I wish everyone lots of healing in the aftermath of a breakup 🌱💖. You can find more videos to watch on this topic here 👉 “5 Stages Of Healing From A Breakup Or Divorce“ th-cam.com/video/lkHDQXL7M-I/w-d-xo.html and in my breakup playlist 👉th-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH.html Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 👉 t1p.de/2o0n
Do you know what I’m doing now to convince myself? Every time I remember of him I repeat to myself: he is an awful person with a different word as “awful”. It is never gonna happen. He will never forgive me!!! It is still not working 😢
My partner just left me after 20 years. We have two children and a home together.. now I'm about to move into a room share as that's all I can afford. I'm really struggling to cope. Tbh if it wasn't for the kids I know in my heart what I'd do to stop suffering but I don't wana put that pain on my kids.. jesus this is the hardest thing iv ever had to deal with..
@@deadstreet1675, I'm at 20 years also. She gave up for new attention, fresh boys and that really hurts! She knows it does and has apologized. I long to get back with her but, can't because the trust is broken😢
What saved me was turning to fitness. When I think of my ex, I go jogging or go to the gym. My ex contacted me several months ago. She sent me some pictures of her and wanted a picture of me. I remember her saying, "Are you trying to be a Selvester Stallone"?? I told her this is my new life. I noticed she started to drift away again. I didn't chase her, I let her go and she's out there somewhere. I still love her, probably forever will, but she trashed my soul, and I refuse to allow her to do that again. Being healthy really saved me.
You SHOULDN'T have responded.. She got what SHE needed from that..... GOING FORWARD I WOULDN'T EVER INTERACT WITH HER.. LEAVE HER IN THE COLD WHERE SHE BELONGS.....
I was under an unbelievable amount of pain for months but now, almost 9 months after I’m finally doing better than I ever was. Much better than when I was in that relationship. It was something I never thought I’d be okay losing. Trust me, you will heal. It just takes time so be patient with yourself. But you will heal.
I am 9 months post and I have worked on letting go and I am (slowly) falling out of love and coming to terms with it.. but being in that relationship was still the happiest I ever was.
In one year we did and shared so much together, she was my everything, she was perfect in every little way for me, she was very positive and everything was working, but in the end, she left me and ended everything in a matter of few texts. We texted a few times after but we stopped after the last "happy birthday", 4 months have passed since she broke up with me and I'm still crying everyday, i can't seem to go on, it's so painful, sometimes it seems i feel better for a while and then she comes back in my mind with all the good memories we had together and it breaks my heart again and again... I'm genuinely scared
It sounds like you're going through a rollercoaster ride with the highs and lows this relationship meant for you. To let her go, allow yourself to see that. Allow yourself to see the pain she put you through by breaking up through a couple of texts. Would someone who is perfect for you really do that? 💗 As long as you keep thinking of her as perfect for you, you'll keep yourself stuck in grief. When you allow yourself to see the whole situation, also how it ended, matter of factly - it'll be easier to let go of her and come out on the other side of your grief. All the best to you 💗
I am here, and I can say it took me from 20th November 2022 till march 2024 till I was a 100% over my ex. During that time I would avoid anyone getting close to me. In march I got to know someone else for who I genuinely felt something. The first time after 1,5 years till I could say I loved someone again. Although he broke me and cheated I at least finally reached the point where I can say I fully got over my first love and first heartbreak. Doesn’t change things that my trust is even more shattered after this guy now but yeah. You know life goes on and everything happens for a reason. Trust the timing of god and trust in god. Pray and keep going. No matter what.. Crying rn this is actually so emotional…
Take the time to heal, but be proactive with the right things. In the long run you'll be fine. Always remember what you had is over and they're not coming back.
"you may feel something dying in you and that is any hope of getting back together and that is ok" I'm going through that and it is awful. This video helped me a lot
Avoidants are so focused on testing their love interest to make sure he/she will be a good partner that they don’t even notice that in the process... THEY have become a terrible partner! We have to let people walk away. That creates a space for the right person. I will not hide what I feel. I will NEVER sugarcoat what I say. Radical honesty is my highest calling and my greatest value. I only accept consistency. I deserve it. I accept nothing less than being treated as the queen I AM.
My ex girlfriend was the same way to me. She was great but had a shit load of expectations. It was sad that she threw away what could have been great because she got in her own head. What I mean is her insecurities came up like crazy at the end of the relationship, becoming a lackluster partner but still expecting a great partner in return. Even crazier is she broke up with me. But she said “I can’t give you the love you deserve”. Since I was going to college she couldn’t handle the time apart with personal things going on in her life dragging her even further away from me and broke it off from there. The biggest sign that she really did appreciate me is that she ended the relationship tho, cause I would’ve waited to see if things would work out. We loved each other at the end but life and her mind got in the way. Feeling sad as shit but I’ll move on.
Exactly. It’s really painful. I cannot stop crying. I cannot get this guy out of my head even when he treated me like an option. He lives in my building, so that’s why I’m feeling it’s extremely hard to pull away emotionally because it every time I see him the emotions come back. 😔 also he never gave me closure. He just sort of disappeared out of my life.
😔 💔 These circumstances make it additionally hard - still having to see him and not having closure. You can use the thinking part of your inner world to gently and slowly guide your emotions to closure. When exes don't provide closure, this inability comes from their inner wounds (attachment issues, insecurities...). If you remind yourself, "His unresolved issues are the reason I feel like I'm hanging mid-air, not because there's an actual good reason to get back together.", you'll slowly be able to leave him and your grief behind. All the best 💗
My girlfriend left me and moved in right across the parking lot into the apartment directly across from mine....like how do we move on like that. It's insane. It's like she's taunting me....the thing is I know I messed up and I want her back. I was the bad one....I was the problem. Idk it's wild how you realize all your baggage when the thing you thought was baggage leaves.
I feel for you. I run into him wherever I go. I finally figured out he lives in my neighborhood or she does, who ever she is. He never gave me closure either just burned bridges and disappeared.
Thank u for being in my feed at the right time....I am going thru a break up ....he took 6 years of my heart and love ,time and sacrifice all for him to just say that I care too much. I've never felt such betrayal and heart ache and disappointment...even after having a failed marriage beforehand with children involved. He took my care and used me... for 6 years.... no matter how many times I tried to leave and stay away he knew my heart was too involved and abused it for his own pleasure. I am slowly trying to put my pieces of my heart and mind back together after he shattered me.
Thank you! Yes, I'm surely not responsible of everything. I sincerely did my best. I gave her all my love. Taking care of her. But she leaved me. Some people, because of their wounds, have difficulties to open their heart to the beauty of love.
Thank u so much I’m going through a situation of detaching myself from a relationship is not easy but I’m learning of loving myself again for anybody out there don’t loose hope keep going 💪🏽
22 years, she left me same thing couple months later found someone else and just like you for the second time only thing I can do is work on myself idk
He broke up with me a few hours ago. Hearing this made me feel better but it hurts to stop thinking about our 3 years together and the dream of having more years,
@@jasmeenrana6681 Oh no :( Am so sorry, I swear everything will be alright okay? Life moves on, something there would be bumps on the road to slow us down and take a deep breathe and to focus. I promise everything will turn out fine, if anything is meant to be you'll have it. Life gives you what you need, not what you want.
@@ishitaajiraj9768 you sound a lot more hopeful than I feel 😂 I love it! We got this. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. If you don’t mind me asking, did you see the end coming or was this a total blindside?
@@jasmeenrana6681 Honestly speaking no. This was totally unexpected, like no fights no arguments, he said long distance is taking a toll on him over his work, studies, and other issues. And when someone subjects us to such a decision, I think we can't do anything other than move forward in life, we should just take baby steps, one at a time, and it hurts yes, but we are just irrelevant in their decision making :)
@@ishitaajiraj9768 yeah you’re absolutely right, not having the choice makes it so we don’t have regret. I would rather be the dumpee than the dumper from my experience. Good luck to you and wish you a quick journey to healing :) let me know if you have any big breakthroughs, rooting for you!
This may sound insane, but your sole expression while speaking made me tear up. Going through a rejection after hoping, falling from having boundaries to accepting bare minimum behaviour, and it hurts so bad to have to pick up pieces. Listening to you really calmed and soothed me, thank you
The dumper has planned it much in advance and they wait for that right moment to dump you...making you feel guilty all the time. Secondly before dumping you....they usually already fix a new person to take your position. Dont get fooled....its all their grandplan
I was the dumper and it was the toughest decision in my life. I’m still heartbroken and miss and love her. It’s not always easy for us either. Neither one of us was happy and someone had to make a move. :(
I was the dumper. I am still in love with him, he was my everything, but he’s an abusive alcoholic who doesn’t believe he has a problem. I am 100% not okay whatsoever. I did not process shit before I left. I just wanted to feel safe. I don’t think I will ever trust a man again. I am devastated this is what’s happened to us. It’s been six weeks. I’m not sleeping. Not eating. I am still dry heaving and vomiting. Meanwhile, he’s partying with friends and 20 something chicks (he’s 50). He’s eating and sleeping just fine and has already moved on. To any outside observer you’d think he dumped me. I am a mess. He’s totally fine. So you are VERY mistaken. Honestly your comment is naive at best and hateful at worst.
