And don’t forget ladies …. He’s literally just a guy. YOU and your ideas of him made him special. Imagine your confidence if you put that energy into yourself instead. You would not have the time to even think about the guy anymore. If you are not his dream girl, he is simply just wasting your time
This is why I'm depressed cause I see every girl mentioning a guy but here I am obsessed with a girl while being a girl myself and I just feel so odd & lonely it's like I'm alone in this. Idk why I fell for this girl but it's making me depressed cause most girls are straight I think?
Did you know that calling a guy a loser which by the way is just your opinion of what he did to you, is just the same as a guy calling a girl who has cheated on him a cunt? Oh but when guys call girls cunts, that’s like saying Gods name in vain which everyone does! Women aren’t more special than God! What’s good for the goose is good for the gander!
Guy here, but same concept. Unfortunately, that relies on after you take away your attention, they reach out. But if they don't, it doesn't do the same thing.
I have emotional attachment issues. When I crush on someone, it creates obsession and I start analyzing what I can do to gain their validation. I was never aware of it until my late twenties. But I’m glad that I can start to shift my mindset now. Being obsessed with someone is truly exhausting….
“stop obsessing about a loser who doesn’t even want you” omg you’re right tho… going through a break up rn and this video could not have been more perfect. thank you x
Omg...take away your attention and it will take away the power that he has. I'm repeating this to myself a hundred times a day!!!! Best advice ever!!!! Thank you!!
it's me binge watching these kind of videos after he hasnt chatted to me in like 2 days then suddenly forgetting everything i watched after i get a message from him 😫
Girl, I was married 34 years so maybe cell phones were just during our last 20 years. I would send my husband a message that he would reply in person when he got home. Eventually he would just send a thumbs up or nothing at all.
I'm breaking down in tears as I type this. This hit home. I don't know why I always try to stay in control of things and outcomes. I worry and stress more than the person who isn't there anymore itself. It's come to the point where I have to heal this because it's getting way too loud and burdensome. I hate feeling like someone else dictates how I feel internally. It makes me feel safe that I am not alone. At first I could ignore it, but I'm realizing how disgusting it feels to keep this pattern going. I do not wanna live like this anymore.
I have been divorced 3 years already and I always knew he was an awful husband but I still feel like I have not healed from my experience. I can't even talk to friends and family because they don't want to hear about it anymore. They saw things about him that I did not.
GIRL I genuinely have never commented on a TH-cam video in all my 27 years of living but your videos having fucking SAVED me! The way you articulate these points seep right into my soul and make so much sense. The concept of “self love” and “independence” have always sounded nice in theory, but your videos provide step by step actions to make those ideas actually achievable. After watching your videos I feel so confident in myself and motivated to show up for me. Your content is so needed and appreciated, you’ve genuinely changed my life for the better during a difficult period of growth - thank you thank you !!!! PS can’t wait for your book!!
I am 58 years old and the concept of "self love" is new to me (maybe 5 years now). Never had heard of this and am still trying to understand it. Back in the day if you "self loved" you were considered conceited/only thinking about yourself before others , etc.
😅 this video really captures my life. I was obsessed with a guy and he would keep leaving me and coming back and I was stuck in horrible cycle of waiting. This time when he came back, I had done enough work on myself to finally have the strength to push him away and feel in control. I've started meeting other men and have strengthened my body, my business and no longer feel the need for the external co-regulation, I used to. Really hope all the women who are going through this become more aware and work towards healthier relationships with themselves first and then take on a partner. Much love to all ❤
' The whole notion of you stopping obsessing over someone isn't about *you finding someone else or *you deciding that you are worthy.. it's about understanding that due to anxious attachment you have understood that you externalize your relationships, what does that mean? The external forces in the world dictate how you feel ' - thanks for changing the focus of internal dialogue. This is most likely why I continue to ruminate while they are no longer present (!)
One small disclaimer. Don't learn something only to impress a guy. Learn what you are truly interested in. If it happens to impress him - good. If not - no problem, because you do it for yourself. And never go into the impressing energy. That's golden retriever's energy, not black cat's.
It's common for relationships to encounter obstacles, but there is always a solution. My own marriage faced considerable issues, but with appropriate guidance, my husband and I worked through them and deepened our connection. Solutions are achievable if you're ready to work together. Stay hopeful-there's always a way forward.
I'm facing significant relationship problems and can't stand the idea of losing him. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I'm ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. His name is Father Akunna.
I just searched for Father Akunna online indeed he is a very generous man and the most powerful spell caster that I have ever seen he brought my husband back to me with so much love ❤
Great video! Sadly, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The person I thought was the love of my life decided to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. No matter what I do, he’s always on my mind, and I miss him terribly.
Letting go of someone you love is incredibly hard. I went through a similar experience when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't bear to lose him, so I did everything I could to rekindle our relationship. Eventually, I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who guided us back together.
Omg the rat analogy with inconsistent behavior...wow I really felt that 18:50 "your like that rat who keeps pressing the leaver and doesnt know when its going to get a reward, thats how they get rats to keep pressing a leaver in science labs, sometimes it gets a reward and sometimes it doesn't, and the rat is there into the night pressing the lever. If the treat never comes the rat stops pressing it, if the treat always comes the rat isn't obsessed with pressing it, the rat who's obsessed with pressing it, is when the treat comes sometimes and when it doesn't come sometimes and because this person's so inconsistent and shity.. you're there like this (presses leaver action) pressing it - know that they've just set off a reaction in you and your anxious attachment 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 THIS REALLY HIT HOME
You spoke to me. Once you started talking about being a child and looking at your parent(s) for emotional support that wasn't there really got me. I feel so defeated right now:(
Excellent video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
I know it hurts. Remind yourself that its only been a month. Give yourself time to accept that it is over. Making someone love you again through witchcraft or whatever, if that even exists, is cruel and egoistic. Its not meant to be and the hurt might feel unbearable but its not. You will get through it and you‘ll realize eventually thats there‘s been a reason. Maybe think about getting help from a therapist rather than a spiritual counselor that says she can get you a loved one back.
