I’ve been in survival mode for years. Very small glimpses at living. I wonder where the old me went through this awakening journey. I don’t thrive in this culture and the demands and responsibilities.
Same here I really lost a part of me and it enrages me that I let one person steal apart of me..an important part of me while they are living their best life.
@@breathedeep2060 look up emdr. I did vidoes from youtube. Changed my life; however, the process of clearing out the trauma is not easy. Took three months but i feel like a different person.
Exactly! Only people that have been through it can really undersrand. Trying to express how you feel to someone that has never experienced being constanly criticized, back and forth being loved one minute and then hated the next, being judged negatively with everything,no support when needed,zero empathy . You lack trust, you keep everything to yourself. You almost feel like everyone is out to get you or judge you in a negative way. Finding peace is a struggle everday.
It's the worst. "Why can't you just get better?" I feel like a failure when I've read books, articles and watched videos like this - and it feels like I take one step forward and 2 or 3 back. I'm so tired 😕
@@zoeletliveit reminds me of the meme of “tired of depression? just be happy” but sadly the reality is so many people think like this, it can be exhausting so I completely understand
I have been in a dysfunctional marriage for thirty years. I am so numb and detached with myself. I am constantly in survival mode. I can't do this anymore , I decided to educate myself for the proper healing. This video hit home.
I needed this message so much. I needed to know that swinging back and forth is a normal part of my recovery, and to tie a knot and hang on. Big, warm, hugs😘🧘🏾♀️🙋🏽
robin elizabeth I’ve found that The Universe provides me with just what I need to hear, if I’m willing and able to listen. Sometimes it’s a song, or a conversation between strangers that I overhear. Sometimes, I just open up my TH-cam to whatever pops up, with full faith that I’ll get the message I need. Big, warm, hugs to you on your journey 😘🧘🏾♀️🙋🏽
Just A Tip All of my best wishes for you on your journey. Such a blessing to have a safe place to share past experiences, and dreams about our HEALTHY futures. 😘🧘🏾♀️🙋🏽
I am struggling right now to get out of survival mode. It is exhausting! There was so much childhood trauma it has taken so much time to unravel my brain. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and i am confused about who I am. Thank you for this video. I feel anything BUT normal.
Being around toxic people all my life, I'll never be normal, in regards to social norms. Not to sound pompous but, there's not a lot of people who are mentally strong enough to go through what I've been through, and come out the other side relatively sane.
Daniel C you can be normal if you put the work in. it’s hard but it’s possible, and it shows you know that deep down or you wouldn’t be here making an effort & watching these videos. props
I FEEL THIS so much. I feel like my future was stolen from me before I could even walk. So much childhood trauma that is carrying over to my life now. I understand. and it's hard to be the ONLY one who is self aware in your family. Everyone else is still stuck and in denial and don't want to change so I could never turn to my family because they only laugh at me. I dont think i'll ever be sane, the damage is too deep. But I will work on creating a entirely new person. I just have to unlearn all the toxic patterns.
@@cuzikare omg same.. I feel your comment on every level. I feel like I’ve been robbed twice being adopted under x and adopted into a narc abusive family .. My whole life has been a survival. I want to change. I deserve the best because I always give the best. One day I’ll have my family ❤️
Understand there is NO such thing as normal, it’s all perspective, the fact that you are aware of what’s holding you back from your own greatness already makes you one of a kind in and of yourself , you’re the only one who’s been chosen to live the life you live and if you ask me that’s a blessing beyond normal.
Possibly didn't finish the healing process for yourself. Probably didn't learn how to set healthy boundaries. That is how we end up with toxic people over and over again.
Sweetie I don’t ever remember being outta survival mode, a friend use 2 tell me I need a head doctor,,very Informative video,,ur gifted with insight knowledge n wisdom sister👼🏽
Sorry to disagree.. This video hit me hard .. it really pointed out why I jump from happy and confident to feeling hopeless and confused in an instant .. The Narc triggered the bouncing back and forth . She picked up on my biggest weakness .. Guilt over something out of my control.. Yet in my heart, I always carry self doubt .. like I said this video was spot on in my world..
Tools that help: notice when you begin to shift to trauma brain, remind yourself to feel peace/harmony because there is no threat. It is key to repeatedly remind your brain there is NO THREAT, and to trust that even if you feel like you are having a bad day or bad moment. Feel contact with your body, look at your arms or down at your legs or waist and stay with yourself physically to help you stay with yourself mentally. Start building a knowing of the feeling of your essence and amplify it when trauma brain is triggered while thinking on peace/harmony. Then give yourself an encouraging/supportive/uplifting comment. Avoid social media and looking a your phone for unproductive purposes while learning to tune into your essence. Alot of the time when we get sucked into trauma mode, it is like a storm cloud that fogs our clear thinking and makes so much noise in our mind that it's all we can hear, or a lens that coats all our seemingly relentless thoughts. Putting in earbuds and really focusing solely on nothing but a song we choose to listen to at a loud enough level to drown out other noises while tuning out any words or images running through the mind REALLY helps force the mind to ignore the impulses of trauma brain. As you tune more into HEARING/LISTENING to the song, trauma brain moves further away. It is key to be in a RECEPTIVE state of HEARING the EXTERNAL stimuli that you know is safe. Listening to external input in a calm state is very difficult and even terrifying for trauma brain. This is why the earbuds+music is so powerful, it creates a safe environment for your mind to reopen bit by bit. It is taxing at first, but becomes easier and provides a sea of peace and creates space in your mind where you can feel free again. If kept as a practice, it will help you remain calm in other activities as well that once felt overwhelming! This will also help reestablish the learning/being functions of the brain. It's best to do this in an environment you feel good being in when you do not need to be mindful of time constraints, because it may take some time for your mind to begin easing into this mode. You will need to refocus your mind several times back to the music as trauma brain tries to reestablish dominance over your mind. Do not get irritated or frustrated, just be mindful of when it is happening and calmly return your focus to the music without giving trauma brain a response and be sweet to yourself in the process. The more you do this, the easier it will become over time until tuning out trauma brain almost makes you laugh a bit now that there is enough distance between you and it to see it apart from your true self and how silly it is by comparison to your calm state of mind. A temporary crutch that personally aids me when trauma brain is in high gear while attempting this process is a few large inhales of flavored nicotine, which brings a few moments of release to recenter myself while engaging my body and the nicotine creates a momentary pause of the racing thoughts. The disposable Puff Bars at the local nicotine shops are very small, clean, and convenient. Alcohol and marijuana can reinforce trauma brain and disassociation, however, atleast until a healthy level of Being Brain can be maintained on a regular basis. Retraining your mind what to tune into and what to tune out and HOW will help you maintain peace. Reading and writing can also help reestablish a bridge through disassociation and helps you to better notice when you are drifting out of a conscious state, sometimes you may even notice your vision begin to blur as disassociation comes up while reading or writing. Remind yourself that nothing external has anything to do with you or REQUIRES your concern. And be sure you are getting enough water! Your body needs ATLEAST 8 cups of water a day.
Do not take this as a creepy Trolling text. You are my go to person for my Healing journey. I love you for who are in you inner Women. It is because of that, you Do what you do. All of that brings Me closer to my goal of a peace Full state of life. Your work has actually made the journey enjoyable. Thanks!
@@RN-gx7wt The only reason I included that was for emphasis. Over the 15 months I have listened to Michele She has received both really creepy, mean and hilariously Stupid correspondence. You are probably right, I just want my respect for her to very clear. Thanks
It’s so frustrating how unsympathetic people are. I tell them I was abused by a narcissist and and have ptsd and their reaction is pretty underwhelming. I was basically kidnapped beaten thrown in a hole and tormented for months emotionally.
