Yes, it is a terrible position to be in. Poisons an innocent life. And nobody sees it or believes it, as everyone of the family seems so nice and loving to the outside. Thank you for your brave story and support!
They do see it, but pretend not to see it for their own benefit, they are a part of it as well you just don't know it. Opportunists abound in life you'll find. But generally you have to avoid the mood swings it's all as that's clearly a severe mental health issue like paranoid personality disorder. You need to navigate it by setting boundaries don't stay there to take the abuse just say not now next time. And stay optimistic when they say they want to ruin your life don't react because of x y z...
You have just described my family! I thought that when my mother died , the abuse would cease. It didn't ...... silly me. At 50 , I've finally had the courage to walk away. It's been 12 months. One of my sisters keep on trying to bait me back in.....but it's too late. Thank you so much for this video.
When I was 50 my mother died and my older sister took over her role of head narcissist. I went no contact . I was done. Best decision I’ve ever made. Keep your distance because it only gets better. I’ve had time to heal but it has been painful. I’m learning how to feel who I am for the first time in my life. You have made a hard but brave decision for yourself ❤ sending you power!
17:54 "So I hope this helps someone". A scapegoat speaking out, speaking freely, will always help 'someone'. A scapegoat has a voice that needs to be heard.
@@lorenald No scapegoat wishes this role upon themselves. A family with healthy relationships among themselves does not need a scapegoat. EMBRACE FORGIVENESS AS YOUR DIVINE GIFT AND SUPERPOWER FROM GOD! I became emotionally stronger because of it, without even knowing. Feel free to reach out for any kind of support.
The generational trauma that gets passed down is insane. In my 4th decade and I now realise that I was the Scspegoat all along and the familial narcissism is exactly what has happened on my mother’s side of the family and explains A LOT about her behaviour towards me. I refuse to pass this toxicity down to my own child. We are supposed to pass down wealth and wisdom. NOT trauma, shame and guilt.
@@amerikanculture4583 It’s projection. They like to shift the shame and blame of what they have done in their own lives, on to us. Rather than accept accountability for their own actions, they want us, their scapegoat, to carry the shame on their behalf. According to my narc mother, my father made my her get rid of a baby that he believed she conceived outside of the marriage and was not his. She never told me whether it was in fact true that that baby was not his - typical narc - only tells others half-truths. Nevertheless, if the story is true, then I do not condone what my father made her do. Then they conceived and had me and for a while I was my father’s golden child. I think my mother has covertly hated me ever since .. and for events which took place before I was even born. Stay strong. Our narcissistic parents’ burdens are not ours to bear.
Generational trauma is real. I've learned and still learning how to let it go.....it's not worth it. Don't let this type of trauma rob you from living life.
The pain and the scars never go away, but I have come to see myself not as the scapegoat but as the escapegoat. I am the only one who was freed from the toxic tribe and was able to go far beyond it.
The story does not involve a "priest" or "family" as she says at the start of her talk. The story comes from The Torah. "In the book of Leviticus the scapegoat was an actual goat upon which were conferred the collective sins of the entire Jewish people." Just enter "scapegoat." It's the first entry of a Google search.
Yup- I've been the EscapeGoat. for awhile now. 😂😢😢 I heard 'Sacrificial Lam', the other day and had to admit- that might be more like it in my instance! How about you???
I was my mother's scapegoat. The abuse I suffered was unimaginable. I would give this a thousand likes. You can tell this lady has been through it. God bless her heart. Thank you for talking about this. We will no longer be silent!
@@whipwalkyou know exactly what she said and it's not what you're trying to make it sound because it's not support in a good way it's protection for their abusers
I too thought families like that were made up for tv. They say you can't miss what you never had but I always wonder how diffetent my life would have been with a touch of belonging added.
Scapegoats are the chosen ones. They develop bright light as a result of the darkness they must go through. They are the teachers, healers and spiritual guides in our world. Thank goodness for the scapegoats. They know what it feels like to be persecuted. It prepares them for the difficult work ahead.
I went no contact with the ringleader, my mother. She then triangulated everyone against me including overseas relatives who I hadn’t heard from in years, my acupuncturist and family doctor to try to hoover me back to her. I had to cut off all her enablers including my father who was being the worst flying monkey (even though she treats him like dirt, he still defends her). My mother is 82 and frail but her mouth is caustic and lethal. Her mind is astute and sharp… and destructive, envious, sabotaging etc. Now I’m again the scapegoat for ‘making her suffer’ apparently because I’ve gone no contact with her and everyone connected to her. I’m about to move to another state with my daughter to add distance. So much energy enlisted by my mother and her flying monkeys to create as much trouble as possible. I can only thank God that I’m secure within myself and don’t accept any blame from them. To others in this situation, be strong, prioritise yourself, your health and concentrate on people who love you, your animals and your hobbies. Thanks for this talk and blessings to you madam ☀️
Can definitely relate. The triangulation is so brutal bc though you know what is happening the triangulated oftentimes do not but there's no point in trying to explain yourself. Also the flying monkeys- it all makes you feel victimized again and again. Good luck to you and your daughter.
I can also relate, a new one I was recently blamed for was my younger siblings passing away. I know that deep down inside she knows why my brother passed. ( influences of drugs in the home, lies, betrayal, my brother and I grew up w that) , after my brother passed, I tried being there for her, I even stayed over for the holidays at both parents house w my daughter. I went back home w a severe chemical burn 🔥 on my face and noticed how my facial products were burning my skin severely just to the touch of applying it to my face. I had severe dermatitis for about a whole year. This was really the last straw for me. Also she went crazy when I tried reaching out to my dad’s side of the family. I noticed deep rooted insecurity in her bc of me. I confronted her a couple times about the way she projects me online and to family members. ( her projection of me is ; I ruined her life, even though she chose to be and have children w a man addicted to drugs , even though all the struggles in her own life was a result of her choices) - her answer is everything is my fault 🤦🏽♀️, including my brothers passing. But God showed His face to them at the wake and at the funeral. My mother’s shame was seen by those there and by our Lord and Savior. This helped me to understand that judgement is real and that God sees everything. I lost my little brother, my other half. At first I was angry and questioning God. But my God understood me and forgave my anger. I forgave my parents. I left them at the feet of Jesus. I’ve limited contact with them. Even though my mother still thinks she can control me and still stalks me on socials and adds my high school friends to intimidate. I decided that soon I might also move to another state, if God willing.
Most people who give Ted talks have something worthwhile to share. But it’s so rare to hear someone speak with so much beautiful, hard won authenticity. Bless you 💜
She's talking pretty normal too like I was just sitting in the living room with her she's not doing some motivational type speaking I'm saying the way she talks is fitting for the topic
I waited til i was sixty to say enough. I wasted a lot of time. Please love yourselves all you scapegoats out there. Build your own life and family and be content with that ❤
@@TinaBUTCHER-ph1ph Yes, they pretend to be ‘normal’ by occasionally treating you like a person (but always in front of someone else they are trying to con), and very occasionally throwing you a small crumb (also witnessed by others), while making sure you know that without them, you wouldn’t even have that small crumb. They take everything, and demand that you be grateful for the one tenth of one percent that they return to you (and always in front of others).
I was the scapegoat in a family of 8 children. They all knew if they did something wrong they could blame it on me. I'm 77 and still struggling. Thank you for your talk!
"You become invisible," Yes, that's the effect it has over time. The family talks over you. But never with you. They leave you out. All who participate in the family do the same. They then have a position inside that family. And they want to be somebody inside the family.
@@Ed-lianKeep on keeping on 💛 the blessings that come with living in the light of truth are as hard to believe as our previous 'lives' were. Much love to you 💜
Well said. They'd grab my boyfriend to join in.. my experience was so unbelievable. He'd join in to fit in.. rather than go against the grain. They taught any man who liked me, that I was not worthy (in frontof me and behind my back). How painful
@@NoraBerg-mt4md Yes, I feel like part of what we’re seeing with the instability in the world right now is that narcissists in families and in very high places (government, medical industry etc etc) are being exposed and forced into narcissistic collapse. This is happening on a global level. Scapegoats are breaking free worldwide.
