How To Create Repair in a Relationship (Part 1)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2024
- In this episode, Teal Swan teaches you how to create repair when you are the one who has created a rupture in a relationship. She walks you through the step-by-step process of recognizing, acknowledging, empathizing, explaining, and finding a way forward.
She also explains why ruptures are inevitable in relationships, but also an opportunity to grow the bond and the security and the trust between you and your partner. This is part one of a two-part series on how to repair relationship ruptures. Don’t miss this chance to learn from one of the best relationship coaches in the world!
👉 Listen Out For:
How to recognize a rupture in a relationship
How to acknowledge and empathize with your partner’s feelings
How to explain yourself without making excuses
How to find a way to fix or mend the problem
How to prevent repeat offense and strengthen the relationship
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👉 Who Is Teal Swan?
Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader, Bestselling Author, and Speaker. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom, and joy and teach people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
👉 Follow Teal Swan:
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Beginning and Ending Song:
Teal Swan Intro by Christian De Raco
I was married for 30 years. I learned how to repair a relationship. Took a few years to figure it out. Biggest skill I had to develop? Letting go of my ego. Listening while holding space. Develop the four agreements. Develop my personal boundries. Watch my words during conflict. It took me a long time to figure this out. And I started to see how my actions affected other people. YEah, don't let that tension stay around. Both of you sit down and communicate it out. Agree not to go to bed angry.
That's great. Is your husband able to do the same for you?
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 6 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Parting ways with someone you deeply cherish is an agonizing experience. I understand firsthand, having encountered a parallel situation at the end of my 7 year relationship. Driven by an unyielding determination, I explored every avenue to salvage our bond. Seeking guidance from a spiritual counselor proved pivotal, as their intervention played a crucial role in rekindling our love.
That's fascinating! How did you come across a spiritual counselor, and what's the best way for me to contact her?
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, an outstanding spiritual counselor with the power to restore your relationship with your ex.
I'm grateful for this valuable information; I've just taken a moment to find her online. Very impressive!
omg this needs to be tought to every, kid and every adult. basic relationships 101 and most of us fail at this.
She has 100 % clear insight and she is so right
It goes wrong if one party in the relationship experience a rupture and that the other party is not willing to admitt it is a rapture. This avoidend behavior makes the other partner not heard and not important.
Exactly correct.
”There is an ease, a connectedness, a completeness and a harmony to a relationship that is doing well. The connection feels strong. It feels “on”. This is a feeling that will occur in your body. This is the feeling of being in alignment with the other person. When a rupture occurs, this feeling will be disrupted. It will feel like tension, discord, angst, anxiety, unresolve, and incompleteness instead. The connection will feel weakened, if not damaged. It feels “off”. When you get this feeling, this is your indication that something has happened to the connection”. Teal Swan 🌎 thank you Teal 😘
I love what you said in 10:20 minute mark about an explanation being empty. Repair relies on genuine emotions being present behind every word and every action. It's not a mechanical process where you can follow a formula and expect resolve if you are not actively showing up with all of you.
I'm witnessing rupture in my adult son's relationship. I'm holding space for him to go through this, and will visit him in a few days. I'm not taking sides in something I know nothing about. It's sad, and also an opportunity for growth.
Dealing with unworkability in a relationship with my father, sadly no repair in sight. Years of unresolved rupture with no acknowledgment from my father even when brought forth. All I receive is defensiveness and no willingness to hear, see, or understand me.
i highly recommend you watching phil goods lates vids/short they are all very much arround that subject, you got this.
There are so many people like your father. And any relationship is two way road. There is a question what to do when one side doesn't want to hear, respond and take any kind of actions...
