How Toxic Shame Creates The False Self
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.พ. 2022
- How toxic shame creates the false self.
Toxic shame is an internal separation from our self it’s where the false self is born it is the third stage of the worst day cycle welcome back.
In todays video I am going to help you transform the emotional misery of toxic shame into emotional mastery by bringing awareness as to how the false self is created in us all.
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Hi, I'm Kenny 👋
I specialize in helping you heal from emotional hurt, codependency, and the pain from your past so you can elevate your life by helping you get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
I am an advocate for truth and healing. So naturally, therefore, my emotional mastery method might initially feel a bit rough. But, when you start finding answers to the questions you ask yourself (even those you're afraid of), break free from self-destructing behaviors, and begin loving yourself and living your best life, you will feel powerful and empowered.
To calm the chaos within and take charge of our lives, we must process our problems. The best way to overcome them and heal is to face our fears and uncover hard truths. Therefore, I provide the space and the information necessary to openly communicate and discover how to honestly, authentically, and logically process your emotions without fear. In short, I allow you to feel safe in my small part of the world until you can feel safe within yourself.
Sometimes when we look for answers to the most challenging questions, our greatest fears are realized. But, then, when we learn the truth communicated with the possible solutions, we often find an outcome better than we dared to dream.
If you have looked everywhere, are desperate for a solution, and you're ready to stop being held hostage by your emotional misery, your journey to emotional mastery starts here.
It's the secret to finding yourself!
#Kenny Weiss #Kenny Weiss life coach #Kenny Weiss TH-cam
Sitting quietly and listening to nature is grounding to our positive identity. It helps us "be."
In my case, it wasnt my parents. It was my schools, teachers, classmates, friends, a few siblings, and after becoming an adult, various employers. My parents failed to understand the severity but thats where it ended on them. Now that they're understanding it I can't possibly assign them blame. However, societal figures played a major role in my deep trauma and developing flawd character syndrome. Getting emotionally thrashed in an invisible way all throughout school, and later experiencing roughly the same thing in the work force. Even therapists have said things to me that ingrained that shame. Careful, the people who can help you the most can also hurt you the most.
25:26 Anger is a mask for Fear and Fear is always one of three things: Fear of rejection, inadequacy or powerlessnes
The biggest challenge --- after you realize you're a toxically shamed person --- is to identify it or see it clearly. But then it takes a while to find out how to relinquish toxic shame. Beause toxic shame is constantly operating through you --- it is not a temporary feeling. My biggest issue was to be seen by others. I was painfully self-conscious in public. I couldn't talk to people without feeling awkward; it was a parlizying feeling. I was socially anxious as well --- I was in fight or flight mode (survival). I was struggling to come up with words when I attempted to talk to someone --- words wouldn't come out. And the pain I was experiencing --- it made me an addict to refined carbs and sugars. Connection and socializing are my biggest challenges in life --- because toxic shame plagues me. It's so hard to identify it because it lurks silently in the back of my mind. The reality is that toxic shame is not like healthy shame --- toxic shame is a painful feeling that we're not aware of; we don't even know we're in pain.
When I’m trying to hold the narc accountable she won’t let me say a complete thought. So I’ll say “you’re cutting me off”, she’ll just keep saying, “I’m just trying to talk to you.” Then if I don’t stop trying to hold her accountable she’ll either rage or cry.
It’s a cycle she just won’t snap out of. It’s actually amazing now that I know what was going on all these years. Now I can see right through it cause she uses the same tricks every single time. It’s almost comical at this point.
Oh no, I just realized the depression and anxiety I went through after my knee replacement and having been given a list of things I could never DO again. My parents always said I never finished anything. Even sided with my first husband when he left me for another woman because I was such a dud. I love this Kenny!
