Traits that predict chronic illness: 1. Automatic concern for other people's (emotional) needs above our own; 2. A rigid identification with duty, role and responsibility; 3. Repressed (or suppresed) healthy anger; 4. Two fatal (self-limiting) beliefs: 4.a. Responsibility for other people's emotions; 4.b. "I must not dissapoint anyone".
I've sufferend from the chronic eczema for 16 years. 3 years ago I've listened Gabor Mate's interview where he mentioned that eczema is consequences of suppresed anger. I've strated learning to express my anger, worked with psychotherapist, eczema in remission for 2 years. It was lifechanging for me. I'm very grateful to Gabor MAte.
I had a five-year older sister who was/is a textbook female psychopath. My dad advised me to "never react. That's what she wants. Don't give it to her." I learned to stuff all feelings down, very deep, from a very young age. I was a practicing alcoholic for 45 years. A month before my 60th birthday I had my last drink. I went to AA. I couldn't get into traditional Christianity. I found Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn videos on TH-cam. I passed 5 years sober and clean last September. Life is far from perfect, but I'm learning, every day, to deal with it in better ways. One of the little gems from early days in sobriety that I always remember is, "It's not about how life is treating you, it's all about how you're treating life."😉🙏💖🙏
I wonder how you deal with that sister of yours...I have one too. My older sister (9.5 years older than me and 4.5 older than my middle sister). Me and my middle sister decided to just avoid any contact with her. Since our mother's passing (I looked after her until the end) she's gone from "I respect mum's wishes and appreciate you wanting to share the inheritance she left you" to "split mum's inheritance by three!" She never got involved in mum's illness, never contributed in any way. So, I would appreciate to learn from you what strategies you applied with your psychopath sister.
Gabor speaks the truth .. I became paralyzed from food poisoning- ended up getting Gullian Barre Syndrome ..while in hospital I read his book “ when the body says NO” -it AWAKENEED- I was the C personality ( a nurse by occupation) - I saw the dots all the way back to my childhood - a lot of suppressed emotions/anger… I was fortunate to meet Gabor this year in person - and thanked him ( basically he save my life) - I healed my paralysis by healing my inner child, and culture/societal patterns- no conventional medicine went in my body - used food as medicine , removed all toxic people in my life( boundary setting) and managed my pain with meditation and mantra - I love Gabor - he is the real deal and I wish all conventional doctors would practice under his principles - our current medical systems needs to change desperately- we need better doctors that work with patients holistically - the first question you should be asking any patient is how was your childhood ? Start there . I now am a practising functional medicine nutritionist RN and teach people how to heal their body from the inside . Love you to Rangan ❤
I had GBS as a child - reading The Body Says No as an adult connected so many things for me. Where do you practice nutritional therapy - do you have a website/link?
I got auto immune disease while married. I was completely debilitated for 3 years. After he die. MY HEALTH-PHYSICAL. MENTAL, EMOTIONAL AND friendships are better than It ever was as an adult. I am 79 years old and been widowed 10 years. My idea of what my role was as wife and mother was killimg me. My husband had the same ideas about my duty to be all things to the family and deny myself what I needed Also, without diet after the stress was gine, I lost 40 pounds without even trying
Well done Dr Rangan. You seem to be in the minority of doctors these days. I stay away from doctors who try to push the next tablet onto you without ever looking deeper. I’ve seen a few of your interviews and am so impressed. I just recently found Mate Gabor. What an absolute blessing he is. Love his work and his raw honesty.
I am honestly blown away at just how insightful and intelligent Dr. Mate is. He is just so inspiring to me. He is kind, insightful, and just do enlightened as a person.
Gabor made me open my eyes some years ago. I became much more spiritual, started to care for myself much more and made some big changes in my life after getting Ulcerative Colitis and having my colon removed. I'm forever grateful to him. His books are very good indeed and I highly recommend them! Psychedelics also made a huge positive impact on me. Thanks for this great podcast❤
My heart is opened every time I listen to your podcasts Rangan. Hearing about your experience with IFS was deeply moving. I have had a similar experience with IFS and am about to embark on a counseling career based on the transformative power of that model. I’m deeply grateful for Dick, Gabor and yourself for showing our communities the way while acknowledging the terrible price women are paying for this toxic culture.
I'm seventy years old and have been an alcoholic and an addicted to opiates for most of my life and didn't know why I was. Society told me why I was this way i.e. some sort of character flaw so I believed it. I was adopted at a very young age and from that came a fear of abandonment which has plagued me all of my life
My self awareness journey with Crohns disease revealed that failing to please significant others, I felt worthless - never achieving connection and feeling unloved. Makes sense that “ self loathing” translates to immune system attacking rather than protecting my body. I am learning to love myself with my Buddhist practice and being Reiki attuned - practices that are mutually beneficial - what I give to others, I receive through my own practices and am not dependent on another for love and self worth🙏❤
There's a lot of men who aren't scared of being vulnerable but we have a society that exploits all vulnerability usually done in a insidious passive manner
In my country, the mandatory maternity leave is 120 días. 30 days before and 90 days after the delivery. It is paid in full; one portion by the employer ando other by the social security system.
