Dismissive Avoidant No Contact | What Your Ex Is Feeling!

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ธ.ค. 2024

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  • @summerghost6551
    @summerghost6551 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2641

    the more i analyze love and dating in this day and age, i have decided to aim for becoming a hermit and live in the woods alone for the rest of my life.

    • @thatsmysherman
      @thatsmysherman 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +29

      I totally agree with you.

    • @stoneystank7355
      @stoneystank7355 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

      For real. It's sad.

    • @mcliloldbigyoung
      @mcliloldbigyoung 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +29

      Anything can be analyzed until it's spoiled, love is meant to be experienced not fully understood, society is awful but there are still wonderful individuals, don't lose hope

    • @Serenity888Meow
      @Serenity888Meow 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Incel epidemic

    • @simpleliving4205
      @simpleliving4205 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Me tooo!!!!

  • @ditampol9570
    @ditampol9570 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +650

    My previous relationship with an avoidant guy made me thought that I was crazy and clingy for being overly anxious. Until I met someone who's very communicative and initiates transparency without me asking for it. I felt secure and it lead me to realize, that I'm not crazy. I just haven't found the right person.

    • @asadahmed3431
      @asadahmed3431 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ditampol9570 worst experience of my life, no communication, walking away, disappearing acts etc etc.

    • @KhushiBharti1723
      @KhushiBharti1723 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      Thanks for this comment i see hope for myself

    • @mrinmoyeemukherjee1420
      @mrinmoyeemukherjee1420 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      Needed to hear this.

    • @Nadia-xOx
      @Nadia-xOx หลายเดือนก่อน

      ❤❤❤

    • @tinkerhildz7465
      @tinkerhildz7465 หลายเดือนก่อน

  • @ellamoony15
    @ellamoony15 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1083

    My avoidant ex said all his exes were anxious…. Now I think we all got our anxiety exacerbated because of him

    • @ivettelee5340
      @ivettelee5340 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      😅😅😅😅😅😅 so true.

    • @lisamaron7139
      @lisamaron7139 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      Most likely you're right

    • @Nell01Buck
      @Nell01Buck 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Lmao

    • @sailorPinata
      @sailorPinata 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

      Same big red flag as "All my (female) exes are crazy"

    • @ashb3117
      @ashb3117 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

      Narcissism and avoidance often arise from the same wounds. But we can't heal them. They have to heal themselves.

  • @JETTSTACHI
    @JETTSTACHI 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2536

    I got tired of the 'no contact' crap everytime he couldn't sit there and discuss issues like an adult, but ran away like a child with his hands over his ears! I flipped the script and returned 'no contact'....forever!

    • @theliterarytarot
      @theliterarytarot 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +152

      Same, it took time but now I can breathe

    • @pure-pisces9980
      @pure-pisces9980 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +118

      Same!! I totally understand....so painful 😢 Avoidants (mine) don't have or understand emotions .....so easy it seems to dismiss/detatch/run!! I've had to ignore any contact....for my own sanity😢

    • @sheliasmith2884
      @sheliasmith2884 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +89

      Right they are not worth your time

    • @robertldavisjr
      @robertldavisjr 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +79

      I won’t even acknowledge their existence once they go.

    • @ShondaSweets1987
      @ShondaSweets1987 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +91

      I soooo agree! My guy use to.put his hands over his ears all the time, weather I was trying to be clam & rational or not. It didn't matter! I got so tired of this childish behavior, oh but, when they're ready to express themselves, they have the need to be heard and HATE it if you ignore them, smh 🤦🏽‍♀️

  • @Ricardo-ur5os
    @Ricardo-ur5os 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +808

    I think a lot of people who are labelled an “anxious attacher” actually aren’t always that way before dating a dismissive avoidant. I mean - most people want to feel love from someone they care about right?
    I think there’s a difference between someone who is in a stable relationship but constantly needs attention, and someone who is normally quite independent but is asking for basically the bare minimum from their avoidant partner, which in turn is making them anxious about their partners devotion to them.

    • @melindanaumovic8124
      @melindanaumovic8124 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +38

      Hear hear. Totally and utterly agree!

    • @Ricardo-ur5os
      @Ricardo-ur5os 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      @FurryNudez she sounds absolutely crazy to be honest. I’d just not have any contact with her at all

    • @Ricardo-ur5os
      @Ricardo-ur5os 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      @FurryNudez because of the way you’re describing her… how she’s reaching out and then pretending not to know you, saying stuff that you know isn’t true. You’re portraying her in that way and then defending her when someone else calls her behaviour out… maybe you need to evaluate the situation as a whole and if her actions are healthy ones to have in your life

    • @monikori6473
      @monikori6473 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      100%😊

    • @gloriazona2283
      @gloriazona2283 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Wow. You said that right! Spot on.

  • @Lady.Luck.
    @Lady.Luck. 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +727

    It's funny because I have dated two avoidant guys and both of them swore they thought of themselves as being blunt and direct but ultimately they were big avoidants!

    • @Alieortwo
      @Alieortwo 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      And so healed and ready for the real love i gave 😂😂😂😂
      Red flag from now on.

    • @kuchiku-kanzo759
      @kuchiku-kanzo759 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      The girl I was talking to was the same way. She loved a good dare but ask her to be real with you. Yeah nope not happening

    • @NatzTalk
      @NatzTalk 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Omg same!!!!

    • @v.g4081
      @v.g4081 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Facing the same issue now . I am dumb founded

    • @user-js4mt1nr2y
      @user-js4mt1nr2y 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

      Well, they are.. When it comes to things non emotional or vulnerable.. They can be harsh and direct. The moment it comes to feelings they can still get harsh and direct in a dismissive manner or in setting boundries. Anyways the directness is gone when it comes to their needs and feelings than you see more passive aggressive or talking indirectly about a topic, only sharing a part of the story or ignoring it and all that stuff.

  • @JmiLyn444
    @JmiLyn444 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +473

    I really pray he gets the help he needs. I really loved him.

    • @listeningbren
      @listeningbren 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +31

      Thanks for sharing- empathy seems to get covered by bitterness in a lot of cases.

    • @KhushiBharti1723
      @KhushiBharti1723 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Same❤

    • @vickibazter3446
      @vickibazter3446 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Same

    • @Cierra9089
      @Cierra9089 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Same

    • @nadja5154
      @nadja5154 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      ​@@listeningbrenthat's right, I can see that here in the comments too. However, especially if you are a compassionate person, this anger and bitterness after a torturous relationship helps to avoid the avoidants and to break the cycle of falling for them again and again before they started healing/are healed. It's a bit harsh at times but maybe necessary?

  • @brianm5637
    @brianm5637 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +510

    4 years…One day “I can’t believe that I have you, I always wonder if this isn’t just a really good dream” the next day “I think this relationship has run its course.”

    • @rapthemusical
      @rapthemusical 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +116

      This really hits home. I got so many "What did I do to deserve you?" and "You're perfect" speeches (no exaggeration) and then boom, ice cold, break up, then no contact. This was my first time in a relationship with a DA; I'm a secure type. It absolutely shook me to my foundations. But I have moved on entirely.

    • @CorvusCoroneCanisLupusSawel
      @CorvusCoroneCanisLupusSawel 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      @brianm5637
      mine said very similar words.

    • @valeriedelagarza5121
      @valeriedelagarza5121 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      Oh my, exactly! Glad I'm not the only one out there. My husband is this way. I'm done. Keeping strong.

    • @mexican_wbc9946
      @mexican_wbc9946 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      @@rapthemusicalso I felt that way about a girl I was talking to, I thought she was perfect & would let her know. Then when I found more about her, I ended up losing interest & couldn’t do anything about it. I actually thought I was ready for a relationship after some time of isolation but then that happened. Point is that we aren’t all bad guys which is what people seem to think. I am self aware & don’t want to get into anything because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I try to work on myself but sometimes I feel it’s hopeless & I should just be on my own even though I crave real love & connection. We’re all human really

    • @rapthemusical
      @rapthemusical 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@mexican_wbc9946 I never said she was evil. The fact is I don’t know what she is. She blocked me and ghosted me.

  • @kagoyasi3502
    @kagoyasi3502 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +730

    I don't do "no contact". Doesn't work anyway. I give my 100% and more to make a relationship work. And if thats still not working, its "be done" phase. No looking back. Hence be done and congratulate your avoidant ex because he finally fulfilled his destiny to avoid you and your love.

