Yes, my childhood was pretty tough , I haven’t turned out a narcissist. My narcissist had a much better childhood than me, yet he was the narcissist 🤷♀️ He was an alcoholic that’s what confused me. I blamed alcohol for decades as the word narcissist wasn’t around, we weren’t educated. I became very depressed with his behaviour, I went to Dr to Dr it cost him a fortune, he didn’t care, they’d listen to my story. 🤷♀️ Not one Dr mentioned the word narcissist, so they weren’t educated either. Only one in decades said, the wrong person is here. Don’t wait decades like I did, go get a better life, believe me it’s out there. 🙏
I agree 100 percent they choose to follow evil instead of Gods word I have 0 sympathy. For people who knowingly hurt others they will reap what they SOW
Change ur number and delete social media accounts. In the end you will have peace of mind and later you can open your social media again and block them
I agree ! Except when it's your house and they spent all your money - you're not going anywhere or giving up your home for them. Developing a plan for their exit !
Spoiling might be the worst form of abuse because it is so covert. Even our society claims it is good parenting when in fact it creates a narcissist. So now it is not only abuse by the parents but society condones and promotes it as well...how tragic.
I think their are some children that naturally appear happy and content that exhibit emotions rarely. Later that appears as an unawareness for others emotions, because they don’t feel things. They don’t care if others feel shocked at their behaviour, because they can’t relate to feeling like this and I think that is nature not nurture.
I have a son, that is a raging narc. My other son is an empath. They both are now in their forties, living with me. 2 totally different kids. How can I have brought up two different characters? What have I done as a single mum? I am wondering, how this is possible, if a narc is made by horrendous parenting. I think this is not quiet true!
@swissmaid Yes true, could be related to some genes from the family from either the father or the mother...... Maybe since you were a single mother and somehow couldn't manage or understand their development as 2 different individuals and hence the difference......
I have been married to a narcissist for 12 years. I am exhausted. Your videos have given me validation. Your counsel has emboldened my very weakened spirit to FINALLY get a divorce. To my surprise, all my friends, family, and even my pastor completely support me! My God, it’s NOT ME??!! Thank you Kenny. Thank you. We listen to you! Everything you say on this little spoken of topic from BOTH SIDES- is SO TRUE. The constant verbal abuse, the incessant gas lighting, the Jekyll and Hyde mentality- EVERYTHING. These past 12 years have been a consummate drain. I don’t even know who I am- your counsel, and the support of dear friends- are helping climb out of this pit of confusion and find clarity. I am taking accountability for my own deep unhealthy insecurities- as you explained- from childhood and beyond trauma. It’s a journey of self healing and it’s such a RELIEF to be on it!!! FINALLY!!
Thank God, hon. Stay connected, stay strong, FORGIVE, and don’t look back. Definitely, never go back or even engage in conversation with him! Been there.
Did you notice it later on that he was one? I’ve been with my husband for 13 years now and I really just started to really see it the past couple years, I guess I just thought it was him being a jerk but it got worse as time went by and now he’s withholding intimacy and I’m just done.
One of the most powerful things that your teaching has done for me is this: I AM not responsible for who others are. If they are narcissistic, love avoidant, love fearful - they were that way as a child, my behavior (which has been horrible at times) did not MAKE them them unhealthy. I DID not traumatize them. They did not "abandon" me. They were never there. That one piece unburdened me like no other. I needed to know this, and i didn't know I needed to know this.
I've stopped getting intimate with new love interests for this very reason. When the romance and intimacy is premature, I find that I almost always find out they're a narcissist after that. Now, I postpone all of that to get to know the person for who they are and I assess them. Physical Intimacy can wait. For as long as possible. I have to know who I'm dealing with before that can be considered. That way, if they're a narcissist, I will leave with less invested .
@@Bonner901 no amount of money could pay for what these abusive people do to sex workers. they think it's ok since they're paying someone to take their abuse. they're in denial as usual.
1. Everything is about power and control, everything is a game. A pure power dynamic. 2. They're incredibly charming. They need to feel special so they make you special. 3 They constantly talk about themselves, will bulldoze the conversation till it's back on them. 4. You feel crazy all the time. 4.5 They ignore your emotions and feelings, they get bored, they lack that empathy. 5. They don't have friends. 6. They're incredibly sarcastic. 7. They feel entitled to respect and immediate action to meet their demands. 8. They resent others success. 9. They have a Jekyll & Hyde mood. 10. They are hypersensitive. 11. They are massive manipulators. 12. They accuse you of something random. 13. Gaslighting. You make excuses for their behavior How to conquer a narcissist. Give up your soul and become one. How to get away 1. Delete, block and cut the emotional supply 2. Get into reality. You can't change them. They aren't nice. They will never be there for you. 3. Never let your guard down.
Thank you for the main points in one place. So what does it look like to walk away? How does one walk away and not look back. Not go back. Get through the feelings of anxiety and rumination? I feel like o know all this , seen countless videos, read books, memes, but here I am.. stuck. :(
@@candyhumpf6267 Walking away is so liberating as no one controls / blackmail you anymore. To never look back means changing your mindset - you gonna live your life without that person even his memories. when they crossed your mind, stop then think of other things instead.
"Whatever choice you make, you lose with a narcissist." Yep! You are never enough with a narcissist. This is really at the root of a lot of behaviors I am trying to change. I'm tired of the futility of trying to do more, trying to become more efficient in my life to be able accomplish more for them, trying to make them happy at all costs to myself. My narcissist mother trained me through emotional and psychological pain to be compliant to her every demand or be punished harshly. Thank you for your perspective, Kenny. Please keep sharing your wisdom with the world.
I'm sure you are completely sincere and you're right in many things you say, except in saying that all narcissists had a terrible childhood. I've studied this subject for about 3 years. I know a narcissist and grew up with them, I know without a shadow of a doubt that they had a very nurturing, loving childhood, parents who were definately always there for them, in fact it's sometimes that they are the "golden child' in the family, and are given TOO much attention. They crave that this carries on in adulthood, the narcissism starts to reveal itself in adolescence often from being a happy, caring child. I have witnessed this first hand. Apart from these factors, your words are very perceptive and true about narcissists.
My 1st hubby had an excellent childhood, too. He was never traumatized in any way. I have no idea how he came to be the way he is, except that he enjoys power. 🤷
Yes i agree with you. My belief is that something so signuficant and traumatic happened to a child in their developmental stage and immature ability to perhaps deal with gets tge person stuck. I know of 2 men and i would think for both of tgem loosing their mothers at a very significant age/stage in life may have caused it. The abandonment feeling could have happened and their inability to verbalise this grief could have got these 2 people stuck. I also dont agree that they are all charming but their nacissism is usually or often displayed behind closes doors yo people closest to them. The problem is the trauma happens early and the narcissism only is displayed many years later. It is very sad and the worst part is that by the time the coping behaviour has neen learnt there is no way to undo it..
@@kennyweiss you're welcome Kenny...I need to watch your 7 ways video...I'm trying to heal and solve my own problems with the reason I am attracted to narcissistic women. Just divorced my ex and I realized I was targeted big time...its hitting me hard.
@@Fishingfanatic88 I have been there with two ex-narcissists myself. That is a good video to watch but in all honesty if you really want to heal and recover you’re going to have to sign up for my online masterclass, The complete emotional mastery method. You’ll never accomplish the healing just by watching a video here and there and trying to do it piecemeal. It requires an investment and desire to heal our heart. The only way to accomplish that is by starting at square one and working the whole process from beginning to end. If we’re not doing that then we’re just holding on to the past, still wanting to stay the victim and getting ready to be ready When we’re past that with desperation and hunger we will do anything to discover how to live in truth and full potential. When you arrive at that desperation and hunger, click this link and it will show you exactly how to achieve it. thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-emotional-mastery-method
So, once you pretty much ID somebody as a text book narcissist there's no use in trying to have a relationship with them even if they are family. It's not my way but for my sanity. I haven't had a lick of anxiety since my sister disguarded me. I use to have it every day. Guess that discard was a gift.
100 million percent spot on. You're telling my story of what I dealt with with my ex husband. The last straw was 2 weeks after our 4 year wedding anniversary, he went on a yelling rant that lasted THREE. FREAKING. DAYS. It was SO much more draining than his normal nightly ranting. I did EVERYTHING wrong, he never had his needs met, I'm not the person he met, he didn't care about my narcolepsy issue and always expected me to be awake and keep him entertained. Ugh, it was never good enough. He was threatening to drive my car off a cliff and kill himself (possibly me as well). By the 4th morning, Tuesday, I filed for a Protection order to get him away from me and out of my house. It was SO relieving. I already mourned our marriage within the 1st year. I tried making it work, I remember when I first realized something was wrong- during the 2nd week of marriage. He flipped out over me folding clothes. It never stopped and it got worse. I'm done. I'm glad its almost over. He's dragging the divorce out to over a year. We have no kids, no assets, this should have been done well before July 2021. Thanks for your videos, it's completely relatable. I'm sorry you went through this as well.
Absolutely heartbreaking. I’m really sad to hear you experienced all of that but incredibly happy that you are now safe and free. I’m happy that the videos are a help to you in your journey to recover😁
My now gone narc was my hairdresser/friend/running buddy. I'm married 47 years, but hubby likes to 'couch potato'. Me and my now gone narc went to any and all kinds of exotic restaurants all the time. That was one of her attractions. And yes, she was charming and witty, until she wasn't.
