I have been judged, shamed, and treated appallingly by medical professionals because I had a pain killer addiction to opiates and I for the first time in my life understand why. I have experienced several big T trauma and lots of little T traumas and I have isolated and destroyed myself. I have now been sober for five years and my diagnosis CPTSD is beginning to make sense and that I am not a bad person. I am so sensitive that I couldn’t harm a mosquito and I have been living with so much shame. Thank you so much for this unbelievable opportunity to watch this video. I am wishing so many people who are healing so much strength and love ❤️
@@JackB2646 This is honestly one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you 🙏 I am tearing up but in a feeling of gratitude. Everyone matters but some people fall through the cracks. I hope to one day help these people. You are such a special person for taking time to write this comment
Holy cow! 39, male here. I'm watching this series after reading Dr. Gabor Maté's book. I'm just starting to realize how much my complex trauma has ruined me and my romantic relationships so far. I pray to my God so he can help me heal. God bless all of you who are on the same path.
At 67 I am barely getting to understand what happened to me and how it affected me. I used work as a shield to hide my pain. Now, retired I have no where to hide. A shower of memories has invaded my space and became overwhelming. I finally started therapy.
My mom started therapy at 63. Her life has improved beyond expectation, You never know unless you try even if it is so scary and painful. Much love to you
Reading "It's Not You" by Dr. Ramani Durvalsula, a book about antagonistic people. I was raised in a dysfunctional environment that continued through adulthood. Now, alone but healing more and more each day. It's a long journey.
Suffering from cPTSD and betrayal trauma right now. I've said in therapy "nothing that bad has happened to me" many times.... Emotional neglect is the answer. Thanks @Tim Fletcher
"Trauma prevention should begin at the first prenatal visit." ~Gabor Mate "Sensitive children" - who are more easily wounded by traumatic events in childhood as Tim points out - are those who have been deprived/traumatized in the womb/during the Primal Period (conception through first year of life; when the foundational architecture of the nervous system & all the adaptive systems are constructed); they enter 'childhood' with complex trauma already. Everything presented about childhood development occurring in response to needs met or not... by the environment around them influencing/in-forming development... is also True for the (initial/foundational/primary development) womb environment. Think of mother's fight/flight/freeze/fawn body chemistry crossing the placenta - &/or neglect/deprivation i.e. food/responsive attention/toxic exposure - as a major developmental 'contribution'. For the first 10 weeks after conception, our 'wiring' is forming (nervous system & sensory apparatus comes from the Ectoderm layer of embryogenesis, so it begins forming & organizing very very early); by 10 weeks gestation all body structures are present; subsequently everything/all sensory & adaptive/regulation systems' organs are simply refining for the continuing ~30 weeks of pregnancy in response to environmental direction/blueprint... all our 'wires are getting connected". When that environment is often, mostly or always "adversity" (baby experiences *everything* symbiotically; if mother suffers, baby suffers), the structures are in-formed to the correspondingly "appropriate" functioning; the "wiring is being connected" according to those instructions. Because survival is one of our main default imperatives. Repetitive or constant adversity/ disruption of 'normal'/optimal development before birth = 'normal'/optimal development cannot/does not take place; development appropriate for survival does = a "sensitive/hyper-sensitive child. "Trauma Prevention should begin during pre-conception/initial Human reproduction education." ~me
If you are reading this comment, I love you immensely and I’m sorry for not researching more in order to better understand what you’ve been through and what you continue to experience. You are worthy of love, and incredibly lovable. I’m so sad to know how much shame, pain and confusion you experience almost daily as a result of neglect, abuse and harm brought onto you throughout your life. I believe in you, and you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
A lot of addicts with childhood trauma use drugs or alcohol to not feel. Some use it to be able to feel. My father had CPTSD, my grandmother forced him to watch while Tirpitz was sunk. 2000 men, screaming for their lives. He became asailor around 15, tookto alcohol early, andvoila, here I am. CPTSD and fibromyalgia. Never had any of the help I really needed, so I took to understanding. Only today I found out that it was me healing myself.
I felt the same thing, I got the extremely rare "good gut feeling" that didn't cause mass weeks or months long depression and self hare. Just to know it wasn't my fault is liberating, almost. I suspected it, knew it. Didn't believe it. But now there's hope.
"Complex trauma is the cluster of unhealthy defence or coping mechanisms that a person developed because they were in a relationship where, on a repeated or ongoing basis, they either felt unsafe or a basic need was not met" Anything missing?
There's also a control and power aspect to trauma like trauma causes people to have control issues or do anything to regain or always stay in control some like to dominate and that's where abuse comes in
@@leahflower9924 you're not wrong, but I'm trying to find a good definition and I'm not sure the power dynamic is a necessary condition. A child being consistently rejected by their peers is being deprived of a basic need, for instance. But for sure where there is a power element it's much worse
@@joelthomastr yeah you're right unmet needs are the biggest part of this I would say and also trauma is worse when no one validates your pain or when you can't recover from it quick enough but that's part of needs right
I'm 69. So obvious now to see why I am the way I am...daily little t trauma all through my childhood. Youngest of 6 and soooo many things not right. So glad there's a whole series to get me through the pain that is rumbling in my guts right now. I thought I was doing quite well but...I found the man of my dreams 4 years ago but I'm so close to walking out. He triggers me every bloody day!!! He's 67 and had so much little t trauma too. What hope is there to save it. Fingers crossed Tim and this series can save us!
I started watching this series somewhere around episode 23. I’ve sent these episodes to several people who have also been impacted by childhood trauma. Tim, thank you so much for all making this available to us. It’s made an enormous, positive impact on my understanding.
The most hard thing to listen to is - when he mentions "messed up kids". Messed up people tend to attract each other, "staying with what's familiar". You can handle such a marriage - when kids come along, that's where it will really show.
Every therapist should be required to listen to Tim F., Mate and Walker before they are given their license...a lot of misinformed therapists out there that do not help but hinder growth in people with C-PTSD
Being required to listen is one thing. I think, every therapist, since they have wounds too, they need trauma therapy to get themselves healed too...every one needs it.
I'm 28 and I've been dealing with complex trauma my entire life unfortunately I was always too bold to admit it but i'm thankful for this series because it's helping me to understand why I am the way I am and how to better help my children be the best people they can be thank you tim
I feel most blessed to have been introduced to Tim Fletcher through Heidi Priebe on youtube. I wish I had the words to express my gratitude. I've already shared this video with people who are looking for healing and I wish this information to be shared with the entire world.
I’m 3 episodes in and loving this series! Highly educational and understandable! I struggle with translating this type of information to others but you do a wonderful job! Much appreciated! I’ll be sharing lots from these I’m sure! 💗🙌🏼💗
I am a psychology student in Ukraine, so English isn't my native language, some parts of the lecture were quite hard to understand, but I am so grateful for this opportunity to listen to it, Thank you!!! This is great.
I was EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTED. Yet, all my physical needs were provided: food, safety, shelter, clothes, music, etc. They ignored me, being the last child. They did not encourage anything intellectually - the thought I would be the good little Christian daughter that would marry and have choldren... Man, were they wrong!
Funny, my life was the opposite except for the trauma which was similar. I was abused, neglected and always treated as a burden by my atheist parents. My mother tried to enforce her terrible views on me and sought to control everything about me. My atheist family alongside the abhorrent schools I went to tried to force me to become something I wasn't. They thought that I would be a womanizing atheist living a hedonistic lifestyle. Man, were they wrong! I am now a Christian and I am the only one in my entire family including extended family that follows Jesus Christ. They can persecute me, disown me, treat me as garbage but they can never take away from me who I really am and the faith that I have. HalleluYAH!
@@PostalDude_1997 Perhaps in part it was a rebellion against trauma but I would say it was far more of a rebellion against my society and ultimately the world itself. But the biggest reason as to why I converted was quite simple, I heard the voice of God and he brought warmth to my cold heart and I received new life. I agree with you about the force part too. At the core of the bible is free will and the whole gospel is based in free will. Any supposed "christian" or "atheist" that tries to force their beliefs on their children is going against the concept of free will. If I have children then I will encourage them to be Christians but if they do not wish to believe then that is their choice. God does not force people into paradise so why should I even try. It's so much better to let people decide for themselves. Free will is also a core part of being human and without free will we lose our humanity.
My mom died when I was 12. My dad gave me to the State after 6 months. I never got over that. I am 64 yrs old now. My dad never apologized. I was married 20 yrs. He walked out on me and my kids. Got remarried and he died 16 months ago. I feel very alone. I was also an only child.
