Thank you, this so summed my relationships up. My relationships have all been with people wbo have eventually hurt me either emotionally or physically. But not the next one!!!
Good for you!! 😉 In my case, I married an all-out narcissist, who wore a "mask" when we were dating - & took it off abt. 6 weeks after we got married. I guess he saw vulnerability in me - & he was right - my mother had died 3 yrs. before I met him. I was 15 when she died. She had been the most loving, caring person in the world, w/an hilarious sense of humor - I was in deep grief all the way thru high school. HOWEVER, my dad had physically abused me pretty badly. He would whip me w/his leather belt. And he was well over 6ft. tall & weighed nearly 300 lbs.! He wld. whip me a lot - then he died when I was five. So new hubby had taken off his mask, BUT - I never forgot 1 whipping in particular - I remember it was sooo hard & lasted sooo long - it was the last abuse b4 he died - instead of guilt, I felt a brand new emotion - rage!! So 13 yrs. later, I marry this freak, who soon tried to have full, abusive control of me - of that little enraged 5-yr. old little girl. I was primed to fight back at abusive folks! Of course, once I did, the marriage was fatally wounded. My point is - being abused for 2-3 yrs. by daddy actually gave me all I needed to rebel against my pathetic narcissist. Sure, I was vulnerable at the time we met, but he had failed to see the raging inner child in me! U never have to let an evil person walk all over U - stand up for yourself!! If your significant other discards you, great!! They r freeing you - & now you can hopefully find someone who treats you very well - I did!! Good people r out there, but as long as you stay unavailable, living in misery behind locked doors, you won't EVER find the love & happiness you so deserve!!
After a lifetime of bad relationships I stopped asking myself why are these types of people attracted to me, instead I started asking myself why am I attracted to these type of people. It totally opened my eyes.
So after many many years of my cab light being off because I was stuck in crappy relationships, I'm finally single and now it's interesting because I'M the one who is noticing when someone is unavailable emotionally and their cab light is off. These videos have helped me so much Anna, I really appreciate them.
Thank you John for putting it in precise short terms. Im working on it, i wont let me down anymore even if i had the guts to open up and got rejected. today i could accept it as a lesson rather than get damaged. (from a week of suffering) Time to focus on me again and my goals.
Being alone is no different than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want you. I just wasted 4 years of my life on someone who is moving to another state and dropping me like dirt. My abandonment fears have surfaced and I'm now forced to confront my 'self' which I've been avoiding for years. I know better things are ahead, it's just difficult to stay strong while being so lonely
When you said bad relationships, they wreck your sparkle and they squash your confidence, that really got to me, and also when you said you want someone who cares about themselves enough to hold out for a good person, someone bright and shiny and whole and available. That's what healthy people do - I love that !!!! Thankyou. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
I've accepted that I don't want to be with anyone at all. I am so much happier with myself. On my own terms. And given my past that has so much influence on my relationships- its shaped me to be perfectly fine with me myself and I. That's not to say that I avoid other humans altogether. I appreciate that time when it comes. But I certainly do not go around seeking companionship. I have found strength in my alone time. To me, that is where I thrive. I understand not everyone can do this, and that's why I call it a strength. 30 years from now I'll still be alone but will have 30 years of happiness having traveled the world, doing what I want, on my own terms. That is true solace. Remember isolation is a term created by society. I don't go by society's terms.
I feel the same way. After healing a lot of trauma I am happy alone and don’t find an interest in seeking relationships, nor do I feel the need to be with anyone. It’s a good feeling.
I got tired of people who just aren't interested in growth-intellectual, spiritual, emotional, experiential. I want it all. Not all the time, every minute, but I want a life of space to open into. I want to live and living means growing. And people who aren't trying to grow themselves resent and thwart those who are. So much better to be on your own meeting people in the moment, enjoying that moment to the fullest, and then moving on.
And Anna has complete credibility to me because I know she has been through hell and back and she found a way to shine by turning her experiences into heartfelt gems of wisdom to bestow upon us, just like a Fairy
I gotta say this is so true. I try to teach my experiences through religious spiritual thoughts when I can with my church but it took me a lot of building up my resilience from trauma to be so open and be powerful when I speak.
I have been alone almost 10 years. I have only been awake to my abuse for 5 years. I have been wondering at 52 will i ever meet one good man. I keep healing & hoping for a good one.
Angela Hill, I am in the same situation. Before my last marriage, (which is now over ) I was alone for 17 years. I am now 57 and have pretty much been alone most of my life. I am not sure I will ever marry again, and am not really looking. I am very glad she mentioned on the video that life is not meant to be this way. I have always believed that. People are not necessarily meant to be alone. Don't give up. I haven't. Just be careful.
I don’t seem to attract anyone who really wants to get to know me. It’s frustrating but I have to walk away when I know there is zero chance. Not having reciprocated relationships is really frustrating.
Yes it is, and it's really difficult for a lot of us to meet people. It takes time, maybe check out some resources on website crappychildhoodfairy.com/. I stronly recommend the course on "Daily Practice" (which is free) to start :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@Melissa Grave dear Melissa, I saw your comment and I'm not sure why but checked out your channel and noticed a string of videos called be inspired so I went through about six spanning five years and noticed that you have the same complex issue that I do of which could be why you are not attracting friendships in the way that you seek and please do not take this the wrong way as I am trying to help you as indeed I am trying to help myself and what came across to me is that like me you sound like you tell your whole life story in 10 minutes and go right around the scenic route of life and it becomes a total messy affair and what it does is overwhelm people and they tend to think whoa and shy away. I have been like this most of my life but I am now trying to change even at a late age and I think in all of your videos of about 8 minutes you could probably get the same information in about 3 minutes or 4 minutes and that would apply to friendships and life as well and what I would suggest and also to myself is to make yourself more of a question mark to people to make you more appealing with the unknown and what I'm saying is if you do what I do myself in telling your whole life story to everybody there is absolutely no intrigue left and no fascination and no questions to ask and I have found this with myself time and time recurring so what I would suggest humbly is to try and redo one of those videos be inspired but write out a visual itinerary of what to stay and stick to it and make it interesting and make it appealing fascinating intriguing all said in about a third to a half of the time and then try to apply it to your own life when you meet new people try and come across as a question mark and try and be excitingly minimalistic and happy go lucky if that is possible. I say all of the above to myself as well. Sincerely hope that you get this and that you may view it as a positive angle of your post above. Peace and Blessings
@@StephSancia Thank you for the well thought out comment and watching some of my videos, it was a study of myself to do different topics and be candid via video, I don’t have any intention to make anymore of this in the near or distant future, I’m focusing on my music. Unfortunately I have heard some people tell me what you have told me before and that doesn’t align with who I am as a person. That’s a version of me faking myself to be something I am not. As I have gotten older this doesn’t really matter anymore to me. My life is my mom, dad, and brother. It’s all about family. A lot of people in the past have told me I’m very intense, yes maybe that scares people away, but maybe there is good reason for that. The point is life is about experiences together, not intrigue and curiousness to make you interested in someone, that’s a game people play. And most people I met who act like that are full of themselves and have no substance and are narcissistic.
@@MelissaGarza glad you got the message. I'm 67 now and have lost all my family entirely and truly wish to make friends before my time so I'm working on my conversations that go around the globe and back and emails that take 45 minutes to read. It has frightened people away and I understand their overwhelming feeling so I'm working on change but I'm glad you are happy with everything. Have a blessed rest of the week
While watching this video, I came to the realization that I'm still 'hiding.' Hiding, sometimes literally hiding or metaphorically not being seen, was the only way to be safe (mentally & emotionally) throughout my childhood and my marriage (which started to become physically unsafe toward the end). I've been divorced for 10 years now, have never been asked out on a date, and I see that's because I'm still 'hiding' on some level even though I've gone out to many events over the years with the potential and intention to meet a wonderful partner. I think I go places and no one sees me! (My light is off!) Now, I just have to figure out how to feel safe enough in myself or in my choices of who to be with to allow myself to be seen by others.
If being safe in your choices is the challenge, you'd be a good candidate for my Dating course. You can learn about it on my courses page at courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
I'm not afraid to be physically seen.... but on the inside, noone really knows me or cares enough to try to get to know me. I am, in my own way emotionally unavailable and I seem to only be attracted to emotionally unavailable men or highly narcissistic men. I feel unseen, unheard, and lonely most of the time even when technically, I'm not alone. I've wanted a close intimate relationship for as long as I can remember, but it always seems out of reach. Actually if what I wanted suddenly became an option for me, I'd probably run like hell in the opposite direction. I wouldn't trust it, yet I've trusted the wrong types of people over and over again... Maybe just because it's the devil I know. It's a pattern that keeps repeating itself, and it's a comfort zone... A push and pull dynamic, a superficial relationship that never evolves into something more. Certain people Hella trigger me! I think that I'm the one that has to put an end to this. I'm just not sure how. That's why I've stayed single for 14 years. I don't want to be trapped in an abusive relationship ever again. What I've had during this time of being single is a 2+ year long distance online relationship with a man that I never met, and a 3 year situationship with a guy (who is 21 years younger than me) that acted as if he wanted occasional hookups, but insisted that he loved me and that wasn't true. He was very non committal and treated me like an object instead of a human being. Recently I told him that I couldn't see him anymore. I think I did the right thing, but I still care about him and I know he'll be back with an apology in due time. I'll accept his apology, but I meant what I said when I told him that I can't see him anymore. You're lucky not to have had anyone ask you out on a date. I've tried online dating and it's awful. I'm still on 2 dating apps now. I've been writing about my fears and resentments lately and it seems to be helping. I struggle with the meditation, though.