I can see how people might feel that way about cats if they've never had one but anyone whose had a cat as a pet knows that's not true at all. It's just that cats are different from dogs. Dogs are pack animals and cats are independent. When a cat knows you and trusts you it's a deeper relationship. My cat always protects me when I'm sad or upset and sits in my lap to comfort me if I'm having a disagreement with a family member. But your videos have been tremendously helpful with narcissists! Thank you so much!
I had a tragic childhood. I was sexually molested for 8 years by a family member. My mother abandoned me and my grandmother raised me. She was very abusive and didn't want me around. I never knew my father. I married a narcissist at age 17 and stayed married for 38 years. However, I turned out to be an empath, not a narcissist.
You can't keep on the watch to make them "behave" all the time. Their abusive behavior will resume without a hitch. You will be left wondering what happened again.
Hi Kenny, I’d like to hear more signs of a Covert Narcissist’s traits. My husband is more subtle. It seems you were married to a malignant malicious Narcissist. So sorry about that. It’s good that you moved on, and you progressed. Most important, you have peace of mind. Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge.
The reason I picked a narcissist is because I was raised by a narcissist and I didn't choose to be a narcissist, even though by upbringing was not all flowers and butterflies. I was taught that I don't deserve compassion, only the other person deserves all compassion. People, who end up with narcissists already suffer from feelings of guilt and disproportional compassion. So, I don't think it is healthy to teach us that we have to be compassionate towards narcissist. That is what keeps us stuck in those relationships in the first place
This is my bf. I’m finally coming to the conclusion that I will never get anything from this relationship. It’s all about him. And the shouting is getting worse. He cannot even converse with me. His one liner- use your head! Very hurtful. I need to get out. I’m not even happy .
@@mumew86 unfortunately no. This life is a mess. I guess it’s the trauma bond. I leave , I return. I don’t wish this on anyone. I do feel like I’m getting close too being able to .
@@candyhumpf6267 I’m so sorry to hear that and I wish you all the strength you need to be free. I’m a year down the line and he left me over Christmas and didn’t return when he said he would on New Year’s Eve. I’ve now blocked him and I don’t know when he’s back in the country. I’m hoping this space will give me the strength I need to say goodbye for good. I still don’t fully trust myself to do it though even after everything he put me through this holiday. I’m also a mess and anxious and depressed constantly. If you want to talk then I’m here x
@@mumew86 aww sorry to hear that. It’s so difficult isn’t it?? I agree. I’d think the way he treats me would be enough to walk. But here I am. I’m working on the why . The things in my child hood that are wounded .
At 50 years old I saw the pattern and knew for certain it was me! I was drawing them in. Been doing years of work on myself, therapy, intense trauma therapy, hypnosis, affirmations, etc. I grew up up in horrible abusive home with sociopathic parents and older sister. I cut all contact with them, cut contact with toxic exes, toxic friends and even toxic emplorer. I isolate and only let very few trusted into my world. It will take me a lifetime to heal from this. But it is true, I was picking them so I have ownership in it. Granted the later ones were extremely covert, there were still some red flags I overlooked. Now I know and cycle will be forever broken. Kenny I'm going to buy your book, you definitely know what your talking about.
I love that you speak to how we need to focus on ourselves! That is the best way to heal and gain peace. Early in my divorce a therapist said to me that my children deserve to have one healthy parent, and I cannot count on the other one doing it. Thank you for the work you do and sharing all the realness of how we contributed in the narcissistic relationship.
I was with a narcissist for a long time. It was really hard to get out of the relationship. This video makes a lot of sense. I remember one time i planned a special date for her. I had the whole afternoon planned out. When i picked her up and told her what we were doing she replied, “oh i really don’t want to do that.” Inside that really crushed me. After 6 years of it I finally mustard up enough courage’s to get out. It was not easy. A lot of life lessons. And I’ve been focusing on myself, pursuing excellence. Dating is now the last priority on my list.
Yea they are sooo mean and hurt full.. My family is just that.. They don't care.. I'm sooo done with them! 😑.. Gud ur out of the toxic relationship.. 🙏
Problem is they force you to a point where your pleasing in nature to keep them happy. The way to beat them is look at what you done & if that’s not good enough, change and just cancel what you planned and never do it again.
Whao....Exact same experience! Amazing!!! They have no proper friendships.....cat-like, looking for trouble by say hitting first, berating, evilness for joy for them....never an admission from them...jekyll & hyde mode...unbelievable testimony!
No one can make anyone to be anything, it's simply a matter of how one deals with their past trauma ! People know when they are hurting others, and themselves. Some people just enjoy taking control of others to feel important and or need ! The only person one needs, is themselve. Be kind to yourself. Good luck to all
So if it's not their fault and they didn't create this in themselves and you admit it's sad what happened to them, then why is cutting them off the best options. Unless you're a selfish pos who only cares about themselves then why not help them? You make no sense. You say they only care what's best for them but yet in other videos you say we should put ourselves first. I personally think you have problems yourself as well.
What is really difficult for me is my mom being the narcissist in my life. And finally starting to heal from that through therapy. I appreciate your videos so much too. Getting educated about these things is important. I never had a name for her behavior before. I grew up thinking everything was my fault. My therapist also used the word parentalized which I had never heard of before. So onward with my healing journey. Getting better day by day!☺️🌻♥️
Thanks Kenny, great content, my narc would hide important belongings, my driver's licence, my passport, she was the CFO of my business and controlled the financial aspects. Asking to see the access details and what accounts were where (different financial institutions) became very terse. At one time when she was complaining about being overwhelmed with all the financial stuff I said "ok I'll do it" let's sit down at the computer and you can show me what to do, give me All the passwords and pin numbers. The response was " Hey, I'm just venting, don't take it personally, I'm just feeling a bit tired" it's ok I'll do it, red flags guys, the financial statements should be transparent, don't be afraid to ask ❤.
I absolutely hold my hand up to attracting the narcissist I lived with. I was a divorcee who’s marriage ended suddenly. Yep, my ex husband was a narc too who discarded me so when I met my last partner I was grateful for the love bombing! You can’t make this up! I went within and healed and I’m still avoiding being hoovered by my last partner. I’ve learned self love and learned to be independent and I’m just doing me now 😊
But, Kenny, when you talk about catching yourself in certain behaviors, you’re so cute as you’re telling on yourself! 🤭 People get so hung up on defending or excusing their (often hurtful) behaviors, they don’t realize that they’re far more attractive they are when they admit and apologize (IF they’re capable.) Great insight… THANK YOU!
Mind-blowing… until today I’ve been feeling guilty for blocking them because I wasn’t able to regulate my severe anxiety (caused by the relationship) without it. Now I know the role I played in the whole dynamic, and I am so glad I cut contact. Is this a pattern we can heal from on our own?
Your descriptions were spot on. I've been dealing with a family member who is like this for years and I never understood why they acted this way. I always thought they would grow out of it but here we are years later and they haven't changed at all. When we were young (both about the same age) I thought it was just quirky annoying behavior, but now both of us in our 50s and they are exactly the same. Because I have grown and evolved and no longer want this in my life our relationship has strained to the point of no contact. Sad.
Absolutely true, I stopped responding no matter what he says and does, really tired of being used and abused in every way, really working hard trying to heal, he is no husband but a slandering abusing lying leach
I have known someone high on the narcissistic spectrum for almost 40 years. Their mask dropped more and more as they aged. However, they certainly did not have a horrible childhood. They went through two traumatic health things as a baby, however, and that might have done it. Although, as a mother, I know our children have personalities when they come in, and everyone has a choice in how they will behave. So, putting it all on bad parenting doesn't seem accurate. Also, not all those high on that spectrum are communicators. They don't say nice words or talk non-stop. They might only become critical when you try to get close to them or communicate about something hurtful they said -- as they are ultra-sensitive to criticism -- even if constructive. Some can spin things without hardly any words. I have enjoyed some of your videos, but as someone with that long experience -- in my family also, 14 years of research, plus a significant emphasis in psych in college, I hope my comments help someone. So many generalizations on this topic are now made from people's personal experiences.
Thank you sir💜 Im slowly planning my exit. My kids are going to stay with their grandma. I told my husband they're going bc they dont appreciate how hard he works to provide a good life for us which is all my fault. He was glowing and smirking..I continued to apologize and said I just want to be a better wife and mom. Another month of this and I can disappear from this craziness😉
A lot of this is what I dealt with with my soon to be ex-wife. I have said many of the same things you mentioned in this video over time. It is painful to think this is the life she will continue to live and a major example my kids will see growing up.
I absolutely get so much satisfaction from the truth and accuracy you share. 💯!!!!!! The first thing you said that all they care about is Power and control......holy shit I finally realized this and it hurt so much, but it's freeing too. Thank you soooooh much for all you bring to the world.
You are very welcome Heather. 😁. If you’re looking for resources to heal I would offer my online magazine. It is filled with articles, videos, book recommendations, free exercises to download to help you. It’s a great free resource for healing. Also, you’ll find information on my private coaching, my masterclasses and my private group. Here is the link if you’re interested www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
OMG! The roulette wheel!! Great analogy! They totally have double standards - they expect you to jump to help them 24/7 but won't lift a finger to help you - ever! They only befriend people they can get something from.
Recently started watching your videos and it blows my mind how spot on you are. Also I have alot of trouble concentrating and completing task at home and I'm able to work on things while listening to you. It's like I'm constantly processing what you're talking about and I dont even realize what I'm doing. I would love to hear your view on ADD ADHD. I have alot of symptoms of it but I also know this is probably caused by trauma, very curious about your take on it. Thankyou so much for wjat you do.