Yes it’s amazing how we will do those things to ourselves just to prove our parents are correct even if they are self destructive. As children we will subconsciously do and become urgently anything to create attachment to our parents even if those things are detrimental to us. And as my book shows, we will even continue to do those throughout the rest of our life
@@kennyweiss Yes. I remember my father telling me when I was 7 years old (at that time I was a brilliant child at school), that he predicted me a future where I always will be failing. He didn’t say failing but “effondré” in French meaning “to crumble, to collapse”. Prophecy accomplished my professional career has always been chaotic with bosses regularly expressing dissatisfaction. I think I’ve never been able to prove them wrong and never got the ability to focus more on solving problems rather than thinking “I’m failing, I gonna fail, it’s over” 🤯. Yet a got plenty of degrees, speak several languages, play several instruments of music, never pursued anything neither to a very high level. I’m definitively codependant both disempowered and falsely empowered and your videos are helping me. I’m getting your book 📚 also and those of Pia Melody.
I had family that thought it was amusing to treat me as if I was doing something wrong. Instead of approaching me with curiosity it was always accusations, projections and assumptions. It's taken a long time to rewire that.. how could you ever feel confident in yourself with such condescending voices embedded in your brain from childhood
Sadly that is so common and it is so crippling and debilitating. My heart breaks that you experienced all of that.
you're not alone
Many questions are said with a tone insinuating one did something shameful or bad, like "What have you done today?"
Sh*t this is such a relief. Everything around me has been a giant mess. Codependency upon codependency.. AND this creates a huge space to FORGIVE me, them, everyone. Effin' wow. And Kenny's authenticity is nonstop and real. Such a relief and HUGE 😎😎😎
you really are a superstar, Kenny. THE WAY you put things. 💡
So honest and straight-on... more efficient than a lot of so-called professionals!
Thank you! I’m happy what I do resonates with you! 😁
Thank you so much for this video Kenny, I really appreciate it!
I fully admit and accept that I created my false self, "they" didn't, I did. I'm no longer ashamed or embarrassed about the past. I did what I needed to do in order to survive and cope with a childhood that felt emotionally excruciating. Now, I'm capable of just being.
All the best! ♾
Yeh accept u were abused _ that's right_ u created your abused self _ sure we got to blame someone_ theories that go round the merry go round_ round and round _ anyone dizzy
Kenny Im glad you never gave up and believed in yourself. Your work is much needed. I hope you become a tremendous success, rather than these pseudo life coaches, etc.
Thank you 😁
Your videos have helped me see the bigger picture in myself over the years I couldn’t understand. I hold guilt for all the things that I’ve done to people, how emotionally unavailable I was to emotionally manipulate them to get what I want, and stressing those with my self destruction. Because I know deep down that affects a person forever but I was too ignorant to see it. I’m working on forgiveness; it’s hard but only showing them the difference will be the change. Thank you for your wisdom and how to develop healthy boundaries, development, and self-esteem. I’ve been confused for so long about the whole empathy concept I just felt like it wasn’t working for me while also being an avoidant. Only when can I love and understand myself can I love and understand others.
This is why we become doers and not be-ers! Thanks so much
Mr Kenny you’re awesome & likely over many people’s consciousness at this point & yet, like you I have deep hope as I see humanity awakening to these constructs.
“Let there be peace on earth & let it begin with me”
Keep on spreading the light✌️💝👏🙏Namaste
Im grateful you speak your truth, abandon the fear of cancellation. Your poignant affirmations are very accurate, and I appreciate your sharing of your experiences, so we may connect with you openly. Many people feel alone. You make us feel safe
3:35
Trauma, fear, shame and denial
Parents need to share what you do that need correction
Neglect is the absence of care
Be present
Meditate for a period of time
Doing becomes being
How are you doing? Vs being?
We only know how to do
Let go and let life come to you
Shame is feeling unworthy
You are valuable just being, God loves you
Codependency
Emotions are created from life experiences by ourselves
Idk and can't decide for ourselves
We suppress it to allow someone else to decide
Actions are imperfect because we want the actions
False self, inauthentic
Dependent on them
Don't Self abandon
Same relationship as your childhood
21:15
Addiction that is acceptable or not
Work or workout
We sometimes blame ourselves using should and coulds
Secrecy
Brene Brown
Anger is a mask for fear
They feel low self esteem
Numb is disassociation. Can't share what you did
We all have secrets
We all make mistakes
Get exposure, don't make excuses
You feel so shameful that you make me the problem
Own up to the problem and accept one another
We have shame because of the fall of man, but Jesus/Yeshua because shame for us, we don't have to change to rearn love we have to put our faith in The LORD and His Holy Spirit will change us when we see we are deeply loved by our creator and he made away for us to be forgiven as we also forgive others, that's how we heal, he is our healer!