I could have written your comment. Same dynamic. Several years ago, I had a breakup and moved in w my parents temporarily (bf and I had lived together) while I got my bearings straight. Months into it, things started happening w my mom, and before long, we (dad, sibs) all realized that she couldn't be left alone. She was eventually diagnosed w Alzheimer's. I've never left, and aside from feeling like my life is slipping away, I'm reliving every past hurt with my father over and over again. In many ways, I don't even care about repair anymore, because all the times he belittles or dismisses or otherwise communicates in a disdainful way, it's like my whole childhood flashes before my eyes and the story of how I came to be so insecure and doubtful of my own abilities and self-efficacy becomes crystal clear. I've tried every "better communication" practice possible, and despite the moments of slightly improved relations, the damage keeps getting re-done. I often wonder how I will feel when he dies. Will I feel less of a loss because of all the ruptures? Or will I be consumed with sorrow for what never having the relationship that others have with their fathers? Will I feel guilty, like maybe I wasn't trying hard enough to understand him? All the versions scare me. I wish we could start over but how can we when he won't let go of needing to be #1 in every exchange? I would love to say that I want to be able to see him as a whole person and not just my father, but it feels an impossible task at this point. It's hard to go out of your comfort zone if you're the only one doing it.
I feel you. I realized my dad sees me in a certain light and I have to confront him and say no to the role his given me and I agreed to at a young age. However he feels about it is up to him.
@@christinefordealchemist I’m hopeful that we’re the catalyst in healing our family’s generational trauma. Unfortunately sometimes all that’s left to do is walk away.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:53 💔 *Ruptures are inevitable in relationships, and their occurrence can either break or strengthen the relationship.*
03:13 🚨 *Recognize when a rupture occurs by feeling tension, discord, angst, anxiety, and a weakened connection.*
05:04 🗣️ *Bring up the rupture with the other person, acknowledging what happened, and expressing empathy for how they might have been hurt.*
06:52 🤝 *Invite the other person to share their feelings and discuss how the rupture impacted them.*
11:04 🔄 *Find a way forward by settling on a solution to fix the problem, demonstrating commitment to prevent repeat offenses, and restoring trust in the relationship.*
Made with HARPA AI
❤️🙏🏻
Thank you.
It's so nice to just get VALIDATION that one's relationship should feel harmonious, and when it doesn't, something should be done! Even if it is, after 37 years, still always me doing the feeling and the doing...
13:00 Exactly! Once, give it a chance. Twice- let it go. Exactly right.
I’m the type to fix the relationship. As a highly empathetic person, I tend to accidentally shame myself through knowing exactly how they feel and what I could do to fix it. But when they are the one who ruptured, it never goes anywhere and dies.
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/how-to-create-repair-in-a-relationship-part-one-r590/
:)
Teal, will you be back in Seattle?
Thank you! 🙏🏻
Omg Teal, you are totally nailing my issues. I haven’t done the Connection Process with myself because of repeatedly creating ruptures with my own self. I’ve remained completely single because I see how I can’t be trusted to deal with ruptures. I think I even chose a partner who was obviously going to create ruptures- my built in excuse. I want a different life. I had a different emotional response to this video and open to honest repair. I seriously want to experience this and create that trust within my own life
OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!
I ❤ responsibility. I honor my stuff and let others do the same.
Intention is everything ✨️
Really good distinction about offering an excuse versus offering an explanation
My best friend and I just had a falling out over the dumbest thing. And it's really hard to tell whose "fault" it is. I'm usually the one who repairs even if I've been hurt, and this time I'm leaving the ball in his court but I think he'd rather be right/ the victim than own up to his issues and repair. Yikes. These things can get so complicated, especially when there's years of history.
Hey you, lead by example, this is how i try to roll…. Repair because you can, and when convenient and all is calm have a conversation about how you feel going forward you hope there’s a shared responsibility in the friendship and seeing him making these moves will be how you’d prefer the friendship to play out…. Also it’s worth barring into mind the “Steve Harvey view on Girls having male friends (You tube it) …a bit controversial but a good “filter” in case this applies. ✨ … ✌️
@@randomelvis3359 hey Glen 💙 thanks for your input. I know, this is the first time I have not been the one to initiate repair, in the 10 years we have been friends. It's just something I accepted about the friendship, that I would be the one to take responsibility because he's so fragile. And we've had many falling outs over the years. I think part of it is me considering that maybe the friendship is not going to work and we have finally grown apart. But there are so many layers to this whole thing.