@@NoraBerg-mt4md Yes, I feel like part of what we’re seeing with the instability in the world right now is that narcissists in families and in very high places (government, medical industry etc etc) are being exposed and forced into narcissistic collapse. This is happening on a global level. Scapegoats are breaking free worldwide.
The one that is the escape goat has the biggest and most caring heart. That used to be me. Now I am the enemy to most of my relatives. I do not want anything to do with them. I am fed up.
I have experienced this both by a narcissistic mother who tore the extended family apart and by my ex-husband who is another narcissist who has pitted all 3 of my children against me. My heart is broken beyond belief. I am healing and praying for God's strength.
🎯🎯🎯 My mother was a narcissist. My sister is a sociopath. My niece is the flying monkey! My father and I were the scapegoats. Always! What I also learned at the very end of my parent’s lives was that my grandfather on my mother’s side was infinitely more horrific. Generational for sure! Many thanks to you, Diane Collins, and blessings for all those who suffer. ☮️
This makes me cry and shake uncontrollably, because I’m the goat that’s constantly being sent off to the mountain to carry their sins. 😞😭 Hugs to this lady because I relate to everything she is saying. If your family could wish you dead they would, thats how devastating being a scapegoat is, your life means nothing, if they don’t get what they want.
I was this person in my family. I was also the truth teller in the family, which sent me up to be the scapegoat. I first realized it when I was seven years old.
This is the bravest Ted talk that I've ever seen. I have also been the scapegoat in my family. And everything this lovely woman describes is 100% accurate. Educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder, and narcissistic tendencies. Thank you so much for your words. And congratulations on developing into the warm, wonderful human being that you have become. As you well know, most people don't get there.
I believe it to be true I’m 25 finally accepting it for everything it has always been I asked myself for how long should I not speak up & continue feeling lower than a pebbel I’ve walked away there’s no point in going back it’ll never be what I need . Only something to settle for….
I love her story. Her story is my story. This stuff is real. God bless this woman for speaking out and bringing attention to this abuse within a family. It's taken me decades to understand this dynamic and how I grew up as the family scapegoat.
Jesus Christ is the ultimate scapegoat template. "No one in the family is going to come to the scapegoat's aid because they do not want that position." We know what's going on is generational and it has been stopped in its tracks. Thank You dear Sister 💓🌹
I hate to burst your bubble,, but Jesus was crucified for being a child trafficker. It's in the source texts. Sorry, but you could update your hero template with someone much better.
@@cerin59 Triangulating an ancient carpenter? 🤨😂🙄 Lol. We see through all the tactics, around here. Wrong crowd. 🙄 Don't answer me. I'll just go no contact. 😂
Truth. My Dad to this day hates when us 4 kids talk and get his number of the pot stirring. We call him the wedge. He wedges us all apart with comparisons and telling each other different stories to spin us up against each other. I just pulled away from them all. Saved my peace.
No contact with my narcissistic parents for a year now. I am slowly starting to heal. 47 years of being their scapegoat before I realized. Ty for sharing your story it gives me strength.
Thank you for sharing your story, Diane Collins. This information about the scapegoats in a severely dysfunctional family system is invaluable. It's a painful legacy. I'm the scapegoat daughter of a covert narcissistic mother. She has done so much damage in my life. I've finally gone no contact at age 64. 🕊
I told my mom at 6 years old that our family is dysfunctional. From that point, to this day she has resorted to triangulation, name calling, insults, criticism, guilt shaming, lies, all the tactics to sow discontent within the family. She reminds me frequently that I told her we were dysfunctional. It seems I had looked behind the curtain where I wasn’t supposed to and she punishes me for it to this day.
Same here! At 6 yrs of age, my Mother literally got in my face screaming at me that she should've never had me and all because I wanted to use the bathroom, had been outside in very hot Texas weather and couldn't reach the door to let myself in. When she screamed at me, scared me so much I started to cry and even wet myself. I sat in the corner of my bedroom for the rest of the day because I wet myself as punishment. Both my parents were narcissistic.
Not all narcissists have trauma. I don't know why it's so hard for people to accept that some people have a serious defect of character and it's innate. I recommend watching and listening to Dr George Simon about this topic.
You're describing of most of my very splintered family here. Generations of it blended with alcohol addiction and hatred. It takes a very strong person to stand against it.
You spoke for me -- I was the scapegoat in my family -- and it was like you were there with me. You have done great in breaking this dangerous cycle. It has helped me!
It's a wonderful feeling realizing you're not paranoid and that there are tons of people around the world whove been through what youve gone through. I cried at the end. I'm the scapegoat. I also realize that whats happening in my family is generational trauma and just like her I'm determined that this will NEVER be the experience of my children, when I have them.
I’m a scapegoat, thank you for speaking out so clearly. My Psychopathic Narcissistic mother just died too. They didn’t even write an obituary for her. I’m fixing that. It’s not the eulogy she was expecting. I am writing a clear, honest alert to other family members. And I’m clearing my name in the process.
Oh my goodness. Your story is similar to mine. My mother died one month ago, July 4th. I didn't go to her services which were held two days ago. They wrote an obituary for her but they were so emotionally charged as she was in her last days. She poisoned their minds and they were coming for me for over a month, trying to get me to fly up there and be around all those low vibrational energies. NO THANK YOU, I'm going to the beach 🧘🏽♀🧘🏽♀
@@theevolvingmindset333 I know my family does not like me either. I know that I would not be treated nice at the funeral when that time comes. I believe she plans on giving everything to my sister anyway. The beach sound good to me also.
I can so relate to her watching other people’s family dynamics on American Idol. Things like these always make my heart sink and I ask myself what life could have been with a loving family 😢
It always hurts me to the core seeing mother daughters, father -daughters, family cohesion, all of it. I have a Better Father now IJN . The Absolute Best - El Shaddai
Don't get too caught up in the families on singing shows. They know they're on TV. Of course they will appear supportive. The reality: maybe they are supportive and maybe they are not.
Thank you so much, Diane, for standing there, a living embodiment of one who has been scapegoated, showing your wounds, and your brilliance. It was so valuable. Let's all remember: we are not what people say about us.
Bless you sweetheart, I was the same in my family. It’s soul crushing, but you can heal from these awful family dynamics and create the life you deserve. Hope you have a better life now.
I feel this so so much. At age 5, I screamed at my mother that I was never getting married or having children because I would never treat my family the way she treated me. I still get mistaken for weak from time to time.
I was the escape goat .. that ESCAPED! unlike most, i was PROUD of it because it meant i wasn't THEM. I didn't/wouldn't conform to them to the family's dynamics of abuse of denial of it all. I ESCAPED from it all at 14 and left them it all behind me Was ALWAYS PROUD never ashamed for doing saying what's right as a whole and not just what was right for me. I even reported them to poilice as soon as was old enough, got convictions they were sent to jail, SMASHING the entire family's abusive cycle to pieces EXTREMELY PROUD OF THAT hated even more by the family now ! Doesn't bother me and never has, in fact, it would bother me more if i 'fitted' into the family & if I was acceptable to the family Because then I would be the same as them!
Now was ii angry about it OF COURSE I was But my inner self guided me out of that, showing me it was a BLESSING to be the escape goat Because it helped me ESCAPE from it all and not repeat it all ❤
@kaylabean3693 TRUTH hats off to you 👏 🙌 we didn't become it couldn't conform to it SMASHED IT so others weren't touched by it ... THATS what it's all about ✨️❤️
@@kaylabean3693 I know help others do the same 🙌 once people see the BLESSINGS of not fitting in not conforming to the family dynamics it's a game changer in how they think see feel about themselves, it completely changes the way they see themselves, I love it when I see feel it 'click' inside of them and I know thats it now, it's all they needed was a different perspective about it all about themselves. From ashamed of themselves to PROUD for being the escape goat of the family 🙌❤️
Thank you. That was very helpful. Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its' path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow. I hope you know YOU are that person.
