Healthy People Look for These Characteristics in YOU
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
- 🟢 Order My New Book and Attend a Special LIVE Workshop Sept 25: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Trauma clutters up our lives and emotions with habits and behavior that drive away healthy people; this just might explain why you perceive there are "no good people out there." To attract and connect with healthy people, prepare by brightening your "cab light." This is a metaphor for the characteristics (that healthy people seek in a partner) that signal psychological health and emotional availability. In this video I walk through parts of life that may need a tune up to shine your light and attract good prospective partners.
***
🟢 Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
🟢 Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
🟢 Take My Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
🟢 How I Recently Lost 27 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
🟢 Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
🟢 Learn to Heal Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
🟢 Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
🟢 Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
🔹 NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
🔹 8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD Symptoms: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
🔹 Join LIVE Webinars with My Team and Me: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
🟢 PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
🔹 Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
🔹 NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com...
🔹 Try MUSE Headband to Calm Your Mind: choosemuse.com...
You are helping me so much throughout my journey! Thank you so much! I grew up in so much chaos, focussed on my studies, and left the house and moved overseas at 24. I finally opened my heart to love and just attracted the worst people for me. I stopped drinking a year ago and have just been focusing on myself. I am 27 now, single and not looking, just healing and watching your content. Thank you so much for putting into words something which is extremely hard to explain, even to oneself :)
Amen 🙏🏾
You have your whole life still ahead of you. Courage⚘
I am very glad to find her , here ,too.
Damn, you moved overseas. I chickened out of a 10 day trip.
@@deadinside8781 hahaha 😆
"Bad relationships wreck your good looks"...this is so true.
Not only that, bad relationships will affect your health negatively.
Definitely true in my case. Working on getting my groove back!
Yep, why the cycle feeds on itself and like trying to get out of quicksand.
Yes but then you glam up…after mass abuse and absolute bullshit instigated by a psychopath 😂😎👌🏽
@@ThesySurface i get you, im more interested in examining and fixing why i let this person is my life. Its important for me to do this, getting myself together on the outside is easier than fixing myself on the inside. I definitely don’t want to go through this again.
Bad relationships not only ruin your good looks but also make you more prone to illnesses from the stress.
That is true.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm living proof of that. I'm 63, have healed some things, but still parenting two girls with cPTSD who are just too afraid to hear how to be healthy. Especially the oldest, as she ALWAYS thinks she can't be alone and survive because she CAN'T do it on her own. The youngest has numerous issues and needs education and training, but school teachers were traumatizing and she's been unable to get the right resources for help. I was a critical care RN that became very I'll and disabled (single mom) without family to help. Youngest is trying more than oldest, who has had many bad relationships and still in the midst of a mess. Thank you for your videos. I use them in our conversations and it has helped - just moves VERY slowly this way.
100%!!!!
You are right. During a toxic 'half' relationship, within the first two months I had shingles, a kidney infection and I developed an eating disorder for the first time in my life. I had the eating disorder for 5 years Even strangers would ask me why i wasn't eating. I was in my early forties at the time. When I finally cut him out, my eating disorder went away. I am still working on the profound trauma from childhood though..
True... Experienced myself
Never immediately leave one relationship for another. I promise it more than likely won’t work out
Also, don't leave it 15 years between relationships.
Not true!
@@GuidetteExpert Can you please explain why you say "Not true" ?
I'd like to know if you went into a relationship soon after leaving another relationship.
True that. I have been falling for this one so many times, like my mind has a mind of it's own and I feel angry at myself for losing my consciousness AGAIN. As if I am on autopilot. I don't seem to think anymore.
I did that when I was young. eventually figured out I needed to take time between relationships for introspection and healing.
I suspected a lot that you said already. That even if you think it's private, that it's within you, it changes your energy, and healthy people have a sixth sense to pick it up. Thank you so much for what you do.
Thank you for watching! Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Alone is better then being a victim again !
Both are the same from the point of view of a hug from someone who cares.