I could have written what you wrote about me and my mother. I have always been the one to seek repair , but something snapped in me at 40 years old. She chastised my son and I looked at her and told her “ you will not speak to my son that way “. That confrontation in myself was something I couldn’t do with her , I never had the strength to go against her. She stopped speaking immidately after and so did I. For 40 years prior , I always was the one to seek repair. I would set boundaries and she would silent treat me until I ran to her crying and then we would be fine agin. But we never were fine. She has never apologized to me. Now it’s been 10 months and not a single word between us , and my family has come to me multiple times telling me to ask my mom for forgiveness !??? I tell them I will not speak about her to them , it’s a problem between her and I. In the silence I have found the greatest healing and found myself separate from her , somebody I never knew I am learning to know and love.
In a fight, both parties need to assume 100% not 50/50. How did I create this for myself ~ is the dominant question. Not to dismiss needs or boundaries, but to also acknowledge the role you played to create the situation. 100/100 is the most empowering situation to be in, because it means you always have agency, and aren’t giving it away, creating a victim narrative
Diving into this is so important for long term thinking and relationships
unfortunately when you're dealing with attachment styles like fearful avoidance, once your partner is triggered they cannot hear you or see you until the walls come down. so there is no fxixing any rupture until they let their walls down.
Repairing after a conflict strengthens intimacy and security in the relationship.
Unfortunately, some people do not know how to communicate when something is wrong, instead they suppress until it becomes a resentment that explodes into the type of conflict that can no longer be resolved.
I like being in relationship with people who know how to communicate and are committed to repair and growth.
me either but my ex bf didn’t want to fix the relationship n getting back together.. he keeps blaming me all the time eventho it was our fault not only one side. he didn’t want to acknowledge their fault so, so it seems impossible to reconcile.. sadly but i need to let him go eventually😢
Thank you Teal for this video because it has helped me realize, the man I thought had my best interests did not at all have any sort of repair work. I am tired and I am tired of being emotionally dismissed
Thanks Teal
I love these true suggestions, instead than the usual tricks/useless mind games that never create a true bond
If you get with someone who is highly responsible and they don’t show up on time, that’s not the time to get upset; it’s the time to give the benefit of the doubt and hope they’re safe. If a person doesn’t ALREADY get this base level of mutual respect and have this kind of maturity from the get-go, Jason’s going to be walking on eggshells 24/7 for the rest of his life.
Jason does sound pretty simpy..
Thank you, Teal.
It saddens me that this video needed to be created and put onto a world wide platform. However, it desperately needed to be created and put on this world wide platform.
Thank you for the work you do.
I was so much in need of this guidance!
And am looking forward to the guidance you will offer next week in relation to this topic as well...
Thank you, Teal, for spending your time and energy creating these incredibly helpful educational resources. They have given me the tools I've been in need of to feel better mentally/emotionally and to create better feeling relationships with those I choose to involve myself with. ❤ 🙏
The biggest area of practicing repair for me has been with my children (and now that I think of it, perhaps the safest). I feel proud that I model it to them as best as I am consciously able in each moment, and I see them doing it too. ❤️
In my marriage however, I definitely gave it the ole college try lol
But ultimately he wasn’t there yet and was unwilling to learn repair with me (and may never choose to). I realized our incompatibility It was a hard but deeply freeing choice to accept our incompatibility and to break a 20 year cycle that had definitely run its course. I’m grateful Teal mentioned addiction because that was a large part of it and it’s such a HUGE barrier to true repair
Creating friction. Upon listening I am so honestly confronted with the impact of how my behavior, however it be characterized, deliberate or unintentional, impacts the frequency of a relationship. So thankful to hear, listen and watch this video, January 20th 2024.