I’m listening to her story and my heart is pounding. My narc father convinced my mother that I stole her jewelry when she was in the last few months of her life and sick with cancer. She asked me if I had taken them and I was shocked! I said no and she seemed fine and said maybe she misplaced it. A few days later she seemed mad at me. I kept asking what’s wrong but she would say nothing. Apparently he convinced her that I was lying. It hurt me to my core, like she doesn’t even know me even though we had always been close. Our relationship was never the same. She died without it ever feeling resolved. My family did not allow me to have any input into her memorial service and pretty much ignored me. That was several years ago but this video made it feel like it just happened. It still hurts.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sitting here in Madrid on vacation from California and stumbled on your presentation. I am awed by how wonderful you explain the scapegoat. I said to myself out loud, "This is such a great explanation." I have never heard it explained so incredibly clear and interesting. 🎉 Wow!
Wow. Very powerful. I too am a scapegoat and I can relate to everything you are saying. How brave of you to come forward and share your truth! You are someone special.
Bless you sister. We sense your sincerity bc we too have endured this horrible abuse. Something most outside folk don't seem to understand about this wickedness is this: think about it- what type of "mother" actively tries to get people (anyone who will listen) to hate her own child, her own flesh and blood?? Just sayin'. Thank you so much for shedding light on this highly misunderstood topic.
I am a scapegoat being alienated and punished for finally saying enough. The tactics used to diminish me and any person who loves me has been so eye opening. The envy, loathing and desire for my demise makes everything clearer. Thank you for speaking up. You are not a thief and neither am I.
My sister was the scapegoat, I stood up for her and spoke the truth one day when I saw what had taken place... Turns out I am now the new scapegoat... Oh well!!! I see it all very clearly now.
Very happy she stepped out to share this valuable understanding of the trauma associated with being the scapegoat. I was this person. Hard and confusing life. Grateful, to God who brought me out of this dark place of worthlessness. Great yalk.
The scariest part is some of this families portray the perfect family image, even members of the family not aware of the dynamics. I was adopted by one of this families at 11. I came from a family of alcoholics and my mother was openly violent, cunning and ice heart person. She crushed my soul as a kid. I took me 15 years or so to discover the family that adopted me where kids in adults bodies. No surprise no one of them knew anything about me.. never asked me or invited me to speak about my childhood. For them I was like a puppet, a person that behaved very well, a talented kid that would stimulate them.. but no one of them knew ANYTHING about my emotions, emotional needs, sadness… I just had to fit into their nonsense dynamic. Nobody talks about feelings, nobody is honest, just playing the perfect happy ( actually passive aggressive no boundaries ) people. I’m glad I left at 18. I felt guilty for many years.. no more. I just feel sorry for them but I’m ok, I’m on my own.
I finally have stopped offering olive branch… I finally saw my self defeating habit of trying to close the gap between myself and brother and sister. Trying to explain to them that I was not intentional misbehaving toward our mother, the narcissist ring leader. Walking away is necessary for self preservation and overall survival. I’m 71 yo and my mother recently passed away. Unfortunately the mental illness is alive and strong as my siblings continue to carry my mother’s torch so to speak. Thank you for sharing to the larger audience as you’ve spoken for all us “white sheep❣️”my healing took my education and occupation as a licensed mental health counselor. I learned how to help myself by helping others, concurrently. I’ve been free from toxicity and a short return to attend funeral services provided a sharp contrast between living a happy life and remembering what I had suffered from from early childhood to mid life. It’s much like our government now in 2024. The narcissists turn outer reality to shape their inner insanity. Everything in societies is being inverted. Beware and continue to support our large global family from the insanity of collective narcissists.
I am so very very sorry. I pray God protects you and helps you find a way out of that situation. You deserve peace and happiness. I will pray for you. Sending you love & good wishes for hope and better days ahead. Stay safe and God bless you. 🩵🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🩵
@@thedawn4362that's criminal and so cruel..May the divine assist you. Ask for divine assistance to be helped in a surprising way. Ask deeply and you will receive.❤
I’m the family scapegoat. I escaped overseas. It got much worse when my mother died, my sister and ex husband colluded to get my children to cut me off.
Thank you Diane Collins I resonate with all you have said, it has helped me confirm my own experience, since self doubt had been compounded by gaslighting it was hard to confirm my truth. Thank you, I recognise your soft spokeness and profound truth, I see you, you have a true gentle and kind strong soul, thank your true, gentle strength for speaking up, and as your nature is untainted helping others too. You are kind, creative, caring among all that you know who you truly are, and I will remind me of who I am, and all of us will even stronger and freer now, keep on, beautiful souls, love always to you all and love to those who have hurt too, but from a distance! Thank you ♥️
The speaker traces the dynamic back to her homeland of Jamaica. The scapegoat mentality is truly a core generational curse that pervades the complicated experience of caribbean peoples. It severely damages young minds contributing to, along with other factors, one of the highest murder rates in the world.
What a authentic and fantastic Ted talk. I love it, and its so needed. Lots of love and power to all of us truthtellers. 2025 is the year we become the year we come together and rise against the sickness in these people.
They are so good at training us to be a scapegoat, we don't realize it until they have destroyed everything good about us until we are no one. I have hazel eyes ,but was raised to tell people they are plain brown so I didn't attract any of their attention. My favorite color was chosen for me so not to make my sister unhappy. My own mother would use me.
I have very blue eyes and one day a bus driver said to me 'your eyes are such a lovely blue' and my mother literally pushed me out of the way, took off her glasses, thrust her face at the driver and fluttered her eyelashes saying 'she got them from me, look, look' until the driver reluctantly and shocked said 'oh yes, so they are' then she told the story of how the bus driver randomly told her what a pretty blue her eyes were, she was 50 at the time
Dear heart, I never knew I was the scapegoat, isolated and demonised. Now I am 72 with none of the family to repress me, I am jubilant in the knowledge that I am a beloved mother of children who love and respect me. I still cannot fathom the depth of confusion that harnessed me as a scapegoat, but I know it to be true.
I dream of this freedom I pray for this outcome when it’s all said and done you are very blessed I’m 25 no kids but I have a lovely dog. Who loves me no boyfriend ( what are they good for lol) but I’m very lonely …. 😢
I cry everyday, the isolation is brutal and so cruel. And I'm ok because I am the strongest and the only one who did seek therapy and growth. This lonely time after the pandemic is hard -most of the people who I did things with are clinging tightly to their families. I never created a family of my own since I didn't want to hand down Trauma and I hardly had enough energy to survive myself. Oldest of 6 in a violent family, I protected my siblings and they turned on me. 4 brothers did. My only sister died of a drug overdose. It's so confusing EVEN though I understand it, my heart never will.
Thank you for sharing your story :) Let them think what they want!! They don't define you as a person. You can be your own mum. You are creating your own loving and supportive family!! That little 8 year old living in you is proud of your bravery!!
I was a family scapegoat but cut off contact with entire family. Through healing and research I discovered my purpose, kept seeking better life and I'm definitely feeling better now, 5 years without this agony and abuse. But of course there were times I missed them badly and seeked contact. Happily I withdrew from seeking contact after talking with abuse consultants. I realized that abuse is sth that did really happened in my life from them. My mental health is my priority. Hugs to all scapegoats❤️
Air hugs lol I know it’s abuse I’m in the process of trying to process how they can be okay with hurting someone thy claim to love ? How can they be so arrogant to hurt me and punish me when I finally retaliate ? lol I’ve had enough of blaming myself I’m always to blame and I’m not the only one at fault
My aunts were always fighting. One of them was specially sick. My mom was the healthy one and the scapegoat. I envied healthy families ever since I remember, and probably to the grave.
My mother tried, but her mother broke her before I was born to her at 17. Being a scapegoat made me fierce. No lie (no matter how sugarcoated or twisted) will ever change truth. This woman is so beautifully tender. Bless her for standing up and telling the truth.
It does take a strong personality to overcome, I've come to the conclusion that you have to be stronger than them. In my case it truly took a divine will for that power. I'm glad for your victories. Peace
I wish I could meet you. Your courage and story moved me deeply. I am a scapegoat and am 67 and still in deep pain for what my narc mother and sibs plus extended family continues to do to me. I wonder at times what Gods plan is for us scapegoats. I have to believe it is something special because of the unfair suffering we have endured.
