How do I accept the fact that it’s over?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ต.ค. 2020
- Sara writes, “Hi Susan, in four words: Thank you for existing! I broke up with the best love I've ever had 5 months ago for very unfortunate reasons that came in a very short period of time. It was a calm but passive aggressive kind of a breakup. We didn't see it coming and we both share the responsibility for what happened. I'm still in shock till this day... Susan, how do I accept the fact that it is OVER?”
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Don't think this heartbreak is the end, think of it as one heartbreak closer to happily everafter
Oh my goodness that is a fantastic point of view. Hi excellent!
@@SusanWinter oh my lucky me! I got a reply from you. Thanks. It means a lot coming from the expert.
Yes! A little closer and closer, you’ll find him or her soon 😍🥰
You know it's over when the other person walks away. Relationships are like business deals. When the other party chooses to walk away, there's nothing you can do but to accept that there's an even better and loving boyfriend or girlfriend out there for you.
Great comparison
If they walk away dont you need to come back to the table with a better offer ?
@@inserter400 I see your point but making an offer is like telling a blind woman to see how beautiful you are when they can't see. If you have to make an offer to them for them to realise that it's worth staying with you, then there's no point. I've learnt that the hard way. I had a lady friend of mine who couldn't make up her mind about me. I had to accept it wasn't going to be and I did not pursue it anymore. Making someone an offer is like buying time for the inevitable
i wanted to write a comment but you said exactly what i wanted to say, you`re 100% right.
My partner dumped me today…
I honestly believe if people are meant to be together they will be regardless
Thats not true, there are many reasons ppl don't work out. Mental health issues, addictions inability to communicate effectively.
Even if people are meant to be together, they do not have to get back together regardless.
@@llararulens8895 this person is presenting a very optimistic perspective, but they are not straight up wrong. If you really click together, the chances of something great happenning are much higher, even if in the future, after it didn't work out
Meant to be together is cliché.
If and big if, if it’s God’s will.
U helped through my hardest time i love u for that
ohhhh. thank you Abhay
I saw the comment and I knew it's gotta be an Indian before even looking at the name.
@@SurasmitaMeher-ch3lo u know wht ; indians do have a heart too and when a man's heart break, our society just says be a man and do overcome it by urself and that's where we seek help from such good people
I’m stil grieving after years l was doing fine but lately l was thinking again about it and lm sad again about it ! I dream often about him and miss him so much although he left me for someone else😥
@@hanamimi5300 that's not ur loss bcoz u lose someone who didn't love u but that person lost someone who actually did🤟🧸🧸
When you’re the only one that fought for the relationship. When you’re the one that put all of your effort and energy and in the end, you’re left empty, that’s what hurts. I’ve been able to dive deep into my emotions. I showed myself I have more to give to the RIGHT person rather than giving it to someone who didn’t deserve it. The other person will say it was your fault and pretend they had nothing to do with it. Simply ignore it. You are entitled to feel how you feel. Move on. Trust me there is someone waiting for you. Just be patient!
On the other hand, there's the struggle with accepting the fact that a relationship with a certain person will never happen. To be just a friend with someone whom you love so much is far more difficult than one thinks.
That is true
@@SusanWinter I have now that situation, I was friend with him such a long time, and then we became couple, he broke up with me yesterday, and he said: please, I'm tired of this, please could we become a friends?" For me this was so painfull and I still love him, so how can I accept that I am his friend, not lover...
@@nikt2649Same thing happened to me! But I'm a guy and she broke up with me, it hurts so much. I love her as a friend as well and I regularly get invited to various things, nights , activities etc... but always seem to cause myself more pain and longing for her back, totally heartbroken! Unfortunately think I need to ease back meeting as I keep regressing
now this is what i'm going through.. 😢 my girlfriend just broke up with me few days ago and asking me to stay but just as a friend.. she said she doesn't want to loose me but she can't love me the way i want her to love me.. the thing is, i know i still love her, i am still in-love with her.. so i don't know what to do.. 😢
@@yenyenpoh4036how are you now? my now ex just did this to me, he’s talking to someone but still wants to be in each others lives and be friends, i don’t want to lose him but i don’t think being friends with him will do me any good…idk what to do
I accept it over but always find he is in my thoughts. Seeing or hearing things that remind about him. 😔
I feel your pain. Keep your head up
Yes that’s normal. He was a part of your life and he was the person with whom you spent time, shared your thoughts and love.
@@robertwilliams5165 thank you for your kind thoughtfulness. Same in return to you. I would send that to all suffering the pain of loss/sadness and encourage them to keep pushing forward. There are many beautiful sunsets for us all to see. Be kind to yourself and believe time heals. Nothing is permanent.