Me too. My behaviour was despicable. I am hurting right now from my actions. So very much. It took me 2 weeks of no contact to rralise how much damage i have done. Maybe even irretrievable. I pray that he forgives me.
have a blessed week everyone
Teal I love that color of lipstick on you. ❤ in regards to the video, I recently had an amazing resolution to a conflict. He apologized for everything he said/through in my face without excuse, hugged me when I cried and I apologized for my defensiveness and emotional outburst, told how much I appreciated him and named some specifics. Im learning to not take everything so personally and be emotionally reactive. The way our conflict was resolved truly healed some part of me.
It makes perfect sense what Teal says but it almost seems impossible to find someone so understanding and willing to do the work with you 😢
Being able to effectively repair a rupture or expecting an attempt to do so from my wife is a dream of fairytales. Same with that deep trusting connection. Reality for me is, if a rupture comes in, I only can answer with ignorance or silence. And when I produced one on my partner, going through her revenge is the only way. She is much stronger than than me and committed to never let anybody hurt her again. So we are not equally entitled. It also takes me much longer to recover from a rupture than her. So my safety lies in shallow routine conversations. Bypassing disagreements and becoming a convincing Yes-Man. Superficiality is key to a peaceful time.
Love to read your success-stories on this. Can’t wait to watch part 2.
Right timing, thank you!
I just googled over this recording and it reminded me of how people in relationships have crisis because the get too attached to one other not having excitment in it. And they cling to love and the one. Instead we get out of delicious tempting confort zones and become attractive by being less familiar, familiarity breeds contempt.
I like this. Looking forward to the next part.
Same. Interested in part 2.
Looking forward to Part 2, Teal
Thank you
This is very hard because you might want to repair but if the other person stays in ego zone is really hard. A relationship is not a alone work is takes too to have a relationship.
You don’t have to repair and fix everything.
Sometimes the rupture had to happen so that you finally let that person go.
Before you let that person go you still have to find resolve in making that decision, which includes first trying to repair and if not possible having no other choice than to let go.
✅
@@extern83agree
Thank you for saying this. Not all partners want to repair and at some point we have to let go for our own wellness.
Namaste 🙏 I appreciate your your work ❤ it's beautiful ❤the way you convey message is incredible 😍
This is super helpful. Thank you!
This felt really good to watch-whatever side someone might be on. Because this is everything I want to create, and also receive back. I have a question:
What if someone feels rupture, and you genuinely feel for their experience/feelings for the situation, but you feel they are projecting that you did/said things you didn’t do? Or, they don’t see the ways they have hurt you, too? What if you want to see their pain, but you feel that it comes at the cost of your other priorities/needs, or the larger objective circumstances/situation.
I have the same question! Thank you for asking this. I am in a similar situation right now, and what I find difficult is that acknowledging their feelings in the way they want me to would mean that I would have to take the blame for something I didn't do. Their pain has to do with their interpretation of what I said, through their lense of unresolved trauma. But it is hard to make that clear to them, as stating that feels painful for them too. Maybe we will get our answer in part two. :)
Happy Weekend..thanks for sharing this with us ❤❤❤❤❤
I really enjoy your videos and the neutrality you present on both sides of an issue. I really appreciate your dedication to helping me understand how to be a better person to myself.
exactly what I need right this moment❗
Honestly your one of the most important and intelligent people in the world atm xxx
Struggling with addicted partner who is changing but we damaged our relationship I am leary from Teal Swan and it is helping ❤❤😂❤❤
i find that open lines of communication in relationships always leasds to somone seeing a weakness to exploit
Teal❤
This is why I follow you. Wonderfully comprehensive your words.
Teal, thank you for the course on how to navigate relationships ❤❤❤
Teal you are good at this. You are appreciated for your work.
Teal you are absolutely amazing. I have no words for how clear your words are. I’m so glad to have found you.