That is so sad- I hope you can find strength in your resilience. My mom abandoned me when I was four and she passed away in August. You’re familiar with all the feelings associated with that event. Just before she passed, I reconnected with her and was planning a visit- my efforts, of course. She passed away just before I was going to visit-- I was the last person she spoke to. I told her to forgive herself, and instead if getting mad that I’m the one acting as a parent to a child despite her being my Mother, I forgave her, too. I didn’t justify her shortcomings but rather I met her as a human and not a parent and was able to find mercy. In retrospect, I’m grateful. She had a massive drug and alcohol problem and it might’ve been more traumatic had she been physically in my life. I hope she is resting in peace. I found a lot of relief in forgiveness. I no longer torment myself. I understand why she didn’t say sorry. I’ve let her go. I wish you much healing and wholeness with yourself and your children. ❤
I’m 48 years old and I’m just now coming to the realization that trauma and PTSD has been my problem all along. I was diagnosed with OCD in my early twenties and also with generalized anxiety disorder. They were not correct, nobody ever recognized trauma or PTSD.. now that I know what was wrong all of those years I’m slowly healing, and removing the layers upon layers of decades of trauma. The people who caused me trauma have NEVER taken accountability for their actions, and sadly they never will 😢
A fantastic lecture 🙏 but very very painful to hear, like having the raw wound poked and prodded by facts. I find it hard not to feel that recovery is insurmountable.
Just joined because of Theo's podcast . Subscribed and ready to start learning the 'what' to better the 'how' and better me. Tim Fletcher, Thank you 🙏🏼
Hurting tonight and I see that since the Big Trauma has been substantially addressed, the Little Trauma is hard to see but very much there in all the lack of not having, ever, what I needed to grow and be happy. I never had anyone who cared much.
I've spent years in the dark, not knowing what was wrong with me, all while watching people online talk about their trauma. I had so many problems I didn't know the source of, until I discovered that complex trauma exists. It blew my mind, and it answered so many questions. But... it's been years since I made that discovery and I'm still undiagnosed. Because any mental health professional I went to told me the same thing: Trauma is exclusive to three things: Assault, war, and rape. Neither of which happened to me. And these were all trauma-informed professionals. From what I experienced, complex trauma only exists on the internet... When did things go so wrong? All I wanted was to get better and learn to be able to function in everyday life, but this is preventing me. Instead I'm being given a bunch of diagnoses that I know are wrong or just focusing on one of my many symptoms. Why does the world out there refuse to acknowledge the existance of complex PTSD? What am I as a patient supposed to do at this point, after being accused of lying, manipulation, overexaggerating... being invalidated and abandoned by the very professionals who were supposed to help me? All that's left to do is self-medicate and cope... but I'm not strong enough to heal on my own.
I know your feeling 😢 I think most people (even helth professionals) fee the ned to protect themselves against reality. Cuz reality is painfull, and when we were young we were raised to belive in santa claus.... Just emagine the collective psychosis going on in the world. I actually need youtube and internet to educate myself an feel sane. i belive the world is compleatly mad at thos point, in denial - and they hate the truth .. Sorry for my halfhearted english, but im from Norway. Sending you love and hugs ❤
@@B_Vea unfortunately even most health professionals don't get it. Doctor Ramani and Tim Fletcher are heaven sent💖💖💖 Sending LOVE to you all💖 Norway is beautiful 😍🥰💖
One of the problems is that the psychiatrists who decide which disorders will be included in the DSM have refused to include complex trauma (development trauma disorder) in the last version. So nobody can receive this diagnosis. Instead, people have a bunch of other disorders (BPD, depression, anxiety, etc) for which they can receive medication. In order to heal from complex trauma, we usually need alternative therapies.
Walking with God helped me. Seek his kingdom, seek a relationship with Jesus Christ, he not only helped me but he changed me and made me stronger than I've ever been before.
Little t TRAUMA is misunderstood by almost all professional therapists; every child has their own unique circumstances. Therefore, Tim addresses those who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc. This is good, yet there are many of us who are dealing with these same little t issues without those Specific addictions. 40 is likely, even without these chemical addictions.
This is awesome..I have been on this healing journey once awaking and the last 10 years. So hard to find good counseling…I realize back then I past the sins of the fathers down to my children. I told them and apologize and they didn’t really understand and said you did a great job..lol..Ans I did my best because that’s what I knew..yet one day they will understand..They are in trauma brain. I have to listen to all his stuff..finally someone who can explain and help us ..in plain English.. I have Cpstd and I have seen how it’s been cumulative as I aged and it is extremely challenging..to calm the nervous system down…We all need to teach this to children…in schools..
Exactly the same in my life. This put all the jigsaw pieces together and like you I passed on these generational curses to my children yet they are too young to understand. What a rollercoaster of journey. I wish you all the best❤
@@10juvenile Yes, yet the gift is you are aware and educating yourself now...and you can now make a difference in your children's life...I am 62 and was so loss in trauma mind..My oldest grandchild is 23 and he has moments of understanding and then falls back over the threshold with a dysfunction relationship.. ..I also have a 19, 15 and 14..Yet the more I understand...and work on myself...I will have impact on all of my family...I give them to God because now I clearly understand how their trauma brain states work and how blah blah to them ...they don't really hear it....I will start making sure to see if.they are calm enough to take any information in......before I waste my breath... ..and ask Jesus to bring awareness in so they can really start the journey to heal......I wish you the best also...We can do this....
I got beaten in school every single day maybe till my 15 years old. My childhood was basically me in despair everyday making up a plan to avoid all those kids who were bullying me. But then I grew old and started to tell myself what I've been throught wasn't that bad, and I didn't actually realized how bad it was till this year.
This is good in that recovery teaches me how to utilize tools to move past anger pain and grief of trauma. I don't want to stay connected to those that I let use and abuse me. I take responsibility of my pain and learn this is long process not a foot race.
At 64 it has taken this long to figure this out. The traumas of childhood are so hard to see and acknowledge because no one teaches you these things. I am finally now understanding why I closed my self down even though on the surface I seemed to be just fine. When you used the alcoholic father example, that really hit home for me and it explained a lot. I will be watching the rest of the series and thank you for all you do.
Also we want to naturally protect the people who should have protected us. It's natural to defend abusive parents. I did as a young child. I lied to teachers, counselors, social workers, speech therapists, cops, I would have died if me and my brothers were split up again. That's worst than any abuse. At least we had each other. So mom got a free pass. Until a month ago when I learn of this on accident. Now I don't grieve for her death anymore. She never cared. Dad either. Took so long to see. It's unbelievable the blinders I put on.
Excellent video. Another reason why Little T trauma is difficult to notice is that it happens to us in childhood, and for the child it is his homeostasis - the middle line of the atomosphere at the place of growth. The child often does not know that this atmosphere can be different.
I noticed many years ago that I was inflicting minor pain on myself to get an endorphin fix (endogenous morphine). It wasn’t about causing myself harm, in fact, the superficial wounds I created in the process were a constant sense of embarrassment. This is the first expert I’ve ever heard talk about cutting as an opioid thing. Until now I’d assumed I was mistaken about that.
I've wished for a long time that there was more nuance in the conversation about self harm. I think a lot of people do it for the pain/response, and sometimes it's the only thing to make everything stop for a few minutes. Honestly I'd rather kids do safe self harm, than many other coping mechanisms like drugs or unsafe sex. But the very idea of any kind of self inflicted pain seems to really upset folks.
@@SpectrumOfChange right? Thank you for commenting. People get really freaked out about cutting and associate it with suicidal behavior. Some people think it’s just an act for attention because the wounds are superficial. Neither are true! The news media puts these screwed-up ideas in peoples’ heads.
@@jennodine yeah :/ I suppose we have to just keep putting it out there until the concept catches and peoples' knee jerk reactions calm down. Also, advising people on very safe options, such as rhythmically slapping a leg or arm with a wooden spoon in the same place for a few minutes. The pain builds slowly and is very controllable. Things like that can create a lot of endorphins without damage, oftentimes not even leaving a bruise.
On my tv I'm watching part 25 of your series. Why do we not know who we are. I can't find it here on my tablet. I just wanted you to know that you are the first therapist that I've seen who talks about this symptom that at age 74 I still puzzle over. I read all these people say to "heal so you can become your authentic self". It drives me crazy!! I have NO IDEA who I am!!😓😫😱
Me either. I had this personality that I am since I can remember. I am sure I never got to develop into the person I was supposed to be. I developed right into being extremely "shy" afraid if all I timact, physical touch, especially from women and I am straight. How I got married to my ex wife is beyond me my mask worked but it was a lie to her. I feel bad for acting how I wasn't but I did love her genuinely and still do. I don't blame her for asking me to leave. I never yelled or argued, not even raise my voice to here. I couldn't be romantic though. Didn't know how.
Been working on this for a straight five years. I am content and no longer need anything. No drama. An unhealthy relationship tried to weasel its way back and change that. It was a little disruptive this past year, but I cut it out once I realized the other was not going to work on their own trauma. It has been dice months and I am in brief contact, because of my mother being hit by a car. I felt I needed to talk to them. I did and I do not need them. Or their words. They have their own journey and it was upsetting fhat they chose to repeat and not work on themselves. This was difficult, I said my piece when I needed to, but I get it. They are unsafe around me because of their programming. It isn't me. I am love. And love myself more. Good for them for drawing the boundary to say no, but going to another relationship... that is their addiction.