@@jonsayler3317I was the dumper as well. I had to because like you said we were both unhappy but it hurt too much to part. Even though it was for the best I am so hurt they have moved on so quickly.
Started therapy again due to this. I felt horrible the first week and I’m having dreams about confronting them about the breakup. I got closure from them which was nice but it’s that hope that maybe we’ll get back together. It’s tough because I don’t need to have hope for the past, but for the future person and also for myself. I’m trying to get back to my life and what I love. Trying to not let the past trap me in grief and sadness. Anyone who is going through this, you’re not alone and you will heal. ❤
the pain just feels too much. i found out he was no longer in love with me and it felt completely out of the blue. he was my safe place and i thought my person. i had to move out and go back to my grandmas. it feels impossible for me to move on when i still am in love with him, even if he isn’t. i just wasn’t expecting any of this and it hurts so much knowing i wont talk to him again or see him, be in his arms etc
I’m currently going through this, my fiancé broke things off and I think the worst part about breakups, at least for me is knowing that the issues were fixable and that we could have moved forward together. I still believe he’s my person, we shared a lot together and went through a lot together. We were there for each other when no one else was. What I also find strange is that as the times goes by I don’t feel better whatsoever, my love for him continues to grow and I just don’t understand why that is.
Going through the break up process now and it’s been a painful grieving process. I struggled to eat and sleep. When I’m still I can’t help but to think about it and cry. He’s already moved on and told me he will always love me and that he wants me to move on it hurts. Ready to heal.
One misunderstanding and she broke our beautiful relationship..she used to tell you are my gift from universe ill never leave you and all it takes is 1 misunderstanding that too from her family side to break the relationship..Talk is cheap action is expensive..
I totally understand you! Same exact situation for me. So painful because it makes no sense. How can you walk away from what we shared over something I was ready to fix for her?
this was very....practical. yet still i needed to hear it. breakups feel like mourning, sometimes worse. hard to keep a rational mind without help. thank you!
It’s incredibly difficult to get over something you didn’t want to end. Losing that autonomy, is scary. I find myself thinking of the future, about what could have been. I was with my partner for 2 years and it was, for the most part, 2 of the best years of my life. I found my ex coming off my life’s lowest point and she supported and built me up. She made me feel alive; that I could do anything, be anything. She is an amazing person and I understand the reasons for the end… it makes it no less painful. But knowing I can never look at her with love and feel that look come right back, not having her touch, her kiss… her… that is what breaks me. Part of me will never relinquish the hope! I know in 9 months I might feel better, but I’ll always wonder about the path not walked… there will always be a part me that will never die; part of me that will live the memory of our love. I wish there was a quick fix… I wish there was something that could block out my brain from telling me “you’ll be alone”. I wish! For those out there feeling similar things, I acknowledge your pain. I’m sorry.
All I do is navigate my way through the world... Doing my best, moment-to-moment, to endure the least amount of suffering as possible... And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die. There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life. It's just pain and trauma and survival and misery. My heart is shattered. Rage and grief consume every cell of my being.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am going through a heartbreak right now. I'm already trying to do the things that you have suggested already as this isn't the first time. But I work with her and I have to see her everyday. So it has been a challenge to not hope, to cutoff completely. But I'm trying.
Thank you for your words, but especially for the gentle and empathetic tone you used. Many creators tend to downplay the situation or talk about it as if it were nothing, but with you, I felt understood and found hope to keep going. The pain is immense, and I am desperate.
I did everything for him. I thought he was my soulmate. We had our life planned together. We were about to get married and then he lefts for no reason. All I did was give him all the love in the world... Then he leaves me, takes like more than half my soul, and is not responsible of our rent. I don't know what I did wrong but he destroyed me emotionally and economically.
This video actually made me feel a lot better about my breakup. She broke up with me yesterday and I've just been crying and moping and feeling depressed and horrible. But the part where you talk about liking qualities in other people that have hyper autonomous heir of independency; my gf was really independent and I thought that was really swell, and the fact that she could deal with a lot of stress on her own, and drove us to places when I couldn't. When she broke Up with me it really felt like I lost my soul mate, but not only that a damn good woman that was kinda perfect. But perhaps I was thinking about her with rose tinted glasses. This helped me in thinking about myself more positively, and now I can use this information going forward, even though its hard to move forward rn. thank you.
People keep telling me that it’s natural to grieve because after so long together it’s like someone you know and love has died.but in reality for me it’s feels much worse than a death because I can still see her and she wants to be friends.in many ways I think it would be easier if she had cheated or just cut me off completely,at least then I could try to move on. Hope is like a cancer.
I am going the exact cycle you just talked about..broke up a month back and since then i have been mailing him to just meet me once and talk and literally begging him to not give up on our relationship of 3yrs..but all in vain..he hasn't responded even once..with time i am just feeling guilty and have started to blame myself for runining our relationship..i was the one who broke up with him coz i couldn't take the way i was being treated..and now i am blaming myself for everything!
I feel you... same story...here...you were not being treated well and you did well to stand up for yourself...go buy yourself a gift and love yourself..
Its been 9 months..the pain is still there but i am in a better place..with time you see a clearer picture and realize that you cant solely blame yourself..so i hope this helps you in your healing journey @charityalice5502
So much of what you said is helpful to me one year post breakup when I did the breaking up but have gone through such an emotional roller coaster because I truly loved him. I was in so much pain feeling unseen and unheard in our relationship. I did try to get him back a few times, but he didn’t want to. Then I would get angry and shut down. Repeat cycle of me mailing him a couple love notes when I was more anxious. He perceived it as pressure to respond when I was just reminding him that it was real for me. This has been tortuous. Even diving into new friendships, traveling, and now on my eighth college course since our breakup, I still feel hurt that it ended. If it weren’t for my daughters, I would’ve stayed a lot longer. Like you said, I need to close the door on reuniting. I even went to see him and he declined to speak with me.
@@vincentromano187 I know you mean well, but you can’t just turn it off, as much as I wish I could. I would say that the longing has subsided substantially after him refusing to speak with me in person. I went to apologize for my confusing behavior, but I’m sure he assumed it was to pressure him into something. Regardless, I doubt that I will ever trust him again. He ripped open the abandonment wounds in June and hasn’t looked back.
This excerpt from a book I read recently sums up my viewpoint on relationships in the modern dating scene. I will admit that she did a number on me. Judge me all you want, I’m just ensuring my survival and protecting my sanity. “Sometimes he would remember a moment of sweetness and almost wish things ended differently. But it would never have worked out between them. They were simply too different. And he didn't like love, the way it had made him feel stupid and vulnerable. If he ever married, he'd choose someone incapable of swaying his heart. Someone he hated, even, so they could never manipulate him the way she had. Never make him feel jealous. Or weak.”
Good video. I've done pretty much all those points except giving up on hope for her return, which has been the most difficult. I now understand more clearly the mechanism of how hope is working in me. I know I need to let go to the hope and so have put a time frame on to when to 100% give up (2 months post break-up) Other good point is 'Their strengths actually being masks'
It's been a little over a year since my 7 year relationship ended and I'm still struggling with letting go of hope he will come back. Even though I know if he did, I more than likely wouldn't want him back. When I went through the anger stage after the grief, I struggled letting go with being angry because I felt like letting go of that would be me letting go of him completely,which put me back into grieving all over again. It's sad how many hearts get broken watching these types of videos and reading comments. Like we are all searching for a way to end the pain, but not able to find the clarity within ourselves to make it stop. I saw once that heart break was the equivalent pain felt in the brain as spilling a hot cup of coffee on yourself. I hope we both find a way to move on and find the person who is meant to love us
@@josie1857 Oh wow - a year of it... I've been pouring over so many videos over the last few weeks looking for answers, clarity and strength. Some of the comments while achingly heartbreaking have given some comfort as the stories often seem a whole worse than mine (although this has got to be the worst emotional pain I have ever been through). It's a grief like no other as the ex hasn't died, they're still there. For me, I think if she did want to reconcile & get back together, she would have to prove to me she had done/is doing self-work, has gained insight into at least one or more of her issues. For me & the insights I have learnt, I feel like a totally different person. The best apology being a change in behaviour...? But then again, why would you go back & be with someone who has dumped you (bc you got too close)?