Take care and thank you again Robert.
@@SusanWinter Thank you Susan. I just need to get to a point that mins and hrs of my day are not dominated by thoughts of him. What's meant for me is already mine and I trust that better things are to come still.
That doesn't make the sadness and loss any less painful... but a process that you have to go through.
Susan thank you for the time energy and compassion you give to the viewers of your channel. I'm grateful to has stumbled upon it and am truly grateful for the guidance and expertise you give. Warm hugs and best wishes to you. Many many thanks.
i get you....
Maybe a second meeting/chance but for the purposes of moving on we cannot have hope of that ever happening because hope in reconciliation also keeps us stuck. Accept it and keep going forward, create a life you love and enjoy waking up to. No one is going to do it for you. 💕
if u got dumped and they are sleeping with someone else then its over, move on. If ur having post traumatic stress from the breakup then u mite need help to recover, theres videos out there to help u, God Speed
It’s funny how the mind ruminates about past relationships while we’re in bed, either falling asleep or waking up! Has a hard time letting go, even after much time (three months) and daily activities and associations.
Your timing is impeccable. I’m struggling with this exact topic. Please help.
love that the timing is perfect.
Hang in there buddy, and take care of yourself. It's just a part of the process.
Love you Susan! It's the hardest thing in the world to let go of someone you love, yet it's sometimes necessary to move forward.
Mine has been nearly a year Susan. Such a struggle to push past the barrier that it’s over. If only there was a step by step guide!
I came here trying to hear something that will help with the pain. I know I have to accept my loss just like everyone but its just so hard to when its still a new break up. I'll come back here to listen more when I feel a little stronger.
cant believe i’m actually searching how to move past this stuff, but here we are
I can’t thank you enough, Susan; this video is exactly what I needed to watch and hear! Your words sooth my broken heart!
Ugh Susan! You always tell me what I need to hear, thank you.
I feel relief....listening to you. You are so wise so earth based. We had such a great story for 2 years that suddenly finished. I let myself to accept that is over as much time as I really need. But as well I accept that it's over. It's over and I'm mentally free from this.
It's insane how every time you say exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you for making this video. Watching this and listening to the Breakup Triage has made me feel so much better!
For me the crucifying part is accepting that you will more than likely never ever see them again, all the little cute things they did, the smile, the way they cried or laughed or whatever, I have a real battle with myself to let that go, I Kling on to it for dear life in case 'what if splitting up was a mistake' even though you kinda know deep down that its not a mistake. How do we say goodbye to that?
Any new insights I would be glad to know.
I'd say that was easier. Cold turkey.
this is what i’m currently struggling with… i can’t get any of it out my head
My wife of 13 years wants outvof the marriage... and to think I will not see her regularly kills me inside... I've known her for 20 years and I will miss a lot of things about her ... I still love her to death .... there's no replacing her ...
Boom this is the thing that hurts the most. I know I'll never see her again in any meaningful capacity. I'll never see her walk in the door anymore, never see her waiting for me to wake up, no more conversations and chit chat. It's especially numbing now that I'm living all alone. So now I'm truly alone.
This is awesome; I’ve been struggling since November. I am hopeful. Thank you!
Thank you very much. I am kind of similar situation and I have been struggling with problems over a month now. When I am not super busy, even when I am talking to someone, all I am thinking is about my ex and never go away. I am thinking about him every second like 24/7... because I just cannot get over it. I really needed this video and it really help me a lot. To listen this help me to calm my mind. I am keep watching again and again and again. Your word make me feel better. At least when I am listening your video, my mind is calm. I really appreciate all your videos.
Finding your channel is one of the best gift that I have in my life. Thank you so much for being you and what you do. You have save a soul ❤
Thank you just perfect words to hear. Like the 'segment is over'. and, 'we need a stronger you'. All so true. Above all, you just don't know .
Susan I have been doing a marathon of your videos. Honestly, you're such a fascinating and wise woman. You help see things with so much clarity. I've been watching your videos for 2-3 days and I feel instantly better. Definitely aching a lot still, but also realising things I had never realised before. Thank you so much
“To date” I absolutely love that - that’s relieves so much of my concern he’s the best I’ll ever find - to date. It’s a new day new energy and I thank you so much! ☺️✨💎
For me personally it's a sign from the Universe that it wasn't for me, it's so much easier for me to believe in that and stops me from dwelling on it over and over again. It helps me to move on quicker, I can still miss them for a little while but I know there's no going back 🙂
Im so tired of relationships. No matter how hard i try ill always be seem as the bad person. Im tired of people. I just want to die in a corner
Thank you, Susan, so so much! Love your channel!❤️
Thank heavens for you. You are the best. You console me so much.