The word Sparkle came to me about a week ago. I have not Sparkled in a very long time. But you brought that word up and the Cab Light ..... so true, some of us don’t want to bring on that attention anymore, because it brings on another person or situation. I’m 62 and not interested in men much anymore. But I deserve the happiness to rise in me again and shine too
I'm not afraid to shine... and I don't need anyone else to see it. There's more than one way to shine though. There is a large part of who I am that has been suppressed for so long... I am disconnected from it.
I feel like dating is for healthy people 😏 Rejection would trigger my abandonment - and intimacy issues so bad. And even if someone would find me desirable enough, I would avoid them when things got too 'close', because my trust-issues would set off. It's a never ending destructive cycle 🔥
I actually asked a boyfriend once while he was chopping wood to stay in front of me, but at a distance from me because I felt like at any moment, he would bury that ax in my head. That's my fear. I was almost murdered at 6 years old.
Unfortunately, many people never find true love. Or eventually we get to an age we don't find it again. I like the cab light analogy but I'm finding it more a situation of being out and about and not being shy about talking to people. This Covid situation makes it more difficult. Standards are important too. Once you get to know someone and you learn they have addiction issues, run. Seriously, run and don't look back. I feel someone needs to hear that. Don't worry about the analysis of why you attract these people- there's a lot of them out there, statistically at one time or another you will attract one. But do not accept it.
So much this - especially about the addiction issues. My adoptive dad was an alcoholic and the effects of that have been a big source of trauma for me.
Yes, he told me about Coke... and after that not good. Narc, addicted, no empathy, and I read once on a blog? If you had no kids and not marriage... run like the wind. As you said here, run and don't look back. I stayed, payed a higher price, my health and mind sanity, stress. Recovering about myself and my choices, no more this situation. There is a lot of addicted that have no face that use this thing....incredible! As you said, don't let them stay, there is many of them, don't blame yourself but take care with red flags. Tks
@@andylima24 stay focused on yourself and all will work out. People change. Idk about narc etc. Doesn't sound good. I wish you all good things. It's not easy to break up sounds like you made a good choice though. Merry Christmas. 🤗
@@andylima24 thank you for your comment however if someone was never married and never had children I don't necessarily think that's a red flag because I fall into that category and I have been in counseling a number of years because of my upbringing and yet I'm a wonderful and loyal friend and yet doing that traditional marriage with children wasn't in the cards for me when I was much younger and now that I'm middle-aged I learned a lot from this TH-cam video and I think if someone never got married and had children but has been working on their own healing process then it's not a red flag to me. Peace.
I'm 57 yrs old and have given up searching for a partner; because every guy I've ever gotten with has been abusive in some form or fashion. I want a healthy companion, I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I'm tired.
I think one problem is that most men in that age group have been subjected to the kind of harsh upbringing that peopke used to believe was best for toughening men up and they are very injured emotionally.
I personally think that, men intrinsically carry disrespect for women. They do not see women as equals, and no matter how good and nice you are, they will hurt women. Not because a woman deserves it, but because they have been taught women are less than them and women are here to serve them. Look at the comments, how many people commenting are men? That's because it's far easier for them to find a loving woman to care for and about them.
It's very discouraging how women and men seem to be in such different places. I love the work of Steve Biddulph who has written "The New Manhood" and "Raising Boys." I feel some hope because of his work. He's an Australian but I'm sure there are some American men doing similar work.
I am reading an old book written in the 1980s, called The Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome by Wayne Kritsberg. I am learning about family systems and how we tend to repeat patterns of dysfunction that reflect our past traumas. It's been revelatory to me and might hold some answers for you too. Anna is a huge support so you are in the right place here.
My one marriage turned out to be marrying my father. I'm divorced and since then I've grown by leaps and bounds. I'm not sure I'll have a romantic relationship again, but I won't let that stop me from being happy and doing things I love.
I’m in a great relationship but one we have had to work on and I’m grateful for the growth we have achieved together. How ever I find my trauma shows up with me finding it hard to feel love - that’s numbness and protection. It’s so hard to feel love when your nervous system is stuck in fight and flight all the time. I have so much guilt around it 😭❤️
I’m going through a break up right now with a very cruel man. This channel popped up in my recommended. I knew I needed help. Thank you for making these videos. I want to heal fast so my cab light will come back on.
I wouldn’t want to rush the healing process. Of course, you want to feel better, but there’s a risk you’ll attract another harmful person if you rush your healing. I see you posted this 9 months ago - if you read this comment, I at least hope you got away from that man safely.
I find the older I get the less I want to be alone. This is from a guy who is an introvert. I finally gave up on the internet dating, there are horribly damaged people out there, on both sides. I have thought for a long time there is a person inside you who is calling the shots, whether you're aware of it or not. That is who you have to change, its a very primal instinct, it goes back to the start of your life. Its like a part of you that can only be programmed once and somebody has already F'd it up.
I think I know what you're talking about, and the Daily Practice I teach is the one thing that ever got in there and helped me undo that programming. I can hardly even remember those old thoughts anymore. I hope you give it a try (or maybe you have?) it's the free course on my website.
Have you tried Shamanic plant medicine? Maybe do some research on how that can help your soul to heal trauma. I'm grateful I finally tried it after resisting for so long, trauma is melting away and I feel more connected to my true self and my Creator. More love for myself and the divine. And others
I don’t know if my English is good enough to describe how your videos make me feel at home, that someone is coaching me and her words are trustworthy, which is healing in itself. Thank you, Anna.
And sometimes you are cognitively aware of all the " red flags" but just like addiction and other self- destructive behaviours, you rush ahead anyway... There are deep pschological implications here- all related to CPTSD, like self- esteem, conditioning, self- prophesying behaviour, etc. Also narcissistic abusers hone in on people who are recovering from trauma, so this is very serious and complicated. Awareness, therapy, time and going slow are the key.
Thank you, that helped me understand possible reasons why men I loved left me. My family of origin was high drama and, considering the amount of harm my covert NPD mother did to us over the decades, I am amazed my husband stayed with me these 30 years. We've been committed to each other and our children and doing our best for difficult relatives, but now learning about letting go of them and enjoying peace and harmony even with the grief of loss.
I feel a bit lost... At 61, I've not been interested in dating anyone. Yep! I've lost years, and am discouraged - Thanks for your videos! I'm grateful. ❣️
"TRUE FRIENDSHIP" would be a good start with me or just friendship as I'm totally alone with my companion dog and tired to start all over at age 66. I've lost literally everyone I ever loved and have isolated myself so friendship would be a jolly good start. MANY people never find true love and some never find true friendship. I think this will break the resolve of many here and I believe that you can't find true love, love finds you and if you have your CAB LIGHT on I see that as wanting to have a good time and available, with respect. Love takes time and time I don't have so I'll settle for jolly good friendship so guidance on isolating AFTER trauma and abuse would be welcome. Happy Christmas to ALL here from the Lonely Heart's Club Band ❤️
I hear you. I just want a social circle of good friends so I won't have to be alone constantly. Since the pandemic, I work remotely. At least before I had to show up at the office and there were people around me to chat with although that wasn't ideal either. Loneliness has plagued me most of life. I turn to God so I won't end my life.
@@peekaboots01 Hello hello, I've ONLY just realised my major Achilles Heel and that is because I'm so lonely I OVERSHARE so much and it either puts on people off or it leads to them taking liberties and seriously overstepping the mark with what they say and do and inevitably they start dictating to me. I've only just realised that fact at a now age 67 ! Happy 2022 from New Zealand, By the way, STAY if you can ... You never know what's around that corner
@@peekaboots01 Thank you. I read your part about termination of which is why I Quoted INTERSTELLAR mode to you "STAY" Yes, find what we seek in this realm 💥 Warm Wishes from New Zealand
Shine a cablight that attracts the right person for you: Define the type of person you really want to attract, take care of yourself, avoid isolation or bad relationships, strive to recover from addictions, anger, drama and conflict
my cab light is so broke i haven't dated anyone for going on 5 years now (it's absolutely terrible but i'm even slightly jealous of people in bad relationships because I think "hey at least someone wanted to date them, that never happens to me"). the only people i'm really into are those who are emotionally unavailable and have no interest in me. when someone gives a kind word I think, "what is wrong with this person? why are they being nice?" i'm only just realizing this year that I have struggled with cptsd my whole life and I feel like things will never change. i am sorry for being so negative, maybe someone relates to this at least. i just feel i could never be one of those "healthy" people with a working cablight, it will take so much work and idk if i can do it
I just got out of a 4 year relationship about two weeks ago, it was very toxic and I'm honestly very sad about it. I do however feel very hopeful I will eventually find someone, after I heal, after I no longer feel anger, or any animosity towards my ex, after I no longer miss him or think about him all day, I know for a fact that person I have been praying for and dreaming about is going to come my way. So strange how things like this video pop up at the moments you need it the most. I have no other explanation but that's God giving guidance and lighting the way towards true healing and love.