Yes both are caused by childhood trauma just look at the names. Attention deficit. These are children who did not get proper attunement and so they felt severe fear as children and that’s why their brains run 1,000,000 miles an hour they are experiencing an overload of the fear circuit.
Here's my take on this as someone sorting out multiple issues. ADHD is the result of impaired frontal lobe performance. While it's thought to be caused by either/or genetics or trauma, the trauma occurs in utero by things like heavy exposure to cigarette smoke. The impairment results in poor executive function and impulse control. Anxiety and depression can cause similar problems. Untreated ADHD causes a person not to trust their own judgement. This is appropriate for self preservation but also makes us VERY susceptible to gaslighting. Pursue the ADHD first - you need to understand how your mind works before you can do anything else. If you aren't ready to that in the real world, take a look at How to ADHD on TH-cam as a starting point.
I have been in and am currently in relatoinships with narcissists. I recognize all of the traits and behaviours that you have described. I have been in therapy in years and all of the wounds and pain you shared are a huge help. I am better prepared to take less bullshit. THX
Wow I just Luv yr videos I was out of my enmeshment from my Covert narc mom after 41 years and I really needed your life experiences they are making me feel much better to look at myself.Why I did what I did..Thanks so much we are all ears ...Thanks for all the sharings..
OMG Kenny, I just discovered you and you already blew my mind. I was exactly in the same position as you were, and you made me aware that I have some trauma to heal. I'm totally on board with you. One of these days I hope you decide to make some videos to help parents (in the process to heal trauma) to rise their children in the best way possible, with the do's and don'ts. I have an 8 yo kid.
Hi Angie I’m so happy that you feel like you have found solutions that can help you. In many of my videos I talk about parenting and I have a chapter on it in my book as well. In general the single greatest thing we can do for our child is to make our personal recovery from our trauma the single most important thing we pursue. That’s because our children become our emotional condition. Sadly, most parents ignore their own healing and think their child is the problem who needs the help. The fact of the matter is as soon as the parent begins their recovery their child settles down and becomes much more moderate. If you’d like to learn more about all the different ways I help whether it’s my book my classes my groups… Here’s a link to my website with direct links to all the different options to help you on your journey to heal😁 kennyweiss.net/
Hello Ken, it’s great to hear from a professional who had a first hand experience with a Narc. My wife is a toxic Narc, I can never have heart to heart conversation with her every thing u mentioned applies to her. I hate life with her but I love my kids and leaving her can be devastating on them plus the financial aspect of getting rid of her is horrible for me. I feel like I am in prison. If I was single I be long gone, thanks for your videos, I am learning something.
As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, I will tell you I wish my dad had gotten out of the marriage. My mother isolated me and my dad from his family, vilifying them all my life. On my dad's deathbed, he asked me to contact his last remaining sister. I did, and I found out she is NOT the evil witch my mother always claimed. :( I helped her to visit him before he died, and my mother was FURIOUS. She restricted my ability to talk to my dad in the months before he died. I will never forgive her for this. The only good thing to come of it, is I am now friends with my dad's sister. And I am no contact with my mother, who was also trying to isolate me from my husband, and wanted me to give her control over my bank account. My dad only escaped codependency with death January 27, 2024. I hope my story encourages others to LEAVE while you can. Don't let death be your only "out." :(
Looks like I have another video to watch. 😉. I can only speak for myself, but I believe you are accomplishing what you’ve set out to do. This is such a great help.
The worst part is that a narcissist will never apologize. I have been with him for 4 years and he never even showed up at the hospital for my surgery. But never apologized. But if I hurt his fragile feelings (let’s say I got a little disengaged while he was talking for hours about his work) he will shut off and stop talking to you until you apologize (possibly multiple times). And for people like me it is absolutely soul crushing. I constantly feel guilty. And guilt eats me faster than even pain of his actions.
Mr. Weiss you have helped me in so many ways to really look at myself and be made whole, healed and free. I also forgave the Narcissist and myself.🙆♀️
I've learned and become aware that the reason we stay in any situation or with any person that is destructive to us is because we're trying to use them to meet some energy need in us. Usually a sense of security or sense of significance or worth that we believe can only come from them or granted by them. This happens all the time in parent/child dynamics where we believe our parents are the determiners of our value and worth. They're not.
Brilliant, thank you, it makes so much sense: my sister-in-law. Boom, yes!! Thank you for your candour, your openness, your sound explanation of narcissism and your solutions. It is invaluable advice that you are giving, and I'm sending the link to the few people in my life who are at the damaging mercy of a narcissist. Again thank you Kenny, this is really and truly the best piece of info on the subject.
Oh my goodness this is an eye an opener. I have been living with a narcissist for 20 years. I feel like I'm drowning and stuck in the mire. I keep saying I need to get out of this crazy relationship. I have terrible health issues, I'm trying to figure out how I do this and fix myself as well.
I’m sad to hear life has been such a struggle. My videos give you lots of help to get out and start the healing process. Also if you go to my free online magazine so there are even more solutions to help you with all of this. Here is the link www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
Don’t feel bad…I’ve been in this situation for 50 yrs this coming July 2024! Now since I’ve learned all this stuff about narcissism I know I can leave and I am going to live with my son and his family who I care for and they care for me! It’s a matter of doing it secretly I’m told.
@@tidycoat Yes M'am that is exactly how you have to do it is in secret. If he travels or takes a guy vacation like a fishing trip or golf trip that is when you evacuate. I know because that is how I had to do it. I prepared ahead if time with a moving company and explained my situation and asked if they could come at a moments notice which they accomodated me. I pray you can exit safe with your children by your side. The Lord protect you and guide you as you prepare to leave as He did me. Praying for safety and peace over you, God be with you.
Oh thank you very much for beeing so encouraging and so honest about yourself, your journey- I just cried while listening thinking about me becoming a narcissist because of my childhood pain, which I couldn't fully feel and therefore couldn't express for myself and couldn't release fully yet- luckily I became a bit more aware of my childhood trauma and the compensation I choose for not becoming aware and not feel the grief inside of me. So I felt so relieved and connected with myself immediately, because I used to speak a lot about this topic with others not realizing that I avoid to feel the pain of not beeing heard and understood by my parents. So again thank you very much indeed for your encouraging way beeing yourself and beeing compassionate towards yourself. God bless you on your journey. With warm and sisterly greetings from Berlin.☮️🙏
23 years 18 years married to my husband narcissist. You are spot on to everything. Everything is always my fault he flips it every time. Thinks he is entitled to sex daily I’m 51 going through menopause so I don’t have that desire anymore. So we argue it hurts him that I don’t desire him anymore. Like I can switch it on but he can’t switch his off. Yep rage like a little kid pitching a fit. He told me he put a gun in his mouth 3 times in past 6 months. I told him that was selfish not thinking about our kids. That is the easy way out he got mad at me for that. The past year has been bad up and down. Arguing I need to fix my damage. I’m learning thank you. I can’t get him to leave me always says we just need to work it out but he can’t change always repeating same stuff. Empath I am to kindhearted yep he gets mad at me cause I’m sorry to much. Yep always questioning myself. You are so good I can’t relate to you so much. Thank you so much for sharing. I can’t be like him ever I love my kids to much. 2020 spiritual awakening I waited for 2 years and nothing for him. It’s sad he can’t be fixed cause he has no problems in his eyes his family is clueless of everything. Yep he told me if I divorce him it will be hell for me. We have a 20 year daughter 10 year son. Protect my kids and self is what my Holy Spirit told me in 2020. I’m learning it’s hard and sad. Thank you ❤
No kids together but almost exactly the same, me starting menopause, he wants sex daily, if I dare say no I get silent treatment and accused of "someone else", been almost 4 yrs, I cant leave, it's my family's house, I cant get him to go😕
@@fingerlakespreppergrl I understand mine will not leave. I have no where to go unless I want to move in with my oldest son before our marriage. I’m not leaving everything I worked for in 23 years too. My narcissistic Hybrid husband and his family all blind to what is really happening. Hybrid they have more of the reptile genes. We all are mixed but they are the ones are selfish ego driving their reality. Money is everything to them. No spiritual connection. Just live and don’t worry about anything but self. Praying for us all. Empaths get attacked to them thinking we can fix them but we can’t fix someone that doesn’t see a problem with self just reflect it back to us. Always our fault we are a mirror of what they see in themselves. I believe this is why they argue and feed off our feelings emotions cause they don’t have any of their own. No empathy I know it’s hard. Don’t give up raise your vibrations up daily it bothers them that we can do this and makes them feel uncomfortable around us. Praying it drives them away. Love and light to you cause we are not from this world like the Bible tells us. ❤️
Kenny I’m so sorry you went through that. It sounds identical to my ex. The constant berating which after awhile in my case it led to fighting and by five months into the relationship I was constantly feeling sick to my stomach anytime he wanted to “talk” because of “something” horrible I had done and I was an evil arrogant selfish person, when literally I had done nothing but exist and try to make him happy😅💀 My ex also turned out to be a sociopath with an extensive criminal record, and I saw him punch his tiny dog in the face. It was truly awful. I’m so glad you could escape and educate and empower yourself to get healing from that abuse. It breaks you down bit by bit until you feel dead inside. BUT WE CAN HEAL ❤ GOD bless you and all your endeavors to help others 😇💛 Thanks for the guidance.
