Why You Should Never Make Compromises in a Relationship
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ค. 2024
- Why You Should Never Make Compromises in a Relationship. Do you want to know why you should never make a compromise in a Relationship? In this video I'm going to show you why you should never make a compromise in a relationship.
So often, when you ask a couple, that has been married for a long time, what the key to a successful relationship is, they will say: Compromise. #Compromise is often treated like the sacred cow of relationships. But it’s time for this outdated idea to come to an end. It’s time for people to change their definition of what a successful relationship is. And to see that if you want a #relationship that feels good, compromise is to be #intentionally avoided.
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Video References:
5:09. The Suffer so I can feel loved relationship dynamic
• The "Suffer So I Can F...
8:36. The Zero sum game in relationships (What is a zero sum game and how to end one)
• The Zero Sum Game in R...
9:29. Incompatibility; a Harsh Reality in Relationships
• Incompatibility (A Har...
12:18 Self Sacrifice, the most self centered thing in the world
• Self Sacrifice...The M...
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Beginning Song:
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Ending Song
Our Game - Yaima
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Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:23 Compromise and Codependency
2:25 Re-defining Compromise
4:06 Problem #1 with Compromise
5:15 Problem #2 with Compromise
6:15 Sacred Cow of Relationships
7:04 Example of why Compromise is a Problem
8:26 Alternative to Compromise: Win-Win & Compatibility
11:03 Compatibility And Flexibility
12:22 Compromise and Bait-and-switch
Teal Swan is a personal transformation revolutionary. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
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Omgosh the answer to the question that’s been bugging me for a while, ‘why does the pain not bother me enough to leave’. Now I get it, I associate love with pain.
Yes and enduring it, strength
Please read the book Metaphors We Live By by George Lakoff & Mark Johnson. It talks about this. Our whoooole view of sooo many things is based off of catchy sayings and language.
We associate love with pain, and suffering, and triumph is traversing it.
@@krissyw4017omg I have not seen that book cited in a forever. Everyone should read that
com-promise = compound promise or co-promise. A shared promise.
I've seen a few triggered comments because this ideal is so deeply imbedded in society. Compromise is the enemy of compatibility. It's like when you're dehydrated and you drink soda instead of water. Yeah, it's liquid but you'll still end up thirsty. Love has been this self sacrifical ideal for centuries, and it can turn relationships into an ecosystem of resentment, keeping score, settling, and losing your own sense of autonomy if/when it ends. Some people stay in incompatible relationships because they don't want to be alone, think they won't find someone else, refuse to change, or use the other person as an excuse to not go after what they want. Love itself is not painful; Putting someone elses needs above your own is. This video was spot on. Thank you for always speaking the truth, even if it ruffles a few feathers because it refutes the societal norm.
Agreed 👍
@@robertcronin6603 second that^ from a person who lived whole life on compromise and putting my needs last
Nicely put!
Please pin this comment of Unearthed&Unleashed
💯
This is the main thing I realized after my divorce and try to tell others. Compromise is allowing your partner to cross a boundary and that is not what a respectful partner does.
Or they are crossing a boundary because they won't compromise. Works both ways.
@@QuickMadeUpName Have you listened to the video?
@@QuickMadeUpName Certainly, you haven't watched the video.
Nope, compromise is not a necessary thing in a relationship anymore.
Thank you for that I just learned that this week i appreciate you real
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
If you're reading this I'm praying something amazing happens for you today.🙏🏻❤
My life is a misery,
Thank you gorgeous 💕
Thanks
The fact that you thought at people that you dont know to wrote this beautiful message it is in itself an amazing thing,have an awseome weekend.
Not likely
I completely agree. I found a partner who I'm compatible with, and, in comparison to all of my past relationships, it's easy to avoid compromise because we're both on the same page. In the rare instances that we're not, we find a solution that we're both happy with. Great video, thank you!!
The “Solution we are both happy with” option is still a form of compromise. Maybe not a massive compromise but it’s still compromise. I think what teal should have said is to not compromise on the very main values or desires. Not to “not compromise at all” that’s just impossible
@@TinyBudha her definition of compromise was "you take a little pain, I take a little pain." So if you're not in pain from the decision, then it's not compromise. It's just being happy with a 3rd option while both parties still are fulfilled.
@@alessandramia111 Yeh I see what your saying. What I will say though is even small compromise wouldn’t be considered “pain” but you would still have a slight experience loss from what the best version of the outcome would have been. I wouldn’t go so far to call it pain but certainly. Compromise of any kind involves missing out at least slightly in some way. This is my understanding and seems to be what the definition is considered by most from what I can find anyway. Thanks for sharing 🙏
Wow this sounds soooo good congratulations on choosing loveee!!!
@@TinyBudha you really need to catch up, she has been making videos on finding the third option the win-win scenario, for a while now. If a win-win scenario cannot be found then it is incompatibility. The win-win scenario is found through parts work.
