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In this society of narcissists, psychopaths and corrupt politicians you can get more than angry. Every day I go out of the house I think I am on the wrong planet...
You need to consider that you could be projecting on other people. I felt the same way. Consider it. Everyone else has the same trauma, and act accordingly. Be nice. You might get it back.
@@Ishana_Intuitive I feel the same. Years ago being alone and isolation made me feel really bad. Now I recover when I don't have anyone around me. I was depressed and had no friends, got friends and felt even worse, isolated again and now I am feeling good.
Stoicism is something I’ve been learning about and trying to implement. It has helped me move towards the serenity prayer in my life, which allows me to separate my problems from how others act and speak.
Great perspective, thank you for that. I'm so angry in my PMDD phase but have to constantly hide it until I'm alone at night. So here I am secretly watching TH-cam videos about anger, appreciating POVs like yours. ❤
Like you said, not being seen or heard (ignored) can cause anger issues. Because without feedback, people don’t know where they stand in life at that particular moment. 🧐🤔
There was a small fry guy who tried to party with the fraternity jocks and got turned into a joke. He came back smashing his car and had a gun. Control issues
@@klaaspekala6804 lol, said the abuser/manipulator/gas-lighter. Imagine being a person telling survivors that have suppressed their anger for survival due to being constantly abused and exploited-to again question the validity of that critical emotion when they already are estranged from it in a profound way.
@klaaspekala6804 If I one day decode to believe I got an invisible ton of gold, it doesn't mean anything if it is not true. It doesn't change the reality of society or means that that the ton of gold of other people will start having its existence questioned. Rightful anger is only rightful when coming from a rightful person. Imagine is we were going to start saying no one is good because a bad person also believe they are good.
@shadowfax9177 I do it all the time. Sometimes I need to scroll on sites that make me angry just to get mad about something on purpose. After a certain point my ego kicks in and I get up. In the end, it's all about dopamine and norepinephrine. It has a price though, like everything. I burned the candle at both ends and now I'm too tired to do anything. I think the ancients were onto something when they called wrath a sin...
@beesmongeese2978 for sure. They were definitely onto something. I remember one day a light bulb went off in my head when I was trying to understand why I replayed angry scenes in the morning when I was getting ready. Tim sums up everything I was doing nicely.
@@shadowfax9177 I do whish he would have provided some more solutions though. Either way, for the record, I have an ADHD diagnosis. Turns out ADHD is not only related to deficiencies in dopamine and norepinephrine, but also to extreme emotional sensitivity and Impulsivity.
Having to go through the exact same conversations over and over with the exact same people and seeing them never learning or even just remembering the last conversation is it. Letting them fail and stand there cluelessly is the solution.
It's really amazing I survived my childhood. Most of the childhood problems Ive forgotten until watching your videos, and reflecting on my emotions then, how i felt inside, which nobody ever asked me in my family, i was a ghost.. of course I've had a poor quality of life, i wasn't given the tools to defend myself.
Yup, the "tools" I got were yelling and screaming, it seems I was burden when I was born, I had bad trauma at two year old, then yelling and screaming, then anger, then forget about, that's what my childhood was. Next comes adulthood, oh well , to bad, good luck with life =)
This is exactly how I feel today. I work in community service and I see neglect and abuse everywhere. When I point this out or report it and nothing happens or I get punished for it, I get angry and then pathologized for it... That is the pot calling the kettle black.... So... if I have a problem... I am not allowed to report it? And if I do, I get punished... and if I get angry, well then now apparently I am the one with the mental health problem? Now that's rich.
@raymond_sycamore I am about to quit my job and start working for myself independently. My management team is functionally illiterate. They cannot properly read or interpret policies. When they respond to my emails, it's like a response from a teenager. They see grammar and spelling as optional. Their responses are brief, vague, and they leave way more questions than they ever answer. I have been having a months long existential crisis over the fact that Chat GPT does a better job at convincing me it is conscious over email than 90% of my coworkers.
I spent years also not finding a therapist who would address cpstd. It's like "Don't scare me with scarey stories from your childhood." Back I the day, therapeutic interventions to address cpstd didn't exist. I'm sorry you have had that experience of being a "stranger in a strange land." I turned to self healing books. Pete Walker has written a lot of generally helpful info in his book on self healing from ptsd. Bessel van Der Kolk' The Body Keeps the Score," was very helpful for.me. there are a lot of entries about. Oping with or getting treatment for both ptsd and cptsd these day, Seek and ye shall find, I promise.
In reference to all the things he was saying about childhood trauma. My parents called this "normal". Growing up, I was told that kids don't have feelings or emotions, and I was condemned for showing them. The end result was a lot of anger and depression. And, yes, I was condemned for that, too.
I found the book 'A Different Drum' by M Scott Peck supremely helpful too. His extensive work on 'community' shows that conflict is actually a necessity in any authentically developing relationship, and that by vilifying our boundary defense mechanism ( anger) we have ruined our innate capacity to relate well to and with others. Highly recommend this book.
@ArashaSP Traditional didn't help, it was mostly what I did on my own. I know that's not helpful, but it was alot about digging into my anger creatively and not suppressing it or shaming it.
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Anger was such a big feeling I had as a child, and I couldn't understand why I felt it so deeply and so persistently. Finally, I worked on addressing this, and this channel had a lot to do with me figuring out that part of me.
Everything I learn about cptsd applies 100% to me. As does every aspect of this very insightful video. However, in over 7 years of going from therapist to hospital to psychiatrist to the next therapist, I haven’t ONCE been able to interest a single health care professional in the topic of cptsd. So much for not being heard …
No. As the good Dr. Gabor Maté said, most healthcare professionals are not trauma-informed. They'd probably prefer to shut you down than admit it, though.
Gabor Maté went to work as a consultant for the Ayahuasca retreat that I visited, now rebranded to Soltara ( co-run by American, Melissa Stangl and Canadian Dan Cleland ). Dan has a free documentary on TH-cam: "The Plant Teacher - Full Film - Ayahuasca & Psychedelic Science Documentary"
@@jennytaylor3324 yes my childhood was me being on constant high alert, so I do easily pick up moods of others. And I agree, feels like the world is going thrue a shift.
Thank you for sharing this information as I’ve been struggling with anger for my entire adolescent & adult life (I’m 62). The rage can be overwhelming & dissociation is horrible. It still creates shame & self loathing even though I understand the where the anger is coming from. Thank you for your support on this channel 💜🙏🇦🇺
Pretty spot on. I have been isolating for 17 years. I hate who I am. I even got into the medical field, before I realized how messed up, I was to try to make up for my existence by helping others. Now I am just numb and sleep 12-14 hours a day praying the end will come soon. Too much of a coward to do it myself.
And yes before anyone asks, Ive done therapy for years...seen shrinks...done yoga...exercise....all that crap. Puts a band aid on things but when you hate yourself it never helps.
@@williamhissom3921 I'll be praying that something happens to help you. I started going to church to have a support system and get to know my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ better. HE loves us NO MATTER WHAT, and wants us to thrive, not just survive. Storms will come; take His hand and let Him lead you through. May God Bless and Comfort you where you are!! I've been exactly where you are, Will
"I'm mad at me and I'm mad at the world." Yep. Every waking minute of my life for the past fifteen years. My ambitions have been replaced with revenge fantasies and my soul has been replaced with a shame core.
@0oo00 I've been attempting that for years. Granted, "God" wasn't the word I used, but the breadcrumbs of divine guidance I've been getting from the Creator are exhausted within minutes. It probably doesn't help that I'm angry at Him too, perhaps more than anything in the universe.