I experienced relax brain for about 10 years. I was in my 20s I didn't realize that my partner at the time helped me by excepting me for who I was..He past away 25 years ago. One thing I remember is the way I was when he was alive. That got harder to do as time went by. So this makes sense and brings full circle. I'm forever grateful and would like very much more information on getting out of survival mode.please. Thank you 🤗
Yuuup..been in survival mode, most of my life.. every thing you described sounds exactly like what I've been through 💔😭 emotional flashbacks suck, but I know there is a way out... I'm sooo sick and tired of being sick and tired... that "stuck" feeling is like having a weight tied to your ankle with a short rope, you're in water deep/ shallow enough for your head to barely stick out enough for you to breathe 😟
It’s crazy how the other day I thought to myself “wow I think my brain is constantly in survival mode” and I didn’t even know survival mode of the brain was real at that point. Days later you uploaded this. God bless, this helped a lot
😪 does anyone else feel robbed of a normal life? I stay off of fb because #1. I am jelous of happy people in happy relationships. #2 I know I will not be in a relationship because if I am I will get worse. ( diagnosed bipolar 2 and bpd ) but even though I am quote un quote diagnosed bpd - due to an emotionally abusive childhood and then getting into abusive adult relationships , I am not abusive or manipulative , for a very long time I wanted to change my diagnoses from bpd to complex ptsd but I cannot diagnose myself I guess I felt inside that complex ptsd sounded better than bpd but I came to grips in this healing journey I cannot deny my diagnoses. I am quite insecure and I do have abondment fears so thats why I'm staying single. I am having a bad day and I feel very depressed because I say to myself I am single and will be 4 ever and I'm good with that but I am sad because it is lonely and I wish I could be " normal ".
LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO - oh do I hear you 💜 I felt & feel like you do. Still learning how to “be” in this world where we are constantly being flanked with what “normal is” or should be. Don’t give up. There are so many wonderful ways “to be” in this world, on this whacky planet. Try your best not to be around people who make you feel less normal. Find things, small joys, hobbies, an activity in nature etc that allow you to feel happy in the moment, free of stress & “comparison” mode. I remember ( & still feel this way at times ) not being able to stand being at a park ( all the happy little families) or the beach ( couples having romantic picnics ) But, the more I learned about myself through therapy, reading, introspection & conversations with countless others, the more comfortable I felt in my skin, the more compassion I had for myself & others suffering with similar “wounds”, those scenarios stopped bugging me ( as much !) when I’m feeling particularly vulnerable to that blatant separation from “normal” feeling, I try to stay away from those scenarios that only exacerbate that state. Some people would say I am avoiding or running away from my fears or what I “should” face ( & sometimes that IS what it feels like ) but I like to think of it as protecting myself from further discomfort. Other times I DO dive into it, knowing it’s going to be uncomfortable, full of dread...& I try to observe my feelings - where is it coming from (?) this overwhelming feeling of dread, separation, abandonment, feeling detached from the rest of the world ? Anyway, I realize I’m rambling on! Some of the things you shared just rang so true & got me on a tangent. Thank goodness for people like Michelle & others who have these videos for us to watch & learn & to remind us that there are so many others not just us who deal with these difficult feelings. Journey on LIFEISAJOURNEY ! 😊💜🥰
This is why I’m afraid to get therapy- then they label you with a diagnosis, which effects you mentally, making everything worse. Not to mention they will try to force medication on you which will “change “ you,- you can basically kiss your true self goodbye. No thanks
I'm the same all I've known is my mother she was toxic abusive individual in my life I lost so much over her met an abuser over her abuse and he brainwashed my kids against me she hasn't a clue god needs to show her her own dysfunction she failed me in every way and im so angry
My divorce happened almost 8 years ago. My ex-wife got everything, turned my kids against me. She recently has taken me back to court and lied on the stand about all the agreements we had made and the court believed everything. I feel so lost, confused and defenseless. So many years of my life have been lost and I don't know what to do?
Seek Jesus Christ, He will heal your wounds and comfort you. Don't put your faith in any human, put it in God. God wants to take all of your pain, He created you to vent to Him. Give it to the Prince of Peace, our King 👑. Your life will blossom, even still. You have eternity to experience life, look into His eyes. He will use this horrible outcome to refine you, there is always a lesson to be learned. You are LOVED, You are LOVED. Say it out loud 10 times over, "I AM LOVED." "GOD LOVES ME, I FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE HURT ME." Release your Bitterness, Hatred, Un Forgiveness and Sorrow to God. Free yourself from the Fear of Loneliness by understanding who loves you the most, who will never leave you even if everyone on earth did. Say, "I am never alone, God is with me always and will never let me go. I am forever entwined with the fabric of light emitted from God Almighty."
Hugs! My ex is doing the same to me right now. I still see my child. He is always upset when I pick him up. He takes about an hour to calm down. I just ask him if he's hungry. And do fun activities together. Show him my unconditional Love. We're fighting in court. I only get to see our child 2 times a month because they believed his lies in court. Document everything. Missed visits and phone calls. Ugly messages or phone calls. Try everything to communicate with your children. Every chance you get and show them your unconditional Love and always be there for them. Kids might feel really angry with you because they feel abandoned. Just have patience for them. They will come around. And when they have their own families they will want to be with you during the holidays, not the toxic ex. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Oh yes. Counciling with my Pastor has helped tremendously! If you can financially counciling with a state certified family counselor would help too. And make sure they will get on the stand in court for you. To help prove your side and it definitely will help you heal. So you can get peace in your mind and heart.
Im really sorry for you ive had similar happen to me so i feel for you i guess we can only try to move on from it all and live the rest of our life moving forward ❤
I haven’t seen my only kid in almost four years. My narcissistic ex wife of 31 years has poisoned our only kid’s mind against me. Every time I think my story is bad, someone else has a worse story.
Michelle!!!!!!!!! The timing of this video!! I want to break down and cry hysterically, but I won't because I understand why I want to. I was in extreme trauma brain last night. I was frantic! Couldn't stop crying almost to the point of screaming, and I just kept saying I can't do this, I just want to die, please let me die! And then today I have been in relaxed brain with just some remants of minor anxiety attacks. I have been healing from trauma, and making great strides especially when I started focusing on my core wounds and re-parenting myself. And as a result, I started to recently experience just being and relaxed brain. I was blown away! Like holy sh*t I actually feel calm! I feel like I can live and love this life! But it literally does go back and forth. As the resting brain is happening more and more, my trauma brain busts in seemingly out of nowhere to knock me off my sh*t. But it doesn't seem to last as long as I remember it did. I texted my therapist this morning because I woke up crying and couldn't stop, and I was having my therapy session later on that day. I wish I could go into more detail, but ultimately EVERYTHING you said in this video is true. I had cracked the code of what I need to focus on to get to resting brain after years of being in trauma brain. And now it's flipping back and forth. I love you so much for this info, and giving me even more language to be able to explain and understand exactly what it is that's happening with me. 💙💙💙
Ive been living in survival mode my entire life. I finally cut contact with my toxic narcissistic family of origin and am doing the work to heal. Trying to forgive myself for not prioritizing my own comfort by cutting contact much sooner. One day at a time. EMDR, talk therapy, and grounding techniques are helping SO MUCH.
Thank you for your videos! They have transformed my life and you have helped to save me and my sanity!! Thank you for all of your help!! You are the best!!
