The 7 Ways We Attract a Narcissist
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 พ.ค. 2020
- The 7 ways we attract a narcissist into our life. Having this information leads us to healing and making sure we never fall prey again.
The 7 Ways We Attract A Narcissist
15:30 1. We knew from the beginning, we saw red flags and ignored them
16:05 2. We think we can fix them
17:13 3. We have an obsession with figuring them out
17:57 4. We do everything we can to control their behavior and get them to stop
18:40 5. We try to become whatever the narcissist wants
21:25 6. We keep going back, we "give ourselves away" yet we blame the narcissist
25:20 7. We can’t take ownership, we are always the victim, we can’t see our part
🎓 LEARN MORE:
Check out my FREE online magazine-www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
🎓ONLINE MASTERCLASSES:
ACHIEVE Emotional Mastery-thegreatnessu.com/
💜 Enroll in Private Group Coaching:
www.tguprivategroup.com/
📚 MY BOOK:
'Your Journey To Success': geni.us/journeytosuccess
🕺CONNECT WITH ME:
Heal The Hurt Weekly Podcast 🎙geni.us/healthehurt
Instagram 📸 @kennyweiss.kw
Facebook 👥 geni.us/kennyweissfb
Newsletter 💌 geni.us/kennyweissnewsletter
My Coaching Reviews: bit.ly/30zFTBN
👋 WHO AM I:
Hi, I'm Kenny and I created this channel for you!
It has been my experience that the media, society, and our parents often teach us to avoid admitting, facing, or talking about any of our negative feelings and experiences.
This belief system cripples us. As a result, we are without the basic skills to navigate the simplest of life's ups and downs.
Even worse, it creates a separation from our authentic self because we learn the world will shame us for our slightest imperfection.
My life turned around when I realized that the answer is in the opposite.
I discovered that the solution to an authentic life lies in our ability to admit, accept, and love our perfect imperfections.
That can only happen when we heal the pain from the past that created the shame by becoming trauma informed.
Because when we make peace with even the darkest parts of ourselves, we are capable of loving ALL of ourselves. Therefore we are authentic.
Without it, we are stuck in purgatory. Instead, we are reliving the original pain and shame in our relationships, career, health, and hobbies.
Therefore, the secret to avoiding a life stuck in limbo is developing emotional mastery.
When we gain that knowledge, develop it into a skill that becomes a tool, we stop picking toxic relationships.
We don't settle for unsatisfying careers. We don't struggle with depression or health issues. We stop the self-sabotage!
In short, we develop a deep emotional calm, peace, personal love, trust, and respect for ourselves that we can now share with others.
If that is what you want, you are in the right place.
I am excited to be a part of YOUR journey in helping you to heal the pain from your past, love your perfect imperfections, and reclaim your authentic self by developing Emotional Mastery!
#Kenny Weiss #Kenny Weiss narcissist #Why do I keep attracting narcissists
![ตีสิบเดย์ [FULL] | ครอบครัวสะท้านทุ่ง "นางบี & อ้ายสติ๊ก"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/A1rhYcxxNtA/mqdefault.jpg)
I will not pitty their trauma as a child. The depth of evil, I have to fight becoming vindictive like them.
Thank you! I’ve been to two counselors and neither dealt with my codependency. It was a venting session about what the narcissist husband was doing with no solutions or real practical empowerment. This video helps me a lot to look at myself. I have to learn to be my own advocate and put up healthy boundaries. Jesus, please deliver me from codependency and empower me to be the woman of God you created me to be. Amen.
As my mentor (a counselor himself) says, the training that counselors and therapists get from school is very general and does not give them the requisite tools to work with clients. Most are not even aware of codependence or these deeper dynamics. To truly help a client requires going well beyond what is taught in school.
I am happy you are finding tools in my videos that help you. If you would like to go deeper I also wrote a book that could be of help as well. www.amazon.com/Your-Journey-Success-Answers-Discover-ebook/dp/B078JKSYPJ
Amen!
You just described my relationship to a t. It’s still so hard to break free and I’m terrified of getting myself into it again. I learned everything I could about his narcissism and BPD but realize my role in empowering him. I’ve been feeding him and it’s worse and he’s becoming more dominating as the days go by.
Sometimes it seems so simple and obvious. Will it ever click for him?
Also, just as I chose him, he chose me. So I’m feeding his trauma as much as he’s feeding mine?
Congratulations!
@@c.gallagher8286 Think of it like you are doing both of you good by breaking free. By feeding him your digging your own hole. You must let it go for your health and his.
I am honestly grateful for the narcissist I married. Fortunately, I did not love him. The abuse that I tolerated forced me to seek mental health support. Finally, at the age of 56 I am no longer a codependent nor a people pleaser. I am happy and now pursuing my purpose.
Spot on and heartbreaking. I damn near broke down hearing this. You are 100 percent correct about taking responsibility for our part in the process.
I have yet to find a single time where that was not true!
Yep. I discovered I was trauma bonded and addicted to the anger from the narc. Why? As a child the only attention my father gave me was when he physically hurt me as punishment. His narc wife, my mother, would tell him to. When I discovered I had an arrousal jag from narc abuse, I was able to heal from it. Pretty wild.
@@KatWoodland congratulations on your breakthrough. Best wish on your journey of healing. I know mine will be a lifetime process.
Traumatized people continue practicing the things that allowed them to survive during those times. By understanding and knowing such matters we can be more mindful and not absorb such issues. With love all things are possible but it takes self awareness.
My partner has 8 siblings and more than 4 of their spouses went insane _ I asked them _ do u think this odd _ nope
Love this! I have been saying this since my early 20s.. I KNEW the problem wasn’t that men are bad.. I KNEW , there are good guys out there, but I just choose the abusers.. in fact I went to a support group for women suffering abuse, I would bring this up, our responsibility in it.. no one wanted to hear it! I have been well aware of my own brokenness and being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family.. my problem is, it seems no matter how much responsibility I take or how much work I do, these STILL seem to be the people who keep coming across my path.. the difference now is I recognize it immediately, and steer clear of it.. but I am very alone, I do not have any family that I trust, my relationship with them is very superficial as I cannot be vulnerable with them because of their predatory nature, and lack of emotional healthiness..