@@StevenBaranowskiWe are all on a healing journey together and individually. I too am stuck wondering why I’m not freed completely yet… I just know that I know that Jesus is Lord … my Lord; and I believe what he says. ❤
@@lorindapearson1639 It is so incredibly inappropriate and disrespectful to respond to individuals who have _potentially been MASSIVELY harmed by religion_ with platitudes and useless garbage about a god that _fully allows,, permits and supports abuses_ .. MILLENNIA of lack of action or removal of harm, but millennia also of utterly useless ‘thoughts and prayers’ while children DIE. ❤RIP Gabriel Fernandez and all the millions of children who die at the hands of _religiously affiliated pathologies_ . Religion never has and never will solve abuse because it CAUSES harm. Don’t respond with more platitudes and confirm your ignorance to the harm religion does to others.
Thank you, Tim! I’ve known I’m full of rage for most of my life, wanting to destroy someone for a mundane, minor infraction isn’t normal, but I’ve never understood the “Why?”… What you said makes so much sense! Feeling more peaceful now 😍
I'm sure im not the only one, but my anger fuels my depression. I get angry at myself for getting angry over trivial things, and so the feedback loop begins. It leads to being ever more insular, hoping to avoid the triggers. Which is impossible to achieve and makes the problem worse in the end.
I didn't even know I was angry for such a long time. I was too calm but would easy stab a person for touching me. My anger won't show on my face, but my body keeps it inside. Going numb is my default setting. Yes, being mad at the world is right since the world didn't protect me. I'm getting better on how I see humans, but it is hard.
Your comment about stabbing really resonated with me. I say the same stuff and then i wonder where the anger came from? I was molested by my grandpa at 3, I wonder if that is why? How deeply does SA affect us? TH-cam better not touch my comment again or I will sue, just a disclaimer.
Anger as a signpost to address issues proactively from a place of calm? “I am angry because ... “ Anger as creative fuel? Anger as a marker of specific injustices calling for your attention/dedication to changing it? Just some ideas ... The thing that seems damaging about anger is acting on it impulsively. It’s not the anger itself that’s damaging. Righteous anger is a real thing & valid.
@@cloudmountaindog8537 Righteous anger indeed. When you ask for something reasonable from the other party in a direct and adult way....I believe you are owed, then, an explanation if nothing else, if the other party doesn't at least offer an explanation that makes sense.... Then it becomes straight up disrespectful. Thus....more anger. How do you deal with/correct the situation then?
@nancyburtnett3490 It sounds like you’re trying to negotiate with someone incapable of it. You can’t make a crocodile wag it's tail ... It’s a crocodile. Consider saving your energy for people capable of responding in kind.
@polsyg6581 Apparently we’re in the minority. It seems to me that the world would be a much better place if people consciously acted on their righteous anger in proactive, reasonable ways 🤷🏽♀️
After getting out of a 20 year destructive relationship, noone in my life were there for me and my kids. I found that extremely traumatizing...how the people I cared about belittled our trauma. It has made me extremely angry the past almost 9 years...Im so mad at those people for what I feel was the act of kicking us when we were laying down... I especially feel extreme anger towards my sister in law who is the most disgusting human being I know.. she has not once showed any empathy, and have been talking behind my back and turning my brother against me. I think whatever demon feeds my anger loooves how she behave. Ive tried working on myself through all if this, but Im not able to stop hating her.. I try to stay away from them as much as possible to protect my energy, so I rarely seen them at all.. but its in my mind a lot. I rarely rage.. this anger is just a feeling I carry around in my life. If I could go no contact with them it would help
I truly feel for you! Just remember that you are not responsible for other people's behaviors. Try not to let your hatred for some of these people consume you because it does nothing to hurt them but everything to hurt you. In other words, live YOUR life without letting rotten people live 'rent free' in your world. Focus on your blessings and smile :)
Yes. Raised by a traumatized narcissist & her controlling misogynist husband. I always feel like I don't have a right to complain because they fed & clothed me, and didn't do half the terrible things they could have. But I was raised with chronic rejection, not being seen, subject to her hideous volatile mood swings, and chronically erratically violated or criticized. I was torn down, punished for existing, hated, bullied & often hit, smacked or whipped. Ignored. I do have problems with feeling empty, confused, ashamed & angry. It makes sense that I feel empty after being ignored & gaslit for so long. It's often hard for me to understand where the line for normalcy is. I go through the world calm & organized, but under the surface I'm anticipating my next assault & feel like I don't deserve good things. Unless I work really hard & get it myself. Because people are unreliable and hurt you. Probably my abusive mother is more aggressive, hateful, rejecting mean & unaware than average. So probably, I don't need to be so afraid. But my body is programmed for this after being trapped, verbally abused, intimidated, dragged, thrown & hit. Then you have to go to dinner while you're crying & your mother ignores you & tells people you're a terrible brat (because you existed). And they ask you what's wrong & you can't talk because you're trapped with a bully who hates you. Yeah, it does suck. Especially because now abuse is familiar to me as well. That makes finding a relationship really hard. I crave the pain & control, but I don't actually want to be with someone who hates & violates me. Makes you vulnerable to abusers. I'll try to build positivity one step at a time. Knowing that my natural defenses are towards mistrust, fear, shame & anger is helpful. Because if it is exaggerated, hopefully I can change that a bit.
I learnt that life is a game of survival and that we can either go out there and win it or loose, and it doesn't matter how we do it because karma rules over our existence anyway so we can try do things to improve our survival. The other thing I learnt is that nobody knows our story so nobody is watching. I say, you have more determination than most people and you only need to override your feelings and use it to your advantage❤
@@aquamarinedream8304 The things you thought were good about your mom sound like bread crumbs. The abuse you suffered was horrendous; I'm sure it was deeply traumatizing. Your responses are completely legitimate. Hold that wounded child in you. Honor the pain.
I remember when I finally got free from my abuser after 28 years alot of things that kept me unable to live were gone overnight. I felt safety for the first time in 28 years. I was angry tho for 2 years because I realized if the doctors and therapists did their job and got me to safety when everything was reported when I was 14, I could have experienced safety sooner and became the woman I was meant to be nearly 14 years prior and I could have been a normal adult but they ignored the fact that I wasn't safe at home. Nothing can be done in healing or living until safety is consistent. Every single therapist i ever saw in 14 years did not understand this and just assumed i was safe even tho i was being abused. It does still make me mad to think they were using me for money because i could have been killed, as if their dollar bills were more valuable than my human life.
❤TYSM for this❤ I always wondered why I was so angry all the time, and had people constantly shaming me about it. I'm better now, but this is so validating!!!!!❤❤❤
My father was always in a constant state of anger. It lurked under the surface. He had a very twisted childhood and teen years that he escaped by joining the military. If anyone needed therapy, he did - but he never wanted help. He bathed in his anger and liked the power he thought it gave him over the family.
The anger is really a mask that covers my long tear tracks the ones you said I'd get more of it If I didn't stop that crying sh*t "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
God... this gives me flashbacks. My mom would say, "stifle it". I asked her what that meant, she said, "stop crying". The irony was that she was affected by my crying. I lost the ability to cry and the ability to speak, over the span of decades. I had the inner rage of a serial killer.
I'm 42. Single never married and without children. Bearly making ends meet. Once in a while, just today by chance, my mother said I was her misery. That I just turned bad it was not her fault. That I was, quote, "too weak to deal with my father" an alcoholic narcissist and miserable being who blamed us for his boring unpleasant life since I can recall. I will ask God, sooner than later, why I was born in a such cold mean family, why I was raised socially handicapped and affected my few relationships to the point I have no friends, nobody to talk to.
I was angry at too much: the past, the morons, the thieves, the rude ones, the bills and fees and surcharges, the news, coworkers bludging, etc etc etc. Most of it was frustration at having to deal with too many issues and having too few resources. Now I’ve largely disengaged: I don’t watch TV, I don’t listen to or watch news, I ignore almost everything that is out of my direct control, I avoid people in general, and my main companion is my dog. Life is better, and way less angry.
