I still attempt to be magnanimous and give out good vibes . But I know sometimes its just not whats needed. Then I adopt whatever response seems to fit best
Oh man, do I have a story to tell ya, because I was nice and minded my own business ppl saw that as a way to get me tripping on my peace because they like destroying ppl who don't harm ppl and think they need to be like them, drama creating ppl
Exactly. They usually have more seniority , power and are cunning. Like this guy is a joke. Really you bring up no actual tips / advice help that’s tangible. But thanks for repeating the obvious. I’m going to stare at pot holes now I
@@syomchi You cannot have been bullied very much. At 5 years old my mum and dad parted and I went to a primary/junior school where everyone except me spoke Welsh. I got beat up regularly by the headmasters daughter who was twice my size and well nourished.Whereas I was undernourished with clothes too small for me and no proper shoes only wellies. I grew up afraid with an invisible sign over my head which said 'Victim' So the bullying continued when I went to secondary school in Liverpool. This was in the 50's and 60's. I've only just learned these last few years how not to be a victim, doing what this chap mentions - self defence, attitude, etc.
I was always taught to 'just ignore it', or in other words 'just let it happen and don't react'. The worst lesson I was ever taught as a child and decades later I'm still unlearning it.
Yelp, pretending they don't exist because they do not mentally anyways. Their minds are flawed, and irrational thinking is part of it. So, therefore, there's no reason why anyone should respond to them
Agreed. It institutionalizes you being the victim so that someone else can be lazy as the authority figure. It does nothing to fix what is happening or its implications on your life. That same person will later think those implications can be dismissed as mental illness and such. It is a sick cycle. If I ever have kids I want to teach them the kind of love and empathy that goads them into intervening when someone is being bullied.
Yeah, me too. I was told that too. The bible teaches that. Turn the other cheek! Be a martyr! (I grew up in a Roman Catholic environment and I heard lots of nonsense growing up.)
@@pickataco6739turn your fear into an anger let the fire burn inside of you . Think to yourself about the quality of life these people are taking away from you for their personal gain . Stand tall and make direct eye contact and if your not strong enough to stand up for yourself imagine how you would feel if they treated someone you love like they treated you and do what you would do to stand up for them
@@pinky9440 .self defense is not bullying. THIS is WHY we MUST have and keep the second amendment... to be able to bear arms! Guaranteed! One has a RIGHT to be safe.
@@pinky9440 you arent the bully if you arent the aggressor. Sure you shouldnt escalate from insults to violence but once they punch you go for the balls
Bullying is maladaptive though. It's a negative power. But I guess to a powerless person, any power is better than none, even though most people aren't obsessed with such things.
Terry Thompson; I agree. With you. Too bad Women can’t do this to bully At work. Women are horrible, Horrible to work with. The Bullies are horrible ( women) And other women just sit Around and observe. I think The bully is so miserable in Their marriage, their life They lash out on the co worker They think will not attack them.
@@marshamcdonald1475 Yes, humans prey on the weak. Our lesson is to be strong, because the "good guy" (or gal) does not always win. It's the person who is most capable that does.
I plan to teach my kid that sometimes you have to make a decision and that sometimes the consequences can be difficult. The school may punish you and that may be hard for a time. So you have to decide if a situation is worth it. Is it a hill worth dying on? If it is, do it. Oh, I intend for my child to learn jujitsu.
@@conservativecatholic9030 NICE. Jiu-Jitsu, Judo, Muay Thai. Good stuff. I trained MMA in Japan at KZ factory; we used to compete at Pride Fighting championships in Tokyo. Well done. You get A+
It's amazing all the emotion that wells up watching myself tell that story. To all those out there who are...or who ever have been bullied...you can stop it. You can win. And you can overcome it. 🙏
Kevin Ward | YESMasters Real Estate Success Coaching and Training If you don’t stop it at an early age, it follows you from grade to grade. Pretty soon you have so many bullies ganging up on you, you can’t fight them all. You even fear yourself and your own thoughts. It’s like wearing a mask everyday, and you end up feeling horrible about yourself at a much older age. The pain never quite goes away, your anxiety level always remains high.
Unfortunately there is no standing up to someone who has a mental or personality disorder. They bulldoze right over any boundaries you set. Sometimes you just have cut those toxic people out of your life.
Totally agree. I think this is a key component this speaker does not get. You can have fantastic personal boundaries, but abusive individuals will simply move covertly beyond depending on getting you to lower your boundaries and get other people to "punish" you.
It's generally people with undiagnosed mental issues who are dangerous. Not everyone with mental disorders is bad and it's not good to believe that about people who struggle but ask for help and work on themselves
Cutting them out is one form of boundary. And saying you'll call the police, and calling the police, if they don't stop. Mentally unsound people might even threaten suicide to keep you under their thumb, but standing up for yourself in that case it so say I'll call you an ambulance if you need help. I'm not coming, I'm not answering the phone, you need real help. (Of course that's a type of help they don't want, so they often stop when you say you'll call them an ambulance but won't give them your time.)
Christin Kuck the thing is with these people... they know what buttons to push and they will not over step the mark to break the law... plus, they have done it to many, many people before. Unfortunately you can’t win with this
I was going to say that. Bullies feed off the negative energy you give them by reacting to their taunts. learning 'grey rock' and not engaging is the best as it frustrates them.
I was bullied horribly in school and in jobs until I went to art school and met some very cool student friends who'd also been bullied. It was then that I realized that we'd been bullied because we wanted to be authentic people and not just followers of the crowd.
Parents and siblings bully too... it starts from day one and doesn’t stop when you hit adulthood. It only stops when you wise up and stand up. Even then sometimes you still have to walk away. We need to talk about this more, thank you for the talk.
Scapegoat here too, I walked away for 10 years and when my father was dying I had to enter back into the toxic family dynamic. My gaurd was down and they expected me to let them walk on me, although I tried to stand up for myself I still was robbed...and because I stood up for myself they have more of a reason to point the finger because now I have anger issues....I guess I was supposed to smile and be happy while I watched my sister steal everything and leave me nothing.
Ever notice that all those people who claim they're against bullying keep focusing on how the victim reacts but never once focus on the bullies bullying them in the first place?
There is this misconception that victims are "different" in some way, which is precisely the idea that the bullies aim to convey to those around them, to gather around a gang to torture their victim. The bully is truly the one who is different and not normal, but uses social skills to reverse reality. Most people have bullied someone in their lives, and they will try to perpetuate the myth that the bullied person, somehow deserved it, so it's typical bully psychology
But isn't this what the teachers did when they were in school? The bullies have not been dealt with at early stages.Everyone with any power did nothing.The victim is always just too weak and should have done more.
I have an intellectual disability, I'm just like you and I've been bullied at the workplace, I've received mean looks and mean attitudes, I know how it feels my friend, the best we can do is desire the best for those who bullied us and not hate them because if we wish them the worst and if we give in to hate and or even revenge and all of that then we become no different than those bullies, so as for all those bullies in this world.. what goes around comes around, everything they did and said will eventually and inevitably happen back to them, but still always remember to be good, pure, and humble my brother, much love ❤🙏
I can honestly say bullies have caused so much destruction in my life that it is impossible to ignore it. There is no safety. It is only going to get worse. Don't look the other way if you see it.
Hey, when we are afraid our amygdala us hyper active. Don't think from fear . Calm your self down and put up a good fight ! Its u against your fear not your bully.
me too. i was slandered at art college at UCF and oded on drugs and ive had the same **** happen to me repeatedly. people always worship the narcs too. even tho they see them abusing people. my ex used me and everyone in his town knew we were together but he and his friends and ppl in town persecuted me. im tired of being persecuted almost every where i go
I’ve been bullied my entire life; from family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. I’ve had personal strength and confidence my whole life, but that doesn’t make me less affected. I have C/PTSD from it all and this abuse is steeped in narcissism. It’s all called narcissistic abuse and it claims lives, rips families apart, and ruins great jobs and teams. I’ve seen one bad apple ruin the bunch my entire life. This is a pandemic issue and everyone needs to read and learn about narcissistic abuse and the spectrum of narcissism to protect themselves. Victims need to tell their stories and throw these people under the bus. I’m not going to be abused and then be quiet about it. I’m glad you decided to tell. That’s the first line of defense.
Thank you for your sincerity, it's important to tell the truth about the extent and scale of bullying, because people, most of which have been active or passive bullies, will try to downplay, minimize, or even deny the suffering and torture they imposed on someone else
You are not alone. Also my bullies have always been my close friends whom I trusted the most. They let me down in the most vulnerable situations and I could see the happiness on their faces. The best thing I ever did was cut them from my life. And, I’m proud of you.
me too. i relate. my story: i was bullied by professors and other students at UCF and slandered that i was in love with those s3x predators and crazy i know theyre criminals. i was 20-22 Im 32 now. the drug overdose from that effed me up even worse.they never investigated it. even my family gaslighted me and said i was crazy imagined it from the drugs. i did not. i took drugs to kill my self cuz of the slander and persecution i faced. when i know they s3xually abused other women for real. have had this type gangstalking/mob slander situation happen several times. 2nd time was at work at walgreens i was s3xually harassed and saw him flirt with a guy too. they fired that monster. also my last ex was a bully like this yet i was intimate woth him i loved him yet he cut me off and joined in his friends and towns slander of me. yes i got to know a narcissistic type bully closely. he told me he was going to commit suicide. he was a VFW he was seeking praise all the time. bullies actualy are tormented. they want to be noticed like my ex did. the harsh criticisms and gaslighting is unconscious behavior to them cuz they actualy never knew real love from anybody
Unless they are bpd or narcissist and then they get vindictive. A typical bully backs down if confronted but a bpd or narcissist will go for the jugular vein.
@@stst77 don't put bpd with narcissism when BPD is a TRAUMA DISORDER that causes complications with emotional dysregulation and attachments/social relationships. Many times BPD don't want to be that way, but it's so fast they can't stop. Narcissists specifically dont care It shows such a lack of empathy for you to mention the 2 together like that
Bullying destroys everything you are inside. Changes you, turns you into something/someone else and only until you hit rock bottom does it ever go away it seems.
I'm 36 and I still have unresolved conflicts and emotions deep in my sub-conscious from the bullying I endured in middle school. And when I fought back and had enough and stood up for myself... the teachers would just punish me and make me the villain of the situation.
I was bullied once at age 9. I grabbed his throat with a strong bite took some meat with it. Never been in a fight since. I'm 36. It turns out of people think you're a bit crazy they will be scared. Never ever turn the other cheek. They will keep coming back thinking you're an easy target.
Yeah, this street style rumbling would totally work against you in an office setting. Fight Club is just a movie. A good one, no doubt. In real life, the SWAT team would've taken him out.