He says he absolutely likes me as a person and he says he finds me super attractive but because i live too far away he doesn't want a actual relationship with me. Only sporadicly meeting up to have sex. I can't seem to find someone who is actually into me.
These games are so repelling to me and it took me a long time healing my fearful disorganised attachment style BUT the last guy fooled me into believing he’s secure, i felt so loved and safe until he ghosted me. It triggered me and now I’m back into this limbo of unhealthy pattern. I broke it off by distancing myself, setting boundaries and going no contact. He’s out. Unfortunately !
That's what happened to mine too. Super consistent. Thought he was secure. Then blindsides me with breakup blocks never looks back... i think he is dismissive avoidant now - surely a secure attachment person wouldn't leave you with no closure?
Just live your best life and do the things that make you happy. Pack your day with those things and talk to friends and new people everyday. Whatever you do, don’t give “that” person “airtime” - the obsession comes from a withdrawal loop. Overwrite that loop and fade it away with new memories in your brain. In a couple of months time, you’ll be over them.
Magrita I just want to say just when I prayed to god asking freedom from the pain of anxious attachment and traumas of childhood and even other traumatic memories I came across your videos. You’ve helped me step into a really new energy where I can literally see things falling into place without me pushing or pursuing and this is materially, romantically and spiritually. I just want to say thank you.
@@Goddesscheryl I just decided to stop being an anxious vampire and started acting like a secure person. It still feels awkward at times I do retreat to my old self sometimes in harder situations like with my parents but actively telling myself to stop and be calm and ask myself what would a secure Drish do? And I do exactly that. And also I just decided to be different so I am different.
"if you always lean on the validating emotions of others"..... " If he's happy then I'm happy .." omg ... I didn't want to believe it was like,but damn a lot of people have been been steering my ship other than me at a lot of times. I am standing stronger in my anchor.❤️🔥
I do feel like I’m missing out on the love of my life that will give me what I deserve! And yes.. learn to be bored with ppl!! Most interesting advice that I heard today!!❤
I was ghosted for the first time ever and though it is confusing, bit hurtful and yes, brings out the anxiety.. i am pleased to report that I can see that it is their inability to see the gem of a person i am. I know what I bring to the table and I didn’t take it personally. 🎉🎉🎉 thank you Margarita..❤
When I was obsessing over a guy, a friend of mine gave me a wake-up call with this: "He is for sure the best choice because who doesn't want an emotionally immature, ugly, and bad lover as a boyfriend" xD It took him from the pedestal immediately
i really needed to hear this, thank you. It's exhausting to keep putting effort into something and worry when the other person has either given up or lessened their interest and effort for you out of the blue. I'm going to take a good step back and focus on myself, I'm so tired of worrying and letting his actions affect me.
Omg … I needed this morning!! This resonates and it hits hard. Today is his birthday and I hate when I over please him but I know that I could do the bare minimum and he would still be happy! I just love to make memories with him and I always want to make him feel special but yes you are correct bout I miss the part of me that I gave away! Thank you this is what I needed to start my weekend, my son is getting married and he is having his bday weekend to where we are not spending it together and this where trust comes in, and let me remind you I have caught him 3 times having an emotional affair with other woman and we have been in a sexless relationship for some time now! I have walked away during those times and he can’t seem to let me go and I can see why! So thank for opening my eyes just a little more wider!😢 Have a great beautiful!!
Ngl, this was a very much-needed video. Didn't think that it would have this grand effect on me. I've been in a semi-good relationship and have now just truly realized that I'm too anxiously attached. It's time to get my shit together.
Girl, girl, girl this conversation is so very, very important. You described my life exactly and I always thought that I am doing this for my children. So they can have a father daily. Yet I got so physically sick that I almost didn't make it. Great video!
I was so much more invested in him that I never left & tried to work through everything. He left me!!!!!!! He had a long list of all the reasons he couldn’t stay with me, of all the reasons I failed. I am nothing without him
Watching this on repeat! I’m here watching for the second time, each time I’m crying , missing him & sad that the guy that I love wholeheartedly and the one that loved me so so much and put so much efforts to to win me over and make me fall in love with me, left me saying he doesn’t love me anymore. He said he tried to love me again but couldn’t. I begged him so so much, now I regret begging someone who doesn’t actually love me now. It’s sad yet I’m going to face this pain, I’ll cry when I want to, I’ll miss him went I want to and one day I will get through it with no regrets.
Listen, I was introduced to your channel by a friend and boy did I need this! Been going through a bad breakup, I started watching your videos and then tried to detach, black cat behavior. I have already seen changes. Whenever I find myself start obsessing again over what he's doing, him not being sorry he hurt me, wanting someone new I start watching another video. I'll get there, thank you!!!!
I get these videos are aimed at the ladies but I’m happy to tap into my feminine energy! I love the delivery of the messages in this, to the point, no BS. Thanks for an ace video.
