How To Be Trauma Bond Free From Narcissists And Abusers
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ม.ค. 2023
- How To Be Trauma Bond Free From Narcissists And Abusers.
In todays video I am going to provide you with seven guidelines to healing and a ten step process to break your trauma bond from a narcissist or an abuser and show you how to give their pain back to them.
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Hi, I'm Kenny 👋
I specialize in helping you heal from emotional hurt so you can elevate your life by helping you get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
I am an advocate for truth and healing. So naturally, therefore, my emotional mastery method might initially feel a bit rough. But, when you start finding answers to the questions you ask yourself (even those you're afraid of), break free from self-destructing behaviors, and begin loving yourself and living your best life, you will feel powerful and empowered.
If you have looked everywhere, are desperate for a solution, and you're ready to stop being held hostage by your emotional misery, your journey to emotional mastery starts here.
It's the secret to finding yourself!
#kennyweiss #worstdaycycle #kennyweisslifecoach
Wow.
"This is not my pain. I give it back to you."
So very powerful.
There are some abusers that are not traumatized but sick and enjoy abusing others for the power.
When I was just beginning to learn about narcissistic injury, all the narcissistic experts were 100% focused on the characteristics of the narc without ANY mention on how, or why, we get involved with them in the first place. At the time, I had been deeply involved with a disordered personality type who idealized, devalued, and discarded me. He moved on to another woman in just 5 short weeks. My head was spinning. I read everything I could get my hands on in regards to narcissism. After studying the subject for a while, I really wanted to understand myself and my part in the relationship. You are one of the rare professionals that is addressing this issue on a deep level. It is so needed. I understand that at first we want to learn what the heck just happened, but when we remain focused on the narc's undesirable traits, we get stuck in the victim phase and never learn about ourselves in relationship to our own personal power. I also know to heal takes a strong desire and commitment to do the work as it is not easy, but neither is staying stuck in old wounding. So thank you for your work, it is tremendously helpful.
Perfectly said!
Well said and spot on!! This is what makes Kenny unique
Thank you
Thank you for showing me the road I have to go.
Our sibling used 2 sisters &me for Target Practise; throwing 20- ounce canned goods everynight! we showedParents the Bruises& they both said , " STOP BOTHERING HIM!"""!
I love this: She’s still trying to “love” me but now I want a different kind of love “. It’s so true. The narc tries to “love” with shame and blame. This gave me such insight
Wonderfully said!
The thing I love about this is that it 1) doesn’t blame anyone and 2) affirms my reality (wants, needs, values…..
To me, love is when someone else's happiness makes you happy. Narcissists are often jealous of happy people and would rather destroy their happiness. A guy once told me, "love is when someone makes you happy." This guy was clearly a narcissist. He was saying that because he was having an affair with a co-worker (and I guess he was trying to justify his actions to me....... I dunno why he was spilling that TMI to me.). I had just had my first born child, and I was exhausted but happy, because my kid was happy. So to me that guy was wrong about "love." He didn't love that woman he was having an affair with. It was just lust. That woman "made [him] happy." That's not real love. That's selfishness. And it's good that he did not want children, because that kind of person can never "love" a baby. Babies regularly make you uncomfortable and unhappy -- they can't smile until they are two months old, they poop, they pee, they vomit, and they create new and unexpected monetary expenses. If you can't self-lessly "love" a baby -- and make their happiness your own, you will not be able to properly raise a child. Narcissistic parents don't care about their baby's wellbeing over their own. When I worked in a newborn nursery, there was a morphine addicted mother who had a critically ill baby, but she wanted to leave against medical advice because she had to go to a "New Year's Eve" party. That is a person who will never love anyone except themselves. The only solution for dealing with those types of people is to not be in a relationship with them. Unfortunately for the child, who has no choice.
The Bible says, Guard your heartwith all your might, for all of life's issues flow from it. ❤️
I am in the crying phase. When I did the journey to talk to my inner child he told me "can you help me I don't feel safe" Made me just bawl my eyes out. So freakin crazy.
Can I just say how the colour purple of your clothes looks wonderful on you and makes us feel good too ? 😊
I went through severe childhood trauma, neglect being just one of them. I've recently left my narcissistic partner.
1. What am I feeling?
2. Where on my body do I feel it?
3. What is my first memory of this feeling?
4. What belief/thought did I create?
5. Grieve. Experience pain and let it go.
6. Express empathy for abusers and self and Forgive yourself.
7. Hold them accountable. Give back to them. See my own responsibility and how did I attract and create this.
8. Anger work. Write rage letter and judgement and swearing.
Express physically.