I’m now 54 and have been single for the last 7 years, I haven’t even dated.. I can tell many of my wounds have in fact been healed, but I do believe I still have CPTSD from the massive amount of abuse in my life. I get hopeful because I do in fact see my growth, but then the next person who shows interest in me will always be someone w high narcissistic traits whether it’s a female friend or a man who is pursuing me. It is SOOOOO frustrating.. I have done SOOOO much work and seen councilors, have become very good at being there for myself and content w solitude but I still have a longing for healthy friendships and possibly a spouse one day.. it is sooo frustrating that I am so aware and have healed so much, but this pattern continues to try to keep repeating itself.. I read the book Women who Love Too Much in my early 20s and I said, yep! That’s me!
I do in fact feel like I’ve come a long way in my healing journey.. now I’m just like: where are the healthy people?? Just one is all I need! I don’t know why I can’t break through this final stage of healing… if it wasn’t for my relationship with the Lord, and His presence in my life, I think I’d have given up long ago.
Thank you so much for your work! Many blessings!
Hi, I feel like you just told my story almost to the tee. Even after so much healing and time alone I've had to do the healing and be with myself & finally take care/nurture myself I have grown lots at least enough to where I can now recognize the red flags and run the other way but STILL I keep attracting the narcissist so that tells me I still have work to do & often wonder, are there any healthy people out here? I too have that longing for a healthy relationship but I just will not settle...again. This has brought me even closer to the Lord, at least I can trust in Him... or else I would've settled by now for sure. Thank you for sharing and all the best to you : )
AMEN to you both!!
You just described me to a Tee!!
It is very difficult for a neurotypical person to have a relationship or live with a person with Cptsd.
I recommend ‘crappy childhood fairy’ on TH-cam to overcome everyday struggles.
True Love is Self-Love.
Love from Outside Yourself is BONUS LOVE!
Because of you Mr. Weiss, I discovered today that not only have I been loving a narcissist but I'm a narcissist too. We both have childhood trauma and this is why we attracted each other. God through you, answered my prayer of what I've been seeking. Finally I know at 66 years old that its time to keep seeking help because I want to heal. Jacqueline
Good for you!
Everyone who has childhood trauma is not automatically a narcissist. Are you
incapable of empathy and kindness? Do you deliberately hurt people and enjoy it? Are you a pathological liar? If you answered no you're not a narcissist.
@@karenlenk1724I agree. Some of us have been horrifically abused but came out of it empaths.
jacqueline, everyone has narcissistic traits here and there, but I've know a full full fledged NPD Narcs and they would NEVER admit they are NPD. That's the good news for you! They will accuse others of being the Narc which may be what your partner has told you?
ALSO, Narcs do NOT seek help and will never say they want to "heal" because they are delusional and incapable of admitting flaws. JACQUELINE you are not a narcissist.
Thank you for addressing this. The co dependent has to ask themselves "what is it about me that attracts this kind of person?"
We also have to keep in mind that the individual completely misrepresented themselves. Not many ppl except for overt narcs wear a sign on their forehead that says, hey I'm a horrible person who lies all the time, I always cheat, then will turn around and blame my partner. Wanna go out sometime?
Wow! I grew up in alcoholic family and yet I married an alcoholic. This all makes so much sense. Thank you
Thank you for helping me tremendously in snapping out of the victim and hatred spiral that I found myself in after second a counter with narcissistic individual. Thank you Kenny, you are doing God's work here in healing and restoration of those individuals who are willing to change, do better and be better
This is groundbreaking. This is why I don't listen to Dr. Romani as much, I always feel like victim. This makes me feel empowered. This is why I always feel like I'm a narcissist too, because parts of me are. Smh
This does empower us and sets us free. More importantly, it creates the ability for us to heal so we do not pick a narcissist again and they are no longer attracted to us.
@@kennyweiss amen!
Try Lisa Romano too! She talks a lot about herself and us all as our own hurt child and half the problem! The docs like Les Carter and Ramani who sugarcoat us as victims and only focus on the narcissist are all wrong in their actions and aren’t here to help us but yo make money just teaching about the Narc. They do this for money as to talk about their audience like this may chase us away! I am gone from them only focused on docs who help ME heal myself!
Manifesting Magic the Practical Way I'm really glad you mentioned the issue with Dr Ramani because I've heard her and other narcissism counsellors etc say that ANYONE can be manipulated by narcissistic, or worse, individuals, then get caught up for many years, which doesn't explain why some people can resist them!
On the other hand, a woman called Sandra L Brown and others did a survey many years ago, which concluded that women who'd experienced virtually no childhood trauma still became involved with psychopathic men, due to certain traits, such as agreeableness.
I tend to agree with what Kenny Weiss says though, because many people don't even know about, or don't remember, their childhood trauma issues. ❤
I listen to Dr. Ramani too I think both are important teachers from different sides of the spectrum
The 7 Ways We Attract A Narcissist
15:30 1. We knew from the beginning, we saw red flags and ignored them
16:05 2. We think we can fix them
17:13 3. We have an obsession with figuring them out
17:57 4. We do everything we can to control their behavior and get them to stop
18:40 5. We try to become whatever the narcissist wants
21:25 6. We keep going back, we "give ourselves away" yet we blame the narcissist
25:20 7. We can’t take ownership, we are always the victim, we can’t see our part
This is awesome. Thank you so much for listing. A great reminder just in case.
@@iamjcsmit you’re welcome
Thank you,I'm a reader.....
@@fiyahriddims you’re welcome
I feel inertia in my head as it spins itself around to face this new paradigm. Wow. Have written down this list. Thank you. Wow. So needed to hear this. It certainly is life changing.
Codependents and narcissists are two sides of a coin. Not many people recognize that… under empowered narcissism that’s a perfect term. I am so glad you are bringing this all up. As soon as we learn to have power over ourselves and break our patterns life starts to get so much better!