My ex told me he cheated while we were engaged. I kicked him out of my house after a 7 year relationship.It hurt like hell, but 18 months later, I'm doing great. Just working on making my life better.😊
I feel like my heart and lungs are being squeezed 😩🥺 so tight. I’m praying every minute for any sort of reliever. I am apologizing for any wrongdoings or to anyone I may have offended or have hurt that may be part of the reason why I’m feeling this pain. I don’t wish this pain at all upon anyone 🙏🏼
Thank you so much for this. This video triggered a big breakthrough for me. The section about falsely believing that you have control because it's painful to allow a deep down hope to die has just brought me to tears. Because I realised that's exactly what I've been doing, that's why I've not been unable to move on and I didn't understand why. Deep down I was still clinging on and hoping. After the pain of loss, I didn't want to experience the pain of losing that piece of hope as well.
going through the hardest breakup i ever have rn, it’s been 23 hours and i can’t believe how much it hurts, it feels like the worst pain i’ve ever had. it was a mutual breakup because of long distance so that makes it harder, we still love each other but we just can’t be together.
I had the same experience. I feel like I broke up with the love of my life over distance, and I hate it. I hope you're doing better. I hope I do better soon too. There's so much to appreciate about life I hope I'm able to see it again.
This is just wonderfully explained and deeply insightful! After watching endless breakup videos this was the only one that I was searching for! Thank you for sharing 💛
I needed this… thanks so much. So… there is a part of me that wants to believe my ex girlfriend will come back but I know for a fact she won’t… if I keep hoping she will come back then I won’t ever meet someone truly special I could want to spend the rest of my life with. It was a painful break up yes BUT I’m still alive… it didn’t kill me. :)
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
I liked your methodic analysis of taking responsibility for our own part, and placing the blame for what isn't our fault where it belongs in the other. It makes logical sense that it is not ALL our fault only that we interacted the way we did, which we can do something about moving forward. This makes accepting the circumstances much easier. I'll practice this more.
Hi Maika this came at a crazy universal timing with what i am going through!🌠 The most painful is when you acted out of unhealed trauma and sabotage the relationship that way😥 Thank you for always being so kind in your videos🌻
First major relationship after my divorce and this one hurts as much. Feel like I was thrown away in the trash. It nice though reading these comments and seeing I’m not alone with the pain.
I'm with you 💯 6 year relationship and 1 child out of it gone just like that. Iv begged , cried and nothing has come out of it , she's adamant we are over for good. Keep strong and always remember you are not alone even though it feels like it ❤
@@530horses9same bro, I cause my relationship to end and it was all my fault, she was nothing but good to me, and I messed it all up😔it’s like no matter how many times I apologize or try to make her see that I’ll change, she just done with me bro and it’s nothing I can do, and I lost a good girl bc I was stupid
Freyja broke up with me yesterday. She doesn't hate me, hell she doesn't even not love me. She just doesn't see us working together. I'm torn apart so badly. A month ago she told me she wanted to spend her life with me. She cried so much. It was clearly very hard for her too. She was so many firsts for me, and I wanted her to be my last too. I love her so much. I just wish we could've talked about it.
Thank you so much for this video, especially the part of red flags really makes me look differently the way I am attracted to certain type of people. Especially people that seems very secure and independent when in fact it might just be a mask. Thank you!
It's over... after 2 years together, 2 years full of joy, never been so happy in my entire life... but it's over now. And it hurts so much to watch the woman I thought I would spend my life with go :(
Hello Maika. You have an extraordinary insight into this painful experience and I find it incredible the way you're also communicating it. Thank you so much. It's really really helping me. I wish you well x
Thank you for this video. My ex and i were together 13 years, and it has been very hard to let go. It's been about 4 months since we separated, and she's already in a new relationship. 😢 I've been beating myself up a lot for my mistakes.
Best thing I can tell people, don't get in any kind of relationship in the first place and you can't get your soul broke. No such thing as pure loyalty,kindness and love in todays time. Enjoy your freedom and die alone. Most of us learn too late in life when the damage has already been done.
I’m in the same cynical mindset about relationships I was in before she came into my life. If she hadn’t reached out, I’d still be in the same high functioning depression I was in before, but I certainly wouldn’t be in as much pain as I’m in now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love again.
Sometimes, even though it hurts like more than anything, if we truly love someone we need to let them go. Focusing on the best parts of a relationship will help. There will always be triggers that bring you back to your person, but try to make them a happy memory. Knowing that your person will be happy should be enough if you truely love them. This is easier said than done, I know. I hope that everyone going through this very tough season in their life finds peace.
Going through it right now . Its been so hard i have turned to darkness with D&A for a few months now but slowly coming back to center. Exercise has been there for me the whole way 🙏 hope this gets better
Massive info and beautifully explained. This already starten the helling and to grow and work on the inner me watching out for avoidants, borderliners, narcissist and remember and take care of my anxcious attachment style ❤
Thank you Dr Maika for this so helpful video, It has been 9 months now after my wife ended our 16 yrs marriage. The pain I felt for first 3 months was so immense that I couldn’t see any reason to continue living. Felt nauseated most of the time, lost all appetite. For 6 months I blamed and judged myself so harsh while doing everything trying to win her back. I Begging for forgiveness until it became a crime too. I only started feeling better after I stopped begging accepted the fate. Still going through it, but no suicidal ideation anymore.
Can you make a follow up video for people ended the relationship but who are struggling with regret? I left my ex but I constantly wonder if it was a mistake and I should have done things differently to save our relationship. Even though I ended it I have tried to get back in touch with him and he doesn’t want to talk to me. I feel like I’m the one who got dumped even though I ended it.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn it’s a lot and bit personal to put in a TH-cam comment but we were together for 6-7 years and I was really disappointed with the lack of progression in the relationship. I felt like I had to do everything by myself, we lived together for a few months and I did most of the cooking and cleaning. He wouldn’t sit down and do financial planning with me and there was generally a lack of initiative in moving the relationship toward marriage and family which he claimed he wanted to do. I felt like I was being breadcrumbed. After being together for so long I needed more. I grew up on a household where my mom did all the work and my dad was on his computer all day and their relationship and divorce gave me a lot of trauma as a kid and I wasn’t willing to enter into a marriage that looked anything like that and repeat the cycle on my own child. He was also addicted to weed. We would talk about cooking meals at home, saving for the future, cutting down on weed but it just didn’t happen. There are so many examples of specific things that happened but it’s too long for a TH-cam comment. While we were living together I started to feel like I was going crazy and I dumped him while I was having some sort of nervous breakdown. I also have struggled with anxiety and depression throughout my life and I had some unhealthy coping mechanisms that mostly involved looking at triggering content online and that pushed me away from him and I’m not proud of that. So I blame myself for my own dysfunctional behaviours and also I wonder if I was being selfish or my expectations were too high, or if I should have been content with the way things were.
Thanks for sharing this, it helps me get a clearer picture of where your question is coming from. I'll definitely address this in the upcoming weeks. It'll take a while though, I create content in batches and my content for the next weeks is already filmed...
Dr Maika I've got to tell you one thing. If I had ever watched this video some 20 years ago I wouldn't have gone through so much suffering about relationship breakup. And I would also had saved many therapy sessions and money. Thank you so much for being so objective and clear about that subject. All you say in this video makes so much sense to me. You have just got one more follower. 💙
Thank you so much for the value you have brought over to me and many of us going through personal struggles to understanding ourselves and our partners or future partners to be. A heartfelt Thank you
I just recently broke up with someone within a month. All of thing you said in this video was correct for me. Why she blocked me, why she did that, why.... The answer is never satisfied me :) Self esteem wounds and anxiety was taking over me. My logic was it was my fault, not her fault, and she was a perfect person for me :) All true All true you said
We were together for 3 years. He dumped me 2 months ago and i still can’t move on. I can’t eat or breath. I feel so lost. The worst part is that we broke up on good terms, he was so nice even while he was breaking up with me. He hold my hands and we hugged our goodbyes. He went straight 2 days later to his new girl he met on his new school. I just can’t be mad at him, i still have sm love for him. But moving on with life is so much harder alone. It feels sometimes this feeling is forever. And i will never get over him.
After 2 months i was still devastated lol. You are perfectly normal. 9 months later now I am still hurt deep inside although alot has been processed and I can think about it without sobbing and the longing for her is down to maybe 5-10% what is was initially.. but she hasnt dated anyone I just found out which, knowing these things is a bad idea. Trust me and do all these things Purge ALL photos and memories. Seriously. Go through your phone. Have one last look through, cry, say goodbye my love.. then delete it. The go to the trashbin and wipe that aswell.. dont let yourself cheat you. Make it so you cant recover it. If you want, put it on a flash drive and hand it to your friend, and tell them do not give it to you until you have fully healed.. so probably in like 1-2 years. Delete them from social media. Delete your chats with them. Bloxk them if necessary.. (maybe id you are on good terms tell them that you'll be removing them because you are hurt and trying to move on, trust me they will understand.. Tell your friends and family, I dont want to be reminded of them, do not mention them near me. Only I am allowed to mention them when I want to talk about it. This person is gone. Abmnd I know it sounds extreme but these are ways you purge them from your mind. Seek a grieving counselor or s therapist.. and talk to them.. trust me, if money is not a huge issue it helps ALOT to have a 'stranger' who is actually trained to talk to.