I feel and have experienced exactly the same, and I am in the same age range as you. Please keep your spirits up, keep moving forward. Do what makes you feel good and happy! Successful healing is in your future (and mine too)❤
Thank you for sharing. Your story reminds me of a similarity with mine: My narcissistic mother described how the male children in her family were given different food at table while the girls were left out of having butter, sausage, eggs, etc., She certainly scapegoated her “worthlessness” on to me (she married my dad who thought my brother was worthy of UC Berkeley education etc while I was told to “marry someone rich”), but, by the grace of God I am healing and like you, I pray that my sons receive the same healing and wholeness.
I am my families scapegoat. I’m in my 60’s now and just saw a therapist ( 2 times now). It hurts, what is said about me is not true and the loneliness without family is isolating. It’s very hard.
Just know.. they lied on the most high. You gon be ok. Embrace kindness and goodness from small talk and people in your everyday journey! Family is just DNA. They are not bigger than the cause, the mission.
My tribe !!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭❤❤ I thought I was crazy for thinking this. I oscillate between both sides. It drives me crazyyyyy, the confusion it has caused in my life. One minute you're the good kid the next you're the demonically possessed and ungrateful child 😒. It's insane!!
Lateral violence, racism, patriarchy and family violence have a lot correlated to scapegoat behaviour patterns… thank you… fantastic video… has reached a new person ✨⚡️🌦️
If people stayed in their own homelands, the racism card could be left off the table. Constantly comparing yourselves to Whites isn’t healthy. Patriarchy is what builds nations. Men are supposed to lead.
Oh my goodness! This is my family! My mother and her mother “split” the kids by talking terribly about each of us to the others. I think my little sister and I are both scapegoats- all depending on the latest dynamics I’m the family. I’ve gone no contact which is both wonderful and a bit of a curse. I feel a combination of freedom and guilt pulling away from the family- mainly my toxic mother. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It must have been very difficult to be so vulnerable to a live audience like that. You have helped many of us who’ve had the opportunity to hear your story. Bless you in your continued recovery. 🤗
I love how you eloquently describe the disfunction of your family which is transparently identifiable in so many families. I admire your courage to share the information that will liberate others.
Bless you..and thank you.. I am the youngest of 8 children and my mother is a Narcissist. A large so called ‘Christian’ family and I am the scapegoated child. Once again I have been excluded for a family wedding without an explanation. It is soo hurtful but have very limited contact with any of them. My mother is 92 and though she will not be able to abuse anymore I’m dreading the fallout when she passes from my siblings. Be proud of yourself and do not dim your light for anyone ❤
Me too. Never got an invite from the powerful leaders in the family. I always found out through one sister who would speak to me what was going on re family holidays etc. It was so hurtful. Still hurts. And Im 56.
Consider going No Contact and releasing them. Many of our parents operate by Religious Spirits. Petition the Courts of Heaven (Robert Henderson) and seek Deliverance from those Familiar Spirits in your family line.
You have precisely described my life. At sixty years old, I am finally coming to the full understanding of the how that has affected all aspects of my life. ❤
You just, in such a beautyful way, explained my hidden lifestory. ❤ Let rise togehether and shine out the lies and abuse million of people are affected by.
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
Yes, it is a terrible position to be in. Poisons an innocent life. And nobody sees it or believes it, as everyone of the family seems so nice and loving to the outside. Thank you for your brave story and support!
I didn't realize I was the goat. I fought them ALL off even as a child , just as a course of being youngest, with a happy f you.
They do see it, but pretend not to see it for their own benefit, they are a part of it as well you just don't know it. Opportunists abound in life you'll find. But generally you have to avoid the mood swings it's all as that's clearly a severe mental health issue like paranoid personality disorder. You need to navigate it by setting boundaries don't stay there to take the abuse just say not now next time. And stay optimistic when they say they want to ruin your life don't react because of x y z...
You have just described my family! I thought that when my mother died , the abuse would cease. It didn't ...... silly me. At 50 , I've finally had the courage to walk away. It's been 12 months. One of my sisters keep on trying to bait me back in.....but it's too late. Thank you so much for this video.
I thought the same too when my narcissistic father passed. It got worse!
When I was 50 my mother died and my older sister took over her role of head narcissist. I went no contact . I was done. Best decision I’ve ever made. Keep your distance because it only gets better. I’ve had time to heal but it has been painful. I’m learning how to feel who I am for the first time in my life. You have made a hard but brave decision for yourself ❤ sending you power!
@Michelle-kw2sp exactly the same in my family!
💯 I've been sayin' it got WORSE after parents passed. Especially Mom!
@@IMHip2Thanks for sharing your experience here. I see the parallel with one of my siblings after our Mom passed away.
17:54 "So I hope this helps someone".
A scapegoat speaking out, speaking freely, will always help 'someone'. A scapegoat has a voice that needs to be heard.
Ik vond dat de mooiste zin omdat ze waarschijnlijk heel véél mensen helpt!
YES!!!!
I comment on these to show others they are not alone but these vids are triggering
@@TinaBUTCHER-ph1phthese videos are facts!! If you can't handle it stay off of TH-cam!
@@TinaBUTCHER-ph1phTina, thank you so much for reaching out to help others despite your own pain. I appreciate the effort it takes to do that. ❤🙏💪💜
The scapegoat is the one who stands the greatest chance of being mentally healthy!
Yes, because they can see, hear, feel and will speak the truth; they don't agree to play the 'unspeakable' game.
I love this. Thank you
@@anaiis_salles It led me to Jesus, He received me with so much love, while I was in the wilderness and I thank Him for being my best friend.
I’m so scared to face what’s on the other side of healing is it always being trigger or reliving the pain I wish this pain was never inflicted!!
@@lorenald No scapegoat wishes this role upon themselves. A family with healthy relationships among themselves does not need a scapegoat.
EMBRACE FORGIVENESS AS YOUR DIVINE GIFT AND SUPERPOWER FROM GOD!
I became emotionally stronger because of it, without even knowing. Feel free to reach out for any kind of support.
The generational trauma that gets passed down is insane. In my 4th decade and I now realise that I was the Scspegoat all along and the familial narcissism is exactly what has happened on my mother’s side of the family and explains A LOT about her behaviour towards me.
I refuse to pass this toxicity down to my own child.
We are supposed to pass down wealth and wisdom. NOT trauma, shame and guilt.
I noticed at 36. My mother had me outside of her marriage. I became the answer for every problem.
@@amerikanculture4583 It’s projection. They like to shift the shame and blame of what they have done in their own lives, on to us. Rather than accept accountability for their own actions, they want us, their scapegoat, to carry the shame on their behalf.
According to my narc mother, my father made my her get rid of a baby that he believed she conceived outside of the marriage and was not his. She never told me whether it was in fact true that that baby was not his - typical narc - only tells others half-truths. Nevertheless, if the story is true, then I do not condone what my father made her do. Then they conceived and had me and for a while I was my father’s golden child. I think my mother has covertly hated me ever since .. and for events which took place before I was even born.
Stay strong. Our narcissistic parents’ burdens are not ours to bear.
Generational trauma is real. I've learned and still learning how to let it go.....it's not worth it. Don't let this type of trauma rob you from living life.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
My narc mother is the same as her brother and their father, it's generational, their scapegoat brother managed to escape without trace. Good on him
The pain and the scars never go away, but I have come to see myself not as the scapegoat but as the escapegoat. I am the only one who was freed from the toxic tribe and was able to go far beyond it.
The story does not involve a "priest" or "family" as she says at the start of her talk. The story comes from The Torah. "In the book of Leviticus the scapegoat was an actual goat upon which were conferred the collective sins of the entire Jewish people." Just enter "scapegoat." It's the first entry of a Google search.
@@kathartickatalyst love the escapegoat!
escapegoat....yes thank you.
Yup- I've been the EscapeGoat. for awhile now. 😂😢😢
I heard 'Sacrificial Lam', the other day and had to admit- that might be more like it in my instance! How about you???
Same. I'll never regret leaving, but it still hurts everyday.
I was my mother's scapegoat. The abuse I suffered was unimaginable.
I would give this a thousand likes. You can tell this lady has been through it. God bless her heart. Thank you for talking about this. We will no longer be silent!