Teal, I love how you deliver your messages. - No bullshiz - straight to the point
I stopped compromising as soon as I stopped chasing, I feel to seek our passions in life will allign us with a proper partner. But when we pretend to be something we're not, we end up unhappy.
Best Comment 👌
🙏🏾✨ True.
Please make a video on how to actually find someone compatible for a relationship! Thanks Teal Swan
The more Authentic you are the more you will repel people who are not meant for you and draw in people who are. So have strong boundaries and don’t be afraid to show your true self. Much love 😘
I would also like a video about how to find someone compatible! I have some bad habits I wasn't aware of, like compromising.
My mom once told me that I will not find the perfect partner, so I just have to make do with what I have... doesn't sound like good advice anymore.
Firstable the sex have to be like magic , second you can share almost everything with this person and third thing the person you think that compatible wants to be with you and spend time with you as much as possible
@@TinyBudha thankyou needed that
@@TheSofiv thankyou needed that as well
As the great Eartha Kitt once said:
"Compromise...for what?"
I know that’s right… Ms. Kitt knew what time is was 👌🏾🥰
Isn’t she single and alone?
@@MrKevstein you obviously don’t know who she is 🤫
@@MrKevstein um, she's dead.
@@Self-helper415 she was married then got divorced and died alone *
We’re still in the love matrix. Most people are with their partners in western countries because they were physically drawn to them, in Eastern countries because their parents were drawn to them... or it’s out of security, loneliness etc... we need to start basing romantic relationships on compatibility. But that’s not yet the norm... so we wait with bated breath.
❤️
Great observation!! Thank you for sharing. I don't get to see that side of the world on thoughts about that.
Find someone you find cute but above all else that you have great conversations with.
Meh....sure we are attracted to someone but most know it's not enough. It's just a doorway. And attraction isn't always about the most attractive. Often there is an intrinsic attraction.
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
Compromise is the enemy of harmony. It’s not what you do for the relationship. It’s how feel about what you do for the relationship ❤️
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
com-promise = compound promise or co-promise. A shared promise.
@@Pres9 absolutely right
Most women in my family were raised on this 'compromise is key' ideal and it never sat well with me and they kept telling me "you'll end up alone" like that's the worst thing that can happen to an individual. My whole life I've been in relationships where I've compromised and I was greatly cheered on by my community and family but I was miserable. Stopped dating for 3 years and moved to another country. Those 5 years of being single were the happiest. I've now met someone I'm compatible with and compromise in our relationship is cooking when it's his turn because he's having a bad day. I was totally ready to be single for even longer if it meant I wouldn't be stuck in another relationship that's heavily leaning on compromise to 'work'. I wasn't in a rush to settle and have kids so 🤷🏽♀️
wow great to hear another like minded one.
(well im more of a picky, and what i want has to be not-half-ass type of person, like an ocd. xD
i was thankful i have it, when i realized it was benefiting me. more rime to self was never enough 💚💚
gut feeling never lied/betrayed me. thank god
Thats not even compromise, its just being a good friend and helping each other out and that should be reciprocal.
Somehow compromising n sacrificing I had a strong hold on me regarding those n otrs however somehow me compromising n sacrifice is what I thought a relationship was built off WRONG. Boundaries n self respect for myself linking with someone who I am compatible with n characteristics traits that align with mine if not then they are not mean to be my partner and I limit my access friends associates keep in contact xyz
I love your insight .. compromising on the examples you listed is the guidelines not me over extending myself and betraying myself thru sacrifice/compromise to make a relationship work. Thank you for your insight
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
"Resentment is a corrosive force" so true!
Wow you’re beautiful 😍
Yeah....she must be a genius of some sort to come up with such an obvious statement right?
@@blacksabbathmatters What is obvious for you may not be for me, and vice versa. No need to be bitter
@@EmyN why is that, were you under the impression that resentment was something positive?
@@blacksabbathmatters No
Obviously there cannot be 100% compatibility in any relationship for every single thing, but I believe she is talking about the larger more important things that generally come into play for every relationship
It's just that feeling good in a relationship is seen by many as "wanting it all" or "asking for too much" when it's actually the reason you would be in one
OMG exactly!
You can't be happy all the time. Why chase a dream?
And when you're actually feeling good in a relationship, people like to judge it as not good enough if you're not married and raising a children together. So ridiculous!
Don’t you get in a relationship because you love that person? Not to make you “feel good” and if you love that person you have to also consider their needs and desires. Hard times will come because they do in all relationships, then what? Trust me this is some of the best advice I’ve ever heard for how to have chronic short term relationships.
Wow...thanks. 💌
I don't think that it's possible for 2 people, regardless of how compatible they are to always be on the same page on every single decision that comes up in life.
Exactly
This is not what she is saying. Compatibility is not about matching every step each one makes every day or every little view or decision. Do we order Chinese or cook?
This is a poor understanding of her excellent point.
Even the Bible talks about compatibility: Do not be unequally yoked.