I'd be happy to find a fun, close friend. Doesn't have to be a man or boyfriend at this point. But I'm so tired all the time, inside I feel empty. I find it difficult to have the energy to be a good friend :) being around people wears me out!
Even though i do love solitude and comfortable being on my own even enjoy and need such time alone . I actually want / wish for a partner, a healthy relationship with whom i can share moments of joy and sorrow. Not desperate or in hurry but i love love . And i wanna cherish that love . With oneself and the one i love. For that i need to heal . And with your help Anna i want to make it possible and i think i sm doing fine . I'll keep on healing. And live my life well. Being free from shackles of past trauma. Thank you so much.
I have been alone for all of my adult life. I never was interested in finding someone, but the pandemic made me feel like it’d be nice to have a companion. I believe not having a father (parents divorced at 8) growing up led me to develop cptsd. My mum was always kind and amazing, but I always felt the void of having an absent father
Every time I try, and feel like I get nowhere, with therapy your channel is exactly what I was looking for. Why do none of the other therapists know any of these things? I’m grateful for your channel. Thank you
Anna. I just wanted to thank you for real solutions in addressing childhood trauma. I just got out of a toxic 3 year relationship with a high conflict female on the narcissistic side of the spectrum. I am incorporating the daily practice along with meditation which I have done for years. Thank you for making a real difference in people's lives who want real opportunities to heal and move on. This is an exciting time for me and I appreciate you so much for what you are doing to help people. Blessings and the healing light of love and joy to you.
No one is perfect in our world ! If we are healing nothing wrong with meeting another who wants to heal together - non of us can be shiny 25/7 365 days of the year ! But 75% healing ❤️🩹 and work in progress is doable I feel ☺️🙏🏻✨
When I met my husband so many years ago, I only saw the promise. On paper he looked good, but in reality, he was a liability. He's now an Ex, and married to someone else.
My whole life I assumed that the way a guy treated me was the was I deserved, so if he treated me bad then that meant I deserved it or he would have treated me better, that is a vicious cycle, it’s very hard to break that thought patterns or programming, I had to reset my narrative, I had to gain my power back, it’s still difficult not to fall back in that mindset believing my past relationships were a reflection on my worth!! Thank you for this video.
We understand and can help you with that! Anna has five courses, including a free one, and a membership with lots of support :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, I subscribed a few days ago, so I must be within the last hundred subscribers of your 150,000! May you climb up to 15 Million. I am not sure how I found your channel, but that day I needed that message that I heard. I did not even know childhood PTSD existed. Thank you for sharing your journey. I was skeptical at first, I will admit when I heard about the crappy childhood fairy ... but it grew on me, and I love your message, your site and your cab light. Cheers! Congrats on the 150K!
I swear I feel like everything you have said in this video you could’ve and probably would’ve said to me if you were my personal therapist. It’s incredible your wealth of knowledge
Wow...just wow... The cab light reference was perfect. For the past 9 months, I have been working on my cab light and I finally feel like I'm able to attract what I really want and need. This was so eye opening. Thank you for the work that you do!
I am too traumatized to ever be able to trust anyone & trust myself. Interesting information nonetheless. It is helpful for people whom are healthier than I.
I am listening to this for the first time on 2/16/22. I just broke up on 2/13/22. Your introduction described EVERYTHING that has happened to me over the last 5 years with the man I just broke up with. To say the least, I’m amazed. The rest of what you said has also been the story of my life in relationships. Thank you 🙏 so much for what you do. It takes a wealth of courage & compassion for others. Be blessed❤️
I've just gone through a horrific divorce from a narcissist/psychopath (mirror image of my parents). When I met him I thought he was my soulmate, my one perfect partner that I had waited for. We married, had children, I was so happy even as the cracks appeared and it all went downhill to the point where I became suicidal and finally realised I had to leave this person to save myself from complete annihilation. Now even though I have healed so much, I have lost all faith in my ability to meet anyone even remotely normal who I find attractive and have them be attracted to me.
Totally agree. Something to add though speaking as a 66 year old who is not looking for a relationship but is very happy. Contemporary mores i.e. sex because you are in love, sound great and maybe they are but for someone for CPTSD it is a disaster because knowing when someone is after you or sex is difficult for CPTSDs to clock. Secondly I had to reach the Honouring my Mother and Father even after they had passed away. My hatred of my parents was central in my picking bad partners. So I had to forgive them and fess up to how much grief I had given them to pay them back - passive agressively by being depressed and miserable. Oh yes that is a powerful weapon 'see what you did to me'. Finally I had to Love God with all my Heart and all my Mind and all my Soul. If you do not believe in good replace God with Life - because I hated Life and wanted to die all my life. So the 10 commandments actually are a good way of being happy. I used to snear at the ;Honour your Father and Mother; you can do this from a thousand miles away with a loving Christmas card and no contact. I finally did not speak to my mother for a year and did not respond to the flowers she sent me on my birthday. It resulted in a letter saying ;I am sorry I was not a good mother;. I was honouring her by letting her think about her behaviour and not letting myself being manipulated back in. In hindsight I would have sent a thank you note but nothing more. Honouring my father was no going back to the family home but seeing him in a restaurant. I was sure finally greeted well when I did go back to the family home. But praying for them is also a way of honouring them if your parents have passed away and laughing about the good times because there were good times in between the grief and they sent me to a religeous school which eventually saved my life. That gives them enough brownie points to be up there in heaven. Sex before marriage. No culture but the West endorses this. It is an emotional disaster because you are giving away a part of yourself. I instinctively knew this but the pressure was too great and I capitulated. Worst thing I ever did. Got a religion now and can say 'sorry no sex before marriage' I have an entire church to back me up. Not a chance of that boundary going. Last partner tried to con me out of my money. See what a terrible mess Feminism got us into. Now there needs new Feminism. I got educated, the vote and property because of feminism, but I got emotional grief and pain too. Some feminists are now saying why not be married and have your babies at University? Putting family on hold until your 30s is really leaving things very late. See Jordan Peterson on this one. It is not rocket science your fertility is falling off by 35 and quickly. Men do not have that problem. Your family ancestors had a lot of sense, try and blend it in with the best things about this age i.e. you can develop your talents. All cultures talk of the Middle Way in everthing. Women are not the same as men they are equal in different ways.
At what point people choose to have (or abstain) from sex is deeply personal. I'm glad that you have found a boundary you are comfortable with, that's a big deal for people with CPTSD. -Cara@TeamFairy
For me I was always searching for my dad in a partner. I couldn't face the fact that he abandoned me in every way except the superficial. Now I'm realizing that his abandonment drove me to seek the same kind of men over and over. So for me a big part of the healing has been facing this, anger is healthier than self condemnation on the road to healing because it's honest. I don't need to beat myself up because people have treated me wrong. I'm just starting this journey and I appreciate your insight as well as the perspectives of people who have survived a crappy relationship. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hopefully coming out of it, thank you! Going through a divorce after a 27 year marriage to a high school sweetheart. I was so wrong and my red flag detector was off, years lost but radically devoted to healing and self care. *Ask Anna Anything* AAA that should be your name catch phrase !!!! Thank you for your good works!
My cab light is off too. I left a 25 year marriage years ago, had a couple of relationships but since the pandemic none. I recently caught a cold and feel like hell. I have cystic fibrosis so it’s scary too. I’m alone but happy. I don’t have much time left, I’m 74 about to turn 75. Think I’ll join your group Anna. Thank you so much. I so get what you are teaching. Your critics are dumb. Don’t let them get under your skin. I send you fairy dust to ward them off!
