Your advice is so reassuring. I’ve been at my wits end. I’m so quick to defend myself, which is completely a waste of time. It’s maddening. You’re helping.
Wish I'd found you years ago. However, I truly believe we find what we need when we're ready for it. I saw a therapist yrs ago (clueless to even what a narcissist was). I dug into my church, good people, like-minded people, and eventually, things started getting better. I still kept feeling the pull from my ex. They chased me for years after I walked away. Your videos have definitely given me more information and the education I need for me. So funny, I used to tell my ex all the time, that we are responsible for our own actions (just got a look of perplexity). Thank you for your practical, sensible, and clear steps to healing. I took myself out of the dance. Feeling the Freedom!!🙏🙏🙏
I thank God fir this revelation i didnt understand why this was happening .just left a 5 year relationship it was draining it sucked the life out of me , toxic typical narcissist😮
Tough Truths..& ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL! My therapist taught me about the “AND” instead of the “BUT” statements. I appreciate you highlighting the validation in this context that we can use in our thoughts! Thank you for your resources and support!
Such truth! You are spot-on about taking responsibility for our own part in this. Thank you for finally squashing the "I'm an empath; that's why they picked me" argument.
When my husband wanted me to argue with him, I stayed silent he said very hurtful 💔 things to me. He went into a dangerous rage. He threatened my life, l left him. He has violated the protective order 3 times. I have to go to court on the violations. He could be looking at 12 months in jail. He doesn't know where I am. I know he is very angry because I filed charges against him.
Good on you and don’t stop if he violates it again send that demon to gaol and keep doing it never stop . Your will to get rid of him must b stronger than his to destroy you . I did the same thing as you . He violated his dv order twice . In the end I thort can’t wait till you do it again . I will stop at nothing to take out that demon . Don’t let the demons ruin a child of god !!! Amen sister
I pressed charges too and I am concerned for my life. To be honest I feel the need to expose the truth but I am also scared what he is capable of when he finds out...
@user-lv3ff5xh9w I had to go where he can't find me. I lost my house that I was renting, your life is more important than anything else. If I were you and you're worried about what he might do, then go somewhere he can't find you. There's shelters for women, I know it's not what you want to do but it's best to keep yourself safe. They have programs to help find a good, safe place to live. They have other programs to. Please stay safe and God bless you 🙏
You're right.With one,his mistress had actually phoned me.And he denied it all.With another person,I had the bankmanager as witness.The issues were never resolved.Someone else called a lawyer and sorted it out.
Thank you ... What an eye-opener about myself ... every word you said in the video is true @ NPD... ( DO you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth) ... the things they ( well mine) said over the yrs were unbelievable ..😅
"You are watching this video because you are miserable," yep these narcissist's are hell bent on ruining good people's lives. Stay strong Survivor's learning to emotionally detach from the narcissist takes a lot of patience and practise.🕊
It's true. The narcissist wanted me to fight her the same way she's being manipulative of me. I walked away. No contact = peace. The narcissist brings nothing good to the table. :( Only trouble.
Absolutely if you have to live with someone like this, it’s a challenge and stress and you can only work on your own self in order not to react back and suffer or get sick But if you are not married to such a person and dealing with such a person, Run the other way
6:42 mins in the video : It also seems that if we agreed with their nasty comments , they feel powerful with the projection . I agreed to disarm them by ignoring or not going against them .
So right! The "N" will NEVER "see the light". I wish I knew this many years ago with my mother, Still I know it now and that's helpful. Trying to become whole is our life's work. It's heroic.
My ex said he gonna kill me ,kill my kids and kill himself if I go. I got scared . I let my kids grow and became adult and finish school. After that I started plan to walk away . My kids already knows how to take care of themselves .thank God I'm out .
What’s the difference between telling someone you don’t like something you’re noticing they do because it triggers you and being narcissistic because what you’re telling them is pouring your own insecurities unto them? Sometimes I don’t know if I’m projecting and pouring my own hurt or if what I’m actually saying things that are valid to them. Sometimes I feel like I’m the narcissist:( and other times I don’t.