I started listening and watching your videos thinking that I could help my granddaughter who is 14 and living with me. She had come from her mom's house and had been abused and neglected for at least the last 7 years. And of course this is a generational curse for us. My mom beat me, I beat my daughter, and my daughter be my granddaughter and I want to stop it. There will be no more of it in our family. I have learned so much about myself through listening to you and I'm 66 years old. I really was messed up when I got out of high school with unsuccessful jobs, relationships, and friendships. I was a very angry aggressive person. I spent 10 years in the psychologist and psychiatrist office and with group therapy which I believe helped the most. I did go on to have a successful career as a nurse and am now retired. But I find myself raising my 14 year old granddaughter. She does see a therapist and the therapist sees me as well and then we see the therapist together. She has improved greatly in the last year since she came to live with me. But I am of the opinion that you can never do too much self work! I want to thank you for your videos❤
This is so on point!!! I failed constantly and thought that could change the wrong kind of men who had substance abuse issues and different goals/values. The problem was that I had low self esteem and wasn’t happy on my own.
Have been single and focused on healing and creating my own happiness/life of my dreams for 3.5 years now and my life’s been so peaceful. I eventually found a great church and it’s so beautiful to finally be around men who respect me as a person, share the same values, and that I can talk to without them hitting on me.
So glad you made it!
Nika@TeamFairy
I tell men that I am taking resumes. I have CPTSD from severe childhood abuse but I am also almost healed about as much as possible and ready for real love.
So true about how your addiction changes your energy!!! In my experience dropping addictions really did turn my light on, it's crazy how that works
Here comes the Fairy with another great video. Thank you Fairy.
I'd like to add that physical and mental clutter also dim the cab light. We all probably know that mental fog is reflected in our outter environment and vice versa and that messiness, in my experience, comes out in our work and relationships. It steals a lot of good energy, light and joy.
I am struggling with this very thing. I have so much stuff and can't seem to start the task of unloading it.
@@Captain_MonsterFart hey, wishing you well. Hope your journey is successful!
@@Captain_MonsterFart So am I. It isn't easy but it's possible. I encourage you to try one surface at a time. Wishing you all the love, light and success.
The FLY Lady offers a deeply compassionate, practical approach to getting started and getting finished, and lots of hope. I'm curious to know what you think about her work!
love this as a reminder to keep things the way I like them, nice and neat, not like my father who creates an endless mess.
It’s difficult getting back out there after devastating health issues and a divorce when your 55 and raising a grandchild
Have you guys seen Melanie tonia evans channel? I’ve been using her program with some success reversing chronic health issues as a result from narcisstic abuse and childhood cptsd
@@I3rittanyLynne I’ve been watching videos for several years and going to therapy for one year, besides my medical doctors, chiropractor, and doing yoga. There’s lots of good information out there that was never available before. I’ve had thyroid issues for 36 years and autoimmune for 22 years. It took a long time to even know what to look for and how all things were connected.
@Deana Jones BEWARE of trolling narcissist conmen with handsome(?) pictures & 2 first names... They prey on vulnerable woman with challenging lives & CPTSD issues. I caution you, from EXPERIENCE & LOSS to these predators! One hit on you below... I can see them from a mile away now! ❤️🙏❤️
@@lorrainea6177 thank you. I’ve always been cautious with the opposite sex. Anyone in the comments or any online platform doesn’t ever stand a chance.
I'm forever grateful for your videos 🙏 Thank you for helping me and so many others. 💓
Yesssssssssss!🗣
I've realized this... It goes both ways. Healthy people don't look good to us any more than we damaged ones look good to them. Until I'd healed beyond a certain point, I thought the "good boys" were boring and unattractive compared to the "bad boys".
I like how she didn't go into talking about "The Law of Attraction," and actually gave practical steps to make yourself a better partner. Well done.
I really think a lot of both men and women in Western Countries will not be happily married NO MATTER WHAT WORK THEY DO ON THEMSELVES.
People have become VERY politically ideal driven. This has a lot of consequences. It is not healthy. Try anyway and if it doesn't work out develop the deep intimacy you'd share with a partner with yourself.
Thank you, your videos have been so helpful in understanding my partner w CPTSD who left the relationship. I had a tough childhood too but farther along in my recovery. Now that I’ve got to be on my own again, this is super helpful going forward. x
Love your, “cab light” analogy it is so true! I can definitely feel this within myself!
Ahhh it's like you can describe my life perfectly, relate so much to your videos. You've finally given me the courage to help my cab light shine a little brighter. I've respectfully ended contact with 2 exes and focusing on my life and my healing. Just need to get back on my feet and then not isolate as much either. Thanks for all your work🤗
I isolate because I have no where to go. I'm happier and safe at home.