God bless you Michelle!!! Thank you so much for providing your life changing information!! I am so grateful for you and find myself so lucky to have found you!!!
Amazing work, (Michele) you are doing; talking truth to trauma. The swinging is slowing leaving, the further and longer I'm away from the narcissist, zero contact, phone number changed, dropped down my social media. No longer, have I just fallen, off the back of a turnip truck.. Work, work, work, support, support, support. Yeh the craziness in between my ears, was very maddening the 4 weeks before, shaming the narcissist out of my life.. Plus the first 3 or 4 weeks after, wow some of that black water was still ruminating inside. And believe me when I say my brain was completely offside at times, in thought and the action I wanted to take, my brain was still being held hostage , yeh it almost felt like the devil was inside my head,. So I responded by slowly ramping up my own self well being plan, exercising, allowing others and asking for help, on all fronts, via the God factor, St Micheal, prayer .. May I also add I disengaged from all know narcissist, family members included..
so true, I'm better now but when I was at my worse, at sometimes this happen even nowdays, when I'm in a new place the first thing that i do is searching for the best way to escape, the best spot to hide, I imagine in my head what i need to do do beat the "imaginary bad guy" that can appears. It's draining.
Thank you Michelle, i so needed this today. In survival mode and can’t get myself out. Abusive boss, much like abusive nex. No escape. I can’t quit because I need to pay bills. This feels so hopeless, this abuser makes me want to disappear. This can’t be the rest of my life.
Watching this put me in survival mode! I was started to feel like a messed up loser- definitely my ex's voice kicking in. I was extremely thankful for minute 13 when you talked about recovering from it! I'm just so thankful to have discovered your videos and yes, I've done my share of binging, as it is desperately needed validation (cuz those around me don't understand, which is indeed invalidating!). I do hope someday I can be just happy being me.
I almost panicked just HEARING “relaxed brain”!! 😱 I almost jumped out of my skin. I had to look all around me, to make sure someone wasn’t going to “catch” me...gaining hope and a little bit of momentum, then kill me, for daring to even contemplate the concept of happy! 😳...😂
Hi, Michelle! I love this video... Some people are really cruel, they watch us with envious eyes, or maybe they are just confused in their own thoughts, and they come along, and we feel invaded... Bad manners are totally narcissistic, reason why these 2 meter obligatory distancing is also helping the negative energy from others not to penetrate so directly and giving us time to right away understand that these people are sick and dirty and with bad intentions towards the minute they have the honor to pass by our life... It does me good to cut it loose and unmask their dirty intention to make me feel less, it makes wonder when we accept how some people absolutely don t love us, and to watch their signs, in their eyes, or in the way we feel after being in contact with them... Thanks! ❤️🙏
I realized I've kicked back into survival brain, once my emotional support person felt frustrated with a recent set back I had, with my narcissistic ex. Her reaction had me more worried about her emotions and state,that I could feel myself shut down on the inside, and I tried to comfort her instead of discussing how I felt. It's made me realize I'm on my own once more, since I can't tell her anything anymore.
I’m tired of feeling on edge all the time. On guard, in defensive mode. just feeling on eggshells. I experienced harmful things in the past such as abuse, but Especially when it comes to my social life and when it comes to romantic relationships, I’m not feeling capable to be at ease or safe to just be in a sense ugh. makes me feel like I’m in my own way at this point. but I’m trying to learn to reverse this is much as I can possibly and humanly can. 💜
There have been times when I've felt creative and my brain works the way I think it should. The ideas flow and solutions seem to present themselves effortlessly. Other times I feel "stuck" as it were and really don't know how to proceed next. When it feels like I'm in the midst of a verbal narcissistic bombardment I will concentrate or think on what I would say are odd things in normal circumstances. This doesn't even happen consciously, it just seems to happen. For instance, if we are in bed and the weirdness starts with her, I find myself picturing how the five blade ceiling fan would be if it were turned into a 10 blade fan and what the metal central hub would look like and how it would have to be assembled. Like I said, odd. I think my brain goes there to distract from the insults and strange questions are coming out of my wife's mouth. There are so many things that resonate with me from your videos. I truly appreciate the effort and time you spend. Thank you!
Oh Michelle!!!!! I want to join the group. I know I can't afford one-on-one because I'm struggling financially which is why I'm still stuck living in this abusive situation but hopefully the group sessions are affordable! Either way, thank you for offering them and thank you so much for your videos! They have helped me so much!
God bless you. I like your videos. In all honesty that is why I don't like sharing a lot with people. They generally don't understand. Nor do they try to understand.
I would definitely be interested in working with you with group coaching or one on one. I’m tired of survival mode and going from one bad relationship to the next. And reliving the negativity of childhood.
Oh I love the group setting idea! A lot of us cant afford one on one sessions, and the fact that we'd be relating to others who get it is huge! Great idea Michelle! You're videos have helped me so so much. I believe you were the first abuse/healing channel I found when I first discovered what it was I was dealing with. I thank you for that. I've come so far. And you! YOU have come so far! You emminate peace and healing and love now! 💖
My daughters (age 5 & 12) and I are going through severe trauma/PTSD. My ex narc has custody of my 2 daughters by submitting 100% fraudulent text messages in court. The judge accepted them without any validation, I was never proven guilty of the over 300 texts he created to make me appear to be a controlling mom (no texts even alluding to physical abuse, but instead me being overly controlling), and my constitutional rights were completely trampled on. I am a grade A mom who put up with years of abuse to protect my daughters, just so the court system could take my daughters away from me for absolutely no reason. I am certain this has to do with title IV D state funding and the fact that the judge is best friends with my ex narc’s attorney. .... Does anybody know of an honest attorney who understands these dynamics, who can come into Reno NV to help me save my daughters? I’ve lost everything. I want to get my daughters out of an abusive home, then join the fight to help others. This narcissistic/jezebel spirit is a spirit that is getting stronger and learning how to win. I’d eventually like to help whoever I can. Thank you and God bless! - Kimberlee 🙏🏻❤️
I’ve been in survival mode my entire life now, I’ll be 40 next month. Somehow I’ve muddled my way through life, part of my trauma comes from doing tasks so being a hard worker who’s always there, always on time, and always first to dive head in has worked well but I quit jobs often before anyone finds out I have no idea what I’m doing and not capable of learning and I’m constant fear of being a failure. I don’t know what to do, I can’t hold relationships or make any commitments no matter how small, always hiding in the dark reserving all my energies for the storm coming. I’m don’t know what to do.
Your mind is not your friend sometimes. Just know it’s not your fault. Someone did this to you. If you can; quit drinking, smoking, drugging. Get away from toxic people-if you can recognize them. I have lost everything and it’s a day to day struggle.
Everything you said is so true based on what I have been going through. A mixture of medication, psychotherapy counseling, and EMDR is slowly helping me.
This also scratches the surface of people who are professional victims, they will study these video’s and not get any work done on themselves (not now or even ever), huge red flag.
I grew up w ADHD and the only acknowledgment I got from parents was during report card days. No nurturing, just discipline. Work harder so u won’t be a failure in life.
I was in London for a few months last school semester and I got so much work done, my mental health was amazing, and my skin was glowing. Now I’m back home in the abusive household I grew up in and although there is no abuse going on, I’m still afraid of my dad and I’ve been in survival mode. All of my bad habits have resurfaced and I haven’t the motivation to do anything. Does anyone have advice?
Hi Michele, thank you for the video. As always, so so helpful. I used emdr videos to help me get back my power. It was a difficult process but i finally am feeling the peace.