And then I realised that the people running the world are WORSE than my parents and make me feel just as unloved, unsafe and gaslighted against. (Just can’t catch a break! 😂😭) So now the only solution is to get the fook out of here (remote living for safety 😢) Great. 😒
My anger comes from many many places. From being mauled by a birth mother who gave birth while addicted, from never feeling like I belonged anywhere, from my lack of relationship and sexual success, from my perception that most of that is society being awful and the rest was my refusal to engage from being so damaged and discouraged, from injustices I was done while homeless for almost a decade, from many many places my anger comes rushing. But for once in my life I perceive its control over me, and how I push others away with it like a well wielded tool, and how it shortens my life by making me permanently stressed out. I have reduced it some, thank goodness, but always more can be done.
Best to you in life choosing to find and build all the LOVE that lies within you. You are worth it as you are priceless. All my empathy for the past which still effects you today.
I am angry and Believe that what I've been through in the last year has caused me to have PTSD. My cup is like full and anything pushes me over and my patients are gone. I lost my husband to Huntington's disease. Watch them decline for years. Then my two sisters could not come over in the morning when he passed to give me a hug because they were jealous that my girlfriend was here and I didn't call him first and it hurts so bad and my daughter estranged me. For some reason I don't even really understand so I'm kind of isolated myself. I don't want to be around nobody
@Cindy-z3g No doubt about you having PTSD. Our minds and bodies can only take so much pain and negativity before the body crashes. Isolation is Gods/universes time out to heal yourself. By healing yourself you spiritually ascend. Best to you avoiding distractions to invest in yourself to become all you truely are and did not imagine you could be. All my empathy and LOVE as truely healing the mind and body to align with the soul is the hardest thing anyone will ever do for themselves in life. Follow your inner truth as you will be guided to all you need to heal within from within. You go this! You are not alone there is a higher power waiting for you to listen and get to work transforming negative experiences into good lived learned true knowledge. Truely astounding the truth truely is. This world is so much more then we have been lied to to beLIEve. Best to you with all the LOVE that lives in you waiting to be freed to live the life of your SOULS dream.
Definitely agree TF emotions are meant to be a healthy human guidance system, understanding right and wrong, sense good situations from bad, self protection etc. But traumatized people who become abusive manipulators refuse to learn to express their anger in ways that don't harm others, they use it as a tool, to try to intimidate, try to control the other person to go along with their toxic ways, so asking/expecting them to express their legitimate anger from trauma (that they know they have), in a healthy way will not happen because to them doing that doesn't make sense, anger to them is a tool to try to control their "loved ones", both passive aggression or full on aggression and get what they want and not change their behaviour or look at themselves while hurting others.
Oh boy, this is SPOT ON!!! Wow! For me, Anger is a huge but yet necessary source of fuel & motivation to keep going. If I let go of & stop being angry & stubborn too, whew boy, that's when you know that the end has come.
Question. What does working on yourself mean and entail? So far my best answer is: Noticing the emotion. Giving thought and words to what triggered it. Expressing it in a non volatile way if towards others. Acknowledging the injustice, and stating what one wants, and won't accept. Accepting that others are unlikely to change. Developing compassion towards ones perpetrator as they are also broken. Developing compassion towards oneself, acknowledging that I deserve better, and being humble towards ones own faults. Staying true to ones own desires and boundaries as to not put oneself in bad situations again. Lava is a good analogy, I feel that inside.
What you described here is exactly it. I grew up in an alcoholic family and I was so angry I couldn't see straight. It actually ended ended up propelling me into a major depression and anxiety phase for 4 years. I still has an adult struggle Terribly whenever I get angry.
As a youngster i was so angry and would have very nasty outburst that i couldnt stop acting on... i began to hate the way it made me feel mentally and and internally and that helped me to be able to stop myself from going into nasty fits.
Great video. LMAO. I am the poster child for CPTSD. I can't tell you how many times my mind has said, I've dreamt, screamed out loud, ...."I hate life, the universe and everything!". I actually have punched myself in my face while sleeping. Some of my best and happiest dreams are of me dying. I have dreams of destroying the world. At this point in my trauma therapy I keep having bouts of rage. Seething rage. Wanting to destroy everything in waking life. Yes, I grew up in a highly dysfunctional house with mentally ill parents and six older siblings who didn't see me as worth anything. Everything in this video is true. My anger turned into self hate. It took decades of work to find my self love again. Sometimes the monsters are not in the closet or under the bed. They have names like, mom, dad, sister, brother, .... rapist.
I am angry that I couldn't keep my first therapy appointment to address my trauma because my memory is failing me because of the trauma. So the trauma sabotaged my attempt to get help to overcome the trauma. Truly the enemy lives within.
@@victoryamartin9773 I’m so sorry! I, myself have been seeing a therapist for the last 8 years. I have a fatal brain disease that my husband, youngest adult / son , and I are trying to navigate. Needless to say I suffer from memory loss and several other issues. My therapist understands and therefore her receptionist calls and texts me appointment reminders the day before and I’m able to set my cell phone alarm as another reminder. Perhaps you could do this too? May God bless you! ❤️🙏🏼✝️
You could try adding high quality Omega 3 to your daily life (great for ADHD too) and increasing protein and fat (which your brain needs to function well) with meat, fish, eggs, butter, etc. Once you eat enough you won’t need to supplement with Omega 3 vitamins. Good magnesium is also very helpful to the body and nervous system along with Zinc. Just some ideas as it could ALSO be a lack of nutrients that causes brain fog and forgetfulness paired with the trauma. And having been there, I know how healing isn’t linear, it’s dynamic. And I KNOW how tough that is. It’s like your brain is a scrambled egg. So it’s better to eat the eggs and feel better than to have your brain turn into one! 😂😝 Most everyone is also deficient in iodine - Dr. Elizabeth Bright is a good interview to listen to. One‘s body and brain can also be inflamed along with the trauma. (Speaking from experience.) I’m still working on it, along with trauma therapy, but things are, and DO, get better. Step at a time. At the end of the day, it ALL needs to be addressed ~ so adding more meat, eggs (maybe clean dairy like grass fed butter and Greek yogurt if you and your thyroid/stomach can handle it) to your diet will help your brain to function better AND to make it to your appointments and function better in life overall. 🎉 You can do it! 💪🏼 Hang in there. 🙏🏼 And all the best! 💝
Kind of spooky, I am right now at that point where anger rises up very agressive in me in the process. - Right video at the right time! I overcome the point to be angry at the world years ago but didn't realized, until now, that I buried it deep inside me. Anger wasn't a tool-set in the family and was hard punished by the ignorance treatment. No emotion was handled well anyway... Whatever happened in the past - I am at the point L) in your list with "self harm" and all the anger is pointed at myself and I was surprised by me observing what is going on (starting to slap my face) but didn't had a clue why that impulse is so overwhelming. Know I now. Inside me I become like my parents treating my like they did - and of course the little kid in me is starting to get angry at myself. Now I know where I have to go.
It was so wonderful to discover that anger had been stolen from me and that that was WHY about a lot of different things!!🤣Now I just kind of stamp around when I'm alone, if I feel like it. I just Express and Be it. But also just make sure not to get stuck in it!!
Alot of my anger from unfair and tyrannical treatment from my parents with absolutely no chance of explanation or rational discussion led to not only my bad behavior, but with my alcohol and drug abuse.
If I had listened to my internal anger about bad behavior of my boyfriend, he wouldn’t have become my husband using bad behavior as a pawn in a game against me.
This is how road rage happens-the last person who "cuts you off" actually didn't do all those other things to you, but has to suffer your wrath from it all
I don't see that there are any negative emotions ... they are all just communication from the body. How one processes and responds to the communication is what makes the difference. Life-long learning curve for many of us.
