Wow 🤯 this simple statement resonates i’m sorry to say. One of many negative results from enduring this type of abuse. 🥀 It usually starts when very young so you’re not questioning what’s happening bc you don’t know any different. It’s so deep rooted would be a miracle to be healed from the trauma completely The spirit filled life can help us overcome 🙏🏻 💙
Both parents did this. My Mother did it by empathizing with anyone (and everyone) but me. My Father, by adoring and praising girls/young women who were VERY different from me while berating, ignoring, and humiliating me.
Indeed , the feeling we have nothing to offer..so why would somebody good would be interested in us ? ! Or, when an abusive person comes along, we do everything to please them, not noticing they are abusive or neglectful, because this is what we always knew. Thank you Jay for helping is make sense of what we've been through thinking it is normal !
It also makes you feel like hiding your true self, because you learn nobody sees what's going on and so you give up on anyone seeing who you really are.
Narcissistic abuse in childhood from parental figures who have personality disorders, substance abuse/addiction issues, and other adult role models in the child's life who are equally less fully-functioning, set the child up for serious problems later in life. I am painfully aware of this from my own personal experiences.
Intellectually I understand that it's not personal from the parent. The reactions to our concerns however fail to understand that it doesn't make a difference. At the end of the day, we're still missing out on parental love, guidance and support. And for that reason, mental health support is false hope.
Yup, noticed this early. Sadly, I didn't come to believe I was defective (those projections never made sense to me, I know I wasn't 'bad' and it was clear there was something wrong with my mother) - worse, I think, I came to believe that there was something essentially wrong with life - with the world. I felt like I was from a planet. I regreted being born. I just didst want to be here. It was hard to see beyond the edge of that reality, that felt so totalling. I had to work really hard to dismantle those beliefs about reality. Thank you Jay. Your compassion and understanding is appreciated.
That's how I feel now But as a kid/YA I spent my whole life thinking it WAS ALL ME. That I was defective. Now I feel like I'm an alien and that life is just so messed up and I can't seem to make sense of it. Maybe one day I can reach your level of confidence. I'm in my mid 30s and spent the last decade in a narc relationship w my bd/soon to be ex husband. He basically reinforced my entire childhood and had me thinking that my parents were right and that I was the problem. Now that I've left I realized narc abuse is a real thing and it's something I've experienced my ENTIRE LIFE and it's only now I realize I can't be all that bad. I'm a pretty regular person and it's not at all on me when ppl lose their ish over really innocuous stuff.
@Shinobo_demonslay Before you feel it, KNOW that those feelings are real and valid - but NOT a map of the world. We are aliens, but aliens belimg here too! The proof that we can even discuss this? It means that we aren't alone - there are literally millions of us. And we're part of life, and can give witness and validate each other. The wave of feeling is real - it gas a history and a reason. But there are many other dimensions of being to tap into. That you're even here means you have strength and imagination. I believe in myself and I believe in you.
@Shinobo_demonslay, I also finally realized (and told my narc husband) that I wasn't as stupid as he was treating me like I was! Needless to say, we eventually divorced... Looking back on things, I never should have married him, and at least should have divorced many years earlier than I did. It's so hard to heal from narcissistic abuse....I wish you the best!
My life was torture horrible sexual physical mental abuse and neglect. Narcissistic mother. My mother made my oldest brother and sister the prince and princess they both died at age 31 I figured they weren't able to grow up because of mom. They were absolutely wonderful my brother moved away but my sister was so wonderful and loving to me. The next brother became a bad narcissist and was always mean to me stealing from me sexually abusing me things that he learned and from Mom that she supported. But my oldest brother and sister or like angels to me.
Usually we are "too close to home" as the saying goes. We know them at all their angles. The good, the bad, the ugly, the love bombing, the devaluation, the gas lighting, the projecting, the narc rage, the melt downs, the fragile egos, the depressingly low self esteem and we are the only ones who knows what makes them tic. The need for admiration and perfectionism while simultaneously having to parent them in a lot of ways. They really rely on sgs. Gc are there to make them appear well adjusted, successful and promote the false front and agenda. We are there when they cry and fall apart and question their own sanities. In many ways we know them better then their closest friends. They may get drunk and tell the homes all their secrets but at the end of the day it's all like I'm fine so fine I'm so well adjusted I'm strong and an overcomer and high achiever and well liked and gine through so much I'm golden forged by the fire! With us it's more like I'm fragile crystal and glass and I have no idea how to build myself in a healthy well adjusted way that isn't dependent on appearing excellent. Unfortunately it comes at a great cost to your own mental health but I think also we learn how to become very in tune with others and their emotions Oftentimes sgs are already hsp's/empathic but this really puts all our feelers on 1000
To see the full-length form of this video go here:
th-cam.com/video/8ynRD5OkUYo/w-d-xo.html
Learned hopelessness.. .thanks, Mom.