I agree 💯
❤️🩹❤️🌱🌳
I agree totally, we will no longer be silent.
Hugs 🫂 🤗
@@mday3821 🫂keep healing 😇
I can feel her pain
Thank you Diane. This provided so much comfort for me.
you are so welcomed
@@blueorion13really grateful that you were willing to be so vulnerable to help the rest of us scapegoats become escapegoats! 💜💜💜🙏🙏🙏
@@blueorion13 who can you get help from for this type of treatment?
Thank you for talking about this. We really appreciate you being open about your story.
When she says “families help each other? Is this for real?” Hits home
I usually laugh. It can't be real. I mean, who does that? Support each other?? I call bs.
Right. I didn't even realize how bad it was until I was a teenager.
@@whipwalkyou know exactly what she said and it's not what you're trying to make it sound because it's not support in a good way it's protection for their abusers
Misogynistic families are narcissistic families!!
I too thought families like that were made up for tv. They say you can't miss what you never had but I always wonder how diffetent my life would have been with a touch of belonging added.
From scapegoat to GOAT! So proud of this woman and all my fellow scapegoats.
🐐 🤍
💜
If only we could all be in a room together. ❤love and understanding , would be like medicine to my soul
❤❤
👋
Scapegoats are the chosen ones. They develop bright light as a result of the darkness they must go through. They are the teachers, healers and spiritual guides in our world. Thank goodness for the scapegoats. They know what it feels like to be persecuted. It prepares them for the difficult work ahead.
"Persecuted" is a very accurate description.
❤❤❤
Well said
I went no contact with the ringleader, my mother. She then triangulated everyone against me including overseas relatives who I hadn’t heard from in years, my acupuncturist and family doctor to try to hoover me back to her. I had to cut off all her enablers including my father who was being the worst flying monkey (even though she treats him like dirt, he still defends her). My mother is 82 and frail but her mouth is caustic and lethal. Her mind is astute and sharp… and destructive, envious, sabotaging etc. Now I’m again the scapegoat for ‘making her suffer’ apparently because I’ve gone no contact with her and everyone connected to her. I’m about to move to another state with my daughter to add distance. So much energy enlisted by my mother and her flying monkeys to create as much trouble as possible. I can only thank God that I’m secure within myself and don’t accept any blame from them. To others in this situation, be strong, prioritise yourself, your health and concentrate on people who love you, your animals and your hobbies. Thanks for this talk and blessings to you madam ☀️
then your mother is a Narcissist.
Self preservation, if at all possible, is 100% no contact.
Can definitely relate. The triangulation is so brutal bc though you know what is happening the triangulated oftentimes do not but there's no point in trying to explain yourself. Also the flying monkeys- it all makes you feel victimized again and again. Good luck to you and your daughter.
82- she could like quite a few years yet- unchanged and her advancing years a social narrative for guilting those who walk away. Well done you.
I can also relate, a new one I was recently blamed for was my younger siblings passing away. I know that deep down inside she knows why my brother passed. ( influences of drugs in the home, lies, betrayal, my brother and I grew up w that) , after my brother passed, I tried being there for her, I even stayed over for the holidays at both parents house w my daughter. I went back home w a severe chemical burn 🔥 on my face and noticed how my facial products were burning my skin severely just to the touch of applying it to my face. I had severe dermatitis for about a whole year. This was really the last straw for me. Also she went crazy when I tried reaching out to my dad’s side of the family. I noticed deep rooted insecurity in her bc of me. I confronted her a couple times about the way she projects me online and to family members. ( her projection of me is ; I ruined her life, even though she chose to be and have children w a man addicted to drugs , even though all the struggles in her own life was a result of her choices) - her answer is everything is my fault 🤦🏽♀️, including my brothers passing. But God showed His face to them at the wake and at the funeral. My mother’s shame was seen by those there and by our Lord and Savior. This helped me to understand that judgement is real and that God sees everything. I lost my little brother, my other half. At first I was angry and questioning God. But my God understood me and forgave my anger. I forgave my parents. I left them at the feet of Jesus. I’ve limited contact with them. Even though my mother still thinks she can control me and still stalks me on socials and adds my high school friends to intimidate. I decided that soon I might also move to another state, if God willing.
Stay strong.....keep that distance...your safe the father away the better 🙏
Most people who give Ted talks have something worthwhile to share. But it’s so rare to hear someone speak with so much beautiful, hard won authenticity. Bless you 💜
Sarah I totally agree. I am so moved and so affirmed by Ms Diane Collins TED talk. I am very glad it appeared in my feed.
@@melliecrann-gaoth4789 🙂💚
❤❤❤❤
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
She's talking pretty normal too like I was just sitting in the living room with her she's not doing some motivational type speaking I'm saying the way she talks is fitting for the topic
The softness of her voice and her reserved body language and cadence is so loud to me. As somebody who also has had to hold back, I see myself in her.
Me too. It's gets seen as weakness or extreme shyness but it's anything but.
Ditto 😊
❤
@@Faith_Chicorrect. It’s real strength! 💪 not that fake stuff that narcs put out.
Same. Sending love to you. ❤
Family scapegoat here. Thank you for this.
I waited til i was sixty to say enough. I wasted a lot of time. Please love yourselves all you scapegoats out there. Build your own life and family and be content with that ❤
❤❤
3 years no contact. Daughter mentions nanny. Bang. The fear sets in again
It's so difficult when they have hardwired you to be dependant on them
@@TinaBUTCHER-ph1ph
Yes, they pretend to be ‘normal’ by occasionally treating you like a person (but always in front of someone else they are trying to con), and very occasionally throwing you a small crumb (also witnessed by others), while making sure you know that without them, you wouldn’t even have that small crumb.
They take everything, and demand that you be grateful for the one tenth of one percent that they return to you (and always in front of others).
Forgive yourself!!
It’s better later than never..
I was the scapegoat in a family of 8 children. They all knew if they did something wrong they could blame it on me. I'm 77 and still struggling. Thank you for your talk!
"You become invisible,"
Yes, that's the effect it has over time.
The family talks over you. But never with you.
They leave you out.
All who participate in the family do the same. They then have a position inside that family.
And they want to be somebody inside the family.
Never talks with you.
Invisibility becomes invincibility 💪
The TRUTH sets us free and imprisons them..stay strong brothers and sisters 💜
@@KarenKeating-t2p What a powerful message.
Thank you, thank you. That is very encouraging.
@@Ed-lianKeep on keeping on 💛 the blessings that come with living in the light of truth are as hard to believe as our previous 'lives' were.
Much love to you 💜
Well said. They'd grab my boyfriend to join in.. my experience was so unbelievable. He'd join in to fit in.. rather than go against the grain. They taught any man who liked me, that I was not worthy (in frontof me and behind my back). How painful
I declare 2025 is the year scapegoats rise up and take our power back and be successful from now until ever more!!!
You are so right! God bless each and everyone of us baby!!!😜
Thats the feeling I had today. In some way it feels like we are on the rise and the lies and abuse are called out🔥
@@NoraBerg-mt4md Yes, I feel like part of what we’re seeing with the instability in the world right now is that narcissists in families and in very high places (government, medical industry etc etc) are being exposed and forced into narcissistic collapse. This is happening on a global level. Scapegoats are breaking free worldwide.
@@NoraBerg-mt4md Yes, I feel like part of what we’re seeing with the instability in the world right now is that narcissists in families and in very high places (government, medical industry etc etc) are being exposed and forced into narcissistic collapse. This is happening on a global level. Scapegoats are breaking free worldwide.
Amen, I'm with you. 😄
The one that is the escape goat has the biggest and most caring heart. That used to be me. Now I am the enemy to most of my relatives. I do not want anything to do with them. I am fed up.
Hard role!
Yes 😊
I am done with them too. I have had enough.
I can certainly understand. Sometimes the manipulated extended family members (who believe all the lies) are so pathetic and foolish.
I have experienced this both by a narcissistic mother who tore the extended family apart and by my ex-husband who is another narcissist who has pitted all 3 of my children against me. My heart is broken beyond belief.
I am healing and praying for God's strength.
Thank you for sharing your story.