That was a serious analysis Kenny. I am looking forward to getting your book.
I like this show. Never heard of you Kenny Weiss. Great news to know there are new "technologies" available to those who require deep inner self introspection.
I am the poor child who was not noticed. Worse, when I was noticed, I was beaten.
Love the content you are putting out. You’re videos are helpful.
Thank you Kenny. I absolutely loved and related to this❤
I'm just now seeing this video, Kenny. What you said about this topic and about how you show your mistakes for the world is really inspiring. I myself want to be an author and so much more! Thank you so much for your message :)
Kenny, thanks for the excellent content you provide. You always make it real and personal, and I have huge respect for that.
Thank you so much for your work and your time Kenny!
Especially, in the United States, the culture is based on “doing”, always going somewhere but never getting there. I think European culture is more about hygge where the focus is about being cozy and relaxed and enjoying the day. It seems other countries have more balance in this as a culture. 🤔
Amazing explanation. Dear Mr. Weiss your eloquence is so great. It just touched all my hidden strings. Almost all mentioned I experienced too. 😊 Constant feel of guilt cost me 10 years and ruined personal and professional life.
Glad it was helpful!
Sometimes I wonder if being spanked as a child teaches children that other people are responsible for our behavior. For example, when my parents spanked me, back in the 70's, they would basically tell me, "You did such and such a thing and it made me mad therefore you need to be punished." If my parents were happy with me I was doing something that pleased them, if I did something that they deemed bad or wrong then I was punished. How I behaved and what I did, in my child's brain, determined how they would react. I had an awful time with boyfriends when I got older due to this mentality, and even friendships in general. Thank God I found a good therapist!! Anyway, I love your videos. Thank you for this one as a lot of people need to hear it.
Thanks Kenny, good stuff
Great video. You have great energy.
Thank you. 💚
Sadhguru Said this that how u feel is 100% u.. no matter the behavior of others..
Yes we know that neuroscientifically. All of us construct our own emotional concepts. No one ever makes us feel anything. It’s a natural brain process.
We just have been lied to and manipulated mostly politically and told that other people make us feel things but that’s just not scientifically accurate.
@@kennyweiss then our parents should not have affected us as children.. How do we feel shame at the age of 2??
@@nadineking4026 . If you’d like to discover how all of this happens there’s a great book titled “how emotions are made” by Lisa Feldman Barrett. She’s in the top 1% of all scientist’s cited for her work.
She’s one of the leading experts in the neuroscience of how emotions are created.
I’m sure you have thousands of questions and I can’t teach you how all of this works through TH-cam replies.
The book will answer your questions😁
If you really want to challenge your intellect I would suggest the master and his emissary by Iain McGilchrist.
Again another leading expert in the field. Antonio Damasio is another… There are others as well.
You can find direct links to purchase their books right here on my website.
kennyweiss.net/recommended-reading/
@@kennyweiss I appreciate ur recommendations. Thank you 😊
@@nadineking4026 you bet
great perspective. simple and easy to understand. this is very helpful. thank you
You're very welcome!
Best video Ive watch all year
thanks for giving
Hey
Look. Theres dads in here.
Your son when he tunes out in the games. Hes practicing the act of "stop doing"
Why dont you join them for a sec.
I like the way you are explaining it. Makes sense... Thank you 🤍
Glad it was helpful!
This sounds like the root cause of narcissistic personality disorder. Deep toxic shame coupled with a lack of empathy.
Loving the purple "ambiance" . . . Its my color...💜💜💜
Have you had an awakening exp? Cause you seem like you have and you point to truth!!! You are helping me so so much already and I will buy whatever in support haha
Yes I have. I am glad this helped you.
The English greeting is How do You do? Why not How do You be?
Ghanaians say, How Be? Giving me new meaning now 😊
Can I get rid of my false self?