I'm constantly swinging between the 2. Now I'm back in survival mode again. Just trying to do things that make me happy helps, but even if there's no threat, my mind will find "evidence from the past that there might be an invisible threat" or something stupid like that and I will sometimes literally freak out over nothing. It seems like mission impossible to ever heal completely. Mindfulness is good. Meditation helps the brain to relax. The more you do it, the more effective it becomes. Keeping a diary is good, but not for rumination. If you're ruminating and you're writing it down, the negative impact of rumination becomes more powerful, I feel like. I still keep a diary but I try to be super cautious about it so that I don't get myself stuck in a loop. I keep a diary to spill my overwhelming, negative emotions when they arise so I can validate them and better let go of them. So that I can get rid of that junk and find evidence as to why I'm fine.
Thank you! Once again, you’ve hit exactly what I’m going through. I just realised this last week after being triggered by my narc ex and have been wondering what (if anything) I can do about these episodes. Thank you 😊
I’ve been in survival mode for 6 years since giving birth to my baby. I think giving birth and what I experienced triggered the survival mode, and something from child hood.
10:53 Reminds me so much of the dreams I had at one point, of hacking my way through a reed filled swamp and trying to build a path across its murky waters.
Wonderful video. I have no contact with my narcissistic family, that in itself helps me heal knowing that my no contact is destroying them within. At the same time my PTSD does act up every now and then disturbing my inner peace. No contact, and time will eventually heal in my opinion.
This was super helpful; thanks for making this video! 🙂 It really clicked into place when you mentioned that being in survival mode can create learning difficulties. I'm 30 now but have been in survival mode (anxiety disorder, emotional abuse, etc...) for most of my life. My whole school life could be summed up as "in one ear out the other". To this day I struggle with learning new things, low self-esteem, social anxiety, etc. I look forward to watching more of your videos!
Ive been in survival mode since as far back asi remember 3yrs old im 60 now and just now realizing i cant stay in this it effects my healh and im in constant anxiety it feels horrifying
After listening to this video I just change my goals list to make the goal of being relaxed and in comfort is the first goal! I am tired of being in fight or flight situation!
This has been very enlightening. I have been in survival mode my whole , but never knew the words to use to express to other people. As soon as I thought things were better, well you know. The few times that I have gone home to visit, my brother would always laugh and say, " remember when you would wake up screaming I'm going to die I'm going to die?. I can't believe he's already 60 and he thinks that's funny. He's older than I am when will he learn? You have excellent content. I will share and listen to this again
Some people are dumb or ignorant or narcissist in disguise lol. My own mother a couple of months ago via a flying monkey said this referring to me, that why haven't I realized am now a woman, that I have grown and should forget. I should forget the abuse of my malignant overt narcissist step dad. Mind you what Michelle is discussing as in another mind not survival, I have only realized after my 30th birthday which came couple of months ago, so am learning all about narcissim and how codependent I have been and how I recreated the life I grew up in all through my twenties etc but my mother who's almost 50 can't see how abuse impacts children I.e me her kid. I doubt she will ever learn.
I am stuck in survival mode for most of my life 6 years ago trauma hit me and I stopped sleeping I never get tired or sleepy I have been paralyzed 5 times and full fight and fight and freeze and lost total control of what I was doing
Im not sure if you mean "victim mentality" rather than "survival mode". Survival mode is a term used by emergency rescue for how certain people survive trauma and disaster when others do not. Survival mentality by the definition of this video makes it sound like it is almost a symptom of a mental issue. Just commenting for anyone else who is unfamiliar with either term or are familiar with the professional use of survival mode by psychologists and search & rescue units. If confused, replace the use of the terms "survival mode" "survival brain" etc with "victim mentality" "victimized brain" etc. Survival is not a bad thing, remaining a victim will kill you. Great video, excellent layman explanation. I personally wouldn't use the aforementioned switched terms as used in the video.
I'm the person who got a taste of the healthy life. I was raised in a very toxic, substance abuse home. As an adult, I've had my struggles, but at some point i was getting it together. I was living on my own and holding my goals and finding out who i was. Then i met someone. This person was a narcissist, used me, manipulated me, gaslit me for years, was verbally abusive and threatening. It set me back and i became a shell of myself. I recently got rid of them for good, but now I'm having to build my life back and feel comfortable in daily life again.
Ok. But... How to heal? Talk theraphy? It seems to take years. Maybe trauma oriented therapy? Both simultaneously? What you described here is the best description of effects of trauma I have seen so far. I watched a lot about CPTSD, this one has so much insight! Love it!
I was discarded it's been a year and the knowledge on narcissist helped me so so much , I know why I still cry ,I hate that the new supply spoiles her and had a great valentines it's been a year n they are still love bombing, I hate that I couldn't stop myself from looking and I hate how much it still affects me ,when I know it's a blessing they not in my life. Everyday at work I make som1 day , people love how positive and the good vibes I bring to work but It has become a challenge to that for myself I think about the narc everyday day I'm so tired once I'm home I cant snap out of depression no motivation for anything in life , why Am I not greatfull why my positive outlook I give to others every day works but I cant do it for my self . that's all ty
I feel like I don't know how to be myself now after being with a narssassist for over 7 years and we've been separated for well over 6 months very weird feeling I really don't know how to explain it I just hope it goes away it's when I'm around other girls as if I fear what I went through will happen again is what I'm assuming
Awesome channel, that teached me that I was in a toxic relationship for 15 years. 0:00 -4:30 ...yes that's me. Last year I made major improvements in my life...within an other relationship...lost weight, got fit, got a new job whith much better salary...I never thought of being capable of achieving all of that. I was extremely motivated by her...until the discard. I was devasted ...started to search online ...and she was a major narcissist. I seem to attract them.
I’ve been in survival mode for years. Very small glimpses at living. I wonder where the old me went through this awakening journey. I don’t thrive in this culture and the demands and responsibilities.
Korin Burnsed I am the the exact same way. The whole world feels threatening. Right there with you, you’re not alone.
Me too u not alone
Same here I really lost a part of me and it enrages me that I let one person steal apart of me..an important part of me while they are living their best life.
Korin, have you heard of emdr. I used it and it got me back to normal. It took 3 months and it was very difficult but now i am back to myself.
@@breathedeep2060 look up emdr. I did vidoes from youtube. Changed my life; however, the process of clearing out the trauma is not easy. Took three months but i feel like a different person.
Exactly! Only people that have been through it can really undersrand. Trying to express how you feel to someone that has never experienced being constanly criticized, back and forth being loved one minute and then hated the next, being judged negatively with everything,no support when needed,zero empathy . You lack trust, you keep everything to yourself. You almost feel like everyone is out to get you or judge you in a negative way.
Finding peace is a struggle everday.
😔
Bro I thought I was the only one feeling this way I'm so glad I wasn't actually insane
omg. you just read my mind. like...nvm
Same Here
So true Michelle it really hurts😞 when no one understands what we've been through .