5 INSATIABLE DESIRES: - the man that left me. he discarded me like last week's garbage. he took my heart and my soul with him. I'd do anything to have him back. - LOVE. the real thing. in it's purest truest realest rawest form. romantic and sexual and intimate. twin-flame union. - sex. intimacy. attention. affection. romance. passion. cuddles. kisses. - to be wanted/needed/loved/desired. to be seen as beautiful and attractive. - to have all my past traumas erased/deleted/dissolved. gone forever.
At this point in my life, I'm willing to bet that when kids, for example, are all in the same room experiencing the same potentially negative or traumatizing events, they walk away with different internal stories because of the environment they were conceived in. Maybe genetics makes the canvas more or less conducive to a positive or negative interpretation, but if a sperm and egg join together in a frightful, depressed, defensive moment, that's the foundation everything else is built on. Not to say that we can't consciously heal one another and ourselves, but most of us don't even take into consideration the state of mind(s) during conception. This is not hopeless, but a total u-turn from where we've collectively been focused, and unwittingly. For over a decade I've understood this work is literally like changing my DNA, and it turns out to be true. Hardest, most painful and confusing work ever. But if we can talk with and experience others who've been through the same pain (or numbness) and come out the other side with love for self and all, no exceptions or conditions, a crack begins to form in the armor that keeps us from seeing how we were created to be.
you are right about the sensitive children, I grew up around a father that was a damaged person, he never had real long conversations with us, he was quite often stressed and annoyed about all sorts, or he was quiet and in a sullen weird mood. not an easy person to be around. then at age 12 he started shouting all the time and having horrible arguements with mum and being a right shite.
This is so incredibly helpful and valuable, thank you so much for sharing this with us on this platform! All the best from Austria, warmest regards Iris 🌈
I was adopted by a woman who never hugged me, never told me she loved me. I have suffered cptsd since birth as I was taken from my mother at birth. I am waiting for psychedelic therapy to help me heal.
Looking back i can see i suffered, temporarily, with PTSD over a few things; my sister dying in a car crash, a sexual assault by a work colleague, giving CPR to an electrician in my bedroom who died when he cut through a live wire and getting knocked over by a car when i was a pedestrian. I had flashbacks with all those events, my nervous system went into overdrive, the slightest sound made me physically jump etc etc. But i just got over them, some took a few years but those symptoms went. The worst is the CPTSD because i wasn't loved as a child by all my family except one auntie. I was never heard, never seen (my dad would shout at me as he tripped over me when i was a toddler apparently because i was looking for love and affection from him). My mum actually told me, in no uncertain tetms, that i, as the 3rd child, was a burden (her favourite was the middle one who died in the car crash and the eldest was loved because she did everything right). My dad later told me in my late 20s that she wanted to have be aborted. She was always shouting at me as i was always breaking things with being so clumsy all the time. Got spanked a lot with either the wooden spoon or the hard-backed slipper (once over 40 times for drawing on the kitchen tile grout). Through therapy i have realised that my feelings of being unloved, uncared for and unseen by my mum were always there, probably even from the womb. I walked away from her for 13 years and reconciled 2 years before she died. When i was sorting out all her stuff she had thrown away my baby photos (unlike my 2 sisters, mine were never in baby albums) and all those feelings from childhood including the bullying from my sisters and dad never wanting girls, never being interested in us, they divorced when i was 10, has meant that as an adult i am wholly a mess and am now in a place where i don't have a single friend, no loving partner and no family that speak to me. I get angry all the time, irritated daily, insomnia, health issues, a lazy mind as i've always just given up on any goals i had, i'm highly judgemental and because i don't like myself at all, i don't like other people, i always just concentrate on their flaws (because i hate those flaws in myself) and now i don't ever see a way out. I don't ever see myself with true, good friends or with a man who will love me unconditionally, i just absolutely can't ever see it happening. I'm a smoker and a week ago i developed a painful lump in my lymph node in my neck and i'm hoping it's cancer so i can just refuse treatment and give up and die because i'm also too much of a coward to kill myself. I watch videos on here about outdoor spicy kittens (as they call them) showing that with love and care they become sweet indoor cats ready to go to a loving home and i wish humans did this with other humans. If i had been given the love and care i so desperately wanted and needed when i was a child and a teenager and an adult, things would have been so different for me but instead people think she's angry and hateful so let's hate her back. My dad a couple of years ago asked if it was "Georgie's bile" that made her tell him she didn't want anything to do with him (after she said to me a few months before "no offense Georgie but i don't deal with people like you do and push them out of my life"!). So yeah, this is why i don't have any of the family left in my life, they don't like me and i don't like them. I've never lived, i've always just survived and not well either. Sorry for the waffle.
I feel you on many levels. I too look forward to the Final Exit. I don't feel like I have a bad life. It's just that I can't feel joy or peace in it, and the problems of the past just never seem to heal, and more gets added on top. You're not alone in this mess.
@mettacine thank you Eric and i'm sorry you are suffering too. It is a very lonely journey and not some of us never get a happy ending, unless we pay for it 🤣 sorry, being vulger, couldn't help myself
I’m so sorry for the neglect and abuse you have suffered. I wish I could love you back to life. My dream is to oneday have an equine therapy school where ppl come to learn about their trauma and learn how to heal through trusting the horses. I don’t know you but I love you georgie 🤍
@litrugia you made me cry, thank you, so much for your words. No-one has said that to me for a long time. I can’t believe a stranger telling me they love me has made me cry so much. It was really kind of you to say that to me. I don't have anyone in my life, no close friends, no family who i talk to. You're the only person in this world that loves me 🩷
I have a question that I have never seen addressed. The question arises around @11:50. I was diagnosed as ADD at 65. I would love to hear a discussion on the difference between ADD (ADHD), or whether ADD is really a result of childhood trauma? Co-morbid? How to heal when suffering with both.
Coming through the mind sections walls process as a feeling. The memory of what I accomplished for myself was erased through to the middle section . I came to the first walled section my conscious mind I was overwhelmed with pain and confusion. A big gap in my mind as though after the accident. The situations before impact and after pushed through from the back triggered it took a while to figure the triggers however not 100 percent. This regressing lasted 7 years a alternative rehabilitation system was found and I began rebuilding..its ongoing.
So with this newfound understanding of the origins of trauma, with consideration to the traumatizing effects of prison, especially on children treated as adults, this sort of makes the for-profit prison model rather unconscionable.
How do I get past the resentment that has festered uncontrollably since I realized fully what was done to me?? I just turned 60, 5 years ago I heard the word narcissistic, Googled it, saw many family members on those pages. Suddenly so much made sense. The more I learned the more resentment I felt.
I was too hard on myself, still am but trying to understand that the way I lived with zero safety in my home and in my country affected me badly in every little aspect of my life. At a very young age war happened thus every second passses I thought it was the last, still until now I don't feel safe at all so I avoid places that remind me of what happend, and I avoid people who remind me of my father because his affect was even worse than what war did to me.
Jesus is the answer because we all have different routes to health and the scriptures have all the answers. In order to change we need to repent and ask Him to change us from the heart. We can also use these experiences to help others. Jesus is the start.....
While so much can come from trauma, it is still helpful to treat some outcomes. For example, Exposure Response Therapy is extremely helpful for OCD. Whereas traditional therapy would not help OCD because the person is not in control of their obsessive compulsive thoughts/urges (it’s the sympathetic nervous system on overdrive, caught in a loop).
Truth is accurate mirroring of your own painful Truth; Inner Truth mirrored by another is empathy; someone finally recognizes & acknowledges your pain, and confirms it is a normal response to an abnormal experience. One of the foundational needs is to be seen & known... any need that is unmet when it arises remains unmet from then on... this finally meets that need. Count how many of your own wounds have been recognized in this talk & deliberately consider allowing yourself to feel some Gratitude for the Heaven-sent empathy. The Truth will set you free.
This is me, Tim. I’m 67 years old and have wondered what I left 2 marriages to good decent men, I’m aloof and distant, people pleaser, diminished self worth. I’m even wondering if I’m not imagining the trauma. My dad was an alcoholic. My sister was 8 years old when I came along. My mother didn’t want another child because of his drinking. Is this possible to start in the womb? I avoided my dad as much as possible because he never acknowledged me or cuddled me or had a conversation with me. I remember when I was 8 years old, hoping I would go to sleep and not wake up. I’ve got so much baggage. Where do I start trying to fix this!
I am starting by learning this stuff. It happened in the womb to me as well. All the evidence points to that. Insuffersd my whole childhood but thebfirst 3-4 years were the worst. Trauma didn't change me it made me. I never used to be a happy child. I was never happy, never safe. It made me into the friendless, anti social weirdo who don't like arguing or yelling and especially violence to women. Learn thus stuff so can accept that your not at fault. Then document everything you can remember. It's kinda sucks but I think it's needed. I realize I went ton10 schoold for grade k-5 . So much for a stable home.