9. Self forgiveness for how did I adapt? What dysfunctions did I develop?
10. Envision how you want to see yourself. I am safe. I am okay.
@Grace4me111
Thank you for the list. I appreciate your contribution. That was very considerate… timesaving. 💕
37 years I’ve been with a Covert Narcissist. At the beginning, I thought he was less pain than my childhood. After 10 years, I thought it could be worse at least he doesn’t hit me. I read a book, “ The Four Agreements.” It stated that one will only tolerate the amount of pain one has inflicted upon oneself. I must have tolerated a lot of self inflicted mental pain. It’s getting very close to lack of tolerance. Or possibly I am implementing boundaries because I recognize my self worth. I can’t wait to read your book. 📕
I feel the same way about pedophiles. My biological dad (whom I’ve only just met a few years ago, he was in prison for 18yrs) he was a child molester. I asked him to tell me his life’s story while he was still locked up, so he told it to me in letters. That was one heart wrenching tale of trauma, severe abuse and sexual exploitation. It is a learned behavior. The behavior is so wrong and damaging, and they are acting out their own horrific trauma.
So sad 😢
No excuse. Not just your Dad. But any abuser. Their own abuse doesn't give them the right to abuse others. They still know right from wrong. If I abuse someone then I need to be held accountable and not say "well I was abused so that makes it OK."
I’m American and my in-laws are from another culture , they didn’t except me at all .. 10 yrs married w their sons baby , and his parents refused too see are child … I see clearly now where my husband of 40 yrs got NPD from .. his family is like a cult . And that generational NPD is REAL 😵💫
Dear sarahcouture, I'm very glad that you were able to meet your biological father and correspond with him.
The influence of evil (demonic) spirits definitely also plays a role. They are invisible most of the time, but a real factor in our lives. Yet all human beings have free will -- we can choose (decide) what we want to do and what we do not want to do. Many people are deceived and do not see things that way. Consequently they do not will themselves to rule over their bodies (their inborn rebellious, "sinful" fleshly nature) and resist the temptations of the devil.
Without God's help it can be difficult to exercise self-control. It can be difficult to think clearly. We need to be willing to turn to God for help. If we are willing to do what we know He wants us to do (which is always the best thing -- both for ourselves and the other people in our lives), He helps us to live it.
God (the God of the Bible, of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob -- the only true God) does not want anyone to be lost (to experience eternal damnation in hell) but for everyone to be saved (to have eternal life in the kingdom of heaven). He is merciful and forgiving. Through repentance and accepting Jesus Christ as our Saviour, we can receive forgiveness of sin and be in right standing with God (our Creator).
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. *For our struggle is not against flesh and blood* , but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places [the spirit realm, the "celestial sphere" or "the air"]. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm."
(Ephesians 6:10-13, from the New American Standard Bible, 1995 edition)
People interested in the testimonies of survivors of S@tan!c r!tu@l @buse could have a look at the Ytube channel of J0n W3dg3r, and at the website 50v0!ces.org (two consonants changed in the name of the website). There are also the writings of an ex-Ilmnti progr@mmer (available at inter alia sv@lispe@ks@g@in.wordpress.com -- I substituted @ for "a" to try to prevent this comment being deleted.)
Wishing you all the best sarahcouture.
We need to read the Bible (a good, trustworthy translation like the old King James Version or the New American Standard Bible) for ourselves, and think about it for ourselves -- then we won't be so easily misled by false religions, false churches (many of whom call themselves "Christian", but teach a false gospel message), false teachers and false prophets. It's a matter of (eternal) life or death.
Many Roman Catholics are very devout believers who sincerely want to live good lives, and I respect their devotion, but they are deceived. The Roman Catholic Church is a false church with a false Christ and an unbiblical (works-based) message of salvation. They have many unbiblical beliefs and customs. There are many churches that People need to read the Bible for themselves (all of it, not just selected verses) and find out the truth.
Many so-called "Christian" churches are counterfeit and do not teach a Bible-based salvation message. They do not truly respect God and His Word.
Every part of the Bible should be read and interpreted within the context of that particular part of Scripture, and also within the context of the Bible as a whole, otherwise it could easily be misinterpreted.
The devil twisted Scripture into a lie when he tried to tempt Jesus. He misinterpreted it on purpose.
Some preachers and teachers are themselves deceived, and then go on to deceive others. But carelessness and wishful thinking could also cause us to misinterpret the Word of God. (I am speaking from personal experience.)
We need to be careful to stick to what the Bible says. Everything else must be measured against it, since it is mankind's most trustworthy source of knowledge.
It is crucial that we read attentively and think carefully about what we read. Jesus said in Mark 4:23-25,
"If any man has ears to hear, let him be listening and let him perceive and comprehend. ... Be careful what you are hearing. The measure [of thought and study] you give [to the truth you hear] will be the measure [of virtue and knowledge] that comes back to you-and more [besides] will be given to you who hear. For to him who has will more be given; and from him who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away [by force]."
(In this instance I quoted from the Classic edition of the Amplified Bible, to make the meaning clearer, of what Jesus said here.)
I've read that some Bible translations, like the English Standard Version or ESV, used to be considered dependable, but have since been corrupted (in the case of the ESV, with its 2016 translation). The discovery of the corruption of some translations has galvanized me into informing and warning others. I think the reality of being under attack is strongly motivating and can make us treasure and appreciate God's Word (the Holy Bible) all the more.