God, it’s been 3 years and a month since she left. And it’s still very painful. Thank you I just came across this and it was very helpful..
I love that these are short and to the point!😃
Susan Susan I so needed to hear this. Thank you
Susan, I think that Sarah is hinting at something more profound - your advice in getting over the loss is excellent but Freud said, "Although we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that a part of us shall remain inconsolable and never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it is completely filled, it will nevertheless remain something changed forever…”- Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939)" Freud is basically saying that remaining "inconsolable" is our only way of holding on to a love we had and never want to lose.
YES!! It's the 'final string' that connects us. The pain IS the connection. Love it David!!
Freud was a nut. Do not quote him please. He had tons of addictions and treated women like crap.
@@rebeccajones8628 did you know him ? Lol
@@inserter400 it’s called a history book
Wow I really really seriously just thought this and then you popped up. Blessed
I truly believe rejection is a gift in preparation for something better. In the meantime work on your own self love.
Penni Moore,You are beautiful 😍,You only need a good man 👨 in your life…..
Every time I’m messed up you help thank you !
Thank you Susan.. wise words as always...
Susan is a genius! True angel 😇 thank you!!
Right on! Great advice.
I hope Sarah, you move on and being under peace with big smile, now. I’m currently under this situation and I’m stronger and as Sarah said, thank you for exists, Susan!
Love watching your videos Susan. You’re always so stylish!
Watching you from Wales (UK) 😍
Thank you, I needed this
Great advice. Their are wounds I need to close too.
thank you Susan for this
This is a real blessing
I sure needed to hear this now just 2 weeks after a breakup
Susan i just left au DC inke where ireceived triage for my woes. I am so grateful hou have ghd sense to get it presented like z hot oven biscuit ready to be eaten. So simple to listen and hear you, your experience and strength on this path is so reassuring. I am much better than even s few hours ago thank you Susan and friends
Thank you you're amazing!❤
I’m in love with some dumb girl that I’m having trouble forgetting. She encouraged me and then pulled out both the stop and go signs, then ghosted me. 😢 I had the good sense to fall head over heels in love with her first.
I love your videos, Susan! (:
I just want to say that, sometimes there's no "someone new" for us. No "the next is gonna be better".
My cousin just died of breast cancer a couple of weeks ago. She was 42.
She left behind her 2 kids. Lots of plans, dreams and things she wanted to do.
She was a single mum and never got married but wanted to.
So cherish your life while you're still around and never take anything for granted.
Sorry for your loss
Lost my wife to breast cancer two years ago. She took half of me with her. Never took her for granted and cherished her daily. We are the best of friends. My hope lies in seeing and being with her forever, when it's my time to go. Her presence and joy is deeply missed.
I'm sorry 😔
@@allaboardthegravytrain5987 Thank you
Excellent explanation
Shout out to you Susan. I just got blindsided by the love of my life after 2.5 years. I am completely shattered. Watching your videos has given me a spark of hope. Thank you for everything you do.
You are like my elder sister.
Thank you for your videos
I really needed this
You are wonderful!
Thanks ms. Susan.
I have similar problem. I really don't think that I wouldn't find a "better love". I just care about him so much, for reason or another.
I am Sara. And going through the exact situation. I broke down hearing this.
Looking good Susan
This comes at a very meaningful time, im still after 3 months haven't figured out how to get past my children's mother and the hardest longest relationship I've ever had, 13yrs we've had a lot of problems and I've accepted her starting and ending several relationships while separated. I can nolonger accept her not fighting for us and jumping into another rebound.
I'm at 3 years 😭 our relationship wasn't even that long but it was the first one where I truly felt loved, loved him more than I've ever loved anyone and could truly see a whole lifetime together. His family were family to me too. I don't get it, I've never been codependent, but yet here I am! 😞😔
Idk i see her now and then, like tonight she dropped off our kids but I can't show any level of care or acknowledgement or its a fight so I act numb or continue to walk abound numb and not speak.
Things hard on everyone during covid , but idk
@@wanderertatiana2498 sorry ms. All I know is at some point things will be good again, I've felt these same feelings & had the same thoughts as im sure you have also. Weirdest part about it is in past times of being hurt & stuck you ll just wake up & those feeling won't be there anylonger or not as prevalent.