🎯🎯🎯 My mother was a narcissist. My sister is a sociopath. My niece is the flying monkey! My father and I were the scapegoats. Always! What I also learned at the very end of my parent’s lives was that my grandfather on my mother’s side was infinitely more horrific. Generational for sure! Many thanks to you, Diane Collins, and blessings for all those who suffer. ☮️
This makes me cry and shake uncontrollably, because I’m the goat that’s constantly being sent off to the mountain to carry their sins. 😞😭
Hugs to this lady because I relate to everything she is saying. If your family could wish you dead they would, thats how devastating being a scapegoat is, your life means nothing, if they don’t get what they want.
Exactly! Always felt like the burden with their passive aggressive remarks and actions that don't match their words.
I've been crying and just numb, staring in silence at the screen.
@@missmaxinethompson7407you're gonna be ok ❤
When I told my family I tried to kill myself. Nobody said anything cause they were trying to avoid the blame.
We are seeing this right now in real time.
I was this person in my family. I was also the truth teller in the family, which sent me up to be the scapegoat. I first realized it when I was seven years old.
This is the bravest Ted talk that I've ever seen. I have also been the scapegoat in my family. And everything this lovely woman describes is 100% accurate. Educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder, and narcissistic tendencies.
Thank you so much for your words. And congratulations on developing into the warm, wonderful human being that you have become. As you well know, most people don't get there.
Yes - she's brilliant, articulate, insightful and generous ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Yes, a dear sweet soul. A lovely woman. 🙏❤
I believe it to be true I’m 25 finally accepting it for everything it has always been I asked myself for how long should I not speak up & continue feeling lower than a pebbel I’ve walked away there’s no point in going back it’ll never be what I need . Only something to settle for….
I love her story. Her story is my story. This stuff is real. God bless this woman for speaking out and bringing attention to this abuse within a family. It's taken me decades to understand this dynamic and how I grew up as the family scapegoat.
Jesus Christ is the ultimate scapegoat template. "No one in the family is going to come to the scapegoat's aid because they do not want that position." We know what's going on is generational and it has been stopped in its tracks. Thank You dear Sister 💓🌹
facts
I hate to burst your bubble,, but Jesus was crucified for being a child trafficker. It's in the source texts. Sorry, but you could update your hero template with someone much better.
@@cerin59 Triangulating an ancient carpenter? 🤨😂🙄 Lol. We see through all the tactics, around here. Wrong crowd. 🙄 Don't answer me. I'll just go no contact. 😂
@@cerin59ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE!!
@@cerin59 ... and the churches founded in his name have carried on the tradition ever since.
Thank you !!!!!!!! It helps
YES! My mom hated when my sister and I got along-she loved stirring the pot and getting us mad at each other.
Truth. My Dad to this day hates when us 4 kids talk and get his number of the pot stirring. We call him the wedge. He wedges us all apart with comparisons and telling each other different stories to spin us up against each other. I just pulled away from them all. Saved my peace.
Same
I figured this out for my friend. It’s the narc mom!
Again..the occult and freemasonry...@@gracecase998
Was your family freemasons?
You are so right! OMG you are telling my story! Thank you for sharing! God Bless
Your talk describes my family. I’m 67 years old and seeing family and myself clearly for the first time. I’ve backed away to save myself.
We need a me too movement for family scapegoat!! 💕
No contact with my narcissistic parents for a year now. I am slowly starting to heal. 47 years of being their scapegoat before I realized. Ty for sharing your story it gives me strength.
Thank you for sharing your story, Diane Collins. This information about the scapegoats in a severely dysfunctional family system is invaluable. It's a painful legacy. I'm the scapegoat daughter of a covert narcissistic mother. She has done so much damage in my life. I've finally gone no contact at age 64. 🕊
💛Me too🙏
@@LorettaLong-pr3wg you give me hope! I'm 63 and dream of going no contact. Maybe I'll go thru with it next year!
🖐️ Hello my unbiological siblings! 🥰
@@sharonthompson672hi🖐️love you...stay strong 💪 the broken are the more evolved 🙏💛
She just told my story.
This! Mines too.
Plus 1 🙋🏾♀️
Mine, too.
Send a hug. You are loved❤
I told my mom at 6 years old that our family is dysfunctional. From that point, to this day she has resorted to triangulation, name calling, insults, criticism, guilt shaming, lies, all the tactics to sow discontent within the family. She reminds me frequently that I told her we were dysfunctional. It seems I had looked behind the curtain where I wasn’t supposed to and she punishes me for it to this day.
I was in a similar position when I was 7. It coloured my entire life darkly.
Same here! At 6 yrs of age, my Mother literally got in my face screaming at me that she should've never had me and all because I wanted to use the bathroom, had been outside in very hot Texas weather and couldn't reach the door to let myself in. When she screamed at me, scared me so much I started to cry and even wet myself. I sat in the corner of my bedroom for the rest of the day because I wet myself as punishment. Both my parents were narcissistic.
Hope you got away for good
I would love to put on a pot of tea and sit and talk with her. What a beautiful soul.
I’d love some champagne with her
Not all narcissists have trauma. I don't know why it's so hard for people to accept that some people have a serious defect of character and it's innate. I recommend watching and listening to Dr George Simon about this topic.
Thank you for sharing. I'm curious what he says. I've heard people split off because they can't handle the craziness. I've seen that.
Yes, this is very helpful. We scapegoats need to unite to uplift each other!
You're describing of most of my very splintered family here. Generations of it blended with alcohol addiction and hatred. It takes a very strong person to stand against it.
only my faith in EL Shaddai has enabled me to still be here on this earth and escaped from it IJN living in peace now
It certsinly dues. They try to break you in 2.
You spoke for me -- I was the scapegoat in my family -- and it was like you were there with me. You have done great in breaking this dangerous cycle. It has helped me!
It's a wonderful feeling realizing you're not paranoid and that there are tons of people around the world whove been through what youve gone through. I cried at the end. I'm the scapegoat. I also realize that whats happening in my family is generational trauma and just like her I'm determined that this will NEVER be the experience of my children, when I have them.
I’ve read so many of your comments and I feel like we are family. Wishing all my scapegoat brothers and sisters happiness and the feeling of freedom.
Sending you a big hug, sis! 🫂💜
We are family. I’ll meet when are both stars dancing in the sky next to the moon on a very dark night.
I’m a scapegoat, thank you for speaking out so clearly. My Psychopathic Narcissistic mother just died too. They didn’t even write an obituary for her. I’m fixing that. It’s not the eulogy she was expecting. I am writing a clear, honest alert to other family members. And I’m clearing my name in the process.
wow. If you don't mind, please come back and share... love stories of people getting justice and taking back their power.
Why bother?
@@JessicaFletcher-nn5ss Do you mean why bother writing her obit/eulogy? It’s how we process death. Which means life, how we process life.
Oh my goodness. Your story is similar to mine. My mother died one month ago, July 4th. I didn't go to her services which were held two days ago. They wrote an obituary for her but they were so emotionally charged as she was in her last days. She poisoned their minds and they were coming for me for over a month, trying to get me to fly up there and be around all those low vibrational energies. NO THANK YOU, I'm going to the beach 🧘🏽♀🧘🏽♀
@@theevolvingmindset333 I know my family does not like me either. I know that I would not be treated nice at the funeral when that time comes. I believe she plans on giving everything to my sister anyway. The beach sound good to me also.
I can so relate to her watching other people’s family dynamics on American Idol. Things like these always make my heart sink and I ask myself what life could have been with a loving family 😢
It always hurts me to the core seeing mother daughters, father -daughters, family cohesion, all of it. I have a Better Father now IJN . The Absolute Best - El Shaddai
Same. I feel like I was held back so much by being deprived of any support system.
Don't get too caught up in the families on singing shows. They know they're on TV. Of course they will appear supportive. The reality: maybe they are supportive and maybe they are not.
Yes. Our lost potential.😢
For me the real tell tale sign that she was a family scapegoat was the shakiness and insecurity in her voice
Thank you so much, Diane, for standing there, a living embodiment of one who has been scapegoated, showing your wounds, and your brilliance. It was so valuable. Let's all remember: we are not what people say about us.