Thank you!!!
〰️➿➰😘
Learning
I really like your Infinity Stones in the background.
When is Tealflix coming to our homes? The first episode is for free. Unbeatable price plans thereafter. Discounted plans if you apply within two months.
So amazingly timely. Thank you for this insight, Teal!
Bawling my eyes out. Thanks Teal. At least you get it. 🙏Aria.
This is an important video.
Thank you, Teal
Love this! Thanks!
articulated so well ❤
good stuff! great! helps with the relationship with my body as well.
YesTeal I know something's on your emotions
Thank you so much for this video.
I love your work. Thank you ☺️
Fascinating that my mother is the type of person to run her car down completely just because she thinks it's inevitable. She's exactly like that in relationships, too - causing rupture all the time and doing no repairs, expecting everyone else to repair it exactly the way she wants
Thank you Teal 🥰
Thanks for sharing this x
Makes me think I made a good choice breaking up with my boyfriend bc anytime he made a rupture and I gently pointed it out, he got entirely defensive and basiclaly blamed me for triggering him and shut me out completely, then I felt another rupture caused by his reaction to me trying to address a small rupture but bc he demonstrated he doesn’t like awareness drawn to ruptures I felt completely trapped and powerless to do anything about how he made me feel and I would give up and just pretend it didn’t bother me anymore . Which of course lead me to the past year of our relationship where I had zero desire for sex and he refused to ever explore that as well. It was an endless stream of ruptures bc he would expect sex anyway and pressure or guilt me into it, I would feel raped and not considered and more rupture would occur and I would feel more resentment and he would refuse to hear any of it
Great video on keeping a relationship! Mine of 28 years in trust between the two of us has went through Alcoholism stopped, smoking not , but copd stopped the love affair because she can not breathe in a bed time rumble and l want to love and be loved in this desire and I’m not in satisfaction and not giving up what we have built up , and not committing adultery ! And you don’t trade in your lover for another ! You don’t want to be in my shoes ( it totally Sks )
Repair ... gee ... didn't know such a thing existed .
insightful video 🧐👏 ty 🙏✨
❤❤❤❤❤❤ FROM BALKAN!!!!!!
THANKS!!!!!!
THANKS!!!!!!
I love You Teal!
I freaking love this!!!
My fiance (36) of four year relationship blindsided me five days ago and broke up with me seven weeks out from our wedding. I still haven't been given an explanation, he kept changing the reasons; "its me its not you." "I need to figure out what I want to do with my life." Our relationship has been really happy (not perfect but pretty close), so I don't understand what has happened. He said as he was dumping me "I'm probably making the biggest mistake of my life." And also said he still loves me. He then started packing my bag and told me to leave our house (he owns it). He texted me this week to ask me to come and 'get my things'. It feels like I am getting fired as there has been no empathy on his part. He has not even allowed for repair.
I am so sorry. Sending prayers your way for strength and comfort.
I love uuu Teal💗
2:42 What a relief
great channel
How can I tell the difference between enabling a partner's inconsiderate behavior, and simply being an empathizing, forgiving, warm person?
Thank u, Teal Swan🤟💯🤟😇
This feels like a fairytale to me. I'm thinking I'm probably not around the right people. Idk. Feels like so few people really care about these things...
Looking forward for part 2. 🙂
I understand what you mean. It takes a lot of self awareness to identify some of the points Teal makes. Hopefully, she's speaking to an audience that has some degree of understanding their ego and wants to repair those relationships that feel vital. I think an easier path personally if the other person is unwilling to engage in these types of repairs is the Ho'oponopono prayer.
Thankyou
Very helpful
i was blamed ridiculed or ingnores when i stood up for my self. i admit doing it very angry which enabled the other part to blame me even more ! .💔.my relationsh have been their way or highway..well HIGHWAY it is ...💪
Thanks
Rupture yea. I've watched enough of her videos I'm a spiritual scion baby I GOT it, i GOT it all (not really lol)....one luv
how do you know if you are the one creating rupture in the relationship?