    • @nicholecornes1915
      @nicholecornes1915 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

      Totally agree

    • @HoneybeeHearts52
      @HoneybeeHearts52 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

      Congratulations you played yourself and sadly hurt someone in the process. Your message made me laugh. Thank you I needed that 😂

    • @yee6870
      @yee6870 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +44

      ​@@HoneybeeHearts52not a single neuron in your cranial cavity........

    • @emilycjohnson460
      @emilycjohnson460 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Define "work". If you want to get over them it absolutely does. If you expect it to work by getting them back... there is never any guarantee with an avoidant. But at least you dont look desperate and send the message that rheir behavior is okay with you and you have the upper hand.

    • @Itshowtime7223
      @Itshowtime7223 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Damn I wish the girls in the comments think like these girl that cause so much hurt

  • @Kiki-yg1wk
    @Kiki-yg1wk 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +120

    My avoidant ex broke up with me for the third time last week just when we were planning to live together. And my stupid anxious ass still loves him and wants him back.

    • @adro90
      @adro90 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      Feel this

    • @ItalianoWithJodina
      @ItalianoWithJodina 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ohhhaww feel your pain

    • @Kiki-yg1wk
      @Kiki-yg1wk 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@ItalianoWithJodina thanks I'm doing better now

    • @akhileshomre3863
      @akhileshomre3863 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Same with me I can't hate her so stupid of me

    • @archangelelmo
      @archangelelmo 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Did your ex ever reach out to you???

  • @EverydayAdventures123
    @EverydayAdventures123 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +508

    the avoidance is what hurts the most and especially when they said "they cared so much about you" its straight evil they are basically saying f*ck my emotions - ok f*ck yours too - I am avoiding them now FOREVER. I definitely don't want an "avoidant" ever again!!

    • @sheliasmith2884
      @sheliasmith2884 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Amen

    • @nicolet7694
      @nicolet7694 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      So true

    • @muhammadnurfathi8139
      @muhammadnurfathi8139 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      Me too, she left me on my exam week. Need to supress all the feeling for my bachelor.

    • @CNCGuy
      @CNCGuy 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      I've heard so many stories just like yours growing up. The dating scene is all manners of f***ed up and got even worse 10 fold with online dating. I'm 35 and been single my whole life. Its a sick game of "say all the right things to get you into bed" Men teaching men to be players. and women teaching women to be boss babes and bad bitches.... Men like me are throwing in the towel and turning tail because there is no winning in a game that's rigged from the start. The Nuclear family is nothing but a pipe dream for most.... With more focus on lust than love, and dating coaches convincing everyone to "make sure that spark is there".....
      If they say all the right things.... ITS A DAMN TRAP!

    • @XantaliX
      @XantaliX 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Me too, they're evil. Wasn't a boyfriend but who I considered my best friend. She was so dissmisive in the last convo we had when she decided we "took distance". I litt had to go to psiquiatric help and get meds. I miss her horribly but at the same time I dont thnk I want to see her ever again.

  • @Dana_Dracarys
    @Dana_Dracarys 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +384

    They always run away in the middle of conversations, discussions, conflicts.Take No accountability. They are like small kids.

    • @bmbrowns1778
      @bmbrowns1778 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

      It truly baffles me. Whenever I tried to ask why or tried to explain how she hurt my feelings she would either twist it into my fault, or she would just leave/disengage. I am very solution oriented and that somehow was the downfall of our 1.5 year relationship.

    • @jessicab331
      @jessicab331 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      Seriously! My ex told me up front that he could be childish and I’m thinking it was just some of his hobbies… ooooh noooo! Buddy is just completely immature!!! I am so upset I came across him after I’ve done so much work on myself!!! And all the advice is just on how to coddle them!!! Please!

    • @astrid8433
      @astrid8433 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      It can be very manipulative the way they talk when you’re trying to have an important discussion. Avoidants although not narcissistic, sometimes really cross over with narcissist tendencies.

    • @TheLastEgg08
      @TheLastEgg08 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      Even when they are accountable they magnify your mistakes to 5000 to not feel small against the shit they’ve done

    • @notinterested6135
      @notinterested6135 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      They are hurt

  • @emilycjohnson460
    @emilycjohnson460 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1946

    When anxious attachers turn into avoidants BECAUSE of being traumatized by an avoidant. ..

    • @sherryjohnson1090
      @sherryjohnson1090 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +145

      i have actually noticed myself doing this.

    • @daker1941
      @daker1941 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      That very scenario happened to a close friend 😉

    • @RitaP41
      @RitaP41 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +31

      And... you're now a bigger problem 😆. Just get therapy!

    • @karishmadhillon6714
      @karishmadhillon6714 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +44

      I am afraid i would end up an avoidant myself as i am too scared to be with someone now.

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  8 หลายเดือนก่อน +87

      Sometimes this can be a sign that that person was a fearful avoidant all along or has just now become fearful avoidant due to the negative experience with their avoidant.

  • @katharden5806
    @katharden5806 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +117

    Gotta love when they sabotage relationships but somehow make you think you are the unlovable one.

  • @s.aura.h8084
    @s.aura.h8084 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +927

    He won't find another one like me 💖

    • @ImTerio
      @ImTerio 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

      Wouldn’t that be the point. To find somebody who won’t be a let down next time 🤔

    • @s.aura.h8084
      @s.aura.h8084 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ImTerio yes, so it's his loss

    • @s.aura.h8084
      @s.aura.h8084 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +39

      Exactly, it's his loss.

    • @brandyperez4656
      @brandyperez4656 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +35

      facts I was the upgrade for him so he will feel it

    • @HasanAtwii
      @HasanAtwii 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ImTerioSHUT THE F UP, he let her down, HE is the LET DOWN, she is the victim

  • @dionaoneal1976
    @dionaoneal1976 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +374

    I’m a secure attachment style and dated an avoidant! He brought out the anxious in me and I had to let go!

    • @sparky6743
      @sparky6743 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Here here brother (and/or sister we don’t discriminate here)

    • @ItalianoWithJodina
      @ItalianoWithJodina 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@sparky6743 exactly 100%

    • @lorip4087
      @lorip4087 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Same

    • @lionofpersis
      @lionofpersis 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      This is me. I’ve never felt relationship anxiety before and it’s not fun. Contemplating if it’s worth it to stay and try and help her heal or just walk away for myself

    • @Sky22_00
      @Sky22_00 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Same

  • @Swindonisforlovers
    @Swindonisforlovers 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +734

    As a former avoidant this is so accurate. At first when you break up you actually feel a relief. For a long period of time there is no emotion about it at all, there’s a sense of getting yourself back. Then at some point you’ll start thinking about the ex again and remembering the good times. Next stage you’ll have some kind of trigger where the emotion of the breakup with hit you harder, then you get very nostalgic about it and start to yearn for the relationship again and beat yourself up for how you acted. It’s actually a horrible way to live your life and can end up in a really dark place.

    • @LemonWaves
      @LemonWaves 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +170

      I hope he regrets losing me, I will find someone deserving of my awesomeness. Sad thing is he deserved it but couldn’t get out of his own way

    • @thatkatt_
      @thatkatt_ 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +142

      I struggle with hearing how there’s a sense of “relief” after losing someone who was important in your life regardless of the attachment style. To credit the breakup for forward movement and progress in life seems like accountability isn’t taken since you could have faced challenges together if direct communication and honesty was present. Only then could there be a real chance at saving a relationship which naturally creates a healthier environment to grow alongside one another. People aren’t easily replaceable and I think social media makes us all believe we can just continue restarting with new people carrying old issues.

    • @13sprintuser
      @13sprintuser 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      but not horrible to reach out and mend things with the ex, right?

    • @jonestownboogiedown4476
      @jonestownboogiedown4476 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

      @@13sprintusermost of them don’t overcome the shame. They are wounded creatures just like the rest of us and trauma creates shame.

    • @RitaP41
      @RitaP41 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +36

      Good! Some people need to hit rock bottom in order to Change.

  • @CorvusCoroneCanisLupusSawel
    @CorvusCoroneCanisLupusSawel 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +344

    avoidants can turn secure people anxious, even avoidant, themselves. never again. i will just walk away next time the first few red flags appear. wasted so much time, effort, money and love on her. i lost everything. what a fool i was.

    • @NazaninZare-de6hc
      @NazaninZare-de6hc 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      Having the same problem here.
      Hope you're doing better now.