Just listened to this before I go to sleep and you’re like that mum or sister everyone wishes they had. Your advice and knowledge is so genuine and heartfelt I really really appreciate you and having found your channel. That last 5 mins made my heart warm 🩷🩷🩷
Omg! This video was life changing. I was suffering and did not know why and the amazing way yiu explained anxious detachment hit so hard and made me realize that I'm anxiously attached because I start to romanticize and fantasize about a guy whok I just meet and have a crush on and my perception of me and who I am is dependent on his perception of me and how he acts towards me sees me! Thank you for this video and I'm going to watch the rest of your videos about healing my anxious attachment.✅✨🙏
You are a blessing to listen to. Such great advice. In a marriage for 40+ years. Husband left almost 4 years ago. Still married though for financial reasons. I know I have put him on a pedestal all these years. Not anymore and living my life and taking care of me from now on!
My goodness this is the BEST video I’ve seen on detaching. I literally wrote down pros and cons of the relationship and I’m currently on page 2 of the cons 🙄
I feel so silly ruminating about this guy I needed this video. It is truly perfect timing for me. I want to move on and feel comfortable in my own skin without anyone’s validation. Thank you so much nice video .❤
I just realized i have anxious attachment and yes my father's has been so conditional that I had to be the golden child. Thr thing is I always get attached too early and most of them are avoidant. Thank uou for this video
-Lean on your own emotions -Don’t rely upon them for outcomes -Humanize them -Get bored and repelled by people who are unresponsive -Remove them from the pedestal- Become obsessed with yourself. How? Make yourself the superstar. Better yourself in every single way possible. Become obsessed with yourself. 10:05 7:07 18:40 Learn to be bored with people who ghost you. Inconsistent becomes addictive. Don’t be addicted to them and their inconsistency. It’s how people make you hooked on them.
I dont know how to put it...but...this is brilliant video...just hit me and awoke from 4 years sleep...Amazing Margarita, thank you for finding the right words, God bless you and your family!!!
Thankyou so much for this. My ex is a slight Narcissist and added me back on Facebook. He said he is with someone else but he loves me. A week later of him having me as a friend but not talking to me on Facebook and I just removed him. I will not let him play games with me. Even if I bump into him in the street I won't speak to him. As I used to big him up and he needs to know he is nothing to me.
Timely for me too ❤ and now I’m just struck with all us women in here likely obsessed with men that don’t even deserve the pleasure of our company. God help us.
I have just discovered your channel and am realising how much my anxious attachment has affected my life. I can't thank you enough for these videos. I am going through hell right now over this guy and your videos are helping me hugely right now. Thank you 🙏
it's not the guy that you miss! it's your attention feminine energy that you miss. YOU deserve much better, stop contending with them. It's boring, someone who ghost you. BE BORE! ACT SECURE fake it till you make it. Would you want him for your friends? nooooo, i don' think so
He was funny, active, confident, handsome everything…when he knew he had me and my attention, he showed his real colours. I have been abused mentally, emotionally and thnk god it was long distance or i would have been abused physically as well. He humiliated me, cussed me in front of so many ppl. He invaded my privacy and everything i ever respected abt him turned into ashes. Its not abt him going out of my life, its abt loosing me in this relationship
Oh yes, for me we lived together. I lost myself in trying to please him and do more for him thinking it would make him love me more and see me as irreplaceable. He was with someone else two weeks after we broke up. I was so attached, I went back and a week after our second break up it was someone new. He humiliated me, sent me pictures and videos of his new relationship and hit upon everything I've ever confided in him about my insecurities. Even after all of that I couldn't understand why I couldn't let go and felt desperate until I found these videos. It's been three days since I fund this channel but I'm hopeful.
@@deandreasmith9709 oh my god, i went through exact same thing. He threw me out and said i was nothing to him. He literally moved on in 1 day and i fail to understand how can someone move so quickly. It has been almost a month but i still dont feel good in my gut. I want to end this, but i dont know how to mentally and emotionally let go. I really am going to try till i get him out of my system and for good. I wish u all the best. It wasnt your fault bit we need to be careful who we get attached to.
Good angle on ruminating, idolizing, pedestal placing after they've left and its causes. I hadn't connected it to the 'cool' style parenting I had growing up where I was doing backflips to get noticed; monitoring the distant parent's moods.. what can I do to make her like me. Btw I didn't do this to the warm natured parent b/c I was secure with him nor to warm-natured bfs. It was the cool-natured ones that I struggled with. Think I projected and assumed things, dissecting the cues b/c I wasn't getting feedback, good or bad; kinda hanging in that familiar abyss of the unknown. This vid helped me, thank you.
Yo this blew my ever loving mind....wow this is me to a T. I am just in this. Can't be a coincidence that I stumbled on this. Perfect timing Needed this so bad. I'm going to watch this every morning until it is cemented in my mind. Thank you for this
The problem is, I can't make myself happy, but others can make me happy. If I was able to make myself happy and be very happy - then we wouldnt need others. I know people say "u cant have your happiness attached to other people" but then there wouldnt be much reason to bond with someone if that person didnt make us happy, no? Like why would be people seeking relationships if it was not about the other person making us happy. And if not happy, its true that even our sorrows are much lesser / lighter when we have someone. So.... 🤷♀
I have this on again off again relationship with a woman. We break up and she usually comes back. She's not been honest with me, lies and sees other guys when she comes back to me. I always tell myself "I won't mess it up this time" and I do everything I can to keep her around. Probably too much. This most recent time, I tried backing off a little, but maintaining interest. It worked for a while, but she always switches up on me. I'm exhausted, but I still love her and I feel like she loves me. It makes me feel like I'm a bad person and I'm doing something wrong
I ruined it with a secure healthy man who really liked me and then I became an anxious mess and he broke it off (dated 2 months) saying he didn’t develop feelings It was going so so so well when I was relaxed, confident and being myself, and then I started ‘engulfing him’ I broke my own heart
omg did i write this?? i became anxious when he needed more time to himself, which made him feel so guilty for not being able to give me what i needed. when in reality, i need more than i could realistically ever get. he was doing everything he could considering his circumstances and i ruined it. in my defense he said he liked clingy :(
This is literally me right now! Exactly same time frame too. Thank you for sharing. It gives me some comfort. I hope you are in a much better place now!!