Children minimize because they don’t have away out. I look back on my life and see why I ran away, it was I knew something was wrong and I knew I had to get away. I carry the pain to this day and I can see that I knew there was some self worth otherwise I would have stayed and let them continue on harming me. Sure I didn’t have the skills to take care of myself, but I knew there was no other way out. I want to heal because the anger and emotions I carry are dysfunctional.
These videos are helping me so much, these past few days. I'm so grateful I stumbled upon your channel. I feel like a hostage to my own emotions and toxic empathy. Watching these videos are making it easier to understand, what is happening to me.
You are so welcome
I feel you sister, I never could understand what he was saying until I was ready to take responsibility for myself and stop blaming others. It helps so much. Whenever I get nuts it is mostly because I want to blame someone or I am lying about something to myself or others. I am trying to be honest and my life has gotten so much better. I fight back, I defend myself, I protect myself and I take better care of myself and he and a couple other TH-cam creators have helped me this last year.
Congratulations! You are on your way to FULL RECOVERY!
Toxic empathy is learned...in childhood...
The best part is you CAN/ Will
Unlearn it 100 percent.
My journey began here
Louise Hay 10 ways to love yourself.
Marissa Peer You are enough
All free on youtube!
Welcome to the Freedom Club!!!!
I didn’t think I had trauma either but when I look back at my childhood it’s exactly what happened to me
My opinion is some people are broke and broken that they can’t afford what you’re offering. I appreciate you providing this video but I want you to acknowledge that some people can’t afford to do these things.
There are clinics that have a sliding scale fee. The one by me charges 20.00 depending on your income.
The best thing about being in a relationship like that was that it lead me to a lot of self discovery, you're doing a great job buddy, thankyou. Love your suit aswell!
Yes, perfectly aid. We learn so much about ourselves and Thank you!
My roommate: ...but he didn't MEAN to...
Me: Crocodiles don't mean to be cold-blooded killers, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cuddle one!
Woooooow, that's really good. There's always someone, oh but she's your mother, oh this or that. Crocodile metaphor coming through 😉💗
I love how you explain codependency and how you teach on personal responsibility and accountability for your part of the relationship. Unfortunately I don’t see many teachers who teach on this subject talk about accountability so thank you. When I started to heal from complex trauma I learned to love the person and focus on the behaviors of that person to separate it since everyone has their own battles. I no longer let abusive behaviors into my life. However I can still appreciate and call out the gold in that person and recognize that they have strengths and are valuable even though their behavior isn’t so nice. Taking accountability for different levels of vulnerability in my life. It also gives you back your power. Thank you I love your teachings and your style! ❤
This video/ message touches me profoundly. I have been in toxic relationships almost through life experience with huge personal consequences. The last two lasts for more than two decades, my career and life / selv brok a part. I always able to walk away physically, but the shadow followed...even though I went to several therapists/ psychologists, went back to Christinaty, watched whole bunch of videos on subject...I just got stuck, my mental and emotional weal being are on crucial level, I went from a archiver to a level of survival. The message is eye/mind opening beyond words, if I have to say something as we always saying but without realize is "the power is always within one 'selv'" and the Way is The Way. Thank you for such honesty and deep insight.
Developing the ability to recognise & have compassion for other peoples traumas and subsequent behaviours is the first step to being truly able to look in the mirror and offer yourself the same compassion. When you do this, you can then objectively search & discover the pinnacle moment during your childhood where your worst day cycle was imprinted into your emotional limbic system. From there you can then figure out the boundaries you need to support the management of this discovery. I would never had pieced any of this together without Kenny. This man was the missing link for me. Thank you Kenny!
I just want to say: Thank you. So much. This video came to me exactly when I needed it.
I am the only one, who can heal myself. No one else.
Thank you ❤
Yes, blame leads to resentment. Please learn to let it go. Not OUR problem. Let's work on ourselves. Our trauma is OUR trauma. I don't compare or it may make me accept my trauma as not as bad. All trauma is trauma. Let's get healed y'all.
I am guilty of the thing you describe and I to pick men who reinforced my own self destruction - your childhood is something you spend your whole live getting over but the long term damage we do to our self
My Mum was abusive as a child and after a trauma bond for the past 6 years to a similar person, its opened my eyes to what I need to work through to avoid these relationships in the future.
Oh my God, I have been searching for years for a professional who would not spend the whole video telling me how awful the narcissist is. I know that from personal experience. I want to know why I have chosen severely damaged partners to "love", in every serious relationship I have been in. I'm 62 years old, and I am on my way out of one now. I seriously cannot afford another trama bonded relationship. This was such a refreshing change from the norm, and I am excited to get to know your techniqes!
I am happy you found what you are looking for. I hope you take advantage of my free downloads and free classes. The links are in the description underneath all of my videos.
Inner child work helps me remember how I felt and at what age. It hurts but I stick w it. I was invisible to all the people around me. No voice just observing people's behavior. I played a part in chosing that person. Invisible again.