My dear Anna, this video brought the louder and most powerful messages to me. All I talk about in my business program is about healing and shining with your own light so other people can see you! And now I realize that I do the opposite in my personal life. I've been blocking and disconnecting my light to the point I feel invisible (at some point I started questioning if I was dead and I didn't know, because I couldn't believe any guy was able to see me, while in any other room I'm extremely noticed). Time to let my light shine on... all the way. Once again: love you and thank you for all your guidance and special support ❤️ 🙏
Some people think they're healthy when they're not & put down those who ask for healthy habits - totally present, free of past entanglements mostly healed or actively healing - & with people without addictions (alcohol, porn, drugs, gambling etc). Appreciate you, Anna! 🙏🏽💕
I swear you can see through me. You know EVERYTHING about me! The isolation is so true! I am very social but keep everyone at bay! You are such a great help! You are making a huge impact with your words my dear ✨💜🌛
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy indeed you are! You make me think about and face my Childhood PTSD everyday. My story is deep though. I never had a father nor a good mom in Somalia. I came to Canads adopted and then physically and emotionally abused. I was always responsible. The things I got in trouble was not my grades or school, but rather extra chores and couldn't my teens and 20s. I freed myself 6 years ago. I live alone now and have a great job and friends. I am emotionally damaged though by the past. I get triggered and react. I am a good person. I am most of the days sad and operate at suboptimal but now I can so much more if I let go. It is so hard Anna.
Anna, you have just told my life story, again,this time in romantic relationships.I have always chosen emotionally unavailable women and I think now watching so many of helpful yvideos, realizing my mother was emotionally and physically unavailable. Thank you so much, again.
The Cab Light concept is extraordinarily versatile. You can relate it to any scenario that requires us to STEP OUT THE DOOR and confront a NEW EXPERIENCE that we might be holding back from... and each time we leave the house we can ask keys? Gloves? Hat? Cab light? [Raging tantrum as we look for the damb Cab light that rolled under the couch to die) Thanks Anna
God bless you...you are doing a great job...Many of us who have CPTSD we always thought there may be something wrong with us...that's why we are like this....but we are good people,brilliant people,very lovable people we just have to heal... Thank you so much for this crappy childhood fairy project...
I've been saying for the last couple of days that I really need to heal...I won't be going cold turkey again, but the New year when I return back to work I've already see a new and improved me
Funny thing is it was me that was the problem. I always atttacted good people into my life for the most part bar 1 or 2 but that was due too the constant need of wanting and needing to have somebody in my life. Since ive quit drink and drugs i feel like im making better choices instead of just going for any person.
Thank you... you just summed up my life there. Now I know where to start changing it for the better. Thank you for telling me, and thanks to my ex for crossing paths with me. I needed that to wake up.
The relationships of my past are over! Really I’d been moving away for the last several years, repeatedly making the choice to stay across country and even further away in heart, the message over time and gently has been made clear, it’s over. I have determined that attraction can blind you to what is most important, such as, does the pairing reflect what has real and has significant meaning for you both, are you kindred spirits? I love someone now who is very beautiful, but I fell in love with her soul first, that is equally beautiful. I can’t begin to say how lovingly she has treated me. I don’t know if the relationship will go everywhere or forevermore, but it already is a forever gift in my life and a wonder to cherish. ♥️🕊
I just listened to this 3 times. I listened to the one that you suggest at the end, twice. I've been very aware that I do all of this, everything you discuss, for a lonnnggg time. I'm 60, done a lot of traditional, and non-traditional therapies, 12 step work, metaphysical, mental, behavioral, emotional work, hospitalizations, and so on. Have I benefited by all in one way or another? Absolutely! Have I been preyed upon and further traumatized, abused, or simply given ridiculously stupid advice by supposedly "safe people", had adverse side effects, or been re-traumatized by portions of some of these routes? ABSOLUTELY! Recently, I gave up all hope for more complete healing, understanding myself (and certainly, no one understanding me!), and just living out the rest of my life in peace (I'm ef-ing exhausted!). Figured, I didn't have a choice. But, the verrry little that I do have left means EVERYTHING to me! So, I got ok with it. Then.... I found you!!!! Actually, someone suggested your channel to me a year ago. I actually didn't even consciously remember that! Somehow (divine intervention), I began watching and listening to you. Slowly, now daily. I actually went back to the person who suggested you to me (who has a group on another site) and excitedly reported the "amazing goldmine" I'd found in you (and, you are!), only to be gently reminded of the facts! Ehhh... we had a hearty chuckle. Whatever. 😆 So, thank you Anna Runkle for renewed hope that I NEVER expected! Apparently, it does spring eternal! Even in an old broad. My most heartfelt gratitude to you. Truly. ❤ 🙏
All my life, my family was cruel to me when I got them gifts because I didn’t wrap them well enough. I tried really hard. I watched videos. I offered to rewrap them when I was told they weren’t good enough, but I was screamed at not to rewrap them. (Classic scapegoat stuff - disproportionate negative emotion with no resolution or actual reason.) I got a small gift with minimal wrapping for someone I have seen a few times and he said, “oh wow. I’ve never received such a nicely wrapped gift. That’s really amazing. Thank you.” It was the same wrapping quality as I’ve always done it. I hope things work out with this person. Even if they don’t, I will remember that moment and continue to shake off the bullshit.
Another wonderful video. I look forward yo the bootcamp. I had a three year relationship of accepting “breadcrumbs”. Id take anything. I had no live and attention. I hope not again, even though im alone for a long time. I feel both shame and grief as my lover died and i got confused.
![CAMPปลิ้น | รวม Highlight 2024! PART [1/2]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/6hnvNnvYloU/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you, this so summed my relationships up. My relationships have all been with people wbo have eventually hurt me either emotionally or physically. But not the next one!!!
Good! yes!
Good for you!! 😉 In my case, I married an all-out narcissist, who wore a "mask" when we were dating - & took it off abt. 6 weeks after we got married. I guess he saw vulnerability in me - & he was right - my mother had died 3 yrs. before I met him. I was 15 when she died. She had been the most loving, caring person in the world, w/an hilarious sense of humor - I was in deep grief all the way thru high school. HOWEVER, my dad had physically abused me pretty badly. He would whip me w/his leather belt. And he was well over 6ft. tall & weighed nearly 300 lbs.! He wld. whip me a lot - then he died when I was five. So new hubby had taken off his mask, BUT - I never forgot 1 whipping in particular - I remember it was sooo hard & lasted sooo long - it was the last abuse b4 he died - instead of guilt, I felt a brand new emotion - rage!! So 13 yrs. later, I marry this freak, who soon tried to have full, abusive control of me - of that little enraged 5-yr. old little girl. I was primed to fight back at abusive folks! Of course, once I did, the marriage was fatally wounded. My point is - being abused for 2-3 yrs. by daddy actually gave me all I needed to rebel against my pathetic narcissist. Sure, I was vulnerable at the time we met, but he had failed to see the raging inner child in me! U never have to let an evil person walk all over U - stand up for yourself!! If your significant other discards you, great!! They r freeing you - & now you can hopefully find someone who treats you very well - I did!! Good people r out there, but as long as you stay unavailable, living in misery behind locked doors, you won't EVER find the love & happiness you so deserve!!
Love this! That's said, no more pain and sacrificing yourself. Keep us posted.
Me too
I would like advice on my dating relationship
After a lifetime of bad relationships I stopped asking myself why are these types of people attracted to me, instead I started asking myself why am I attracted to these type of people. It totally opened my eyes.
Bingo.
Same
me too -wow. it reminds me of life happens for me not to me.!!
That is the only type of people out there.
@@stevemiller1517also 😂
So after many many years of my cab light being off because I was stuck in crappy relationships, I'm finally single and now it's interesting because I'M the one who is noticing when someone is unavailable emotionally and their cab light is off. These videos have helped me so much Anna, I really appreciate them.
Yay! This is the goal. Let us know how things progress for you!
I really like the cab light metaphor lolol
Same here. I just ended a relationship on New Year's day after 5 months. I just can't do unhealthy anymore.
Broken cab light. Like No one can see you. Yes indeed.
@Critical Mass Film Thank you for sharing that - that inspired me with new hope and excitement that I too can reach that state
Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket.
Make yourself into the kind of person that you would want to be with and are wanting.
YES!
Thank you John for putting it in precise short terms. Im working on it, i wont let me down anymore even if i had the guts to open up and got rejected.
today i could accept it as a lesson rather than get damaged. (from a week of suffering)
Time to focus on me again and my goals.
Being alone is no different than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want you. I just wasted 4 years of my life on someone who is moving to another state and dropping me like dirt. My abandonment fears have surfaced and I'm now forced to confront my 'self' which I've been avoiding for years. I know better things are ahead, it's just difficult to stay strong while being so lonely
You can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
The foundation for real love is based on mutual respect. Respect can be damaged by bad or negative behavior and is very hard to repair
When you said bad relationships, they wreck your sparkle and they squash your confidence, that really got to me, and also when you said you want someone who cares about themselves enough to hold out for a good person, someone bright and shiny and whole and available. That's what healthy people do - I love that !!!! Thankyou.
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
I've accepted that I don't want to be with anyone at all. I am so much happier with myself. On my own terms. And given my past that has so much influence on my relationships- its shaped me to be perfectly fine with me myself and I. That's not to say that I avoid other humans altogether. I appreciate that time when it comes. But I certainly do not go around seeking companionship. I have found strength in my alone time. To me, that is where I thrive. I understand not everyone can do this, and that's why I call it a strength. 30 years from now I'll still be alone but will have 30 years of happiness having traveled the world, doing what I want, on my own terms. That is true solace. Remember isolation is a term created by society. I don't go by society's terms.