I was offended when I first saw your videos a few weeks ago. I finally understand your message and I am very appreciative of you stepping in front and away from the crowd on this issue.
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Yes, because I don’t use flowery words to manipulate people to like me and instead I speak directly to the underlying core issues it can be a bit of an adjustment.
I’m happy to hear that you loved yourself enough to let that adjustment happen so that you could start reaping the rewards that truth brings!
@@kennyweiss Mr. Weiss, It was not you delivery that was disturbing to me. I was in denial and had never heard of the manipulation behind being an empath.
@@carolynknott2126 ahh, yes. That’s the other difficulty.
I say this all the time. The single greatest killer on the planet today is self deception/denial.
Our inability to admit the truth to ourselves and our unwillingness to admit the truth to ourselves.
Becoming an expert in conquering our self deception/denial is the most important part of recovery.
In my experience the better we become at that, the better our lives become.
You are so spot on!! we must realize that we can`t fix the other...and yes it feels like you are been drained ...this personality will make you do all the wrong things just to please them.
That’s exactly right 👌
My mom.... God Bless Her. Then I go off and marry a version of “my mom”
Thanks for sharing Gina. I did the same. That is always the case. We are only attracted to what we experienced in childhood until we heal that childhood pain.
I don't see it the way you see it. I was attracted to my two narcs because they were soft spoken, and mild in the beginning. When they changed into monsters I had no problem kicking them to the curb. Also being raised as a JW I was always taught that women are men's helpers so of course I wanted to help them. Jesus said he didn't come here for those who were well he came for those who were broken, so anyone who tries to help broken people are Christ like not broken or narcissist themselves. I wanted a man who'd go to church, study the bible, have family meeting etc...that's what they were. When they cheated on me I was done with them. I didn't care if it would hurt to let them go because I was wise enough to know that either way it was going to hurt, but to let them go I'd hurt but I could heal myself. You can never heal yourself if you stay with your abuser. I guess I'm just a different case. Also, scientist have been known to be wrong sometimes.
Thank you. My husband of fifty four years was a low grade narcissist. He died six years ago as I became knowledgeable of what was happening and began studying. Thinking about an event where he showed one of his narc traits, I would introspect and my intuition made me feel my part in it. This happened couple of times, so again thank you, more understanding.
This is one of the best analysis of the narcissistic relationship. I’ve been on an in depth exploration into my own part of why I have attracted narcs to me. At one point I had a FB group on narcissistic recovery and no one wanted to own their stuff. All they wanted to do was tell their stories of the abuse they endured. I began to believe these groups were a perpetuation of the charge to the narc. So thank you for speaking truth. It is so valuable.
Beautifully said and you are exactly right. The dynamic is dysfunctional on both sides and we do a disservice to those who pick narcissist when we don’t speak that truth. They are forever left as a victim and emotional purgatory. They will never recover and they will most likely repeat the abuse against themselves. I can appreciate the intent to empathize and support what they experienced but if we don’t teach truth and responsibility we are actually victimizing them once again. I personally don’t find that kind or loving
@@kennyweiss I agree. At first when the relationship ends ( and that is after months or years of allowing ourselves to be devalued and abused) we spend all our time educating ourselves about the narcissist to make sense of it all but if we don't let go and focus within, it just becomes an addiction to our pain. We have to move on and focus on our own mythology and heal the initial emotional imprints that left us significantly scarred. It is an ongoing process. I am two years out of my 10 year narc relationship and it has been a damn hard road. I now recognize when the little girl within needs that electrical charge from being validated and seen. When you are bullied as a child, you're set up for love bombing. In fact, you drink it in like a dry plant. Problem is, it isn't healthy. I am still in the process of healing but like an onion it has come by unraveling the layers. I am truly grateful to have found your channel. I did a search for core shame as that is the current issue on the table for me and I found you. Once again, thanks for your authenticity and sharing your acquired wisdom. I honestly believe our challenges can serve us by becoming our greatest strengths when they are worked through, and fully understood.
Truth 💯
Interesting take! It makes sense to me! If the ex-narc had never develop a strange anger problem, I would still be attached and addicted to the affection.
Many congrats to you again ! You’re really so enlightening to me . I’m also a psychologist and I had also to abandon the manipulative relation I had with my editor … no matter what - he was really so demanding, so cocky, playing the victim all the time and so unkind. A real trap for my self esteem. Thanks me , finally I really got rid of him and put an end to all his games …😒
No, we are not narcissists. We are emphats and a direct opposite to narcissism. Yes, we are traumatized and yes narcs are traumatized and that's the common sensor between us. They want what we have inside of us (empathy, honesty, love, feelings and so on) and we want to heal our selves from our childhoodtraumas (often from a narcissistic parent.) Narcs doesn't posses the capabilities we have and also they see their opportunity to mess with us. They know we don't have strong boundaries, enough of selflove and we are forgiving and giving ppl. And also in some level we think we can heal them, too. We are healers with pure hearts even if we carry our traumas.
The other things I agree with you and I like your videos and straightforness. And ofc we are responsible for our actions and attraction. Every relationship is here to teach us. Always.
Thanks for your videos 🙏
Sobbing while listening with the realization and truth being spoken. Not only for my childhood trauma but for theirs also. I did see the red flags but choose to ignore them. Wow, so thankful a friend shared your video with me. Ordered your book immediately. Happy to feel on my way to recovery.
Thank you a million times.
Love & Peace to you
Kenny. I’m divorcing a Narcissist after 40 years of marriage. Also my 2 grown children are also Narcissists. Thank you for enlightening me! Your story is truly helping me. God Bless you.
You are so welcome
I was abused but couldn’t get out because that would have meant leaving the kids alone with him to be abused.
Your own experience in relationships with narcissists is invaluable for all of us who went through it. It makes your message relevant and authentic. Thank you for helping so many people by sharing and show your vulnerabilities. Please continue with your mission.
I also agree with you that the narcissism goes both ways. I met her in the workplace and the attraction was immediate. Just by being her horrible self, she has helped me to look at myself and identify my issues and narcissistic traits. I don’t know what her trauma is. It must be bad as her self-defence mechanism is so strong. There can be no criticism. I want to heal and the real pain is realising you cannot heal them.