Your thoughts on being empathetic sound narcissistic in nature 😅 either bc its a narcissist's view of it, or the person claiming it is actually a narcissist.. either way.. i don't announce the way i feel, i dont want the one who's receiving my empathy to know bc i tell them.. i want them to feel safe, equal, protected and loved ❤ great video!
Hi Kenny! I have also heard "spiritual" teachers advocating to embrace your inner abuser/predator as a way of healing from attracting abusers/predators but it didn't make any sense to me.
So i had a covert narc manager for 8 years. She would use all these tactics to stonewall and greyrock people who would try call her out or expose her! She would for example mistreat someone but with such a sweet smile always (emotiinal abuse and oppression as she is such a jealous threatened person) and when they eventually got fed up and confronted her, usually by blowing up from all the frustration, she would just tell then, Now calm down X, you are rude talking to me like that. I'm sorry you feel like that but but i cannot take responsibility for your feelings. I'd suggest you find help dealing with your agression.
Man it really hit home talking about the trained monkey because I started to lose it and I said the same exact thing “why am I acting like this, this isn’t me!!!”
What can I say but ~ another Great /* Dead-on* Video !!! : ) 10/10 Loved your ''visual'' example of the Scotch Tape -but- Narcc saying ... it's an Elephant - you'll never Win ~ I agree. Thank-You for your expertise, time & tireless 'effort' in educating myself & others ... HAGWknd, Cindy : ) N.B. re: You can act just like the Narcc to 'get them back [per se] etc' ... Years ago after someone shared the following quote w/ me, I stopped doing that '''immediately''' {Don’t wrestle with pigs. You ''both'' get ''dirty' AND : ( the pig likes it [ultimately WINS] by 'getting the conversation to continue etc / {I} kept the contact / communication ''going'' : ( & now DE-valued myself / lowered myself to to such a despicable way of living / low standard [like u said] etc
I would never agree with a narcissists label of me. That’s self betrayal. I also wouldn’t attempt to talk them out of it. I just block them and leave them be.
8 Smart techniques to fool a Narc 1. Don't engage. 2. Get emotional support 3. Don't defend, Don't engage, Don't correct them 4. Agree with them 5. Get in to ur own life 6. Act like them 7. Heal yourself 8.
Yah codependency is real I feel guilty talking to other women, I feel like she sabotaged us after 14 years and I took her back twice already. I’m also an anxious attachment personality from childhood trauma and I don’t deal with loss very well. Everytime she leaves I just try to fix it even though each time she’s already lined up someone to get supply from before sabotaging the relationship. Never gives closure just blocks and carries on while I’m left freaking out and wondering wtf happened!
This is my sister. - sends me a video and either gets mad that i dont feel the same way she feels about it. If i dont reply she gets mad too lose lose for me. -lies often in small conversations can never admit when wrong. -takes no accountability for her bad choices and blames everyone else. - takes innocent comments as a personal attack or judgement. My sister and i grew up in an alcoholic family. I came along 2nd and was the golden child. She had to fend for herself as a teenager i got to stay at a family member when my dad worked in camp. Shes always been angry since she was a teenager. She says people who are depressed or un alive themselves are weak. I wish she could see a counselor, but she would likely laugh and think i was nuts. Ive currently caught her in a massive life, altering lie effecting many people and shes will to fight to the bitter end than admit it.
Could it be that we develop “narcissistic fleas” (as a maladaptive coping skill) just to stay 2 steps ahead of them? (Not saying these are constructive coping skills). Sometimes, self-preservation can be confused with “feeling like we’re better than” a narcissist. You had also said we use our victim status to elevate ourselves above the narcissist (paraphrasing), but do we really think we ARE superior? I always felt “less than” because of chronic narc abuse by a covert narcissistic mother. With the help of videos like yours, fortunately we can overcome these codependent tendencies (better late than never). A while back, I posted a comment that appears to have been deleted. I hope my comment was not misconstrued as a criticism of your work or this channel, or your listening audience. Thank you.
Treating them as youve been treated: it was fun. I didnt keep it up- couldnt. My body rebelled with headache- stiff neck- clenching teeth. For a little while though it was definitely fun.