I have been bullied all my life and every time I stand up for myself or report it, I am told I have the problem. Its always a lot of subtle incidences. Bullies always seem to win.
The people that are bullying you are being bullied themselves and cannot take responsibility for their screw-ups, so they try to BLAME the INNOCENT PERSON!!! Just BULLY THEM BACK!!!
I understand. That’s why if I can leave I will. Even at school. Just leave. Call the police yourself right then and. there. It’s a fuss you’re within your rights to make. If someone is bullying you it’s because they figure they can get away with it. They know it’s being tolerated.
I am crying as I am listening to you. I am going through severe anxiety, fear, depression and out of my job, after years of abuse from co-workers and supervisors, And yes I feel helpless, hopeless etc. 😥 Thank you
Evange. Get out of there.!!!! (Find another JOB. Then give 2 weeks notice). If you stay In this toxic environment You will lose your self esteem Thinking you are not good enough and no one else will Hire you. You will have PTSD. Anxiety Attacks, Depression, your Family will suffer 1. You Withdraw into yourself, Or spend more hours at work. Please you are better, kinder, Smarter. Jump off the sinking Ship.
Go on stress/mental health leave from work. Meanwhile, volunteer somewhere so you can get new job references and build your self esteem. It works and can change your life
Bullying is so common that it’s hard to believe it isn’t natural. I’ve had 2 people attempt to do this to me and I punched both of them in the face. The second one really whooped me but he never tried to bully me again. Confidence is the antidote to bullying.
Whether something is "natural" or not has no bearing on whether it is right or not. It also has nothing to to with whether it is excusable or not. Bullies obviously can control their behavior. If they could't, they would pick on everybody, not just do it when they thought they could get away with it.
Meredith Anderson I agree with that. I suppose my point would be that since it is natural, it will never be eliminated, only minimized. Also, that while it is an abhorrent act, it does serve a purpose by forcing certain people to stand up for themselves when they otherwise would not have done so.
@@ianinabinet3483 No. What you are doing is normalizing abuse. Why do we punish homicide and violence? Because it goes against the greater good for society. Our ancestors normalized racism, human sacrifices (according to our cultural roots), human torture and other things we are finally starting to label as punishable crimes. Even if it were "normal" or "natural", violence is something that we, as human beings, as a species, can cognitively and rationally learn to prevent and overcome. If it weren't for that, we wouldn't even be here.
This talk brought up so many feelings in me. The research & statistics on workplace bullying has shown it's on the rise & is now at 70%. Company policies are not adhered to and gaslighting is so real that they tell you it's you.
I just learned to distrust everyone because I believed Human beings were predators. I am naturally kind and have not learned yet to nip disrespect in the bud. I am learning now. This is my life and I should not have to be afraid of conflict. This was a very good talk for me.
Same here ! I’m looking research about bully but it’s problematic is in our human nature, can’t help ! Just eye on eye is the best solution, I kind and used to think people are nice , I was wrong . We are just animals
Most people are terrible. I have to learn this the hard way but if I set good boundaries and recognize bad behavior quickly… I have better chances of finding the right people who has similar values like me. Good luck!
Even if you are smaller than the bully , it is necessary to remember that bullies are actually cowards . If a bully comes onto you and you react wildly , defensively and very loudly (even call a supervisor and ask him to judge) asking him to get off you , he usually will leave you well alone and avoid you in future. Bullies don't like being dared , reported , exposed in any way . They really are cowards trying to boost their ego so they look for submissiveness not challenges
I’m sorry dear 😢sending you love and comfort!!! ❤ I’ve been there. It scars you for life really. I had to get off all social media and feel much better.
When you first start standing up for yourself people don't bully you as much. Same with people trying to manipulate you or take advantage of you. Learn to tell them no and set boundaries.
Exactly! They bully first and foremost those who are easy to push around. Just standing up for yourself will make you less of a target and as you get stronger, less and less people will even try.
Though people who have bullied you for some time won't take the change silently. At first they'll try harder. Be prepared for it. Once they see it won't work, they stop.
Viewer1013 and it happens everywhere from the school yard to the local fruit shop to the mothers group to the corporate world. Narcissists picking their targets (usually empaths) to further their own toxic agendas....
When I was a kid, a boy on the street always wanted to fight me. I found out later it's because he liked me and wanted to be friends. Some people are socially inept.
I had the same experience! And the boy was suspended for knocking the wind out of me! (He said accidentally) I was very tiny compared to other children( and cute), this caused unwanted attention.
In my first supervisory role I ended up in a year long arbitration for firing five employees who had been bullying their work mates. They were like a mini mafia. The impact those five had on their work mates was significant!
Im years late but I wanted to say thank you for not letting the bullying go on. Too many bosses or supervisors let that behavior slide and as someone that was bullied as a kid and as a teen it feels like a weight is lifted off our shoulders when the people around us seeing the bullying happen don't take the bullys side.
My personal strength and confidence came from the moment that I decided to go no contact from my narcissistic family. They discarded me but I took it upon myself to block them from everything before the hoovering process took place. 🙌🏽
Thank you. At age 61 I left a new position that I hoped would be my last. I tried to convince myself that if I stick it out that one day the bullying would stop. The worse part is the women treated me like a sibling often does and one day it got to be too much I walked off the job and I don't speak to my sister. It's been three months of healing and now I'm getting ready to start the job search again. This time better armed to establish boundaries that work for me.
I hope everything has worked out for you. I have been bullied and workplace mobbed at numerous jobs over the years causing me to resign. Don't feel bad our mental health comes first.
Happened to me a couple of times early in my career. You have to be a porcupine... and you have to be willing to project that you have no qualms about using your quills. that stops 90 percent of any aggression toward you. the remaining 10 percent get the quills once and they aren't a problem to you anymore. If you are being bullied, my suggestion to get intimately familiar with your shadow. we all have it and we've been taught to suppress it since we could speak. Once you understand and accept your capacity for violence, projecting it is a piece of cake. After that, you can stare through the soul of any bully and terrify them
Love ur comment this is exactly what made me powerful against the bully is to show my inner my monster that i was locking it for moral and manners the days I released the fear my monster came out and i love it.
There is truth to what you say but the problem is sometimes people don’t want to have to become that animal. Sometimes it feels like a choice we can be stepped on but keep the goodness of our character preserved or we can stop it by becoming vicious like the bully. Sometimes the idea of becoming that hateful person isn’t worth it.
It's just like the animal kingdom, survival of the fittest I'm afraid 😨. It happened to me in my last job, and when I stood my ground and spoke up they made me out to be someone mental needing help. Lovely people...
I'm inspired that you stood your ground. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you're not working there anymore and hope there are no bullies in your current life - only good people.
@@ashleyboyd2764 Good luck with moving forward and good for you for trying! For me it takes courage to try, but when I take baby steps I find them rewarding.
People may think bullying disappears after adolescence, but the truth is, our society is structured so that people are bullied everyday into behaving as what is expected of them. For example, the wealthy and entitled will always win any litigation. The people they sue are often just regular people who cannot afford lawyers. This is just one example of legalized bullying in our society. Another is employee, employer relationships where people can easily be eliminated if management allows bullying of certain people because they prefer some over others. If one does not fit in, they can easily find themselves victims of bullying and unprofessional behaviour, resulting in the alienation of competent, but perhaps not the most social employee, They can only be left alone if they are labelled as “disabled”, because they do not play the game of “climb the ladder while stepping on your colleague”. There are many more examples of this less-than-equitable society, culture and country.
Our society rewards bullies. For every time they get called out, they are rewarded nine times. I can hardly watch sitcoms anymore because there’s almost always a person being bullied.
If you are the youngest child and chosen to suffer due to the Absolute Tyrant can laugh while you endure the pain the coward dishes out you simply are powerless and Mama ain't coming to save you. You grow up without any value having no one to attach to and never having carefree play as a child then in your 50's it all comes back, painful and terrible to be powerless, that was the start of a lifetime of manipulation to protect the inner child. Children are absolutely unable to get away from the toxic home.
@@thriftaddict616 I do fully understand your pain. Why I love my Daddy, older sister and brother is beyond comprehension. Daddy is 90 now but my sis and bro are toxic for me. Daddy is powerless now to affect me. I guess we won't ever be able to understand why they have to hurt us to feel good themselves. Sad part is we seem to attract people like them into our lives just as I married a narc who is my ex after 40 years together. You would have thought I knew her since we met in first grade. Sadly our 34 year old daughter is beautiful and looks like the women on my Daddys side of the family, except she is cut from narc cloth like her mother. Therapy I did get three months before my card got cut off. After the divorce I must stay in honor at all costs so for the near future no more Better Help until I can pay off some debt. Truth told half of the blame is my own for being a people pleaser manipulator myself. Unlike them I must accept my own shortcomings. Just try to get an apology or admittance of their part in it, good luck. God Bless Best Wishes
Wow I’m 56 years old and thus is my life. I was severely bullied right from public school, through my jobs, a Narcissistic abusive marriage. Finally just over a year ago I have gained confidence and peace through the help of the Lord. I feel my purpose Is to now help others who have gone through what I have.
Wow! That's inspiring, Shelly! Thank you so much for sharing. The Lord has been helping me too - through many years of being bullied by many bullies. So I've gotten better at protecting myself and responding to bullies. I feel I still have a lot to learn about this but I'm on a good road. I like to pray for every person who gets bullied, especially people who feel too alone with the problem, as I did when I was young,
That "Walk away and they will leave you alone" or "Always tell a teacher" doesn't always apply. I am 40 years old and I still wish to this day that my parents would have instilled in me that if was ok to fight back, and if I did they would be ok with that. So I took and took and took until I graduated.
same. walk away?! what, so they can throw gum at me or spit on my back? great any more sterling advice from the anti bullying brigade? LOL it's laughable isn't it! Double that because I'm a girl and we're expected to be meek and mild and sweet and nice and just roll over and take whatever abuse is given to us because punching someone in the face no matter how much they deserve it being scrappy and therefore not 'ladylike'. I also wished that my parents had instilled in me that it's not ok to be bullied - that I SHOULD go and report them - that I shouldn't just be quiet and take it and keep my head down and count down the days til i could leave that school.
Not all bullies are created equal. Some will certainly back down if you get in their face, but the more insidious ones will try to hurt one. There's no subtleties in the difference
The only way to stop a bully is to either do the same thing to them ...or worse. Make them taste their own medicines. If you're not gonna stop them, then no one will.
Sometimes it gives them more power so they can play the victim themselves. The best way to stop them depends on the situation, the most efficient is calling them out in front of everyone, if it's done in private the best thing to do is to involve the authorities immediately or to get off the radar of the bully. Some of them are more than the petty ones, some are dangerous criminals that need to be avoided at all cost.