I was in a relationship, a few years ago now, with a man that would yell at me over almost nothing/keep me in an argument for many hours...that really was 'crazy- time'...praise God im not there any more & thanx for the reminder of how far i've come...praise God 😊🎉❤
i 100% went throught the same thing you went through, i eventually after 28 years said i need a break from her control and to relax (reset) for the fourth time and mentioned i will act like her also she can be accountable for herself. poof im called the narcissist. darkest time of my life. 4 years later after the textbook discard ive gotten back to being more like myself just educated. awsome video, thank you
My ex was sexually abused by his Dad and abandoned by his Mom…there is no way a person can end up normal.😢 It breaks my heart, but I can’t deal with his abuse. I wish he’d seek therapy but he’s will not even talk about it. You know you are with a narcissist if you live in chaos. Cars are just introverts.❤❤😂 Narcissists are such toddlers, the manipulation they do is insane.
I went through a childhood like you described, but I knew it had to stop when I was pregnant with my daughter and that's what I did and my daughter is a narcissist and she had a charmed childhood with great parents who love her and let her know it but I was traumatized and I became super nice and kind and empathetic. I've now dated a narcissist 7 months after my husband passed and it's been so bad and I'm still trying to get away from the traits he has because he'd cheat and lie all the time then lie more and twist words and his reality was so messed up and he would deny everything even when I had the proof and he even said he couldn't support me emotionally. I had only the expectation that he'd be faithful and he raged and was verbally abusiive. Listening to these videos have helped me a lot so thank you and that is him to a the letter. He wants me around as a friend when he wants me around and he called me retarded and it shocked me the first time and he told his female friends all kinds of terrible things about me which weren't true and what was halfway true was because he forgot to tell them about his rages which you never know what his triggers are and he also won't own anything that he does and he refuses to talk about it. I'd become someone I didn't like and I've had to work on myself with the help of God and now I don't let him get to me and I broke up with him and he insisted we stay friends but I don't let him get to me and you've described him perfectly. Thank you so much.
Mine would make up crazy stories and accuse me of random crazy things. He said one time on a FaceTime call that he saw a man in my apartment meanwhile I was home alone. Other times he accused me of stealing from him meanwhile he had no money on him and he was out of work. He also threatened countless times that if I did anything to him that he would call the cops on me and they believe anything he said. He had me afraid all the time and some part I felt he was EVIL to his core.. The last straw was he had a women call me and threaten to beat me up break my jaw and slash my face because I told him I didn’t want to date him and that I couldn’t take all his lying. I blocked and deleted him and all my social media and it was worth it.. I have peace now
This is honestly such an awesome video, Kenny! I was in a relationship not too long ago. I'm younger (19), and the girl I was with, she is a great person. She genuinely has a kind and loving heart, but I felt a lot of the same ways. I felt like I was always doing everything wrong. She'd do something wrong to me and I'd talk to her about what she did or might have done wrong, how she could have done it differently, and told her it was okay, that we all make mistakes, and that we all mess up sometimes. If I made a mistake towards her or did something wrong to her, it was always like she was very passive aggressive, and would say it's okay, but she would keep on pressing the issue, and subtly bringing up what was actually bothering her, even though she said it wasn't a big deal and that it was okay. I always wanted her to tell me when I was doing something wrong, or when she was feeling down, because I wanted to try and help her or work on fixing what I was doing wrong. She had a super rough childhood, and I moved out of my house because I wanted to get her away from her homelife. I truly wanted to help, but I slowly began to realize I couldn't give her the help she needed. I would tell her in a loving and caring way, such as "I believe you've got some family trauma that needs to be addressed, and I believe you need to see a therapist or a counselor." And she'd normally get pretty upset, and a few times very angry at me over it. She'd tell me that it's a waste of time, that she's tried it before, and this and this. I wanted to take time away and try to fix myself, because I thought a lot of my issues were affecting our relationship. Depression, anxiety, lack of self esteem, etc. The moment I talked about taking time to recap everything and that the relationship has been toxic and I'd like to take time and better myself for the benefit of us, then I'm a bad person, I caused her all this pain, and this and that, and that I can find someone better. I even tried cheering her up when we were going through all of that by telling her she's got a bright future ahead of her, and that shes going to do great things, but she wanted me to stop texting, because my cheery mood wasn't helping her. I honestly am not sure what she has going on mentally right now, but I hope whatever it is, I just hope I didn't add to it. I hope I gave her a better life and got her away from her extremely toxic homelife. Thank you, Kenny for this eye opening video!
It is definitely of value to me. What you are speaking about it is my husband. I’m so ashamed of what his demands were of me that I would cry reading them. Everything was always sent by text because he could never confront me face to face. It’s awful dealing with someone like this. I’m mentally drained.
Awesome information and so open & honest. My daughter is in one of these situations and I pray she will watch these videos and I hope she finds her way out. Thank you. Feel free to share away! It’s even helpful for the people on the fringes of these relationships.❤
My husband divorced me after 45 YEARS, that's basically,my entire life. This podcast is helpful, to understand, how a strong woman is pulled into the narcissist for Soo long! NOTHING was good enough for him. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde!!! Talk about a whirlwind of hurt, emotionally abusive,and verbal.
@ Oh my goodness this is an eye an opener. I have been living with a narcissist for 23 years. I feel like I'm drowning and I have terrible health issues, I'm trying to figure out how I do this and fix myself as well.
Kenny Weiss knows everything about narcissistic/after 40 years my narcissist sister took over my life and now a guy took her places/I don’t know what to do!
I found that my ex has no long term friends actually hardly any friends at all, i always felt I was never enough , at the beginning he told me he struggles with empathy and being honest and I didn’t really look much in to it at the time as I was in love with him or so I thought and I felt o was going crazy with the first discard, the second and the third but I ended it this time no contact and I miss him but I know I miss what I thought we had , I thought I could fix him and I thought I was the toxic one for so long still do sometimes, he rarely complimented me apart from at the beginning and the sex was amazing now I look back there was no real connection he never looked me in the eye
My mum was in hospital and I went to see he had another woman in our bed all weekend and didn’t even ask me how my mum was no message phone call all weekend
omg. I just had enough of the gaslighting. This man always said I was the one who started tge arguments. I am sick if that feeling. Had enough of that nonsense .I like peace. But has enough of gaslighting. Went block block block no contact. Found my peace again
If they are a narcissist and the relationship becomes toxic it’s time to spend your time elsewhere with healthier people. Set the boundary and let the narcissist know that you don’t have to put up with the behaviour and won’t. The hard part is you have to be prepared to follow through. If you do you will come out the other side stronger and in a healthier happier place. It’s not your place to work on their issues it’s your job to close the boundary door and say No to the bad behaviour and get yourself to a healthy happier place.
I’m aware that a narcissists had a traumatic childhood. I do believe that no person has an excuse to mistreat a person.
Bad childhood is no excuse for bad behavior. You always have a choice.
🎯🎯🎯🎯 they know what they do!
Yes, my childhood was pretty tough , I haven’t turned out a narcissist. My narcissist had a much better childhood than me, yet he was the narcissist 🤷♀️ He was an alcoholic that’s what confused me. I blamed alcohol for decades as the word narcissist wasn’t around, we weren’t educated. I became very depressed with his behaviour, I went to Dr to Dr it cost him a fortune, he didn’t care, they’d listen to my story. 🤷♀️ Not one Dr mentioned the word narcissist, so they weren’t educated either. Only one in decades said, the wrong person is here. Don’t wait decades like I did, go get a better life, believe me it’s out there. 🙏
@@zoraidita2022100 %, and their comfortable with it. They like to see you squirm.
I agree 100 percent they choose to follow evil instead of Gods word I have 0 sympathy. For people who knowingly hurt others they will reap what they SOW
Facts! My childhood wasn’t so great but I’m not a narc! I got used by one big time!!!!
You're not always drawn to a narcissist or vice versa, sometimes you are born in that family.
If you are with a narcissist, plan secretly and RUN!
Change ur number and delete social media accounts. In the end you will have peace of mind and later you can open your social media again and block them
I agree ! Except when it's your house and they spent all your money - you're not going anywhere or giving up your home for them. Developing a plan for their exit !
Oh wow. I made excuses for bad behavior all my life. Now I know why. My shame. I tried to reduce my shame. Thank you
@@naturalist369Show them the door! 🚪
Yes 100% true
Not every narcist had a bad childhood
Often they were spioled
Spoiling might be the worst form of abuse because it is so covert. Even our society claims it is good parenting when in fact it creates a narcissist. So now it is not only abuse by the parents but society condones and promotes it as well...how tragic.
Funny my mother's favorite son, the golden child who she spoiled and praised for years, turned out to be a raging alcoholic narcissist
I think their are some children that naturally appear happy and content that exhibit emotions rarely. Later that appears as an unawareness for others emotions, because they don’t feel things. They don’t care if others feel shocked at their behaviour, because they can’t relate to feeling like this and I think that is nature not nurture.
I have a son, that is a raging narc. My other son is an empath. They both are now in their forties, living with me. 2 totally different kids. How can I have brought up two different characters?
What have I done as a single mum? I am wondering, how this is possible, if a narc is made by horrendous parenting. I think this is not quiet true!
@swissmaid
Yes true, could be related to some genes from the family from either the father or the mother......
Maybe since you were a single mother and somehow couldn't manage or understand their development as 2 different individuals and hence the difference......