It's the worst. "Why can't you just get better?" I feel like a failure when I've read books, articles and watched videos like this - and it feels like I take one step forward and 2 or 3 back. I'm so tired 😕
@@zoeletliveit reminds me of the meme of “tired of depression? just be happy” but sadly the reality is so many people think like this, it can be exhausting so I completely understand
I have been in a dysfunctional marriage for thirty years. I am so numb and detached with myself. I am constantly in survival mode. I can't do this anymore , I decided to educate myself for the proper healing. This video hit home.
how is life now
I needed this message so much. I needed to know that swinging back and forth is a normal part of my recovery, and to tie a knot and hang on. Big, warm, hugs😘🧘🏾♀️🙋🏽
Me too
I know right!? This message came at the perfect time. I wish all of you the best on this journey. 🙏🦋
robin elizabeth I’ve found that The Universe provides me with just what I need to hear, if I’m willing and able to listen. Sometimes it’s a song, or a conversation between strangers that I overhear. Sometimes, I just open up my TH-cam to whatever pops up, with full faith that I’ll get the message I need. Big, warm, hugs to you on your journey 😘🧘🏾♀️🙋🏽
Just A Tip All of my best wishes for you on your journey. Such a blessing to have a safe place to share past experiences, and dreams about our HEALTHY futures. 😘🧘🏾♀️🙋🏽
@@marnitabaird2951 thank you so much!❤
I am struggling right now to get out of survival mode. It is exhausting! There was so much childhood trauma it has taken so much time to unravel my brain. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and i am confused about who I am. Thank you for this video. I feel anything BUT normal.
Being around toxic people all my life, I'll never be normal, in regards to social norms. Not to sound pompous but, there's not a lot of people who are mentally strong enough to go through what I've been through, and come out the other side relatively sane.
Daniel C you can be normal if you put the work in. it’s hard but it’s possible, and it shows you know that deep down or you wouldn’t be here making an effort & watching these videos. props
Too true. I feel that 💯. Such a struggle. ❤️
I FEEL THIS so much. I feel like my future was stolen from me before I could even walk. So much childhood trauma that is carrying over to my life now. I understand. and it's hard to be the ONLY one who is self aware in your family. Everyone else is still stuck and in denial and don't want to change so I could never turn to my family because they only laugh at me. I dont think i'll ever be sane, the damage is too deep. But I will work on creating a entirely new person. I just have to unlearn all the toxic patterns.
@@cuzikare omg same.. I feel your comment on every level. I feel like I’ve been robbed twice being adopted under x and adopted into a narc abusive family .. My whole life has been a survival. I want to change. I deserve the best because I always give the best. One day I’ll have my family ❤️
Understand there is NO such thing as normal, it’s all perspective, the fact that you are aware of what’s holding you back from your own greatness already makes you one of a kind in and of yourself , you’re the only one who’s been chosen to live the life you live and if you ask me that’s a blessing beyond normal.
It is amazing how you can work to better yourself and then get involved with another toxic person and Lose Yourself all over again.
Possibly didn't finish the healing process for yourself. Probably didn't learn how to set healthy boundaries. That is how we end up with toxic people over and over again.
My biggest fear
Sweetie I don’t ever remember being outta survival mode, a friend use 2 tell me I need a head doctor,,very Informative video,,ur gifted with insight knowledge n wisdom sister👼🏽
Sorry to disagree.. This video hit me hard .. it really pointed out why I jump from happy and confident to feeling hopeless and confused in an instant .. The Narc triggered the bouncing back and forth . She picked up on my biggest weakness .. Guilt over something out of my control.. Yet in my heart, I always carry self doubt .. like I said this video was spot on in my world..
Greg, look up emdr. I watched videos on youtube and it changed my life. Survival mode is a distant memory.
Sometimes it feels like I catch every bad vibe that’s out there. Being an empath isn’t easy. Excellent juxtaposition of the two brains. Thank you!
Every word....😢
I just want to have normal joy again😢
Tools that help: notice when you begin to shift to trauma brain, remind yourself to feel peace/harmony because there is no threat. It is key to repeatedly remind your brain there is NO THREAT, and to trust that even if you feel like you are having a bad day or bad moment. Feel contact with your body, look at your arms or down at your legs or waist and stay with yourself physically to help you stay with yourself mentally. Start building a knowing of the feeling of your essence and amplify it when trauma brain is triggered while thinking on peace/harmony. Then give yourself an encouraging/supportive/uplifting comment. Avoid social media and looking a your phone for unproductive purposes while learning to tune into your essence. Alot of the time when we get sucked into trauma mode, it is like a storm cloud that fogs our clear thinking and makes so much noise in our mind that it's all we can hear, or a lens that coats all our seemingly relentless thoughts. Putting in earbuds and really focusing solely on nothing but a song we choose to listen to at a loud enough level to drown out other noises while tuning out any words or images running through the mind REALLY helps force the mind to ignore the impulses of trauma brain. As you tune more into HEARING/LISTENING to the song, trauma brain moves further away. It is key to be in a RECEPTIVE state of HEARING the EXTERNAL stimuli that you know is safe. Listening to external input in a calm state is very difficult and even terrifying for trauma brain. This is why the earbuds+music is so powerful, it creates a safe environment for your mind to reopen bit by bit. It is taxing at first, but becomes easier and provides a sea of peace and creates space in your mind where you can feel free again. If kept as a practice, it will help you remain calm in other activities as well that once felt overwhelming! This will also help reestablish the learning/being functions of the brain. It's best to do this in an environment you feel good being in when you do not need to be mindful of time constraints, because it may take some time for your mind to begin easing into this mode. You will need to refocus your mind several times back to the music as trauma brain tries to reestablish dominance over your mind. Do not get irritated or frustrated, just be mindful of when it is happening and calmly return your focus to the music without giving trauma brain a response and be sweet to yourself in the process. The more you do this, the easier it will become over time until tuning out trauma brain almost makes you laugh a bit now that there is enough distance between you and it to see it apart from your true self and how silly it is by comparison to your calm state of mind. A temporary crutch that personally aids me when trauma brain is in high gear while attempting this process is a few large inhales of flavored nicotine, which brings a few moments of release to recenter myself while engaging my body and the nicotine creates a momentary pause of the racing thoughts. The disposable Puff Bars at the local nicotine shops are very small, clean, and convenient. Alcohol and marijuana can reinforce trauma brain and disassociation, however, atleast until a healthy level of Being Brain can be maintained on a regular basis. Retraining your mind what to tune into and what to tune out and HOW will help you maintain peace. Reading and writing can also help reestablish a bridge through disassociation and helps you to better notice when you are drifting out of a conscious state, sometimes you may even notice your vision begin to blur as disassociation comes up while reading or writing. Remind yourself that nothing external has anything to do with you or REQUIRES your concern. And be sure you are getting enough water! Your body needs ATLEAST 8 cups of water a day.
This is the best explanation of childhood trauma I’ve ever heard👍!!
Do not take this as a creepy
Trolling text.
You are my go to person for my
Healing journey.
I love you for who are in you inner
Women. It is because of that, you
Do what you do. All of that brings
Me closer to my goal of a peace
Full state of life. Your work has actually made the journey enjoyable.
Thanks!
U should take this part away then: "Do not take this as a creepy
Trolling text."
@@RN-gx7wt
The only reason I included that was for emphasis. Over the 15 months I have listened to Michele
She has received both really creepy, mean and hilariously
Stupid correspondence. You are probably right, I just want my respect for her to very clear.
Thanks
It’s so frustrating how unsympathetic people are. I tell them I was abused by a narcissist and and have ptsd and their reaction is pretty underwhelming. I was basically kidnapped beaten thrown in a hole and tormented for months emotionally.
Wow, not only is each video better than the last, but you get more beautiful as well. Amazing.
I think earplugs helped me the most.