Omg, even when the criticism is warranted, they lose their minds if you dare criticize them. It's such a warped world you get sucked into with narcs.
Thanks so much, Mr. Weiss. I realized some years ago that I was a part of the dynamic which allowed people like this into my life, and yes, it all stemmed from childhood trauma.
You are very welcome. I have yet to find a single case where the victim of a narcissist did not play a part BECAUSE of the childhood trauma that they had experienced. It is what created the attraction and allowed them to get involved with one. That is very hard for many to admit but it is the only way to fully heal. I commend you for your courage to admit it and do the work!
@@kennyweiss I remember the moment I realized there was a "pattern" to my choices of "attractive males" -- that was one realization. Later came the moment when I fully grasped how the pattern was formed: a childhood of being terrorized, beaten, and dominated by my older brother. It hurt to realize that my mother did not know how to protect me, so she "allowed" it to happen by tuning it out. It felt so rejecting, it hurt to the core. I wanted to "fix" it all in my adulthood by returning, as it were, to the scene of the crime. I do credit God first and foremost, with the healing that came through, first, by my turning to Him and being forgiven, and by my turning and forgiving everyone in my life who had ever hurt me. I had to go back in time to every slight that I had kept a register of. It was very revealing. I have forgiven her -- I know she was out of her depth in knowing what to do -- but truthfully, that "pattern" created years of difficulties for me and impacted those around me, too. Now I am free of that pattern, it no longer compels me at all to duplicate it in order to "fix" it. Because of this deep change, what I appreciate now in the opposite sex are the qualities we all consider good: kindness, integrity, honesty, empathy, and right actions. It's great to really live the reality of being healthy in that way, at last.. Thank you for the work you are doing to bring awareness to this conditioning from trauma...
I’m here after watching another video on a different platform. I was drawn in by how you spoke and now I’m understanding that I am the under empowered one. I’m glad I’m healing and that I stayed vulnerable, didn’t shut down completely and have continued to seek information and help.
Sometimes we need to let go and let God. That’s definitely something I’ve learned and relearned.
Happy you’re here!
What about a brother, whom you never chose
I love your video but gotta disagree about both narcacists being equal. The under empowered person is fair more likely to suffer emotional trauma where as the over empowered person doesnt feel anything and usually just leave destruction in their wake
The over empowered narc suffered tremendous abuse and emotional trauma
Like Kenny said the under empowered is more likely to get help
I know this video was two years ago, but it's still relevant and powerful!I've always known that narcissism and codependency are just opposite sides of the same coin....but your video was a revelation for me!I have experienced three relationships with narcissists, and they cost me my dignity, my money, my sense of self worth.But I've finally reached a point where I've fully realized it's all part of learning our chosen life/soul lessons.Your video was difficult to hear, but it was liberating in a sense...if one acknowledges ones part in dysfunction, they realize that change is possible.I have finally recognized my part in these toxic relationships, as a result of childhood trauma...and my current challenge has been to realize self empowerment without harboring a resentful heart.Basically, it's all about forgiveness, and self forgiveness is the most precious gift you can give to yourself.Im so blessed to have discovered your channel...heartfelt thanks for your energy, time, and most of all...for keeping it real.I hope you get this message
Well said! I appreciate this video instead of talking about just the narc and pointing fingers! People attract people for a reason so sometimes we do need to look at ourselves
The saddest thing is that we forget the abuse and killing and how dangerous both can be!😢
Self love is extremely crucial. I got tired of the last ones bs. The lies, the mind games, the delusional stories of being affiliated with the mafia "yawn"
When you get tired of being treated like crap it's time to sever ties.
My anger was a propellant to push me away from him. Been single ever since. I'm addicted to the peace. Tired of twisted ppl and God knows we are surrounded by them.
At least you were able to get your wife to a therapist. My husband would say “I like me just the way I am.” I never got him to therapy yet I’ve been in therapy for many years.
Finally the fog lifts and I understand how I’ve repeatedly gone for such people and played the victim. Thanks so very much! Buying your book ❤
I needed to see this. 35 and just now working on my childhood trauma and realizing my first husband was a narcissist. I also am realizing most of my behaviors are a result of said childhood. It is eye opening!
Congratulations. It takes courage and guts. If you need help in doing that, I have a free online magazine site, I now offer a free master class to begin the healing journey, I have written a book… Many things besides these videos to help people recover. If you’re interested in learning more you can find out about all the different ways I help here at my online magazine site
www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
This is a sad truth about us, so called victims ( even we are...) - excitement of our subconscious when we meet our abusers- we are home...finally...love and pain together...Thank you Kenneth!!!❤❤❤❤❤
This is clarifying, for me, the huge difference between taking responsibility for choosing rather than self blaming for landing up in that space. I am on a healing journey and normally don't watch the videos or feeds about narcissism because I realise my role, but I did open a video of yours that landed me here. Thank you .. this is needed now
You’re very welcome and I love the way you framed that. “The difference between taking responsibility for choosing rather than self blame.”
Taking responsibility leads you out of the purgatory of self-loathing into the freedom of self empowerment
@@kennyweiss if you don't mind me asking this has my mind really blown, what is the difference between an underempowered narcissist and a codependent? Wow this Is amazing!
@@angeleyes15207 hi Ann. To be clinically correct I should not use the term under empowered narcissist. By definition and narcissist is in capable of empathy and will rarely seek help. The under empowered that I’m speaking about is capable of empathy and usually will get help. A more accurate classification would be a disempowered Codependent who struggles with low self-esteem and shame as a result of trauma in their childhood and uses similar manipulative and controlling dynamics as a narcissist.
If you go to my codependence playlist you can learn more about the disempowered and Folsom hard codependence and coming very soon I’m gonna do a very in-depth series of videos on codependence to answer questions like these. Hopefully you subscribe to my channel so you can catch all of those videos.😁
@@kennyweiss thank you so much! I really seen alot of qualities I had to admit in the underempowered aspect, regardless of the title of narcassist, and really wanted to learn the difference between them. I am definitely going to look at everything you have. Taking accountability is the first step, to healing ❤
My Codependency definitely feeds the cycle.