I am a huge fan of Gábor and have listened to most podcasts and read his books - still, this mix of several conversations was incredible to watch. Kudos to both of you for not only sharing wisdom but also teaching via your personal stories. ❤
It really is amazing to hear all these conversations about emotional/spiritual/mental health and their impact on the physical. For decades now, I've been watching myself both come unglued (autoimmune disease, mental health) and slowly put back together with a great deal of discomfort. We simply can't realize how unhealthy or unnatural our lives are until we are not that anymore; until we can step out for a moment and really see. Like an alcoholic who sobers up after a lifetime finally grasping the full effects of their ways. It's brutal sometimes, to bear witness to the truth, and it takes not just curiosity but great courage to make these changes in the face of those truths. Sometimes it's also incredibly lonely giving up old relationships that are unhealthy and finding others. This work is not like changing one's DNA, it IS changing one's DNA, and can feel like shredding skin. The best and most uplifting work I'll ever have the privilege of doing.
Yeah- it’s the closest thing to hell I have lived and impossible to do without meds, constant suppprt and even harder with depression and not much money coming in. I am desperate and curious- how does one do this when they have ADD, ASD, Bipolar and some other chronic illness , energy stuff going on- I’ve felt that after years of doctors, therapy, many others things- The formula must be (A) finding the best on the forefront- say- specialist in high functioning adult female autism, etc.. B) taking every genetic test known to man C) Weekly sessions either an ADd/ASD other bicultural psychologist/therapist-- to understand self and break down interactions- learning good va bad esp when neurodivergent- D) a buddy or accountability and security systems of other friends/a financial security too because when you have add and add etc you may not have that still need assistance w living and this can make boundaries etc much much harder E) calls and intervention in real life, when these patterns are happening F) for me, keeping tangible process on paper G) social worker or high level assistant to help manage day, affairs, decisions H) speech language learning therapist to help w its executive function and decisions. Of course call the books and websites and this and that I’ve been doing But without a systematized approach chi to the above- which doesn’t exist and is so hard for someone with chronic illness mental cognitive issues and mood disorders- this is just May take many lifetimes and ultimately is so overwhelming in and of itself. So how?
To be honest, I had to be willing to try whatever anyone suggested (without harm)and willing to listen more than speak. We tend to complicate things, so simplify instead. Find a meditation style and teacher and stick with that. Mental and spiritual afflictions are reasons why we have issues, not excuses. In the end, I am responsible for how I choose to feel moment to moment. When all else fails, I get out of my head by legitimately helping others with no expectation of receiving anything in return, not even relief. Relief, like happiness, ensues when we make up our minds to change for the better which enables even MORE service in this world. Good luck. One thing at a time.@@visionvixxen
This is so true. I had to " protect" my mom from my dads Contact Yelling and criticism. In his eyes she couldn't do Anything right. Rather than stand up for herself, she'd go to the bedroom and cry and I'd argue with my das about his behavior..ehich wasn't my job. Now I have chronic pain/ fibromyalgia/Myofascial pain . Growing up in a Constant fight or flight state i believe was the trigger...i could Never please my dad either...even to this day after 50 yrs of trying to heal my relationship with my dad he just continued to curse and criticize me. I was a people pleaser with No boundaries. About 10 years ago I decided I'd had enough and I've been working on myself ever since.
I believe we also have to look at the gut/brain connection when looking at the increase in mental illness and neurological disorders; the effects of glyphosate; and the prolific consumption of food-like products.
@@PhionaSibisi-ve3zwAre you asking what food-like products are? Highly processed, little to no nutritional value items people ingest - like cheetos, pringles, fast food, sugar laden breakfast cereals, etc. If you're asking about glyphosate, it's the main ingredient in round up and it is used in most industrial farming and GMO crops, in addition to people using it on their lawns.
great conversation! But I disagree on the "blame and guilt doesn't help"-statement, made several times here. It DOES help! Because blame and guilt feel so damn uncomfortable that they could be a great motivator to CHANGE something in the future. But I agree that it does not help anyone to be stuck in blame and guilt. We have to be compassionate with our mistakes cause we truely did the best we could do at that time. We did not know any better. So acknoledge blame and guilt but then understand it, understand yourself, feel with yourself and do a better job next time.💚
Well said. What you are talking about is called detail (global vs detail in NLP metaprograms) which I think only 1% of people will understand as the majority are global and can't see distinctions well. What you are saying is don't globally say blame and guilt are bad, but they are bad if held on to long term. Blame and guilt can be good in the short term to change some really disgusting habits from even forming in the first place.
wow! my grandmother developed MS after the birth of her youngest, when my mother was 15. After her death at 96 and a life of suffering, it comes out that her youngest was not her husbands. She spent her life suppressing this and as a consequence developed MS. You guys are absolute pioneers of information. Keep it coming
MS and so many autoimmune diseases can be triggered by stress, which affects the immune system. There is usually a genetic predisposition, often genetic factors a and a matter of time before something happens. Stress can hasten this. Correlation isn’t causation, so this child and the stresses associated with its birth did not cause her MS. This stress and a lifetime of others didn’t help. That is all.
I agree. I used to get YT red at $9.99 and it was lovely. Now they want a single to pay a whopping $23 a month. What a rip off. Man, my utilities are so high it is bankrupting me. They have ruined everything about life. Thy simple pleasure in life in the US.
I wanted to thank you for the breathing book! Very kind of you to share your knowledge with us. I already know it's going to be extremely helpful! Much Love to you Rangan.
I have been shattered in multiple ways in the last few years and particularly physically since last summer. Being driven into a corner, thankfully, has forced me to realise many of the subversive damning thoughts and actions I've been afflicting myself with. It's been empowering and exciting to address these issues and become better, it really has been like finding my true original personality beneath these adaptations. The social cultural aspect feels very real also. As a brown British person, not unlike Chatterjee here, and also quite short, there is a stark difference in how people treat me compared to others of different stature and race. The UK and London are supposed to be progressive places, but we've become lazy with true equality because there's an illusion that we've already mostly reached it - especially when comparing with America. I wish I could do more to push towards a more real equality, but for now I will heal and be better!