Then you'll run into your next ex lol
Ooh my exact situation but husband. 13 years and all. It's hard to have to them.
laying in bed with tears in my eyes over this💔 im hoping the video will help
Left my ex after he cheated on me after 7 months🤦♀️ but you’re videos are making me feel better. And I cant wait to move on! He hurt me and I want to move on and forget him
The reason it's so hard to let go is once you become Intimate your soul is joined as one. So once you truly breakup you have to rip your soul apart and remove yourself from the other in order to heal your soul and have it become whole again with just you. After a very devastating breakup 8 years ago on Valentines day I am finally ok and ready to truly love again. Time heals all wounds but some take longer than others! Again Susan love your advise and videos! ❤
Ironies of ironies. The timely and beautiful synchronicity of the Universe. Whatever one wishes to ascribe to it. I posted the quote (below) on my fb Timeline this morning ... for no one but myself.
I was reminded of the Four Immutable Laws of the Spirit: Whoever is present are the right people. Whenever it begins is the right time. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened. And when it's over, it's over.
- Anne Lamott
This is fabulous. Thank you for this meaningful share, Anne.
@@SusanWinter Anne Lamott is one of my favorite writers who has had quite a personal journey as well as success. I love her for her truth, wisdom, and straightforward approach to life. Blessings to you, Susan, for your measured wisdom and insight. You are a beacon of light in the darkness. x (The ‘Other’ Susan)
Thank you!
@@31Alden thank you, I will check her out!!
11 months since my last breakup
I'm cured..now waiting for the new love and the next heartbreak 💔
So excited 😁
lmao same
good luck👍😉
Wow me too same
YAY!!
Why the next heartbreak?? Think Positive!
only unconditional love will heal you. You wish them all the best for their highest good and happiness, be grateful that you remove the wrong person and open the opportunity to get closer to the right person. There's no such thing as the one, each of us has many soul mates and every man is replaceable
This is so true
sometimes anger can propel you out of a situation, though.
Thank you Susan. ♥️
Lynda McMullen,Hi beautiful 😍
Hey Susan I totally agree with you there I myself had to learn that for me but I haven't actually got what I would like to say to that person as well that is having trouble letting go is that you really need to go through the pain really understand and also this is the time to really love yourselfwho really acknowledge the pain that you are in not to worry about what if be in the present and really understand that there is no such thing as one love and that is why I totally agree with Susan with this lots of love all of you guys out there
Nice take on the subject.
You are wonderful Susan, love you :))
Just on time 💕
This segment has ended, thank you Susan
Thank you so much. This is so helpful!! Vould you tell me what is the book you are talking about in the video.
Your the best Susan
Susan, you are my earth angel ❤❤❤
Makes Great sense ~
So glad I found your channel
Thank you Tom
Yes I agree - you will love again, I plan to fall in love at least three more times!
Sitting here, half drunk, half asleep, and hoping to feel free again. Rejecting his calls, I believe I deserve better than this.
It's over, there is no one love. Susan right now you are my therapy and you give me hope that my life will be beautiful again. Thank you
Stay strong, I am with you on this ! Take a deep breathe and KNOW that this will get better. I am feeling your pain too as we speak, my heart has just been broken too. You are not alone ❤️
I know someone who can help you✔✔✔
Messag his on WhatzApp
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I needed this
I know someone who can help you
Great content Susan😊😊
thanks maryam
Wise advice
I really needed this video. I feel like this was for me... Today makes 2 months since my ex broke up with me. He was perfect in everything i wanted. I have been crying everyday in pain all these days. I am 26 and he was my first. We were together 3 years. He fell out of love with me. I had been begging him for 4 months to make it work even after he told me that. But he gave in and eventually broke up with me 10 days before my birthday. We didn't speak for those 10 days. When my birthday hit he sent me a very dry text wishing me well. I told him how hard and painful it was to be on my day without him and he never responded to me since. He used to love and care about me so much. I'm having such a difficult time accepting that this man that I gave my all to is gone for good. Idk why but I'm putting my worth in him and depending on him for my happiness. It's easier said than done
Hey Alanna, I’m not sure if this will help but I want you to know that I was also in a similar position to you 2 months after my ex broke up with me. I was in a rut, I felt like shit and after 2 months I thought that it would go on forever. But 8 months later, I’m feeling way way better. I come back to these types of vids to tell people that it does get better. It feels so impossible right now but I promise you that in due time you will heal and feel better. Don’t put any expectation or time frame on yourself. My best advice would be to forgive yourself, it’s perfectly normal for you to feel this way. I always thought how stupid of me it was to keep thinking about her, but I realized that’s just how humans are sometimes. We’re irrational and can’t account for our mind’s thoughts all the time. Continue to watch videos like these, work on yourself, express your thoughts to people who care and celebrate your small wins (i.e you thought about him and brushed it off). You got this
Thank you
Susan...this is one of the best you did (btw. You look Phenomenal! ) alas, 1 thing....I've noticed a lot is in direction of male...BUT I have to point out ( from the male side & being hurt,bad ) that there are almost equal of women who abruptly call it and walk...despite the best, loyal,loving,Giving,honorable,
transparent,open hearted efforts by a man in a relationship...where as he gets hurt, wrecked and amidst heartbreak, the pain loss...must realize ...