This is profound. I feel I should mention that he is a little confusing talking first about C-PTSD, and then seemingly using it as a heading that other disorders go under, saying there are 60 characteristics. C-PTSD is a separate diagnosis with its own characteristics. It is not BPD, ADD, or other trauma-based disorders. They are their own diagnoses. Some overlap with other trauma disorders, but each has its own list. So, the 60 he is talking about are combined from different trauma diagnoses. There are not 60 that are just under C-PTSD. Not that I know of, and that is my diagnosis, and I have researched and learned a lot about it in therapy. I wish he would be less confusing in that part, because we with C-PTSD have enough of a battle getting it understood and seen for what it is among both mental health professionals and everyday people.
In order to label something as "disordered" there must be a model of something "ordered/orderly" in which to compare it. So, what is the model they use to determine what is "normal/orderly"? Example: until a number of years ago homosexuality was labeled a "mental disorder/deviant behavior" in the psychiatric textbooks. Now, homosexuality is considered "normal". So, what was the standard they used to determine this needed to change, as well as other terms they've changed over the years?
Wow, i had that rare "good" none danger, something good was realized gut feeling. A gut feeling that wasnt pain. I am almost 48 and never considered what happened in my childhood to have caused so much damage. But i am careful, this cant be an excuse for how i am. But i never wanted to be what i am. I know why i am how i am. My parents destroyed me. My speech problem i had before i trued talking was caused by the trauma i got as an infant i never got love dad didnt let mom bond, thats still no excuse. I needed them and got nothing. My ACES score was 9 out of 10. With not having been molested unless i blocked it. However i remember way back to infantcy. My curse is memory for bad stuff. Cant remember a birthday because they were terrible but i remember being left in the crib while i could hear them up and awake arguing of course. I believe i was traumatized in utero and i have stong evidence of it. Mom and dad argued while mom was pregnant. Daily. Dad hid her birth control. Knocked her up with me. Promised marriage and to take care of us. He left after giving 2 more. When they argues i coukd hear after 4 month or so. All babys in utero can. So i heard steven this steven than, steven your hurting me. On and on. So Steve became a bad word, a bad person. I am born, what am i named? Steven. Makes me wonder the effect. Was i like, i am bad i am that steven? Atoxic dysapthia is caused by brain damage severe complicated trauma caused brain damage. They did that to me. Everyone thought i was mentally retarded. They said so, many ppl in the family. I had to start school slurring words pronouncing them slow because my nerves were shot. Pathetic, shame on them not me right? Then to learn hunans are supposed to be social, we need people in our lives. I thought it was normal to avoid people in order to avoid conflict/confrontation/disagreement, anything like that. They destroyed me so soon, so early, i think they were in a race. My abuse and neglect didnt change my personality, it made me who i am right now before i was sent to preschool. I have always been "shy" and anti social. Told it was normal, ide grow out of it. Lmao. It was so hard to admit that i am not strong to avoid people or disappointment and rejection i am only defending myself. I feel some relief just knowing has helped. I have started a journal of my past so i can learn, understand and accept its not my fault. I also wonder and am thinking alot about the things i saw happen to my mom by men other than my dad. Dad left when i was 3 1/2 or so. The worst years of my life with a profound effect constantly reinfirced until i could get out when i joined the army at 19. I saw mom beaten many many times, i saw her fall down stairs a few tines and get hurt so bad. I saw her raped twice. And lots and lots of arguing. With all the pain and hurt i saw her have must have put me on the defense for this woman who showed no love, she said it but i didnt believe it. Yet i still saught her love and acceptance, dad too. But indefended my mom at all costs i didnt want me and my brothers split up. I lied to social workers, teachers, cops so we wouldnt be broken up. Never complained to mom about having no food or why dont we have what the other kids have. Why didnt santa come. I was neglected of basic needs my entire childhood yet still saught what i needed. I saw them with rose colored glasses. I kept trying and kept getting denied. Thats whete my why bother trying attitude comes from. I never bothered anyone with all the problems i had. My childhood is best explained as very sad. High degrees, length of time, number of tines of each type of trauma except sexual abuse. It never stopped. I was bullied every year. The most painful and impactful part was the other kids laughing at me thus encouraging the bully. That really made me "shy". Mom said i was just a shy person. Screw here. I dont feel bad for her anymore. I was devestated when she passed 22 years ago. Have been so sad thinking of her everyday and all she did for me. Wait, she didnt even love me. She didnt even try. Screw her. I started hating my worthkess dad a long tine ago but not as a kid. I allowed him to betray be tine and time again. I had no other male in my life no role models, i kept trying over and over. I spent so many weekends waiting for him because he promised to get me for the weekend and never showed. Ever. Next time i did get ahikd of him i never ever confronted him i never wanted to make either negligent, abusive parent mad and not like me. They never liked me. I am amazed at my stubbornness, i am glad i tried. Shame on these parents. Theres hope for all of us. My brothers and i were even locked in out room at early ages too. Had to poop in a leather bag in the closet and dump it out the window. If we woke mom up when we inevidably got hungry we got beat with a belt. No hands for mom. Dad used hands on my as an infant and toddler. It shames me so much to be as timid as i am. Someone yelling bothers me so much, its insane. I can not do conflict or arguing, i dont yell at people, i could never directly hurt someones feeling never. For then first time I feel a little better. Thanks for reading. Its hard to share my story. Theres so much. I wish i couldnt remember. It felt nice to write that. Its nice to see i am not the only one. (Sounds bad i know) but for others to understand literally means people really do get it. I am so sorry what happened to people here happened. Noone deserved it. Thats still hard to believe and its true a fact. But almost unacceptable. Interesting indeed this human brain.
Being a natural caregiver and beyond empathetic you tend to put up with shit you shouldn’t that eventually you lose yourself completely. This is my problem I just have not enough left to give and just broken yet can’t fix others have to fix yourself.
My origins belong to some post soviet country. It's somehow crazy for me to hear that about 75% of people from Canada might have cPTSD. If the percentage is that high for a wealthy country I can't help myself but to think that's almost everyone from my domestic region might suffers from that illness leading to maladaptive behaviour and poor live decisions on the country scale..
I have been judged, shamed, and treated appallingly by medical professionals because I had a pain killer addiction to opiates and I for the first time in my life understand why. I have experienced several big T trauma and lots of little T traumas and I have isolated and destroyed myself. I have now been sober for five years and my diagnosis CPTSD is beginning to make sense and that I am not a bad person. I am so sensitive that I couldn’t harm a mosquito and I have been living with so much shame. Thank you so much for this unbelievable opportunity to watch this video. I am wishing so many people who are healing so much strength and love ❤️
Reading this post I wish I could just give you a hug. God created something wonderful when he created you
@@JackB2646 This is honestly one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you 🙏 I am tearing up but in a feeling of gratitude. Everyone matters but some people fall through the cracks. I hope to one day help these people. You are such a special person for taking time to write this comment
@@MissiJadeBaby your story sounds just like mine! Even to not killing mosquitoes lol and I live in the New Orleans swamps 😊
Hugs🧡🧡
Go you!! ♥️
Holy cow! 39, male here. I'm watching this series after reading Dr. Gabor Maté's book. I'm just starting to realize how much my complex trauma has ruined me and my romantic relationships so far. I pray to my God so he can help me heal.
God bless all of you who are on the same path.
At 67 I am barely getting to understand what happened to me and how it affected me. I used work as a shield to hide my pain. Now, retired I have no where to hide. A shower of memories has invaded my space and became overwhelming. I finally started therapy.
Good for you! I share that experience, I am 63.
Blessed be your path, friend.
My mom started therapy at 63. Her life has improved beyond expectation, You never know unless you try even if it is so scary and painful. Much love to you
That's difficult. I'm sorry. Also, congratulations. Best of luck on this journey.
Blessings my friend, from a 61 year old who has spent his life attempting to please people since 1963.
Reading "It's Not You" by Dr. Ramani Durvalsula, a book about antagonistic people. I was raised in a dysfunctional environment that continued through adulthood. Now, alone but healing more and more each day. It's a long journey.
Suffering from cPTSD and betrayal trauma right now. I've said in therapy "nothing that bad has happened to me" many times.... Emotional neglect is the answer. Thanks @Tim Fletcher
Having both PTSD & CPTSD is a hell like no other.
it really is...
I agree
I should know... 🙄
🤗 Be strong, warrior!! 💪
Absolutely 😔❤️🩹
Just remember you have a right to your boundaries, and forgiveness is free, trust is earned. 💕
"Trauma prevention should begin at the first prenatal visit." ~Gabor Mate
"Sensitive children" - who are more easily wounded by traumatic events in childhood as Tim points out - are those who have been deprived/traumatized in the womb/during the Primal Period (conception through first year of life; when the foundational architecture of the nervous system & all the adaptive systems are constructed); they enter 'childhood' with complex trauma already.
Everything presented about childhood development occurring in response to needs met or not... by the environment around them influencing/in-forming development... is also True for the (initial/foundational/primary development) womb environment. Think of mother's fight/flight/freeze/fawn body chemistry crossing the placenta - &/or neglect/deprivation i.e. food/responsive attention/toxic exposure - as a major developmental 'contribution'.