Im very grateful to you both for sharing such a powerful knowledge , you two most precious human beings helping people dealing with their trauma . You the best. Blessings to you both ❤🙏
People can't even get GP's appointments,mental health services are useless or even on their knees...its great that you have these conversations and for those who are able to hear or see them and take action but often those in positions of power an authority and health professionals and teachers etc and those who have alot of influnece in how people see themselves and influence say young childrens lives and families lives then these ideas and practices are far from commonly applied. Too many people are met with judgement and professionals too often assume knowledge or fail themselves to be inquiring in the way that Gabor suggests they need to be,unfortunately the way society works and systems of power mean that too often people either hand over power to those who they think onow better or those who think they know better disempower those who could be doing alot more to help themselves.
1:04:40 and when it is all the T’s a few times.. the validations Dr. Mate presents some people see themselves as not broken or bad but valid and accept themselves… allows you to see that you not only matter now but always have, that it IS a big deal how much you have gone through but more importantly the rejection you experienced by yourself; by the mal treatment of others in your life and the imperfections 1:09:29 as a parent … Just all the validation.and places for me to accept myself
Thank you so much for this amazing podcast!! I absolutely loved the different sections. I have seen so many of Dr Maté's videos and I get something from them everytime I watch one! Best thing to remember is the compassion we need to give to ourselves and others.
Wow this is so powerful, thank you both wise doctors for this information. I had so many wow moments and answers that explain my and my husband’s life and behaviour. I am so grateful 🙏🏻 for your work. You both are blessing for humanity 🫶
Where do I find doctors like you guys? I want to heal so bad but none of the doctors I have ever been to have gone as depth into understanding my life. I am also not in the UK or US 😢
Like Gabor, i too work in healthcare. For a long time i struggled bad with being a people pleaser, to the point where i was ’acting’. Came closer to 30 and my body gave the signal to shutdown and for me to listen, i couldn’t turn away anymore. Broke down and got burn out. Tbf it was a compounding effect of absurd levels of past and present trauma too. But what i’ve learned from being a severe life long people pleaser up til’ now. As well as rigid identification and anxiety etc, all caused by early trauma and perpetuated by our sick society. Is that it’s all sourced in my sense of self. Do i value or not value myself? Do i understand that my emotions and feelings are like biological mechanisms/needs? I started questioning my inner dialogue and limiting beliefs. Then realized: what good does it do for me to keep perpetuating all this BS? Is it even true or is it just unresolved triggers in my subconscious? That for the most part didn’t even come from me but from generational trauma, reinforced by all the trauma widespread in society. So i learned/am learning to love myself, to feel my emotions, as well as that when i am being myself totally, if i let it express in my body and in my interactions with others at all times. My anxiety almost vanishes, i feel at home and i feel connected to myself and my body. What i’ve also learned is the power of forgiving people for being human and flawed (just like me) especially my caregivers, it lifted a huge weight from me. I can almost treat it like a challenge now to see if other people can handle my authentic self and if they can’t, too bad. It’s scary but well worth all the riches in the world to be a friend to yourself and to be guided by one’s emotional needs and processing now. Cue me finding Gabor Maté’s work along with several others. In short, feeling our emotions and feelings and learning what healthy functioning looks like. Not functional or dysfunctional: healthy functioning. Has been a life saver.
Super grateful for you Gabor and your shared wisdom and knowledge over passing few years. Sensemaking, sanity brain gym. Cheers to 2024. Thankyou both. 💜
I wish I could speak with Dr.Rangan Chatterji about this subject. Excellent in-depth analysis and insight into the topics I wish I had watched when my children were young.
I've often wondered why I'm so healthy, but dealing with extreme family stress. But I figured that having DID. I as the host didn't experience the emotion. But now the amnesia walls are falling, I'm so trying to care for the body, when one alter is in unbearable pain. I think I'm winning for my system,just have to get them to trust.
I would like to avoid the grief I get from physicians (and surgeons!) when I exert agency. I’m so astonished by how unprofessional and unethical MDs can be. It feels so unsafe.
If we make mistake, acknowledge & learn from mistake by moving forward by making change to do better. If we stay in guilt we are being selfish & not present or ready to make change
So refreshing and inspiring to listen to such profound wisdom and knowledge that is clearly giving me guidance towards a better me thank u 🙏 blessings two u both we can be so lucky to have Dotors like u in our world ✨✨✨✨🙏✨✨❤️☀️☀️☀️
I got hit all the time growing up but I don’t hold contempt against my parents at all. We’re all in this tough work, full of societal and cultural expectations. My parents were poor but they did their best. I’m not going to hold the one slap above all the amazing sacrifices they did for me. I don’t know what people are so judgemental about these things
I have watched many of your videos, and I can resonate with them. You have not revealed to me the cause on my situation ; I worked that out reading Jung and having good therapy. Certainly you are correct, the cause of my isolation lies in my very early years, but , the resolution is much harder than your self help make money one liners , oh how I wish it were, btw I’m 71 and still trying to break free .
What if your kid runs into the street? Like I get okay, have all this compassion, I really do. I love this. But is there ever a consequence or a way to stop them sometimes, like how does that work in all of this?