@@angeleyes15207 You are so welcome. I love your hunger to learn, grow and heal. That takes guts. I would also suggest you pick up a copy of my book. It shows you where you learned these behaviors and how to heal them. If you are interested, here is the link; www.amazon.com/Your-Journey-Success-Answers-Discover-ebook/dp/B078JKSYPJ
WOW... this is my second time watching this video,and how much again I see my role in this horrific relationship I've been in. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and it's my first year being alone ,without my dog as well, and how emotional it was today for me....but I'm taking a deep breath and getting past it and owning my side of the street.... Happy Thanksgiving Kenny....thank you again and again....pushing threw and taking steps closer to you.... I do need professional help,and I would like you to be the professional to help me....break through to a better version of myself ,a better life,and better relationships for me.
I went 2 years without my dog and any human contact as withholding game was on and I'm loyal person. I was able to recover and was home while she dropped my dog to a breader puppy mill to sell him then abandoned him there before I got him and our son back. She never even wanted our son, never married it was a way to gain control on my Inherited farm after I was set up for an "accident " as their very common in my area.
I am gobsmacked. This is what Oprah would refer to as a ”Hallelujah moment”. Totally lifechanging! I am not the victim here. For every step you explained, I switched: ”This is me, this is him, this is me, this is him”. Confusion at first and then the realisation that I need to take ownership in that. The vicious cycle ends right here. I guess it will be a merry Christmas after all 🤷♀️. Sending you lots of love and appreciation from Sweden.
I remember having that exact same enlightening realization. That’s when I moved from a life of purgatory into the present and completely at peace. I was no longer powerless, I could see my part, and that meant I could address it and fix it. Coming out of self deception and denial is the most liberating experience, at least for me.
You are so welcome. Have a wonderful Christmas.🎅😁
Thank you for being so honest and open. Great insights.
You are very welcome
It's our own responsibility to educate ourselves about narcissism, learn to spot the signs and work on our own boundaries. While boundaries are ineffective with narcissists, at least it's our responsibility to set the final boundary of getting out. I was married to one, we spent 11 years together almost. I was hanging around hoping things would get better, but in the end it failed. There's no sunshine stories with a narcissist. Like HG Tudor said: Once you know, you go. Get out, stay out!
Seven parts of low selfesteem/ codependent
1)excitment
2) self knowledge but don't act on it ( we can fix them) a grandious position.
3) obsessed with figuring them out. We want them to be different. 4)Hypervigilence, (we try to get them to stop.) about their behavior
5) codependence and we change for them.
6) pick certain person to help resolve conflicts to the degree of codependency.
6) keep going back to the 81 repatition compulsion.
7)both sides are imperfect.
8)we won't take ownership ( stuck in drama triangle).
I have just found your videos on Narcissism and they are wonderfully informative. Having witnessed the playing out of what I call Angels and Daemons or extreme polarization of Light/Dark. Spirit/Matter, Head/heart. in my parents I was shaped and conditioned to repeat this pattern with my late husband. and with yet another relationship until I learnt the need for balanced giving and receiving and a return to self love, self respect and self autonomy. The question as to why so many of us do not retaliate is that at some level we know not to add fuel for the opposing energy. and that reclaiming our power takes strength and courage and walking away and finding forgiveness for ourselves and for all others who have been involved in the greatest challenge of our lives, making peace with ourselves.
Thank you for subscribing and I am really happy to hear what I do is a help to you. More importantly I love how you have worked so hard to heal yourself. That takes tremendous guts and courage!!!!
Your explanation is outstanding and excellent. Friendships on the other hand have always been healthy and enduring for me.
thank you
I'm still in a relationship with the narcissist. I know it's not good for me, but it's hard to let go.
Wow, crying. I never saw it like that. I do know I was always saying im sorry. And hearing this tonight, I can own it. I've been in and out of therapy since my 30s - now in my 50s and still searching for new counsellor. But I absolutely can admit my fair share in the relationship. I don't struggle with that. Not sure what that means after hearing we won't admit it.
Thank you for the opposite side in this dynamic. I would never want to hurt anyone, intentionally. But I can see the part I played. I was told to go NC after the discard and I did 2 years ago. Kind of makes me sad. I would apologize.
Relationship with NPDs are codependency. Sometimes we can transfer this to a therapist. Make sure you understand what you need and get back to life. Counseling is to help us transition into a new life. If your in years of therapy. Stop. Your stuck.
Love this video! Yes, we all have to eventually hold ourselves accountable for our actions and behaviors. We are always the common denominator in relationships, so we cannot continue to blame others or feel victimized. These people come into our lives for lessons, and for our growth. Something deep within the subconscious believe we are not worthy of the love and respect we deserve. It takes a great deal of work not only to recognize this, but to try to change it. These videos help so many to discover what NPD is, and how we can begin our healing journey.
Thank you❤
As I said I'm divorced since a year, was separated for 7 years, not interested in men right now, but sitting home and was bored, so I found you. The teaching is interesting.
There is a lot of online content on " Echoes " and the characteristic of an Echo, but not explained as raw and well as Kenny has. So true, we cannot choose who we attract, but it's our responsibility who we let in. Great words here and a valuble video. To add, people with NPD can also have had an over entitled childhood.
Kenny you rock! It's almost like the universe brought you to me. Even questions I've been asking myself and trying to work out the answer, you've done a video on. I'll catch one of your shorts scrolling on Facebook and at times, they move me to tears because I really feel understood and validated for one of the first times in my life. Just wanted you to know. Thank you for all you do!!
You’re so welcome
I'm going to keep saying it.... thank goodness somebody is saying this out loud
Wow! Never heard this but I AM the underempowered one. I’m going for healing!!!
Yes!
yes! I so agree with you. I always asked why is this who I am with? why do I allow this? Even what is my part in this! This was eye-opening thank you!