I feel the same way. After healing a lot of trauma I am happy alone and don’t find an interest in seeking relationships, nor do I feel the need to be with anyone. It’s a good feeling.
I got tired of people who just aren't interested in growth-intellectual, spiritual, emotional, experiential. I want it all. Not all the time, every minute, but I want a life of space to open into. I want to live and living means growing. And people who aren't trying to grow themselves resent and thwart those who are. So much better to be on your own meeting people in the moment, enjoying that moment to the fullest, and then moving on.
@@cynthiajohnson9412 exactly. Very well said. Sending you positive energy. Let's rise together sister. 🤗
Solitude is a calling for some.
Freedom!
You are excellent‼ Your experiences has made you very knowledgeable. I often think survivors make the best teachers/healers.
Thanks -- that is high praise!
They do. They can help others to the light because they were once in the dark too. They know the way out because they have been on this journey ✨
And Anna has complete credibility to me because I know she has been through hell and back and she found a way to shine by turning her experiences into heartfelt gems of wisdom to bestow upon us, just like a Fairy
Because they GET it. I'm so happy that there are people who actually UNDERSTAND.
I gotta say this is so true. I try to teach my experiences through religious spiritual thoughts when I can with my church but it took me a lot of building up my resilience from trauma to be so open and be powerful when I speak.
I have been alone almost 10 years. I have only been awake to my abuse for 5 years. I have been wondering at 52 will i ever meet one good man. I keep healing & hoping for a good one.
Yes, there is hope!
I’m 62, widow and feel same🌸
Angela Hill, I am in the same situation. Before my last marriage, (which is now over ) I was alone for 17 years. I am now 57 and have pretty much been alone most of my life. I am not sure I will ever marry again, and am not really looking. I am very glad she mentioned on the video that life is not meant to be this way. I have always believed that. People are not necessarily meant to be alone. Don't give up. I haven't. Just be careful.
Angela, you may want to change your profile picture.. It just MIGHT interfere with meeting the right MAN. Just sayin.. wish you the best!
I'm 66, you have time on your side :) Happy Christmas you young one !
I don’t seem to attract anyone who really wants to get to know me. It’s frustrating but I have to walk away when I know there is zero chance. Not having reciprocated relationships is really frustrating.
Yes it is, and it's really difficult for a lot of us to meet people. It takes time, maybe check out some resources on website crappychildhoodfairy.com/. I stronly recommend the course on "Daily Practice" (which is free) to start :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@Melissa Grave dear Melissa, I saw your comment and I'm not sure why but checked out your channel and noticed a string of videos called be inspired so I went through about six spanning five years and noticed that you have the same complex issue that I do of which could be why you are not attracting friendships in the way that you seek and please do not take this the wrong way as I am trying to help you as indeed I am trying to help myself and what came across to me is that like me you sound like you tell your whole life story in 10 minutes and go right around the scenic route of life and it becomes a total messy affair and what it does is overwhelm people and they tend to think whoa and shy away. I have been like this most of my life but I am now trying to change even at a late age and I think in all of your videos of about 8 minutes you could probably get the same information in about 3 minutes or 4 minutes and that would apply to friendships and life as well and what I would suggest and also to myself is to make yourself more of a question mark to people to make you more appealing with the unknown and what I'm saying is if you do what I do myself in telling your whole life story to everybody there is absolutely no intrigue left and no fascination and no questions to ask and I have found this with myself time and time recurring so what I would suggest humbly is to try and redo one of those videos be inspired but write out a visual itinerary of what to stay and stick to it and make it interesting and make it appealing fascinating intriguing all said in about a third to a half of the time and then try to apply it to your own life when you meet new people try and come across as a question mark and try and be excitingly minimalistic and happy go lucky if that is possible. I say all of the above to myself as well. Sincerely hope that you get this and that you may view it as a positive angle of your post above. Peace and Blessings
@@StephSancia Thank you for the well thought out comment and watching some of my videos, it was a study of myself to do different topics and be candid via video, I don’t have any intention to make anymore of this in the near or distant future, I’m focusing on my music. Unfortunately I have heard some people tell me what you have told me before and that doesn’t align with who I am as a person. That’s a version of me faking myself to be something I am not. As I have gotten older this doesn’t really matter anymore to me. My life is my mom, dad, and brother. It’s all about family. A lot of people in the past have told me I’m very intense, yes maybe that scares people away, but maybe there is good reason for that. The point is life is about experiences together, not intrigue and curiousness to make you interested in someone, that’s a game people play. And most people I met who act like that are full of themselves and have no substance and are narcissistic.
@@MelissaGarza glad you got the message. I'm 67 now and have lost all my family entirely and truly wish to make friends before my time so I'm working on my conversations that go around the globe and back and emails that take 45 minutes to read. It has frightened people away and I understand their overwhelming feeling so I'm working on change but I'm glad you are happy with everything. Have a blessed rest of the week
stumbled across this comment. checked out your subscriptions and saw you are subbed to Chris Liepe. are you a singer?
While watching this video, I came to the realization that I'm still 'hiding.' Hiding, sometimes literally hiding or metaphorically not being seen, was the only way to be safe (mentally & emotionally) throughout my childhood and my marriage (which started to become physically unsafe toward the end). I've been divorced for 10 years now, have never been asked out on a date, and I see that's because I'm still 'hiding' on some level even though I've gone out to many events over the years with the potential and intention to meet a wonderful partner. I think I go places and no one sees me! (My light is off!) Now, I just have to figure out how to feel safe enough in myself or in my choices of who to be with to allow myself to be seen by others.
If being safe in your choices is the challenge, you'd be a good candidate for my Dating course. You can learn about it on my courses page at courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
I so get you there....
I'm not afraid to be physically seen.... but on the inside, noone really knows me or cares enough to try to get to know me. I am, in my own way emotionally unavailable and I seem to only be attracted to emotionally unavailable men or highly narcissistic men. I feel unseen, unheard, and lonely most of the time even when technically, I'm not alone. I've wanted a close intimate relationship for as long as I can remember, but it always seems out of reach. Actually if what I wanted suddenly became an option for me, I'd probably run like hell in the opposite direction. I wouldn't trust it, yet I've trusted the wrong types of people over and over again... Maybe just because it's the devil I know. It's a pattern that keeps repeating itself, and it's a comfort zone... A push and pull dynamic, a superficial relationship that never evolves into something more. Certain people Hella trigger me! I think that I'm the one that has to put an end to this. I'm just not sure how. That's why I've stayed single for 14 years. I don't want to be trapped in an abusive relationship ever again. What I've had during this time of being single is a 2+ year long distance online relationship with a man that I never met, and a 3 year situationship with a guy (who is 21 years younger than me) that acted as if he wanted occasional hookups, but insisted that he loved me and that wasn't true. He was very non committal and treated me like an object instead of a human being. Recently I told him that I couldn't see him anymore. I think I did the right thing, but I still care about him and I know he'll be back with an apology in due time. I'll accept his apology, but I meant what I said when I told him that I can't see him anymore. You're lucky not to have had anyone ask you out on a date. I've tried online dating and it's awful. I'm still on 2 dating apps now. I've been writing about my fears and resentments lately and it seems to be helping. I struggle with the meditation, though.
I hear you Michelle, I under stand where your coming from. Don’t give up, things will get better. If we give up the abuser wins.
I've been doing the same thing. I also purposely keep extra weight on myself I think, because it sets up a "wall" between me and other people.
The word Sparkle came to me about a week ago. I have not Sparkled in a very long time. But you brought that word up and the Cab Light ..... so true, some of us don’t want to bring on that attention anymore, because it brings on another person or situation. I’m 62 and not interested in men much anymore. But I deserve the happiness to rise in me again and shine too
Yes you do!
I'm not afraid to shine... and I don't need anyone else to see it. There's more than one way to shine though. There is a large part of who I am that has been suppressed for so long... I am disconnected from it.
I'm happy alone.
Some are!
Really ? I don't think so.
I feel like dating is for healthy people 😏 Rejection would trigger my abandonment - and intimacy issues so bad. And even if someone would find me desirable enough, I would avoid them when things got too 'close', because my trust-issues would set off. It's a never ending destructive cycle 🔥
Well, if you're at peace with that, then all's well.
I feel so sorry for you, you are not alone, many of us go though lot.
I actually asked a boyfriend once while he was chopping wood to stay in front of me, but at a distance from me because I felt like at any moment, he would bury that ax in my head. That's my fear. I was almost murdered at 6 years old.
Check out Fearful-Avoidant attachment style
Exactly! Attachment styles can be healed!
Unfortunately, many people never find true love. Or eventually we get to an age we don't find it again. I like the cab light analogy but I'm finding it more a situation of being out and about and not being shy about talking to people. This Covid situation makes it more difficult.