29:43 Love to listen to you two. You are a winning combination to help me understand my illness, people, physicians but mostly you keep my hopes up and I heal myself a little everytime I listen to your encounters. . Thanks a thousand times for creating these simple, humble conversations for people to discover in their lives their own patterns, past experiences and to encourage me to choose to love myself first. I need to love myself and to take care of myself first and accept that I deserve to be loved. This is something I have to affirm very often, every day of my life till I trespass to repair the lack of love received as a child but mostly the abuse suffered in an alcoholic family. And I love you as very open minded individuals with whom I share this compassion, humanity, curiosity, humility and desire to heal others and myself. Wished you had been my parents.😢Happy to parent myself. Hard work,...
I gotta say, it’s getting a bit annoying with everyone constantly harping on “we didn’t learn that in medical school” or “they don’t learn that in medical school.” I get the point, but I feel it’s important to think about it in terms of INSTEAD OF. So, if we want physicians to have more schooling in nutrition, well that’s probably good but INSTEAD OF what. Or do we add another semester, year, two years, three years to the already long and intense education they are already receiving? It’s not like they are sitting around not doing anything, or aren’t studying important stuff during medical school. It’s always such a sharp criticism, but feels poorly thought out. Maybe physicians can learn about emotions INSTEAD OF brain physiology, or the cardiovascular system, or medication interactions.
How about instead of going out to dinner with pharmacists and spending all their time learning about pharmaceuticals that are basically placebo pills. They spend almost 0 time learning about health and nutrition.
May I quote, Gabor says"I don't deal in causes in its simplistic way coming from single causes but they ( emotional suppression/ trauma) contribute to the onset significantly on chronic diseases."
Thank you both for the work you have been doing, and this podcast you're sharing with us today. I guess also thanks to the collective work done all of these years. I feel like this gets us closer to normalizing adapting, and figuring out what works for us. Knowing the shift that need to slowly take place societally. It starts with each one of us.
I wish that you or Gabor Mate had a list called "Doctors like me in your area" because it is so hard to find those that subscribe to your school of thought. It could be a list where doctors who think like you could subscribe to, so people could find them.
The maxim "Once you know better, you do better" does not apply to people who are not self-reflective, like the emotionally immature, narcistic or similar. Listeners with such people as parents, would benefit from addressing this important exception, to help set realistic expectations for their relationship with such a parent.
It would be interesting to hear your thoughts regarding the development of seizures later in life. Personally I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 18 (I am 30 now) however during that time I was dealing with having spoken openly about being sexally abused as a child by a family member, which led on to years of confusement as to what I should do now, and how to heal the wounds that were never 100% taken care of at the time because I was silent about this from the age of 5 years old. I believe there is a link between the trauma and development of seizures at that time, I took medications for years which never worked and recently have come off all medications which is great, but it was very hard and my neurologist did not want me to do this, however I felt like I needed to understand myself again deeper, and this seemed like the only way to reach that mindset.
Looking for shorter clips or content? Check out my @DrChatterjeeClips channel
Traits that predict chronic illness: 1. Automatic concern for other people's (emotional) needs above our own; 2. A rigid identification with duty, role and responsibility; 3. Repressed (or suppresed) healthy anger; 4. Two fatal (self-limiting) beliefs: 4.a. Responsibility for other people's emotions; 4.b. "I must not dissapoint anyone".
The extreme narcissists died young in what I’ve seen. Only them.
This is my relationship with my mother 😢
Thanks for the wonderful discussion. I completely connect with Gabor s ideas on chronic illnesses.
I've sufferend from the chronic eczema for 16 years. 3 years ago I've listened Gabor Mate's interview where he mentioned that eczema is consequences of suppresed anger. I've strated learning to express my anger, worked with psychotherapist, eczema in remission for 2 years. It was lifechanging for me. I'm very grateful to Gabor MAte.
@@littleaussiehomesteaders6013same
Dr Gabor Mate is a gift to humanity!!
I wept when l listened to Dr Gabor Mate, as an 84 year old woman of colour, someone has put my life into words! I shall look for the books soon.
I had a five-year older sister who was/is a textbook female psychopath.
My dad advised me to "never react. That's what she wants. Don't give it to her."
I learned to stuff all feelings down, very deep, from a very young age.
I was a practicing alcoholic for 45 years.
A month before my 60th birthday I had my last drink.
I went to AA. I couldn't get into traditional Christianity.
I found Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn videos on TH-cam.
I passed 5 years sober and clean last September.
Life is far from perfect, but I'm learning, every day, to deal with it in better ways.
One of the little gems from early days in sobriety that I always remember is, "It's not about how life is treating you, it's all about how you're treating life."😉🙏💖🙏
Congratulations, I'm working on surviving my narc mother. Booze saved me til it didn't. AA, Gabor, Michael Singer podcasts helping.
God bless you 💜
I wonder how you deal with that sister of yours...I have one too. My older sister (9.5 years older than me and 4.5 older than my middle sister). Me and my middle sister decided to just avoid any contact with her. Since our mother's passing (I looked after her until the end) she's gone from "I respect mum's wishes and appreciate you wanting to share the inheritance she left you" to "split mum's inheritance by three!"
She never got involved in mum's illness, never contributed in any way. So, I would appreciate to learn from you what strategies you applied with your psychopath sister.
Good on you.
Love that you found addiction relief in Tich Nhat Hahn. He was a key piece in my recovery journey.