    • @merna9615
      @merna9615 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      Hope you heal from this
      Don't blame yourself you did your best sadly we have to learn the hard way

    • @OxysLokiMoros
      @OxysLokiMoros 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I am anxious and hoping to learn and heal through my relationship with an avoidant woman, because I am more or less concious about what happends and while It's painful I can observe my reaction and how she is acting... Still, I don't wont to judge her completely. I am helping her a lot with daily things and hope she isn't just using me to get my help....

    • @gabrielwynn-gould8473
      @gabrielwynn-gould8473 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I feel your pain I'm in the same boat

    • @akhileshomre3863
      @akhileshomre3863 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      No bro don't call yourself fool
      I learnt a new experience good or bad
      I know you are awesome

  • @namastea
    @namastea 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +134

    It's not a break up, they leave you hanging, its ghosting actually

    • @SuperUranius
      @SuperUranius 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Bad bad evil

    • @SuperUranius
      @SuperUranius 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      When i sas this mesages, then I saw 1% battery percentage, so this is In synch means the evil bad energy is now at 1%",so almost none, zerro, or it no existing, or is anulated, whatever it is... Some great News at least.

    • @pageemayfield6244
      @pageemayfield6244 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Exactly

    • @SuperUranius
      @SuperUranius 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      dont know what to say, Show me.

    • @zowshela
      @zowshela 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      They like to leave u hanging like a plan B Incase their new options don't go as planned. Tried to do this but could not take it and helped him say what he should have

  • @arroncruz2211
    @arroncruz2211 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +161

    I’ve come to the conclusion that I will no longer waste time trying to understand someone that gave up on the relationship. Any moments of clarity or enlightenment that I have will only be for my benefit, and the benefit of my future relationships regardless of the dynamic, there’s no point in holding a grudge or bitterness but humanizing someone’s cruelty serves no purpose. Those that genuinely want to be in your life or have remorse for their actions will make the effort, it’s a hard lesson to learn sometimes but preserve your dignity and move on. Focus on yourself, that project or hobby you’ve been putting off and take some time to grieve and do some introspection then save your best for the next person who actually deserves it.

    • @zsuzsiwd
      @zsuzsiwd 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you, amen 🙏🏼

    • @spejspig
      @spejspig 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes

    • @sag2007ama
      @sag2007ama 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes!

    • @bdtrap
      @bdtrap 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      "Humanizing someone's cruelty serves no purpose."
      👆 THIS 👆

    • @louiseraskin
      @louiseraskin 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Beautifully said, thank you ❤

  • @drexel1976
    @drexel1976 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +166

    this is crazy accurate 😭 Avoidant ex went on 2 international trips within 6 months after our break-up, and we did not take ONE during our 5 years...

    • @brendabahr4736
      @brendabahr4736 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

      Mine met someone then moved into her mansion..In January he went to Aruba! Wtf .We never broke up..he met her at our State Fair..then a week after we went out for my birthday.. I had no clue..she's a 50 yr old rich widow..😮😮

    • @Metamorphosis2.0
      @Metamorphosis2.0 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@brendabahr4736sounds narcissistic

    • @karishmadhillon6714
      @karishmadhillon6714 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +21

      Mine went on more than 3 trips in 6 months, bought a house. Meanwhile I couldn’t even move or function like a normal human being. Avoidants are unbelievably cruel and cold hearted people. I only wish to never encounter one again!

    • @kristenhyler3400
      @kristenhyler3400 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Same with mine

    • @TheDrummagurl
      @TheDrummagurl 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Wow that literally happened to me.

  • @EverydayAdventures123
    @EverydayAdventures123 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +225

    avoidants get no second chance with me - your hurt me once ur done BYE

    • @ts6394
      @ts6394 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      Sounds pretty avoidant

    • @GUITARTIME2024
      @GUITARTIME2024 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Lol. One time.? Wow. Aren't you queen of the world.

    • @EverydayAdventures123
      @EverydayAdventures123 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      @GUITARTIME2024 actually I gave in and gave the guy a second chance and he played me again so yeah - one chance is enough - why hurt myself more than once by giving a selfish emotionless person a second chance?

    • @EverydayAdventures123
      @EverydayAdventures123 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ts6394 They will only keep using you.

    • @GUITARTIME2024
      @GUITARTIME2024 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @EverydayAdventures123 because you don't know what else he's going through. I'm a dude so maybe I see it different, but plenty of guys get the hint after a first breakup. If it happens again, then yes, he's done.

  • @kelligrace9167
    @kelligrace9167 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +119

    What happens when you go no contact with an avoidant attachment type? They experience ‘separation elation’. They are probably relieved. Because of their early unaddressed emotional wounds they feel easily overwhelmed when relationships get close. They feel guilty. You going no contact will probably be a relief. Will they feel said? Unless they also have a personality disorder like narcissism or anti social personality for example, they will feel sad and guilty about the relationship not working out. They may with the distance of time come to idealise the relationship you had with them and compare future relationships to the one they had with you regretting that they let you get away. But if you were to come back together your relationship will be the same as before unless they choose to work on their issues and you as their partner work with them on the relationship recognising your own attachment issues and what you bring to the table . Begin with asking yourself, why was I attracted to someone who is emotionally unavailable or distant ? Why would I want to be with someone like that? Or maybe you are securely attached.

    • @Alieortwo
      @Alieortwo 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      No contact is a relief to them. They do feel sad though. But weeks months later and not because it is over but because they are the victim of themselfs again. And start the same bs over again.
      Never take them back!!
      Boohoo 😂

    • @MrsLP-ht8jy
      @MrsLP-ht8jy 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      So well said

    • @thevicariousvouyer
      @thevicariousvouyer 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      That makes so much sense. My ex couldn't stop talking about his ex from 9 years ago and how great she was. I once asked him if he still loved her. To which he said no.
      I thought it was great that he still spoke so positively about his ex but as I got to know more it didn't quite add up.

    • @Alieortwo
      @Alieortwo 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      @@thevicariousvouyer ah the classic phantom ex..
      They like that...
      These people are sick xl..
      You can never win...

    • @Leviapollo
      @Leviapollo 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

      1000%! I had to learn that last part. Like why would I want someone who was so okay with walking away from me when I needed him most? Who could walk away from me while I was sobbing…yuck. Never want that again.

  • @magicisreal111
    @magicisreal111 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +81

    After two years (we were long distance so only saw each other every few months), things felt like they were starting to move into a much more open and intimate connection so I asked for a commitment and he told me he loves me, is intensely attracted to me, loves the way I make him feel but that he doesn’t have feelings deep enough to take it to the next level. He said he wants to stay friends and I had to tell him I can’t do that. I’m on Day 8 of no contact and it’s hard but this was very comforting. Thank you.

    • @paugarciabcn
      @paugarciabcn 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

      Same words man! Not enough connection to move in with me. Wtf? After 3 years of love bombing? Thats just sounds as unresolved trauma.

    • @magicisreal111
      @magicisreal111 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      @@paugarciabcn ugh totally! I’m so sorry you went through the same thing. I was so confident in our connection and what I had to bring to the table that I didn’t for one second think he wouldn’t be down to make it more official. I was so surprised when he said that after careful thought he realized he just doesn’t have those feelings for me. This was the most intensely connected relationship I’ve ever had. Our chemistry is insane and we’ve been friends for 15 years. But … he has a lot of unresolved trauma and I’ve done a lot of self help work and he hasn’t.

    • @paugarciabcn
      @paugarciabcn 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      @@magicisreal111 same here, met his parents and family and was embraced by all of them, but then she got fired, went on a 3 month working holiday, and one day she called to say she no longer had feelings. What a waste, I know someday she will regret it because I gave her everything a woman would want to have from a partner. Support, nurture, protection, fun and great sex. Damn.

    • @magicisreal111
      @magicisreal111 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@paugarciabcn ugh I’m sorry. That’s so disappointing.

    • @hannahmiles7089
      @hannahmiles7089 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

      Red flag. “I love how you make me feel.” Yikes I don’t hear anything about you and your good qualities as a person

  • @LuqmanWright
    @LuqmanWright 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Man…the more I learn about this, the more I view it as selfish, childish, and coddled. People in that situation need a parent figure and need to heal. It’s impossible to build a family this way.

  • @albertshinskiy
    @albertshinskiy 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +325

    Excellent video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

    • @deboralaw-on9od
      @deboralaw-on9od 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my marriage of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

    • @albertshinskiy
      @albertshinskiy 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her/him?