When my mum died late last year she left me all her books in her Will including twenty six years worth of personal diaries. I had a front row seat of my life from the pov of an abuser. I can’t express how grateful I am for having these. I’m not sure why my brother gave them to me. Either he didn’t read them or he did and wanted me to be hurt by them. Either way they gave me the answers and confirmation I’d been seeking my whole life.
Thank you for reminding me about personal responsibility. Being stuck in blaming others for my problems is basically narcissism. Isn't it what they do - blame everyone else for their problems?
But one thing that helped me at least start to notice that I entered a toxic relationship is learning about emotional abuse. For example, I didn't know that being ignored was abuse. I didn't know that a person who is always happy around me and then suddenly turning cold and distant with no explanation was toxic. Worse, I was trained to never even ask a question about why someone became cold and distant. I felt it would make me stupid/needy/negative if I asked. As a result, in response to coldness, I would feel guilty and bad about myself and try to be better(take on a bigger role of a bigger "doormat") in spontaneous ways, hoping that being more servile and slave-like and more pleasing would stop someone's coldness. Today I know my attempts to please more would only enable their coldness more(rather than eliminate it).
Today, I am training myself to RUN away from a person with hot-cold-hot-cold behavior instead of agonizingly reflex on why another person does this. That recognition of abusive/toxic behaviours is helping me a lot.
Thank you for your experiences your going through right now, it's exsacly how my significant other treated me for over 5 years..absolutely can not say a word about what was , is being done to me abusively, i feel like a doormat, crazy, paranoid, stupid. Less then, EVEN though, I know in my heart I am not any of those things. Insane, I let my self stay and looking back im so beyond shock I stayed. So, now He is helping, but my insurance won't cover ptsd therapy any where around me! So these videos and him are a lifesaver.
Oh, lord I comment on everything Kenny says. I am grateful for listening to this.
Oh my, I thought the same thing about the abusers. “ That’s learned behavior.”
I made that comment that I have empathy for my husband. Thanks for sharing, I need to honor my pain first. I know forgiveness isn’t condoning.
As much work as I’ve done thus far, I still see how much further I can go. Such a process this self mastery! Thank you Kenny for the arsenal of tools, your compassion and sharing personal examples. It’s a work in forgiveness, accountability & acceptance.
You are so welcome!
Kenny, your channel is growing like wildfire and there’s a reason for that. You get to the point and you’re so beautifully authentic. I just ordered your book, Your Journey to Success and Pia Mellody’s book, Facing Codependence.
I really liked your point about referring to the narcissist as “dysfunctional” 9:28
We are all perfectly imperfect.❤
Thank You!!! 🙌🏼🌹
Krissy
Thank you Krissy… and yes, out of nowhere, the TH-cam algorithm finally found me after seven years. So all of a sudden they started showing my content. 🤷🏼♂️
Every video is so true....and what I appreciate most is that he tells about the responsibilities of co-dependents, that is something that nobody's does, and it's so important because if you're watching this kind of videos 90% you are... so switch the focus on you.. actually I can recognise myself 90% of what he said I never see myself in the angel position, I've always feel like i wasn't doing enough taking all the blame on me and all the responsibilities about everything i couldn't do to help and fullfill the continues requests of every one was around me i subconsciously recognise as a NP or co-dependent it's really like a superpowerfull sixtsense for past traumatised people 😅😅 my dad was a narcisist, my wife, many of my friends were co-dependent or narcisist, and probably it's the same for most co-dependent so just look around you and admite that it's not only a casualty 😅🤗
Very insightful. Someone I was friendly with suffered a deep loss at the age of 10 when a parent suddenly died. Afterwards the other parent tried to send the child for counseling but that didn't work. This parent then tried to make up for the loss by indulging the child with material things and stepping into "rescue" by taking financial responsibility in this person's adulthood. So unfortunately I believe this is the reason why this person has very obvious narcissistic traits.
Hi Kenny, I told my therapist that I am an empath. He does not believe in that. I told him I don’t think I am a magically majestic being. I have good intuition. I also mentioned that because of my childhood trauma, I pay attention to tones of voices, expressions, and I am an empathetic human being. So now I decided an empath is a term used for a person who has awareness. So it’s not actually real. I do believe in science, and a the continuum. Narcissism is at one point than an empath is at another point. If Narcissism is real then an empath is. That doesn’t necessarily mean an empath is majestic. An empath can be brutal without mindfulness. An empathic person has awareness, and the ability to choose to improve their quality of life. Most importantly recognize and take responsibility for their behavior.
“Tears are a gift”
Moving energy
I have so many trauma memories. It started when I was 4 or 5 years old.
Thank you Kenny! I have been dating my narcissist (and possibly sociopathic) mother for 20 years.
Relationships including platonic friendships have mirrored experiences from childhood. In the past year, I have finally started excising toxic people; creating boundaries to keep me safe and healthy. It has been really tough.
I am so horrified looking back and facing how I let others treat me. Watch out world, mistreat me now and you'll wish we never met!