I would hear not only the wildest of accusations thrown at me, but absolute untruths that were SO HARD to stomach without my rage reaction. I had to walk away because you can argue until you’re blue in the face, they have to be right so you will never win with them. One of the craziest was being told I was a man hater. I am a gay woman but I certainly don’t hate men, on the contrary I’ve always had a lot of close male friends. My covert narcissist ex hated men, because she was bisexual (actually heterosexual I would attest). It’s usually the straight women that hate the men not the gay women! To hear that I was the reason my ex narc hated men, because I influenced her was ridiculous. She hated men a long time before I came along. But these narcs will take zero responsibility for anything.
I now just TOTALLY TOTALLY IGNORE my narcissist ex husband when our paths do cross, I'am polite but just don't ENGAGE that way he CAN'T get a chance to ABUSE me again.
I will say that being an empath is truly real. To the point of feeling emotions of animals. This has been my experience. My ex husband narcissistic I was never attracted to, but felt there was no where else to go because my whole I had been treated badly. No one even wanted to listen to the pain I had been through even though I would listen to them. That’s how narcissistic everyone around me was. They hated my voice! I’m not exaggerating. Lastly I took responsibility by leaving and also healing. Unfortunately I found someone I was lightly attracted to but he was more of a narcissist than the first man smh. So even though these things happened it has nothing to do with being an empath or earth angel. In fact most people go through a toxic relationship at least once in their lives. I have a narcissistic father and had not healed that relationship. That was the main reason that happened to me. 🤷🏽♀️ Please, some people who call themselves these things are not truly these things. To be a true empath and earth angel you have to take massive responsibility, even down to the family bloodline, we have to heal our whole family lineage! So Do not let people give real earth angels and empaths a bad name!
I feel like it's not narcissism but totally embracing the victim role and refusing to step out of it. We do have choices. I don't feel that it's narcissism being stuck in the victim role. It's not the right word. People need to change their mindset. They can take steps for themselves without being nasty. It is ok to reject the roles the narcissistic people place us in. Don't continue being a victim. It's still a very important message. I just don't agree with that description.
Can i heal my childhood trauma just by buying books and watching videos ? I live in a country where there is no available therapists that actually understands the problem
“Show them by your actions not your words how insignificant their are “👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
True, the narcissist wants you to talk so they can throw your words back at you at a later date and often straight away.🗣
i got my power back about staying away and work on me and stop caring about their needs working on mine
I’m with you on that I’am working on myself now to stay away from them I’m done with the abuse 😢
Your advice is so reassuring. I’ve been at my wits end. I’m so quick to defend myself, which is completely a waste of time.
It’s maddening. You’re helping.
Wish I'd found you years ago. However, I truly believe we find what we need when we're ready for it. I saw a therapist yrs ago (clueless to even what a narcissist was). I dug into my church, good people, like-minded people, and eventually, things started getting better. I still kept feeling the pull from my ex. They chased me for years after I walked away. Your videos have definitely given me more information and the education I need for me. So funny, I used to tell my ex all the time, that we are responsible for our own actions (just got a look of perplexity).
Thank you for your practical, sensible, and clear steps to healing. I took myself out of the dance. Feeling the Freedom!!🙏🙏🙏
I thank God fir this revelation i didnt understand why this was happening .just left a 5 year relationship it was draining it sucked the life out of me , toxic typical narcissist😮
They critize you without even taking the time to know us at all
This is such a helpful insight thank you for sharing
Tough Truths..& ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL! My therapist taught me about the “AND” instead of the “BUT” statements. I appreciate you highlighting the validation in this context that we can use in our thoughts! Thank you for your resources and support!
Such truth! You are spot-on about taking responsibility for our own part in this. Thank you for finally squashing the "I'm an empath; that's why they picked me" argument.
When my husband wanted me to argue with him, I stayed silent he said very hurtful 💔 things to me. He went into a dangerous rage. He threatened my life, l left him. He has violated the protective order 3 times. I have to go to court on the violations. He could be looking at 12 months in jail. He doesn't know where I am. I know he is very angry because I filed charges against him.