I really like this guy. People forget how PAINFUL it can be to angry. I've lived with relentless CPTSD for over 30 years. I was in a bad school situation where I knew with every fibre of my being that needed to get out, but my tolerance (programming) for other peoples' bullshit was just too high, so I stayed, and it cost me everything. I'm almost permanently angry or scared of the future, and I don't trust myself. Worse still is that I'm unable to feel most positive emotions, and have never been happy in my adult life. Every day since my 'breakdown' (it wasn't a breakdown) at 16, I've woken with the sense of urgency - as if there's a fire somewhere in the house. It's a loud voice saying "This HAS to be fixed." After 20+ years of useless talking therapies, I've called off the search out of sheer exhaustion and despondency, but at the same time I feel it's finally time to get well , but don't know where to begin.
Thanks you very much, this is one best of the best videos that I ever listen to that had to much information without distracting information that would make hard for ADHD to absorb.
I felt like this growing up, I saw injustices and I was expected to be quiet or be punished and I got sober, got counseling and treatment and now that I have healthy boundaries, I'm still punished for having those! The difference now is that I see that they're still dysfunctional and I am not; I still speak with a sister but not the others because I was disowned by them when I got better; even the sister I do speak with expects me to shut up and sit down but I just explain my position and if she doesn't understand, she is free to go no contact with me
I realize that today most people are mad, angry and always complaining. But there's A HUGE difference between having a HOLY indignation of GOD and being angry in the flesh. Remember JESUS demonstrated HIS HOLY indignation when he flipped over the merchant workers tables in the house of prayer. And also, the Word of GOD says, "Be ye angry but sin not." I have the Spirit of MEEKNESS, KINDNESS AND MERCY and so often I will just let ungodly behavior go and look over it and of course, if it's something against me I will quickly forgive them 70 × 7 a day. But when acknowledging the LORD I don't get to just "let everything go" because HE sometimes takes up residence in and through me to get out of HIS way so that HE can have HIS WAY. Ohh' at times, I even surprised myself when I let GOD have HIS way.
After few years getting no contact with psychotic mother I finally let myself go and the anger rushed into my life. All that was compressed for years. Yes, it helps in extreme situations, maybe even it saved my life a couple of times. But in everyday life it is hard for me to communicate, I see everyone like hazardous or at least lying and unreliable. I have no illusions why I can’t make friends or romantic relationships, because I want to do harm to people. The harm that was meant to a really bad person in my early life. Even if I try to relax and be easy, each time something bad happens to my health, my cat’s health, my money, my property, I make huge mistakes at work or I get in any other trouble. And I understand that “relaxed mode” makes me so vulnerable that it’s not even worth it.
I get angry from having chronic pain all the time that would make most people curl up in a ball and weep. So when I feel that anger coming on I stay away from other people. Problem solved
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression. The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself.
Anger is a language that has only three words: I’ve given up. And it didn’t start with anyone it started with itself it’s simply a self-destruction. It doesn’t matter what everyone throws at you for when you’re solid in what you are you won’t waste your time actually feeling mad at a species that hasn’t changed and will never change you’ll know you have your own important shite to do
trying to get diagnosed after 12yrs of living in fight/flight.stuck in bad /fearful moods... cptsd,menopause,and adhd possible .its hard juggling so many emotions that are uncontrolable...i feel like a shell of a human.hitting my head off the wall.dead inside is right.. need therapy to move on so i can be the lovely person i used to be improved by lifes mountains not destroyed
I have not anger, because i choose my friends and which family members may i be more close!!! I choose what to see in television and what music to listen,it depends my mood 😂. I prefer my loneliness when i feel tired or have little depression. Philosophy helps me a lot,i have no fear inside me, life is the same for everyone,we will live in this earth and will gone when is our time. I love myself,i am doing my best and i have done mistakes of course but i judge myself so hard and i will never going back. I am atheist the last years and i believe in myself and I have done almost all i wanted to do in my life, not expensive things but many to feel complete. In my opinion, people have anger because they cannot love themselves first and of course they cannot love others. Fear is the negative way to live !!
I'm scared of my anger. If I let it out after all this time, I'll end up hurting someone very badly (probably not original abuser, either). I do not know what to do with it.
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Hi! Thanks for sharing the message. What is the brand of your glasses?
You're so right. I have become a very angry adult and I do not care for anyone in a position of "authority". I have CPTSD and it's crushing my soul!
I feel this way but have to hide it. I'm only allowed to feel it secretly at night. Thanks for helping me not to feel so lonely.
I am the same, God help us.
Me too. I wish you healing and the life you deserve. God bless
same, same, better than being a victim, there is nothing wrong with seeing the truth, you have to channel it constantly towards the healthy solution
Watch his video on oppositional defience disorder
In this society of narcissists, psychopaths and corrupt politicians you can get more than angry. Every day I go out of the house I think I am on the wrong planet...
@@Ishana_Intuitive Yes,yes we are.
Listen to the words in the hymn, “Oh, My Father”…that helps me to realize that I am better than what this earth sometimes offers.
You need to consider that you could be projecting on other people. I felt the same way. Consider it. Everyone else has the same trauma, and act accordingly. Be nice. You might get it back.
@@Ishana_Intuitive I feel the same. Years ago being alone and isolation made me feel really bad. Now I recover when I don't have anyone around me. I was depressed and had no friends, got friends and felt even worse, isolated again and now I am feeling good.
Stoicism is something I’ve been learning about and trying to implement. It has helped me move towards the serenity prayer in my life, which allows me to separate my problems from how others act and speak.
Anger is the emotion of self preservation.
100%
Great perspective, thank you for that. I'm so angry in my PMDD phase but have to constantly hide it until I'm alone at night. So here I am secretly watching TH-cam videos about anger, appreciating POVs like yours. ❤
I agree with this.
I’m mad as hell!!!
it can be consuming and lead to all manner of bad behaviour.
Like you said, not being seen or heard (ignored) can cause anger issues.
Because without feedback, people don’t know where they stand in life at that particular moment. 🧐🤔
There was a small fry guy who tried to party with the fraternity jocks and got turned into a joke. He came back smashing his car and had a gun. Control issues
@@LightWarriors4Life Yes.And they can have identiy and developmental issues if this started young,emotional neglect ,sad
Righteous anger is essential to healing
@@HalfJapMarine 💯🎯❤️
I like it
Literally EVERY angry person thinks that their anger is righteous. Beware!
@@klaaspekala6804 lol, said the abuser/manipulator/gas-lighter. Imagine being a person telling survivors that have suppressed their anger for survival due to being constantly abused and exploited-to again question the validity of that critical emotion when they already are estranged from it in a profound way.
@klaaspekala6804 If I one day decode to believe I got an invisible ton of gold, it doesn't mean anything if it is not true. It doesn't change the reality of society or means that that the ton of gold of other people will start having its existence questioned. Rightful anger is only rightful when coming from a rightful person. Imagine is we were going to start saying no one is good because a bad person also believe they are good.
Anger is a gift - uncontrollable rage is a curse
Anger gives me energy. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and didn't realize i was recalling events to make me angry for the energy boost.
@shadowfax9177 I do it all the time. Sometimes I need to scroll on sites that make me angry just to get mad about something on purpose. After a certain point my ego kicks in and I get up. In the end, it's all about dopamine and norepinephrine. It has a price though, like everything. I burned the candle at both ends and now I'm too tired to do anything. I think the ancients were onto something when they called wrath a sin...
@beesmongeese2978 for sure. They were definitely onto something. I remember one day a light bulb went off in my head when I was trying to understand why I replayed angry scenes in the morning when I was getting ready. Tim sums up everything I was doing nicely.
@@shadowfax9177 I do whish he would have provided some more solutions though. Either way, for the record, I have an ADHD diagnosis. Turns out ADHD is not only related to deficiencies in dopamine and norepinephrine, but also to extreme emotional sensitivity and Impulsivity.