I personally don't trust my own judgement in the moment. I do trust my judgement over the long term (I have time to think, plan, and analyze). So I create SOPs (workflows) for everything that has long term ramifications. Then, I trust those SOPs COMPLETELY & ABSOLUTELY, no exceptions
1) Choosing a partner: I have criteria that must be met, criteria that is a dealbreaker, and I have a process for rapidly evaluating those criteria. If the criteria isn't met, it doesn't matter how I feel about the person. It is immediate game over. I have zero say and zero power over changing a "game over" result
2) Dealing with interpersonal relations: I have canned de-escalatory & leaving the situation phrases, criteria to determine if the relationship needs to be terminated (or can be fixed), and a process to repair the rupture OR to rapidly isolate then remove someone from my life. I have zero say and zero power over if the relationship is terminated or how that process is conducted
3) Life planning: I have a timeline of benchmarks to meet by specific dates, the steps I need to meet those benchmarks, and the steps I need to take if those benchmarks are not met. I have zero say and zero power over my life trajectory
Now when I say "I have zero say and zero power" I mean, me, in the present, right this instant, has zero say and zero power. The person with complete and total control over my life is the version of myself from the past. That person thoughtfully considered what he wanted from life, what he didn't want, and then created a plan for me to make that happen.
Thank you, baby steps and feeling and trusting my intuition without fail.
Life doesn’t have to be in isolation after c-ptsd.
You are a lovely lady who seems like she really cares about helping people find the love kind of love they deserve. Thank you for your wonderful sense of service and compassion. I'm touched xx
You are so kind. Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I needed this like a month ago but thank you so much for sharing this video. I can move forward into a better relationship free, clear, and letting go of the past. 💜
I read these comments and I cant help but think how lonely everyone is and feels. I can feel the pain of each person that comments here. I was in a situationship with someone where our whole catch phrase was how we are no longer alone now that we have eachother. Until he became hot&cold and ended up telling me that I am just a friend. It doesnt get any lonelier than that and I have lost all hope. I feel like I lost all my light and it s no one else s fault but mine.
My breakup apparently went public because over the last few months I've sueddenly began receiving messages by men interested in something romantic.
I'm not interested because I desperately want too heal because I've never felt this kind of ongoing pain and mental instability before. I loved my ex tremendously, more than I could ever put into words, but I had to finally, after almost 10 years, ascertain that he never truly loved me at all. My emotional needs were ignored and he placed the importance of his inappropriate and sometimes secret relationships with other women FAR above the so-called relationship he was in with me.
It sounds nice to 'be in love', but the emotional damage this last relationship left me in will mean sure I remain "simgle" for a long, long time. Even though my ex lied, manipulated and took advantage, my heart, unfortunately, still remains with him. It disgusts me that after almost 6 months I still miss him terribly. Through therapy and watching your videos I get a better understanding why I do this. Why would any healthy individual still long for the person who emotionally manipulated them? So clearly I'm not quite 'healed' yet and I won't be forced or thrown into another relationship while my heart still lies with someone else.
I just hope I'm able to rid my heart of his presence eventually because it's already been established time after time that he will NEVER change.
You can heal from this, you are not alone :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
One of the huge things people look for is that the other person financially has their life together. I was looking for low crime places to live today and Issaquah, WA looked pretty good for a city where an average person could live. That is until I checked the prices of the cheapest one bedroom apartments and there was nothing below $1,800 per month, and they all wanted proof of three times that income (which full time is $31.15/hour). That is the rock bottom income required to live within 25 miles of Seattle in a place that isn't choked with drugs and crime. Being financially stable is extremely difficult to pull off now and every year it gets worse. Low income people can shack up to split the bills but signing a one year lease with someone on the gamble this relationship will work (when all the others failed) is a massively stupid gamble with terrible consequences when it fails (and it will). I am not implying that people need money to spend on things to keep the relationship going but that both people need to maintain the financial ability to break up if the other person violates healthy boundaries. Someone living on the financial edge of needing to move in with you for emergency shelter isn't functional in the dating sense. With hard work, sacrifice, no distractions like dysfunctional relationships, and no bad breaks I might be in the functional to date category in maybe two years. Until then I wouldn't even consider it.
Great explanation!!! I gained a lot of weight in my bad relationship. Not fat but just more bloated looking. Once I got out I had the motivation to drink way less and work out way more. Yes! You look so much better after you get out. One of my exes- a nice one lol- we are kind of friends now and she told me I look so much friendlier and softer now that I am on my healing journey. And it’s definitely a journey! Doesn’t happen over night. Expect to be healing for at least a year-if not more! Truly believe soon I will find someone correct for me, just not quite ready yet!