Standards are important too. Once you get to know someone and you learn they have addiction issues, run. Seriously, run and don't look back. I feel someone needs to hear that. Don't worry about the analysis of why you attract these people- there's a lot of them out there, statistically at one time or another you will attract one. But do not accept it.
I agree. Tons of men who have had way crappier childhoods than I did, it seems to me! At age 61 .... there just dont seem to be any decent men at all.
So much this - especially about the addiction issues. My adoptive dad was an alcoholic and the effects of that have been a big source of trauma for me.
Yes, he told me about Coke... and after that not good. Narc, addicted, no empathy, and I read once on a blog? If you had no kids and not marriage... run like the wind. As you said here, run and don't look back. I stayed, payed a higher price, my health and mind sanity, stress. Recovering about myself and my choices, no more this situation. There is a lot of addicted that have no face that use this thing....incredible! As you said, don't let them stay, there is many of them, don't blame yourself but take care with red flags. Tks
@@andylima24 stay focused on yourself and all will work out. People change. Idk about narc etc. Doesn't sound good. I wish you all good things. It's not easy to break up sounds like you made a good choice though. Merry Christmas. 🤗
@@andylima24 thank you for your comment however if someone was never married and never had children I don't necessarily think that's a red flag because I fall into that category and I have been in counseling a number of years because of my upbringing and yet I'm a wonderful and loyal friend and yet doing that traditional marriage with children wasn't in the cards for me when I was much younger and now that I'm middle-aged I learned a lot from this TH-cam video and I think if someone never got married and had children but has been working on their own healing process then it's not a red flag to me. Peace.
I'm 57 yrs old and have given up searching for a partner; because every guy I've ever gotten with has been abusive in some form or fashion. I want a healthy companion, I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I'm tired.
I think one problem is that most men in that age group have been subjected to the kind of harsh upbringing that peopke used to believe was best for toughening men up and they are very injured emotionally.
I personally think that, men intrinsically carry disrespect for women. They do not see women as equals, and no matter how good and nice you are, they will hurt women. Not because a woman deserves it, but because they have been taught women are less than them and women are here to serve them. Look at the comments, how many people commenting are men? That's because it's far easier for them to find a loving woman to care for and about them.
It's very discouraging how women and men seem to be in such different places. I love the work of Steve Biddulph who has written "The New Manhood" and "Raising Boys." I feel some hope because of his work. He's an Australian but I'm sure there are some American men doing similar work.
Jeannie Austin - I'm 57 this year and am in exactly the same boat. 💗
I am reading an old book written in the 1980s, called The Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome by Wayne Kritsberg. I am learning about family systems and how we tend to repeat patterns of dysfunction that reflect our past traumas. It's been revelatory to me and might hold some answers for you too. Anna is a huge support so you are in the right place here.
My one marriage turned out to be marrying my father. I'm divorced and since then I've grown by leaps and bounds. I'm not sure I'll have a romantic relationship again, but I won't let that stop me from being happy and doing things I love.
I’m in a great relationship but one we have had to work on and I’m grateful for the growth we have achieved together. How ever I find my trauma shows up with me finding it hard to feel love - that’s numbness and protection. It’s so hard to feel love when your nervous system is stuck in fight and flight all the time. I have so much guilt around it 😭❤️
I’m going through a break up right now with a very cruel man. This channel popped up in my recommended. I knew I needed help. Thank you for making these videos. I want to heal fast so my cab light will come back on.
I wouldn’t want to rush the healing process. Of course, you want to feel better, but there’s a risk you’ll attract another harmful person if you rush your healing. I see you posted this 9 months ago - if you read this comment, I at least hope you got away from that man safely.
I find the older I get the less I want to be alone. This is from a guy who is an introvert. I finally gave up on the internet dating, there are horribly damaged people out there, on both sides. I have thought for a long time there is a person inside you who is calling the shots, whether you're aware of it or not. That is who you have to change, its a very primal instinct, it goes back to the start of your life. Its like a part of you that can only be programmed once and somebody has already F'd it up.
I think I know what you're talking about, and the Daily Practice I teach is the one thing that ever got in there and helped me undo that programming. I can hardly even remember those old thoughts anymore. I hope you give it a try (or maybe you have?) it's the free course on my website.
Have you tried Shamanic plant medicine? Maybe do some research on how that can help your soul to heal trauma. I'm grateful I finally tried it after resisting for so long, trauma is melting away and I feel more connected to my true self and my Creator. More love for myself and the divine. And others
Yes well said, I agree.
Yeap
I agree..
Living alone is not a bad thing as long as you have a social circle and a healthy lifestyle.
Nothing wrong being single.
I don’t know if my English is good enough to describe how your videos make me feel at home, that someone is coaching me and her words are trustworthy, which is healing in itself. Thank you, Anna.
Your English is excellent
@@trudyfox938 thank you 🙏🏻☺️
And sometimes you are cognitively aware of all the " red flags" but just like addiction and other self- destructive behaviours, you rush ahead anyway... There are deep pschological implications here- all related to CPTSD, like self- esteem, conditioning, self- prophesying behaviour, etc. Also narcissistic abusers hone in on people who are recovering from trauma, so this is very serious and complicated. Awareness, therapy, time and going slow are the key.
Yes, thanks for sharing
Thank you, that helped me understand possible reasons why men I loved left me. My family of origin was high drama and, considering the amount of harm my covert NPD mother did to us over the decades, I am amazed my husband stayed with me these 30 years. We've been committed to each other and our children and doing our best for difficult relatives, but now learning about letting go of them and enjoying peace and harmony even with the grief of loss.
Thanks so much for sharing!
It's a relief to not resent a former lover, but to appreciate them for showing us our darkest corners.
Nice spin!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I choose to be alone and always will be. I can never trust again. I will never risk losing my soul again
I hear you. I’m so sorry for your pain.
I feel a bit lost... At 61, I've not been interested in dating anyone. Yep! I've lost years, and am discouraged - Thanks for your videos! I'm grateful. ❣️
You are so welcome
...find someone whose crazy is compatible with your crazy, and help each other heal.
"TRUE FRIENDSHIP" would be a good start with me or just friendship as I'm totally alone with my companion dog and tired to start all over at age 66. I've lost literally everyone I ever loved and have isolated myself so friendship would be a jolly good start. MANY people never find true love and some never find true friendship. I think this will break the resolve of many here and I believe that you can't find true love, love finds you and if you have your CAB LIGHT on I see that as wanting to have a good time and available, with respect. Love takes time and time I don't have so I'll settle for jolly good friendship so guidance on isolating AFTER trauma and abuse would be welcome. Happy Christmas to ALL here from the Lonely Heart's Club Band ❤️
I hear you. I just want a social circle of good friends so I won't have to be alone constantly. Since the pandemic, I work remotely. At least before I had to show up at the office and there were people around me to chat with although that wasn't ideal either. Loneliness has plagued me most of life. I turn to God so I won't end my life.
@@peekaboots01 Hello hello, I've ONLY just realised my major Achilles Heel and that is because I'm so lonely I OVERSHARE so much and it either puts on people off or it leads to them taking liberties and seriously overstepping the mark with what they say and do and inevitably they start dictating to me. I've only just realised that fact at a now age 67 ! Happy 2022 from New Zealand, By the way, STAY if you can ... You never know what's around that corner
@@StephSancia Hello! I hope we find what we need in 2022. 🤞
@@peekaboots01 Thank you. I read your part about termination of which is why I Quoted INTERSTELLAR mode to you "STAY" Yes, find what we seek in this realm 💥 Warm Wishes from New Zealand
Shine a cablight that attracts the right person for you: Define the type of person you really want to attract, take care of yourself, avoid isolation or bad relationships, strive to recover from addictions, anger, drama and conflict
my cab light is so broke i haven't dated anyone for going on 5 years now (it's absolutely terrible but i'm even slightly jealous of people in bad relationships because I think "hey at least someone wanted to date them, that never happens to me"). the only people i'm really into are those who are emotionally unavailable and have no interest in me. when someone gives a kind word I think, "what is wrong with this person? why are they being nice?" i'm only just realizing this year that I have struggled with cptsd my whole life and I feel like things will never change. i am sorry for being so negative, maybe someone relates to this at least. i just feel i could never be one of those "healthy" people with a working cablight, it will take so much work and idk if i can do it
I just got out of a 4 year relationship about two weeks ago, it was very toxic and I'm honestly very sad about it. I do however feel very hopeful I will eventually find someone, after I heal, after I no longer feel anger, or any animosity towards my ex, after I no longer miss him or think about him all day, I know for a fact that person I have been praying for and dreaming about is going to come my way. So strange how things like this video pop up at the moments you need it the most. I have no other explanation but that's God giving guidance and lighting the way towards true healing and love.
I hope you're right! I know it's possible!