I have ME too and when I get angry I get so revved up it short-circuits me and I collapse even more for longer.
@shadowfax9177 wow great insight ... Bravo
THANK YOU!!! I had a therapist who told me to not let go of my anger too quickly.
Having to go through the exact same conversations over and over with the exact same people and seeing them never learning or even just remembering the last conversation is it. Letting them fail and stand there cluelessly is the solution.
Beyond effin frustrating i tell ya. People sometimes suck
It's so boring..and hurtful.
It's really amazing I survived my childhood. Most of the childhood problems Ive forgotten until watching your videos, and reflecting on my emotions then, how i felt inside, which nobody ever asked me in my family, i was a ghost.. of course I've had a poor quality of life, i wasn't given the tools to defend myself.
@@Ryl33hz . You are not alone.
Yup, the "tools" I got were yelling and screaming, it seems I was burden when I was born, I had bad trauma at two year old, then yelling and screaming, then anger, then forget about, that's what my childhood was. Next comes adulthood, oh well , to bad, good luck with life =)
@@nobodyxxx999 . I hope you’re doing well. You are not a nobody.
@@nobodyxxx999my mother was about to abort me, then changed her mind and just started deliberately destroying me
This is exactly how I feel today. I work in community service and I see neglect and abuse everywhere. When I point this out or report it and nothing happens or I get punished for it, I get angry and then pathologized for it...
That is the pot calling the kettle black....
So... if I have a problem... I am not allowed to report it? And if I do, I get punished... and if I get angry, well then now apparently I am the one with the mental health problem?
Now that's rich.
@@Havre_Chithra Our experience over the last handful of years! No more.
Sounds like working for corporate America... I just rage quit a job today because of it
@raymond_sycamore I am about to quit my job and start working for myself independently. My management team is functionally illiterate. They cannot properly read or interpret policies. When they respond to my emails, it's like a response from a teenager. They see grammar and spelling as optional. Their responses are brief, vague, and they leave way more questions than they ever answer. I have been having a months long existential crisis over the fact that Chat GPT does a better job at convincing me it is conscious over email than 90% of my coworkers.
I spent years also not finding a therapist who would address cpstd. It's like "Don't scare me with scarey stories from your childhood." Back I the day, therapeutic interventions to address cpstd didn't exist. I'm sorry you have had that experience of being a "stranger in a strange land."
I turned to self healing books. Pete Walker has written a lot of generally helpful info in his book on self healing from ptsd. Bessel van Der Kolk' The Body Keeps the Score," was very helpful for.me. there are a lot of entries about. Oping with or getting treatment for both ptsd and cptsd these day, Seek and ye shall find, I promise.
Welcome to the slavery of 9 to 5. If you're not on the top then this is what you get. EVERYWHERE
I get 2 responses to hurt and abuse:
1 anger
2 sadness
Anger is the only one that people actually hear and learn to back off after
@@smokingcrab2290 true
hopefully 🤞 you will heal soon ♥️♥️
This is going to save lives. Legit. Thank you brother.
This amazing man has saved mine.
In reference to all the things he was saying about childhood trauma. My parents called this "normal". Growing up, I was told that kids don't have feelings or emotions, and I was condemned for showing them. The end result was a lot of anger and depression. And, yes, I was condemned for that, too.
Malignant normalcy as Jerry Wise says.
"you better not say to anyone zhat you're depressed, what will they think about you????" - was what i got
Thank you so much for putting into words what so many of us are just figuring out. You are a gift to the world, Tim. Truly, thank you.
I agree strongly!!
I found the book 'A Different Drum' by M Scott Peck supremely helpful too. His extensive work on 'community' shows that conflict is actually a necessity in any authentically developing relationship, and that by vilifying our boundary defense mechanism ( anger) we have ruined our innate capacity to relate well to and with others. Highly recommend this book.
Interesting 🤨
@@cathryndeyn9 I remember that book. It's worth another read.
I worked through the toxic anger part, now im in a more balanced place where i will call out the injustice i see without projecting ❤ Thank you
@@nyxcole9879 Do you mind sharing what type of therapy worked for you?
How long did it take you?
@yellowdayz1800 2 years
@@nyxcole9879 What type of therapy worked?
@ArashaSP Traditional didn't help, it was mostly what I did on my own. I know that's not helpful, but it was alot about digging into my anger creatively and not suppressing it or shaming it.
Anger was such a big feeling I had as a child, and I couldn't understand why I felt it so deeply and so persistently.
Finally, I worked on addressing this, and this channel had a lot to do with me figuring out that part of me.
Am grateful that these type of conversations are available.
Rare benefit from tech
Everything I learn about cptsd applies 100% to me. As does every aspect of this very insightful video. However, in over 7 years of going from therapist to hospital to psychiatrist to the next therapist, I haven’t ONCE been able to interest a single health care professional in the topic of cptsd. So much for not being heard …
No. As the good Dr. Gabor Maté said, most healthcare professionals are not trauma-informed. They'd probably prefer to shut you down than admit it, though.
Same here. So now Im even more angry then before.
@@MindlerCamper And we feel guilty for feeling angry, don't we?! Do you find you can sense anger in others (I do)?
Gabor Maté went to work as a consultant for the Ayahuasca retreat that I visited, now rebranded to Soltara ( co-run by American, Melissa Stangl and Canadian Dan Cleland ). Dan has a free documentary on TH-cam: "The Plant Teacher - Full Film - Ayahuasca & Psychedelic Science Documentary"
@@jennytaylor3324 yes my childhood was me being on constant high alert, so I do easily pick up moods of others. And I agree, feels like the world is going thrue a shift.
Thank you for sharing this information as I’ve been struggling with anger for my entire adolescent & adult life (I’m 62). The rage can be overwhelming & dissociation is horrible. It still creates shame & self loathing even though I understand the where the anger is coming from. Thank you for your support on this channel 💜🙏🇦🇺
Pretty spot on. I have been isolating for 17 years. I hate who I am. I even got into the medical field, before I realized how messed up, I was to try to make up for my existence by helping others. Now I am just numb and sleep 12-14 hours a day praying the end will come soon. Too much of a coward to do it myself.
And yes before anyone asks, Ive done therapy for years...seen shrinks...done yoga...exercise....all that crap. Puts a band aid on things but when you hate yourself it never helps.
@@williamhissom3921 I'll be praying that something happens to help you. I started going to church to have a support system and get to know my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ better. HE loves us NO MATTER WHAT, and wants us to thrive, not just survive. Storms will come; take His hand and let Him lead you through. May God Bless and Comfort you where you are!! I've been exactly where you are, Will
@@williamhissom3921watch Tims videos, also Jerry Wise, Jay Reid, Les Carter and Dr Ramani. Learn and change yourself 💜
Sorry but the medical field is a hell spot, that has probably left you even more damaged. I can only say i feel the same and feel for you.
@@williamhissom3921 No its the coward who checks out on life. It takes courage to face the pain that drives the anger.
"I'm mad at me and I'm mad at the world."
Yep. Every waking minute of my life for the past fifteen years. My ambitions have been replaced with revenge fantasies and my soul has been replaced with a shame core.
@AlastorTheNPDemon Ask, God can save you!
@0oo00 I've been attempting that for years. Granted, "God" wasn't the word I used, but the breadcrumbs of divine guidance I've been getting from the Creator are exhausted within minutes. It probably doesn't help that I'm angry at Him too, perhaps more than anything in the universe.