Compatibility means equal yoke and ilk.
i always hated compromise... and its good to see you post videos again , i dont know why it felt like a long time.
Ok, so now Teal has explained what *NOT* to do (compromise) it would be great to also hear what you SHOULD do in the situation where incompatibility leads you to a situation where you cannot both have what you want. Do you end each and every of your relationships at the FIRST SIGN of "incompatibility"? That sure is an option .. but is that really what you should seek out?
I think Teal did say (at least somewhere), that trying to heal your partner so that the relationship would work better, is not the way to go, because according to her you should take the partner as is and if that doesn't work, just forget it. That's the message I got from her at least, and I can see the value in that. Why?
Because we've all born with certain inherent problems, our destinies somewhat pre-written but not wholly I think.That of course goes for our relationships too. Some of us will be more jealous, some of us more free-going and liberal in love, some a mixed bag... some are born with more potential for self-centeredness in relationships, than others. And so on.
To evolve from a jealous person to someone who's not so much so... well, I don't know, but I think it's a great undertaking, something one should definitely not underestimate. You can't change traits like that based on a whim. That why Teal has a great point there. But is she absolutely right with no room whatsoever for deviation? I think not.
@TruthSeeking Endless Well... thank you for the thoughtful reply.
I think that to consider compromise invalid, you'd need to realize an alternative or opposite or both, for it. Which in my view would be some kind of... mutual understanding is a good way to put it as you do, I think. However I'd use something like "innovative new ground on an old problem", because as Einstein said, you can't fix the problem with the same head that caused it.
My view is... holistic, you could say... because I think it's wiser to consider EVERYTHING and Choose Consciously, rather than to adhere blindly, rigidly and fanatically to certain rulesets. I can deviate, and will. I can "fight fate". But even so... I see the inherent value in what Teal said about compromise not being the ideal solution.
I think that a lot of what you talk about in your reply to mine, is about roles. What Teal said about those in another video, if I recall right and I think I do, is that it's better to define clear roles of who does what, and even if you can be flexible about those roles, it's best that the roles are clear.
I've found this to work in my experience. It's very much a mutual agreement instead of one party just mowing down the other or playing mind games with the other.
For example, I agree with my partner that she is the provider and I am the protector. She is mostly the receiving one and I am the giving one. And we kind of take turns on who talks and who listens, instead of a cacophonic mess of both partners trying to talk over each other or awkwardly wait for the other to talk and nothing happens. Compromise on both talking and listening at the same time would be a disaster, nerve-wrecking for most people at least, I think.
To me, in cases like these, compromise is a band-aid. It can stop the bleeding until your body figures out how to close the wound on its own, but it sure as hell won't close the wound for good if you keep it there without taking care that you have appropriate lifestyle (diet, recovery, exercise, cleanliness, genetically familiar environment...).
So to your original question: "Do you end the relationship at the first sign of incompatibility? I say no. I say no compromise either if you can in appropriate time frame come to a solution that pleases both parties properly, regarding the problem. It may involve healing and shadow work and trying to become more authentic to the core being of you... and contrary to what Teal said, I think that's okay as long as you BOTH are willing to do YOUR PART for any given problem that would be considered a "deal-breaker" in Teal's world. And go through with it.
I have heard of people walking on fiery coals. I have heard of people who walk after below-head paralysis due to severe accident. I have heard of guys who sit on icy water for 2-3 hours straight and come out like nothing. We can do all these amazing things, but our minds and hearts would be rigid and weak? I do not buy that.
It's part of the guru pattern, use specious reasoning to condemn something, while only giving vague and non-actionable alternatives. The end-game being that you only get access to those alternatives for a nominal fee, where you find that they never truly materialize.
I think it’s in the zero sun game video she mentioned
Teal does address this in her videos about creating a "third option" so that neither person in the relationship feels as if they are sacrificing from a place of fear. Fear of negative consequences. She actually presents it as a fair & loving practice. You'll find it if you search under Teal & Third Option:)
Ok, so the Key is rather find COMPATIBLE relationships!! Talk more about it, Teal 🌹❤️
She has several compatibility videos...
Find the page that Teal has done on “Getting on the same page”.
That's the hard part especially when you have to do it in time.
After listening to a lot of people complain about modern day marriages and how there should always be struggle in relationships, I'm more than grateful that you've touched on this topic.
so you think a relationship is just magically all good with no problems or issues ? an if you do have some issues what do you do instead of compromising with each other ? just quit an give up because your no longer smoothly thriving ? come on now
@@Pres9did you miss the part of “compatibility”?.
I’ve seen all your other comments about compromise and settling.
One problem is when people don’t choose a truly compatible person to be with them. You have to be a fully formed person… know yourself and what you want. Then you find another fully formed person who is compatible with you.
If your boyfriend loves videogames and you hate the fact that he plays them… maybe don’t date a guy who plays video games because now he’ll have to “compromise”/sacrifice this thing he loves for YOU and eventually he’ll ask something of YOU that YOU will have to sacrifice for him. When you find a truly compatible person; there will be no need to compromise on things because you’ll both be on the same page.