I'd be happy to find a fun, close friend. Doesn't have to be a man or boyfriend at this point. But I'm so tired all the time, inside I feel empty. I find it difficult to have the energy to be a good friend :) being around people wears me out!
You've described me perfectly.
@@roxannemoser I think it comes from years of being unloved and not validated.
I think many of us understand
@@spiritosa0123 Yes I think so
Agreed!
Still healing. I don’t know if I will ever be well “enough”. Just done. Done with all of it.
You won’t ever be enough with your current measuring stick. Check out Fr Mike Schmidt if you’re looking for some spiritual direction. Take care!
Even though i do love solitude and comfortable being on my own even enjoy and need such time alone . I actually want / wish for a partner, a healthy relationship with whom i can share moments of joy and sorrow. Not desperate or in hurry but i love love . And i wanna cherish that love . With oneself and the one i love. For that i need to heal . And with your help Anna i want to make it possible and i think i sm doing fine . I'll keep on healing. And live my life well. Being free from shackles of past trauma. Thank you so much.
Madam, that WAS BRILLIANT! Thank you!
Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
I have been alone for all of my adult life. I never was interested in finding someone, but the pandemic made me feel like it’d be nice to have a companion. I believe not having a father (parents divorced at 8) growing up led me to develop cptsd. My mum was always kind and amazing, but I always felt the void of having an absent father
We find it's less important to figure out what caused CPSTD and crucial to find techniques to fully be the person we want to be :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Every time I try, and feel like I get nowhere, with therapy your channel is exactly what I was looking for. Why do none of the other therapists know any of these things? I’m grateful for your channel. Thank you
Anna. I just wanted to thank you for real solutions in addressing childhood trauma. I just got out of a toxic 3 year relationship with a high conflict female on the narcissistic side of the spectrum. I am incorporating the daily practice along with meditation which I have done for years. Thank you for making a real difference in people's lives who want real opportunities to heal and move on. This is an exciting time for me and I appreciate you so much for what you are doing to help people. Blessings and the healing light of love and joy to you.
Thank you so much for this kind comment! It makes me so happy to hear the techniques are working for you!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy of course. I am also working on Richard Grannon's summoning the self which is equally helpful and effective.
No one is perfect in our world ! If we are healing nothing wrong with meeting another who wants to heal together - non of us can be shiny 25/7 365 days of the year ! But 75% healing ❤️🩹 and work in progress is doable I feel ☺️🙏🏻✨
When I met my husband so many years ago, I only saw the promise. On paper he looked good, but in reality, he was a liability. He's now an Ex, and married to someone else.
Hindsight is worth having!
My whole life I assumed that the way a guy treated me was the was I deserved, so if he treated me bad then that meant I deserved it or he would have treated me better, that is a vicious cycle, it’s very hard to break that thought patterns or programming, I had to reset my narrative, I had to gain my power back, it’s still difficult not to fall back in that mindset believing my past relationships were a reflection on my worth!! Thank you for this video.
We understand and can help you with that! Anna has five courses, including a free one, and a membership with lots of support :)
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/
-Cara@TeamFairy
This was some excellent content you absolutely nailed it with the broken cab light analogy and all the different things that cause it to not turn on.
This is so dead on. At least I broke free from my abusive husband
Hugs!
Caitlin Teetsel,you deserve a better man 🙏🙏🙏🙏.
@@oscarwilliamson1264 I know I do. When I decided to date again I know what to avoid.
@@lynnteetsel2235 which country are you from?
Anna, I subscribed a few days ago, so I must be within the last hundred subscribers of your 150,000! May you climb up to 15 Million. I am not sure how I found your channel, but that day I needed that message that I heard. I did not even know childhood PTSD existed. Thank you for sharing your journey. I was skeptical at first, I will admit when I heard about the crappy childhood fairy ... but it grew on me, and I love your message, your site and your cab light. Cheers! Congrats on the 150K!
Thank you so much for subbing and pushing us to 150,000 mark!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I swear I feel like everything you have said in this video you could’ve and probably would’ve said to me if you were my personal therapist. It’s incredible your wealth of knowledge
It shows how similar C-PTSD survivors are- ironic because we all felt so different!
Wow...just wow... The cab light reference was perfect. For the past 9 months, I have been working on my cab light and I finally feel like I'm able to attract what I really want and need. This was so eye opening. Thank you for the work that you do!
So happy to hear that you're attracting what you want and need. We're cheering you on! - Ashley, Team Fairy
I am too traumatized to ever be able to trust anyone & trust myself. Interesting information nonetheless. It is helpful for people whom are healthier than I.
Thanks.
I watch this video every couple of months. And I think i finally have a bright cab light . Yes!
That's amazing! -Calista@TeamFairy
I am listening to this for the first time on 2/16/22. I just broke up on 2/13/22. Your introduction described EVERYTHING that has happened to me over the last 5 years with the man I just broke up with. To say the least, I’m amazed. The rest of what you said has also been the story of my life in relationships. Thank you 🙏 so much for what you do. It takes a wealth of courage & compassion for others. Be blessed❤️
Thank you!
This is me too. I keep meaning to do your program, I need to do it. Tired of being alone, emotionally unavailable people.
Maybe I'll see you on the member side!
I enrolled in your course and its helping. The first step is to feel safe, after everything I've been through I'd rather be alone. Safety comes first.
Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for speaking to the heart.
It takes a bit of courage sometimes but I'm glad it reaches hearts out there like yours!
Oh, dear! YES!! Working SO hard to turn that light on - no more hiding my beautiful light under a bushel basket 🥰❤️🤩
You got this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've just gone through a horrific divorce from a narcissist/psychopath (mirror image of my parents). When I met him I thought he was my soulmate, my one perfect partner that I had waited for. We married, had children, I was so happy even as the cracks appeared and it all went downhill to the point where I became suicidal and finally realised I had to leave this person to save myself from complete annihilation. Now even though I have healed so much, I have lost all faith in my ability to meet anyone even remotely normal who I find attractive and have them be attracted to me.
Totally agree. Something to add though speaking as a 66 year old who is not looking for a relationship but is very happy. Contemporary mores i.e. sex because you are in love, sound great and maybe they are but for someone for CPTSD it is a disaster because knowing when someone is after you or sex is difficult for CPTSDs to clock. Secondly I had to reach the Honouring my Mother and Father even after they had passed away. My hatred of my parents was central in my picking bad partners. So I had to forgive them and fess up to how much grief I had given them to pay them back - passive agressively by being depressed and miserable. Oh yes that is a powerful weapon 'see what you did to me'. Finally I had to Love God with all my Heart and all my Mind and all my Soul. If you do not believe in good replace God with Life - because I hated Life and wanted to die all my life. So the 10 commandments actually are a good way of being happy. I used to snear at the ;Honour your Father and Mother; you can do this from a thousand miles away with a loving Christmas card and no contact. I finally did not speak to my mother for a year and did not respond to the flowers she sent me on my birthday. It resulted in a letter saying ;I am sorry I was not a good mother;. I was honouring her by letting her think about her behaviour and not letting myself being manipulated back in. In hindsight I would have sent a thank you note but nothing more. Honouring my father was no going back to the family home but seeing him in a restaurant. I was sure finally greeted well when I did go back to the family home. But praying for them is also a way of honouring them if your parents have passed away and laughing about the good times because there were good times in between the grief and they sent me to a religeous school which eventually saved my life. That gives them enough brownie points to be up there in heaven. Sex before marriage. No culture but the West endorses this. It is an emotional disaster because you are giving away a part of yourself. I instinctively knew this but the pressure was too great and I capitulated. Worst thing I ever did. Got a religion now and can say 'sorry no sex before marriage' I have an entire church to back me up. Not a chance of that boundary going. Last partner tried to con me out of my money. See what a terrible mess Feminism got us into. Now there needs new Feminism. I got educated, the vote and property because of feminism, but I got emotional grief and pain too. Some feminists are now saying why not be married and have your babies at University? Putting family on hold until your 30s is really leaving things very late. See Jordan Peterson on this one. It is not rocket science your fertility is falling off by 35 and quickly. Men do not have that problem. Your family ancestors had a lot of sense, try and blend it in with the best things about this age i.e. you can develop your talents. All cultures talk of the Middle Way in everthing. Women are not the same as men they are equal in different ways.
At what point people choose to have (or abstain) from sex is deeply personal. I'm glad that you have found a boundary you are comfortable with, that's a big deal for people with CPTSD.
-Cara@TeamFairy
all i can say is this NEVER HAVE HEARD SUCH WORDS OF WISDOM you are the only person i know who gets it.
Thanks so much!
For me I was always searching for my dad in a partner. I couldn't face the fact that he abandoned me in every way except the superficial. Now I'm realizing that his abandonment drove me to seek the same kind of men over and over. So for me a big part of the healing has been facing this, anger is healthier than self condemnation on the road to healing because it's honest. I don't need to beat myself up because people have treated me wrong. I'm just starting this journey and I appreciate your insight as well as the perspectives of people who have survived a crappy relationship. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
We appreciate your insight as well, thanks so much for commenting.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hopefully coming out of it, thank you!