Same way you learn those bad things with your mom, you can learn nice stuff too 😊
Wow 🤯 this simple statement resonates i’m sorry to say. One of many negative results from enduring this type of abuse. 🥀 It usually starts when very young so you’re not questioning what’s happening bc you don’t know any different. It’s so deep rooted would be a miracle to be healed from the trauma completely The spirit filled life can help us overcome 🙏🏻 💙
Both parents did this. My Mother did it by empathizing with anyone (and everyone) but me. My Father, by adoring and praising girls/young women who were VERY different from me while berating, ignoring, and humiliating me.
Indeed , the feeling we have nothing to offer..so why would somebody good would be interested in us ? ! Or, when an abusive person comes along, we do everything to please them, not noticing they are abusive or neglectful, because this is what we always knew.
Thank you Jay for helping is make sense of what we've been through thinking it is normal !
This was a huge party of my childhood. I never really thought about it until now.
It became obvious from a very young age that there was no way to please my Narcfather.
It also makes you feel like hiding your true self, because you learn nobody sees what's going on and so you give up on anyone seeing who you really are.
FR
Narcissistic abuse in childhood from parental figures who have personality disorders, substance abuse/addiction issues, and other adult role models in the child's life who are equally less fully-functioning, set the child up for serious problems later in life. I am painfully aware of this from my own personal experiences.
Swear to GOD! I wonder daily will I ever be fully functional
Intellectually I understand that it's not personal from the parent. The reactions to our concerns however fail to understand that it doesn't make a difference. At the end of the day, we're still missing out on parental love, guidance and support. And for that reason, mental health support is false hope.
Yup, noticed this early. Sadly, I didn't come to believe I was defective (those projections never made sense to me, I know I wasn't 'bad' and it was clear there was something wrong with my mother) - worse, I think, I came to believe that there was something essentially wrong with life - with the world. I felt like I was from a planet. I regreted being born. I just didst want to be here. It was hard to see beyond the edge of that reality, that felt so totalling. I had to work really hard to dismantle those beliefs about reality. Thank you Jay. Your compassion and understanding is appreciated.
That's how I feel now
But as a kid/YA I spent my whole life thinking it WAS ALL ME. That I was defective. Now I feel like I'm an alien and that life is just so messed up and I can't seem to make sense of it. Maybe one day I can reach your level of confidence. I'm in my mid 30s and spent the last decade in a narc relationship w my bd/soon to be ex husband. He basically reinforced my entire childhood and had me thinking that my parents were right and that I was the problem. Now that I've left I realized narc abuse is a real thing and it's something I've experienced my ENTIRE LIFE and it's only now I realize I can't be all that bad. I'm a pretty regular person and it's not at all on me when ppl lose their ish over really innocuous stuff.
@Shinobo_demonslay Before you feel it, KNOW that those feelings are real and valid - but NOT a map of the world. We are aliens, but aliens belimg here too! The proof that we can even discuss this? It means that we aren't alone - there are literally millions of us. And we're part of life, and can give witness and validate each other. The wave of feeling is real - it gas a history and a reason. But there are many other dimensions of being to tap into. That you're even here means you have strength and imagination. I believe in myself and I believe in you.
@Shinobo_demonslay, I also finally realized (and told my narc husband) that I wasn't as stupid as he was treating me like I was! Needless to say, we eventually divorced... Looking back on things, I never should have married him, and at least should have divorced many years earlier than I did. It's so hard to heal from narcissistic abuse....I wish you the best!
Hearing these truths is both very relieving and making me feel sad
Yes exactly, ALL OF THIS
Same
My mother treated my brothers and my cousins better than me and placed them above me!
My life was torture horrible sexual physical mental abuse and neglect. Narcissistic mother. My mother made my oldest brother and sister the prince and princess they both died at age 31 I figured they weren't able to grow up because of mom. They were absolutely wonderful my brother moved away but my sister was so wonderful and loving to me. The next brother became a bad narcissist and was always mean to me stealing from me sexually abusing me things that he learned and from Mom that she supported. But my oldest brother and sister or like angels to me.
Narc Parents are PURE EVIL.
It reflected in the poor romantic partner choices I made until I met my husband at the age of 37 by pure luck and initially not really romantically
Why happens that so often?
Usually we are "too close to home" as the saying goes. We know them at all their angles. The good, the bad, the ugly, the love bombing, the devaluation, the gas lighting, the projecting, the narc rage, the melt downs, the fragile egos, the depressingly low self esteem and we are the only ones who knows what makes them tic. The need for admiration and perfectionism while simultaneously having to parent them in a lot of ways. They really rely on sgs. Gc are there to make them appear well adjusted, successful and promote the false front and agenda. We are there when they cry and fall apart and question their own sanities. In many ways we know them better then their closest friends. They may get drunk and tell the homes all their secrets but at the end of the day it's all like I'm fine so fine I'm so well adjusted I'm strong and an overcomer and high achiever and well liked and gine through so much I'm golden forged by the fire! With us it's more like I'm fragile crystal and glass and I have no idea how to build myself in a healthy well adjusted way that isn't dependent on appearing excellent. Unfortunately it comes at a great cost to your own mental health but I think also we learn how to become very in tune with others and their emotions
Oftentimes sgs are already hsp's/empathic but this really puts all our feelers on 1000