Letting go of them (and the ‘dream’)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ค. 2024
- Felix writes, “Hi Susan, your videos are really saving me. I’m having a hard time getting rid of the dream. I am completely sure I wouldn’t want this hot and cold person anymore, but still find it impossible to cut the wiring clean off and sometimes I feel jealous of the possibility that he gets a potential new partner. This contradiction within myself is exhausting. Help please x!”
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Remember, people: some dreams turn out to be nightmares. Let them go...
I definitely needed to hear this.
Yes thats true,but as we age we start to See Life and people clearly ,i can See a narcissist a Mile away...Nobody takes nothing from me anymore...use or abouse me.
i BEEN THERE !!! LOL OUCH !!!
True! A real nightmare.
So true!
It's funny, as much as we know the person isn't good for us, we're resistant to kick them out of the dream, we believe they are the only person who can fill that role, I guess we do this cuz accepting the reality that they aren't, is just too depressing, whereas continuing to believe in the fantasy of the dream gives us hope, even if it's false hope.
Absolutely true! Losing the whole dream.
I get it. I am dealing with the same thing as you are.
Well said and totally agree!
True..to know someone is not good for us and yet wanting her badly is tough. May be bcoz our minds do not want to accept that we made a wrong choice
Its also bc we know them and their problems, with our perspective, and would want to try to help them if we could, to make the dream possible, but they can only fix themselves if they are willing to and put in the work. Dont try to fix others.
The dream is STILL OUR DREAM....just not with that loser ❤
Yessss
💯
or maybe you're the loser...i'm not trying being a jerk, but sometimes people have a delusional inflated perception of themselves..
Absolutely!!!!! 🎉❤
remember our life is short, our energy is not infinite, there is always somebody worth out there
Beautiful
True..
@@tjfSIM Might need to reconsider what you're searching for.
Remember that you do not have to have anyone else out there, even if they are worth it. If you don't want them, let them go and cut the wiring clean off.
Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.
- Rumi
Game changer: “that person isn’t going to get what you wanted; the other person is going to get what your partner gives them.” Wow!!!! So true and comforting to here.
Yes very comforting! That line had me chuckling!
Hi Emily, this phrase that she made does sound good but I'm trying to wrap my head around on what exactly does that mean. I might be wrong with my understanding. Can you explain with an example? Like I was looking for a certain level of affection from this person, but they give it to their partner even when they don't need to ask for it (it could be something that they want also, right?)
@@rejoegeorgethe pattern continues. A guy who is afraid of commitment may also hurt another girl.
Susan, you're such an intuitive therapist. You just KNOW. Your wisdom, natural charm, and beauty (inside and out) are refreshingly welcomed and appreciated. Thank you.
thanks Annette
I couldnt agree more :-)
Always remember. Rejection breeds obsession
The timing could not have been better 😭
LOVE IT.
😭😭😭😭😭😭
Bingo! The way someone acts to you is the way he/she reacts to every relationship! ❤️
I was dating a guy for 2 months, it was great till I expressed my wanting to be in a proper relationship. He said he was too traumatized from his past relationships and he didn't want nothing more. I found out that he was dating another girl and he choose her over me. This was 2 years ago, they live together now. He is all over her social media. On the other hand no photo of her on his Facebook /Instagram.Back then I was scattered, now I realize that he does to her the same thing and that I wouldn't tolerate him anyway
Yes he’s too indecisive, he needs to know. What or who he really wants , good thing you tracked him down on fb, now you know you just would of felt used.
I looked up my big heart break from 20 years ago. He did on numbers on his wife and his mistress so bad they both rant about him on IG!
Yeah he just wanted to hit it and exit. Try unfollowing then on social media (:
@@adday. wow...
He probably cheating on her and unsure about her too.
One of the messages on the movie WW1984 it's exactly about letting go of the one you love when it has become detrimental to your life and health. When Diana said "I renounce my wish " and left Steve behind she got her power back and was able to fly for the first time... and I got the message and did the same. I renounce my wish and dream with him and since then I feel wonderful.
Brava!
Ohhh😀😀😀 I'm very happy to hear the last sentence " he will and guess what they are going to experience hot and cold not you."....😀😀😀❤️❤️❤️ Love you Susan ...😘😘😘
That last sentence: “They are going to be experience ‘hot and cold’, not you”.
Priceless! Now I can finally move on after 1,5 years.... yesssss
Thank you ❤️
1.5yrs?? thats so much time. dear god bless you.. m in similar situation but moving on soon.
Hearing he will not necessarily change his chore behavior with a new partner is somehow a relief. And realizing it’s loosing the “dream”of what someone inspired and not actual reality makes total sense
AmyJacqueline G,You look gorgeous 🌷🌹,Hope you are with a good man!