For the first 10 weeks after conception, our 'wiring' is forming (nervous system & sensory apparatus comes from the Ectoderm layer of embryogenesis, so it begins forming & organizing very very early); by 10 weeks gestation all body structures are present; subsequently everything/all sensory & adaptive/regulation systems' organs are simply refining for the continuing ~30 weeks of pregnancy in response to environmental direction/blueprint... all our 'wires are getting connected". When that environment is often, mostly or always "adversity" (baby experiences *everything* symbiotically; if mother suffers, baby suffers), the structures are in-formed to the correspondingly "appropriate" functioning; the "wiring is being connected" according to those instructions. Because survival is one of our main default imperatives.
Repetitive or constant adversity/ disruption of 'normal'/optimal development before birth = 'normal'/optimal development cannot/does not take place; development appropriate for survival does = a "sensitive/hyper-sensitive child.
"Trauma Prevention should begin during pre-conception/initial Human reproduction education." ~me
Thank you for this... You have explained this beautifully.
Could you please share where you found this information. I have been looking for something to validate this belief for a long time. Thank you.
@@LindaClark-op5jetry Bruce lipton on biology and Gabor Mate ❤
Survival is our brains main source priority. Hence why we leave the body in extreme trauma.
@@10juvenile Thank you!
God bless you Tim Fletcher.
If you are reading this comment, I love you immensely and I’m sorry for not researching more in order to better understand what you’ve been through and what you continue to experience. You are worthy of love, and incredibly lovable. I’m so sad to know how much shame, pain and confusion you experience almost daily as a result of neglect, abuse and harm brought onto you throughout your life. I believe in you, and you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
I wanted to Thank you for your kind words and compassion and support for all of us out here that are going thru this. Much Love ❤ and Bless you
This message is to the narcissist, then, unfortunately, it’s fallen on deaf eyes❤
I'm a twin womb survivor! TRAUMA
Thank you❤🙏
❤❤❤
A friend in recovery taught me “Drugs are not my problem. They are my solution and that’s my problem.”
Good recognition of truth! 😊
Well said!
A huge thank you, Tim, for the unusual inclusion of Medical Trauma. In disability community, we discuss this highly disregarded issue.
Everyone ever should have to take this class.
A lot of addicts with childhood trauma use drugs or alcohol to not feel.
Some use it to be able to feel.
My father had CPTSD, my grandmother forced him to watch while Tirpitz was sunk.
2000 men, screaming for their lives.
He became asailor around 15, tookto alcohol early, andvoila, here I am.
CPTSD and fibromyalgia.
Never had any of the help I really needed, so I took to understanding.
Only today I found out that it was me healing myself.
Anyone else here after Theo Von's podcast with Tim? Thank you for all your are doing Tim!
Yep!
Yes! Where has this been all my life?! I spent my 20's & 30's in misery.
100%
@@angelaclouser1338 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's for me! 63 now, but grateful
❤ yep and i love Theo for it.
These talks may just be the thing that saves my life and I never knew I needed them
Incredible, aren't they?
Wonderful...be well friend! ❤
I felt the same thing, I got the extremely rare "good gut feeling" that didn't cause mass weeks or months long depression and self hare. Just to know it wasn't my fault is liberating, almost. I suspected it, knew it. Didn't believe it. But now there's hope.
"Complex trauma is the cluster of unhealthy defence or coping mechanisms that a person developed because they were in a relationship where, on a repeated or ongoing basis, they either felt unsafe or a basic need was not met"
Anything missing?
That pretty much sums it up! 😁💅🤸♀️🤸♀️
There's also a control and power aspect to trauma like trauma causes people to have control issues or do anything to regain or always stay in control some like to dominate and that's where abuse comes in
@@leahflower9924 you're not wrong, but I'm trying to find a good definition and I'm not sure the power dynamic is a necessary condition. A child being consistently rejected by their peers is being deprived of a basic need, for instance. But for sure where there is a power element it's much worse
@@joelthomastr yeah you're right unmet needs are the biggest part of this I would say and also trauma is worse when no one validates your pain or when you can't recover from it quick enough but that's part of needs right
Nothing missing 👍
I'm 69. So obvious now to see why I am the way I am...daily little t trauma all through my childhood. Youngest of 6 and soooo many things not right. So glad there's a whole series to get me through the pain that is rumbling in my guts right now. I thought I was doing quite well but...I found the man of my dreams 4 years ago but I'm so close to walking out. He triggers me every bloody day!!! He's 67 and had so much little t trauma too. What hope is there to save it. Fingers crossed Tim and this series can save us!
I started watching this series somewhere around episode 23. I’ve sent these episodes to several people who have also been impacted by childhood trauma. Tim, thank you so much for all making this available to us. It’s made an enormous, positive impact on my understanding.
The most hard thing to listen to is - when he mentions "messed up kids".
Messed up people tend to attract each other, "staying with what's familiar".
You can handle such a marriage - when kids come along, that's where it will really show.
Every therapist should be required to listen to Tim F., Mate and Walker before they are given their license...a lot of misinformed therapists out there that do not help but hinder growth in people with C-PTSD
Being required to listen is one thing. I think, every therapist, since they have wounds too, they need trauma therapy to get themselves healed too...every one needs it.
I'm 28 and I've been dealing with complex trauma my entire life unfortunately I was always too bold to admit it but i'm thankful for this series because it's helping me to understand why I am the way I am and how to better help my children be the best people they can be thank you tim
I feel most blessed to have been introduced to Tim Fletcher through Heidi Priebe on youtube. I wish I had the words to express my gratitude. I've already shared this video with people who are looking for healing and I wish this information to be shared with the entire world.
Wow! What a gift to help make sense of it/my life. I am scared and excited about this journey inward.
Thank you.
I’m 3 episodes in and loving this series! Highly educational and understandable! I struggle with translating this type of information to others but you do a wonderful job! Much appreciated! I’ll be sharing lots from these I’m sure! 💗🙌🏼💗
💯 me too. He's great at explaining it!
I am a psychology student in Ukraine, so English isn't my native language, some parts of the lecture were quite hard to understand, but I am so grateful for this opportunity to listen to it, Thank you!!! This is great.
We are praying for you
@@black_sheep_nation thank you💕
There's going to be a lot of men with cptsd. Wish everyone well.
I was EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTED. Yet, all my physical needs were provided: food, safety, shelter, clothes, music, etc.
They ignored me, being the last child. They did not encourage anything intellectually - the thought I would be the good little Christian daughter that would marry and have choldren... Man, were they wrong!
The burden of being good! It’s human to be good and bad, make mistakes and learn.
Funny, my life was the opposite except for the trauma which was similar. I was abused, neglected and always treated as a burden by my atheist parents. My mother tried to enforce her terrible views on me and sought to control everything about me. My atheist family alongside the abhorrent schools I went to tried to force me to become something I wasn't.
They thought that I would be a womanizing atheist living a hedonistic lifestyle. Man, were they wrong!
I am now a Christian and I am the only one in my entire family including extended family that follows Jesus Christ. They can persecute me, disown me, treat me as garbage but they can never take away from me who I really am and the faith that I have.
HalleluYAH!
@@christianriddler5063 Amen
@@PostalDude_1997 Perhaps in part it was a rebellion against trauma but I would say it was far more of a rebellion against my society and ultimately the world itself.
But the biggest reason as to why I converted was quite simple, I heard the voice of God and he brought warmth to my cold heart and I received new life.
I agree with you about the force part too. At the core of the bible is free will and the whole gospel is based in free will.
Any supposed "christian" or "atheist" that tries to force their beliefs on their children is going against the concept of free will.
If I have children then I will encourage them to be Christians but if they do not wish to believe then that is their choice. God does not force people into paradise so why should I even try. It's so much better to let people decide for themselves.
Free will is also a core part of being human and without free will we lose our humanity.
Same 💯
My mom died when I was 12. My dad gave me to the State after 6 months. I never got over that. I am 64 yrs old now. My dad never apologized. I was married 20 yrs. He walked out on me and my kids. Got remarried and he died 16 months ago. I feel very alone. I was also an only child.
That is so sad- I hope you can find strength in your resilience. My mom abandoned me when I was four and she passed away in August. You’re familiar with all the feelings associated with that event. Just before she passed, I reconnected with her and was planning a visit- my efforts, of course. She passed away just before I was going to visit-- I was the last person she spoke to. I told her to forgive herself, and instead if getting mad that I’m the one acting as a parent to a child despite her being my Mother, I forgave her, too. I didn’t justify her shortcomings but rather I met her as a human and not a parent and was able to find mercy. In retrospect, I’m grateful. She had a massive drug and alcohol problem and it might’ve been more traumatic had she been physically in my life. I hope she is resting in peace. I found a lot of relief in forgiveness. I no longer torment myself. I understand why she didn’t say sorry. I’ve let her go. I wish you much healing and wholeness with yourself and your children. ❤
Also, she left me with a hostile alcoholic father. Imagining that being doubled makes me grateful it didn’t happen.