Great content.
Had fun w watching how You look like an ET when I watch from th side w th phone laying down.. i pick it up n look straight on, Human, lay th phone down, Galactic Being from another plane
My teen son has volatile anger and mental health issues , creating ruptures with me over the 4yrs. He deflects, refuses to take accountability. I cannot speak to him about any past/current issues w/o his reactivity. Now he is refusing to continue therapy. How do i help our relationship.
He doesn't see his role in the rupture
Are you as the parent taking responsibility for the trauma you have let happen to your child? You should go to Internal family systems therapy yourself.
@@extern83 yes, we are all in therapy
Thank you so much for you time on this video Teal. A question for you. How does one deal with multiple, simultaneous conflicts? I recently contributed to a significant relationship rupture by trying to prioritise and deal with one, or several, conflict points, in the process leaving other issues for "later". "Later"has become too late.
To use a medical analogy, I prioritised the immediate, "severe", wounds and ignored the "less severe" injuries until such time as the "severe" wounds had healed enough to deal with the lesser issues.
I didn't feel I could deal with everything (all the wounds) all at once. My decision, call it a strategy if you will, has failed, the lesser wounds have now become "severe".
😵
Thank u thank u thank u 🙏
Or if the other person caused the problem and you don't like how you feel about it, just act like it was your fault and be the one to apologize. Say that you are at fault somehow and take the blame, beg forgiveness, appease them so they don't continue to feel called out by your negative reaction. Will they do it again? Most assuredly. But if you can be the one who initiates the relationship repair, you have a chance to stay in the relationship instead of being abandoned for being too proud and expecting your own feelings and needs to be so important. Saying "I'm sorry I felt hurt/sad/angry/disappointed and let my feelings disrupt our relationship security" is quite often necessary, repeatedly. They absolutely will repeat the unwanted behavior and will definitely again be unhappy if you let it upset you.
Do you want to be happy (loved, together, in a relationship at all), or do you want to be right (not have to apologize when they hurt you)?
This is horrible advice, I thought you were being sarcastic at first, I'm sorry for all the hurt you've been through to make you think in such a way
How does she only have 1.8m subscribers?
he was my bestest friend in the whole wide world
february 13th, 2023, he discarded me like garbage
replaced me
never ever even gave me the courtesy of an actual goodbye
he just ghosted me
over 14 months later, and I'm still unhealed
the pain and trauma he caused me are truly unbearable and indescribable
but anyway,
on a cooler note,
there's this...
Hueman
Hue = light
Man = manifested
Human = Light Manifested
so, in order to heal,
I talk to my cells in my body
I tell them that I love them
and I thank them for everything.
they 100% can and do hear me!
and they're healing me!
Question, if we demonstrate the “why”, is that considered gaslighting or telling the person how they feel by assuming?
Gaslighting is not telling somebody how they feel based on an assumption.
It’s easy to preface the conversation by simply saying “Tell me if I’m wrong: It seems like you are feeling x because I’ve done y”
I've made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with my best friend. I had the most unique relationship with her. To this day after 8 months I don't know why I did it. But I do know that I am overcome with guilt and regret. I don't know how to live or move on without her. I feel hopeless. I wish there was a way for me to repair our relationship but she has probably 100% blocked me.
Imma very guilty "Jason" and to fix things she'd need to reach out first, through her no contact and from another state. Aka I just need learn from this one.
She was a really good one.
Can you make healthy connections if you are isolated, lonely and needy. How do you not be those things if you are those things? 🙏
Is there a way to approach repair (in a situation where you have caused the rupture) if the other party chooses to downplay, disown, and deny their own hurt? I mean in situations where they won't receive, and almost "refuse" to acknowledge, that you have wronged them. A dismissal of the rupture at all, even when raised with curiosity, gently.