Even though I'm glad your here and helping so many people. I can dwell on this way too much which brings me into a downward spiral.
This video has been painfully accurate to my experience through life. But I reckon my vibe is about halfway ready. Still a lot to do. Thanks for the insight.
It as if you made this video specifically for me. Thank you Anna!
Cab light ! So brilliant! I do believe those cab lights have colors with different meanings. I watched my sister pick up on countless relationships with physically and emotionally abusive men and then wheep about it when it ended A army of do-gooder women, and “save the abused foundations “rush to her help, Her choices kept others employed or volunteering but she was just habitual in these relationships never educated .Now I know what I witnessed and called “her signal “was actually an “ open to light” for behaviors she would tolerate just to have a man.Put the right color on and you’ll get a certain insect for sure
Great perspectives and helpful suggestions. I feel I’m always on a transformation journey, constantly evolving and getting to know myself better… feeling more empowered to kick lingering addictions and approach relationships differently going forward. Although I very much need a period of celibacy first, for healing and introspection.
Great video as usual 🌈🌈thank you
A handsome man appeared at my door a few months ago, last fall it was, I was immediately attracted, and nervously tried to hide it. I chatted with him while he was here , he was a contractor, and I mentioned my mother. Oops, how she didn't want me to move here and tried to control my choice. Then very stupidly quipped, "I guess that's what mothers do!". His teenage son was with him. Mega oops. Now they both know I'm messed up. Oh well. Let it be a lesson to me! I'm not ready anyway. But man he was nice, good looking and calm! Very pleasant to be around.
@Tracy same 😂
And this handsome man with his teenage son was probably happily married.
Priceless video
Found someone who was patient with me and inspires me to grow.
What do you mean by "healthy people"? I think it's a risky term to use. With every other marriage which is divorced, putting single parenting into an equation only thin percentage of population get a chance to be that emotionally healthy, that they would be pointed at as some unattainable example. Perhaps you meant someone who has already done some significant work on themselves. But than again, to attract someone exactly on such level of mental maturity which would, in combination with mine, assure a high quality relationship, it is also low likelihood.
All of this is so true. Bad relationships also set back the healing process such a long way. I've done more personal growth in the last year out of a bad relationship than I did in 10 years in it
As you say at about 1.30 of the video, " it's not always clear who is/is not emotionally available. But, if we can do away with the language that judges relationships as either "good or bad" and rather see them as "more or less appropriate" or "healthy enough to invest in" to too sick to continue them and the commitment we make is to terminate them because we genuinely care about ourselves and are through with self-sabotaging behaviors then I think we stand a far better chance of ending inappropriate or unhealthy relationships with compassion and of finding what we all really want which I believe is safety, love, acceptance for who we are- the good, the bad, and the not-so-pretty" aspects of our character and person.
I like this one as well! THank you so much for being here and helping us!
Anna, can you make a video on how to become more emotionally available? I know you have videos on being attracted to emotionally unavailable people, but I’m the one told I’m too emotionally unavailable, and have been dumped for this reason. I try really hard, and Im always told I’m very warm/comforting, but when it comes to true and deep intimacy I struggle.
I'm not ready but this is great . Thank you
You're so good, so knowledgeable and yet so understanding towards us. I really have appreciated and listened to what you say in your videos. 2 years post break up and I'm still single and healing, thank-you x
True. Every word.
Wow i might be a healthy person 😊 thank u for this video
This has been one of the harder parts of healing for me to really integrate into myself
Understandable!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I was in a 23.5 year marriage with a woman that had severe childhood trauma. SHE NEVER allowed emotional intimacy. I am a good man. Actually i am a great man. She had much anger and focused it all on me
Romance is dead, people tend to fetishized about it…like it’s a drug. After a while, it gets boring and dull. Why stay in a relationship if your significant other might cheat, lie and gaslight you? Is it really worth it at the end?
I used to feel like this but happily, it is NOT my experience now since working out my CPTSD trauma driven belief system!
