Dismissive avoidants
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ก.ย. 2024
- #attachmentstyle #breakup #avoidant #heartbroken #attachment #avoidantattachment #dating #dismissiveavoidant #emotionallyunavailable #relationship #dismissiveavoidantattachment #insecureattachment #divorce #fearofrejection #fearofabandonment #stonewalling
Yup! What you describe sounds like my ex. Our relationship lasted 6 months. She discarded me right after Valentine's Day. Been in no contact for about 6½ months or so. She proposed that we remain friends, but I didn't take her up on her offer. Never will. She's gone, I lived through my pain, mourned the relationship, and moved on. I still feel sad, from time to time, but I'm mostly happy that it's over and done with. I realise that there's not much to miss from this relationship.
man i am in a real bad situation and feel confused
Yep … 9 mons in no contact & nothing. After countless days, weeks & hours together. Absolutely nothing. I no longer want to be in a relationship & nothing more. That then ghosted.
Coach, by far your most comprehensive presentation for a DA. Your expertise and knowledge on this topic has helped me so much.💯👏⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This is 100% accurate. I stayed in such a relationship for nearly 50 years, totally oblivious of DA . For all these years I believed I was the cause of the misery in the relationship.You opened my eyes . I'M DONE. THANK YOU .
Wow! That must’ve been so hard doing that for 50ys. I’m at the one year mark and it’s literally killing my soul. I hope you’re doing much better now and I hope you’re happy 🙏🏻
One of your best videos. 100% on point
This is 100% my ex. You explain this so well Coach Ryan and have given me such a good insight into wth was happening in my relationship with him.
I watched an interview with a DA on another channel. Since he was her (the therapist's) friend she handled him with kid gloves. I saw no remorse in him at all. He was almost arrogant about his attitudes. He admitted that after he ditched someone he would start missing them at about 6 weeks but wouldn't reach out ever again. He just put them in the rear view mirror because who cares anyway? She accepted this like it was normal behavior. I hated listening to it since i am of the belief people are not garbage to be thrown away without any consideration for their life or feelings. How great to have so many people think so badly of you. Hes young now, but one day he'll wake up having lived his life ALONE with a trail of broken relationships behind him.
Hi, Where did you watch that from?
I commented on your other video. You put avoidants all into one box. I am a dismissive avoidant and have had two long term relationships. The only people I feel smothered by are the ones that DO smother me / men with anxious attachment. The smothering behaviour triggers all the things you said losing my independence etc because that’s what the anxious men want.
When someone is secure or also learn avoidant none of these triggers are set off I love the emotional closeness.
Maybe you could do a video for avoidant - in my opinion the core issue is actually how they respond to feeling engulfed. We were never taught the healthy communication skills etc letting someone know how much closeness we are comfortable with or telling someone the relationship isn’t working for us. Instead we avoid and hope the person goes away!
Just like a secure person would call a avoidant out on their behaviour.
So spot on. Dated for right @ 6 mons. Had a small dispute over travel arrangements. They said some hurtful things behind it. Never apologized. I looked beyond it for the sake of trying to save the relationship. They still ended up ending the relationship less than 2 weeks later.
I am definitely more fearful than dismissive. I know exactly where it came from. I watched my family trying not to show how everything was falling apart and I felt shut out of feeling human. I'm embarrassed by how long I stayed stuck in that pattern, and nobody chose my actions for me. I paid forward too much dysfunction to ever want to be around anyone again.
Don't follow my path. It's not worth it.
My ex fits all of the signs of a DA, including discard, cheating, no arguments, no emotions, love bombing and excessive work. However i keep on thinking "what if my ex was an exception? What if she really was a loving individual but not with me. It was my fault for being needy etc." Anyone recognize those thoughts?
