My relationship with food - Content Warning Eating Disorders
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
- #mensmentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #eatingdisordersupport
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Please take care of yourself beautiful people
At my absolute heaviest I was 250 lbs and looking back at those photos I looked miserable. My grandfather always believed I could be healthy, and that I could lose the weight, and did everything he could to support me. I’m currently down to 175, I still struggle with food choices, but I’m finally within normal weight range for my age and height. My grandfather unfortunately passed in 2020, and while he never saw the full weight loss, I fully believe he’s proud of everything I’ve done. To that end as well, we’re proud of you Toby and the courage to come out and tell your story. And to anyone else reading this who might be fighting their own battles, we believe in you.
I hope you’re proud of yourself
I'm so glad you verbalized this for others. The whole "keeping sweets out of sight" and "using food to comfort yourself" things are very relatable for me and I am sure many others.
I know the acting game can be tough when it comes to body image and the expectations of the industry, so Inam wishing you the best. Be you, be strong, be awesome.
So brave of you to share your story Toby. I've been in recovery from Anorexia Nervosa for a year now and control was the main reason it got me hooked for so long. I've had alot of chaotic and painful situations in my life and discovering that I could 'control' my emotions through food was the beginning of something so dark. You're spot on when you say if you went down that root you would never be satisfied, because it becomes addictive and all-consuming, nothing is ever enough for the disorder. I can also relate to the chocolate bar situation, it's a sort of all-or-nothing mindset. I'm glad you're in a much better place now and you were able to catch it before it morphed into something so much worse. It's important for men to talk about these experiences to break the misconception that only females experience disordered eating. Proud of you 😊
Thank you for sharing this, I'm sorry for what you've been through and well done for working your way into recovery. you should be incredibly proud of yourself. None of us are given roadmaps on how to deal with these things. Keep it up, keep a positive mind a year of recovery in any area of life is huge :)
@@tobyrivers_ Thank you so much, it's been a challenging year but full of so many wins and victories :) Hardest thing I've ever done but worth it to gain food freedom and a healthier mindset. I'll keep working at it ^^ ✨️
Very brave of you to talk about this. I've been an ethical vegan for quite awhile now and I'm also passionate about the topic of food ethics. It's definitely true that people's unique relationships with food often gets left out of the equation. Many people (myself included) are privileged to not have a particularly difficult relationship with food, and I'm sure many that do either don't fully understand it or don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it. And of course, those that can't relate often lack compassion towards those going through these complicated experiences.
All I can say is that I sincerely hope your relationship to food improves steadily over time. You're doing great, keep up the good work, and thank you for shedding more light on this topic!
Thank you and thank you for commenting specifically on that point honestly means a lot. It's something I'd certainly love to see spoken about more in those discussions
I don’t know if you’ll see this given that you uploaded this a few weeks ago but honestly a lot of what you’re saying clicked with me about how I treat my own relationship with food. You’ve helped me out in a lot of ways that I don’t think you really know how much you have helped, but this and those two videos you had on this channel that you set to unlisted for me (through twitter a while back) about taking each day at a time and how there’s no such thing as a bad year have been really helpful to my mental health. Thank you man for continuing to be a source of inspiration. I’ve been in a bad situation working 7 days a week between two jobs and absolutely ruining myself for years and not taking care of myself physically and mentally and it’s partially thanks to your advice that I’ve finally been able to make positive changes to my life and am able to pursue the things I want to. I’m also going to pursue therapy as a way to work through the issues I’ve had in the past so thanks for that recommendation here too. Hope you’re having a wonderful day/night and thanks once again 🙏
Thank you for making this video. I have suffered with an eating disorder for a number of years and I have struggled to talk about specifically because I am a man. Most people aren't aware they're doing it, but they often view certain things, like eating disorders, are exclusively a woman-centric issue. Whilst men are shaming other men for not being the correct body type, which would be hilarious if it wasn't so tragic.