    • @deboralaw-on9od
      @deboralaw-on9od 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex

    • @albertshinskiy
      @albertshinskiy 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

    • @vinedatiles7272
      @vinedatiles7272 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I have 5 years relationship when we ended 'up I keep trusting God. I allow God to heal me. Try to listen a love song and meditate it if you want to cry just cry....that's makes you relieve. ❤

  • @AfkAliaga
    @AfkAliaga 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +170

    Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

    • @Somusicais
      @Somusicais 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

    • @HealthyPriestessSophie
      @HealthyPriestessSophie 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I wish they were readily available in my place.
      Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
      He's constantly talking about killing someone.
      He's violent. Anyone reading this
      Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

    • @Somusicais
      @Somusicais 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes he is dr.porass.

    • @AnneRodrigo-fz6ks
      @AnneRodrigo-fz6ks 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.

    • @BestOffer-ii9ny
      @BestOffer-ii9ny 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Can dr.porass send to me in UK?

  • @listening-glistening
    @listening-glistening 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +186

    Venting…
    An avoidant’s cold shoulder is vicious and heartless. I don’t care about the thought process in their head anymore…it’s just cruel.
    My ex did this to me 2x. First time was when we were 20-21 years old around Christmas. Appeared and reappeared over text/calls for the next 11 years, then i let him back in, finally. We WERE in a second relationship for 6.5 years this second time around, and I was a fool. A few weeks ago he went ice cold when I brought up commitment (building a future together) and suddenly he just stopped caring/loving, became an asshole, then ghosted me. So strange and cruel and hurtful. Feels like he never cared at all. And I’m pretty sure he’s seeing someone new without giving me proper closure. WHO DOES THIS SHIT? Avoidants, I guess.
    Had I known anything about avoidant attachment styles 6.5 years ago, I would not have engaged in a second serious relationship with him. He future faked the whole time making me think he wanted a real partnership and build a home together, forever. What a lie. I never even met a single family member of his. Never visited his home. Didn’t meet his friends. I felt like something must be deeply wrong with me and I just couldn’t see it-even though my other 2 serious relationships proudly let me into their life and family and homes, he let me believe it was me.
    I can’t wait for the day i no longer have any feelings for him. In the meantime, these videos help me make sense of things and stop the uncontrollable sobs. 💔
    /vent

    • @elvirarahic3380
      @elvirarahic3380 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      Thank you for sharing. Its rally exhausting to be with an avoidant but God will heal us.

    • @listening-glistening
      @listening-glistening 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@elvirarahic3380 indeed! God bless you!
      I’ve surrendered to God in recent days. I trust where He will take me from here on out. ❤️

    • @RitaP41
      @RitaP41 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I really feel for you. Hope that you get the help you need and find a wonderful Secure partner to build a great life with! ❤

    • @Cat11629
      @Cat11629 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      My ex did this to me after 40 years

    • @ruthjowett7006
      @ruthjowett7006 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Narcissistic

  • @nano7586
    @nano7586 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +74

    Blocking her on all social media was hard but it also gave me huge relief. No more endless hoping she would reach out. No more feeling weird when she can see my "online" status. It helped.

    • @TheIsraelProphetess
      @TheIsraelProphetess 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      But that’s exactly what avoidants do. You’re being avoidant yourself. Unless I’m being harassed I have no need to block anyone. My avoidant ex is not blocked for me. Because a normal person should be able to move on while still seeing that other person every day.

    • @Katwoumane
      @Katwoumane 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      @@TheIsraelProphetess Hey. If blocking on social media helps this person to move on and grieve better, good for him.

  • @Francis163
    @Francis163 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    I'm currently going through this 'no contact' sh!t with the coward avoidant who would always run away like a chicken everytime i tried to make ''us'" sit down, talk through our problems and settle things in good terms for once n for all. Therefore, i decided to forever leave this crap as it is and move on with my life by focusing on bettering myself.

  • @LoveLeigh313
    @LoveLeigh313 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +139

    They always tried coming back at least 3/4 times. Now, I avoid the avoidants 😅

    • @Silviacherri_rose
      @Silviacherri_rose 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Avoidants need to be avoided for 100% but at least I turned from anxious attachment style into secure one.

    • @dr.goodsnatchphd.405
      @dr.goodsnatchphd.405 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @LoveLeigh313
      That's because they know what they had when they were with you- quality they couldn't find in other relationships... You give them chance after chance to re-write those wrongs because you love them, but they never do!
      My grandma used to tell me, They never miss the water until their wells run dry!

  • @rharris0820rh
    @rharris0820rh 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +77

    Was losing interest until you brought up journaling. This was a suggestion to me some time ago, and now I'm addicted to writing hundreds of words every morning on a daily basis. It's is extremely effective in unknotting thoughts and extracting wisdom. It has occurred to me that many accomplished intellectuals likely have a daily journaling habit. I feel that it will perpetually lead to an upgraded life.

    • @sherimarlowe3190
      @sherimarlowe3190 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      💯

    • @firestormfoxxx
      @firestormfoxxx 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      typical avoidant hide in your journal 😂

  • @SalehHematifar
    @SalehHematifar 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +199

    Unless they put effort on healing, its a doomed and useless cycle to go through everytime. Heal yourself and dont give them any chance back, because they always want to come back.

    • @drexel1976
      @drexel1976 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      YESSS! they will never engage differently if they don't willingly dive inward. the Avoidant must be curious about themselves but i've found it's the Anxious one's doing all the work!

    • @NinjaOutfitInTheWash
      @NinjaOutfitInTheWash 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      @@drexel1976 exaclty. In all honesty the avoidant can fuck all the way off.

    • @jasonwilkerson9497
      @jasonwilkerson9497 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +23

      They hate therapy. They don't like criticism, but love being critical and analytical of others. So awful and cruel.

    • @ItalianoWithJodina
      @ItalianoWithJodina 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@NinjaOutfitInTheWash indeed!!

    • @jordans03
      @jordans03 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@@jasonwilkerson9497why is it they don't like criticism??? Do they want to avoid hearing about themselves all together?

  • @irenenjeri8720
    @irenenjeri8720 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +182

    Dont care not my monkey not my forest, let them sort their issues

    • @Darkempress45
      @Darkempress45 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    • @Alieortwo
      @Alieortwo 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      Which they can't.
      😂

    • @musicfairyjamie
      @musicfairyjamie 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I love this lmfao. My friends and I always called it “monkey brain”, bc monkey see monkey do. Using not my monkey not my forest from now on

    • @ItalianoWithJodina
      @ItalianoWithJodina 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Bam! Mic drop

    • @shampooTV
      @shampooTV 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      not my monkey, not my forest LOL I love this quote

  • @Redacted24-r2h
    @Redacted24-r2h 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +43

    Thank you for making this video. I have been toiling with confusion, and on the brink of deep depression, due to being blindsided by an avoidant.
    Your video gave me the tools to come to the conclusion that I need to make the conscious decision to not allow my self-esteem and sense of self-worth to be impacted by the avoidant person's rollercoaster ride.
    I realize that their issues are just that...their own issues. It did not originate with me - because I was perfectly fine with myself before I subconsciously (or unconsciously) gave away my power and emotional autonomy to another person.
    I'm getting off the rollercoaster ride, and I'm going to focus on loving myself and taking better care of myself.

    • @firestormfoxxx
      @firestormfoxxx 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Avoidants will never make you happy .... but the rollercoaster is exciting thats how they keep you attached .... Ive finally let go and it feels great!!! she wants me back but the pattern will repeat again and again .

    • @zsuzsiwd
      @zsuzsiwd 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @squidy6785 Same. Exactly same, could have written this comment myself 😭

  • @TM-te5dp
    @TM-te5dp 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +142

    That's why it's said that men come back to late when the woman has already moved on or healed.

    • @ItalianoWithJodina
      @ItalianoWithJodina 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

      yup, ain't nobody got time for their slow-ass (arrested development) emotion-processing time period

    • @FiaBoomSchack
      @FiaBoomSchack 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@ItalianoWithJodina lol 😂😂😂

  • @ZaraUchiha13
    @ZaraUchiha13 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +87

    You forget that some of their "Creature comforts" are all the other "love interests" and superficial connections that they have cultivated even WHILE u were still in a "relationship" to fall back to when they break up with you. Happened with me. As soon as I ended the relatonship after realising it was draining me, and that he was already talking to smb else, he started dating that exact other girl. )))

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  8 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      Although creature comforts usually relate to hobbies, passions, interests or basic needs, people can fill that role if they provide the same feeling of reassurance and warmth that inanimate comforts can offer. Not the healthiest form of a creature comforting, but a creature comforting nonetheless

    • @GUITARTIME2024
      @GUITARTIME2024 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      What a great post. 👍

    • @LetsGoPips
      @LetsGoPips 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Exactly....good thing is the new person won't endure their trash too

    • @kissass1286
      @kissass1286 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      yes this happened to me. mine got with someone right after saying they still love me and now, they don't lol

    • @Emma-ox4ki
      @Emma-ox4ki 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@kissass1286there are only two genders

  • @hazelgagnon9594
    @hazelgagnon9594 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +33

    this is an excellent well explained video. As you have said you're an anxious attachment individual however there are some of us who are secure and are just as confused by a DA' s behavior.