Yes, it requires investing in a a program and getting outside help. It doesn't have to be me or my programs but it needs to be someones.
How do you know that the false self and being viewed as a bad person is for everybody? Luckily many of us are without toxic shame, or shame at all 😂
Actually, you have some investigation to do. Toxic shame has two extremes ShameFul and ShameLess. Both are based on toxic shame. Not a single person on this planet is without toxic shame. This is a collective issue. You will realise as you go way deeper into it. Just because you have coping mechanisms and strategies that have helped you repress it or deny it all along doesn't mean it is not there. It runs your life nicely from its place in the subconscious mind. You can't see something you are not aware of. Therefore, you can't see you have it or how it plays out in your everyday life. Only through awareness you will be able to see it.
Codependency videos not in your playlist. also - which reclaim vidoe do we watch first - it would be great if you could number them please Kenny. Thanks for sharing.
Here is a detailed explanation to make the videos easier to locate!
Inside the codependence playlist, you will find the following 3 videos I suggest watching. They are written exactly as I have done below:
Codependence Recovery | Understanding Morals And Values
Codependence Recovery | How To Ask For Your Needs and Wants
Codependence Recovery | How To Determine Your Negotiable's and Non-negotiable's
Inside the Worst Day Cycle Playlist, you will see that on each thumbnail on the bottom right I have numbered each video from parts 1-5.
Also, in the description for each video, I tell you which video in the series you are about to watch.
All 5 videos are titled:
Reclaim Your Authentic Self By Becoming Trauma Informed.
That should clear up any confusion. 😁
Is this valid for people who are narcissists?
Typical projection: if I am an Npd and have fauls self - so do all others
Do you have a degree in counseling?
the real self is not a person
You make it all sound so innocent and "woopsy-daisy, I did my best but also emotionally crippled my child for life". But what about the conscious sadism of being raised by a covert narcissist parent? Do you understand the depths of this condition?, how calculated and sinister it really is? Psychologists are hesitant to suggest it blurs the lines between psychology and spiritualism, where does psychology stop and evil begin? For example, this mother killed one of her daughters, her other daughter was a witness. A few nights later the mother got her boyfriend to take the daughter out of her bed and into his truck, where her mother was waiting, and drove her out into the middle of farmland and put her on her knees with a shotgun to the head and warned against ever speaking about it. I have heard other accounts of covert narcissist mothers deliberately inviting sexual predators in to the house or into their childrens lives, sadistically putting them in harms way to damage them. There are many other instances of terrible sadistic psychological games and techniques used to get the "supply" or "fuel" or "energy" they need to survive, sadistic emotional vampirism? I understand the concept of inter-generational trauma, trauma is both inherited and reinforced by traumatized parents, who were traumatized children, who then created traumatized children....ad nauseum. The Human Family Tree seems to be one gigantic Trauma Tree, which explains the state of the world then.
You spent the first part talking about owning and taking responsibility for your actions and not blaming it on other people but then say canceling is all other people projecting their shame onto you. Isn’t that just refusing to be introspective and consider that some of your behaviors are not great and projecting your shame onto other people? I think you may have some shame work to do yourself. You are saying it’s not a problem with “me” it’s them projecting, and in that statement you are confusing your behaviors with you, something you say shouldn’t be done. When people are canceling someone they are actually canceling behaviors, setting boundaries for behaviors they won’t tolerate. You don’t have to like or agree with their boundaries but it might be helpful for you to take a minute to look at yourself to see if they have a point, are your behaviors are harmful to other people? Maybe try challenging your opinions, try disproving them, try empathy, looking at your actions from another person’s perspective. Growth happens in a place of discomfort. Canceling can be uncomfortable but it can be productive if you want it to be.
Your whole premise is based on you/him being wrong! You don't have a balanced view!
I'm.in.12.step.programs.that.shame.you.to.death.with.the.12.step.crap.yes.bradshaw.says.no.no.shaming.recovery..im.in.a.c.a..we.love.and.encourage.i.stopped.all.goingto.all.shaming.progams.feel.better.already.toxic.fixing.does.not.work.people.