That’s a lot!!! My condolences 💐
Don't feel too bad I know it hurts but it could have been a lot worse you could have been tortured by him your whole life. Here's a big hug 🫂
Keep going . Never ever give up on yourself. While feeling alone may be difficult for us at times ,it is their loss as well .
Thank you for your teaching words …. May we all face our traumas in healthy ways … be strong 😊❤️
I’m 48 years old and I’m just now coming to the realization that trauma and PTSD has been my problem all along. I was diagnosed with OCD in my early twenties and also with generalized anxiety disorder. They were not correct, nobody ever recognized trauma or PTSD.. now that I know what was wrong all of those years I’m slowly healing, and removing the layers upon layers of decades of trauma. The people who caused me trauma have NEVER taken accountability for their actions, and sadly they never will 😢
A fantastic lecture 🙏 but very very painful to hear, like having the raw wound poked and prodded by facts.
I find it hard not to feel that recovery is insurmountable.
Sending hope to you. Finding a group like Tim’s group can provide community instead of just facts.
When you're healed, they're no longer a thought. Your distance and never going through that again is enough 🙏
Just joined because of Theo's podcast . Subscribed and ready to start learning the 'what' to better the 'how' and better me.
Tim Fletcher, Thank you 🙏🏼
Will patiently wait for part 2. This channel has helped me greatly with my studies. Thank you!
Hurting tonight and I see that since the Big Trauma has been substantially addressed, the Little Trauma is hard to see but very much there in all the lack of not having, ever, what I needed to grow and be happy. I never had anyone who cared much.
I've spent years in the dark, not knowing what was wrong with me, all while watching people online talk about their trauma. I had so many problems I didn't know the source of, until I discovered that complex trauma exists. It blew my mind, and it answered so many questions. But... it's been years since I made that discovery and I'm still undiagnosed. Because any mental health professional I went to told me the same thing: Trauma is exclusive to three things: Assault, war, and rape. Neither of which happened to me. And these were all trauma-informed professionals. From what I experienced, complex trauma only exists on the internet... When did things go so wrong? All I wanted was to get better and learn to be able to function in everyday life, but this is preventing me. Instead I'm being given a bunch of diagnoses that I know are wrong or just focusing on one of my many symptoms. Why does the world out there refuse to acknowledge the existance of complex PTSD? What am I as a patient supposed to do at this point, after being accused of lying, manipulation, overexaggerating... being invalidated and abandoned by the very professionals who were supposed to help me? All that's left to do is self-medicate and cope... but I'm not strong enough to heal on my own.
I know your feeling 😢 I think most people (even helth professionals) fee the ned to protect themselves against reality. Cuz reality is painfull, and when we were young we were raised to belive in santa claus.... Just emagine the collective psychosis going on in the world. I actually need youtube and internet to educate myself an feel sane. i belive the world is compleatly mad at thos point, in denial - and they hate the truth .. Sorry for my halfhearted english, but im from Norway. Sending you love and hugs ❤
@@B_Vea unfortunately even most health professionals don't get it. Doctor Ramani and Tim Fletcher are heaven sent💖💖💖
Sending LOVE to you all💖
Norway is beautiful 😍🥰💖
One of the problems is that the psychiatrists who decide which disorders will be included in the DSM have refused to include complex trauma (development trauma disorder) in the last version. So nobody can receive this diagnosis. Instead, people have a bunch of other disorders (BPD, depression, anxiety, etc) for which they can receive medication.
In order to heal from complex trauma, we usually need alternative therapies.
Walking with God helped me. Seek his kingdom, seek a relationship with Jesus Christ, he not only helped me but he changed me and made me stronger than I've ever been before.
@@christianriddler5063 LOVE💖💖💖
Little t TRAUMA is misunderstood by almost all professional therapists; every child has their own unique circumstances. Therefore, Tim addresses those who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc. This is good, yet there are many of us who are dealing with these same little t issues without those Specific addictions. 40 is likely, even without these chemical addictions.
This is awesome..I have been on this healing journey once awaking and the last 10 years. So hard to find good counseling…I realize back then I past the sins of the fathers down to my children. I told them and apologize and they didn’t really understand and said you did a great job..lol..Ans I did my best because that’s what I knew..yet one day they will understand..They are in trauma brain.
I have to listen to all his stuff..finally someone who can explain and help us ..in plain English.. I have Cpstd and I have seen how it’s been cumulative as I aged and it is extremely challenging..to calm the nervous system down…We all need to teach this to children…in schools..
Exactly the same in my life. This put all the jigsaw pieces together and like you I passed on these generational curses to my children yet they are too young to understand. What a rollercoaster of journey.
I wish you all the best❤
@@10juvenile Yes, yet the gift is you are aware and educating yourself now...and you can now make a difference in your children's life...I am 62 and was so loss in trauma mind..My oldest grandchild is 23 and he has moments of understanding and then falls back over the threshold with a dysfunction relationship.. ..I also have a 19, 15 and 14..Yet the more I understand...and work on myself...I will have impact on all of my family...I give them to God because now I clearly understand how their trauma brain states work and how blah blah to them ...they don't really hear it....I will start making sure to see if.they are calm enough to take any information in......before I waste my breath... ..and ask Jesus to bring awareness in so they can really start the journey to heal......I wish you the best also...We can do this....
36:58 broke me into pieces. That's me. Putting this part in loop and crying like a baby.
I am with you. Wow eye opening and heart breaking. I am crying too...
I got beaten in school every single day maybe till my 15 years old. My childhood was basically me in despair everyday making up a plan to avoid all those kids who were bullying me. But then I grew old and started to tell myself what I've been throught wasn't that bad, and I didn't actually realized how bad it was till this year.
This is good in that recovery teaches me how to utilize tools to move past anger pain and grief of trauma. I don't want to stay connected to those that I let use and abuse me. I take responsibility of my pain and learn this is long process not a foot race.
Same here!! Praying for your healing
At 64 it has taken this long to figure this out. The traumas of childhood are so hard to see and acknowledge because no one teaches you these things. I am finally now understanding why I closed my self down even though on the surface I seemed to be just fine. When you used the alcoholic father example, that really hit home for me and it explained a lot. I will be watching the rest of the series and thank you for all you do.
Also we want to naturally protect the people who should have protected us. It's natural to defend abusive parents. I did as a young child. I lied to teachers, counselors, social workers, speech therapists, cops, I would have died if me and my brothers were split up again. That's worst than any abuse. At least we had each other.
So mom got a free pass. Until a month ago when I learn of this on accident. Now I don't grieve for her death anymore. She never cared. Dad either. Took so long to see. It's unbelievable the blinders I put on.
Thank you so much for your kind words and your teaching.
Your talks are so great, you are filling a huge gap. We all need this. Thank you!!!
As usual, another great lecture! Great job Tim!
Happy New Year 2023!🎉 Great stuff! Thank you so much for caring!
Excellent video. Another reason why Little T trauma is difficult to notice is that it happens to us in childhood, and for the child it is his homeostasis - the middle line of the atomosphere at the place of growth. The child often does not know that this atmosphere can be different.
Amazing message n raise awareness! Thank you 🙏🏼
This guy is pretty much right on.
So thankful for this teaching !!
It gives such hope for
a better life. Thank you!!
I noticed many years ago that I was inflicting minor pain on myself to get an endorphin fix (endogenous morphine). It wasn’t about causing myself harm, in fact, the superficial wounds I created in the process were a constant sense of embarrassment. This is the first expert I’ve ever heard talk about cutting as an opioid thing. Until now I’d assumed I was mistaken about that.
I've wished for a long time that there was more nuance in the conversation about self harm. I think a lot of people do it for the pain/response, and sometimes it's the only thing to make everything stop for a few minutes. Honestly I'd rather kids do safe self harm, than many other coping mechanisms like drugs or unsafe sex.
But the very idea of any kind of self inflicted pain seems to really upset folks.
@@SpectrumOfChange right? Thank you for commenting. People get really freaked out about cutting and associate it with suicidal behavior. Some people think it’s just an act for attention because the wounds are superficial. Neither are true! The news media puts these screwed-up ideas in peoples’ heads.
@@jennodine yeah :/
I suppose we have to just keep putting it out there until the concept catches and peoples' knee jerk reactions calm down.
Also, advising people on very safe options, such as rhythmically slapping a leg or arm with a wooden spoon in the same place for a few minutes. The pain builds slowly and is very controllable. Things like that can create a lot of endorphins without damage, oftentimes not even leaving a bruise.
On my tv I'm watching part 25 of your series. Why do we not know who we are.
I can't find it here on my tablet.
I just wanted you to know that you are the first therapist that I've seen who talks about this symptom that at age 74 I still puzzle over. I read all these people say to "heal so you can become your authentic self". It drives me crazy!! I have NO IDEA who I am!!😓😫😱
Me either. I had this personality that I am since I can remember. I am sure I never got to develop into the person I was supposed to be. I developed right into being extremely "shy" afraid if all I timact, physical touch, especially from women and I am straight. How I got married to my ex wife is beyond me my mask worked but it was a lie to her. I feel bad for acting how I wasn't but I did love her genuinely and still do. I don't blame her for asking me to leave. I never yelled or argued, not even raise my voice to here. I couldn't be romantic though. Didn't know how.