That is exactly what I am going thru. I am horrified at what I allowed people to do. My family behaves so awful that I feel sorry for them. I thank God that He gave me strength and awareness to move on from them. Healing is hard but worth it.
I saw this yesterday, and it was JUST what I needed right then. I was starting in my cycle, and listening to this helped me get outta that funk. This information resonated with me in two ways:
1) You said something like "we get the love we think we deserve". That hit like bricks. And instantly reminded me of a CS Lewis quote "The door to hell is locked from the inside." That has certainly been true of me cause I stayed. I didn't leave. THAT was my choice. And I am grateful to be far enough along in my recovery to own MY choices and to see that it is only MY choices that will get me out. Self acceptance is salvation.
2) Empathy with the Dsyfunctional person. That one I never got. I was like "HOW?" they are doing mean sh!t to me. But the way you phrased it helped me put it in this fashion: the person who is doing dysfunction things feels horrible. They want to feel good. So they do things that make them feel good (about themselves). THAT just happens to be being toxic to those around them. Its 1 upping - and a person likely only 1 ups, because they feel 1 down. And I said that to myself again "THEY feel HORRIBLE about themselves". And I think I felt some kind of love for them, some kind of forgiveness, because I've been there. I've felt horrible and I tried SO many things to feel better (mainly about myself).
It doesn't make me want to hang out with them more, it just makes me not hate them - not be enmeshed/codependent with them.
Just overnight my oldest brother (82) is working his own trips to disregard my mental health. I'm finally (64) sticking to my guns and standing up for myself. And, this is an old pattern. THIS helps me NOW, this morning early. His younger daughter is having a tough life, these tones from him can't help her quality of life. And I adore my brothers. Thanks, Kenny and each of you posting here as well 🌻
I dont have words to thank you enough. You are a breath of fresh air, while all the coaches talk about narc this and narc that- you are actually helping people focus on their own unhealed issues.
I have a question - when I start forgiving myself and the narc- it spins back to feeling sorry for their childhood and start looking for ways in how can they be helped. As humans why cant we help each other grow together and heal. Is it also due to trauma bond, I end up thinking all this ?
You made me cry today and I don't know if that's good or bad. You touched and opened so many of my hidden emotions. I just realized that I've got so much to do with myself to get better after my narcissistic relationship, to heal, to forgive myself, to love myself again. Thank you
It’s definitely a good thing to cry….cry & access those emotions so they can be processed & dealt with.❤️❤️
I’m confused on how I attracted someone who wasn’t themselves but a narcissist, they played the Prince Charming part. What I do know is that I allowed myself, and I do take accountability for allowing & sticking around where I knew wasn’t right. I do know I cannot change a narcissist, but it’s also not my responsibility. I am just trying to understand all of this & how I attracted not one, but two abusive people. I do have my own childhood traumas & issues, but it’s only turned me into wanting to help, save & fix everything. I will never stop helping others but I know I cannot save someone who doesn’t want saved.
You're an angel 🥹😭🤍🤍
I laughed,cried and was answering when you spoke. That was the best 50 minutes of 2023 for me. I take my perfectly imperfect self to the separation court on Tuesday summoned by my wounded perfectly imperfectly wife. I used to try to box it between narcissistic and borderline ... Blah Blah .. She's no psychopath. She's only wounded like me
so now I don't want to use the word narcissist. The timing of this today is perfect for me ... Tuesday I go to the first hearing with my record of abuse primarily to defend myself. After this 50 minutes of therapy I will strive to resolve this situation differently. I am grateful for finding you and I pray your channel reaches far and wide.
I hope things are good between you and your brother . Thank you ! Grazie mille Kenny ❤️🙏🏼
You are very welcome and i hope things go well for you next week!
Thank you so much! learning so much, getting out orf a 20 years abuse married!
Kenny, you are crazy! This free video is worth a million dollars to me.
It's the key to all the doors, it's the answer to all the questions. You shame me, but not in a toxic manner. I will try to get me a crédito card, I didn't need it in South América so far.
I never saw my father, but isn't it a gift, he never hurt me. I saw my mother a few times, she did things to me I could tell, but I don't want to hurt or trigger anyone.
I am 57 so it will be strange what I gonna say.
Watching your video I felt, this is my father, he is perfect, at least perfect enough.
I am proud of you and I will give my dad your face.
And I cried with you, but a little longer than you.
I say this cuz I know you question your father role.
I remember people say to me: You're the best father in the world, you do a great job, don't worry.
Some of my adult kids told me so too.
As a young man I told the world about my traumas, I used it. Beautiful girls came to love me like crazy.
I abused them like a borderline. I was aware, I couldn't help it, I said and felt so sorry even while abusing them. It hurt so bad to me. I had to set them free, cuz I loved them. We had contact like friends for décadas. I am so grateful for all of their love. I learned to trust love and never had to abuse again.
They healt me so far, that I could live a life as a man.
But from now on I did denail any trama effect on me. That's dangerous.