@@cacatr4495 What did you do to make them target you? Keep your mouth shut in social media if you're saying political things and mind your own business. Otherwise that's what happens when you bark by yourself.
@@williamlevy6964 No one said they were being gangstalked. If they had, which they didn't, how would that justify your making grandiose assumptions?? IT DOESN'T.
I was bullied today by a bunch of idiots. Felt like crying but with some insane courage confronted them... Enough is enough.. Also called the police .. I am not going to bear this insanity anymore.
Bullying has happened to me a lot. Stopped for a while, just happened again yesterday. At work. Caused me to make a mistake that actually can make me liable. I'm angry I let it happen, but I am a single mother and was worried standing up for myself and saying no would cost me my job and future. It's tough, and I wish it wasn't just allowed. Bullying can really mess people's lives up, as I am learning the hard way. It should not be a "part of what it means to live in real life". It just should not happen and then be permitted by everyone else. I am so stressed out now, and life seems less bright because of it. But I am a strong person, just gotta keep moving forward I guess.
I understand, and bullying does affect mental health and can have an impact on daily functioning. You begin to question your self worth and believe what bullies actually say. It's also a form of gaslighting where your sanity is being tampered with and throws you off balance.
Nice lecture, but when we say bullying its a form of corruption, in adults bullying/corruption is much harder to deal with. Unlike the presenter, I've always fought back, physically and non physically, even when I was outnumbered or outsized. Most of the time I won. But in adulthood things are much more difficult, as it tends not to be physically and the more power the abuser has the more people are involved, and harder to get justice for it. I am in a conflict with a corporation and they managed to get all sectors to cover up for them in the Netherlands with lots of corruption, almost impossible to deal with. I still haven't given up and won't give up, these people have no limits.
anglojojo - I wish you the best and hope you can put an end to it. This sounds similar to what is going on in my life also. I have been victim of group bullying and stalking in NY state. I also experienced workplace bullying. It got so bad they would break into my home and my car repeatedly, steal and vandalize my possessions. I used to be a pretty friendly and trusting person until I discovered how corrupt and sick many people in my country have become, which is very sad. Will keep you in my thoughts.
When people are rude to me and say inappropriate things, I look at them and say “you don’t get to talk to me that way”. Usually, people are stunned and just stare at you. You have to stand up for yourself. Being assertive is not the same as being confrontational. You are in a battle for your self esteem and dignity, and no one, no matter who they are, has the right to take that from you. Stand strong!!! If people don’t like you for being assertive and standing up for yourself, they are not the people for you. Walk away and keep your peace.
Absolutely powerful, “excuse me counselor with all do respect when you’re the one getting getting punched every day it’s personal” Wow, so true!! Thx for this video 🙏 “Take Control” simple and compelling
To all those who have been bullied remember this, the bullies are the past of the species who have given up on intelligence.they have already lost and they know it ..thats why they are so mad all the time, they have given up.
One reason I was homeschooled. A kid learning to stand up for themself is nice, but bullying can get so intense it’s sometimes extremely difficult. It’s such a physically and emotionally destructive force on young people, a force that has intensified with social media as well. Not saying everyone should be homeschooled but it’s another reason people choose to.
My mom taught me this. It worked. Nobody successfully bullied me as a kid, though many tried. LOL. Though many times you don't need to get physical, at least with girls. Just letting know you don't fear anything they can dish out is often enough to calm the waters.
I was made fun of on the Bus because I my teeth We’re so big . Everyday I was made fun of and while Bus load of dummy’s chimed In. I was thin and little and I would cry all the way home. My father was very concerned And told me to hit bully In the mouth with my fist. I did not want to but he Said this is only thing that Will stop him. I did just that. Hit him in mouth. The bullying Immediately stopped. Thank you to my loving Father. I wish he was here To help me with on the Job bullies( women). My siblings too.
This doesn’t work-because I done this in high school and it labeled me! Was expelled in school taken to court, and I won! The same bully had bullied 3 other girls, written them notes, even about beating me up-I won in court, was proven self defense and being provoked.. Yet my High School Vice Principal didn’t care-Even tho I was honor roll, never in trouble in my life.. I became Worthless, And Constantly harassed by Adults in school! It hasn’t stopped 35yrs later! Ive always just walk away.. 😢
The best way is to use vocabulary to self defend! To call out the person and Point out their being a bully! Loud and with witnesses! This is the only method I’ve had work!
When I encounter these types of persons I stay calm cause I know if I need to I put them down easily. When in self defence you don’t have to be fair so kick them where it hurts the most.
This is really something. I remember the bullies of my childhood, and those of today. It's time to turn that around and thank you for championing that.
My mom also taught me to turn the other cheek. I am 33 now and I still can't stand for myself most of the time. I blame my mom for that. I blame myself for that. Fear almost chokes me everytime I'm bullied by my colleagues, by my family sometimes, I gave up on all my friends just of fear of being bullied eventually. All my boyfriends treated me like dirt. I gave up on relationships 3 years ago because of that. I fight every single day for my self esteem and I can tell it's excruciating. I just feel I can't do it most of the times. So I hide. And when I do it I shake, I break, I cry, I scream, I feel all the anger and the hatred being all too real.This man is amazing and he trully understands and empathises with this cruel behaviour. Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear that you were treated so horribly and are suffering still. Ask God in the name of Jesus to help you moment by moment, day by day. I pray that you will be able to experience true peace and joy. Start by reading from the Holy Bible John 3:16, 17; then following chapters of Psalms 23, 25, 40, 42, 91, and 121. May you find comfort and renewal in God's living Word, Jesus Christ. ❤
@@orisatalabi You're not helping anyone by proselytizing to someone who is downtrodden. The church is one of the biggest bullies in history, largely because it makes bullies out of people who otherwise wouldn't be. What this person needs is to build confidence and self esteem, and they're not going to do that by reading a book that teaches exactly what the presenter's mother and this person's mother taught them, and that also tells them throughout its pages how worthless they are.
Bullies were in every government office I worked in. Awful people. Kevin Ward is exactly right here. If you're getting bullied, you need the right tactics to deal with it. Unfortunately those tactics are not easy to find. The reality is that you're being attacked (psychologically if not physically). You also have the inalienable right to defend yourself. Therefore you need to get as creative, ruthless, and fearless as necessary. Because playing by the rules may not work...
There is only one way to deal with a bully. Wait until they are on their own, walk up to them and punch them straight in the face! In my experience they wont like that, must bullies are cowards.
Bullies are cowards. Same like the attackers who target lone women, I always carry a couple of really loud personal alarms and they will often run away
Bullying stops when you "Give the Gift". Giving the gift to yourself to traverse the darkness and end up on the other side stronger, confident and self-actualized, because you've killed your fears, and you've decided that nobody else's opinion matters, and if they attack you, they will find it a more pleasant experience climbing Mount Everest in a jock strap. Your story will end by living happily ever after by taking SOLE responsibility for that part of the book.
This sounds like something from a fantasy novel. In real life, the community together can quickly nip that in the bud. We should be lecturing the bully instead of defending them. Teach them it's unacceptable. I know - crazy concept
Having been on the receiving end of workplace bullies because of an incident that may have threatened the job of an employee, who was ranked above me, I was intimidated, isolated and ignored.Unfortunately what some of these bullies didn't know was that I was suffering from a minor breakdown which included paranoia . I was terrified and went to therapy. It nearly cost me my marriage and my health, as I was constantly going over and over what I had done to receive such treatment from my colleagues. That was so futile-everybody else was getting on with their lives,except me! Now whenever I see anyone of those bullies I look straight through them and walk away. They really don't deserve any of my attention.
Sorry to hear this. I can relate a lot. I am lucky that I am not in the job where I was workplace bullied. When I was at work, I took sick leave until they actually did something about the bully. I made sure I got a doctor's cert with reactive stress.
I feel like the worst thing that one can say to a victim of bullying is “Dont let it bother you!” and that it’s ‘not personal.’ Only victims of bullying would know how deeply personal it is. The emotional pain it causes hurts so much. It cuts like a knife. 😢 And that’s also putting it lightly ‘cause the pain feels like the knife being used is the long, serrated kind, too. Thank you for this video! ❤ I really appreciate it.
I can relate big time! I was bullied by around 10 bullies in childhood and my worst bully was my sister!! I no longer speak to my sister and boy does it feel good! She even bullied my mother!
@@jennikifm2 it's most likely because she has not been disciplined enough and not had boundaries established and people constantly giving into her because they are too afraid to say no so she will act that way because she probably thinks "If I behave like this, I will get whatever I want", when someone doesn't give her what her want and sticks with that, people like that are gonna get in big trouble with law, lose friends and respect due to constant disrespect to others
My parents were my bullies. I guess it's obvious I've been bullied b/c two councillors asked me who bullied me , assuming it had been at school . Spurred on by my parents my siblings and some other family members thought that I would stay around and be their whipping post for life . NO CONTACT works . I believe family members still regard me as their scapegoat .
Happened to me too. I wish I Had left them years ago. My mother and siblings Treated me horribly. No Shame on their part. I was so abused I was shy And left with no self esteem. I
Yea my Mom cannot recognise anything positive and constantly criticised. Had to recognise it in her and tell her and she slightly became aware only when I said I wasn't blaming her - because her Mom was the same.
Preach! We can't assume one is going to be welcomed in a new place as a minority, without support, cultural competency & actively calling out gossip, and bullying in the workplace, public spaces, etc! We as humans are horrible creatures to each other and don't treat each other kindly!
And some people move away, far away, and can't get 'home' for the holidays, due to something or other. I live in a city in a different country, and have noticed how many retirees have had problems with family members and are happy to be far away, and then there was a couple years of being stuck because of the pandemic.....
🥲 IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE PARENTS to stop their children bullying each other ❗ UNFORTUNATELY many parents are weak parents, who do NOT know how to discipline their children which leads to a dysfunctional family, where familymembers are traumatized 🥲
I've been bullied my whole life...I'm a pacifist and there were times many took goodness for a sign of weakness.. I've always had to eventually..."Stand My Ground"!.... And this really ticks me off... WHY? WE DO NOT LIVE IN ARCHAIC ANCIENT ,MIDEVIL OR EVEN DURING THE INDUSTRIAL AND SOCIAL UPHEAVALS OF THE LAST CENTURY... I've always thought with the age of abundance, technology and especially establishment of social policies..laws to protect all citizen s.. WE STILL GO THROUGH THIS INSANITY....... I STILL THROW DOWN THE QUESTION.....WHY!?
I think the exact same. Additionally, many bullies today live a good life and still find it necessary to bully others. Can't understand why they do it? For what final goal?