You can be so proud of yourself ❤❤
Gabor speaks the truth .. I became paralyzed from food poisoning- ended up getting Gullian Barre Syndrome ..while in hospital I read his book “ when the body says NO” -it AWAKENEED- I was the C personality ( a nurse by occupation) - I saw the dots all the way back to my childhood - a lot of suppressed emotions/anger… I was fortunate to meet Gabor this year in person - and thanked him ( basically he save my life) - I healed my paralysis by healing my inner child, and culture/societal patterns- no conventional medicine went in my body - used food as medicine , removed all toxic people in my life( boundary setting) and managed my pain with meditation and mantra - I love Gabor - he is the real deal and I wish all conventional doctors would practice under his principles - our current medical systems needs to change desperately- we need better doctors that work with patients holistically - the first question you should be asking any patient is how was your childhood ? Start there . I now am a practising functional medicine nutritionist RN and teach people how to heal their body from the inside . Love you to Rangan ❤
I had GBS as a child - reading The Body Says No as an adult connected so many things for me. Where do you practice nutritional therapy - do you have a website/link?
Do you have a link to your practice?
lol- yes this is a perfect place to advertise.
@mind5403 GBS is an autoimmune disorder.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Gabor is really a gift to the world. I feel so grateful to find out about him a year or so ago.
Watching these videos give me the empathy for myself that I need to help me along my healing process.
❤❤❤❤❤
I got auto immune disease while married. I was completely debilitated for 3 years. After he die. MY HEALTH-PHYSICAL. MENTAL, EMOTIONAL AND friendships are better than It ever was as an adult. I am 79 years old and been widowed 10 years. My idea of what my role was as wife and mother was killimg me. My husband had the same ideas about my duty to be all things to the family and deny myself what I needed
Also, without diet after the stress was gine, I lost 40 pounds without even trying
Wow! You’re a great encouragement to me! Thank you for sharing this!!💞
❤God Bless ❤❤
I wonder … were you married to a narcissist?
Well done Dr Rangan. You seem to be in the minority of doctors these days. I stay away from doctors who try to push the next tablet onto you without ever looking deeper. I’ve seen a few of your interviews and am so impressed. I just recently found Mate Gabor. What an absolute blessing he is. Love his work and his raw honesty.
I am honestly blown away at just how insightful and intelligent Dr. Mate is. He is just so inspiring to me. He is kind, insightful, and just do enlightened as a person.
Gabor made me open my eyes some years ago. I became much more spiritual, started to care for myself much more and made some big changes in my life after getting Ulcerative Colitis and having my colon removed. I'm forever grateful to him. His books are very good indeed and I highly recommend them! Psychedelics also made a huge positive impact on me. Thanks for this great podcast❤
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@@sheiladuke3289 much love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
My heart is opened every time I listen to your podcasts Rangan. Hearing about your experience with IFS was deeply moving. I have had a similar experience with IFS and am about to embark on a counseling career based on the transformative power of that model. I’m deeply grateful for Dick, Gabor and yourself for showing our communities the way while acknowledging the terrible price women are paying for this toxic culture.
I'm seventy years old and have been an alcoholic and an addicted to opiates for most of my life and didn't know why I was. Society told me why I was this way i.e. some sort of character flaw so I believed it. I was adopted at a very young age and from that came a fear of abandonment which has plagued me all of my life
You are a gift too Doc C! You have a lot of people in the US who appreciate your kindness . Goes along way!
Thank you for this conversation, doctors! It is a healing by itself. A perfect Valentine's gift, it's February 14.
My self awareness journey with Crohns disease revealed that failing to please significant others, I felt worthless - never achieving connection and feeling unloved. Makes sense that “ self loathing” translates to immune system attacking rather than protecting my body. I am learning to love myself with my Buddhist practice and being Reiki attuned - practices that are mutually beneficial - what I give to others, I receive through my own practices and am not dependent on another for love and self worth🙏❤
❤ Put Yourself First ❤❤
There's a lot of men who aren't scared of being vulnerable but we have a society that exploits all vulnerability usually done in a insidious passive manner
Ii have so much rispect for Mate; he has been outspoken about the killings of the Palestinians , not fearing what outcome may rise
In my country, the mandatory maternity leave is 120 días. 30 days before and 90 days after the delivery. It is paid in full; one portion by the employer ando other by the social security system.
What country are you from? That’s really amazing
I am a huge fan of Gábor and have listened to most podcasts and read his books - still, this mix of several conversations was incredible to watch. Kudos to both of you for not only sharing wisdom but also teaching via your personal stories. ❤
I adore Gabor!!! Thank you. I cannot get enough of the cadence of your voice and the wisdom you hold. Merci beaucoup. You are a marvel.
❤❤❤ my parents were Hungarians With Canadian citizenship. I feel a connection with your honesty and truth
It really is amazing to hear all these conversations about emotional/spiritual/mental health and their impact on the physical.
For decades now, I've been watching myself both come unglued (autoimmune disease, mental health) and slowly put back together with a great deal of discomfort.
We simply can't realize how unhealthy or unnatural our lives are until we are not that anymore; until we can step out for a moment and really see. Like an alcoholic who sobers up after a lifetime finally grasping the full effects of their ways.
It's brutal sometimes, to bear witness to the truth, and it takes not just curiosity but great courage to make these changes in the face of those truths. Sometimes it's also incredibly lonely giving up old relationships that are unhealthy and finding others.
This work is not like changing one's DNA, it IS changing one's DNA, and can feel like shredding skin.
The best and most uplifting work I'll ever have the privilege of doing.
So well said. I’m going through this journey right now
How did you do it?