  • @joelmccoy9969
    @joelmccoy9969 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Avoidants feel power and control when they end it, they are confidently taking charge. Dismissing someone allows them an opportunity to select a new source of supply. The novelty of someone new.

    • @ClearandHealthyBoundaries
      @ClearandHealthyBoundaries 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      That's exactly what is their problem...they don't have the capacity or will to create deep, long lasting relationship to be vulnerable, committed and and invested in others. They are very broken, selfish people who want to be pedestalized and catered to, but will breadcrumb you to get a rise out of your neediness and anxiety that THEY CREATED...the same anxiety and neediness they punish you for with their pushing away and NO CONTACT B.
      S.
      You intrigue them when your shiny and new and they can play emotional dress up to lure you into their web of subterfuge: gasing their ego, curiousity and delusion that they are good humans capable of true relationships. Yet, deep down they know they have NO intentions of form any deep, meaningful and lasting relationship with you. They use you for the supply and experience you provide then start playing mind games with you.

  • @leighd301
    @leighd301 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    This was really comprehensive. You covered it all in great detail, thank you for your work.

  • @jenr5904
    @jenr5904 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Thank you , this video was super helpful. Went through a situation and seeing this is helping understand but still hurts very much. I have an anxious attachment. The more I sought clarity the further the person pulled away.

  • @lilianesysko4489
    @lilianesysko4489 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    Thank you! This was so insightful.
    I, an anxious, got back together with my DA bf exactly 1 year ago. We were together for 3y before my bf “suddenly” broke up with me. Really turbulent on again off again for the first 2m and then no contact for 4-5m after that. Caught him right at the nostalgia stage ig and now we’re better than ever.
    Had no idea about attachment styles until recently. Learned a lot about them unknowingly while getting to know my bf. But It’s been quite the battle unpacking the break up. 1st was understanding how he could suddenly end it with out confiding with me and tried to fix it together. I could’ve adjusted if his needs weren’t being met Etc. I realized his suppressing nature and was soon able to get over it.
    But One of the lingering feelings Ive had even a year later is regarding how he could “move on” and “forget about me” even though I knew (and now confirmed) that he still cared. Ur “move on phase” explanation got me closer to coming to terms with this one so thank you!

  • @clairetrotman2733
    @clairetrotman2733 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +36

    Space out the emotions to deal with....yup that makes sense. I am an "anxious" or at least veer towards that, and i like to get everything out in the open and deal with it all!!!!.My ex left me 5 times in 3 and a half years!!! Finally left me (after just hours before telling me i was their future!!), four days after my Dad got a cancer diagnosis. My Dad died 2 weeks later, and *still* my ex maintained no contact!!!!! It is so rude and self-centred. I know there's tons of reasons behind it, but it's truly horrendous, and leaves those of us left behind, feeling like death/dying. 😢😢😢

    • @CorvusCoroneCanisLupusSawel
      @CorvusCoroneCanisLupusSawel 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      sorry to hear about your dad.
      regardless of their reasons, it is still no excuse to treat someone who loves you that way. to what degree they are aware of what they are doing or not, they are still aware they are hurting you and playing games. horrible people.

  • @FifthHorsemanofApocalypse
    @FifthHorsemanofApocalypse 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    I just hope one day he can open his heart up to someone and truly experience the love they have to give. I hope he learns from our experience and doesnt measure everything with the yardstick of past failed relationships and gives love a chance. I hope he realizes that someone caring for him and loving him is not "moving too fast" and I hope the next time he does not get cold feet when someone brings up committment because getting to experience love with someone is beautiful. I hope he doesn't give up on something that could potentially be so beautiful even before giving it a chance. I'll heal with time. But hopefully, I would also be able to treat this as a learning experience :)

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you for sharing! I hope you’re both able to heal from this :)

  • @edwardclarkson-ph1kl
    @edwardclarkson-ph1kl 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +147

    well constructed video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..

    • @Zacharychampion-yy3nt
      @Zacharychampion-yy3nt 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

    • @edwardclarkson-ph1kl
      @edwardclarkson-ph1kl 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

    • @Zacharychampion-yy3nt
      @Zacharychampion-yy3nt 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

    • @edwardclarkson-ph1kl
      @edwardclarkson-ph1kl 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

    • @MarkLBassett
      @MarkLBassett 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      You are at the early stage of a painful process. The sudden ending of a longstanding relationship seems very cruel. This happened to me. My avoidant partner decided to end it a few hours after we celebrated our agreement to get married, and initiated no contact. Actually, I think she made the right decision because it would have been a difficult marriage. I have now moved on and met someone more suitable, and it is beautiful because our mutual needs are met so easily, whereas I was kidding myself that the past relationship was working when it was not. My advice: look to the future.

  • @SNEAKVS
    @SNEAKVS 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

    Avoidants do not give a damn. Especially if they move on fast.. when they are done you are nothing to them. My ex left with someone within a week and she seems happy af and doing better but that’s ok I’ll heal

  • @endalmatiner
    @endalmatiner 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    i’m so very thankful for the expansion upon attachment theory content. this video in particular is so healing to hear, and be able to relate to without feeling like a monster

  • @naomi00728
    @naomi00728 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Thank you so much for making this video. I have an anxious attachment style but I am working on healing from all this and am in therapy. I recently was in a relationship with someone who I just realized has avoidant attachment style which explains his behavior. We are in the no contact phase. If he does come back again like he has the other times I will tell him that he has to go to therapy and heal from his trauma that is causing his avoidant attachment before we can be together again.

  • @BettyRayy
    @BettyRayy 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

    With a heart full of joy i thank you Dr oluwaseun for restoring my relationship again with the chants, you're the only sincere one l've ever seen😊

  • @SandraHolly5363
    @SandraHolly5363 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +72

    Cool video. Unfortunately, my 2 year relationship ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me. I still love him so much and can't stop thinking about him. I've tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail. avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him

    • @KellyJackson-j4p
      @KellyJackson-j4p 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It's difficult to let go of someone you love. I was in a similar situation when my 12 year relationship ended. I couldn't just let him go, so I did everything I could to get him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who assisted me in reuniting with him.

    • @SandraHolly5363
      @SandraHolly5363 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?

    • @KellyJackson-j4p
      @KellyJackson-j4p 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      His name is Fatherabulu he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

    • @SandraHolly5363
      @SandraHolly5363 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive

    • @Octobris
      @Octobris 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Oooohhh, I get it now.
      Saw the same exact comment thread under a different video, seemingly only loosly connected to this one. I responded with scepticism... But it was not real. Because you have an agenda. Or this is a bot. Either way, using emotional story and getting the attention of vulnerable people to make them interested in something shady... Is vile.

  • @sylviaanne2320
    @sylviaanne2320 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Thanks. I hope you all get better. I was with a manipulative avoidant, abs it was very painful. I'm glad you're talking about this.

  • @fireflymary9269
    @fireflymary9269 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +49

    How about detaching to an appropriate emotional state and come to the conclusion that you are ok and not to personalize the others behavior? Just love like a Stoic. Love but in a witnessing way. Once you know how to be your own best friend and really love yourself you have the room to allow avoidants or any other type of attacher to just be. Know whats realistic for any relationship and manage your own expectations. Understand your own boundary needs.

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Couldn’t have said it better myself 💯

    • @chayma_derk7
      @chayma_derk7 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Self healing

    • @debbiedee109
      @debbiedee109 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      I wish I could do this, but I have a major internal emotional response to their behaviour that I can't stop or control no matter how hard I try. Avoidants are mentally exhausting.

    • @robertdeskoski9783
      @robertdeskoski9783 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Yeah, that's not being a Stoic. Stoics still feel emotions acutely, they just know what should and shouldn't be focused on/worried about (the Trichotomy of Needs).
      While they would very much be able to detach *a bit* and try and be as accepting as possible, they would also live according to highest virtue, and hurting oneself and living with unresolved anger is not the Stoic way. Stoics aren't robots = they have needs and desires in life, they just refer to them as 'preferred indifferents'. Doesn't mean they're not important.