Anthony C Because they have poison in their hearts (either by personality or by things that happened to them) and they choose to take it out on other people. If you don’t feel the need to bully people and if you are someone who is kind to others and wants to do good, that means your heart is pure. Life can be hard on anyone, but it’s our choices that define us. Alas we must stick up for ourselves to make it known that we won’t be treated without respect. Some people just don’t have boundaries and must be reminded that there are boundaries. If however the situation doesn’t change and the environment remains toxic, I would say: get out. Life is too short. Better things, people and places are ahead.
I had a few co workers who thought I was one of them and openly bragged about the bullying they collectively deployed onto certain targets. I called them out, privately, and didn't play along. I became the target and it was rough for a very long time.
I was looking for concrete intelligent solutions. Bullies might not use violence to bully but more insidious is the emotional bully... You gave no option for dealing with the emotional bully.
They are very clever and they do things when no one is around as a witness. You have to protect yourself and never allow yourself to be around them without the presence of others. Usually, they will not stop until drastic measures are involved, like legal punishment,: even in those cases, it may make them become more relentless in which they will become worse.
Check out the two top-level comments I just added to this post. There is a very concrete (10 step) solution in one of them, but really, they're both useful intel.
Thanks. A good presentation - well done. I was harrassed and abused physically and verbally in Grades 6 and 7 at an all-boys school. I'm now in my 40's. I grew up hurt, broken and with chronic low self-esteem. I left that school after it all got unbearable in Grade 7 - BUT....not until I played a piano recital in front of the Junior School on Speech Night. Then I walked out and away from that toxic environment. I spent the rest of the school term at home doing my schoolwork by correspondence thanks to my mum's efforts. I got no counselling in my teens so grew up with lots of anger, sadness, PTSD and with no idea how to express myself in a joyful manner. Life is about joy, love, and very important - COURAGE! Now, after teaching English overseas, going to university, playing ukulele and piano in aged care homes everywhere, hitch hiking, spending time in nature - I have been proving myself for years and years that I have talents and gifts to offer this world and that I am NOT, anymore, that sad, broken, grief-stricken 12 year old. He lived in 1986. I will turn 45 year old very soon and look forward to a rich and abundant future. Thank you.
You are soooo right about taking control, about, and getting a method of self-defense. Writing letters of complaint, physical fitness, reading, playing chess on my computer or smart phone, and karate are all in my repretoire of fighting off bullies.
Thank you Kevin Ward! I'm so glad I watched this talk because it resonated with me for several reasons. On Sunday I chose to end a 3 year friendship with a woman because she is an argumentative narcissist. Listening to your talk I realized she is also a bully. She wasn't a close friend but I needed to end that friendship in order to protect myself. When I was a child I had a terrible stutter and that made me a target for bullies, so I'm familiar with this problem. Thank you for your suggestions which inspired me to take some action in my own life!
I have 2 brothers & a deceased half-brother. My half-brother & youngest brother never bullied me but a younger brother was a bully & bullied me & my youngest brother. My parents were non-chelant about it.
@@RonSafreed I"m sorry you went through this. I hope your situation is better now. I was in a similar situation and my parents didn't help either. They sided with the bully sibling. My mother still does. I have a feeling parents are often clueless at best, collaborators at worst.
THANK YOU for speaking to the fact that IT - IS - PERSONAL. No-one would tell you “not to take it personally” if you got shot in public by some spree shooter with an anger or even a mental health problem. Or if you were struck and paralyzed by a drunk driver. Deliberately targeting someone you actually know? DEFINITELY PERSONAL.
It's true what he said that bullying is not a big deal unless you experience it, I was never bullied until I was 38 years old and my BIL married a narcissist, I took it for a year and a half, I hoped and expected my husband or someone would stand up for me, nobody did, finally she threatened me after months and months of throwing sand on my face and then I cut all ties. I still wish I would have stopped it sooner.
My father told me that if you are being bullied by a group of kids at school you find the time and place and you clobber the biggest guy in the group. You hit the bully as hard as you can. The rest of the bullies will see the outcome and stay n away.
Only works if you can actually knock the bully down. You know, another solution would be parents having a talk with their kids about their bad behavior. Novel, huh? Some kids get that early on and they are really great kids. The bully obviously hasn't been schooled. Man, you know society has gone down hill when this is lost.
He made one mistake. You hit and clobber whoever is the "alpha" bully. One of them will be giving orders to the rest and the rest are obeying out of fear of being his next target. I've seen it first hand. Go for the throat and go hard ONLY on the alpha bully. I repeat. ONLY on the alpha bully. The beta bullies 9 times out of 10 do not want to bully you but engage in it out of fear of becoming the bullies next target. They live with shame and guilt that they shouldn't have to burden. These are the "bystanders".
No one deserves to be bullied.
Children or adults. That's unacceptable.
I grew up to believe that if I am nice to people they are nice to me. Unfortunately I learned that life doesn't work like that.
Yeah, i was taught “ kill them with kindness “ unfortunately that’s interpreted as weakness and only gets you worse bullying.
If you're surrounded by bullies and enablers, it never does.
It's always about the consensus of the people you're with.
I still attempt to be magnanimous and give out good vibes . But I know sometimes its just not whats needed. Then I adopt whatever response seems to fit best
Oh man, do I have a story to tell ya, because I was nice and minded my own business ppl saw that as a way to get me tripping on my peace because they like destroying ppl who don't harm ppl and think they need to be like them, drama creating ppl
Fukin m day
I was fired for standing up to a bully. This is precisely what is wrong with our society.
Leaving that position/job is much better option; "Go where you are treated the best". And yes, report him to the HR. May be, he will get punished.
Preach 🙌
I'm sorry to hear that but glad you stood up for yourself, you used your voice.
Exactly. They usually have more seniority , power and are cunning. Like this guy is a joke. Really you bring up no actual tips / advice help that’s tangible.
But thanks for repeating the obvious. I’m going to stare at pot holes now I
We can't keep this up yet more people are getting bullied, JUST STOP IF FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
Notice how if you fight back at school, you get in more trouble than the bully.
No wonder our young people are so screwed up.
100% it’s messed up
Yes, I don't know why the one sticking up for themselves always gets punished. It happened to me like that.
@@syomchi You cannot have been bullied very much. At 5 years old my mum and dad parted and I went to a primary/junior school where everyone except me spoke Welsh. I got beat up regularly by the headmasters daughter who was twice my size and well nourished.Whereas I was undernourished with clothes too small for me and no proper shoes only wellies. I grew up afraid with an invisible sign over my head which said 'Victim' So the bullying continued when I went to secondary school in Liverpool. This was in the 50's and 60's. I've only just learned these last few years how not to be a victim, doing what this chap mentions - self defence, attitude, etc.
Once during sign on class, a bully through a chair at the back of my head and when I stood up and yelled the teacher got up me. Like wtf?
OMG YES
Your solution does not work when you are stuck in a situation where the bullies have all the power and you cant get away.
I was always taught to 'just ignore it', or in other words 'just let it happen and don't react'. The worst lesson I was ever taught as a child and decades later I'm still unlearning it.
Yelp, pretending they don't exist because they do not mentally anyways. Their minds are flawed, and irrational thinking is part of it. So, therefore, there's no reason why anyone should respond to them
Agreed. It institutionalizes you being the victim so that someone else can be lazy as the authority figure. It does nothing to fix what is happening or its implications on your life. That same person will later think those implications can be dismissed as mental illness and such. It is a sick cycle. If I ever have kids I want to teach them the kind of love and empathy that goads them into intervening when someone is being bullied.
same that’s what my mom tells me but in reality it does nothing at all but make it worse
Yeah, me too. I was told that too. The bible teaches that. Turn the other cheek! Be a martyr! (I grew up in a Roman Catholic environment and I heard lots of nonsense growing up.)
romans catholic is satanic u need christ
After years of being diplomatic, I realised it didn't work. I now fight back. No mercy.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
But how you do it? After being diplomatic for so many years, the diplomacy has become my nature. Any advice? Thanks in advance.
@@pickataco6739turn your fear into an anger let the fire burn inside of you . Think to yourself about the quality of life these people are taking away from you for their personal gain .
Stand tall and make direct eye contact and if your not strong enough to stand up for yourself imagine how you would feel if they treated someone you love like they treated you and do what you would do to stand up for them
"Bullies don't fight fair. Why should you?"
sugarcayenne seVen exactly!
It is difficult to lower myself to that level and become the bully. It feels wrong....
@@pinky9440 .self defense is not bullying. THIS is WHY we MUST have and keep the second amendment... to be able to bear arms! Guaranteed!
One has a RIGHT to be safe.
@@pinky9440 you arent the bully if you arent the aggressor. Sure you shouldnt escalate from insults to violence but once they punch you go for the balls
@@jeice13 Yeah true. My mom said I'm never allowed to start a fight, but if I don't fight back, I'll have some explaining to do.
Bullying is personal because bullies know exactly who to pick on and who not to
Yes 💯
Bullying is maladaptive though. It's a negative power. But I guess to a powerless person, any power is better than none, even though most people aren't obsessed with such things.
Never go for the bully being bullied. Always go for the alpha bully. And for the throat too (figuratively). Show no mercy.
This is why kids shouldn't get in trouble for punching a bully in the face. It's necessary.
Terry Thompson;
I agree. With you. Too bad
Women can’t do this to bully
At work. Women are horrible,
Horrible to work with. The
Bullies are horrible ( women)
And other women just sit
Around and observe. I think
The bully is so miserable in
Their marriage, their life
They lash out on the co worker
They think will not attack them.
@@marshamcdonald1475 Yes, humans prey on the weak. Our lesson is to be strong, because the "good guy" (or gal) does not always win. It's the person who is most capable that does.
I plan to teach my kid that sometimes you have to make a decision and that sometimes the consequences can be difficult. The school may punish you and that may be hard for a time. So you have to decide if a situation is worth it. Is it a hill worth dying on? If it is, do it.
Oh, I intend for my child to learn jujitsu.
@@conservativecatholic9030 NICE. Jiu-Jitsu, Judo, Muay Thai. Good stuff. I trained MMA in Japan at KZ factory; we used to compete at Pride Fighting championships in Tokyo. Well done. You get A+
Who determines who is a bully and where exactly determines what is and what is not bullying?
Truth. The internalization of bullying can ruin you for decades.
Don’t i know it? 47 here and STILL dealing with i its effects
@@EphemeralProductions You're not alone.
There's recovery
Real
It's amazing all the emotion that wells up watching myself tell that story. To all those out there who are...or who ever have been bullied...you can stop it. You can win. And you can overcome it. 🙏
Great video, Kevin. I remember that kid in the #14 jersey. Proud of all the good things you've done and all the people you are helping now.
Bullyproof - love that, Kevin. Proud to be in the fight with you sir.
Kevin Ward | YESMasters Real Estate Success Coaching and Training
If you don’t stop it at an early age, it follows you from grade to grade.