@@lidiavidovic227 trial and error
Yeah- it’s the closest thing to hell I have lived and impossible to do without meds, constant suppprt and even harder with depression and not much money coming in.
I am desperate and curious- how does one do this when they have ADD, ASD, Bipolar and some other chronic illness , energy stuff going on-
I’ve felt that after years of doctors, therapy, many others things-
The formula must be
(A) finding the best on the forefront- say- specialist in high functioning adult female autism, etc..
B) taking every genetic test known to man
C) Weekly sessions either an ADd/ASD other bicultural psychologist/therapist-- to understand self and break down interactions- learning good va bad esp when neurodivergent-
D) a buddy or accountability and security systems of other friends/a financial security too because when you have add and add etc you may not have that still need assistance w living and this can make boundaries etc much much harder
E) calls and intervention in real life, when these patterns are happening
F) for me, keeping tangible process on paper
G) social worker or high level assistant to help manage day, affairs, decisions
H) speech language learning therapist to help w its executive function and decisions.
Of course call the books and websites and this and that I’ve been doing
But without a systematized approach chi to the above- which doesn’t exist and is so hard for someone with chronic illness mental cognitive issues and mood disorders- this is just May take many lifetimes and ultimately is so overwhelming in and of itself.
So how?
To be honest, I had to be willing to try whatever anyone suggested (without harm)and willing to listen more than speak. We tend to complicate things, so simplify instead. Find a meditation style and teacher and stick with that. Mental and spiritual afflictions are reasons why we have issues, not excuses. In the end, I am responsible for how I choose to feel moment to moment. When all else fails, I get out of my head by legitimately helping others with no expectation of receiving anything in return, not even relief. Relief, like happiness, ensues when we make up our minds to change for the better which enables even MORE service in this world. Good luck. One thing at a time.@@visionvixxen
This is so true. I had to " protect" my mom from my dads Contact Yelling and criticism.
In his eyes she couldn't do Anything right. Rather than stand up for herself, she'd go to the bedroom and cry and I'd argue with my das about his behavior..ehich wasn't my job. Now I have chronic pain/ fibromyalgia/Myofascial pain
. Growing up in a Constant fight or flight state i believe was the trigger...i could Never please my dad either...even to this day after 50 yrs of trying to heal my relationship with my dad he just continued to curse and criticize me. I was a people pleaser with No boundaries.
About 10 years ago I decided I'd had enough and I've been working on myself ever since.
I believe we also have to look at the gut/brain connection when looking at the increase in mental illness and neurological disorders; the effects of glyphosate; and the prolific consumption of food-like products.
what are those?
@@PhionaSibisi-ve3zwAre you asking what food-like products are? Highly processed, little to no nutritional value items people ingest - like cheetos, pringles, fast food, sugar laden breakfast cereals, etc. If you're asking about glyphosate, it's the main ingredient in round up and it is used in most industrial farming and GMO crops, in addition to people using it on their lawns.
I absolutely love this man🙏!! I’m so happy the information is getting noticed now🙏
I love both of them, thank god one found the other and vice versa! 🎉
great conversation! But I disagree on the "blame and guilt doesn't help"-statement, made several times here. It DOES help! Because blame and guilt feel so damn uncomfortable that they could be a great motivator to CHANGE something in the future. But I agree that it does not help anyone to be stuck in blame and guilt. We have to be compassionate with our mistakes cause we truely did the best we could do at that time. We did not know any better. So acknoledge blame and guilt but then understand it, understand yourself, feel with yourself and do a better job next time.💚
Well said. What you are talking about is called detail (global vs detail in NLP metaprograms) which I think only 1% of people will understand as the majority are global and can't see distinctions well. What you are saying is don't globally say blame and guilt are bad, but they are bad if held on to long term. Blame and guilt can be good in the short term to change some really disgusting habits from even forming in the first place.
wow! my grandmother developed MS after the birth of her youngest, when my mother was 15. After her death at 96 and a life of suffering, it comes out that her youngest was not her husbands. She spent her life suppressing this and as a consequence developed MS. You guys are absolute pioneers of information. Keep it coming
MS and so many autoimmune diseases can be triggered by stress, which affects the immune system.
There is usually a genetic predisposition, often genetic factors a and a matter of time before something happens.
Stress can hasten this.
Correlation isn’t causation, so this child and the stresses associated with its birth did not cause her MS.
This stress and a lifetime of others didn’t help. That is all.
MS is caused by a Virus from Epstein Barr not emotional causes
I love Dr. Mate. ❤ and this program is wonderful. There are too many commercial interruptions on TH-cam . It’s horrible.
You get what you pay for . 🙄
I agree. I used to get YT red at $9.99 and it was lovely. Now they want a single to pay a whopping $23 a month. What a rip off. Man, my utilities are so high it is bankrupting me. They have ruined everything about life. Thy simple pleasure in life in the US.
I love this podcast, and have deep respect for both Dr Rangan and Dr Gabor. 💗💗🙏🙏🙏
What a joy to hear these two talk. Beautiful. Thank you both. This is incredibly beneficial. Much love to you both. It helped me.
I’m so grateful to you both. Came across this podcast at a time when I really really needed it. Thank you
I wanted to thank you for the breathing book! Very kind of you to share your knowledge with us. I already know it's going to be extremely helpful! Much Love to you Rangan.
Dr GABOR is a Real blessing!!!
I have been shattered in multiple ways in the last few years and particularly physically since last summer. Being driven into a corner, thankfully, has forced me to realise many of the subversive damning thoughts and actions I've been afflicting myself with.