This is wonderful information!! It really helped me to realize why I choose who I chose and why I stayed. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
O GOD!! How great you are. Thank you for this tremendous video. I only was married for 7 Months narcistic with dementia person, and I just walk away from it. I need to heal of my childhood trauma. But You know I'm in my 60, so won't bother to get another man. Life is for living, get on with it.
Thank you.
Thank you for this video. It's not easy to face up to your own responsibility, but it's necessary. Even if it is hard and hurts. I was in a very unhealthy relationship with a woman for 6 months. Things happened to me with her that shocked me. It was so painful and so out of this world that it ended in depression afterwards (hospitalisation including a stay in hospital). And I also knew from the start that something was wrong with this woman. It was blatantly obvious, I even articulated it to friends. Why did I stay anyway? It was a mixture of visual attractiveness, my own vanity, feeling superior and wanting to save her or explain the world to her (because she was - supposedly - so wrong). Yes, she is a woman I would never want to be with again and it was just a horror, BUT I let it go on for too long. AND I let it happen, even though everything in me railed against it: Gut, head, body, instinct - everything was screaming ALARM; I didn't listen. WHY? Because I had no self-worth, because I felt small and didn't stand up for myself firmly enough. And also because I didn't realise that such things can happen when you are emotionally used and tormented by a narcissist. Today I see it as a lesson I had to learn.
Another great video. Me to a T. Not anymore. Thank god I "lost everything" because in the end, I gained everything.
Thank you for speaking the truth, Kenny. I say to my children....always rather a truth that hurts than a lie that is comforting (because only truth can heal us). I have noticed a cycle of perpetrator, victim and savior of which I played a part in different roles at different stages. I am now out of that sick game. I am too tired to do any more of it. I have blocked my ex-husband on Whatsapp, messages, phone calls and emails. We still have to parallel parent but I am done with the addiction. I am staying "clean and sober" 1 day at a time, let go and let God. Thank you for encouraging me to keep moving forward.
You are very welcome
wow wow wow. this was mind blowing and so informative. I was just binge watching your videos here . OMG I really need to take a hard look at myself here . This has happened to me. I am attracted to narcissists . I seriously don't recall trauma in my childhood though and by all accounts it was probably pretty ordinary. I am truly glad I discovered this channel . This has definitely given me something to think about . I hope you get millions of subscribers because so many people need to hear what you have to say.
Thank you, Mr. Weiss! What you've covered here makes a lot of sense to me, from childhood trauma to not hearing much about taking responsibility for my part. I look forward to learning more valuable info on this from you.
You're very welcome!
This is all so true and I also experienced two of these narcissistic relationships. Thank you for making it so clear about the roles each person plays. I have used your techniques for childhood trauma recovery and it has worked immensely. Whenever I need another dose of the truth (healing medicine) I come back to your channel 😊
I am so grateful that you are addressing this issue so clearly. I have known for a long time that I am not healthy either because I married a Narcissist. We are divorced 4 years and have twins (boy and girl of 8 years). I kept in touch with this man throughout the past 4 years since the seperation not going no contact using my children as an excuse because we have to parallel parent. I have finally had enough now. Narcissists don't respond to boundaries or any other so-called techniques. For me I need to heal myself and quit the addiction. That is 100% the case. I could not let go of him completely because I still needed the "drug" he provided to my system. But enough is enough! I may not survive another hoover, another encounter. It's time to walk away and close the doors, windows and gates and keep them locked. It's time to REALLY help myself. I know life mirrors back to you who you are so the answers are obvious. I am facing my fear...the pain of not changing is now more than the pain of changing. Thank God I am at this place now. May I have the continued strength and courage.
Perfectly and beautifully sad and I love the honest self-assessment. That’s the most important step. You will make it and you will thrive. If you need help figuring out how to navigate that journey and recover from all of that, I would highly encourage you to pick up a copy of my book And to take my free master class. Links to both of them are in my profile and in the notes section on all of my videos
@@kennyweiss, I bought your book "Your Journey to Success" on Kindle. I read it quickly and thought it wonderful how you involved your own personal story. It made the whole book so much easier to digest. I have not done all the exercises but it did bring me back to The Work of Byron Katie (who you mention in your book). I am now again a full time student of what is true for me...learning who I really am. Thank you for your courage and sharing of yourself and writing this book.
@@moirabij734 you’re very welcome
I don’t even know how to thank you for this video. What a relief…to hear the truth.
Kenny, I think i said this on a previous video of yours, but this is the first time seeing this one. From COUNTLESS videos regarding my experience, from so many different channels, this specific one has fully and completely hit the nail on the head. I say this, not as a means of it "healing" me, but that its now a catalyst to the next step in my healing process. This is incredible. Thank you again.
Just wanted to let you know Lisa Romano talks about how we are equally responsible for getting into the relationship, like you do. I am grateful for both of you so much because it’s about the work we have to do to prevent this in the future. It seems to be connected with codependency and lack of healthy boundaries. Hard to do, but so worth it. Thank you for putting your work out there Mr. Weiss!
Hi Kristin. Yes she is exactly right. We both play a part in these dynamics. You are also correct that is does have to do with codependence and I would add that both people in these relationships have suffered pretty sever childhood trauma. That is what creates the attraction and chemistry. they are two wounded people and like attracts like.
@@kennyweiss
I had thought you might do a podcast with Lisa sometime....
@@ck9411 I’d be happy to
@@kennyweiss 2 sides of the same coin.
I enjoy and applaud your insights, and so I must be part of this too!
I reasonated with the electric magnet feeling you spoke of with your second wife.
It happened to me in Walmart.
I was just starting to feel good. Thought I was healing.
The setback happened.
Walking thru Walmart a man who was 20 feet away walking toward me zapped me like that so hard and I wondered what that was about.
I too thought he was the devil .
I felt to both run away with him and from him as fast as I could.
I also felt he knew it too.
Often wondered if he could have been a human trafficker predator type wearing some super high tech pheromone designed to entrap.
You explained it !
That and the butterfly feeling .
I thank you Kenny.