-Cara@TeamFairy
i have a healthy, respectful relationship with my exes on my own terms and treat them with kindness if for no other reason than my own healing. what i don't quite know yet is what i want--do i want a relationship or not? i am isolating, and i love it!! never felt so safe, easy, and free in my whole life. i feel like i'd like and am ready for a partner *who could actually be there for me* in a relationship that also feels safe, easy, and free. but i've had more disappointments after my second divorce...and my first ex pulled a bait-and-switch to become a neglectful, abusive spouse (the second was a narcissist--i was too emotionally starved not to bite that bait)...so now i'm having trouble trusting anyone! i finally met someone with lots to offer, but they immediately went back to their abusive partner...i know i dodged a bullet, but it felt like having chocolate cake snatched away from my lips right when i'm about to take a luscious bite. so now i'm torn between "yes, there is someone awesome out there for me" and "i can't trust my own judgment...what if they turn out to be another bait and switch?" ugh!!
And you still have ‘respectful’ friendships with such men? When you couldn’t have a healthy relationship with them. Why pull the baggage. Hopefully you’ll learn to be honest with yourself and one day be strong enough to close past doors.
Thank you for all these videos CCF❤
I've processed and credited my emotions years ago. My trauma is later in life
Amen. Always spot on, my friend. Need to get in a course or something. So solitary.
Hmm..now I have to decide what I really want AND need in a partner 🤔
The last partner made me think I was being “too needy” for wanting to plan a future for us, meanwhile we were supposed to be in love & soulmates🤦🏻♀️ He was not good for me at all✌🏻
Do they exist these “almost healed” single people? Or is it theoretical?
In my experience the good ones are already taken and the available ones are difunctional. So my question is- how an earth can one experience healing and growing through connection if there is nobody to do it with ?
clearly explained, thanks a lot! :)
Thank you so much 💓 Your guidance is what I need.... forever grateful 🙏
Hahahahaha.. friggin' broken cab light it is then! 🙏🏻♥️ Thanks for the giggle. I've just signed up for your daily practice course.
What about friendships? Just had terrible experiences with fake friends.
Lots of videos also address friendships :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
11.05 is made my day thank you so much ❤
Ill have to get me a cab light ! :). Oh too late for me now but great new perspective thankyou
Cab light! A big light coming on for me
Thank you!!! Loved, liked and subbed!❤️
Hello Fairy, You are a very smart person, thanks for Your work. :)
Thank you for the kind words. Jack@TeamFairy
Well how ´bout that! You just described my life to a tee!! Amazing!!
Rock on!
-Cara@TeamFairy
sooooo ive been obsessing on twin flame info and youtube sent me this instead...gotta thank my government agent this time!
Awesome! Thank you!
You bet!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Great message! Thank you🙏
You're welcome! Thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thank you Anna. 🏜🕺🏻🐕🏖
There seems to be a curse because we didn’t ever choose to take a break but we experience
Thank you sooooo much!
Thankyou so much, there was alot I needed to hear in this video. As somone who is in a friends with benefits situation with an ex, as a pass time until I meet somone new.
I love what you are doing thank you
You're awesome thanks 😊👍
No problem 😊
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yup isolating
Thank you soooo much, you are my daily guide atm and again. I had a first date on the wknd and it avalanched a huge wave of abandonment fear. Than I realise that my two best friends are basically giving me totally unsafe connections. So now I ask my first dates since 6 month that I want to date for 3 month before I am going into pysical contact. Guess what they never heard of people doing that and all of them gave up amd did not even arrange a 2nd date. While I am getting more and more clear for myself and my inner boundaries start to really show themselves better.
My husband had that 3 month rule-drove me crazy but it was a good idea. We have been together for 14 years now.
Since November 1989 my relations is has been just like this female tells us already said who cares older lady younger some what I would never change it for any reason at all it just takes two proper volks same waves interest respect for all to work
If I could heal myself or past the childhood trauma, I wouldn't need to others. Heal yourself is an empty recommendation. Maybe all we need is power and not healing.
Pain may be cure
3:40 cab light
7:40
9:30
Thank you 🥰😊
what it takes to leave the wrong person at the right time？
But what if we are isolating because we don’t trust ourselves to surround ourselves with the right people? Who are the right people? How can someone like us know?
Calming triggers can help get more clarity and can make it easier to connect and socialize. You may find Anna’s course ‘Connection Bootcamp’ helpful. Here’s a link if you want to check it out: bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Are family and marriage the only two options for a viable relationship? What about people who aren’t a straight? What about people who don’t value marriage and see it as a byproduct of the patriarchy and religious establishments?