I love this video! The rat pressing the lever haha such a truthful comparison. 🤣 Thank you so much! You made me feel so much better ! I always concentrated on myself but somewhere on a way I forgot everything and just concentrated on him. While he thrived I was falling deeper into depression giving him all my nurturing energy and boosting his ego. I am done with that ! Ladies never forget about yourself ! Put yourself on pedestal ! He is not worth it if he doesn’t treat you right! ❤
Great advice. I moved on did all these things but it’s been hard he’s visiting my dreams. Keeps popping up in my life, I have to work harder and study.
Last year I came across your anxious attachment video while I had obsessive feelings for someone. In short, the video made me realise my own shortcomings and helped me to find peace by first removing myself from that person just so I can learn to raise my own sense of self love and self worth. That was in November, and since then, I believe I became more confident and self assured. I went on some dates, and while I could feel the similar patterns happening again, somehow, I was also able to be compulsive, especially when they didn't work out. Earlier this month though, I started developing an interest in a junior at uni, and while it did start of with me being quite secure, last week I felt it with all my being that I fell into the anxious attachment style again. So much so that I could feel the desperate energy reeking out from my body, emanating and filling the room and I had to leave so that I don't turn him off. In the beginning honestly I think things were at least developing from just colleagues to become friends but I felt myself wanting to shift gears into something faster and started to imagine so many things about a future instead of focusing on the now. It really caused me to spiral so much but this time, at the very least, I am learning that these decisions and how I'm feeling is my sole responsibility and I can only be in control of myself and have to let go and trust that the situation will work out for the best, whether with him or someone else. As much as I really think we get along, and I like his company, and the way he is treating me; I know I'm the toxic one who still has a lot of issues to heal, so I don't want to get him involved with this as someone that I just got properly introduced to just a little over 3 weeks ago. Thank you so much for this video. This comment is also me just sorting my brains out as I reflect. At the same time, as a researcher, overthinking, ruminating, and analysing is part of my line of work but I am trying my best to detach when it comes to matters of my heart due to my own past. Loved this video, thank you so much ❤️
To add on, he didn't do anything bad at all, and has been treating me very decently. The issue just lies with me and my abandonment wounds so I am working on that 🙏🏻❤️ You were right about how even if someone were to be with a healthy person, the other's anxious attachment can ruin the relationship and I didn't want that with my friendship with him at the very least. Thank you again! ❤️
This is incredibly helpful. Currently having a hard time letting him go and it's been a couple of months now... Thank you so much for your videos, they really help
And don’t forget ladies …. He’s literally just a guy. YOU and your ideas of him made him special. Imagine your confidence if you put that energy into yourself instead. You would not have the time to even think about the guy anymore. If you are not his dream girl, he is simply just wasting your time
Needed it
Thanks for this comment needed this one as well.
This is why I'm depressed cause I see every girl mentioning a guy but here I am obsessed with a girl while being a girl myself and I just feel so odd & lonely it's like I'm alone in this. Idk why I fell for this girl but it's making me depressed cause most girls are straight I think?
Thanks!
Agree❤
That part about "obsessing over loser who does not even want you" ... had to rewatch several times as it hits.🙈
It really hits 😂
That part hit me hard
Did you know that calling a guy a loser which by the way is just your opinion of what he did to you, is just the same as a guy calling a girl who has cheated on him a cunt? Oh but when guys call girls cunts, that’s like saying Gods name in vain which everyone does! Women aren’t more special than God! What’s good for the goose is good for the gander!
It hit me hard too. I put so much effort into him.
timestamp please??
" take away your attention and you take away the power he has" this really flipped a switch in my head
Guy here, but same concept. Unfortunately, that relies on after you take away your attention, they reach out. But if they don't, it doesn't do the same thing.
I have emotional attachment issues. When I crush on someone, it creates obsession and I start analyzing what I can do to gain their validation. I was never aware of it until my late twenties. But I’m glad that I can start to shift my mindset now. Being obsessed with someone is truly exhausting….
I feel you. It's an awful feeling state, exhausting is a best definition
Hi! It's called limerence! It's worth looking up
Yes, I recently went through this
I’m going through it. I had to write everything wrong with him. Argh 😖 it just makes me so angry for becoming attached
@@Hello_Grace not easy but takes work. Deprogram the obsession
"Learn to be bored with people who ghost you" I love this!!!! Thank you dearest Margarita!
This popped up at the most perfect time... What in the manifestation 😳
TRUEE SAMEE
She got our backs girlies :’)
For me too 🤦🏽♀️
RIGHT???
@@Vivian-oq5wz Right?? I feel personally attacked! 😂
Girl you've been posting a lot these days and the only person I'm obsessed with is YOU
Right!! Thank you for all you do Margarita!!🔥🙌🏼💜😍
Real 😂
i swear Margarita me too! love u
Me too
Lol
it’s so embarrassing to be dumped by someone everyone told me wasn’t good enough for me 😭
“stop obsessing about a loser who doesn’t even want you” omg you’re right tho… going through a break up rn and this video could not have been more perfect. thank you x
Omg...take away your attention and it will take away the power that he has. I'm repeating this to myself a hundred times a day!!!! Best advice ever!!!! Thank you!!