I relate a lot to your story. I'm autistic and my parents created the same dynamic with "treat" foods. I eat super fast, which I didn't know at the time, but seriously impacted how I would relate to food as soon as I had access to money and the chance to buy my own treats. I would absorb food, I was the kid who sold food from his backpack, because it helped fund the amount of crap I would eat. I had my purge years after I noticed I was not growing anymore, which I was worried was going onto my waist, but thought about more in recent years now I struggle with the opposite end of the spectrum. I don't want to eat, especially when I am unhappy or stressed and I try to convince myself that I don't "deserve" food. I'm doing better recently, but it is a constant battle and I have to be very strict with myself to maintain that. I don't know if I'll ever be better, but I know I can be worse and that's what I'm trying to avoid.
I hope someone reads this and finds the courage to speak about their experiences. Keeping it to yourself, ironically, will make it eat away at you. I am not less of a man for acknowledging it, neither are you.
Thank you for sharing your story I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through.
As someone whos dealt with a mix of binging and purging and a lot of weird feelings with food and still dealing with feelings regarding that it genuinely feels so comforting to hear someone ive looked up to since i was a young boy speak up about his issues and making me feel less gross and weird for that part of my past and current life
Thank you Toby
You're not gross. The word gross was a big one for me in therapy. People be complicated and that's okay. We live in confusing world with lots to say about our bodies and food, fashion and control, more than can always be onboarded. I hope youre doing well on your journey
Hi Toby, I really appreciate you making this video. As someone who’s struggled with a severe eating disorder for the last 10+ years, I definitely can relate to the psychological struggle. So many see it as a physical disorder when it’s really a mental disorder with physical consequences. I was a bodybuilder and athlete before and can say that so many men in that sphere are struggling with undiagnosed disorders and body dysmorphia. I think that outpatient treatment and group therapy can be so valuable in feeling validated and not feeling alone in your experiences with food and your body. Thank you again for sharing your perspective, I hope things keep improving for you!
Yeah, this speaks to me honestly - growing up we never really had sweets so they really were just a special occasion kind of a thing, very much like what you described. (Happiness to me as a child was a big bowl of Nan's trifle at someone's Birthday or Christmas party.) As a result, when I left home and had a little disposable income of my own I certainly indulged my sweet tooth because it was such a novelty. Same thing with fast food. Had a wake up call a few years back when I started showing signs of pre-diabetes, which was pretty awful. I won't say that I completely changed my ways - I still indulge more than I should. It's a struggle. BUT! Definitely at least on a healthier path and I'm getting better with it thanks to support in making better choices from family and friends.
Thanks for sharing! The more people talk openly and earnestly about this stuff, the easier it is to recognize and work through.
Hi Toby, I've also struggled with food all my life. I Also deal with other mental health issues it really is calming to her. It's not just me I also delt with the death of a friend
I'm truly sorry to hear it, I hope you find room to remember them fondly
Now that we’ve entered the happiest mental Toby era I’m ready for the ripped Toby era to go along with it
I definitely feel that, maybe not to the same extent, but food has always been my comfort whenever I feel depressed, down or even just bored.
I'm going to be getting myself tested for ADHD as I saw a few things recently and I related to almost everything that was being said.
Oh and I definitely relate on the food textures thing, I've been that way forever, nobody ever seemed to relate to me with it.
When I'm not very productive one day or I don't get things I was hoping to get done that day etc, I'll just automatically grab food, it is such an easy and quick thing to help comfort.
I'm at my heaviest I have ever been and trying to come back from it and get myself back to a healthier and slimmer body has been really tough.
Certain things I just thought were normal until I looked into them and saw other people talk about their experiences and what they were diagnosed with etc, then I realised that it's probably something I should get seen about.
All the best to you and things going forward. 🙂
Hi Toby, I find this type of openness EXTREMELY courageous and supportive. I hit my heaviest in November 2023, 313 lbs. I had gone through a breakup semi recently before that and had lost my long time job the year before and lost my grandmother in the same year. On November 29th 2023, my 29th birthday I vowed to make a change. I needed to, I was killing myself. Flash forward to today and I am 248 lbs and continuing to lose weight. I'm hoping to get down below 200 before my 30th birthday.
Your "BirdKeeperToby" videos are always something I love to watch when I'm feeling down and your "Toby Rivers" videos are always something I watch to keep me motivated. Thank you for sharing this story and I'm so glad that you are soaring high!