This time I'll do it right, you would be proud of me, what I am doing, you are a big part of it, thanks for being you.
Desde Sudamérica
Thank you for the very kind words
You are a treasure for the first time someone is getting through to me
I now understand what my mantra was. It was, "I can yell as loud as I can for help, but no one hears me, or things it's worth doing anything about. I'm on my own. No one is coming. I don't even exist." I'm happy to say though, I've been though enough recovery that, I don't generally think that way any more. Or, if I do, it's only momentary. I've replaced it with a new mantra. "I'm enough. I matter. I'm flawed but still okay. I'm lovable just the way I am and I don't ever deserve to be treated poorly just because I'm a human being with flaws. I welcome being held accountable with grace and kindness. Not threats and intimidation."
Whenever I talk about my childhood, I say it was ideal. I was always told I was good. I received moderate discipline as a GenXer and was taught to take responsibility for my actions... ... But I was so naive. Married young to a differently traumatized young woman... We know the story. Point is, my kids and are slowly working through the healing. One of my earliest memories, which I am newly fascinated by, is such an intense feeling of being left out/rejected. At 4 ish yrs old, I remember it as deeply as an 18 yr old. The initial grieving of the relationship I was in (8 years before leaving), was that feeling x100. Obviously have discovered my people pleasing nature to avoid that feeling, previously at any cost.
Kenny, thank you for sharing your work. It's one more piece of the puzzle to this amazing life as a human.
I was raised by toxic.. didn't know it until much later ..I am a magnet for coverts .. the last one 18 years ..severe trauma bond ..no identity etc.. I was discarded by my mother oct 2022 then my partner dec 29 2022...both in a hideous way ....its been a year and I haven't been able to go outside ..I quit my ob which I loved. ..first I took a med leave ...I never went back .I gained 49lbs I look like I aged 20 years all in the past year .....I keep hoping ii will be okay tomorrow. tomorrow never comes ... I am a strong woman ..this isn't me ..I have shame that I can't deal w it..angry I don't know how to feel better ..I been in bed for a year ..I need help. I not able to shack it ..sometimes I feel its getting worse. ..time isn't really helping ...I cried for 8 months straight ,,,now I am just not able to shed any tears ..I am a hollow empty shell ..dont know what to do
Ow.... this hurts
Just excellent. Just grateful for this.
PURE GOLD! Thank you Kenny!
Kenny...wow brother. Your material in your videos is amazing. I have been really doing the work to leave my narcissistic wife of 28 years and I'm in the process of leaving. I really have to thank you bc your videos dug DEEP at the original abuse from my dad. In this process, I've forgiven my Dad and my wife....not condone it...ive forgiven them both bc they were absolutely abused and I do have compassion for them both. I now honor myself by never allowing anyone to use me in any capacity. I will never enable another person's dysfunctional behaviors.
I must be healing because I can recognize a communication effort being made by a narcsissist while now only ignoring it when possible while feeling grateful that I don't have to live with them or visit them in their favorite places to operate with narcissism. Instead of feeling momentarily offended by them.
For someone who is spiritual, the Bible says honor your parents. That means live well, it doesn't mean you have to keep them in your life. I forgive them but I don't want them around me. They are toxic, I honor God and set boundaries for what I allow in my life.
Empathy for other Love and Empathy for my self in the name of Christ Jesus Amen thank you for your words I am now at true forgiveness and still love those men and woman who been abused and going to keep moving forward in Love and grace
Emotional mastery FTW
I’m 50% of the relationship so I totally get this. Thank you!
You're so welcome!
When I first broke up with a narc a few years ago, I joined some FB groups based on the topic. The whole attitude of the self-proclaimed "empaths" immediately struck me as being obsessed with being a victim. It did indeed seem quite narcissistic. Discovering that it was in fact codependency seemed like a much more responsible angle to take, in terms of working on my issues and getting away from attracting lazy, self-involved monsters as partners.
People want your work for free because love from a parent is supposed to be free. Everyone is out here trying to get the parental love we didn’t get from others as adults for free. But, I finally realized, if you didn’t get loved the way a child is supposed to be loved, no one can give an adult that form of love. You can not recreate it in adulthood. You have to accept that you will never be loved like that and make peace with it.
If you can learn to LOVE YOURSELF in the way your parents didn’t … then trust me you won’t find anyone else who can love you and look after you as good as you can yourself ❤ most people go into a relationship with the mind of what they can get from it as opposed to what they can bring to it …. That’s the downfall right there.
Ty for this inspirational video. I need to heal ❤
My feelings come and go. I didn't have feelings for about a year and now all I feel is negative. I recognize when I should feel positive. In those "happy moments " i just feel empty.
We are both perfectly imperfect
deserving of love and care
and I will honor my pain above all.
How true.. people don’t see their own self healing..
Kenny thanks for sharing the video-i am always nice to people-as soon as I see their superficial and selfish I remove them from my life-block and remove-thing is it feels theirs an invasion of narcs-as though narcs have taken over the planet. The way people treat you is how they feel about you-the shame is on them as its a reflection of their character and not yours-
Wow, that’s deep. That unexplained love. My husband says he loves me. I am dedicated, “ I Will Always Love You “ by Dolly. That’s my moving forward song.