This video somehow makes me feel more discouraged than encouraged. Idk why. I feel as though having cptsd is like a lifelong curse. Like I have to carry this wound forever like a tag and the healing is never ending. And hows that possible that a healthy person has no triggers or traumas. That doesn't sound right to me. I don't there we can categorise humans into healthy and unhealthy so easily. It hurts me to think that despite my good intentions I have to be the unhealthy mess of a human who has forever struggled with love. So much to the point that I don't even except it to happen. Like I have to work extra hard for love to come otherwise I'm doomed. It's only natural for people to have some. Patterns that are unhealthy. Idk who finds a completely error or wound free person. Sorry but idk if this video helps me or makes me feel worse. But this is my personal opinion. Nothing against the speaker who I'm. Sure has good intentipns and experience
I kind of feel the same and relate to many of your thoughts. I have been healing and developing more self-worth, feeling more like my ”shiny” self than ever before but is experiencing the same struggle still.
Is the trauma still leeking through in someway? Would like to hear someones thoughts on that.
feeling the same even i like the video its like...no matter how hard you are working on yourself...its never enough anyways.
yeah i'm in my loop of "see,.. you will be never enough" 😒
i dated 2 men in 2020...no one else since then. rarely go anywhere where you can meet new people. all my "friends" are couples. i'm single for 8 years now.
one of them wasn't interested in me at all. he just wouldnt want to be alone anymore. the person doesn't matter...he doesn't put any effort in knowing me better. he was just complaining the whole time whats wrong with my personality or even with my apartment.
he said things to me like "stop doing this, thats annoying" "buy another kitchen, yours is looking awful" like i had invited him to live at my place wtf 🙄🙄 and this was only in 2-3 weekends of dating. he also said to me --> "you are the one with money and a car you can visit me"
he live in germany and his ex lived in switzerland. this was an 8 hour trip for him with train one way. but he refused to visit me within an 1 1/2 hour...because of my car and i had 2 hours to visit him instead...that was such a dumb experience.
there was other disrespectful behavior from him but the thing is... even if i call (nearly have to yell at him) out that his behavior is disrespectful towards me he doesn't care at all 😠 and he acted in this way also with his mom. red flag!
I left him alone then and said it's not working at all.
after 1 year of no contact i get a message from him with an apology. he thought i give him a second chance. i accepted his apology and thanked him for the learning lesson and said "no-thanks".
4 or 5 weeks later he found another woman and he is living with her now 🤷♀️
the second one wasn't better at all...same problem different guy.
i was the one with money 🙄 and he only wanted a clone of his ex wife. he was irritated about that i was so different from any other woman he met before.
he tried to push specific buttons like i am a machine to him that have to work properly like wish to.
there was no affection from him also don't put any efforts to know me better. he ghosted me after telling me he is depressed. i was worried about him the whole time...just to find out he blocked me everywhere accept whatsapp. at last he paid back my money i borrowed him in a emergency situation.
my basics are -->no guys with kids, no smokers and no long distance relationships in my life anymore. but that cuts off nearly 90% of men out there 🤷♀️
my problem is i need so much time with other people because of my trust issues. i have to observe people first and situations like that validate that i'm no person for dating in a usual way at all. i never had much friends in my entire life because i wasnt interestd in the things the most people are. i don't like go into clubs or doing party all the weekend drinking alcohol. i don't need that.
also people dont take time to know each other. but i need time. and its more interesting that these two men told me...hey yes, i'm looking for a long term relationship (with you). but their actions were different.
but when i said (to the second one but more like a test for me)
ok,lets try it then...all of this "lets take a picture together" and any other stuff he wants to do with me was gone immediately.
he also used his 2 little daughters as "like-generator" in a FB-group to get likes and hearts ...an absolute no go for me. he knew it bothers me and on top of that he said to me..."i'm doing that because i know it bothers you"
WTH?? 😑
why should i date anymore at all? 🤷♀️
it seems there are just unavailable and/or (shtty) people out there.
it's hard for me to find someone who is interesting. i'm not into "looks" of men at all, I don't have a specific type.
i just wish for someone who is not an a**hole. someone who wants to spend time with me and is interested in me as a person. i know im not good at conversations i'm not the nosy type of person. i like to know people in the long run.i don't ask questions like i am a candidate in a quiz show...to see if they "fit in" my life.