I have been married to a narcissist for 12 years. I am exhausted. Your videos have given me validation. Your counsel has emboldened my very weakened spirit to FINALLY get a divorce. To my surprise, all my friends, family, and even my pastor completely support me! My God, it’s NOT ME??!! Thank you Kenny. Thank you. We listen to you! Everything you say on this little spoken of topic from BOTH SIDES- is SO TRUE. The constant verbal abuse, the incessant gas lighting, the Jekyll and Hyde mentality- EVERYTHING. These past 12 years have been a consummate drain. I don’t even know who I am- your counsel, and the support of dear friends- are helping climb out of this pit of confusion and find clarity. I am taking accountability for my own deep unhealthy insecurities- as you explained- from childhood and beyond trauma. It’s a journey of self healing and it’s such a RELIEF to be on it!!! FINALLY!!
Thank God, hon. Stay connected, stay strong, FORGIVE, and don’t look back. Definitely, never go back or even engage in conversation with him! Been there.
I left after 27 years
Did you notice it later on that he was one? I’ve been with my husband for 13 years now and I really just started to really see it the past couple years, I guess I just thought it was him being a jerk but it got worse as time went by and now he’s withholding intimacy and I’m just done.
One of the most powerful things that your teaching has done for me is this: I AM not responsible for who others are. If they are narcissistic, love avoidant, love fearful - they were that way as a child, my behavior (which has been horrible at times) did not MAKE them them unhealthy. I DID not traumatize them. They did not "abandon" me. They were never there. That one piece unburdened me like no other. I needed to know this, and i didn't know I needed to know this.
I've stopped getting intimate with new love interests for this very reason. When the romance and intimacy is premature, I find that I almost always find out they're a narcissist after that. Now, I postpone all of that to get to know the person for who they are and I assess them. Physical Intimacy can wait. For as long as possible. I have to know who I'm dealing with before that can be considered. That way, if they're a narcissist, I will leave with less invested .
smart!
So true.. I'm done too with all these shitty people.. I have narc parents 😑😏 and I apply the same logic as urs to all the narc so called relationship!
They are slick they will wait and in the meantime by prostitutes. This is what happened to me. Just blew my mind
@@Bonner901 no amount of money could pay for what these abusive people do to sex workers. they think it's ok since they're paying someone to take their abuse. they're in denial as usual.
I think you have the right idea. You will get berated for not wanting sex which is a good way for you to know to move on.
1. Everything is about power and control, everything is a game. A pure power dynamic.
2. They're incredibly charming. They need to feel special so they make you special.
3 They constantly talk about themselves, will bulldoze the conversation till it's back on them.
4. You feel crazy all the time.
4.5 They ignore your emotions and feelings, they get bored, they lack that empathy.
5. They don't have friends.
6. They're incredibly sarcastic.
7. They feel entitled to respect and immediate action to meet their demands.
8. They resent others success.
9. They have a Jekyll & Hyde mood.
10. They are hypersensitive.
11. They are massive manipulators.
12. They accuse you of something random.
13. Gaslighting.
You make excuses for their behavior
How to conquer a narcissist. Give up your soul and become one.
How to get away
1. Delete, block and cut the emotional supply
2. Get into reality. You can't change them. They aren't nice. They will never be there for you.
3. Never let your guard down.
Thank you 🤗
thank you for listing these. I will refer back to them from time to time I know.
Thank you for the main points in one place. So what does it look like to walk away? How does one walk away and not look back. Not go back. Get through the feelings of anxiety and rumination? I feel like o know all this , seen countless videos, read books, memes, but here I am.. stuck. :(
@@candyhumpf6267 Walking away is so liberating as no one controls / blackmail you anymore. To never look back means changing your mindset - you gonna live your life without that person even his memories. when they crossed your mind, stop then think of other things instead.
@@candyhumpf6267 Start making plans very discreetly. Organise your possessions and finances.
"Whatever choice you make, you lose with a narcissist." Yep! You are never enough with a narcissist. This is really at the root of a lot of behaviors I am trying to change. I'm tired of the futility of trying to do more, trying to become more efficient in my life to be able accomplish more for them, trying to make them happy at all costs to myself. My narcissist mother trained me through emotional and psychological pain to be compliant to her every demand or be punished harshly. Thank you for your perspective, Kenny. Please keep sharing your wisdom with the world.
You're welcome! :)
I'm sure you are completely sincere and you're right in many things you say, except in saying that all narcissists had a terrible childhood.
I've studied this subject for about 3 years. I know a narcissist and grew up with them, I know without a shadow of a doubt that they had a very nurturing, loving childhood, parents who were definately always there for them, in fact it's sometimes that they are the "golden child' in the family, and are given TOO much attention.
They crave that this carries on in adulthood, the narcissism starts to reveal itself in adolescence often from being a happy, caring child. I have witnessed this first hand.
Apart from these factors, your words are very perceptive and true about narcissists.
Agree, I know one narcissist that has very good parents.
My 1st hubby had an excellent childhood, too. He was never traumatized in any way. I have no idea how he came to be the way he is, except that he enjoys power. 🤷
Yes i agree with you. My belief is that something so signuficant and traumatic happened to a child in their developmental stage and immature ability to perhaps deal with gets tge person stuck. I know of 2 men and i would think for both of tgem loosing their mothers at a very significant age/stage in life may have caused it. The abandonment feeling could have happened and their inability to verbalise this grief could have got these 2 people stuck. I also dont agree that they are all charming but their nacissism is usually or often displayed behind closes doors yo people closest to them. The problem is the trauma happens early and the narcissism only is displayed many years later. It is very sad and the worst part is that by the time the coping behaviour has neen learnt there is no way to undo it..
Being a “golden child” is abuse, it takes a child identity away.
Having the humility to acknowledge one’s own part of unhealed trauma in the cycle is the start to self recovery and healing 🙏
I love you Kenny...you are saving people's lives here...that's 100% fact.
Thank you Ben that’s very nice of you to say. If you think you can help others please share it😁
@@kennyweiss you're welcome Kenny...I need to watch your 7 ways video...I'm trying to heal and solve my own problems with the reason I am attracted to narcissistic women. Just divorced my ex and I realized I was targeted big time...its hitting me hard.
@@Fishingfanatic88 I have been there with two ex-narcissists myself. That is a good video to watch but in all honesty if you really want to heal and recover you’re going to have to sign up for my online masterclass, The complete emotional mastery method.
You’ll never accomplish the healing just by watching a video here and there and trying to do it piecemeal.
It requires an investment and desire to heal our heart. The only way to accomplish that is by starting at square one and working the whole process from beginning to end.
If we’re not doing that then we’re just holding on to the past, still wanting to stay the victim and getting ready to be ready
When we’re past that with desperation and hunger we will do anything to discover how to live in truth and full potential.
When you arrive at that desperation and hunger, click this link and it will show you exactly how to achieve it.
thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-emotional-mastery-method
God Bless you KENNY W!!!
So, once you pretty much ID somebody as a text book narcissist there's no use in trying to have a relationship with them even if they are family. It's not my way but for my sanity. I haven't had a lick of anxiety since my sister disguarded me. I use to have it every day. Guess that discard was a gift.
100 million percent spot on. You're telling my story of what I dealt with with my ex husband. The last straw was 2 weeks after our 4 year wedding anniversary, he went on a yelling rant that lasted THREE. FREAKING. DAYS. It was SO much more draining than his normal nightly ranting. I did EVERYTHING wrong, he never had his needs met, I'm not the person he met, he didn't care about my narcolepsy issue and always expected me to be awake and keep him entertained. Ugh, it was never good enough. He was threatening to drive my car off a cliff and kill himself (possibly me as well). By the 4th morning, Tuesday, I filed for a Protection order to get him away from me and out of my house. It was SO relieving. I already mourned our marriage within the 1st year. I
tried making it work, I remember when I first realized something was wrong- during the 2nd week of marriage. He flipped out over me folding clothes. It never stopped and it got worse. I'm done. I'm glad its almost over. He's dragging the divorce out to over a year. We have no kids, no assets, this should have been done well before July 2021.
Thanks for your videos, it's completely relatable. I'm sorry you went through this as well.
Absolutely heartbreaking. I’m really sad to hear you experienced all of that but incredibly happy that you are now safe and free.
I’m happy that the videos are a help to you in your journey to recover😁
Good for you for not tolerating abuse, and taking your power back. These sick babies are crazy to think we'd stay.
Similar experienced
My now gone narc was my hairdresser/friend/running buddy. I'm married 47 years, but hubby likes to 'couch potato'. Me and my now gone narc went to any and all kinds of exotic restaurants all the time. That was one of her attractions. And yes, she was charming and witty, until she wasn't.
I can see how people might feel that way about cats if they've never had one but anyone whose had a cat as a pet knows that's not true at all. It's just that cats are different from dogs. Dogs are pack animals and cats are independent. When a cat knows you and trusts you it's a deeper relationship. My cat always protects me when I'm sad or upset and sits in my lap to comfort me if I'm having a disagreement with a family member. But your videos have been tremendously helpful with narcissists! Thank you so much!
I had a tragic childhood. I was sexually molested for 8 years by a family member. My mother abandoned me and my grandmother raised me. She was very abusive and didn't want me around. I never knew my father. I married a narcissist at age 17 and stayed married for 38 years. However, I turned out to be an empath, not a narcissist.
Thank goodness well done.