I got used and dumped i forgave the unforgivable and still was dumped . Love yourself ladies no man is worth your self respect
Focus on you and the focus becomes you.❤
it's me binge watching these kind of videos after he hasnt chatted to me in like 2 days then suddenly forgetting everything i watched after i get a message from him 😫
Girl, I was married 34 years so maybe cell phones were just during our last 20 years. I would send my husband a message that he would reply in person when he got home. Eventually he would just send a thumbs up or nothing at all.
Yes, i gave him my feminine energy, tenderness, love.... , I need to be loved, not an option. Much love from South of France
"He's not Beyoncé"...love it! 🙂
Girl, I'm gonna watch this video every day until it's over 😂
I'm breaking down in tears as I type this. This hit home. I don't know why I always try to stay in control of things and outcomes. I worry and stress more than the person who isn't there anymore itself. It's come to the point where I have to heal this because it's getting way too loud and burdensome. I hate feeling like someone else dictates how I feel internally. It makes me feel safe that I am not alone. At first I could ignore it, but I'm realizing how disgusting it feels to keep this pattern going. I do not wanna live like this anymore.
Truth
I have been divorced 3 years already and I always knew he was an awful husband but I still feel like I have not healed from my experience. I can't even talk to friends and family because they don't want to hear about it anymore. They saw things about him that I did not.
New phase : Obsession with myself. Yes ✨
18:08 "Because you are lovable... you are." Didn't know these words, could have such an impact on me.❤
❤❤✌
GIRL I genuinely have never commented on a TH-cam video in all my 27 years of living but your videos having fucking SAVED me! The way you articulate these points seep right into my soul and make so much sense. The concept of “self love” and “independence” have always sounded nice in theory, but your videos provide step by step actions to make those ideas actually achievable. After watching your videos I feel so confident in myself and motivated to show up for me. Your content is so needed and appreciated, you’ve genuinely changed my life for the better during a difficult period of growth - thank you thank you !!!! PS can’t wait for your book!!
I am 58 years old and the concept of "self love" is new to me (maybe 5 years now). Never had heard of this and am still trying to understand it. Back in the day if you "self loved" you were considered conceited/only thinking about yourself before others , etc.
The timing babyyyy the timingg
😅 this video really captures my life. I was obsessed with a guy and he would keep leaving me and coming back and I was stuck in horrible cycle of waiting. This time when he came back, I had done enough work on myself to finally have the strength to push him away and feel in control. I've started meeting other men and have strengthened my body, my business and no longer feel the need for the external co-regulation, I used to. Really hope all the women who are going through this become more aware and work towards healthier relationships with themselves first and then take on a partner. Much love to all ❤
‘He farts or sneezes affects your emotions’ got me 😂💀 I LOVE YOUR CONTENT ❤
😂😂😂😂 fr tho
Too funny
I love her
so true
' The whole notion of you stopping obsessing over someone isn't about *you finding someone else or *you deciding that you are worthy.. it's about understanding that due to anxious attachment you have understood that you externalize your relationships, what does that mean? The external forces in the world dictate how you feel ' - thanks for changing the focus of internal dialogue. This is most likely why I continue to ruminate while they are no longer present (!)
One small disclaimer. Don't learn something only to impress a guy. Learn what you are truly interested in. If it happens to impress him - good. If not - no problem, because you do it for yourself. And never go into the impressing energy. That's golden retriever's energy, not black cat's.
It's common for relationships to encounter obstacles, but there is always a solution. My own marriage faced considerable issues, but with appropriate guidance, my husband and I worked through them and deepened our connection. Solutions are achievable if you're ready to work together. Stay hopeful-there's always a way forward.
I'm facing significant relationship problems and can't stand the idea of losing him. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I'm ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. His name is Father Akunna.
I'II quickly search for him online. Thank you.
I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; his absence is keenly felt.
I promise you will not regret it.
I just searched for Father Akunna online indeed he is a very generous man and the most powerful spell caster that I have ever seen he brought my husband back to me with so much love ❤
Great video! Sadly, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The person I thought was the love of my life decided to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. No matter what I do, he’s always on my mind, and I miss him terribly.
Letting go of someone you love is incredibly hard. I went through a similar experience when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't bear to lose him, so I did everything I could to rekindle our relationship. Eventually, I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who guided us back together.
Wow, that’s incredible! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he’s an amazing spiritual counselor who specializes in helping people reconnect with their ex.
Thank you for sharing this valuable info! I just looked him up, and he seems impressive.
Omg the rat analogy with inconsistent behavior...wow I really felt that 18:50 "your like that rat who keeps pressing the leaver and doesnt know when its going to get a reward, thats how they get rats to keep pressing a leaver in science labs, sometimes it gets a reward and sometimes it doesn't, and the rat is there into the night pressing the lever. If the treat never comes the rat stops pressing it, if the treat always comes the rat isn't obsessed with pressing it, the rat who's obsessed with pressing it, is when the treat comes sometimes and when it doesn't come sometimes and because this person's so inconsistent and shity.. you're there like this (presses leaver action) pressing it - know that they've just set off a reaction in you and your anxious attachment 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 THIS REALLY HIT HOME
You spoke to me. Once you started talking about being a child and looking at your parent(s) for emotional support that wasn't there really got me. I feel so defeated right now:(
Excellent video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her/him?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I know it hurts. Remind yourself that its only been a month. Give yourself time to accept that it is over. Making someone love you again through witchcraft or whatever, if that even exists, is cruel and egoistic. Its not meant to be and the hurt might feel unbearable but its not. You will get through it and you‘ll realize eventually thats there‘s been a reason. Maybe think about getting help from a therapist rather than a spiritual counselor that says she can get you a loved one back.