I’m sorry you’ve been though so much. Take it day by day, you’ve clearly god this
Just yesterday, I had a stressful event happen and it led me to drinking a soda. I don't keep soda in my house but my work fridge is full. It is weirdly hard to not have one when I see it... always a fan Toby! Thank you!
Thanks for sharing, Toby. I hope you reclaiming it gives you strength!
Thank you for sharing, Toby. I’m glad you’re getting the help you deserve.
I was diagnosed 3 years ago with arthritis in my hands and told I couldn't work anymore. Since I've been home I've been trying to look after my health (foot and ankle dr for pain, specialists for my bp and asthma) but found I'm gaining weight from not moving as much. This video has inspired me. Thank you.
I hope it helped some way
Thank you for sharing Toby, your honesty is always appreciated. Great job for persevering and getting help, any progress is great progress and it sounds like you've made a lot over the years, well done.
It's really good that you put yourself out there because I'm sure this will at least help a handful of people and every person helped is an amazing thing! Really glad to hear you are doing better and that you found help and are not feeling alone anymore (hopefully). Keep looking after yourself as well Toby, you deserve a happy and healthy life as much as anyone does. Every small step you take in the right direction is a victory! And not every day can be good, there have to be bad days so there can be good days. Thank you for uploading this video and making the subject something we can talk about
Thanks mate, really appreciate it
I have had a remarkably similar experience. Thanks for sharing with the world! An important topic and certainly not talked enough by men
The eating it all so it is out of sight and out of reach… that hits the nail on the head. You couldn’t have explained it better.
I feel people who have not gone through it would simple have said: then just bin it… but it’s not that simple. You can’t bin it because you bought it. And you can’t just restrain yourself because it’s like you have a mental open tab on it…
Look after yourselves people! ❤
Yeah exactly like having the tab open. You get it haha
How is every autistic person I know a Taurus!!?? Thanks for sharing your story with us!
Something else to consider in issues like this is how it affects those you live with. Don't be selfish about taking care of yourself and don't ignore people trying to help
I get vaccinated for my neighbors ' health, I pay attention to videos like this one to watch for warning signs in those I care for, I talk to my doctors about possibilities so that someone else won't have to deal with the pressure of trying to make me see the issue
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sure this was a difficult thing to talk about. I am also sure that in talking about it you've probably provided somebody an insight into something that perhaps they felt alone with.
Thanks for sharing. Take care of yourself too.🙏
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal information. I know from my own experience how difficult those things are. I also know how difficult it can be to share. I'm glad you're in therapy and working on getting better. You aren't alone, and this will help others to feel less alone.
Toby we are all here for you any sorry and woe’s and problem we will listen and learn from you
Thank you for this Toby. Let’s just all just stray strong with what we all can do. Support one another.
Love to see you talking about this. I've been affected by an eating disorder myself and I know what it is like to go through it. I can see myself in what you described so, so much!
I hope things are going better for you now
@@tobyrivers_ Appreciate that, as you said
"A bad week to me is not as bad as it used to be".
But I know there is a way out and we both will get better!
Fell free to reach me out if you want to talk with someone going through the same things! Happy to chat
i have so much respect for you man 💛 i'm also autistic and i deal with disordered eating as well, I've recently started seeing a therapist that works with people who have ARFID (since I hyperfixate on certain foods and only eat those foods for months or even years), and I think I understand myself a bit more after hearing you describe your own experience, especially when you mention how if there's food, you feel that if you eat it you don't have to think about it anymore. if I buy multiple foods my brain tells me to eat a bit of everything which leads to binging. and when it's so deeply ingrained into my routine it's hard to restructure my relationship with food, but I'm staying positive, and I appreciate you sharing your story 😸💛
Firstly thank you for sharing your story, I'm proud of you for reaching out to get help for it. It's interesting to me to see a few people with autism mention and comment on quirky food dynamics. Truly I get that about the routine too. Stay positive things can and do get better.
thank you for sharing this with us Toby💖
I didn't know you had a new channel! Nice to see you back, Toby
Thanks for joining ^_^
Glad you’ve been able to make progress on getting your eating problems under control, Toby! You should be proud of yourself for that.