I hope it’s clear that we’re talking about big/important things about ourselves and not things like “what to eat” or “what to watch”.
The "marriage is hard work" myth is also annoying. Sure it is when compatibility is missing. They don't want to call the spade a spade - that it's the wrong marriage "because what God joined together." Right.
@@TheSameTH-cam Sometimes people "settle" because they experience multiple pressures (biological clock, material difficulties, loneliness, desire for family, proximity structure, self-perception of one's market value relative to the kind of person one needs, odds on the dating market at any given life stage, etc)
It's not all pure agency.
@@roses6564
1. That’s horseshit.
2. That’s why I pointed out that you really have to get to know YOURSELF. This way you don’t get pressured into doing something or being with someone you don’t want to be with… and IF you DO have to “settle” then you must be aware that you’re doing it to not die alone… which is a horrible and selfish thing to do to the other person.
Thank you Teal. I just realized my whole family had a party without me. I can’t compromise myself to stay in my family … I compromised my whole life to fit into a family I am definitely not compatible with.
Me too 😢
THANK YOU with capital letters! I've been trying to translate this point of view for a long time. I have a relatively large tiktok audience of around 140k subs and you have no idea how hard it is to convince people that compromise in a relationship is NOT a good thing at all. I am really happy to see that this POV is finally starting to be heard from other people with considerable audiences. Thank you once agan, Teal.
Super interesting. Now I understand why I don't compromise with someone I date, and that I don't want them to compromise for me, and I do that instinctively. Thank you Teal!
*Thanks for the feedback~~~if you have any ideas you want me to talk about feel free to chat me immediately for more enlightenment ~~ 🇼 :🇭 :@🇹 :🇸 :🇦 :🇵 :🇵 •••🇲 🇪 • 💬+1 (320) 318‑3772❤️🇺🇸”’*
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
I'm glad you're teaching people to be proud of this. As a person with disabilities, it is essential for me to know ahead of time who will be a douchebag when I tell them I'm not feeling well and need to adapt to my changing limitations. Maybe the secret to lasting relationships is that people who don't see everything as winning or losing have a healthy attitude toward dealing with inevitable changes.
we needed more of u guy's voices or maybe louder or not over by shadowed by other "normal" people's voices. 💚 hope u well
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
I had a potential partner that actually guilt tripped me for refusing to compromise on something. I take it that is a red flag and now I’m in no contact and focusing on my myself, my healing, and my well being. I’m starting to think that I perhaps have dodged a bullet.
You definitely did!
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
We've been brain-washed to believe that love is continuous sacrifices but that belief would ruin in the most compatible relationships because it quickly builds resentment.
This is why there's so much anti-romanticist sentiment out there.
This feels it could be used as a tool for justification of selfish or inconsiderate behavior... imho some compromise can be mutually beneficial and nurture congruent growth in the relationship. A lack of flexibility can only lead to an inevitable difference of opinion and parting of ways. Having compassion and understanding of your partners needs while expressing your own can facilitate an adaptable foundation to build upon. Perhaps I'm taking this advice too literally 🤔
My thoughts exactly. People who are really sure of what they want in life to the point they don't want to compromise are not great people in my mind. It could be immaturity, I used to think I know how stuff works.. until I learned that I don't know anything and others can teach me things. It's also a sign that you are not very open minded and want things done your way or not at all.
It's talking about finding a win-win relationship and finding people who actually suit what you want instead of settling. Especially in loving relationships, everyone should feel like they won. Actually go after what you want. She's not talking about little things here... Like actual things that matter... How do you compromise not wanting kids vs. wanting kids where both people end up happy?
@@dangerzzzone2925 I guess by one partner saying.. if it makes you happy I'll be happy to do either of those.
I don't really get people who have rigid views but I guess there are some things I wouldn't compromise on. Like your partner respecting you and toxic amounts of 'independence'.
@@hgzmatt Yes if it doesn't matter to someone that much sure that's easy to say. Lmao what you're saying is what's happening in relationships now and why people end up divorcing, cheating, and lying. People are settling into lives they don't want. Compatibility matters. Water and oil never mix. You can't force people to be happy with something they don't want. It's actually selfish and it's not love.
@@hgzmatt But essentially one partner will end up unhappy. Now either a man or woman has children he/she really didn't want or never get the children they've always wanted. One will be settling into a miserable life and start resenting the other or the next big decision they will expect to win. Like, "Hey, I did this for you... So now I want to try an open relationship or I wanna leave the state or etc" Actually... Teal explains this.. did you watch the video? You sound like you equate love with pain and sacrifice instead of actual abundance. Love is not painful, it's freeing. Even you said you would not compromise on something like a partner who is very independent. It's not toxic. Why can't you be, "Babe, I love you travel the world all you want, I'll be here"🤣People just have different expectations from life then you. Find someone who actually matches you instead of forcing others to be what you want, so y'all don't end up hating each other. Boundaries and standards are sexy.