Pretty soon you have so many bullies ganging up on you, you can’t
fight them all. You even fear yourself and your own thoughts. It’s
like wearing a mask everyday, and you end up feeling horrible about
yourself at a much older age. The pain never quite goes away, your
anxiety level always remains high.
Eric Hodgdon
It’s also how you respond to others that determines much of how others treat
you.
Oh yeah and thank you Charles Atlas!! !!! !! !!! !! !!! !! !!! !! !!! !! !!! !!
Unfortunately there is no standing up to someone who has a mental or personality disorder. They bulldoze right over any boundaries you set. Sometimes you just have cut those toxic people out of your life.
Totally agree. I think this is a key component this speaker does not get. You can have fantastic personal boundaries, but abusive individuals will simply move covertly beyond depending on getting you to lower your boundaries and get other people to "punish" you.
It's generally people with undiagnosed mental issues who are dangerous. Not everyone with mental disorders is bad and it's not good to believe that about people who struggle but ask for help and work on themselves
Cutting them out is one form of boundary. And saying you'll call the police, and calling the police, if they don't stop. Mentally unsound people might even threaten suicide to keep you under their thumb, but standing up for yourself in that case it so say I'll call you an ambulance if you need help. I'm not coming, I'm not answering the phone, you need real help. (Of course that's a type of help they don't want, so they often stop when you say you'll call them an ambulance but won't give them your time.)
Christin Kuck the thing is with these people... they know what buttons to push and they will not over step the mark to break the law... plus, they have done it to many, many people before. Unfortunately you can’t win with this
I was going to say that. Bullies feed off the negative energy you give them by reacting to their taunts. learning 'grey rock' and not engaging is the best as it frustrates them.
Bulling is serious, and comes in many forms. It's all about power and control!
Thank you.
Its terrible
And insecurity which the bully is full of, that leads to bullying in the first place.
EXACTLY.
About power snd Control
@@newtonmoon It's not insecurity. They have a tribal mindset. And they like seeing other people in pain.
That's their form of cheap entertainment.
War
I was bullied horribly in school and in jobs until I went to art school and met some very cool student friends who'd also been bullied. It was then that I realized that we'd been bullied because we wanted to be authentic people and not just followers of the crowd.
Or maybe you and the other "artsy" types were just insufferable to the point where bullying you seemed justified. Get off your high horse.
Awesome!
It happened to me, too. And i studied art, too. And i met a lot of polite and kind people.
I like knowing I don't need acceptance from anyone but myself.
Check out the TH-cam channel
Charisma Matrix
But you don't need to be punched in the face by anyone but yourself either but unfortunately that wasn't his choice!
I guess ignorance is bliss.
Dr. DrmichaelaturnerMichaela Turner
EXACTLY 💯
How lucky!
Parents and siblings bully too... it starts from day one and doesn’t stop when you hit adulthood. It only stops when you wise up and stand up. Even then sometimes you still have to walk away. We need to talk about this more, thank you for the talk.
Yes, sadly, this has been my experience as well.
Scapegoat here too, I walked away for 10 years and when my father was dying I had to enter back into the toxic family dynamic. My gaurd was down and they expected me to let them walk on me, although I tried to stand up for myself I still was robbed...and because I stood up for myself they have more of a reason to point the finger because now I have anger issues....I guess I was supposed to smile and be happy while I watched my sister steal everything and leave me nothing.
@@desertsage3811 sorry to hear your story. I hope you are doing ok
It's because they are too scared to go outside so they throw you under the bus. That has been my family my entire life.
@@ashleyboyd2764 sorry to hear it. If it helps to know, you’re not alone 😟
Ever notice that all those people who claim they're against bullying keep focusing on how the victim reacts but never once focus on the bullies bullying them in the first place?
THIS!!!!!!
Why is this never said? Why is this never addressed? Why?
Fantastic comment.
There is this misconception that victims are "different" in some way, which is precisely the idea that the bullies aim to convey to those around them, to gather around a gang to torture their victim. The bully is truly the one who is different and not normal, but uses social skills to reverse reality. Most people have bullied someone in their lives, and they will try to perpetuate the myth that the bullied person, somehow deserved it, so it's typical bully psychology
@@stellartutoring2544 POINT WELL MADE.
But isn't this what the teachers did when they were in school?
The bullies have not been dealt with at early stages.Everyone with any power did nothing.The victim is always just too weak and should have done more.
I SWEAR‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
Teacher bullying as a young child almost led me to suicide. "Teachers don't bully" is what I was always told. My parents didn't believe me.
Yes, Sadly teachers do that kind of stuff.
I feel u I’m autistic and I always had teachers and managers bully me
@@lifewithfelipe7288 same people treat mentally ill like they are not human. They don’t realize they could have a mental breakdown too.
Some teachers do bully. Principals too.
I have an intellectual disability, I'm just like you and I've been bullied at the workplace, I've received mean looks and mean attitudes, I know how it feels my friend, the best we can do is desire the best for those who bullied us and not hate them because if we wish them the worst and if we give in to hate and or even revenge and all of that then we become no different than those bullies, so as for all those bullies in this world.. what goes around comes around, everything they did and said will eventually and inevitably happen back to them, but still always remember to be good, pure, and humble my brother, much love ❤🙏
I can honestly say bullies have caused so much destruction in my life that it is impossible to ignore it. There is no safety. It is only going to get worse. Don't look the other way if you see it.
What about when it is your boss whaaaa
Same relate
Same here.
Hey, when we are afraid our amygdala us hyper active. Don't think from fear . Calm your self down and put up a good fight ! Its u against your fear not your bully.
me too. i was slandered at art college at UCF and oded on drugs and ive had the same **** happen to me repeatedly. people always worship the narcs too. even tho they see them abusing people. my ex used me and everyone in his town knew we were together but he and his friends and ppl in town persecuted me. im tired of being persecuted almost every where i go
You can also expose the bully in front of everyone that this person (call his name out) is bullying you. Bully thrive on victims who are silent.
Yes yes i agree!! Call the m..f..s OUT!! shame shame on them!🤞
Yes... Thats why I talk back now
@@RiRi-bx5vp That's always the best reaction at first. Effective self-defence is second.
I love this idea!
Rule number 1,2,3. Never stay silent, say something. Do not deny your anger, it's there for a reason.
I’ve been bullied my entire life; from family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. I’ve had personal strength and confidence my whole life, but that doesn’t make me less affected. I have C/PTSD from it all and this abuse is steeped in narcissism. It’s all called narcissistic abuse and it claims lives, rips families apart, and ruins great jobs and teams. I’ve seen one bad apple ruin the bunch my entire life. This is a pandemic issue and everyone needs to read and learn about narcissistic abuse and the spectrum of narcissism to protect themselves. Victims need to tell their stories and throw these people under the bus. I’m not going to be abused and then be quiet about it. I’m glad you decided to tell. That’s the first line of defense.
Thank you for your sincerity, it's important to tell the truth about the extent and scale of bullying, because people, most of which have been active or passive bullies, will try to downplay, minimize, or even deny the suffering and torture they imposed on someone else
I am currently getting bullied by neighbors I just moved there and I stand out like. A sore thumb
You are not alone. Also my bullies have always been my close friends whom I trusted the most. They let me down in the most vulnerable situations and I could see the happiness on their faces. The best thing I ever did was cut them from my life. And, I’m proud of you.
@@harishs7723 I’m proud of you! It takes courage to do that.
me too. i relate. my story:
i was bullied by professors and other students at UCF and slandered that i was in love with those s3x predators and crazy i know theyre criminals. i was 20-22 Im 32 now. the drug overdose from that effed me up even worse.they never investigated it. even my family gaslighted me and said i was crazy imagined it from the drugs. i did not. i took drugs to kill my self cuz of the slander and persecution i faced. when i know they s3xually abused other women for real.
have had this type gangstalking/mob slander situation happen several times. 2nd time was at work at walgreens i was s3xually harassed and saw him flirt with a guy too. they fired that monster.
also my last ex was a bully like this yet i was intimate woth him i loved him yet he cut me off and joined in his friends and towns slander of me. yes i got to know a narcissistic type bully closely. he told me he was going to commit suicide. he was a VFW he was seeking praise all the time. bullies actualy are tormented. they want to be noticed like my ex did. the harsh criticisms and gaslighting is unconscious behavior to them cuz they actualy never knew real love from anybody
Bullies are cowards and back down when confronted.
Unless they are bpd or narcissist and then they get vindictive. A typical bully backs down if confronted but a bpd or narcissist will go for the jugular vein.
@@stst77 don't put bpd with narcissism when BPD is a TRAUMA DISORDER that causes complications with emotional dysregulation and attachments/social relationships. Many times BPD don't want to be that way, but it's so fast they can't stop. Narcissists specifically dont care
It shows such a lack of empathy for you to mention the 2 together like that
Plenty have badges and guns. Nobody can stop them.
@@delsingray5923 False equivalency
@@stst77this is spot on.
Bullying destroys everything you are inside. Changes you, turns you into something/someone else and only until you hit rock bottom does it ever go away it seems.
That so true.
Enjoy life with other people and let them see it. They have a demon of envy and jealousy in them. Let them writhe in their own self created misery.
I'm 36 and I still have unresolved conflicts and emotions deep in my sub-conscious from the bullying I endured in middle school. And when I fought back and had enough and stood up for myself... the teachers would just punish me and make me the villain of the situation.
I was bullied once at age 9. I grabbed his throat with a strong bite took some meat with it. Never been in a fight since. I'm 36. It turns out of people think you're a bit crazy they will be scared.
Never ever turn the other cheek. They will keep coming back thinking you're an easy target.
Vitor, can I hire you? ;)
agreed.
@@antoinettenovella1630 and me lol
True
Yeah, this street style rumbling would totally work against you in an office setting. Fight Club is just a movie. A good one, no doubt. In real life, the SWAT team would've taken him out.
We live in a sick society. Periodt.
I have been bullied all my life and every time I stand up for myself or report it, I am told I have the problem. Its always a lot of subtle incidences. Bullies always seem to win.
The people that are bullying you are being bullied themselves and cannot take responsibility for their screw-ups, so they try to BLAME the INNOCENT PERSON!!! Just BULLY THEM BACK!!!
I know how you feel I went thru this with la fitness
I understand. That’s why if I can leave I will. Even at school. Just leave. Call the police yourself right then and. there. It’s a fuss you’re within your rights to make. If someone is bullying you it’s because they figure they can get away with it. They know it’s being tolerated.
@@rollingdudes8859 They are not being bullied.
They have an impulse to fight and see others in pain. That's what makes them happy.
@@eksbocks9438 Yes!!! They are sickos who love to hurt others to build themselves up.