For real! I live with my Narc dad and love my Air Pods
that explanation about the scratched record and trauma brain is so good
I experienced relax brain for about 10 years. I was in my 20s I didn't realize that my partner at the time helped me by excepting me for who I was..He past away 25 years ago. One thing I remember is the way I was when he was alive. That got harder to do as time went by. So this makes sense and brings full circle. I'm forever grateful and would like very much more information on getting out of survival mode.please. Thank you 🤗
Yuuup..been in survival mode, most of my life.. every thing you described sounds exactly like what I've been through 💔😭 emotional flashbacks suck, but I know there is a way out... I'm sooo sick and tired of being sick and tired... that "stuck" feeling is like having a weight tied to your ankle with a short rope, you're in water deep/ shallow enough for your head to barely stick out enough for you to breathe 😟
Are you doing better now?
Love you Michelle. You always make me understand my feelings and keep moving forward. Thank you❤❤
It’s crazy how the other day I thought to myself “wow I think my brain is constantly in survival mode” and I didn’t even know survival mode of the brain was real at that point. Days later you uploaded this. God bless, this helped a lot
Ikr
I've been in survival mode since 9 years old. Thanks for this conversation.
😪 does anyone else feel robbed of a normal life? I stay off of fb because #1. I am jelous of happy people in happy relationships. #2 I know I will not be in a relationship because if I am I will get worse. ( diagnosed bipolar 2 and bpd ) but even though I am quote un quote diagnosed bpd - due to an emotionally abusive childhood and then getting into abusive adult relationships , I am not abusive or manipulative , for a very long time I wanted to change my diagnoses from bpd to complex ptsd but I cannot diagnose myself I guess I felt inside that complex ptsd sounded better than bpd but I came to grips in this healing journey I cannot deny my diagnoses. I am quite insecure and I do have abondment fears so thats why I'm staying single. I am having a bad day and I feel very depressed because I say to myself I am single and will be 4 ever and I'm good with that but I am sad because it is lonely and I wish I could be " normal ".
LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO - oh do I hear you 💜 I felt & feel like you do. Still learning how to “be” in this world where we are constantly being flanked with what “normal is” or should be. Don’t give up. There are so many wonderful ways “to be” in this world, on this whacky planet. Try your best not to be around people who make you feel less normal. Find things, small joys, hobbies, an activity in nature etc that allow you to feel happy in the moment, free of stress & “comparison” mode. I remember ( & still feel this way at times ) not being able to stand being at a park ( all the happy little families) or the beach ( couples having romantic picnics ) But, the more I learned about myself through therapy, reading, introspection & conversations with countless others, the more comfortable I felt in my skin, the more compassion I had for myself & others suffering with similar “wounds”, those scenarios stopped bugging me ( as much !) when I’m feeling particularly vulnerable to that blatant separation from “normal” feeling, I try to stay away from those scenarios that only exacerbate that state. Some people would say I am avoiding or running away from my fears or what I “should” face ( & sometimes that IS what it feels like ) but I like to think of it as protecting myself from further discomfort. Other times I DO dive into it, knowing it’s going to be uncomfortable, full of dread...& I try to observe my feelings - where is it coming from (?) this overwhelming feeling of dread, separation, abandonment, feeling detached from the rest of the world ? Anyway, I realize I’m rambling on! Some of the things you shared just rang so true & got me on a tangent. Thank goodness for people like Michelle & others who have these videos for us to watch & learn & to remind us that there are so many others not just us who deal with these difficult feelings. Journey on LIFEISAJOURNEY ! 😊💜🥰
This is why I’m afraid to get therapy- then they label you with a diagnosis, which effects you mentally, making everything worse.
Not to mention they will try to force medication on you which will “change “ you,- you can basically kiss your true self goodbye.
No thanks
I'm the same all I've known is my mother she was toxic abusive individual in my life I lost so much over her met an abuser over her abuse and he brainwashed my kids against me she hasn't a clue god needs to show her her own dysfunction she failed me in every way and im so angry
If you needed help let me know 👍👍
Very timely for me! It’s nice to be reminded that it’s not linear, and there is another way to live!!!
My divorce happened almost 8 years ago. My ex-wife got everything, turned my kids against me. She recently has taken me back to court and lied on the stand about all the agreements we had made and the court believed everything. I feel so lost, confused and defenseless. So many years of my life have been lost and I don't know what to do?
Seek Jesus Christ, He will heal your wounds and comfort you. Don't put your faith in any human, put it in God. God wants to take all of your pain, He created you to vent to Him. Give it to the Prince of Peace, our King 👑. Your life will blossom, even still. You have eternity to experience life, look into His eyes. He will use this horrible outcome to refine you, there is always a lesson to be learned. You are LOVED, You are LOVED. Say it out loud 10 times over, "I AM LOVED." "GOD LOVES ME, I FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE HURT ME." Release your Bitterness, Hatred, Un Forgiveness and Sorrow to God. Free yourself from the Fear of Loneliness by understanding who loves you the most, who will never leave you even if everyone on earth did. Say, "I am never alone, God is with me always and will never let me go. I am forever entwined with the fabric of light emitted from God Almighty."
Hugs! My ex is doing the same to me right now. I still see my child. He is always upset when I pick him up. He takes about an hour to calm down. I just ask him if he's hungry. And do fun activities together. Show him my unconditional Love. We're fighting in court. I only get to see our child 2 times a month because they believed his lies in court. Document everything. Missed visits and phone calls. Ugly messages or phone calls. Try everything to communicate with your children. Every chance you get and show them your unconditional Love and always be there for them. Kids might feel really angry with you because they feel abandoned. Just have patience for them. They will come around. And when they have their own families they will want to be with you during the holidays, not the toxic ex. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Oh yes. Counciling with my Pastor has helped tremendously! If you can financially counciling with a state certified family counselor would help too. And make sure they will get on the stand in court for you. To help prove your side and it definitely will help you heal. So you can get peace in your mind and heart.
Im really sorry for you ive had similar happen to me so i feel for you i guess we can only try to move on from it all and live the rest of our life moving forward ❤
I haven’t seen my only kid in almost four years. My narcissistic ex wife of 31 years has poisoned our only kid’s mind against me. Every time I think my story is bad, someone else has a worse story.
Wow. You've described me, once again.
Michelle!!!!!!!!! The timing of this video!! I want to break down and cry hysterically, but I won't because I understand why I want to. I was in extreme trauma brain last night. I was frantic! Couldn't stop crying almost to the point of screaming, and I just kept saying I can't do this, I just want to die, please let me die! And then today I have been in relaxed brain with just some remants of minor anxiety attacks.
I have been healing from trauma, and making great strides especially when I started focusing on my core wounds and re-parenting myself. And as a result, I started to recently experience just being and relaxed brain. I was blown away! Like holy sh*t I actually feel calm! I feel like I can live and love this life! But it literally does go back and forth. As the resting brain is happening more and more, my trauma brain busts in seemingly out of nowhere to knock me off my sh*t. But it doesn't seem to last as long as I remember it did.
I texted my therapist this morning because I woke up crying and couldn't stop, and I was having my therapy session later on that day.
I wish I could go into more detail, but ultimately EVERYTHING you said in this video is true. I had cracked the code of what I need to focus on to get to resting brain after years of being in trauma brain. And now it's flipping back and forth. I love you so much for this info, and giving me even more language to be able to explain and understand exactly what it is that's happening with me. 💙💙💙
Ive been living in survival mode my entire life. I finally cut contact with my toxic narcissistic family of origin and am doing the work to heal. Trying to forgive myself for not prioritizing my own comfort by cutting contact much sooner. One day at a time. EMDR, talk therapy, and grounding techniques are helping SO MUCH.
healing is WORK. so much work
Thank you for your videos! They have transformed my life and you have helped to save me and my sanity!! Thank you for all of your help!! You are the best!!