  • @pravolivo
    @pravolivo 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +32

    I am so pissed at people who know what they are but choose to do nothing about it. I’ve spent 3,5 years in therapy and managed to overcome my mostly avoidant attachment style to give that security to my friends and family and romantic connections. I was in such a great place mentally before I met my ex. And over the last 2,5 years he sucked joy and love out of me to then cheat on me with another woman and say he never made any commitments. He even dared to demand to cater to his needs (and he wants full-time care, attention, prioritisation, for me to be there for him whenever he needs to connect or get support) while having zero security and safety in this relationship. I cannot wait to start healing and to never experience that again

    • @fredaankobia4447
      @fredaankobia4447 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Couldn't have put it better myself.Pure evil.

  • @MagicPrincessGigi
    @MagicPrincessGigi 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Love your voice! It's very soothing. Just found this channel, very grateful. Fearful avoidant here, after my latest break up, and this is really helpful!

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Glad my channel has been helpful! Hopefully my videos assist you in your healing journey :)

  • @designdog1
    @designdog1 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    Very good video I’m in no contact right now with my ex avoidant girlfriend. We were together for 10 years. She broke up with me suddenly 4 months ago. She’s 46 and running around town with all sorts of guys loving being single I guess. I pleaded with her for the first four months, but I’ve had it.

    • @sheliasmith2884
      @sheliasmith2884 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Right and you do get tired of them.

    • @MeMyselfandEye127
      @MeMyselfandEye127 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Same as me but 13 years… I tried and tried to get her just to talk to me but I’m done… she ghosted me bcus I asked if she was seeing someone else I guess that meant yes smh

  • @oranmoore5894
    @oranmoore5894 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thanks for seeing us avoidants not as narcissists, but as human beings. Appreciate you bro

  • @_byefat
    @_byefat 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +94

    I was 6 years out with no contact when they reached out. It was such an emotional roller-coaster trying to decide if I even wanted this person in my life. They were asking for us to be friends. All we ever had b/f was a situationship, and we're both now married (to someone else). I've been doing my work, and it was apparent that they had not. For a moment, I thought they were on the narcissism spectrum with the discard, idealization, love bomb, etc. phases, but this video gave me a lot of aha's. I was sad to have to release them again, because although I'm happily married, I care about their well-being. But the hot and cold, mixed signals were making me anxious. I was unable to trust their intentions. I changed my number and have been no contact (again) for over a year. It hurts sometimes, but it feels good to have chosen myself over another toxic cycle. I've taken time to grieve this time around and realized that I too was/am an avoidant, and I was going through these phases you described in this video, which also contributed to the breakdown and the nostalgia for them while being married to someoneelse. Mind blown!! I still have work to do.❤️

    • @stilpon5378
      @stilpon5378 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you

    • @samsunggalaxytaba3858
      @samsunggalaxytaba3858 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Just stfu.. married and still hung up on an ex.. just stop it.😊

    • @DeaDellaFortuna
      @DeaDellaFortuna 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Wow! I have to say that there wont be ANY possibility for my ex to contact me after a year! In my case there is a child involved which he is avoiding too, so I will somehow conected to this person for ever, but if he doesnt come back, he wont be able to contact me in person or via phone...dont want to see an Ex after 6 years, lol.

    • @_byefat
      @_byefat 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      ​@DeaDellaFortuna, I get it. People change and grow though. One thing I've learned is to never say never. We weren't in a bad space, and I'm happily married, so I didn't care if he came back. I guess I was curious to hear what he had to say after all that time. He THOUGHT he was coming back to apologize and start a friendship. And apologize he did. It was then I realized God had given me the beautiful gift of closure, because I realized I'd grown to know that I only want emotionally available people in my life, even as a friend. He thought it was a new hello; I KNEW he'd come back to say goodbye.

    • @kuchiku-kanzo759
      @kuchiku-kanzo759 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      The mixed signals are hell to deal with. I just recently deleted her number and all texts. Crazy part I was feeling her like no other. Just had to do it.

  • @dmaug23
    @dmaug23 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +52

    They are damaged people and difficult to understand. I am damaged myself.

  • @maeveduff8932
    @maeveduff8932 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    What a horrible loop anxious attackers get stuck in, chasing honeymoon phase to honeymoon phase. Doomed to live surface level relationships unless they work on themselves. He’s going to be a loser forever, stuck in a victim mindset rather than working through his avoidance patterns, all depressed wondering why it never works out for him when he runs away and sabotages everything of any value in his life. Many anxious attachers create a similar cycle to narcissistic abuse.

  • @annann294
    @annann294 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    It breaks my heart reading the comments. I really thought we would fix this someway.

  • @lgroves336
    @lgroves336 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Great job of describing the insanity of a relationship. Easier to be alone

  • @denimspear
    @denimspear 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Now at the other end of our relationship and feeling 'tossed' away and the pain being exacerbated by no care behaviour / no contact. I'm glad this video found me as I am trying so hard to be strong, accepting no contact. My aim is to genuinely hope his future is bright and to know mine is. He has done me a favour with his no contact. The 'deceit' that went beforehand and settling himself up for when he was ready to move on is harder to accept. Also the knowledge that he will share a narrative to his people that will put me solely to blame. Yet my reactive behaviours were triggered by instincts that I now know we're spot on. I feel both sad and angry that adult conversations would have avoided the issues even developing. I feel cheated out of a future that had so much potential by behaviours we both developed from abuse or neglect by others in our past.

    • @margaretschmidt4283
      @margaretschmidt4283 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      It’s so sad knowing that if they’d been equal participants in the relationship who were willing to communicate you could have fixed some of your issues in a half hour. I know it’s maddening. Stay strong

  • @priestrat
    @priestrat 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

    This is so spot on it blows my mind

  • @jasonwilkerson9497
    @jasonwilkerson9497 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    I think The Killers "When You Were Young," pretty much captures the avoidant's facade.

  • @richdb1115
    @richdb1115 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Outstanding. So well articulated,thank you

  • @TheFireBird-w5k
    @TheFireBird-w5k 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    😮there is absolutely NO original experience in the WORLD!!! Just spells out my life RIGHT in front of me & doesn’t even know me!!! This was very well expressed & beautifully put together! Thank you for that!!! 😊😊😊

  • @betht8872
    @betht8872 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Its been almost 2 months since he left me. That morning that he discarded me and left he said "tell me that you love me" which I did. He came over my house a few hours later and said:" Everything is wrong! We are done! Go find somebody else"! and ran out the door and drove away. I still to this day have no idea what happened. My heart still hurts but watching these coaching videos and joining a support group really helps. I don't feel so alone. 4 years of my life wasted, its so sad but crazy.

  • @adadabroad
    @adadabroad 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Great video thank you for helping people with their trauma.

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      My pleasure! As someone that’s working through their own trauma, I hope to help make it a bit easier for others to navigate

  • @TiffanyNicholeCatley
    @TiffanyNicholeCatley 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +21

    There are definitely variables that'll affect this. How avoidant they are and if they broke up with you or vice versa. I'm FA, and my husband is DA. I broke up with him two times during the first two years. He tried to accept it but came back. Agreed to therapy, etc. Which helped us both. We're doing better than I believed we could. When an avoidant ex broke up with me, though, he moved out while I was at work. He'd reach out randomly after but never wanted the relationship again.

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  11 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Agreed! Attachment styles and how they handle breakups or no contact is very fluid. Variables like the length of the relationship, why the breakup happened, and who initiated it all play a role in it. Thank you for sharing your experience!

  • @SerfinaHu
    @SerfinaHu 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for this enlightening video 🎉it helped me in the same situation of no contact phase with an avoidant.

  • @josephl6289
    @josephl6289 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +79

    Avoidants are weak. All my exes who have been avoidant admit their weakness to face tough things. Anxious avoidant are some of the toughest human beings to exist.

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Interesting way to put it! I've never thought of it this way before. How are anxious avoidant some of the toughest to exist?

    • @josephl6289
      @josephl6289 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +24

      @@healingwithcharlie They have not developed the avoidance coping mechanisms that make compartmentalizing so easy, chunking up stress and practicing escapism to minimize the pain. Anxious types rather face it all at once, learning simply to bear the extreme weight of suffering while continuing the live their lives as best they can. Avoidants are like alcoholics who numb their pain, anxious types are like boxers who get in the ring knowing what they are in for. I'm not saying avoidants dont feel pain, or have some capacity for courage and strength, it's just that their coping style is fundamentally weak. Though note, I haven't said which is a more intelligent strategy... I admire avoidants ability to split things in that regard, but their cowardice far outshines that to me.