👏👏🏽👏🏾👏🏿👏🏼👏🏻
Bless you sweetheart, I was the same in my family. It’s soul crushing, but you can heal from these awful family dynamics and create the life you deserve. Hope you have a better life now.
'If the hand that rocks the cradle is not well, you have to say so, because it will just continue...'
Exception talk. So genuine. Straight from the heart .
I'm no one's scapegoat, I'm the one who got away. The one they couldn't break.
Yes me too, cut ties with everyone from the past. New doors open and we are wiser and stronger now
I feel this so so much.
At age 5, I screamed at my mother that I was never getting married or having children because I would never treat my family the way she treated me. I still get mistaken for weak from time to time.
When I figured it out I was already 60. So I added goats to my farm. Luv them so much.
😂❤
I was the escape goat .. that ESCAPED!
unlike most, i was PROUD of it because it meant i wasn't THEM. I didn't/wouldn't conform to them to the family's dynamics of abuse of denial of it all. I ESCAPED from it all at 14 and left them it all behind me
Was ALWAYS PROUD never ashamed for doing saying what's right as a whole and not just what was right for me.
I even reported them to poilice as soon as was old enough, got convictions they were sent to jail, SMASHING the entire family's abusive cycle to pieces
EXTREMELY PROUD OF THAT hated even more by the family now ! Doesn't bother me and never has, in fact, it would bother me more if i 'fitted' into the family & if I was acceptable to the family
Because then I would be the same as them!
Now was ii angry about it OF COURSE I was
But my inner self guided me out of that, showing me it was a BLESSING to be the escape goat
Because it helped me ESCAPE from it all and not repeat it all ❤
This!! All of this!! We CAN fight back and dammit fighting back Is what I did💪🏽the other side is much better!
@kaylabean3693 TRUTH hats off to you 👏 🙌 we didn't become it couldn't conform to it SMASHED IT so others weren't touched by it ... THATS what it's all about ✨️❤️
@@azaleaslight3599Periodt!! We literally took our power back! And I love that so much for us💪🏽💖💖
@@kaylabean3693 I know help others do the same 🙌 once people see the BLESSINGS of not fitting in not conforming to the family dynamics it's a game changer in how they think see feel about themselves, it completely changes the way they see themselves, I love it when I see feel it 'click' inside of them and I know thats it now, it's all they needed was a different perspective about it all about themselves.
From ashamed of themselves to PROUD for being the escape goat of the family 🙌❤️
Thank you. That was very helpful. Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its' path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow. I hope you know YOU are that person.
Thank The Almighty for bringing us back, alive, we'll, and loving from the deserts.
I’m listening to her story and my heart is pounding.
My narc father convinced my mother that I stole her jewelry when she was in the last few months of her life and sick with cancer.
She asked me if I had taken them and I was shocked! I said no and she seemed fine and said maybe she misplaced it.
A few days later she seemed mad at me. I kept asking what’s wrong but she would say nothing.
Apparently he convinced her that I was lying. It hurt me to my core, like she doesn’t even know me even though we had always been close.
Our relationship was never the same. She died without it ever feeling resolved.
My family did not allow me to have any input into her memorial service and pretty much ignored me.
That was several years ago but this video made it feel like it just happened. It still hurts.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sitting here in Madrid on vacation from California and stumbled on your presentation. I am awed by how wonderful you explain the scapegoat.
I said to myself out loud, "This is such a great explanation."
I have never heard it explained so incredibly clear and interesting. 🎉
Wow!
Wow. Very powerful. I too am a scapegoat and I can relate to everything you are saying. How brave of you to come forward and share your truth! You are someone special.
This was my family and me growing up. I understand now why everyone turned on me, even my own mother.
I think that too when I see family that helps and puts them through college and stuff like that. I can’t imagine what that’s like.
Bless you sister. We sense your sincerity bc we too have endured this horrible abuse. Something most outside folk don't seem to understand about this wickedness is this: think about it- what type of "mother" actively tries to get people (anyone who will listen) to hate her own child, her own flesh and blood?? Just sayin'. Thank you so much for shedding light on this highly misunderstood topic.
Yes and people will still shame you for walking away from your mother
I am a scapegoat being alienated and punished for finally saying enough. The tactics used to diminish me and any person who loves me has been so eye opening. The envy, loathing and desire for my demise makes everything clearer. Thank you for speaking up. You are not a thief and neither am I.
Do you have freemasonry in your family ? 👪
My sister was the scapegoat, I stood up for her and spoke the truth one day when I saw what had taken place... Turns out I am now the new scapegoat... Oh well!!! I see it all very clearly now.
Very happy she stepped out to share this valuable understanding of the trauma associated with being the scapegoat. I was this person. Hard and confusing life. Grateful, to God who brought me out of this dark place of worthlessness. Great yalk.
The scariest part is some of this families portray the perfect family image, even members of the family not aware of the dynamics.
I was adopted by one of this families at 11.
I came from a family of alcoholics and my mother was openly violent, cunning and ice heart person. She crushed my soul as a kid.
I took me 15 years or so to discover the family that adopted me where kids in adults bodies. No surprise no one of them knew anything about me.. never asked me or invited me to speak about my childhood. For them I was like a puppet, a person that behaved very well, a talented kid that would stimulate them.. but no one of them knew ANYTHING about my emotions, emotional needs, sadness…
I just had to fit into their nonsense dynamic. Nobody talks about feelings, nobody is honest, just playing the perfect happy ( actually passive aggressive no boundaries ) people.
I’m glad I left at 18. I felt guilty for many years.. no more. I just feel sorry for them but I’m ok, I’m on my own.
Wow, you were so wise to leave at 18
I admire your intellect and strength. I hope you get a happy ending to your story. 💜🫂
I can't believe this only has this many views, thanks for speaking out the truth so many of us live
I finally have stopped offering olive branch… I finally saw my self defeating habit of trying to close the gap between myself and brother and sister. Trying to explain to them that I was not intentional misbehaving toward our mother, the narcissist ring leader. Walking away is necessary for self preservation and overall survival. I’m 71 yo and my mother recently passed away. Unfortunately the mental illness is alive and strong as my siblings continue to carry my mother’s torch so to speak. Thank you for sharing to the larger audience as you’ve spoken for all us “white sheep❣️”my healing took my education and occupation as a licensed mental health counselor. I learned how to help myself by helping others, concurrently. I’ve been free from toxicity and a short return to attend funeral services provided a sharp contrast between living a happy life and remembering what I had suffered from from early childhood to mid life. It’s much like our government now in 2024. The narcissists turn outer reality to shape their inner insanity. Everything in societies is being inverted. Beware and continue to support our large global family from the insanity of collective narcissists.
Thank you. You are brave to speak.
When dad died, I was the scapegoat. Now I am homeless at 71 by my families choice.
I am so very very sorry. I pray God protects you and helps you find a way out of that situation. You deserve peace and happiness. I will pray for you. Sending you love & good wishes for hope and better days ahead. Stay safe and God bless you. 🩵🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🩵
I am 66 and homeless by my sisters withholding my inheritance. You are not alone, be strong. They are the weak and unworthy ones. 🙏
@@thedawn4362that's criminal and so cruel..May the divine assist you. Ask for divine assistance to be helped in a surprising way. Ask deeply and you will receive.❤
@@fifilafleur5555 Thank you very much 🙏🙏🙏
Beautiful!!!
I’m the family scapegoat. I escaped overseas. It got much worse when my mother died, my sister and ex husband colluded to get my children to cut me off.
This happened to me too. My mother and sister colluded with my ex, to alienate me from my children.
Thank you Diane Collins I resonate with all you have said, it has helped me confirm my own experience, since self doubt had been compounded by gaslighting it was hard to confirm my truth. Thank you, I recognise your soft spokeness and profound truth, I see you, you have a true gentle and kind strong soul, thank your true, gentle strength for speaking up, and as your nature is untainted helping others too. You are kind, creative, caring among all that you know who you truly are, and I will remind me of who I am, and all of us will even stronger and freer now, keep on, beautiful souls, love always to you all and love to those who have hurt too, but from a distance! Thank you ♥️
The speaker traces the dynamic back to her homeland of Jamaica. The scapegoat mentality is truly a core generational curse that pervades the complicated experience of caribbean peoples. It severely damages young minds contributing to, along with other factors, one of the highest murder rates in the world.