@@StevenBaranowskiWe are all on a healing journey together and individually. I too am stuck wondering why I’m not freed completely yet…
I just know that I know that Jesus is Lord … my Lord; and I believe what he says. ❤
I trust in his timing. And yet don’t forget that I have a huge part to play. My will must be in place
@@lorindapearson1639 It is so incredibly inappropriate and disrespectful to respond to individuals who have _potentially been MASSIVELY harmed by religion_ with platitudes and useless garbage about a god that _fully allows,, permits and supports abuses_ .. MILLENNIA of lack of action or removal of harm, but millennia also of utterly useless ‘thoughts and prayers’ while children DIE. ❤RIP Gabriel Fernandez and all the millions of children who die at the hands of _religiously affiliated pathologies_ . Religion never has and never will solve abuse because it CAUSES harm. Don’t respond with more platitudes and confirm your ignorance to the harm religion does to others.
Thank you, Tim! I’ve known I’m full of rage for most of my life, wanting to destroy someone for a mundane, minor infraction isn’t normal, but I’ve never understood the “Why?”…
What you said makes so much sense! Feeling more peaceful now 😍
I'm sure im not the only one, but my anger fuels my depression. I get angry at myself for getting angry over trivial things, and so the feedback loop begins. It leads to being ever more insular, hoping to avoid the triggers. Which is impossible to achieve and makes the problem worse in the end.
you're aren't the only one
Depression is anger turned inwards. If you resolve the anger, the depression lifts.
I didn't even know I was angry for such a long time. I was too calm but would easy stab a person for touching me. My anger won't show on my face, but my body keeps it inside. Going numb is my default setting. Yes, being mad at the world is right since the world didn't protect me. I'm getting better on how I see humans, but it is hard.
@@GiftsAmimalsGiveUs very insightful - keep up you’re healing journey
It doesn't help that every second 1000 more evil people are being born
Your comment about stabbing really resonated with me. I say the same stuff and then i wonder where the anger came from? I was molested by my grandpa at 3, I wonder if that is why? How deeply does SA affect us?
TH-cam better not touch my comment again or I will sue, just a disclaimer.
Anger to be heard, I sussed out many years ago that my anger started for this reason.
This was me and I carried it to adulthood and it affected everyone around me who I wanted to care about me, and who I cared about.
Anger as a signpost to address issues proactively from a place of calm? “I am angry because ... “ Anger as creative fuel? Anger as a marker of specific injustices calling for your attention/dedication to changing it? Just some ideas ... The thing that seems damaging about anger is acting on it impulsively. It’s not the anger itself that’s damaging. Righteous anger is a real thing & valid.
@@cloudmountaindog8537 Righteous anger indeed. When you ask for something reasonable from the other party in a direct and adult way....I believe you are owed, then, an explanation if nothing else, if the other party doesn't at least offer an explanation that makes sense.... Then it becomes straight up disrespectful. Thus....more anger. How do you deal with/correct the situation then?
i saw it as a motivator for action. seems like im the only one who uses it that way sometimes though.
@nancyburtnett3490 It sounds like you’re trying to negotiate with someone incapable of it. You can’t make a crocodile wag it's tail ... It’s a crocodile. Consider saving your energy for people capable of responding in kind.
@polsyg6581 Apparently we’re in the minority. It seems to me that the world would be a much better place if people consciously acted on their righteous anger in proactive, reasonable ways 🤷🏽♀️
This is amazing. Every parent, teacher, etc should know this..
Why so they can call child services and have children taken and sold into trafficking. Because that's all that will happen Karen.
After getting out of a 20 year destructive relationship, noone in my life were there for me and my kids. I found that extremely traumatizing...how the people I cared about belittled our trauma. It has made me extremely angry the past almost 9 years...Im so mad at those people for what I feel was the act of kicking us when we were laying down... I especially feel extreme anger towards my sister in law who is the most disgusting human being I know.. she has not once showed any empathy, and have been talking behind my back and turning my brother against me. I think whatever demon feeds my anger loooves how she behave. Ive tried working on myself through all if this, but Im not able to stop hating her.. I try to stay away from them as much as possible to protect my energy, so I rarely seen them at all.. but its in my mind a lot. I rarely rage.. this anger is just a feeling I carry around in my life. If I could go no contact with them it would help
I truly feel for you! Just remember that you are not responsible for other people's behaviors. Try not to let your hatred for some of these people consume you because it does nothing to hurt them but everything to hurt you. In other words, live YOUR life without letting rotten people live 'rent free' in your world. Focus on your blessings and smile :)
Yes. Raised by a traumatized narcissist & her controlling misogynist husband. I always feel like I don't have a right to complain because they fed & clothed me, and didn't do half the terrible things they could have.
But I was raised with chronic rejection, not being seen, subject to her hideous volatile mood swings, and chronically erratically violated or criticized. I was torn down, punished for existing, hated, bullied & often hit, smacked or whipped. Ignored.
I do have problems with feeling empty, confused, ashamed & angry. It makes sense that I feel empty after being ignored & gaslit for so long. It's often hard for me to understand where the line for normalcy is. I go through the world calm & organized, but under the surface I'm anticipating my next assault & feel like I don't deserve good things. Unless I work really hard & get it myself. Because people are unreliable and hurt you.
Probably my abusive mother is more aggressive, hateful, rejecting mean & unaware than average. So probably, I don't need to be so afraid. But my body is programmed for this after being trapped, verbally abused, intimidated, dragged, thrown & hit. Then you have to go to dinner while you're crying & your mother ignores you & tells people you're a terrible brat (because you existed). And they ask you what's wrong & you can't talk because you're trapped with a bully who hates you.
Yeah, it does suck. Especially because now abuse is familiar to me as well. That makes finding a relationship really hard. I crave the pain & control, but I don't actually want to be with someone who hates & violates me. Makes you vulnerable to abusers. I'll try to build positivity one step at a time. Knowing that my natural defenses are towards mistrust, fear, shame & anger is helpful. Because if it is exaggerated, hopefully I can change that a bit.
I learnt that life is a game of survival and that we can either go out there and win it or loose, and it doesn't matter how we do it because karma rules over our existence anyway so we can try do things to improve our survival. The other thing I learnt is that nobody knows our story so nobody is watching. I say, you have more determination than most people and you only need to override your feelings and use it to your advantage❤
@@aquamarinedream8304 Wow… I could have written that. 😢
I’m so sorry for your pain and I hope you can start to find peace.
were you in a religious cult like jehovah witness...?
@@aquamarinedream8304 The things you thought were good about your mom sound like bread crumbs. The abuse you suffered was horrendous; I'm sure it was deeply traumatizing. Your responses are completely legitimate. Hold that wounded child in you. Honor the pain.
@@victoryamartin9773 agree 1000%
I remember when I finally got free from my abuser after 28 years alot of things that kept me unable to live were gone overnight. I felt safety for the first time in 28 years. I was angry tho for 2 years because I realized if the doctors and therapists did their job and got me to safety when everything was reported when I was 14, I could have experienced safety sooner and became the woman I was meant to be nearly 14 years prior and I could have been a normal adult but they ignored the fact that I wasn't safe at home. Nothing can be done in healing or living until safety is consistent. Every single therapist i ever saw in 14 years did not understand this and just assumed i was safe even tho i was being abused. It does still make me mad to think they were using me for money because i could have been killed, as if their dollar bills were more valuable than my human life.
@@Dobermanmomma Sry They do this on purpose
Of course money is more important for them. They are the psychopaths.
Anger saved my life a dozen times. The statement “anger never helps” is something that only a person who has never been in a knife fight would say.
❤TYSM for this❤ I always wondered why I was so angry all the time, and had people constantly shaming me about it. I'm better now, but this is so validating!!!!!❤❤❤
Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re just hanging out with the wrong people
I've never heard anything so spot on.
This brought so much anger and aggression only by listening to it
Tim you are brightening my life and validating my reality. Thanks for all you do.
My father was always in a constant state of anger. It lurked under the surface. He had a very twisted childhood and teen years that he escaped by joining the military. If anyone needed therapy, he did - but he never wanted help. He bathed in his anger and liked the power he thought it gave him over the family.