This is interesting, I can't really feel that much, hovever I can remember most of my childhood from about 3 years of age.I have always heard that if you grow up with abuse , you are not allowed to feel anything, as most parents dont like that, so you have to people please. You can only start to feel when you start to feel safer.I guess I am working on my safety a bit more.I tried emotion focused therapy with a therapist.i drove her up the wall as I intellectualised everything.Now I am doing Somatic experiencing so I can start to eventually feel safe enough to feel.The process you describe does make sense to me BUT hard if you are not at the feeling stage yet.Some very excellent info in here that I have never heard anywhere else.Keep up the very good work🤗.
Thank you and yes, those who don't feel usually dissociated from their bodies because of the trauma. That requires very deep work. I am happy to hear you are pursuing that.
Hi Kenny, I know I had trauma in my childhood, which I accepted. My parents feared because I am verbal, and a truth teller. They had to stay on the offense when I was elementary school age. I heard so many threats to keep my mouth shut. A red flag for me even as a child. My mom was a malicious Narcissist. My dad may have been a Covert Narcissist. At this point, labels are insignificant my parents were abusive. I didn’t judge my parents. I wanted to get away from the toxicity.
Thank you for INCLUDING BPD in this video. Thank you for the rocket-speed super healing video.
People, listen to this video 20 times. This video is 20 lessons hyper-packed into one hour. This is basically a half year of healing in one video.
Also, thank you AGAIN, for pointing out BPD. It may be a different manifestation, bur in the end, the damage is the same as of you were with someone with NPD.
I like how you've changed your internal world to have a more healthy mindset. It must allow for the greatest healing. Bravo to you.
I'm also glad to hear you could heal and fix with relationship you had with her, that speaks VOLUME.
I JUST discovered your channel tonight and I am so excited and feel that this is a blessing from God. I have done alot of work already but now I'm questioning if I need to start over. I have forgiven my parents but have not forgiven my Narcissist or myself. I'm looking forward to watching more of your videos. I like how real uou are and that you share stories from your past. Never have I seen a man that transparent and I don't feel so alone in this journey. Thank you!
You’re very welcome. 😁
Truy to get.over it buy being clear with yourself &your feelings!"Take part of the responsability !"life goes on!
Kenny you are really helping me to have power and go through this healing with myself, I am second time with a narcissist , first he was really abusing, and I tought I was healed from it after I broke with him and recovered myself, but again I attracted another one for my life , that means I didn’t really healed my childhood trauma , which was not easy too ..and trying to leave this relationship now and is being really hard. The most difficult is to get over the crazy anger I feel for him and myself for being such long time like this . 😢
I'm ready to invest in myself Kenny.
I'm 55 in March and I'm sitting here watching this with tears streaming down my face and a big lump in my throat.
Every single thing you say is what I feel but I don't know what happened in my childhood which caused me to think so little of myself. I over do the 'nice me' to try and cover my hurt. I find it very hard to stand up for myself. I also give away far too much of myself.
In mid July last.year I actually did step up and away from my most recent 11 year narcissist relationship.
I'm now ready to move on and initally i'm going to read the Pia Mellody 'facing co dependency' book then my plan is to pick up with your full course and step away from my shame once and for all.
Thanks for your videos this far which have helped me get started.
The funny thing is that I only watched a video of yours last week but it was like a emotional volcano going of in my body.
God bless you .☘
Peter.
Scotland.
Good for you Peter. I commend you for your courage and don't worry, my process is very simple so finding the roots of your pain will become clear. You can do this. ;-)
Thanks Kenny.
Don’t cry Peter. That makes me sad xxxx
I know it’s hard to watch someone cry but it is a must in healing. I didn’t cry for 10 years at least. I would never stop to let myself feel. I now cry. I now reach deep to do my best to feel everything. I came from a very ‘unfeeling’ family. A very cold family & religious too. I’ve been in one narcissistic relationship to another. I am now 50 & am realizing my need to heal. I am now applying what I am learning in my relationships with my children & all my relationships.
Bless you Peter on your continued journey of healing. God bless you!❤
I am loving the healing and learning from this channel and I also love the well dressed fashion and colors in the video background😂❤🦋🤩😎🌺
Thank you so much for the compliments but more importantly, I am really happy you are healing and learning!!!
yes, at beginning, I thought this is Fashion channel 😂😂😂
I just purchased your book, thank you for showing up in my life, I look forward to healing and thriving...being perfectly imperfect!
Enjoy the journey. ;-)
Bé there for yourself!
❤Lovely, Kenny, I enjoy that part about different ways a different in front of mě (no judgement)❤ Lucie from Europe
Wow!!!!!!...really...I think you're right...so so helpful your thoughts.. really a journay...AM hoping I will succed to go this way to heal...