Thank you. Very helpful! Tough work! I’ve blamed myself for years. It’s easier than kicking my ex from the pedestal upon which I’ve placed her. It feels like I’m shirking responsibility for my own actions when I regard them as reactions, but forgiving her and the impetus she brought is as necessary as forgiving myself. It’s obvious to me now that my regrettable behavior is the lesson I need to evolve into the better partner for my next, if ever there shall be - if ever I’m ready. I’ve hoped in vain for reconciliation, and at times over the years, it has seemed possible if not entirely likely. Abandoning hope feels like abandoning her, but I know the better path is pervasive zen - abandoning attachment.
I hear this often - people hesitating to see their partner's or ex's contribution to the dynamic, not wanting to be someone who blames everything on others. Healthy balance is key - neither blaming only oneself, nor only blaming the other person is helpful... All the best to you!
All very good advice. I'm more interested in those who are able to give their heart to someone else relatively quickly ( sometimes multiple times ) after breaking up and not give themselves time to heal/deal with the breakup, leaving a wake of destruction behind them.
It’s been 6 years since my breakup with my ex. We both have moved on. And up until recently I thought I was ok and moved on fully, until I found out he is having a baby with his new girlfriend. My first emotion was such sadness. Almost like grieving. Very conflicting feelings.
I’m so sorry for your pain. The emotional crisis life puts you through is horrendous. Please, journal your emotions and thoughts, take long walks, watch these videos, and remember it was never about you. Choose Peace. Forgive and release. Maybe even be grateful. He helped activate emotions that your soul no longer wants to carry. He activated them. That's the gift. It's your opportunity to release them. That's the magic. Sometimes, the poison IS the medicine (homeopathy). He helped you to purify you. Life is just a play out of our emotions, and really, a gift... For purification, for release, for ascension.
After listing all his positives and negatives, as well as my own. I was heartbroken. Although he made the decision that he wanted something else for his life, I now realize he was correct for BOTH of us. His Lack of openness, honesty (over small things) personal accountability and overall consistency placed me in a position to “try harder” which in turn became counter productive. Therefore, I began to lose a sense of self and hyper focused. I am now beginning to realize how important it is for things to mesh peacefully.
he was my best friend, and the first person I told everything to. but it became so toxic due to me, we had broken up once already so this is our second time. I still have a special place in my heart for him. He is my first love and I hope we get the opportunity to find ourselves again.
I've been the one to break off my last 3 relationships. I'm now the one who got dumped. I now see so many things I did poorly in those first 3 relationships. This is what I needed to hear. The hope that I keep holding on to is only hurting me. For the first time, a future world was mentioned, and I hadn't thought about that yet. Thank you.
I got broken up with like 4 months ago and I go through phases where I am fine but I still struggle with missing them and I am just so angry about it and how it happened. Had to come back to this today to get some peace. It takes time. And all of this is rooted in my attachment to this person because it was a 5 month situationship. And it feels harder than it did breaking up with someone that fully committed to me.
i'm feeling so heartbroken, so heavy with pain, feelings of hurt, betrayal, feeling used, taken for granted, unwanted and unworthy of love. the pain is so much but i know i will make it through, i just hope sooner than later ... one day this won't hurt anymore and i'll be able to trust my heart to someone else and believe in love again... in the meantime, working on loving myself and seeking my own love and validation... easier said than done. i'm working on healing from the relationship and also my attachment style and self-worth. i will comment updates on how i'm healing and processing... all the best my friends..
original post was two weeks ago - it’s now july 11. we tried to make it work but ultimately i had to walk away. it’s now been nearly 1 week since no contact. the pain has been overwhelming. i’ve been trying to do things that bring me joy, focus on new hobbies, exercise etc. but almost every moment i am not distracted i think of her. i’ve been diary writing, speaking with family about it and friends.. trying to healthily process as much as i can. i am waiting for when i feel okay again. i know it will get better.
She was perfect for me however, I took everything for granted and failed her as well as myself. I didn’t put much effort in at all because of my personal problems. I wish I did more for her but she broke up with me after two years. She wants to be friends after the breakup but I just couldn’t handle the hurt so we’re in no contact right now so that I can move on, heal and work on my personal problems then be her friend when I am ready, I hope someday we can get back together again. But in the meantime I’m going to be her friend.
After a break up do your healing work..People come into our lives for a reason , season or lifetime ..Don't get hung up on "toxic hope," it will keep you stuck on a hamster wheel which is a nasty slippery slope. Move on. Learn and grow from it.. ❤
I wish everyone lots of healing in the aftermath of a breakup 🌱💖. You can find more videos to watch on this topic here 👉 “5 Stages Of Healing From A Breakup Or Divorce“ th-cam.com/video/lkHDQXL7M-I/w-d-xo.html and in my breakup playlist 👉th-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH.html Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 👉 t1p.de/2o0n
Hi
Thank you for the video. ❤
The hope is really the worst part to let it go
But they never come back.... They had planned it much before the final act of breaking off from you.... It kills you
Fuck
It's insane to think he was obsessed with me and I had genuine love for him
This! It's crushing me everyday and I can't stop the cycle.
Do you know what I’m doing now to convince myself? Every time I remember of him I repeat to myself: he is an awful person with a different word as “awful”. It is never gonna happen. He will never forgive me!!!
It is still not working 😢
heart aches are painful, like you miss them so bad, you want to hug them but you know you have to let go Have mercy on me God
💯
I hear you! Be strong xx
heart ache is very painful .. going with the same phase dont know how to let go
soooo painful. like nothing else. Hang in there and ride this train out of the dark tunnel.
@@Trytillsucceed1234does it get better?
It’s so comforting coming on the internet and seeing other people going through the same thing I am going through. This is so hard.
My partner just left me after 20 years. We have two children and a home together.. now I'm about to move into a room share as that's all I can afford. I'm really struggling to cope. Tbh if it wasn't for the kids I know in my heart what I'd do to stop suffering but I don't wana put that pain on my kids.. jesus this is the hardest thing iv ever had to deal with..
@@deadstreet1675, I'm at 20 years also. She gave up for new attention, fresh boys and that really hurts! She knows it does and has apologized. I long to get back with her but, can't because the trust is broken😢
I want to stop this suffering so bad.
It’s soooo hard and I feel broken to the core
Everyone feels the same thing on some level. Yet it is so difficult even though people have gone through the same thing billions of times.
What saved me was turning to fitness. When I think of my ex, I go jogging or go to the gym. My ex contacted me several months ago. She sent me some pictures of her and wanted a picture of me. I remember her saying, "Are you trying to be a Selvester Stallone"?? I told her this is my new life. I noticed she started to drift away again. I didn't chase her, I let her go and she's out there somewhere. I still love her, probably forever will, but she trashed my soul, and I refuse to allow her to do that again. Being healthy really saved me.
You are special and brave
@@LEDSTRAVEL Thank you. You are as well.
You SHOULDN'T have responded..
She got what SHE needed from that.....
GOING FORWARD I WOULDN'T EVER INTERACT WITH HER..
LEAVE HER IN THE COLD WHERE SHE BELONGS.....
@@judedonnelly4100 Thank you. You are absolutely right. I learned narcissists crave validation. I stopped all contact with her.
Good that you stood in your power and moved on. Bless you❤
I pray for the best for anyone that is going through a breakup. It is really painful. Only time can heal.
May you be blessed by god.
Sending prayers for you too.
Thank you for this 🙏🏼 and I hope time has lend its healing ❤️🩹 hands to all those who are going through this.
I was under an unbelievable amount of pain for months but now, almost 9 months after I’m finally doing better than I ever was. Much better than when I was in that relationship. It was something I never thought I’d be okay losing. Trust me, you will heal. It just takes time so be patient with yourself. But you will heal.
That's so encouraging thanks for sharing ❤
Thank you ❤
I am 9 months post and I have worked on letting go and I am (slowly) falling out of love and coming to terms with it.. but being in that relationship was still the happiest I ever was.
@@gonzaloalmendral7310I was just about to leave this same message! Hope your healing journey is going well ❤️🩹
The feeling when you FINALLY get over them is so amazing it’s almost worth the pain just for the relief…..
i hope this will happen to me someday so i can be at peace:( i am so heartbroken and sad:/
In one year we did and shared so much together, she was my everything, she was perfect in every little way for me, she was very positive and everything was working, but in the end, she left me and ended everything in a matter of few texts. We texted a few times after but we stopped after the last "happy birthday", 4 months have passed since she broke up with me and I'm still crying everyday, i can't seem to go on, it's so painful, sometimes it seems i feel better for a while and then she comes back in my mind with all the good memories we had together and it breaks my heart again and again... I'm genuinely scared
Every day you are a mile away from the direct nuclear bomb that scattered your old life. Be proud of how far you have made it. Keep going forward.