Thanks, dude ^_^ I guess they were right about fruit growing up
@@tobyrivers_ What’s that supposed to mean? lol
Thanks for sharing this! Take care
im glad you are speaking out about this, ive been having alot of truoble with this myself so kind of needed someone to talk about it.
Always reach out and speak BEFORE it gets out of hand for you
This is a wonderful video and as you know I can totally relate too. Xxxxx
Thankyou
4:40 I am still the same about pickiness into my late 20s
I’ve got a broad enough menu to live a healthy life, but a lot food just doesn’t work for me. There’s a lot of basic foods too, such as Eggs, Butter and Cheese
Toby your so brave for talking about this ❤❤
Toby thanks for sharing your story I appreciate it.
I have never been diagnosed with anything but I believe I have ARFID or Selective Eating Disorder, the name I chose because its shorter and makes more sense than "avoidant restrictive food intake disorder" also probably a form of autism but IDK. Anyways, Since I was a kid I refuse to eat most foods that are natural. Meat, eggs, bread, cheese those are fine. Same with nuts but fruits and vegetables are a big no. Its definitely a texture thing as well as a taste thing. I want to be able to eat a salad without my body gagging. I wish I could bite into a burger and hit an onion and not immediately need to spit it out. But my body/brain just refuses to let me do this. Thankfully though I am not obese nor really that unhealthy at least for an american. Because I am such a picky eater it just means I dont eat much. 34 years old, 6'1" and 195-200lbs is not bad for an american. Where this does become a problem is with friends or family that dont understand and try and force me to eat when I dont want to or worse try and force me to eat things that I dont want to.
Where it gets really awkward is dates. For some reason every date ends up involving a meal and I can only use the "I heard this place had good chicken tenders" line a couple of times before I start getting questioned.
Seriously though its kinda funny going to a mexican restaurant and saying this line because the chicken tenders are probably only on the kids menu. Usually when I schedule a date though I try and do something not involving food but if I have to meet her parents usually its going to be for a nice meal and if its homemade I am most likely screwed. Seriously why do all gathering have to be with food? Why cant we just meet up and have a nice day in the park or at the bowling alley or something?
I know there is therapy for this and I wish I could afford it or really any form of therapy but like I said I am american and just living above the poverty line. But for now I am fine I kinda figure I will deal with it when I can afford to deal with it or whenever I have a heart attack at 40 something from so much sodium intake or something.
Mate I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this and hope that if not therapy there is someone irl you can speak to form time to time. Thanks for sharing, I'm sure it'll resonate with someone
You probably already know this.
But not knowing when you're full is a fairly common thing with dyspraxia. It's an aspect of poor intereoception and can contribute to disordered eating.
I have almost the opposite and often can't tell I'm hungry until I start feeling weak and faint and overeat as a result.
I'm a recovering addict and I didn't realize that I was using food to replace that dopamine. I've finally been able to improve my health (I have lost 40 pounds already), but I still greatly struggle with binging. I'm in therapy but I think until I work through some other things I won't be able to overcome that last hurdle.
Keep at it, you should be so proud of yourself
While I don't identify as a man, I am AMAB and I have had a very rough relationship with food my entire life as well. Left to my own devices, I go all or nothing and either limit myself to like 300 calories a day or ignore my body signals and eat 6000 - 10000 calories a day. I'm leaning heavily on the people that care about me to encourage me to build a healthier relationship with it. Autistic as well.
If it’s possible for you I recommend considering therapy as an option of digging deep into why that relationship to food exists
@@tobyrivers_ Absolutely. I'm in therapy currently but we haven't spent much time on the subject yet. I'm sure it has a lot to do with growing up in poverty with a parent obsessed with diet culture, but getting a therapist's perspective is never a bad idea. Super honored that you responded as I'm a huge fan. Good luck with your acting endeavors!
You were not merely 'assigned' male. You are male, and you always will be. Your abuse of food and your denial of your sex may both stem from an underlying issue. I hope you can explore this more with a therapist who will dissuade you from attempting transition. I've been there - eating disorder and gender dysphoria and self harm. They are all related.
@@SimplyOchre Thank you so much good luck with everything
4:50
How did you know? Guess midnight sandwiches is an autistic thing maybe.
I do that could I be autistic
Wow you really got nothing to do in your life
Dont cry
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