God bless you Michelle!!! Thank you so much for providing your life changing information!! I am so grateful for you and find myself so lucky to have found you!!!
your words and your content are like a blessing send by God. thank you
Amazing work, (Michele) you are doing; talking truth to trauma. The swinging is slowing leaving, the further and longer I'm away from the narcissist, zero contact, phone number changed, dropped down my social media. No longer, have I just fallen, off the back of a turnip truck.. Work, work, work, support, support, support. Yeh the craziness in between my ears, was very maddening the 4 weeks before, shaming the narcissist out of my life.. Plus the first 3 or 4 weeks after, wow some of that black water was still ruminating inside. And believe me when I say my brain was completely offside at times, in thought and the action I wanted to take, my brain was still being held hostage , yeh it almost felt like the devil was inside my head,. So I responded by slowly ramping up my own self well being plan, exercising, allowing others and asking for help, on all fronts, via the God factor, St Micheal, prayer .. May I also add I disengaged from all know narcissist, family members included..
I started crying immediately, I’ve been in survival brain for a very long time.
so true, I'm better now but when I was at my worse, at sometimes this happen even nowdays, when I'm in a new place the first thing that i do is searching for the best way to escape, the best spot to hide, I imagine in my head what i need to do do beat the "imaginary bad guy" that can appears. It's draining.
Thank you Michelle, i so needed this today. In survival mode and can’t get myself out. Abusive boss, much like abusive nex. No escape. I can’t quit because I need to pay bills. This feels so hopeless, this abuser makes me want to disappear. This can’t be the rest of my life.
Watching this put me in survival mode! I was started to feel like a messed up loser- definitely my ex's voice kicking in. I was extremely thankful for minute 13 when you talked about recovering from it! I'm just so thankful to have discovered your videos and yes, I've done my share of binging, as it is desperately needed validation (cuz those around me don't understand, which is indeed invalidating!). I do hope someday I can be just happy being me.
Me too argggg I cried a lot. This is crazy
I almost panicked just HEARING “relaxed brain”!! 😱 I almost jumped out of my skin. I had to look all around me, to make sure someone wasn’t going to “catch” me...gaining hope and a little bit of momentum, then kill me, for daring to even contemplate the concept of happy! 😳...😂
U r such a kind soul! Thank you!
Hi, Michelle! I love this video... Some people are really cruel, they watch us with envious eyes, or maybe they are just confused in their own thoughts, and they come along, and we feel invaded... Bad manners are totally narcissistic, reason why these 2 meter obligatory distancing is also helping the negative energy from others not to penetrate so directly and giving us time to right away understand that these people are sick and dirty and with bad intentions towards the minute they have the honor to pass by our life... It does me good to cut it loose and unmask their dirty intention to make me feel less, it makes wonder when we accept how some people absolutely don t love us, and to watch their signs, in their eyes, or in the way we feel after being in contact with them...
Thanks! ❤️🙏
I realized I've kicked back into survival brain, once my emotional support person felt frustrated with a recent set back I had, with my narcissistic ex. Her reaction had me more worried about her emotions and state,that I could feel myself shut down on the inside, and I tried to comfort her instead of discussing how I felt. It's made me realize I'm on my own once more, since I can't tell her anything anymore.
My relaxed brain is my favorite place! Im able to be that with my hubby, at home and in nature!
I’m tired of feeling on edge all the time. On guard, in defensive mode. just feeling on eggshells. I experienced harmful things in the past such as abuse, but Especially when it comes to my social life and when it comes to romantic relationships, I’m not feeling capable to be at ease or safe to just be in a sense ugh. makes me feel like I’m in my own way at this point. but I’m trying to learn to reverse this is much as I can possibly and humanly can. 💜
When your starving your brain is in survival mode every days or weeks
There have been times when I've felt creative and my brain works the way I think it should. The ideas flow and solutions seem to present themselves effortlessly. Other times I feel "stuck" as it were and really don't know how to proceed next. When it feels like I'm in the midst of a verbal narcissistic bombardment I will concentrate or think on what I would say are odd things in normal circumstances. This doesn't even happen consciously, it just seems to happen. For instance, if we are in bed and the weirdness starts with her, I find myself picturing how the five blade ceiling fan would be if it were turned into a 10 blade fan and what the metal central hub would look like and how it would have to be assembled. Like I said, odd. I think my brain goes there to distract from the insults and strange questions are coming out of my wife's mouth.
There are so many things that resonate with me from your videos. I truly appreciate the effort and time you spend. Thank you!
I’m glad I seen this I needed this
Oh Michelle!!!!! I want to join the group. I know I can't afford one-on-one because I'm struggling financially which is why I'm still stuck living in this abusive situation but hopefully the group sessions are affordable! Either way, thank you for offering them and thank you so much for your videos! They have helped me so much!
God bless you. I like your videos. In all honesty that is why I don't like sharing a lot with people. They generally don't understand. Nor do they try to understand.
I would definitely be interested in working with you with group coaching or one on one. I’m tired of survival mode and going from one bad relationship to the next. And reliving the negativity of childhood.
Oh I love the group setting idea! A lot of us cant afford one on one sessions, and the fact that we'd be relating to others who get it is huge! Great idea Michelle! You're videos have helped me so so much. I believe you were the first abuse/healing channel I found when I first discovered what it was I was dealing with. I thank you for that. I've come so far. And you! YOU have come so far! You emminate peace and healing and love now! 💖
My daughters (age 5 & 12) and I are going through severe trauma/PTSD. My ex narc has custody of my 2 daughters by submitting 100% fraudulent text messages in court. The judge accepted them without any validation, I was never proven guilty of the over 300 texts he created to make me appear to be a controlling mom (no texts even alluding to physical abuse, but instead me being overly controlling), and my constitutional rights were completely trampled on. I am a grade A mom who put up with years of abuse to protect my daughters, just so the court system could take my daughters away from me for absolutely no reason. I am certain this has to do with title IV D state funding and the fact that the judge is best friends with my ex narc’s attorney. .... Does anybody know of an honest attorney who understands these dynamics, who can come into Reno NV to help me save my daughters? I’ve lost everything. I want to get my daughters out of an abusive home, then join the fight to help others. This narcissistic/jezebel spirit is a spirit that is getting stronger and learning how to win. I’d eventually like to help whoever I can.
Thank you and God bless!
- Kimberlee
🙏🏻❤️
Ever good wow best description & well delivered thanks.
Amen
Thankyou for giving me hope.
I'm in this constantly,
I experience total peace in my garden
I’ve been in survival mode my entire life now, I’ll be 40 next month. Somehow I’ve muddled my way through life, part of my trauma comes from doing tasks so being a hard worker who’s always there, always on time, and always first to dive head in has worked well but I quit jobs often before anyone finds out I have no idea what I’m doing and not capable of learning and I’m constant fear of being a failure. I don’t know what to do, I can’t hold relationships or make any commitments no matter how small, always hiding in the dark reserving all my energies for the storm coming. I’m don’t know what to do.
Your mind is not your friend sometimes.
Just know it’s not your fault. Someone did this to you.
If you can; quit drinking, smoking, drugging. Get away from toxic people-if you can recognize them.
I have lost everything and it’s a day to day struggle.
This video is so validating ❤️
Everything you said is so true based on what I have been going through. A mixture of medication, psychotherapy counseling, and EMDR is slowly helping me.
This also scratches the surface of people who are professional victims, they will study these video’s and not get any work done on themselves (not now or even ever), huge red flag.
omg this is me
If the body feels safe the brain feels safe. The body sends the brain pain messages. The body feels pain the brain doesn’t.