I definitely know now im soooo worth it. Unfortunately I live off 400 a month n my insurance is crap. Honestly if I had the money I'd to the ya I'd pay top dollar to heal.
Thanks for your information I share
i'm not sure why but i cried multiple times in this video. thank you so much for this. it was slightly cathartic
Golden child here!
I love and appreciate this peice ,thank you sr
So so true!this is a real awakening!
I started crying when you said....my exwife loved me perfectly.....Omg that really really hit home. Because I am struggling with liking my 28yr ex partner. I feel that is not common to like your ex narcissists partner but I do. It now makes sense.....he loved me perfectly 😢❤
I was the golden child. And I’ve never seen how manipulative this was…..I was also adopted so I was put on a pedestal my whole life. I literally started laughing and had to go talk a walk when I heard that explanation of childhood trauma. And then had to rewind that clip a few times and listen to it again. Wow.
OMG! Ive been through all the experts where he is the only one to be hold accountable...but as a 12 step person i wasnt feeling fully comfortable as ive seen the parallels of my childhood and even his childhood. Kenny, i dont know why i had avoided your videos till now. Your material is the one i most relate to. I did cry as i saw your tears...and relate to all you say. I also believe my partner being a golden child was paraded around to glorify his own mother...Im running to check which of your materials i can afford!! Many many blessings
Wow. So glad i found this.
“It is what it is” is my mantra.
Thank you Kenny!❤❤
There is so much here.
I know now why I bonded with my borderline ex. I needed to convince him to love and pick me (my mantra) through all sorts of inconsistency (my mother abandoned me as a child during an affair she had when I needed her most and she was my favorite person. I couldn’t believe she left me for some guy and chose him over me when I begged her to stay.)
My ex showed me the love I thought I was missing to fill the holes and when he withheld it through splitting and rage, I was all about begging to be prioritized and made most important. In his dysfunctional way, he did, but his treatment was too severe and I had to leave.
In retrospect, aren’t we also our abuser’s abuser? They selected us because we resembled the pain they carried.
I’ve been on my healing journey a long time and what you say is amazing! You are freaking brilliant! I don’t know if I can ever say “I adore him,” but you are spot on when you say he loved me in the way I let him. There was no other way because I had no other way to let anyone love me. I hated myself and I let two really nice guys get away because they loved me too much. I couldn’t let them love me. It’s crazy to think about.
To anyone wondering if the pain is worth it, YES!! A thousand times yes. There’s only one way to get to the other side and it’s through it. And it will be worth every single tear, every single raw feeling and when you get to the other side, you’ll wonder why you even hesitated because it’s such freedom. Do it for yourself! I promise you, you’ll never regret it.
I still don't know who you are in real life, but I do dig the videos. I gathered you're into sports, but even more so, you're a sharp dressed man, like the joker. Thanks.
Glad you like them!
I’m so afraid yet so excited. Probably doesn’t make any sense. Ohhhhhh wow I was just using my codependency to tell you it doesn’t make sense so you would tell me it does. Ohhh fudge!!!!!
The problem with crying infront of people doesnt necessarily have anything to do with shame, but rather with the added vulnerability invoked by doing so when ine alreafy feels overly vulnerable.
It's not that crying makes us vulnerable, but that it requires a certain vulnerability to hold that space.
I cant believe and i am so greatfull i got to the point that i can listen to you and agree without breaking my computer and cursinf you. As soon as i found your teachings i went to a walk and found a purple deflated baloon on the ground that says "mazal tov". I thought i was already healing my childhood trauma, i guess now i only begin. Thank you for saying the harsh truth and thank me for being ready to hear. 🎉💜
Haha, that is how most people react to me initially. They think I am crazy, but their inner truth draws them to come back. In time, it all starts making sense. It can take some people 1-3 years. ;-)
took me to many years of victimhood.. I Surender, thank you so much! see you around@@kennyweiss
First a critique… Your time and energy are worth something. You can’t live for free and I don’t expect you to give away your time and energy without compensation. You gave a wonderful gift to the world with your free videos. Anyone who wants to do your full program is just paying a fair amount for your services. Please don’t make paying money about how much we care about ourselves or what step we are on. I am buying your book at least.
Your videos are stunning. I have known for a while about my childhood trauma but this really connects me to how that trauma is causing me to relive that pain over and over in new relationships. Thank you for your gift. I believe it is like being in a trance going towards them to repeat the pain. This brings me out of the trance so I can take control.
Your work is tremendous. I can’t put into words how grateful I am. My heart weeps with gratitude.Thank you! Way to go!!!❤
Thank you ❤This is so healing
So happy, I found you.
“But I honour my pain first” I can totally connect to this ❤️🩹
Thank you so much for this. Really made me emotional.
The question in my family is that mom goes on and on still nowadays, so the only way of not being hurt is having no contact or, as less contact as possible. 😊
Mmm, as I see all her manipulation and intentions, she does'nt hurt me anymore, but she keeps hurting other members of our family, even children and yes, I feel rejection if I see her or hear her voice. 😊