❤ you are strong 😊
You can't keep on the watch to make them "behave" all the time. Their abusive behavior will resume without a hitch. You will be left wondering what happened again.
Hi Kenny, I’d like to hear more signs of a Covert Narcissist’s traits. My husband is more subtle.
It seems you were married to a malignant malicious Narcissist. So sorry about that. It’s good that you moved on, and you progressed. Most important, you have peace of mind. Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge.
The reason I picked a narcissist is because I was raised by a narcissist and I didn't choose to be a narcissist, even though by upbringing was not all flowers and butterflies. I was taught that I don't deserve compassion, only the other person deserves all compassion. People, who end up with narcissists already suffer from feelings of guilt and disproportional compassion. So, I don't think it is healthy to teach us that we have to be compassionate towards narcissist. That is what keeps us stuck in those relationships in the first place
My wife always brags about how great her childhood was. And it's because of that fact, she is now able to endure me. Gosh, narcissisism is so sick...
That definitely is
True
This is my bf. I’m finally coming to the conclusion that I will never get anything from this relationship. It’s all about him. And the shouting is getting worse. He cannot even converse with me. His one liner- use your head! Very hurtful. I need to get out. I’m not even happy .
Candy they get worse, I hope you free yourself before more damage is done. Stay safe!!
Did you get out?
@@mumew86 unfortunately no. This life is a mess. I guess it’s the trauma bond. I leave , I return. I don’t wish this on anyone. I do feel like I’m getting close too being able to .
@@candyhumpf6267 I’m so sorry to hear that and I wish you all the strength you need to be free. I’m a year down the line and he left me over Christmas and didn’t return when he said he would on New Year’s Eve. I’ve now blocked him and I don’t know when he’s back in the country. I’m hoping this space will give me the strength I need to say goodbye for good. I still don’t fully trust myself to do it though even after everything he put me through this holiday. I’m also a mess and anxious and depressed constantly. If you want to talk then I’m here x
@@mumew86 aww sorry to hear that. It’s so difficult isn’t it?? I agree. I’d think the way he treats me would be enough to walk. But here I am. I’m working on the why . The things in my child hood that are wounded .
At 50 years old I saw the pattern and knew for certain it was me! I was drawing them in. Been doing years of work on myself, therapy, intense trauma therapy, hypnosis, affirmations, etc. I grew up up in horrible abusive home with sociopathic parents and older sister. I cut all contact with them, cut contact with toxic exes, toxic friends and even toxic emplorer. I isolate and only let very few trusted into my world. It will take me a lifetime to heal from this. But it is true, I was picking them so I have ownership in it. Granted the later ones were extremely covert, there were still some red flags I overlooked. Now I know and cycle will be forever broken. Kenny I'm going to buy your book, you definitely know what your talking about.
Kenny, you are giving me the fatherly advice that I missed all my life
I love that you speak to how we need to focus on ourselves! That is the best way to heal and gain peace. Early in my divorce a therapist said to me that my children deserve to have one healthy parent, and I cannot count on the other one doing it. Thank you for the work you do and sharing all the realness of how we contributed in the narcissistic relationship.
I was with a narcissist for a long time. It was really hard to get out of the relationship. This video makes a lot of sense. I remember one time i planned a special date for her. I had the whole afternoon planned out. When i picked her up and told her what we were doing she replied, “oh i really don’t want to do that.” Inside that really crushed me. After 6 years of it I finally mustard up enough courage’s to get out. It was not easy. A lot of life lessons. And I’ve been focusing on myself, pursuing excellence. Dating is now the last priority on my list.
Yea they are sooo mean and hurt full.. My family is just that.. They don't care.. I'm sooo done with them! 😑.. Gud ur out of the toxic relationship.. 🙏
Problem is they force you to a point where your pleasing in nature to keep them happy. The way to beat them is look at what you done & if that’s not good enough, change and just cancel what you planned and never do it again.
Whao....Exact same experience! Amazing!!! They have no proper friendships.....cat-like, looking for trouble by say hitting first, berating, evilness for joy for them....never an admission from them...jekyll & hyde mode...unbelievable testimony!
Narcissists don't have friends. They have fans. And once someone discovers this, narcissists call...next
They move on....next
No one can make anyone to be anything, it's simply a matter of how one deals with their past trauma ! People know when they are hurting others, and themselves. Some people just enjoy taking control of others to feel important and or need ! The only person one needs, is themselve. Be kind to yourself. Good luck to all
Yes..it is very sad that a lot of us don`t realize how abusive women can be..its always the man.!!
Fifty fifty evil. Satan doesn't care who he recrutes.
Agrees
Women are 99% of the Narcs...
So if it's not their fault and they didn't create this in themselves and you admit it's sad what happened to them, then why is cutting them off the best options. Unless you're a selfish pos who only cares about themselves then why not help them? You make no sense. You say they only care what's best for them but yet in other videos you say we should put ourselves first. I personally think you have problems yourself as well.
I know abusive women & they’re evil
I know this has nothing to do with anything: what a lovely guy you are. There, said it; back to your wonderful content.
What is really difficult for me is my mom being the narcissist in my life. And finally starting to heal from that through therapy. I appreciate your videos so much too. Getting educated about these things is important. I never had a name for her behavior before. I grew up thinking everything was my fault. My therapist also used the word parentalized which I had never heard of before. So onward with my healing journey. Getting better day by day!☺️🌻♥️
Thanks Kenny, great content, my narc would hide important belongings, my driver's licence, my passport, she was the CFO of my business and controlled the financial aspects. Asking to see the access details and what accounts were where (different financial institutions) became very terse. At one time when she was complaining about being overwhelmed with all the financial stuff I said "ok I'll do it" let's sit down at the computer and you can show me what to do, give me All the passwords and pin numbers. The response was " Hey, I'm just venting, don't take it personally, I'm just feeling a bit tired" it's ok I'll do it, red flags guys, the financial statements should be transparent, don't be afraid to ask ❤.
I know that sometimes a person can be narcissist is because it’s a way to preserve the self.
Yes, because the self was lost as a child. It is actually an adapted false self
I absolutely hold my hand up to attracting the narcissist I lived with. I was a divorcee who’s marriage ended suddenly. Yep, my ex husband was a narc too who discarded me so when I met my last partner I was grateful for the love bombing! You can’t make this up! I went within and healed and I’m still avoiding being hoovered by my last partner. I’ve learned self love and learned to be independent and I’m just doing me now 😊
But, Kenny, when you talk about catching yourself in certain behaviors, you’re so cute as you’re telling on yourself! 🤭
People get so hung up on defending or excusing their (often hurtful) behaviors, they don’t realize that they’re far more attractive they are when they admit and apologize (IF they’re capable.)
Great insight… THANK YOU!
Mind-blowing… until today I’ve been feeling guilty for blocking them because I wasn’t able to regulate my severe anxiety (caused by the relationship) without it. Now I know the role I played in the whole dynamic, and I am so glad I cut contact. Is this a pattern we can heal from on our own?
Your descriptions were spot on. I've been dealing with a family member who is like this for years and I never understood why they acted this way. I always thought they would grow out of it but here we are years later and they haven't changed at all. When we were young (both about the same age) I thought it was just quirky annoying behavior, but now both of us in our 50s and they are exactly the same. Because I have grown and evolved and no longer want this in my life our relationship has strained to the point of no contact. Sad.
You may never beat a narc, but you can say " Fcuk off" anytime
Absolutely true, I stopped responding no matter what he says and does, really tired of being used and abused in every way, really working hard trying to heal, he is no husband but a slandering abusing lying leach
I have known someone high on the narcissistic spectrum for almost 40 years. Their mask dropped more and more as they aged. However, they certainly did not have a horrible childhood. They went through two traumatic health things as a baby, however, and that might have done it. Although, as a mother, I know our children have personalities when they come in, and everyone has a choice in how they will behave. So, putting it all on bad parenting doesn't seem accurate.
Also, not all those high on that spectrum are communicators. They don't say nice words or talk non-stop. They might only become critical when you try to get close to them or communicate about something hurtful they said -- as they are ultra-sensitive to criticism -- even if constructive. Some can spin things without hardly any words.
I have enjoyed some of your videos, but as someone with that long experience -- in my family also, 14 years of research, plus a significant emphasis in psych in college, I hope my comments help someone. So many generalizations on this topic are now made from people's personal experiences.
Thank you sir💜 Im slowly planning my exit. My kids are going to stay with their grandma. I told my husband they're going bc they dont appreciate how hard he works to provide a good life for us which is all my fault. He was glowing and smirking..I continued to apologize and said I just want to be a better wife and mom. Another month of this and I can disappear from this craziness😉
A lot of this is what I dealt with with my soon to be ex-wife. I have said many of the same things you mentioned in this video over time. It is painful to think this is the life she will continue to live and a major example my kids will see growing up.
Yes, very painful for them
I absolutely get so much satisfaction from the truth and accuracy you share. 💯!!!!!! The first thing you said that all they care about is Power and control......holy shit I finally realized this and it hurt so much, but it's freeing too.
Thank you soooooh much for all you bring to the world.
You are very welcome Heather. 😁.
If you’re looking for resources to heal I would offer my online magazine. It is filled with articles, videos, book recommendations, free exercises to download to help you. It’s a great free resource for healing.
Also, you’ll find information on my private coaching, my masterclasses and my private group.
Here is the link if you’re interested
www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
@@kennyweiss great!!!! I'll probably do that in the near future because it would really feel nice to have validation.