Alternative take: maybe it's just not with you. People get too wrapped up in these notions that because x, y, z didn't work with you, or said person didn't work with you, that they will act the same with someone else. Sometimes, it's true. Other times, it's not. We want the other person to hurt like we do so we don't feel alone in our grief. The hardest lesson is accepting that even though you may have cared about each other at one point, ultimately, it just didn't work. It hurts to let go this way, because we always try to think of the what ifs or could haves, but the best life lesson I've learned is that sometimes, it really is what it is and what it isn't, and letting go.
@@ragingphoinix9144 this is hard honesty but necessary
I love the parallel you draw between the 'dream" and the idea to replace them by a better actor in a movie. thank you, great idea! I will remember this :)
Right, we get attached to a person and an idea without looking at the reality of the situation. If a person doesn't want then they won't treat you right anyway.
Hardest thing with a broken relationship is moving on and forgetting about them. I'm currently going through it and just want to be happy with them and move on. I found out things about her which doesn't fit what I want from a wife and so I use that to try and move on.
One important thing I'll say to everyone here is keep busy, go out do stuff, see family as it really helps mentally. I know with Covid and lockdown occuring in different places around the globe will affect what we can and can't do so better to find things to do which wouldn't break that rule. Worst thing you want to do is sit out home overthink about the person as then your mind starts making things worse.
"Worst thing you want to do is sit out home overthink about the person as then your mind starts making things worse"
That's true and unfortunately, the lockdown's policy from my city is making things really hard for people suffering heartache during this time.
Restaurants, bars, coffee shop, nightclubs or sporting facilities are closed. Curfew in the evening!
What do we have left? Internet, TH-cam or Netflix...
Susan's videos is what keeping me sane. She's brilliant!
@@hyperwarrior908 your not wrong with covid messing things up. Here in London we're in our second national lockdown. I heard about this girl I liked last year in march a week before the first lockdown came in. Talk about timing. I've been stuck at home since and for the past few months after finishing university I'm struggling to get into the career I want due to covid messing it up. Im now looking at jobs in the financial sector which is different to the science qualifications I got and parents aren't happy about it but I'm sure hopefully I'll be better off in this.
Excellent advice. Best to focus on what’s IS working in your life over what’s not. Woe is me is a very alluring place to be....but always leads to more overthinking and more disappointment.
@@hyperwarrior908 thank you!!
Yes I’ve done this for a long time with previous partners. You have to be carful when you get deeply entrenched in this kind of state of mind as you get used to it like a depression it becomes your friend. I use your method of looking at her character and knowing I would not want that from a wife. Ive decided to put all my energies in my goal to succeed as an international sports photographer. My ultimate goal is to photograph the men’s 100mm final at the Olympics.
wow! Just let go of a toxic man and dream today! TY . I am going to be o.k.
Happy for you, toxic relationships shouldn’t be endured
I really needed to hear this. I'm going through the same hardship. My person was also hot and cold. You shouldn't want them anymore and yet you miss them. I'm looking forward to who will fit my dream ;)
“Where you’re moving toward is better than anything you’ve got.”
Susan, you have such powerful words coming out of you, you might not even know about it!
I ended a four-year relationship with my first girlfriend and to this day, I feel like I lost my best friend. When in reality, my life has been much better and I’ve found someone who’s a much better partner. It’s funny how our brain likes to get stuck onto things that we used to idealise.
I wish I had known about Susan when I was going through a break up. But still very helpful and pleasant to listen to
same here
she is a motivational for me...❤️..
I appreciate this. Thank you!
I feel the same way, I could have saved wasting my years. You are amazing Susan ❤️
that's why i think we should learn come here and learn and do our study review more often now and then coz it is that good.
I've let go of relationships..Period. I can't do it anymore. No more dream. The hurt and the mindf*#@ry isn't worth it.
Same here....
Have you started this process? can you share your progress?
Yep...once I learnt that it was my dream and not reality changed the way I dated. I see what I see now, not want I want to see.
YES. We get caught up in what we want to see instead of what is really there. I did that in my youth. Now I follow Maya Angelou's advice, 'When people show you who they are believe them."
Don’t think the new partner will get what you wanted they won’t That is so meaningful to realize . Thank you Susan
Wow that leading role part really hits me. I have the power to choose and have a great Cast in my life. Thank you Ms. Susan.
Yes you do Jerome. You are the casting director, the screenwriter and the director.
The ending! "they're going to experience hot and cold.. Not you" I just love that. Thank you so much, Susan Winter. ♥ 🤗
People don’t change - you’re 💯! What you got is what they’ll get.