Good on you and don’t stop if he violates it again send that demon to gaol and keep doing it never stop . Your will to get rid of him must b stronger than his to destroy you . I did the same thing as you . He violated his dv order twice . In the end I thort can’t wait till you do it again . I will stop at nothing to take out that demon . Don’t let the demons ruin a child of god !!! Amen sister
@@jostafford3367 We got this 👍
I pressed charges too and I am concerned for my life. To be honest I feel the need to expose the truth but I am also scared what he is capable of when he finds out...
@user-lv3ff5xh9w I had to go where he can't find me. I lost my house that I was renting, your life is more important than anything else. If I were you and you're worried about what he might do, then go somewhere he can't find you. There's shelters for women, I know it's not what you want to do but it's best to keep yourself safe. They have programs to help find a good, safe place to live. They have other programs to. Please stay safe and God bless you 🙏
Good for u. U left!!!!
You're right.With one,his mistress had actually phoned me.And he denied it all.With another person,I had the bankmanager as witness.The issues were never resolved.Someone else called a lawyer and sorted it out.
Thank you so much for this video. It makes all these mechanisms so clear. Very revealing. A lot to reflect on, a lot to learn!🎉❤
Absolutely beautiful tree in the background! You are an artist.
Yes, I agree 👍 with you about empaths. I feel that they are codependants in most cases. Good video. Big hugs 🫂
What a beautiful Christmas background! Thank you so much for your great information!!
Thank you ... What an eye-opener about myself ... every word you said in the video is true @ NPD... ( DO you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth) ... the things they ( well mine) said over the yrs were unbelievable ..😅
This information is pure gold. Im dealing with a narcissist spouse currently and your videos have really helped me. Thank you.
"You are watching this video because you are miserable," yep these narcissist's are hell bent on ruining good people's lives. Stay strong Survivor's learning to emotionally detach from the narcissist takes a lot of patience and practise.🕊
It's true. The narcissist wanted me to fight her the same way she's being manipulative of me. I walked away. No contact = peace. The narcissist brings nothing good to the table. :( Only trouble.
@@mvbigmagic4048 Exactly. Enjoy your peace and quiet.🕊
Absolutely if you have to live with someone like this, it’s a challenge and stress and you can only work on your own self in order not to react back and suffer or get sick
But if you are not married to such a person and dealing with such a person, Run the other way
And sometimes even if you are married to a narcissist like I am, you need to run as well.
Do a show on adult narcissistic children who may be sociopathic
Oh my yes. This is so needed.
6:42 mins in the video :
It also seems that if we agreed with their nasty comments , they feel powerful with the projection .
I agreed to disarm them by ignoring or not going against them .
I almost became one...eye for an eye.
I could do it with ease...you saved me brother
So right! The "N" will NEVER "see the light". I wish I knew this many years ago with my mother, Still I know it now and that's helpful. Trying to become whole is our life's work. It's heroic.
My ex said he gonna kill me ,kill my kids and kill himself if I go. I got scared . I let my kids grow and became adult and finish school. After that I started plan to walk away . My kids already knows how to take care of themselves .thank God I'm out .
Same here😢
Sadly same
From your actions, you are strong, dedicated mother and intelligent with a guaranteed place on paradise.. wish you the best life can offer.
What’s the difference between telling someone you don’t like something you’re noticing they do because it triggers you and being narcissistic because what you’re telling them is pouring your own insecurities unto them? Sometimes I don’t know if I’m projecting and pouring my own hurt or if what I’m actually saying things that are valid to them. Sometimes I feel like I’m the narcissist:( and other times I don’t.
I sometimes feel like I’m just arguing but the things I’m arguing about feel so valid and real to me because it hurts
Seriously...I think you just saved my sanity, and my life.
Excellent educational and informative video that is 100% spot on.
Much appreciated!
Thank you Kenny , your videos are pure gold xxx
Love your work Kenny, such good info?
Glad you think so!
Love your purple thank you. I love you for your help.
Yes yes, we have to take accountability. It takes two to tango.