@@heatherguess518 sounds great. It’s just a great resource of videos and articles everything to help you heal and gather more information😁
Best description i ever came across. Wow gifted speaker and communicator making it easy to understand !
OMG! The roulette wheel!! Great analogy! They totally have double standards - they expect you to jump to help them 24/7 but won't lift a finger to help you - ever! They only befriend people they can get something from.
Recently started watching your videos and it blows my mind how spot on you are. Also I have alot of trouble concentrating and completing task at home and I'm able to work on things while listening to you. It's like I'm constantly processing what you're talking about and I dont even realize what I'm doing. I would love to hear your view on ADD ADHD. I have alot of symptoms of it but I also know this is probably caused by trauma, very curious about your take on it. Thankyou so much for wjat you do.
Yes both are caused by childhood trauma just look at the names. Attention deficit. These are children who did not get proper attunement and so they felt severe fear as children and that’s why their brains run 1,000,000 miles an hour they are experiencing an overload of the fear circuit.
Here's my take on this as someone sorting out multiple issues. ADHD is the result of impaired frontal lobe performance. While it's thought to be caused by either/or genetics or trauma, the trauma occurs in utero by things like heavy exposure to cigarette smoke. The impairment results in poor executive function and impulse control. Anxiety and depression can cause similar problems.
Untreated ADHD causes a person not to trust their own judgement. This is appropriate for self preservation but also makes us VERY susceptible to gaslighting. Pursue the ADHD first - you need to understand how your mind works before you can do anything else. If you aren't ready to that in the real world, take a look at How to ADHD on TH-cam as a starting point.
I have been in and am currently in relatoinships with narcissists. I recognize all of the traits and behaviours that you have described. I have been in therapy in years and all of the wounds and pain you shared are a huge help. I am better prepared to take less bullshit. THX
Wow I just Luv yr videos I was out of my enmeshment from my Covert narc mom after 41 years and I really needed your life experiences they are making me feel much better to look at myself.Why I did what I did..Thanks so much we are all ears ...Thanks for all the sharings..
OMG Kenny, I just discovered you and you already blew my mind. I was exactly in the same position as you were, and you made me aware that I have some trauma to heal. I'm totally on board with you. One of these days I hope you decide to make some videos to help parents (in the process to heal trauma) to rise their children in the best way possible, with the do's and don'ts. I have an 8 yo kid.
Hi Angie I’m so happy that you feel like you have found solutions that can help you. In many of my videos I talk about parenting and I have a chapter on it in my book as well. In general the single greatest thing we can do for our child is to make our personal recovery from our trauma the single most important thing we pursue. That’s because our children become our emotional condition. Sadly, most parents ignore their own healing and think their child is the problem who needs the help. The fact of the matter is as soon as the parent begins their recovery their child settles down and becomes much more moderate.
If you’d like to learn more about all the different ways I help whether it’s my book my classes my groups… Here’s a link to my website with direct links to all the different options to help you on your journey to heal😁
kennyweiss.net/
@@kennyweiss am I allowed to fall in love with you??? You and my therapist are giving me tons of help. Thank you again.
I was also married to a Toxic Narcissistic woman. Divorcing her was one of teh best days of my life.
Hello Ken, it’s great to hear from a professional who had a first hand experience with a Narc. My wife is a toxic Narc, I can never have heart to heart conversation with her every thing u mentioned applies to her. I hate life with her but I love my kids and leaving her can be devastating on them plus the financial aspect of getting rid of her is horrible for me. I feel like I am in prison. If I was single I be long gone, thanks for your videos, I am learning something.
This trapped feeling and calling it a prison is so.ething i so identify with.
As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, I will tell you I wish my dad had gotten out of the marriage. My mother isolated me and my dad from his family, vilifying them all my life. On my dad's deathbed, he asked me to contact his last remaining sister. I did, and I found out she is NOT the evil witch my mother always claimed. :( I helped her to visit him before he died, and my mother was FURIOUS. She restricted my ability to talk to my dad in the months before he died. I will never forgive her for this. The only good thing to come of it, is I am now friends with my dad's sister. And I am no contact with my mother, who was also trying to isolate me from my husband, and wanted me to give her control over my bank account. My dad only escaped codependency with death January 27, 2024. I hope my story encourages others to LEAVE while you can. Don't let death be your only "out." :(
Looks like I have another video to watch. 😉. I can only speak for myself, but I believe you are accomplishing what you’ve set out to do. This is such a great help.
I’m really happy to hear that what I do is helping you!
The worst part is that a narcissist will never apologize. I have been with him for 4 years and he never even showed up at the hospital for my surgery. But never apologized. But if I hurt his fragile feelings (let’s say I got a little disengaged while he was talking for hours about his work) he will shut off and stop talking to you until you apologize (possibly multiple times). And for people like me it is absolutely soul crushing. I constantly feel guilty. And guilt eats me faster than even pain of his actions.
Mr. Weiss you have helped me in so many ways to really look at myself and be made whole, healed and free. I also forgave the Narcissist and myself.🙆♀️
I've learned and become aware that the reason we stay in any situation or with any person that is destructive to us is because we're trying to use them to meet some energy need in us.
Usually a sense of security or sense of significance or worth that we believe can only come from them or granted by them. This happens all the time in parent/child dynamics where we believe our parents are the determiners of our value and worth. They're not.
Ooooo, did I ever make excuses for her behavior. My other friends left that beauty sho years b4 I finally woke up.
Brilliant, thank you, it makes so much sense: my sister-in-law. Boom, yes!! Thank you for your candour, your openness, your sound explanation of narcissism and your solutions. It is invaluable advice that you are giving, and I'm sending the link to the few people in my life who are at the damaging mercy of a narcissist. Again thank you Kenny, this is really and truly the best piece of info on the subject.
You are very welcome
Oh my goodness this is an eye an opener. I have been living with a narcissist for 20 years. I feel like I'm drowning and stuck in the mire. I keep saying I need to get out of this crazy relationship. I have terrible health issues, I'm trying to figure out how I do this and fix myself as well.
I’m sad to hear life has been such a struggle. My videos give you lots of help to get out and start the healing process. Also if you go to my free online magazine so there are even more solutions to help you with all of this. Here is the link
www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
Don’t feel bad…I’ve been in this situation for 50 yrs this coming July 2024! Now since I’ve learned all this stuff about narcissism I know I can leave and I am going to live with my son and his family who I care for and they care for me! It’s a matter of doing it secretly I’m told.
@@tidycoat Yes M'am that is exactly how you have to do it is in secret. If he travels or takes a guy vacation like a fishing trip or golf trip that is when you evacuate. I know because that is how I had to do it. I prepared ahead if time with a moving company and explained my situation and asked if they could come at a moments notice which they accomodated me. I pray you can exit safe with your children by your side. The Lord protect you and guide you as you prepare to leave as He did me. Praying for safety and peace over you, God be with you.
Men withhold intimacy also. He did for 6 months. Moving on. ❤
Oh thank you very much for beeing so encouraging and so honest about yourself, your journey- I just cried while listening thinking about me becoming a narcissist because of my childhood pain, which I couldn't fully feel and therefore couldn't express for myself and couldn't release fully yet- luckily I became a bit more aware of my childhood trauma and the compensation I choose for not becoming aware and not feel the grief inside of me. So I felt so relieved and connected with myself immediately, because I used to speak a lot about this topic with others not realizing that I avoid to feel the pain of not beeing heard and understood by my parents. So again thank you very much indeed for your encouraging way beeing yourself and beeing compassionate towards yourself. God bless you on your journey. With warm and sisterly greetings from Berlin.☮️🙏
Wow.. every bullet point was spot on...
23 years 18 years married to my husband narcissist. You are spot on to everything. Everything is always my fault he flips it every time. Thinks he is entitled to sex daily I’m 51 going through menopause so I don’t have that desire anymore. So we argue it hurts him that I don’t desire him anymore. Like I can switch it on but he can’t switch his off. Yep rage like a little kid pitching a fit. He told me he put a gun in his mouth 3 times in past 6 months. I told him that was selfish not thinking about our kids. That is the easy way out he got mad at me for that. The past year has been bad up and down. Arguing I need to fix my damage. I’m learning thank you. I can’t get him to leave me always says we just need to work it out but he can’t change always repeating same stuff. Empath I am to kindhearted yep he gets mad at me cause I’m sorry to much. Yep always questioning myself. You are so good I can’t relate to you so much. Thank you so much for sharing. I can’t be like him ever I love my kids to much. 2020 spiritual awakening I waited for 2 years and nothing for him. It’s sad he can’t be fixed cause he has no problems in his eyes his family is clueless of everything. Yep he told me if I divorce him it will be hell for me. We have a 20 year daughter 10 year son. Protect my kids and self is what my Holy Spirit told me in 2020. I’m learning it’s hard and sad. Thank you ❤
No kids together but almost exactly the same, me starting menopause, he wants sex daily, if I dare say no I get silent treatment and accused of "someone else", been almost 4 yrs, I cant leave, it's my family's house, I cant get him to go😕
@@fingerlakespreppergrl I understand mine will not leave. I have no where to go unless I want to move in with my oldest son before our marriage. I’m not leaving everything I worked for in 23 years too. My narcissistic Hybrid husband and his family all blind to what is really happening. Hybrid they have more of the reptile
genes. We all are mixed but they are the ones are selfish ego driving their reality. Money is everything to them. No spiritual connection. Just live and don’t worry about anything but self. Praying for us all. Empaths get attacked to them thinking we can fix them but we can’t fix someone that doesn’t see a problem with self just reflect it back to us. Always our fault we are a mirror of what they see in themselves. I believe this is why they argue and feed off our feelings emotions cause they don’t have any of their own. No empathy I know it’s hard. Don’t give up raise your vibrations up daily it bothers them that we can do this and makes them feel uncomfortable around us. Praying it drives them away. Love and light to you cause we are not from this world like the Bible tells us. ❤️
Going through shit doesn't excuse bad behaviour. Some of this nicest people have been dealt the worst hands.