I really don't want kids, i don't need marriage...just someone who sees me, loves me and wants to be with me. and don't take advantage of me as soon as possible because i'm showing the vulnerable side of my charakter.
most people say i'm a beautiful, strong, intelligent and independent woman (yes, indeed. i need no one to live my life or save me). thats what they see and also told me and i am 😊
but we are social beings. friends are nice, yes, but friends are different from a parent or a spouse. everyone of them plays a different role in a humans life.
the intimacy with a partner is so much different from a friend or a family member 🤷♀️
i also don't want to live my life alone for the rest of my life. because life is damn short. half way done in my case...i'm 38.
but my hope to find someone like that is nearly gone 💔
most of the other men i met in my life were just intersted in my looks. they just want me in a sexual way but never more than that.
i had a long term relationship of 11 years with a toxic man 8 years ago and before that a 1 year relationship with my first bf. and i never ever want another relationship like those anymore.
This just sounds like an impossible and unrealistic goal. I have never been able to find someone, but that's not solely my responsibility.
Could we get into bad relationships because their familiar and we need physical contact?
Thanks for the stuff on addictions dining our cab lights !….I’ve allowed three comfort of cannabis and the use of porn to ease my own pain from being neglected !…it’s just a bad choice !!…thanks for the wisdom shared .
You're welcome, thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
It's so sad that psis 30 or 40 years ago only talked about the bad patterns but nothing about solutions. I lost faith. What Anna is saying is so important because is not obvious for us when we are so in trauma. We can't see this, we don't know how to do. It's so sad. Is never too late, but sooner the better. And not knowing and be alone just with toxic friends we don't learn anything good for us. And bad relationships make trauma worst and worst.
I’m a victim of childhood genital mutilation. How do I meet someone who can understand my trauma and sexual problems?
I encourage you to join our CCF members community courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/membership, where you can interact with people who've been through sexual abuse and can understand your problem. We meet online and have a secret Facebook group where you can connect with others and find support. You are not alone!
Nika@TeamFairy
Explain Pete Davidson
yeah.... do this, don't do that, be like this, don't be like that. all this because other people misbehavior towards us.... that's just exhausting and I see no joy in there. so maybe it's time to go ascetic. my spirituality is the most important thing after all.
I’m ready for my cab light, I think…. Maybe I need more work. I want to know how. 😊
Check out the Dating course :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’ve been isolating for two years now and working on myself in trauma therapy full time. When people say isolating is bad, it always rubs me the wrong way. I think most people could deal with one or two years of extreme isolating and introspecting. 💜
I feel the same. I'm isolated by need for 2y. I have to focus on my healing and then, when I will be stronger, I will meet again. It takes the time it takes but now I moving safely
Thx fairy Anna for all you bring to us ❤️
Isolating is much better than jumping from one unhealthy relationship to another. Congratulations, I commend you.
personally i did that while i was still in my marriage , then just dated for 7 yrs. i thought i would be in a healthy relationship after taking very expensive classes but no i have a different mind set but narcistic men still pop into my life, the current one just started showing his fangs so gotta do some planning and action!
agreed. I stopped biting my nails at 39 years of age, after a three-month "inner pilgrimage". No TV, no smartphone, no people. Just my dog and I, journaling and frequent walks in nature.
Stopping biting my nails wasn't a specific goal of this purposeful isolation period. Instead, it was an accidental positive result.
My hands had been a huge source of shame, guilt and low self-steem all of my life. Now I don't need to hide them any more.
@@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788 certainly a quantifiable result ⭐️
Thank you 🙏
I tell my friends that relationships are like projects, clean up your mess before you start another project.
love this
Yeah, women definitely need to heal their wounds before they jump into bed OR a relationship with another man. If you don’t, you WILL hurt the next guy(and yourself more). Guaranteed.
I see it all the time. But people get so infatuated with their LUST/emotions for someone (which is stupid) instead of looking at their character.
If you ladies make relationship/s3x decisions based on your emotions…that’s the VERY SAME THING as a man “thinking with his little head”.
NOT smart.
Following emotions is what immature children do before they grow wise.