Been working on this for a straight five years. I am content and no longer need anything. No drama. An unhealthy relationship tried to weasel its way back and change that. It was a little disruptive this past year, but I cut it out once I realized the other was not going to work on their own trauma. It has been dice months and I am in brief contact, because of my mother being hit by a car. I felt I needed to talk to them. I did and I do not need them. Or their words. They have their own journey and it was upsetting fhat they chose to repeat and not work on themselves. This was difficult, I said my piece when I needed to, but I get it. They are unsafe around me because of their programming. It isn't me. I am love. And love myself more. Good for them for drawing the boundary to say no, but going to another relationship... that is their addiction.
I am happy for you. That is good news for the rest of us. Stay strong.
You are very insightful Mr Tim
... and You shine the light.
This was very validating and helpful
Currently watching and learning from his videos about CPTSD because my time has frozen and i keep looking back at an ugly past
5 INSATIABLE DESIRES:
- the man that left me.
he discarded me like last week's garbage.
he took my heart and my soul with him.
I'd do anything to have him back.
- LOVE. the real thing. in it's purest truest realest rawest form.
romantic and sexual and intimate. twin-flame union.
- sex. intimacy. attention. affection. romance. passion. cuddles. kisses.
- to be wanted/needed/loved/desired.
to be seen as beautiful and attractive.
- to have all my past traumas erased/deleted/dissolved. gone forever.
At this point in my life, I'm willing to bet that when kids, for example, are all in the same room experiencing the same potentially negative or traumatizing events, they walk away with different internal stories because of the environment they were conceived in. Maybe genetics makes the canvas more or less conducive to a positive or negative interpretation, but if a sperm and egg join together in a frightful, depressed, defensive moment, that's the foundation everything else is built on.
Not to say that we can't consciously heal one another and ourselves, but most of us don't even take into consideration the state of mind(s) during conception.
This is not hopeless, but a total u-turn from where we've collectively been focused, and unwittingly.
For over a decade I've understood this work is literally like changing my DNA, and it turns out to be true.
Hardest, most painful and confusing work ever.
But if we can talk with and experience others who've been through the same pain (or numbness) and come out the other side with love for self and all, no exceptions or conditions, a crack begins to form in the armor that keeps us from seeing how we were created to be.
you are right about the sensitive children, I grew up around a father that was a damaged person, he never had real long conversations with us, he was quite often stressed and annoyed about all sorts, or he was quiet and in a sullen weird mood. not an easy person to be around. then at age 12 he started shouting all the time and having horrible arguements with mum and being a right shite.
Thank you sincerely
This is so incredibly helpful and valuable, thank you so much for sharing this with us on this platform! All the best from Austria, warmest regards Iris 🌈
Wow looking at that list is nuts because I can relate to the whole dam thing 😳
You are perfectly imperfect ❤❤❤ keep working on yourself just do your best... Much Love.
It sure is I'm traumatized I've taken this program now I have to do all over again
Amazing man
Amazing information
Peace
I was adopted by a woman who never hugged me, never told me she loved me. I have suffered cptsd since birth as I was taken from my mother at birth. I am waiting for psychedelic therapy to help me heal.
Do you know anything about your biological family?
Looking back i can see i suffered, temporarily, with PTSD over a few things; my sister dying in a car crash, a sexual assault by a work colleague, giving CPR to an electrician in my bedroom who died when he cut through a live wire and getting knocked over by a car when i was a pedestrian. I had flashbacks with all those events, my nervous system went into overdrive, the slightest sound made me physically jump etc etc. But i just got over them, some took a few years but those symptoms went. The worst is the CPTSD because i wasn't loved as a child by all my family except one auntie. I was never heard, never seen (my dad would shout at me as he tripped over me when i was a toddler apparently because i was looking for love and affection from him). My mum actually told me, in no uncertain tetms, that i, as the 3rd child, was a burden (her favourite was the middle one who died in the car crash and the eldest was loved because she did everything right). My dad later told me in my late 20s that she wanted to have be aborted. She was always shouting at me as i was always breaking things with being so clumsy all the time. Got spanked a lot with either the wooden spoon or the hard-backed slipper (once over 40 times for drawing on the kitchen tile grout). Through therapy i have realised that my feelings of being unloved, uncared for and unseen by my mum were always there, probably even from the womb. I walked away from her for 13 years and reconciled 2 years before she died. When i was sorting out all her stuff she had thrown away my baby photos (unlike my 2 sisters, mine were never in baby albums) and all those feelings from childhood including the bullying from my sisters and dad never wanting girls, never being interested in us, they divorced when i was 10, has meant that as an adult i am wholly a mess and am now in a place where i don't have a single friend, no loving partner and no family that speak to me. I get angry all the time, irritated daily, insomnia, health issues, a lazy mind as i've always just given up on any goals i had, i'm highly judgemental and because i don't like myself at all, i don't like other people, i always just concentrate on their flaws (because i hate those flaws in myself) and now i don't ever see a way out. I don't ever see myself with true, good friends or with a man who will love me unconditionally, i just absolutely can't ever see it happening. I'm a smoker and a week ago i developed a painful lump in my lymph node in my neck and i'm hoping it's cancer so i can just refuse treatment and give up and die because i'm also too much of a coward to kill myself. I watch videos on here about outdoor spicy kittens (as they call them) showing that with love and care they become sweet indoor cats ready to go to a loving home and i wish humans did this with other humans. If i had been given the love and care i so desperately wanted and needed when i was a child and a teenager and an adult, things would have been so different for me but instead people think she's angry and hateful so let's hate her back. My dad a couple of years ago asked if it was "Georgie's bile" that made her tell him she didn't want anything to do with him (after she said to me a few months before "no offense Georgie but i don't deal with people like you do and push them out of my life"!). So yeah, this is why i don't have any of the family left in my life, they don't like me and i don't like them. I've never lived, i've always just survived and not well either. Sorry for the waffle.
I feel you on many levels. I too look forward to the Final Exit. I don't feel like I have a bad life. It's just that I can't feel joy or peace in it, and the problems of the past just never seem to heal, and more gets added on top. You're not alone in this mess.
@mettacine thank you Eric and i'm sorry you are suffering too. It is a very lonely journey and not some of us never get a happy ending, unless we pay for it 🤣 sorry, being vulger, couldn't help myself
I’m so sorry for the neglect and abuse you have suffered. I wish I could love you back to life. My dream is to oneday have an equine therapy school where ppl come to learn about their trauma and learn how to heal through trusting the horses. I don’t know you but I love you georgie 🤍
@litrugia you made me cry, thank you, so much for your words. No-one has said that to me for a long time. I can’t believe a stranger telling me they love me has made me cry so much. It was really kind of you to say that to me. I don't have anyone in my life, no close friends, no family who i talk to. You're the only person in this world that loves me 🩷
@@litrugia i hope you get your dream to open your equine therapy school, i love horses and so did my mum
Awesome! Thank you for this valuable information!
I have a question that I have never seen addressed. The question arises around @11:50. I was diagnosed as ADD at 65. I would love to hear a discussion on the difference between ADD (ADHD), or whether ADD is really a result of childhood trauma? Co-morbid? How to heal when suffering with both.
Thank you so much for this material. God Bless you sr.
This is a really fantastic series. Thank u very much
Coming through the mind sections walls process as a feeling. The memory of what I accomplished for myself was erased through to the middle section . I came to the first walled section my conscious mind I was overwhelmed with pain and confusion. A big gap in my mind as though after the accident. The situations before impact and after pushed through from the back triggered it took a while to figure the triggers however not 100 percent. This regressing lasted 7 years a alternative rehabilitation system was found and I began rebuilding..its ongoing.
So with this newfound understanding of the origins of trauma, with consideration to the traumatizing effects of prison, especially on children treated as adults, this sort of makes the for-profit prison model rather unconscionable.
Indeed. The occult plans to destruct our whole lives.
How do I get past the resentment that has festered uncontrollably since I realized fully what was done to me??
I just turned 60, 5 years ago I heard the word narcissistic, Googled it, saw many family members on those pages. Suddenly so much made sense. The more I learned the more resentment I felt.
I just joined - thank you for your content- I am convinced God directed me to your content
I was too hard on myself, still am but trying to understand that the way I lived with zero safety in my home and in my country affected me badly in every little aspect of my life.
At a very young age war happened thus every second passses I thought it was the last, still until now I don't feel safe at all so I avoid places that remind me of what happend, and I avoid people who remind me of my father because his affect was even worse than what war did to me.
Wow! How does deliverance fit in? Is shame something we can cast out? Trauma? Or can it only be healed over time and therapy?
Great answer I would like to know
On a teaching called “the wounded heart” by Jack Frost I think you will find some answers in there.
Jesus is the answer because we all have different routes to health and the scriptures have all the answers. In order to change we need to repent and ask Him to change us from the heart. We can also use these experiences to help others. Jesus is the start.....