It sounds like you're going through a rollercoaster ride with the highs and lows this relationship meant for you. To let her go, allow yourself to see that. Allow yourself to see the pain she put you through by breaking up through a couple of texts. Would someone who is perfect for you really do that? 💗 As long as you keep thinking of her as perfect for you, you'll keep yourself stuck in grief. When you allow yourself to see the whole situation, also how it ended, matter of factly - it'll be easier to let go of her and come out on the other side of your grief. All the best to you 💗
I am sorry Nicholas.....😢 keep your head up and move on one step after another. 🙏
i'm in the same situation as u. I don't know what to do
I am here, and I can say it took me from 20th November 2022 till march 2024 till I was a 100% over my ex. During that time I would avoid anyone getting close to me. In march I got to know someone else for who I genuinely felt something. The first time after 1,5 years till I could say I loved someone again. Although he broke me and cheated I at least finally reached the point where I can say I fully got over my first love and first heartbreak. Doesn’t change things that my trust is even more shattered after this guy now but yeah. You know life goes on and everything happens for a reason. Trust the timing of god and trust in god. Pray and keep going. No matter what.. Crying rn this is actually so emotional…
I'm going through a divorce and it's been very hard and painful, this video is very helpful, healing and soothing at the same time, ❤
Me too bro shit sucks
All the best 💗
I hope you're doing okay.
@@emamahzaman2507 doing better, thank you!!! 💕
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Take the time to heal, but be proactive with the right things. In the long run you'll be fine. Always remember what you had is over and they're not coming back.
"you may feel something dying in you and that is any hope of getting back together and that is ok" I'm going through that and it is awful. This video helped me a lot
Avoidants are so focused on testing their love interest
to make sure he/she will be a good partner
that they don’t even notice that in the process...
THEY have become a terrible partner!
We have to let people walk away. That creates a space for the right person.
I will not hide what I feel.
I will NEVER sugarcoat what I say.
Radical honesty is my highest calling and my greatest value.
I only accept consistency. I deserve it. I accept nothing less than being treated as the queen I AM.
👏
My ex girlfriend was the same way to me. She was great but had a shit load of expectations. It was sad that she threw away what could have been great because she got in her own head. What I mean is her insecurities came up like crazy at the end of the relationship, becoming a lackluster partner but still expecting a great partner in return. Even crazier is she broke up with me. But she said “I can’t give you the love you deserve”. Since I was going to college she couldn’t handle the time apart with personal things going on in her life dragging her even further away from me and broke it off from there. The biggest sign that she really did appreciate me is that she ended the relationship tho, cause I would’ve waited to see if things would work out. We loved each other at the end but life and her mind got in the way. Feeling sad as shit but I’ll move on.
@@galumptiouspotato9989all the best to you…how are you doing?
@@galumptiouspotato9989woah
I don't think I'll love anymore 💔
Exactly. It’s really painful. I cannot stop crying. I cannot get this guy out of my head even when he treated me like an option. He lives in my building, so that’s why I’m feeling it’s extremely hard to pull away emotionally because it every time I see him the emotions come back. 😔 also he never gave me closure. He just sort of disappeared out of my life.
😔 💔 These circumstances make it additionally hard - still having to see him and not having closure. You can use the thinking part of your inner world to gently and slowly guide your emotions to closure. When exes don't provide closure, this inability comes from their inner wounds (attachment issues, insecurities...). If you remind yourself, "His unresolved issues are the reason I feel like I'm hanging mid-air, not because there's an actual good reason to get back together.", you'll slowly be able to leave him and your grief behind. All the best 💗
Yes, she did the same to me, no closure, just disappeared 😭. It's so hurtful, so painful. I keep crying when I hear our song play
My girlfriend left me and moved in right across the parking lot into the apartment directly across from mine....like how do we move on like that. It's insane. It's like she's taunting me....the thing is I know I messed up and I want her back. I was the bad one....I was the problem. Idk it's wild how you realize all your baggage when the thing you thought was baggage leaves.
I feel for you. I run into him wherever I go. I finally figured out he lives in my neighborhood or she does, who ever she is. He never gave me closure either just burned bridges and disappeared.
Can I ask how you are doing now? I am in my first month of a breakup and was just wanting to know if it gets better.
Thank u for being in my feed at the right time....I am going thru a break up ....he took 6 years of my heart and love ,time and sacrifice all for him to just say that I care too much. I've never felt such betrayal and heart ache and disappointment...even after having a failed marriage beforehand with children involved. He took my care and used me... for 6 years.... no matter how many times I tried to leave and stay away he knew my heart was too involved and abused it for his own pleasure. I am slowly trying to put my pieces of my heart and mind back together after he shattered me.
Thank you! Yes, I'm surely not responsible of everything. I sincerely did my best. I gave her all my love. Taking care of her. But she leaved me. Some people, because of their wounds, have difficulties to open their heart to the beauty of love.
Thank u so much I’m going through a situation of detaching myself from a relationship is not easy but I’m learning of loving myself again for anybody out there don’t loose hope keep going 💪🏽
Wonderful and all the best for you, too ✨💪🏻
My whole heart aches, I miss him so much
It's over and I have to move on. It's simple to know all of this intellectually but actually believing it in your heart.... that's a little more tough
💯
That’s the best mindset to have. We got this I WE deserve better. God Bless
Thank you for this 🙏🏼
Break Ups Are Like Wounds, It Heals In Time. Leave The Past Where They Should, Move On Learn From The Healing Process.
25 years , she left me. 2 months later , she found someone else. I am devastated. For the second time.... I'm dead inside right now.
22 years, she left me same thing couple months later found someone else and just like you for the second time only thing I can do is work on myself idk
@@TTNJAYROCK13 it sucks.😞
I feel horrible too😊
At least you still have your Ninja, she will never let you down, that's for sure ❤
@@leonardvanonselen I wish! Yesterday my radiator broke down! 😂
He broke up with me a few hours ago. Hearing this made me feel better but it hurts to stop thinking about our 3 years together and the dream of having more years,
I’m on day 4 post break up after a 4 year relationship headed towards engagement. I feel your pain :(
@@jasmeenrana6681 Oh no :( Am so sorry, I swear everything will be alright okay? Life moves on, something there would be bumps on the road to slow us down and take a deep breathe and to focus. I promise everything will turn out fine, if anything is meant to be you'll have it. Life gives you what you need, not what you want.
@@ishitaajiraj9768 you sound a lot more hopeful than I feel 😂 I love it! We got this. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. If you don’t mind me asking, did you see the end coming or was this a total blindside?
@@jasmeenrana6681 Honestly speaking no. This was totally unexpected, like no fights no arguments, he said long distance is taking a toll on him over his work, studies, and other issues. And when someone subjects us to such a decision, I think we can't do anything other than move forward in life, we should just take baby steps, one at a time, and it hurts yes, but we are just irrelevant in their decision making :)
@@ishitaajiraj9768 yeah you’re absolutely right, not having the choice makes it so we don’t have regret. I would rather be the dumpee than the dumper from my experience. Good luck to you and wish you a quick journey to healing :) let me know if you have any big breakthroughs, rooting for you!
This may sound insane, but your sole expression while speaking made me tear up. Going through a rejection after hoping, falling from having boundaries to accepting bare minimum behaviour, and it hurts so bad to have to pick up pieces. Listening to you really calmed and soothed me, thank you
So unfair the dumper processes everything while you're still together, and you're left picking up the mess.
The dumper has planned it much in advance and they wait for that right moment to dump you...making you feel guilty all the time. Secondly before dumping you....they usually already fix a new person to take your position. Dont get fooled....its all their grandplan
I was the dumper and it was the toughest decision in my life. I’m still heartbroken and miss and love her. It’s not always easy for us either. Neither one of us was happy and someone had to make a move. :(
@@jonsayler3317 don't know if i can roll my eyes any harder. yeah you really loved her! so much ya processed the breakup and dumped her!
I was the dumper. I am still in love with him, he was my everything, but he’s an abusive alcoholic who doesn’t believe he has a problem. I am 100% not okay whatsoever. I did not process shit before I left. I just wanted to feel safe. I don’t think I will ever trust a man again. I am devastated this is what’s happened to us. It’s been six weeks. I’m not sleeping. Not eating. I am still dry heaving and vomiting. Meanwhile, he’s partying with friends and 20 something chicks (he’s 50). He’s eating and sleeping just fine and has already moved on. To any outside observer you’d think he dumped me. I am a mess. He’s totally fine.
So you are VERY mistaken. Honestly your comment is naive at best and hateful at worst.
@@jonsayler3317I was the dumper as well. I had to because like you said we were both unhappy but it hurt too much to part. Even though it was for the best I am so hurt they have moved on so quickly.