Compromise is sacrificing your personality and your passions to make your partner comfortable and fit in. If we have to do that, the relationship is not compatible and likely both partners still struggle with childhood adaptive mechanisms, where we were taught to share and hand over our toys when someone else wants them. In a true adult relationship, neither partner expects the other to bend to their will. Instead, we celebrate each other’s personalities, likes and passions and we allow each other to further develop in our own ways. We are after all, still individuals.
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/compromise/
Went to study social psychology as a teenager and now, almost 20 years later, I find the answers I was looking for here on TH-cam.. Thansk for sharing your wisdom 🙏
Without a doubt, this is one of the truest tropics ever identified. Thank you so much Teal for the insight and clarity you’ve brought to this. We have woven such a sinister web in the name of Love, and this sheds light on perhaps the most misunderstood aspect of relationships. We’ll done!! And thank you!
I feel like I don't compromise. Like I'm overly authentic. And as if no one is compatible with me. Years and years of ever-increasing loneliness discourage me.
Don't fall for this nonsense. Life in and of itself consists of choices and compromises.
I think being authentic is good but most times when we dislike and like something we closes the opportunities. And that what we call compromise. Most of us actually don't know what we truly like, we all living and doing things by how we told and taught which is again not authentic and based on safe system.
I think you can overcome this by having 3 or 4 extremely important things to you that you don't compromise on instead of making everything equally important.
Yes! Seek win-win relationships in which you both feel like you got a great deal!
To me, that’s cooperation! Not compromise!
We’ll said, friend ❤️
Perfect description of my last relationship. Broke up a few weeks ago and this video reminded me why (I kept forgetting). Lots of resentment, pain, internal wars... there I have it. Thank you for giving me one more piece to this puzzle. I'm going to be who I am, and the right fit for a new relationship will come along at the perfect time. 🙏🏼
„When other people compromise for us, we’re not actually being loved.“
That. I just had an enlightment 💡
That is what I’ve been afraid of in relationships. That they‘ll compromise, and I wouldn’t as much, and they’d hold it against me, telling me I’m stubborn and selfish. I‘m not willing to compromise that much… I didn’t like when they made big compromises. I couldn’t say with confidence why, because it is seen as such a selfless good thing. But it wouldn’t make us happy.
I‘m glad that I am aware of this now, I can put it in words! Thank you, Teal 🥺💜
I believe we can simply compromise in this way: it's harmful ONLY when it has to do with sacrificing a couple's "deal breakers" or top priorities, but not when it comes to maintaining compatibility or shared priorities. For example, if both partners value raising children as well as always doing what they love in their free time, but the first is a higher priority than the second, then the couple can easily compromise how each gets to spend their free time because they both are working towards their common goal and priority: caring for their children. Compromising how they spend some of their free time is not some unhealthy sacrifice arising from dysfunctional dynamics. In this sense, compromise is not only healthy but necessary for the relationship and their pursuit of shared goals.
Compatibility is about similar ilk and equal yoke. Two equally yoked people can compromise on the functional things. The unequally yoked cannot. She talks about that in another video.
I just don’t think anyone could be perfectly compatible knowing that our moods change depending on what we eat or if we’ve eaten. Therefore a little compromise is necessary. The big things that are important to someone should never be compromised, but little things, compromise I think is necessary.
This feminist idea is what has been causing countless of breakups and divorces across the world.
I can’t agree more. If everything runs in the automatic pilot without doing anything then you both are the perfect human beings or Gods. The key is to be compatible to the most important subjects according to your standards and piece of mind and harmony. Little things with good communication and mutual respect
can be overcome.
I think it was implied...that it refers to the crucially important subjects...ooor the sum of little ones...If it's always one and the same party doing all the (in a practical daily life necessary) little compromises, then one of those will prove to be one too many...
Exactly I think the title is misleading gotta watch video to see if it’s true
Then you don't understand what C is. It's not about moods.
What if your own family of origin is incompatible to you to the point of emotional and psychological torture? Well of course I left as soon as I could because I don’t believe statements like “family is everything” but rather the family I choose without compromise certainly can be everything to me.
currently struggling with this..worst for me is that because I left my job, I had to move back home when jobs weren't coming through...I want to leave, not sure how to just go without financial security..
@@ShaqleeToine10.02 Happened to me too with the pandemic and it’s been a nightmare so I feel you from the SOUL honey lol but on a serious note you will make it out just being on that vibration of not being compatible with them will help you get out so don’t ever give into the depression stay focused and in high spirits to leave soon. It helped me before to leave my toxic family and I will do it again so you will get back on track I know it
@@Layla-fr7mf thank you, its challenging, I always tell myself "if you have done it before, you can do it again.." thank you so much for that silver lining..🙏💓🙏
@@ShaqleeToine10.02 , I have been in one end and out the other on this very situation. financial security was a big issue, but I took the leap anyway. there is often assistance in the form of homeless shelters in Australia, and so I sought out this assistance, it wasn't great, but it was better than living with the birth giver, and now I have everything I could possibly want and need. and the best thing about my success, is that I made it myself. have courage, have faith, take that leap and your wings will open.