I am crying as I am listening to you. I am going through severe anxiety, fear, depression and out of my job, after years of abuse from co-workers and supervisors, And yes I feel helpless, hopeless etc. 😥 Thank you
@@l-4910 thank you.
You worked at a call center huh
Evange. Get out of there.!!!!
(Find another JOB. Then give
2 weeks notice). If you stay
In this toxic environment
You will lose your self esteem
Thinking you are not good enough and no one else will
Hire you.
You will have PTSD. Anxiety
Attacks, Depression, your
Family will suffer 1. You
Withdraw into yourself,
Or spend more hours at work.
Please you are better, kinder,
Smarter. Jump off the sinking
Ship.
Go on stress/mental health leave from work. Meanwhile, volunteer somewhere so you can get new job references and build your self esteem. It works and can change your life
I hope your feeling better now and you found a good job where your respected.
Bullying is so common that it’s hard to believe it isn’t natural. I’ve had 2 people attempt to do this to me and I punched both of them in the face. The second one really whooped me but he never tried to bully me again. Confidence is the antidote to bullying.
Whether something is "natural" or not has no bearing on whether it is right or not. It also has nothing to to with whether it is excusable or not. Bullies obviously can control their behavior. If they could't, they would pick on everybody, not just do it when they thought they could get away with it.
Meredith Anderson I agree with that. I suppose my point would be that since it is natural, it will never be eliminated, only minimized. Also, that while it is an abhorrent act, it does serve a purpose by forcing certain people to stand up for themselves when they otherwise would not have done so.
Well you are the winner in my eyes because in both fights you stood up for yourself.
@@ianinabinet3483 No. What you are doing is normalizing abuse. Why do we punish homicide and violence? Because it goes against the greater good for society.
Our ancestors normalized racism, human sacrifices (according to our cultural roots), human torture and other things we are finally starting to label as punishable crimes.
Even if it were "normal" or "natural", violence is something that we, as human beings, as a species, can cognitively and rationally learn to prevent and overcome. If it weren't for that, we wouldn't even be here.
@@aktchungrabanio6467 whatever dude, I can’t say I totally disagree. Good day!
This talk brought up so many feelings in me. The research & statistics on workplace bullying has shown it's on the rise & is now at 70%. Company policies are not adhered to and gaslighting is so real that they tell you it's you.
Family is the worst perpetrator of this
I just learned to distrust everyone because I believed Human beings were predators. I am naturally kind and have not learned yet to nip disrespect in the bud. I am learning now. This is my life and I should not have to be afraid of conflict. This was a very good talk for me.
OMG same here. I think humans are predators too.
Same here ! I’m looking research about bully but it’s problematic is in our human nature, can’t help ! Just eye on eye is the best solution, I kind and used to think people are nice , I was wrong . We are just animals
Agree. It's human nature.
Most people are terrible. I have to learn this the hard way but if I set good boundaries and recognize bad behavior quickly… I have better chances of finding the right people who has similar values like me. Good luck!
Even if you are smaller than the bully , it is necessary to remember that bullies are actually cowards . If a bully comes onto you and you react wildly , defensively and very loudly (even call a supervisor and ask him to judge) asking him to get off you , he usually will leave you well alone and avoid you in future. Bullies don't like being dared , reported , exposed in any way . They really are cowards trying to boost their ego so they look for submissiveness not challenges
Sounds like a narcissistic.
Very true!
I'm making it hard for them. I'm autistic.
I was bullied but in the invisible ways. In school at one point, and at my recent workplace. It still haunts me.
@@pusico6555 Thank you 🙏
@@pusico6555 yes I do but I also have a partner 💕 My insta is uncompromisedbliss
I’m sorry dear 😢sending you love and comfort!!! ❤ I’ve been there. It scars you for life really. I had to get off all social media and feel much better.
Thank you, from one bullied person to another. Thank you.
"Mom's always right, right?"
I love the person who said no. speaking the truth.
When you first start standing up for yourself people don't bully you as much. Same with people trying to manipulate you or take advantage of you. Learn to tell them no and set boundaries.
Exactly! They bully first and foremost those who are easy to push around. Just standing up for yourself will make you less of a target and as you get stronger, less and less people will even try.
Though people who have bullied you for some time won't take the change silently. At first they'll try harder. Be prepared for it. Once they see it won't work, they stop.
X X agreed. They will try harder, therefore you need to go harder with your defense.
Not every bully will stop abusing people once they stand up to them, unfortunately.
@@jennikifm2 So what do you do in that case ? If they can't stop then set them up for a fall.
So many good take-a-ways from this talk. Bullying is more insidious in our lives than we are encouraged to admit.
Very much so. In school, in the workplace.
Viewer1013 and it happens everywhere from the school yard to the local fruit shop to the mothers group to the corporate world. Narcissists picking their targets (usually empaths) to further their own toxic agendas....
Just sounds like there's a lot more narcissists. Wish they were rare like they use to be
Yes it is
Right after I posted here of being terrorized by losers who have nothing going for themselves they promptly sabotaged my work
Lawyers are good at bullying
When I was a kid, a boy on the street always wanted to fight me. I found out later it's because he liked me and wanted to be friends. Some people are socially inept.
😑
@@JoJo-mm8sn I sometimes wonder if those who bullied me as a teenager secretly had crushes on me.
I had the same experience! And the boy was suspended for knocking the wind out of me! (He said accidentally)
I was very tiny compared to other children( and cute), this caused unwanted attention.
@@catherinebirch2399 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@8675-__ 😂😂😂😄😄
Adults are worse than children. Even as a child, I saw through all the adults.
The greatest thing about social media is realizing you are not alone, there's nothing wrong with you. And better chances of getting solutions.
Social media shows also a lot of bullying
In my first supervisory role I ended up in a year long arbitration for firing five employees who had been bullying their work mates. They were like a mini mafia. The impact those five had on their work mates was significant!
Im years late but I wanted to say thank you for not letting the bullying go on. Too many bosses or supervisors let that behavior slide and as someone that was bullied as a kid and as a teen it feels like a weight is lifted off our shoulders when the people around us seeing the bullying happen don't take the bullys side.
Being bullied hurts a lot...
My personal strength and confidence came from the moment that I decided to go no contact from my narcissistic family. They discarded me but I took it upon myself to block them from everything before the hoovering process took place. 🙌🏽
Thank you. At age 61 I left a new position that I hoped would be my last. I tried to convince myself that if I stick it out that one day the bullying would stop. The worse part is the women treated me like a sibling often does and one day it got to be too much
I walked off the job and I don't speak to my sister. It's been three months of healing and now I'm getting ready to start the job search again. This time better armed to establish boundaries that work for me.
I'm 66. The bullying doesn't stop till you make it.
I hope everything has worked out for you. I have been bullied and workplace mobbed at numerous jobs over the years causing me to resign. Don't feel bad our mental health comes first.
@@accountcompromised2166and physical health too
Happened to me a couple of times early in my career. You have to be a porcupine... and you have to be willing to project that you have no qualms about using your quills. that stops 90 percent of any aggression toward you. the remaining 10 percent get the quills once and they aren't a problem to you anymore.
If you are being bullied, my suggestion to get intimately familiar with your shadow. we all have it and we've been taught to suppress it since we could speak.
Once you understand and accept your capacity for violence, projecting it is a piece of cake. After that, you can stare through the soul of any bully and terrify them
Love ur comment this is exactly what made me powerful against the bully is to show my inner my monster that i was locking it for moral and manners the days I released the fear my monster came out and i love it.
There is truth to what you say but the problem is sometimes people don’t want to have to become that animal. Sometimes it feels like a choice we can be stepped on but keep the goodness of our character preserved or we can stop it by becoming vicious like the bully. Sometimes the idea of becoming that hateful person isn’t worth it.
@@aspirapolvere5510 that’s true. With a narcissist it is a no win situation.
What movie is this from?
@@Here4TheHeckOfIt no movie that I'm aware of. Just the works of Carl Jung, the musing of Jordan Peterson, and my own personal experiences.
It's just like the animal kingdom, survival of the fittest I'm afraid 😨. It happened to me in my last job, and when I stood my ground and spoke up they made me out to be someone mental needing help. Lovely people...
This happened to me with my own family. They tried to hold me down and call me crazy.
I'm inspired that you stood your ground. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you're not working there anymore and hope there are no bullies in your current life - only good people.
@@ashleyboyd2764 I"m sorry you went through that. I hope you're in a better situation now, or will be soon.
@@lovesings2us Thanks. Not really. I am just trying to move forward.
@@ashleyboyd2764 Good luck with moving forward and good for you for trying! For me it takes courage to try, but when I take baby steps I find them rewarding.
People may think bullying disappears after adolescence, but the truth is, our society is structured so that people are bullied everyday into behaving as what is expected of them.
For example, the wealthy and entitled will always win any litigation. The people they sue are often just regular people who cannot afford lawyers. This is just one example of legalized bullying in our society. Another is employee, employer relationships where people can easily be eliminated if management allows bullying of certain people because they prefer some over others. If one does not fit in, they can easily find themselves victims of bullying and unprofessional behaviour, resulting in the alienation of competent, but perhaps not the most social employee, They can only be left alone if they are labelled as “disabled”, because they do not play the game of “climb the ladder while stepping on your colleague”.
There are many more examples of this less-than-equitable society, culture and country.
Our society rewards bullies. For every time they get called out, they are rewarded nine times. I can hardly watch sitcoms anymore because there’s almost always a person being bullied.
Yes! Bullying is entrenched in social structures, even in places within the U.N. where if you believe in peace too much you can't get hired.
bullying in a family--and having a parent who condones it.. :( hard not to take it personally.
Not always I raised three kids and two adults Hood
If you are the youngest child and chosen to suffer due to the Absolute Tyrant can laugh while you endure the pain the coward dishes out you simply are powerless and Mama ain't coming to save you. You grow up without any value having no one to attach to and never having carefree play as a child then in your 50's it all comes back, painful and terrible to be powerless, that was the start of a lifetime of manipulation to protect the inner child. Children are absolutely unable to get away from the toxic home.
I had to cut my sibling out of my life because she bullied me relentlessly. I'm still in therapy dealing with it years later.
@@thriftaddict616
I do fully understand your pain. Why I love my Daddy, older sister and brother is beyond comprehension.
Daddy is 90 now but my sis and bro are toxic for me. Daddy is powerless now to affect me.
I guess we won't ever be able to understand why they have to hurt us to feel good themselves.
Sad part is we seem to attract people like them into our lives just as I married a narc who is my ex after 40 years together.
You would have thought I knew her since we met in first grade.
Sadly our 34 year old daughter is beautiful and looks like the women on my Daddys side of the family, except she is cut from narc cloth like her mother.
Therapy I did get three months before my card got cut off. After the divorce I must stay in honor at all costs so for the near future no more Better Help until I can pay off some debt.