Started therapy again due to this. I felt horrible the first week and I’m having dreams about confronting them about the breakup. I got closure from them which was nice but it’s that hope that maybe we’ll get back together. It’s tough because I don’t need to have hope for the past, but for the future person and also for myself. I’m trying to get back to my life and what I love. Trying to not let the past trap me in grief and sadness. Anyone who is going through this, you’re not alone and you will heal. ❤
the pain just feels too much. i found out he was no longer in love with me and it felt completely out of the blue. he was my safe place and i thought my person. i had to move out and go back to my grandmas. it feels impossible for me to move on when i still am in love with him, even if he isn’t. i just wasn’t expecting any of this and it hurts so much knowing i wont talk to him again or see him, be in his arms etc
I'm in a similar situation it's hard to let go but if it's what they want let's focus on ourselves find someone who feels like you do about them
I'm sorry, I understand you. That happened to me as well
I’m currently going through this, my fiancé broke things off and I think the worst part about breakups, at least for me is knowing that the issues were fixable and that we could have moved forward together. I still believe he’s my person, we shared a lot together and went through a lot together. We were there for each other when no one else was. What I also find strange is that as the times goes by I don’t feel better whatsoever, my love for him continues to grow and I just don’t understand why that is.
Yeah, I felt that. Do you feel that same way? Or were there diminishing returns?
You just wrote my story
@ I hope your healing journey goes well and that you’ll be okay. I’m still getting over it at the moment but things have gotten easier. 🫶🫶
@@okaminess sorry for the late reply but no, i still feel the same way.
In my deepest depression i got to hear this. Thanks.
All the best ❤️🌸☀️
Now how u feel
Going through the break up process now and it’s been a painful grieving process. I struggled to eat and sleep. When I’m still I can’t help but to think about it and cry. He’s already moved on and told me he will always love me and that he wants me to move on it hurts. Ready to heal.
I am sorry… we’re in it together
@@mindyl.5515 praying for healing for you as well 🙏🏾❤️🩹 one day at a time
@@kevonnmitchell5166 I feel you 100% on this. But praying 🙏🏼 that time will heal all the wounds ❤️🩹
One misunderstanding and she broke our beautiful relationship..she used to tell you are my gift from universe ill never leave you and all it takes is 1 misunderstanding that too from her family side to break the relationship..Talk is cheap action is expensive..
I totally understand you! Same exact situation for me. So painful because it makes no sense. How can you walk away from what we shared over something I was ready to fix for her?
That’s a narcissist for you
This is one of the most helpful videos I have ever watched, it puts everything into perspective.
I'm glad this was helpful! Thank you ✨🙋
this was very....practical. yet still i needed to hear it. breakups feel like mourning, sometimes worse. hard to keep a rational mind without help. thank you!
It’s incredibly difficult to get over something you didn’t want to end. Losing that autonomy, is scary. I find myself thinking of the future, about what could have been. I was with my partner for 2 years and it was, for the most part, 2 of the best years of my life. I found my ex coming off my life’s lowest point and she supported and built me up. She made me feel alive; that I could do anything, be anything. She is an amazing person and I understand the reasons for the end… it makes it no less painful. But knowing I can never look at her with love and feel that look come right back, not having her touch, her kiss… her… that is what breaks me.
Part of me will never relinquish the hope! I know in 9 months I might feel better, but I’ll always wonder about the path not walked… there will always be a part me that will never die; part of me that will live the memory of our love.
I wish there was a quick fix… I wish there was something that could block out my brain from telling me “you’ll be alone”. I wish!
For those out there feeling similar things, I acknowledge your pain. I’m sorry.
All I do is navigate my way through the world...
Doing my best, moment-to-moment,
to endure the least amount of suffering as possible...
And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die.
There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life.
It's just pain and trauma and survival and misery.
My heart is shattered.
Rage and grief consume every cell of my being.
I hope you find peace and happiness.
inshallah
Inshallah you'll be ok
I feel you. I hurts so deeply. I will be praying for your peace and healing. 🙏🏾
I understand cause I feel the same way.ill be praying for u!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am going through a heartbreak right now. I'm already trying to do the things that you have suggested already as this isn't the first time. But I work with her and I have to see her everyday. So it has been a challenge to not hope, to cutoff completely. But I'm trying.
Thank you for your words, but especially for the gentle and empathetic tone you used. Many creators tend to downplay the situation or talk about it as if it were nothing, but with you, I felt understood and found hope to keep going. The pain is immense, and I am desperate.
Every time she mentions "Ex" it hurts just a little more
I did everything for him. I thought he was my soulmate. We had our life planned together. We were about to get married and then he lefts for no reason. All I did was give him all the love in the world... Then he leaves me, takes like more than half my soul, and is not responsible of our rent. I don't know what I did wrong but he destroyed me emotionally and economically.
This video actually made me feel a lot better about my breakup. She broke up with me yesterday and I've just been crying and moping and feeling depressed and horrible. But the part where you talk about liking qualities in other people that have hyper autonomous heir of independency; my gf was really independent and I thought that was really swell, and the fact that she could deal with a lot of stress on her own, and drove us to places when I couldn't. When she broke Up with me it really felt like I lost my soul mate, but not only that a damn good woman that was kinda perfect. But perhaps I was thinking about her with rose tinted glasses.
This helped me in thinking about myself more positively, and now I can use this information going forward, even though its hard to move forward rn. thank you.
People keep telling me that it’s natural to grieve because after so long together it’s like someone you know and love has died.but in reality for me it’s feels much worse than a death because I can still see her and she wants to be friends.in many ways I think it would be easier if she had cheated or just cut me off completely,at least then I could try to move on.
Hope is like a cancer.
I am going the exact cycle you just talked about..broke up a month back and since then i have been mailing him to just meet me once and talk and literally begging him to not give up on our relationship of 3yrs..but all in vain..he hasn't responded even once..with time i am just feeling guilty and have started to blame myself for runining our relationship..i was the one who broke up with him coz i couldn't take the way i was being treated..and now i am blaming myself for everything!
Uffff…. 💔 It couldn’t have all been on you if you weren’t treated well 💗
I feel you... same story...here...you were not being treated well and you did well to stand up for yourself...go buy yourself a gift and love yourself..
Its been 9 months..the pain is still there but i am in a better place..with time you see a clearer picture and realize that you cant solely blame yourself..so i hope this helps you in your healing journey @charityalice5502
The look in your eyes speaks of a similar past experience.
Yes she started tearing up at one point 😢
Thank you, this saved me from falling into the deep abyss of self shaming and hurting again ❤ I’ll just loop this to get this in my head
So much of what you said is helpful to me one year post breakup when I did the breaking up but have gone through such an emotional roller coaster because I truly loved him. I was in so much pain feeling unseen and unheard in our relationship. I did try to get him back a few times, but he didn’t want to. Then I would get angry and shut down. Repeat cycle of me mailing him a couple love notes when I was more anxious. He perceived it as pressure to respond when I was just reminding him that it was real for me. This has been tortuous. Even diving into new friendships, traveling, and now on my eighth college course since our breakup, I still feel hurt that it ended. If it weren’t for my daughters, I would’ve stayed a lot longer. Like you said, I need to close the door on reuniting. I even went to see him and he declined to speak with me.
It sounds like it’s been a difficult process 💔. I’m glad to hear you’re diving into new friendships and experiences ✨. All the best 🫶🏻
@@vincentromano187 I know you mean well, but you can’t just turn it off, as much as I wish I could. I would say that the longing has subsided substantially after him refusing to speak with me in person. I went to apologize for my confusing behavior, but I’m sure he assumed it was to pressure him into something. Regardless, I doubt that I will ever trust him again. He ripped open the abandonment wounds in June and hasn’t looked back.
This excerpt from a book I read recently sums up my viewpoint on relationships in the modern dating scene. I will admit that she did a number on me. Judge me all you want, I’m just ensuring my survival and protecting my sanity.
“Sometimes he would remember a moment of sweetness and almost wish things ended differently. But it would never have worked out between them. They were simply too different. And he didn't like love, the way it had made him feel stupid and vulnerable. If he ever married, he'd choose someone incapable of swaying his heart. Someone he hated, even, so they could never manipulate him the way she had. Never make him feel jealous. Or weak.”
Good video. I've done pretty much all those points except giving up on hope for her return, which has been the most difficult. I now understand more clearly the mechanism of how hope is working in me.
I know I need to let go to the hope and so have put a time frame on to when to 100% give up (2 months post break-up)
Other good point is 'Their strengths actually being masks'
It's been a little over a year since my 7 year relationship ended and I'm still struggling with letting go of hope he will come back. Even though I know if he did, I more than likely wouldn't want him back. When I went through the anger stage after the grief, I struggled letting go with being angry because I felt like letting go of that would be me letting go of him completely,which put me back into grieving all over again. It's sad how many hearts get broken watching these types of videos and reading comments. Like we are all searching for a way to end the pain, but not able to find the clarity within ourselves to make it stop. I saw once that heart break was the equivalent pain felt in the brain as spilling a hot cup of coffee on yourself. I hope we both find a way to move on and find the person who is meant to love us
@@josie1857 Oh wow - a year of it...
I've been pouring over so many videos over the last few weeks looking for answers, clarity and strength. Some of the comments while achingly heartbreaking have given some comfort as the stories often seem a whole worse than mine (although this has got to be the worst emotional pain I have ever been through). It's a grief like no other as the ex hasn't died, they're still there.