Me too.
I was finally forced out of a relationship with a co-dependent person who openly says she is co-dependent. I compromised way too much for her for the sake of compromise to keep living in that hell. Please! Please do not make that mistake like I did. It bit me in the end and it was costly. You have to be compatible with the other person. Self sacrifice is a lie like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Sometimes giving in to someone else’s will is a good deal. It’s just not supposed to be an everyday event for all. But for some I think pain and self sacrifice is what they love.
I prime myself to expect that any "good feeling relationship" could end fast. I prepare myself not to settle nor go along with what others want whilst my needs go unmet. No good can come from associating with a dishonest person.
There were 222 comments here when I clicked!! There's a reason this video popped up in my feed. I've going through this type situation as I speak. I'm always compromising and it's never enough. I'm done. Like you said, it's a recipe for disaster and you will never live up to it.
This is the first video I have ever commented on on TH-cam (from what I can recall, anyway!) and it is the most MIND BLOWING video I have ever seen in my life as it encapsulates so much of my present and ongoing struggle. Thank you for articulating this complex and nuanced subject so clearly and helping me make sense of my lived experience and relationships. I will be watching this many more times and all the suggested videos.
Insanely exclusionist framework immediately made me wonder if that person has been/ stayed in relationships for a long time
Thank you so much for this ❤️💜💚 jeez! So much unlearning to do, it’s overwhelming and I feel anger thinking about all the times I’ve compromised believing I should be rewarded or believing this is what should happen in order to have healthy relationships 😭😭😭😭
I totally agree Teal. I appreciate how you mentioned that you must be 'hard and fast' to set boundaries in connections. ♡
You must always be your own best friend within your life. You have gotta be your most highest in consciousness version. I have destroyed my perception of myself and lowered my own vibrations to a harmful extent to realise what it means to be loved. X
Amazing how many people in the comments mistake this video as meaning that compatible relationships never have conflict... as if compromise is the only outcome of a conflict. Just goes to show how needed this message is.
I recently left my boyfriend because he was not prioritising my needs and not opening up his feelings. I wish I had communicated better with him. I learnt, if I had excepted him as he was and loved him more unconditionally, then maybe he would have felt less judged and safer to open up and speak his feelings to me. I know he still loves me. This Friday he is visiting me after 9 months apart!!
*Thanks for the feedback~~~if you have any ideas you want me to talk about feel free to chat me immediately for more enlightenment ~~ 🇼 :🇭 :@🇹 :🇸 :🇦 :🇵 :🇵 •••🇲 🇪 • 💬+1 (320) 318‑3772❤️🇺🇸’.*
I’m done with relationships and compromises lol...when I’m doing everything, working, cooking, cleaning, learning...I no longer see what the benefit of having a relationship is ?
Or it could be part of a win-win agreement? I don't know but I get that Teal is trying to teach us to enter win-win scenarios.
Find a partner who helps you with those things?
Well and what about your partner? They must be doing SOMETHING too right?
Guys, Inayah said that she was done with relationships because in every past relationship she would have to do it all. I see her point. It is better to do it all being single, than do it all while in a realtionship. It is frustrating to see that the partner is not helping. Why live with that frustration?! Because there has to be a compensation from being with someone? There may be, but is it worth the frustration?
You are telling her to find someone who will help her. Well, she said she is tired of looking for that man.
My parents and their friends said exactly that to me, that a marriage is all about compromise. I disagreed. Ive been married 13 years and I cant think of anything Ive compromised on.
i wished you provided some real examples of win win scenarios
You have to use your intuition.
It’s not the best advise. You have to compromise at some point in relationships or they fail plain and simple.
@@julzluvzdollz Compromise is part of life when your living and sharing your life with someone. She could give advice on how to manage or handle divorce not
Sure why she doesn’t share that. Just saying stick to what u know :)
@@maireadshepherd5539 well said I agree with you!
@@julzluvzdollz 😊💕
Amazing! Teal is the best! Always!
Perfect timing for this. Unfortunately we are seeing this play out on a larger global scale, especially in industries such politics and healthcare. Lots of emotional manipulation going on there...
Teal I love how you kick butts! I join in! Lets Illuminate with Win Win!
I hope so much that you realize that words have impact. My family deserves a deep apology from you. Encouraging suicidal behavior is not cool.
Compromising should not be painful. Meeting In the middle and getting on the same page can be very rewarding and make you feel closer. I just want to be truly objective here. Always question why someone is giving a message.
Is there really someone that we are "compatible" enough to the point no side needs to compromise ? Is there really a partner where we can 100% accept all their flaws n not expect them to compromise (expect them to change their behavior or decision),, vice versa (someone not expecting something that they want us to change)..