    • @carrie2971
      @carrie2971 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Just another perspective, although it does seem weak to avoid hard feelings, I think that for a lot of avoiders they don’t know another way. I think that I tend to lean towards avoidant behaviors and I’m just realizing it as I’ve gotten older. Through both of my serious break ups I experienced relief, then numbness, and then later I felt nostalgic and heartbroken over the relationships. It really took me by surprise because I genuinely just thought the relationships had run their course and that I didn’t feel very sad because it was what was meant to happen. I grew up in an environment where I wasn’t allowed to feel or express my emotions. I think I learned how to turn them off a little too well, but they always hit. Even years later.

    • @jeremytan6166
      @jeremytan6166 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@josephl6289 I've been both sides - anxious and avoidant. I don't think saying that either type is superior to the other is the way to go about it. They each experience fundamentally different struggles, and have develop their own styles of 'toughness' (as you put it) to deal with the issues that occur in relationships.
      I grew up in a family that caused me to develop an anxious attachment. Taking this into my first relationship, I felt that I was able to take hit after hit, knowing that I'd probably get hurt again. It gave me a sense of 'toughness', thinking that I was resilient enough to bear all this weight while still continuing to give and show up. After that relationship, the toughest thing to do for myself was to leave. I associated what it meant to be loved with getting hurt, so much so that I began to find comfort in it. Is it a tough feat to stay in something that causes continuous hurt?
      That said, I developed an avoidant attachment from that ex, as I thought that this was the 'right' way to love. Just coming out of another relationship (broke up a few days ago), I learned that I had dismissive tendencies to his anxiety, leading to fights. A big part of an avoidant's coping mechanism is conflict avoidance - while you mention that this coping style is 'weak', there are many avoidants out there that try their best to continue to make the relationship work despite knowing the incoming conflicts coupled with the conflict avoidance tendencies. Wouldn't you say this is some form of resilience?
      Again, no one style is superior to the other, and saying that one is better normalizes promoting these negative attachment styles. I still see where you're coming from though. I guess it's ultimately a spectrum, it's never 100% anxious/avoidant so there's always some capacity for mutual understanding. I'd probably say the best way forward is to know the source of each other's pain and going from there.

  • @smhan280
    @smhan280 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Thanks for your perspective on this matter. Would love to hear your thoughts around whether avoidants keep their ex-partners as “options” in case their future relationships don’t work out the way the intended and they keep their partners as friends to act as “safety nets”?

  • @mIsErIeSandDrAmA
    @mIsErIeSandDrAmA 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +35

    Why should we care about the avoidant's feelings? They only care about themselves, why should their emotional wellbeing matter more than the other party? Why should we take it so much into consideration when they're not accounting for the other person's devastation at all???

    • @zuzanaoyagagonzalez9349
      @zuzanaoyagagonzalez9349 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Totally

    • @lappendernation7435
      @lappendernation7435 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      That’s what I got from this video as well, they are narcissists, they don’t care about anyone else but themselves

    • @tentzontli
      @tentzontli 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I don't think you've listened to this video or any serious insight on 'avoidants'

  • @cyril1111
    @cyril1111 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Eventually, "It will hit them like a Bus" - Damn mate, so on point. Even on the 4 to 6 weeks timing!

  • @RACHELLEflo
    @RACHELLEflo 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Here I thought it was a Libra thing . I've never heard or the term "anxious attachers" Wow!! Something im going to bring up in therapy..

    • @christinacatalano
      @christinacatalano 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Libras, always 😂

    • @Tadjuel11-11
      @Tadjuel11-11 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      ​@@christinacatalanoLibra here! Hi! 😄👋

    • @jenniferburton7044
      @jenniferburton7044 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      A Libra thing? You’ve got to be joking

    • @pastsubstance2930
      @pastsubstance2930 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      People actually believe in zodiac signs? I thought that was just a conversation starter lol

    • @RACHELLEflo
      @RACHELLEflo 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@jenniferburton7044 Libra male??? Defensive??? I touched a nerve?

  • @dianebarron8362
    @dianebarron8362 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    what if an avoidant is on the autism spectrum ? Now being called a narcissist?

  • @deadlysketch1
    @deadlysketch1 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +65

    Forgot to mention the immediate rebound

  • @Buggy_Ari
    @Buggy_Ari 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Damn, this genuinely made me have a bit of a panic response because it really describes my ex and I's breakup well, but it's a much needed realization!! I'm an anxious attachment type person, and he was avoidant. Thank you for talking about this, I think it's definitely given me an insight into a person I do still care deeply about and love, but felt hurt and blindsided when he initiated the breakup.
    I still haven't moved on entirely, it's been three weeks as of tomorrow... But each day I understand more why he did it, and why it was what was best! As much as it hurts, if he isn't choosing me right now, he can't be The One. All I can do is keep on keeping on until either we become friends again, grow apart entirely, or MAYBE rekindle something... But I will try my best to heal in the meantime ❤

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you for sharing this! I wish you all the best on your healing journey and no matter what ends up happening, I hope you're happy in the end :)

  • @Jazz-ny7nm
    @Jazz-ny7nm 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    It takes me a while to fully detach, but when I do, it’s a done deal. Im tired of putting my compromising my self respect for someone who doesn’t even respect me. I’ve been so supportive of him and gave him all the love I had to give. He's done several things that are considered deal breakers for me like calling me out of my name, hanging up on me, screaming at me, and his immature ways. He never holds himself accountable and blames other people for his actions by saying it is just a reaction from what I did. I think he’s a narcissist that has serious mental issues and I’m not dealing with it anymore. It’s time to move on and find the love and respect that I deserve ❤️ we all deserve that and I hope everyone in the comments finds that.

  • @zedkon3302
    @zedkon3302 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This is so much and so deep thinking over a person who doesn't have any time/value/care anymore for me in her life.....i dont think its worth it, staying away from such a person is better for my mental health and my life....she isn't bothered abt me at all, why should i be bothered by such a person?

  • @shellae1922
    @shellae1922 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Thank you. This helps me understand what happened between my DA person and me FA. I am the one that separated us after feeling them pull away. That was a year and a half ago. We are now on good terms and talking about what happened. It's a relief to us both that there is no need to demonize one another.

  • @natasha_nom_de_guerre
    @natasha_nom_de_guerre 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    This is so incredibly accurate and exactly what I'm going through at the moment. But the question is this: can an avoidant and an anxious attachment type ever be happy in a relationship?

    • @nuriacappilli579
      @nuriacappilli579 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      they both need to be open to work on themselves and get more secure

    • @Alieortwo
      @Alieortwo 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      If you like drama yes!

  • @MsPangY
    @MsPangY 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I have an AVOIDANT baby daddy! I have to learn this too!! My first experience & it's no fun at all...

    • @remixsoulchild
      @remixsoulchild หลายเดือนก่อน

      Me too! It really sucks

  • @Shaiyino.thebraveone
    @Shaiyino.thebraveone 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    How to avoid these avoidance ppl as an anxious person ? I don’t wanna turn like them because of their toxic ways

  • @jayescapeplan
    @jayescapeplan 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    What an excellent video! I also want to point out your awesome guitars in the background. 😮!

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you!! 🤘🎸

    • @yellowpurples832
      @yellowpurples832 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @healingwithcharlie do you know that my FA ex who dumped me 1 week ago has similar guitar as yours? 🎸 he also love to play a guitar 😢 I miss him, but I'm in a NC rule . Can avoidants ever come back?😢😢😢💔💔💔

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      They can but many don’t. In the meantime I wouldn’t wait around for it to happen. It’s better to move forward expecting they won’t come back so you can heal sooner, than delaying it by hoping they return

  • @DFW817
    @DFW817 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    No contact works AFTER you put them in their place, hold them accountable & serve them what they want on a silver platter. My ex wanted to break up out of nowhere. So I let her know how it’s bs. Then moved on and started dating other girls like she told me to do. Now she’s crawling back and I told her to stop bothering me and seek help.