For me, I think if she did want to reconcile & get back together, she would have to prove to me she had done/is doing self-work, has gained insight into at least one or more of her issues. For me & the insights I have learnt, I feel like a totally different person. The best apology being a change in behaviour...?
But then again, why would you go back & be with someone who has dumped you (bc you got too close)?
All the best for both of you 🫶🏻
Thank you@@DrMaikaSteinborn
I needed this today so much cz my doctor told me that only stress is killing u inside
💯 Chronic stress is really bad for our health. All the best to you!
Sometimes they break up because they’re cheating on you but don’t tell you they are.
My ex told me he cheated while we were engaged. I kicked him out of my house after a 7 year relationship.It hurt like hell, but 18 months later, I'm doing great. Just working on making my life better.😊
@@secheclare I’m sad to hear that. Sometimes I think it’s more common than not. It’s great to hear you’re back on your feet emotionally though 😊.
wish they weren't such a terrible liar lmao
Well said I agree with you
That's true. It happened to me
I feel like my heart and lungs are being squeezed 😩🥺 so tight. I’m praying every minute for any sort of reliever. I am apologizing for any wrongdoings or to anyone I may have offended or have hurt that may be part of the reason why I’m feeling this pain. I don’t wish this pain at all upon anyone 🙏🏼
Thank you so much for this. This video triggered a big breakthrough for me. The section about falsely believing that you have control because it's painful to allow a deep down hope to die has just brought me to tears. Because I realised that's exactly what I've been doing, that's why I've not been unable to move on and I didn't understand why. Deep down I was still clinging on and hoping. After the pain of loss, I didn't want to experience the pain of losing that piece of hope as well.
going through the hardest breakup i ever have rn, it’s been 23 hours and i can’t believe how much it hurts, it feels like the worst pain i’ve ever had. it was a mutual breakup because of long distance so that makes it harder, we still love each other but we just can’t be together.
Yea you feel dead inside Let time pass that's the thing you can do it's healing time stay strong and think bro
I had the same experience. I feel like I broke up with the love of my life over distance, and I hate it. I hope you're doing better. I hope I do better soon too. There's so much to appreciate about life I hope I'm able to see it again.
This is just wonderfully explained and deeply insightful! After watching endless breakup videos this was the only one that I was searching for! Thank you for sharing 💛
I needed this… thanks so much. So… there is a part of me that wants to believe my ex girlfriend will come back but I know for a fact she won’t… if I keep hoping she will come back then I won’t ever meet someone truly special I could want to spend the rest of my life with. It was a painful break up yes BUT I’m still alive… it didn’t kill me. :)
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
I liked your methodic analysis of taking responsibility for our own part, and placing the blame for what isn't our fault where it belongs in the other. It makes logical sense that it is not ALL our fault only that we interacted the way we did, which we can do something about moving forward. This makes accepting the circumstances much easier. I'll practice this more.
Damn, I am in sooo much pain. I feel like my heart went through a meat grinder 😂😭😭
It will pass 😢
@@Mel87y thank you
@@Someonne_dot_com you are very welcome 🤗
Just remember that time will heal all, take it day by day, do something new. It may pass like a kidney stone but it will pass. Praying for you
Did it ever feel better? Cos I feel same way now
Hi Maika this came at a crazy universal timing with what i am going through!🌠 The most painful is when you acted out of unhealed trauma and sabotage the relationship that way😥 Thank you for always being so kind in your videos🌻
I‘m sorry to hear you seem to be going through this right now and simultaneously glad this was helpful✨ 💗 All the best! ❤️🩹
First major relationship after my divorce and this one hurts as much.
Feel like I was thrown away in the trash.
It nice though reading these comments and seeing I’m not alone with the pain.
Spot on 👍🏾👍🏾I just got closure on my relationship 💔💔😢😢I’m ready to give up on relationships.
Just got let go of a 7 year relationship 😞😭 im crushed. I need help. Im at my lowest. Never cried this much before
I'm with you here. I cried at first, thought that passed. Today a month later I cried 3 or 4 times. I just want it to end.
@@charliesmith7942how do we get thru this? I lost someone who was perfect and did a lot for me , and I messed it up😔 and she’s never coming back
I'm with you 💯
6 year relationship and 1 child out of it gone just like that.
Iv begged , cried and nothing has come out of it , she's adamant we are over for good.
Keep strong and always remember you are not alone even though it feels like it ❤
@@530horses9same bro, I cause my relationship to end and it was all my fault, she was nothing but good to me, and I messed it all up😔it’s like no matter how many times I apologize or try to make her see that I’ll change, she just done with me bro and it’s nothing I can do, and I lost a good girl bc I was stupid
@@530horses9how do we get over something like this?
Freyja broke up with me yesterday. She doesn't hate me, hell she doesn't even not love me. She just doesn't see us working together. I'm torn apart so badly. A month ago she told me she wanted to spend her life with me. She cried so much. It was clearly very hard for her too. She was so many firsts for me, and I wanted her to be my last too. I love her so much. I just wish we could've talked about it.
Thank you so much for this video, especially the part of red flags really makes me look differently the way I am attracted to certain type of people. Especially people that seems very secure and independent when in fact it might just be a mask. Thank you!
8:03 the moment she said don’t stalk their social media profile, I did exactly that
Don’t shop for pain. It’s hard but possible
😂😢
Not only does your advise help but I can listen to you're voice all day
It's over... after 2 years together, 2 years full of joy, never been so happy in my entire life... but it's over now. And it hurts so much to watch the woman I thought I would spend my life with go :(
Something to think about. Great wisdom.
Hello Maika. You have an extraordinary insight into this painful experience and I find it incredible the way you're also communicating it. Thank you so much. It's really really helping me. I wish you well x
should've open this 8 months ago when the heartbreak was fresh
better now than never
thanks for the guidance
My heart is so broken right now. I hate this feeling.💔😭
You’re not alone
@@shanamiller974 Thank you so much!❤️
Me too 😊
@@regienamalata3179 Hang on there! Everyday feels better.💗
I forgot to say thank you for shedding some light on what I’m feeling / going through 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for this video. My ex and i were together 13 years, and it has been very hard to let go. It's been about 4 months since we separated, and she's already in a new relationship. 😢 I've been beating myself up a lot for my mistakes.
💔 It's tough when the other person moves on quickly. I wish you all the best for your continued healing process 💗
Keep sharing the positivity. Watch the butterfly.
You're the best!
Thank you so much!
After 18 months I think I'm finally getting over her, and your videos are helping a lot!
Best thing I can tell people, don't get in any kind of relationship in the first place and you can't get your soul broke. No such thing as pure loyalty,kindness and love in todays time. Enjoy your freedom and die alone. Most of us learn too late in life when the damage has already been done.
I’m in the same cynical mindset about relationships I was in before she came into my life. If she hadn’t reached out, I’d still be in the same high functioning depression I was in before, but I certainly wouldn’t be in as much pain as I’m in now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love again.
I love your plants! I'm a plant person too so it's wonderful to see your plants! also, I like your gently and kind delivery of your message.
Thank you! I'm glad my delivery and plant decoration resonates with you 🙂 💗 🍃 I love nature and plants 🙂 🌻 🌳
@@DrMaikaSteinbornwhat astrological sign are you? As a Taurus I adore plants 🥰
@@annanson195 I'm a sagittarius - no idea if sagittariusses like plants 🙂
@@DrMaikaSteinborn haha I honestly don’t know much about sagittarians but know that this Taurus gal loves you ❤️
Sometimes, even though it hurts like more than anything, if we truly love someone we need to let them go. Focusing on the best parts of a relationship will help. There will always be triggers that bring you back to your person, but try to make them a happy memory. Knowing that your person will be happy should be enough if you truely love them.
This is easier said than done, I know.
I hope that everyone going through this very tough season in their life finds peace.
Going through it right now . Its been so hard i have turned to darkness with D&A for a few months now but slowly coming back to center. Exercise has been there for me the whole way 🙏 hope this gets better
Massive info and beautifully explained.
This already starten the helling and to grow and work on the inner me watching out for avoidants, borderliners, narcissist and remember and take care of my anxcious attachment style ❤
Thank you for this information for me to acknowledge what I need to do for healing.
Thank you for making this video, it really helps at exactly the right time.
Thank you for your gentle and clear messages. Very helpful
Thank you Dr Maika for this so helpful video,
It has been 9 months now after my wife ended our 16 yrs marriage. The pain I felt for first 3 months was so immense that I couldn’t see any reason to continue living. Felt nauseated most of the time, lost all appetite. For 6 months I blamed and judged myself so harsh while doing everything trying to win her back. I Begging for forgiveness until it became a crime too.
I only started feeling better after I stopped begging accepted the fate. Still going through it, but no suicidal ideation anymore.