" It's over " an then he agony set in...The mourning,shunning of others who wish to ease his heart pain....
There is no problem without solution let me introduce you to someone who helped me get my lover back and my relationship was fixed without delay within few days...
Kindly text on whatsap....
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It's hard but I know that my marriage is over . We still love each other very much. But he's not happy with me and I haven't been completely happy with our marriage either. He's already moved on has a gf I have been hanging on for weeks since he told me he wanted a divorce. I will always love him and he said he will always love me and worry about me. We been together 23 years. That's half our lives ..we have a bond that will last forever. I do have some hope that maybe one day years from now we will find one another again. . And that would be great, but I will not wait for him or put my life on hold. For now I come first and am Gonna find myself again and enjoy my life with or without him. I didn't want this divorce, I gave it my best. I tried to save us, I begged I have cried, I have done it all. And now I am simply walking away . I am trying to heal.
Indeed thank you for existing.
As soon I saw the title my eyes got filled with tears
Susan I am almost 60 years old my wife almost 46 married for 20 years . I am sterile my gave up motherhood gave up many thing for me because I loved here . Now things changed. It seems I don't love here anymore.
Thank you for the lovely note
@@ibrahimramlawi I’m sorry that it’s come to an end. You had 20 years. 20 years of love is a good thing…
@@SusanWinter OMG ! Thank you for replying to my distressing message.
Is there a way of falling back inlove again???
I love how Susan talks to us like we are in her office during a consultation
You are the besttttt..
My head understands but my heart refuses
Yes you can try to accept it but you won"t be able to do that, It has to accept itself ........and for that you need time, it needs time..... it's unfortunate but it is what it is
Good day Susan,
do you perhaps have a video on what one should do if their partner says they aren't ready for a relationship whilst in the relationship?
Best love she's ever had and they broke up? Either the other loves were terrible and this was better but not much better OR they broke up for reasons that could be resolved had they put in the work. If I find the best love I've ever had, Im keeping her and make adjustments. Good, not even great, relationships are so hard to find and harder to keep. I'll stay flexible.
The choice to keep someone isnt always yours .
Sometimes, it's not that simple...
@@inserter400 Exactly!
We don't know the whole story.
Oh the simplicity of judgement. Sometimes it is the right person and the wrong time. Sometimes it isn't your choice. Sometimes you breakup because of circumstances. Things end for many reasons. I just broke up with the love of my life and it was the hardest thing to do. Be careful with thinking you know what you would do when you aren't wearing the shoes...
Accept it and move on,🙏🙏🙏🙏🍂🍂🍂
This was great. Thank you. But one thing was I didn’t understand what you said to listen to on Audible? What was the name of it?
Susan i wish you had a pocket guide to break ups. This was my story this past year. My ex and I were together for over an year and a half , I absolutely adored her. She left via text message in May. Saying she wasn't happy. I was devastated. Now I'm in the process of letting the pain go , it might be the hardest part of letting go.
A TEXT message?? You deserve better...and you will find love again.
How are u doing now ? Its been a year
Susan, you're amazing and I thank you for your time and wisdom! How do we email you? I'm trying to find content anywhere on youtube for advice for when dating someone who's very inexperienced in dating. I'm 30m dating a 25f and she has never been in a relationship, and her lack of experience shows all the time. So essentially, she doesn't really know how to date, and I don't to be the type of guy who's "coaching" her or risk looking like I'm manipulating her or anything like that. Please help... Her emotional maturity matches my own... but her relationship experience/maturity/etc doesn't.
For me I try to keep myself physically busy such as not being stuck in my room all day to prevent my thoughts getting too much. Not easy in this lockdown sadly. I also try to think to myself this girl who now is married to a family relative I probably wouldn't of lived a happy life if I did get married to her. Both parents wouldn't of been happy with us due to the difference in culture and ethnicity. She also dropped out uni when she got engaged which puts me off her as id want a working wife which she isn't
I'm glad to see that you are processing this in a very positive way. Good for you!