Ha!! Shows up randomly to my house. I don't open the door, there he is as I drive away.
Kenny I’m so sorry you went through that. It sounds identical to my ex. The constant berating which after awhile in my case it led to fighting and by five months into the relationship I was constantly feeling sick to my stomach anytime he wanted to “talk” because of “something” horrible I had done and I was an evil arrogant selfish person, when literally I had done nothing but exist and try to make him happy😅💀
My ex also turned out to be a sociopath with an extensive criminal record, and I saw him punch his tiny dog in the face. It was truly awful.
I’m so glad you could escape and educate and empower yourself to get healing from that abuse. It breaks you down bit by bit until you feel dead inside. BUT WE CAN HEAL ❤ GOD bless you and all your endeavors to help others 😇💛 Thanks for the guidance.
I was in a relationship, a few years ago now, with a man that would yell at me over almost nothing/keep me in an argument for many hours...that really was 'crazy- time'...praise God im not there any more & thanx for the reminder of how far i've come...praise God 😊🎉❤
i 100% went throught the same thing you went through, i eventually after 28 years
said i need a break from
her control and to relax (reset) for the fourth time and mentioned i will act like her also she can be accountable for herself.
poof im called the narcissist. darkest time of my life. 4 years later after the textbook discard ive gotten back to being more like myself just educated. awsome video, thank you
I truly needed this, thank you so much! So happy I found your page.
You are so welcome!
Love listening to ya. I need the 7
Ways you attract narcissists. Gonna go there next
My ex was sexually abused by his Dad and abandoned by his Mom…there is no way a person can end up normal.😢 It breaks my heart, but I can’t deal with his abuse. I wish he’d seek therapy but he’s will not even talk about it. You know you are with a narcissist if you live in chaos.
Cars are just introverts.❤❤😂
Narcissists are such toddlers, the manipulation they do is insane.
Phenomenal Kenny. Thank you!
You’re welcome 😁
Very good video Kenny, love your work.
Glad you enjoy it!
I went through a childhood like you described, but I knew it had to stop when I was pregnant with my daughter and that's what I did and my daughter is a narcissist and she had a charmed childhood with great parents who love her and let her know it but I was traumatized and I became super nice and kind and empathetic. I've now dated a narcissist 7 months after my husband passed and it's been so bad and I'm still trying to get away from the traits he has because he'd cheat and lie all the time then lie more and twist words and his reality was so messed up and he would deny everything even when I had the proof and he even said he couldn't support me emotionally. I had only the expectation that he'd be faithful and he raged and was verbally abusiive. Listening to these videos have helped me a lot so thank you and that is him to a the letter. He wants me around as a friend when he wants me around and he called me retarded and it shocked me the first time and he told his female friends all kinds of terrible things about me which weren't true and what was halfway true was because he forgot to tell them about his rages which you never know what his triggers are and he also won't own anything that he does and he refuses to talk about it. I'd become someone I didn't like and I've had to work on myself with the help of God and now I don't let him get to me and I broke up with him and he insisted we stay friends but I don't let him get to me and you've described him perfectly. Thank you so much.
Mine would make up crazy stories and accuse me of random crazy things. He said one time on a FaceTime call that he saw a man in my apartment meanwhile I was home alone. Other times he accused me of stealing from him meanwhile he had no money on him and he was out of work. He also threatened countless times that if I did anything to him that he would call the cops on me and they believe anything he said. He had me afraid all the time and some part I felt he was EVIL to his core.. The last straw was he had a women call me and threaten to beat me up break my jaw and slash my face because I told him I didn’t want to date him and that I couldn’t take all his lying. I blocked and deleted him and all my social media and it was worth it.. I have peace now
This is honestly such an awesome video, Kenny! I was in a relationship not too long ago. I'm younger (19), and the girl I was with, she is a great person. She genuinely has a kind and loving heart, but I felt a lot of the same ways. I felt like I was always doing everything wrong. She'd do something wrong to me and I'd talk to her about what she did or might have done wrong, how she could have done it differently, and told her it was okay, that we all make mistakes, and that we all mess up sometimes. If I made a mistake towards her or did something wrong to her, it was always like she was very passive aggressive, and would say it's okay, but she would keep on pressing the issue, and subtly bringing up what was actually bothering her, even though she said it wasn't a big deal and that it was okay. I always wanted her to tell me when I was doing something wrong, or when she was feeling down, because I wanted to try and help her or work on fixing what I was doing wrong. She had a super rough childhood, and I moved out of my house because I wanted to get her away from her homelife. I truly wanted to help, but I slowly began to realize I couldn't give her the help she needed. I would tell her in a loving and caring way, such as "I believe you've got some family trauma that needs to be addressed, and I believe you need to see a therapist or a counselor." And she'd normally get pretty upset, and a few times very angry at me over it. She'd tell me that it's a waste of time, that she's tried it before, and this and this. I wanted to take time away and try to fix myself, because I thought a lot of my issues were affecting our relationship. Depression, anxiety, lack of self esteem, etc. The moment I talked about taking time to recap everything and that the relationship has been toxic and I'd like to take time and better myself for the benefit of us, then I'm a bad person, I caused her all this pain, and this and that, and that I can find someone better. I even tried cheering her up when we were going through all of that by telling her she's got a bright future ahead of her, and that shes going to do great things, but she wanted me to stop texting, because my cheery mood wasn't helping her. I honestly am not sure what she has going on mentally right now, but I hope whatever it is, I just hope I didn't add to it. I hope I gave her a better life and got her away from her extremely toxic homelife. Thank you, Kenny for this eye opening video!
Thank you for your personal journey, the insights of both streangths and struggles. Well done!
You are so welcome!
Really well done video. Thank you brother!
Much appreciated!
It is definitely of value to me. What you are speaking about it is my husband. I’m so ashamed of what his demands were of me that I would cry reading them. Everything was always sent by text because he could never confront me face to face. It’s awful dealing with someone like this. I’m mentally drained.
Great stuff. Without online resources like yours, I would have been stuck in a purgatory of non-understanding for years, or worse….forever!
No place worse than feeling stuck in purgatory. I’m happy that you feel like you’re getting solutions
Awesome information and so open & honest. My daughter is in one of these situations and I pray she will watch these videos and I hope she finds her way out. Thank you. Feel free to share away! It’s even helpful for the people on the fringes of these relationships.❤
My husband divorced me after 45 YEARS, that's basically,my entire life. This podcast is helpful, to understand, how a strong woman is pulled into the narcissist for Soo long! NOTHING was good enough for him. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde!!! Talk about a whirlwind of hurt, emotionally abusive,and verbal.
Happy face! Work well done🙏🏼
Thank you!! 😁
Thx you so much knowledge and information that gives clarification. Cheers from Scandinavia
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Oh my goodness this is an eye an opener. I have been living with a narcissist for 23 years. I feel like I'm drowning and I have terrible health issues, I'm trying to figure out how I do this and fix myself as well.
So proud of you for sharing your story to help others
Help! Eye opening video
Kenny Weiss knows everything about narcissistic/after 40 years my narcissist sister took over my life and now a guy took her places/I don’t know what to do!
So on point!😊
My daughter is a narcissist and she did not have a terrible childhood or have horrific things happen to her or suffer from terrible parenting!
All I can say right now is.... WOW!!
Bingo! Thank you!
I found that my ex has no long term friends actually hardly any friends at all, i always felt I was never enough , at the beginning he told me he struggles with empathy and being honest and I didn’t really look much in to it at the time as I was in love with him or so I thought and I felt o was going crazy with the first discard, the second and the third but I ended it this time no contact and I miss him but I know I miss what I thought we had , I thought I could fix him and I thought I was the toxic one for so long still do sometimes, he rarely complimented me apart from at the beginning and the sex was amazing now I look back there was no real connection he never looked me in the eye
My mum was in hospital and I went to see he had another woman in our bed all weekend and didn’t even ask me how my mum was no message phone call all weekend
Perfect video, you are describing someone I know like you have known this person all your life !
This is my sister in law 1000%. Fortunately my brother is finally seeing it. It has been a long road breaking his denial and I hope he frees himself ❤
omg. I just had enough of the gaslighting. This man always said I was the one who started tge arguments. I am sick if that feeling. Had enough of that nonsense .I like peace. But has enough of gaslighting. Went block block block no contact. Found my peace again
You are one of the best experts explaining narcissism.
If they are a narcissist and the relationship becomes toxic it’s time to spend your time elsewhere with healthier people. Set the boundary and let the narcissist know that you don’t have to put up with the behaviour and won’t. The hard part is you have to be prepared to follow through. If you do you will come out the other side stronger and in a healthier happier place. It’s not your place to work on their issues it’s your job to close the boundary door and say No to the bad behaviour and get yourself to a healthy happier place.
This video needs to be shown to every child in grade 3+ every semester
That could have saved my life lol so obviously the education system wouldn’t want that… -_-