Am i the only one hanging out with incompatible people ? I mean even in friendship or family relationship requires me to compromise in order to make it work..
I agree with all the Teal Swan said, but I don't think anyone is 100% compatible with you. Some couples are more compatible than others, and you have to discern what percentage of compatibility you are willing to settle for, vs. how long you're willing to wait for a partner and be your own support system in the meantime.
Compromise is just the beginning & small part of what true marriage is and when I say marriage I mean one like the ancestors of Miss Teal's had in order for her to be created. What a blessing!
Ancient wisdom teaches us that the relationship of marriage is actually a refinement of character and the wholesomeness of that comes about with the longevity of the relationship.
When we yield we're not yielding to the other person we're "yielding to the obligatory"
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This is a brilliant video & subject ; really needed to hear this. Thank you, Teal. And I had this gut feeling already for a while that if you (think that you) need to force someone to love you, be it through manipulation, compromise, passive agressiveness, blackmail, fear-spreading, projection, dependency/attachment, etc, than that is not love, not from you, nor will the love you receive actually be love from the other person : it might actually more be a fear of hurting you and of being hurt themselves, than truly being love and choosing to be together out of free and compatible will. It's as you said that compromise is not love, and to have someone compromise for you is not to be/feel loved by that person (as they have to sacrifice part of their being for that, which feels really sad, before you know it you're more grieving than anything else).
Also love what you said on co-dependence being covert narcissism in a way. Blew my mind and clicked / resonated about myself and other people too, how the line between narcissism and co-dependence can be so thin, and maybe because there isn't really a line aside from the way of interacting (overt or covert).
I feel like this is the obvious truth and yet I've never seen people come to this conclusion in dating advice, etc. They teach you to play games and be inauthentic, and think nothing of it. I'm glad someone's saying it.
Giiiiirl I needed this one right here!
Do you seriously believe that you would never have to compromise in a relationship at all? Like there is a person that was made exactly for my needs and do’s and don’t’s?
I think this is a great advice if one tends to stay single.
Lmao yeah it's garbage.
This. If a little compromise would bother you, stay single. It's near impossible to find someone that you are 100% compatible with. You need someone who fits the mold the right way and be able to fill the gaps later.
I think the compromise she is reffering to is for the main issues in a relationship, i.e. a person's needs and wants that they are not willing, or better yet, impossible to compromise on without giving up their happiness in a relationship. For the smaller things in life, ofcourse a compromise can be useful :)
Do not compromise on who you are, on what you feel and love. Compromise can be made and must be made in many other aspects of life all the time (salary negotiations with your boss). For example: You love star wars and your partner hates star wars. Your partner loves horror movies and you hate horror movies. You both love romantic comedies. A compromise would be to watch a star wars movie and a horror movie together. Nobody will enjoy it, because you cannot enjoy yourself while your partner is having a bad time if you have a good relationship. A win win situation could be if you let the other be who he is and enjoy his movie with his movie-compatible-friends and be happy for the other enjoying himself and you only watch romantic comedies together. Compatibility would be the best of course and would be where you both enjoy the same things as much as possible. 100% compatibility doesn't happen often, but the greater the compatibility, the happier the foundation of your relationship because you can enjoy many things together.
Typical black-and-white thinking. I too thought this way. "there's always compromise involved" vs "there's never compromise". "Compromise to get into relationship" vs "stay single". There's a lot of grey. And maybe you should explore it.
What Teal Swan is pointing to is to give up your own *happiness* to keep the relationship going. That is surely not sustainable. Been there, done that, seen it a million times. It only brings resentment and pain. There should be authenticity - which means, you are your true self and so is your partner. The space they hold for you is safe for u to be u, fully. If there are things that make you unhappy, you're able to talk about it, come up with a mutual solution. And be guilt-free, content & happy. Compatibility doesn't mean you are each other's clones.
Thank you for talking about this reality in relationships, Teal.
I could not explain this better 💓
I love this it’s not easy to break habits that we’ve had embedded into us since birth but in order to love ourselves we must set boundaries and not compromise this is such an eye opening video I’ve always knew that compromise didn’t feel right but I’ve always thought I had to in order to make relationships work but this breaks it down so well thank you so much!
Wow!
Really willing to re-examine, question, re-evaluate, my, Compromising 🤔
What, stories, am l, telling myself?
TYSMFS! 😎
😁
OH YES!!
THANKS TEALIE 💜
This jacket is setting this message on fire!
I finally realize why I’m so resentful thank god! I’m redefining thank you!!
Thanks for yet another "truth bomb" Teal!
Thank you for the break down
But how we not compromise but we stay disciplined?
Thank you for this video. I've always had the feeling that what you said was a truth I couldn't and can't unsee. I'm glad to hear those words so precisely and to be reassured that by not giving in, by not compromising I've made the right choice to preserve my integrity.