Bravo!
This has been, in my opinion, the soundest, most articulate, & logical form of advice that I've ever heard!
So relevant for anyone going through a divorce or break-up to be able to understand the 'why's' & 'hows' of reframing their experience this way so that they can actually move forward in life with confidence, clarity, and eventually even with gratitude for having been given the tools to help them heal so much sooner than they were otherwise able to !! Skip the redundant sections of your grief experience?? YES PLEASE! After 2 failed marriages- I had to learn the hard way that those 'what-if' kind of thoughts only prolong your pain & add extra regret cause you wasted even more of your precious time stuck in 'analysis paralysis' when you could have been focused on the manifestation of the upgraded version of your dream!!!!
Kimberly, thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
@@SusanWinter You are most welcome! So glad I stumbled upon your channel & subscribed! Great content 💯
@@kymbelt you deserve better my dear
I came to exactly same conclusion as Susan points out, after 10months of “what if’s” and misery thinking. I ended up being grateful for the lessons learned through my experience with him and be thankful of him showing me what I should not in fact tolerate and why I was tolerating BS. Though time and now in the beginning of a new time of calmly and naturally letting go. Susan is the best! I wished for this video to land on my notification 10 months ago. But grateful for the lovely confirmation of my lessons learned through struggle. 🤍
@@kymbelt Hi Kimberly, hope you're safe over there, i hope this year brings joy and happiness to all Americans
I love what you say about the next girl experiencing hot and cold....it is very consoling.
First time hearing about "the dream" theory and I can tell I am having a mega blaster insight now! Thank you for that!
I know my ex is bad for me, I know she doesn't fit my wife material, I know we're different, I know we wil never be compatible, and yet still I miss her.. Accepting our differences isn't the hard part, it's unnattaching from someone u are emotionally connected too, and dealing wit the dissapointment that they may have detached long before we have 😢
Susan you are the only coach that really resonates with me ❤️. I wish I would have discovered you sooner before playing all these games that male “relationship experts” suggest. Sometimes I wonder what the outcome could’ve been if I was honest and straight forward about what I wanted.
Thank you Susan I will never play those coy games again.
Hi Jane. Thank you for the kind words. Start with where you are now. It will all be fine in the end
Hi jane hope you're safe over there, i hope this year brings joy and happiness to all Americans
Everything you said was so accurate Susan, & I would add that there's always more than one person to build your dream with. Don't get caught up in the web of "this is the one'.....there are many people out there to find happiness with. 👍👍💖💖💖 🇬🇧 🇬🇧
Thanks for making this video. This is why it is often so hard to let go. We have this dream that they were once a big part of, and it's hard to just give up on. Sometimes, you have stubborn feelings inside you that tell you to hang on to those dreams and keep your optimism; other times, you have the weight of certain circumstances, of outside reality, that urge you to move on and close this chapter of your life. It's very hard to navigate at times. But you acknowledge that these dreams exist, are common, and are natural. Acknowledging this loss is a part of grieving or figuring out the next steps.
Very true. I believe it is a part of being human to create bonds and strong memories becuase it is how we survive and make it in the world. The problem is this law also works for good things and bad things. It takes work but if you keep at it you will survive.
That ending is a PUNCH to my face. Susan, thank you so much. I LOVE YOU
I'm starting to wake up from my dream ,I was filling in the bad with a dream, Thank you!
Thank you, your video was so helpful. Your right my ex will never change. Once hot & cold always hot & cold. I suppose deep down I knew that but didnt want to face it.
Susan, why does it feel as if you speak directly to us, helping us... in each of your videos? Love from Kuala Lumpur
Oh, that's what I hope you feel. It's true. I only have the camera but I wish it were you in front of me. Thank you for your thoughtful comments
Thanks for touching on the fact that the next person who dates your ex is going to get what you got. It's too easy to think, "her next partner is going to get a polished version of her that I never saw, because I was her practice boyfriend to work the kinks out." While that may be partly the case bc we learn from each relationship, the patterns and areas with room for improvement are still largely there.
I found out a week ago my wife says" its over".."I'm done"..it's come from nowhere!...she don't want to fix our marriage??...she said I neglected her for months...and I explained work stresses and this covid lockdowns...took it's toll...I apologize for not giving the attention she needs at the time...we still live together and have 2 children (twins)...I tried to talk but she's like another person??..but I'm going to concentrate on me for my children...but hard still being around her...and still sleeping in same bed!....I miss my wife so much
I really emphasize with you, you both deserve your own happiness. I hope everything goes well for you, Richard. 🙌🏽
Both losses have been hard. However, the reality was a nightmare...