Truth told half of the blame is my own for being a people pleaser manipulator myself. Unlike them I must accept my own shortcomings. Just try to get an apology or admittance of their part in it, good luck.
God Bless Best Wishes
Parental Alienation
Yes they're awful, bystanders are enablers, I hope their karma is keeping score!
Very much so
Wow I’m 56 years old and thus is my life. I was severely bullied right from public school, through my jobs, a Narcissistic abusive marriage. Finally just over a year ago I have gained confidence and peace through the help of the Lord. I feel my purpose Is to now help others who have gone through what I have.
Wow! Congratulations, Shelly. I know those were some tough steps to take.
Wow! That's inspiring, Shelly! Thank you so much for sharing. The Lord has been helping me too - through many years of being bullied by many bullies. So I've gotten better at protecting myself and responding to bullies. I feel I still have a lot to learn about this but I'm on a good road. I like to pray for every person who gets bullied, especially people who feel too alone with the problem, as I did when I was young,
That "Walk away and they will leave you alone" or "Always tell a teacher" doesn't always apply. I am 40 years old and I still wish to this day that my parents would have instilled in me that if was ok to fight back, and if I did they would be ok with that. So I took and took and took until I graduated.
same. walk away?! what, so they can throw gum at me or spit on my back? great any more sterling advice from the anti bullying brigade? LOL it's laughable isn't it! Double that because I'm a girl and we're expected to be meek and mild and sweet and nice and just roll over and take whatever abuse is given to us because punching someone in the face no matter how much they deserve it being scrappy and therefore not 'ladylike'. I also wished that my parents had instilled in me that it's not ok to be bullied - that I SHOULD go and report them - that I shouldn't just be quiet and take it and keep my head down and count down the days til i could leave that school.
Not all bullies are created equal. Some will certainly back down if you get in their face, but the more insidious ones will try to hurt one. There's no subtleties in the difference
The only way to stop a bully is to either do the same thing to them
...or worse. Make them taste their own medicines. If you're not gonna stop them, then no one will.
Sometimes it gives them more power so they can play the victim themselves. The best way to stop them depends on the situation, the most efficient is calling them out in front of everyone, if it's done in private the best thing to do is to involve the authorities immediately or to get off the radar of the bully. Some of them are more than the petty ones, some are dangerous criminals that need to be avoided at all cost.
@@cacatr4495 What did you do to make them target you? Keep your mouth shut in social media if you're saying political things and mind your own business. Otherwise that's what happens when you bark by yourself.
@@williamlevy6964
How long have you been working as a troll to make such grandiose assumptions??
@@cacatr4495 Lol. I pressed on the wrong comment. I didn't even realise. This guy said he was getting gang stalked.
@@williamlevy6964
No one said they were being gangstalked. If they had, which they didn't, how would that justify your making grandiose assumptions?? IT DOESN'T.
This is very powerful and true- I want to become an anti-bullying activist due to the work place bullying
I was bullied today by a bunch of idiots. Felt like crying but with some insane courage confronted them... Enough is enough.. Also called the police .. I am not going to bear this insanity anymore.
Shubham Kumar So sorry. I hope you’re okay now. X
Salaam
How r u .you from india
Bullying has happened to me a lot. Stopped for a while, just happened again yesterday. At work. Caused me to make a mistake that actually can make me liable. I'm angry I let it happen, but I am a single mother and was worried standing up for myself and saying no would cost me my job and future. It's tough, and I wish it wasn't just allowed. Bullying can really mess people's lives up, as I am learning the hard way. It should not be a "part of what it means to live in real life". It just should not happen and then be permitted by everyone else. I am so stressed out now, and life seems less bright because of it. But I am a strong person, just gotta keep moving forward I guess.
I understand, and bullying does affect mental health and can have an impact on daily functioning. You begin to question your self worth and believe what bullies actually say. It's also a form of gaslighting where your sanity is being tampered with and throws you off balance.
@Lee Turner Thank you for being nice and responding to my comment. I am now looking for a job.
@@anotherdimensionalentity1040 Thanks for replying:)
@@corinadanaeca4778 nice video.. love it
@@corinadanaeca4778 I am glad you are doing so!
Let’s not forget. Some parents bully and abuse their children. Where some parts of the problem could come from.
It's still not an excuse though. Lots of people get bullied and do not do it to others because they know how it feels.
Meredith Anderson I agree. But some people do, unfortunately 😓
If You See Someone Who Is Being A Bully To A Friend And You Don't Speak Up Then You Are Not A Friend.
Nice lecture, but when we say bullying its a form of corruption, in adults bullying/corruption is much harder to deal with. Unlike the presenter, I've always fought back, physically and non physically, even when I was outnumbered or outsized. Most of the time I won. But in adulthood things are much more difficult, as it tends not to be physically and the more power the abuser has the more people are involved, and harder to get justice for it. I am in a conflict with a corporation and they managed to get all sectors to cover up for them in the Netherlands with lots of corruption, almost impossible to deal with. I still haven't given up and won't give up, these people have no limits.
Good,never give up.
When its in the workplace and management r involved its exceptionally difficult
Please do not give up. We must be willing to risk it all in order to get justice.
I am not going to tell you to stay the fight. But I will tell you to do what is best for you physically and mentally. Pick and choose your battles.
anglojojo - I wish you the best and hope you can put an end to it. This sounds similar to what is going on in my life also. I have been victim of group bullying and stalking in NY state. I also experienced workplace bullying. It got so bad they would break into my home and my car repeatedly, steal and vandalize my possessions. I used to be a pretty friendly and trusting person until I discovered how corrupt and sick many people in my country have become, which is very sad. Will keep you in my thoughts.
When people are rude to me and say inappropriate things, I look at them and say “you don’t get to talk to me that way”. Usually, people are stunned and just stare at you. You have to stand up for yourself. Being assertive is not the same as being confrontational. You are in a battle for your self esteem and dignity, and no one, no matter who they are, has the right to take that from you. Stand strong!!! If people don’t like you for being assertive and standing up for yourself, they are not the people for you. Walk away and keep your peace.
I tell my kids all the time that the world is full of jerks and I teach then daily to fight back if they need to.
Absolutely powerful, “excuse me counselor with all do respect when you’re the one getting getting punched every day it’s personal” Wow, so true!! Thx for this video 🙏 “Take Control” simple and compelling
To all those who have been bullied remember this, the bullies are the past of the species who have given up on intelligence.they have already lost and they know it ..thats why they are so mad all the time, they have given up.
Yes.
This is gold
The id run amok
One reason I was homeschooled. A kid learning to stand up for themself is nice, but bullying can get so intense it’s sometimes extremely difficult. It’s such a physically and emotionally destructive force on young people, a force that has intensified with social media as well. Not saying everyone should be homeschooled but it’s another reason people choose to.
Kids as young as eleven are killing themselves. I don't understand how people cannot see anything wrong with that.
The moral of the story is teach your kids:
If they punch you once, you punch back harder.
My mom taught me this. It worked. Nobody successfully bullied me as a kid, though many tried. LOL. Though many times you don't need to get physical, at least with girls. Just letting know you don't fear anything they can dish out is often enough to calm the waters.
I was made fun of on the
Bus because I my teeth
We’re so big . Everyday
I was made fun of and while
Bus load of dummy’s chimed
In. I was thin and little and
I would cry all the way home.
My father was very concerned
And told me to hit bully
In the mouth with my fist.
I did not want to but he
Said this is only thing that
Will stop him. I did just that.
Hit him in mouth. The bullying
Immediately stopped.
Thank you to my loving
Father. I wish he was here
To help me with on the
Job bullies( women).
My siblings too.
This doesn’t work-because I done this in high school and it labeled me! Was expelled in school taken to court, and I won! The same bully had bullied 3 other girls, written them notes, even about beating me up-I won in court, was proven self defense and being provoked.. Yet my High School Vice Principal didn’t care-Even tho I was honor roll, never in trouble in my life.. I became Worthless, And Constantly harassed by Adults in school! It hasn’t stopped 35yrs later! Ive always just walk away.. 😢
The best way is to use vocabulary to self defend! To call out the person and Point out their being a bully! Loud and with witnesses! This is the only method I’ve had work!
When I encounter these types of persons I stay calm cause I know if I need to I put them down easily. When in self defence you don’t have to be fair so kick them where it hurts the most.
This is really something. I remember the bullies of my childhood, and those of today. It's time to turn that around and thank you for championing that.
My mom also taught me to turn the other cheek. I am 33 now and I still can't stand for myself most of the time. I blame my mom for that. I blame myself for that. Fear almost chokes me everytime I'm bullied by my colleagues, by my family sometimes, I gave up on all my friends just of fear of being bullied eventually. All my boyfriends treated me like dirt. I gave up on relationships 3 years ago because of that. I fight every single day for my self esteem and I can tell it's excruciating. I just feel I can't do it most of the times. So I hide. And when I do it I shake, I break, I cry, I scream, I feel all the anger and the hatred being all too real.This man is amazing and he trully understands and empathises with this cruel behaviour. Thank you!
Try hypnosis. It works miracles!
I am so sorry to hear that you were treated so horribly and are suffering still. Ask God in the name of Jesus to help you moment by moment, day by day. I pray that you will be able to experience true peace and joy. Start by reading from the Holy Bible John 3:16, 17; then following chapters of Psalms 23, 25, 40, 42, 91, and 121. May you find comfort and renewal in God's living Word, Jesus Christ. ❤
You need to forgive your mother so you can move on.
@@orisatalabi You're not helping anyone by proselytizing to someone who is downtrodden. The church is one of the biggest bullies in history, largely because it makes bullies out of people who otherwise wouldn't be.
What this person needs is to build confidence and self esteem, and they're not going to do that by reading a book that teaches exactly what the presenter's mother and this person's mother taught them, and that also tells them throughout its pages how worthless they are.
I don't understand this bullying at work. Just get another job. I've gone through so many jobs but once you get a good one you'll be happier.
I’m so grateful that my dad taught me to push back when you were patient enough.
"Armed himself". Excellent choice of words.
Bullies were in every government office I worked in. Awful people. Kevin Ward is exactly right here. If you're getting bullied, you need the right tactics to deal with it. Unfortunately those tactics are not easy to find. The reality is that you're being attacked (psychologically if not physically). You also have the inalienable right to defend yourself. Therefore you need to get as creative, ruthless, and fearless as necessary. Because playing by the rules may not work...
There is only one way to deal with a bully. Wait until they are on their own, walk up to them and punch them straight in the face! In my experience they wont like that, must bullies are cowards.