Can you make a follow up video for people ended the relationship but who are struggling with regret? I left my ex but I constantly wonder if it was a mistake and I should have done things differently to save our relationship. Even though I ended it I have tried to get back in touch with him and he doesn’t want to talk to me. I feel like I’m the one who got dumped even though I ended it.
Yes, this sounds like a great follow-up topic! If you feel comfortable sharing this - what were your reasons for ending it?
@@DrMaikaSteinborn it’s a lot and bit personal to put in a TH-cam comment but we were together for 6-7 years and I was really disappointed with the lack of progression in the relationship. I felt like I had to do everything by myself, we lived together for a few months and I did most of the cooking and cleaning. He wouldn’t sit down and do financial planning with me and there was generally a lack of initiative in moving the relationship toward marriage and family which he claimed he wanted to do. I felt like I was being breadcrumbed. After being together for so long I needed more. I grew up on a household where my mom did all the work and my dad was on his computer all day and their relationship and divorce gave me a lot of trauma as a kid and I wasn’t willing to enter into a marriage that looked anything like that and repeat the cycle on my own child. He was also addicted to weed. We would talk about cooking meals at home, saving for the future, cutting down on weed but it just didn’t happen. There are so many examples of specific things that happened but it’s too long for a TH-cam comment. While we were living together I started to feel like I was going crazy and I dumped him while I was having some sort of nervous breakdown. I also have struggled with anxiety and depression throughout my life and I had some unhealthy coping mechanisms that mostly involved looking at triggering content online and that pushed me away from him and I’m not proud of that. So I blame myself for my own dysfunctional behaviours and also I wonder if I was being selfish or my expectations were too high, or if I should have been content with the way things were.
Thanks for sharing this, it helps me get a clearer picture of where your question is coming from. I'll definitely address this in the upcoming weeks. It'll take a while though, I create content in batches and my content for the next weeks is already filmed...
The video is out now :-) Psychologist On Regret After Ending A Relationship & Healing From This Heartbreak th-cam.com/video/BCpo6wI1NJE/w-d-xo.html
Dr Maika I've got to tell you one thing. If I had ever watched this video some 20 years ago I wouldn't have gone through so much suffering about relationship breakup. And I would also had saved many therapy sessions and money. Thank you so much for being so objective and clear about that subject. All you say in this video makes so much sense to me.
You have just got one more follower. 💙
Welcome to the channel 😊🙋♀️
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thank you
Thank you so much for the value you have brought over to me and many of us going through personal struggles to understanding ourselves and our partners or future partners to be.
A heartfelt Thank you
💖
I just recently broke up with someone within a month. All of thing you said in this video was correct for me. Why she blocked me, why she did that, why....
The answer is never satisfied me :)
Self esteem wounds and anxiety was taking over me. My logic was it was my fault, not her fault, and she was a perfect person for me :)
All true All true you said
We were together for 3 years. He dumped me 2 months ago and i still can’t move on. I can’t eat or breath. I feel so lost. The worst part is that we broke up on good terms, he was so nice even while he was breaking up with me. He hold my hands and we hugged our goodbyes. He went straight 2 days later to his new girl he met on his new school. I just can’t be mad at him, i still have sm love for him. But moving on with life is so much harder alone. It feels sometimes this feeling is forever. And i will never get over him.
After 2 months i was still devastated lol. You are perfectly normal. 9 months later now I am still hurt deep inside although alot has been processed and I can think about it without sobbing and the longing for her is down to maybe 5-10% what is was initially.. but she hasnt dated anyone I just found out which, knowing these things is a bad idea.
Trust me and do all these things
Purge ALL photos and memories. Seriously. Go through your phone. Have one last look through, cry, say goodbye my love.. then delete it. The go to the trashbin and wipe that aswell.. dont let yourself cheat you. Make it so you cant recover it. If you want, put it on a flash drive and hand it to your friend, and tell them do not give it to you until you have fully healed.. so probably in like 1-2 years.
Delete them from social media. Delete your chats with them. Bloxk them if necessary.. (maybe id you are on good terms tell them that you'll be removing them because you are hurt and trying to move on, trust me they will understand..
Tell your friends and family, I dont want to be reminded of them, do not mention them near me. Only I am allowed to mention them when I want to talk about it.
This person is gone. Abmnd I know it sounds extreme but these are ways you purge them from your mind.
Seek a grieving counselor or s therapist.. and talk to them.. trust me, if money is not a huge issue it helps ALOT to have a 'stranger' who is actually trained to talk to.
Thank you. Very helpful!
Tough work! I’ve blamed myself for years. It’s easier than kicking my ex from the pedestal upon which I’ve placed her. It feels like I’m shirking responsibility for my own actions when I regard them as reactions, but forgiving her and the impetus she brought is as necessary as forgiving myself. It’s obvious to me now that my regrettable behavior is the lesson I need to evolve into the better partner for my next, if ever there shall be - if ever I’m ready.
I’ve hoped in vain for reconciliation, and at times over the years, it has seemed possible if not entirely likely. Abandoning hope feels like abandoning her, but I know the better path is pervasive zen - abandoning attachment.
I hear this often - people hesitating to see their partner's or ex's contribution to the dynamic, not wanting to be someone who blames everything on others. Healthy balance is key - neither blaming only oneself, nor only blaming the other person is helpful... All the best to you!
All very good advice. I'm more interested in those who are able to give their heart to someone else relatively quickly ( sometimes multiple times ) after breaking up and not give themselves time to heal/deal with the breakup, leaving a wake of destruction behind them.
It’s been 6 years since my breakup with my ex. We both have moved on. And up until recently I thought I was ok and moved on fully, until I found out he is having a baby with his new girlfriend. My first emotion was such sadness. Almost like grieving. Very conflicting feelings.
I’m so sorry for your pain.
The emotional crisis life puts you through is horrendous.
Please, journal your emotions and thoughts, take long walks, watch these videos,
and remember it was never about you.
Choose Peace.
Forgive and release.
Maybe even be grateful.
He helped activate emotions that your soul no longer wants to carry.
He activated them. That's the gift.
It's your opportunity to release them. That's the magic.
Sometimes,
the poison IS the medicine (homeopathy).
He helped you to purify you.
Life is just a play out of our emotions, and really, a gift...
For purification,
for release,
for ascension.
Thank you sm 💓 this really helped for right now. My heart is in alot of pain and this acted as pain relief .
After listing all his positives and negatives, as well as my own. I was heartbroken.
Although he made the decision that he wanted something else for his life, I now realize he was correct for BOTH of us.
His Lack of openness, honesty (over small things) personal accountability and overall consistency placed me in a position to “try harder” which in turn became counter productive. Therefore, I began to lose a sense of self and hyper focused.
I am now beginning to realize how important it is for things to mesh peacefully.
he was my best friend, and the first person I told everything to. but it became so toxic due to me, we had broken up once already so this is our second time. I still have a special place in my heart for him. He is my first love and I hope we get the opportunity to find ourselves again.
I've been the one to break off my last 3 relationships. I'm now the one who got dumped. I now see so many things I did poorly in those first 3 relationships. This is what I needed to hear. The hope that I keep holding on to is only hurting me. For the first time, a future world was mentioned, and I hadn't thought about that yet. Thank you.
I got broken up with like 4 months ago and I go through phases where I am fine but I still struggle with missing them and I am just so angry about it and how it happened. Had to come back to this today to get some peace. It takes time. And all of this is rooted in my attachment to this person because it was a 5 month situationship. And it feels harder than it did breaking up with someone that fully committed to me.
i'm feeling so heartbroken, so heavy with pain, feelings of hurt, betrayal, feeling used, taken for granted, unwanted and unworthy of love. the pain is so much but i know i will make it through, i just hope sooner than later ... one day this won't hurt anymore and i'll be able to trust my heart to someone else and believe in love again... in the meantime, working on loving myself and seeking my own love and validation... easier said than done. i'm working on healing from the relationship and also my attachment style and self-worth. i will comment updates on how i'm healing and processing... all the best my friends..
original post was two weeks ago - it’s now july 11. we tried to make it work but ultimately i had to walk away. it’s now been nearly 1 week since no contact. the pain has been overwhelming. i’ve been trying to do things that bring me joy, focus on new hobbies, exercise etc. but almost every moment i am not distracted i think of her. i’ve been diary writing, speaking with family about it and friends.. trying to healthily process as much as i can. i am waiting for when i feel okay again. i know it will get better.
She was perfect for me however, I took everything for granted and failed her as well as myself. I didn’t put much effort in at all because of my personal problems. I wish I did more for her but she broke up with me after two years. She wants to be friends after the breakup but I just couldn’t handle the hurt so we’re in no contact right now so that I can move on, heal and work on my personal problems then be her friend when I am ready, I hope someday we can get back together again. But in the meantime I’m going to be her friend.
how r u now bro?
After a break up do your healing work..People come into our lives for a reason , season or lifetime ..Don't get hung up on "toxic hope," it will keep you stuck on a hamster wheel which is a nasty slippery slope. Move on. Learn and grow from it.. ❤