My god. Your taking about my father. Especially #3.
Thats for sure!
Your thoughts on being empathetic sound narcissistic in nature 😅 either bc its a narcissist's view of it, or the person claiming it is actually a narcissist.. either way.. i don't announce the way i feel, i dont want the one who's receiving my empathy to know bc i tell them.. i want them to feel safe, equal, protected and loved ❤ great video!
Thank you sir
Good information 🙏🏾💕 thank you
Hi Kenny!
I have also heard "spiritual" teachers advocating to embrace your inner abuser/predator as a way of healing from attracting abusers/predators but it didn't make any sense to me.
So i had a covert narc manager for 8 years. She would use all these tactics to stonewall and greyrock people who would try call her out or expose her! She would for example mistreat someone but with such a sweet smile always (emotiinal abuse and oppression as she is such a jealous threatened person) and when they eventually got fed up and confronted her, usually by blowing up from all the frustration, she would just tell then, Now calm down X, you are rude talking to me like that. I'm sorry you feel like that but but i cannot take responsibility for your feelings. I'd suggest you find help dealing with your agression.
Man it really hit home talking about the trained monkey because I started to lose it and I said the same exact thing “why am I acting like this, this isn’t me!!!”
Thank you ❤❤
You're welcome 😊
Grey rock them there’s no one in the world that will be more interested or obsessed with your life then a narcissist
Why am I giving my power away....to a toddler?
work on you say away stop doing for him stop careing just teii them they are right about every thing you won't win
A two hundred pound disregulated toddler with no anger control. VERY DANGEROUS.
They programmed us when we were ignorant
What can I say but ~ another Great /* Dead-on* Video !!! : ) 10/10
Loved your ''visual'' example of the Scotch Tape -but- Narcc saying ... it's an Elephant - you'll never Win ~ I agree.
Thank-You for your expertise, time & tireless 'effort' in educating myself & others ... HAGWknd, Cindy : )
N.B. re: You can act just like the Narcc to 'get them back [per se] etc' ... Years ago after someone shared the following quote w/ me, I stopped doing that '''immediately''' {Don’t wrestle with pigs. You ''both'' get ''dirty' AND : ( the pig likes it [ultimately WINS] by 'getting the conversation to continue etc / {I} kept the contact / communication ''going'' : ( & now DE-valued myself / lowered myself to to such a despicable way of living / low standard [like u said] etc
Glad you enjoyed it!
I would never agree with a narcissists label of me. That’s self betrayal. I also wouldn’t attempt to talk them out of it. I just block them and leave them be.
8 Smart techniques to fool a Narc
1. Don't engage.
2. Get emotional support
3. Don't defend, Don't engage, Don't correct them
4. Agree with them
5. Get in to ur own life
6. Act like them
7. Heal yourself
8.
Thank you
Yah codependency is real I feel guilty talking to other women, I feel like she sabotaged us after 14 years and I took her back twice already. I’m also an anxious attachment personality from childhood trauma and I don’t deal with loss very well. Everytime she leaves I just try to fix it even though each time she’s already lined up someone to get supply from before sabotaging the relationship. Never gives closure just blocks and carries on while I’m left freaking out and wondering wtf happened!
Can you please do a video about “ How to heal from a love avoidant experience ”?
This is my sister.
- sends me a video and either gets mad that i dont feel the same way she feels about it. If i dont reply she gets mad too lose lose for me.
-lies often in small conversations can never admit when wrong.
-takes no accountability for her bad choices and blames everyone else.
- takes innocent comments as a personal attack or judgement.
My sister and i grew up in an alcoholic family. I came along 2nd and was the golden child. She had to fend for herself as a teenager i got to stay at a family member when my dad worked in camp.
Shes always been angry since she was a teenager. She says people who are depressed or un alive themselves are weak.
I wish she could see a counselor, but she would likely laugh and think i was nuts.
Ive currently caught her in a massive life, altering lie effecting many people and shes will to fight to the bitter end than admit it.