The anger is really a mask
that covers my long tear tracks
the ones you said I'd get more of it
If I didn't stop that crying sh*t
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
God... this gives me flashbacks. My mom would say, "stifle it". I asked her what that meant, she said, "stop crying". The irony was that she was affected by my crying. I lost the ability to cry and the ability to speak, over the span of decades. I had the inner rage of a serial killer.
I'm 42. Single never married and without children. Bearly making ends meet. Once in a while, just today by chance, my mother said I was her misery. That I just turned bad it was not her fault. That I was, quote, "too weak to deal with my father" an alcoholic narcissist and miserable being who blamed us for his boring unpleasant life since I can recall. I will ask God, sooner than later, why I was born in a such cold mean family, why I was raised socially handicapped and affected my few relationships to the point I have no friends, nobody to talk to.
hopefully 🤞 you will heal soon ♥️♥️
Yes!, this explains SO much in my present. TY.
Thank you so much
for this explanation 🙏❤️😊
I was angry at too much: the past, the morons, the thieves, the rude ones, the bills and fees and surcharges, the news, coworkers bludging, etc etc etc. Most of it was frustration at having to deal with too many issues and having too few resources.
Now I’ve largely disengaged: I don’t watch TV, I don’t listen to or watch news, I ignore almost everything that is out of my direct control, I avoid people in general, and my main companion is my dog. Life is better, and way less angry.
And then I realised that the people running the world are WORSE than my parents and make me feel just as unloved, unsafe and gaslighted against. (Just can’t catch a break! 😂😭) So now the only solution is to get the fook out of here (remote living for safety 😢) Great. 😒
Spent a decade in South Korea, never met anyone there who told the truth or fulfilled their word.
interesting
America is the same.
You have to be kind. You have to be authentic and transparent.
My anger comes from many many places. From being mauled by a birth mother who gave birth while addicted, from never feeling like I belonged anywhere, from my lack of relationship and sexual success, from my perception that most of that is society being awful and the rest was my refusal to engage from being so damaged and discouraged, from injustices I was done while homeless for almost a decade, from many many places my anger comes rushing. But for once in my life I perceive its control over me, and how I push others away with it like a well wielded tool, and how it shortens my life by making me permanently stressed out. I have reduced it some, thank goodness, but always more can be done.
Best to you in life choosing to find and build all the LOVE that lies within you. You are worth it as you are priceless. All my empathy for the past which still effects you today.
@@jaydee2072 and you forged yourself into a powerful, compassionate and perceptive writer and individual. Thank you for sharing that, very inspiring!
That's a lot to be angry about. I can feel it in your writing.
I am angry and Believe that what I've been through in the last year has caused me to have PTSD. My cup is like full and anything pushes me over and my patients are gone. I lost my husband to Huntington's disease. Watch them decline for years. Then my two sisters could not come over in the morning when he passed to give me a hug because they were jealous that my girlfriend was here and I didn't call him first and it hurts so bad and my daughter estranged me. For some reason I don't even really understand so I'm kind of isolated myself. I don't want to be around nobody
@Cindy-z3g No doubt about you having PTSD. Our minds and bodies can only take so much pain and negativity before the body crashes. Isolation is Gods/universes time out to heal yourself. By healing yourself you spiritually ascend. Best to you avoiding distractions to invest in yourself to become all you truely are and did not imagine you could be. All my empathy and LOVE as truely healing the mind and body to align with the soul is the hardest thing anyone will ever do for themselves in life. Follow your inner truth as you will be guided to all you need to heal within from within. You go this! You are not alone there is a higher power waiting for you to listen and get to work transforming negative experiences into good lived learned true knowledge. Truely astounding the truth truely is. This world is so much more then we have been lied to to beLIEve. Best to you with all the LOVE that lives in you waiting to be freed to live the life of your SOULS dream.
Definitely agree TF emotions are meant to be a healthy human guidance system, understanding right and wrong, sense good situations from bad, self protection etc. But traumatized people who become abusive manipulators refuse to learn to express their anger in ways that don't harm others, they use it as a tool, to try to intimidate, try to control the other person to go along with their toxic ways, so asking/expecting them to express their legitimate anger from trauma (that they know they have), in a healthy way will not happen because to them doing that doesn't make sense, anger to them is a tool to try to control their "loved ones", both passive aggression or full on aggression and get what they want and not change their behaviour or look at themselves while hurting others.
Oh boy, this is SPOT ON!!! Wow! For me, Anger is a huge but yet necessary source of fuel & motivation to keep going. If I let go of & stop being angry & stubborn too, whew boy, that's when you know that the end has come.
Absolutely brilliant. Fascinating. This ha really helped me.
This was the MOST CLEAREST and helpfulest explanation of an emotion i have ever heard in my life and for me life-changing ❤ thanku Sir
AMEN. Working on this with my therapist. Finally someone gets it
Question. What does working on yourself mean and entail?
So far my best answer is:
Noticing the emotion.
Giving thought and words to what triggered it.
Expressing it in a non volatile way if towards others.
Acknowledging the injustice, and stating what one wants, and won't accept.
Accepting that others are unlikely to change.
Developing compassion towards ones perpetrator as they are also broken.
Developing compassion towards oneself, acknowledging that I deserve better, and being humble towards ones own faults.
Staying true to ones own desires and boundaries as to not put oneself in bad situations again.
Lava is a good analogy, I feel that inside.
What you described here is exactly it. I grew up in an alcoholic family and I was so angry I couldn't see straight. It actually ended ended up propelling me into a major depression and anxiety phase for 4 years. I still has an adult struggle Terribly whenever I get angry.
Appreciate the video. I’m dealing with this now. I’m disturbingly irritated often and used to be very laid back in general so working on it
Anger has led me to good things many times.
As a youngster i was so angry and would have very nasty outburst that i couldnt stop acting on... i began to hate the way it made me feel mentally and and internally and that helped me to be able to stop myself from going into nasty fits.
I find your guidance and understanding to be spot on. Thank you so much ❤
Great video.
LMAO. I am the poster child for CPTSD. I can't tell you how many times my mind has said, I've dreamt, screamed out loud, ...."I hate life, the universe and everything!". I actually have punched myself in my face while sleeping. Some of my best and happiest dreams are of me dying. I have dreams of destroying the world. At this point in my trauma therapy I keep having bouts of rage. Seething rage. Wanting to destroy everything in waking life.
Yes, I grew up in a highly dysfunctional house with mentally ill parents and six older siblings who didn't see me as worth anything.
Everything in this video is true. My anger turned into self hate. It took decades of work to find my self love again.
Sometimes the monsters are not in the closet or under the bed. They have names like, mom, dad, sister, brother, .... rapist.
thanks for making these vids man. They should make you head therapist for like, the whole country
I am angry that I couldn't keep my first therapy appointment to address my trauma because my memory is failing me because of the trauma. So the trauma sabotaged my attempt to get help to overcome the trauma. Truly the enemy lives within.
@@victoryamartin9773 I’m so sorry! I,
myself have been seeing a therapist for the last 8 years. I have a fatal brain disease that my husband, youngest adult / son , and I are trying to navigate.
Needless to say I suffer from memory loss and several other issues. My therapist understands and therefore her receptionist calls and texts me appointment reminders the day before and I’m able to set my cell phone alarm as another reminder. Perhaps you could do this too? May God bless you!
❤️🙏🏼✝️
I'm with you, man.
@@victoryamartin9773 Post-it-Notes
You could try adding high quality Omega 3 to your daily life (great for ADHD too) and increasing protein and fat (which your brain needs to function well) with meat, fish, eggs, butter, etc.