  • @lanacarter2715
    @lanacarter2715 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I’m still living with an avoidant and he’s with someone else now. This is truly difficult and I’m glad we are parting ways in a few months

    • @healingwithcharlie
      @healingwithcharlie  9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I wish you luck! Living with an ex while they’re seeing someone new is never easy. Hope you have find a new setting soon :)

    • @lanacarter2715
      @lanacarter2715 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you so much I appreciate that

  • @mcdonols
    @mcdonols หลายเดือนก่อน

    You’re a saint for the 14 day journal

  • @sadiqua7
    @sadiqua7 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

    ALL TRUE. I’m in the phase where my ex is reaching out to meet sporadically. Then going radio silent. If I reach out he’s engaging but then he shuts down again. He’s dived into work hard. It’s 7 months post, we’ve met up 4 times since then. Irritatingly slow progress, he’s not healed at all. I’m hoping for a time where we can have a real honest conversation about what his internal world is like. Would love some advice

    • @WillySosa-qn2pp
      @WillySosa-qn2pp 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +40

      Hi. I know you are not going to want to hear this but walk away sis. I know he is the most wonderful person you have ever met I know the chemistry is in another level with him but the man has trauma. Sorry but it’s not your job to fix him. Your job is to love yourself. You have probably educated yourself about attachment styles and trauma to give you the tools to be a better partner to him and that’s fine but for an avoidant that will never be enough and it’s not because they don’t see your efforts or because they don’t want to return the same energy, they just can’t. They have been programmed to shut down unfortunately and that is something you can never fix. The only person that can fix that is him but he will never properly heal if you alway let him back in and reconnect. You have to walk away and let him feel your absence completely. By doing this it doesn’t mean you don’t love him. You can be the best girl he will ever have but I’m telling you by experience walk away. Yes they are humans and yes they love differently and they also are deserving of love but so do you. The road will be more painful. By walking away you will become a better version of yourself that you would have never imagine ( if you do the work) no contact is not meant to get your ex back. No contact is for you to become a secure and more stronger individual so that when true love finds you again you are ready and able to receive. Don’t lose yourself like I did. Work on yourself. If you really want to be with him there is only one exception you must only allow and that is that he decides to actually want to open up to you and make the effort to having a relationship with you and that means that he is able to communicate clearly his needs and fears if he can’t come around himself to give you a serious talk you deserve then your relationship will %100 percent fail. I say this with love and not hate towards your ex. WALK AWAY. Let the universe guide him to properly heal. You gave it your all sis and it’s no shame to give up it’s just unfortunate that he couldn’t keep up.

    • @stilpon5378
      @stilpon5378 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@WillySosa-qn2pp So right on. It's perfect. I completely agree with you. I didn't respond to his message after the breakup, it was not enough to keep me. We should all follow your words to find ourselves again. Thank you. Love to everybody.

    • @thiacari
      @thiacari 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      ​@@WillySosa-qn2ppSo true.
      You can love him but also leave him, unless he chooses you and to invest in you as a person.
      You would never take behavior like that from a friend or family member, no matter how broken - there are no excuses, unfortunately.

    • @sheliasmith2884
      @sheliasmith2884 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      You guys are right I stayed in it for 2 years it was the most unfulfilled unhappiness of a relationship I've ever been in.In and out hot and cold I lost my self my peace and health I'm glad he ended it.never again.

    • @pure-pisces9980
      @pure-pisces9980 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      @WillySosa-qn2pp Perfectly said!!.🙏...As painful as it is...yet true!!
      It is so easy to get STUCK though..... I'm trying desperately to get through to the other side atm.😢🙏

  • @parisaroham2071
    @parisaroham2071 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    The part you said about “deactivation” had me screaming inside like ahhh yess!!! THIS exactly! I’m so glad it’s a real thing! In my recent breakup it seems all he focused on were the negatives (the few times we fought, me wanting to relocate for better life, etc.) and that’s what caused him to essentially end it with me. I was so desperate to make things work but it seemed all I was getting was negativity or not much reaction at all. No fighting for our relationship or anything. It definitely felt cold! I had to even delete social media because I could not stand seeing him post like he is better off. But still living the same old life. I try not to think about it anymore and I’ve become more accepting of our breakup, but a part of me definitely hopes it will all hit him like a bus soon. (It’s been about a couple weeks so far) Anyway, thanks for touching on that…

  • @geoffreybester7953
    @geoffreybester7953 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Dating a BPD, she is an avoidant, it is complete destruction. No contact works well. I am no longer receiving her punishment, I dish it out now.

    • @tentzontli
      @tentzontli 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You dish out punishment? These comments are willllld

    • @geoffreybester7953
      @geoffreybester7953 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@tentzontli Yeah, no contact = her going into full depression, and say the word no lots of times, to build up your boundaries.

  • @jacquelinesmart6148
    @jacquelinesmart6148 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    I’m dating an avoidant but I have to say I am not an attacher. I have warned time and time again the negative distant behaviors with my DA and I have to say our relationship has been pretty amazing - he’s on vacation and the breadcrumbing texts and no calls has allowed me to know my worth and just go no contact. So this is going to probably make his head spin and the only way he will see the reality of this situation is when we are suppose to connect when he comes back. Telling him to his face that he can go kick rocks will be difficult but necessary. I’m so over these behaviors and being tough as nails makes it easy for this door to close.

    • @nyuuuchan
      @nyuuuchan 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      you seem secure! 👏🏻 teach us your ways :D

  • @colleenmclaughlin10
    @colleenmclaughlin10 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    What happens to an avoidant as they near their later years? Do they just end up alone? Who puts up with this for any length of time?

    • @shellae1922
      @shellae1922 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I think it depends on how willing someone is to change. I'm a FA and 70 years old. I had a 24 year relationship with another FA who not through Today's information was healing. I remained the problem for the first 7 years then something in me settled. He died 15 years ago. My relationships got crazy again. I started to spend years on my own working on healing things not primarily relationship related. I got into a situationship a over 2 years ago with a DA. I was already learning about attachment styles. We separated a little over a year ago and are now ironing out what happened. There is more to people than their attachment styles and wounds. It's also not the only part of us that can do with a little refinement of healing.

    • @Alieortwo
      @Alieortwo 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes alone and crumpy.

    • @jenniferburton7044
      @jenniferburton7044 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      They end up completely isolated and alone.

  • @KILOBRXVO
    @KILOBRXVO 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    why i didn't watch this video three weeks ago. what you described here is very accurate to what ive experienced. although everything you told not to do, i did 😅
    this is still comforting and helping alot. thank you!

  • @BenjaminJones-re8re
    @BenjaminJones-re8re 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

    Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

    • @Donaldhelmick
      @Donaldhelmick 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

    • @BenjaminJones-re8re
      @BenjaminJones-re8re 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him

    • @Donaldhelmick
      @Donaldhelmick 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

    • @BenjaminJones-re8re
      @BenjaminJones-re8re 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked he up now online. impressive

  • @itsntok6071
    @itsntok6071 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I was really secure when I met my ex, and secure throughout our entire relationship. We went on a holiday where we were hugely needing a bit of space which sabotaged our relationship. After the holiday I realised how silly this was and my ex was also looking like he was agreeing with me and we agreed to give things another go. Then, when it came to our first date post breakup, he bailed an hour before and completely quit on us. Then I became anxious. Avoidants really do create anxious people

  • @iggydesisted220
    @iggydesisted220 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Do some avoidants show up as socially anxious? Some avoidant personalities are so extreme that they have these traits throughout all their relationships, not just romantic relationships. I was in a working relationship with an avoidant. This person was triggered by hints of closer friendships. This person didn’t have romantic relationships, even though it was obvious they wanted them. They were obsessed with being independent and not “bossed around”.

  • @leish9203
    @leish9203 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +42

    I don't really know how to thank you Dr OLUWASEUN for your great spell, you're great at your work I thank you for bringing my lover back with your love spell😊 ❤

    • @leish9203
      @leish9203 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      He’s on Facebook page…

  • @KBowWow75
    @KBowWow75 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +45

    So much trauma. Nobody deserves this and they didn't deserve what hairbrush that made them like that. Makes me wish I was in Heaven with my sister. No drama or messy relationships there.

    • @barbaraseidel4342
      @barbaraseidel4342 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ❤❤❤

    • @TravelwithJoce
      @TravelwithJoce 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      😢😢😢😢

    • @MangoDiorr
      @MangoDiorr 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I know exactly how you feel and just know that I’m sending you love to you and your sister. You are strong and I’m glad you’re still here❤️

    • @zoeyanaqvi-zn7482
      @zoeyanaqvi-zn7482 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ❤ God bless you always ! Ameen. Duae'n

    • @Serenity888Meow
      @Serenity888Meow 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I wish I was in Heaven instead of dealing with this as well . Lord please 🙏🏻

  • @fantakaba3076
    @fantakaba3076 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This was a very, very, very good video, thank you for sharing