I love your videos and this feeling of calmness that comes with grasping this truth and letting go of resentment that comes from misunderstanding about the Self and the other. Be blessed. 🙏🏻🌱✨
So much to learn! You are slowly but surely opening my eyes, yes, truth is hard to swallow but cannot ignore it when I feel it deep down agreeing with me.
"love" is giving not taking. Nothing wrong with compromising if it feels good..
Good person = deeply happy person
U totally missed the point dude
@@TheBakingGirlShow no.. just adding to the conversation ;)
I LOVE this video
I don't comment often, but this one of the most practically helpful videos I've seen regarding finding a healthy relationship. I am constantly compromising and I am super guilty of thinking it was 'the right thing to do'. Thank you
In 10,000 hours of videos trying to learn and grow ( even at great risk and pain ) this one video is the most relevant and honest that I have been fortunate enough to stumble upon .
I'll know I'm compatible with a person if they resonate with Teal Swan's wisdom. Old school psychological practices and theories need to take a back seat to her uncanny knowledge and insight. In less than a year, anyone who is serious about understanding and healing their shadows and various dynamics in their relationships needs only the desire to learn and binge on Teal's generous vid offerings. If one is able, to have support inside one of her group programs is highly advisable. Psychotherapy, self-examination, living in the truth no matter how much it hurts, and keeping my head clean of stuffed emotions or denial did serve me well and left many shadows hidden. Love to you, Teal Swan! Wow! Insight and Wisdom far beyond your years.
You chuckle like sheldon cooper ☺️❤️
Awesomeeeee. So brave to hold on to this. I needed this soooo much.!!
Everyone should watch this! I came to this conclusion a while back and it's hard to explain to others. I am keeping this vid in a playlist, it's far too important! Thank you!
I Will now always fight for win- win- agreeements no matter what.
I really appreciate relationship videos! 😍
Amazing Teal. Smart, wise and on point always
Thank you Teal.. love you 💚💚💚
Yasss! Rather than holding compromise with high value for generations, let's break this paradigm and commit to 3rd options instead! 🔥
I do not agree this time with Teal, commitment and obligation are not the same, a commitment is freely assumed, one knows the rules beforehand, an obligation is something to which one is "forced" without being able to do anything about it. I believe that a good relationship is based on commitment, the freely assumed commitment to first respect one's own wishes and aspirations, as well as, to do the same for the couple. This is by no means an obligation. Paternity / Maternity falls into this category, we choose to have children, animals, a job. We assume the responsibilities that accompany that decision. Without responsibility, everything is chaos. If everything is an obligation, the same thing happens. Love is not a responsibility, it is a decision that entails responsibility, first of all with oneself and from then on with others.
*Thanks for the feedback~~~if you have any ideas you want me to talk about feel free to chat me immediately for more enlightenment ~~ 🇼 :🇭 :@🇹 :🇸 :🇦 :🇵 :🇵 •••🇲 🇪 • 💬+1 (320) 318‑3772❤️🇺🇸’.*
Tunning into Teal before starting your day used to be like a Saturday morning cartoon
You are amazing!! Love your energy!
lmao anyone that believes you can have a successful relationship without ANY form of compromise is a absolute lunatic. Please, let me know who you find who is 100% or close to exactly like you, and how much you 'avoid compromise'. You will then just be going through a ton of partners and potentially throwing good things away because of minor disagreements.
Omg totally agree! Because even if you are compatible your still not going to 100% agree on everything. Thereby leading to no solution or a solution that doesn’t fit both needs. I’m so glad you said this.
Love ya!! Cosmos greetings to all!
Truth can be felt, and this video is truth. Thank you very much for your sharing of your intelligence & knowledge.
You are 100% correct. I don’t view “compromise” in these terms. After listening to this I realize I didn’t understand what compromise was. My view was, for example: person (1) “I want “A” no mater what”, person (2) “I want “B” no mater what”. Both individuals say sure. It’s a win win. But if person (1) and person (2) wants “A or B” equally that’s when compromise must occur to continue. That’s loose loose. So the first example is comparability, the second example is compromise. Thanks.
“Don’t compromise “. Advises the woman who got divorced 3+ times 👏
You always have to compromise when dealing with another, because we have in this world what is known as countervailing interests.
compatibility does NOT exist without compromises or live 60 years or so to find that compatible partner.
It all comes down to one thing: how you deal with compromises? Out of love? If so you will be happy because your partner is happy and this means the world to you. But if you are doing it out of manipulation you are for sure not happy and neither him when he finds out you were basically lying.
I just can’t wrap my head around this. I need to sit on this more. It’s really bowing my mind.
This is a problem I have had for years…..
Wow! What a wonderful video! 😊
Thank you so much, Teal!
Men and women are different, look different, think different, feel different, there will be always some sort compromise in a relationship, so, if you're really into being your truest self, don't get one.
💙🧡🧡💙🧡💚🧡💚💜❤💜💙💜❤💚💛💛💛 love this Teal this is great
Great video thanks for sharing Teal! ❤️
Powerful and needed to hear !!!