It's been empowering and exciting to address these issues and become better, it really has been like finding my true original personality beneath these adaptations.
The social cultural aspect feels very real also. As a brown British person, not unlike Chatterjee here, and also quite short, there is a stark difference in how people treat me compared to others of different stature and race. The UK and London are supposed to be progressive places, but we've become lazy with true equality because there's an illusion that we've already mostly reached it - especially when comparing with America.
I wish I could do more to push towards a more real equality, but for now I will heal and be better!
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My mother is just like this is very sick now ! I'm listening to things so I don't go down myself! THANK YOU ❤
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Im very grateful to you both for sharing such a powerful knowledge , you two most precious human beings helping people dealing with their trauma . You the best. Blessings to you both ❤🙏
People can't even get GP's appointments,mental health services are useless or even on their knees...its great that you have these conversations and for those who are able to hear or see them and take action but often those in positions of power an authority and health professionals and teachers etc and those who have alot of influnece in how people see themselves and influence say young childrens lives and families lives then these ideas and practices are far from commonly applied.
Too many people are met with judgement and professionals too often assume knowledge or fail themselves to be inquiring in the way that Gabor suggests they need to be,unfortunately the way society works and systems of power mean that too often people either hand over power to those who they think onow better or those who think they know better disempower those who could be doing alot more to help themselves.
Great questions Dr Chatterjee (and of course, great responses from Dr Mate). Also, appreciate the honesty of the two of you.
Gabor Mate MD PhD ❤
1:04:40 and when it is all the T’s a few times..
the validations Dr. Mate presents some people see themselves as not broken or bad but valid and accept themselves… allows you to see that you not only matter now but always have, that it IS a big deal how much you have gone through but more importantly the rejection you experienced by yourself; by the mal treatment of others in your life and the imperfections 1:09:29 as a parent …
Just all the validation.and places for me to accept myself
Very powerful podcast. Loved it. Thank you so much !
I trust these two doctors with my life.
Thank you so much for this amazing podcast!! I absolutely loved the different sections. I have seen so many of Dr Maté's videos and I get something from them everytime I watch one!
Best thing to remember is the compassion we need to give to ourselves and others.
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Wow this is so powerful, thank you both wise doctors for this information. I had so many wow moments and answers that explain my and my husband’s life and behaviour. I am so grateful 🙏🏻 for your work. You both are blessing for humanity 🫶
Was a pleasure listening.
Learnt a lot.
Thanks...
Keep up the good work😊
Where do I find doctors like you guys? I want to heal so bad but none of the doctors I have ever been to have gone as depth into understanding my life. I am also not in the UK or US 😢
Two brilliant gentlemen talking : )
1:12:02 🎯🎯🎯 yes. It’s gut wrenching. So so gut wrenching.
:)
Like Gabor, i too work in healthcare. For a long time i struggled bad with being a people pleaser, to the point where i was ’acting’. Came closer to 30 and my body gave the signal to shutdown and for me to listen, i couldn’t turn away anymore. Broke down and got burn out. Tbf it was a compounding effect of absurd levels of past and present trauma too.
But what i’ve learned from being a severe life long people pleaser up til’ now. As well as rigid identification and anxiety etc, all caused by early trauma and perpetuated by our sick society. Is that it’s all sourced in my sense of self. Do i value or not value myself? Do i understand that my emotions and feelings are like biological mechanisms/needs? I started questioning my inner dialogue and limiting beliefs.
Then realized: what good does it do for me to keep perpetuating all this BS? Is it even true or is it just unresolved triggers in my subconscious? That for the most part didn’t even come from me but from generational trauma, reinforced by all the trauma widespread in society.
So i learned/am learning to love myself, to feel my emotions, as well as that when i am being myself totally, if i let it express in my body and in my interactions with others at all times.
My anxiety almost vanishes, i feel at home and i feel connected to myself and my body. What i’ve also learned is the power of forgiving people for being human and flawed (just like me) especially my caregivers, it lifted a huge weight from me.
I can almost treat it like a challenge now to see if other people can handle my authentic self and if they can’t, too bad. It’s scary but well worth all the riches in the world to be a friend to yourself and to be guided by one’s emotional needs and processing now.
Cue me finding Gabor Maté’s work along with several others. In short, feeling our emotions and feelings and learning what healthy functioning looks like.
Not functional or dysfunctional: healthy functioning. Has been a life saver.
Realisation, acceptance forgiveness = healing 🙏
Super grateful for you Gabor and your shared wisdom and knowledge over passing few years.
Sensemaking, sanity brain gym.
Cheers to 2024.
Thankyou both.
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I wish I could speak with Dr.Rangan Chatterji about this subject. Excellent in-depth analysis and insight into the topics I wish I had watched when my children were young.
Nice idea of the guest filming themselves in the room while talking. Very cosy. Like it. Thanks
This guy is a LEGEND!
I've often wondered why I'm so healthy, but dealing with extreme family stress. But I figured that having DID. I as the host didn't experience the emotion. But now the amnesia walls are falling, I'm so trying to care for the body, when one alter is in unbearable pain. I think I'm winning for my system,just have to get them to trust.
Thank you for this great interview, it was good to see two of my favourite doctors coming together
I would like to avoid the grief I get from physicians (and surgeons!) when I exert agency. I’m so astonished by how unprofessional and unethical MDs can be. It feels so unsafe.
If we make mistake, acknowledge & learn from mistake by moving forward by making change to do better. If we stay in guilt we are being selfish & not present or ready to make change
Jee i love your chatter Dr Chatterjee! Thanks for the great interview
@2:54 to 4:45 sums up the message
Thank you two!