Delaney Kay( Daylight out of Darkness) video taught me about learned helplessness with Suliemans dogs shock therapy.
She also has a video
Inverted narcissist that seems to agree with your discovery.
Both of you are seeming to be coming up with similar insights based upon your own
thinking from personal recovery experiences. I very much respect such courage .
Thank you again for sharing .
An added bonus that I enjoy is your colorful productions.
Would love to see a panel discussion of the many great U tube educators discussing
healing.
Fascinating in pointing out this new kind of culpability on my part which my children pointed out for years and I did not see. I have carried the victim flag for years always blaming my spouse as “the evil empire”!
I never realized how bad my childhood was until I went on my healing journey
This and your other video on Narcissists (13 characteristics), are brilliant. To the point, no sugar coating, practical and inspiring. Thank you.
You are very welcome. Happy to hear they are so helpful
No boundaries and suffering similar behavior in childhood made me tolerate with zero expectations. Whether we feel worthy or not it is amazing how we don’t care about basic necessities not being met. That is low self esteem. We don’t realize that. That is the worst part of low self esteem. We don’t know that. That we deserve basic necessities.
Kenny, you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for sharing these enlightening insights! Its tough love we need for ourselves. I drawn the line at point 5 when I finally realized after years that I surrendered myself into becoming codependent. After realizing I'm unable to change some things out of my control, to fit in with the force from abusive, coercive control like the wrong puzzle piece being jammed into the wrong spot. I found a way out with outside help through immediate escape and immediate "no contact" and safety. Now starting my life over from scratch, rediscovering my true identity again and the slow healing process.
Kenny, thank you so much for your work. I'm on the tail end of a healing process from a breakup, it's been 5 months of hell since I ran for the hills. I found your work yesterday, at the exact time I need to hear it. I'm ready to look at my own contributions to this past relationship, why I was attractive to and attracted to a clinical narcissist. I appreciate your ability to speak tough truths with firm, honest and accountable delivery. Thank you so much.
A harsh truth I'm trying to hard to accept about myself. That I keep going back to the narcissist, and then getting upset that the same thing happens. I keep holding out hope that I can overcome this when i know goddamn well I can't change him but then cry when the inevitable happens. I'm not ready to face this but I don't think I will ever be ready so I need to just rip this bandaid and keep my head high knowing I did my best and I don't have to be a victim anymore.
Thank you for this video, I needed it today. Thank you for your experience and words of wisdom.
It takes 2 to want to do the recovery work. I too kept trying to fix him and having the same argument over and over.
I think what is hard is knowing I’m part of the problem but then the narcissist just points at me and HE says I’m the problem without taking ownership of his part in the problem. So then it’s hard not to fall apart and feel so low.
This might be my favorite of all your videos yet. Exceptional content that I had never heard before I found you on FB. I thank God for that supernatural “hint!” Sharing this!
Wow, thank you! If you like my content, I just created an online magazine which is your one-stop shop to healing.
FREE downloads,
FREE book reviews,
book recommendations,
videos, articles…
Tags to specific topics so everything is easy to find. You name it.
It’s basically a Google for everything having to do with healing and personal development
If you’re ever looking for a solution to any life problem it’s all on this new magazine site.
Here’s the link. I hope you enjoy it and it’s a help to you and if so, maybe you want to subscribe so you never miss out on any of my new content? 😁🕺
www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
I subscribed! The newsletter is a separate subscription, yes?
yes it is. To subscribe to it, you can check the box on the website
Kenny, what I truly want is peace. I’m not searching for love. I would be grateful for that gift.
The amount of self work one need to do to have such a level of self wareness! That s great! Thanks for sharing
Point one…we accidentally get pregnant by a narcissist when he was still showing his ‘good and charming and giving side’.
WoW 😮 just discovered you Doc by being drawn to this video title!
I could not get the guys I wanted so all I got was narcissists. I had no idea it was this dynamic. Yes I am messed up from childhood abandonment by both of my parents! I understand that I caused it. We usually are labeled “empaths” though. I never learned barriers at all growing up. Awful 😢
Finally someone besides Lisa Romano who explores the bad part we contribute to these toxic relationships! And all we can change is ourselves so your focus is the best I have found! I hope your books can help me recover and be a tougher more assertive woman staving off bad people!
Between family members, me the scapegoat, relationships, neighbors, and narcissist at work I have counted 17. Anywhere from covert to malevolent.
I retired, moved, and became a hermit.
Stunning. Really. Both my parents and both my wife's parents were narcissists. I recently told a friend that we had found each other for a reason. Last week, after almost forty years of marriage, she left me, with utterly no warning, for her "twin flame" she had secretly been in communication with for ten months. Her last words to me were "kiss me" and "be careful on your scooter". I came back to a "Dear John" letter. So now, like a fool, I'm going through her Facebook trying to figure her out.
I am so sad you went through that but also very happy for you. When the initial shock wears off and the real grieving begins, we will stop trying to figure them out and begin figuring ourselves out. When we do that we recognize their leaving was the greatest gift they could give us. It allowed us to find ourselves and reach our full potential. Enjoy The Journey
A year ago I would have been so unhealed not to accept and understand the truths of this message. I thank you. It makes me understand my role in choosing that relationship and it turned out.
I pick the them because I’m such a loner and lazy at staying connected with friends - the ones who keep pestering are usually the narcissists or psychopaths and I’m like “ooooh their so nice” I am totally aware that this happens
👏👏👏 you dropped another "a ha" bomb video Kenny! I'm saving this and watching it over and over. Thank you.
Thank you. I had many many abusive times from parental abuse. You know, this program alllowed me to bring one to mind that though involved no physical abuse to me, got mom severe abuse, brothers also extreme physical abuse. It was during an isolated trip our family took, father went into a rant, abuse began, and I had no where to run, no where to go, no way to get help for us.
I realize I became paralyzed in that event, terrified paralysis. I’ve lived with that for many years, over 50, it didn’t come out in my years and years of psychotherapy. Then, there it was. Powerless, scared, trapped, couldn’t protect anyone, it was horrible. Thanks for a start… very much.