Could it be that we develop “narcissistic fleas” (as a maladaptive coping skill) just to stay 2 steps ahead of them? (Not saying these are constructive coping skills). Sometimes, self-preservation can be confused with “feeling like we’re better than” a narcissist. You had also said we use our victim status to elevate ourselves above the narcissist (paraphrasing), but do we really think we ARE superior? I always felt “less than” because of chronic narc abuse by a covert narcissistic mother. With the help of videos like yours, fortunately we can overcome these codependent tendencies (better late than never). A while back, I posted a comment that appears to have been deleted. I hope my comment was not misconstrued as a criticism of your work or this channel, or your listening audience. Thank you.
Hey, instead of trying to sell something right off the bat, how about provide value?
Treating them as youve been treated: it was fun. I didnt keep it up- couldnt. My body rebelled with headache- stiff neck- clenching teeth.
For a little while though it was definitely fun.
The "N" ,You're an Elephant.
Me, "Give me a peanut."
I would hear not only the wildest of accusations thrown at me, but absolute untruths that were SO HARD to stomach without my rage reaction. I had to walk away because you can argue until you’re blue in the face, they have to be right so you will never win with them.
One of the craziest was being told I was a man hater. I am a gay woman but I certainly don’t hate men, on the contrary I’ve always had a lot of close male friends. My covert narcissist ex hated men, because she was bisexual (actually heterosexual I would attest). It’s usually the straight women that hate the men not the gay women! To hear that I was the reason my ex narc hated men, because I influenced her was ridiculous. She hated men a long time before I came along. But these narcs will take zero responsibility for anything.
I feel manipulated
If I had only known. So simple. So effective.
5:37 mins of the video :
What do u mean by feeding the narcissist ?
Its akwats low self esteem. .there are many other factors in one's life, and the season
I now just TOTALLY TOTALLY IGNORE my narcissist ex husband when our paths do cross, I'am polite but just don't ENGAGE that way he CAN'T get a chance to ABUSE me again.
These videos are for codependents . Not everyone comes from deep childhood trauma …
Can a narcissist heal their internal pain? It makes me sad to think they are suffering internally because my daughter is afflicted.
I will say that being an empath is truly real. To the point of feeling emotions of animals. This has been my experience.
My ex husband narcissistic I was never attracted to, but felt there was no where else to go because my whole I had been treated badly. No one even wanted to listen to the pain I had been through even though I would listen to them. That’s how narcissistic everyone around me was. They hated my voice! I’m not exaggerating.
Lastly I took responsibility by leaving and also healing. Unfortunately I found someone I was lightly attracted to but he was more of a narcissist than the first man smh.
So even though these things happened it has nothing to do with being an empath or earth angel. In fact most people go through a toxic relationship at least once in their lives.
I have a narcissistic father and had not healed that relationship. That was the main reason that happened to me. 🤷🏽♀️
Please, some people who call themselves these things are not truly these things. To be a true empath and earth angel you have to take massive responsibility, even down to the family bloodline, we have to heal our whole family lineage! So Do not let people give real earth angels and empaths a bad name!
I feel like it's not narcissism but totally embracing the victim role and refusing to step out of it. We do have choices. I don't feel that it's narcissism being stuck in the victim role. It's not the right word. People need to change their mindset. They can take steps for themselves without being nasty. It is ok to reject the roles the narcissistic people place us in. Don't continue being a victim. It's still a very important message. I just don't agree with that description.
Correction...It is not always co delendence...tbats text book...not individuals
Can i heal my childhood trauma just by buying books and watching videos ?
I live in a country where there is no available therapists that actually understands the problem
This is an older video?
Old or new, the information is timeless.
What would you do with "Mommy-Dearest?" 😮👀🤔😠
❤❤❤
It’s so hard to imagine you and all these other bada$$ content creators as a codependent.
There’s only one technique !!! Get rid of it !!!
What if it's your parent!!
Check out my videos on Narcissistic Parents :)
@@kennyweiss thank you so very much🙂❤
If u show them the truth. They will love
U...MY mistake....inner childhood stuff
Can you please explain what you mean
Don't see the group
The link is in the video description. ;-)
😊
👍
Do ur kids speak to u now? No offense, I just wondered