I've spent my whole adult life fantasizing about a good relationship. When I'm with a man, I daydream about how he proudly introduces me to his friends and family, being invited to the bbq's, sometimes I talk out loud and imagine his responses. I receive bread crumbs and take it as a sign that I'm almost there, on the edge of finally getting what I want. Even when I was young and received as an attractive female, having good looks only got me men that became sexually obsessed. That was the height of my success with men. Well, I just recently ended a casual relationship. He showed up at my door, promising to finally stay the night instead of making excuses as to why he always had to jet out the door as soon as he got his sex from me. I told him nope, too late, I've lost interest. It felt so good to close the door on him without letting him get a word in edgewise. I didn't yell, didn't slam the door, I just did it. As soon as I did, I knew I'm finally on my way to turning on my "cab light" to attract something better. I'm lonely and afraid I'm too old now to attract a man. Yet at the same time I feel a strange confidence. I think these videos, the Daily Practice, and some therapy will really help me get there.
I can totally relate to your story ❤
Women have the power. Biggest trouble is finding the right person then not being too choosy. Good luck sister.
.... blokes advice...🤩
i can totally relate to you i'm in the same situation, been there and once you lower your standards with men it ends up somehow harming us in the end. Keep those standards up and the right one will cross your path eventually, in the meantime, live your life with passion and joy, focus on doing things that add to your life and personal growth. sending you good energy from Canada
I'm same but reversed sex...
Wow, you just expressed the way that I feel. We are not alone in this. ✌🏻❤️✨🌻
Hanging onto a bad relationship (FWB; situation-ship) is a placeholder ~blocking~ space for _healthier_ future relationships. Like a junky garage -> can’t park a nice new car. 💔❤️
THIS ❤
I recently had a woman come into my life who had that FWB in the way of a healthy connection. I don't play games, so I exit stage right.
Well put!
I like how she emphasizes fantasy relationships and "spacing out". After years I realized that was so detrimental to my mental health and I hadn't thought healthy people could tell the difference
omg...i finally have a label for past behavior with a guy i met when i was 18!!! i also have a weird unconscious thing i do where i attract guys that remind me of a few different rock singers i have "schoolgirl crushes" on...i would be 75% attracted to a boyfriend and then use my imagination pretending they were one of the singers they resembled, and that's how i stayed in a relationship sometimes - whoa! 😲
Attracting is one thing..... entertaining is something else..... If you are a bright light and amazing person.... almost everyone will be attracted to you......healing makes you only entertain the ppl who you should be with
A person can attract, but not entertain. And when you know your worth, you choose to entertain only what you know you deserve.
Yeah I normally leave fairly quickly cause I’m very sensitive to toxicity. However I never met someone both heathy and I felt attractive(had chemistry) 😢
This is blessing and a total curse. Gift of discernment is so important when you are a bright light to know whos genuine and whos worthy of your reciprocation
Wow this is brilliant-so simpl yet, brilliant thank you!!
What hides your light? Being in a bad relationship. Not being truly available. Addictions, porn, anger, drama, conflict, romantic energy leaking to others in casual relationship, for example.
Whew 😥 sheesh u just read me
@@szasremmurd8002 I kind of felt seen 😳
Romantic energy leaking to casual relationship? Never heard that before.
@@mikejohnson2098yeah sometimes people invest romantic energy into platonic connections where the romantic energy is not reciprocated, thus your reserves go empty and problems arise, like more isolation, fear, etc.
@@chaitea3421 Thanks for clarifying
This is a damaged person's projection fantasy of how "healthy" people present themselves.
Actual healthy people aren't afraid to bring their anger and sadness out. They don't edit themselves to appear a certain way for the purpose of attracting someone. They're ok with their whole range of feelings, and there's also plenty of room for others feelings, and people around them feel comfortable by that.
I agree. Some good points in this about who we are matters, but nobody is perfect. Nobody is without issues. I think I’m looking for how someone becomes vulnerable with a potential life partner. How they manage the negatives that life throws at us all.
Agreed. I like to think I'm a very perceptive person, but if I see an attractive stranger, I'm focused on that and learning more about them, not what supposed "energy" they're giving that tells me they must be too close with an ex. The most accurate point she made was that isolating will, by default, keep your "cab light" off in the sense that it's literally preventing you from meeting anyone.
Each one of us may be damaged in one way or another. Vulnerability and understanding are the keys to dealing successfully with different issues that can destroy relationships. Trust and mutual support will definitely help the relationship last. It is very important to help each other heal first before embarking on a serious relationship.
Thank you!!! I was thinking that thoughout the video.
All emotions are okay. But not all behavior is okay
had me at "people don't want someone in a bad relationship, healthy people will wait for the right one...."