Absolutely love these videos around this topic.
Thanks Susan!
Thank you for this message, Susan. Just what I needed right now...
Thank You Susan !
I adore you Susan! Thank you so much. this is so clear and obvious!
Susan, you’re amazing!
Susan, you are awesome!
OMG!! This really hit home. Thank you so much for this video.
This is wonderful. I love listening to you more and more.
Thank you Susan for your down to earth and very helpful advice for putting it all in perspective!
On point as always Susan. You are such a guru
Holy cow I'm literally in that exact situation!
you're just amazing! I love each video you make with such sincerity and wisdom
This couldn’t have came at a better time Susan, thank you so much💚
I love this channel! Literally saving me from lot of self sabotaging
Susan your words are just hitting all the right notes ❤❤❤ thanks so much for these videos!
Susan you are always spot on!!!!
Susan hit the nail right on the head. Thank you.
Great New Year’s advice....EXCELLENT!🤗 Thank you, Susan.
Love u Susan, life saver❤️
I felt some healing happen listen to this video. Thank You Susan💖
Just what I needed to hear
This video came at a perfect time. Thank you 🤍
Thank you Susan ❤
Thank you for more wise words Susan. So helpful for my situation 💗
This is the most on point video I’ve ever seen on this feeling when a relationship ends. 💖
Once again. Thank you 👏🏻🙌🏻❤️
This is really good advice! Thank you.
Love this content Susan! ❤️
I’m in tears...this couldn’t have come at a more perfect moment. Thank you beyond words Susan! You’re like the best friend dishing out amazing advice that I need to hear right now. It’s life saving.❤️❤️❤️
I love your videos, they help me so much! Feels like you are speaking right to me and my situation. Thank you for doing what you do Susan!
I love your content! I can listen to you for hours and I will never be bored!
So very helpful! Thank you, Susan 😊
Beautifully said ; and, of course, it came at the right moment as I was pondering this dilemma myself ! Thank you, Susan, for bringing such clarilty ! Love the 'role / film' metaphor, it makes a lot of sense, as well as thanking for the dream being creating through meeting this person and now being able to carry it forward myself, and continuing to create it, make it even better by realizing that I deserve to have my dreams be fulfilled / come truen and that I deserve to feel fulfilled myself, by being myself !
What you have to say is really valuable - I've always struggled to come out with something positive from such a sad situation and you found it - the dream. Thank you so much for your videos, you're a blessing and you have already helped me a lot. All the best for you!
Needed this today as I told him I'm going to go pick up the rest of my things. Thank you always for the honest message. Everything always works out, and you make your dreams work. Not anyone else.
Thank you Susan I needed to hear this today
Thank you Susan for this one! It is hard to find the right words to describe what i want to tell myself... but the way you told this really resonated with me... and hopefully makes me able to move on better!
thank you Susan i feel like I needed this today
I....actually needed this. Thank you VERY much, Susan. You're too good for words.
Thank you Susan! The Dream!!!
The actor analogy is awesome!
Ooh my God! Your advice hit me 😍😍 Thanks for this
You're the best, Susan. You're saving lives, thank you.
Susan,I just discovered your videos. Thank you so much. They have helped me already.
Thanks Susan my mind is open now! ❤❤❤
Susan, you are so smart!
Love ya Susan! You’re amazing!
Love this!! Thank you Susan 👏👏👏🙏💕 you put these relationship issues we struggle with, into an easy & politely blunt way... i like that "auditioning" part. Another of your great videos i must watch again & again to drum it in 😊
Shout out to you from WA 🇦🇺🌻
Thank you Susan, i just wanted to let you know you helped me a lot and i am such a big supporter of yours. Please don’t stop making these fabulous videos!! You are saving lives, not all heroes wear capes!!! ❤❤
You are so wise Susan❤️🤗
Love you Susan your videos are saving me❤
Thank you so much I truly needed it Susan thank you so much you’ve been helping me a lot with your videos 💗
I’m open to my dream being different than I imagined. Giving it to the universe now. ❤️
This came just when I needed. I love you Susan!! 💗
I love it when synchronicity happens
Love love love today's content!!
Thank you
Totally got caught up in the dream. Good to know the dream itself doesn't have to die with the relationship. Didn't think of it that way.
Wow! Love the way you give advise. Your comprehension style is wow too!!!👏🔥❤️
Great advice. Thank you!
I’m SO thankful for your videos! Please keep it up, it’s needed so much!
You are so welcome!
Great video Susan 😊😊
Wow. Just wow. This is everything I needed to hear x
Thank you for sharing that