What a authentic and fantastic Ted talk. I love it, and its so needed. Lots of love and power to all of us truthtellers. 2025 is the year we become the year we come together and rise against the sickness in these people.
❤❤❤
They are so good at training us to be a scapegoat, we don't realize it until they have destroyed everything good about us until we are no one. I have hazel eyes ,but was raised to tell people they are plain brown so I didn't attract any of their attention. My favorite color was chosen for me so not to make my sister unhappy. My own mother would use me.
I hear that for real! 💔💔💔💔
I have very blue eyes and one day a bus driver said to me 'your eyes are such a lovely blue' and my mother literally pushed me out of the way, took off her glasses, thrust her face at the driver and fluttered her eyelashes saying 'she got them from me, look, look' until the driver reluctantly and shocked said 'oh yes, so they are' then she told the story of how the bus driver randomly told her what a pretty blue her eyes were, she was 50 at the time
Dear heart, I never knew I was the scapegoat, isolated and demonised. Now I am 72 with none of the family to repress me, I am jubilant in the knowledge that I am a beloved mother of children who love and respect me. I still cannot fathom the depth of confusion that harnessed me as a scapegoat, but I know it to be true.
Beautifully spoken! Enjoy your true life now. You are free.♥
I dream of this freedom I pray for this outcome when it’s all said and done you are very blessed I’m 25 no kids but I have a lovely dog. Who loves me no boyfriend ( what are they good for lol) but I’m very lonely …. 😢
I cry everyday, the isolation is brutal and so cruel. And I'm ok because I am the strongest and the only one who did seek therapy and growth. This lonely time after the pandemic is hard -most of the people who I did things with are clinging tightly to their families. I never created a family of my own since I didn't want to hand down Trauma and I hardly had enough energy to survive myself. Oldest of 6 in a violent family, I protected my siblings and they turned on me. 4 brothers did. My only sister died of a drug overdose. It's so confusing EVEN though I understand it, my heart never will.
I was a goat but I turned into a tiger 😎
From scapegoat to escaped tiger!!!!🐅
More power to you 👍🏽
I love this comment!
You had to.. 😢
PURR FECT!
Thank you for sharing your story :) Let them think what they want!! They don't define you as a person. You can be your own mum. You are creating your own loving and supportive family!! That little 8 year old living in you is proud of your bravery!!
I was a family scapegoat but cut off contact with entire family. Through healing and research I discovered my purpose, kept seeking better life and I'm definitely feeling better now, 5 years without this agony and abuse. But of course there were times I missed them badly and seeked contact. Happily I withdrew from seeking contact after talking with abuse consultants. I realized that abuse is sth that did really happened in my life from them. My mental health is my priority. Hugs to all scapegoats❤️
❤
Air hugs lol I know it’s abuse I’m in the process of trying to process how they can be okay with hurting someone thy claim to love ? How can they be so arrogant to hurt me and punish me when I finally retaliate ? lol I’ve had enough of blaming myself I’m always to blame and I’m not the only one at fault
This describes my family perfectly. I am the escapegoat.
My aunts were always fighting. One of them was specially sick. My mom was the healthy one and the scapegoat. I envied healthy families ever since I remember, and probably to the grave.
My mother tried, but her mother broke her before I was born to her at 17. Being a scapegoat made me fierce. No lie (no matter how sugarcoated or twisted) will ever change truth. This woman is so beautifully tender. Bless her for standing up and telling the truth.
It does take a strong personality to overcome, I've come to the conclusion that you have to be stronger than them. In my case it truly took a divine will for that power. I'm glad for your victories.
Peace
I wish I could meet you. Your courage and story moved me deeply. I am a scapegoat and am 67 and still in deep pain for what my narc mother and sibs plus extended family continues to do to me.
I wonder at times what Gods plan is for us scapegoats. I have to believe it is something special because of the unfair suffering we have endured.
I feel and have experienced exactly the same, and I am in the same age range as you. Please keep your spirits up, keep moving forward. Do what makes you feel good and happy! Successful healing is in your future (and mine too)❤
Sounds like you need to escape from them. 😮
Thank you for sharing. Your story reminds me of a similarity with mine: My narcissistic mother described how the male children in her family were given different food at table while the girls were left out of having butter, sausage, eggs, etc.,
She certainly scapegoated her “worthlessness” on to me (she married my dad who thought my brother was worthy of UC Berkeley education etc while I was
told to “marry someone rich”), but, by the grace of God I am healing and like you, I pray that my sons receive the same healing and wholeness.
I am my families scapegoat. I’m in my 60’s now and just saw a therapist ( 2 times now). It hurts, what is said about me is not true and the loneliness without family is isolating. It’s very hard.
I understand. Keep going to therapy. Please. I am in my 70s . God Bless
Just know.. they lied on the most high. You gon be ok. Embrace kindness and goodness from small talk and people in your everyday journey! Family is just DNA.
They are not bigger than the cause, the mission.
Tell me about it I’m 25 feeling the loneliness i pray I find a loving family to marry into otherwise I have a long way to go
The shirt. So beautiful. I love that ❤ Scapegoats are always the coolest people.
Goldenchild 🔄 Scapegoat
Sometimes they can be switched around depending on how they make the abuser look
My tribe !!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭❤❤ I thought I was crazy for thinking this. I oscillate between both sides. It drives me crazyyyyy, the confusion it has caused in my life. One minute you're the good kid the next you're the demonically possessed and ungrateful child 😒. It's insane!!
Lateral violence, racism, patriarchy and family violence have a lot correlated to scapegoat behaviour patterns… thank you… fantastic video… has reached a new person ✨⚡️🌦️
If people stayed in their own homelands, the racism card could be left off the table. Constantly comparing yourselves to Whites isn’t healthy. Patriarchy is what builds nations. Men are supposed to lead.
I just realized something after listening to this. I was the family scapegoat growing up. I'm also a Capricorn, the goat. Stubborn and hardworking.
Thank you for presenting this Ted Talk. Great Courage and Healing in this. You are not alone sister
Oh my goodness! This is my family! My mother and her mother “split” the kids by talking terribly about each of us to the others. I think my little sister and I are both scapegoats- all depending on the latest dynamics I’m the family. I’ve gone no contact which is both wonderful and a bit of a curse. I feel a combination of freedom and guilt pulling away from the family- mainly my toxic mother.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It must have been very difficult to be so vulnerable to a live audience like that. You have helped many of us who’ve had the opportunity to hear your story. Bless you in your continued recovery. 🤗
I love how you eloquently describe the disfunction of your family which is transparently identifiable in so many families. I admire your courage to share the information that will liberate others.
Bless you..and thank you..
I am the youngest of 8 children and my mother is a Narcissist. A large so called ‘Christian’ family and I am the scapegoated child. Once again I have been excluded for a family wedding without an explanation. It is soo hurtful but have very limited contact with any of them. My mother is 92 and though she will not be able to abuse anymore I’m dreading the fallout when she passes from my siblings.
Be proud of yourself and do not dim your light for anyone ❤
Me too. Never got an invite from the powerful leaders in the family. I always found out through one sister who would speak to me what was going on re family holidays etc. It was so hurtful. Still hurts. And Im 56.
@@Victoria-gq8gt ❤️
Consider going No Contact and releasing them. Many of our parents operate by Religious Spirits. Petition the Courts of Heaven (Robert Henderson) and seek Deliverance from those Familiar Spirits in your family line.
Wow! You explain the problem so directly and tell your story so vividly. So many will be helped by this talk.
I'm a scapegoat in my family your story is so heartbreaking.
Me 2!! 💔
Love & Blessings.❤❣️🙏
You have precisely described my life. At sixty years old, I am finally coming to the full understanding of the how that has affected all aspects of my life. ❤
You described my entire life😢
I was a scapegoat. My sister was the golden child and could do no wrong.
You just, in such a beautyful way, explained my hidden lifestory. ❤
Let rise togehether and shine out the lies and abuse million of people are affected by.