Mahalo for this conversation and the legacy of your work, both of you!
This is what i will show my kids one day
So refreshing and inspiring to listen to such profound wisdom and knowledge that is clearly giving me guidance towards a better me thank u 🙏 blessings two u both we can be so lucky to have Dotors like u in our world ✨✨✨✨🙏✨✨❤️☀️☀️☀️
Gabor Mate’ is Genius!💞
You can’t even get into see a Dr.
And if you do most just send you off with prescriptions for meds!
Such good questions. Thank you. Such pearls of wisdom!
Love these two!
Thank you ❤
I got hit all the time growing up but I don’t hold contempt against my parents at all. We’re all in this tough work, full of societal and cultural expectations. My parents were poor but they did their best. I’m not going to hold the one slap above all the amazing sacrifices they did for me. I don’t know what people are so judgemental about these things
Love this interview. So interesting and important. I'm definitely type C. 😮
This is such powerful information! Thank You
I have watched many of your videos, and I can resonate with them. You have not revealed to me the cause on my situation ; I worked that out reading Jung and having good therapy. Certainly you are correct, the cause of my isolation lies in my very early years, but , the resolution is much harder than your self help make money one liners , oh how I wish it were, btw I’m 71 and still trying to break free .
❤ Put Yourself First ❤❤
Such a blessing .Thank you both.
What if your kid runs into the street? Like I get okay, have all this compassion, I really do. I love this. But is there ever a consequence or a way to stop them sometimes, like how does that work in all of this?
Thank you for sharing this powerful information.
thank you so much
29:43 Love to listen to you two. You are a winning combination to help me understand my illness, people, physicians but mostly you keep my hopes up and I heal myself a little everytime I listen to your encounters. . Thanks a thousand times for creating these simple, humble conversations for people to discover in their lives their own patterns, past experiences and to encourage me to choose to love myself first. I need to love myself and to take care of myself first and accept that I deserve to be loved. This is something I have to affirm very often, every day of my life till I trespass to repair the lack of love received as a child but mostly the abuse suffered in an alcoholic family. And I love you as very open minded individuals with whom I share this compassion, humanity, curiosity, humility and desire to heal others and myself. Wished you had been my parents.😢Happy to parent myself. Hard work,...
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Repression is a state of habituated dysregulation.
Dysregulation is resistance.
We're not scared of dysregulation.
We're really scared of flow.
Love Dr Chatterjees content
I gotta say, it’s getting a bit annoying with everyone constantly harping on “we didn’t learn that in medical school” or “they don’t learn that in medical school.” I get the point, but I feel it’s important to think about it in terms of INSTEAD OF. So, if we want physicians to have more schooling in nutrition, well that’s probably good but INSTEAD OF what. Or do we add another semester, year, two years, three years to the already long and intense education they are already receiving? It’s not like they are sitting around not doing anything, or aren’t studying important stuff during medical school. It’s always such a sharp criticism, but feels poorly thought out. Maybe physicians can learn about emotions INSTEAD OF brain physiology, or the cardiovascular system, or medication interactions.
How about instead of going out to dinner with pharmacists and spending all their time learning about pharmaceuticals that are basically placebo pills. They spend almost 0 time learning about health and nutrition.
@@danielnaberhaus5337 Perfect answer to the above expression of annoyance. PERFECT ANSWER!!! YES!!! Where there is a will, there is a way. xoxo
I have to say, the man looks sharp for he's age.
2:16:08 - 2:16:32 --
happy holidays
Very informative.
Always a great listen with Gabor. These two are such a great pair. ❤
anyway, thank you doctors 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
May I quote, Gabor says"I don't deal in causes in its simplistic way coming from single causes but they ( emotional suppression/ trauma) contribute to the onset significantly on chronic diseases."
FASCINATING conversation. Thank you for sharing ❤🙏
Another nice story like Pinnochio is The Velveteen Rabbitt much love ❤
Thank you both for the work you have been doing, and this podcast you're sharing with us today. I guess also thanks to the collective work done all of these years.
I feel like this gets us closer to normalizing adapting, and figuring out what works for us. Knowing the shift that need to slowly take place societally. It starts with each one of us.
two great humans gabor mete is doing his great job we want a jewel like mete gaor and rangan keep it up ranan aware the people awreness is necessary
I wish that you or Gabor Mate had a list called "Doctors like me in your area" because it is so hard to find those that subscribe to your school of thought. It could be a list where doctors who think like you could subscribe to, so people could find them.
Such a great interview. One of his books is on my amazon list. Thank you again;
The maxim "Once you know better, you do better" does not apply to people who are not self-reflective, like the emotionally immature, narcistic or similar. Listeners with such people as parents, would benefit from addressing this important exception, to help set realistic expectations for their relationship with such a parent.
It would be interesting to hear your thoughts regarding the development of seizures later in life. Personally I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 18 (I am 30 now) however during that time I was dealing with having spoken openly about being sexally abused as a child by a family member, which led on to years of confusement as to what I should do now, and how to heal the wounds that were never 100% taken care of at the time because I was silent about this from the age of 5 years old. I believe there is a link between the trauma and development of seizures at that time, I took medications for years which never worked and recently have come off all medications which is great, but it was very hard and my neurologist did not want me to do this, however I felt like I needed to understand myself again deeper, and this seemed like the only way to reach that mindset.
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Such a great interview.
How can I watch the full interview of this first part of this video?