I want to marry Coach Ryan
Pls 😭😭😭
My best friend developed a dismissive avoidant attachment due to military PTSD from his time in Afghanistan. He told me he wasn't always like that and also was happy to get married before it showed. He's in therapy and working on his trauma. He is self-aware due to his diagnosis and reflects a lot. He takes full accountability for his behavior, but often needs to be made aware of it first. He has a huge fear of hurting people and rather stays isolated because of it. Can you please make a video about developing certain attachment styles due to trauma later in life that have nothing to do with childhood wounds?
I'd love a video about that, too. I was secure leaning anxious, but after relationship trauma with avoidants I'm now avoidant... like your friend, I'm now voluntarily isolated, single and celibate - going to therapy for 9 years, minding my business and not hurting or confusing anyone 😅
Same thing here, kind of. Was more anxious/securely attached. Then i was single for 8 years, working on myself, healing and learning to enjoy my own peace and solitude. Now i somehow lean more towards avoidant. i think, either that or i'm assuming that role because the one om seeing is heavily anxiously attached and some part of me tries to balance out the dynamic. Or simply the person does not give my life more value that i already give my own life. I'm not sure really
@@Jonte373 I've always been more avoidant since childhood (also I'm an introvert + INTJ, so it probably plays into it), but not to a degree where it could harm a relationship. Only had one relationship to be honest with a malignant narcissist, which also gave me a lot of healing and understanding in counseling afterwards. I do not 'need' a partner, but if I meet the right person, I 'want' one. I think that's a very secure place to come from. All it really takes for me is to have a partner I can trust and rely on, and that puts me in a very secure space. Avoidants, yes, they can make you feel really anxious. I'm kind of going through this right now and put the proper boundaries in place that shall keep me secure.
Great explanation coach, covers everything from a to z. Thank you❤
Fantastic, wise words.
Absolutely 100% spot on. A beyond blissful 5 months with a DA. She tells her sister how in love she is... and 2 weeks later the fade out starts for no reason I can think of. Then all the ongoing hell that follows which Ryan has so perfectly described in so many of his other videos.
I am right there with you. It was a slow start at first, then 10 months of pure bliss without a single disagreement, her sister asks her if we are going to take the next step, and BAM! it is suddenly over barely 2 weeks later. Some very lame excuses. 8 months now since it happened.
Exactly my ex, aka my tf , everything is 100% what she is and I experimented with her
Great video!!!!!
thank you❤
She's ignoring and stonewalling me. She's FA. Do I delete her number so she sees that she finally lost me when she sees my profile picture disappeared from whatsapp? do I just delete the conversation so my profile picture still remains there so I don't trigger her fear of abandonment even further, in case she wanna reach back? I don't know what signal to send, that I'm over her or just deleting the conversation.
So, as someone who is/has gone through this- delete her number. Her fear of abandonment has already been triggered since she’s ignoring you. Deleting her number won’t add to her fears since the reason she’s ignoring you is to avoid. If she really wants to reach out to you she will need to initiate contact. She will still have your number OR try some way to reach you. I know it’s tough and it hurts because you care about her. But remember she lost YOU, not the other way around. It’s tough, I know it is. I’m about 1 month into my ex just up and leaving with no explanation or closure. Our mutual friends even stopped talking to me. You need to take care of yourself right now because she’s not taking your feelings into account. And if she does decide to come back, and I will be doing this too if my ex comes back but it’s not a guarantee, ask yourself do you want to be potentially put in this situation again? There will always be a lingering anxiety that they may do this again. One thing I’ve learned from this is to love yourself. That includes distancing yourself and healing. I know it’s hard, it’s painful, and just down rite heartbreaking. I’m still working through the damage caused. And remind yourself that they are the ones who put you through this pain. It’s not playing victim it is accepting that this person is so emotionally and mentally unwell that they can’t fully care for another person until they heal themselves.
Do not delete her number don’t do nothing. just give her silence. when she’s ready she’ll reach out and if she doesn’t, she wasn’t meant for you.
What do dismissive avoidant do when they find out you have found a new partner?
They usually go out and get a venereal disease from multiple sex partners.
@@michaella5799weird remark?
@@michaella5799??