2024 what? Are you for real.
@@heather3358 whats confusing. I'm giving the inside info.
I do not know about other womens so I can only speak about myself and what I know is that I am not a option in a man' s life .
When you decide to be with your life partner is because you really want that and not because there is
not other better option for you .
( At least that is the way I feel about it ).
Finally a video of yours I agree with!😇
Thank You ❤
Never ask for back …their opinion their choices, no forcing, no pleasing, no hesitation to date other & come back . Never happens again. No blame 😅no upset
omg best video since I love your videos
My first and only relationship is ending after the happiest 5 years of my life. I still think the issues are fixable but she is just not on the same page right now. We still love each other very very much and I want her back more than anything. She wants to keep contact for now but I’m not sure if staying friends or going no contact will give me the best chance at rekindling things. Any ideas?
10 years من المتابعة ❤❤❤
Thank you…
Years later I still regret it!
Good morning! 🧡🤍🥂
Thank you for this video.
Most coaches assume women are insecure and act desperate, that they bombard guys. But that is mostly not the case. How about we address situations where good women meet deceitful men. Dating apps are the toxic way dating has become. With my ex husband i was me and even when acting insecure, he loved me regardless and wanted me in his life forever. We realise we have to move on from toxic or wring guys, but reality is a lot of people are very good at deceiving and appearing good to begin with, wasting months of my life, only to reveal their true colours once time passess. I need to become very good at identifying and becoming the right person.
If I were to have one guess, I would guess that the reason she was triggered was because in the 4 months prior, she was making exception after exception (compromising needs, wants, values)--ignoring or brushing aside red flags--in order to make it work with the guy. As soon as it was going to be a real relationship, she couldn't hold it all in anymore.
22.19 minuete i actually made 19 page of essai for the guy that left me , that explain everything that happend , apologies letter n so on plus reference of science studies of reason why i react that way
How do I go about staying or moving on when she goes out with me and she treats me like we are closer than friends but doesn’t want to commit to a relationship because she’s too busy, yet she wants to remain friends and see where it goes from there? It’s been 2 months.🤷♂️ What should I do??
If you've expressed an interest in being with her, and she has told you she's too busy but wants to be friends and "see where it goes" I think you should just move on. That's just a recipe for mixed signals and confusion.
@@katherinegraham3803 Thanks for the advice. I just don’t want to have waited for a short time and missed the opportunity for us to grow closer and the potential for it to be more than friends. I need to pull back from her, I know that, but if she comes back and makes the extra effort to grow things with me further should I let her in because I still really want her for who she is.
What abt the guy Matt? I am sure he is not kind to her.....is he really acting maturely here? She is saved coz of her trigger, then to be with someone who can't even handle her at her worst??? Will there be peace even if she gets him back? She will be always in fear of losing him then.....
Nah. He isn’t wrong for leaving. He wouldn’t be wrong for staying but she’s saying they weren’t even exclusive yet, he doesn’t owe her anything and my guess is there was something leading up to this that she either wasn’t aware of or isn’t mentioning and she was reacting to her feelings that were coming up from those moments.