Hey I got a shirt like that, lol. Tim thanks for a great video
While so much can come from trauma, it is still helpful to treat some outcomes. For example, Exposure Response Therapy is extremely helpful for OCD. Whereas traditional therapy would not help OCD because the person is not in control of their obsessive compulsive thoughts/urges (it’s the sympathetic nervous system on overdrive, caught in a loop).
Trauma is the same, overestimated nervous system
Truth is traumatizing
At the beginning... Then heals you...
Truth is accurate mirroring of your own painful Truth; Inner Truth mirrored by another is empathy; someone finally recognizes & acknowledges your pain, and confirms it is a normal response to an abnormal experience. One of the foundational needs is to be seen & known... any need that is unmet when it arises remains unmet from then on... this finally meets that need. Count how many of your own wounds have been recognized in this talk & deliberately consider allowing yourself to feel some Gratitude for the Heaven-sent empathy. The Truth will set you free.
Thank you so much Tim
So aside from limerence or magical thinking, is staying in your bed with lights off and living in your head after too much trauma a freeze response?
yes
Amen and many more not in prison suffer the effect of child hood trauma 🙋♀️
this was so incredible
This is me, Tim. I’m 67 years old and have wondered what I left 2 marriages to good decent men, I’m aloof and distant, people pleaser, diminished self worth. I’m even wondering if I’m not imagining the trauma. My dad was an alcoholic. My sister was 8 years old when I came along. My mother didn’t want another child because of his drinking. Is this possible to start in the womb? I avoided my dad as much as possible because he never acknowledged me or cuddled me or had a conversation with me. I remember when I was 8 years old, hoping I would go to sleep and not wake up. I’ve got so much baggage. Where do I start trying to fix this!
🙏❤
I am starting by learning this stuff. It happened in the womb to me as well. All the evidence points to that. Insuffersd my whole childhood but thebfirst 3-4 years were the worst. Trauma didn't change me it made me. I never used to be a happy child. I was never happy, never safe. It made me into the friendless, anti social weirdo who don't like arguing or yelling and especially violence to women. Learn thus stuff so can accept that your not at fault. Then document everything you can remember. It's kinda sucks but I think it's needed. I realize I went ton10 schoold for grade k-5 . So much for a stable home.
Thanks!
Excellent video!
Appreciate
I am so grateful that I love you
This is profound. I feel I should mention that he is a little confusing talking first about C-PTSD, and then seemingly using it as a heading that other disorders go under, saying there are 60 characteristics. C-PTSD is a separate diagnosis with its own characteristics. It is not BPD, ADD, or other trauma-based disorders. They are their own diagnoses. Some overlap with other trauma disorders, but each has its own list. So, the 60 he is talking about are combined from different trauma diagnoses. There are not 60 that are just under C-PTSD. Not that I know of, and that is my diagnosis, and I have researched and learned a lot about it in therapy. I wish he would be less confusing in that part, because we with C-PTSD have enough of a battle getting it understood and seen for what it is among both mental health professionals and everyday people.
wow, @Tim Fletcher.
I just realised I have various minor T traumas compared to the 2 big ones, I thought.
In order to label something as "disordered" there must be a model of something "ordered/orderly" in which to compare it. So, what is the model they use to determine what is "normal/orderly"?
Example: until a number of years ago homosexuality was labeled a "mental disorder/deviant behavior" in the psychiatric textbooks. Now, homosexuality is considered "normal".
So, what was the standard they used to determine this needed to change, as well as other terms they've changed over the years?
I’ve experienced both, all of them linked. Where does a person begin, especially starting in old age?
My suggestion would be meditation. Just sit quietly and let emotions arise in your body.
Jesus.....
Thanks!
Thank you 🙏
Wow, i had that rare "good" none danger, something good was realized gut feeling. A gut feeling that wasnt pain. I am almost 48 and never considered what happened in my childhood to have caused so much damage. But i am careful, this cant be an excuse for how i am. But i never wanted to be what i am. I know why i am how i am. My parents destroyed me. My speech problem i had before i trued talking was caused by the trauma i got as an infant i never got love dad didnt let mom bond, thats still no excuse. I needed them and got nothing. My ACES score was 9 out of 10. With not having been molested unless i blocked it. However i remember way back to infantcy. My curse is memory for bad stuff. Cant remember a birthday because they were terrible but i remember being left in the crib while i could hear them up and awake arguing of course. I believe i was traumatized in utero and i have stong evidence of it. Mom and dad argued while mom was pregnant. Daily. Dad hid her birth control. Knocked her up with me. Promised marriage and to take care of us. He left after giving 2 more. When they argues i coukd hear after 4 month or so. All babys in utero can. So i heard steven this steven than, steven your hurting me. On and on. So Steve became a bad word, a bad person. I am born, what am i named? Steven. Makes me wonder the effect. Was i like, i am bad i am that steven? Atoxic dysapthia is caused by brain damage severe complicated trauma caused brain damage. They did that to me. Everyone thought i was mentally retarded. They said so, many ppl in the family. I had to start school slurring words pronouncing them slow because my nerves were shot. Pathetic, shame on them not me right?
Then to learn hunans are supposed to be social, we need people in our lives. I thought it was normal to avoid people in order to avoid conflict/confrontation/disagreement, anything like that. They destroyed me so soon, so early, i think they were in a race. My abuse and neglect didnt change my personality, it made me who i am right now before i was sent to preschool. I have always been "shy" and anti social. Told it was normal, ide grow out of it. Lmao. It was so hard to admit that i am not strong to avoid people or disappointment and rejection i am only defending myself. I feel some relief just knowing has helped. I have started a journal of my past so i can learn, understand and accept its not my fault.
I also wonder and am thinking alot about the things i saw happen to my mom by men other than my dad. Dad left when i was 3 1/2 or so. The worst years of my life with a profound effect constantly reinfirced until i could get out when i joined the army at 19. I saw mom beaten many many times, i saw her fall down stairs a few tines and get hurt so bad. I saw her raped twice. And lots and lots of arguing.
With all the pain and hurt i saw her have must have put me on the defense for this woman who showed no love, she said it but i didnt believe it. Yet i still saught her love and acceptance, dad too. But indefended my mom at all costs i didnt want me and my brothers split up. I lied to social workers, teachers, cops so we wouldnt be broken up. Never complained to mom about having no food or why dont we have what the other kids have. Why didnt santa come. I was neglected of basic needs my entire childhood yet still saught what i needed. I saw them with rose colored glasses. I kept trying and kept getting denied. Thats whete my why bother trying attitude comes from. I never bothered anyone with all the problems i had. My childhood is best explained as very sad. High degrees, length of time, number of tines of each type of trauma except sexual abuse. It never stopped. I was bullied every year. The most painful and impactful part was the other kids laughing at me thus encouraging the bully. That really made me "shy". Mom said i was just a shy person. Screw here. I dont feel bad for her anymore. I was devestated when she passed 22 years ago. Have been so sad thinking of her everyday and all she did for me. Wait, she didnt even love me. She didnt even try. Screw her. I started hating my worthkess dad a long tine ago but not as a kid. I allowed him to betray be tine and time again. I had no other male in my life no role models, i kept trying over and over. I spent so many weekends waiting for him because he promised to get me for the weekend and never showed. Ever. Next time i did get ahikd of him i never ever confronted him i never wanted to make either negligent, abusive parent mad and not like me. They never liked me. I am amazed at my stubbornness, i am glad i tried. Shame on these parents. Theres hope for all of us.
My brothers and i were even locked in out room at early ages too. Had to poop in a leather bag in the closet and dump it out the window. If we woke mom up when we inevidably got hungry we got beat with a belt. No hands for mom. Dad used hands on my as an infant and toddler. It shames me so much to be as timid as i am. Someone yelling bothers me so much, its insane. I can not do conflict or arguing, i dont yell at people, i could never directly hurt someones feeling never. For then first time I feel a little better.
Thanks for reading. Its hard to share my story. Theres so much. I wish i couldnt remember.
It felt nice to write that. Its nice to see i am not the only one. (Sounds bad i know) but for others to understand literally means people really do get it. I am so sorry what happened to people here happened. Noone deserved it. Thats still hard to believe and its true a fact. But almost unacceptable. Interesting indeed this human brain.
Being a natural caregiver and beyond empathetic you tend to put up with shit you shouldn’t that eventually you lose yourself completely. This is my problem I just have not enough left to give and just broken yet can’t fix others have to fix yourself.
8:30, 9:00, 15:20, 17:30, 23:10, 44:20
My origins belong to some post soviet country. It's somehow crazy for me to hear that about 75% of people from Canada might have cPTSD. If the percentage is that high for a wealthy country I can't help myself but to think that's almost everyone from my domestic region might suffers from that illness leading to maladaptive behaviour and poor live decisions on the country scale..
My family emigrated to the US from the former USSR and I think there's a lot of untreated trauma in that community.
Do you give therapy or recommend someone?
And we do recover ❤