I grew up w ADHD and the only acknowledgment I got from parents was during report card days. No nurturing, just discipline. Work harder so u won’t be a failure in life.
I was in London for a few months last school semester and I got so much work done, my mental health was amazing, and my skin was glowing. Now I’m back home in the abusive household I grew up in and although there is no abuse going on, I’m still afraid of my dad and I’ve been in survival mode. All of my bad habits have resurfaced and I haven’t the motivation to do anything. Does anyone have advice?
I'm in survival mode too. Its tough 😪
God bless u sister thank u.
Hi Michele, thank you for the video. As always, so so helpful. I used emdr videos to help me get back my power. It was a difficult process but i finally am feeling the peace.
I'm constantly swinging between the 2. Now I'm back in survival mode again. Just trying to do things that make me happy helps, but even if there's no threat, my mind will find "evidence from the past that there might be an invisible threat" or something stupid like that and I will sometimes literally freak out over nothing. It seems like mission impossible to ever heal completely. Mindfulness is good. Meditation helps the brain to relax. The more you do it, the more effective it becomes. Keeping a diary is good, but not for rumination. If you're ruminating and you're writing it down, the negative impact of rumination becomes more powerful, I feel like. I still keep a diary but I try to be super cautious about it so that I don't get myself stuck in a loop. I keep a diary to spill my overwhelming, negative emotions when they arise so I can validate them and better let go of them. So that I can get rid of that junk and find evidence as to why I'm fine.
Same I just want to be happy even if it's just for one day. My life is filled with sadness. Iam tired. All I know is pain and sadness. Its exhausting.
Thank you! Once again, you’ve hit exactly what I’m going through. I just realised this last week after being triggered by my narc ex and have been wondering what (if anything) I can do about these episodes. Thank you 😊
I’ve been in survival mode for 6 years since giving birth to my baby. I think giving birth and what I experienced triggered the survival mode, and something from child hood.
Beautiful Michele beautiful. Another great video.
This is so helpful thank you so much for explaining this michelle
10:53 Reminds me so much of the dreams I had at one point, of hacking my way through a reed filled swamp and trying to build a path across its murky waters.
Wonderful video.
I have no contact with my narcissistic family, that in itself helps me heal knowing that my no contact is destroying them within.
At the same time my PTSD does act up every now and then disturbing my inner peace.
No contact, and time will eventually heal in my opinion.
This was super helpful; thanks for making this video! 🙂
It really clicked into place when you mentioned that being in survival mode can create learning difficulties. I'm 30 now but have been in survival mode (anxiety disorder, emotional abuse, etc...) for most of my life. My whole school life could be summed up as "in one ear out the other".
To this day I struggle with learning new things, low self-esteem, social anxiety, etc.
I look forward to watching more of your videos!
Ive been in survival mode since as far back asi remember 3yrs old im 60 now and just now realizing i cant stay in this it effects my healh and im in constant anxiety it feels horrifying
Yes!!!! Takes a LOT of energy to block emotional abuse and trying to heal from it at the same time. It's exhausting!
This is spot on and priceless. I've never heard it explained so accurately I need help bad
Survival mode = anxiety ?
After listening to this video I just change my goals list to make the goal of being relaxed and in comfort is the first goal! I am tired of being in fight or flight situation!
Wonderful! You got this!
I can’t trust nobody or like or live anyone I’m stuck in a mode of survival, I can’t come out of
I’ve realized I’m traumatized and have been in survival mode since a child. I’m speechless.
This has been very enlightening. I have been in survival mode my whole , but never knew the words to use to express to other people. As soon as I thought things were better, well you know.
The few times that I have gone home to visit, my brother would always laugh and say, " remember when you would wake up screaming I'm going to die I'm going to die?. I can't believe he's already 60 and he thinks that's funny. He's older than I am when will he learn?
You have excellent content. I will share and listen to this again
Some people are dumb or ignorant or narcissist in disguise lol. My own mother a couple of months ago via a flying monkey said this referring to me, that why haven't I realized am now a woman, that I have grown and should forget. I should forget the abuse of my malignant overt narcissist step dad. Mind you what Michelle is discussing as in another mind not survival, I have only realized after my 30th birthday which came couple of months ago, so am learning all about narcissim and how codependent I have been and how I recreated the life I grew up in all through my twenties etc but my mother who's almost 50 can't see how abuse impacts children I.e me her kid. I doubt she will ever learn.
Great teaching!!
I am stuck in survival mode for most of my life 6 years ago trauma hit me and I stopped sleeping I never get tired or sleepy I have been paralyzed 5 times and full fight and fight and freeze and lost total control of what I was doing
Excellent plain language explanation. Nicely done!
Thank You Michele - excellent video - I know what it's like to have bad memories triggered - gotta keep working in my journal
...10 years now; God bless you sister ;>
Thank you
So true!
I crave this place. I crave relaxed brain.
Greatifull
Im not sure if you mean "victim mentality" rather than "survival mode". Survival mode is a term used by emergency rescue for how certain people survive trauma and disaster when others do not. Survival mentality by the definition of this video makes it sound like it is almost a symptom of a mental issue.
Just commenting for anyone else who is unfamiliar with either term or are familiar with the professional use of survival mode by psychologists and search & rescue units.
If confused, replace the use of the terms "survival mode" "survival brain" etc with "victim mentality" "victimized brain" etc.
Survival is not a bad thing, remaining a victim will kill you.
Great video, excellent layman explanation. I personally wouldn't use the aforementioned switched terms as used in the video.
Love the cruise ship shots. That’s my happy place too.
I'm the person who got a taste of the healthy life.
I was raised in a very toxic, substance abuse home. As an adult, I've had my struggles, but at some point i was getting it together. I was living on my own and holding my goals and finding out who i was.
Then i met someone. This person was a narcissist, used me, manipulated me, gaslit me for years, was verbally abusive and threatening. It set me back and i became a shell of myself.
I recently got rid of them for good, but now I'm having to build my life back and feel comfortable in daily life again.
Ok. But... How to heal?
Talk theraphy? It seems to take years.
Maybe trauma oriented therapy? Both simultaneously?
What you described here is the best description of effects of trauma I have seen so far. I watched a lot about CPTSD, this one has so much insight! Love it!
I was discarded it's been a year and the knowledge on narcissist helped me so so much , I know why I still cry ,I hate that the new supply spoiles her and had a great valentines it's been a year n they are still love bombing, I hate that I couldn't stop myself from looking and I hate how much it still affects me ,when I know it's a blessing they not in my life. Everyday at work I make som1 day , people love how positive and the good vibes I bring to work but It has become a challenge to that for myself I think about the narc everyday day I'm so tired once I'm home I cant snap out of depression no motivation for anything in life , why Am I not greatfull why my positive outlook I give to others every day works but I cant do it for my self . that's all ty
Thank you Michelle I love listening to you , you make sense of everything....and everything makes sense , i love all your videos
I feel like I don't know how to be myself now after being with a narssassist for over 7 years and we've been separated for well over 6 months very weird feeling I really don't know how to explain it I just hope it goes away it's when I'm around other girls as if I fear what I went through will happen again is what I'm assuming
Awesome channel, that teached me that I was in a toxic relationship for 15 years. 0:00 -4:30 ...yes that's me. Last year I made major improvements in my life...within an other relationship...lost weight, got fit, got a new job whith much better salary...I never thought of being capable of achieving all of that. I was extremely motivated by her...until the discard. I was devasted ...started to search online ...and she was a major narcissist. I seem to attract them.
I really needed this.
Feelings have memories, especially traumatised ones...