THE DIVINE TIMING
The subject of your videos are always so timely!! it’s like you know exactly what we need to hear 😅
I was going to say the exact same thing!
Typical timing. I need this...obsessing for another avoidant guy
It's AI noticing our algorithm 🌚 they know it all
@@sarmi0021I need an AI man then that can anticipate and meet my needs as well as my online content 😂
Same here
He says he absolutely likes me as a person and he says he finds me super attractive but because i live too far away he doesn't want a actual relationship with me. Only sporadicly meeting up to have sex. I can't seem to find someone who is actually into me.
Yes, so many just want sex and no relationship
These games are so repelling to me and it took me a long time healing my fearful disorganised attachment style BUT the last guy fooled me into believing he’s secure, i felt so loved and safe until he ghosted me. It triggered me and now I’m back into this limbo of unhealthy pattern. I broke it off by distancing myself, setting boundaries and going no contact. He’s out. Unfortunately !
That's what happened to mine too. Super consistent. Thought he was secure. Then blindsides me with breakup blocks never looks back... i think he is dismissive avoidant now - surely a secure attachment person wouldn't leave you with no closure?
This is gold.
Just live your best life and do the things that make you happy. Pack your day with those things and talk to friends and new people everyday. Whatever you do, don’t give “that” person “airtime” - the obsession comes from a withdrawal loop. Overwrite that loop and fade it away with new memories in your brain. In a couple of months time, you’ll be over them.
Magrita I just want to say just when I prayed to god asking freedom from the pain of anxious attachment and traumas of childhood and even other traumatic memories I came across your videos. You’ve helped me step into a really new energy where I can literally see things falling into place without me pushing or pursuing and this is materially, romantically and spiritually. I just want to say thank you.
How did you achieve that?
@@Goddesscheryl I just decided to stop being an anxious vampire and started acting like a secure person. It still feels awkward at times I do retreat to my old self sometimes in harder situations like with my parents but actively telling myself to stop and be calm and ask myself what would a secure Drish do? And I do exactly that. And also I just decided to be different so I am different.
"Where the energy flows, the attention goes" ☺
"if you always lean on the validating emotions of others"..... " If he's happy then I'm happy .." omg ... I didn't want to believe it was like,but damn a lot of people have been been steering my ship other than me at a lot of times. I am standing stronger in my anchor.❤️🔥
I do feel like I’m missing out on the love of my life that will give me what I deserve! And yes.. learn to be bored with ppl!! Most interesting advice that I heard today!!❤
I'm terrified of being hated/disliked, abandoned, ghosted... Thanks to my parents.
For the love of god I can not tell you how much I needed this video right now like nowww. Never thought I will manifest it so quick.
I was ghosted for the first time ever and though it is confusing, bit hurtful and yes, brings out the anxiety.. i am pleased to report that I can see that it is their inability to see the gem of a person i am. I know what I bring to the table and I didn’t take it personally. 🎉🎉🎉 thank you Margarita..❤
I cry watching this video cause I'm thinking how stupid I am obsessed my ex that ghost me two weeks ago, thank u margarita ❤
You’re not stupid. We’ve all been there. 😢. Be strong!!
You are NOT stupid my love. Every single one of us has been there. You are not alone in your pain. We’ll get thru it 🙏🏽❤️🌷
By being busy! with yout life, yourself, your work.
When I was obsessing over a guy, a friend of mine gave me a wake-up call with this: "He is for sure the best choice because who doesn't want an emotionally immature, ugly, and bad lover as a boyfriend" xD It took him from the pedestal immediately
i really needed to hear this, thank you. It's exhausting to keep putting effort into something and worry when the other person has either given up or lessened their interest and effort for you out of the blue. I'm going to take a good step back and focus on myself, I'm so tired of worrying and letting his actions affect me.
I additionally recommend looking into the concept of "limerence"
Omg … I needed this morning!! This resonates and it hits hard. Today is his birthday and I hate when I over please him but I know that I could do the bare minimum and he would still be happy! I just love to make memories with him and I always want to make him feel special but yes you are correct bout I miss the part of me that I gave away! Thank you this is what I needed to start my weekend, my son is getting married and he is having his bday weekend to where we are not spending it together and this where trust comes in, and let me remind you I have caught him 3 times having an emotional affair with other woman and we have been in a sexless relationship for some time now! I have walked away during those times and he can’t seem to let me go and I can see why! So thank for opening my eyes just a little more wider!😢 Have a great beautiful!!
I need this freaking video right now
Ngl, this was a very much-needed video. Didn't think that it would have this grand effect on me. I've been in a semi-good relationship and have now just truly realized that I'm too anxiously attached. It's time to get my shit together.
If this video came out on your algorithm, it’s time to listen
Or even being already in a very healthy relationship but being so anxiously attached and making him my world
Girl, girl, girl this conversation is so very, very important. You described my life exactly and I always thought that I am doing this for my children. So they can have a father daily. Yet I got so physically sick that I almost didn't make it. Great video!
I was so much more invested in him that I never left & tried to work through everything.
He left me!!!!!!!
He had a long list of all the reasons he couldn’t stay with me, of all the reasons I failed.
I am nothing without him
This video is all I need in my current situation to give me motivation to move on after my break up
16:23 - 17:00 . GURL. Thanks for bringing me back to my senses
Watching this on repeat! I’m here watching for the second time, each time I’m crying , missing him & sad that the guy that I love wholeheartedly and the one that loved me so so much and put so much efforts to to win me over and make me fall in love with me, left me saying he doesn’t love me anymore. He said he tried to love me again but couldn’t. I begged him so so much, now I regret begging someone who doesn’t actually love me now. It’s sad yet I’m going to face this pain, I’ll cry when I want to, I’ll miss him went I want to and one day I will get through it with no regrets.