Going through a divorce after a 27 year marriage to a high school sweetheart. I was so wrong and my red flag detector was off, years lost but radically devoted to healing and self care.
*Ask Anna Anything* AAA
that should be your name catch phrase !!!!
Thank you for your good works!
Thank you, you were so spot on! I'll definitely be mindful and keep my cab light on
Nice!
My cab light is off too. I left a 25 year marriage years ago, had a couple of relationships but since the pandemic none. I recently caught a cold and feel like hell. I have cystic fibrosis so it’s scary too. I’m alone but happy. I don’t have much time left, I’m 74 about to turn 75. Think I’ll join your group Anna. Thank you so much. I so get what you are teaching. Your critics are dumb. Don’t let them get under your skin. I send you fairy dust to ward them off!
Thank you! I look forward to meeting you in the membership.
I just found your site and I am loving it. You're helping me grow so much!! Thank you for the healing work you do in the world!!!
Welcome! So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
My dear Anna, this video brought the louder and most powerful messages to me. All I talk about in my business program is about healing and shining with your own light so other people can see you! And now I realize that I do the opposite in my personal life. I've been blocking and disconnecting my light to the point I feel invisible (at some point I started questioning if I was dead and I didn't know, because I couldn't believe any guy was able to see me, while in any other room I'm extremely noticed). Time to let my light shine on... all the way. Once again: love you and thank you for all your guidance and special support ❤️ 🙏
Oh, how beautiful! I'm with you.
I was meant to hear this right now. I’m currently, deeply working on myself. Sometimes it’s hard to see yourself but I find it necessary. Thank you
Some people think they're healthy when they're not & put down those who ask for healthy habits - totally present, free of past entanglements mostly healed or actively healing - & with people without addictions (alcohol, porn, drugs, gambling etc).
Appreciate you, Anna! 🙏🏽💕
Wow, as a therapist and a human being, I love your videos and lessons. Thanks so much!!!
Louise Kennedy
Wow, thank you!
sums up my life
I swear you can see through me. You know EVERYTHING about me! The isolation is so true! I am very social but keep everyone at bay! You are such a great help! You are making a huge impact with your words my dear ✨💜🌛
Thank you very much for saying so.
You’re my new most favorite!! I’m just adoring each of your videos. Thank you Anna!
You are amazing, great to hear a woman who really is on the same wavelength....🙏🙏
Wow, thank you
Nailed it! Thank you. I have much to think about.
The Fairy is good for that!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy indeed you are! You make me think about and face my Childhood PTSD everyday. My story is deep though. I never had a father nor a good mom in Somalia. I came to Canads adopted and then physically and emotionally abused. I was always responsible. The things I got in trouble was not my grades or school, but rather extra chores and couldn't my teens and 20s. I freed myself 6 years ago. I live alone now and have a great job and friends. I am emotionally damaged though by the past. I get triggered and react. I am a good person. I am most of the days sad and operate at suboptimal but now I can so much more if I let go. It is so hard Anna.
You grow more beautiful from one video to another!
Thank you! 😊
Bam, Bingo!! Ready to meet the right person....in due time...thank you for your input and experience!!
Best of luck!
This makes me sad and feels so complicated. My life is always stressful and complicated and I don’t even want it to be 😢
I’ve lived alone all my life because of this. Rarely in relationship
Be Discerning. Be Bright, Shiny and Whole. Fix the drama.
Sweet take-away :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Problem for me is, I live in an area where there are mostly BUMS and they will jump at anything that moves. Exhausting.
Anna, you have just told my life story, again,this time in romantic relationships.I have always chosen emotionally unavailable women and I think now watching so many of helpful yvideos, realizing my mother was emotionally and physically unavailable. Thank you so much, again.
So glad I find your channel
I love your honesty! And I love this analogy ~ My cab light 💓 Goodnight from New Zealand
Thank you New Zealand :)
The Cab Light concept is extraordinarily versatile.
You can relate it to any scenario that requires us to STEP OUT THE DOOR and confront a NEW EXPERIENCE that we might be holding back from... and each time we leave the house we can ask keys? Gloves? Hat? Cab light?
[Raging tantrum as we look for the damb Cab light that rolled under the couch to die)
Thanks Anna
I love your kind explanations. Thank you for this insight.
God bless you...you are doing a great job...Many of us who have CPTSD we always thought there may be something wrong with us...that's why we are like this....but we are good people,brilliant people,very lovable people we just have to heal...
Thank you so much for this crappy childhood fairy project...
Awesome THIS HAS CAME TO ME AT RIGHT TIME💖🏴🙏
it's time!
I've been saying for the last couple of days that I really need to heal...I won't be going cold turkey again, but the New year when I return back to work I've already see a new and improved me
Funny thing is it was me that was the problem. I always atttacted good people into my life for the most part bar 1 or 2 but that was due too the constant need of wanting and needing to have somebody in my life. Since ive quit drink and drugs i feel like im making better choices instead of just going for any person.
I love this one. It makes so, so much sense. Thank you, Anna. Healing...
Thank you... you just summed up my life there. Now I know where to start changing it for the better. Thank you for telling me, and thanks to my ex for crossing paths with me. I needed that to wake up.
Glad it was helpful!
The relationships of my past are over! Really I’d been moving away for the last several years, repeatedly making the choice to stay across country and even further away in heart, the message over time and gently has been made clear, it’s over. I have determined that attraction can blind you to what is most important, such as, does the pairing reflect what has real and has significant meaning for you both, are you kindred spirits? I love someone now who is very beautiful, but I fell in love with her soul first, that is equally beautiful. I can’t begin to say how lovingly she has treated me. I don’t know if the relationship will go everywhere or forevermore, but it already is a forever gift in my life and a wonder to cherish. ♥️🕊
Wishing you both the best :)
Love your channel ! Thank you for sharing your experience and giving so much helpful information!
You are so welcome!
Who are these healthy people you keep referring to? Such a foreign idea. Appealing but foreign.
I've met one or two of them... LOL!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy THAT many!? Haha
you must put the word "healthy" in a context .
I had the same thought. But they do exist. There’s one inside all of us.
Im sure they hang with the NORMAL people.
I just listened to this 3 times. I listened to the one that you suggest at the end, twice. I've been very aware that I do all of this, everything you discuss, for a lonnnggg time. I'm 60, done a lot of traditional, and non-traditional therapies, 12 step work, metaphysical, mental, behavioral, emotional work, hospitalizations, and so on. Have I benefited by all in one way or another? Absolutely! Have I been preyed upon and further traumatized, abused, or simply given ridiculously stupid advice by supposedly "safe people", had adverse side effects, or been re-traumatized by portions of some of these routes? ABSOLUTELY! Recently, I gave up all hope for more complete healing, understanding myself (and certainly, no one understanding me!), and just living out the rest of my life in peace (I'm ef-ing exhausted!). Figured, I didn't have a choice. But, the verrry little that I do have left means EVERYTHING to me! So, I got ok with it. Then.... I found you!!!! Actually, someone suggested your channel to me a year ago. I actually didn't even consciously remember that! Somehow (divine intervention), I began watching and listening to you. Slowly, now daily. I actually went back to the person who suggested you to me (who has a group on another site) and excitedly reported the "amazing goldmine" I'd found in you (and, you are!), only to be gently reminded of the facts! Ehhh... we had a hearty chuckle. Whatever. 😆 So, thank you Anna Runkle for renewed hope that I NEVER expected! Apparently, it does spring eternal! Even in an old broad. My most heartfelt gratitude to you. Truly. ❤ 🙏
All my life, my family was cruel to me when I got them gifts because I didn’t wrap them well enough. I tried really hard. I watched videos. I offered to rewrap them when I was told they weren’t good enough, but I was screamed at not to rewrap them. (Classic scapegoat stuff - disproportionate negative emotion with no resolution or actual reason.)
I got a small gift with minimal wrapping for someone I have seen a few times and he said, “oh wow. I’ve never received such a nicely wrapped gift. That’s really amazing. Thank you.”
It was the same wrapping quality as I’ve always done it.
I hope things work out with this person. Even if they don’t, I will remember that moment and continue to shake off the bullshit.
Thank you. You really know what is necessary and right to do. I am right there with you and so appreciate the support!
I appreciate that!
I've been in therapy for years trying to "fix" myself, but found out I'm not broken. I just needed to be able to set boundaries.
So right. I knew this but didn't think I could change me or this patern. Old but not done. Thank you
Needed this. Your spot on...
Thank you!
I feel like I'm going to be forever alone
Another wonderful video. I look forward yo the bootcamp. I had a three year relationship of accepting “breadcrumbs”. Id take anything. I had no live and attention. I hope not again, even though im alone for a long time. I feel both shame and grief as my lover died and i got confused.
Sorry to hear that..