Bullies are cowards. Same like the attackers who target lone women, I always carry a couple of really loud personal alarms and they will often run away
Bullying stops when you "Give the Gift". Giving the gift to yourself to traverse the darkness and end up on the other side stronger, confident and self-actualized, because you've killed your fears, and you've decided that nobody else's opinion matters, and if they attack you, they will find it a more pleasant experience climbing Mount Everest in a jock strap. Your story will end by living happily ever after by taking SOLE responsibility for that part of the book.
But how do you reach to that level?
This sounds like something from a fantasy novel. In real life, the community together can quickly nip that in the bud. We should be lecturing the bully instead of defending them. Teach them it's unacceptable. I know - crazy concept
I am SO GLAD to see someone talking about this!! THANK YOU!!
The biggest reason why I quit my last job
Having been on the receiving end of workplace bullies because of an incident that may have threatened the job of an employee, who was ranked above me, I was intimidated, isolated and ignored.Unfortunately what some of these bullies didn't know was that I was suffering from a minor breakdown which included paranoia . I was terrified and went to therapy. It nearly cost me my marriage and my health, as I was constantly going over and over what I had done to receive such treatment from my colleagues. That was so futile-everybody else was getting on with their lives,except me!
Now whenever I see anyone of those bullies I look straight through them and walk away. They really don't deserve any of my attention.
Sorry to hear this. I can relate a lot. I am lucky that I am not in the job where I was workplace bullied. When I was at work, I took sick leave until they actually did something about the bully. I made sure I got a doctor's cert with reactive stress.
Omg yes especially in nursing. It’s burning out a lot of nurses.
I've heard about how rough it is on nurses. From the way they are treated by some of the doctors , as well as other nurses.
Mad_Uppercuts If you google lateral/horizontal violence nursing appears in the search first.
more like from nurses. i a physician was bullied until i left my job. both by nurses and doctors. i am at a better job now. i am happy now.
Kay Cee I’m glad you found happiness 🥰
Whenever I hear nurses talk about nursing the topic of nurse on nurse bullying almost always comes up.
I feel like the worst thing that one can say to a victim of bullying is “Dont let it bother you!” and that it’s ‘not personal.’ Only victims of bullying would know how deeply personal it is. The emotional pain it causes hurts so much. It cuts like a knife. 😢 And that’s also putting it lightly ‘cause the pain feels like the knife being used is the long, serrated kind, too.
Thank you for this video! ❤ I really appreciate it.
I can relate big time! I was bullied by around 10 bullies in childhood and my worst bully was my sister!! I no longer speak to my sister and boy does it feel good! She even bullied my mother!
How can she abuse you and your mom like that? What a brat.
@@jennikifm2 it's most likely because she has not been disciplined enough and not had boundaries established and people constantly giving into her because they are too afraid to say no so she will act that way because she probably thinks "If I behave like this, I will get whatever I want", when someone doesn't give her what her want and sticks with that, people like that are gonna get in big trouble with law, lose friends and respect due to constant disrespect to others
My parents were my bullies. I guess it's obvious I've been bullied b/c two councillors asked me who bullied me , assuming it had been at school . Spurred on by my parents my siblings and some other family members thought that I would stay around and be their whipping post for life . NO CONTACT works . I believe family members still regard me as their scapegoat .
Same!
Barbara Christie yep - SOOOOOO many narcissists in the world.
Happened to me too. I wish I
Had left them years ago.
My mother and siblings
Treated me horribly. No
Shame on their part.
I was so abused I was shy
And left with no self esteem.
I
Marsha McDonald 🌹
Yea my Mom cannot recognise anything positive and constantly criticised. Had to recognise it in her and tell her and she slightly became aware only when I said I wasn't blaming her - because her Mom was the same.
Preach! We can't assume one is going to be welcomed in a new place as a minority, without support, cultural competency & actively calling out gossip, and bullying in the workplace, public spaces, etc! We as humans are horrible creatures to each other and don't treat each other kindly!
No one should be disrespected. I believe bullies are mentally ill😟
I’ve always been shy and always been a easy target. Thank you so much for your words, I shall keeping reminding myself 💗
'Just to remind you that you're nobody.' Wow this hits home.
Getting bullied by siblings is the worst. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere to turn. But you love them anyway.
Yes, I definitely know what you mean.
And some people move away, far away, and can't get 'home' for the holidays, due to something or other.
I live in a city in a different country, and have noticed how many retirees have had problems with family members and are happy to be far away, and then there was a couple years of being stuck because of the pandemic.....
🥲 IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE PARENTS to stop their children bullying each other ❗ UNFORTUNATELY many parents are weak parents, who do NOT know how to discipline their children which leads to a dysfunctional family, where familymembers are traumatized 🥲
Until they do it again as adults. Then the love STOPS ✋️
You don’t have to love them.
I've been bullied my whole life...I'm a pacifist and there were times many took goodness for a sign of weakness..
I've always had to eventually..."Stand My Ground"!....
And this really ticks me off...
WHY?
WE DO NOT LIVE IN ARCHAIC ANCIENT ,MIDEVIL OR EVEN DURING THE INDUSTRIAL AND SOCIAL UPHEAVALS OF THE LAST CENTURY...
I've always thought with the age of abundance, technology and especially establishment of social policies..laws to protect all citizen s..
WE STILL GO THROUGH THIS INSANITY.......
I STILL THROW DOWN THE QUESTION.....WHY!?
I think the exact same. Additionally, many bullies today live a good life and still find it necessary to bully others. Can't understand why they do it? For what final goal?
Anthony C Because they have poison in their hearts (either by personality or by things that happened to them) and they choose to take it out on other people.
If you don’t feel the need to bully people and if you are someone who is kind to others and wants to do good, that means your heart is pure. Life can be hard on anyone, but it’s our choices that define us. Alas we must stick up for ourselves to make it known that we won’t be treated without respect. Some people just don’t have boundaries and must be reminded that there are boundaries. If however the situation doesn’t change and the environment remains toxic, I would say: get out. Life is too short. Better things, people and places are ahead.
Honestly just punch someone in the face with your words
I had a few co workers who thought I was one of them and openly bragged about the bullying they collectively deployed onto certain targets. I called them out, privately, and didn't play along. I became the target and it was rough for a very long time.
Thank you so much for understanding. Thank you❤️
I was looking for concrete intelligent solutions. Bullies might not use violence to bully but more insidious is the emotional bully... You gave no option for dealing with the emotional bully.
Yeah... all the patriarchal gaslighting. We just have to know what they are doing and not believe it.
I'm going through that now, so that's a good question.
They are very clever and they do things when no one is around as a witness. You have to protect yourself and never allow yourself to be around them without the presence of others. Usually, they will not stop until drastic measures are involved, like legal punishment,: even in those cases, it may make them become more relentless in which they will become worse.
Check out the two top-level comments I just added to this post. There is a very concrete (10 step) solution in one of them, but really, they're both useful intel.
@@anotherdimensionalentity1040
Sounds like you are talking about a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Every strategy you named works with NPD.
It’s sickening.
Thanks. A good presentation - well done. I was harrassed and abused physically and verbally in Grades 6 and 7 at an all-boys school. I'm now in my 40's. I grew up hurt, broken and with chronic low self-esteem. I left that school after it all got unbearable in Grade 7 - BUT....not until I played a piano recital in front of the Junior School on Speech Night. Then I walked out and away from that toxic environment. I spent the rest of the school term at home doing my schoolwork by correspondence thanks to my mum's efforts. I got no counselling in my teens so grew up with lots of anger, sadness, PTSD and with no idea how to express myself in a joyful manner. Life is about joy, love, and very important - COURAGE! Now, after teaching English overseas, going to university, playing ukulele and piano in aged care homes everywhere, hitch hiking, spending time in nature - I have been proving myself for years and years that I have talents and gifts to offer this world and that I am NOT, anymore, that sad, broken, grief-stricken 12 year old. He lived in 1986. I will turn 45 year old very soon and look forward to a rich and abundant future. Thank you.
Cool. Sounds as if you have proved to others that you have gifts and talents. And have been on adventures. Good for you.
"You become your own safe space." EXCELLENT!
Dang, this guys mom messed him up. Fight back.
oh my gosh. I cried while watching this. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
You are soooo right about taking control, about, and getting a method of self-defense. Writing letters of complaint, physical fitness, reading, playing chess on my computer or smart phone, and karate are all in my repretoire of fighting off bullies.
Thank you Kevin Ward! I'm so glad I watched this talk because it resonated with me for several reasons. On Sunday I chose to end a 3 year friendship with a woman because she is an argumentative narcissist. Listening to your talk I realized she is also a bully. She wasn't a close friend but I needed to end that friendship in order to protect myself. When I was a child I had a terrible stutter and that made me a target for bullies, so I'm familiar with this problem. Thank you for your suggestions which inspired me to take some action in my own life!
I have 2 brothers & a deceased half-brother. My half-brother & youngest brother never bullied me but a younger brother was a bully & bullied me & my youngest brother. My parents were non-chelant about it.
@@RonSafreed I"m sorry you went through this. I hope your situation is better now. I was in a similar situation and my parents didn't help either. They sided with the bully sibling. My mother still does. I have a feeling parents are often clueless at best, collaborators at worst.
This video was OK. He doesn't address 2000s form of bullying though.
We're all deeply fallible creatures. Parents do their best, and sometimes don't really know what's going on. Nothing a heart-to-heart couldn't fix
Ignoring it doesn't work. Those bystanders are key to giving a bully power.
THANK YOU for speaking to the fact that IT - IS - PERSONAL. No-one would tell you “not to take it personally” if you got shot in public by some spree shooter with an anger or even a mental health problem. Or if you were struck and paralyzed by a drunk driver.
Deliberately targeting someone you actually know? DEFINITELY PERSONAL.
It's true what he said that bullying is not a big deal unless you experience it, I was never bullied until I was 38 years old and my BIL married a narcissist, I took it for a year and a half, I hoped and expected my husband or someone would stand up for me, nobody did, finally she threatened me after months and months of throwing sand on my face and then I cut all ties. I still wish I would have stopped it sooner.
My father told me that if you are being bullied by a group of kids at school you find the time and place and you clobber the biggest guy in the group. You hit the bully as hard as you can. The rest of the bullies will see the outcome and stay n away.
Only works if you can actually knock the bully down. You know, another solution would be parents having a talk with their kids about their bad behavior. Novel, huh? Some kids get that early on and they are really great kids. The bully obviously hasn't been schooled. Man, you know society has gone down hill when this is lost.
He made one mistake. You hit and clobber whoever is the "alpha" bully. One of them will be giving orders to the rest and the rest are obeying out of fear of being his next target. I've seen it first hand. Go for the throat and go hard ONLY on the alpha bully. I repeat. ONLY on the alpha bully. The beta bullies 9 times out of 10 do not want to bully you but engage in it out of fear of becoming the bullies next target. They live with shame and guilt that they shouldn't have to burden. These are the "bystanders".