Bless you dear one. Time is the greatest healer...be Good to yourself ❤ Always whatever happens
Listen, I was introduced to your channel by a friend and boy did I need this! Been going through a bad breakup, I started watching your videos and then tried to detach, black cat behavior. I have already seen changes. Whenever I find myself start obsessing again over what he's doing, him not being sorry he hurt me, wanting someone new I start watching another video. I'll get there, thank you!!!!
I get these videos are aimed at the ladies but I’m happy to tap into my feminine energy! I love the delivery of the messages in this, to the point, no BS. Thanks for an ace video.
15:30 you have to be authentic in order for someone to be authentic
Just listened to this before I go to sleep and you’re like that mum or sister everyone wishes they had. Your advice and knowledge is so genuine and heartfelt I really really appreciate you and having found your channel. That last 5 mins made my heart warm 🩷🩷🩷
Omg! This video was life changing. I was suffering and did not know why and the amazing way yiu explained anxious detachment hit so hard and made me realize that I'm anxiously attached because I start to romanticize and fantasize about a guy whok I just meet and have a crush on and my perception of me and who I am is dependent on his perception of me and how he acts towards me sees me! Thank you for this video and I'm going to watch the rest of your videos about healing my anxious attachment.✅✨🙏
After two years of the break up and I finally came across this! Much needed!
Easier said than done. I would need Margaret to be whispering in my ear the whole time.
11:50-11:15, so on point 👍🏻
You are incredibly wise. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.
You are a blessing to listen to. Such great advice. In a marriage for 40+ years. Husband left almost 4 years ago. Still married though for financial reasons. I know I have put him on a pedestal all these years. Not anymore and living my life and taking care of me from now on!
My goodness this is the BEST video I’ve seen on detaching. I literally wrote down pros and cons of the relationship and I’m currently on page 2 of the cons 🙄
Don’t understand how much I needed this thank you ❤ putting my energy into myself not half arsed men ✌🏻
I feel so silly ruminating about this guy I needed this video. It is truly perfect timing for me. I want to move on and feel comfortable in my own skin without anyone’s validation. Thank you so much nice video .❤
I just realized i have anxious attachment and yes my father's has been so conditional that I had to be the golden child. Thr thing is I always get attached too early and most of them are avoidant. Thank uou for this video
-Lean on your own emotions
-Don’t rely upon them for outcomes
-Humanize them
-Get bored and repelled by people who are unresponsive
-Remove them from the pedestal- Become obsessed with yourself. How? Make yourself the superstar. Better yourself in every single way possible. Become obsessed with yourself.
10:05
7:07
18:40
Learn to be bored with people who ghost you. Inconsistent becomes addictive. Don’t be addicted to them and their inconsistency. It’s how people make you hooked on them.
This is the one that really got me
The timing is insane watching from South Africa 🇿🇦
you have literally CHANGED my life
I dont know how to put it...but...this is brilliant video...just hit me and awoke from 4 years sleep...Amazing Margarita, thank you for finding the right words, God bless you and your family!!!
The wisdom never ends!!!
Thankyou so much for this. My ex is a slight Narcissist and added me back on Facebook. He said he is with someone else but he loves me. A week later of him having me as a friend but not talking to me on Facebook and I just removed him. I will not let him play games with me. Even if I bump into him in the street I won't speak to him. As I used to big him up and he needs to know he is nothing to me.
Timely for me too ❤ and now I’m just struck with all us women in here likely obsessed with men that don’t even deserve the pleasure of our company. God help us.
Every video I watch by you is such a blessing. You are like a big sister coaching me through life. Thank you.
Yes!!! I feel repelled by the lack of communication ❤❤ so well said
This video made me cry a lot, thank you
I have just discovered your channel and am realising how much my anxious attachment has affected my life. I can't thank you enough for these videos. I am going through hell right now over this guy and your videos are helping me hugely right now. Thank you 🙏
Amen amen thank you for reminding me & all of us we are queens 🖤
This could only be explained so accurately by a fellow codepedent (former). This is exceptionally insightful
it's not the guy that you miss! it's your attention feminine energy that you miss. YOU deserve much better, stop contending with them. It's boring, someone who ghost you. BE BORE! ACT SECURE fake it till you make it. Would you want him for your friends? nooooo, i don' think so
He was funny, active, confident, handsome everything…when he knew he had me and my attention, he showed his real colours. I have been abused mentally, emotionally and thnk god it was long distance or i would have been abused physically as well. He humiliated me, cussed me in front of so many ppl. He invaded my privacy and everything i ever respected abt him turned into ashes. Its not abt him going out of my life, its abt loosing me in this relationship
Oh yes, for me we lived together. I lost myself in trying to please him and do more for him thinking it would make him love me more and see me as irreplaceable. He was with someone else two weeks after we broke up. I was so attached, I went back and a week after our second break up it was someone new. He humiliated me, sent me pictures and videos of his new relationship and hit upon everything I've ever confided in him about my insecurities. Even after all of that I couldn't understand why I couldn't let go and felt desperate until I found these videos. It's been three days since I fund this channel but I'm hopeful.
@@deandreasmith9709 oh my god, i went through exact same thing. He threw me out and said i was nothing to him. He literally moved on in 1 day and i fail to understand how can someone move so quickly. It has been almost a month but i still dont feel good in my gut. I want to end this, but i dont know how to mentally and emotionally let go. I really am going to try till i get him out of my system and for good. I wish u all the best. It wasnt your fault bit we need to be careful who we get attached to.