So eye opening...and truth!!! Thank you!
You are very welcome. ;-)
Hi Kenny, it’s great that you did this video. It took me 34 years to realize I married a Covert Narcissist. Then in the past year after 3 years. I am now aware that I’m codependent. I became aware it’s because of my childhood trauma when I became a people pleaser. I started the habit of fawning. Then as an adult I became codependent. My therapist doesn’t believe in empaths.. Oh my lord, I said to him I see it like a continuum. The narcissist at one end, and the empath at the other. I am responsible for injury of a narcissist in my marriage. I didn’t know about narcissism, so being empathetic, intuitive, and having self awareness. I confronted him.
Wonderful job, Kenny! great video.
Glad you enjoyed it :)
What an honest and good video, thank you for uploading this
I think it is important to dive into personal responsibility vs taking blame, blaming self, “it’s my fault”; especially with adults who were sexually abused as a child.
You're a powerful empath energy reader and healer that's why if you haven't already figured that out Kenny 😉. I'm amazed by how many of the same views we share, mine has a bit more of a spiritual twist when I discuss such topics but love the way you explain such topics knowing you're helping a wide audience because you explain things in such neutral common sense relatable language. I take pleasure in seeing others tap in and tune into their spiritual gifts knowing and unknowingly sometimes then using them to help others. Kudos to you beautiful soul!
I came across your channel on FB, a video of you discussing depression. As the holiday season closes in more can struggle with depression. I watched with no expectations in hopes of finding sound advice that may help the beautiful souls in my FB orbit and was pleasantly surprised 😁! So I decided to go to your TH-cam to check out your channel and found more videos I totally agree with your takes on 👍😁.
Thank you 🙏 for doing all that you do to help our fellow soul travelers along their journeys by shining and sharing your light and life experiences, I appreciate you fellow lightworker.
☮❤😁, good health and prosperity all! Why? Because life is entirely too short to do otherwise 🤷♀️. You, yes you, are worth it 🤗. Doing the self work now will pay big dividends now and into the future otherwise the Universe has a way of presenting this lifetimes lessons over and over again until we learn them or as Kenny eludes to transform into something that doesn't resonate with our souls truths potentially making us even more miserable until we learn 🤷♀️.
Hi Jody, thank you so much for the very kind words. I really appreciate them😁
You open my understanding for the first time. I have allowed the men in my life to bulky, be mean to me, and then said nothing, thinking I was saving a disagreement or fight. That's part of my childhood damage of the arguments that raged, then anger that was released on us kids, in abuse. The verbal portion was bad, but physical was just as bad. As an adult I will do anything to avoid any drama. Or fussing, arguments. So I suffer in allowing it to continue. Well a month ago I ended a 10 month dating of a man I am still very fond of, but I finally realized he is as damage as I am. He had a life of privilege, but says it was not. I was in Avery different world but suffered. He has no empathy, no emotions or feelings for anyone other than animals. He loves them, follows rescue stories and grand things people around the world do for stray, or homeless dogs, cats, but is very hard hearted toward me. Just the simplest things set him off toward me. Meaning nothing by an option over anything. He even shush me often. Iv finally realized this will never work. After being married to one 37 years till his death, being with this man I constantly compare them. I never understood why, now I do. I'm going to stop being a victim, and require anyone in my life to show me respect, kindness and care. If not, I will remain alone. It's just not worth the pain. Thank you....I never knew til now...why I'm drawn to that kind of person...wow!!!!!
You're so right about the intensive feeling / how the attraction works. Until seeing your video I am still puzzled about the first time I met this person. From very far away, knowing absolutely nothing about this person, never had any conversation, I wouldn't even say he's handsome or attractive, but somehow I had an extremely strange feeling, which I still can't explain,. 10 years after that, I remember at that time myself observing him interacting with other people and feeling completely confused about what I felt. I constantly ask myself what's wrong with me for staying with him and allowing him to be in my life for so long. It becomes an entangled relationship that both of us has been suffered but couldn't let go.
Yes that is the trauma bond that we both play an equal part
OMG this is so interesting. You just explained my whole life. “We dance in the game”. I can fix or change them. Never ending battle. Thank you for shining the light on two broken souls. 🙏
Thank you so much for your compassion toward narcissists. As you say, you can't condone the behavior, but you have to recognize the trauma that made them what they are.
Oh, and, yeah, I saw myself in the ways we attract narcissists lol.
I love this video. I recognized that I enabled my narcissistic ex husband's nonsense for so many years due to my unhealed childhood wounds and my desire to fix him. I am so happy that I was able to recognize this and left him 2 years ago.
Seriously one of the best things I've ever seen about this subject. Bravo.
Thank you I’m so glad it resonated with you and hopefully helped you. :-)
Kenny Thank You . I’m 62 yrs . Old ,, And have had a Lifetime of Confusion and Depression . Recently went Back to your Teachings . Your Explanations have saved my Life , Again Thank You …
kenny is THE man. brilliant info. im borderline and with a female narc. its been an absolute nightmare, we're both trauma bonded so we break up and say horrible crap to each other in the moment, its maddening. but then, after saying we'll never talk to each other again, lo and behold we're back together for a day or two, rinse and repeat. nightmare. i feel like i love the girl but if anyone else had said/done to me the things she has i would have finished with them and never looked back. so, do i really love her/ she love me? who knows, but it is a toxic relationship and if i could just forget about her tomorrow i would!! its crazy. because we both have issues we need to address its unworkable really. broke up 100s of times. i would kill for a normal, loving relationship!! thanks for showing us the way out, Kenny! love your work.
very eye opening. Yes I see myself the underempowered attracting the extreme narcissist but always blaming them. I tried to fix them. I was so broken too. I refuse now to be involved in a romantic relationship.
Kenny..I really appreciate the information and your presentations are so clear and succinct. Thanks so much!!
You’re welcome. I’m happy they resonate with you
Oh man, I dealt with emotional incest from both parents. Father was the narcissist who parentified me as the oldest of 4 kids.. Im relating to you Alot Mr. WEISS