Once you eat enough you won’t need to supplement with Omega 3 vitamins. Good magnesium is also very helpful to the body and nervous system along with Zinc. Just some ideas as it could ALSO be a lack of nutrients that causes brain fog and forgetfulness paired with the trauma. And having been there, I know how healing isn’t linear, it’s dynamic. And I KNOW how tough that is. It’s like your brain is a scrambled egg. So it’s better to eat the eggs and feel better than to have your brain turn into one! 😂😝
Most everyone is also deficient in iodine - Dr. Elizabeth Bright is a good interview to listen to.
One‘s body and brain can also be inflamed along with the trauma. (Speaking from experience.) I’m still working on it, along with trauma therapy, but things are, and DO, get better. Step at a time.
At the end of the day, it ALL needs to be addressed ~ so adding more meat, eggs (maybe clean dairy like grass fed butter and Greek yogurt if you and your thyroid/stomach can handle it) to your diet will help your brain to function better AND to make it to your appointments and function better in life overall. 🎉
You can do it! 💪🏼
Hang in there. 🙏🏼
And all the best! 💝
@@victoryamartin9773 Your memory loss is protecting you so don’t be hard on yourself
Kind of spooky, I am right now at that point where anger rises up very agressive in me in the process. - Right video at the right time!
I overcome the point to be angry at the world years ago but didn't realized, until now, that I buried it deep inside me. Anger wasn't a tool-set in the family and was hard punished by the ignorance treatment. No emotion was handled well anyway...
Whatever happened in the past - I am at the point L) in your list with "self harm" and all the anger is pointed at myself and I was surprised by me observing what is going on (starting to slap my face) but didn't had a clue why that impulse is so overwhelming.
Know I now.
Inside me I become like my parents treating my like they did - and of course the little kid in me is starting to get angry at myself.
Now I know where I have to go.
@Timflechter nice try, scammer - i am smart enough to see the difference in the name. flechTer or fleTcher. Delete yourself!
It was so wonderful to discover that anger had been stolen from me and that that was WHY about a lot of different things!!🤣Now I just kind of stamp around when I'm alone, if I feel like it. I just Express and Be it. But also just make sure not to get stuck in it!!
As the great John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) once sang: Anger is an Energy! If you can control and channel it, anger can be a great motivator!
Alot of my anger from unfair and tyrannical treatment from my parents with absolutely no chance of explanation or rational discussion led to not only my bad behavior, but with my alcohol and drug abuse.
If I had listened to my internal anger about bad behavior of my boyfriend, he wouldn’t have become my husband using bad behavior as a pawn in a game against me.
This is how road rage happens-the last person who "cuts you off" actually didn't do all those other things to you, but has to suffer your wrath from it all
Just found you , listened for a few minutes, Subscribed!
I don't see that there are any negative emotions ... they are all just communication from the body. How one processes and responds to the communication is what makes the difference. Life-long learning curve for many of us.
My anger stems from emotional invalidation from my partner.😢 You can't communicate with a narcissist.
This is the answer...Thank you very much for sharing ✌️
I needed to hear this topic. Ty
I really like this guy. People forget how PAINFUL it can be to angry. I've lived with relentless CPTSD for over 30 years. I was in a bad school situation where I knew with every fibre of my being that needed to get out, but my tolerance (programming) for other peoples' bullshit was just too high, so I stayed, and it cost me everything. I'm almost permanently angry or scared of the future, and I don't trust myself. Worse still is that I'm unable to feel most positive emotions, and have never been happy in my adult life. Every day since my 'breakdown' (it wasn't a breakdown) at 16, I've woken with the sense of urgency - as if there's a fire somewhere in the house. It's a loud voice saying "This HAS to be fixed." After 20+ years of useless talking therapies, I've called off the search out of sheer exhaustion and despondency, but at the same time I feel it's finally time to get well , but don't know where to begin.
Thanks you very much, this is one best of the best videos that I ever listen to that had to much information without distracting information that would make hard for ADHD to absorb.
I felt like this growing up, I saw injustices and I was expected to be quiet or be punished and I got sober, got counseling and treatment and now that I have healthy boundaries, I'm still punished for having those! The difference now is that I see that they're still dysfunctional and I am not; I still speak with a sister but not the others because I was disowned by them when I got better; even the sister I do speak with expects me to shut up and sit down but I just explain my position and if she doesn't understand, she is free to go no contact with me
Anger is an alarm. Once it constructively alarms us to violations of our boundaries, it becomes noise and destructive.
I realize that today most people are mad, angry and always complaining.
But there's A HUGE difference between having a HOLY indignation of GOD and being angry in the flesh.
Remember JESUS demonstrated HIS HOLY indignation when he flipped over the merchant workers tables in the house of prayer.
And also, the Word of GOD says, "Be ye angry but sin not."
I have the Spirit of MEEKNESS, KINDNESS AND MERCY and so often I will just let ungodly behavior go and look over it and of course, if it's something against me I will quickly forgive them 70 × 7 a day.
But when acknowledging the LORD I don't get to just "let everything go" because HE sometimes takes up residence in and through me to get out of HIS way so that HE can have HIS WAY.
Ohh' at times, I even surprised myself when I let GOD have HIS way.
After few years getting no contact with psychotic mother I finally let myself go and the anger rushed into my life. All that was compressed for years. Yes, it helps in extreme situations, maybe even it saved my life a couple of times. But in everyday life it is hard for me to communicate, I see everyone like hazardous or at least lying and unreliable. I have no illusions why I can’t make friends or romantic relationships, because I want to do harm to people. The harm that was meant to a really bad person in my early life.
Even if I try to relax and be easy, each time something bad happens to my health, my cat’s health, my money, my property, I make huge mistakes at work or I get in any other trouble. And I understand that “relaxed mode” makes me so vulnerable that it’s not even worth it.
Very helpful, powerful. Thank you
I get angry from having chronic pain all the time that would make most people curl up in a ball and weep. So when I feel that anger coming on I stay away from other people. Problem solved
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
dr.zachary3 is the man
On Instagram?
Yes
Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression. The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself.
Thank you for explaining this, now it all makes sense
Anger is a language that has only three words: I’ve given up. And it didn’t start with anyone it started with itself it’s simply a self-destruction. It doesn’t matter what everyone throws at you for when you’re solid in what you are you won’t waste your time actually feeling mad at a species that hasn’t changed and will never change you’ll know you have your own important shite to do
“I’m basically mad at everything” yep
Betrayed twice in two different committed relationships and never talked to again.
trying to get diagnosed after 12yrs of living in fight/flight.stuck in bad /fearful moods... cptsd,menopause,and adhd possible .its hard juggling so many emotions that are uncontrolable...i feel like a shell of a human.hitting my head off the wall.dead inside is right.. need therapy to move on so i can be the lovely person i used to be improved by lifes mountains not destroyed
Amazing talk, thank you ❤
hopefully 🤞 you will heal soon ♥️♥️
I have not anger, because i choose my friends and which family members may i be more close!!!
I choose what to see in television and what music to listen,it depends my mood 😂.
I prefer my loneliness when i feel tired or have little depression.
Philosophy helps me a lot,i have no fear inside me, life is the same for everyone,we will live in this earth and will gone when is our time.
I love myself,i am doing my best and i have done mistakes of course but i judge myself so hard and i will never going back.
I am atheist the last years and i believe in myself and I have done almost all i wanted to do in my life, not expensive things but many to feel complete.
In my opinion, people have anger because they cannot love themselves first and of course they cannot love others.
Fear is the negative way to live !!
Well, this explains a lot 😢it's me and me against the world
Anger is an internal reaction and external expression against lies unloving unfair hypocricy and all evil
Anger is my go-to.😤
The last time I mentioned complex ptsd to a clinician I immediately got shut out with “that’s not a thing.” I shut down at that point.
Good talk, thank you.
I'm scared of my anger. If I let it out after all this time, I'll end up hurting someone very badly (probably not original abuser, either). I do not know what to do with it.
Use it for something good, transformative and constructive.
Thank you ✨🩵✨
Thank you Sir. Truth all the way 💯 🙌