Beautiful, insightful message. It took me decades a a lot of hard experiences to recognize this.
Good angle on ruminating, idolizing, pedestal placing after they've left and its causes. I hadn't connected it to the 'cool' style parenting I had growing up where I was doing backflips to get noticed; monitoring the distant parent's moods.. what can I do to make her like me.
Btw I didn't do this to the warm natured parent b/c I was secure with him nor to warm-natured bfs. It was the cool-natured ones that I struggled with. Think I projected and assumed things, dissecting the cues b/c I wasn't getting feedback, good or bad; kinda hanging in that familiar abyss of the unknown. This vid helped me, thank you.
Thank you Margarita it took me a good two years to detach and if it wasn’t for your videos I guess I’d still be stuck on him
GIRLLLLLLL...you clocked my tea so bad!! Thank you for this :(
Yo this blew my ever loving mind....wow this is me to a T.
I am just in this.
Can't be a coincidence that I stumbled on this.
Perfect timing
Needed this so bad. I'm going to watch this every morning until it is cemented in my mind. Thank you for this
Najlepsza rada ,, zająć się sobą 🤷♀️🤲❤️🍀
The problem is, I can't make myself happy, but others can make me happy. If I was able to make myself happy and be very happy - then we wouldnt need others. I know people say "u cant have your happiness attached to other people" but then there wouldnt be much reason to bond with someone if that person didnt make us happy, no? Like why would be people seeking relationships if it was not about the other person making us happy. And if not happy, its true that even our sorrows are much lesser / lighter when we have someone. So.... 🤷♀
I have this on again off again relationship with a woman. We break up and she usually comes back. She's not been honest with me, lies and sees other guys when she comes back to me. I always tell myself "I won't mess it up this time" and I do everything I can to keep her around. Probably too much. This most recent time, I tried backing off a little, but maintaining interest. It worked for a while, but she always switches up on me. I'm exhausted, but I still love her and I feel like she loves me. It makes me feel like I'm a bad person and I'm doing something wrong
i like how u acknowledge how deep it goes when this happenes. happened to me ugh he was a loser
I ruined it with a secure healthy man who really liked me and then I became an anxious mess and he broke it off (dated 2 months) saying he didn’t develop feelings
It was going so so so well when I was relaxed, confident and being myself, and then I started ‘engulfing him’
I broke my own heart
I hear you, me too. Have you watched her video on black cat golden retriever? You must ❤
@@K1111A yeah I have, and that’s how it was initially, I was 100% the black cat and he the retriever and then anxiety flipped the table
@@sasb3675same for me, exactly
omg did i write this?? i became anxious when he needed more time to himself, which made him feel so guilty for not being able to give me what i needed. when in reality, i need more than i could realistically ever get. he was doing everything he could considering his circumstances and i ruined it. in my defense he said he liked clingy :(
This is literally me right now! Exactly same time frame too. Thank you for sharing. It gives me some comfort. I hope you are in a much better place now!!
I love this video! The rat pressing the lever haha such a truthful comparison. 🤣 Thank you so much! You made me feel so much better ! I always concentrated on myself but somewhere on a way I forgot everything and just concentrated on him. While he thrived I was falling deeper into depression giving him all my nurturing energy and boosting his ego. I am done with that ! Ladies never forget about yourself ! Put yourself on pedestal ! He is not worth it if he doesn’t treat you right! ❤
Great advice. I moved on did all these things but it’s been hard he’s visiting my dreams. Keeps popping up in my life, I have to work harder and study.
Last year I came across your anxious attachment video while I had obsessive feelings for someone. In short, the video made me realise my own shortcomings and helped me to find peace by first removing myself from that person just so I can learn to raise my own sense of self love and self worth. That was in November, and since then, I believe I became more confident and self assured. I went on some dates, and while I could feel the similar patterns happening again, somehow, I was also able to be compulsive, especially when they didn't work out. Earlier this month though, I started developing an interest in a junior at uni, and while it did start of with me being quite secure, last week I felt it with all my being that I fell into the anxious attachment style again. So much so that I could feel the desperate energy reeking out from my body, emanating and filling the room and I had to leave so that I don't turn him off. In the beginning honestly I think things were at least developing from just colleagues to become friends but I felt myself wanting to shift gears into something faster and started to imagine so many things about a future instead of focusing on the now. It really caused me to spiral so much but this time, at the very least, I am learning that these decisions and how I'm feeling is my sole responsibility and I can only be in control of myself and have to let go and trust that the situation will work out for the best, whether with him or someone else. As much as I really think we get along, and I like his company, and the way he is treating me; I know I'm the toxic one who still has a lot of issues to heal, so I don't want to get him involved with this as someone that I just got properly introduced to just a little over 3 weeks ago.
Thank you so much for this video. This comment is also me just sorting my brains out as I reflect. At the same time, as a researcher, overthinking, ruminating, and analysing is part of my line of work but I am trying my best to detach when it comes to matters of my heart due to my own past. Loved this video, thank you so much ❤️
To add on, he didn't do anything bad at all, and has been treating me very decently. The issue just lies with me and my abandonment wounds so I am working on that 🙏🏻❤️ You were right about how even if someone were to be with a healthy person, the other's anxious attachment can ruin the relationship and I didn't want that with my friendship with him at the very least. Thank you again! ❤️
This is incredibly helpful. Currently having a hard time letting him go and it's been a couple of months now... Thank you so much for your videos, they really help